1 00:00:05,520 --> 00:00:06,560 (ENGINE REVS) 2 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:08,600 (TRAIN WHISTLE) 3 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:23,840 (BROADCAST IN FRENCH) 4 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:25,920 (ACCORDION MUSIC) 5 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:38,280 Hello, and welcome to what is very obviously the South of France. 6 00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:40,400 Except this isn't the South of France 7 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,760 where there are carefully designed topless swimsuits 8 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:46,720 and Russian billionaires turn up on super yachts. 9 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:50,080 This isn't even in the same hemisphere. 10 00:00:55,360 --> 00:01:00,640 This is 5,700 miles south of the South of France. 11 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:09,120 It's a tiny volcanic island in the Indian Ocean called Réunion. 12 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:17,880 It is weird, isn't it? Cos this isn't like a French protectorate. 13 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:19,440 It's actually France. 14 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:22,200 -You know the flight from Paris to here? -Yeah. 15 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:24,680 The longest internal flight in the world. 16 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:26,720 Because it is an internal. France to France. 17 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,400 And because of the time difference, 18 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:32,120 this was the first place in the world where a euro exchange happened. 19 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:34,640 -Yes, and wasn't it for, like, a bag of lychees? -It was. 20 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:36,760 -Ooh, that was a bit good. -Nice one, mate. 21 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:39,960 Did you just see that shot? 22 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:44,240 JEREMY: In order to blend with the Côte d'Azur vibe, 23 00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:47,960 I've come here with a V8 Bentley Continental. 24 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,200 (ENGINE REVS) 25 00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:03,040 Now, I'll admit that Bentley forged its reputation many years ago at Le Mans, 26 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:05,400 which is in the north of France. 27 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,120 But it's changed since then. 28 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:12,080 Now it's the most South of France brand of them all. 29 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:16,720 The recipe's still the same, though. 30 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:21,760 It's a big, heavy suet pudding of torque and opulence. 31 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:27,440 Yeah. (LAUGHS) 32 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:31,560 This is the first time ever on our adventures 33 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:35,440 when I've had a proper, functioning, decent car. 34 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:43,880 Whatever Mr Wilman has in mind, this'll be... perfect. 35 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:50,560 RICHARD: Yeah, but this is better. 36 00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:53,320 (LAUGHS) 37 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:59,360 This is a Ford Focus RS, the latest version. 38 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:04,760 350 brake horsepower from a four-cylinder turbo-charged engine. 39 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:09,040 It's light, 1500 kilos, and it's clever. 40 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:18,880 It has torque vectoring. It can send up to 70% of the total power to the rear axle. 41 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:21,960 And it can divert 100% of that to one wheel. 42 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:25,520 (CRACKLES AND BANGS) 43 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,480 I love those crackles and bangs on the overrun. 44 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:29,560 (CRACKLES AND BANGS) 45 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,680 (LAUGHS) 46 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:36,480 It's just... Yeah, it brings out the yobbo in me. 47 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:38,720 (CRACKLES AND BANGS) 48 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,160 Hello, viewers. 49 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,320 And as you would imagine, I've done this properly. 50 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:43,720 I've come in this. 51 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:45,680 This is a Caterham. 52 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:48,920 It is a 310R, to be precise. 53 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:52,320 It is a bit of a faff getting in, admittedly, but once you are in, 54 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,280 the rewards are enormous 55 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:57,520 because this car was born in the '50s, 56 00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:03,480 designed by Colin Chapman as a self-assembly weekend racing car. 57 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:08,880 This is the sort of thing that enthusiasts online go on about. 58 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,760 You even have to put the steering wheel on. 59 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:13,840 (CAR PULLS UP) 60 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:19,000 Then you just close the door, clip it in place and we'll be on our way. 61 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:24,000 -It's nice this, mate, innit? -Bloody fabulous. 62 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:27,080 -I wonder why they fitted the kill switch on the outside? -(ENGINE CUTS OUT) 63 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:28,360 Oh... 64 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,040 I'll put it there so you don't lose it. 65 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,520 Right, gotta get on. 66 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:33,240 -Don't be a cock, Hammond. -(LAUGHS) 67 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:36,000 (SIGHS) 68 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:40,800 (ENGINE REVS) 69 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:44,920 JAMES: Leaving aside the unfortunate position of the kill switch, 70 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:50,560 I can think of no better car for these fantastic roads. 71 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:53,240 If you like the sensations of driving, you know, 72 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:57,080 like turning the wheel and changing the gears and pressing the pedals, 73 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,800 you want one of these. 74 00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:02,120 (SQUEAL OF TYRES) 75 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,360 Doesn't have traction control, doesn't have brake assist, 76 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:06,800 doesn't have adaptive suspension, 77 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:08,640 it doesn't have flappy paddles. 78 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:11,480 It doesn't even have air bags. 79 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:15,680 It's just a car. 80 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:19,560 Absolutely perfect. 81 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:29,760 JEREMY: Having introduced our cars to this tropical island, we all met up. 82 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:34,680 It's so nice to be back in the EU, sun shining. 83 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,280 Beautiful views, great coffee. 84 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:38,680 Oh, here comes ASBO boy! 85 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:40,200 (REVVING AND CRACKLES AND BANGS) 86 00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:42,000 (LAUGHS) 87 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,440 How's your ankle bracelet in this heat? 88 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:48,240 Yeah, I just grew one as soon as I sat down in it. It just formed on my leg. 89 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:50,920 (CRACKLES AND BANGS) 90 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:56,120 Now this is the coast road around the north, sort of northwest of the island. 91 00:05:56,200 --> 00:06:00,880 And there are a lot of rockfalls on it. 92 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:06,560 They've tried to solve the problem by dangling wire mesh down the side of the cliffs, 93 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:08,840 but that hasn't really worked. 94 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:13,840 So the solution they've come up with is... pretty radical. 95 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:22,000 What the French are building here is a ring road in the sea. 96 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:27,080 Designed to cope with 30-foot waves and win votes, 97 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:29,480 this engineering masterpiece 98 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:34,240 cost £112 million per kilometre 99 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:36,360 and it's 12 kilometres long. 100 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:42,560 It is, then, the most expensive piece of Tarmac in the world. 101 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:51,120 RICHARD: I was just thinking this incredibly expensive, 102 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:54,000 mind-bogglingly complicated stretch of road 103 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,640 could serve a useful purpose. 104 00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:57,400 Mm. Mm. 105 00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:59,440 JEREMY: And so... 106 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,440 JAMES: I don't really know how to call this, to be honest. 107 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:11,920 I've got the least power but I've got the least weight. 108 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:15,360 JEREMY: Hammond and I both have turbo-charging and four-wheel drive 109 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,760 and you don't want either of those things in a drag race. 110 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:21,280 He, however, has got launch control. 111 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:24,040 Not that he knows how it works, I should imagine. 112 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:26,080 RICHARD: Trip... I don't want trip. 113 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:28,160 Settings. 114 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,680 Driver assist. 115 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:33,640 Launch control. 116 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:36,280 So it's... Oh, no, it's cut out. Wait. 117 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,520 Jeremy Clarkson's actually got out of the car. 118 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:41,520 Driver assist. 119 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:42,960 Launch control. 120 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:45,360 Hammond's launch control is... 121 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:47,200 -Really? -Yes. 122 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:49,360 Launch control is troublesome. 123 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:51,440 That's odd, because he's so useful at... 124 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:54,320 -What's that do? -Leave it. -(ENGINE CUTS OUT) 125 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,520 -What is it? -It's... You know what it is. 126 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:57,960 -I don't know what it is. -Stop being an arse. 127 00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:00,080 It's turned the engine... Why is the ignition key on the outside? 128 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:01,720 It's in case you have a crash. 129 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:04,240 It's really annoying. Mustn't lose that. 130 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:06,320 (LAUGHS) 131 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:13,280 JEREMY: When James had reassembled his car 132 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,720 and Richard had sorted out his tech, 133 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,760 we were ready to go. 134 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,440 This Frenchman in the yellow vest... 135 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:24,880 is he going to start the race, do you think, or throw a petrol bomb at me? 136 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:27,920 (REVVING) 137 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,400 (MORE REVVING) 138 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:31,640 (REVVING) 139 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,120 Trois, deux, un! 140 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:37,320 -(SQUEAL OF TYRES) -Bloody hell. 141 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,600 They got a better start. 142 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:44,280 Second, I'm rowing it through as quickly as I can. I am in front. 143 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:48,000 It's only 152 horsepower. 144 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:52,240 Now time to deploy the speed and power... 145 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:53,720 Bit late on that shift. 146 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:55,320 Oh, I'm sorry. 147 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,760 Stay... Oh, goddamn it! 148 00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:59,960 (LAUGHS) 149 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:03,200 JAMES: I'm losing. I'm losing. 150 00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:06,240 I'm the first person to lose on this road. 151 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,400 JEREMY: Oooh! 152 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:12,280 The inaugural Réunion coastal road drag race 153 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:16,640 was just ripped into by the Bentley. 154 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:20,520 Is it the face? Is it the face? 155 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:23,520 Yeah, it's the face. It's the face. 156 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:28,720 JEREMY: After christening the ring road with our important drag race, 157 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:33,200 we received a text from Mr Wilman. 158 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:37,840 And he was telling us to report to a cemetery in the town of Saint-Paul 159 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:41,040 where we would receive further instructions. 160 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,000 JAMES: Chaps. -What? 161 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:45,640 I have in my hand a piece of paper. 162 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,760 -Is it from Neville? -It is from Neville, actually. 163 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:53,040 It says, "In 1730 on Réunion, a man called La Buse..." 164 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:55,040 That's him in there. 165 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:57,520 "..was hanged for crimes of piracy." 166 00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:59,520 So this is La Buse. He was... 167 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,320 What was he? He had a pirate fleet. 168 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,320 -You know about this man? -Yes. 169 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:05,280 He was called The Buzzard. Big nose he had as well. 170 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:08,000 There is more on Neville's piece of paper if you could just keep quiet for a moment. 171 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:11,480 It says, "On his way to the scaffold he threw a coded message into the crowd 172 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:14,200 that explained where he had buried his treasure. 173 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:17,600 A copy of that message is included in your pack." 174 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:18,760 Is that it? 175 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:20,400 That's it, yes. 176 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,880 -Well, it's just garbage. -No, but here's the good bit. 177 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:27,480 "It's reckoned that his treasure included the Fiery Cross of Goa, 178 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:32,240 a 220-pound, seven-foot high golden crucifix studded with rubies 179 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:36,000 and that today the haul would be worth £100 million." 180 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:37,440 -Wow. -So? 181 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:40,000 "So it's your job to crack the code and find the loot. 182 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:42,480 Your sincerely, Neville Wilman." 183 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,480 Oh, we are hunting for pirate treasure? 184 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,880 -Yes, we are. -Oh, come on. 185 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,280 Do you believe in all this pirate nonsense? 186 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:50,640 What do you mean, "believe"? 187 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:53,240 Yes. Pirates were pirates. 188 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,640 Pirates knock on your door and say, 189 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:57,000 "I've got this knocked-off copy of the Avengers: Endgame. 190 00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:59,360 Do you wanna buy it? It's only five quid." That's a pirate. 191 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:03,080 Yeah, pirate now. Pirates then, they had style. This one... 192 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:04,480 -So we've gotta crack that... -Yes. 193 00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:08,600 ...and that'll tell us where this, The Buzzard... -Yes. 194 00:11:08,680 --> 00:11:10,400 ...buried his treasure? 195 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:11,800 Yes. 196 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:13,680 Well, how are you gonna crack that? 197 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:17,720 This is so up his street. 198 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:19,480 What's happened here is very straightforward. 199 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:22,800 He loves pirates, you... what do you like doing? 200 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:25,920 -Cracking codes. Doing Sudoku. -Crosswords. 201 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,640 What do I do? 202 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,840 Well, you can have your... We'll be pirates, we'll split the treasure. 203 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:31,160 I'm not going to be a pirate. 204 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:32,720 Oh, so we won't split the treasure? 205 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:35,840 If you want to share in the £100 million, and I suggest you do, 206 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:37,720 you could maybe muck in a bit. 207 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:39,400 You can help digging. 208 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:40,840 I can't be doing with pirates. It's all... 209 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,120 All right, so you don't want any? 210 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:44,720 Well, I mean, I'll have it if it's there. 211 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:47,880 Oh, will you? 212 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:51,640 JAMES: Back at the hotel, I started on the code... 213 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:55,480 while Nick and Margaret sat in the background, being annoying. 214 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:03,800 Would it help if I built you a machine made of brass and copper and transistors? 215 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:07,760 I heard if you drink a glass of water like that whilst looking at it... 216 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:10,720 -Have you thought about, A is one... -That's clever. 217 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,560 -B is two... -Oh, that's clever. 218 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:14,280 -No, wait, wait. -What? 219 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,440 -I've already had a breakthrough. -What? 220 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:20,320 Why don't you two go away and leave me alone to work on it by myself? 221 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,160 It is a bit boring, this. 222 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:25,400 Not very piratey thus far. 223 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:31,640 JEREMY: So Richard and I left James Turing to get on with it. 224 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,920 So La Buse... 225 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:40,880 (MUTTERS) 226 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:46,360 It's a shame we can't go swimming. 227 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:47,680 Why can't we? 228 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,080 It's against the law. 229 00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:50,360 What, swimming's illegal? 230 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:51,600 No, it really is. 231 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:55,760 Because between 2011 and 2016, 232 00:12:55,840 --> 00:13:00,120 there were 43 fatal shark attacks around the world. 233 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:03,520 19 were in the waters off Réunion. 234 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,200 -Out there? -Yeah. 235 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:07,680 Well, look, it's only shallow. 236 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:09,640 If a shark comes, we can jump it. 237 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:14,120 I think we did that in 2013. 238 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:15,760 (CHUCKLING) 239 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:17,840 (TICKING) 240 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,960 JEREMY: Do you only read pirate books? 241 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:49,720 If it's got a pirate ship on it, you're gonna read it, aren't you? 242 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,520 It's exciting. There was derring-do and adventuring. 243 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:55,120 The Lioness of Brittany, 1330 thereabouts. 244 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:58,960 She had a fleet of five or six black ships called the Black Fleet. 245 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:02,160 She had them all painted black with red flags. How cool is that? 246 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:29,360 JEREMY: On the third day, we were running out of activities, 247 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:32,720 so we went to see how Alan was getting on. 248 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,120 -Have you got anywhere? -Yes. 249 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:39,360 Where? 250 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:42,760 After a two-headed dog... 251 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:44,240 you take some honey. 252 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:47,960 Three days and that's it? 253 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:49,840 "After a two-headed dog you take honey"? 254 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,800 Yeah, but I'm starting with nothing. 255 00:14:55,320 --> 00:15:00,920 -Um, you do know that they hung La Buse here in Réunion? -Yeah. 256 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,640 But they arrested him in Madagascar. 257 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:05,200 And he's hardly likely to have said, 258 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,320 "Mind if I bring this seven-foot gold cross and all my treasure 259 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,680 on your police boat to the gallows" is he? 260 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:13,840 So it makes sense that the treasure is buried in Madagascar. 261 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,800 How long have you known that? 262 00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:20,440 Since I was ten. 263 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,960 Did you not think it might have made sense to say that? 264 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:26,200 I had a thought and I've done this before and made a fool of myself 265 00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:28,040 by rushing in with it before it's ready, 266 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:31,560 so I had to let it mature and develop before I thought, 267 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,080 "Yes, I'll present this thought to them." 268 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,240 I mean, there might be a place called Two Headed Dog in Madagascar for all I know, 269 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:40,640 but I wasn't looking. I've been looking at Réunion. 270 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:43,520 -Well, we've got to go to Madagascar, then. -Yeah. 271 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:45,600 -It's not far away. -Is it not? 272 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:48,320 Yeah, but we can't take those cars to Madagascar. 273 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:49,640 -Why? -Might be fun. 274 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:51,840 Well, no, the roads are terrible in Madagascar. 275 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,200 How do you know? 276 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:55,640 Cos I had a friend when I was much younger called Mary 277 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:58,120 who went there doing wildlife conservation 278 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:02,240 and she told me Madagascar was the worst place she'd ever tried to drive a car. 279 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:04,120 We've been all over the world. 280 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:05,960 -We've seen a lot of potholes, mate. -We have. 281 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:09,160 Yeah, but she went all over the world as well, all over Africa, South America. 282 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:10,960 She says Madagascar's got the worst roads. 283 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:13,800 All she ever talked to me about was how bad the roads were in Madagascar 284 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:15,480 -and how often she was stuck. -Right. 285 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:18,040 For days. 286 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:21,240 -Better modify our cars, then. -I've got a Caterham. 287 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:22,680 We can modify that very easily. 288 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:25,120 -What, into an airship? -I don't know. 289 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,160 Use your imagination. 290 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:32,720 JEREMY: So we found a workshop. 291 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,760 And as James began... 292 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:38,800 Right, to work... 293 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:43,000 ...Richard and I went to a shop to buy kit. 294 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:46,760 -Bonjour. -Bonjour. 295 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,000 Bonjour. 296 00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:50,760 Avez-vous... 297 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:53,080 ...jump leads, um... 298 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,720 You see? (BARKS LIKE A DOG) 299 00:16:57,840 --> 00:16:59,800 (BARKS) 300 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:02,240 (PANTING) 301 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,280 (CONTINUES BARKING) 302 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,720 Monsieur, avez-vous batterie connecteur? 303 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:11,800 -Ah, no. -Oh, merci. 304 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:13,080 What, jump leads are called battery...? 305 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,960 They're battery connector... Yes, that's what it is. 306 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,800 -Not... -You don't have any? -You mimed it in English. 307 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:20,000 Well, I just thought jump leads, brilliant acting. 308 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,880 If you know the English for jump leads. 309 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:26,080 JAMES: With the kit bought and the modifications finished, 310 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,720 we set sail for Madagascar, 311 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:39,240 arriving two days later in the port of Tamatave. 312 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,480 Hello again, viewers. 313 00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:59,440 What I've done is this. 314 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:02,680 My car is already very light, which is ideal for off-roading, 315 00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:04,320 so I've put some bigger wheels on it. 316 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,960 That's good for ground clearance and grip. 317 00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,240 That's it. 318 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:15,320 Clearly, Jeremy had done rather more than that. 319 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:21,720 Let me talk you through what I've done. There's a fair bit. 320 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:25,280 Got a winch here mounted on a steel platform 321 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:31,080 and I have amour-plated steel running from the front to the back on the underside. 322 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,080 Headlamps, they're now from a motorcycle. 323 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:38,200 I needed the space ordinarily taken up by the lights for these snorkels, 324 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:43,320 which I've fitted so the car can now wade through about six feet of water. 325 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,240 Moving further back, 326 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:51,560 big chunky tyres but the wheels are actually smaller. 327 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,320 Now, that meant the original brakes wouldn't fit, had to remove those, 328 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,800 replace them with the brakes from a Golf GTI. 329 00:18:56,880 --> 00:19:02,080 Then I moved the brake and fuel lines inboard to give them extra protection 330 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,680 and removed the air suspension, 331 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:06,760 replaced it, in fact, with long travel shocks and steel coils. 332 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,520 -You did all that in two days? -Well, it was that workshop. 333 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,080 -I don't know, it was just so well-equipped. -It was well-equipped. 334 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,640 So I was able to do, I think, a pretty thorough job. 335 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,800 I am genuinely impressed. 336 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:19,880 -I'll tell you what. -What? 337 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:25,320 This is what life is like... outside the EU. 338 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,040 We were in the EU on Réunion, smooth roads. 339 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:31,320 BMWs. "Would you like a glass of Chablis?" 340 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:32,880 -Here... -Yeah! Oh, sorry. 341 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,320 Would you like some food poisoning? 342 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:39,680 JEREMY: As we discussed post-Brexit life, our colleague arrived. 343 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,920 O-K. 344 00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:57,200 Ha-ha! 345 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,320 Yep, the flag and...? 346 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,280 And a number of other changes. 347 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,800 OK, I'll talk you through it. I've painted it black, skull and crossbones. 348 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:06,320 There is a flag, yes. 349 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:09,280 Full external roll cage and if this isn't strong enough, 350 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:12,400 I've replaced the front and rear crumple zones with girders. 351 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:17,800 I've raised the suspension by 19 inches to give it 23 and a half inches ground clearance. 352 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:23,400 And then if you look closely...here, the corners. 353 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:26,320 -Oh, yes. -You know what he's done? 354 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:28,440 It's genius is what I've done. Look at it. 355 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:33,160 -He's uninvented the wheel. -You have, you've put triangles on. 356 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:37,000 JEREMY: Having sorted all that out, we got back to the main problem. 357 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:39,320 The code. 358 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,280 I'm presuming, May, because you haven't done very much with your car, 359 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:43,800 you've devoted quite a lot of time 360 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,920 to working out where in Madagascar this treasure is. 361 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,480 -This non-existent treasure is buried. -Indeed. 362 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:50,320 -Yes? And where is it? -No idea. 363 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,160 -You still don't know? -Not a clue. 364 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:55,440 It's still two-headed dogs and lemons and parrots and things. 365 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:01,040 You do know they actually arrested La Buse on Madagascar 366 00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:02,720 in an area called Libertalia, 367 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,080 which is like a pirate commune where they lived 368 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,320 and they had rules of society and everything. 369 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:09,480 So it stands to reason that's probably where he buried his treasure 370 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:10,800 when they arrested him. 371 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:13,560 Have you known that since you were ten as well? 372 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:15,320 Er, yeah, yeah, I have. 373 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:18,200 Is there anything else you've known since you were ten 374 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:21,040 which would be relevant to us now that you ought to tell us? 375 00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:22,320 No, that's it. 376 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,000 -So this Libertalia? -Yeah. 377 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:26,880 -Where is it? -North of here. 378 00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,440 -How far north of here? -100 miles. 379 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:30,760 You actually know where it is? 380 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:32,080 Yeah, north of here. 381 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:33,680 100 miles north of here. 382 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,880 But you didn't say that three days ago. 383 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,160 Again, you have to take your time with a thought, 384 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:42,240 make sure it's ready, turn it around, look at it. 385 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:45,040 Don't wanna make a fool of myself, rush in. 386 00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:51,040 JEREMY: And so, armed with Captain Jack Hammond's new information, we set off. 387 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:00,720 (LAUGHS) 388 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:05,720 I've taken one of the finest performance cars of its time, 389 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:09,560 a scalpel, and turned it into a chainsaw. 390 00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:11,600 (LAUGHS) 391 00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:15,040 "Oh-arr, oh-arr, Jim lad." 392 00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:18,360 I just don't get pirates. 393 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:21,600 You tell Tom Hanks that pirates are romantic and interesting... 394 00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:25,160 They're not. They're just... floating burglars. 395 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:31,480 Got a light here telling me that there's a fault with my air suspension. 396 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:33,840 I know, I've removed it. 397 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,400 But why had I removed it? 398 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:44,320 Because contrary to what James had said, the roads were fine. 399 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:45,920 Yeah. 400 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:51,120 Not sure I needed to raise my car much for this very smooth Tarmac. 401 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:53,440 Er, James? 402 00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:54,880 Yes, what's your point? 403 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,840 Because of you, I've prepared my car for Armageddon 404 00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,640 and you've brought me to a tea party. 405 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:01,480 JEREMY: All right, look at this. 406 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,240 Big test for the Bentley. 407 00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:05,160 There it is. 408 00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:08,040 Jeez, I feel like Ranulph Fiennes here. 409 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:12,200 Look at me! 410 00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,000 Look at what I've done. 411 00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:18,840 Just because he befriended some girl in a floaty skirt, I've ruined my whole hatch. 412 00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:23,400 We should have known that a friend of James' wasn't going to be an explorer. 413 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:27,280 The worst thing that happened is a daffodil fell out of her bicycle basket and she pan... 414 00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:30,120 "Oh, this is terribly rough. It's absolutely awful." 415 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,200 (SONG PLAYING) 416 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,200 RICHARD: As we headed out into the countryside, 417 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,680 we hoped the roads would get worse... 418 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:40,760 But no. 419 00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,400 Hello. Bonjour. 420 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,560 They're all looking at me and thinking, "What, is he mad?" 421 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:49,920 Look at that lovely road. 422 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,360 What were we thinking? 423 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:54,120 We took off-roading advice from Jane Austen. 424 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,400 "Oh, James, I went to Madagascar 425 00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,840 and the roads were nothing like they are in Devon." 426 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:03,480 Bonjour. Please, stop building roads! 427 00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:07,040 -(TOOTS OF HORN) -No more road surface. 428 00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:09,760 Oh, God. 429 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:11,520 We've completely overdone our cars. 430 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:12,880 They look good. 431 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:15,880 But they're not necessary and nor is the journey. 432 00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:19,720 70% of the Madagascan population 433 00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:24,080 exists on less than a dollar a day. 434 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:29,920 So if there were a seven-foot golden cross studded with rubies buried somewhere, 435 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:36,000 I'm fairly confident someone would have found it by now. 436 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:40,080 Oh, and another thing: buried treasure... in all of human history, 437 00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:44,520 not a single ounce of buried treasure has ever been found, ever. 438 00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:52,040 As I complained about our mission, the road did suddenly get rougher. 439 00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:57,480 Oh, yeah, that is a pothole. 440 00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:00,280 That is a definitely a pothole and that's another one...Ooh. 441 00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:03,520 O-K. 442 00:25:05,360 --> 00:25:07,320 RICHARD: In the Ford tech... 443 00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:13,800 I thought my mods would shine in this new rough terrain. 444 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,720 Sadly, however... 445 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,560 Ow. 446 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:21,360 Slight hitch here. 447 00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:24,360 I put my car on tracks, 448 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:28,880 but what I'm having trouble with is the little wheels inside the tracks 449 00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,000 that keep... Well, they're coming off 450 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:33,840 because we're driving on a hard road 451 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:38,560 and these hard edges of the potholes smash them off. 452 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,800 The simple fact is, these tracks, brilliant as they are, 453 00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:45,560 are made for use on mud and snow. 454 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:47,800 Off road. Not Tarmac. 455 00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:49,880 (THUD) 456 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:52,560 RADIO: Hammo, you've lost another one. 457 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,360 Oh, God. 458 00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:58,320 JAMES: In the Caterham, it wasn't just the potholes that were annoying... 459 00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:00,640 -(THUDS) -Oh! Oh! 460 00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:06,680 It was so dusty, it felt like I was driving in a hot Hoover bag. 461 00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:10,960 (COUGHS) Ugh, dust and stuff getting in my eyes is appalling. 462 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,440 I'm gonna have to find some goggles. 463 00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:16,280 JEREMY: Life in the Bentley, however, was fine. 464 00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:21,440 I'm starting to really like this car. 465 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:24,520 Now it's got a bit of mud on it, 466 00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:29,200 it's starting to look like an MFB and in case you don't know what MFB is, 467 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:32,840 it's what Samuel L Jackson would call his Bentley if he had one. 468 00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:39,400 Properly pretty villages. 469 00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:41,200 Melon shop. 470 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:44,200 Melons, melons, melons. 471 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:45,600 Numberplate shop. 472 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:49,000 That is a shop where you can get numberplates made up. 473 00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:51,080 Wasn't expecting that. 474 00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:57,600 I also wasn't expecting to find an agreeable seaside hotel, 475 00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:03,440 where, a bit later, a dusty and grimy May chose not to join me for lunch. 476 00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:10,920 Great. 477 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:13,120 Now the pool's got a muddy dog in it. 478 00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:22,120 RICHARD: I, meanwhile, was starting to worry that in this heat on Tarmac, 479 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,400 my little plastic wheels would be starting to warp. 480 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:33,040 So when I got to the hotel, I also didn't join Jeremy for lunch. 481 00:27:35,120 --> 00:27:37,560 I need to find a way of cooling them. 482 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:41,280 Build a cooling system out here with nothing. 483 00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:48,240 And what I do in situations like this is think to myself, "What would Bear Grylls do?" 484 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:57,840 Having scoured the shoreline for nature's raw materials, I set to work. 485 00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,280 Well, fingers crossed. 486 00:28:04,360 --> 00:28:05,880 Here's what I've done. 487 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,720 Luckily I've found these completely full office water cooler bottles 488 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:10,440 that had been washed up. 489 00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:14,000 Along with this nylon rope that had also been washed up. 490 00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,400 And along with them I found these lengths of clear hose. 491 00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:18,000 I've attached them to the car, 492 00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:20,200 some cable ties had washed up. 493 00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:24,640 And down here at the bottom it can deliver a life-saving trickle of cooling water. 494 00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:27,800 It may not look pretty but it'll work. 495 00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:30,040 And as Bear Grylls himself says, 496 00:28:30,120 --> 00:28:33,320 "Improvise, adapt, survive." 497 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:38,520 JEREMY: Sadly, Hammond's modifications had taken so long, 498 00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:41,640 it was too late in the day to move on. 499 00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:46,960 And anyway, May was busy carpet-bombing the code with his OCD. 500 00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:50,600 Here's something very interesting I learned today. 501 00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:53,560 I was next to a shop watching a man count his water melons 502 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:55,320 and we would count one, two, 503 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:56,880 three, four, five like that. 504 00:28:56,960 --> 00:29:02,760 But he was going one, two, three, four, five, 505 00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:04,400 which is exactly what appears on there. 506 00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:07,480 So that might be a letter but it might be two. 507 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:12,120 Some of those symbols might be numbers, they might be compass bearings, 508 00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:15,000 they might be numbers of paces from a tree, something like that. 509 00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:17,200 Some of the bits that appear to be gibberish... 510 00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:24,360 JEREMY: The next day, as the sun rose on this little-known paradise, 511 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:27,360 we were back on the move. 512 00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:31,760 So, May, have you cracked the code? 513 00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:34,920 Nope. 514 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:36,520 Predictable. 515 00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,440 RICHARD: Still, at least my cooling system was working. 516 00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:42,920 Water delivered, life saved. 517 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,000 Thank you, Bear Grylls. 518 00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:50,240 (LIVELY CHATTER) 519 00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:51,760 (LAUGHTER) 520 00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:56,000 (LAUGHS) My car is amusing. 521 00:29:56,080 --> 00:30:00,600 Clearly, though, it was the MFB that was causing more of a stir. 522 00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:05,520 (LAUGHS) 523 00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:10,400 Then we came across something that wasn't so cheerful. 524 00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:13,920 (WOMAN SPEAKS LOCAL LANGUAGE) 525 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:17,360 JEREMY: That woman is in the stocks. 526 00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:20,200 She's actually got wooden handcuffs on. 527 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:29,200 (HORN TOOTING) 528 00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:32,800 RICHARD: Chaps, this Tarmac road has finally run out. 529 00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:34,960 But it's kind of run out completely. 530 00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:38,400 -What do you mean? -There's no road at all. 531 00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:40,320 This looks like a ferry. 532 00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:47,160 Once on board, I noticed Jeremy had got himself a new number plate. 533 00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:51,800 I just can't work it out, "MFB". 534 00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:54,800 Must Fondle Buttocks? 535 00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:56,880 Middle Aged... Hm. 536 00:30:58,360 --> 00:30:59,920 Hang on. 537 00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:06,640 JEREMY: When the ferry docked on the other bank... 538 00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:12,320 ...it was like we'd gone back 200 years. 539 00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:20,840 I'm going full goggles. 540 00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:29,240 JEREMY: Bloody hell! 541 00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:32,040 Yeah, this is quite bad now, I'll admit. 542 00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:41,400 RICHARD: Swim, swim, swim. 543 00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:44,320 JEREMY: Finally, the modifications we'd made to our cars 544 00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:46,360 were coming into their own. 545 00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:55,400 The MFB is through! 546 00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:00,520 Four-wheel drive rugging me out of that one. 547 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:04,240 RICHARD: Now, this is more like it. 548 00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:06,160 This is what I built my car for. 549 00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:09,880 Tracks won't be getting too hot. I'm cooling them in the water. 550 00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:15,760 JEREMY: How's it going in the Sherman? 551 00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:20,000 RICHARD: Honestly, it's a walk in the park. What about you? 552 00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:24,360 It's a bit squeaky. But it keeps going. 553 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:27,720 But what I'd love to know is what's happening in the Caterham. 554 00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:29,000 (CHUCKLES) 555 00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:31,640 JAMES: Oh, Jesus! 556 00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:33,200 Urgh! 557 00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:35,840 That is turds! Jesus! 558 00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:42,920 Ohh, the water's like a bath that someone's had diarrhoea in. 559 00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:45,800 Oh, Jesus! 560 00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:49,480 Bollocks! 561 00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:51,280 Aargh! 562 00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:53,600 Argh! 563 00:32:57,160 --> 00:32:58,960 Oh, shitty death. 564 00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:01,440 I'll just adjust the temperature down to... 565 00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:04,800 22 degrees, I think, would be better. 566 00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:07,680 Adjust the lumbar support using this button down here. 567 00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:10,600 Meanwhile, in the Ford... 568 00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:13,280 Motor's OK, temperature's good. 569 00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:17,120 I can't tell you how easy this is on my car. 570 00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:20,120 -(HEAVY THUD) -Ooh! 571 00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:24,240 Ohh, that's a big rock at the bottom of that puddle. 572 00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,520 JEREMY: Luckily for Hammond, we were running alongside a beach. 573 00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:32,600 So I suggested we use that instead. 574 00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:41,160 Have we finally found a terrain where those tracks work? 575 00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:42,520 (CHUCKLES) 576 00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:44,640 Yeah, we're looking good here. 577 00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:48,680 It's gonna be brilliant, this car. 578 00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:52,120 These are teething problems. I'm doing something new here. 579 00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:55,440 I'm literally reinventing the wheel, and, you know... 580 00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:58,880 (HEAVY THUD) 581 00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:00,320 Oh. 582 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:03,320 (HANDBRAKE ON) 583 00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:05,080 Ohh. 584 00:34:10,240 --> 00:34:12,200 Argh! (YELLS) 585 00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:17,960 Oh, good. Here comes a gloating orangutan. 586 00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:20,560 JEREMY: What's happened? 587 00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:24,040 Oh, I know! 588 00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:27,160 Even I, with my limited knowledge, is able to work out 589 00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:29,280 that's not right. 590 00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:30,920 It's not, is it? 591 00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:32,640 JEREMY: To cheer Hammond up, 592 00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:34,800 I decided to give him a small present. 593 00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:36,840 You've got a number plate as well. 594 00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:39,600 -"Fury" as in Fury? -As in the tank. 595 00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:41,640 -For my car? That is-- -Yes. 596 00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,800 -So you can put "Fury" on it. -Oh, I say! 597 00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:48,600 -It doesn't actually mean that here, exactly. -What's it mean here? 598 00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:51,840 Well, the Ygrec, the Y, means "lady parts". 599 00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:54,440 So what that actually says is "Furry lady parts." 600 00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:57,440 But, for you, it means "fury". 601 00:34:57,520 --> 00:34:59,760 You're Brad Pitt in a tank - pirate tank. 602 00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,760 At that moment, Giorgio Armani arrived. 603 00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:11,280 Look at the state of you. Have you had a trouser accident? 604 00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:13,400 I was actually underwater at one point. 605 00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:16,360 JEREMY: Oh, that's a disgusting place to sit. 606 00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:18,640 Is that... Can you not drive like that? 607 00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:20,520 No. (CHUCKLES) 608 00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:22,760 JAMES: How did you do that? 609 00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:25,640 It took me a lot of attempts cos I wanted to do that. 610 00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:32,480 JEREMY: Having wasted an eternity watching Brad Pitt do his repairs, 611 00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,560 we finally got back on the move. 612 00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:43,440 I wonder why Formula 1 teams don't use tracks, Hammond, 613 00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:45,920 if you can change them in just three hours? 614 00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:48,320 (LAUGHS) 615 00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:50,680 JEREMY: For James, the misery continued. 616 00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:52,800 How much more of this is there? 617 00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:55,640 Oh, Jesus! 618 00:35:57,680 --> 00:36:00,640 JEREMY: Things were so bad, that at the next ferry crossing, 619 00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:05,360 it looked like he was going to try and make the far bank without a boat. 620 00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:09,160 (JEREMY LAUGHS) 621 00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:11,200 -Wouldn't you? -Yeah, I would. 622 00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:14,560 If somebody said to me, "Yes, there are sharks in there," 623 00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:17,320 I'd still say, "I don't care." 624 00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:22,560 It's on! 625 00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:30,760 JEREMY: As we left the ferry, James was much happier and cleaner. 626 00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:34,160 I'm feeling pretty good now. 627 00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:39,160 (ENGINE REVVING) 628 00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:43,200 -(PEOPLE LAUGHING) -Give me strength! 629 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:49,320 (LAUGHS) Look at him! 630 00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,920 Oh, it's the little things in life that I treasure. 631 00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:59,320 We thought at this point the road couldn't get any worse. 632 00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:01,640 And then...it did. 633 00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:13,640 Right, so this terrain now is soft sand. 634 00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:15,160 And puddles. 635 00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:17,200 I haven't tried this yet. 636 00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:20,000 Maybe this is where I will shine. 637 00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:23,840 JEREMY: Hammond was optimistic. 638 00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:26,920 But in the three-ton Bentley, I wasn't. 639 00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:30,880 Jesus, I'm gonna get stuck here. 640 00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:33,640 Come on. 641 00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:35,320 (HEAVY THUD) 642 00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:42,120 Right, I'm completely beached. 643 00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:45,160 Your car not up to the job, is that what you're saying? 644 00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:47,440 JEREMY: Luckily I could winch myself out, 645 00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:51,200 using Brad and his pirate tank as a ground anchor. 646 00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:55,440 Why am I feeding out his winch cable? 647 00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:56,640 Why didn't... 648 00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:59,640 -I'll just do your winch. -Ready. 649 00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:01,280 (WHIRRING) 650 00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:06,760 Have you ever seen the like? 651 00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:09,120 Yeah. 652 00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:15,080 RICHARD: What's happening here is, I'm moving to you. 653 00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:16,880 That's not supposed to happen, is it? 654 00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:20,000 RICHARD: You need to put it in drive. -Oh, sorry. 655 00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:22,880 (WHIRRING) 656 00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:27,480 MFB... 657 00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:29,680 Massive Fat... 658 00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:31,800 (HEAVY THUD) 659 00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:33,840 Can I just say... my friend Mary... 660 00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:35,880 -Yes? -...was right. 661 00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:38,640 Well, this isn't technically a road, we're on a beach. 662 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:40,160 The roads were fine. 663 00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:42,080 You said the worst roads she'd ever seen. 664 00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:43,440 I thought the roads were fine. 665 00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:46,080 What's happened is, the roads have finished. 666 00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:48,600 Chaps, are you interested in treasure or not? 667 00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:50,960 £100 million worth, available this way. 668 00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:53,320 How far is this place? 669 00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:56,160 We don't know. Libertalia - it doesn't exist, anyway. 670 00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:58,160 -It does exist. -It doesn't exist! 671 00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:00,200 Well, it did. They wrote about it. 672 00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:03,560 Well, they wrote about Narnia. Doesn't mean it existed. 673 00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:08,640 We continued our journey on what is genuinely 674 00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:11,800 Madagascar's equivalent of the M1. 675 00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:20,600 Oh, Christ! 676 00:39:20,640 --> 00:39:22,640 Can't see a thing. 677 00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:27,640 May can't be doing this with only two-wheel drive, it's not possible. 678 00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:30,360 JAMES: But thanks to its lightness, 679 00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:33,360 the plucky little Caterham was ploughing on. 680 00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:38,560 Mind the grit. There it is. 681 00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:42,320 Bonjour. 682 00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:46,080 It was Hammond, though, who had the most reason to celebrate. 683 00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:48,160 RICHARD: Finally, we've found what it's good at. 684 00:39:48,280 --> 00:39:50,320 (CACKLES) 685 00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:55,040 This thing is unstoppable! 686 00:39:57,920 --> 00:39:59,440 (HEAVY THUD) 687 00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:07,960 Oh, my giddy aunt. 688 00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:11,440 It looks like a wheelchair that's fallen down a flight of stairs. 689 00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:14,000 Yeah, it's bad. 690 00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:15,640 OK. 691 00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:18,400 What would you like me to do about that? 692 00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:23,160 What are you in a position to do about that? 693 00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:31,840 JEREMY: Having thought about it for a long time, 694 00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:34,640 I decided the answer was nothing. 695 00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:37,040 So I left him to it... 696 00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:42,320 This is the tensioner assembly that sits at the back of the track. 697 00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:45,120 ...and set off with James into the night. 698 00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:48,640 JAMES: Oh, it's getting worse. 699 00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:50,280 (HEAVY THUD) 700 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:53,600 Ohh, (BLEEP) me, that was uncomfortable! 701 00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:57,520 We were only 40 miles from Libertalia, 702 00:40:57,600 --> 00:41:01,880 this place that only exists in Richard Hammond's colouring-in books. 703 00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:05,640 So we figured we'd just keep on taking the punishment. 704 00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:17,080 If you've just joined us, James May is covered in human excrement. 705 00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:20,120 From behind, your hair looks... 706 00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:23,080 It's like Trevor McDonald's hair. 707 00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:27,920 It is actually a single entity. It's a new type of molecule. 708 00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:29,960 (LAUGHS) 709 00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:32,440 Would you like me to give you a little push? 710 00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:34,560 JAMES: Yeah, try it, a little nudge. 711 00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:38,160 Here I come. I shall try to be gentle, James May. 712 00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:41,280 (HEAVY THUD) 713 00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:44,360 -(ENGINE REVVING) -Oh, thanks! 714 00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:53,920 JAMES: Jeremy and I battled on for another two brutal hours... 715 00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:57,160 Please make it stop. 716 00:41:58,400 --> 00:41:59,600 Just stop. 717 00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:04,520 ...until we arrived at another ferry crossing. 718 00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:08,040 Sadly, however... 719 00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:10,600 Everything was as bad as it could possibly be 720 00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:12,160 and now it's worse. 721 00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:15,160 The ferry's engine's broken. 722 00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:18,200 But they have said that James and I can pull it across. 723 00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:19,960 I mean... 724 00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:23,920 They obviously looked at us and thought, "Yeah, they're athletes." 725 00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:29,640 -Oh, this is a nice rope. -(GRUNTS) Isn't it? 726 00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:30,880 God, heave! 727 00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:34,520 Agh. Oh, my back! 728 00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:38,320 (GROANS) 729 00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:42,440 JAMES: As we pulled ourselves along, I suddenly had a thought about Hammond. 730 00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:45,920 -If we go over there and get off... -Yeah? 731 00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:48,920 ...it's not gonna be on the right side when he arrives. 732 00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:50,840 Yeah, but that's not our problem. 733 00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:52,680 You're absolutely right it isn't. 734 00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:57,960 RICHARD: Several miles back, having bodged a repair, 735 00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:00,000 I was now back in the game. 736 00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:03,560 Gingerly does not cover... 737 00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:06,920 ...how carefully I'm driving this thing. 738 00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:10,040 -(THUD) -Ohh. Rock in there. 739 00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:12,120 (CLATTERING) 740 00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:16,160 It feels like it's tearing itself to pieces. 741 00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:21,680 JEREMY: After 16 hours on the move, 742 00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:25,280 James and I still had a steely determination 743 00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:27,880 to keep going to journey's end. 744 00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:30,560 Our willpower was bulletproof. 745 00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:33,880 We would not be distracted from the job in hand. 746 00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:37,360 Oh, a hotel. Hotel, look. 747 00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:39,400 JAMES: Does it say "bar"? 748 00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:41,000 "Hotel restaurant open." 749 00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:42,480 That'll do. 750 00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:45,560 Oh, my God. 751 00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:50,360 That is deep. 752 00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:54,800 Back in my world, things were getting worse. 753 00:43:54,880 --> 00:43:58,360 One of the crew cars had provided a stark reminder 754 00:43:58,440 --> 00:44:02,480 of what could happen if you strayed even slightly off the track. 755 00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:06,120 -Oh! That's grim. -(HEAVY THUD) 756 00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:07,640 Oh. 757 00:44:07,720 --> 00:44:12,640 And on top of that, my car felt like it was disintegrating. 758 00:44:12,720 --> 00:44:15,120 -(RATTLING) -That rattling noise. 759 00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:17,200 Is that the bearing on that side? 760 00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:22,240 Oh! Oh, Lord. 761 00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:26,640 Consequently, my nerves were shot when, at three in the morning... 762 00:44:26,720 --> 00:44:28,680 I arrived at the river crossing... 763 00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:34,720 ...to find the ferry was on the other bank. 764 00:44:36,400 --> 00:44:38,360 Oh, the (BLEEP) bastards! 765 00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:42,800 -Oh! -(CLATTERING) 766 00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:48,440 I would therefore have to row over to get it back. 767 00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:52,120 This is shit! 768 00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:54,160 Everything's shit! 769 00:44:54,240 --> 00:44:57,360 And this (BLEEP) canoe doesn't work! 770 00:44:57,440 --> 00:44:58,960 (GRUNTS) 771 00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:07,400 JEREMY: The next morning, Richard Hammond was in a bit of a mood. 772 00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:11,320 Was it difficult? 773 00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:16,560 JEREMY: I, on the other hand, was very happy. 774 00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:19,440 Because, after a refreshing shave, 775 00:45:19,520 --> 00:45:24,520 I noticed there was a marked difference between my living conditions in the Bentley... 776 00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:27,680 Showroom fresh. 777 00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:29,760 ...and May's in the Caterham. 778 00:45:33,240 --> 00:45:36,680 Your car looks like Teddy Kennedy's car after Chappaquiddick. 779 00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:39,720 (HAIR TRIMMER BUZZES) 780 00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:43,960 As I went back to my grooming, the sulky Brummie finally spoke. 781 00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:46,880 I don't particularly want to talk to either of you. 782 00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:50,760 But here's to explain why there may be another opportunity to abandon me. 783 00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:53,360 -You know I've got problems at the front end? -Yes. 784 00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:55,760 I have significant problems at the back. 785 00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:58,720 Both of the rear trailing arms are snapped. 786 00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:00,040 Snapped? 787 00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:01,400 Gone, broken. 788 00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:03,360 JAMES: It's well thought out, this. 789 00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:05,080 Which means at any point, 790 00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:08,040 the whole back end of my car could collapse inward, 791 00:46:08,120 --> 00:46:11,080 possibly firing one of these under the car and throwing it on its roof. 792 00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:14,240 In fairness, we won't see that cos we'll be at least 20 miles ahead. 793 00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:15,880 (SNIGGERING) 794 00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:18,680 I'd love to offer you a lift. 795 00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:22,360 I only give lifts to people who haven't pulled my battery isolator switch out. 796 00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:26,120 I'm very tempted to pull your battery isolator switch off your car and swallow it. 797 00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:29,440 And then give it back to you probably in ten minutes' time. 798 00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:31,520 You think I'd notice on that car? 799 00:46:35,720 --> 00:46:39,280 JEREMY: Mercifully, the road that morning was much smoother. 800 00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:45,320 And we were surrounded by Madagascar 801 00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:49,040 at its absolute vibrant best. 802 00:46:54,560 --> 00:46:57,440 I'm not really looking where I'm going cos of that view. 803 00:46:57,520 --> 00:46:58,880 That's green. 804 00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:01,920 We don't have anything that green in Europe. Look at it. 805 00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:23,800 Soon we arrived at a much bigger ferry 806 00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:26,960 that would take us on a short hop up the coast. 807 00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:30,840 JAMES: Slightly more impressive boat than last night. 808 00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:32,920 This one appears to have an engine. 809 00:47:34,040 --> 00:47:36,560 -And be here. -Ooh! 810 00:47:54,040 --> 00:47:57,720 JEREMY: When we reached our destination, however, there was a problem. 811 00:47:57,800 --> 00:47:59,720 (CLANKING) 812 00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:02,600 Argh. 813 00:48:02,680 --> 00:48:06,160 There was no way of driving off the beach where we landed 814 00:48:06,240 --> 00:48:08,240 until low tide. 815 00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:12,240 So to kill the time, James went back to codebreaking. 816 00:48:15,600 --> 00:48:20,160 Hammond and I, meanwhile, realised that in conditions as harsh as these... 817 00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:25,240 ...survival would be tough. 818 00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:26,600 We'd need food. 819 00:48:26,680 --> 00:48:31,000 So he began with a Bear Grylls hostile environment classic - 820 00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:33,440 the improvised beach oven. 821 00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:35,800 When you've finished digging your pit, 822 00:48:35,880 --> 00:48:38,600 line it with some of the rocks, about half. 823 00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:43,240 And I'm gonna light a fire on top of these rocks. 824 00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:46,080 I could light a fire in any one of a number of ways - 825 00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:50,440 a piece of broken glass from the sea, focused light from the sun onto a leaf... 826 00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:52,320 I'm gonna ask the crew for a lighter. 827 00:48:55,640 --> 00:48:57,360 There. It's working. 828 00:48:57,440 --> 00:49:00,160 As Bear Grylls says, three words in survival. 829 00:49:00,240 --> 00:49:03,720 First-class travel and five-star accommodation or I won't do it. 830 00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:07,520 JEREMY: The second basic principle of survival is hydration. 831 00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:10,040 So I set about finding fluids. 832 00:49:11,920 --> 00:49:13,880 A lot of survivalists will tell you... 833 00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:16,720 that when you're thirsty, you should drink your own piss. 834 00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:18,760 But I say no to that. I say... 835 00:49:18,840 --> 00:49:20,800 Go into the jungle and find fruit. 836 00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:22,640 And drink that instead. 837 00:49:22,720 --> 00:49:25,040 It tastes nicer and it does you more good. 838 00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:27,720 Look. 839 00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:29,400 Coconuts. 840 00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:32,440 This is a rotten one that's fallen down. 841 00:49:32,520 --> 00:49:36,160 I'm gonna try and get a fresh one by throwing this at it. 842 00:49:41,600 --> 00:49:44,000 Right, my rocks are hot. 843 00:49:45,040 --> 00:49:46,880 Which means we're ready to get cooking. 844 00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:48,760 So, take your fish that you caught earlier - 845 00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:50,960 that bit's not difficult, that's the sea. 846 00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:53,920 You wrap the fish in leaves. 847 00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:57,680 Tie it off and now transfer the fish to your beach oven. 848 00:49:58,800 --> 00:50:00,760 (WINCES) Hot, hot! 849 00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:02,800 Bury the fish, 850 00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:06,800 to contain all that heat in our oven that we built earlier. 851 00:50:08,160 --> 00:50:10,320 Two hours from now, that is gonna be... 852 00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:14,680 ...a cooked fish. 853 00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:18,360 JEREMY: Having finally hit a coconut... 854 00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:20,800 Yes! Ho-ho-ho! Yes! 855 00:50:20,880 --> 00:50:22,880 ...I went in search of bananas. 856 00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:25,600 Oh, yeah. Yes, yes, yes. 857 00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:32,400 Shit! 858 00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:33,640 OK. 859 00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:38,520 And eventually, our survival rations came together. 860 00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:42,080 -Banana daiquiri. -Really? 861 00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:45,400 Yeah, banana, coconut milk and rum. 862 00:50:45,480 --> 00:50:47,920 Fantastic! Where did you get the rum from? 863 00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:50,480 -Back of the Bentley. -Oh, clever! 864 00:50:50,560 --> 00:50:52,080 JEREMY: Mm. 865 00:50:52,160 --> 00:50:55,000 You can survive surprisingly well with a Bentley. 866 00:50:56,240 --> 00:50:58,280 -This is very good, by the way. -Thank you. 867 00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:01,280 I've said it before. Just because it's a survival situation, 868 00:51:01,360 --> 00:51:03,280 doesn't mean we have to eat like animals. 869 00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:04,880 Standards. 870 00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:06,400 That's not bad. 871 00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:10,360 It's very good, well done. That is survival. 872 00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:12,520 JEREMY: Back on the boat, there was more joy. 873 00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:15,320 James was actually getting somewhere. 874 00:51:16,800 --> 00:51:18,200 Where are we? 875 00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:22,480 Yes! 876 00:51:23,560 --> 00:51:25,160 Yes, yes, yes! 877 00:51:25,240 --> 00:51:27,560 Ohh. 878 00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:32,400 What I've found is the name of the place where the treasure must be buried. 879 00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:35,000 And it's on the map. Let me tell you how I did it. 880 00:51:35,080 --> 00:51:36,120 It's incredible. 881 00:51:37,200 --> 00:51:39,160 La Buse was a pirate. Two things: 882 00:51:39,240 --> 00:51:43,520 he wouldn't write this and tell you where the treasure was in the first line. 883 00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:46,640 He's gonna play with your mind and tell you down here somewhere. 884 00:51:46,720 --> 00:51:49,000 So I started down in the last four lines, 885 00:51:49,080 --> 00:51:51,160 I thought, "That's where it's gonna be." 886 00:51:51,240 --> 00:51:54,320 And then I discovered a name that was as clear as day. 887 00:51:54,400 --> 00:51:57,400 And I thought, "That sounds like the name of a place." 888 00:51:57,480 --> 00:52:00,200 Seranambe - and there it is. 889 00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:02,840 Look, it's very small. 890 00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:06,400 Can you see it? I've scribbled on it in my excitement. Seranambe. 891 00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:08,280 That's where it is. 892 00:52:08,360 --> 00:52:12,840 All we have to do now is work out where in Seranambe to dig. 893 00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:16,680 That's the best thing that's ever happened to me. 894 00:52:18,240 --> 00:52:20,320 JEREMY: So James had cracked the code 895 00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:23,160 and Hammond and I had learned an important lesson 896 00:52:23,240 --> 00:52:28,560 about surviving on nothing but poached fish and several banana daiquiris. 897 00:52:30,600 --> 00:52:32,160 Remember... 898 00:52:32,240 --> 00:52:33,600 adapt. 899 00:52:34,640 --> 00:52:36,400 -You've forgotten. -Improvise, yes. 900 00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:38,680 -(LAUGHS) -Improvise. I've remembered. 901 00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:42,640 -Adopt. -No. 902 00:52:42,720 --> 00:52:44,320 Adapt. 903 00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:46,400 -Improvise. -Survive. 904 00:52:46,480 --> 00:52:48,440 That's what we're gonna do. 905 00:52:52,120 --> 00:52:55,480 RICHARD: The next day, with the daiquiris out of our system, 906 00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:59,560 we drove off the beach to find we were in Libertalia. 907 00:52:59,640 --> 00:53:03,880 And tantalisingly close to the village James had identified. 908 00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:05,920 We know where we're going. 909 00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:09,080 And it's 15 miles away. 910 00:53:09,160 --> 00:53:13,440 In 45 minutes, we will be deep in pirate country, digging for treasure. 911 00:53:13,520 --> 00:53:18,120 We'll get there. You two go and establish there's no golden crucifix with rubies 912 00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:21,000 and I'll find a dribble of wi-fi and book some flights home. 913 00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:24,000 If you want to rule yourself out of mind-blowing wealth, fine. 914 00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:26,080 There won't be any wealth. 915 00:53:27,280 --> 00:53:29,640 You're in for a terrible disappointment. 916 00:53:29,720 --> 00:53:32,080 I'm in pirate country, that's what I'm in. 917 00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:43,720 (LAUGHTER) 918 00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:49,080 You're all right. 919 00:53:49,160 --> 00:53:51,160 James, you're not even looking! 920 00:53:55,240 --> 00:53:59,000 JEREMY: I had to admit one thing about this so-called Libertalia. 921 00:53:59,080 --> 00:54:01,040 It wasn't bad-looking. 922 00:54:03,120 --> 00:54:05,560 If pirates were here, and it's possible... 923 00:54:05,640 --> 00:54:07,600 They were here. 924 00:54:07,680 --> 00:54:10,200 -I can see why they'd choose it. -It's gorgeous. 925 00:54:10,280 --> 00:54:13,120 If you sail the world, pulling in at places like... 926 00:54:13,200 --> 00:54:15,240 JAMES: Southampton. 927 00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:17,320 -Bristol. -Southampton... 928 00:54:17,400 --> 00:54:18,760 and then you go to Calais, 929 00:54:18,840 --> 00:54:20,840 you'd go, "Do you know..." 930 00:54:20,920 --> 00:54:22,680 Yeah, it's all right, isn't it? 931 00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:24,320 "I'll do some pirating here." 932 00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:31,000 JEREMY: Everything is just ridiculously perfect. 933 00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:37,960 RICHARD: That was a blissful interlude, that. 934 00:54:38,040 --> 00:54:40,040 Travelling silently across... 935 00:54:40,120 --> 00:54:42,080 No Ford key. Oh, no. 936 00:54:42,160 --> 00:54:43,520 No, he hasn't? 937 00:54:43,600 --> 00:54:46,400 He bloody has. 938 00:54:46,480 --> 00:54:49,240 James May, have you done what I think you've done? 939 00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:51,280 He's taken the key. 940 00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:53,080 James! 941 00:54:53,160 --> 00:54:54,880 Damn it! 942 00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:57,440 James! Give me my key fob. 943 00:54:57,520 --> 00:55:00,520 It's like a little magic trick. You've got to find it in the shop. 944 00:55:00,600 --> 00:55:02,560 -You utter-- -It's in the shop. 945 00:55:02,640 --> 00:55:04,000 Come on! Not another... 946 00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:06,560 (LAUGHS) 947 00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:08,920 Leaving Hammond to look for his keys... 948 00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:11,120 Why are we playing parlour games now? 949 00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:16,040 ...James and I set off on the short drive to the imaginary treasure village. 950 00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:22,240 (VILLAGERS CLAMOURING) 951 00:55:23,600 --> 00:55:24,960 (LAUGHTER) 952 00:55:25,040 --> 00:55:27,120 Again, it's the funniest car in the world. 953 00:55:27,200 --> 00:55:29,200 The road is smooth. 954 00:55:29,280 --> 00:55:31,240 Gonna be there by 11:00. 955 00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:35,640 Sadly, however, the road had other ideas. 956 00:55:45,240 --> 00:55:47,200 (ENGINE REVVING) 957 00:55:50,600 --> 00:55:53,920 The Madagascans call this the RN5. 958 00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:56,360 JAMES: Christ, this is proper rock crawl. 959 00:55:57,640 --> 00:55:59,600 JEREMY: But there's a better name. 960 00:56:00,680 --> 00:56:01,920 Hell. 961 00:56:03,920 --> 00:56:05,840 JAMES: Right, what do I do? 962 00:56:05,920 --> 00:56:08,440 I can't decide. I can't decide. I'm gonna go that way. 963 00:56:08,520 --> 00:56:10,080 -(HEAVY THUD) -Oww! 964 00:56:10,160 --> 00:56:12,000 Oww! Oww! Oww! 965 00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:16,160 (THUDDING AND CLANKING) 966 00:56:16,240 --> 00:56:19,200 The problem is, I can't see the road ahead. 967 00:56:19,280 --> 00:56:21,520 The bonnet is just like a football pitch. 968 00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:24,000 It's like a fat man trying to look at his penis. 969 00:56:25,560 --> 00:56:28,240 Ohh! Crike all bloody mighty! 970 00:56:31,720 --> 00:56:35,000 RICHARD: Having found my keys, I was now wishing I hadn't. 971 00:56:36,360 --> 00:56:37,440 Oh, my God. 972 00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:43,320 What I'm gonna try and do is get it up and out of these ruts. 973 00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:48,120 It might mean some unusual angles at times. 974 00:56:48,200 --> 00:56:51,240 Come on, little pirate. Keep pushing. 975 00:56:51,320 --> 00:56:53,040 (CLANKING) 976 00:56:54,120 --> 00:56:55,280 Urgh! 977 00:56:56,560 --> 00:56:58,120 Oh, shit. 978 00:57:01,080 --> 00:57:02,760 I daren't look. 979 00:57:05,880 --> 00:57:07,320 Aargh! 980 00:57:11,200 --> 00:57:13,640 The track was completely mangled. 981 00:57:13,720 --> 00:57:14,960 And as a result... 982 00:57:16,160 --> 00:57:18,720 Votre voiture, c'est...là-bas, oui? 983 00:57:18,800 --> 00:57:21,400 ...I was now blocking the road. 984 00:57:23,840 --> 00:57:27,480 I think what's happening here is people are getting a bit cross. 985 00:57:27,560 --> 00:57:31,440 I'm holding them all up, there's obviously a traffic jam building. 986 00:57:31,520 --> 00:57:33,920 This is the Route Nationale, it's the main road. 987 00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:36,240 The mainest of main roads. 988 00:57:36,320 --> 00:57:40,560 On the plus side, silver lining and all that, I met an actual pirate. 989 00:57:40,640 --> 00:57:43,080 However, having chatted to him for a bit... 990 00:57:43,160 --> 00:57:46,240 Un petit plus lentement, s'il vous plaît. Français... 991 00:57:46,320 --> 00:57:50,160 ...I realised I couldn't have been more wrong. 992 00:57:51,240 --> 00:57:52,600 I've discovered something. 993 00:57:53,720 --> 00:57:55,680 This guy's getting married today. 994 00:57:55,760 --> 00:57:58,120 It's his wedding. That's what all this is. 995 00:57:58,200 --> 00:58:00,160 He's not dressed as a pirate. 996 00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:03,200 He's a groom. 997 00:58:03,280 --> 00:58:07,800 And I was holding up him and his entire wedding party. 998 00:58:16,200 --> 00:58:18,200 Oh, God! 999 00:58:18,280 --> 00:58:21,200 Meanwhile, up ahead... 1000 00:58:21,280 --> 00:58:24,000 OK, I admit it. This is the worst road in the world ever. 1001 00:58:24,080 --> 00:58:26,480 Mary was correct. 1002 00:58:26,560 --> 00:58:28,600 Mary will probably turn out to be a prop forward 1003 00:58:28,680 --> 00:58:31,320 who drives a JCB for fun at weekends. 1004 00:58:31,400 --> 00:58:33,360 (THUDDING AND CLANKING) 1005 00:58:35,560 --> 00:58:38,000 Gaargh, that is a horrible noise! 1006 00:58:44,360 --> 00:58:46,400 JEREMY: I think this is impossible. 1007 00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:49,920 I mean, we need some blasting equipment to get through here. 1008 00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:53,920 If you come round this way, you can see from down here, 1009 00:58:54,000 --> 00:58:56,840 there's no way in hell you can get a Bentley up that. 1010 00:58:56,920 --> 00:59:00,600 Sadly, James and I didn't have any blasting equipment. 1011 00:59:00,680 --> 00:59:03,120 So we had to do something radical. 1012 00:59:04,160 --> 00:59:06,720 Work together. 1013 00:59:06,800 --> 00:59:09,720 Tiny bit of left-hand down. Now you'll have to go for it. 1014 00:59:14,200 --> 00:59:15,960 Please! 1015 00:59:17,560 --> 00:59:19,520 JAMES: Gently. There you go. 1016 00:59:22,200 --> 00:59:24,480 JEREMY: As we were struggling with the terrain, 1017 00:59:24,560 --> 00:59:29,360 our colleague was having to deal, in bad French, with his held-up wedding party. 1018 00:59:30,440 --> 00:59:32,000 Je m'excuse. 1019 00:59:32,080 --> 00:59:34,600 Maintenant, je...aller... 1020 00:59:34,680 --> 00:59:37,320 Je vais... And you can do the same. Sorry. 1021 00:59:44,160 --> 00:59:48,160 To speed things up, I decided to ditch the tracks 1022 00:59:48,240 --> 00:59:50,560 and put the focus back on wheels. 1023 00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:56,320 And because they wanted to get to the church on time, 1024 00:59:56,400 --> 00:59:59,320 the groom and his mates were more than happy to help. 1025 01:00:02,960 --> 01:00:04,920 More wedding people. 1026 01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:12,360 JEREMY: Up ahead, our cars were still taking the punishment. 1027 01:00:12,440 --> 01:00:14,640 (REVVING AND CLUNKING) 1028 01:00:18,600 --> 01:00:20,960 JEREMY: How in the bloody hell is it doing this? 1029 01:00:22,480 --> 01:00:26,320 You are watching a Bentley Continental coming up here. 1030 01:00:26,400 --> 01:00:28,880 Woo-hoo! 1031 01:00:28,960 --> 01:00:31,600 JAMES: However, the big surprise of the day 1032 01:00:31,680 --> 01:00:34,160 was the two-wheel-drive Caterham. 1033 01:00:35,760 --> 01:00:37,560 Get up there, car. Come on. Go on. 1034 01:00:39,360 --> 01:00:41,440 Is that wheel up in the air? 1035 01:00:47,600 --> 01:00:49,240 Jesus, it did it. 1036 01:00:49,320 --> 01:00:51,160 Did you see that? It did it. 1037 01:00:54,960 --> 01:00:58,040 This is a track car. It's a racing car. 1038 01:00:58,120 --> 01:01:02,520 -(CLUNK) -Can I just remind you of that? 1039 01:01:02,600 --> 01:01:07,240 RICHARD: At this point, I'd held up the wedding party for two hours. 1040 01:01:07,320 --> 01:01:09,960 But, by using calmness and patience... 1041 01:01:14,120 --> 01:01:16,120 ...I'd been able to get the wheels on... 1042 01:01:17,320 --> 01:01:18,720 Merci. 1043 01:01:18,800 --> 01:01:20,080 Sorry. 1044 01:01:20,160 --> 01:01:22,120 ...get out of everyone's way... 1045 01:01:23,480 --> 01:01:25,400 ...and then get back on the move. 1046 01:01:27,720 --> 01:01:29,800 Oh! 1047 01:01:31,600 --> 01:01:33,920 My big problem now, ground clearance. I haven't got any. 1048 01:01:34,000 --> 01:01:36,000 (SCRAPING) 1049 01:01:37,160 --> 01:01:39,120 It's basically a standard Focus RS. 1050 01:01:39,200 --> 01:01:41,240 (CLUNKING) 1051 01:01:42,400 --> 01:01:44,240 Oh! (BLEEP) 1052 01:01:47,840 --> 01:01:51,000 JEREMY: Up ahead, the road's surface hadn't changed, 1053 01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:53,080 but it had got narrower. 1054 01:01:53,160 --> 01:01:57,360 So I had to use an ingenious traffic management solution 1055 01:01:57,440 --> 01:01:59,080 developed by the locals. 1056 01:01:59,160 --> 01:02:03,040 So your job, you run ahead to stop the cars? 1057 01:02:03,120 --> 01:02:05,520 -Yes. Stop the cars. Yes, that's my job. -And that's your job. 1058 01:02:05,600 --> 01:02:07,880 (OVER RADIO) I've just met a young guy 1059 01:02:07,960 --> 01:02:09,520 who's going to run ahead of us 1060 01:02:09,600 --> 01:02:12,200 to stop cars coming the other way. 1061 01:02:12,280 --> 01:02:14,800 What does he do if there are cars coming the other way? 1062 01:02:14,880 --> 01:02:17,200 He stops them in a place where we can get past, you mean? 1063 01:02:17,280 --> 01:02:18,400 Exactly. 1064 01:02:18,480 --> 01:02:22,360 He organises cars to meet at the right place. 1065 01:02:22,440 --> 01:02:25,320 It worked. Running Boy, as he called himself, 1066 01:02:25,400 --> 01:02:28,840 did a brilliant job of managing the traffic. 1067 01:02:28,920 --> 01:02:32,840 Yes, what... This is a service I like. 1068 01:02:32,920 --> 01:02:38,520 I'm going to give him a lot of money because he's bloody earned it. 1069 01:02:38,600 --> 01:02:41,000 My tight-fisted colleague, however, 1070 01:02:41,080 --> 01:02:43,920 hadn't bothered to do a deal with my new friend. 1071 01:02:44,000 --> 01:02:47,200 So he was encountering oncoming traffic... 1072 01:02:47,280 --> 01:02:48,560 Jeez. 1073 01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:50,480 ...in all the wrong places. 1074 01:02:50,560 --> 01:02:52,280 (HORN HONKING) 1075 01:02:52,360 --> 01:02:54,280 I can't go backwards. 1076 01:02:56,880 --> 01:02:59,080 I can't ba... I can't reverse. 1077 01:02:59,160 --> 01:03:02,640 I'd have to reverse for about four miles. 1078 01:03:02,720 --> 01:03:04,640 JEREMY: James is a stubborn man 1079 01:03:04,720 --> 01:03:07,080 but in the face of this much opposition, 1080 01:03:07,160 --> 01:03:11,200 he had to resort to bad English and his winch. 1081 01:03:11,280 --> 01:03:15,080 Strap on the tree. 1082 01:03:15,160 --> 01:03:17,200 This... (WHOOSHES) 1083 01:03:17,280 --> 01:03:19,320 You drive. 1084 01:03:19,400 --> 01:03:21,040 Get out and help me. (WHOOSHES) 1085 01:03:22,480 --> 01:03:25,280 JAMES: Higher. Round the branch. 1086 01:03:28,640 --> 01:03:31,480 With the strap attached, I winched away. 1087 01:03:31,560 --> 01:03:33,880 (WHIRRING) 1088 01:03:33,960 --> 01:03:35,680 Whoop! 1089 01:03:37,000 --> 01:03:38,480 Good? 1090 01:03:38,560 --> 01:03:40,760 -Good? -(WHIRRING) 1091 01:03:42,520 --> 01:03:44,480 Can you get through? 1092 01:03:47,560 --> 01:03:49,320 Well done! 1093 01:03:53,400 --> 01:03:54,800 Oi! 1094 01:03:54,880 --> 01:03:56,920 (CLUNKING) 1095 01:03:57,000 --> 01:03:58,800 RICHARD: Several miles back, 1096 01:03:58,880 --> 01:04:02,080 the Ford, incredibly, was still going. 1097 01:04:02,160 --> 01:04:03,680 Come on. 1098 01:04:06,800 --> 01:04:08,560 Gee! Bloody... (LAUGHS) 1099 01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:14,920 There we go. Good car. 1100 01:04:16,040 --> 01:04:17,840 But I was struggling. 1101 01:04:17,920 --> 01:04:20,160 I'd been on the go for ten hours 1102 01:04:20,240 --> 01:04:23,880 and as I was heading for another late night, 1103 01:04:23,960 --> 01:04:27,960 I decided to stop and grab something to eat. 1104 01:04:28,040 --> 01:04:31,320 We've been given these emergency ration packs. 1105 01:04:32,600 --> 01:04:34,960 So, what I do is, take the top off there 1106 01:04:35,040 --> 01:04:39,280 and that's the food which is, I don't know, beans and sausages. 1107 01:04:39,360 --> 01:04:40,760 That goes in there. 1108 01:04:40,840 --> 01:04:44,480 And then I add a little drop of water. 1109 01:04:46,120 --> 01:04:49,040 I presume this triggers some sort of chemical reaction 1110 01:04:49,120 --> 01:04:52,720 with whatever it is in the little bag of stuff. 1111 01:04:55,040 --> 01:04:56,760 I don't think that's working. 1112 01:04:56,840 --> 01:04:59,800 There's no heat. I'd get more out of a hand warmer. 1113 01:04:59,880 --> 01:05:01,440 Oh, wait a minute, it's inflating. 1114 01:05:01,520 --> 01:05:03,640 Oh! Oh, no! Oh, my God. 1115 01:05:03,720 --> 01:05:05,360 -Oh! No, there's... -(STEAM HISSING) 1116 01:05:05,440 --> 01:05:07,160 Ahh! Ah! 1117 01:05:07,240 --> 01:05:08,840 Argh! 1118 01:05:08,920 --> 01:05:10,760 It's O... Oh! Oh, that's so hot! 1119 01:05:10,840 --> 01:05:13,440 Ah! Burning my balls! Ow! 1120 01:05:13,520 --> 01:05:15,280 (CLUNKING) 1121 01:05:15,360 --> 01:05:17,760 JAMES: As Hammond cooked his testicles, 1122 01:05:17,840 --> 01:05:20,320 we were still on the move. 1123 01:05:20,400 --> 01:05:21,960 Just. 1124 01:05:24,440 --> 01:05:27,960 We still have about nine miles to go. 1125 01:05:28,040 --> 01:05:32,440 I could crawl it faster than we're going. 1126 01:05:32,520 --> 01:05:34,520 (CLUNKING) 1127 01:05:34,600 --> 01:05:37,960 Yeah. Go... 1128 01:05:38,040 --> 01:05:41,040 Clarkson, stop. There's a man here with parts of your car. 1129 01:05:42,560 --> 01:05:45,400 -(CLUNKING) -Whoa. 1130 01:05:45,480 --> 01:05:48,400 Move. Come on, Bentley. Come on, Bentley! 1131 01:05:53,360 --> 01:05:56,480 It's getting dark. It's gonna go dark. 1132 01:05:58,360 --> 01:06:02,440 JEREMY: I can't believe it. We're not going to make this bloody town tonight. 1133 01:06:02,520 --> 01:06:05,920 How can we fail to do 15 miles in a day? 1134 01:06:06,000 --> 01:06:08,360 I can't drive like this. 1135 01:06:08,440 --> 01:06:11,960 There aren't enough lights in the world to illuminate this horror. 1136 01:06:13,040 --> 01:06:15,520 JAMES: So, we stop to make camp, 1137 01:06:15,600 --> 01:06:19,200 leaving Hammond out there with nothing but four wheels 1138 01:06:19,280 --> 01:06:21,360 and his scalded balls. 1139 01:06:25,400 --> 01:06:27,600 Go on, keep pushing. Go on. 1140 01:06:29,920 --> 01:06:32,840 RICHARD: Thanks to the toughness of the Focus, 1141 01:06:32,920 --> 01:06:35,200 and a little help from the locals, 1142 01:06:35,280 --> 01:06:38,360 I was amazingly still in the game. 1143 01:06:39,800 --> 01:06:41,680 Oh, that was quite rugged. 1144 01:06:43,640 --> 01:06:46,840 The going was getting tougher and tougher. 1145 01:06:46,920 --> 01:06:51,160 But I was determined that the little Ford and I would make it. 1146 01:06:51,240 --> 01:06:53,360 -(THUD) -Oh, you (BLEEP). 1147 01:06:54,800 --> 01:06:57,360 (RICHARD GROANS) 1148 01:06:57,440 --> 01:06:59,440 Come on, clear that, go on. 1149 01:06:59,520 --> 01:07:00,640 Yeah. 1150 01:07:00,720 --> 01:07:02,720 But then... 1151 01:07:02,800 --> 01:07:04,840 (CLUNKING) 1152 01:07:06,320 --> 01:07:08,960 -(CLATTERING) -Oh, shit. Hold on. Hold on. 1153 01:07:11,880 --> 01:07:13,800 Oh, shit. 1154 01:07:13,880 --> 01:07:15,800 My clutch has just gone. 1155 01:07:15,880 --> 01:07:18,880 Yep. I don't have a clutch. 1156 01:07:20,040 --> 01:07:21,880 Pedal's stuck down. 1157 01:07:21,960 --> 01:07:23,960 (EXHALES) 1158 01:07:25,880 --> 01:07:27,840 Fuck. 1159 01:07:30,640 --> 01:07:32,360 (BLEEP) 1160 01:07:33,440 --> 01:07:35,960 I'm done. 1161 01:07:36,040 --> 01:07:40,760 That's it. It's a clutch. I can't mend the clutch. 1162 01:07:40,840 --> 01:07:43,760 The clutch is a clutch and I haven't got a spare one. 1163 01:07:43,840 --> 01:07:46,200 It is finished. It ends. 1164 01:07:47,280 --> 01:07:49,000 It's dead. 1165 01:07:56,920 --> 01:07:59,400 This was the first time ever 1166 01:07:59,480 --> 01:08:02,400 we'd lost a car on one of our adventures. 1167 01:08:06,680 --> 01:08:09,360 But, there was no time to mourn 1168 01:08:09,440 --> 01:08:11,640 because as the sun rose the next morning, 1169 01:08:11,720 --> 01:08:13,720 we were on the road early, 1170 01:08:13,800 --> 01:08:18,160 eager to cover the last few miles to James's village. 1171 01:08:23,320 --> 01:08:25,320 I like walking, but in the Lake District. 1172 01:08:26,360 --> 01:08:28,320 There's proper weather there. 1173 01:08:29,600 --> 01:08:31,440 All right, mate. 1174 01:08:33,000 --> 01:08:35,600 Have you seen how well my car does this stuff? 1175 01:08:37,920 --> 01:08:42,040 JEREMY: Once again, Running Boy was out doing his thing. 1176 01:08:42,120 --> 01:08:44,160 -Oh, look at this. -(HE LAUGHS) 1177 01:08:44,240 --> 01:08:46,040 Thank you so much. Thank you. 1178 01:08:46,120 --> 01:08:47,880 Merci bien. Merci. 1179 01:08:49,320 --> 01:08:52,840 And, once again, Captain Stubborn hadn't paid him. 1180 01:08:54,520 --> 01:08:56,640 (HORN HONKING) 1181 01:08:56,720 --> 01:08:58,320 Can you back up a bit? 1182 01:08:58,360 --> 01:09:00,920 No, no, no, no. If you just back up a bit. 1183 01:09:01,000 --> 01:09:03,040 JAMES: Oi! 1184 01:09:04,160 --> 01:09:05,560 Oi! 1185 01:09:06,640 --> 01:09:08,000 -(THUD) -Oh! 1186 01:09:14,360 --> 01:09:17,000 JEREMY: Then, as we inched our way along, 1187 01:09:18,640 --> 01:09:21,520 the big bruiser finally stumbled. 1188 01:09:22,880 --> 01:09:26,520 Uh, temperature gauge is climbing, climbing. 1189 01:09:28,320 --> 01:09:30,640 It's now in the red. I'm gonna have to stop. 1190 01:09:31,680 --> 01:09:34,880 (HISSING) 1191 01:09:34,960 --> 01:09:37,880 The trouble is, there are eight radiators in this thing. 1192 01:09:39,600 --> 01:09:41,920 I can't even see. I can't get at anything. 1193 01:09:44,080 --> 01:09:47,960 JAMES: While my colleague tried to fix his engine by staring at it, 1194 01:09:49,320 --> 01:09:52,080 I was arriving at our destination, 1195 01:09:52,160 --> 01:09:54,320 the village of Seranambe... 1196 01:09:57,400 --> 01:09:59,080 (CHATTER AND LAUGHTER) 1197 01:09:59,160 --> 01:10:01,000 Hello. 1198 01:10:01,080 --> 01:10:04,040 ...where I'd crack the last part of the code 1199 01:10:04,120 --> 01:10:06,080 and find the treasure. 1200 01:10:07,120 --> 01:10:10,560 In the cryptogram, there is an X. 1201 01:10:10,640 --> 01:10:12,320 It's obviously not "X marks the spot". 1202 01:10:12,360 --> 01:10:13,960 That would be too obvious. 1203 01:10:14,040 --> 01:10:16,840 And, after it, there are distances, which I'm gonna assume are paces, 1204 01:10:16,920 --> 01:10:18,960 not miles or kilometres or anything like that. 1205 01:10:19,040 --> 01:10:20,920 But I don't know what the... 1206 01:10:21,000 --> 01:10:22,680 I don't know what the X means. 1207 01:10:22,760 --> 01:10:25,600 I mean, if he's talking about buildings, they'll have all gone. 1208 01:10:25,680 --> 01:10:27,080 The trees will all be different. 1209 01:10:27,160 --> 01:10:29,440 Only geographical features will be the same 1210 01:10:29,560 --> 01:10:32,680 and this is just flat. 1211 01:10:32,760 --> 01:10:37,000 JEREMY: Back at the Bentley, the news was not good. 1212 01:10:37,080 --> 01:10:41,120 I removed the entire front of the car and I found this. 1213 01:10:41,200 --> 01:10:42,840 It's a part of the cooling system 1214 01:10:42,920 --> 01:10:45,360 and the end's come off. 1215 01:10:47,520 --> 01:10:49,240 The fact of the matter is this. 1216 01:10:49,320 --> 01:10:51,920 If I can't get that hose repaired, 1217 01:10:53,200 --> 01:10:55,040 it's game over for the MFB. 1218 01:10:56,720 --> 01:10:59,880 JAMES: By contrast, in the village, things were looking up. 1219 01:11:00,960 --> 01:11:02,200 Wait a minute. 1220 01:11:04,160 --> 01:11:05,800 No, wait a minute. 1221 01:11:05,880 --> 01:11:08,560 It's the church. 1222 01:11:08,640 --> 01:11:11,520 Churches are always built on the same spot, aren't they? 1223 01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:17,080 So the "X" is actually a badly-drawn cross. 1224 01:11:17,160 --> 01:11:21,800 So from X, the crucifix, it turns out, that's there, 1225 01:11:21,880 --> 01:11:26,200 north, that'll be magnetic north, 120 paces, 1226 01:11:26,280 --> 01:11:27,840 that's where the treasure is. 1227 01:11:29,000 --> 01:11:30,720 After I'd found the spot... 1228 01:11:30,800 --> 01:11:35,000 117, 118, 119, 120. There. 1229 01:11:35,080 --> 01:11:37,720 ...Hammond arrived. 1230 01:11:37,800 --> 01:11:41,200 So we broke out the shovels and he started to dig. 1231 01:11:42,680 --> 01:11:44,560 -So where do you think he is? -Who? 1232 01:11:44,640 --> 01:11:46,400 Jeremy. 1233 01:11:46,520 --> 01:11:49,200 Well, he was behind me about two kilometres up the hill 1234 01:11:49,280 --> 01:11:50,920 -outside the town. -Yeah. 1235 01:11:51,000 --> 01:11:53,560 And then I sort of lost radio contact with him. 1236 01:11:53,640 --> 01:11:56,360 And I haven't heard from him since. 1237 01:11:56,440 --> 01:11:58,720 -(RATCHET CLICKING) -This isn't... 1238 01:11:58,800 --> 01:12:01,600 Oh, this is never gonna work. 1239 01:12:01,680 --> 01:12:04,360 No, the end's come off. The end's come off that now. 1240 01:12:06,320 --> 01:12:09,040 Why doesn't it...? Why is everything breaking? 1241 01:12:11,360 --> 01:12:13,680 Oh, God-all-bloody-mighty. 1242 01:12:15,320 --> 01:12:17,600 JAMES: there are two reasons why we don't need him. -Yeah? 1243 01:12:17,680 --> 01:12:19,720 -One is, he doesn't believe in buried treasure. -Yeah. 1244 01:12:19,800 --> 01:12:22,120 And the other is, he's not gonna do any digging, is he? 1245 01:12:22,200 --> 01:12:25,160 And the other is, treasure goes a lot further split two ways. 1246 01:12:25,240 --> 01:12:27,400 -Exactly. -It's 50 million each. 1247 01:12:27,520 --> 01:12:31,200 It's 49 and a half million. We'll have to leave a bit for the crew. 1248 01:12:32,920 --> 01:12:34,960 JEREMY: Sadly for James and Richard, 1249 01:12:35,040 --> 01:12:39,320 two hours later, they were back to a three-way split. 1250 01:12:54,400 --> 01:13:00,120 What in the name of all that's holy is going on here? 1251 01:13:02,120 --> 01:13:03,960 -It's not here, is it? JAMES: How do you know? 1252 01:13:04,040 --> 01:13:06,680 -Because it isn't here. -It's not here yet. 1253 01:13:06,760 --> 01:13:09,360 We'd have found it by now. They didn't build the Channel Tunnel, did they? 1254 01:13:09,440 --> 01:13:11,560 -Ahem. -RICHARD: Oh, hello. 1255 01:13:11,640 --> 01:13:13,760 JAMES: Where the bloody hell have you been? 1256 01:13:13,840 --> 01:13:16,440 I have been giving myself dirty fingernails. 1257 01:13:16,560 --> 01:13:18,320 -Oh, dear. -Why? 1258 01:13:18,360 --> 01:13:22,720 Well, I've been fitting my bonnet with the Madagascar pack, but never mind that. 1259 01:13:22,800 --> 01:13:25,680 Why have you two dug a hole 1260 01:13:25,760 --> 01:13:28,160 in the middle of this pretty little town's football pitch? 1261 01:13:29,200 --> 01:13:30,920 Because this is where the treasure is. 1262 01:13:31,000 --> 01:13:33,080 -Is the treasure buried here? -No. 1263 01:13:33,160 --> 01:13:35,280 Right, well, on that terrible, 1264 01:13:35,320 --> 01:13:38,280 but entirely predictable disappointment, it's time to... 1265 01:13:38,320 --> 01:13:41,960 -Um, actually... -It's not time to end, apparently. Why? What? 1266 01:13:42,040 --> 01:13:44,720 You know that island down there? We passed it yesterday. 1267 01:13:44,800 --> 01:13:46,200 Yeah? 1268 01:13:46,280 --> 01:13:48,920 Did you know it's actually called Pirate Island? 1269 01:13:50,280 --> 01:13:53,040 And it makes sense, if you think about it, 1270 01:13:53,120 --> 01:13:56,760 that he wouldn't have hid the treasure on Madagascar, where it could be found. 1271 01:13:56,840 --> 01:13:59,320 He'd have hidden it in secret on Pirate Island. 1272 01:13:59,360 --> 01:14:02,120 So, that's probably where it is, innit? Think about it. 1273 01:14:04,120 --> 01:14:05,880 How long have you known 1274 01:14:05,960 --> 01:14:08,760 that that island was called Pirate Island? 1275 01:14:09,920 --> 01:14:11,880 (EXHALES) Always. 1276 01:14:21,160 --> 01:14:25,280 JEREMY: Fearing that the village football team might be a bit annoyed, 1277 01:14:25,320 --> 01:14:29,280 we decided to get out of town, fast. 1278 01:14:30,720 --> 01:14:32,320 (REVVING) 1279 01:14:33,440 --> 01:14:35,400 Go on, get that up! 1280 01:14:37,040 --> 01:14:38,280 Come on! 1281 01:14:43,560 --> 01:14:45,640 Come on! Run it up! 1282 01:14:48,560 --> 01:14:53,000 TM-19032, this is James. Your man is taking beer off the boat. 1283 01:14:53,080 --> 01:14:55,400 The beer is supposed to go on the boat. 1284 01:14:55,520 --> 01:15:00,400 JEREMY: Whilst Roger the Cabin Boy and Seaman Staines got ready to sail, 1285 01:15:01,560 --> 01:15:05,280 I paid Running Boy, gave him some new shoes... 1286 01:15:05,320 --> 01:15:06,960 Yes? Bon? 1287 01:15:09,320 --> 01:15:12,080 ...and then rushed to the boat myself. 1288 01:15:13,200 --> 01:15:14,920 RICHARD: Finally. 1289 01:15:15,000 --> 01:15:18,280 Oh, good, they've ruined the football pitch and now they've ruined the beach. 1290 01:15:19,600 --> 01:15:22,040 Is this the same boat we used the other day? 1291 01:15:22,120 --> 01:15:24,200 Yes, I've chartered it, it's ours. 1292 01:15:24,280 --> 01:15:28,640 With the entire crew loaded on board, and May's booze lorries, 1293 01:15:28,720 --> 01:15:30,400 I decided to give him a present 1294 01:15:30,520 --> 01:15:35,840 appropriate for someone who'd just ruined the town's only sports venue. 1295 01:15:37,320 --> 01:15:39,720 It's a number plate and it's magic, OK? 1296 01:15:39,800 --> 01:15:41,800 JAMES: Is it? -No, it is, it's magic. 1297 01:15:41,880 --> 01:15:44,560 To the ladies and gentlemen at home, it's pixilated. 1298 01:15:44,640 --> 01:15:46,280 It's only visible to the naked eye. 1299 01:15:46,320 --> 01:15:48,160 RICHARD: Ooh, that's quite a strong message. 1300 01:15:48,240 --> 01:15:50,920 I mean, obviously you can't read it, because as I say, it's magic. 1301 01:15:51,000 --> 01:15:53,000 We can see exactly what it says and it... 1302 01:15:53,080 --> 01:15:55,760 That's when it's stationary. Does it still work if it moves? 1303 01:15:55,840 --> 01:15:58,040 Let's test how good it is as magic. 1304 01:15:58,120 --> 01:16:00,400 (RICHARD CHUCKLES) 1305 01:16:00,520 --> 01:16:02,760 But the editor of the programme 1306 01:16:02,840 --> 01:16:04,640 says, "Please don't put it on your car," 1307 01:16:04,720 --> 01:16:06,200 cos he can't pixelate... (LAUGHS) 1308 01:16:06,280 --> 01:16:08,320 Because we can't afford to pixilate the rest of the film. 1309 01:16:08,400 --> 01:16:11,240 -Yes, OK. Understood. -But you can put it on your office desk. 1310 01:16:11,320 --> 01:16:13,560 -Yes. -Can we get this ramp up, and get... Guys. 1311 01:16:13,640 --> 01:16:15,240 -Can we get the ramp up and go? -Yes. 1312 01:16:15,320 --> 01:16:16,960 -OK, ramp up, please. -(BELL RINGS) 1313 01:16:30,400 --> 01:16:32,680 JEREMY: As we'd be out at sea for a while, 1314 01:16:32,760 --> 01:16:35,720 Richard broke out his research books. 1315 01:16:35,800 --> 01:16:38,120 And here we are. 1316 01:16:38,200 --> 01:16:41,560 Olivier Levasseur, La Buse. 1317 01:16:41,640 --> 01:16:44,120 There's the cross. There it actually is. 1318 01:16:44,200 --> 01:16:46,960 A picture of the cross on his ship. 1319 01:16:49,080 --> 01:16:51,240 JEREMY: Meanwhile, May and I sat down 1320 01:16:51,320 --> 01:16:54,120 for a look back at what we'd achieved. 1321 01:16:56,040 --> 01:16:58,080 Have you gone fully Bear Grylls? 1322 01:16:58,160 --> 01:17:00,280 Is that your own urine? 1323 01:17:00,320 --> 01:17:02,520 No, no, no, no. It's Chablis. 1324 01:17:02,600 --> 01:17:04,080 (LAUGHS) Anyway... 1325 01:17:04,160 --> 01:17:05,640 In less than a week, 1326 01:17:05,720 --> 01:17:11,320 we have managed to cover a staggering 139 miles. 1327 01:17:11,360 --> 01:17:12,960 And our cars... 1328 01:17:13,040 --> 01:17:16,520 Well, two of our cars are still running. 1329 01:17:16,600 --> 01:17:18,080 Phenomenal achievement, really. 1330 01:17:18,160 --> 01:17:21,760 That isn't even a car, really. 1331 01:17:21,840 --> 01:17:23,440 That is a track-day toy. 1332 01:17:23,560 --> 01:17:25,280 -That's a racing car. -It is. 1333 01:17:25,320 --> 01:17:28,600 And all I've done is put some big tyres on it. 1334 01:17:28,680 --> 01:17:30,600 I'll tell you what driving the Bentley's like off road. 1335 01:17:30,680 --> 01:17:33,360 It's just this sense of immenseness. 1336 01:17:33,440 --> 01:17:37,400 It's like being at the birth of a world in there. 1337 01:17:37,520 --> 01:17:40,280 There's a sense of enormous power going on. 1338 01:17:40,320 --> 01:17:42,080 Of biblical happenings. 1339 01:17:42,160 --> 01:17:45,680 Whereas yours is just this little insect hopping about. Or a goat. 1340 01:17:45,760 --> 01:17:47,360 No, I'll tell you what mine is like. 1341 01:17:47,440 --> 01:17:48,960 What it's like being in the Caterham. 1342 01:17:49,040 --> 01:17:53,640 It's like being invited to the football World Cup final 1343 01:17:53,720 --> 01:17:55,960 and they've given you a special seat 1344 01:17:56,040 --> 01:17:58,200 and it's inside the ball. 1345 01:17:58,280 --> 01:18:00,680 (LAUGHS WHEEZILY) 1346 01:18:00,760 --> 01:18:03,000 I'd rather be at the birth of a world. 1347 01:18:03,080 --> 01:18:05,240 In control of the birth of a world. 1348 01:18:05,320 --> 01:18:08,640 You are not in control, you're just inside a football being kicked about. 1349 01:18:08,720 --> 01:18:10,960 Whereas I am in control. 1350 01:18:11,040 --> 01:18:12,600 Right, we're gonna have a continent here 1351 01:18:12,680 --> 01:18:14,400 and we'll have some tides on the moon. 1352 01:18:14,520 --> 01:18:16,720 You know, we'll get that going around, it'll be fantastic. 1353 01:18:16,800 --> 01:18:18,280 And then we'll have some tectonic plates. 1354 01:18:18,320 --> 01:18:20,440 That's not really what happens at the birth of a world. 1355 01:18:20,560 --> 01:18:21,880 -Yes, it is. -No, it isn't. 1356 01:18:21,960 --> 01:18:23,280 Somebody doesn't sit there planning it. 1357 01:18:23,320 --> 01:18:28,320 But the fact is, your car, it is disgusting, James. 1358 01:18:28,360 --> 01:18:31,400 I can see germs coming out of it. 1359 01:18:31,520 --> 01:18:35,720 When you drove through a lake of human effluent, you were covered in it. 1360 01:18:35,800 --> 01:18:38,120 When I drove through the human effluent, 1361 01:18:38,200 --> 01:18:40,520 my front window went a bit brown momentarily 1362 01:18:40,600 --> 01:18:42,560 and then that was the end of that. 1363 01:18:42,640 --> 01:18:44,840 I was back to my air-conditioned splendour. 1364 01:18:44,920 --> 01:18:47,840 -That's why mine's better. -Your car's not better. 1365 01:18:47,920 --> 01:18:49,840 I've got a spotless shirt on. 1366 01:18:49,920 --> 01:18:51,720 -But that's not the objective. -Yes, it is. 1367 01:18:51,800 --> 01:18:53,440 The objective is not to be spotless, 1368 01:18:53,560 --> 01:18:56,000 it is to find treasure in Madagascar. 1369 01:18:56,080 --> 01:18:57,920 -There isn't any treasure. -You don't know that. 1370 01:18:58,000 --> 01:19:00,120 -I do know that. OK. -How do you know that? 1371 01:19:00,200 --> 01:19:02,240 (CONVERSATION FADES) 1372 01:19:04,080 --> 01:19:08,000 I used to do this as a kid, but that'd be my teacher on the plank. 1373 01:19:08,080 --> 01:19:09,880 Now there's someone even better. 1374 01:19:09,960 --> 01:19:11,880 Arr! 1375 01:19:11,960 --> 01:19:14,360 Arr. (CACKLES LIKE A PIRATE) 1376 01:19:18,200 --> 01:19:21,040 JEREMY: Soon Pirate Island hoved into view 1377 01:19:21,120 --> 01:19:23,600 and we prepared to disembark. 1378 01:19:25,320 --> 01:19:28,560 Clarkson! 1379 01:19:28,640 --> 01:19:30,360 Where are my shoes? 1380 01:19:40,560 --> 01:19:45,840 JEREMY: Having reached land, James and I experienced a strange sensation. 1381 01:19:45,920 --> 01:19:50,360 Holy mother of God, it's a road! 1382 01:19:50,440 --> 01:19:54,200 Nice, isn't it? It's like coming back inside and standing on the carpet. 1383 01:19:54,280 --> 01:19:58,160 Along with the Tarmac, there was also a mobile phone signal, 1384 01:19:58,240 --> 01:20:02,160 electricity and many shops. 1385 01:20:02,240 --> 01:20:03,960 That is an actual restaurant. 1386 01:20:06,240 --> 01:20:08,200 James and Richard could go and dig a big hole 1387 01:20:08,280 --> 01:20:09,960 in the kitchen of the restaurant, perhaps. 1388 01:20:10,040 --> 01:20:12,000 Put him out of business. 1389 01:20:12,080 --> 01:20:14,320 Why would you not do that? 1390 01:20:16,200 --> 01:20:18,120 Roger the Cabin Boy, meanwhile, 1391 01:20:18,200 --> 01:20:20,160 had found some transport. 1392 01:20:20,240 --> 01:20:21,320 (HORN TOOTING) 1393 01:20:21,360 --> 01:20:22,960 Yep, I've ended up in a tuk tuk 1394 01:20:23,040 --> 01:20:25,840 but it's no ordinary tuk tuk. It's got a pirate on it. 1395 01:20:30,280 --> 01:20:31,640 -(THUDDING) -Oh, yes. 1396 01:20:31,720 --> 01:20:33,840 It's a great ride as well. 1397 01:20:35,320 --> 01:20:38,600 As Hammond bought stupid souvenirs... 1398 01:20:38,680 --> 01:20:40,840 It's a bit more "Arr", a bit more piratey. 1399 01:20:40,920 --> 01:20:43,520 ...I found a hotel 1400 01:20:43,600 --> 01:20:46,240 so May could get back to code cracking. 1401 01:20:54,520 --> 01:20:58,080 And in the morning, we set off with James still believing 1402 01:20:58,160 --> 01:21:00,920 the locals were laughing at his car... 1403 01:21:01,000 --> 01:21:02,200 not him. 1404 01:21:02,280 --> 01:21:04,280 (CHILDREN LAUGHING) 1405 01:21:07,760 --> 01:21:10,160 Now, I had a bit of a breakthrough last night, viewers. 1406 01:21:10,240 --> 01:21:12,400 The cryptograph, La Buse's cryptograph, 1407 01:21:12,520 --> 01:21:14,920 mentions a Turkish dog, 1408 01:21:15,000 --> 01:21:17,320 which doesn't actually mean a dog from Turkey. 1409 01:21:17,400 --> 01:21:19,680 It means a dog with no hair. 1410 01:21:19,760 --> 01:21:22,760 And when I looked at the map of the island, 1411 01:21:22,840 --> 01:21:26,120 I realised it looks like a hairless dog. 1412 01:21:26,200 --> 01:21:29,920 And its ear is a beach. A very distinct beach. 1413 01:21:30,000 --> 01:21:33,040 That's where we're going. That's where I think the crucifix is buried. 1414 01:21:33,120 --> 01:21:34,520 I'm absolutely convinced of it. 1415 01:21:37,360 --> 01:21:40,160 JEREMY: Soon we arrived at the completely deserted beach 1416 01:21:40,240 --> 01:21:43,200 which looked nothing like a dog's ear, 1417 01:21:43,280 --> 01:21:48,280 and immediately my deluded colleagues started to talk gibberish. 1418 01:21:48,320 --> 01:21:50,120 -So, is this it? -Yeah, this is it. 1419 01:21:50,200 --> 01:21:53,160 -This is where it is? -And it makes perfect sense, actually. 1420 01:21:53,240 --> 01:21:54,720 -If you're in a cartoon. -No. 1421 01:21:54,800 --> 01:21:56,800 If you're fleeing from the Royal Navy 1422 01:21:56,880 --> 01:22:00,040 and you unload the treasure and you quickly bury it before they get to you. 1423 01:22:00,120 --> 01:22:02,960 The obvious place to bury it is on the beach, cos it's easy to dig. 1424 01:22:03,040 --> 01:22:05,160 So we could right now be standing on it? 1425 01:22:05,240 --> 01:22:07,280 -You could be. -It could be under our feet. 1426 01:22:07,320 --> 01:22:09,800 But it could be over there. This is quite a big crescent, 1427 01:22:09,880 --> 01:22:12,560 so I would suggest we divide it up into three, 1428 01:22:12,640 --> 01:22:14,200 make sure we don't miss any of it. 1429 01:22:14,280 --> 01:22:16,360 -So, Hammond, you take that third. -Gladly. 1430 01:22:16,440 --> 01:22:18,840 I'll go in the middle. You go down the far end. 1431 01:22:18,920 --> 01:22:22,520 Right. Come on, lads. We've come a long way to do this, let's get to work. 1432 01:22:25,720 --> 01:22:30,360 RICHARD: Since we were looking for a 220-pound gold cross, 1433 01:22:30,440 --> 01:22:34,560 the best tool for the job was clearly a metal detector. 1434 01:22:34,640 --> 01:22:37,000 I should check it works. 1435 01:22:37,080 --> 01:22:39,920 See if it can find my Swiss hill climb knee. 1436 01:22:40,000 --> 01:22:41,960 -(BEEPING AND SQUEALING) -Oh, yeah. Yeah. 1437 01:22:43,040 --> 01:22:44,440 Wooh. 1438 01:22:44,560 --> 01:22:47,600 Yep, it definitely works. 1439 01:22:47,680 --> 01:22:50,160 It is possible that when I find it, it'll be grizzly, 1440 01:22:50,240 --> 01:22:52,680 because pirates used to, 1441 01:22:52,760 --> 01:22:54,600 when they buried their treasure, 1442 01:22:54,680 --> 01:22:57,840 bury a prisoner on top of it... 1443 01:22:57,920 --> 01:23:00,640 ...so the ghost would protect the treasure. 1444 01:23:02,200 --> 01:23:04,200 JAMES: Meanwhile, and as you'd expect, 1445 01:23:04,280 --> 01:23:06,640 I was doing things properly. 1446 01:23:06,720 --> 01:23:09,040 It's gonna take a long time to do this beach, 1447 01:23:09,120 --> 01:23:11,040 so I'm gonna assemble four metal detectors 1448 01:23:11,120 --> 01:23:13,760 on this rudimentary trailer that I've put together, 1449 01:23:13,840 --> 01:23:18,680 and then I can detect four times as much beach in one pass and I can use the car. 1450 01:23:22,120 --> 01:23:26,520 JEREMY: Given that we'd be conducting this fools' errand in the blazing heat, 1451 01:23:26,600 --> 01:23:28,880 I decided my time would be better spent 1452 01:23:28,960 --> 01:23:31,280 building some kind of shelter. 1453 01:23:46,080 --> 01:23:48,520 (WHIRRING) 1454 01:23:49,880 --> 01:23:52,640 Excellent, excellent. 1455 01:23:52,720 --> 01:23:58,040 JAMES: By late morning, my treasure-detecting solution system was finally ready. 1456 01:24:03,040 --> 01:24:04,880 Let's do this in a systematic way. 1457 01:24:04,960 --> 01:24:06,440 The great thing about this, of course, 1458 01:24:06,560 --> 01:24:09,600 is that my wheel tracks will show me which bits I've already done. 1459 01:24:10,720 --> 01:24:12,800 It's a bit like ploughing a field. 1460 01:24:21,080 --> 01:24:23,120 Bugger. 1461 01:24:23,200 --> 01:24:26,680 JAMES: Having turned my treasure-detecting trailer 1462 01:24:26,760 --> 01:24:31,600 into a treasure-detecting sledge, I set off once more. 1463 01:24:35,040 --> 01:24:36,800 50 mill. 1464 01:24:38,080 --> 01:24:40,120 There's no tax on it, is there? 1465 01:24:42,640 --> 01:24:44,080 JEREMY: By mid-afternoon, 1466 01:24:44,160 --> 01:24:46,720 Roger and Seaman were getting hot and bothered. 1467 01:24:48,320 --> 01:24:51,080 Just a beep. Come on, a beep. 1468 01:24:51,160 --> 01:24:55,320 But, luckily, my simple shelter was now finished. 1469 01:24:55,400 --> 01:24:56,880 (TINKLING) 1470 01:25:04,440 --> 01:25:06,640 Couple of banana daiquiris I've prepared for you. 1471 01:25:07,800 --> 01:25:09,880 RICHARD: What the hell is this? 1472 01:25:09,960 --> 01:25:14,120 I told you I was building some shelter and I-- 1473 01:25:14,200 --> 01:25:16,040 -It's a bar. -Oh, I'm sorry! 1474 01:25:16,120 --> 01:25:18,120 I'm sorry that the bar-shaped shelter 1475 01:25:18,200 --> 01:25:20,320 doesn't meet with your requirements. 1476 01:25:20,360 --> 01:25:23,880 -Thank you for the banana daiquiri, it's excellent. -Thank you. 1477 01:25:23,960 --> 01:25:27,560 But might you make a bit of effort to help us achieve our objective? 1478 01:25:27,640 --> 01:25:29,520 Which is to find the Fiery Cross of Goa, 1479 01:25:29,600 --> 01:25:31,800 a seven-foot high golden crucifix studded with rubies. 1480 01:25:31,880 --> 01:25:34,320 Shall I tell you exactly where that is? 1481 01:25:34,400 --> 01:25:36,520 Same as every other piece of looted treasure. 1482 01:25:36,600 --> 01:25:38,120 It's in the bowels of the Vatican. 1483 01:25:38,200 --> 01:25:40,040 -No, it isn't. -Hey, no, it isn't. 1484 01:25:40,120 --> 01:25:42,080 And, listen, it was real. We know that. 1485 01:25:42,160 --> 01:25:45,000 The French government offered La Buse 1486 01:25:45,080 --> 01:25:46,880 a pardon for his piracy 1487 01:25:46,960 --> 01:25:48,640 if he'd go back to France 1488 01:25:48,720 --> 01:25:50,840 and hand over the fiery cross, and he... 1489 01:25:50,920 --> 01:25:52,280 Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1490 01:25:52,320 --> 01:25:53,920 The French government did what? 1491 01:25:54,000 --> 01:25:57,560 The French government said, "We'll give you, La Buse, an amnesty as a pirate 1492 01:25:57,640 --> 01:26:01,160 if you'll bring specifically the fiery cross back to France." 1493 01:26:01,240 --> 01:26:03,800 And he said, "No," and hid it. Fact. 1494 01:26:03,880 --> 01:26:05,440 These aren't things from Hammond's books. 1495 01:26:05,560 --> 01:26:09,240 These are cross-referenced primary source pieces of academic research. 1496 01:26:09,320 --> 01:26:12,640 We know it existed and the evidence says it's on this beach. 1497 01:26:12,720 --> 01:26:15,360 No pirate treasure... You will agree with this. 1498 01:26:15,440 --> 01:26:18,600 No pirate treasure has ever been found, buried pirate treasure. 1499 01:26:18,680 --> 01:26:20,520 No, that's because it's still lost. 1500 01:26:20,600 --> 01:26:23,320 Tutankhamun hadn't been found for thousands of years. 1501 01:26:23,360 --> 01:26:25,320 -And then it was. -Exactly. 1502 01:26:25,400 --> 01:26:30,600 There's a chance, then, if I go down there, I find this cross? 1503 01:26:30,680 --> 01:26:32,320 -There's a chance? -Yes. 1504 01:26:32,360 --> 01:26:34,920 If I do a quick search, can I come back to my shelter? 1505 01:26:35,000 --> 01:26:37,040 -Not too quick. -You got to thorough search. 1506 01:26:37,120 --> 01:26:38,560 We've divided the beach up. 1507 01:26:38,640 --> 01:26:41,320 -If I do a thorough search, can I come back to my-- -Yes, yes. 1508 01:26:41,400 --> 01:26:43,720 Of course. If you do a thorough search and we find it-- 1509 01:26:43,800 --> 01:26:45,880 We'll celebrate in your bar. 1510 01:26:45,960 --> 01:26:48,120 Fair enough. Your arguments have been persuasive. 1511 01:26:48,200 --> 01:26:50,080 We'll meet you back in your bar. 1512 01:26:50,160 --> 01:26:52,320 Yes, in... 20 minutes. 1513 01:26:52,400 --> 01:26:53,880 -Nn... -No, 20 minutes. 1514 01:26:53,960 --> 01:26:58,240 -It's a big job. -I can cover that in 20 minutes. 1515 01:26:58,320 --> 01:27:02,320 So, whilst Hammond and May got back to finishing off their sections, 1516 01:27:02,360 --> 01:27:04,720 I began on mine. 1517 01:27:17,560 --> 01:27:21,360 You do have to be a little bit careful with this if you're doing this at home, 1518 01:27:21,440 --> 01:27:23,240 trying to find something in your garden. 1519 01:27:30,520 --> 01:27:33,560 Right, this is the fuse wire. 1520 01:27:33,640 --> 01:27:36,960 Put one end in there, like that, 1521 01:27:37,040 --> 01:27:39,640 and I light the other end, and then I have, I'm told, 1522 01:27:39,720 --> 01:27:43,760 three minutes to reach minimum safe distance in the MFB, 1523 01:27:43,840 --> 01:27:45,760 before the explosions begin. 1524 01:27:45,840 --> 01:27:47,680 OK. 1525 01:27:49,160 --> 01:27:51,320 -(FUSE FIZZING) -Lovely. 1526 01:27:52,400 --> 01:27:54,760 That is not three minutes! Shit. 1527 01:27:54,840 --> 01:27:56,920 Shit. Shit! 1528 01:27:59,160 --> 01:28:00,560 Begin! 1529 01:28:00,640 --> 01:28:02,440 Ah, I've turned it off! 1530 01:28:03,960 --> 01:28:06,360 Ah! Traction control. 1531 01:28:07,880 --> 01:28:11,680 -No, no, no! -(EXPLOSIONS) 1532 01:28:26,040 --> 01:28:28,320 Oh, Jesus! 1533 01:28:33,720 --> 01:28:35,720 (WIND WHISTLING) 1534 01:28:35,800 --> 01:28:40,200 On the plus side, my work had been extremely thorough. 1535 01:28:41,320 --> 01:28:43,560 On the minus side, however... 1536 01:28:43,640 --> 01:28:45,600 Find anything? 1537 01:28:45,680 --> 01:28:47,280 Not a thing. You? 1538 01:28:48,440 --> 01:28:51,640 Nothing. He's only got that little bit to do. 1539 01:28:51,720 --> 01:28:54,360 So there's nothing there. What about there? 1540 01:28:54,440 --> 01:28:56,920 And that's annoying because, and I'm not making this up, 1541 01:28:57,000 --> 01:28:59,200 I have just had this email... 1542 01:29:02,240 --> 01:29:03,880 JAMES: Ohh. -(JEREMY CHUCKLES) 1543 01:29:03,960 --> 01:29:05,960 -That's cruel. -(DETECTOR WHINING) 1544 01:29:06,040 --> 01:29:08,400 RICHARD: Ah, chaps. -What? 1545 01:29:09,520 --> 01:29:11,360 (DETECTOR WHINING) 1546 01:29:11,440 --> 01:29:13,360 Chaps, there's... 1547 01:29:13,440 --> 01:29:15,280 It's... Listen, it's there! 1548 01:29:16,400 --> 01:29:18,320 Shovel! Shovel! 1549 01:29:24,280 --> 01:29:27,000 -(RICHARD GASPS) -There's something there. 1550 01:29:27,080 --> 01:29:28,680 There. 1551 01:29:28,760 --> 01:29:30,440 JEREMY: Jesus. What's that? 1552 01:29:33,240 --> 01:29:35,680 What is it? 1553 01:29:35,760 --> 01:29:37,800 (HEAVENLY MUSIC) 1554 01:29:43,920 --> 01:29:46,040 I think it's the Holy Grail. 1555 01:29:47,800 --> 01:29:49,480 JAMES: Oh, cock. 1556 01:29:51,600 --> 01:29:55,280 And on that terrible disappointment, it is time to end. 1557 01:29:56,920 --> 01:29:59,120 No more memories from your childhood? 1558 01:29:59,200 --> 01:30:01,880 -No, I got nothing. -OK, that is it. 1559 01:30:01,960 --> 01:30:03,720 Thank you so much for watching. 1560 01:30:03,800 --> 01:30:05,840 Take care. See you soon.