1 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:06,480 (ENGINE REVVING) 2 00:00:06,520 --> 00:00:08,520 (TRAIN WHISTLE BLASTS) 3 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:55,600 (CHEERING) 4 00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:00,720 Thank you. 5 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,400 Hello, everybody! 6 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:06,680 Thank you so much. 7 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:09,920 Thank you. 8 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:14,640 -Hello. -Thank you very much. 9 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:16,200 Thank you. Welcome. 10 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:18,920 Now, coming up in today's show... 11 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:22,880 James wears glasses... 12 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:25,880 I pretend to be a dog... 13 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,400 ...and a terrorist eats a savoury snack. 14 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:32,600 -Got everything there. -(CHEERING) 15 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:35,160 (APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH) 16 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:38,520 Thank you. Now... 17 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:40,760 throughout the developing world, 18 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,280 people have, for many years, 19 00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:45,360 used Japanese-made pick-up trucks. 20 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,400 Yes, but now European car makers 21 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,440 have decided they want a piece of the action. 22 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,840 So they've come up with pick-up trucks of their own. 23 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:54,000 Yes, they have, and to find out if they're any good, 24 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:55,920 this week we take The Grand Tour 25 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,080 on a journey through history. 26 00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:00,280 Mm, we begin in the Middle Ages, 27 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,280 which meant going to Richard Hammond's garden. 28 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:04,800 (LAUGHTER) 29 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:06,840 (VIDEOTAPE CRACKLES) 30 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:08,880 (NOSTALGIC CLASSICAL STRINGS) 31 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,680 (COUGHING NEARBY) 32 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:20,440 (BABY CRYING) 33 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:29,320 JEREMY: In parts of the globe where there's no mains water or electricity, 34 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:31,720 a pick-up truck has to be more than 35 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:35,360 just transport for plague victims and livestock. 36 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,160 (WHIRRING) 37 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:40,160 That's why James has turned his Mercedes X-Class 38 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,600 into a power station using its rear axle 39 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:46,680 to make electricity for the village. 40 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,960 Richard, meanwhile, was using his Ford Ranger as a tractor, 41 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,120 pulling a plough. 42 00:02:56,840 --> 00:03:00,280 Yep, I'm actually ploughing with my pick-up. 43 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:03,320 I don't think I could be any happier. 44 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,440 JEREMY: And I was using this Volkswagen Amarok 45 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:11,600 as an irrigation system. 46 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:15,000 I'm using it to drive a pump, 47 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,560 which will deliver nourishment from the well 48 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,400 to the community allotment. 49 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:23,000 In fact... Yep, I can hear the water coming now, 50 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:27,480 above the smooth turbocharged throb of my V6 diesel. 51 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:37,360 Ah! Ooh! 52 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,840 JAMES: Sort it out! 53 00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:43,600 Get it! 54 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:49,240 -Hammond! -What? 55 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:51,400 We've gotta get... How do you get that back? 56 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,800 I don't know. You set it free. 57 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:55,280 -Whoa! -Watch out! 58 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:58,160 You've made it angry! Run away! 59 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,120 Ow! 60 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:07,640 (BANGING) 61 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:10,040 (CRACKLING AND FIZZING) 62 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,080 JAMES: Oh! You... Aargh! 63 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:13,720 Clarkson! 64 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:18,000 Turn the car off! 65 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,720 JAMES: What was that? -I cut my... 66 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,800 -Oh, dear. -And there. 67 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,800 And there. And I've done my neck in. 68 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:30,800 This is supposed to be a demonstration 69 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:32,720 of the utility of pick-up trucks. 70 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:34,640 We've done it. We've proved all three of them... 71 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:37,720 Yeah, no, I have. I've sawn three pieces of wood for a fence. 72 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:41,240 Hammond's ploughed four furrows for growing things in. 73 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,480 You have only subtracted from this community. 74 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:45,000 You've taken away the vegetables. 75 00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:46,240 You've taken away the electricity. 76 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,000 You've taken away the lighting. 77 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,160 You've taken away the ability to make the new fence posts. 78 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:51,920 -I have proved... -And you've taken away the food. 79 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,120 But my engine is very powerful. More powerful than in your two. 80 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:57,040 Yeah, but what's the use of that? 81 00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:58,920 -Speed and power. -It's not speed and power. 82 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,360 Yeah, well it is, look. Look what it did! 83 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:02,560 Look what it did. 84 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,720 Yours couldn't have delivered that much water that quickly. 85 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:06,920 Yeah, thankfully, because it wouldn't have done that. 86 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:08,360 I think you've slightly missed the point. 87 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:13,200 Why... Why do you always have to overdo everything? 88 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:15,160 JEREMY: You can shut up. -Why? 89 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:18,160 Because it's supposed to be a test of European pick-up trucks. 90 00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:19,600 It's European. 91 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,560 Well, yes, apart from the fact 92 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:24,720 that it was designed in Australia and it's built in South Africa. 93 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:26,240 What about the engine? 94 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:29,040 -That's made in Turkey. -That's European. 95 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:30,440 Well, a bit of it is. 96 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:33,040 Let's not get bogged down with where Turkey is. 97 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:35,800 What we've done is proved that all three of them 98 00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:38,040 work well when there is peace 99 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:40,080 in the village in the developing world. 100 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:43,880 What we must do now is find out how well they work 101 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:47,040 when the peace comes to an end and there's a revolution. 102 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:51,760 (THUDDING) 103 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:52,960 (CHEERING) 104 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:01,320 JAMES: When the revolution is over, 105 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:07,320 it's important that all traces of the vile, hated dictator are eradicated. 106 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:09,160 And that's why I'm attaching my Mercedes 107 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:12,320 to this giant statue of Kim Jong Clarkson, 108 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:14,000 to see if I can pull it over. 109 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,040 (DRAMATIC SINGING IN LATIN) 110 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,560 Right, here are the rules. 111 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:25,800 I have to do this using the lowest revs possible. 112 00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:30,040 So what I'm gonna do is put it in four-wheel drive low range - 113 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,200 something Jeremy Clarkson can't do - 114 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:36,640 first gear manual and turn the traction control off. 115 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,280 You know that isn't really a Mercedes, don't you? 116 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,720 It's just a Nissan with "Mercedes" written on it. 117 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:43,840 JEREMY: It's got a Nissan engine. -Yeah. 118 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:48,320 And that's his problem. Cos it's only a 2.3, four-cylinder diesel. 119 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:52,160 Right. Taking up the slack. 120 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:55,400 When you have to use power and torque to do a job... 121 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,080 James is the first man you go for. 122 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,560 Here we go. 123 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:04,560 Traction control, diff lock, down you come. 124 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:06,600 (ENGINE REVVING) 125 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,280 (RATTLING) 126 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:15,280 Oh, ooh! Oh, hello. 127 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:19,680 -(THUD) -Yeah! (LAUGHS) 128 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,720 (THUD) 129 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:26,040 (LAUGHS) 130 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:28,560 (LAUGHS) He's gone! 131 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:31,800 That was just... Oh, right on your... Dunk! 132 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:34,560 -What a feeling. -Oh, bet that... Did that... That was just... 133 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,800 -That is in the face. -Yes. 134 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,640 By the whole Earth. Boof, in the face. 135 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,880 -Did you see what happened to your nose? Look at it. -Yes. 136 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:44,320 And now, it's your turn. Because... (CLEARS THROAT) 137 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:45,880 Yeah, May Tse-tung. 138 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,840 Right, it's time for your reign of terror to end. 139 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,000 He may be the most stubborn man in the world, 140 00:07:56,040 --> 00:08:00,080 but he's no match for the engine in this Ford Ranger. 141 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:03,760 I have, of course, more power in this than in his Nissan - 142 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:08,160 197 brake to his 188 - and more torque. 143 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:11,400 This engine is strong. Strong enough to pull a train, literally. 144 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:12,920 Because they are actually using 145 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,480 the five-cylinder diesel out of this 146 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:18,080 in the new Vivarail 230 commuter class train. 147 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:22,200 You know he's got one more cylinder than you? 148 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,800 Yeah, that's cos that engine came from a Turkish bazaar. 149 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,000 "Just for you, my friend, special price. 150 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,360 One extra cylinder, today only." 151 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:30,960 Minimal revs, 152 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:34,120 one and half thousand, maybe, upping it a bit. 153 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,760 JEREMY: Ooh, hang on. 154 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,840 Come on, May. 155 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:49,640 He's failing. He's failing to topple me. 156 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:52,400 Come on, you can pull an old spaniel off a pillar. 157 00:08:58,240 --> 00:08:59,480 JAMES: Oh, no. -(THUD) 158 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:01,760 (RICHARD LAUGHS) 159 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,520 JAMES: All right. 160 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:08,040 He's dragging you. He's taking you for a scrape. 161 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,080 (SCRAPING) 162 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:14,640 -(JEREMY CHUCKLES) -That's not on, really. 163 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:20,960 JEREMY: Nice one, Hammond! 164 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,640 (RICHARD LAUGHS) 165 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:27,760 JEREMY: The scores so far, then, looked like this. 166 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:31,880 James had used 2,100 rpm to topple me... 167 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:33,520 (SMASHING) 168 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:36,200 ...whereas Hammond - despite his bigger engine - 169 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:40,960 had had to use 3,600 rpm to bring down May. 170 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,480 (CLATTERING) 171 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,760 Now it's time for me to win as I get rid 172 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:50,400 of the last of the country's hated dictators... Dick Pot. 173 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:52,440 (DRAMATIC SINGING IN LATIN) 174 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:02,760 And there we are. 175 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,040 RICHARD: Oh, now, come on! 176 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:07,760 JAMES: Well, you shouldn't have built a life-size one. 177 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:09,840 -You are a man of modest statue. -Yeah, fine. 178 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:12,480 It reflects my ego compared to yours. 179 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:15,240 Well, it's, you know, proportional to the size of the tyranny. 180 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:18,160 I don't think I'm gonna need low range. 181 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,040 -You haven't got it. -Well, I know, exactly, I don't need it. 182 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:23,360 JEREMY: Lock the rear diff. There you go. 183 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,240 JAMES: You'll need that. -Right, here we go. Ready? 184 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:26,360 -Mm-hm. -Yes. 185 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:28,880 Taking up the slack. 186 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:31,760 JAMES: There might be a really bad jolt, so be careful. 187 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:34,760 (SOFT CLATTERING) 188 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,760 JEREMY: I've won another test! 189 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,360 I've won both of them. 190 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:42,640 -How have you worked that out? -Well, 600 rpm, OK? 191 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:44,840 And I did the best in the village. 192 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:46,640 You destroyed the village! 193 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:48,480 Listen, let's not get bogged down with that. 194 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:51,240 We must now move on to what typically happens 195 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:54,400 in a country after the dictator is gone. 196 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,400 (SINGING AND SCREAMING) 197 00:10:58,760 --> 00:10:59,960 (RAPID GUNFIRE) 198 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:05,240 JEREMY: With the government in disarray, 199 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:07,440 we had to load all our worldly goods 200 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:12,320 into our pick-up trucks and prepare to run for our lives. 201 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:16,360 It's no time to be alphabet-i-sising your record collection. 202 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,920 I'm not, I'm just making sure that The Yes Album, my most prized possession, is... 203 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,680 -Yeah, well, get on with it. -We're fleeing! 204 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,680 -OK, flee. JAMES: I'd leave those. 205 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:25,400 What? 206 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:36,880 Everybody else in the world has an iPod. 207 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:38,960 Look, I don't think you've got... 208 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,800 What have you got a gramophone for? 209 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:42,840 It was my grandmother's. We're fleeing from rebel forces. 210 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:45,240 Don't stand here doing a commentary. Get in your truck. 211 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:47,960 -I'm ready to flee. -Right. 212 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,040 Perfectly straightforward. 213 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:53,120 Whichever one is the fastest from here to the flags there, 214 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,880 yes, best at fleeing. 215 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,520 Is there c... Yes, yes, exactly right. 216 00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:59,320 -So it's a drag race. -It's a flee race. 217 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:01,800 -It's a fleeing race. -Let's flee, then. 218 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:03,360 JAMES: Come on, let's go! 219 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:07,040 If you need to flee from government forces, 220 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:10,160 you need an Amarok. 0 to 60, eight seconds. 221 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,520 That's hot hatchback territory. 222 00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:14,960 It's the fastest of the trio, 223 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,160 the most powerful of the trio, 224 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,080 and the lightest of the trio. 225 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:22,480 Probably not now, but it was. 226 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:26,360 I have the biggest engine - 3.2 litres, five cylinders, 227 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:28,320 and not only is it strong enough to pull a train, 228 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:32,400 literally, it's also the engine they use in the Transit van. 229 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:36,200 And those, as anyone who's ever been on a motorway knows, 230 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:39,280 have a top speed of more than what you're in. 231 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:42,640 Now we're alone, viewers, I will admit 232 00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:45,000 I'm not feeling entirely confident about this. 233 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:48,560 The 2.3 litre engine in my Mercedes is very robust. 234 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,640 It will last for a thousand years. 235 00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:52,320 But it's not what you'd call powerful. 236 00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:55,120 I think there might be a few aerodynamic issues as well. 237 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:57,160 But, anyway, I'm gonna go in D 238 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:59,800 on the basis that Mercedes knows better than me. 239 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:03,120 (TWO BEEPS) 240 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:05,080 Here we go. Here we go. 241 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:07,080 (ENGINES REVVING) 242 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,120 (TWO BEEPS) 243 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,880 Bit of a slow start for fleeing. 244 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,000 (TWO BEEPS) 245 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,040 (CLATTERING) 246 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:23,440 Whoa, I may have lost a couple of things. 247 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:30,640 RICHARD: Oh, I've lost my bike! 248 00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:33,280 I was so hoping to have my bike available once I'd fled. 249 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,080 Bit of buffeting and I'm losing. 250 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,320 RICHARD: Oh, and Jeremy's getting away! 251 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,600 Storming ahead. I mean, storming. 252 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:49,600 (GLASS SHATTERING) 253 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:52,480 -Ooh, a lot of glass! -There's glass everywhere. 254 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:58,600 That is not a lot of braking area. 255 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,880 (TYRES SCREECHING) 256 00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,560 (CROCKERY SHATTERING) 257 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,040 (CLATTERING) 258 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:20,080 My Lego! 259 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:32,800 Bicycle. 260 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,440 -This is our new life, chaps. -This is... 261 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,880 Lego, cream, and a shit record. 262 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:43,160 -Well, you can say that... -I'm gonna start again. 263 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,240 -Oh, no, we've got a chair. -You say that... 264 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:48,000 -We're gonna be all right. -I literally think we're OK. 265 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:50,760 -Yes. -So, let's just get this crystal clear. 266 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,560 OK, we haven't escaped with much, 267 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,720 but the Volkswagen has now won all three tests. 268 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,440 -Who decided that? -Me. 269 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,240 Yeah, but this isn't a dictatorship any more. 270 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,200 -We toppled the dictator. -Yeah. It's a democracy. 271 00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:05,040 It was the fastest by a mile. 272 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:06,640 Yeah, it is the fastest. 273 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:08,800 It was easily the best at pulling over statues 274 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:11,120 and the best at water irrigation. 275 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,560 No. And... you may have got there first, 276 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:16,040 guaranteeing your survival, but you have no life. 277 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:19,240 You have half a table and a mattress and the worst album in history. 278 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:20,480 You really have nothing left! 279 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,080 I have got the contents of a home. 280 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:23,760 You call this the worst album... 281 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:25,480 JEREMY: The merits of The Yes Album aside, 282 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:28,440 the fact remained that with the country now in chaos, 283 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:31,040 help is urgently needed. 284 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:42,240 So, how would our commandeered trucks 285 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:44,280 cope with their requirements? 286 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:46,320 (MUFFLED MUSIC BLARING) 287 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,560 (MUSIC BLARING) 288 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:53,680 Quite well, actually. 289 00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,760 (APPLAUSE) 290 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:01,760 I think we got away with that. 291 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,200 -No one from Oxfam here. -No. 292 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:08,400 OK, um... we'll pick that up later on. 293 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:12,600 Yes, but first it is time to brim the tank of chat 294 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:15,440 from the petrol station of debate, 295 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:18,680 on the corner of Conversation Street. 296 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:20,720 (JAZZ PLAYING) 297 00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,760 (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) 298 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:26,200 Now... 299 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:32,600 There's been a lot of talk recently about electric cars, 300 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:35,280 obviously, so we thought we ought to have some conversation about that. 301 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:37,480 -Yeah. -And we're gonna kick it off, if I may, 302 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:40,480 with the new Audi e-tron. Got a picture of it here. 303 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:42,400 Sure, it's very nice. 304 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:46,640 The only problem is e-tron is the French word... for turd. 305 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:48,040 -(LAUGHTER) -Is it? 306 00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:49,560 Mmm, yes. 307 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,920 They're not gonna sell many of those in France, I'm guessing. 308 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:54,760 No, they probably won't. In the same way that Hyundai 309 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,080 has just introduced a new car called the Kona. 310 00:16:57,120 --> 00:17:00,240 They're not gonna be selling too many of those in Portugal. 311 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:02,560 Why? Is "Kona" Portuguese for "turd"? 312 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,240 -No. -What, then? 313 00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:07,040 It's the one word we can't say. 314 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:08,520 (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) 315 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:10,080 Mourinho. 316 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:12,760 Yes. That's exactly what it is. 317 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:14,320 -Moving on. -Yes. 318 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,320 Have you seen those stories around 319 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,720 about Jaguar possibly going over to making only electric cars? 320 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:22,760 -I have read that, yeah. -All Jaguars would be electric, which is a worry. 321 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:25,000 Because, potentially, it'll make it a lot more difficult 322 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,240 to hear your Jaguar-driving guest 323 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,160 leave your house early in the morning 324 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,280 -with all of your silverware in the boot. -Good point. 325 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:32,800 -Very good point. -That's a risk. 326 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:34,240 "Oh, no, I've just taken all..." 327 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:35,800 Or they'll be turning up all hours 328 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,400 of the day and night just standing there. 329 00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:40,080 "I'm sorry, could I charge my car up at your house? 330 00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:42,640 Spot of bother with the electricity company over at mine." 331 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,200 -"Just pop that in the wall." -"Yes, if you don't mind." 332 00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:48,040 Yeah, no, but if we may be serious for a moment, 333 00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:49,560 the biggest problem is 334 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:52,880 the electrical charging infrastructure in this country 335 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:55,560 simply isn't good enough to... 336 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,680 sustain a great deal of demand. It just isn't. 337 00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:01,000 Yeah, but it'll get better and the vast majority of people 338 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:02,440 simply recharge at night. 339 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:04,320 -That's what I do, with mine. -Yes, I know. 340 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:07,080 But if you go on a long journey, you can't take your house. 341 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:08,720 You've gotta charge up somewhere else. 342 00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:10,160 Yes, but electric charging points 343 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:11,800 are springing up everywhere at the moment 344 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:12,960 -at quite a rate. -I agree. 345 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,000 -They are. -They are. They are. 346 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:19,320 But look at it this way. OK, the second most boring thing a man can do 347 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:22,080 is filling up with petrol - second most after... 348 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:23,560 ALL: Trying on trousers. 349 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,560 -We all agree that's the worst. -It's just a fact. 350 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,160 The second most boring thing you can do 351 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,080 is fill up with petrol, which takes what, three minutes? 352 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:30,560 -Yes. -Charging a car up 353 00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:34,200 is like 40 minutes, and I haven't got time for that. 354 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,080 No, but it's, it's... 40 minutes is getting... 355 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:37,880 You can do it in less than that now 356 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:39,680 and it's getting shorter and shorter all the time. 357 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:41,480 Charging times are plummeting. They're dropping. 358 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,800 But you've gotta go into a service station, surrounded by people 359 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,320 with smelly bottoms, all playing on those slot machines. 360 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:48,040 And 40 minutes, you just think, 361 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,560 "I've got so much more I'd rather be doing than this." 362 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:52,800 I only have, if I'm lucky, 363 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:56,760 175,000 hours before I do dying. 364 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,240 And I'm not gonna waste any of them charging an electric car up. 365 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,320 -I'm just not. -(LAUGHTER) 366 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:05,280 Sticking with electric cars, the iconic London black taxi has gone electric. 367 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:07,400 We've got a picture of it here. There it is. 368 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:10,440 I've ridden it. I've driven it as well, actually, and it's excellent. 369 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,160 Very, very smooth, very comfortable, 370 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:13,680 and obviously it's very quiet. 371 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,440 Which means you can hear the driver's views 372 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:16,920 on immigration more clearly. 373 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,240 -(LAUGHTER) -Everybody always says... 374 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:21,520 I like black cabs. I use them all the time. 375 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,240 Yeah, you really are a dinosaur. 376 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,920 -No, I just hate Uber. -You don't hate Uber. 377 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:27,560 -I do hate Uber. -They just work. 378 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,080 Have you seen how they drive? 379 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,920 They're appalling! Dithering about in the middle of junctions 380 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,560 and they don't know where they're going. 381 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:36,400 And it's always a Prius. And I hate those commercials 382 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:39,520 where they say, "Not all of our drivers are rapists." 383 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,960 -(LAUGHTER) -That's not really a slogan, is it? 384 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,320 I'm sorry, I just... I will not get in with... 385 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:49,000 And, listen, I've only got 175,000 hours left... 386 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:50,680 If you... If you don't stop saying 387 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,880 how many hours you've got left, I shall make it less. 388 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:55,680 -Look, I... -A lot less. 389 00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,520 Yeah, I'm with him. And I like Uber. 390 00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,400 I like the fact that you get the alert 391 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:01,240 that tells you who's coming to pick you up 392 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:02,640 and what sort of car he's driving. 393 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:04,080 -Yeah, that's... -What's the point? 394 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:05,760 It's a Prius. It's always a Prius. 395 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:06,960 No, it isn't always a Prius. 396 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,640 I've got a friend and she had one come - 397 00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:10,320 this was just before Christmas, as it happened. 398 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:11,800 The driver was from South America. 399 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,800 And she got an alert and it said, 400 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,400 "Jesus is arriving soon in a Honda Accord." 401 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:19,000 -(LAUGHTER) -Which is not what it says in the New Testament. 402 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,280 -No, it doesn't. -It's not, is it? Who knew? 403 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,480 Anyway, there is a new version of the Bugatti Chiron. 404 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:26,880 We've got a picture of it here. It's called the Chiron Sport. 405 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:31,640 But that does make me wonder, what bit of the regular Chiron wasn't sporty? 406 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,320 No, it was a sporty car, anyway. 407 00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,640 It was quite sporty, I noticed that. Is that more powerful? 408 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:39,280 No, but it is 18 kilograms lighter 409 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:42,440 because it has carbon fibre windscreen wipers. 410 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,560 -What? That's all? -What were the old ones made of? 411 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,800 -Cast iron. -(LAUGHTER) 412 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,920 -So it's 18 kilograms lighter? -Mm-hm. 413 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,520 -And how much is it? -Uh...it's £2.3 million. 414 00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:54,560 -(AUDIENCE MEMBER WHISTLES) -That's a lot, isn't it? 415 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:57,040 Well, hold on. The standard one's, what, two million quid, isn't it? 416 00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:58,400 -I've just had a thought. -What? 417 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,040 If you're prone to going through life 418 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:01,480 with quite a heavy briefcase... 419 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:03,680 -Yes? -If you bought the ordinary Chiron, 420 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,520 left your briefcase at home, 421 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,080 you've automatically created the Sport, haven't you? 422 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,520 -Yeah. -And saved yourself £300,000. 423 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,800 -(LAUGHTER) -That... That is good advice. 424 00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:16,400 Yeah. A lot of people here will be taking that away with them and using it. 425 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:18,440 -That's consumer advice. -Exactly. I like to do that. 426 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:20,320 All part of the service. We're here for you. 427 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,000 Can I move it on? I have some interesting conversation. 428 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:24,920 -Oh, good. -There is a man in Canada 429 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:28,080 who has successfully lowered his car insurance premium 430 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:30,480 by declaring himself to be a woman. 431 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,560 Now, he hasn't had the operation, 432 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,960 he hasn't swapped his beef torpedo for the silken purse. 433 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,560 -(LAUGHTER) -He has merely... 434 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:40,680 -Thank you, Doctor. -(LAUGHTER) 435 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:42,000 He has merely taken advantage... 436 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:44,440 He just said "beef torpedo", didn't he? 437 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:48,400 ...of a loophole in the law that allows you to change your gender. 438 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,280 Torpedo? You actually claim you've got a torpedo? 439 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:53,200 -(LAUGHTER) -Everybody calls it that. 440 00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:55,040 A Spearfish he rides into... 441 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,400 Listen, listen. There's a lot of this about. 442 00:21:57,440 --> 00:22:01,000 There was a chap the other day sentenced to some considerable jail time, 443 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:03,960 and as he was sentenced, he went, "Oh, I've just remembered, I'm a woman. 444 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:07,680 Can I go to a lady prison? Preferably one of those like you see on the internet." 445 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:09,360 Yeah, and it worked. It worked. 446 00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:10,800 They sent him to a lady prison. 447 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:12,880 Where, sure enough, he's been quite badly behaved. 448 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,640 Yeah, chaps, I wouldn't advise trying it down your local swimming baths, 449 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:17,040 swaggering into the changing rooms. 450 00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:18,640 (DEEP VOICE) "Morning. Morning, ladies. 451 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,680 I'm a lady as well, just like you and you. 452 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:22,840 I'll just hang up my suit and my tie there 453 00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:24,440 and take a shower with the rest... 454 00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:27,120 Oh, my Lord, my vagina's gone all stiff. Look at that." 455 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:28,680 -(LAUGHTER) -"I do apologise." 456 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:31,160 It's a tricky and obviously sensitive area, 457 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:34,280 but my advice is if you want to lower your car insurance premium, 458 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:36,600 don't walk into this minefield of whether or not 459 00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:38,320 you can declare yourself to be a woman. 460 00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:40,560 Simply declare yourself to be a vicar. 461 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:43,240 That's a good idea, because they do have cheap insurance, don't they? 462 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:44,800 They do have very cheap car insurance. 463 00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:47,240 And if you're a vicar... you can still wear a dress. 464 00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:48,880 -There you go. -Yeah, so everybody wins. 465 00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:50,920 -Everybody wins. -More consumer advice. 466 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,720 Ooh, now, you know Morgan? 467 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:56,960 -I do. -OK, they've got a serious problem. 468 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,640 Because they make the frames of their cars out of ash. 469 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:03,760 Now, all the ash trees in Britain have either died or are dying. 470 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:07,320 So Morgan is going to have to import its ash from... 471 00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:09,120 -abroad. -What? 472 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,160 -Foreign wood. -Foreign wood in a Morgan? 473 00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:14,520 I know! Can you imagine? And it may be German. 474 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,400 Oh, good God! German wood in a Morgan! 475 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:17,960 -No, that's not possible! -Imagine having German wood. 476 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:19,400 Can't be done. 477 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:22,320 That's probably why, because of this immense problem, 478 00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:24,240 they've decided to branch out. 479 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:27,400 -What are they doing? -Well, they're gonna start making bicycles. 480 00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:30,160 -Are they made of wood? -Well, yes, we've got a picture. They are, actually. 481 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,640 The mud guard and the chain guard are both made of wood. 482 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:34,080 -Really? -Yeah. 483 00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:36,320 Oh, they're really roaring into the future, Morgan. 484 00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:38,320 What are they doing next? Is it a dugout canoe? 485 00:23:38,360 --> 00:23:41,040 Well, it's interesting you should say that. It's not a dugout canoe. 486 00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:43,760 It is - and this is a big surprise for Morgan - 487 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:45,320 they're making hair care products. 488 00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:46,640 -What? -What? 489 00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:48,960 They absolutely are making hair care products. 490 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,160 Um...I've actually got the blurb about it. 491 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,800 Here, this is actually from Morgan's website, yeah? 492 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:55,520 -Well, as they call it. -They have... 493 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:57,360 They call it the electric computer. 494 00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:59,320 I was gonna say. They have a website? 495 00:23:59,360 --> 00:24:01,680 OK, this is describing their new hair products, 496 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,360 -quintessentially British. -(JAMES SCOFFS) 497 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,280 "The lotion was originally created to enable a gentleman 498 00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:09,120 to hold not only the racing line, 499 00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:11,080 -but also his hair style." -Lovely. 500 00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:12,400 (LAUGHTER) 501 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,920 "So Morgan's most stylish owners..." 502 00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:18,280 There's no such thing as a stylish Morgan owner. 503 00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,400 "...can once again take to the roads with confidence 504 00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:23,840 that their dapper coiffeur will hold throughout the journey." 505 00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:25,320 (LAUGHTER) 506 00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:27,120 Can I ask something, while we're on the subject? 507 00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:29,760 Why is it that everything in the world has a name? 508 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,640 Like cups, spectacles, Jeremy Clarkson's cardigan. 509 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:35,120 But anything you put in your hair is just called product? 510 00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:38,080 I don't get that. The barber says, "Would you like product?" 511 00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:40,480 You think, "No, cos it might be HP Sauce." 512 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:42,160 -That's a product. -It's a bit vague. 513 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,560 They could Tarmac your hair. "It's product." 514 00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:46,360 -Exactly. -Molten aluminium is a product. 515 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:49,320 -It is. -Swarfega is a product. 516 00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:52,080 I'm not sure that Morgan actually understands 517 00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:54,680 its customers very well, with this plan. 518 00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:56,800 What, you're saying that the typical Morgan customer 519 00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:58,280 -wouldn't traditionally... -Yeah, look at th... 520 00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:00,080 They're not hair care product kind of people. 521 00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:03,320 Let's just work this out. Hammond, you have a Morgan. 522 00:25:03,360 --> 00:25:05,360 And... 523 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:07,400 -Um... -Actually... 524 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:09,360 -I'm... I'm... -Actually, on the subject of that... 525 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,920 Just talk amongst yourselves. No, seriously, James May, 526 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,040 I want to check something out with you. 527 00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:16,840 If I may. Just hang on a minute. 528 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:18,360 What are you doing? 529 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:22,840 Well, thing is, OK, you say... you say that you don't wear... 530 00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:25,000 Oh, I'm uncomfortable with whatever's happening now. 531 00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:26,320 You will be. 532 00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:28,120 I took this photograph just last week. 533 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,640 I put an arrow on it to show what I'm on about. 534 00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:32,520 That's Richard Hammond sporting... I'll zoom in. 535 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:35,080 -Some grey hairs there, yeah. -...a couple of grey hairs. 536 00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:37,960 JAMES: Ohh. -Can you see those? Yes? 537 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:39,800 Now, when I came to work this morning... 538 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:41,480 They're still there. 539 00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:43,640 My wife has cut my hair. They are still there. 540 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:45,440 They're not. James May? They're not there. 541 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,080 -I don't dye my hair! -They're not there. 542 00:25:48,120 --> 00:25:50,080 Come in really close. They're still there. 543 00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:52,600 JAMES: Let me arbitrate independently. 544 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,320 -They're not there! -They're not there! 545 00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:57,920 -They are! I never... -You've been using Morgan product. 546 00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:01,200 I've never dyed my ha... Oh, God! 547 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,200 Would you like to stop doing Conversation Street now? 548 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:05,960 I'd so like to do a... 549 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:09,160 If you want to feed me into a giant blender, I'd prefer that. 550 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,440 Right, that is the end of Conversation Street. 551 00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:14,680 And now, if I may, I'd like to talk about the Jaguar XE. 552 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:16,560 Not your hair. 553 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:20,120 Um...it is a really very nice little car, if I'm honest. 554 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:23,360 It's very good looking. It's not particularly expensive. 555 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:26,760 Uh...it rides beautifully - very beautifully, in fact. 556 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:28,280 And, as a result of all that, 557 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:31,480 people ignore it and buy a BMW instead. 558 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:34,320 So Jaguar went to its skunkworks, 559 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:35,920 which is based in a shed, 560 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,280 and they said, "Could you make a fast version? 561 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:40,920 One that will get everybody talking." 562 00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:43,960 (THUNDER RUMBLES) 563 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,280 JEREMY: The standard low cost procedure 564 00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,640 for turning a normal saloon into a sports saloon 565 00:26:55,680 --> 00:27:01,280 is to give it some fat tyres, a nice V6 engine... 566 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:02,680 (ENGINE ROARING) 567 00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:04,880 ...and maybe some bucket seats. 568 00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:09,640 But the boffins at Jag decided to go... 569 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:12,400 ...a bit further than that. 570 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:16,240 (ENGINE ROARING) 571 00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:25,440 Welcome, everyone, to what's called... 572 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:28,800 ...the Project 8. 573 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:42,360 The first thing you need to know 574 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:46,200 is that the only bits that these two cars have in common 575 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:49,040 are the roof and the front doors. 576 00:27:50,120 --> 00:27:52,760 Everything else is changed. 577 00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:54,960 For some very good reasons. 578 00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:00,480 First of all, they decided they needed carbon ceramic brakes 579 00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:03,600 that were much bigger than the brakes on the standard car. 580 00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:05,240 Now, that meant they needed 581 00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:07,680 bigger wheels to go round the brakes. 582 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:11,720 And bigger wheels wouldn't fit in these arches. 583 00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,880 So they had to redesign the whole front of the car. 584 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,120 The headlamps, everything. 585 00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:21,240 Then there was the track - 586 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:23,720 the gap between the wheels, front and back. 587 00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:26,720 They decided they'd like that to be wider. 588 00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:28,760 That meant fitting flared wheel arches. 589 00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:31,400 So that meant a new panel here... and here, 590 00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:33,280 and a new back door, 591 00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,080 and a new panel here and here. 592 00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:42,040 Then came the engine. 593 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:44,720 They decided they didn't want to mess about 594 00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:48,600 and that they'd use a five-litre supercharged V8. 595 00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:50,160 But that wouldn't fit. 596 00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:53,400 So, to get it in, they had to cut away at the bulkhead. 597 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:55,120 And when it was in place, they thought, 598 00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:57,600 "Wait a minute. That's all a bit heavy. 599 00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:00,000 We need to save some weight at the front of the car." 600 00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:03,040 So, the bonnet, as you can see here, is carbon fibre. 601 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:05,000 And so are the front wings. 602 00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:07,040 And so is all this. 603 00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:13,120 (ENGINE ROARING) 604 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:17,400 Suspension? Oh, yes, that was changed as well. 605 00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:21,960 It now has Bilstein dampers that cost £1,000 each. 606 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:27,320 And rose joints. And ceramic wheel bearings. 607 00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,200 -Like you get on a race car. -(ENGINE GROWLS) 608 00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:37,400 On top of all that, the eight-speed gearbox also needed beefing up. 609 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:40,120 And so did the four-wheel drive system. 610 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:43,320 And then they had to get rid of the spare wheel 611 00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:45,600 and the well in which it sits 612 00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:49,800 to fit some under-floor aerodynamics. 613 00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:53,760 And when they added up the cost of all the work they'd done, there was a problem. 614 00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:56,680 In order to make any money at all, 615 00:29:56,720 --> 00:30:03,160 the Project 8 would have to cost £150,000. 616 00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:06,720 That's four times more than the standard car. 617 00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:08,320 Four! 618 00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:15,360 So, here's the question. 619 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:21,600 How mad would you have to be to spend £150,000... 620 00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:26,080 ...on a car that was designed and built in a glorified shed 621 00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:29,080 in the Midlands... in about 18 months? 622 00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:34,400 And the simple answer is... 623 00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:37,440 ...not mad at all, because this car... 624 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:40,480 is fan-bleeding-tastic! 625 00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:48,000 The engine may be ten years old, 626 00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:51,120 but it has a huge amount of character. 627 00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:56,520 And nigh on 600 horsepower! 628 00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:57,800 (ENGINE ROARING) 629 00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:01,640 That means 0 to 60 in 3.3 seconds... 630 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:06,040 ...and a top speed of 200. 631 00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:10,360 Even more impressive, 632 00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:15,320 ten minutes before the Nurburgring shut its doors for the winter... 633 00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:18,280 ...Jag's Project 8 engineers 634 00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:22,240 asked if they could have one last go round it... 635 00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:26,160 and they shattered the record for four-door saloons 636 00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:30,800 with a time of seven minutes, 21 seconds. 637 00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:34,360 That's blisteringly quick. 638 00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:45,760 I will say that if you've got the car manually hunkered down and it's in track mode, 639 00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:49,120 and the traction control is turned off, 640 00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:52,680 things can go a bit violent and bitey... 641 00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:56,800 ...if you go beyond the limit. 642 00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:00,520 (TYRES SCREECHING) 643 00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:06,480 Ugh. 644 00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:09,000 (TYRES SCREECHING) 645 00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,760 The answer is to stay within the limits 646 00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:14,840 and in this car... that's no hardship. 647 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:21,200 The grip from the four-wheel drive system 648 00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:24,960 and the wider track and the Michelin Cup tyres 649 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:27,720 absolutely wobbles your eyes. 650 00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:29,520 It's phenomenal. 651 00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:34,560 You can corner at speeds 652 00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:37,800 that you simply can't quite believe. 653 00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:39,600 I mean, that is... 654 00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:42,560 That was 140 kilometres through there. 655 00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:44,320 (TYRES SCREECHING) 656 00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:50,200 Look at that! That's just sheer grip. 657 00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:53,560 Actually peeled my skin, that did! 658 00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:56,640 -Oh. -(TYRES SCREECHING) 659 00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:09,080 I am a sucker for small, front-engined sports saloons. 660 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:12,880 I had a Mercedes CLK Black. 661 00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:15,720 And this is better than that. 662 00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:19,920 This is better than even the hottest BMW M3. 663 00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:25,080 You can whisper this, but I reckon it's even better 664 00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:27,480 than Alfa's Quadrifoglio. 665 00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:39,360 This is very good. 666 00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:43,280 Really, really good. 667 00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,520 But... is it a Jag? 668 00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:52,440 Well, you can have it with scaffolding in the back, 669 00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:55,560 but this one has two proper seats. 670 00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:58,160 And in here, it has enough space 671 00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:00,560 for a "borrowed" oil painting 672 00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:05,280 and all the kit that you need to go out at night... 673 00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:06,880 and "borrow" another one. 674 00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:09,720 So, yes, it is a Jag. 675 00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:11,680 It even says "prototype vehicle" on it, 676 00:34:11,720 --> 00:34:13,560 which means you don't have to pay any tax. 677 00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:15,800 Like my prototype watch and trousers. 678 00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:18,000 And this prototype camera we're using today. 679 00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:23,160 And there's more. 680 00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:28,360 At normal road speeds with the car in Comfort or even Dynamic mode, 681 00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:33,480 it's as quiet and as civilised as a Jag should be. 682 00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:37,440 It even has little springs sitting on top of the bigger springs 683 00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:40,360 to give you a more comfortable ride. 684 00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:42,280 But everything's relative, really. 685 00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:44,640 I mean, it's not as comfortable, say, 686 00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:49,160 as lying in a hammock on a summer's day, listening to wood pigeons. 687 00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:52,040 But it does have air conditioning 688 00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:53,880 and a head-up display and electric seats, 689 00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:58,000 so it is more comfortable than you'd expect. 690 00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:05,640 In fact, it's better than you'd expect in every way. 691 00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:09,400 And maybe we shouldn't be surprised by that, 692 00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:12,480 because the last time something was designed and built quickly, 693 00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:15,640 in a glorified shed, in the Midlands, 694 00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:18,160 it was called the Spitfire. 695 00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:20,880 And it won the Battle of Britain. 696 00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:22,920 (ENGINE ROARING) 697 00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:30,600 -(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) -The Battle of Britain... 698 00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:35,840 And three, two, one, cue James May. 699 00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:38,560 -Ready? -Hang on. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. 700 00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:41,200 -Hang on. The Spitfire? -Yes. 701 00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:43,640 It was the Hurricane that won the Battle of Britain. 702 00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:45,520 -Well, it just wasn't. -No, it just was. 703 00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:47,920 There were far more of them, it was easier to build, 704 00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:50,280 it was easier to repair, it was easier to fly. 705 00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:52,800 -It was. -But that's like saying that a Nissan Juke 706 00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:54,640 is better than a Lamborghini Aventador 707 00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:57,120 because it's easier to build and there are more of them. 708 00:35:57,160 --> 00:35:58,520 -No, it's not like that. -It is. 709 00:35:58,560 --> 00:35:59,840 The Hurricane was a much more stable 710 00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:01,440 gun platform in the hands of a novice. 711 00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:03,440 The Hurricane accounted for more enemy aircraft 712 00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:05,840 than all of our other air defences combined. 713 00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:06,840 It won. 714 00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:08,360 Yes, but the Spitfire, OK, 715 00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:10,320 the Spitfire looked glamorous. 716 00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:13,560 So you'd look up in the sky and then that improved morale on the ground, 717 00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:16,280 cos people were going, "Wow, look at that! We can't possibly lose this." 718 00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:18,600 Yes, but morale didn't shoot down enemy aircraft. 719 00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:20,120 Hurricanes did. That's simply a fact. 720 00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:22,080 But if a small boy's looking out the window, 721 00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:24,360 "Wow! Look, there's a Spitfire up there 722 00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:27,040 and I'm gonna join the RAF!" And that's what we needed. 723 00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:29,800 He didn't wanna fly a Hurricane cos it looked like a sad Basset Hound. 724 00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:31,640 No, it didn't. And anyway, the best... 725 00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:33,480 The best fighter aircraft of World War II 726 00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:35,280 was the Messerschmitt 109. Everybody knows that. 727 00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:37,160 -That didn't win the Battle of Britain! -Well, it... 728 00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:39,760 To be honest, nobody won the Battle of Britain. It was a draw. 729 00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:41,400 What? Where have you got that from? 730 00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:45,080 -It was a draw. -Chaps! Chaps! Chaps! 731 00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:48,080 Hate to make this whole thing sound like, I don't know... 732 00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:51,640 a car show, but can we get it back to the Jag a bit, please? 733 00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:53,880 Yes. I don't want to talk to him about aeroplanes. 734 00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:56,440 -Cos he's wrong. -OK, OK. Remember the Jag. 735 00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:58,280 -Yes. -Is it a mainstream car? 736 00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:00,360 No. No, if I'm honest, it isn't. 737 00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:01,760 They've only made 300 of them 738 00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:03,280 and they're all left-hand drive. 739 00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:05,640 So they went to all that time and trouble to develop it... 740 00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:07,600 -And expense. -...and now they're only building a handful 741 00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:09,640 and they've put the steering wheel on the wrong side? 742 00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:12,920 No, it is... it is very odd, but since I don't want to listen to him 743 00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:14,840 talking about Hurricanes any more, I do think 744 00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:18,400 we should find out how fast it goes round the Eboladrome. 745 00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:20,640 -(ENGINE ROARS) JEREMY: And she's off, 746 00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:23,440 in a cloud of V8 crackle and fury, 747 00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:25,880 and immediately onto the Isn't Straight. 748 00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:28,920 Twitchy with a change of line, 749 00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:30,680 but she's got it under control 750 00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:34,920 using every one of the 592 horsepowers. 751 00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:40,920 -(TYRES SQUEALING) -Bit of tyre squeal 752 00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:43,760 as she swings down into Your Name Here. 753 00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:47,520 Right, hard on the brakes down the eight-speed box. 754 00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:50,680 More tyre squeal from those super-sticky Michelins. 755 00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:53,560 And clearly they are working well. 756 00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:56,320 Right, back on the power now for the full-chat sprint. 757 00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:58,000 Down the Isn't. 758 00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:05,040 OK, more hard braking soon... 759 00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:09,080 ...for the flick into the tricky complex at Old Lady's House. 760 00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:11,800 Four-wheel drive keeping it clinging on. 761 00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:15,960 Now, spearing down the bumpy bit towards Substation. 762 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:17,640 (ENGINE GROWLING) 763 00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:19,760 -Good noise, that. -(TYRES SQUEALING) 764 00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:21,760 Oh, a lot of tyre squeal through there, 765 00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:24,560 but just Field Of Sheep to go. 766 00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:26,160 Pitches it into a drift. 767 00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:28,440 Nicely done. And across the line. 768 00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:31,440 -(APPLAUSE) -It looks good, that. It's got that dartyness. 769 00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:34,080 Looks like a race car. It rides like one. You can see it. 770 00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:36,360 It's extraordinary how well it drives on the road. 771 00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:38,000 Cos it's all a... Anyway... 772 00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:40,320 Uh...that's the top ten of our leader board. 773 00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:41,680 And there's the Jag 774 00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:43,320 waiting to see where it goes. 775 00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:45,960 Or does it indeed get onto that list at all? 776 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:47,560 Let's find out. Let's move it up. 777 00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:48,760 Does it? 778 00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:50,040 -Oh. RICHARD: Bloody hell. 779 00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:53,040 Hang on a minute. It's faster than a GT3 RS? 780 00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:54,640 Good God! 781 00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:57,080 That is a really properly good car, that. 782 00:38:57,120 --> 00:38:59,080 -Mm. -It is the Spitfire of cars. 783 00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:00,760 -Hurricane. -Don't... Leave it. 784 00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:03,160 Hold, hold. Leave it. Hold. Hold. 785 00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:04,800 Hold steady. 786 00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:06,320 And relax. 787 00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:07,640 And carry on. 788 00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:09,920 Tonight, we are finding out... Is this right? 789 00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:13,160 Tonight... we are finding out 790 00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:15,640 how the new breed of European pick-up trucks 791 00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:17,920 would fare in the developing world. 792 00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:21,640 And we've learned that the Volkswagen is the best of the lot. 793 00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:24,200 -No, we didn't learn that. -Well, we did. 794 00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:26,400 It was the fastest and it was the most powerful. 795 00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:28,640 Yeah, but that's not actually terribly relevant 796 00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:31,360 if you're in a country where there are more AK-47s than ambulances, is it? 797 00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:34,120 Yes, but whatever. OK? Whatever. 798 00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:37,160 So far, we've seen what happens when the peace ends 799 00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:40,160 and the dictator is toppled and chaos ensues. 800 00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:41,920 And now we pick up the story 801 00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:45,280 with what typically happens after that. 802 00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:48,120 (EXPLOSIVE BOOM) 803 00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:56,640 OK, here's the situation. 804 00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:58,160 There's a power vacuum now, 805 00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:00,440 foreign armies are pouring in and it's our job 806 00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:05,280 to get this fuel... to the nation's helicopter. 807 00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:07,520 And then the villagers can be strafed. 808 00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:10,760 -Really? -That's what happens. 809 00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:14,560 To that end, we have got to go from here 810 00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:16,680 to this forward operating base. 811 00:40:20,360 --> 00:40:22,840 And the first one there is the winner. 812 00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,160 That'll be me, then. 813 00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:26,680 JEREMY: Having saddled up, 814 00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:30,000 we waited for the sound to charge... 815 00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:32,160 (BLAST OF AIR HORN) 816 00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:33,800 ...and then, naturally, 817 00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:36,520 all set off in different directions. 818 00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:38,960 (REVVING) 819 00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:41,040 Yeah. Yeah. 820 00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:43,120 If I go through here... 821 00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:44,480 Oh, yeah! 822 00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:48,000 I am racing a pick-up truck off-road in Wales 823 00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:50,040 to refuel a helicopter. 824 00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:52,400 Oh, I am erect! 825 00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:57,080 Turn in and right. 826 00:40:57,120 --> 00:40:59,560 This test, if you think about it, 827 00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:02,560 it is rather pertinent that we are filming this in the UK, 828 00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:04,080 because in a couple of years 829 00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:06,520 when Brexit has really caught up with us, 830 00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:08,080 there will be a civil war 831 00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:11,920 and you will need pick-up trucks to survive. 832 00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:15,040 I think, if I can get through this gap in the wall, 833 00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:17,800 I save having to drive all the way round the end of it. 834 00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:19,880 -Here I come. -(STONES CLATTERING) 835 00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:22,360 (THUDDING AND CLATTERING) 836 00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:25,080 Oh-hoo! I have a compass. 837 00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:27,400 This is a piece of cake. 838 00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:31,520 Agh! Ohh! 839 00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:33,440 It can take some punishment, this thing. 840 00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:36,680 That's what you want. Utility. 841 00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:39,520 It's like Jack Reacher's trousers. 842 00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:44,760 They're just some trousers. This is just some pick-up. 843 00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:49,880 JEREMY: Sadly for me, the Amarok wasn't wearing Jack Reacher's trousers. 844 00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:52,000 (ENGINE ROARING) 845 00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:54,400 Come on! Climb! 846 00:41:57,640 --> 00:42:00,160 Climb, you stupid car! 847 00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:03,600 Right, I reckon, past here... 848 00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:08,320 -Ooh, hello! -Ah, Mr Hammond! 849 00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:10,400 Oh, we've ended up in the same place! 850 00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:12,120 Right, let's see what you got. Uphill. 851 00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:15,680 RICHARD: Come on. JEREMY: No! 852 00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:18,000 Why is his car doing this and I'm not? 853 00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:23,280 -Why is that possible? -(RICHARD LAUGHS) 854 00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:24,920 (ENGINE ROARING) 855 00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:26,480 Come on! 856 00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:29,840 It's not getting up that hill! Not in a million years! 857 00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:33,640 He's got better tyres. 858 00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:35,760 That's what that is all about. 859 00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:41,040 Whatever the issue, I had to find a flatter route. 860 00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:43,160 Come on, come on. 861 00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:46,200 I must win this. Must win. 862 00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:49,040 I don't think that this Amarok 863 00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:51,960 is really designed for freedom fighters 864 00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:54,120 in Africa and the Middle East. 865 00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:57,120 I think it's aimed more at surveyors in England. 866 00:42:57,160 --> 00:43:00,160 I mean, it's got a laptop charging point here 867 00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:01,640 and a leather steering wheel. 868 00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:04,960 I'm not sure you need that kind of thing in Mogadishu. 869 00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:10,960 I need to go west, west-southwest for a bit, 870 00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:13,160 but avoiding that clump of trees. 871 00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:17,400 What is this? 872 00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:24,320 Shrugs it off! 873 00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:28,760 It's Hammond! He's going completely the wrong way. 874 00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:30,320 Wrong way! 875 00:43:30,360 --> 00:43:32,760 James going the other way is a very comforting sight. 876 00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:35,360 It means you're going the right way. 877 00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:42,480 JEREMY: In the Amarok, I was still searching for another route. 878 00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:43,920 Right... Oh, hang on. 879 00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:47,600 I think I'm on a golf course. 880 00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:49,200 Which way do I go? 881 00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:54,280 Uh...maybe if I drove round faster I could work it out. 882 00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:56,720 (ENGINE ROARING) 883 00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:02,240 Yeah, it's this way. Here we go. 884 00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:04,600 All cleared up now. 885 00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:09,760 JAMES: Meanwhile, in the Mercedes, 886 00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:12,400 I was making excellent progress. 887 00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:15,600 I've got this fantastic 360-degree camera system in here, 888 00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:17,400 so when I'm doing a tricky bit like this, 889 00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:19,640 I can turn the knob and look down each side. 890 00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:22,480 I can look down the right wheel, down the left wheel, down the front. 891 00:44:25,720 --> 00:44:28,400 Absolutely no excuse for hitting anything. Easy. 892 00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:31,640 I haven't grounded out once doing this. 893 00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:33,320 (THUDDING) 894 00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:38,280 Um... 895 00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:41,320 Meanwhile, I'd just realised that for once in his life, 896 00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:44,480 James had actually been going in the right direction. 897 00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:46,760 OK, I am lost. 898 00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:48,840 I think it was that way. 899 00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:50,680 I'm gonna go this way. 900 00:44:50,720 --> 00:44:52,440 Right, let's see what you got. 901 00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:56,120 Come on. I cannot lose this race. 902 00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:03,360 -(THUDDING AND CLUNKING) -Ooh! 903 00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:07,160 Careful. A bit of a bump. 904 00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:11,160 JAMES: With the others far behind, 905 00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:15,000 I'd found a rough track that led to the forward operating base. 906 00:45:18,200 --> 00:45:20,040 Buffeting... 907 00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:23,400 Ohh, that's a big hole. Argh. 908 00:45:26,440 --> 00:45:30,600 RICHARD: And Jeremy and I were also heading in the right direction, 909 00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:33,560 on a route that was longer, but faster. 910 00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:37,800 Big one! 911 00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:40,880 (HE GROANS) 912 00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:43,360 This is cracking along, this thing! 913 00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:46,960 (BARRELS RATTLING) 914 00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:53,480 Yes! 915 00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:56,880 On the fast track, the Amarok was starting to come good. 916 00:45:58,960 --> 00:46:01,320 This is quick. Very quick. 917 00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:06,800 Even with 100 gallons of Avgas in the back. 918 00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:11,960 Whoa, hang on! 919 00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:15,840 JAMES: Even though the Merc was the only one with coil springs, 920 00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:18,520 life on the rough track was very uncomfortable. 921 00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:20,160 -(THUDDING) -Aargh! 922 00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:23,360 Bogs! 923 00:46:24,440 --> 00:46:25,760 Whoa! 924 00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:27,760 And then... 925 00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:30,680 Bollocks! 926 00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:35,360 That is a complete dead end. 927 00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:37,600 I've wasted my time. I'm gonna have to go back. 928 00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:41,960 I can't turn round there. Oh, God. 929 00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:44,960 Or there. 930 00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:47,360 This is losing me vital time. 931 00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:54,080 JEREMY: On the faster route, 932 00:46:54,120 --> 00:46:57,600 the powerful Amarok was starting to rein in the Ford. 933 00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:01,240 Right, Hammond, I'm coming to get you! 934 00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:05,800 He's toast! 935 00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:08,680 I don't think so, my friend! No way! 936 00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:14,920 -Come on, Amarok! RICHARD: Eeeeeeee! 937 00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:17,160 (HE CHUCKLES) 938 00:47:18,840 --> 00:47:20,960 JEREMY: Get in, get in! 939 00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:25,800 Kill him! I want the medal! I want to deliver the fuel! 940 00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:29,840 No way! You're not coming through! 941 00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:33,960 - Oh, no! Wooh-hoo! -Yeah, he's been crossed up! 942 00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:36,320 Come on, Jeremy! Get him, get him, get him! 943 00:47:37,360 --> 00:47:39,360 No! No! 944 00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:44,360 JEREMY: I'm now in the lead! 945 00:47:44,400 --> 00:47:46,200 I'm doing winning! 946 00:47:46,240 --> 00:47:47,960 RICHARD: No! 947 00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:49,160 Disaster! 948 00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:59,200 RICHARD: No! That's the compound! Damn it! 949 00:47:59,240 --> 00:48:04,280 There's the helicopter! And once again, the Amarok is victorious! 950 00:48:07,800 --> 00:48:09,960 (DRAMATIC OPERATIC MUSIC) 951 00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:18,360 (BARREL CLUNKS) 952 00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:20,640 Is that barrel gonna... 953 00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:22,840 (BOOMING EXPLOSION) 954 00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:36,280 What on earth? 955 00:48:36,320 --> 00:48:39,600 I'm probably not gonna get my freedom fighter badge now, am I, for that? 956 00:48:40,720 --> 00:48:43,240 -What happened? -Well, him! 957 00:48:43,280 --> 00:48:46,480 And any minute now he's gonna claim he won this one as well. 958 00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:48,760 -I did win it! -Oh, yeah, it looks it. 959 00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:50,280 That looks like success. 960 00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:52,240 We were told to deliver fuel! 961 00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:55,040 We weren't told to detonate the nation's helicopter! 962 00:48:55,080 --> 00:48:56,640 Look at it! 963 00:48:58,080 --> 00:49:00,000 JEREMY: What is the budget for our show? 964 00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:02,880 -Smaller than it was. -Yeah, not... not big enough. 965 00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:04,880 That's quite a... That's an expensive thing. 966 00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:06,360 -Yeah, helico... -Yeah, it's a helicopter. 967 00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:07,920 There are no cheap helicopters. 968 00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:10,520 Apart from that one now. 969 00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:13,440 It's beyond useless, isn't it? It's something else. 970 00:49:13,480 --> 00:49:15,920 -Oh, don't pat it. -It's a good truck! 971 00:49:15,960 --> 00:49:17,960 If you have to have a pick-up truck, 972 00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:19,640 at a time of strife in your country, 973 00:49:19,680 --> 00:49:22,120 this is proving to be the winner at everything. 974 00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:23,840 I may have prevented the war. 975 00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:25,560 JAMES: How have you prevented the war? 976 00:49:25,600 --> 00:49:27,680 -Well, because... -The helicopter was there to stop the war 977 00:49:27,720 --> 00:49:29,440 by strafing the uprising villagers. 978 00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:31,280 -And now it can't do that. -No. 979 00:49:31,320 --> 00:49:34,680 So now the whole thing is gonna descend into civil war and chaos. 980 00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:38,120 (GUNFIRE AND CHANTING) 981 00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:47,280 It is inevitable in the developing world 982 00:49:47,320 --> 00:49:49,240 that one day all pick-up trucks 983 00:49:49,280 --> 00:49:51,960 end up being used as gun platforms. 984 00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,560 -Yeah. It's their destiny. -To die on the battlefield. 985 00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:56,520 Yeah, every day you turn on the news 986 00:49:56,560 --> 00:49:59,680 and there's somebody standing in the back of a Toyota or a Nissan, 987 00:49:59,720 --> 00:50:03,360 shooting at someone in a Humvee or a Land Rover. 988 00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:08,160 And what we wanna know is how good will our European trucks be at that. 989 00:50:08,200 --> 00:50:11,720 Yeah. And most importantly, which one is best. 990 00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:14,680 JEREMY: To find out, each of our pick-ups would be driven 991 00:50:14,720 --> 00:50:17,840 through a ruined town by a freedom fighter... 992 00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:20,600 (CRUNCHING) 993 00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:24,720 ..whilst we stood on the back shooting at various targets. 994 00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:27,280 These included some big barn doors, 995 00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:29,160 a whole bus, 996 00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:31,960 and a selection of cardboard soldiers. 997 00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:34,920 James volunteered to go first, 998 00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:37,640 but there seemed to be a bit of a problem. 999 00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:41,760 Why haven't you s... Wh... Why haven't you set off? 1000 00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:44,080 Well, I'm just doing this small repair. 1001 00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:45,680 What are you repairing? 1002 00:50:45,720 --> 00:50:47,280 Well, when the barrels were in, 1003 00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:49,920 it slightly bowed out the sides, 1004 00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:53,320 and as a result of that, this won't stay shut... 1005 00:50:53,360 --> 00:50:55,160 ...which is a bit hazardous. 1006 00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:56,680 That looks shut, but you go over a bump 1007 00:50:56,720 --> 00:50:58,760 and that latch... See how that doesn't line up? 1008 00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:00,760 So you've misused your pick-up by using it as a pick-up? 1009 00:51:00,800 --> 00:51:02,960 No, I'm sorry, I... There's more to it than that. 1010 00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:05,720 This is supposed to be a Nissan and a Mercedes, 1011 00:51:05,760 --> 00:51:08,680 the world's most durable thing... 1012 00:51:08,720 --> 00:51:11,240 -Mm-hm? -...and it's got a flexible back end? 1013 00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:14,840 That's rubbish! That is actually, genuinely, rubbish. 1014 00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:18,320 JAMES: Whilst I secured the tailgate, 1015 00:51:18,360 --> 00:51:21,080 Jeremy loaded up my AK-47... 1016 00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:24,800 I'll put it down carefully in case I break your pick-up truck with it. 1017 00:51:24,840 --> 00:51:27,440 ...and then I was ready to deploy. 1018 00:51:29,320 --> 00:51:32,040 -You can go. -Ride out to glory! 1019 00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:34,680 -Look at him! The soldier of fortune! -(RICHARD LAUGHS) 1020 00:51:34,720 --> 00:51:36,480 JEREMY: Dogs of war! 1021 00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:38,720 RICHARD: The Spaniel of War is what it is! 1022 00:51:38,760 --> 00:51:40,160 (PANTING) 1023 00:51:41,920 --> 00:51:43,840 Oh, this is quite difficult. 1024 00:51:43,880 --> 00:51:47,480 Even though I've got the car with the most sophisticated suspension, 1025 00:51:47,520 --> 00:51:49,280 I've got a slightly slippery floor. 1026 00:51:49,320 --> 00:51:51,640 I'm looking for a barn door. 1027 00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:52,920 There it is. 1028 00:51:52,960 --> 00:51:55,120 (HE GROANS) 1029 00:51:57,680 --> 00:51:59,040 Argh. 1030 00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:01,240 They make this look a lot easier in Black Hawk Down. 1031 00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:05,560 There's the bus! Oof! 1032 00:52:08,080 --> 00:52:10,240 (RAPID GUNFIRE) 1033 00:52:10,280 --> 00:52:11,640 Oh, cock! 1034 00:52:11,680 --> 00:52:14,160 Having somehow managed to miss a whole bus, 1035 00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:17,120 I started to look for the cardboard soldiers. 1036 00:52:18,120 --> 00:52:20,200 Die, cardboard cut-out bast... 1037 00:52:20,240 --> 00:52:21,960 (HE GRUNTS) 1038 00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:24,000 (GUNFIRE) 1039 00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:27,360 More. Argh. 1040 00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:29,400 (GUNFIRE) 1041 00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:33,720 (HE GROANS) Ow! 1042 00:52:35,360 --> 00:52:38,000 Come on, barn door, I'm ready for ya! 1043 00:52:40,640 --> 00:52:43,360 Take this, barn door! 1044 00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:47,000 JEREMY: Rambo May had missed all the barn doors, 1045 00:52:47,040 --> 00:52:50,040 all of the bus and all of the soldiers. 1046 00:52:50,080 --> 00:52:52,480 So, with a score of zero to beat, 1047 00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:55,800 Arnold Hammondenegger was feeling very confident. 1048 00:52:57,040 --> 00:53:00,440 -Stand up. -I am standing up! 1049 00:53:00,480 --> 00:53:02,680 -(HE CHUCKLES) -Oh, he loves that. 1050 00:53:02,720 --> 00:53:05,640 -(GUNFIRE) -Ha! 1051 00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:07,560 -Ha-ha! -(GUNFIRE) 1052 00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:10,760 Welcome to Richard Hammond's usual weekend. 1053 00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:12,720 -(GUNFIRE) -Ha-ha! 1054 00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:15,120 Ooh, wait! Is that a barn door? 1055 00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:17,960 -(GUNFIRE) -Oh, a bush got in the way. 1056 00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:19,520 That's all that happened then. 1057 00:53:20,560 --> 00:53:22,720 Bus! Big target! 1058 00:53:24,120 --> 00:53:26,160 Oh, shit! I'm out of bullets. 1059 00:53:29,200 --> 00:53:31,800 Hold on. Ohh. 1060 00:53:35,320 --> 00:53:36,520 Bugger. 1061 00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:38,960 Oh, wait, targets! 1062 00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:42,280 Oh, I've jammed. 1063 00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:45,600 -(WEAPON CLICKING) -OK, all the baddies, stop. 1064 00:53:45,640 --> 00:53:47,520 -(CLICKING) -Hang on. 1065 00:53:47,560 --> 00:53:49,120 Oh, shit. 1066 00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:56,080 I've gotta try and make up for this now on the last target. Pinpoint shooting. 1067 00:53:56,120 --> 00:53:58,840 -Barn doors! Target acquired! -(GUNFIRE) 1068 00:53:58,880 --> 00:54:01,000 -(CLICKING) -Oh, no! No, not now! 1069 00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:04,680 I've jammed my gun. Oh, bollocks. 1070 00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:11,880 I had a bit of gun trouble, I'll not lie. 1071 00:54:11,920 --> 00:54:13,800 -Well, here's some more news. -Yes? 1072 00:54:13,840 --> 00:54:16,480 General Stonewall Clarkson has gone off to get ready, 1073 00:54:16,520 --> 00:54:18,000 but I suddenly remembered... 1074 00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:19,960 -Remember when we were in Jordan? -Yeah? 1075 00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:22,320 He can't fire automatic rifles. 1076 00:54:22,360 --> 00:54:23,520 -No. -Do you remember? 1077 00:54:23,560 --> 00:54:25,080 -Cos he's... -Because... It's... 1078 00:54:25,120 --> 00:54:26,600 -He's crossed over, isn't he? -Yeah. 1079 00:54:26,640 --> 00:54:28,960 He's right-handed, but left-eyed. 1080 00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:30,960 -Yeah, so he shoots... -He shoots from his left side. 1081 00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:32,360 Exactly. He's diagonal. 1082 00:54:32,400 --> 00:54:35,200 Which means all the spent cartridges burn his arm. 1083 00:54:35,240 --> 00:54:37,520 -Exactly. -Well, he'll be using a pistol, won't he? 1084 00:54:37,560 --> 00:54:40,240 -He always uses a pistol. -Yes. 1085 00:54:40,280 --> 00:54:43,000 JEREMY: Actually, I wasn't using a pistol. 1086 00:54:43,040 --> 00:54:45,200 (LAUGHS MANIACALLY) 1087 00:54:45,240 --> 00:54:47,000 That's what I've got! 1088 00:54:47,040 --> 00:54:48,560 A .50 cal! 1089 00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:50,560 -Lock and load! -(CLICKING) 1090 00:54:50,600 --> 00:54:51,720 Yes! 1091 00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:55,400 Barn door, barn door, coming into view! 1092 00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:57,800 (RAPID GUNFIRE) 1093 00:55:02,640 --> 00:55:05,200 Oh! Argh! I may have... I've missed... What? 1094 00:55:05,240 --> 00:55:07,960 Yeah, I've missed the door, uh...there, badly. 1095 00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:10,280 Searching for targets. 1096 00:55:10,320 --> 00:55:11,960 There's a bus round here somewhere. 1097 00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:13,760 -There it is. -(GUN STAND SQUEAKS) 1098 00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:15,960 Ah, I can't get on it. I can't get on it. 1099 00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:18,520 I can't get on the bus! Opening fire! 1100 00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:22,080 -(EXPLOSIVE BOOM) -Oh! 1101 00:55:22,120 --> 00:55:25,280 Ah, I think I hit that... Ah, I've done that wrong! 1102 00:55:25,320 --> 00:55:28,120 Men on the bridge! Lock and load! I said it again! 1103 00:55:28,160 --> 00:55:30,120 Die! 1104 00:55:30,160 --> 00:55:32,160 (SLOWED-DOWN GUNFIRE) 1105 00:55:48,760 --> 00:55:52,240 I may be... I'm getting a bit... It's the leaf springs. 1106 00:55:52,280 --> 00:55:55,240 Bad mark for Volkswagen there, this jigglyness. 1107 00:55:55,280 --> 00:55:57,560 Right, here we go. Men. 1108 00:55:57,600 --> 00:55:59,560 Die! 1109 00:56:02,000 --> 00:56:03,760 Die! 1110 00:56:03,800 --> 00:56:07,240 -(EXPLOSION) -Oh, God. 1111 00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:10,000 After this, I got a bit carried away. 1112 00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:12,840 (GUNFIRE) 1113 00:56:12,880 --> 00:56:15,200 (BULLET RICOCHETS) 1114 00:56:15,240 --> 00:56:16,360 Die! 1115 00:56:16,400 --> 00:56:18,400 (RAPID GUNFIRE CONTINUES) 1116 00:56:19,880 --> 00:56:21,320 (BELL DINGS) 1117 00:56:23,280 --> 00:56:24,640 Up! Oh, God. 1118 00:56:24,680 --> 00:56:27,360 I'm gonna be in trouble for that one. 1119 00:56:27,400 --> 00:56:30,240 I've done that very wrong there, look. 1120 00:56:30,280 --> 00:56:34,160 I've just noticed something. It's got sights! 1121 00:56:34,200 --> 00:56:36,440 It's not just guesswork. That's useful. 1122 00:56:37,560 --> 00:56:40,760 Right, barn door. Here we go. 1123 00:56:40,800 --> 00:56:43,200 (RAPID GUNFIRE) 1124 00:56:57,240 --> 00:56:59,240 (RAPID GUNFIRE STOPS) 1125 00:56:59,280 --> 00:57:01,760 (CLATTERING) 1126 00:57:03,480 --> 00:57:05,680 (METAL GROANING) 1127 00:57:05,720 --> 00:57:07,200 (FRAME CREAKING) 1128 00:57:07,240 --> 00:57:08,920 (CLATTERING) 1129 00:57:11,280 --> 00:57:12,920 Yes! 1130 00:57:12,960 --> 00:57:14,360 -What? -Another victory! 1131 00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:16,000 How do you work that out? 1132 00:57:16,040 --> 00:57:17,600 I hate to tell you this, 1133 00:57:17,640 --> 00:57:19,120 but you haven't hit the doors, which was the target. 1134 00:57:19,160 --> 00:57:20,920 How do you know I haven't hit the doors? 1135 00:57:20,960 --> 00:57:23,360 -Because there's no... -(CLATTERING) 1136 00:57:28,520 --> 00:57:31,440 Well, on that terrible disappointment for him... 1137 00:57:31,480 --> 00:57:33,600 time to go back to the tent. 1138 00:57:33,640 --> 00:57:35,640 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 1139 00:57:37,200 --> 00:57:38,960 No! No, no, no! 1140 00:57:40,040 --> 00:57:42,240 Don't... Don't clap! Don't clap! 1141 00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:43,760 He killed a man! 1142 00:57:43,800 --> 00:57:46,240 -(LAUGHTER) -You jammed an AK-47! 1143 00:57:46,280 --> 00:57:48,160 -Well... -It's famously un-jammable! 1144 00:57:48,200 --> 00:57:51,000 No one in history has ever jammed one till you came along! 1145 00:57:51,040 --> 00:57:52,600 Yes, it overheated! 1146 00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:55,000 That's cos you were firing it into the air 1147 00:57:55,040 --> 00:57:57,120 pointlessly when you set off! 1148 00:57:57,160 --> 00:57:58,600 That's what they're for! 1149 00:57:58,640 --> 00:58:00,800 Weddings, funerals, exam results - 1150 00:58:00,840 --> 00:58:03,000 you go outside, fire your AK in the air! 1151 00:58:03,040 --> 00:58:04,640 It's a joyous thing! 1152 00:58:04,680 --> 00:58:07,200 They are the party popper of the developing world! 1153 00:58:07,240 --> 00:58:08,680 (LAUGHTER) 1154 00:58:09,920 --> 00:58:11,880 Never mind all that. 1155 00:58:11,920 --> 00:58:14,360 -I have the scores. The final scores. -This is the important bit. 1156 00:58:14,400 --> 00:58:18,040 Jeremy Clarkson, you fired 2,600 rounds. 1157 00:58:18,080 --> 00:58:19,320 Mm-hm. 1158 00:58:19,360 --> 00:58:22,760 And the number of targets you hit...was one. 1159 00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:24,400 (LAUGHTER) 1160 00:58:24,440 --> 00:58:26,920 You laugh, but it's one more than him! 1161 00:58:26,960 --> 00:58:29,440 -Uh...it is. -It is one more than you, so I'm winning! 1162 00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:32,520 Wait, so hang on, it all boils down to how many targets I hit. 1163 00:58:32,560 --> 00:58:34,960 -Yes, but you had a roll bar to hang onto. -I did. 1164 00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:36,680 Yeah, he did. And he scored... 1165 00:58:36,720 --> 00:58:38,040 Yes? 1166 00:58:38,080 --> 00:58:39,320 ..nought. 1167 00:58:39,360 --> 00:58:41,040 -(LAUGHTER) -He really got nothing? 1168 00:58:41,080 --> 00:58:43,120 -Yep. -OK, so after all of that, 1169 00:58:43,160 --> 00:58:45,080 what is our conclusion, gentlemen? 1170 00:58:45,120 --> 00:58:46,960 -Can we do a sensible one? -Yeah. 1171 00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:49,080 See, the thing is, that Mercedes Nissan you had, 1172 00:58:49,120 --> 00:58:50,760 it did have a wobbly back end, 1173 00:58:50,800 --> 00:58:52,640 and I just don't think that's good enough, actually, 1174 00:58:52,680 --> 00:58:54,240 in a pick-up truck, I really don't. 1175 00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:56,360 The Volkswagen is very good, 1176 00:58:56,400 --> 00:58:59,920 but pick-up trucks are working tools, and it's just a bit too posh. 1177 00:58:59,960 --> 00:59:03,160 You wouldn't want to get into it in muddy boots. I don't think that will work. 1178 00:59:03,200 --> 00:59:05,000 So, it's the Ford, then? It's the cheapest. 1179 00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:07,400 It is the cheapest. And it's, I think, the best-looking. 1180 00:59:07,440 --> 00:59:09,280 And it is actually the one I'd have. 1181 00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:10,920 -You'd have the Ford? -Yeah. 1182 00:59:10,960 --> 00:59:12,640 -And you'd have the Ford? -We'd both have the Ford. 1183 00:59:12,680 --> 00:59:14,240 James, what would you have? 1184 00:59:14,280 --> 00:59:16,200 I wouldn't have a pick-up truck. 1185 00:59:16,240 --> 00:59:18,520 -(LAUGHTER) -Yes, I know, but in this test 1186 00:59:18,560 --> 00:59:20,280 of pick-up trucks, which one would you have? 1187 00:59:20,320 --> 00:59:22,080 None of them. I wouldn't have one. 1188 00:59:22,120 --> 00:59:24,000 Yeah, I know! But we're testing pick-ups, 1189 00:59:24,040 --> 00:59:26,560 so which pick-up truck of the three would you have? 1190 00:59:26,600 --> 00:59:28,920 I wouldn't have a pick-up truck. 1191 00:59:28,960 --> 00:59:31,240 You've just spent 20 minutes reviewing these pick-up trucks. 1192 00:59:31,280 --> 00:59:34,280 The ladies and gentlemen would like to know which is the best? 1193 00:59:34,320 --> 00:59:36,720 I've come to a conclusion, on behalf of the ladies and gentlemen, 1194 00:59:36,760 --> 00:59:38,560 which is don't have a pick-up truck. 1195 00:59:38,600 --> 00:59:41,200 James! You have a powerful imagination! 1196 00:59:41,240 --> 00:59:43,040 Use it! Let's pretend! 1197 00:59:43,080 --> 00:59:44,560 OK, come with me on a journey. 1198 00:59:44,600 --> 00:59:46,720 We'll warm your imagination up. 1199 00:59:46,760 --> 00:59:49,680 -Imagine you're an eagle. -OK. 1200 00:59:49,720 --> 00:59:51,840 Visualise that you're flying over mountains. 1201 00:59:51,880 --> 00:59:54,280 Can you feel it? Can you feel the wind in your feathers? 1202 00:59:54,320 --> 00:59:55,880 -Mmm. -It's beautiful, isn't it? 1203 00:59:55,920 --> 00:59:59,120 -Yeah. -OK, now imagine you've got a pick-up truck. 1204 00:59:59,160 --> 01:00:01,480 -Which one is it? -Why would an eagle have a pick-up truck? 1205 01:00:01,520 --> 01:00:03,600 -(LAUGHTER) -No! No! 1206 01:00:03,640 --> 01:00:05,520 I mean, imagine... OK, let's try... 1207 01:00:05,560 --> 01:00:09,600 OK, imagine, James May, a pastoral scene. Have you got it? 1208 01:00:09,640 --> 01:00:12,040 There's, like, rolling, grassy hills, 1209 01:00:12,080 --> 01:00:13,720 a few sheep around - you're a farmer. 1210 01:00:13,760 --> 01:00:15,160 You're walking round with your dog 1211 01:00:15,200 --> 01:00:17,040 at your heel there, sheep all around you. 1212 01:00:17,080 --> 01:00:18,400 Can I have Beethoven playing? 1213 01:00:18,440 --> 01:00:20,760 Beethoven is playing, obviously, live. 1214 01:00:20,800 --> 01:00:23,720 There's an old five-bar gate there. 1215 01:00:23,760 --> 01:00:25,920 An old oak tree arches over the gate. 1216 01:00:25,960 --> 01:00:28,520 And under the oak tree is your farmer's pick-up truck. 1217 01:00:28,560 --> 01:00:31,280 -Which one is it? -It's not there. 1218 01:00:31,320 --> 01:00:33,760 I wouldn't have it, because I wouldn't have a pick-up truck. 1219 01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:35,800 Neither should anybody else. You shouldn't have one. 1220 01:00:35,840 --> 01:00:37,320 Even in your imagination... 1221 01:00:37,360 --> 01:00:39,600 My imagination does not admit a pick-up truck. 1222 01:00:39,640 --> 01:00:41,800 -I'm not being stubborn. I know my mind. -Yes. 1223 01:00:41,840 --> 01:00:43,640 And I don't want a pick-up truck. 1224 01:00:43,680 --> 01:00:47,240 What I know is that you've wasted so much time 1225 01:00:47,280 --> 01:00:48,840 not choosing a pick-up truck, 1226 01:00:48,880 --> 01:00:51,200 and claiming that the Battle of Britain was a draw, 1227 01:00:51,240 --> 01:00:54,440 that we don't have time for the big celebrity duel 1228 01:00:54,480 --> 01:00:58,520 between...Adrian Chiles and Howard from the Halifax ads. 1229 01:00:58,560 --> 01:01:00,960 -Oh, no! -Exactly! 1230 01:01:01,000 --> 01:01:03,560 And on that terrible disappointment, we must end. 1231 01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:05,680 Thank you so much for watching. Good night! 1232 01:01:05,720 --> 01:01:07,720 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)