1 00:00:06,043 --> 00:00:09,043 [theme music plays] 2 00:01:04,376 --> 00:01:05,793 [George] Boom. 3 00:01:05,876 --> 00:01:07,584 Can you make it normal next time? 4 00:01:07,709 --> 00:01:08,918 I'm gonna be 12 in a month. 5 00:01:09,001 --> 00:01:11,584 Okay. 12-year-old boys don't like 6 00:01:11,668 --> 00:01:13,251 little mouse pancakes. Got it. 7 00:01:18,126 --> 00:01:19,668 Dad… 8 00:01:19,793 --> 00:01:22,251 can I please have a paintball party for my birthday? 9 00:01:22,334 --> 00:01:24,626 I told you, I have no problem with it, 10 00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:27,918 but I need to discuss it with your mom again, okay? 11 00:01:28,001 --> 00:01:32,584 And she's leaning more towards the Pottery Corner. So… 12 00:01:32,668 --> 00:01:35,293 Thank you for letting me sleep in this morning, guys. 13 00:01:35,376 --> 00:01:37,126 -Yeah. -I really needed that. 14 00:01:37,209 --> 00:01:38,418 Morning [speaks Farsi]. 15 00:01:38,501 --> 00:01:40,834 Morning. [laughs] 16 00:01:40,918 --> 00:01:42,418 -Mom… -What? 17 00:01:42,501 --> 00:01:45,001 Dad said I can have a paintball party for my birthday. 18 00:01:45,126 --> 00:01:45,959 Oh. 19 00:01:46,043 --> 00:01:48,459 All right. Orion, I told you 20 00:01:48,543 --> 00:01:50,334 I need to confirm it with your mother first. 21 00:01:52,584 --> 00:01:54,876 You guys ruin everything, I hate you. 22 00:01:54,959 --> 00:01:56,834 -Honey. -It's what he wants. 23 00:01:56,959 --> 00:01:57,959 It's his birthday. 24 00:01:58,043 --> 00:02:00,501 What would I tell the other parents? That's so violent. 25 00:02:00,584 --> 00:02:02,376 Anyway, I already booked Pottery Corner. 26 00:02:02,459 --> 00:02:04,626 Come on, babe, they're 12-year-old boys. 27 00:02:04,709 --> 00:02:06,543 I think that other parents will understand 28 00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:08,459 -if they would all rather… -Rather what? 29 00:02:08,543 --> 00:02:10,751 Hone their killing skills? Come on. 30 00:02:10,834 --> 00:02:13,626 If every boy who played paintball turned into a killer, 31 00:02:13,709 --> 00:02:15,293 there'd be no room left in juvie. 32 00:02:15,376 --> 00:02:16,584 [scoffs] Juvie. You know what you sound like 33 00:02:16,668 --> 00:02:18,501 when you say stuff like that, Will? 34 00:02:18,584 --> 00:02:21,126 [scoffs] No, Yasmin, what do I sound like? 35 00:02:21,251 --> 00:02:22,793 Like an old white man. 36 00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:26,001 Well, I am a 44-year-old white Irish male, 37 00:02:26,084 --> 00:02:28,959 so technically, that does make me an old white man. 38 00:02:29,043 --> 00:02:31,834 So you are correct. And this old white man, 39 00:02:32,001 --> 00:02:35,459 who 100% stands behind gun control reform, 40 00:02:35,543 --> 00:02:38,084 believes that his 12-year-old boy 41 00:02:38,168 --> 00:02:40,584 should be able to play paintball with his buddies 42 00:02:40,668 --> 00:02:43,793 because--wait for it--little boys like to play with guns. 43 00:02:43,876 --> 00:02:45,459 They always have, and they always will. 44 00:02:45,543 --> 00:02:46,751 Okay. I'm just saying, 45 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,668 no one should be playing with guns right now, 46 00:02:48,751 --> 00:02:50,209 even if they're plastic. 47 00:02:50,293 --> 00:02:53,126 Okay. All right. Fine. 48 00:02:53,251 --> 00:02:57,001 If you feel this strong about it, I'll tell Orion it's a no go. 49 00:02:57,084 --> 00:02:59,376 All right, but not because he's gonna be a killer, 50 00:02:59,459 --> 00:03:01,918 or because I give a crap what the other parents think, 51 00:03:02,001 --> 00:03:03,959 but because you're his mom, 52 00:03:04,043 --> 00:03:06,668 and you're a great mom, 53 00:03:06,751 --> 00:03:09,043 and I love you. 54 00:03:09,126 --> 00:03:12,959 And as far as my big white privilege goes… 55 00:03:13,043 --> 00:03:16,084 Oh, my gosh. Are you serious right now? 56 00:03:16,168 --> 00:03:17,418 Mm-hmm. 57 00:03:18,126 --> 00:03:19,418 Mmm. 58 00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:23,043 Ew. I heard everything. 59 00:03:23,126 --> 00:03:24,376 [chuckling] 60 00:03:24,459 --> 00:03:26,626 You guys are disgusting. 61 00:03:26,709 --> 00:03:29,251 -Sorry, buddy. -God. [chuckles] 62 00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:35,584 ♪♪♪ 63 00:03:46,001 --> 00:03:47,668 Kai? 64 00:03:47,793 --> 00:03:49,793 Oliver? Sarah? 65 00:03:49,876 --> 00:03:52,168 Watch this. [laughs] 66 00:03:52,251 --> 00:03:54,334 -I'm gonna trick Mom… -Oh, my God, she's gonna find it. 67 00:03:54,459 --> 00:03:56,001 -No! -No. 68 00:03:56,084 --> 00:03:58,626 -[on tablet] Dawn! -Hello? 69 00:03:58,709 --> 00:04:01,168 Uh, hello? Good morning, guys. 70 00:04:01,251 --> 00:04:03,418 -[kids] Morning, Mom. -Anybody want breakfast? 71 00:04:03,501 --> 00:04:05,251 Sarah made us eggs in a hole. 72 00:04:05,334 --> 00:04:06,834 That's what she said. 73 00:04:06,959 --> 00:04:09,293 [Ell] Really, Oliver? This early in the morning? 74 00:04:09,376 --> 00:04:11,001 Where's your dad, Oliver? 75 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,084 Slipped out again. 76 00:04:12,168 --> 00:04:13,959 Okay, because he's gonna have to fold up his tent 77 00:04:14,043 --> 00:04:15,126 if he's not using it. 78 00:04:15,209 --> 00:04:17,251 [on tablet] Go to your room, now! 79 00:04:17,334 --> 00:04:18,209 What are you guys watching? 80 00:04:18,293 --> 00:04:19,209 "Hanging with the Sobies." 81 00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:21,376 It's a YouTube family reality show. 82 00:04:21,459 --> 00:04:25,001 They prank each other and stuff. It's so funny, Mom. 83 00:04:25,084 --> 00:04:26,876 So--okay, so basically that's Dawn. 84 00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:29,626 She's 14, and her mom just found out she's pregnant. 85 00:04:29,709 --> 00:04:30,918 Oh my God. That's awful. 86 00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:33,709 Uh, yeah. Dawn's very complicated. 87 00:04:33,793 --> 00:04:37,459 It's fake. She's tricking her. She's not knocked up. 88 00:04:37,543 --> 00:04:39,668 She left a fake positive pregnancy test 89 00:04:39,793 --> 00:04:41,334 on the edge of her sink, knowing her mom would find it. 90 00:04:41,418 --> 00:04:42,459 -[on TV] You're pregnant?! -[on TV] Well, what if I am? 91 00:04:42,543 --> 00:04:44,709 Okay, so basically they're, like, wannabe 92 00:04:44,793 --> 00:04:46,168 pranking Kardashians, right? 93 00:04:46,251 --> 00:04:48,001 I just--I'm so bored by rich people. 94 00:04:48,084 --> 00:04:49,834 What? Mom, everyone loves them. 95 00:04:49,918 --> 00:04:51,876 They have like 500K followers, okay? And honestly, 96 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,334 I wish I had their life instead of this crappy one. 97 00:04:55,709 --> 00:04:57,709 W-what? 98 00:04:57,793 --> 00:04:59,043 Code red. 99 00:04:59,126 --> 00:05:00,043 It's her period. 100 00:05:00,209 --> 00:05:01,501 [on TV] You're so gullible, Mom. 101 00:05:01,584 --> 00:05:03,001 You almost gave me a heart attack! 102 00:05:03,084 --> 00:05:05,293 Can you believe they shot it all on an iPhone? 103 00:05:09,834 --> 00:05:12,876 How can you walk around with your feet looking like that? 104 00:05:15,376 --> 00:05:17,043 I am so sorry. 105 00:05:18,084 --> 00:05:21,209 Can't tell what she's thinking behind that thing. 106 00:05:21,334 --> 00:05:22,584 Maybe that's why they wear it. 107 00:05:22,668 --> 00:05:24,959 Or do you think it's because of that Chinese flu? 108 00:05:25,043 --> 00:05:26,251 [whispers] Mom. 109 00:05:27,834 --> 00:05:29,251 They're from Korea. 110 00:05:29,334 --> 00:05:31,126 And they wear those masks 111 00:05:31,209 --> 00:05:33,251 because nail salons are super toxic. 112 00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:36,001 You say that like it's my fault somehow. 113 00:05:36,168 --> 00:05:40,251 No. [scoffs] 114 00:05:40,334 --> 00:05:42,251 I warned you, Anne. 115 00:05:42,334 --> 00:05:44,001 When you told me you were gonna get married, 116 00:05:44,084 --> 00:05:49,251 I said that boy is too young and too poor for a girl like you. 117 00:05:49,376 --> 00:05:51,376 You're not Jewish. 118 00:05:52,626 --> 00:05:55,209 Although you could've fooled me. 119 00:05:55,293 --> 00:05:58,543 I always told you that your father not being Jewish 120 00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:01,001 was my single greatest regret. 121 00:06:01,084 --> 00:06:03,793 But you wanted a child. You were getting to that age. 122 00:06:03,876 --> 00:06:06,126 Mom, can you please stop? 123 00:06:11,209 --> 00:06:13,501 You know, I think I'm just gonna leave them plain. 124 00:06:13,584 --> 00:06:14,793 Thank you. 125 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:19,084 Your feet will look unfinished without polish. 126 00:06:19,168 --> 00:06:21,043 Why don't you try my color? 127 00:06:21,126 --> 00:06:23,751 She'll have the Jungle Red, too. 128 00:06:23,834 --> 00:06:25,209 Yes? 129 00:06:25,334 --> 00:06:26,668 Jungle Red. 130 00:06:26,751 --> 00:06:27,876 Yeah. 131 00:06:27,959 --> 00:06:29,459 [in Korean] What a cunt! 132 00:06:29,543 --> 00:06:32,209 [in English] I think I'm gonna have them plain. 133 00:06:32,293 --> 00:06:33,584 They're my feet. 134 00:06:33,668 --> 00:06:35,418 You always take things the wrong way. 135 00:06:35,501 --> 00:06:36,459 [scoffs] 136 00:06:36,543 --> 00:06:38,543 One day, I'm just gonna have enough 137 00:06:38,626 --> 00:06:41,459 and I'm just gonna stop trying, and giving. 138 00:06:41,543 --> 00:06:43,209 Well, who knows? Maybe I'll be the one 139 00:06:43,293 --> 00:06:44,918 who's finally had enough. 140 00:06:46,793 --> 00:06:48,793 Finished, just buff and shine. 141 00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:50,584 Thank you. They look great. 142 00:06:51,584 --> 00:06:54,001 Oh, by the way, I was thinking, 143 00:06:54,084 --> 00:06:57,084 I should take back that Murano vase. 144 00:06:57,168 --> 00:06:59,209 It's a very expensive piece, 145 00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:01,376 and with all the comings and goings at your house… 146 00:07:02,709 --> 00:07:03,543 No offense. 147 00:07:03,626 --> 00:07:06,126 No offense taken. 148 00:07:06,209 --> 00:07:08,293 -Yeah, I'd like you to have it. -Yeah. 149 00:07:08,376 --> 00:07:09,959 Yeah. I think it would look  better in your house. 150 00:07:10,043 --> 00:07:10,876 Okay. 151 00:07:10,959 --> 00:07:16,709 ♪♪♪ 152 00:07:22,334 --> 00:07:24,709 [Anne chuckles] Hi. 153 00:07:24,793 --> 00:07:26,043 Hey. 154 00:07:28,376 --> 00:07:30,459 -How you doing? -I'm good. How are you? 155 00:07:30,543 --> 00:07:32,418 I'm good. I'm trying to get my immune system 156 00:07:32,543 --> 00:07:33,543 back on track, though. 157 00:07:33,626 --> 00:07:37,084 I just spent a week in a musty cellar inventorying wine. 158 00:07:37,168 --> 00:07:38,543 -Does that work? -Oh, my God. 159 00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:39,959 Yeah, this is amazing stuff. 160 00:07:41,459 --> 00:07:43,959 You get my email about the Salton Sea exhibit tonight? 161 00:07:44,043 --> 00:07:46,584 Oh, no, I'm so sorry. 162 00:07:46,668 --> 00:07:48,668 I've just been…uch, dealing with life. 163 00:07:48,751 --> 00:07:51,959 Life. Sucks all the life out of you. 164 00:07:52,043 --> 00:07:55,001 -[chuckles] It can. Yeah. -Yeah. 165 00:07:55,084 --> 00:07:57,293 -You feeling okay? -Oh. 166 00:07:58,251 --> 00:08:00,168 This is actually for my au pair. 167 00:08:00,251 --> 00:08:02,543 Yeah, she's, um… she's pregnant. 168 00:08:02,626 --> 00:08:05,084 -Ah. -Yeah. Nineteen, 169 00:08:05,168 --> 00:08:06,376 doesn't know who the father is, 170 00:08:06,459 --> 00:08:08,251 and not even sure if she wants to keep it. 171 00:08:08,334 --> 00:08:11,043 -Hmm. -Yeah, she's turned into my second kid. 172 00:08:12,168 --> 00:08:14,293 [sighs] Do you have kids? 173 00:08:14,376 --> 00:08:15,418 No. 174 00:08:15,543 --> 00:08:16,709 -No? -No. 175 00:08:16,793 --> 00:08:17,959 Do you want kids? 176 00:08:18,043 --> 00:08:20,459 Well, I'm 52, so that would have to involve a younger woman, 177 00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:23,834 which, uh, would not be fair 178 00:08:24,001 --> 00:08:26,543 to the attractive women in their 40s. 179 00:08:26,626 --> 00:08:28,543 [chuckles] 180 00:08:28,626 --> 00:08:32,168 -Yeah, late. -Late 40s. 181 00:08:32,251 --> 00:08:34,584 50s are beautiful. [laughs] 182 00:08:34,668 --> 00:08:36,959 -Yeah. -Yeah. 183 00:08:37,043 --> 00:08:39,376 So what do you think? Tonight? You up for it? 184 00:08:40,418 --> 00:08:43,876 Yeah, I don't have my son, so I'm good. Yeah. 185 00:08:43,959 --> 00:08:47,001 Great. Meet me at the gallery, 6:00 PM? 186 00:08:47,418 --> 00:08:48,626 -Yes. -It's in the email. 187 00:08:48,709 --> 00:08:49,626 -Okay. -All right. 188 00:08:49,709 --> 00:08:51,001 -I'll see you then. Bye. -Bye. 189 00:08:57,793 --> 00:09:00,459 [Jerry] You know, we're lucky. This editor is a big deal. 190 00:09:01,293 --> 00:09:03,334 Just hope there's an elevator in this place. 191 00:09:05,084 --> 00:09:07,293 I've been thinking about it, I really think 192 00:09:07,376 --> 00:09:08,543 that we need to go in there and the first thing 193 00:09:08,626 --> 00:09:10,001 you need to tell them is that we're gonna tone down 194 00:09:10,084 --> 00:09:11,543 -the existential nonsense, okay? -[Justine] Wait, wait, wait. 195 00:09:11,626 --> 00:09:14,251 No, but listen, I really wanna talk to him about this 196 00:09:14,334 --> 00:09:17,584 because I just think it's what makes the book special. 197 00:09:17,668 --> 00:09:19,293 I just hope they have a bathroom in there 198 00:09:19,376 --> 00:09:21,543 because I had a horrible conversation with Rebecca. 199 00:09:21,626 --> 00:09:24,584 -[pants] -Wait…[sighs] 200 00:09:24,668 --> 00:09:28,168 Are you guys still-- are you back together? 201 00:09:28,251 --> 00:09:30,043 She's the love of my life, Justine. 202 00:09:32,043 --> 00:09:33,501 Okay. 203 00:09:41,459 --> 00:09:44,084 So, first of all… 204 00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:48,376 I want to say how much I love the existential tone. 205 00:09:48,459 --> 00:09:50,793 The self-deprecating humor, fantastic. 206 00:09:50,959 --> 00:09:52,584 So unique for a cookbook. 207 00:09:52,668 --> 00:09:54,459 I can only agree. 208 00:09:54,584 --> 00:09:58,543 And the prose! No half cup of this, two tablespoons of that. 209 00:09:58,626 --> 00:10:00,293 Well, that's why I don't bake. 210 00:10:00,376 --> 00:10:02,876 You know, cooking is so much more intuitive. 211 00:10:02,959 --> 00:10:05,543 You've positioned yourself smack in the center 212 00:10:05,626 --> 00:10:06,918 of the cultural zeitgeist. 213 00:10:07,209 --> 00:10:10,084 A complicated female chef with a dark sense of humor? 214 00:10:10,168 --> 00:10:11,918 That's gold right now. 215 00:10:12,001 --> 00:10:14,251 In my opinion, you could go even more absurd, 216 00:10:14,334 --> 00:10:16,459 almost Kafkaesque. 217 00:10:17,459 --> 00:10:20,501 Well, I--I don't know about like cockroaches and cooking. 218 00:10:20,584 --> 00:10:22,251 Camusesque, then? 219 00:10:22,918 --> 00:10:25,959 Yeah, that bit about giving birth to a quail. 220 00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:27,418 -I kept that. -Yeah. 221 00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:28,959 Does anybody want an antacid? 222 00:10:31,043 --> 00:10:32,709 -No, thanks. -Gone are the days 223 00:10:32,793 --> 00:10:34,709 of the happy, chubby Jamie Oliver. 224 00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:38,001 Just do me a favor, please don't kill yourself. 225 00:10:38,084 --> 00:10:40,293 I need you out there promoting this. 226 00:10:40,376 --> 00:10:42,168 And tomorrow for the photo shoot, 227 00:10:42,251 --> 00:10:44,793 we've locked in a fantastic photographer and everything. 228 00:10:44,876 --> 00:10:47,084 -[chuckles] Amazing. -Fantastic. 229 00:10:47,168 --> 00:10:49,459 I'm so excited. 230 00:10:49,543 --> 00:10:52,334 -In a dark way. -Just don't kill yourself. 231 00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:54,126 [chuckling] 232 00:10:55,501 --> 00:11:01,501 ♪♪♪ 233 00:11:05,126 --> 00:11:07,668 [phone buttons beeping] 234 00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:10,084 [line ringing] 235 00:11:10,168 --> 00:11:13,751 [quietly] Darien, this is not what I signed on for. 236 00:11:13,834 --> 00:11:16,376 I'm translating carpet deals? 237 00:11:17,709 --> 00:11:19,459 Really? 238 00:11:19,543 --> 00:11:22,418 So, sometimes a carpet is not just a carpet. 239 00:11:22,501 --> 00:11:24,334 Well, it better not be in this case or otherwise 240 00:11:24,418 --> 00:11:26,168 they're completely wasting my time. 241 00:11:27,834 --> 00:11:31,043 No, Will and I are doing great, why are you asking? 242 00:11:31,126 --> 00:11:33,168 -[Orion] Mom, bye. -I got to go. 243 00:11:34,793 --> 00:11:37,209 I'm coming down to give you a kiss, [speaks Farsi]. 244 00:11:37,293 --> 00:11:39,626 All right. We'll meet you in the front. 245 00:11:43,543 --> 00:11:45,209 [Anne] I really wanna go to the Salton Sea now. 246 00:11:45,293 --> 00:11:47,084 No, no, no. 247 00:11:47,168 --> 00:11:48,834 The more people go, the more people kill it. 248 00:11:48,918 --> 00:11:50,668 That's the vicious circle. 249 00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:53,668 Okay. I will not go. [chuckles] 250 00:11:53,751 --> 00:11:56,043 Should uh-- should we head back? 251 00:11:57,418 --> 00:11:59,459 Yeah. 252 00:11:59,543 --> 00:12:00,501 Yeah. I'll call an Uber. 253 00:12:00,584 --> 00:12:02,584 No, come on. Let's walk back. 254 00:12:03,418 --> 00:12:05,876 -Walk? -Yes, walk. 255 00:12:08,751 --> 00:12:10,126 It's kind of sketchy, don't you think? 256 00:12:11,251 --> 00:12:13,043 Come on. 257 00:12:13,126 --> 00:12:15,876 All right, I tell you what. Are you ready for this? 258 00:12:15,959 --> 00:12:17,043 Mm-hmm. 259 00:12:17,126 --> 00:12:18,751 -May I? -[laughs] 260 00:12:20,376 --> 00:12:23,584 You're gonna feel… 261 00:12:24,334 --> 00:12:26,543 fully protected. Yes? 262 00:12:26,626 --> 00:12:29,751 -[Anne] [chuckles] You're weird. -[Adam] One step, two step. 263 00:12:33,584 --> 00:12:35,084 [Adam] I'm glad you came. 264 00:12:35,209 --> 00:12:37,918 [Anne] [chuckles] Yeah, I am, too. It was fun. 265 00:12:38,001 --> 00:12:40,168 [Adam] You tell me the most enjoyable moment 266 00:12:40,251 --> 00:12:42,168 -so far in your life. -[Anne] Oh, my God. 267 00:12:42,251 --> 00:12:44,293 -[Adam] Yeah. -[Anne] That's crazy. 268 00:12:44,376 --> 00:12:46,876 Uh…giving birth. Yeah. 269 00:12:46,959 --> 00:12:48,501 [Adam] Ohh… 270 00:12:48,584 --> 00:12:50,126 -[Anne] Yeah. -[Adam] All right. 271 00:12:50,209 --> 00:12:51,293 [Anne] So incredible. 272 00:12:51,376 --> 00:12:53,376 [Adam] That's pretty beautiful, okay. 273 00:12:53,459 --> 00:12:54,459 [Anne] Yeah. You can't do that, can you? 274 00:12:54,543 --> 00:12:56,043 -[Adam] No. No. -[Anne laughs] 275 00:12:56,126 --> 00:12:59,334 There isn't even a story I have that could top that. 276 00:12:59,418 --> 00:13:02,209 -That could ever come close, right? -No. That's--that's everything. 277 00:13:02,293 --> 00:13:04,293 -Yeah. -What a beautiful answer. 278 00:13:04,376 --> 00:13:05,376 -All right. -Yeah. 279 00:13:10,376 --> 00:13:12,918 -[sighs] -[groans] 280 00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:15,709 [sighs] 281 00:13:15,793 --> 00:13:19,334 -So what do you do again? -[chuckles] 282 00:13:19,418 --> 00:13:23,543 Sometimes I work for a Swiss guy, 283 00:13:23,626 --> 00:13:25,543 and he's really into Chinese furniture… 284 00:13:25,626 --> 00:13:26,626 -Yeah. -and wine. 285 00:13:26,709 --> 00:13:27,543 Uh-huh. 286 00:13:27,626 --> 00:13:31,626 I learned a lot from working with him. You know. 287 00:13:31,709 --> 00:13:34,251 What I don't want for my life, all that stuff. 288 00:13:34,334 --> 00:13:36,334 The things, the homes, the dependents. 289 00:13:36,418 --> 00:13:37,959 Hmm. 290 00:13:38,043 --> 00:13:40,084 Yeah, that's why I only work two or three months of the year 291 00:13:40,168 --> 00:13:42,626 and the rest of the time 292 00:13:42,709 --> 00:13:45,751 I'm traveling and lecturing. 293 00:13:45,834 --> 00:13:48,043 What are you lecturing about? 294 00:13:49,459 --> 00:13:50,751 I wrote a book. 295 00:13:51,834 --> 00:13:55,543 Wow, a book. 296 00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:57,376 It's called, No Home, No Sweat. 297 00:13:57,459 --> 00:14:00,001 -Hmm. -It's about minimalism. 298 00:14:05,043 --> 00:14:06,626 So, where do you live? 299 00:14:06,709 --> 00:14:08,293 Nowhere and everywhere. 300 00:14:10,418 --> 00:14:13,543 So, are you… 301 00:14:13,626 --> 00:14:15,876 without a home? 302 00:14:15,959 --> 00:14:17,876 The world is my home. 303 00:14:20,376 --> 00:14:22,918 Are you home-- 304 00:14:26,751 --> 00:14:30,334 You're homeless. 305 00:14:30,418 --> 00:14:36,418 ♪♪♪ 306 00:14:46,084 --> 00:14:47,543 Justine. 307 00:14:47,626 --> 00:14:48,918 Thomas? 308 00:14:49,043 --> 00:14:50,334 It's Thomaso. 309 00:14:50,418 --> 00:14:51,334 Oh, you're Italian. 310 00:14:51,418 --> 00:14:53,251 [in Italian] 311 00:14:53,376 --> 00:14:55,876 -Oh, okay. -Justine, hi. 312 00:14:56,001 --> 00:14:57,918 -Hi. I'm Ford, Thomaso's assistante. 313 00:14:58,001 --> 00:14:59,626 Okay. Hi. 314 00:14:59,709 --> 00:15:01,126 Any trouble finding the place or anything? 315 00:15:01,251 --> 00:15:02,501 -No, no, no. It was all good. -Keys? 316 00:15:02,584 --> 00:15:05,459 Anything I can get you to drink--coffee, water, tea? 317 00:15:05,543 --> 00:15:07,293 -No, I'm good. -I have to tell you, 318 00:15:07,376 --> 00:15:09,251 -I love your cassoulet recipe. -Mmm. 319 00:15:09,334 --> 00:15:10,793 Oh, thank you. 320 00:15:10,876 --> 00:15:12,126 I'mma go tell everyone you're here. 321 00:15:12,209 --> 00:15:14,293 The queen of the cassoulet is here, everyone. 322 00:15:14,376 --> 00:15:15,626 -It's beautiful here. -Yeah, yeah. 323 00:15:15,709 --> 00:15:17,543 -Damn it. -So in terms of mood, 324 00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:20,209 I was thinking Saint-Tropez, 1970s, 325 00:15:20,334 --> 00:15:22,168 with all that beautiful golden light. 326 00:15:22,251 --> 00:15:24,334 [chuckles] Actually I've never been to Saint-Tropez. 327 00:15:24,418 --> 00:15:26,959 I'm from Brittany originally and it's always cloudy over there. 328 00:15:27,043 --> 00:15:28,543 That can be our little secret. 329 00:15:28,668 --> 00:15:30,918 I was thinking a touch of David Hamilton 330 00:15:31,001 --> 00:15:32,751 with a La Madrague feel. 331 00:15:33,501 --> 00:15:35,084 Didn't David Hamilton kill himself 332 00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:37,626 because he was accused of molesting those young girls? 333 00:15:37,709 --> 00:15:39,834 -Let's forget about him. -Okay. 334 00:15:39,918 --> 00:15:43,584 But, um, Virgin Suicides with a European feel. 335 00:15:43,668 --> 00:15:47,293 Thomaso, you know, I'm almost 50. 336 00:15:47,376 --> 00:15:49,334 Ooh! [stammers] I don't wanna know. 337 00:15:49,418 --> 00:15:50,251 I don't wanna know. 338 00:15:50,501 --> 00:15:52,834 -Okay. -Justine, 339 00:15:52,918 --> 00:15:55,584 I'm gonna take care of you 340 00:15:55,709 --> 00:15:58,209 but you have to trust me. Hmm? 341 00:15:59,043 --> 00:16:00,626 I'm gonna make you look stunning. 342 00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:01,626 And everyone's gonna want to make 343 00:16:01,709 --> 00:16:04,001 all your little delicious creations, all right? 344 00:16:04,126 --> 00:16:05,543 And you're gonna love Diane. 345 00:16:05,626 --> 00:16:08,543 She's our hair person. She's a genius with extensions. 346 00:16:08,626 --> 00:16:12,876 [gasps] [in Italian] 347 00:16:12,959 --> 00:16:14,209 -Oh, children. -[boy] Rawr! 348 00:16:14,293 --> 00:16:15,876 -Two kids. -Those are prop children. 349 00:16:16,001 --> 00:16:18,751 Prop children. Well, in real life, I just have one kid. 350 00:16:18,834 --> 00:16:21,876 Yeah. We thought that one child might read a little bit sad. 351 00:16:24,668 --> 00:16:26,668 Oh, chickens. [chuckles] 352 00:16:26,751 --> 00:16:28,709 Am I supposed to cook for them or to cook them? 353 00:16:28,793 --> 00:16:33,418 You cook everything with fresh eggs and chickens lay… 354 00:16:33,501 --> 00:16:36,126 -Eggs. -Eggs. [chuckles] Fantastic. 355 00:16:36,709 --> 00:16:39,001 Oh, thank you. 356 00:16:40,793 --> 00:16:44,084 [woman on YouTube] No chips, Dawn. I don't want you breaking out. 357 00:16:44,168 --> 00:16:45,043 [Dawn] I'm starving. 358 00:16:45,126 --> 00:16:45,959 [Mom] Have an apple. 359 00:16:46,084 --> 00:16:47,876 [Dawn] You care about my skin all of a sudden? 360 00:16:47,959 --> 00:16:50,418 I don't want you running around with a face full of pimples. 361 00:16:50,501 --> 00:16:51,709 [Dawn] Why? 362 00:16:53,084 --> 00:16:54,709 Put the chips away. 363 00:16:54,834 --> 00:16:57,959 [Dawn] Because Oasis is one of our new sponsors, hmm? 364 00:16:58,501 --> 00:16:59,376 [mouths word] Sponsors? 365 00:16:59,459 --> 00:17:01,584 [Dawn] It's all about money, money, money for you. 366 00:17:01,668 --> 00:17:03,751 You know, that $25,000 from Oasis 367 00:17:03,834 --> 00:17:05,668 is going straight in your college fund. 368 00:17:06,168 --> 00:17:08,209 You know, that $25,000 from Oasis 369 00:17:08,293 --> 00:17:10,918 is going straight in your college fund, okay? 370 00:17:14,084 --> 00:17:17,001 Yes, yes, yes. 371 00:17:17,084 --> 00:17:20,334 Stay there. 372 00:17:20,418 --> 00:17:22,793 Yes, yes. 373 00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:25,043 Caress the carrot. Caress the carrot. 374 00:17:25,126 --> 00:17:26,793 More dirt on the carrots, please. More dirt. 375 00:17:30,084 --> 00:17:32,793 Switch cameras. Thank you. 376 00:17:32,918 --> 00:17:35,543 Stay there. Stay there. Yes. Yes. 377 00:17:35,626 --> 00:17:37,001 Take the glasses off. 378 00:17:37,084 --> 00:17:39,209 It's really not…okay. 379 00:17:39,293 --> 00:17:41,709 Just for…ooh. Okay. 380 00:17:42,293 --> 00:17:44,001 More, more with the tree, more. 381 00:17:44,084 --> 00:17:46,501 Yes. There, stay there. 382 00:17:47,959 --> 00:17:50,251 [in French] One, two, three. Say "cheese." 383 00:17:50,334 --> 00:17:51,418 [laughs] 384 00:17:51,876 --> 00:17:53,126 [Thomaso] That's a wrap on the children. 385 00:17:53,209 --> 00:17:56,376 [chicken clucking] 386 00:17:56,459 --> 00:17:58,543 [Thomaso] Meet Oscar, your favorite chicken. 387 00:17:58,626 --> 00:18:01,334 Oscar? Okay. [groans] 388 00:18:02,543 --> 00:18:04,834 Ow, he bit me! He pecked! 389 00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:09,043 [Thomaso] Someone please give the chicken a tranquilizer. 390 00:18:09,126 --> 00:18:10,959 [blows raspberries] 391 00:18:11,043 --> 00:18:13,959 Shit. [sighs] Oh. 392 00:18:14,418 --> 00:18:16,834 -Oh. Oh. -[Thomaso] Aww! 393 00:18:16,918 --> 00:18:20,293 [Thomaso] It's like a baby. I love it. [in Italian] 394 00:18:20,376 --> 00:18:21,626 But… 395 00:18:22,251 --> 00:18:24,001 [Thomaso] Yeah. Can you adjust him a little bit 396 00:18:24,084 --> 00:18:26,751 so we can see his beak? 397 00:18:26,834 --> 00:18:27,834 Yeah. 398 00:18:28,959 --> 00:18:30,668 Chicken looks sort of dead now. 399 00:18:30,751 --> 00:18:32,543 [man] Give him two minutes. Their brains are so small 400 00:18:32,626 --> 00:18:34,001 that shit wears off fast. 401 00:18:35,918 --> 00:18:38,543 Ah. Shit. Uh-oh. 402 00:18:38,626 --> 00:18:40,418 He took a shit on me. 403 00:18:40,501 --> 00:18:41,959 [Thomaso] That's a wrap on the chicken. 404 00:18:42,543 --> 00:18:44,751 Hello, Mommy's home. 405 00:18:44,834 --> 00:18:46,418 [gasps] You came back. 406 00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:49,793 Of course, Mommy always comes back, you know that. 407 00:18:49,918 --> 00:18:53,668 [sighs] Okay. What is up with the undies? 408 00:18:53,751 --> 00:18:55,084 Baby wet his pants. 409 00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:57,418 -I couldn't keep it in. -So annoying. 410 00:18:58,376 --> 00:18:59,584 Did you go to the Apple store? 411 00:18:59,668 --> 00:19:03,793 Yes, I did. Wait, check this out, Oliver. 412 00:19:03,918 --> 00:19:05,126 Ta-da. 413 00:19:05,209 --> 00:19:07,251 Oh, my God! Is that the iPhone 11 Pro Max? 414 00:19:07,334 --> 00:19:08,918 [Sarah] Mom, I've been waiting for you for an hour. 415 00:19:09,001 --> 00:19:10,918 I'm supposed to go to Amy's house, remember? 416 00:19:11,001 --> 00:19:12,501 You look like a cockatoo. 417 00:19:12,626 --> 00:19:15,251 Huh. More like a cock-a-too. 418 00:19:15,334 --> 00:19:16,543 Get it? Cockatoo. 419 00:19:16,626 --> 00:19:17,709 [gasps] Oh, my God. Is that the iPhone 11? 420 00:19:17,793 --> 00:19:19,084 -How did you get that? -Mom gave it to me. 421 00:19:19,168 --> 00:19:21,709 -What, why you? -'Cause I'm her favorite. Ah! 422 00:19:21,834 --> 00:19:24,793 No, give that back. Oh, gosh! 423 00:19:24,876 --> 00:19:26,668 I need you guys to focus. 424 00:19:27,626 --> 00:19:29,959 I have some very exciting news for our family. 425 00:19:30,043 --> 00:19:31,876 We're moving? 426 00:19:31,959 --> 00:19:35,168 We are going to have our own YouTube show. 427 00:19:35,251 --> 00:19:36,584 -Wait, what? -Yes! 428 00:19:36,668 --> 00:19:38,959 We are officially vloggers, effective immediately. 429 00:19:39,043 --> 00:19:40,501 We are a family that vlogs. 430 00:19:40,584 --> 00:19:43,584 We're gonna be like "Hanging with the Sobies," right? 431 00:19:43,668 --> 00:19:45,376 -That's right. -Oh, my God! 432 00:19:45,459 --> 00:19:47,168 -You are. -No, Mom, no! 433 00:19:47,251 --> 00:19:48,459 Everyone's gonna see how we live. 434 00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:50,334 -My life will be over. -Really? 435 00:19:50,418 --> 00:19:53,251 Talk to me when the show airs, Sarah, then we'll talk, okay? 436 00:19:53,334 --> 00:19:55,501 -Can I be in charge of music? -Yes, you can. 437 00:19:55,584 --> 00:19:57,751 Mom, can I be in charge of cool pranks? 438 00:19:57,834 --> 00:20:00,751 Of course you can. This is a family endeavor, okay? 439 00:20:00,834 --> 00:20:02,501 We all are in this together. 440 00:20:02,626 --> 00:20:05,918 If not, we don't have a show, 441 00:20:06,001 --> 00:20:07,043 Sarah. 442 00:20:07,876 --> 00:20:08,751 Okay, fine. 443 00:20:08,834 --> 00:20:10,334 Only if you take me to a hairdresser 444 00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:12,376 and if we get a housekeeper to clean this place up. 445 00:20:13,293 --> 00:20:14,418 Deal. 446 00:20:15,001 --> 00:20:15,959 -Yes. -Yeah! 447 00:20:16,043 --> 00:20:17,793 Yes! Yes! 448 00:20:26,168 --> 00:20:29,876 We need to come up with a title. We need something catchy. 449 00:20:29,959 --> 00:20:31,084 -Uh… -Any ideas? 450 00:20:31,168 --> 00:20:33,751 Something we could possibly brand down the line maybe? 451 00:20:34,543 --> 00:20:35,876 I like how you're thinking. 452 00:20:35,959 --> 00:20:38,084 How about "Priceless?" 453 00:20:38,168 --> 00:20:40,876 -Yeah. -"Priceless." I like that. 454 00:20:40,959 --> 00:20:43,209 -Yeah, I like it. -We could be on Google. 455 00:20:43,293 --> 00:20:44,251 It's short and sweet. 456 00:20:44,334 --> 00:20:45,834 How about, "The Priceless Horowitzes"? 457 00:20:45,918 --> 00:20:46,751 -No, mom, just "Priceless." -No. 458 00:20:46,876 --> 00:20:48,043 -Just "Priceless." -Just "Priceless." 459 00:20:48,126 --> 00:20:51,876 ♪♪♪ 460 00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:54,001 No, I really can't do the hat. 461 00:20:54,084 --> 00:20:55,626 I'm so sorry. Please tell him. 462 00:20:55,709 --> 00:20:57,376 [Jerry] Hi. And I keep my glasses… 463 00:20:57,459 --> 00:20:59,626 -[Jerry] Hi. -Jerry, where have you been? 464 00:20:59,709 --> 00:21:01,418 -Sorry. Yeah. -Look at me. 465 00:21:01,501 --> 00:21:02,959 Little House on the Prairie. 466 00:21:03,043 --> 00:21:05,126 Yeah. You look hot. 467 00:21:05,209 --> 00:21:06,293 Hot? 468 00:21:07,543 --> 00:21:09,168 What? Jerry. 469 00:21:09,251 --> 00:21:12,334 Okay, I'm taking this off, too, because I can't wear this. 470 00:21:14,709 --> 00:21:15,751 What's happening? 471 00:21:15,834 --> 00:21:16,834 Rebecca's pregnant. 472 00:21:16,918 --> 00:21:17,751 What? 473 00:21:17,834 --> 00:21:19,793 She barely even fucking knows the guy. 474 00:21:19,876 --> 00:21:20,876 Look at this, look at this. 475 00:21:20,959 --> 00:21:22,293 -[Justine sighs] -[sniffles] Look at this. 476 00:21:22,668 --> 00:21:25,834 Look, what kind of asshole rides his Harley on Instagram? 477 00:21:25,918 --> 00:21:27,668 -I mean, I can't--I… -I mean, it's Instagram. 478 00:21:27,793 --> 00:21:30,126 What, what is he doing? What, is he wrestling an alligator? 479 00:21:30,209 --> 00:21:31,709 -Oh, wow. -I can't--I can't believe 480 00:21:31,793 --> 00:21:33,834 she's having a baby with that fucking douchebag. 481 00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:35,293 I was gonna marry her, you know? 482 00:21:35,376 --> 00:21:37,959 I had the ring picked out and the whole thing. 483 00:21:38,043 --> 00:21:39,834 I just got so consumed at the restaurant, and, you know. 484 00:21:39,918 --> 00:21:41,001 Oh,. I know, Jerry. This restaurant 485 00:21:41,084 --> 00:21:42,626 has been putting such a strain on our personal lives. 486 00:21:42,709 --> 00:21:45,626 Okay, Justine, we've got to stop doing that. 487 00:21:45,709 --> 00:21:50,084 We got to stop backing it into the personal stuff. 488 00:21:50,168 --> 00:21:53,251 This is a professional business relationship. 489 00:21:53,334 --> 00:21:56,876 Listen, uh, the PR lady wanted me to tell you 490 00:21:56,959 --> 00:21:58,418 that she's worried about the pictures 491 00:21:58,501 --> 00:22:00,959 being too much like that one photographer. What is it? 492 00:22:01,043 --> 00:22:02,751 She, you know, she takes pictures of all the freaks, 493 00:22:02,834 --> 00:22:05,251 and, and the, uh, Siamese twins, and the midgets. 494 00:22:05,334 --> 00:22:06,501 -Diane Arbus? -Yeah, yeah. Exactly. 495 00:22:06,584 --> 00:22:07,501 She's worried about that. 496 00:22:07,584 --> 00:22:10,001 They--they think I'm a freak? 497 00:22:10,084 --> 00:22:11,084 No, no, no, no. No, no. 498 00:22:11,168 --> 00:22:13,918 They just want the photographs to contrast with the writing, right? 499 00:22:14,043 --> 00:22:16,293 You know, lightness and fresh, and all of that. Yeah. 500 00:22:16,376 --> 00:22:18,043 Justine? 501 00:22:18,126 --> 00:22:19,334 I really need to get you a new wardrobe. 502 00:22:19,418 --> 00:22:20,709 Thomaso agreed we can change it. 503 00:22:20,793 --> 00:22:21,626 -Okay. -You look great, you look great. 504 00:22:21,709 --> 00:22:23,793 -Listen… -No, you look really hot, actually. 505 00:22:24,459 --> 00:22:27,209 Siri, do you wish you had a penis? 506 00:22:28,293 --> 00:22:30,293 What the heck? Hey, Siri, 507 00:22:30,376 --> 00:22:33,876 do you wish you had a penis? 508 00:22:33,959 --> 00:22:35,584 [Siri beeps] I don't know what you mean by, 509 00:22:35,668 --> 00:22:37,876 "Hey Siri, do you wish you had a penis?" 510 00:22:37,959 --> 00:22:39,293 How about a web search for it? 511 00:22:39,376 --> 00:22:41,084 [yells] Why don't you have a body? 512 00:22:41,168 --> 00:22:44,001 Aren't you lonely? You don't have any friends. 513 00:22:44,084 --> 00:22:45,834 [grunting] 514 00:22:45,918 --> 00:22:49,918 Brain, out. [growls] 515 00:22:52,751 --> 00:22:55,418 -Yeah, that's nice. -Fresh. 516 00:22:55,501 --> 00:22:58,668 Um, put a knee up for me, please. 517 00:22:59,668 --> 00:23:00,751 [sighs] 518 00:23:01,376 --> 00:23:03,376 Yes. Coffee, coffee. 519 00:23:05,209 --> 00:23:06,168 Okay. 520 00:23:06,418 --> 00:23:08,001 Because who doesn't love the Flore, right? 521 00:23:08,084 --> 00:23:10,709 Rebecca and I went to Paris last year. 522 00:23:10,918 --> 00:23:11,959 We were gonna go to Flore, 523 00:23:12,084 --> 00:23:14,793 but we spent our days making love in the hotel room. 524 00:23:14,876 --> 00:23:16,793 [sighs] My girlfriends love Paris. 525 00:23:16,959 --> 00:23:18,584 And then we went to Venice after that, 526 00:23:18,668 --> 00:23:21,793 and we spent our days making love in the hotel room. 527 00:23:22,209 --> 00:23:23,751 [sighs] Divine! 528 00:23:24,334 --> 00:23:26,626 Now, she's having somebody else's baby. 529 00:23:26,709 --> 00:23:27,709 -Jerry, I'm so sorry. -[Jerry] No. 530 00:23:27,793 --> 00:23:29,543 No, I'm fine. I'm fine. 531 00:23:29,668 --> 00:23:30,751 [Justine sighs] 532 00:23:30,834 --> 00:23:34,543 Okay. Justine, now look out the window and sip your latte 533 00:23:34,626 --> 00:23:37,751 and invite your readers to discover you. 534 00:23:37,834 --> 00:23:39,626 Yes. 535 00:23:39,709 --> 00:23:42,084 Just a sliver of the panties, no? 536 00:23:42,293 --> 00:23:44,668 Okay. Listen, this is-- I'm half naked. 537 00:23:44,751 --> 00:23:47,418 I'm sorry. It's not very feminist. 538 00:23:55,626 --> 00:23:59,376 But it's fresh, I guess. [strained laugh] 539 00:23:59,459 --> 00:24:00,543 Yeah. 540 00:24:00,709 --> 00:24:02,084 Very fresh. 541 00:24:03,376 --> 00:24:05,084 [sighs] It's a wrap. I'm done. 542 00:24:05,168 --> 00:24:06,209 We've got it? 543 00:24:06,293 --> 00:24:07,418 All right, everyone. That's a wrap. 544 00:24:07,501 --> 00:24:10,334 -[Justine] Okay. Are you sure? -[wine cork pops] 545 00:24:10,418 --> 00:24:11,959 Just good enough? 546 00:24:12,126 --> 00:24:14,293 I don't usually do this, but I'm gonna make an exception for you 547 00:24:14,376 --> 00:24:16,209 because I adore you. Come. 548 00:24:23,001 --> 00:24:25,126 [Justine gasps] Oh, my legs. 549 00:24:25,209 --> 00:24:27,668 [in Italian] Like magic, hmm? 550 00:24:28,418 --> 00:24:31,376 [in English] From this, to that. 551 00:24:31,459 --> 00:24:32,418 -Mm. -Oh. 552 00:24:32,501 --> 00:24:33,709 Genius, Thomaso. 553 00:24:33,793 --> 00:24:37,126 From this, to that. 554 00:24:37,209 --> 00:24:38,376 -Oh. -Brilliant, Thomaso. 555 00:24:38,459 --> 00:24:40,168 Okay. It's nice. 556 00:24:40,251 --> 00:24:43,043 [in Italian] That one. This one. 557 00:24:45,293 --> 00:24:46,793 [in English] Thomaso, so good. 558 00:24:46,876 --> 00:24:47,793 That's the cover. 559 00:24:47,918 --> 00:24:49,168 [in Italian] That one. This one. 560 00:24:49,251 --> 00:24:51,459 [in English] So much better. 561 00:24:51,543 --> 00:24:52,751 But… 562 00:24:53,209 --> 00:24:55,293 [in Italian] This one. That one. 563 00:24:56,043 --> 00:24:57,584 [laughter] 564 00:24:57,668 --> 00:24:58,751 [in English] But… 565 00:24:58,834 --> 00:25:00,126 [in Italian] That one. This one. 566 00:25:00,209 --> 00:25:02,501 -[in English] That's not… -[laughter] 567 00:25:02,584 --> 00:25:03,834 Do it again. Do it again. 568 00:25:03,918 --> 00:25:05,084 Do it again? Do it again. 569 00:25:05,751 --> 00:25:07,209 [in Italian] That one. This one. 570 00:25:07,293 --> 00:25:10,793 [laughter] 571 00:25:10,876 --> 00:25:14,834 ♪♪♪