[theme music plays]
♪♪♪
Marco!
Polo!
-Wow! -How do they do that?
[overlapping greetings]
Wait. This is amazing.
Elbows. You guys are so silly.
[gasps] Welcome to my first pool party.
Everything looks so beautiful, Anne.
Thank you. Where's Orion? Seb's waiting for him.
Oh, he's excited. He's already changing.
-Oh, good. -This is great.
Oh, you guys have to get in.
You know it's going up to 90 today.
-All right? In February. Crazy. -I'm going in for sure.
[chuckles] This one has his trunks on under his shorts.
I didn't bring my suit, but now this is so gorgeous,
I think I'm going to go back and get it.
-Oh, you have to. -Oh, my God.
Wait, are those little neighbor boys?
Oh, yeah. I feel so bad.
The months of noise they endured for this.
Ooh, poor things.
Go get a drink.
-Marco! -Polo!
Oh, it's hot today, huh?
Yeah. But our hose is busted.
Oh, no.
-Want to go swimming? -Really?
Yeah, of course. Come on in.
-Marco! -Polo!
♪♪♪
Okay. You nervous?
[gasps] Anne! Hi.
Okay, so meet Gene, my boyfriend.
Oh, Gene. Famous Gene.
-Mm-hmm. -"Boyfriend."
She makes me feel like I'm 15 again.
Oh, stop. What do you want me to call you?
Oh, I don't know. How about lover?
Oh my god, yes. Hmm. Lover.
-Lover. Lover. [laughs] -Well!
It is so nice to finally meet you.
-Yes. -Huh? Oh, oh, yes.
Well, uh, likewise, likewise.
Uh, how is that lousy husband treating you now?
Oh.
Oh. Well, thank you so much for this.
Come on in, make yourself at home.
I hope that's okay. We're managing Gene's sugar intake.
Cardiologist is giving me shit about my sweet tooth.
-Oh, my goodness. -Don't you even think about it.
-Justine! [gasps] -How are you?
-Mwah. -Mwah.
So, meet Gene, finally.
-My lover. -Gene, nice to meet you. Hi.
Oh. [laughs] How do you do?
So nice to meet you. I'm Justine.
-Justine. -Yes.
You wouldn't happen to know if
there's any naproxen in the house, would you?
-Naproxen? -It's for his joints.
Yeah. They get very stiff. If there's rain in the forecast, yeah.
Well, it helps kick in the Viagra too. [laughs]
Okay. St--. Hey!
Let me try. Oof.
Okay. Naproxen. Do you have any naproxen?
Naproxen? I do. I do.
It's a medicine. For joints.
-Wait for the naproxen. -[both giggle]
-[in French] How are you? -[in French] Fine.
-What's happening? -Joan is a nurse, now?
No, it's her boyfriend. They met on Hinge, idiot.
What's Hinge? A senior home?
Martin!
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you I can't stay very long.
Monday is my deadline for my thing for the car museum,
-so I have to go work. -Yes. Yeah, sure.
I don't even know if it's worth trying.
Yes of course, try for it, Martin. It's super important. Go ahead.
-All right, so I'll see you later? -Yes.
Oh, so I'm going to try to get Gretchen
to eat something finally.
-How's she feeling? -Oh, not very good.
She just sleeps all day. Never leaves her room.
Really? Did she decide what she's going to do?
Is she going to keep it?
Uh, it's kind of delicate.
God, no father.
Yeah.
Uch. The kids drank all the La Croix.
I know. I know. I texted Ell. She's going to bring some.
Is she on her way?
Well, her shoot went over time.
Her shoot?
-[laughs] -What is she doing?
[laughing] Oh, my God.
So George is here.
Does that mean the trial separation is over?
No, it just means he's the only one who knows how to use the grill.
Yes. Right.
[laughs]
Oh, my goodness.
-Here you go. -Thank you. Fabulous.
All righty.
[Anne knocks on door] Knock, knock.
-Hmm. -I brought you some food.
I can't possibly eat.
All right. Well, I'll just leave it here
and you can have it later.
[groans]
How are you feeling?
Everything smells like a toilet. Fruit salad?
Yeah. Have some, it'll give you energy.
You know, when I was, um, pregnant with Seb…
Mm-hmm.
the only thing I could tolerate were berries.
The website said my baby is now the size of a blueberry.
Oh.
Miracle of life. [chuckles]
Well, you know, it's not really a baby.
It's just a cluster of cells, so…
[nervous chuckle]
-Anne. -Yeah?
Was there no La Croix?
No. Sorry.
I'll, um--I'll get you some ginger ale.
Hmm.
But I want La Croix!
[sloppy electric guitar chords]
[guitar chords continue]
My mom is trying to use Avid like a pro.
Stop. Stop. Oliver, keep it down.
I can't--I can't focus. I can't. Stop. Stop.
It's Radiohead, Mom.
Uh, yeah. Does not sound like Radiohead, but…
[fast strumming]
Oliver, I just told you to stop. What is wrong with you?
I can't live with you anymore! I want to go live with my dad!
-Oh, okay. Be my guest. -Uh-oh.
-That's awesome. Come on. -Wait, Mom. I can't see.
Turn around. Turn around. Mom. I can't see.
No. Daddy! It's daddy time. Come on, come on, come on.
News flash, buddy. Your son's moving in. Bye!
[laughs] Mom, I got the whole thing.
-I got the whole thing on video. -Can I see? Can I see?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -I want to see.
[Oliver on video] I want to go live with my dad!
Okay. Uh, Mom. Maybe add a little music after the 'be my guest'.
-Okay. Uh.. -Here. Let me. Let me.
-Okay. -I'm better at this than you.
I want to go live with my dad!
-Yeah. Be my guest! -Uh oh.
[dramatic music plays on video]
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Leave it like that. That's good.
You're good. You're good at this.
Thank you. I mean, I used to watch a lot of reality TV.
It's crap, but it sells.
-[kisses] -[groans] Mom.
Wake up. News flash. Your son's moving in.
Come on. Daddy time.
I think we have a hit.
Yeah. We did it. Good job.
Keep your eye on him though, honey, because…
He knows how to swim. He'll be okay.
I know, but these neighbor boys are doing cannonballs right now.
One of them could, like, jump on his head,
knock him unconscious. He could drown.
Everyone dies, mom.
Honey, I don't mean--
Just stay close to your father. Okay? Now have fun.
Everyone dies.
[Justine] I mean, they're really behind the book
because otherwise they wouldn't send me
to that book fair in San Francisco.
[Anne] That's amazing. I'm so happy for you.
[Justine] I know. Imagine me giving an interview.
Oh, come on. You're gonna be amazing.
-It looks nice. -It's very impressive.
[Anne] It's so great.
Yeah, my wife, the famous chef. Now doing a book.
Well, you know, now it feels real.
Like it's not on my computer anymore, or my--in my head.
Yeah. Oh, and the lighting. So gorgeous.
Yeah. It's very David Hamilton.
No,
But, you know, I'm really--I'm really not sure about that cover.
What? Look how sexy you are!
-Look at the legs! -[Martin] That's a good picture.
-It's so retouched. -That's--that's a great photo.
It's the best photo of you ever.
[in French] Thank you Photoshop!
-[in English] Yeah. -Amazing.
Hey, hey. Can I get you guys anything?
Oh, I'm fine. The burger was very good.
Oh, well. It was the grill.
Have you guys tried his pizza de la resistance?
-[laughs] -No. What is it?
It's pizza. Yeah.
Yasmin. You want anything? Do you want a burger?
Oh. Anne, did you remember those gluten-free buns?
[gasp] Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I forgot.
No. It's okay, I'm not really that hungry anyway.
I think I'm going to go home and get my suit
and get in with these guys.
-Okay. Bye, honey. -Okay. Bye.
-Anne? -Yeah.
Can I talk to you for a second?
Sure.
Sounds serious.
[loud splash]
Those fucking kids. I'm wet.
So, uh, what's up?
I stashed some joints in the flour canister.
Did you smoke them?
I threw them away.
[laughs] Why would you do that?
Because! I don't want that stuff in my house anymore.
Okay.
Yeah, I'm trying to be present.
Hi, Maria. Can you meet me on the corner of Amoroso and Linden
in 20 minutes, please? And bring my bathing suit,
you know, the one with the flowers? Gracias.
[phone dings]
What is this all about?
I just go from point A to point B.
[sighs] Great.
[sighs]
I have less than 15 minutes.
Oh, there you go. That's my grandson.
-He plays shortstop. -Hmm.
It's right between second and--well, anyway.
He's about your age, but he's very into baseball.
Just like his grandpa. You play sports?
Well, I tap dance.
Are you some kind of homo?
You can't say that word anymore.
Oh, um, then, poof?
You can't say poof.
All right. Um, pansy? Oh, fairy?
How old are you?
Just ask for a lip wax.
Classy.
[in Korean] Hi.
[in Korean] Hello.
[in English] I'm here for a lip wax.
[in Korean] Thank you.
Yasmin.
How's it going with the translations?
Fine. I mean, I'm a little bored,
but I'm sure my cousin has filled you in on that.
Yeah. Well, sometimes the carpet isn't just a carpet.
Yeah. In this case, the carpets so far,
they are in fact just carpets.
Oh.
[laughs] Nice.
Haven't seen one of these in a while.
You'd think they'd have upgraded by now.
Testing one, two, Roger, Wilco. [laughs]
It's just a pen.
Yeah.
So a carpet isn't always a carpet,
but a pen is always just a pen, right?
Oh.
Anyway, what is this?
I--I have a party to get back to.
Can you confirm that you are married to William A. Carlson?
What does that have to do with carpets?
Is Will Carlson your husband?
I mean, I've been extremely discreet. He has no idea about anything.
Has his, uh, behavior changed in any way lately?
What is this about?
We have reason to believe that your husband
is involved in international espionage.
[laughs] My husband Will?
You're--when he's not coding,
he's drafting his fantasy football team.
Oh my God. You're serious.
So what, the carpets have all just been a test
to see how compliant I am?
Partly.
Look, we're well aware that this is a really delicate situation.
Do you happen to know who your husband
sold his company to in the second quarter of 2019?
It was an Israeli company, an acronym.
I always want to say N-K-O-T-B,
but it was a legitimate company and not a boy band.
N.D.O.
Our client suspects the N.D.O Group sold your husband's software
to the Saudi Arabian government who in turn,
used your husband's code to track and surveil
the phone of a covert operative.
And?
And the operative was found poisoned in Madrid.
Whew. I got food poisoning once in Barcelona.
[in Spanish]
Chemical nerve agent.
The operative died drowning on his own fluids.
That's not good. Who did you say your clients were again?
We didn't.
We've been tasked with investigating
the nature of your husband's involvement
in the compromising of said operative's phone.
Well, I can't imagine you'll find anything.
Do you happen to know if your husband
has had or is scheduled to have any dealings
with members of the royal family of Saudi Arabia?
[scoffs] No, he didn't. He hasn't. Of course not.
You recognize this man?
No.
That's Abdul Jemiah, member of the house of Saoud, with his son.
Did you guys have fun at least? What did you do?
We met a kid. He has a pet tiger.
And he's a prince.
He graduated Stanford in 1996 and he spends a lot of time
in the tech industry up in Palo Alto.
Yes. My husband was up there recently for a conference with our son.
I don't see what this proves. They're what?
Having ice cream in a mall?
Frozen yogurt.
Either way, this is not necessarily espionage-related.
I mean, he told me about this. They had just met.
Look, we tell each other everything. Okay? There are no secrets.
Oh, so then your husband's aware of your activities
between 1999 and 2003?
Look, I don't discuss my intelligence work with anybody.
Really? Not even Rob Betts? The Fulbright scholar
with whom you had a sexual relationship in late 2002?
You talked to Rob Betts?
Did you?
Okay. As much as I would love to discuss
the details of my past relationships
in the back room of a low rent nail salon,
I should probably get back to my family.
They'll start to worry if I'm gone too long.
Betts was a penetration agent.
Yeah, he sure was.
He was a mole.
Be a shame if your connection to him was revealed.
I don't think there'd be that much sympathy for a Muslim woman
trading in national secrets in this climate.
Okay. What is it that you want for me?
If your husband has zero involvement in these matters,
there will be no proof.
Man of a thousand envelopes.
By the way, is he mute?
Yes. He is.
It goes into your husband's computer port.
You'll need to download it every day.
It gives us access to his drives
and allows us to monitor his interactions.
Monitor?
Yes.
So you want me to spy on my husband?
Yasmin, this will be a lot safer for your husband
if you take the lead on this.
Do the job and we'll keep quiet about the Betts connection.
Yeah. Right.
[in Korean] Goodbye.
[clears throat] Nice.
Here we go. Here we go. Ready?
Put him on. Put him on.
Gene, meet Sir Gaga.
Oh, oh!
-Oh my God. -[giggles]
Don't you miss him?
Oh, it all kind of fell into place.
Yeah, I got my crib downtown
but pick up Sebastian from school twice a week.
We hang out here. We have dinner. He goes to sleep
and then I go out for a drink or you know, play a gig. Da, da, da.
You know, like the other day, I met a friend from college at 10:00.
We were out until 3:00.
Sebastian comes over every other week for a sleepover.
He loves it! It's fucking awesome!
Sounds exhausting. But you're still young.
Yeah. I could never be away from my kid.
-That's for sure. -These could use another minute.
Maria! Why are you always so good to us?
Because you're like my family.
Aw. Well, I appreciate you always taking such good care of us.
And thank you for the raise, Yasmin.
Oh, of course. You deserve it.
All right. I'm going to head in here to this party.
Thanks for the suit!
[music, chattering]
[indistinct chatter]
[indistinct whispering]
There's poop everywhere! [laughs]
[both laugh]
-He's the--he's in the shirt! -He's going!
-Oh, wait. -[laughing]
Ah, shit.
I burned the pizza.
It's okay, dude. Don’t worry about it.
-Yeah. I could never do that. -Hey, I didn't--
I didn't see you come back.
-Man, I ruined the pizza. -I left the LaCroix on the table.
You know, I'm going to get in with you, sweetheart.
-Sorry we're so late! -Pool party!
Oliver, sunblock. Remember Aunt Sophie.
Did she die? No, she didn't.
-Sarah, put that back on, please. -Mom, it's itchy!
-We agreed on the blue one piece. -I couldn't find it!
Cover up on now, Sarah, or I'm not filming you.
[chattering]
[Anne] Ell. Put the camera down.
-Come on! -Okay. I'm so sorry.
I didn't realize I had to ask a friend permission
to film my kids swimming.
I mean, come on, Anne.
You're our only friend with a pool, and the poor guys,
they caught molluscum at the Y last summer.
I feel terrible for them.
I know, but you're gonna post this, aren't you?
-I'm not. I promise. -Yes, you are.
I swear. I'm not.
It's just for the memories. It's for the dads.
God.
Okay, guys. One, two, three. Jump!
♪♪♪
Hi, I'm Ell.
I'm a single mom to three amazing kids
here in beautiful sunny Los Angeles!
This is our apartment.
'Sup.
This is Puddles, our beloved dog.
He's very friendly.
[giggling]
[chanting] He’s doing his thang…
Mom, my friends are going to see this!
Kai, sit! Thi--
Sarah, come on! This is our family.
This is our life. And it's…
[all] Priceless!
Don't forget to like us and subscribe.
So you can hang out with the weirdest family
on YouTube!
Okay, so…
I think I just found somebody famous for your Instagram,
but I don’t remember her name.
A lot of questions about the dessert.
She's from, like, this movie when I was a kid,
had a werewolf in it.
She's French. I know that.
Julie Delphine?
Oh! Julie Delpy.
She used to be great. Where is she?
Um, table 10.
- All right. -Thanks.
[in French] Good evening, Julie.
I wanted to see if you enjoyed your seabass with sorrel butter.
-[in French] Do we know each other? -Well, no.
Because you called me by my first name, so…
I'm sorry. I…
I love your movies and I'm the the chef here. I'm the chef.
-[in English] What's going on? -[Julie] Uh, she's the chef.
Do you mind switching to English?
I just can't stand when French people do that.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Uh, the sea bass was delicious.
[sighs] Oh, I'm so happy you liked it.
But I ordered it without the butter.
-She can't have butter. -I can't have butter.
Oh.
Well, the whole dish is really about the sorrel butter.
Sorry.
What about the potatoes?
She can't have carbs.
I can't have carbs.
Oh,
Well, you're--you're getting ready for a role.
You have to lose weight?
No.
No, but she'll be getting ready for one soon.
And she was this close to playing Leonardo's mother last year.
I was this close.
This close.
Anyway, if you want to tag my fish,
please do, uh, on your Instagram.
She doesn't handle her Instagram.
I don't handle my Instagram.
I try to stay away from looking at myself.
I abhor solipsism.
But I will tell my publicist.
Okay, well, if your publicist can, you know,
tag me and tag the fish with or without the butter,
my handle is the thing with…
[in French] "Just the Justine."
[in English] Do you want me to write it down?
No. I got it.
[in French] Goodbye.
♪♪♪
[exhales heavily]