1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,519 What a pair, where did you get this? 2 00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:05,919 Can I have it? 3 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:06,959 No. 4 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:09,159 Did you take the sculpture? 5 00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:10,199 No. 6 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:12,959 If I sell it I take 10%, deal? 7 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,919 How behind are you? If it's money that you need... 8 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:17,919 I don't need money. 9 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:19,759 That'll be £25, please. 10 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:23,000 I thought we should try and surprise each other once every day. 11 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:26,919 He's organising you a surprise birthday party. 12 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:28,479 You know I hate... 13 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:30,359 Surprise! 14 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:31,519 It's me, it's me. 15 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:34,239 I suppose you should meet Hillary. 16 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:35,999 You will never see me again. 17 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,559 I've got to think about all the people I can have sex with now. 18 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:39,800 I should get on it. 19 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:04,320 Jogging. 20 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:12,679 I did a fart the other day that was exactly like Mum's. 21 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:14,839 A door opening, or suspicious dark? 22 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:16,639 Door opening. 23 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,039 Means you're getting Mum's bum. 24 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:21,999 God, I'd be lucky. My bottom dropped ages ago. 25 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,399 My farts used to be like, "Pah!" 26 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:27,479 Now they're just sort of fighting their way out. 27 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:29,680 I haven't farted in about three years. 28 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:36,320 Happy birthday. 29 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:39,640 - She won't eat it. - Thanks. 30 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:49,639 So, it's a 7 pm arrival tonight for a 7.30 surprise, OK? 31 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:50,839 Yeah, I got your e-mail. 32 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:52,919 It's really a business birthday thing. 33 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:56,199 It won't be much fun, so just don't expect a "party" party. 34 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,559 I won't. 35 00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:59,879 And maybe... 36 00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:01,399 just wear trousers. 37 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:02,879 And don't drink too much. 38 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,319 There's this huge promotion in Finland, 39 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,279 so this party is quite a serious... 40 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:09,679 I mean, it's basically a business meeting. 41 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:11,599 Sounds like a blast. 42 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:12,839 Can I bring a date? 43 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:14,239 - Harry? - No. 44 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,239 Who? 45 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:17,400 I don't know yet. 46 00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:24,199 It's really inappropriate to jog around a graveyard. 47 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:25,439 Why? 48 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:27,680 Flaunting your life. 49 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,040 God, I can't wait to be old. 50 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:38,999 If it's any consolation, you look older than you are. 51 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:45,520 Sorry, sorry. 52 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:49,279 - Hello, Claire speaking. - Mum died three years ago. 53 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:51,679 She had a double mastectomy but never really recovered. 54 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:55,679 It was particularly hard, cos she had amazing boobs. 55 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:57,439 She used to tell me I was lucky 56 00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:59,919 cos mine would never get in the way. 57 00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:01,799 My sister's got whoppers, 58 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:03,720 but she got all of Mum's good bits. 59 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,719 What's Martin given you? 60 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,839 A cursory stroke would be nice. 61 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:10,879 What? No bang-bang? 62 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:13,640 He says he's still got that thing on his... 63 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,719 What? 64 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:18,519 On his... 65 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:19,919 Come on, you can do it. 66 00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:21,919 - I don't have to say... - Yes, you do. - No, not here. 67 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:23,719 Come on, little one. Come on, please. - No. 68 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:25,400 - Penis. - Thank you. 69 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:31,280 He says he still has that thing on his penis. Sorry. 70 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:37,719 Christ, look at that man. 71 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:38,760 Tragic. 72 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:41,719 Nah, he's a con. 73 00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:44,319 You can't call someone who is grieving a con. 74 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:46,879 - That is shit grieving. - Look at him, he's properly grieving. 75 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:49,440 No-one grieves like that unless they are in a film or from Italy. 76 00:03:49,441 --> 00:03:51,279 Who are you to pass judgment on his grief? 77 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:54,319 Trust me, he's at a different grave every day, he can't get enough of it. 78 00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:59,199 What? 79 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:00,600 You come here every day? 80 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:09,159 Don't do a jumpy-outy surprise thing, 81 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:12,999 and don't sing Happy Birthday, I couldn't bear it. 82 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,080 I'm... 83 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,080 I'm actually looking forward to it. 84 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:21,240 Hi, Harry, it's me. 85 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,239 Listen, I know we're broken up, but it's Claire's birthday tonight 86 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:26,480 and I thought that... 87 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,399 I thought that maybe 88 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:32,920 you'd like to come to her... 89 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:36,160 ...birthday party. 90 00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:40,320 Anyway, give me a call, and I hope you're OK. Bye. 91 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:49,880 I can't go out with a dog. 92 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:05,439 My boyfriend before Harry used to make me send him pictures of 93 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:07,079 my vagina wherever I was, 94 00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:08,719 ten or 11 times a day. 95 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,920 One day when I was temping he asked me to... 96 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,040 Time to throw the net out. 97 00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:53,879 I am in so much trouble. 98 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:55,239 Jesus Christ. 99 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:56,519 What am I going to get Claire? 100 00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:58,399 I am meant to get her the perfect present. 101 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,639 - I am not drunk. - Always drunk. 102 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,679 I am not drunk! 103 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:04,879 Which is odd, cos Claire's so straight. 104 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:06,039 Smack me in the face. 105 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:07,559 - Really hard. - Really? 106 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:09,639 Yeah. 107 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:10,760 Good. 108 00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:14,399 Fuck. 109 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:17,399 I think you gave me a semi. 110 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,519 Can I eat a water or a sandwich, or something? 111 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:22,279 I mean, the man's got a problem. 112 00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:24,559 Speak to me. Speak to me. 113 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:27,559 But no-one wants to admit there's a problem because then they don't get 114 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,559 to have crazy nights out with Fun Drunk Martin. 115 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,279 Chicken, are you chicken? No. 116 00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:34,719 He's one of those men who is explosively sexually inappropriate 117 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:37,839 with everyone, but makes you feel bad if you take offence 118 00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:39,719 because he was "just being fun". 119 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:42,239 Honestly, you could tell him you're going to pop to the loo 120 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:43,279 and he'll say... 121 00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:46,279 Yes, you pop to the loo, pull down your knickers, 122 00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:47,599 and then I will come in 123 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,200 and fuck you. 124 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:55,799 I mean, this place is ridiculous. 125 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:57,639 Does anyone ever come here? 126 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,039 I mean, it is creepy as fuck. 127 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,599 Why don't you get her a guinea pig? 128 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:03,479 It was a surprise hit here. 129 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:05,999 What, you think she'd like a pig? Can I take this one? 130 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,040 No, not that one. 131 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,759 Christ, woman, there's something wrong with that one, 132 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:12,759 it's got death in its eyes. 133 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:14,919 Yeah, the vet says she's depressed. 134 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:17,520 Aren't we all, girl? 135 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:22,079 You know, guinea pigs can die of loneliness. 136 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:23,120 Can they? 137 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:25,399 - Hold her. - No. 138 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,559 - She needs it. - No. 139 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:28,600 Shh! 140 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:30,919 I have an idea. 141 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:34,439 He's sexually inappropriate and he eats raw sausages but no-one's 142 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:37,599 made her laugh like he does, so I guess I have to give him that. 143 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:40,239 Right, just put your... What are you doing? What are you doing? 144 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:41,519 No. Stop it. 145 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,079 No, no, no, there. 146 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:44,680 There we go. 147 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,000 I'm an innocent man. 148 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:50,639 I bought her a necklace with her name on it, 149 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:52,799 that she found and told me not to buy. - OK. 150 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:54,399 I bought her a book 151 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,359 that she already has. 152 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,479 She says not to buy her any clothes 153 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:00,479 because she probably won't wear them. 154 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,920 She scares me! 155 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,079 This sandwich is so good. 156 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,199 Look, this is London. 157 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,919 Just fuck off and buy something weird and expensive. 158 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,599 No, no, it's got to be good, all right. Help me! 159 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:13,799 Pay me and I'll help you. 160 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:14,999 Fuck off. 161 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,319 How much? 162 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:17,439 £60. 163 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:18,679 - 70. - Done. 164 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:19,720 Yeah! 165 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:25,960 I don't know who she is. 166 00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:29,439 Is she...? 167 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:30,480 No. 168 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:33,919 What about...? 169 00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:34,960 No! 170 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:39,920 Just... get whoever you are. 171 00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:42,080 Who are you? 172 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:44,599 I don't know. 173 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,000 I want to be that person. 174 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,239 I have been that person. 175 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:51,159 Ha. 176 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:54,279 But most of the time I'm that person, like everyone else. 177 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,679 They're good, right? Chic. 178 00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:58,999 Chic means boring - don't tell the French. 179 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,599 What about these? 180 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:01,960 No. God. 181 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:07,840 Stop checking, all right, nobody loves you. Help me here. 182 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:12,320 Who is this person? 183 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:14,720 Fuck, no. 184 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:17,639 This is perfect. 185 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,959 Get her something she'd never get herself. 186 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,039 Surprise her. 187 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:22,519 She'll think I've gone nuts. 188 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,199 No, she'll think you see her as this person, 189 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,639 and everyone wants to be this person. 190 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:28,999 I don't know, I... 191 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,119 Aren't these for children? 192 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,160 No. 193 00:09:33,560 --> 00:09:37,120 Let's keep going. I saw some more stuff she'll hate over there. 194 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:47,799 My neighbour 195 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,279 is really fit. 196 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:50,439 Which one? 197 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:52,879 - The fit one. - The one with the sexy big belly? 198 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:56,640 No, no, he's the other neighbour. He's like, he's like, OK... 199 00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:00,799 I'm going to hold his face in my head so you can see him. 200 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:01,840 OK. 201 00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:08,679 I'm not getting anything. 202 00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:09,919 Make your face his face. 203 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:10,960 Yeah, OK. 204 00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:15,639 Is he mixed race? 205 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:17,039 I'm getting mixed race. 206 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:18,079 Yes! 207 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:20,919 - That's him. - Go on. 208 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:22,599 No. 209 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:23,800 OK. OK! 210 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,119 Jesus. 211 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:33,079 I'm really sorry, we're really high. 212 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:35,240 We just really wanted to know what you look like. 213 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:38,600 She thinks you're lovely. 214 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:52,480 My God, look at my elegant feet. 215 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:01,079 Hey. Hey! Hey. Hey. 216 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:02,279 Hello! 217 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:03,320 Hey. HEY! 218 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:07,120 What's your problem? Who was that? 219 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:10,039 No-one, it was... 220 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:11,199 What? 221 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:15,519 No, no-one. I just need to go and get a drink, or something. 222 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:17,839 OK. 223 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:19,199 Excellent. 224 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,759 Can I go and get my shoes? 225 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,560 Yeah. OK. 226 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:33,480 Whoa. Easy, tiger. 227 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:37,480 Coming from you? 228 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,280 So, come on, who was that heartbreaker? 229 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:45,240 He used to go out with Boo. 230 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:49,000 Then he slept with someone else, and then she... 231 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:51,880 Yeah, yeah, I know, OK. 232 00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:54,000 Fuck. 233 00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:57,879 I've never really said how sorry I was. 234 00:11:57,880 --> 00:11:59,520 You should get the trainers. 235 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:01,879 She'll say I don't know her. 236 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:03,039 You don't. 237 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:04,879 You're just as bad. 238 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:06,399 It's never clear what she wants. 239 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,839 I should just get her some perfume. 240 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:11,919 Jesus, just fuck her, please, 241 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:13,479 for the love of a good woman. 242 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,079 Just wrap your willy up in a bow 243 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:17,120 and just screw her, she's going insane. 244 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,519 What is it? 245 00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:24,960 Are you having an affair? 246 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:32,999 Think you're a clever little puss, don't you? 247 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,079 A little marital poke isn't going to kill you. 248 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:37,359 Would it kill her to take me out to dinner? 249 00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,119 You girls, Jesus. 250 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,079 Anyone said that to her, they'd be hung. 251 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:44,360 If they were hung, she probably wouldn't be complaining. 252 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,360 Little advice from a married man. 253 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:03,239 You should probably get yourself out there, sweetie. 254 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,440 You're just tipping your prime. 255 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:12,559 Another drink? 256 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,639 Bingo. 257 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:17,480 Excuse me, I have a date. 258 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:21,000 Get the trainers. Shop closes in an hour. 259 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:28,319 God. I was not expecting to see you again. 260 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:31,319 Shut up. - I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm chuffed to my boots, but... 261 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,440 And thank you for the text, saucy. 262 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:36,359 And sorry I'm late. 263 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:37,999 No, it's fine, it was last-minute. 264 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,239 - It's really nice to see... - No, no, I'm such a tool box. 265 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:43,039 You know, I'd like to say I was trying to save a puppy, or something, 266 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:45,959 but I just got my coat caught on someone else's coat outside the Tube. 267 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:48,319 When we went to separate ourselves, it was fucking intense. 268 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:49,453 I had to give him my coat. 269 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:52,159 What are we doing? - It's my sister's surprise birthday party. 270 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:53,719 My God, I love surprises, go on. 271 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:56,039 But I just thought... I need to get her a present first. 272 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:58,159 My God, what are you going to get her? 273 00:13:58,160 --> 00:13:59,879 I know this beautiful soap shop. 274 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:02,679 I mean, this stuff just gets you straight in the bath. 275 00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:04,480 I was thinking more like... 276 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,919 Yeah... these places all the time... 277 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:12,240 So... Yup. 278 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:16,519 - Are you OK? - Yeah. 279 00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:17,999 Sorry, I won't be long. 280 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,560 No, no. 281 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:25,479 - Hi. - Hi. - Hi. 282 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:28,119 Hey, what are you craving? 283 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,599 Just a really, really cheap thrill. 284 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,399 For you? 285 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:33,639 Hello. 286 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,359 No, it's for her sister. 287 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:38,079 It's for my very sexually frustrated sister. 288 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:39,679 Just a basic bunny would be great. 289 00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:43,519 OK, well, I'll see what I can dig out and you go browse. 290 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:44,560 Thanks. 291 00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:55,919 I think you just... 292 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:57,320 do it at the bottom. 293 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:02,520 It's all in the twist. 294 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,159 I know. 295 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:14,719 You should totally get one of those. 296 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:16,199 - A vagina? - Yeah. 297 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,319 I've already got one. 298 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,079 Really? You have... No... 299 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:21,439 You've got one? 300 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:23,399 I take it with me everywhere. 301 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,159 You lie. You don't have one on you now? 302 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:27,919 Yep. Never going to get it. 303 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:29,239 Where? 304 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:32,720 - Where's my vagina? - Yeah. 305 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:36,119 Ha, you got me. 306 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:39,319 I don't carry a vagina around with me, 307 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,400 that would be way too provocative. 308 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,039 Didn't get it. 309 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,439 OK, so this one's really great. 310 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,359 It's half price because it's quite relentless. 311 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,079 It's called the Burrower. 312 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:54,479 Basically it doesn't stop until you've cum. 313 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:55,520 Excuse me. 314 00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:59,839 Don't worry about him, he'll be fine in a minute. 315 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:02,839 My God, I love surprise parties. 316 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:04,879 I love them, I love them, I love them. 317 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:06,119 Will your parents be there? 318 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:07,880 - My dad might be... - Intense. 319 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,440 Parents adore me. 320 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:15,039 I want you to be totally in love with me by the end of the night. 321 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,319 OK? 322 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:20,799 Who's that? 323 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,199 It's my sister. 324 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,959 No! We're going to ruin the surprise. - No, no... 325 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:26,919 - No, no, no. - No, really. - Get down. 326 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,199 It will be fine. 327 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:29,839 Surprise! 328 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,279 My God, thank you so much. 329 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:33,919 I'm so surprised. 330 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,159 She's very good. 331 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:38,279 How divine. What a lovely husband you have. 332 00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:39,400 Where is he then? 333 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:43,559 Busy. 334 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,039 I'm blown away. 335 00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,040 I had absolutely no idea. 336 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:51,359 Hildegard, can I just grab you for a second? 337 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:52,720 - Hello. - Hello. 338 00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:56,160 Dad, hi. 339 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:01,639 Thank you for asking, yeah, I'm essentially a documentary maker. 340 00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:02,679 Docs. 341 00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:07,159 Really? What is your latest project? 342 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:10,559 Well, sir, I'm interested in life, 343 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:15,879 and how it affects lots of people in all sorts of different ways. 344 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,239 Yeah, it's awesome. 345 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:21,239 - How did you meet? - I met her on a bus. 346 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:22,919 So easy to pick up girls these days. 347 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:26,119 I was, like, "Hi", and she was, like, "Take my number." 348 00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:27,879 I was, like, "Yeah." 349 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,319 I'm just going to see if there are any other wines to try. 350 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:34,959 It's lovely, I'm just going to see if there are some others. 351 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:36,720 Excuse me. Can't resist. 352 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,079 Did you find anything nicer? 353 00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:45,600 I was so sorry to hear about Harry. 354 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:48,239 Lovely Harry. 355 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:49,999 Love Harry. 356 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,680 Exciting news about his new job. 357 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,319 Yes, very exciting. 358 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:58,280 I was so pleased that you'd found someone else so fast. 359 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,999 I just can't stop conjuring an image of you sitting around that cafe, 360 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:07,719 just all alone, feeling so terribly lonely. 361 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,440 Just can't stop picturing it. 362 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:14,119 I don't think you have to be alone to be lonely. 363 00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:17,159 Dad always taught me that. 364 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:20,159 Did your father tell you that one of my pieces has gone missing? 365 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:21,759 He did. 366 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:23,919 That's awful, I'm so sorry. 367 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:25,799 So sweet of you. 368 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,279 Very sweet. 369 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,799 May I cut in? 370 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,359 Yes, of course. 371 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:33,880 Do you know? You are the most perfect-looking pair. 372 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:38,599 Such a great gang. 373 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,559 Do you want some normal food? 374 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:42,719 No, no. 375 00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:44,440 What I really want you to do... 376 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:46,959 ...is this. 377 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:50,439 Sorry, nothing happened. 378 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:52,199 I was trying to be sexy. 379 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:53,519 It was, it was really sexy. 380 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:54,719 - Was it? - What broke? 381 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,119 What broke? Show me. 382 00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:57,399 Nothing, I just slipped. 383 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,479 Claire, this is my friend... 384 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:00,999 Yes, yes, we've already met. 385 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,040 My wife. 386 00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:06,360 My wife. 387 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:11,840 All of your desires are wrapped up in here. 388 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:14,759 OK. 389 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:15,800 Open it. 390 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,600 Well, gold has always... 391 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,079 That's really rather wonderful. 392 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,079 Thank you. What is it? 393 00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:35,959 Is it a paperweight, or...? 394 00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:37,440 It is a shrine to your body... 395 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:40,680 ...because I love your body. 396 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,759 Thank you. 397 00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:46,719 This is really... 398 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,199 Can I... Can I see this? 399 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,919 This is really quite something. 400 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,759 I think it's probably a bit inappropriate for your guests 401 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,479 to see your body at this... 402 00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:59,360 I'm just going to... Shall I put it somewhere safe? 403 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:21,159 Smooth. 404 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,040 I told you I'd find you a buyer. 405 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:31,879 Your boy, he is hilarious, smart, funny... 406 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:32,920 Fuck off. 407 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:36,600 You'd fuck anything, wouldn't you? 408 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:40,880 Just don't tell her you got the statue from me, OK? 409 00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:43,999 How much do you want for it? 410 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,120 Finger up the ass, nipple tickle...? 411 00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,160 Come on, lighten up. 412 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,720 She's going to leave you one day. 413 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,560 You looking forward to that? 414 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:22,600 You're an asshole. 415 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:38,640 Hey. 416 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:43,360 Hey. 417 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:50,239 I think you took my coat. 418 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,519 I'm sorry, that's my coat. 419 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:54,720 Sorry. 420 00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:57,999 Why you leaving so early? 421 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,319 I have to give Hillary some Earl Grey. 422 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,559 She's not feeling well, so... 423 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:04,679 I got you this. 424 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:06,600 I wasn't expecting anything. 425 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:14,840 It's called a Burrower - it basically won't stop until you cum. 426 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,160 Sounds horrendous. Thank you. 427 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,399 Good birthday business? 428 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:24,279 Huge. 429 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:27,959 You know, I don't want to jinx anything, but huge. 430 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:30,239 Could be life-changing. 431 00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:31,320 Great. 432 00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:34,159 OK, happy birthday. 433 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:35,200 Thanks. 434 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:37,720 Are you OK? 435 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:40,319 Yeah. 436 00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:41,440 Tell the truth. 437 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:45,600 Are we leaving? 438 00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:48,680 - Yes. - Birthday girl... 439 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,519 Awesome party, thank you so much. We had such a great night. 440 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:55,520 What's that? 441 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,040 - Goodnight. - Goodnight. - Night. 442 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:11,720 Shall we? 443 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,399 Surprisingly bony. 444 00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:22,039 I'm nearly finished. I'm nearly finished. 445 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:23,759 It's like having sex with a protractor. 446 00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:26,479 I'm finishing. I'm finishing. 447 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,800 I'm done. I'm done. 448 00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:30,880 - I'm done. - OK. 449 00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:36,159 Yeah. Are you done? 450 00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:38,439 Yeah. Yeah. 451 00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:40,199 Amazing. That was amazing. 452 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,680 - Yeah, yeah. - That was amazing. - Yeah. 453 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,240 - That was amazing. - Yeah. 454 00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:52,759 For fuck's sake. 455 00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:53,800 What? 456 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:58,639 OK, you don't go through life with teeth like these 457 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,320 and not know when someone's pretending. 458 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,799 What the fuck is that?! I'll kick it. - No, no. 459 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:10,879 I'll kick it. 460 00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:11,920 What? 461 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:16,039 Did we catch that, or is that yours? 462 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:17,599 - That is a rat. - It's a guinea pig. 463 00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:18,720 That is a rat.