Sweetie! Where are you?
Sweetie! Where are you? Darling ...
Voicemail again? This is my 10th message!
Where are you hell are you? I'm with my parents. Waiting for you.
And it's my birthday! I hope you have a good excuse.
Damn!
Dammit!
-Hallo? -Pierre? Paul Edward here.
I'm screwed.
-Did you screw her? -Yes. You must help me.
Damn!
What should I do ???
-I may have a solution. -Go ahead, I'm listening!
But I want a compensation. -Are you serious?
Steven?
Yes?
Please when you are about to leave,
be careful that you don't wake the children. - Yeah ... yeah, yeah.
Did you get it? How do I solve it?
I'll give you a number to a business that will save you.
What business?
I'll kill him!
I swear on my mother's life! Sorry, Mom.
-Miss, your fiance is a hero. -What happened?
He sacrificed himself to save Timmy, a blind boy's dog.
It ended with a night in the hospital and a broken phone.
You can be proud of him.
And I yelled at him.
I'm sorry.
I'm a monster!
Forgive me.
I'm sorry, darling. How are you?
And see.
Now he can enjoy his day without worrying.
And thanks to us.
Bravo. Brilliant.
Your appearance and success with women inspired you to create this business?
That's nice, but no. When I was 10 years old
my mother caught my father. He never fully recovered.
My father was sorry and I suffered.
If she didn't catch them, none of this would have happened.
Your CV looks great. Impressive.
Only one question.
-Why don't you stay anywhere for more than 6 months? -Routine makes me bored.
I'll never be bored in your business.
Pardon.
Yes?
He will be always late for work.
Why?
Imagine how much time he takes just to gel his hair.
Then you will have to start earlier.
Anyway,
Your profile is interesting. If you want, you're welcome here.
If you have any questions, don't hesitate, ask.
Just one.
When does the training start, boss?
A small lie causes smaller damage than the whole truth.
Live your life as you wish and be discreet.
This is our motto.
-Francoise! How are you doing? -Excellent.
-Here you go. -Thanks.
See you next week.
-Francoise, beware. -Your blouse is the other way around.
Thank you.
-Who would like some pastries? -I do.
Great idea with the cooking class.
But now you have a stain on your skirt. Piglet!
Some say that our company is immoral.
Wrong. I don't think it's good, but of people are doing it.
We just do not want them to suffer, Protect them.
Adultery is not the main thing among our clients.
These are the typical colors for Pont-l'Abbe, yellow and orange.
This is Romain!
Yeah, darling. -Peek a boo, baby!
-Good evening, Jacques Martin. -Good evening, Romain!
-Still at the office? Yeah, don't even start.
Our boss moved the meeting for next morning.
Start without me, I might join you for a dessert.
Can't you free yourself up?
Otherwise you'll miss the photos of Pont-l'Abbe, from the Museum of the Bigouden culture.
Oh no! What a pity!
I have to go. I have a work to do.
Hugs to all of you.
-Bye, dear! -Bye, Romain!
Great, it was good. Super! Super!
-Should I leave it here? -Yes.
How long will you stay with your mother? Until Sunday.
You know how she would like to see you.
The whole weekend in the mountains with you and your mother. No, thank you.
As you wish.
-Hello, Mr. Godet. Is everything alright? -It could not be better.
Excited like a fly on cow's ass.
-Good day, Mr. Godet. -Good day. How are you ?
-Bon voyage, Mr. Godet. -Thank you.
So, Vegas ?
Better than bingo at the local church.
Your toll tickets all the way to Albertville.
-Here is some local cheese and salami. -Thank you.
-Why does he keep winning lottery secret from this wife? -Because his divorce isn't final yet.
Hello.
-Allow me to introduce Clara. -Hello.
Is it good?
Yes, good.
Continue, continue.
-Are you here, baby? -Yes, I am here.
-Did the promo turn out well, darling? -I am so done.
I'm making salmon with vegetable garnish.
Yes? I would prefer you as a garnish,
and then we'll watch Frozen.
We create bulletproof alibi for our clients in order to protect their little secrets
from their family and close ones and protect them from stress.
Our custom made solutions protect
our clients without any prejudice from us.
Our goal is to help people.
Here it is the contract. Here - a signature.
This is a confidentiality agreement.
What are you doing later?
-Can we go out for a drink? -I am sorry. I am engaged.
I was not talking to you.
I told you it's over.
You knew that a serious relationship is nothing for me.
All right. How about a little music?
Again Greg's playlist. I'm so sick of the 80s.
You don't know anything. It was the best decade.
-It's delicious. -Thank you.
Greg, can you stop? -Why?
I need to talk to you.
What's going on?
What's your game with Mehdi?
Don't start again. Have I ever betrayed you during our 20 years of friendship?
Stop being jealous. We are, after all, a team of superheroes.
You're Batman, I'm Superman.
I know, but the Muslim has never been a member of our team.
Stop with that.
Come on.
Well, come on.
See? Everything okay?
-Any more questions? -No. Yes.
Why did you not stay with Clara? It's a lovely girl.
I'm not in love with her.
You say that everytime, because you're traumatized by your parents.
It prevents you from falling in love.
Does not, I just cannot.
You have something to talk about, you are still a virgin.
The only vagina you saw was your mother's.
I am saving my flower for the soulmate of my heart.
-That's something else. -You did not dare.
Yes.
Life is not just video games and superheroes ...
Guys, are you serious?
These are the things that makes me disgusted. Such as this. Gross!
Come on, mate. Go.
Lookie!
Lookie...
Lookie!
Oh no!
I should have tie him better. It's a playful puppy.
It's unnecessary to fell guilty. It was not your fault.
I should have taken him along when I needed to pee.
But when someone is looking at me, I can't pee.
Well?
Well what? He croaked, your pooch!
And that's good!
I cannot stand those beasts.
It was a joke. I am joking.
The pooch is fine!
A bump and a brokentooth. He can go to Roland-Garros (French Open) tomorrow.
Damn, this is good! Would you like some? It'll kick your ass.
-And you, blondie? -No, thanks.
No fun with the two of you.
Come tomorrow and pick up your mutt. Bye.
Okay ... great! What a relief.
I do not know how to thank you ??.
Meal? Money? BJ?
Excuse me. When I'm stressed, I say vulgarities.
It is nothing.
In addition, I'm not hungry.
Alright?
Yes Yes.
Okay ... -I have to go now.
-All right. -Thank you for accompanying me.
-I am Florence, Florence Martin. -Gregory. Gregory Van Huffel.
-Nice to meet you. -You too.
Well, we dropped off Clare.
Are you okay?
I'm not sure.
-ADD. Invitations sent
-Hello. -Hello.
I came on behalf of my married friend.
He met a young lady and he would like to spend
a weekend with her..
He would like to know whether you can help? -I understand.
What is your friend's name?
His name?
-Jean Claude. -Jean Claude. Good.
Tell your friend we can easily manage,
that we will provide an alibi with a double.
We will send someone to pretend to be him in his place.
His double will use his credit card and show up where he needs to be.
At the same time we will give another cad to Jean-Claude with which he can pay anything,
without it turning up on his bank statement. -I understand.
Where would like to go ???
-Here. -The Cannes. All right.
Savings of 70%. Your friend likes to save, eh?
I do not know. Well then?
-All right. I will give you a form for Jean-Claude.
so that we can come up with the best alibi.
See you, Jean-Claude.
See you ... yes.
Lookie is much better. He would invite you for dinner to reward you.
That was for you, Lookie.
-An unusual place for dinner. -You thought it was a date?
Not at all. Facebook says that you are taken.
Cute, he spied on me. No, that status is strategic.
Otherwise I would get a lot of requests for friendship.
Don't get fooled. I was not hitting on you.
I wanted to know about Lookie, simply as a friend.
Be so kind and take him for a minute.
So what else do you do other than bowling and peeing in the woods?
-I'm a lawyer. -Lawyer? And that means?
I work with law. I hate cheaters and liars.
-And what do you do? -Me?
I...
I..
I am a flight attendant.
Great!
Sorry.
Seriously? Jean Luc Lahaye as a ringing tone?
Don't tease me, I like him. So what?
Your turn, stewardess.
-Stewardess! You are going to get it! -You? Do you want to bet on it?
-I bet on whatever you want. -All right.
-Break. Down. -Stop, it is not fair.
Turn around, because the bet. Come on.
Coward!
No one will call me coward!
Strike!
Yes...
It is not possible!
Let's see. I won.
Apparently, he's better, right? It's fine.
Yeah, better ?? s. -We are going?
All right? Are you satisfied?
-Totally! -My dress ??!
-I have not had this much fun in ages. Cool.
You make fun of my ringtone and yet you watch movies with Van Damme!
Bloodsport is the best movie ever. And my biggest frustration.
I could never manage his kick while turning.
Great life!
Do not be disrespectful. No my fault you are not good in bowling.
I hope there some things you are better in, because this time you let me down.
All right. Get up!
-What? -Up!
Who laughs as first, gets a slap.
Good.
No, you can't ...
You lost.
Will you take me home?
Easy on the gas ... Greg
-Now! -I so want to see it!
Excuse me. Flo didn't tell me the cleaning woman comes today.
I'm her mother.
I understand.
From Flo. She'll be here in half an hour.
Great.
Sorry. It is not...
Yes. No, I more so than you.
Oh, stop.
-Me too. A kiss. -Hello!
Charlie? What are you doing here?
I told you I'm not a babysitter.
I do not want to go school, they all tease me.
In one month, you had the flu, appendix,
lost both grandmothers, what more do you want?
Let's say I have menopause. Mother doesn't work since her menopause.
Come back in an hour, we will give you something.
Well, go. But this is the last time.
All is well. The car is shiny.
Thanks, Mehdi, but it was not necessary.
Are you joking? You cannot see your in-laws with a dirty car.
-Are you going to in-laws? -Yes.
-Nice that I learned it. -You did not know?
I'm sorry, Augustin. I was so stressed, I forgot about it.
It will be alright, mate.
There is nothing that can happen, nothing worse than what already happened with her mother.
Hey Dad! I introduce to you
Greg, famous cop - steward. Greg, my father.
-Hello, Jean-Claude. -Gerard.
Gerard, forgive me.
Come inside.
Gerard, did you touch my picture? It's always lopsided.
-Darling! -Hi, Mom!
-Good afternoon, Marlene. -Good afternoon, Greg.
Today you are dressed.
That's good otherwise your father might feel inferior.
-Why did you set the table for five? -I invited Maurice.
Oh, the entertainment will be taken care of.
Poor guy. He got separated recently.
She cheated. Everyone knew except for him.
Horrible.
-Really. -Now everyone thinks of him as an ass.
He became a wreck. Unpleasant. Wreck!
I am here.
I'm sorry, Maurice. I did not hear you come in.
It's OK. I brought a small a gift.
It will go nicely in the living room.
You should not have.
It's you Marlene. I spent on it more than 352 hours.
-More then Gerard. -Now ...
I'll bring the wine. You coming with me, Greg?
-I brought some wine. -A real wine.
-I can go. - No, that's good.
Come.
Flight attendant! How dare you lie to my daughter?
Is that a joke? And you? Jean-Claude?
Let's settle it. It's not fair to Flo.
-No settling of anything! -Sorry.
-I'll cancel the contract then. -Under no circumstances!
I said no, Gerard!
Fine.
No worries.
Thank you. It's better, healthier.
-Yes. We will be honest and say to Flo what your job is.
-Not! Please. - But it's healthier.
I just do not know whether she will manage to forgive you.
Her last boyfriend got dumped, when he cheated at Monopoly.
-So I have no choice? -I don't think not.
-Did you blackmail her other men? - No, you are the first who was introduced to us.
-Where was it? -New Delhi, in 87
For "Doctors Without Borders".
-Such memories! -Lovely.
Truly brilliant.
-Is that you, Maurice? -Yes.
With my son and wife before she cheated on me.
-Your son? -Yes.
There was a million to one that we would have a black baby.
And we were lucky.
There were some who win the lottery, we had a black baby.
-And who is this? -The mayor of the village.
Very nice. We were there every year.
That year we met with Gerard. We danced a lot.
At that time, we were like Jay-Z and Beyonce.
Those years are long gone.
On Saturday, we have our 30th wedding anniversary.. Gerard is not going to be at home.
Really?
Pharmaceutical seminar in Beauvais, poor soul.
Oh well, responsibilities...
It's okay, mum. I will be with you. Greg is going to Tanzania tomorrow.
Let's see our lovers.
If you wish, I will come and encourage you.
No, no need, Maurice. It will be a ladies' weekend.
I too want to show you a few photos.
-Do you want to live together ??? -Yes!
We found a great flat. I hope we reach an agreement.
I am very happy.
You didn't say that I am the first man whom you introduced to your parents.
I did not want to scare you.
I'm sad that my mum is so depressed.
She is so bored since she retired. And she will be all alone on her wedding anniversary. Poor mum.
-Try to entertain her. Yeah, you are right.
Have I told you already that I love you?
-No. -How silly of me.
I do not want to be alone through the weekend.
Welcome to the seminar, Mr. Martin. Enjoy your stay in Beauvais.
Sweetie, this message will reach you when you land in Tanzania.
I hope you had a good flight. I miss you.
This is it ...
This is it.
It is far from it.
Yes, Gerard?
What's with the credit card? I ordered something to eat, a couple of bottles, now it does not work.
Darling!
Are you sure?
MARLENE - waiting call
Hello? Hello?
MARLENE - waiting call you there?
Hello? Hello, Gerard? -Yes.
There is usually enough money in the account. How much is a bottle?
Excuse me. How much is a bottle of champagne?
-1000 Euros, Sir. -What? Did I hear correctly? He said 1000 Euros?
I am willing to add to the account, but control yourself.
You can rely on me. You can rely on me.
- Champagne! For whom? -For Kiki!
No...
-I still do not have any like of the video. -Really?
Very effective. A bit strange. It's great!
-But there are more views than yesterday. -Maybe because we are looking at it now.
I feel like quitting. I'll never get through.
What are you saying? Do you know what age was Funes, when he became famous?
I do not know the singers of your era. (*Funes is a famous actor, not singer)
Come on!
Let's have more champagne.
-We had enough for today. -But not for drinking.
At least I'll be in a good for the first time.
Hello? Room service?
We would like Dom Perignon in our room.
What? How is that you do not have any? At those hotel prices? Scandalous!
They have none. I think I'm dreaming!
Do not worry, I'll go and buy some in town. -Thank you, my darling.
I'll change into something much more casual.
-Flo! Ae you going to open? -I'm coming, Mom. I'm in the bathroom.
I just talked to Maurice. He just fed Lookie.
I hope the dog doesn't become depressed also.
The receptionist recommended Beach Zelos for tomorrow. It is quite nice there.
I did not dare wear my swimsuit, I gained weight.
Relax. If you were like father, I'll understand.
-Did you talk to him on the phone? -Could not reach him. I'll try again.
Surprise!
-What are you doing here? -We have a wedding anniversary, right?
-And your seminar? -One should have priorities right in life.
-How did you know where we are?
-I left a message on his answering machine. So ... I see, a message.
Your outfit is part of the surprise? That shirt is really very pink!
You found a very nice hotel. How did you find it?
Thanks to you, you left the hotel page open on your computer with a super discount too.
-I wanted to make mum happy. -It's good you did.
Where is your suitcase?
Oh, don't start on it! They lost it at the airport.
-What a pity. -Yes.
-Really bad luck. -Yeah ... bad luck.
That is Greg!
My love, how are you?
All right. Finally we arrived. How are you, honey?
Great. I took a trip this weekend with mum.
Great! This will make her feel good.
And look who's here, who came to see us.
Hey!
Hello, my little Greg? How is Tanzania?
Thank you, good. It's fantastic, in Tanzania.
There are a lot of....zebras.
-Will you send me a photo? -Yes, of course.
-Now just you and it would be perfect. -I would also like to be right there with you.
I am looking forward to seeing you on Monday.
-Me too. -I am already dead tired and we have a poor signal.
We'll talk tomorrow? I'll let you be with your parents.
I was about to show you my breasts. Bad luck. Good night. Sweet Dreams.
Bye, my love.
What is this mess?
I don't know. They are in the same hotel as me.
I probably left the page open on the computer.
- Where is Cynthia? -In her room. What should I do ???
Flo asks tough questions. I have no suitcase, no wedding ring.
And where is the ring? -At home, under my briefs.
We will bring you everything.
Gerard.
She is coming! I have to hang up.
-Hello? -Cynthia Belinni?
-Yes. -Hello. This is police.
Please note that Mr Gerard Martin was jailed
for public drunkenness and assault on public figure.
I'm not surprised, he was drinking all day.
I'll note that. We will leave him here. When we release him, he will call you.
-Can I visit him? -No ma'am. This is police, not a hospital.
OK, fine. A kiss.
-So? How does it look? -We've got a little problem.
The alarm is turned off, but there is a hallway camera.
-So we have to turn off electricity. -I was ready for this eventuality.
I'm going for it.
-Not You will stay here. I will take care of it.
You are still in training.
Well, I'm here.
I cut the wire.
Mission accomplished. Greg, I cut the lines.
Well, I will arrange this. You'll stay here, Greg.
I'll smash a window. I don't want to hurt you.
-Alright? -Yes.
-Try one more time? -Later.
The keys are in the flowerpot.
You pack his suitcase. I will take care of the ring ...
All right. We are going.
-Is this police? -I do not know.
Hide!
Lookie?
That's Maurice. He came to feed the dog.
Here you are. Your food.
Come on. Let's hide.
Now what?
It's been a long time since the two of us were alone.
Did you miss me?
I also missed you.
I love it when you are looking at me like this.
We feel so well together!
Yes, good.
Yes, my darling.
You are so beautiful!
Nice that we meet again.
You're little naughty girl! Yes.
Have you seen my beast?
Damn!
-Augustin, did you take care of that jeweler? -Yes.
-But it was close. -All right.
Will it go well with the clothes, hotels and business cards?
Yes, done.
All that remains is the bloody photo of zebras for Flo.
-I do not know how to do it. - Oh, damn!
-What is it? -Nothing. Something I forgot.
-What did you forget? -Nothing. Nothing.
Say it.
All right. I have a small problem with narcolepsy.
-And I take medication. -Really?
Supposed Mr. Perfect!
No problem. At the nearest rest stop, you get some coffee.
-Will you be okay? -No problem.
Since when do you suffer from it?
Mehdi!
-Mehdi! Mehdi! Wake up! -Mehdi! Mehdi!
Mehdi! Mehdi!
It is insane!
-Why did you not say anything? -I wanted to have the job.
That is why I never lasted anywhere and I do not want live with my mom anymore.
So we have to buy some pills in the pharmacy. -That will not work, they are prescription only.
-Let's stop at the nearest parking. - I think so too.
Why didn't you stop here?
Mehdi!
Mehdi! Mehdi! Mehdi!
Pardon.
You are scaring us!
Bloody hell!
Mehdi! Mehdi!
Stop. He is not asleep.
-I am up. -Yeah, I'm sorry.
-Augustin, you drive. -That's what I am talking about.
What are you doing?
We will take your photo, Greg.
Careful. We are going! Slowly.
Slowly ...
Wait! I'll take a selfie.
I do not see it well, push it.
Come ...
Come along, little zebra.
Come.
-Stop. She kicked me directly in the family jewels. -Well, you don't use them anyway.
-She broke my face! -Serves you right!
-Mehdi, alright? -Do not worry, it's nothing.
-Augustin? -Yes. Yes...
Well, we will try again.
No...
I still don't have a photo.
-Come, let's try and find it. -Oh, damn!
Surrounded by wild beasts and afraid of a cat.
I have always hated them, leave it.
It's over. She fled.
Come on, we're going further.
-Augustin, wait!
Do we still have some colour in the van?
-Hello, sir. Which floor? - The sixth.
Have a nice day, Sir.
-What are you doing here? -It's the same thing I could be asking you.
Honey, promise me that you don't say anything to your mother.
-Mrs.Martin? - No, this is my daughter.
Look, do you think you mother will like it? I was not sure.
Are you joking? It's beautiful. It must have cost a fortune.
Really? But why are you following me?
I thought you are going down for breakfast.
Shall we meet downstairs?
-Now she should leave you alone. -I hope so. Otherwise she'll never forgive me.
-It is really that expensive? What's the price? -The price of your guilty conscience.
Here's your wedding ring.
I put a label XL Airways on the suitcase. The aim is,
to get you far away from the hotel.
Therefore, today's agenda is the vineyards tour.
And Cynthia, what will you do with her?
No worries.
Cynthia?
Yes?
-Michael. Nice to meet you.
-That's Adel, my colleague. -Nice to meet you.
What luck that we meet here!
I was lucky to discovered your video "I hate those sluts".
-Did you like it? -Absolutely!
You had to work on that for years. How did you get that idea?
I hate those silicone women, who get involved with geezers
for champagne. -I understand.
How long have you worked as a producer?
For 10 years at Universal Music. Then I opened my own business.
I discovered a lot of artists like Lou, Paisley, La Fouine ...
-Amazing, La Fouine! -I know, thank you.
No, because they are here!
It's a great!
Funny, yes ...
Why not say hello?
Well yes...
So there, I am going...
Let's go.
Hi!
How are you? Nice to see you.
It's been a long time. How are you?
-Everything cool? -Who are you?
Don't you recognize me? I was at your gig.
Right up front, in the center. That was me.
He is joking. What does he want?
Actually, I am looking for toilets.
He needs GPS to find a toilet.
It is funny!
What? Touching my shoulders?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
How can I make up for it? Excuse me.
Here.
Oh, that much!
Well ... Drinks are on me, guys.
I knew you were cool.
-I'm cool. Thanks. -Cool guy.
Thank you, guys.
Thanks, thank you.
-Now off you go, idiot! -Sure.
The guy is a sweetheart! A little intrusive, but nice.
-A hat? -No. Thank you.
What do you want to drink?
- Champagne. -Champagne. Okay.
What do you want?
Red Bull. He will have Red Bull.
I am with Gerard and Marlene on the way to the vineyards. Flo is not with us.
Taste, but then spit it out.
-Where is she? -- I do not know, but not here.
Starting with wine in the lower price level with a uniform taste,
but with predominant fruity tones.
Does anyone know which fruit dominates?
Passion fruit!
Allegedly Louis XIII had it brought for a feast,
because this delicate flavor suited lamb ...
All right. As I told in 1930 Sebastien Hamel completely replanted ...
-So boring! -Shut up! Stop, Marlene.
I drank too much, I need fresh air.
No. Stay here.
Come on, let's get out. He is more boring than Maurice.
Marlene! Marlene, come back!
What are you doing? We cannot abandon the guide!
Oh no! That's exactly what we are going to do.
Come on! We will have fun.
You are not serious.
Marlene, no!
-Stop! -This thing is great!
Slow down! You are crazy!
-I can't, my shoe got stuck! -What?
All right, kiddie?
Beautiful castle!
Hurry up. Come on. We are going.
Special News Report.
South of Africa suffered an earthquake again, which hit especially Tanzania.
-The French Red Cross ... -Can you turn the volume up?
For now, there are about 700 people missing. Probably foreigners among them.
My name is Cynthia, abbreviated Kiki. I can't call myself Cycy.
Kiki, live your dream and don't let it go!
Answer me DAMMIT
Come on, Kiki!
Such is Kiki. She takes it all or nothing!
Excuse me, I'm sorry.
It's the studio. I'll leave for a minute.
A real Kiki!
Cheers!
In Tanzania?
-Yeah, we pull this prank. Okay, but then you buy my hats.
Yes.Yes. I'll buy them. But don't overdo it, otherwise she will find out.
No problem. Before, I used to play in a theatre in my country.
-They called me Will Smith from Zaire. -Amazing.
-Honey? -Hi, love.
-I tried to reach you. How are you? -Well, I'm asking you. Are you OK?
The best. A native is just showing me around. Watch.
Good day! Here's Doudou! We are in Tanzania!
She knows where we are.
-You are on a tour, although there was an earthquake? -An earthquake? Alas, yes, earthquake ...
You know, it did not touch us here. Tanzania is a big country.
I was frightened to death!
They mentioned missing people. I thought I'll have another ex.
Very funny!
Do not worry. Doudou will take me to the hotel.
Yes, I'll take you to Sofitel ... in Tanzania.
-They put you in Sofitel? How posh! -Well, could be worse.
What are your plans today?
I wanted to be by the pool, but it is full. I'll just go to the beach.
Yes? Which beach?
It is called Zelos. Supposedly very nice.
-Cool! -We're in Tanzania, no?
-Yes. -We're in Tanzania.
Kisses, baby. We will return to the hotel.
-Kisses. But we are in Tanzania!
We are in Tanzania!
-I hung up. -We are in Tanzania!
Good news. I told them about you in Paris. They want to meet you.
-Yes? When? -Now.
I can't, I got my stuff in the hotel.
We'll take them. They are very impatient.
Really?
I am so horny.
We're screwed. Flo is on her way here.
Stay here. Don't let her leave to the hotel, while we are there.
You can rely on me.
Just laugh. Remind me to never let you borrow my car.
-I apologize. -For what?
- I have become so boring. -Don't. You were always boring.
Stop it, you know...
Since retirement, I feel so unnecessary and lifeless.
This is normal, work was everything to you.
You did exciting things.
You can still do exciting things. Just remember what we did a minute ago.
You know...
if you had an affair ...
... I would understand.
Why do you say that?
-And you? -I thought about it.
Is it true you stopped noticing me. We don't share anything.
But I never did it.
I love you too much.
I think I did well since you suprised me so pleasantly.
Yes ... let stop being sad and living in the past.
See. Let's say you are like that stone.
-Flat? -Yes. And not only that.
It's up to you whether you sink or jump?.
Will you teach me?
Of course.
Here you are.
Bend your wrist and nicely along with the water.
Oh no! You didn't believe in yourself. Be more optimistic.
Here, come on.
Yes!
Well... time to go.
Medicine against sun!
New sun protection.
Newest fashion from New York!
Lady! A bracelet for your leg?
Sun protection?
Newest sun protection!
Hello, madam.
-Sun.. -Doudou?
No, I'm Baba.
Pardon me. I confused you with someone else.
-I like your garb. -If you'd like, I have many for sale.
Great idea. Good.
Come on, pick up!
Sofitel Zanzibar Airport. How can I help you?
Hello, may I speak with Gregory Van Huffel?
Just a moment, please.
I'm sorry madam, there is nobody like that.
Really? He said he would be there.
I'm very sorry I can not find any Gregory Van Huffel.
Okay, thank you.
We are here.
-Thank you, dear youth! -No problem, oldies!
Do you remember? That used to be fun.
More than 20 years ago.
No! What's that music?
Come.
Hey!
Didn't you say to stop living in the past?
-What happened? -Nothing,.
My colleague hit a post yesterday.
-Why did he stay? -He had to take care of something important.
Nicely played!
I beg your pardon?
That story with the malfunction...
-We really have a problem. -Right.
And my breast is real. Very cute!
Damn!
Sorry.
Alright?
Mehdi? It's me. I cannot reach Greg.
Did he really take Cynthia do Paris? I lost Flo's parents.
Please...
-Where are you going? -Downtown Cannes.
-Get in! -Thanks.
-Where are you going dressed like this? -Comic con. Will you come?
-Superheroes? -Yes.
I can't. I have to get back. Plus, I don't have a costume anyway.
Don't worry, we will find you something.
-Here you are. -Thanks.
Strange taste. What is it?
It's called Fantastic life. Your life will seem fantastic!
Come with us. It'll be fun.
-Come. -No, I can't.
Come!
-No. -Come,come, come!
Not. I really can't. Sorry, but no.
SUPERHERO PARTY
What's up with Thor? Is he drunk or what?
Amazing!
Wake up!
What am I dreaming?
Good idea with the inflatable boat.
Brother! We will soon land in France.
-What's your name? - Damn!
Police! Police!
Save yourself! Save yourself!
Wait.
Hide in there. I'll distract them.
Many thanks. Thank you.
Go.
They hid in there! They are in there!
There are there!
-Stop, I am a Frenchman! -Right. And I drink only water.
-My knees hurt. -My hips.
Flo? Are you here, honey?
Thanks for this evening, tomcat.
-Tomcat? It's been a long time. -Yes, I know.
-I love you. -I love you too, kitty.
Come closer ...
Come on, tomcat! Water my flowers!
Do not move.
Stay like this.
Come! Come! Come!
That's great!
Did you have a nice time at the beach, sweetie?
Hotel service.
I want to die ...
-For whom are the stuffed mussels? -For me.
Then the lobster tail must be for the madam.
Here you are.
-Here. -Thank you.
Miss, you really do not want anything?
You really want to talk with such hair-do?
Enjoy your meal.
-Honey, what it is? -I said I am not hungry.
Well, it is about Greg. I think that he is cheating.
What? How did you come up with that?
He was lying about Tanzania.
-He is not in the hotel. -Did you call the correct hotel?
I called all of them.
Bastard...
And I believed him.
Hop! Jump. Hop!
-I am cold. Won't you hug me? -I'd rather give you my jacket.
-Here. -Come on, let's go!
Come, gadjo! Hop!
Give it to me. And go! Go to mom.
Thanks for helping us. You got us out of a big mess.
I'm Cynthia. Nice to meet you. And you?
I'm Marco Garcia of the Garcia clan. This little one here is my wife Josee.
Josee Garcia. Right, my dolphin?
Take a hike.
I like your chains. Are those mussels?
No, these are teeth. -Whose teeth?
That depends.
This one here belongs to the one who did this to me.
Look at what he did to my car!
Cannot remove it. Fucking asshole!
Marco! Marco!
I did not understand at all what he said.
What happened?
Some asshole stole our zebra and replaced with this.
Piche, show him what he put in the cage.
But we have a video from the security camera, that captured him.
-We'll catch the bastard, he'll end in a cement. -In a cement!
We should get going, since you are so busy.
Thank you for your hospitality ...
Absolutely not.
Garcia never lets anyone down. We will watch the video and take you to a city.
-Your gadjo woman will not go through the woods in these pumps. -Gadjo woman.
Thanks, nice of you. We aren't in a hurry.
We have a little problem. It was me who stole the zebra.
-Pardon me. Is there a bathroom? -Go behind the caravan, it's nice and quiet there.
-I too have to go. -Let her shit in peace.
That's him!
Where is he?
Open the goddamn door!
I do not know how!
I'll kill you, you son of a bitch!
I must think of my career.
My Merc! You bastard!
-Do you want to steal my camper? -No no no. Not at all.
You are dead!
This is a misunderstanding. Let me explain.
My arm!
Who do you think you are? Do know who I am? Do you?
I'll tear you to pieces!
What are you doing here?
Why am I in the hospital?
-Don't you remember? -No.
You're here because you had an accident.
How long have I been unconscious?
-What's her name? - Who?
-The with one with whom you weren't in Tanzania. -What are you saying?
Greg, your problem is that you are a lousy liar.
I called all the hotels, no trace of Gregory Van Huffel.
Don't try to fool me or the nightstand will end up in your face.
Well...
I'll tell you the whole truth.
It's not true!
What is wrong with you? He did not say anything.
Pardon me.
"Just you and it would be perfect."
"Just you and it would be perfect" Did you not say that?
That's why I came earlier, to surprise you.
When you called me, I was not at the hotel.
When I came in, I could not get a cab.
The camper stopped and took me. Flo ...
Would I come if I cheated on you?
Only an idiot would take his wife and mistress to the same place.
Of course.
What are you doing?
If you really were in Tanzania, you are going to have a stamp.
I apologize for the misunderstanding, Mr. Salem.
But you know ...
Yes, it happens ... Good day.
Augustin?
Sorry, I have no money.
No, it's me, Mehdi. -Mehdi?
-Where's Greg? -He left with Cynthia for Paris.
Finally some good news.
What are you wearing? We were supposed to be inconspicuous.
Nobody will know with the way you look.
Let's go then.
Finally, you are awake!
I'm sorry, but I have to do some more exams.
You can call off the vasectomy.
If you obey, I will come again in a nurse's uniform.
You are a good man.
Here is something for fun.
"My little Greg, after all that bad luck, I realized a lot of things.
I know how lucky I am to have a wife like Marlene.
I messed everything up and I am sorry.
Therefore, our contract ends. Thanks for everything.
PS: With Cynthia, it is over.
Poor thing just cried.
I think it will take a while for her to recover. "
Michael!
I found a room key in your jacket.
Michael?
I'm sorry that I left like that.
I would like to apologize.
Great job with the passport.
Thank Mehdi. He reminded me of it.
I like that guy.
-It was a close shave. -Oh yes.
ALIBI for Gerard MARTIN
Wife doesn't know about his mistress
LOVER singer?
Hello?
Good afternoon, on Sunday I would like to
meet a young woman, very discreetly.
I was told that you can help me.
-Are you married? -Yes.
-And do you still love her? -I think so, yes.
-Then why do you want to do it? -Pardon?
Listen. I will give you some advice ...
Let it be.
You would definitely regret it.
Excuse me, I cannot help you.
-Good-bye. - Okay ... Bye.
Your scooter is ready, Mr. President.
YOU WILL REGRET THAT YOU FUCKED WITH ME!
-Hello? -Greg, we're fucked.
-Some stole our computer with all the files. -It was Cynthia.
I know, we saw her on the security camera.
The receptionist said she took a taxi to the airport.
We need to get that computer, otherwise we are dead.
Hurry to the airport. I'm going there too.
Bastard! You are so dead! Wait!
Stop!
-Give me your car or I'll pummel you! -Sorry, but I will not give you my car.
Come on ...
-Get out! -Wait!
I'll put you in a cement, you asshole!
FLO CALLING
Hands up! Come on! Slowly.
Alibi.com, company founded by Gregory Van Huffel,
helped paying customers fool others.
But now their top secret customer list was published on the internet.
by Cynthia Belinni, one of the victims of this company.
There are many celebrities from show business and politics among its victims.
We wish a lot of luck to all the customers of Alibi.com,
because they will need it.
What's the surprise?
BOARDING SCHOOL St. John
OK. Scream loudly!
Abstinence. A-B-S-T-I-N-E-N-C-E.
Van Huffel! You can go. See you in court.
Flo, it's me. Open up!
Father told me you were here.
Flo!
-Flo, I need to talk to you. -What for?
When I lied because of my company, it was because
I was afraid that you would leave me
When Gerard came in, I did not know that he was your father.
Then it was too late, I could not back out.
I thought you were the right one, the one who will make me happy.
But you hurt me the most.
You must give me another chance.
Too late. I'm with someone else.
So it's over?
It is not possible. We are made for each other.
Like Brandon and Kelly in Beverly Hills.
Who?
I told you I moved on.
Imagine, we got the flat.
And Beverly Hills ... Kelly has decided for Dylan.
Are you normal? Who are you are?
-Drop me off behind the corner. -It does work for me, I'm waiting for my girlfriend ...
Do not get on my nerves! The sooner you move, the quicker you are done!
Hello, Mr.!
Yes, kiddo?
Because of you, my parents are getting a divorce. Moron!
Wouldn't you rather take the bus? -Go already, damn it!
Okay, but ...
REJECTED
Will he buy out all the kiosk?
Don't know.
I have never seen him like this.
How could you forgive him? I admire you.
You know, honey,
we forgive as much as we love. And I love your father.
The most beautiful flowers for the most beautiful woman.
-Isn't that Maurice? -Yeah, with his son.
Go on, I'll bring the crepes.
-What can I do for you? -Three crepes with sugar.
Something to drink?
No.
Van Huffel!
-Yes? -Four years!
Pardon? -She cheated on me for four years, thanks to you.
-I'm sorry. But for me that's past.
No.
Slowly. It is...
Listen, guys ...
If you want money, I don't have anything, business is closed.
Your money is irrelevant. I want you to regret this.
I'm sorry.
Believe me, I lost the love of my life.
You deserved that, asshole!
Stop!
What are you laughing about, jerk?
I am lucky that I met you.
What?
I lost the love of my life. Why should I continue?
If it makes you happy, go ahead and hit me.
Finish it up. What are you waiting for?
He's crazy.
What are you waiting for? Here I am.
Forget it. He is nuts and smells of booze.
I say to finish this! Come on!
Idiot!
Flo?
Flo! Are you OK?
I can confirm, nobody has hurt me more than you.
Damn!
Such cowards!
I hope there are cameras to catch them.
I hope so. At least I have improved my Van Damme's kick.
Flo, what do I need to do for you forgive me?
Let myself be whipped?
Go on holiday with Maurice?
Lose in bowling?
Promise that you will never ever lie to me again.
I promise.
Have I told you that I love you?
No.
How foolish of me.
-There were three of them? -Three workers.
I'm disgusted. We should never leave him alone.
I would knock him out.
After Alibi.com, what do you do now?
We have a business that saves broken relationships.
How is it going?
I'll just say that I don't have live with my mother anymore.
We have quite a few customers.
You are sexy with the broken mouth!
Why do you think I hit you?
I missed you, silly man.
Me too.
Want to be together again? SOS-COUPLES.COM
What?