1 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:06,480 (ENGINE REVVING) 2 00:00:06,520 --> 00:00:08,520 (TRAIN WHISTLE BLASTS) 3 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,000 (CHEERING) 4 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:58,200 Thank you so much, thank you. 5 00:00:58,240 --> 00:00:59,880 Hello and welcome. 6 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:01,600 -(CHEERING) -Thank you. 7 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:03,440 Thank you. 8 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:07,880 Hello and welcome to what is a Grand Tour special. 9 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:09,920 Yep, and it's gonna be a big one, 10 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,200 because we've had a request from Amazon. 11 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:15,040 You know how if you're watching a programme and you pause it, 12 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:17,680 you get to see a selection of beautiful landscape photographs 13 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:19,200 from all around the world? 14 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:21,200 Yeah, well, we've been asked to come up with 15 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:24,360 some new photographs of wild animals. 16 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,360 Yeah, us three, wildlife photographers. 17 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:28,360 What could possibly go wrong with that? 18 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,520 -(LAUGHTER) -It's such an obvious idea, 19 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:33,080 I don't know why we never thought of it before. 20 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:37,480 But, anyway, we decided that obviously we'd need the right gear and the right cars, 21 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:40,240 and then we should meet up with all of that 22 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:44,920 in the most ecologically diverse country on Earth... 23 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:46,840 Colombia. 24 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:59,280 JEREMY: Colombia is nature's treasure chest. 25 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:05,720 Its endless soaring peaks, vast forests, 26 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:08,680 lazy rivers and babbling brooks 27 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:12,240 are home to a greater variety of birds and animals 28 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:15,160 than you'll find anywhere else on Earth. 29 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:23,280 Of course, common sense dictated that to get our pictures, 30 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:26,440 we should meet far from the stain of humanity. 31 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:34,040 But for some extraordinary reason, 32 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,440 Richard Hammond decided that the start point 33 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,440 should be in the middle of the night... 34 00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:43,000 close to the bustling city of Cartagena... 35 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,160 on a tropical beach. 36 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:57,520 (BRAKES SQUEAK SOFTLY) 37 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,080 JAMES: Morning. JEREMY: Morning. 38 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:05,000 Why did he say meet on a beach 39 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:07,800 and why...actually, why did we listen to him? 40 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:12,040 JEREMY: Where is he? Hammond? 41 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,720 JAMES: It's four o'clock, for Pete's sake. 42 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,960 -Uh, is that a Fiat Panda? -Fiat Panda 4x4! 43 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,280 JEREMY: It's terrible. -It's fantastic. 44 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:22,800 JEREMY: No, that's fantastic. 45 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,600 Look at that. That is a sturdy car, that is. 46 00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:28,320 JAMES: Isn't that a very popular car with the gay community? 47 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:29,600 JEREMY: Is it? 48 00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:31,200 JAMES: There was a thing in America 49 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:34,560 where they had the top ten... top ten LGBT cars. 50 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,320 And that came third or something. 51 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:40,680 JEREMY: What, Lesbian, Bacon... No, what is it? 52 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,680 -Lesbian, Bacon, Transgender... -Lesbian... 53 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,560 (HISSING) 54 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,720 JEREMY: What's that? Well, that was a... 55 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:49,240 Wasn't that a distress flare? 56 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:52,640 JAMES: Well, a red one is a distress, isn't it? 57 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:55,080 JEREMY: What's that? -Hang on, is that...? 58 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,680 Is there a person on t...? There's somebody on it. 59 00:03:57,720 --> 00:03:59,960 JEREMY: Hello? Hello! 60 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,120 RICHARD: Hello! JAMES: It's Hammond. 61 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:04,360 JEREMY: That is Hammond. -Hammond! 62 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,160 -Hammond! -Hello! Here I am! 63 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:08,440 -Is that you? -Are you OK? 64 00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:11,040 RICHARD: Yes. Some help would be good! 65 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,920 Is that your car? 66 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:16,520 -Yes. This is my car! -It's his car. 67 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,320 (BIRDCALLS) 68 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,360 JEREMY: As the sun began to rise, 69 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:23,160 we asked Hammond to come ashore 70 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:26,200 so we could work out what on Earth was going on. 71 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:29,640 Quite a lot of explaining here. 72 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:31,920 -A lot of unpacking. -Morning. 73 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,560 Yeah, good morning. 74 00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:36,200 Well, where do we begin? Why is your car out there? 75 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:39,240 Well, because that's where the boat dropped me off. 76 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,720 -What boat? -Well, I shipped it from North America. 77 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:43,520 -Yeah. -They got to here, wrapped it in polythene, 78 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,800 lobbed it over the side, me with it. That's how they do it. 79 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:50,120 I think, I reckon, there's a lot of trade between the two. 80 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:51,480 There's bound to be, isn't there? 81 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:52,920 What, so you're saying, what, 82 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,880 that Colombia's exporting something to America? 83 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,520 Yes, exactly. I think there's more... 84 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,360 -And then the ships are coming back empty? -Precisely. 85 00:04:58,360 --> 00:04:59,800 I think there's more of whatever it is 86 00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:01,720 going to North America, so they go out full. 87 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,360 Then they come back so you can get a much cheaper ride. 88 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:06,800 -Cost peanuts. -Hold that. 89 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:09,560 What are they shipping? 90 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,680 JAMES: Well, what does Colombia produce? 91 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:14,640 JEREMY: I've got it here. The main agricultural products of Colombia 92 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:18,120 are coffee, cut flowers, bananas, rice, tobacco, 93 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,920 forest products - whatever they are - and shrimp. 94 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,800 I bet it's shrimp. 95 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:24,240 Yeah, but we were wondering why they don't 96 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,080 drop you off, for example, in a port. 97 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:27,760 I know. They just, they don't use it. 98 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:30,080 That's how they... It all seemed perfectly normal to them. 99 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:31,920 Wrap it in polythene, throw it over the side. 100 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,920 -And threw you over the side as well. -Yeah. Yeah. 101 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,000 What's it say on that? Global Auto...? 102 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,240 RICHARD: Yeah, GAK. Global Auto Kings. 103 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:40,880 They're... That's what they said was the company. 104 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:42,560 Problem we've got is... 105 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:45,640 how are you gonna get your car from there to here? 106 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,480 I was rather hoping that'd be we'd do that. 107 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:49,440 No, no, if you listen carefully, 108 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:52,240 he said how you're going to get your car from there to here. 109 00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:54,720 "You" singular. Just you, meaning you. 110 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:56,560 -W... -No, he didn't say "us". 111 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,720 You made us get up at four o'clock... 112 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:01,160 JEREMY: Eventually, though, James relented 113 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,600 and agreed to pull Hammond's car ashore. 114 00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:08,360 Right, go, May. Go, go, go! Give it a yank. 115 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,560 (ENGINE REVVING) 116 00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:15,680 James, what is that? I mean... 117 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:18,200 It's got 49 horsepower. It's gonna ruin it. Get the Jeep. 118 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:21,120 Can we find a small dog instead to tow it? 119 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:22,800 -Get the Jeep. -Get the what? 120 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,920 -This... -What have you got? 121 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:27,000 JEREMY: A Jeep. It's there. 122 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:30,400 Well, bring that over! 123 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:32,920 When I returned in the LGB Jeep, 124 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:36,080 Hammond thanked me - by taking the mickey. 125 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:39,040 That's very nice, by the way. 126 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:41,440 -Well done. I'm proud of you. -Why are you proud of me? 127 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:44,280 You've done well. That is a hard thing to do and you've done it. 128 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,080 You are gonna be so much happier. 129 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:49,440 Would you like me to help you get your car... 130 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:50,960 -I would, I would. -...out of the sea? 131 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,640 -Shut up, then. -OK. 132 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:55,640 I thought you might be nicer now it's all out in the open. 133 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:57,520 We hitched up the rope 134 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:01,640 and then waited for the right wave to help us along. 135 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:03,720 Go...now. 136 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:09,040 -Yes! -(rope snapping) 137 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,760 No, not at all good. Whoa! 138 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:16,360 JEREMY: I then realised that we were doing this all wrong. 139 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,320 That is presumably a pick-up truck. 140 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,080 -Yes? -Yes, you've guessed. 141 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:21,800 And four-wheel drive, yes? Right. 142 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:25,360 Why don't you go out there, cut away the polythene bag, 143 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:28,120 and drive it out using the engine? 144 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,880 It's a good idea. Cos what you don't do when you drive a car 145 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:32,640 is use the engine in someone else's car. 146 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:35,280 -You use the one in your own car. -Yes. 147 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:39,240 So, while Hammond unwrapped his car... 148 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:43,640 James and I turned our attention to his Fiat Panda. 149 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,680 I bought it from an English family 150 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:48,320 who had bought a house in Tuscany. 151 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:50,440 And this... Pepe. 152 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,640 -(JEREMY LAUGHS) -Pepe the Panda. 153 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:54,680 -And they loved it. -Do you kn... 154 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:56,960 I know everything about this family. 155 00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:00,160 This has been used for picking their friends up from Pisa airport. 156 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:01,840 Oh, undoubtedly. 157 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:04,000 And their friends are... the editor of the Guardian... 158 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:05,920 -Yes. -...Tony Blair... 159 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:07,560 -Cherie Blair. -Sting. 160 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:11,640 -Alan Yentob. -Yes. 161 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:14,320 Every single lightweight socialist 162 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:17,160 in Britain has been in this car. 163 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:19,880 -I bet they made their own olive oil as well. -(JEREMY LAUGHS) 164 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:21,800 Oh, they were socialists, really. 165 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:24,720 As they are sitting with their Prosecco and really care. 166 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:26,880 "We're raising awareness." "Raising awareness" means, 167 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:28,480 "I'm doing absolutely nothing at all." 168 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:30,640 I'll bet they had a little man in the village... 169 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:32,760 JAMES: As the Pet Shop Boy ranted on, 170 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:36,080 Hammond finally finished unwrapping his pick-up truck. 171 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:40,280 -Unfortunately, though... -(ENGINE TURNS OVER) 172 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,280 -...it wouldn't start. -(ENGINE STOPS) 173 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:44,240 (ENGINE STARTS AND STOPS) 174 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:46,760 -(SYSTEM BEEP) -No. 175 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,520 So, after getting brained by the waves for a while, 176 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,640 he waded ashore again and came up with a hare-brained scheme 177 00:08:56,720 --> 00:09:01,040 where the Fiat would be an anchor and the Jeep a tug. 178 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,440 Right, parking brake is off and I am in neutral. 179 00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:08,600 Right. You're ready. Uh...good, I am as well. 180 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,240 I'm taking up the slack. 181 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:11,880 (ENGINES IDLING) 182 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:15,080 -Here we go. -That's looking good. 183 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:18,640 No, no. 184 00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:21,760 Clarkson, you're pulling me into the sea! Clarkson! 185 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:24,760 Stop! Stop! 186 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,360 Why are you there? 187 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,960 You've pulled me in the sea, you muppet! 188 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:33,200 -(VIDEO BREAKS UP) -Oh, shit... 189 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,520 JAMES: Thanks to Hammond's stupid idea, 190 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:39,120 the cameras in my car were completely ruined. 191 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:45,200 So we ordered a taxi, sent him into town to get a proper tow truck... 192 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:48,520 ...and when he returned, he asked Jeremy of all people 193 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,760 to operate its winch. 194 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:53,760 -(WHIRRING) JEREMY: Are you moving? 195 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,880 Yes! Yes, I am! 196 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,160 You see, you mock people who like winching and stuff, 197 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,040 but don't tell me you're not enjoying this. 198 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,600 It is incredible how much power you can get 199 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:05,720 out of a little tiny electric winch. When you think... 200 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:07,040 Is he having some sort of winch fantasy? 201 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:08,840 I've turned him off. 202 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:12,760 I'm just sitting here making sure that LED doesn't go red, 203 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:14,760 in which case the winch is overheating. 204 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:17,160 Which he seems to think is incredibly exciting. 205 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,760 Jeremy? You need to stop, you're gonna pull me into the... the shelter. 206 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:25,000 The only thing is...though we have done well, actually, 207 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:26,880 is these three cars we've got. 208 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,120 Because...they're all designed to go off road 209 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:31,880 and yet they couldn't be more different. 210 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,520 Jeremy, you're pulling me through the building! 211 00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:38,960 That is true, it is, it's a good trio of cars. 212 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,640 RICHARD: W... No! 213 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,760 You've got mine, which is bought by people who like 214 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,880 cruising the streets of San Francisco, Key West, 215 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:46,720 Brighton and Sydney. 216 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:48,880 And then yours, which is bought by people... 217 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,760 -Jeremy! Stop! -...who wanna feel better about themselves. 218 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,400 So if you have your second home 219 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,320 whilst people in the world are homeless and starving, 220 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:58,280 -it's OK as long as you have a small Fiat. -(THUD) 221 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:01,000 JEREMY: Oh, shit. Hammond, you moron! 222 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:02,920 Well, I couldn't do anything! I've got no steering. 223 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,480 -Why didn't you tell us? -I was yelling on the radio! 224 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:07,120 You pulled me through a building. 225 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:08,920 This family has loved this car since 1991 226 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,680 and you turn up from bloody Wales or North America, 227 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,120 or wherever it is you've been, 228 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:14,480 and you've already ruined it. 229 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:17,240 Listen, it's been a bit of a cluster thing. 230 00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:18,520 We need to work it all out. 231 00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:20,800 We need communications properly organised. 232 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:22,320 -What is that? That. -You need a-- 233 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:24,520 It's my ladder. Ah. 234 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:27,960 You've bought something you can't get into or out of without a ladder? 235 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,320 Well, it's very high up. 236 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:32,960 Hammond, that's the worst thing I've ever seen. 237 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,400 It's brilliant. Look at it. 238 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,880 That was like the best Christmas I've ever had, 239 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:38,320 unwrapping it out at sea. 240 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:39,760 I was, "Ooh-hoo, can't wait!" 241 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,240 And then I saw a little bit of a flame. Ah! 242 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:45,600 And what is that? A skull-faced fox abomination? 243 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:47,440 -Look at it. -That is inspiration. 244 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,240 It's already got nature pictures on it. 245 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:51,840 It's brilliant. Doesn't that cheer you up a bit? 246 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:53,640 -No, it doesn't cheer me up. -Yes, it does. 247 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,160 It makes you feel happy. 248 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,160 JAMES: So far, Hammond's pick-up 249 00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:58,600 had wrecked everything on the beach 250 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:00,760 and all my cameras 251 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,920 and cost us ten hours. 252 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,120 So we told him to shut up - again - 253 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:06,280 and get it working. 254 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:07,960 (RICHARD GRUNTS) 255 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,720 -And once he'd done that... -(ENGINE STARTS) 256 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,240 Yeah! 257 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:18,120 ..we headed into Cartagena to buy some cameras. 258 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,920 (SONG IN SPANISH) 259 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:35,400 Right, this Jeep Wrangler Hard-tail cost £8,000 260 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:39,000 and absolutely everything on it works. 261 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:42,960 And...with my Hercule Poirot hat on, 262 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,960 I would say that this car was originally sold in Japan, 263 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,000 because the television, CD, satnav system here 264 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:52,440 is all in Japanese, which means I can't work it. 265 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,200 And then you've got little stickers all over everywhere. 266 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:59,920 This one says - look, "Hysteric Glamour" and "CDC Rockers". 267 00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:02,960 That's a very Japanese-y thing to do. 268 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:07,280 So, this was built in Ohio, shipped to...Japan, 269 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,600 exported to England, and then I've shipped it to Colombia. 270 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:13,960 This, then, has done 120,000 miles on the road 271 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:17,160 but about twice that on ships. 272 00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,120 I think it's gonna be ideal, though, 273 00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:24,640 for wildlife photography, 274 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:26,800 because it's four-wheel drive, it's a Jeep. 275 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:30,040 So I could use it to track a snow leopard. 276 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,080 It's got a 4-litre straight 6, 277 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,520 so I could keep up with a diving eagle. 278 00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:36,840 And, of course, no roof, fold-down windscreen, 279 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:41,360 so a 360-degree field of fire for my camera. 280 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,400 (ENGINE HUMMING) 281 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:56,040 (CHUCKLES) Let me fill you in a bit on my 1998 Chevy C/K Silverado. 282 00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:58,120 It's a full-size American pick-up 283 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:00,440 that's been made a bit bigger with a lift kit 284 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,520 and modifications that I'll tell you about later. 285 00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:08,240 Most importantly, it's got a proper big, old 7.4-litre V8 up front 286 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:09,880 in a very lazy state of tune, 287 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:12,520 just churning out huge gobbets of grunt. 288 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:16,920 I have four-wheel drive - high and low ratios. 289 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:21,080 That and this massive lift kit, I can go anywhere. 290 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:24,560 Probably most wildlife photographers use things like this, anyway. 291 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:27,240 You don't see it, you know, on the telly with Attenborough and stuff, 292 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:28,800 cos, well, this is behind the scenes. 293 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:30,320 This is how they get there. 294 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,600 (SONG IN SPANISH) 295 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:39,920 Now we're alone, viewers, let me tell you a little bit about my car. 296 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,640 I know some of you are thinking, "Oh, that's just a Fiat Panda," 297 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:44,320 and "They're in South America. 298 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,400 They're bound to be going over difficult terrain." 299 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,680 Yes, yes, yes. But let me tell you this. 300 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,000 What you need for serious off-roading 301 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:52,880 is smallness and lightness. 302 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,360 That's what I've got. This is a tiny car. 303 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,880 It weighs 780 kilograms. 304 00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:02,720 A quarter of what Hammond's stupid monster truck weighs. 305 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:05,800 It has a four-wheel drive system made in Austria, 306 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,360 very dependable. 307 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:08,920 Does have inclinometers on it, 308 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,080 so that I can see when I'm about to fall over. 309 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,320 And it's perfect. It all works. 310 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:16,760 The fan, the cooling system, all the instruments. 311 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:18,200 It's all perfect. 312 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:21,440 JAMES: But then... 313 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:24,560 My indicators have just packed up so, you know, 314 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,520 there will be no indications. 315 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:28,920 Problems with Italian electrics? 316 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:32,160 I know, it's unheard of. 317 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,960 The lift kit added to this car by the previous owner 318 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:39,920 has not improved the steering or handling or ride. 319 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:43,480 What's it like being tall? 320 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:45,400 (RICHARD LAUGHS) 321 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:47,840 Bless him, he's all exuberant. 322 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,920 Finally, he can be himself, and good for him. 323 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:55,240 JEREMY: Soon we arrived at the really rather beautiful 324 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:58,000 walled city of Cartagena. 325 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,920 Which was bad news for the not-at-all beautiful Trump truck. 326 00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:04,640 Oh, wait a minute. 327 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,520 Oh, hang on. 328 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:14,640 Are these walls important and, like, really old and precious? 329 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:16,480 JEREMY: 17th century, Hammond. 330 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:19,680 That's how old they are. It's a World Heritage Site. 331 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:21,720 A World Heritage Site. 332 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:25,240 RICHARD: Well, if they're that old, the odd chip won't matter, will it? 333 00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:27,240 What a moron. 334 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:31,920 RICHARD: Oh, my God. 335 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:38,240 JAMES: If I lived in a walled World Heritage Site, 336 00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:42,000 I wouldn't be pleased to see that coming in. 337 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:43,520 (SIREN BLARING NEARBY) 338 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,080 Right. 339 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,240 -(SIREN BLARING) -Oh, God. 340 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:48,880 This is tight. 341 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:50,640 There's an ambulance. 342 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:53,440 That's an actual ambulance. 343 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,240 (HORNS TOOTING AND SIREN) 344 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,280 (SIREN WAILING) 345 00:16:58,320 --> 00:16:59,880 Oh, shit. 346 00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:03,320 Shit, that ambulance is coming down here, Hammond. Boot it! 347 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,840 Hammond, there's an ambulance. You've gotta get out the way. 348 00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:07,400 RICHARD: Well, I can't. 349 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,080 -(SIREN BLARING) -Oh, God. 350 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:11,920 Jesus, come on. 351 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:13,800 Oh, I feel bad. 352 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:16,040 JAMES: Come on, Hammond, boot it. 353 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,720 You're just gonna have to go. Run over everything. 354 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,520 Situation report. 355 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:25,280 Hammond has caused a ten-hour delay to our schedule 356 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:27,280 and is now killing a man. 357 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:29,720 Ooh, shit, sorry. 358 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,440 (SIREN WAILING) 359 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:38,080 Oh, that was bad. 360 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,520 JEREMY: After I'd paid for the bruised fruit... 361 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,320 Here. I do apologise. 362 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:47,320 ...we plunged into the labyrinth of narrow streets 363 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:50,040 to find a camera shop. 364 00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:53,280 That was easy for the Jeep and the Panda. 365 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:54,520 However... 366 00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:56,680 (HORNS BLARING) 367 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,200 Yeah, one more go. I can do this. 368 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:15,800 Yeah, I'm... I'm... I'll sort it in a minute. 369 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:17,760 I'll be out of the way in a second. 370 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:22,240 I don't why Hammond and May think 371 00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:24,960 that the Wrangler's a... a gay icon. 372 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:31,800 JEREMY: Eventually, having got our shopping done, 373 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,560 we met up for a camera show-and-tell. 374 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:39,240 And, once again, Hammond had gone completely over the top. 375 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:46,200 What have you bought? 376 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:47,640 Everything. 377 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,720 If I know anything about wildlife photographers, 378 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:51,680 you need the kit. So this goes around my waist. 379 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:55,640 In here I have a selection of prime lenses. 380 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:59,880 A real... That's a macro lens for taking close-up stuff, like, really close. 381 00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:02,720 This is a 50 mil prime, really fast, beautiful lens. 382 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,160 Uh...then I've got another harness. 383 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:06,800 So that's for the actual camera. 384 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,520 I have filters for the flash guns. There's two flash guns. 385 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:11,240 They can trip one another off as well. 386 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:12,960 -So you pull up... Stop. -What? 387 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,080 -You pull up by an animal. -Yeah? 388 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:16,880 -You need a photograph of it. -Oh, yeah. 389 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:19,800 An animal is gonna run off any minute. You need to be quick. 390 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,560 However big or small that animal is, 391 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,680 I will have the lens for it, flash for it... 392 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:26,280 Yes, but you'll have to hope it's dead or it'll simply run off. 393 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:29,440 And then, importantly, of course, camera body. 394 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:31,480 -Very good one. -Well remembered. 395 00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:33,760 And most importantly of all, telephoto lens. 396 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:35,480 JEREMY: Shall I show you what I've got? 397 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,320 -Yes. -I haven't bothered with any of that. 398 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,640 I've just gone for the telephoto - 399 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:43,040 not one of yours - but that. 400 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,920 This is all I've got. That's all you need. 401 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:48,000 -What, that is literally it? -Yeah. That's all you need. 402 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,200 Well, are you gonna photograph animals in this country? 403 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:53,760 -I... -That's a pervert camera. 404 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,040 No, it's a Daily Mail camera is what it is. 405 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,000 Exactly. That's what I meant. 406 00:19:58,040 --> 00:19:59,720 -Oh. That's heavy. -I'll bet it is! 407 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:02,160 -That's a lot of glass. -Clear this away. 408 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,400 Let me show you what I've got. 409 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:10,520 All right. 410 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:13,080 (JAMES SIGHS) 411 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,760 That is a camera. 412 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:22,400 If we'd been tasked with photographing somebody's 21st birthday party-- 413 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:24,720 -Perfect. -Welcome to 2018. 414 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:26,320 Everything you've got in all that kit 415 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,480 that you've just shown us, is in there. 416 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,400 Show me your zoom lens. 417 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,400 -Behold the lens. -What, is it a cold day? 418 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,080 Behold the zoom. 419 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,560 The woman in the shop said this camera takes good pictures. 420 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:41,200 -That's enough for me. -(OTHERS LAUGH) 421 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,320 JEREMY: Keen to get cracking, we hit the streets 422 00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:46,760 and began immediately to do animal photography. 423 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:50,160 James, move, you're in my shot. 424 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,960 Woof... Grrr... 425 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,560 -(SHUTTER CLICKS) -Shit. 426 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,920 I've gotta get further away. 427 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,800 Oh, wait, I thought I saw an insect, but I've... 428 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,320 Green flash. 429 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:07,800 (SHUTTER CLICKS) 430 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:14,880 Oh, Christ, I've got a macro on! 431 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:18,040 Stay, pigeon. Don't scare it. 432 00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:20,800 Er... 433 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:24,440 Oh! 434 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,720 -Get out of the way. -I'm sorry. Am I annoying you? 435 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,240 Yes, you are. You can't possibly need to be that close. 436 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,000 -Hello, horsey. -(SHUTTER CLICKS) 437 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,640 JEREMY: Eventually, we got into the groove. 438 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:36,400 -(CLICK) -Got it. 439 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,400 Look. Look at my pigeon. 440 00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:40,480 And after just 20 minutes... 441 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:42,800 (CLICKING) 442 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:46,880 ...we met up to celebrate a job well done. 443 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:49,080 -Yeah, I've got a dog. -You've got that horse one. 444 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:50,720 I've got a pigeon looking gormless. 445 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:52,560 I think we... Haven't we pretty much done it? 446 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:55,080 RICHARD: A number of dogs and a number of horses. 447 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:58,040 And a spider's ho... The spider had gone, 448 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,160 but I've got the hole the spider... That's habitat. 449 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:01,840 You've got where the spider lived. 450 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:03,880 -That's habitat. -Oh, hang on, sorry. 451 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:05,480 That's what they want. 452 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:07,840 Chaps, we have a message here from Mr Wilman. 453 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,960 -What? -What does he want? 454 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,680 It's bad news, I'm afraid. 455 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:15,400 Amazon don't just want pictures of pigeons, dogs, and flies. 456 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:18,680 They want interesting stuff as well. 457 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,640 They insist the following must be included: 458 00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:25,000 a condor, a spectacled bear, 459 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:28,040 a jaguar and a hippopotamus. 460 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:31,560 And they must be wild. You can't just go to a zoo. 461 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,680 Hippopotamus? You don't get those here. 462 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,560 -They don't have them here, do they? -In Africa. 463 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,240 Well, how are we gonna do that, then? 464 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:39,320 How in the hell are we gonna get a picture 465 00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:40,640 of a hippopotamus in South America? 466 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:42,480 You've got a really long lens! 467 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,080 But I'll have to be on a very tall mountain to see Africa. 468 00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:47,920 Well, I tell you what we're not going to see lumbering by here... 469 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:55,400 JEREMY: The next day, armed with our new and more challenging instructions, 470 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:59,040 we decided to make an early start. 471 00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:00,760 Sadly, however... 472 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,000 (STARTER MOTOR WHINES SPORADICALLY) 473 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,280 JAMES: What was that? 474 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:10,560 It's... The starter keeps engaging whilst the engine is running. Hang on. 475 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:14,280 -(ENGINE STARTS) -Only does it occasionally. It's incon... 476 00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:15,680 -(STARTER MOTOR WHINES) -Ah! 477 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:17,840 -It's that. -Ohh. 478 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:19,360 (ENGINE IDLING) 479 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:26,920 It's better. It's mended. All is fine. 480 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:28,800 -I'd like to name my Fiat... -(STARTER MOTOR WHINES) 481 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:30,360 (ALL SHOUT AND GROAN) 482 00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:32,920 (STARTER MOTOR WHINES SPORADICALLY) 483 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,080 See, that's a terrible noise. Ohh! 484 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:43,880 JEREMY: Leaving Hammond to repair the endlessly annoying Trump truck, 485 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,280 May and I hit the road. 486 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:49,080 (POP SONG IN SPANISH) 487 00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:52,800 Well, shrimping and forest products 488 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:55,040 obviously uh...pays well. 489 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:57,800 -Look at the boats out there. JAMES: I know, that is amazing, isn't it? 490 00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:00,360 You often see that. The most humble of commodities 491 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:04,160 and it yields just incredible wealth for a privileged few. 492 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:07,200 Yeah. 493 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:08,880 Right, we're now leaving Cartagena 494 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:13,000 in our quest to find many interesting animals to photograph, 495 00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:15,800 including...a hippopotamus. 496 00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:20,320 That's the tricky one. 497 00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:25,040 Obviously, many difficult challenges would lie ahead. 498 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:27,200 There'd be thick forests... 499 00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:30,360 (LAUGHTER-LIKE BIRD CALL) 500 00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:32,200 ...volcanoes... 501 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:36,280 ...treacherous mountain passes... 502 00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:37,880 Oh, Jesus! 503 00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:40,200 ...and dreadful weather. 504 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,800 (THUNDER RUMBLES) 505 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:48,040 But we weren't unduly worried because we were using cars. 506 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,440 JAMES: Photographers like to pretend 507 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,680 that everything is more complicated than it needs to be. 508 00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,600 So, you know, boxes and lenses and bags - 509 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:56,440 all the stuff Richard Hammond's got. 510 00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:59,320 Also wildlife photographers like to pretend 511 00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:01,400 that life has to be difficult. 512 00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:03,160 Live up a tree for three weeks, 513 00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:04,920 freeze yourself to death on an iceberg 514 00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:06,920 to take a picture of a polar bear or whatever. 515 00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:09,400 No. It can be comfortable. 516 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,720 The car can make anything comfortable. 517 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,320 Drive up, take your picture, drive off. 518 00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,960 Sadly, though, while we were covering the ground 519 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:21,840 quickly and comfortably, 520 00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:25,040 photographic opportunities were a bit sparse. 521 00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:29,680 More cows. And a goat thing. 522 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:32,560 Yeah, not wild or interesting. 523 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:35,440 JAMES: No, fair enough, I'll give you that. 524 00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:38,400 Dead dog. 525 00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:40,280 Oh, quite a sweet dead dog, though. 526 00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:43,320 Well, it was sweet when it was alive. 527 00:25:43,360 --> 00:25:46,920 JEREMY: Even our now mobile colleague was having no joy. 528 00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:50,720 RICHARD: Come on out. Come on. 529 00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:54,920 Oh, stop hiding behind the damn tree, you little (BLEEP)! 530 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:58,520 And annoyingly for me, on these rural roads, 531 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,600 the Jeep started to show its true colours. 532 00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,080 -(THUDDING) -Oh, God. 533 00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:06,280 Ooh, the ride's not good. 534 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:08,920 -(THUDDING) -Oh, Jesus. 535 00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:11,440 Ohh, I'm supposed to be proving 536 00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:15,040 that wildlife photography is easy and comfortable. 537 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:17,400 Jeep's letting me down a little bit on that front. 538 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,480 -(THUDDING) -Aaargh. 539 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,880 Keen to have a break from the relentless bouncing, 540 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:29,480 I suggested we stop to photograph an animal everyone likes... 541 00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:30,800 a donkey. 542 00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:34,960 Come on. (CLICKS TONGUE) 543 00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:37,960 Aw. 544 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:43,040 However, my long lens saw something rather disturbing. 545 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:47,040 Come on, there's a man in the back of shot. 546 00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,280 Wait, hang on. 547 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:57,120 So, I went with our translator 548 00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:59,520 to talk to people in the local village. 549 00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:04,000 Could you ask...did... 550 00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:09,120 Was that young man having relations with that donkey 551 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,440 or did I miss-see something? 552 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:15,600 (SHE SPEAKS SPANISH) 553 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:22,680 -OK. -Si? 554 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,880 They say yes. That's right. 555 00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:30,440 -What did he say, normal? -No, no trouble. At all. 556 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,200 -Normal. -Normal? 557 00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:34,080 Si. Normal. 558 00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:37,360 -So you've all... -(THEY SPEAK SPANISH) 559 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:39,600 ...enjoyed the company of donkeys? 560 00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:44,160 (THEY SPEAK SPANISH) 561 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:48,520 (THEY CONTINUE IN SPANISH) 562 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:50,800 (SHE LAUGHS) 563 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,040 So they say that basically that's the first wife, 564 00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:55,760 the first lover that they have. 565 00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:57,920 -(SHUTTER CLICKS) -That's nice. 566 00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,920 Are all the donkeys fair game? 567 00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:01,600 Every single donkey, or just... 568 00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:04,360 (THEY SPEAK SPANISH) 569 00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,640 All of them, male and female? 570 00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:08,920 (THEY SPEAK SPANISH) 571 00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:15,040 Oh, OK, no. Only female. 572 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:18,120 So they don't have sex with male donkeys. 573 00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:20,160 That would be what, weird? 574 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:24,200 So they said down here somewhere. 575 00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:25,920 Oh, hello. 576 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:27,560 Donkeys. 577 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:29,560 Oh, we'll be photographing donkeys, then, I guess. 578 00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:30,760 Excellent. 579 00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:36,120 Right, try not to make a noise. 580 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:37,840 I shan't. Don't worry. 581 00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:40,240 Cos this one's particularly timid. 582 00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:42,440 (HE GASPS) 583 00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:44,680 Hang on. 584 00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,000 We're leaving now. Leave, now. 585 00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:48,360 -What? -We're leaving. 586 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:55,720 Ah, it seemed like a really nice little place. 587 00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:00,000 Jeremy, why do we have to go? 588 00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:04,640 Have you upset someone? 589 00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:08,880 He's either committed some terrible faux pas 590 00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:12,320 or he's got sunstroke - he's very red in the face. 591 00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:16,880 Why don't these Colombians just grow something? 592 00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:20,520 Surely there must be a plant of some sort 593 00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:24,040 that people living out in the sticks could grow here, 594 00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:25,600 and then sell around the world... 595 00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:30,040 ...rather than... interfering with animals. 596 00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:37,680 We continued onwards, 597 00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:41,960 acutely aware that so far our mission was not going well. 598 00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:51,040 JEREMY: What photographs have we got between us so far? 599 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:52,720 Have either of you two got anything 600 00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:54,720 you could put on an Amazon screensaver? 601 00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:57,040 I have a selfie with a donkey. 602 00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:59,160 Yeah, you wouldn't wanna use my donkey photograph, 603 00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:00,960 that's for damn sure. 604 00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:04,160 We've got nothing between us so far at all. 605 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,040 But then... 606 00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:10,920 No, wait. What's this? 607 00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:13,480 Looks like a badger having a massive poo. 608 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:15,840 No, that's an anteater. 609 00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:17,640 JEREMY: You're right, it is. It's an anteater. 610 00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:19,680 But it's only a picture of one. 611 00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:21,560 But what it's doing is telling us 612 00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:23,640 they cross the road here. 613 00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:27,520 Well, hang on. If they cross the road here, we just wait. 614 00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:29,920 Why chase? 615 00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,920 I think they've put the sign in the wrong place, 616 00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:54,120 because... no anteater has crossed here. 617 00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:56,520 We've been now eight minutes. 618 00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:03,600 Three minutes after that, 619 00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:06,680 we realised we needed to break out a map 620 00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:09,720 and get radical. 621 00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:13,320 Right, spectacled bears don't live here. 622 00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:15,640 Neither do condors and neither do jaguars. 623 00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:17,000 So let's go to where... 624 00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:19,960 Yeah, we're sort of here, 625 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,240 just outside Cartagena. 626 00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:24,920 We need to come down... 627 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:28,400 I mean right down here, into the Amazonian rainforest. 628 00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:31,280 National parks, the mountains. 629 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:33,480 What the pros do is go to the right habitat. 630 00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:36,720 I know that, because I'm leaning on my camera, like a pro. 631 00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:43,320 JEREMY: One of the main targets on our hit list was the jaguar, 632 00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:46,000 and they live mostly in the region of Santander, 633 00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:49,040 which was 400 miles away. 634 00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:53,960 So we saddled up and settled down for the long drive south. 635 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,800 I'd love to tell you how fast my 49 horsepower is taking me 636 00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:06,080 but the speedometer, which is electronic, 637 00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:11,720 has stopped working since Richard Hammond pulled me into the sea. 638 00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:17,600 In a bid to pass the time, I dreamed up a simple game. 639 00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:20,040 Hammond, why don't you pull alongside your colleague, 640 00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:23,720 in his er...let's be honest, 1 litre Fiat Panda, 641 00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:27,360 with your 7.4 litre monster truck, 642 00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:30,000 and let's see who's got the slowest car, OK? 643 00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:33,280 Er, OK. 644 00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:38,320 Three, two, one, go. 645 00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:42,120 (ENGINE BUZZING) 646 00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:47,920 The little guy gets ahead. 647 00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:50,360 JEREMY: It's James May. James May is winning! 648 00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:52,600 That's all I've got. 649 00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:54,720 Ha! (CHUCKLES) 650 00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:57,200 Come on, Hammond! 651 00:32:57,240 --> 00:32:58,920 That realistically is all I have. 652 00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:03,840 Easy. (LAUGHS) 653 00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:08,040 Richard Trailer Trash Trump Hammond has been beaten, 654 00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:10,720 and beaten big time! Bigly! 655 00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:13,600 I don't want you to take this personally or anything, Hammond, 656 00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:16,720 but your truck must be utter garbage. 657 00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:19,240 Absolute garbage. 658 00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:22,520 You wait, this thing'll come into its own soon and you'll be left gasping. 659 00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:26,640 I'm longing to see the environment 660 00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:28,920 where that comes into its own. 661 00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:39,760 (SONG SUNG IN SPANISH) 662 00:34:12,720 --> 00:34:14,640 JEREMY: After many hours in this, 663 00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:17,680 the 25th biggest country on Earth, 664 00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:20,440 we were finally getting into jaguar country. 665 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:27,040 And the long journey had done wonders for Hammond's 666 00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:30,480 £11,000 pickup truck. 667 00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:35,200 Current crop of warning lights on my truck include engine service soon, 668 00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:37,480 some sort of brake failure indicator, 669 00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,480 anti-lock brake failure indicator. 670 00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:43,280 Lights I don't have is the one that tells me what gear I'm... 671 00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:45,320 -Oh! -(TYRES SCREECHING) 672 00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:51,440 Ah. 673 00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:53,480 Are we not concentrating, Hammond? 674 00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:56,360 (LAUGHS) I may have had a wee. 675 00:34:56,400 --> 00:35:00,960 JEREMY: It is one of the most stupid pieces of engineering ever, that truck. 676 00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:03,120 (HE CHUCKLES) 677 00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:10,920 JEREMY: Since the jaguars weren't going to be in built-up areas, 678 00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:13,520 we ploughed deep into the jungle, 679 00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:18,160 along a dirt path that was once a railway built by the British. 680 00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:23,040 (BIRDS SCREECHING) 681 00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:25,680 Right, Jaguars, they are very difficult to spot 682 00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:29,160 and very, very rare. 683 00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:32,320 You don't want to come face to face with a Jaguar, though. 684 00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:35,760 Cos it does have very strong bitey bits. 685 00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:40,600 Kills its prey by biting through its skull and then penetrating its brain. 686 00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:46,840 This is proper jungle now. 687 00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:54,280 Oh, hello. 688 00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:58,800 I'm in a British railway tunnel. Oh, no, Hammond. 689 00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:01,320 (ENGINE REVVING) 690 00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:03,920 -Ohh, tunnel. -(ENGINE REVVING) 691 00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:08,920 Stop it! 692 00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:12,640 I had to do it, it's the law. 693 00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:20,960 RICHARD: We drove for miles along the disused railway, 694 00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:25,200 until eventually, LGB Jeremy came to a halt. 695 00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:31,920 Gentlemen, I'm rather confused here. 696 00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:34,160 We're approaching a bridge, OK? 697 00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:38,680 It says no cars, no people, no motorcycles and no horses. 698 00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:42,440 Well, what's it for, then? 699 00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:45,600 JEREMY: Moments later, we found out. 700 00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:59,120 It's all right, James, why don't you just... (LAUGHS) 701 00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:00,640 He is actually going. 702 00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:03,400 James doesn't like heights. 703 00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:06,000 -Oh, did you see that one just move? -Yes. 704 00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:08,000 -(CLUNKING) -What is that? Hold on. 705 00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:10,440 That's one, two. 706 00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:12,920 You've got seven, maybe eight feet. 707 00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:15,160 But that means I'll have to drive... I can't... 708 00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:16,640 You will. It's got massive tyres. 709 00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:19,120 You'll just be running on the outer ones. 710 00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:22,320 Well... So I get to this bit... 711 00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:26,680 My car is wider than that, 712 00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:28,960 and that's wider than my wheel. It won't do it. 713 00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:32,120 And that's high, actually. What is that? 300 feet? 714 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:34,840 RICHARD: Some hundreds of feet, yes. 715 00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:39,120 Oh, dear. 716 00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:42,280 Even though Hammond isn't at all accident prone, 717 00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:44,640 I went first. 718 00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:47,320 Seat belt on or off? 719 00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:48,640 Off. 720 00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:51,000 Because what bloody difference will it make? 721 00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:52,680 Really. 722 00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:02,280 Jesus. 723 00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:06,360 Oh, God, there's a really, really narrow bit there. 724 00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:07,880 Ooh, ahh. 725 00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:11,760 (NERVOUS WHIMPERING) 726 00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:14,040 Oh, speed. 727 00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:17,640 No, ah, I don't think speed's the answer. Ah. 728 00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:19,640 (TIMBERS RATTLING) 729 00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:25,160 Oh, oh. 730 00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:28,640 Right. I've made it. That's good. 731 00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:31,840 JEREMY: Hammond, you will shit your pants doing this. 732 00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:33,960 Well, that's helpful. 733 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:38,040 I already am, watching. 734 00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:41,760 Spider Man May shot across as fast as he dared. 735 00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:46,120 Not looking down, not looking down, 736 00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:47,640 thinking about other things. 737 00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:55,640 And then it was the turn of Big Donald. 738 00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:58,000 (SIGHS) Oh, God. 739 00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:05,680 Ah. Ah. 740 00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:08,480 The only way I can do this is by looking at the driver's-side tyre, 741 00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:11,200 and keeping it as close as I can to that edge, 742 00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:13,360 and hoping to God that gives me enough. 743 00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:15,280 Oh, Christ. 744 00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:24,160 Oh, Jesus. I'm shaking all over. 745 00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:26,920 I can do this. 746 00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:28,760 I'm just gonna look at the wood, 747 00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:31,000 not at what's below, just look at the wood. 748 00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:34,920 -(TIMBER CREAKING) -Ah! 749 00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:40,320 Jesus Christ, no, I'm too close to the edge. 750 00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:49,480 (RICHARD GROANS NERVOUSLY) 751 00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:53,120 Argh. God! 752 00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:59,560 (GROANS) I think I might be sick. 753 00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:03,680 I will get there. 754 00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:06,000 Crossing this bridge is just part of my journey. 755 00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:13,400 JEREMY: Who is that, clippety clopping across my bridge? 756 00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:15,120 Oh, God! 757 00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:19,880 Not the Billy Goat Gruff game. 758 00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:22,880 Mm, I will move my Jeep out of your way 759 00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:27,360 if you can answer this simple prog rock question. 760 00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:30,600 I don't know anything about prog rock at all! 761 00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:34,360 Who is the bass guitarist in Barclay James Harvest? 762 00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:37,480 The Nolan Sisters! Get me off this (BLEEP) bridge! 763 00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:42,560 Let me off the bridge. I'm gonna be sick. Please. 764 00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:45,400 JEREMY: Eventually Hammond became quite irritated, 765 00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:47,600 so I abandoned the game 766 00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:51,640 and soon all of us became quite irritated. 767 00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:55,560 There were more not very well maintained bridges. 768 00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:57,360 Oh, God in heaven. 769 00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:03,400 The heat was stifling... 770 00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:05,040 and the ride in the Jeep 771 00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:07,960 became more and more intolerable. 772 00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:11,080 Not taking this punishment very well. 773 00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:13,840 -(THUDDING) -Ohh. 774 00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:16,480 And then... 775 00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:18,880 (ENGINE FAILS TO START) 776 00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:21,280 JEREMY: James, have you broken down? 777 00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:27,160 Yes. 778 00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:29,480 It's a very thoughtful place to break down, this. 779 00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:32,000 -Why is that? -Well, because, look, there's a little path 780 00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:33,440 Hammond and I can go round. 781 00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:34,920 -He is absolutely right. -Off you go. 782 00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:37,200 Leave it. Don't touch it. Leave it. 783 00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:40,880 -I'm trying to help. -Don't try and help. Go away. 784 00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:44,760 (GROANS) Everybody's getting a bit bad tempered. 785 00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:48,640 Might be because it's so hot. Could be that. 786 00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:51,280 He's not very keen on us helping, is he? 787 00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:53,000 -(CRASHING) -Sorry. 788 00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:55,160 -I couldn't see the bumper. -I will punch your lights out 789 00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:57,680 cos I had my head right next to the thing. 790 00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:00,160 Go on. Go! 791 00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:02,520 It'll all be fine if we spot a jaguar. 792 00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:04,040 Everything will be OK. 793 00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:06,160 -Right. -Go! 794 00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:18,520 Oh, now we're in trouble. 795 00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,360 -(HORN BLARES) -Whoa! 796 00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:24,160 Hammond! 797 00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:27,760 You (BLEEP) moron! 798 00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:30,280 -I didn't know you were there! -Hammond! 799 00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:32,160 What the (BLEEP) hell are you doing? 800 00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:34,160 I was stuck. 801 00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:36,160 I didn't know you were behind me. 802 00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:38,360 Use your mirrors! 803 00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:41,160 (METAL CREAKING) 804 00:42:41,160 --> 00:42:43,760 You totally smashed the front of my car up. 805 00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:50,360 That really got out of hand, all of a sudden. 806 00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:52,520 One minute going along, everything's fine. 807 00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:56,960 Next minute, one of your mates is throwing rocks at the other one. 808 00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:00,040 Problem is, you have people on the extreme left - James May - 809 00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:02,640 people on the extreme right - Richard Hammond - 810 00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:07,840 and it's always the liberal, sensible people in the middle, like me, 811 00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:10,520 who cop for it. 812 00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:14,160 -(ENGINE STARTS) JAMES: Eventually, having fixed the Fiat, 813 00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:16,280 I was back on the road again. 814 00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:19,960 This car is just amazing. 815 00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:24,320 -But then... -(CLUNKING) 816 00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:25,960 (ENGINE DRONING) 817 00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:28,880 Oh, dear. I think I've just lost the exhaust pipe. 818 00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:33,880 JEREMY: Up ahead, thanks mainly to 819 00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:37,480 our absolutely beautiful surroundings, 820 00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:40,200 the mood was a lot more tranquil. 821 00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:42,800 (BIRDSONG) 822 00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:45,800 JEREMY: That scenery to our right is absolutely spectacular. 823 00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:47,760 RICHARD: It is gorgeous, isn't it? 824 00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:51,680 Yeah. And of course we're not in the shade of the jungle any more, 825 00:43:51,720 --> 00:43:53,440 which means I'm being roasted. 826 00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:56,520 Have you not got any moisturiser with you? You must have. 827 00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:59,800 No, Hammond, I don't have any moisturiser with me. 828 00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:01,840 (CATTLE MOOING) 829 00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:07,560 Buenos dias. 830 00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:11,520 JAMES: As it turned out, the broken exhaust was lifting my mood too. 831 00:44:13,240 --> 00:44:15,760 (ENGINE DRONING) 832 00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:20,880 This is tremendous. It's like being on a rally stage. 833 00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:25,440 I happen to know that Tony and Cherie Blair were, 834 00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:28,200 in fact, massive World Rally Championship fans. 835 00:44:28,240 --> 00:44:31,840 In fact, I think they took part in a couple on the quiet. 836 00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:34,040 They just didn't want people to know about it. 837 00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:35,720 They thought it would sort of 838 00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:38,880 damage their reputation and their standing. 839 00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:41,040 Unlike, say, starting a war. 840 00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:46,760 Further ahead, my long lens had grabbed a couple of animals. 841 00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:48,760 (TURKEY GOBBLING) 842 00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:50,600 RICHARD: I don't believe Amazon 843 00:44:50,640 --> 00:44:54,320 will be rushing to have that as their screen saver. 844 00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:57,280 JEREMY: But we had yet to bag a jag. 845 00:44:57,320 --> 00:44:59,720 However, as it's a nocturnal animal, 846 00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:02,960 we were hoping for more luck as darkness fell. 847 00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:06,280 Predictably, though... 848 00:45:06,320 --> 00:45:08,320 RICHARD: Are my headlights on? 849 00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:10,520 No, they're off completely. 850 00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:14,000 I think I got sea water in them. 851 00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:18,040 JEREMY: As we set about sorting the problem, 852 00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:20,040 Tony Blanquist arrived. 853 00:45:20,080 --> 00:45:22,080 (ENGINE REVVING) 854 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:30,480 Ooh. That can't... Listen to it. 855 00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:32,720 It sounds quite roarty, doesn't it? 856 00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:35,080 JEREMY: That is a throaty sound. 857 00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:39,040 James, do not throw rocks at us. 858 00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:42,480 Just calm down, say some of your Chinese things. 859 00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:44,800 I'm very sorry for driving into your car. 860 00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:47,480 I'm very sorry I threw a rock at you. It wasn't at your head. 861 00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:49,800 Right, so we're back as a team. 862 00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:52,160 -Yeah. -I've said sorry to James. 863 00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:53,920 -Yeah. -He's said sorry to me. 864 00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:55,440 -We're all OK. -We've all said sorry. 865 00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:58,200 -Everybody's happy. -(TAPE RIPPING UNSTUCK) 866 00:45:58,240 --> 00:46:02,800 Once we'd strapped some torches to the front of the pickup Trump... 867 00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:05,120 we resumed our jaguar hunt. 868 00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:14,240 Those torches are useless. 869 00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:17,720 They're just illuminating trees over there and the sky up there. 870 00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:19,480 It's not helping anything. 871 00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:25,560 Eventually, though, after driving deep into the jungle, 872 00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:28,640 we arrived at exactly the sort of spot 873 00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:31,080 where jaguars like to hang out. 874 00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:37,360 This is extraordinarily promising. 875 00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:42,040 But the most important thing, of course, is to be quiet. 876 00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:47,400 Nice and quietly does it, while I set up my camera. 877 00:46:47,440 --> 00:46:52,720 Unfortunately, however, the "quiet" memo didn't reach Donald and Tony. 878 00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:56,800 -(REVVING) -My lights are too high here! 879 00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:58,560 I need to be parked. 880 00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:01,560 JEREMY: Oh, for God's sake, quietly, I said. 881 00:47:01,600 --> 00:47:03,920 (REVVING AND RADIO CHATTER) 882 00:47:03,960 --> 00:47:06,440 I'll stay down here, then you'll be higher up. 883 00:47:06,480 --> 00:47:08,680 All right, now I can't see cos of your lights. 884 00:47:08,720 --> 00:47:10,400 (INDISTINCT) ...I was gonna go. 885 00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:11,840 OK, mate, I'm gonna hit the road. 886 00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:13,880 You go that way and check it out. 887 00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:17,000 Have you two thought about maybe being a bit quieter? 888 00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:19,760 RICHARD: You what? -Little bit quieter, perhaps? 889 00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:21,520 (ENGINES REVVING) 890 00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:23,560 Oh, no, Jeremy, I'm too close to you there, aren't I? 891 00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:25,120 -No, that's fine. -Sure? 892 00:47:25,160 --> 00:47:27,040 -Yes, just turn it off. -What? 893 00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:30,120 -Just turn the engine off. -What? 894 00:47:30,160 --> 00:47:32,800 -Turn the engine off. -Oh, right, yeah. 895 00:47:32,840 --> 00:47:35,240 -(ENGINE REVS) -Oh, sorry, it was in gear. 896 00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:38,200 (ENGINE REVS AND STOPS) 897 00:47:38,240 --> 00:47:40,920 When my colleagues were finally silent, 898 00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:43,920 we settled down to wait for a jaguar, 899 00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:45,880 something which the experts say 900 00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:48,360 requires immense patience. 901 00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:50,280 (INSECTS SINGING) 902 00:47:56,360 --> 00:48:00,240 RICHARD: I'm bored! I'm bored and I'm getting eaten by mosquitos. 903 00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:02,640 JAMES: I'm being eaten and I'm bored as well. 904 00:48:02,680 --> 00:48:04,720 RICHARD: If a jaguar came now, I wouldn't see it. 905 00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:06,840 My eyes have shut down... 906 00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:08,640 from boredom. 907 00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:11,880 -What are we going to do? -I don't know, but that is boring. 908 00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:13,720 No, cos honestly, I mean the truth is, 909 00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:16,240 people could come out here for 40 years 910 00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:19,040 and not see a jaguar. 911 00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:21,960 Well, we could use my trap cameras. 912 00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:23,720 -Your what? -What are trap cameras? 913 00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:26,000 Set it up, and triggered by an animal and take a picture. 914 00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:28,240 -You've got those with you? -Yeah. In my bag. 915 00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:30,520 Well, why the hell didn't you say that when we turned up? 916 00:48:30,560 --> 00:48:32,000 Nobody asked. 917 00:48:32,040 --> 00:48:36,120 I'm sorry, yes, Richard, get your trap cameras out. 918 00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:39,680 -What a great idea. -Right, OK. Plan! I'll do it. 919 00:48:39,720 --> 00:48:41,360 Oh, I've just remembered, 920 00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:43,680 I've got a jaguar in the boot, shall I let that out? 921 00:48:43,720 --> 00:48:46,400 (JEREMY LAUGHS) 922 00:48:46,440 --> 00:48:51,400 After a while, Hammond had carpeted the area with his trap cameras. 923 00:48:58,040 --> 00:49:00,680 -Now what do we do? -Wait. 924 00:49:00,720 --> 00:49:03,280 We wait for an animal to walk past one and set it off? 925 00:49:03,320 --> 00:49:05,880 -Yes. -How do we know when it's gone off? 926 00:49:05,920 --> 00:49:08,120 Well, we just will. 927 00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:14,400 Er... I need a dump. 928 00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:17,280 -I'll alert the media. -Well, I'm just saying. 929 00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:19,600 Don't worry, I'm gonna sort myself out. 930 00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:21,520 Sorry. 931 00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:23,800 -It's all this foreign food. -Ssh. 932 00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:28,280 He's not such a good outdoors man's person 933 00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:31,920 as he likes to think, cos I bet he hasn't got any bog roll. 934 00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:34,960 I'll bet you he'll just use a smooth stone. 935 00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:36,760 -A smooth stone? -Mmm. 936 00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:38,400 That's what snipers use 937 00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:41,120 when they're posted out in the middle of nowhere. 938 00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:44,520 They wipe themselves with a smooth stone. 939 00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:47,000 -Why a smooth stone? -Well... 940 00:49:47,040 --> 00:49:48,960 presumably because it's uncomfortable 941 00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:50,480 to use a jaggedy one. 942 00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:52,400 Oh, yeah, but not... 943 00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:54,080 Well, you'd probably use a leaf, actually, in the jungle. 944 00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:56,000 I mean... (VOICE FADES) 945 00:49:56,040 --> 00:49:57,440 After much debate about 946 00:49:57,480 --> 00:50:00,400 how the special forces wipe their bottoms, 947 00:50:00,440 --> 00:50:03,040 Hammond returned and I quickly realised 948 00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:05,480 we were being thick. 949 00:50:05,520 --> 00:50:07,400 These are set off remotely? 950 00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:10,000 -Yeah. If an animal... -Well, why are we still here? 951 00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:11,520 That's a very good point, actually. 952 00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:13,560 It's better that we go away, isn't it? 953 00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:16,400 Let's take the Bear Grylls approach to natural history. 954 00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:18,920 There was a town, well, ten kilometres away. 955 00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:22,160 Why don't we go into the town, have a drink, 956 00:50:22,200 --> 00:50:24,120 check into a hotel, how's that sound? 957 00:50:24,160 --> 00:50:26,400 And then come back tomorrow and check the cameras. 958 00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:28,360 -Yes, yes. -That's how you're supposed to use them. 959 00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:30,800 It's in the instructions. That's what you do. You set it up... 960 00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:34,480 This good news put me in the mood for some mischief. 961 00:50:34,520 --> 00:50:37,400 So, after May had gone to bed at the hotel, 962 00:50:37,440 --> 00:50:41,680 Hammond and I sneaked outside to mess with his head. 963 00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:45,480 -He parked his car there. -Yes. 964 00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:46,880 Turn it round. 965 00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:48,280 Oh, that'll mess with his head. 966 00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:50,360 So, in the morning, can you imagine his face? 967 00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:53,120 Yeah, and he'll know exactly where he parked it, cos it's him. 968 00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:55,800 So then he'll think... he'll think he's gone mad. 969 00:50:55,840 --> 00:50:59,640 -How are we gonna do it? -Bounce it. Ready? 970 00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:04,360 -Oh, yeah. -So one, two, three, move it. 971 00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:07,640 One, two, three, move it. 972 00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:10,680 One, two three, move it. 973 00:51:10,720 --> 00:51:12,360 One, two... 974 00:51:15,560 --> 00:51:19,680 The next morning, with James in a state of deep puzzlement, 975 00:51:19,720 --> 00:51:23,560 Hammond and I checked out the ruined trap cameras. 976 00:51:25,680 --> 00:51:27,760 So let me just get this clear. 977 00:51:27,800 --> 00:51:29,920 The jaguar mauled your camera? 978 00:51:29,960 --> 00:51:31,360 Yeah. 979 00:51:31,400 --> 00:51:33,200 Is that really where it's bitten it? 980 00:51:33,240 --> 00:51:34,800 -It's got bits come off. -He's broken it. 981 00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:36,760 -Yes, he's broken it. -But did we... 982 00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:38,120 This is the important thing. 983 00:51:38,160 --> 00:51:41,240 Did we get... ahem, any pictures? 984 00:51:41,280 --> 00:51:43,920 -Right, I'll have a look. BOTH: No. 985 00:51:43,960 --> 00:51:47,280 Er...something triggered it. Maybe a leaf. 986 00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:49,520 -Ah, look, there! -Where? 987 00:51:49,560 --> 00:51:52,080 There. That's its... That's it! 988 00:51:52,120 --> 00:51:54,480 -That's it walking about. -Look how camouflaged it is. 989 00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:57,360 There's its head! That's its actual face. 990 00:51:58,360 --> 00:51:59,600 There. 991 00:51:59,640 --> 00:52:01,720 Yeah, but he's got a tree in front of him. 992 00:52:01,760 --> 00:52:04,080 Yeah, but that's context, that's habitat. 993 00:52:04,120 --> 00:52:05,840 (GASPS) What's that? 994 00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:08,040 This is when it got destroyed. That's its... 995 00:52:08,080 --> 00:52:09,960 That's its mouth. That's whiskers, look. 996 00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:11,800 -No! -That's its... 997 00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:13,840 That's a jaguar biting. 998 00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:15,960 That is an action shot. 999 00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:17,840 That's probably got awards all over it. 1000 00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:19,960 JEREMY: Oh, yeah. -Eyes. 1001 00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:21,480 (JEREMY GASPS) 1002 00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:24,360 Now, that is a great picture and we can move on. 1003 00:52:24,400 --> 00:52:26,560 -It is. -We have ticked that box. 1004 00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:28,520 That's the Ace of Spades, the jaguar. 1005 00:52:28,560 --> 00:52:30,560 That's Saddam Hussein. 1006 00:52:30,600 --> 00:52:32,920 We've now gotta go and get his sons... 1007 00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:36,160 ...Uday and the other one. 1008 00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:38,240 What was his other son called? 1009 00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:42,400 -Edgar. -(JEREMY LAUGHS WHEEZILY) 1010 00:52:45,640 --> 00:52:47,680 We now have to drive 200 miles 1011 00:52:47,720 --> 00:52:53,040 to photograph the King of Spades, Edgar Hussein... 1012 00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:54,640 Paddington. 1013 00:52:54,680 --> 00:52:56,160 JEREMY: Oh, shite! 1014 00:52:56,200 --> 00:52:57,440 Oh-ho! 1015 00:52:57,480 --> 00:53:00,080 Oh-ho, look at you with a wheel in the air! 1016 00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:01,560 Gravity gets you down there 1017 00:53:01,600 --> 00:53:04,280 and then you simply drive up the other side. 1018 00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:07,200 -(ENGINE REVS) -Oh, God! 1019 00:53:07,240 --> 00:53:08,480 Stop. Stop, stop, stop! 1020 00:53:08,520 --> 00:53:10,960 Stop there. Stop there. It's gonna break. 1021 00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:12,800 (GROWLING) 1022 00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:14,360 (WHISPERS) It's a bear! It's a bear! 1023 00:53:16,520 --> 00:53:19,080 We've been told we're at 15,500 feet. 1024 00:53:21,560 --> 00:53:23,400 Nothing for it, we've gotta go higher... 1025 00:53:24,560 --> 00:53:27,200 ...to find Colin Condor. 1026 00:53:27,240 --> 00:53:29,920 JAMES: Oh, that's proper boiling. 1027 00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:31,760 RICHARD: You're destroying our cars, 1028 00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:34,720 you've got oxygen for you and your car only, 1029 00:53:34,760 --> 00:53:37,600 and we can see nothing! 1030 00:53:37,640 --> 00:53:38,760 (THUNDER) 1031 00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:41,680 JEREMY: We're 250 miles from the Equator. 1032 00:53:41,720 --> 00:53:44,440 We're on a volcano in a severe hailstorm. 1033 00:53:44,480 --> 00:53:46,920 It's bouncing in through the back. 1034 00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:51,120 How much hail is there in the sky? 1035 00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:53,720 (THUNDER)