1 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:06,480 (ENGINE REVVING) 2 00:00:06,520 --> 00:00:08,520 (TRAIN WHISTLE BLASTS) 3 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,040 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 4 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:00,280 Hello! 5 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,320 Hello, everybody! 6 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,360 Hel-lo! 7 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:08,440 Thank you so much. 8 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:10,480 Thank you, everybody. 9 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:11,880 Wow! 10 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:13,440 Noisy bunch. 11 00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:18,400 Thank you, everybody. Thank you, thank you, and welcome. 12 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:21,080 And in this week's show: 13 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,160 Loch... 14 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:25,640 Scot... 15 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,800 ...and two smoking Beamers. 16 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:34,480 (CHEERING AND WHOOPING) 17 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:36,840 Now... 18 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:38,880 Thanks, everybody, thank you, thank you. 19 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:40,920 Now, I wanna begin by talking about money. 20 00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:42,760 Bear with us on this one. 21 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,880 You see, if you'd put £35,000 22 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:48,280 in a saving account in the year 2000, 23 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:51,000 you'd now have around £60,000. 24 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:55,200 However, if you'd put that same £35,000 25 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,240 into an E-Type Jaguar, 26 00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:00,120 you'd now have £100,000. 27 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:03,720 Yeah, just about everything even remotely rare or interesting 28 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:05,760 is worth a fortune these days. 29 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:10,320 Aston Martin DB5, that'll cost you £750,000. 30 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:13,960 Ferrari Daytona, £600,000. 31 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:17,600 A pagoda roof Mercedes SL, that'll set you back at least 75 grand now. 32 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,160 Yeah, it's not just exotic cars either. 33 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:22,160 Ford Escort Mexico, OK? A hum-drum car. 34 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:25,120 That's a £60,000 thing these days. 35 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:26,880 -60 grand! -Yeah, it is. 36 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:31,120 However, there are one or two rare and interesting cars 37 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:33,360 that seem to have slipped through the net, 38 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:37,440 whose prices haven't yet gone through the ceiling. 39 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:41,040 So we decided to get out there and see 40 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:45,320 which of us was best at spotting that investment opportunity. 41 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:48,440 Exactly. So we each bought a classic car. 42 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:51,040 And then to see which one of us had got the best deal, 43 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:53,240 we took The Grand Tour to what one of our producers, 44 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:56,560 who's Scottish, always says is the best, 45 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,880 most beautiful place on earth: 46 00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:00,760 Scotland. 47 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,440 [LAUGHTER] 48 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:10,200 We chose, for our meeting point, 49 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,960 a quaint fishing port near Inverness. 50 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:19,240 And I was the first to arrive, 51 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,040 in an Alfa Romeo GTV6. 52 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:26,040 Now... 53 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:28,520 you would imagine that when one of these 54 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:31,000 comes onto the market, 55 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:33,800 classic car enthusiasts are running around 56 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:37,880 like they're in a zombie movie and it's Black Friday. 57 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:40,720 But, no. 58 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:45,080 I bought this from an 83-year-old man... 59 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:47,280 ...who'd had it since new and was only selling it 60 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,160 cos his 84-year-old wife 61 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:52,960 found it so difficult to get in and out of, "you know". 62 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,360 It's only done 26,000 miles. 63 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:58,120 And yet it cost £10,000. 64 00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:01,240 And £10,000 - that's a round of drinks 65 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:03,800 in the world where this sort of thing belongs. 66 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:05,920 -(VEHICLE APPROACHING) -Oh, hello. 67 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:09,360 James May in a Lancia Gamma Coupe. 68 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:13,000 That's one of the prettiest cars ever made, but don't tell him I said that. 69 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,520 Morning, May. 70 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:19,680 -How much? -£13,500. 71 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:23,720 Oh, £3,500 more... 72 00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:27,360 ...than I paid for this vastly superior Alfa Romeo. 73 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:29,240 Well, £13,500 is a bargain 74 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:32,440 for a car that is coach-built and extremely rare 75 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,080 and beautiful. 76 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:35,600 But it isn't exotic like this is. 77 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:37,640 What do you mean, it's not exotic? 78 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,920 May I just talk you through some of this car's features, yes? 79 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,320 Transaxle, gearbox at the back, 80 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:47,360 twin-plate clutch, disks all round, unusual at the time. 81 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,800 One of the best engines ever made, two-and-a-half litre V6. 82 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:54,240 Those aren't my words, by the way, they are the words of James May in Car Magazine. 83 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,920 -Yes, I did say that. I do. -You love this engine. 84 00:04:56,920 --> 00:05:00,160 And this has won the European Touring Car Championship 85 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,000 four years on the trot, it won the British Touring Car Championship. 86 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:04,560 This has got race breeding as well. 87 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,680 -What, the Gamma? -It's a Lancia! 88 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:09,800 They're the most successful rallying team in history. 89 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:12,560 Not my words, the words of Jeremy Clarkson. 90 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,600 And that is a better-looking car. 91 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:16,320 -What, than this? -Yes! 92 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:19,240 -It is... (IN FRENCH ACCENT) superbe. -It's not "superbe". 93 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:20,920 I tell you what's not superb. 94 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:24,880 Richard Hammond arriving in a Fiat X19. 95 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,160 How much? 96 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,880 £2,250. 97 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,040 Somebody saw you coming, Hammond. 98 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,080 What? For a baby Ferrari, two thousand... 99 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,600 -Did you just call it a baby Ferrari? -He did. 100 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:41,280 RICHARD: Because it is. Mid-engined, Italian, it's exactly what it is. 101 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,320 -Ooh, listen to that sound. -I know. 102 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:47,920 That is the reassuring sound of tin on Russian steel. 103 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:51,880 It's a light, bright, effervescent sound, just like the car. 104 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,160 JEREMY: How many colours has this car been? 105 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,160 It was black, then it was red, 106 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,880 then it was white, then it was pale blue, and now it's purple. 107 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:00,200 I'd like to add, actually, 108 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,560 it's not, "How many colours has this car been?" 109 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:05,080 -How many cars has this been? -Well, quite. 110 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,120 JEREMY: It's now going brown. JAMES: Brown, yeah. 111 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:09,160 All right, then. I'm not gonna turn around. 112 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,840 I'll try and work out which Alfa you've bought. 113 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,960 -Da-nah, the best Alfa. -(LAUGHS) Oh, it's a GTV6. 114 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,680 -Exactly! -Yeah. 115 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:19,400 Why has it got this plastic bit in the middle of the bonnet? 116 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,880 Genius. The engine in this car had a small issue. 117 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:25,040 it used to backf-... well, front-fire, actually, 118 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:28,040 and blow the top off the engine, yeah? 119 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:29,800 So that would damage the bonnet. 120 00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:31,920 So they put this plastic panel, which was easier to replace. 121 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:34,400 Why didn't they stop it backfiring? 122 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:36,080 JAMES: Oh, don't be ridiculous! 123 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:38,120 -They were...busy. -Lazy. 124 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:39,600 -Can I just ask? -Hmm? 125 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:41,520 What's that broom handle thing for? 126 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:45,040 Well, now this is another characteristic of the GTV6 127 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:48,200 is that when you park up, you need to keep the clutch pedal 128 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,920 depressed using a broom handle like that. 129 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,600 -Right. -Otherwise the clutch and the flywheel 130 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,680 -will fuse together. -JAMES: I see. 131 00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:58,760 I used to own one of these, there's not a lot I don't know about it. 132 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:02,640 RICHARD: Yeah. When you used to own one of these, how did you find the gear change? 133 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:04,560 JEREMY: Um...smooth, snicky. 134 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:07,120 -No, it wasn't, was it? -No, those aren't quite the right words. 135 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,120 Terrible. What about second? 136 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:11,000 Yeah, second... 137 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:13,240 -I don't know, I never found it. -No, exactly! 138 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:18,280 Yes, let's not get bogged down with some of the Alfa's minor design flaws. 139 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:19,440 Disasters. 140 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,200 Because all three of us have got classic cars. 141 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,000 -I have, yes. -For good money. 142 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,040 -Mm-hmm. -We're in Scotland. 143 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:28,400 So why don't we take them on a drive in... 144 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:31,240 Well, let's be honest, Scotland is just a road trip. 145 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:35,000 JAMES: I agree. -We could, while we're here, we could do the NC500. 146 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:38,160 Which, I mean, that is sup... 147 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:39,920 Voted by Condé Nast Traveller magazine... 148 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:43,120 voted it the best road trip in the world. 149 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:45,080 RICHARD: It's got lochs, mountains, it's just-- 150 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:46,960 All the pretty bits, yeah. 151 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,560 It's all the best bits of Scotland, right, 152 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,600 500 miles round the north coast of Scotland. 153 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:52,200 -In Italian exotic cars. -(MESSAGE ALERT) 154 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:54,320 -Oh, hang on. Text. -What? 155 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,440 Yeah? Mr Wilman. 156 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,480 Mr Wilman. (SNIFFS) 157 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:00,760 It says: 158 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:05,040 "Those cars will not do 500 yards, leave alone 500 miles. 159 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:08,160 So I've provided three backup vehicles which you can use 160 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,600 to get home when they go wrong and catch fire. 161 00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:12,640 And explode." 162 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,160 -I was wondering what they were. JAMES: Funny. 163 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:20,880 How did he know we were going to do 500 miles? 164 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,960 That's a good point, actually, cos Hammond's only just suggested it. 165 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:28,160 -How did he know that? JEREMY: How did he get three bicycles... 166 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:31,440 Putting Mr Wilman's psychic powers to one side, 167 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:32,680 we climbed aboard... 168 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:35,280 (ENGINE REVS) 169 00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:38,360 ...and set off into the giant oil painting 170 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,400 that is Scotland. 171 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:49,440 Oh. 172 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:03,040 This isn't exactly like the tourist authority would have you believe, is it? 173 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:05,000 RICHARD: It doesn't look like it looks 174 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,880 on the shortbread tins. 175 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:12,480 This render that they put on everything is like a sort of batter for houses, isn't it? 176 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:15,480 Batter! (LAUGHS) 177 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:18,520 (SCOTTISH ACCENT) "I've battered my house." 178 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:22,360 You can see why they want to be independent, can't you? Get away from us lot. 179 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:25,760 Well, you wouldn't want people coming in and messing all this up, would you? 180 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:30,880 I used to have a fiercely Scottish neighbour in London. 181 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:33,520 JEREMY: Why would a Scottish person go and live in London? 182 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,600 I dunno, because he'd do anything for Scotland. 183 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,200 Well, except live there. 184 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:38,840 Was he called Sean Connery? 185 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:41,760 (CHUCKLES) 186 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:44,000 JEREMY: Eventually, we cleared the fishing port 187 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:47,200 and found ourselves on the open road, 188 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,880 where we could get down to the business 189 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:52,440 of enjoying our pedigree Italian classics. 190 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,040 And the Fiat. 191 00:09:56,880 --> 00:10:01,360 JAMES: My car is just so refined and sophisticated. 192 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:05,240 And in fact, really well looked after by its previous owner. 193 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:06,840 It was obviously loved and... 194 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:11,880 One of my windscreen wipers just fell off. 195 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:14,880 (GIGGLES) 196 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:17,440 Oh, dear! 197 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:20,240 (LAUGHS) 198 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:22,360 -He can't get out. -I can't get out. 199 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,600 We can only just lift it up, there you go. 200 00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,360 You just have to drive like that. 201 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:28,400 James, can I just say, you've done three miles. 202 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,840 There, it's mended for now. Don't turn it on again. 203 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,360 -Just turn it on, I want to see what happens. -OK. 204 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:36,960 -Ready? -(SCRAPING) 205 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,360 (BOTH GIGGLE UNCONTROLLABLY) 206 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,400 In Scotland? 207 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,640 -In Scotland, you won't need it, that's the thing. -Perfect. 208 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:44,000 Cos it never rains. 209 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:45,640 (HORN BLARES) 210 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,880 Right, now we're alone, viewers, 211 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:59,640 I can reveal that that windscreen wiper incident is really a bit of an aside 212 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,280 compared with some of the other problems this car has. 213 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,800 Most of these relate to the engine. 214 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:07,040 In particular, the way Lancia mounted 215 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:12,400 the power steering pump on the end of one of the cam shafts. 216 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:15,320 Basically, you can't really use full lock, 217 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:18,800 especially when the engine's cold, otherwise the engine will explode. 218 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:20,640 The thermostat was fitted in the wrong place, 219 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,200 which leads to overheating, very suddenly 220 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:24,840 and then the engine can explode. 221 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:27,200 And there were some problems with the gasket materials, 222 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,520 which causes the coolant to mix with the oil 223 00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:32,560 with engine-exploding sort of results, really. 224 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:38,040 RICHARD: James, I heard Wednesdays can cause your car to explode. 225 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:40,280 So you need to be careful tomorrow. 226 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:43,800 JEREMY: Proximity to trees, lakes, grass, 227 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:46,280 heather, grouse, or tartan. 228 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:49,440 All those things cause it to explode, I'm sure. 229 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:52,400 Look, I'm sitting here trying to explain to the viewers 230 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,960 why the engine might explode and I'm constantly 231 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,440 interrupted with your stupid exploding engine jokes. 232 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:00,600 OK, carry on, but do it quickly before the engine explodes. 233 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,360 JEREMY: Meanwhile, in the GTV6... 234 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,160 -(GRINDING) -Ooh, no, what's that? 235 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,600 That third? Right, good, third. 236 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:13,040 (GRINDING) 237 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:14,840 Fourth? Yeah, fourth. 238 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:17,880 Or is it fourth or second? 239 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:23,240 I was getting reacquainted with all the peculiar little foibles. 240 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:25,280 Driving position's not brilliant. 241 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,960 Pedals are far too close to the seat, 242 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,400 so you have to drive with your legs wide apart. 243 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,440 Not so bad if you're a man. 244 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,120 If you're a girl, though, 245 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:38,760 trousers is a strategy you need to think about in a morning. 246 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,520 However, despite all the weirdness, 247 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:45,880 I do still absolutely love this thing. 248 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:50,840 It was my ownership of a GTV6 249 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:53,360 that taught me what cars are all about. 250 00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:55,840 You need a personality, 251 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:59,520 you need flaws for them to be human. 252 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:02,360 And James May was right for the first time in his life, 253 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:04,600 and only time in his life: 254 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:08,160 this is one of the greatest engines ever made. 255 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:11,480 The creamiest, the smoothest... 256 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:13,320 ...and the most beautiful to listen to. 257 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,360 (ENGINE REVS) 258 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,280 That's not exhaust noise. 259 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:22,800 That's an actual engine. 260 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:26,200 As James and I enjoyed our classic thoroughbreds, 261 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:29,040 Richard was driving along in his purple Fiat. 262 00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:32,760 Unleash 80 horsepower. 263 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:35,200 (LAUGHS) 264 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:41,400 Well, I mean, this thing only weighs 960 kilos. 265 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:46,040 Fiat sold 170,000 X19s, 266 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:48,560 so this doesn't have rarity like theirs does. 267 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:54,920 But let's contrast rarity with the opposite, which is popularity. 268 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,720 Cos that's what this car was, immensely popular. 269 00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:02,080 And I have the pop-up head lamps. 270 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:05,040 Oh, yeah! 271 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,480 I'm gonna pop them down again now. 272 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,520 (WHIRRING) 273 00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:10,560 (LAUGHS) I can do that whenever I want! 274 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:14,360 One slight complaint about the Fiat, 275 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:18,240 the pedals are very, very small and very close together. 276 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:21,880 And if you try and operate them with, let's say, your feet, 277 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:25,080 you'll find that your feet are too big. 278 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,520 Really, you just need to use a toe on each. 279 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:35,400 JEREMY: Soon, Hammond spotted a racetrack 280 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,840 and suggested we have a go on it. 281 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:41,960 And as we pulled up, it became clear 282 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:45,520 that tiny pedals weren't his only problem. 283 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,720 (ENGINE REVVING) 284 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:58,160 JEREMY: That's quite high revs. -Yeah, it idles quite high. 285 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:00,400 -Is that its idle speed? -Yes. 286 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:02,160 It's keen! 287 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:07,760 RICHARD: Since this was actually a go-cart track, 288 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:10,360 it was too narrow for car racing. 289 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:13,800 So I decided we should have a drifting competition. 290 00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:20,880 Come on, little Fiat. 291 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:27,080 It doesn't work. 292 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,120 (TYRES SCREECHING) 293 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:32,280 It simply doesn't really have the power to... 294 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,520 ...throw its tail out properly. 295 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:42,120 JEREMY: Even though my Alfa had twice the horsepower of the Fiat, 296 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:44,160 things weren't great for me either. 297 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:49,840 You can't unstick the tail of a GTV6. 298 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:51,920 You just can't. Ready? 299 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:54,920 Just grip and more grip. 300 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:04,080 I know Roger Moore drifted a GTV6 in Octopussy. 301 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,080 But then he crashed into a fence 302 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:07,880 and had to dress up as a clown. 303 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:13,480 JAMES: In the Gamma, I was confident 304 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:16,360 I'd succeed where my colleagues had failed. 305 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:19,440 Right, here we go. 306 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,960 Lancia is one of the greatest names in rallying history, 307 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:26,200 so a controlled drift should be second nature to this. 308 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:28,880 As I approach that corner, I'll heel and toe it and... 309 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:34,240 Hm. 310 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,840 Brake, lift-off. 311 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,600 Nope. 312 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:46,080 At this point, I suddenly remembered something important. 313 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:47,600 This is front-wheel drive, isn't it? 314 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,640 What was I thinking of? 315 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:53,480 It's not gonna drift. 316 00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:59,160 Happily, though, the enthralled local audience were able to find a solution. 317 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,040 What I do is, I take the rear wheels off, 318 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:03,840 let the tyres down and put these plastic covers on. 319 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:06,560 Then pump the tyres back up again, put them back on, 320 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,480 that gives the car the loose back end you want to drift. 321 00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:11,560 These are just...this is like putting insulating tape 322 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:14,160 on the back wheels of your Scalextric cars. 323 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:17,760 Stand by. 324 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:21,000 With no help from anyone else on this freezing day, 325 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,040 the drift covers were soon fitted. 326 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:29,000 Oh, here we go. 327 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,000 (RATTLING) 328 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,160 Oh! 329 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,760 Right, turn in... 330 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,080 ...get the drift going, then... 331 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,560 (TYRES SCREECHING) 332 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:44,560 (LAUGHTER) 333 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:47,400 JAMES: This entertainment went on for quite some time. 334 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:57,880 (LAUGHTER) 335 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:05,560 No. 336 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:07,560 Until eventually... 337 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:12,240 Dab of brakes, in. 338 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:14,560 RICHARD: Hold it, hold it! JEREMY: He turned the steering wheel! 339 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,320 -He turned the steering wheel! -He did a thing to it. 340 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,240 Ye-e-es! 341 00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:21,280 RICHARD: Yes, yes, yes. 342 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:25,440 This looks like a lot of fun. 343 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,240 We're gonna do that. We've gotta try it. 344 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,280 Oh, no, there's the only set. 345 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:31,920 -What, of those things? -Yeah, they're the only set, so we can't do it. 346 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:33,320 No, we can... We can make some. 347 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,320 (ELECTRIC SAW WHIRRING) 348 00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:41,680 Did you ask if you could borrow this bit? 349 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,280 No, but they won't need it. 350 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:47,440 -And rotate. -Aaaah... 351 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:51,560 This goes over. 352 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,320 It'll require a little bit of persuasion. 353 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,920 James May just drifted perfectly behind you. 354 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,960 This is another of those weird days. 355 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:00,800 JEREMY: With his tyre covers made, 356 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,520 Hammond decided not to hold back. 357 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,080 (RATTLING) 358 00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:14,280 Oh, this is gonna be... 359 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,080 I mean, seriously, he's gonna get to that corner, then... 360 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:18,880 (RATTLING) 361 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,960 Where can the helicopter land? 362 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,720 Here comes a drift, here it comes. 363 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,480 And drifting. 364 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:31,520 -(TYRES SCREECHING) -Agh! 365 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:33,520 Completely out of control. 366 00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:35,560 (LAUGHS WHEEZILY) 367 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,440 Let's just try again. 368 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,520 All right, one of them... no, that's fallen off. 369 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:45,880 That could be interesting. 370 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:47,920 (RATTLING) 371 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:53,000 And I am turning in. Drifting. 372 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,040 Oh, no, I'm, no, there's... I've got steering. 373 00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:01,200 JEREMY: Annoyingly, Hammond's dismal failure didn't stop him 374 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,320 fitting his ridiculous contraptions to my precious Alfa. 375 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:09,280 And insisting that I have a go. 376 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:12,320 Think of the trouble Alfa Romeo went to 377 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,240 to make this car exquisite. 378 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,640 Think of the trouble that Pirelli went to 379 00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:19,640 to make the tyres grip properly. 380 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:22,080 And then along comes Hammond with a bin. 381 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,720 Whatever, here we go. 382 00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:27,760 (ENGINE REVS) 383 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,200 (TYRES SCREECHING) 384 00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:34,240 What was that noise? 385 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,440 Whole car's vibrating. 386 00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:39,480 (ENGINE REVVING) 387 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:43,040 Yeah, that's a massive vibration. 388 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,160 Hammond, you blithering idiot, 389 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,200 you've totally ruined this car! 390 00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:54,480 An inspection of the undersides revealed some grim news. 391 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,800 That has come off. So the prop shaft is now... 392 00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,960 Well, it's still joining the gearbox 393 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,320 or the transaxle to the engine, but by a thread. 394 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,720 And if I did anything more that rev it like that, it's gonna come off. 395 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:10,080 If I'm driving along, then that's the end of the Alfa. 396 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:11,560 Well, that's interesting. 397 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,560 Uh...my car's working and I'd like a drink. 398 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,240 The hotel is about 25 miles away. 399 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,960 So, I think I'll get on with it, if you don't mind. 400 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,720 You can't leave... No, you can't leave me now. 401 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:23,400 What do you mean, I can't leave you now? 402 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:26,560 Have you seen... Have you seen how cold it is? 403 00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:28,800 I can't see how cold it is, but I can feel it. 404 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:32,160 I actually just looked. "Drizzle 6, feels like 2." 405 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,200 -Well, you know what would warm you up? -What? 406 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:36,160 A bicycle ride. It always does. 407 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,480 20 miles through this... 408 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,520 ...freezing middle of nowhere. 409 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:52,080 Hey, Richard the hamster Hammond, is your car warm and dry? 410 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:55,160 -I'm just checking. -Yeah, I'm warm and dry. You warm and dry? 411 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,080 I'm very warm and dry. 412 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:02,360 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 413 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:07,360 (HORN TOOTS) 414 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:11,440 Oh, I meant to ask, would you like a long gin and tonic sitting at a barstool? 415 00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:13,120 Yes. Yes, I would. 416 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,880 And we've only got... Well, it's not far in a car! 417 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,520 Oh, God. 418 00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:23,560 Oh, come on! 419 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:26,320 Rub it in! Seriously, rub it in! 420 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,400 We're gonna need to rehearse it. 421 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,920 -What? -Well, what we're saying. 422 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,080 Look, so we're on breakfast TV, 423 00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:44,960 -you're on the sofa, yeah? -Oh, OK. 424 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:47,440 (RP VOICE) "Good morning and with me is James May..." That's how they speak. 425 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,200 "... who has just learnt of the sad demise 426 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,760 of his co-host and colleague, Mr Jeremy Clarkson. 427 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,000 James, how do you feel that his body was found 428 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,480 in a ditch with a bicycle this morning? 429 00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,360 -Was it? -Yes. 430 00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:00,600 No, that's not right, is it? Sorry, can you do that again? 431 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:04,000 This is radio, OK? "Good morning, five past nine, James May is with us. 432 00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:06,640 Uh...we only learnt this morning of the sad demise of..." 433 00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:08,680 -Oh, bugger. -What? 434 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:11,720 All of that rehearsing, mate, waste of time. 435 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:13,320 (JAMES GROANS) 436 00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:15,080 Because he's outside right now, 437 00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:17,720 fighting with a bicycle lock by a fence. 438 00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:19,200 Oh, you look cold! 439 00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:20,720 Who's cold? 440 00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,280 Oh, (BLEEP) hell! Why won't this work? 441 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:25,400 Paperboys can work one of those, mate. 442 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:27,400 Oh, you can steal it, I don't care. 443 00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:29,680 JAMES: He's left the key in it. What a muppet. 444 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:31,720 Oh, God. 445 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:34,760 Come on. 446 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:36,160 Hammond! 447 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:37,840 -(LAUGHTER INSIDE) -Hammond! 448 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:39,800 -Hammond! -(LAUGHTER) 449 00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:46,800 JEREMY: The next morning, the peaceful stillness 450 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:50,440 was shattered by the cry of a distressed animal. 451 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:53,800 RICHARD: Clarkson! 452 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:56,360 Clarkson! 453 00:23:57,360 --> 00:23:59,360 Where's my roof? 454 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:04,720 Right. 455 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:06,880 Bastard! 456 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,400 -(CRUNCHING) -What was that? 457 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,720 What...Oh, you are joking? 458 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:17,440 No. No. 459 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:18,760 No. 460 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:20,320 He hasn't, he's not that sick. 461 00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:21,680 -Morning. -What? 462 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:24,120 -Morning. -Yeah, whatever. Oh! 463 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:27,240 Why have you driven over your own roof? 464 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:30,920 Clarkson. He's sick. 465 00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:36,360 Enjoy your day on your bicycle! 466 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:38,000 Bastard. 467 00:24:47,120 --> 00:24:49,120 Well, I'm cold now, obviously. 468 00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:52,440 Borrowed a jacket from a cameraman. 469 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:55,000 He's six-three and 18 stone. 470 00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:01,160 I'm in a small, stylish, Italian sports car, 471 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:02,720 supposed to be looking good. 472 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:04,320 I look like a frostbitten gnome! 473 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,000 JAMES: Rotten trick, that. 474 00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,040 I wouldn't stand for it. 475 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:13,760 The only thing that worries me is he might get some exercise on his bicycle! 476 00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,120 -Ha-ha-ha! -Do you think he's already just become 477 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:17,920 one of those embittered cyclists 478 00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,000 who hates anybody who's got a car? 479 00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,040 (HORN TOOTING) 480 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:24,680 Oh, jeez. 481 00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:26,960 -(HORN TOOTING CONTINUOUSLY) -What? 482 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:28,360 Oh, come on! 483 00:25:29,360 --> 00:25:30,840 (HORN BLARES) 484 00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:32,320 Ha-ha-ha-ha! 485 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:37,960 He did not mend that. 486 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:45,000 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 487 00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:49,720 Very good. Now... 488 00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:54,480 I have to say, the only reason why we met 489 00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,920 on a beach full of oil rigs and then drove 490 00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:59,480 through a council estate full of hypodermic needles 491 00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:01,120 is to annoy... 492 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:04,240 Well, simply and only to annoy our Scottish producer. 493 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:06,920 Yes, but we will not tell you Gav's name, we promise. 494 00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:08,960 No, we won't. We won't say his name. 495 00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:12,360 Anyway, look, it all gets a lot sunnier and prettier in part two, 496 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:15,480 when we finally get on the North Coast 500 497 00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:17,400 and we'll pick that up later on. 498 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:20,720 Yes, but now it's time to say hello 499 00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,320 to the old lady of debate, 500 00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:24,800 who sits in the bus shelter... 501 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:30,440 ...of chat on Conversation Street. 502 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:32,480 (MELLOW JAZZ) 503 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,520 (LAUGHTER) 504 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:39,960 I don't even remember that one. 505 00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:41,280 I don't remember that happening. 506 00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,040 I wanna stick with the film in Scotland, 507 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:45,640 if I may, James May, because at one point you said 508 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:48,560 you put those plastic things on the back wheels of your Lancia 509 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:53,840 because it was like putting insulating tape on the back wheels of a Scalextric car. 510 00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:55,560 -Yeah. -Who's ever done that? 511 00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:57,520 Well, I have. 512 00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:01,160 Yes, but you said it like it's one of those things that everybody's done. 513 00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:02,680 -He did. -It's like saying, 514 00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:05,400 "Oh, remember when you stole your first pair of tights?" 515 00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:07,480 -(LAUGHTER) -You know what it's like, Hammond, 516 00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:08,960 when you've got marmite on your testicles. 517 00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:11,000 -Oh, yeah. -Yeah, yeah. 518 00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:14,360 Hang on, Scalextric cars have too much grip. That's the point. 519 00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:16,280 No, they don't! That's why they end up under the sofa. 520 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:19,000 -They haven't got any grip. -Every corner, they fly off! 521 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:22,000 They've got too much grip, they over-steer suddenly and you can't control it. 522 00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,040 If you put the insulating tape on the rear tyres, 523 00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:26,680 you reduce the grip and then you can slide them and drift them-- 524 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,400 Oh, my God, you have actually done this? 525 00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:31,400 Of course I've bloody done it! 526 00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:32,600 Your childhood! 527 00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:34,400 Who here has put insulating tape 528 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:37,320 or any form of tape on the rear wheels of a Scalextric? 529 00:27:37,360 --> 00:27:39,360 RICHARD: That's nobody at all. 530 00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:41,240 JEREMY: You? JAMES: There, there. 531 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,400 How bored must you be to think, "I know what I'll do today"? 532 00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:48,240 Everyone apart from that lady over there 533 00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:50,320 has never put insulating... 534 00:27:50,360 --> 00:27:53,160 It's your worst explanation ever. 535 00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:55,400 -See me after. -No, no, it's not. It's not. 536 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:58,920 His worst explanation ever was when we were doing that water speed record. 537 00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:02,080 And he explained to you, um...to clear things up, 538 00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:05,440 how the boat controls, which you can operate, 539 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:07,040 on our Pond Bug, worked the same way 540 00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:10,720 as aeroplane controls, which you can't operate. 541 00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:12,920 Exactly. That is the James May way. 542 00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:14,960 Explaining something you do understand 543 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:17,000 in a way that you don't understand. 544 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:19,160 Look, hang on a minute. Hold on a minute. 545 00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:22,240 You are a man who can't wind a wristwatch up without taking somebody's eye out. 546 00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:24,160 And you claimed in that film 547 00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,680 that you'd mended the prop shaft on that Alfa Romeo. 548 00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:28,040 -I did. -Did you? 549 00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,080 -Well, I made a phone call. -Did you? 550 00:28:30,120 --> 00:28:31,400 Same thing. 551 00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:33,400 I made a phone call and a man, unbelievably, 552 00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:36,160 drove all the way from Wiltshire to Inverness 553 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,200 with the spare part that I needed. 554 00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:40,160 How generous. And then you mended it? 555 00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:42,200 -Well, I watched. -Yeah. 556 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,760 Actually, this is the part that broke. 557 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,200 You can see the bit that came out, there, yes? 558 00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:48,360 Mm-hm. 559 00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:50,800 And apparently this is a known fault on a GTV6. 560 00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:52,960 Everything is a known fault on... 561 00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:56,320 A GTV6 is a known fault. 562 00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:58,160 Shall we just move this along? 563 00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:01,880 -Let's move it along to more actual conversation. -Mm-hmm. 564 00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:07,280 Land Rover has announced that 70% of people suffer from motion sickness. 565 00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:09,960 And they say that in the future, their cars will have... 566 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:13,320 some clever system that senses when you're getting carsick 567 00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,120 and then adjusts the cabin temperature 568 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:17,040 and the suspension to cope. 569 00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:20,280 -And I think that's a pretty good idea. -That is quite clever. 570 00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:23,640 I have to say, I've never had any sort of motion sickness, anyway. 571 00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:27,040 But I'm very grateful cos I once met a man who did have it. 572 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:29,240 It was on a cross-Channel ferry, very rough crossing. 573 00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:31,280 Everybody was being sick except me. 574 00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:33,880 And I went into the lavs and there was this bloke 575 00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,920 and he was face down on the floor. 576 00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:38,720 On a boat there's a little lip at the door to stop water getting out. 577 00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:40,280 And that was all full of sick. 578 00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:41,960 (AUDIENCE GROANS) 579 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,840 And as the boat rolled, this little sort of miniature tsunami... 580 00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:46,080 (AUDIENCE GROANS) 581 00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:49,720 ...sort of came and hit him in the face. 582 00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:53,120 As I walked in, he looked up at me and he went, "Kill me." 583 00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:54,320 (LAUGHTER) 584 00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:55,920 But the thing that was disturbing is, 585 00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:58,440 I know he meant it. He did mean it. 586 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:00,480 Anyone had sea sickness? Cos I have. 587 00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:03,440 You do genuinely want someone to kill you 588 00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:05,240 when you're seasick, you really do. 589 00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:06,760 You really do. 590 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:08,360 What also troubled me about that ship was 591 00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:10,480 there must've been 500 or 600 people on it. 592 00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:12,480 Everybody was hueying everywhere - 593 00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:14,800 horizontal surfaces, vertical surfaces, the ceiling, 594 00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:16,120 the food, everything. 595 00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:18,320 What did they do with it when it got there? 596 00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:20,200 -Scuttle it. -I think they must've done. 597 00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:23,560 Sometimes you've got to, you've got no choice. Happened to me. 598 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:25,320 Our childhood car, a Hillman Avenger, 599 00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:27,680 my little brother vomited milk in the back of it. 600 00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:29,880 JEREMY: Ugh. -Scrapped it. It's gone. 601 00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:32,800 -It just isn't any good. -OK, I'll own up to something. 602 00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:34,120 Oh, are you sure? 603 00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:36,040 I was driving through Corsica, late for a plane, 604 00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:39,360 and I had my son in the back, who was probably nine or ten. 605 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:42,200 Going quite quickly. It's all mountainous roads through Corsica. 606 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:44,360 Very hot day. And he vommed explosively. 607 00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:47,400 And the upholstery was that kind of textured velour. 608 00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:50,800 When we got to the car rental return place, still late for the plane, 609 00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:52,520 the guy's coming over to check the car. 610 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:54,880 I said, "It's all right, mate, it's all in one piece." 611 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:56,720 And folded the back seat down. 612 00:30:56,760 --> 00:30:58,720 -Oh, you did not? -Yeah, just... 613 00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:00,760 -Oh, you sick man! -I know. 614 00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:02,600 -And left it. -Yeah. Just left it. Ran. 615 00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:04,400 So somewhere there is a kid who's paid 616 00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:07,320 two euros a day to clean out returned hire cars. 617 00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:09,760 -And he encountered that horror. -I ruined his life. 618 00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:12,960 But the reason we brought up all this car sickness stuff is the RAC... 619 00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:16,280 Always up to speed, the RAC is. 620 00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:18,520 It's put out some advice saying that um... 621 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:21,160 parents can stop their children feeling sick 622 00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:23,680 if you can get them to look at the horizon 623 00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:26,720 rather than the screens on their mobile phones or tablets. 624 00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:29,880 -Good luck with that. RICHARD: Is that advice? 625 00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:31,360 "Go on, children, look at the horizon. 626 00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:34,120 It's more interesting than Angry Birds or Fortnite." 627 00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:36,760 Maybe they can persuade them to tidy their bedrooms afterwards as well. 628 00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:39,440 Yeah. Anyway, that's sick covered. Let's move it along. 629 00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:42,280 I'd like to move it on with some more conversation. 630 00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:45,920 Police in Dubai are testing a hover-bike. 631 00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:48,240 But, no, it actually is a hover-bike. Here it is. 632 00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:50,280 Look at that. Look at that thing! 633 00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:51,760 Oh, my God. 634 00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:54,440 It costs about £117,000. 635 00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:57,480 It can go at 60 miles an hour, fly for about 25 minutes. 636 00:31:57,520 --> 00:31:59,720 -Look at that. JEREMY: Yes, yes. 637 00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:03,560 I can see a couple of things, as a police-pursuit-vehicle problem. 638 00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:07,560 If you drove at 61 miles an hour, you'd get away from it. 639 00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:09,320 (LAUGHTER) 640 00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:11,320 Actually, you could drive at less than that, 641 00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:14,440 but for more than 25 minutes and still get away from it. 642 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:17,600 Or, and here's another one you haven't probably considered: 643 00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:21,720 if you fell off it, you're falling through your own propulsion device. 644 00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:23,840 RICHARD: I don't care, because look at it! 645 00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:26,880 I want one of those more than I want both of my lungs. 646 00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:28,560 It is simply the best thing I've ever-- 647 00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:32,360 James, can you imagine Richard Hammond on one of those? 648 00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:33,720 (LAUGHTER) 649 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:35,280 Literally minutes of fun. 650 00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:38,000 Yeah, exactly. And then he would just be a mist. 651 00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:40,600 You'd just be a veneer all over the nearest building. 652 00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:43,440 You'd actually be able to walk through Richard Hammond. 653 00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:45,600 It would just be a puddle of Richard Hammond. 654 00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:47,360 (LAUGHTER) 655 00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:49,520 All right. 656 00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:53,240 -Shit idea. -Right. Erm... 657 00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:57,360 A lot of people have got it into their heads that I don't like electric cars. 658 00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:00,160 With good reason, because every time you've got an electric car, 659 00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:04,480 you come back into the office on Monday morning with another dreary tale of woe. 660 00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:06,600 -Cos you can't charge them up! -Here we go. 661 00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:09,840 You can't! Last weekend, had a Jaguar I-PACE, OK? 662 00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:11,080 This is a really good car. 663 00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:13,640 This is why I have nothing against electric cars. 664 00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:15,880 That's the new Jag, and it is fabulous. 665 00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:18,400 Lovely to sit in, quick as hell, 666 00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:21,800 better than a Tesla by a long way, actually, in many, many ways. 667 00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:25,880 Brilliant. However, brought it up here, plugged it into my farm. 668 00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:28,600 And boof! Instant darkness. 669 00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:29,960 (LAUGHTER) 670 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:33,040 This is a farm that can supply all of Western Europe 671 00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:35,320 with vegetable oil for a thousand years. 672 00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:39,800 Plug one Jag into it, and I'm in the 13th century. No electricity at all. 673 00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:42,120 I then took it to a friend's house, plugged it in there - 674 00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:44,440 he's got more modern electricity. 675 00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:47,000 Left it overnight and it had only hoovered up 676 00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:50,760 enough electricity overnight to cover 29 miles. 677 00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:54,560 That's because you're plugging it into a 14th-century domestic socket. 678 00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:57,200 You're supposed to use a proper modern fast charger. 679 00:33:57,240 --> 00:33:58,760 -How long would that take? -45 minutes. 680 00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:00,160 I haven't got 45 minutes. 681 00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:03,720 I've only got 130,000 hours left, James, before I die. 682 00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:06,360 I'm not going to spend any of it... What? 683 00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:07,880 Wait a minute. 684 00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:10,040 This is a new thing of yours that's started. 685 00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:11,640 "I've only got 130,000 hours." 686 00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:13,200 It's dropping. It's dropping now. 687 00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:15,400 Where does... It's a lovely thought. 688 00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:17,320 -(LAUGHTER) -It's dropping... 689 00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:23,200 It is. Get on with it! I'm losing valuable time! 690 00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:26,320 All right! I do wanna know, though, where did that number come from? 691 00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:27,680 Have you got your phone on you? 692 00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:30,760 -Yes. -Cos he always forgets to leave it behind. OK. 693 00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:34,160 You don't have to tell anyone - how many years do you think you've got left? 694 00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:37,640 -Uh...years I've got left? -Years, then times that by 365. 695 00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:39,640 -Oh, I see. -Times it by 24. 696 00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:42,680 -How many hours have you got left? -394,200. 697 00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:46,600 Right. Well, how much of that do you want to waste... 698 00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:49,320 ...charging a car, sitting around while a car charges? 699 00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:51,280 I went on the BBC iPlayer the other day, 700 00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:53,760 and it said, "You've now got to register to use this." 701 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:56,120 No, I haven't! I haven't got time to do that. 702 00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:58,600 I'll be dead by the time I've finished. 703 00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:00,640 I've got 14,200. 704 00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:02,320 (LAUGHTER) 705 00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:04,360 -James! -What, hours? 706 00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:05,680 Yeah. 707 00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:08,840 That's a week on Tuesday! 708 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:12,440 May, the whole point of this exercise... 709 00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:14,640 ...is you think of the bloody number! 710 00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:18,800 "It's the rest of my life, I better not think of a big number, I'll be modest." 711 00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:21,200 Well, I'm gonna be pleasantly surprised, hopefully. 712 00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:22,640 Next week. 713 00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:24,920 I think we can probably end Conversation Street there 714 00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:26,880 on James May's sad demise. 715 00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:30,080 Any minute now. 716 00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:32,640 I wanna talk about the BMW M5, which has always been, 717 00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:36,480 as I'm sure we all know in here, the ultimate Q car. 718 00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:40,360 It is a fizzing lunatic in a Geoffrey Chaucer suit. 719 00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:43,640 However, the new M5 has turbo-charging, 720 00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:45,640 so it's kind to polar bears. 721 00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:48,120 And it has four-wheel drive, so it's safe. 722 00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:51,480 And it has an automatic gearbox, and that's all very nice. 723 00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:53,280 But is it what we want? 724 00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:56,640 Let me, first of all, 725 00:35:56,640 --> 00:36:00,440 explain the basic recipe for a BMW M5. 726 00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:06,120 It's a four-door saloon with a boot at the back, 727 00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:09,000 space for five businessmen in the middle 728 00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:12,640 and a monstrously powerful engine at the front. 729 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:19,880 That's the main thing about an M5. 730 00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:23,080 It must be extremely fast. 731 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:30,160 And this one, they say... 732 00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:32,880 ...is the fastest ever. 733 00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:39,400 So I've just pulled up alongside someone 734 00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:41,160 in his lightweight running gear 735 00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:44,160 and his AMG training shoes. 736 00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:46,640 Whereas I am in a stout pair of Brogues 737 00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:50,880 and some heavy moleskin trousers. 738 00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:52,920 Which means I'm gonna lose. 739 00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:55,320 Or am I? 740 00:36:57,440 --> 00:36:59,320 (ENGINES REVVING) 741 00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:07,320 Oh, that hurts! 742 00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:09,640 That was 0 to 60 in three seconds. 743 00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:13,080 I can't get my head forward! 744 00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:17,760 That's 100 miles an hour in about seven seconds. 745 00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:21,280 120. 746 00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,000 130 miles an hour as I cross the line. 747 00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:31,760 'Tis unbelievable, that. 748 00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:35,960 The cheap, heavy, four-door saloon 749 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:38,000 just beat the sports car. 750 00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:41,360 That's an M5's job. 751 00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:47,920 On the face of it, then, the new version 752 00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:51,520 seems to tick all the important M5 boxes. 753 00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:56,000 It's sensible and thanks to 592 horsepower, 754 00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:58,960 it is Ferrari fast. 755 00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:02,800 But what about the turbochargers and the automatic gearbox? 756 00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:06,080 And what about the all-wheel drive system? 757 00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:08,360 Does all that mean it's no longer capable 758 00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:11,440 of being a swivel-eyed lunatic? 759 00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:14,640 No. Not really. 760 00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:18,520 (TYRES SCREECHING) 761 00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:29,120 Yes, because a great deal of work has been done 762 00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:32,000 to completely eliminate under-steer... 763 00:38:33,280 --> 00:38:34,680 ...as you can see. 764 00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:37,680 The steering does feel a bit weird. 765 00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:44,600 And yes, because the engine is turbocharged, 766 00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,880 the soundtrack is a bit muted. 767 00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:54,440 It's like listening to someone play the bass... in the next room. 768 00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:56,920 But other than that... 769 00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:58,680 (CHUCKLES) 770 00:39:01,680 --> 00:39:04,640 I mean, there must be turbo lag. There has to be. 771 00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:07,680 But I can't feel it. 772 00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:11,080 And the automatic gearbox 773 00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:13,520 must change more slowly than it would 774 00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:15,560 if it were a double-clutch system. 775 00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:16,760 But... 776 00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:21,200 Still feels pretty speedy to me. 777 00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:26,680 And even though all four wheels are driven... 778 00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:30,000 ...it can still do this. 779 00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:37,360 Holy shit! 780 00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:44,600 If you wanted to do this all the time, 781 00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:48,560 you can actually turn off the four-wheel drive system. 782 00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:51,560 Seriously, you can turn it off! 783 00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:53,560 Just have it in rear-drive only, 784 00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:55,880 behave like a complete yobbo. 785 00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:58,120 (TYRES SCREECH) 786 00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:00,160 (LAUGHS) 787 00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:07,560 And that's just the start of the M5's adaptability. 788 00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:10,880 You can choose how much traction control you'd like. 789 00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:12,960 You can choose... 790 00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:15,920 how sporty and responsive you want the engine to be, 791 00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:17,800 how uncomfortable you'd like the ride to be, 792 00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:20,120 how meaty you'd like the steering to be, 793 00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:22,800 how quickly you want it to change gear 794 00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:25,160 and what you want on the head-up display. 795 00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:28,160 You can even choose what sort of noise 796 00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:29,880 you want the exhaust to make. 797 00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:31,200 Ooh, and look at this one. 798 00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:33,120 This menu allows me to choose 799 00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:36,560 what fragrance comes out of the air-conditioning vents. 800 00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:39,040 I can have the Blue Suite, 801 00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:41,680 which is a waft of pure water pearls. 802 00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:43,560 Or I can have this one, 803 00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:48,880 which gives me a golden shower of fiery aromas. 804 00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:51,600 And this is all very Pacific Rim. It's very CGI. 805 00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:53,640 And that's great. 806 00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:58,600 But the truth of the matter is 807 00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:01,000 that the 50-something businessman 808 00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:02,560 who'll buy this car 809 00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:04,600 will never change the fragrance setting 810 00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:07,920 or any of the other stuff. 811 00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:10,800 He'll put it in four-wheel drive comfort mode on day one 812 00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:13,800 and leave it there forever. 813 00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:17,880 And if he's going to do that, 814 00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:20,320 there may be a better alternative. 815 00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:26,640 It's made by a German tuning company called Alpina. 816 00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:31,800 And it's another take on what a fast BMW should be like. 817 00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:33,640 It costs about the same as an M5, 818 00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:40,440 and has a broadly similar 4.4 litre, twin turbo-charged V8. 819 00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:45,480 It also has four-wheel drive and an automatic gearbox. 820 00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:49,800 However, this car was not developed at a race track. 821 00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:52,480 The boss of Alpina says if you engineer a car 822 00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:54,080 to be good at the Nurburgring, 823 00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:56,800 it won't be any good on the road. 824 00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:00,320 And he may have a point on that. 825 00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:07,160 So instead of making the front suspension firm and racy, 826 00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:09,800 they tuned it to be able to deal with potholes. 827 00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:13,320 Then they changed the steering 828 00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:16,400 so it would corner more like an airliner 829 00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:19,520 and less like an F-16. 830 00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:21,760 Inside, they gave it blue dials 831 00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:24,600 and a thinner steering wheel and softer leather. 832 00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:27,040 And look at this. 833 00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:30,120 Something you don't get in the standard M5. 834 00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:33,440 It's a comfort plus setting, 835 00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:35,880 in which the 50-something businessman 836 00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:40,960 can spend his life wafting about. 837 00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:45,200 But don't think that the basic fast BMW recipe 838 00:42:45,280 --> 00:42:47,080 has been ruined. 839 00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:49,920 Because it really hasn't. 840 00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:54,920 It actually produces 600 horsepower. 841 00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:57,320 That's more than you get from the M5. 842 00:42:57,360 --> 00:42:58,800 It has more torque too. 843 00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:02,560 And there's no nanny limiter. 844 00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:06,560 So this will do 205 miles an hour. 845 00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:12,320 Does this mean, then, that on a track, 846 00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:14,680 the comfort wagon can keep up 847 00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:16,760 with the ultimate sports saloon? 848 00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:29,400 (ENGINES REVVING, TYRES SCREECHING) 849 00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:32,080 Well, even though it was fun finding out... 850 00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:33,960 (LAUGHS) 851 00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:42,080 ...the answer is no. Not quite. 852 00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:47,360 The M5 is tauter, more nailed down, more on it, somehow. 853 00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:51,280 So on a track, make no mistake, 854 00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:53,800 the M5 will pull away. 855 00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:56,160 -In fact, it is doing. -(TYRES SCREECHING) 856 00:43:58,200 --> 00:43:59,560 We're both cats. 857 00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:04,640 It's just that he's a cheetah and I'm a lion. 858 00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:10,280 If, then, you care about shaving tenths of a second 859 00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:12,320 off your lap time at a racetrack... 860 00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:16,280 ...you're better off with an M5. 861 00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:23,440 But for going home on the M4 in the real world, 862 00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:25,480 which is what I'm about to do, 863 00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:27,520 I'd rather use the Alpina. 864 00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:31,440 So I shall. 865 00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:37,920 (APPLAUSE) 866 00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:40,680 Very interesting... interesting observations. 867 00:44:40,720 --> 00:44:41,840 Very nice. 868 00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:44,440 So, um... 869 00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:47,760 So after all of that, you would have the worse car? 870 00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:49,680 Well, yes, cos it's better. 871 00:44:49,720 --> 00:44:52,800 -It sounds better to me, I've gotta say. -Says the voice of speed. 872 00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:58,320 Tell you what, let's find out how fast the M5 goes round the Eboladrome. 873 00:44:58,360 --> 00:44:59,760 (ENGINE REVS) 874 00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:01,600 And it's off. 875 00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:04,800 She held it against the brakes for a snappy start 876 00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:07,280 and clearly it's worked! 877 00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:09,240 Flying onto the Isn't Straight there. 878 00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:11,600 Ooh, look, it's a bit damp. 879 00:45:11,640 --> 00:45:14,800 Right, having to work at the fat steering wheel. 880 00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:18,960 Whoomph from the four exhausts on the up-change. 881 00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:23,080 And now plunging into Your Name Here looking a little edgy. 882 00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:26,680 But then this is nearly a two-tonne car. 883 00:45:26,720 --> 00:45:31,360 Heaves forward under braking, but keeping it all in check in the corner. 884 00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:35,600 And now, back on the power. 885 00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:40,680 Spooling up both turbos for the fast return run. 886 00:45:40,720 --> 00:45:44,280 Looking good. Ooh, dabbing off a bit of speed at the midpoint. 887 00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:46,640 And ready? Yep, really hard 888 00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:50,200 on the brakes for Old Lady's House. 889 00:45:50,240 --> 00:45:53,320 This is where understeer will show itself. 890 00:45:53,360 --> 00:45:58,200 But, no, looking tidy. Not bad for such a heifer. 891 00:45:58,240 --> 00:46:01,800 Taking no prisoners on the blast to Substation. 892 00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:03,520 Torturing the Pirellis through there. 893 00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:06,120 Just Field of Sheep to go. 894 00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:09,120 Tidy through there and across the line. 895 00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:16,120 -It did look quick. -It looks quick but it looks like it's heavy. 896 00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:17,480 It does look heavy. 897 00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:19,320 Anyway, there's the lap board 898 00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:22,120 and we can see the old M5, look, down there: 899 00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:25,160 17th place, one minute 24.2. 900 00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:28,000 Uh, so let's see where the new one goes. 901 00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:29,440 Is it quicker? 902 00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:30,600 -Ooh, it is. -Yes. 903 00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:33,920 Ooh, my word, four seconds faster. 904 00:46:33,960 --> 00:46:35,400 That's staggering, isn't it? 905 00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:37,560 That's absolutely amazing. 906 00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:42,080 Now, and I have to say, uh, we did, um... we did time the Alpina, 907 00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:43,920 but we haven't, uh, we haven't filmed it. 908 00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:46,400 -Why not? -Well, cos it's gonna be slower. 909 00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:48,320 -(LAUGHTER) -It is. 910 00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:50,560 You are gonna look such an arse if it isn't. 911 00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:52,400 (LAUGHTER) 912 00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:54,280 I am, but it won't be. 913 00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:56,720 (GROANS) Let's find out. Let's see where it goes. 914 00:46:56,760 --> 00:46:58,600 This is the Alpina. 915 00:46:58,640 --> 00:47:01,160 There you go. You see? Slower. As I said. 916 00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:03,040 But 1:21.6, not bad. Not bad. 917 00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:06,760 So if you do want a taut, fast, super saloon, 918 00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:09,280 his advice is get the flabbier, slower one. 919 00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:11,160 -Yeah, it's better. -This really is some clear 920 00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:13,480 -buying advice again this week. -It is. 921 00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:16,000 Anyway, let's get on to some actual clear buying advice, uh, shall we? 922 00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:19,000 -Let's get back to our film in Scotland. -Mm-hm. 923 00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:22,640 Tonight, we are doing, uh, a tour of the North Coast 500, 924 00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:24,160 around the top of Scotland, 925 00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:26,720 in some beautiful Italian classic cars. 926 00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:29,040 -And a Fiat X19. -(LAUGHTER) 927 00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:31,520 -Well, yes, but you two had both had mechanical issues. -Yes. 928 00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:36,600 Yeah, we did, but we still had hope in our hearts that things would get better. 929 00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:49,200 JAMES: As we cruised along, our Italian classics, and the Fiat, 930 00:47:49,240 --> 00:47:54,440 continued to provide unexpected entertainment. 931 00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:56,480 I'm gonna show you a fantastic feature on this car. 932 00:47:56,520 --> 00:47:58,680 Here are the heating and ventilation controls. 933 00:47:58,720 --> 00:48:00,720 I've got it on warm because it's a cold day. 934 00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:04,920 But look what happens when I press the air-conditioning button. 935 00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:06,600 It's haunted! 936 00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:08,160 Did you see that? 937 00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:09,680 Look. 938 00:48:09,720 --> 00:48:12,040 Hm, I think I'll cool myself down. 939 00:48:12,080 --> 00:48:14,080 (SINGS SPOOKY TUNE) 940 00:48:17,400 --> 00:48:19,720 My head itches because of this hat. 941 00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:23,040 But if I take it off, I'll freeze to death. 942 00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:27,640 JAMES: Soon, Hammond insisted we stop for a cup of tea... 943 00:48:27,680 --> 00:48:30,760 to ward off his hypothermia. 944 00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:33,680 -I've had a thought. -That's very uncharacteristic of you. 945 00:48:33,720 --> 00:48:35,080 I was gonna say, first time ever. 946 00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:37,240 No, this is based on experience and knowledge. 947 00:48:37,280 --> 00:48:40,240 Right, problem with the NC500 going all way round here, 948 00:48:40,280 --> 00:48:41,880 we miss this bit. 949 00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:43,280 We're here, right? 950 00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:44,920 And we miss this road, 951 00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:47,440 which I have driven and it is breath-taking. 952 00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:50,440 Not just the scenery, which is incredible, but the actual road itself. 953 00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:52,520 I'm sorry, but if we just go along here... 954 00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:53,840 Yeah? 955 00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:57,320 ...we're not exactly doing the NC500, are we? 956 00:48:57,360 --> 00:49:03,000 No, but what if we create our own route and claim it for The Grand Tour . 957 00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:08,520 We could call that the Scottish Highlands Intermediate Tour. 958 00:49:08,560 --> 00:49:11,720 -How far is it? -Uh, it's about 287 miles if we do that. 959 00:49:11,760 --> 00:49:15,240 Scottish Highlands Intermediate Tour 287, 2-8-7. 960 00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:17,720 It would be the sh... No, hang on, that doesn't work, does it? 961 00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:19,680 Piloting Extremely Nicely In Scotland. 962 00:49:19,720 --> 00:49:21,480 -2-8-7. -Yeah. 963 00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:26,360 So the Piloting Extremely Nicely In Scotland 2-8-7. That would do. 964 00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:28,440 You see? That's your second thought of the day. 965 00:49:29,880 --> 00:49:32,840 It's cos of the hat. 966 00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:36,080 JEREMY: With the new route sorted out, we set off. 967 00:49:36,120 --> 00:49:40,720 And it turned out that it wasn't quite like Hammond had said. 968 00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:43,400 It was much, much better. 969 00:49:50,480 --> 00:49:52,480 Holy moly. 970 00:49:55,680 --> 00:49:58,240 Och aye the view. 971 00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:00,280 It's amaz... Look at it. 972 00:50:03,480 --> 00:50:05,480 RICHARD: I mean, it's... This is heaven. 973 00:50:08,560 --> 00:50:11,720 And not just the scenery, which is magnificent; 974 00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:16,720 the road itself, the twists, turns, surface. 975 00:50:16,760 --> 00:50:18,480 You have to get the right ingredients together 976 00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:20,160 in the right order in the right place. 977 00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:22,480 It's a complicated thing. 978 00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:24,480 A really fabulous road. 979 00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:26,520 But this manages it. 980 00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:30,480 Absolutely glorious. 981 00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:46,560 Oh, the PENIS287 is really coming up trumps here. 982 00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:56,960 (REVVING ENGINE) 983 00:50:57,000 --> 00:51:00,080 God, I bet my car looks elegant going through this scenery. 984 00:51:11,240 --> 00:51:15,480 This is what the GTV6 was built to do. 985 00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:18,120 Open sweeping roads. 986 00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:20,400 (ROARING ENGINE) 987 00:51:20,440 --> 00:51:24,120 Nothing but the sound of that V6 howling away. 988 00:51:24,160 --> 00:51:26,160 (ROARING ENGINE) 989 00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:36,560 Ah. 990 00:51:36,600 --> 00:51:39,680 This is what driving is all about. 991 00:51:39,720 --> 00:51:41,120 This is the dream. 992 00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:46,560 In fact, the moment was so magical, 993 00:51:46,600 --> 00:51:52,520 it had taken my mind off something that had been troubling me all day. 994 00:51:52,560 --> 00:51:59,400 Today is the 11th of April and I don't wanna sound like Eeyore, but it's my birthday. 995 00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:01,280 And those two haven't remembered. 996 00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:08,480 All of the crew have said happy birthday. 997 00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:10,800 The director said happy birthday. 998 00:52:10,840 --> 00:52:13,200 James and Richard? Nothing. 999 00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:19,640 Ullapool, 26 miles. 1000 00:52:19,680 --> 00:52:25,120 Ullapool, I might be able to get the prop shaft balanced there. 1001 00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:28,160 That's quite a big town. 1002 00:52:28,200 --> 00:52:31,800 JEREMY OVER RADIO: Guys, how far are we from the hotel now? Do you know? 1003 00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:34,000 About 30 miles, 35. 1004 00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:36,440 Well, as it's not late, I'm gonna dive into Ullapool 1005 00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:38,840 and see if I can get my prop shaft balanced. 1006 00:52:38,880 --> 00:52:41,120 RICHARD OVER RADIO: You're gonna what? -It's vibrating 1007 00:52:41,160 --> 00:52:42,800 and it will hurt the car, 1008 00:52:42,840 --> 00:52:44,880 so I want to just get it balanced up 1009 00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:47,840 and I'll see you at the hotel later on. 1010 00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:51,920 That is uncharacteristically conscientious of Jeremy, to want to go and mend his car. 1011 00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:54,280 But it's actually very convenient for me and Hammond. 1012 00:52:54,320 --> 00:52:57,400 We've got something in mind. 1013 00:52:57,440 --> 00:53:00,800 The thing is, we hadn't forgotten it was his birthday. 1014 00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:04,280 And with him gone, we could shoot ahead... 1015 00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:07,040 and set up his surprise party. 1016 00:53:08,200 --> 00:53:09,640 Balloons coming in. 1017 00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:11,880 Ooh, this is nice. 1018 00:53:11,920 --> 00:53:16,520 -(RADIO IN BACKGROUND) -Right, loosen it off. 1019 00:53:16,560 --> 00:53:20,480 And that will allow the prop shaft to settle where it wants to settle. 1020 00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:24,520 RICHARD: While the short-sighted orangutan ruined his car, 1021 00:53:24,560 --> 00:53:28,400 -I was busy in the kitchen. -(GRUNTS) 1022 00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:34,520 For Jeremy's birthday feast, I am preparing his favourite dish, spaghetti bolognese. 1023 00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:40,040 But as it's his birthday and as we are here, I'm gonna give it a Scottish twist. 1024 00:53:50,160 --> 00:53:53,240 Pasta and sauce are ready. He'd love that. 1025 00:53:53,280 --> 00:53:56,960 But now is where I give it a Scottish twist. 1026 00:53:57,000 --> 00:54:00,240 Pop it in, back for that in a minute. 1027 00:54:01,520 --> 00:54:03,960 -(PINGS) -Now, this should be ready. 1028 00:54:04,000 --> 00:54:06,600 Oh, yeah. 1029 00:54:06,640 --> 00:54:08,600 And this is where it gets Scottish. 1030 00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:13,640 Very carefully, you pop it in the flour like this. 1031 00:54:13,680 --> 00:54:15,320 Sprinkle it. 1032 00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:18,440 Keeping it together as best you can. The grilling has helped. 1033 00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:20,680 And now into this. 1034 00:54:20,720 --> 00:54:22,720 Good coating all over. 1035 00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:29,000 Drop that as carefully as I can in there. 1036 00:54:29,040 --> 00:54:31,560 -Pop it in the oil. -(BUBBLING) 1037 00:54:31,600 --> 00:54:32,880 Oh, yeah. 1038 00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:34,920 Yes, I am doing that. 1039 00:54:38,280 --> 00:54:42,240 I'd say... that is ready. 1040 00:54:44,960 --> 00:54:46,720 Oh, yeah. 1041 00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:48,120 That will do nicely. 1042 00:54:48,160 --> 00:54:50,040 And there it is. 1043 00:54:50,080 --> 00:54:52,960 Spaghetti Mc-Bolognese. 1044 00:54:53,000 --> 00:54:57,520 JAMES: Whilst Richard was battering and deep-frying everything in sight... 1045 00:54:57,560 --> 00:55:00,600 In you go, my wee beauties. 1046 00:55:00,640 --> 00:55:02,800 ...I was organising the guests, 1047 00:55:02,840 --> 00:55:06,320 who were now all here and waiting for the birthday boy. 1048 00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:12,160 Ooh, ooh, hello, here it is. 1049 00:55:12,200 --> 00:55:14,000 Here it is... 1050 00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:17,560 Oh, Countach, 1051 00:55:17,600 --> 00:55:20,400 Lancia 832, 1052 00:55:20,440 --> 00:55:24,600 There's obviously some kind of classic car meeting going on. 1053 00:55:25,600 --> 00:55:27,600 Oh, wait a minute. 1054 00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:31,640 I can't believe it. 1055 00:55:31,680 --> 00:55:33,760 I cannot believe it. 1056 00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:36,480 -You remembered. -Of course we remembered. 1057 00:55:36,520 --> 00:55:38,880 Actually, it's better than that, we're having a party for you. 1058 00:55:38,920 --> 00:55:40,920 No, but, James... 1059 00:55:45,680 --> 00:55:49,120 There's a classic car meet going on. 1060 00:55:49,160 --> 00:55:51,480 No, they're your guests. 1061 00:55:51,520 --> 00:55:52,800 For your birthday party. 1062 00:55:52,840 --> 00:55:55,480 -It's a 3.2 as well. -Ohhh. 1063 00:55:55,520 --> 00:55:59,840 You have invited classic car enthusiasts to my birthday party? 1064 00:55:59,880 --> 00:56:02,600 Italian classic car enthusiasts. 1065 00:56:02,640 --> 00:56:04,760 -Who will talk about differentials. -Yes. 1066 00:56:04,800 --> 00:56:07,240 -Production numbers and chassis numbers. -Yes, exactly. 1067 00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:10,360 I've gotta go and sort out the music, so I'll see you in a bit. 1068 00:56:10,400 --> 00:56:11,920 -Music? -Yeah. 1069 00:56:11,960 --> 00:56:13,960 It's a party. 1070 00:56:15,680 --> 00:56:17,600 The finishing touch. 1071 00:56:17,640 --> 00:56:19,000 Garnish. 1072 00:56:19,040 --> 00:56:23,000 Because we eat with our eyes. 1073 00:56:26,160 --> 00:56:30,080 JEREMY: As it turned out, the classic car enthusiasts were lovely people. 1074 00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:33,640 With some even lovelier cars. 1075 00:56:33,680 --> 00:56:35,520 Look at that. 1076 00:56:35,560 --> 00:56:39,200 D'you know, I've never driven an 832. 1077 00:56:39,240 --> 00:56:42,160 However, talking to them proved to be quite tricky. 1078 00:56:42,200 --> 00:56:45,480 Were they not on their way to America and then got here and just thought, this'll... 1079 00:56:45,520 --> 00:56:47,720 -(BAGPIPES START UP) -...do. 1080 00:56:47,760 --> 00:56:49,920 (PLAYING TUNELESSLY) ♪ Happy Birthday 1081 00:56:56,440 --> 00:56:59,520 Still, it could be worse. And then it was. 1082 00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:04,320 Because it was time to sit down for Richard's Scottish dinner. 1083 00:57:04,360 --> 00:57:09,400 Battered spag bol, followed by a deep-fried cake. 1084 00:57:09,440 --> 00:57:11,440 -(BAGPIPES CONTINUE, TUNELESSLY) -(POPPER BANGS) 1085 00:57:17,320 --> 00:57:19,920 And then, to round off the evening... 1086 00:57:19,960 --> 00:57:21,720 -(TAPPING) -Oh, no. 1087 00:57:21,760 --> 00:57:24,600 ...James made an interesting speech... 1088 00:57:24,640 --> 00:57:26,800 about all the cars I'd owned. 1089 00:57:26,840 --> 00:57:28,840 ...to your ears as car enthusiasts, is it not? 1090 00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:34,080 But quite soon, Jeremy moved on from the VW Scirocco GLi mark 1 1091 00:57:34,120 --> 00:57:37,280 to a VW Scirocco GTi mark 2. 1092 00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:38,760 The registration number of which was... 1093 00:57:38,800 --> 00:57:41,160 Now I've never known whether you had the manual gearbox 1094 00:57:41,200 --> 00:57:45,320 or the first generation F1 semi-automatic shift. Which was it... 1095 00:57:45,360 --> 00:57:48,240 Very keen for you to know that it wasn't a CSi, it was a CSL, 1096 00:57:48,280 --> 00:57:49,680 the difference being... 1097 00:57:49,720 --> 00:57:51,680 chromed wheel arch extensions 1098 00:57:51,720 --> 00:57:54,120 and different wheels, was it? Or something like those stripes. 1099 00:57:54,160 --> 00:57:57,200 Alpina wheels and it had aluminium doors. 1100 00:57:57,240 --> 00:58:00,200 -Yes, of course, it had the lightweight... -Bullet in boot lid. 1101 00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:02,760 Ah, but this time the V8 engine. 1102 00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:05,720 In dark blue, or was it black? 1103 00:58:05,760 --> 00:58:07,600 Does anybody want to guess? 1104 00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:10,680 (SILENCE) 1105 00:58:10,720 --> 00:58:18,320 ..traditionalist at heart, as he is today, drives a VW Golf GTI in grey. 1106 00:58:18,360 --> 00:58:20,080 -You missed the CLK Black. -Jeremy Clarkson... 1107 00:58:20,120 --> 00:58:22,120 -The what? -You missed the CLK Black. 1108 00:58:23,840 --> 00:58:26,640 No, it's not on this list. Which researcher put together 1109 00:58:26,680 --> 00:58:28,200 this list of Jeremy's cars through the ages? 1110 00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:29,880 You didn't even write the speech? 1111 00:58:29,920 --> 00:58:31,480 Course I didn't. 1112 00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:33,880 This is the worst birthday party I've ever had. 1113 00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:36,600 Come on, we made an effort. Anyway, shall I get the bagpipes? 1114 00:58:39,880 --> 00:58:44,760 JEREMY: The next morning, we were up and on the road bright and early. 1115 00:58:44,800 --> 00:58:51,000 This is the first April the 12th since 1972 that I haven't had a hangover. 1116 00:58:51,040 --> 00:58:56,080 Thanks to the world's worst party organisers, Messieurs May and Hammond. 1117 00:59:01,960 --> 00:59:03,240 Oh, no. 1118 00:59:03,280 --> 00:59:05,280 The vibration is back. 1119 00:59:08,080 --> 00:59:11,720 Ahh, why can't I do anything? 1120 00:59:16,160 --> 00:59:19,920 But despite my problems, the sun was shining. 1121 00:59:19,960 --> 00:59:23,000 And Scotland was more spectacular than ever. 1122 00:59:42,840 --> 00:59:45,720 Hammond has redeemed himself with this route. 1123 00:59:45,760 --> 00:59:48,040 He really has. 1124 00:59:48,080 --> 00:59:50,520 -(OVER RADIO) Hammond. -Hello, yes? 1125 00:59:50,560 --> 00:59:53,520 There's no getting around the fact that your PENIS 1126 00:59:53,560 --> 00:59:57,800 is exactly the right length and beautiful. 1127 00:59:57,840 --> 00:59:59,720 Well, thank you. 1128 00:59:59,760 --> 01:00:01,880 JEREMY: Would you agree, James May? 1129 01:00:01,920 --> 01:00:05,160 JAMES: I would, yes. I hate to have to admit it, but it's spot-on. 1130 01:00:08,120 --> 01:00:12,880 JEREMY: There were now only 50 miles to go to the finish point on our loop. 1131 01:00:12,920 --> 01:00:16,920 So it felt like a good time to sum up our wonderful cars. 1132 01:00:16,960 --> 01:00:18,960 And Richard's Fiat. 1133 01:00:21,120 --> 01:00:24,280 RICHARD: Some cars achieve classic status because they're rare, 1134 01:00:24,320 --> 01:00:26,360 they're thoroughbreds like those two. 1135 01:00:26,400 --> 01:00:30,400 And with that, you have to accept they'll be delicate, temperamental. 1136 01:00:30,440 --> 01:00:35,480 Some cars achieve classic status simply because they're really good. 1137 01:00:35,520 --> 01:00:41,120 The X1/9 was good when it was designed and built first, and still is today. 1138 01:00:41,160 --> 01:00:46,000 Add to that that it cost me just over £2,000. 1139 01:00:46,040 --> 01:00:48,720 Annoyingly, I've had a bit of a problem with my headlight. 1140 01:00:49,960 --> 01:00:51,440 But then it's developed a squint. 1141 01:00:51,480 --> 01:00:53,480 So it... Oh. 1142 01:00:55,040 --> 01:00:57,600 I think it looks quite rakish. 1143 01:00:57,640 --> 01:00:59,520 Somehow piratical. 1144 01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:01,440 "Arrr!" Like that. 1145 01:01:03,360 --> 01:01:05,920 JAMES: Rare, interesting, beautiful - 1146 01:01:05,960 --> 01:01:08,560 those are the criteria by which I think you should judge 1147 01:01:08,600 --> 01:01:10,800 whether or not a car is a true classic. 1148 01:01:10,840 --> 01:01:14,720 It has to be at least two of those things to qualify. 1149 01:01:14,760 --> 01:01:16,560 So let's have a look at my Lancia. 1150 01:01:16,600 --> 01:01:19,480 Well, it's definitely beautiful. 1151 01:01:19,520 --> 01:01:22,600 It's a truly superb bit of car styling, this. 1152 01:01:22,640 --> 01:01:24,840 And it's rare. 1153 01:01:24,880 --> 01:01:26,880 (THRUMMING ENGINE) 1154 01:01:28,640 --> 01:01:31,000 I had a bit of a root about online last night 1155 01:01:31,040 --> 01:01:37,400 and there are only two of these Gamma Coupes registered and on the road in Britain. 1156 01:01:37,440 --> 01:01:39,240 And this is one of them. 1157 01:01:39,280 --> 01:01:42,800 This is 50% of the whole thing. 1158 01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:50,280 When we finish these jobs normally, the cars we've used go... 1159 01:01:51,800 --> 01:01:54,640 Actually, I've no idea where they go. 1160 01:01:54,680 --> 01:01:56,480 But I know where this one's going. 1161 01:01:56,520 --> 01:01:58,520 My house. 1162 01:02:00,720 --> 01:02:05,920 Because this car is just heaven. 1163 01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:09,520 Absolute heaven. 1164 01:02:09,560 --> 01:02:14,480 Look at it and tell me you can think of another car 1165 01:02:14,520 --> 01:02:19,720 anywhere on Earth for 10 grand that you'd like more than this. 1166 01:02:25,760 --> 01:02:28,800 Only 11 miles to go now. 1167 01:02:28,840 --> 01:02:31,360 Will James May's engine explode? 1168 01:02:31,400 --> 01:02:33,200 Apparently sunshine does cause that. 1169 01:02:33,240 --> 01:02:35,280 (OVER RADIO) James May, 1170 01:02:35,320 --> 01:02:36,960 do you think it will explode 1171 01:02:37,000 --> 01:02:40,000 before we get to Inverness or just afterwards? 1172 01:02:40,040 --> 01:02:43,160 Sooner or later, you will have to put your peevishness aside 1173 01:02:43,200 --> 01:02:45,320 and admit that I made the right choice. 1174 01:02:45,360 --> 01:02:47,240 Oh-ho, no, you didn't. 1175 01:02:47,280 --> 01:02:49,600 Anyway, I wouldn't normally say this, but I want to say 1176 01:02:49,640 --> 01:02:52,120 I'm very proud of you for mending your prop shaft. 1177 01:02:52,160 --> 01:02:53,520 Well done, mate. 1178 01:02:53,560 --> 01:02:55,160 Thanks, yes, yes. 1179 01:02:55,200 --> 01:02:58,160 Is the car much better now the vibration's gone? 1180 01:02:59,520 --> 01:03:01,320 (QUIETLY) No. 1181 01:03:01,360 --> 01:03:03,960 -Yes. -Good. 1182 01:03:05,040 --> 01:03:06,400 He's bluffing. 1183 01:03:11,600 --> 01:03:15,840 JAMES: Bidding a fond farewell to Hammond's magnificent PENIS, 1184 01:03:15,880 --> 01:03:18,480 we got back to the town where we'd started, 1185 01:03:18,520 --> 01:03:20,520 Inverness. 1186 01:03:21,800 --> 01:03:23,520 Mission accomplished. 1187 01:03:29,680 --> 01:03:37,440 Well, there we are. In just three days, we have covered a staggering 287 miles. 1188 01:03:37,480 --> 01:03:40,080 Well, yours was on an AA truck for a bit of it. 1189 01:03:40,120 --> 01:03:41,520 -Yeah, a little bit. -Yeah. 1190 01:03:41,560 --> 01:03:44,880 But apart from one catastrophic failure 1191 01:03:44,920 --> 01:03:48,320 that required somebody to drive from Swindon in Wiltshire 1192 01:03:48,360 --> 01:03:51,040 all the way to Inverness with a spare part... 1193 01:03:51,080 --> 01:03:53,120 Don't forget that my windscreen wiper fell off as well. 1194 01:03:53,160 --> 01:03:54,400 Yeah, and one of my headlamps is stuck. 1195 01:03:54,440 --> 01:03:56,160 Yeah, but apart from those things, 1196 01:03:56,200 --> 01:03:59,240 we have proved that it is still possible 1197 01:03:59,280 --> 01:04:03,440 to buy and enjoy a classic car 1198 01:04:03,480 --> 01:04:05,640 even if you're quite poor. 1199 01:04:05,680 --> 01:04:07,160 Yeah, we should be proud of that. 1200 01:04:07,200 --> 01:04:08,760 JEREMY: Yeah, we should. BOTH: Yeah. 1201 01:04:08,800 --> 01:04:11,040 With that, back to the studio. Tent. 1202 01:04:11,080 --> 01:04:12,560 -Tent. -Tent. 1203 01:04:12,600 --> 01:04:14,240 -Cos we're quite poor. -Yes. 1204 01:04:15,320 --> 01:04:17,640 (CHEERING) 1205 01:04:17,680 --> 01:04:20,520 RICHARD: Great trip. -Yeah. 1206 01:04:20,560 --> 01:04:22,400 -It's, um... -Yeah, it was good. 1207 01:04:22,440 --> 01:04:24,960 -What a trip. -It's funny, isn't it? 1208 01:04:25,000 --> 01:04:27,880 It's funny, over the years we have travelled the whole world 1209 01:04:27,920 --> 01:04:29,800 -looking for the best driving roads. -Yeah. 1210 01:04:29,840 --> 01:04:32,320 And it turns out, it was just next door all along. 1211 01:04:32,360 --> 01:04:36,520 I have to say, I don't want to say this in front of our Scottish producer. 1212 01:04:36,560 --> 01:04:38,240 Do not name Gavin Whitehead. 1213 01:04:38,280 --> 01:04:39,520 -No, I... -(LAUGHTER) 1214 01:04:39,560 --> 01:04:42,920 I shan't, but that was just about 1215 01:04:42,960 --> 01:04:44,360 the best drive I've ever had. 1216 01:04:44,400 --> 01:04:47,560 That road, that scenery, that Alfa. 1217 01:04:47,600 --> 01:04:49,080 -That party. -No, not the party. 1218 01:04:49,120 --> 01:04:53,240 -OK. -Everything else was... Well, it was perfection. 1219 01:04:53,280 --> 01:04:54,960 I do agree with you, I thought it was spectacular, 1220 01:04:55,000 --> 01:04:56,960 but we should get back to the point of this film, 1221 01:04:57,000 --> 01:05:00,840 which is that you can buy an affordable classic car 1222 01:05:00,880 --> 01:05:03,520 that is also an investment. 1223 01:05:03,560 --> 01:05:06,120 Are you sure you wanna raise this particular point, James? 1224 01:05:06,160 --> 01:05:09,120 Why don't you tell the ladies and gentlemen how it worked out with your Lancia? 1225 01:05:09,160 --> 01:05:12,520 Well, OK, I spent 13 and a half thousand pounds on the car 1226 01:05:12,560 --> 01:05:15,160 and when I got it home I discovered the price of putting it right 1227 01:05:15,200 --> 01:05:17,760 -was only £6,000. -(LAUGHTER) 1228 01:05:17,800 --> 01:05:20,880 So, you're investment has gone down by 45%. 1229 01:05:20,920 --> 01:05:23,880 -Correct, yes. -Mm, now my Alfa, as I said in the film, 1230 01:05:23,920 --> 01:05:25,480 I have brought it home with me. 1231 01:05:25,520 --> 01:05:28,000 And since we made that, 1232 01:05:28,040 --> 01:05:30,840 which was April, so six months, nine months ago, 1233 01:05:30,880 --> 01:05:33,840 uh, it's only cost £8,000. 1234 01:05:33,880 --> 01:05:35,120 -(LAUGHTER) -In repairs. 1235 01:05:35,160 --> 01:05:37,640 So, your investment has gone down by 80%. 1236 01:05:37,680 --> 01:05:40,160 -Yes, what about you? -100%. 1237 01:05:40,200 --> 01:05:41,360 -(LAUGHTER) -Really? 1238 01:05:41,400 --> 01:05:43,040 Yeah, day after we finished filming, 1239 01:05:43,080 --> 01:05:45,280 the engine blew, car in the bin, all gone. 1240 01:05:45,320 --> 01:05:46,840 (LAUGHTER) 1241 01:05:46,880 --> 01:05:48,720 So, to conclude, then, s... 1242 01:05:48,760 --> 01:05:52,040 All of us have lost some money and one of us has lost all of it. 1243 01:05:52,080 --> 01:05:53,360 -Yes, exactly. -Yes. 1244 01:05:53,400 --> 01:05:55,120 And on that terrible disappointment, 1245 01:05:55,160 --> 01:05:56,440 it is time to end. 1246 01:05:56,480 --> 01:05:58,720 I'm going home now in my Alfa Romeo. 1247 01:05:58,760 --> 01:06:00,680 -No, you're not. -(LAUGHTER) 1248 01:06:00,720 --> 01:06:02,720 -I only live over there. -Yeah, we know. 1249 01:06:02,760 --> 01:06:04,520 -Exactly, too far. -(LAUGHTER) 1250 01:06:04,560 --> 01:06:07,320 Whatever. Thanks for watching, take care, see you next time. Bye. 1251 01:06:07,360 --> 01:06:09,360 (CHEERING AND WHISTLING)