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‎NETFLIX 原創影集

2
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‎下次可以做正常版嗎？

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‎我一個月後就滿12歲了

4
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‎好吧

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‎12歲的男孩不喜歡
‎小老鼠形狀的薄煎餅，知道了

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‎爸

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‎我的生日可以辦漆彈派對嗎？

8
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‎我說過了，我沒意見

9
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‎但我得再跟你媽商量一下，好嗎？

10
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‎她比較想去陶藝坊，所以…

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‎謝謝你們今天早上讓我睡晚一點

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‎-對
‎-我很需要睡眠

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‎-早安
‎-早安

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‎-媽…
‎-什麼事？

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‎爸說我生日可以辦漆彈派對

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‎夠了，歐萊恩
‎我說過得先跟你媽媽確認

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‎一切都被你們毀了

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‎-我恨你們
‎-親愛的

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‎那是他的心願，他是壽星

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‎我要怎麼跟其他父母解釋？太暴力了

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‎總之，我訂好陶藝坊了

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‎拜託，寶貝，他們是12歲的男孩

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‎我想其他父母會了解他們寧可…

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‎寧可什麼？磨練殺戮技巧？拜託

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‎要是玩漆彈的男孩
‎後來都會變成殺人凶手

26
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‎少年感化院早就人滿為患了

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‎少年感化院？

28
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‎你知道說這種話
‎聽起來像什麼嗎，威爾？

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‎不知道，雅絲敏，我聽起來像什麼？

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‎像個白人老頭

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‎我是個44歲的愛爾蘭白人男子

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‎嚴格來說，我的確算是白人老頭

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‎所以妳說得對

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‎這位白人老頭
‎完全贊成改革槍枝管制政策

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‎並相信他12歲的兒子
‎應該可以跟好友去玩漆彈

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‎因為…我要說囉，小男孩喜歡玩槍

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‎他們一直都是，永遠不變

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‎好，我只是在說他們現在不該玩槍

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‎即使是塑膠做的也一樣

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‎那好吧，好，就這樣吧

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‎如果妳這麼堅持
‎我就要歐萊恩打消念頭

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‎但不是因為他日後會殺人

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‎或是因為我在乎其他父母的想法

44
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‎而是因為妳是他的媽媽

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‎妳是個好媽媽，我愛妳

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‎至於我的白人特權…

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‎天啊，你是認真的嗎？

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‎我聽得一清二楚

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‎你們噁心死了

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‎-抱歉，小子
‎-天啊

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‎第九集，新鮮

52
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‎凱、奧利佛、莎拉？

53
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‎看好了，我要作弄媽媽…

54
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‎-天啊，她一定會發現
‎-不會吧！

55
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‎不會吧

56
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‎你們聽到了嗎？

57
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‎聽到了嗎？早安，孩子們

58
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‎早安，媽

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‎有人要吃早餐嗎？

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‎莎拉幫我們做了吐司煎蛋

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‎她是這麼說的

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‎有沒有搞錯，奧利佛？現在還這麼早

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‎你爸呢，奧利佛？

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‎又跑出去了

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‎好吧，他起床後帳篷就該折好

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‎馬上回房

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‎你們在看什麼？

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‎《與索比家同歡》
‎這是YouTube家庭實境節目

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‎他們會互相作弄，超好笑的，媽

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‎好，那是唐恩，今年14歲
‎她媽剛發現她懷孕了

71
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‎天啊，太糟糕了

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‎對，唐恩是個很複雜的人

73
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‎是假的，她在騙媽媽，她沒有懷孕

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‎她在洗手台邊緣放了偽陽性的驗孕棒

75
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‎她明知道媽媽一定會發現

76
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‎好，所以他們基本上
‎在學卡戴珊家族，但拍成惡作劇版？

77
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‎我覺得有錢人真是無聊透頂

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‎什麼？媽，他們很受歡迎
‎他們大概有50萬個粉絲吧

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‎我寧可跟他們一樣
‎也不要過這種爛生活

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‎什麼？

81
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‎-紅色警戒
‎-她月經來了

82
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‎-妳真好騙，媽
‎-妳差點害我心臟病發

83
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‎妳能相信這都是用智慧手機拍的嗎？

84
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‎妳怎麼可以用這麼醜的腳四處走動？

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‎真的很抱歉

86
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‎她戴著那個鬼東西
‎都看不出她在想什麼

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‎她們可能是為了搞神祕才戴

88
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‎還是妳覺得
‎是因為那個中國流感的關係？

89
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‎媽！

90
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‎她們來自韓國

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‎她們戴口罩
‎是因為美甲店有許多有毒物質

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‎妳說得好像是我的錯一樣

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‎不是的

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‎我警告過妳，安妮

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‎妳宣布結婚的消息時

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‎我說過那個男孩
‎對妳來說是個年輕的窮光蛋

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‎而且不是猶太人…

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‎不過不說破的話還蠻像的

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‎我一直跟妳說妳爸不是猶太人

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‎這是我最大的遺憾

101
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‎但妳想要小孩，妳年紀已經到了

102
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‎媽，可以不要再說了嗎？

103
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‎我就不塗指甲油了，謝謝

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‎不上指甲油的話
‎看起來像是沒有收尾

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‎塗我這個顏色吧

106
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‎她也要塗叢林紅，好嗎？

107
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‎叢林紅

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‎對

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‎真是個賤女人

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‎我不塗了

111
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‎這是我的腳

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‎妳每次都會錯意

113
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‎總有一天，我會無法忍受妳

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‎再也不想理妳

115
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‎也會中斷金援

116
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‎誰曉得？說不定終於受不了的人是我

117
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‎完成了，只要抛光抛亮就好

118
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‎謝謝，看起來美極了

119
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‎對了，我在想

120
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‎我應該把那個穆拉諾花瓶拿回來

121
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‎這個花瓶很貴

122
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‎你們家人來人往的…

123
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‎別見怪

124
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‎完全不會

125
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‎-對，我希望妳拿回去
‎-好

126
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‎-我覺得放妳家比較好看
‎-好

127
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‎你好

128
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‎是妳啊

129
00:07:28,376 --> 00:07:30,459
‎-妳好嗎？
‎-好極了，你呢？

130
00:07:30,543 --> 00:07:33,543
‎好極了，但正在想辦法
‎讓我的免疫系統恢復正常

131
00:07:33,626 --> 00:07:36,626
‎因為我在發霉的地窖
‎釀了一個星期的酒

132
00:07:37,168 --> 00:07:38,001
‎那有用嗎？

133
00:07:38,084 --> 00:07:40,168
‎天啊，很有用，這是好東西

134
00:07:41,501 --> 00:07:43,959
‎妳收到我那封
‎今晚沙爾頓海展覽的電郵了嗎？

135
00:07:44,793 --> 00:07:46,584
‎沒有，很抱歉

136
00:07:46,668 --> 00:07:49,043
‎我一直在…處理生活大小瑣事

137
00:07:49,126 --> 00:07:51,543
‎生活會耗盡一個人的生命力

138
00:07:52,043 --> 00:07:53,834
‎-對，沒錯
‎-對

139
00:07:53,918 --> 00:07:55,959
‎-是啊
‎-妳還好嗎？

140
00:07:58,293 --> 00:08:00,168
‎這是幫我家的互惠生買的

141
00:08:00,251 --> 00:08:02,376
‎對，她懷孕了

142
00:08:02,959 --> 00:08:06,709
‎對，19歲，不清楚孩子的爸爸是誰

143
00:08:06,793 --> 00:08:08,793
‎還不確定要不要把小孩生下來

144
00:08:08,876 --> 00:08:10,709
‎對，她簡直就像我第二個孩子

145
00:08:12,834 --> 00:08:13,959
‎你有小孩嗎？

146
00:08:14,043 --> 00:08:15,001
‎沒有

147
00:08:15,668 --> 00:08:16,709
‎-沒有？
‎-沒有

148
00:08:16,793 --> 00:08:17,959
‎你想要小孩嗎？

149
00:08:18,043 --> 00:08:20,459
‎我都52歲了，那樣就得老夫少妻配

150
00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:26,543
‎對40幾歲的美女並不公平

151
00:08:28,668 --> 00:08:30,751
‎-對，快50歲了
‎-快50歲了

152
00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:33,584
‎50幾歲是很美妙的年紀

153
00:08:34,543 --> 00:08:35,500
‎-是啊
‎-是啊

154
00:08:37,043 --> 00:08:39,293
‎所以妳覺得呢？今晚想去嗎？

155
00:08:40,334 --> 00:08:43,875
‎好啊，我兒子不在，所以我可以去

156
00:08:43,959 --> 00:08:46,834
‎好極了，下午6點藝廊見？

157
00:08:47,376 --> 00:08:48,626
‎-好
‎-都在電郵裡

158
00:08:48,709 --> 00:08:50,043
‎-好
‎-到時候見

159
00:08:50,126 --> 00:08:51,001
‎-再見
‎-再見

160
00:08:55,126 --> 00:08:57,751
‎（好萊塢運動員俱樂部）

161
00:08:57,834 --> 00:09:00,334
‎我們很幸運，這個編輯是大人物

162
00:09:01,418 --> 00:09:03,334
‎希望這裡有電梯可以搭

163
00:09:05,043 --> 00:09:07,959
‎我真的覺得我們一進去

164
00:09:08,043 --> 00:09:11,626
‎妳就得告訴他們
‎妳會減少存在主義或陰鬱文字的篇幅

165
00:09:11,709 --> 00:09:14,209
‎不，聽我說，我真的想跟他討論一下

166
00:09:14,293 --> 00:09:17,959
‎因為我覺得這本書就是以此為特點

167
00:09:18,043 --> 00:09:19,751
‎希望他們有廁所

168
00:09:19,834 --> 00:09:21,959
‎我跟蕾貝卡談得很不愉快

169
00:09:23,668 --> 00:09:27,501
‎等等，你們還在…你們復合了嗎？

170
00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:29,959
‎她是我畢生的摯愛，賈絲汀

171
00:09:32,168 --> 00:09:33,084
‎好

172
00:09:41,501 --> 00:09:43,126
‎首先呢

173
00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:48,584
‎我想強調我很喜歡
‎這種存在主義的氛圍

174
00:09:48,668 --> 00:09:50,876
‎這種自我貶低的幽默感太妙了

175
00:09:50,959 --> 00:09:52,584
‎對食譜書來說是獨一無二的

176
00:09:53,168 --> 00:09:54,334
‎我完全同意

177
00:09:54,918 --> 00:09:58,543
‎散文的部分完全沒提到食材的分量…

178
00:09:58,626 --> 00:10:00,334
‎所以我才不烘焙

179
00:10:00,418 --> 00:10:02,876
‎烹飪講求的是直覺

180
00:10:02,959 --> 00:10:04,626
‎妳把自己放在

181
00:10:04,709 --> 00:10:06,918
‎時代文化精神的正中央

182
00:10:07,001 --> 00:10:10,209
‎心思複雜又有黑色幽默的女主廚

183
00:10:10,293 --> 00:10:12,001
‎現在很受讀者歡迎

184
00:10:12,084 --> 00:10:14,293
‎在我看來，妳的文字可以更荒謬

185
00:10:14,376 --> 00:10:16,459
‎幾乎像卡夫卡式的風格

186
00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:20,376
‎蟑螂跟烹飪不太合吧

187
00:10:20,459 --> 00:10:21,834
‎卡繆式的呢？

188
00:10:22,918 --> 00:10:25,543
‎對，提到生出鵪鶉的那一段

189
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,459
‎-我刪掉了，總之…
‎-對

190
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:29,334
‎有人要吃制酸劑嗎？

191
00:10:31,084 --> 00:10:31,918
‎不用了，謝謝

192
00:10:32,001 --> 00:10:34,793
‎現在已經不流行
‎歡樂又圓滾滾的傑米奧利佛那一套

193
00:10:34,876 --> 00:10:38,001
‎只要幫我一個忙，千萬別想不開

194
00:10:38,084 --> 00:10:40,251
‎我需要妳在外頭宣傳這本書

195
00:10:40,334 --> 00:10:42,168
‎明天拍照時

196
00:10:42,251 --> 00:10:44,793
‎我們找了很傑出的攝影師

197
00:10:44,876 --> 00:10:45,793
‎太棒了

198
00:10:45,876 --> 00:10:46,834
‎好極了

199
00:10:47,334 --> 00:10:48,543
‎我好期待…

200
00:10:49,668 --> 00:10:51,001
‎用陰鬱的心情

201
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:52,334
‎只要別自殺就行了

202
00:11:10,293 --> 00:11:12,751
‎戴倫，當初講好的不是這樣

203
00:11:13,959 --> 00:11:16,209
‎我要翻譯地毯交易資料？

204
00:11:17,709 --> 00:11:18,543
‎真的假的？

205
00:11:19,918 --> 00:11:22,126
‎所以有時候地毯不只是地毯

206
00:11:22,626 --> 00:11:26,043
‎這件案子的地毯
‎最好有其他意涵，否則我會浪費時間

207
00:11:27,876 --> 00:11:31,126
‎沒有，威爾和我一切都好
‎幹嘛問這個問題？

208
00:11:31,209 --> 00:11:33,001
‎-媽，再見
‎-我得掛電話了

209
00:11:35,209 --> 00:11:37,209
‎我要下樓親你一下

210
00:11:37,293 --> 00:11:39,626
‎好，前頭見

211
00:11:43,626 --> 00:11:46,793
‎-我現在想去沙爾頓海
‎-先不要

212
00:11:46,876 --> 00:11:48,918
‎人越多，氣氛越糟

213
00:11:49,001 --> 00:11:50,334
‎那是惡性循環

214
00:11:50,834 --> 00:11:52,376
‎好吧，我不會去的

215
00:11:53,918 --> 00:11:55,543
‎我們回去吧

216
00:11:57,459 --> 00:11:58,293
‎好

217
00:11:59,543 --> 00:12:00,584
‎我來叫車

218
00:12:00,668 --> 00:12:02,418
‎不用，快點，走路回去吧

219
00:12:03,418 --> 00:12:05,876
‎-走路？
‎-對，走路

220
00:12:08,709 --> 00:12:10,126
‎你不覺得有點危險嗎？

221
00:12:11,376 --> 00:12:12,209
‎拜託

222
00:12:13,168 --> 00:12:14,168
‎好吧，這樣好了

223
00:12:15,043 --> 00:12:16,043
‎妳準備好了嗎？

224
00:12:17,168 --> 00:12:18,084
‎可以幫妳戴嗎？

225
00:12:20,584 --> 00:12:22,043
‎妳會覺得…

226
00:12:24,376 --> 00:12:25,959
‎全然安心，對吧？

227
00:12:27,043 --> 00:12:29,376
‎-你好奇怪
‎-一步兩步向前行…

228
00:12:33,418 --> 00:12:34,418
‎我很高興妳來了

229
00:12:35,043 --> 00:12:37,168
‎對，我也是，很有意思

230
00:12:38,001 --> 00:12:41,418
‎談談妳此生目前最開心的時刻

231
00:12:41,501 --> 00:12:43,501
‎-天啊，太瘋狂了
‎-是啊

232
00:12:46,043 --> 00:12:47,084
‎生產的時候

233
00:12:48,709 --> 00:12:50,001
‎-是啊
‎-好吧

234
00:12:50,084 --> 00:12:51,293
‎非常美妙

235
00:12:51,376 --> 00:12:53,334
‎真是動人，好

236
00:12:53,418 --> 00:12:56,043
‎-對，你做不到，對吧？
‎-沒錯

237
00:12:56,126 --> 00:12:59,459
‎我完全沒有比這更美好的經歷

238
00:12:59,543 --> 00:13:02,584
‎-完全沒得比，對吧？
‎-對，這種經歷是最重要的

239
00:13:02,668 --> 00:13:05,376
‎-是啊
‎-好美妙的答案，好極了

240
00:13:15,626 --> 00:13:17,251
‎你說你是做什麼工作的？

241
00:13:20,126 --> 00:13:22,793
‎有時我為一個瑞士人工作

242
00:13:23,793 --> 00:13:25,668
‎他很喜歡中式家具

243
00:13:25,751 --> 00:13:26,834
‎-是嗎？
‎-還有葡萄酒

244
00:13:27,668 --> 00:13:30,459
‎跟他合作讓我更了解…

245
00:13:31,793 --> 00:13:34,334
‎我不想過什麼樣的人生，諸如此類

246
00:13:34,418 --> 00:13:36,543
‎物質享受、住家、家累…

247
00:13:37,876 --> 00:13:40,084
‎所以我一年只工作兩、三個月

248
00:13:40,168 --> 00:13:45,084
‎剩下的時間我都在旅行跟演講…

249
00:13:46,334 --> 00:13:47,918
‎演講的主題是什麼？

250
00:13:49,418 --> 00:13:50,626
‎我寫了一本書

251
00:13:51,751 --> 00:13:54,168
‎-厲害，出書耶
‎-是啊

252
00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:57,501
‎書名叫《無家無羈絆》

253
00:13:58,459 --> 00:13:59,709
‎寫的是極簡主義

254
00:14:05,126 --> 00:14:06,126
‎你住在哪裡？

255
00:14:06,751 --> 00:14:08,084
‎無以為家，也處處是家

256
00:14:10,376 --> 00:14:15,001
‎所以你無家可歸？

257
00:14:16,001 --> 00:14:17,334
‎這個世界就是我的家

258
00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:23,334
‎你是遊…

259
00:14:26,793 --> 00:14:27,751
‎你是遊民啊

260
00:14:46,084 --> 00:14:48,501
‎-賈絲汀
‎-湯瑪斯？

261
00:14:49,084 --> 00:14:50,334
‎是湯瑪索

262
00:14:50,418 --> 00:14:51,334
‎你是義大利人

263
00:14:51,418 --> 00:14:52,751
‎內心是

264
00:14:53,376 --> 00:14:54,751
‎好

265
00:14:54,834 --> 00:14:55,918
‎賈絲汀，妳好

266
00:14:56,001 --> 00:14:58,126
‎-你好
‎-我是湯瑪索的助理福特

267
00:14:58,209 --> 00:14:59,709
‎好，你好

268
00:14:59,793 --> 00:15:02,501
‎-這裡很難找嗎？鑰匙？
‎-不會，一切都很順利

269
00:15:02,584 --> 00:15:05,459
‎想喝點什麼嗎？咖啡、水或茶？

270
00:15:05,543 --> 00:15:06,543
‎不用了

271
00:15:06,626 --> 00:15:08,834
‎我得告訴妳
‎我超愛妳的卡酥來砂鍋食譜

272
00:15:09,334 --> 00:15:10,334
‎謝謝

273
00:15:10,876 --> 00:15:12,293
‎我去通知大家妳來了

274
00:15:12,376 --> 00:15:14,418
‎卡酥來砂鍋女王駕到

275
00:15:14,501 --> 00:15:16,001
‎-這裡好美
‎-是啊

276
00:15:16,084 --> 00:15:20,251
‎以氣氛而言
‎我想營造1970年代的聖特羅佩風

277
00:15:20,334 --> 00:15:22,168
‎運用美麗的金色光線

278
00:15:22,251 --> 00:15:24,334
‎我沒去過聖特羅佩

279
00:15:24,418 --> 00:15:27,293
‎我來自不列塔尼
‎那裡都是多雲的天氣

280
00:15:27,376 --> 00:15:28,834
‎這不說也沒人知道

281
00:15:28,918 --> 00:15:30,918
‎我想仿照大衛漢密爾頓的手法

282
00:15:31,001 --> 00:15:32,626
‎加點《漁光》的感覺

283
00:15:33,459 --> 00:15:35,001
‎大衛漢密爾頓不是

284
00:15:35,084 --> 00:15:37,668
‎被控猥褻年輕女孩，所以自殺了嗎？

285
00:15:37,751 --> 00:15:40,084
‎-當我沒提
‎-好吧

286
00:15:40,168 --> 00:15:42,709
‎帶點歐洲氛圍的《死亡日記》

287
00:15:43,959 --> 00:15:47,418
‎湯瑪索，我快50歲了

288
00:15:48,751 --> 00:15:50,418
‎我不想知道

289
00:15:50,501 --> 00:15:51,751
‎-好
‎-賈絲汀

290
00:15:53,001 --> 00:15:54,334
‎我會把妳拍得美美的

291
00:15:55,918 --> 00:15:57,459
‎妳得相信我

292
00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:00,626
‎我會讓妳看起來明豔動人

293
00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:03,709
‎每個人都會想做妳可口的小菜

294
00:16:04,209 --> 00:16:07,001
‎妳一定會喜歡黛安
‎她是我們的髮型師

295
00:16:07,084 --> 00:16:08,959
‎她接髮的功夫是一流的

296
00:16:12,959 --> 00:16:15,084
‎有孩子，兩個孩子

297
00:16:15,168 --> 00:16:16,168
‎來當臨演的孩子

298
00:16:16,251 --> 00:16:18,751
‎當臨演的孩子，我其實只有一個孩子

299
00:16:18,834 --> 00:16:21,876
‎對，我們覺得
‎只有一個孩子看起來有點悲哀

300
00:16:24,626 --> 00:16:25,584
‎是雞耶

301
00:16:26,751 --> 00:16:29,001
‎我是要為牠們下廚
‎還是把牠們煮來吃？

302
00:16:29,084 --> 00:16:32,834
‎妳下廚都用新鮮的蛋，而雞會下…

303
00:16:33,501 --> 00:16:34,626
‎-蛋
‎-蛋

304
00:16:35,334 --> 00:16:36,168
‎好極了

305
00:16:38,334 --> 00:16:39,168
‎謝謝

306
00:16:40,793 --> 00:16:42,168
‎不能吃薯條，唐恩

307
00:16:42,709 --> 00:16:44,084
‎我可不希望妳突然冒痘子

308
00:16:44,168 --> 00:16:45,084
‎我快餓死了

309
00:16:45,168 --> 00:16:46,043
‎那就吃蘋果

310
00:16:46,126 --> 00:16:47,876
‎妳突然關心起我的皮膚了？

311
00:16:47,959 --> 00:16:50,501
‎我不希望妳滿臉青春痘

312
00:16:50,584 --> 00:16:51,418
‎為什麼？

313
00:16:53,168 --> 00:16:54,709
‎把薯條收起來，唐恩

314
00:16:54,793 --> 00:16:57,959
‎因為除痘軟膏是我們的新贊助商？

315
00:16:58,043 --> 00:16:58,959
‎贊助商？

316
00:16:59,043 --> 00:17:01,584
‎妳眼裡就只有錢

317
00:17:01,668 --> 00:17:05,668
‎除痘軟膏贊助的25000元
‎是妳的大學基金

318
00:17:06,333 --> 00:17:10,168
‎除痘軟膏贊助的25000元
‎是妳的大學基金

319
00:17:10,251 --> 00:17:11,083
‎好嗎？

320
00:17:14,208 --> 00:17:17,668
‎好極了，別動

321
00:17:20,708 --> 00:17:25,043
‎好極了，撫摸胡蘿蔔

322
00:17:25,126 --> 00:17:26,793
‎胡蘿蔔需要更多泥土

323
00:17:30,418 --> 00:17:31,626
‎換照相機

324
00:17:31,709 --> 00:17:35,543
‎謝謝，別動，就是這樣

325
00:17:35,626 --> 00:17:36,918
‎拿掉眼鏡

326
00:17:37,001 --> 00:17:38,251
‎真的不…

327
00:17:38,334 --> 00:17:39,334
‎好吧

328
00:17:39,418 --> 00:17:41,709
‎只能…好吧

329
00:17:42,709 --> 00:17:44,001
‎跟樹互動，多一點

330
00:17:44,084 --> 00:17:46,418
‎很好，別動

331
00:17:49,543 --> 00:17:50,876
‎說“起司”

332
00:17:51,709 --> 00:17:53,126
‎孩子們的拍好了

333
00:17:56,418 --> 00:17:58,084
‎見見妳最愛的雞奧斯卡

334
00:17:58,751 --> 00:17:59,834
‎奧斯卡？

335
00:17:59,918 --> 00:18:00,834
‎好吧

336
00:18:03,293 --> 00:18:04,876
‎牠咬我！居然啄我！

337
00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:07,084
‎麻煩給那隻雞鎮靜劑

338
00:18:11,168 --> 00:18:12,043
‎該死

339
00:18:17,084 --> 00:18:18,501
‎就像小寶寶一樣，我喜歡

340
00:18:20,376 --> 00:18:21,209
‎可是…

341
00:18:22,376 --> 00:18:26,084
‎好，調整牠的姿勢，凸顯出牠的喙？

342
00:18:26,876 --> 00:18:27,751
‎對

343
00:18:29,043 --> 00:18:30,668
‎那隻雞現在看起來死氣沉沉

344
00:18:30,751 --> 00:18:31,709
‎等牠一下

345
00:18:31,793 --> 00:18:34,084
‎牠們的腦袋不大，藥效一下子就過了

346
00:18:36,543 --> 00:18:37,418
‎該死

347
00:18:38,751 --> 00:18:40,043
‎牠拉在我身上

348
00:18:40,584 --> 00:18:41,959
‎雞不用出場了

349
00:18:42,709 --> 00:18:44,751
‎孩子們，媽咪回來了

350
00:18:45,376 --> 00:18:46,584
‎妳回來了

351
00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:49,251
‎那當然，媽咪一定會回來，你知道的

352
00:18:51,168 --> 00:18:53,668
‎好，你怎麼只穿內褲？

353
00:18:53,751 --> 00:18:55,168
‎小傢伙尿褲子了

354
00:18:55,251 --> 00:18:57,418
‎-我憋不住
‎-好煩啊

355
00:18:58,418 --> 00:18:59,584
‎妳去蘋果電腦的店了？

356
00:19:00,168 --> 00:19:01,376
‎沒錯

357
00:19:01,459 --> 00:19:03,168
‎等等，你看，奧利佛

358
00:19:04,959 --> 00:19:07,209
‎天啊，那是新款的蘋果智慧手機嗎？

359
00:19:07,293 --> 00:19:09,043
‎我等妳等了一個小時了

360
00:19:09,126 --> 00:19:11,251
‎我要去艾美家，記得嗎？

361
00:19:11,334 --> 00:19:12,668
‎妳看起來活像鳳頭鸚鵡

362
00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:16,418
‎比較像是老二鸚鵡，懂嗎？老二鸚鵡

363
00:19:16,501 --> 00:19:18,501
‎那是新款蘋果智慧手機？
‎你怎麼會有？

364
00:19:18,584 --> 00:19:20,209
‎-媽給我的
‎-什麼？為什麼給你？

365
00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:21,834
‎因為她最愛我了

366
00:19:21,918 --> 00:19:24,376
‎不對，還我，天啊

367
00:19:24,876 --> 00:19:26,543
‎我需要你們集中精神

368
00:19:27,626 --> 00:19:29,959
‎我們家有非常令人振奮的消息

369
00:19:30,043 --> 00:19:30,918
‎要搬家了？

370
00:19:32,168 --> 00:19:35,168
‎我們要拍自己的YouTube節目

371
00:19:35,251 --> 00:19:36,584
‎-等等，什麼？
‎-沒錯！

372
00:19:36,668 --> 00:19:38,043
‎我們正式成為影音部落客了

373
00:19:38,126 --> 00:19:40,876
‎從這一刻開始
‎我們家會用影音部落格記錄生活

374
00:19:40,959 --> 00:19:43,543
‎就像《與索比家同歡》，對吧？

375
00:19:43,626 --> 00:19:44,459
‎沒錯

376
00:19:44,543 --> 00:19:46,126
‎-天啊
‎-你們都是了

377
00:19:46,209 --> 00:19:48,626
‎不要，媽，我們的生活會攤在陽光下

378
00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:49,709
‎叫我怎麼活

379
00:19:49,793 --> 00:19:53,251
‎真的嗎？等節目播出再說
‎莎拉，到時再談，好嗎？

380
00:19:53,334 --> 00:19:55,626
‎-我可以負責音樂嗎？
‎-沒問題

381
00:19:55,709 --> 00:19:58,001
‎媽，我可以負責超酷的惡作劇嗎？

382
00:19:58,084 --> 00:20:00,793
‎當然可以，全家都要努力，好嗎？

383
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:02,668
‎我們要齊心協力

384
00:20:02,751 --> 00:20:06,584
‎如果不這樣，那就不用拍了，莎拉

385
00:20:08,001 --> 00:20:10,376
‎好吧，除非妳帶我去剪頭髮

386
00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:12,376
‎並且找管家來打掃房子

387
00:20:13,251 --> 00:20:14,376
‎成交

388
00:20:15,126 --> 00:20:16,543
‎-太好了！
‎-太好了！

389
00:20:26,501 --> 00:20:28,043
‎我們得想個劇名

390
00:20:28,126 --> 00:20:29,543
‎要琅琅上口

391
00:20:30,334 --> 00:20:31,168
‎有什麼想法嗎？

392
00:20:31,251 --> 00:20:33,793
‎未來可以打造成品牌的劇名？

393
00:20:34,543 --> 00:20:35,876
‎我喜歡妳的思考方向

394
00:20:35,959 --> 00:20:37,793
‎就取為《荒唐家庭》吧

395
00:20:38,501 --> 00:20:40,251
‎-對，《荒唐家庭》
‎-《荒唐家庭》

396
00:20:40,334 --> 00:20:42,084
‎-我喜歡
‎-對，我喜歡

397
00:20:42,168 --> 00:20:43,293
‎我們可能會上谷歌喔

398
00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:45,876
‎-這樣很好
‎-改成《荒唐的霍洛維茲家》呢？

399
00:20:45,959 --> 00:20:47,126
‎-《荒唐家庭》就好
‎-不

400
00:20:47,209 --> 00:20:48,043
‎用《荒唐家庭》

401
00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:54,043
‎不行，我真的不能戴這頂帽子

402
00:20:54,126 --> 00:20:55,751
‎很抱歉，請告訴他

403
00:20:55,834 --> 00:20:57,418
‎-妳好
‎-我不能…我的眼鏡…

404
00:20:57,501 --> 00:20:59,709
‎-妳好
‎-傑瑞，你跑去哪裡？

405
00:20:59,793 --> 00:21:00,709
‎抱歉

406
00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:02,793
‎你看，我活像在演《草原小屋》

407
00:21:02,876 --> 00:21:04,334
‎對，妳看起來很性感

408
00:21:05,459 --> 00:21:06,293
‎性感？

409
00:21:07,584 --> 00:21:09,209
‎什麼？傑瑞

410
00:21:09,293 --> 00:21:12,084
‎好，這件也要脫掉
‎我不能穿這種東西

411
00:21:14,793 --> 00:21:15,751
‎怎麼回事？

412
00:21:15,834 --> 00:21:17,543
‎-蕾貝卡懷孕了
‎-什麼？

413
00:21:17,626 --> 00:21:19,709
‎她根本不認識那個傢伙

414
00:21:19,793 --> 00:21:22,043
‎妳看看

415
00:21:22,709 --> 00:21:26,043
‎妳看，什麼樣的混蛋會在Instagram
‎放他騎哈雷機車的照片？

416
00:21:26,126 --> 00:21:27,668
‎-我無法…
‎-Instagram就是這樣

417
00:21:27,751 --> 00:21:30,126
‎他在幹嘛？跟鱷魚搏鬥嗎？

418
00:21:30,834 --> 00:21:33,834
‎真不敢相信她懷了這王八蛋的孩子

419
00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:35,293
‎我原本要跟她結婚的

420
00:21:35,376 --> 00:21:37,459
‎我都挑好戒指，做好準備了

421
00:21:37,959 --> 00:21:40,584
‎-我只是在餐廳忙翻天…
‎-我知道，傑瑞

422
00:21:40,668 --> 00:21:43,418
‎這間餐廳讓我們的私生活壓力爆表

423
00:21:43,501 --> 00:21:45,793
‎賈絲汀，不能再繼續這樣下去了

424
00:21:47,084 --> 00:21:50,126
‎不能再讓餐廳的工作影響到私生活

425
00:21:50,209 --> 00:21:53,293
‎-我們是合夥人
‎-對

426
00:21:53,376 --> 00:21:56,834
‎聽著，公關小姐要我轉達

427
00:21:56,918 --> 00:22:00,751
‎她擔心這些照片看起來
‎太像那個攝影師的作品

428
00:22:00,834 --> 00:22:03,043
‎她叫什麼名字來著？她拍了一堆怪人

429
00:22:03,126 --> 00:22:05,168
‎和連體雙…

430
00:22:05,251 --> 00:22:07,876
‎-黛安阿布斯
‎-對，沒錯，她很擔心

431
00:22:07,959 --> 00:22:10,001
‎他們覺得我是怪胎？

432
00:22:10,084 --> 00:22:11,251
‎不是的

433
00:22:11,334 --> 00:22:13,959
‎他們希望照片跟文字能形成對比

434
00:22:14,043 --> 00:22:16,293
‎愉快、清新之類的，對

435
00:22:16,376 --> 00:22:19,334
‎賈絲汀？妳得去換裝了

436
00:22:19,418 --> 00:22:21,043
‎-湯瑪索同意換造型
‎-好

437
00:22:21,126 --> 00:22:22,293
‎-妳看起來美極了
‎-聽著…

438
00:22:22,376 --> 00:22:23,751
‎妳看起來其實很性感

439
00:22:24,584 --> 00:22:27,126
‎Siri，你希望自己有老二嗎？

440
00:22:28,376 --> 00:22:29,459
‎搞什麼？

441
00:22:29,543 --> 00:22:33,918
‎Siri，你希望自己有老二嗎？

442
00:22:34,418 --> 00:22:37,918
‎我不懂你問我
‎希不希望有老二是什麼意思

443
00:22:38,001 --> 00:22:39,376
‎要不要上網搜尋？

444
00:22:39,459 --> 00:22:41,126
‎你為什麼沒有身體？

445
00:22:41,209 --> 00:22:44,001
‎你不寂寞嗎？你根本沒有朋友

446
00:22:46,084 --> 00:22:47,459
‎打爆你的頭

447
00:22:52,751 --> 00:22:53,793
‎好極了

448
00:22:56,709 --> 00:22:58,334
‎請把膝蓋抬高

449
00:23:01,293 --> 00:23:03,376
‎很好，咖啡

450
00:23:05,209 --> 00:23:06,334
‎好

451
00:23:06,418 --> 00:23:08,001
‎誰不喜歡花神，對吧？

452
00:23:08,584 --> 00:23:10,543
‎蕾貝卡和我去年去了巴黎

453
00:23:10,626 --> 00:23:11,959
‎我們本來要去花神

454
00:23:12,043 --> 00:23:14,793
‎但白天卻待在旅館房間裡做愛

455
00:23:14,876 --> 00:23:16,459
‎我的女友們都很愛巴黎

456
00:23:16,959 --> 00:23:18,584
‎後來我們去了威尼斯

457
00:23:18,668 --> 00:23:21,751
‎白天也都在旅館房間裡做愛

458
00:23:22,209 --> 00:23:23,209
‎真美

459
00:23:24,334 --> 00:23:26,334
‎她現在卻懷了別人的孩子

460
00:23:26,418 --> 00:23:29,668
‎-傑瑞，很遺憾
‎-不用，我沒事…

461
00:23:30,834 --> 00:23:34,626
‎好，賈絲汀
‎現在眺望窗外，啜飲咖啡

462
00:23:34,709 --> 00:23:37,251
‎並邀請讀者來認識妳

463
00:23:37,834 --> 00:23:38,834
‎這就對了

464
00:23:40,043 --> 00:23:41,626
‎露出一點春光，不好嗎？

465
00:23:42,334 --> 00:23:44,376
‎好，聽著，這樣…我都半裸了

466
00:23:44,918 --> 00:23:47,418
‎很抱歉，這完全不像女性主義的風格

467
00:23:55,668 --> 00:23:58,209
‎但是令人耳目一新

468
00:23:59,501 --> 00:24:00,626
‎對

469
00:24:00,709 --> 00:24:01,668
‎完全耳目一新

470
00:24:04,001 --> 00:24:05,084
‎收工，我拍完了

471
00:24:05,168 --> 00:24:07,501
‎-拍完了？
‎-好，各位，收工

472
00:24:07,584 --> 00:24:10,001
‎好，你確定？

473
00:24:11,043 --> 00:24:12,043
‎這樣夠了？

474
00:24:12,126 --> 00:24:14,543
‎我通常不會這麼做，但我要破例

475
00:24:14,626 --> 00:24:16,084
‎因為我很喜歡妳，來

476
00:24:23,334 --> 00:24:24,709
‎我的腿

477
00:24:28,459 --> 00:24:30,418
‎稍微修片一下

478
00:24:32,501 --> 00:24:33,709
‎太聰明了，湯瑪索

479
00:24:34,334 --> 00:24:37,043
‎這邊也稍微修一下

480
00:24:37,126 --> 00:24:38,501
‎太棒了，湯瑪索

481
00:24:38,584 --> 00:24:39,543
‎好，太好了

482
00:24:45,418 --> 00:24:46,793
‎湯瑪索，太棒了

483
00:24:46,876 --> 00:24:47,793
‎用這張當封面吧

484
00:24:49,251 --> 00:24:51,001
‎-好多了
‎-很好

485
00:24:51,543 --> 00:24:52,376
‎可是…

486
00:24:58,251 --> 00:24:59,168
‎可是…

487
00:25:01,209 --> 00:25:02,043
‎那不是…

488
00:25:02,918 --> 00:25:03,834
‎再來一次

489
00:25:03,918 --> 00:25:04,876
‎再來一次？

490
00:27:04,793 --> 00:27:09,793
‎字幕翻譯：王靜怡