[theme music plays]
[The Nutcracker, "Waltz of the Flowers" plays]
[Justine ] And that wonderful, beautiful morning,
my sense of smell was back.
[exhales deeply]
Mommy! Code brown!
-Where? -In the living room.
Three east of the TV, two south of the couch.
-Oh. Where is Daddy? -In the kitchen.
Okay. Keep him busy.
Okay.
Oh, shit, shit, shit.
[music continues]
Can you put in some herbs, Daddy?
Yeah, sure. Hup.
Uh, no, no, no. Fresh herbs.
Ah. Yes, of course.
The son of a chef.
["Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" plays]
[in French] Two south from the couch. Shit, where is the shit?
[in French] There, the food is ready.
[Albert, in French] Thank you.
-I made breakfast. -Great. That's awesome.
-How are you, my love? -Great, I'm doing great.
There we go.
Ah…
-[Martin] Enjoy the food. -Yes.
A piece of toast for me.
[sniffing]
I can smell Zombie's shit.
-Can you? I can't smell anything. -I can smell your cat's shit.
You know, I can't smell anything at all. You can't either, right?
-No. -No.
Of course you can't smell it, you have a cold.
No, my nose isn't blocked at all anymore.
I've been able to smell everything since I woke up.
-Just like that. -Just like that. The medicine works.
Okay. Are you going to go to the restaurant?
Jerry did tell you to focus on your book.
I still need to go see how things are going.
[Martin] Okay.
Anyway, I'm working from here,
I need to prepare my appointment for next week's presentation.
With the architects Jerry introduced you to?
Yes. Well, they knew my work before that.
-What I did in Paris. -Yes, of course.
-And they love my work. -That's great.
Seriously, I can smell something.
[sniffing hard]
We can't smell anything. It's just you.
[exhales]
-There's something. -Can you smell something?
-Nothing. -It smells a little bit like shit.
-No. -No.
[Albert, in English] Is Daddy gonna go to work soon?
Yes, he's working at going to work… soon.
Will he go somewhere to do his work?
'Cause I think it'd be good for him to leave the house sometimes.
Yeah, everyone goes somewhere to work, you know?
He told me that if you were in France,
he would be the greatest architect in Europe.
He said that?
Yeah.
Huh.
[phone chimes]
[sighs]
-[horn honks] -[man] Get off the road, you stupid bitch!
Okay, go ahead, I see you!
-[tires squealing] -Idiot!
Mom, don't race him.
[groans]
Sorry. Sorry, sweetie, just such a…
Mom, what do you like better,
being a mom or a chef?
I love being your mom.
That's what I love the most.
So you don't like being a chef?
No, I like being a chef, but I mean, it's my job.
The house is burning.
You can only save one person.
Who do you save-- me or Gaston?
[laughs] Well, Gaston is not a person.
He's a very old cat,
and he should be dead already, right?
Sorry. No, but, you know.
Between me or Dad?
You!
But what about if it's between you and me?
You!
-[laughs] Okay, Mom. -Always.
[in French] Sweetheart, I'm going to be home late tonight,
since I have so much to do at the restaurant.
You'll probably be asleep, but I'll give you a kiss. Promise.
[in English] You always say that, but, how will I know you really did it?
[in French] You know what? Your puppet, the little white rabbit?
Finger in the bum?
-Yeah. -[laughs]
Finger in the bum!
[both laugh]
Well…
[in French] I will put it on your pillow.
That way, you'll know I came to give you a kiss, okay?
-[In English] Okay. I like it. -Okay, good.
-[in French] -One kiss. -Love you, Mom.
Mwah!
Switching career in your 40s.
As a woman.
[Siri beeps] Switching careers in your 40s as a woman.
Number one: Dental assistant.
Number two: Medical administrative assistant.
Number three: Insurance sales.
♪♪♪
-[bank teller] Next. -Hi.
Yes, I would like to cash this check, please.
-I'll be right back. -Okay.
[indistinct conversation]
Mrs. Horowitz, I'm Baron Johnson, the branch manager.
How are you doing today?
I'm doing fantastic. Thanks so much for asking.
We need a refill on the lollipops.
-[chuckles] -Well, first off, I'd like to take
this opportunity to thank you for 24 years of your loyalty.
Oh, my God, 24 years!
I must've been a mere child when I opened this account.
-[laughs] -You're out of lollipops.
Gladys, we've gone through this. One lolly per customer.
-Cheapos. -Gladys.
If you're going to be disruptive,
I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
-I'm so sorry about that. -That's okay.
Mrs. Horowitz, I'm certain there must be some kind of misunderstanding
but it appears that your check was cancelled
-a few days after it was issued. -What?
I'm sorry, that's impossible.
I know, but it was.
Do not believe a word that comes out of this man's mouth.
Okay, Baron, as a loyal customer of 24 years,
I can assure you that you're making a really big mistake right now
and I would like to cash this check, please.
I understand your frustration, Mrs. Horowitz,
but unfortunately we--we can't cash a cancelled check.
[quietly] And there is the issue of the discrepancy
between the ink colors and the handwriting.
-What? Can I see? -You see here,
the, uh, recipient and the signature are written in blue ink,
and the dollar amount is written in black ink.
Well, I never noticed that before.
Well, you also didn't notice how the signature has this swoop--
Okay, you know what? That's it.
I want to close my account effective immediately.
-Mrs. Horowitz-- -I want to close my account.
Go pull up the paperwork, please, and I will have you know
that I dodge calls all day. HSPC, Citibank, Chase--
they all want me, and I say, "No, no, no. I don't want to hear it.
"I don't want your free money. Save it for someone else.
I'm staying with Southern California Financial."
That's the kind of person that I am.
I'm a loyal person.
Okay?
As you wish.
-Please follow me over here. -My pleasure.
As of today your account is overdrawn $1,278.67,
-not including overdraft fees. -What?
How will you be taking care of your balance?
Oh, my God, are you serious? You're incredible.
If you'd let me cash this check,
I could take care of this balance right now.
-Mrs. Horowitz-- -Stop calling me Mrs. Horowitz!
You show him, girl.
This branch is going to the shitter.
Yeah. Uh-huh.
I know. Well, that's what I get for… [grunts]
marrying guy who's 10 years younger than me.
But I just want to make sure that I can break the lease early.
Oh, great.
-Okay, well, then, I'm, uh… -[car approaching]
I'll send you the money tomorrow.
Okay, thank you so much.
Really appreciate it.
Okay, bye.
Did you not clean Sir Gaga's cage? That thing reeks.
I can't. I have my period.
The smell makes me very nauseous, Anne.
I thought you had your period last week.
So did I.
Sebastian should be cleaning Gaga's cage, Anne.
-It's his pet. -Mm-hmm. I know.
You know, research shows that kids who do chores
-don't become drug addicts. -Okay.
I will show you the article. I'll show it to you.
All right, I'll talk to him.
-Will you please help me open this? -I'm very nauseous right now, Anne.
[burps] I need air.
-[neck cracks] -[groans]
Okay.
Hola, Jesus.
-Hey. -Nice new truck.
I love the color.
It's a custom color.
Listen, I was wondering if you could help George out,
uh, this weekend.
He's getting a little place downtown, just an office kind of thing,
and he needs to move some stuff and…
Um, I'd pay you, of course.
Nah.
It makes me happy to do things for you, Miss Anne.
My divorce was so difficult.
Oh, I'm not getting a divorce.
I remember when your divorce was-- was pretty tough.
Things are better, though, right?
Well…
After the first death,
there is no other.
[Anne] That's beautiful.
Oh, I have the, uh,
strawberries and passionfruit vines in the back of my truck.
-I can plant them today. -Oh, great.
Yeah, Sebastian will be so happy.
-Put it on my monthly bill. -No, it's my present.
-To you, Miss Anne. -Oh, no, no, no, no.
-I couldn't accept that. -I insist.
-No. -Really, it's not a problem.
May I?
Oh, thanks.
Oh. Okay, that was easy.
[Jesus chuckles]
-Thanks a lot. -Mm-hmm.
I don't like how he is with you, Anne.
Come on. He's just being nice.
He wants to do it with you. It's obvious.
I appreciate your concern, Gretchen, but come on.
He can smell that you're available now.
Men can smell that kind of thing. They are like dogs.
-I don't think he can smell… -Oh, he can smell it. He can smell--
Anyway, I'm not even available.
Don't worry. I have eyes on him.
Okay, I have to get ready for work, all right?
You need to get some chicken on your way
to picking up Seb for dinner.
Ja, ja, ja.
-[knocking] -[door opens]
-Oh. -Hi.
Remember me? I'm your neighbor.
I own Patrick the dog.
Hi, yes. Patrick, of course.
I am so happy you found him.
I mean, I assume since I've heard him--
We didn't find him.
Oh, right, he found you, so…
Look, we know it's you.
You called Animal Control and had Patrick removed from our property.
Why--why would I do something like that?
I don't know! Why?
What kind of person would have a dog
taken away from two small children who love him,
just because he barks a little too much when gets excited?
Look, I think there's been a misunderstanding, okay?
I love dogs. The only reason we don't have one
is my husband is highly allergic, but I can assure you,
-I grew up with dogs… -Okay, listen.
Your son told my kids.
-Okay? -He did no such thing.
Yes, he did.
He told them that you tossed Patrick over the fence
wrapped up in a blanket like a burrito.
We have large, iron, sharp spikes on our fence.
I mean, can you imagine
my children waking up to their beloved dog
impaled on our fence?
Look, my son Orion,
he's a very creative, sensitive soul.
I think of him as a poet, really.
-With his imagination-- -Okay, well, what he told my kids
wasn't very poetic.
Fine, look.
Thank you for voicing your concerns.
I'll be sure and have a little talk with him.
Okay, yeah, you have that talk with him.
But before you do, you need to decide
whether you want an honest child
who knows the difference between right and wrong,
or a little liar who covers for his mother's perverse behavior.
♪♪♪
[cell phone chimes]
What?
[sighs]
[phone chimes]
Marilyn Monroe?
Huh.
-[phone chimes] -[dishes clattering]
[crash]
[Jerry] "I dreamt I was a goose on a foie gras farm.
"But instead of shoving grain down my throat,
"the farmer was pouring concrete.
"As it dried inside my internal organs,
I was exploding from the inside."
Okay.
[inhales]
I thought we agreed to tone down the existential thing.
And what's with these crazy new recipes?
What is it, baby quail with uni and pomegranate reduction?
Okay, first of all,
no mention of babies.
Americans don't like to eat babies.
They want the classics, right?
The want a poule au pot,
Or a bouillabaisse with sustainable ingredients.
You know? It's like--i's, uh… something familiar.
-It's like-- -Feminine.
Yes! Feminine. Maternal.
Think Maman, right?
But maybe a little hotter. Think kids in the kitchen,
doing their homework on a big wooden table.
Imagine little Albert comes running in.
There's a quiche waiting for him in the oven,
and you just had a quickie with Martin upstairs, right?
Like if I was actually ever home when Albert came back from school,
and if I ever had time for a quickie.
In this business, nobody ever has time for sex,
and nobody ever sees their kids.
Yeah, you have sex all the time.
-What? -Right? Am I wrong?
So you have time for…
I don't have kids.
-I don't have kids. -Oh. Mm-hmm.
I am a sick man, okay?
It cost me the love of my life.
I'm not even allowed to say the word "sex."
And you know, I don't want to get personal right now.
The bottom line is, you know this business, all right?
Female chefs, mature female chefs,
-they want oldies but goodies. -Okay, great.
Well, tell that to Food & Wine. They voted me Best New Chef.
Five years ago!
That's dog years in this business.
If the publisher wanted to be innovative,
they would have called some young hot guy from Iceland,
who's got thousands of Instagram followers,
which, by the way, there's been a little concern about your, uh,
your insignificant social media presence.
-But that's another conversation. -No, no, no.
I have Facebook.
-Facebook. -Uh-huh.
Okay. Okay. Justine…
we all want what's best for you, right?
You are in a blind spot
and we're just trying to push you into the light.
And without Instagram, there is no light.
You're just in a cultural blind spot.
Oh, into the light by posting my poule au pot?
Think about Ratatouille.
What made him a star?
A simple recipe that he learned from his maman.
No, no, my mother never taught me anything.
She ran away when I was 10 with a Palestinian poet.
[laughs] Oh, my God, that so French. I love that.
[laughs]
Wait, do you smell something?
So you want me to be inspired
-by a male Disney rat? -No.
I want you to just get a first draft out as soon as possible.
-Okay, fine. -That's all.
-Yeah. -Sorry.
Well, while we're on the subject of rats…
Okay.
Did you cancel Ell's check?
-Did you? -Yes, I did.
Classy. How could you do that to her?
Well, no, no, no. No, no, no.
I'm sorry, I seem to remember a general moral outcry
accusing me of turning our friend into a prostitute.
By cancelling the check, I want to make it patently clear
that what Ell and I shared, that moment together,
was not transactional, okay?
Uh, you and I, we're gonna help our friend
as long as it just doesn't feel like charity.
-That's all. -Okay.
We'll find a way to help her, you and I.
[imitates rat chitter]
What?
["El Cazador Valiente" by Cuentos Infantiles plays]
-You're back. -Yes.
Oh! We missed you.
Fred, can you please make me your delicious mango coulis
because I'm going to put it on the poularde.
Oui, chef.
Joy, can you put a little bit of salted cod
in the pot au feu tonight, okay?
Fish in the pot au feu. New recipe now?
Well, if not now, when? Huh?
Let's get this little old lady out of the blind spot
and into the light!
Let's shake things up a bit!
I remind everybody that this is Chez Juste.
All right. You heard the woman.
-[applauds] Whoo! -I am the woman!
-[applause] -I am the woman!
[birds chirping]
-[door opens, closes] -[Orion chattering indistinctly]
-Hi, honey. -Hiya! Ya!
-[chuckles] -Ooh. You are so cute.
I'm not cute, Mom. I'm terrifying ninja
with moves that can kill any adult.
Okay, please, spare my life,
scary ninja person.
Listen, before you have your snack,
um, I wanted to talk to you for a second.
Okay.
So…Orion,
Mommy did something
that was not so great the other day.
And she wants you to know she did her absolute best
to try to fix it, you know.
And, uh…
basically Mommy was worried about Patrick,
you know, how he's always out there howling,
in the sun, wanting food.
And--and Mommy was hoping, if she called Animal Services,
they might be able to come help him.
But she… I…
had no idea that they would actually come
[voice breaking] and physically remove him like that.
And, uh
when I found out, I was so upset.
And…
I raced over there to find him,
so he could be brought back together with his family.
What I'm saying is, that's what you saw
out of your window the other night.
I want you to know that I really believed
I had that little dog's best interests at heart.
Then why did you tell their mom you didn't know where he was?
I…think I was worried their mom would be mad at me.
I was hoping the lie would buy me some time
so I could--oh, God-- fix this whole stupid mess.
That's okay, Mom. Patrick is safe now.
You don't need to cry.
Thank you, honey.
They say at school to always live in your truth.
That's beautiful, [speaks Farsi].
[sniffs]
Hey, how about I make you a turmeric almond smoothie?
You can have it while you finish your Farsi homework.
Yes, please.
Okay.
[Ell] I love this, Kai. You're so good.
Kai, now, look at me and wink.
Like, you've got a trick up your sleeve.
-[camera shutter clicking] -Yeah, now look at me
like you're really serious.
Like you're thinking about something, like, "Hmm, Mom,
who do you like better, Oliver or Sarah?"
-Hmm… -No, but silently. Come on.
Mom, is this over soon? When can I get donuts?
Okay, one more look, honey, and then,
we're gonna go straight to Krispy Kreme, I promise.
What about this?
-Quick, let's change. -Sporty Kai.
Yeah, baby. Let's do it.
Come on. Take off your top.
I just got off the phone with Net-a-Porter.
Yasmin sold out in three days!
That's fantastic!
And we got an inquiry from Moda Operandi this morning,
asking if we had anything on avail for immediate delivery.
-[gasps] It's really happening! -[laughs]
We're officially expanding into women's!
-You deserve this, Anne! -Oh!
-I'm so happy. -Me, too.
So excited.
♪♪♪
-[Orion crying out] -Hey.
[whimpering]
Hey, wake up, sweetie.
You're just having a nightmare, okay?
-Mm-hmm. -Yeah?
I dreamt that the Ayatollah Khomeini was about to eat me.
It was horrible, Mommy. He had big rotten teeth.
Oh, sweetie. Khomeini is dead.
He can't get you.
You're safe. Mommy and Daddy are here.
Okay? Okay.
He just had a little nightmare
about being eaten alive by Khomeini.
What?
Well, he's drifting back to sleep now. It's fine.
Uh, hey, hey, hey. Can I talk to you for a second?
-Yeah. -Um…
So last month, you and Orion had a pretty long discussion
about what kind of cookies to bake for Santa.
Yeah. I mean, aren't you happy he still believes in Santa?
It's so cute. Remember we
read that article in The Atlantic. It's good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but, um…
tonight he had a nightmare about being eaten alive
-by Khomeini? -Mm-hmm.
And he still believes in Santa?
He's dreaming about Khomeini. Those are two extremes.
Well, I don't know. What would you prefer? That he…
not believe in Santa or that he not be afraid of Khomeini?
I just, um…
I just don't think he needs to know about everything…yet.
He's almost 12 years old.
You know, in another year he'll be getting online
and seeing what the real world is like.
And if he's not prepared, it could destroy him.
You know? I mean, I'm Black and Persian.
I'm a child of survivors on both sides,
and like it or not, so is our son.
You gotta wake up, Irishman.
The world is very different for some of us.
Wow. Wow.
Nice… [clapping] Nice one, Yasmin.
-That was really good. -[sighs]
Really great.
Like, you can't--you can't say shit like that,
and just turn around and go to bed.
-What is going on? -[sighs]
Okay. All right.
There is something else that's going on
and I haven't known how to tell you about this, but I--
I haven't been able to finish my dissertation.
I want to go back to work.
I need to go back to work, Will, and I…
I just feel like my head is spinning all the time.
It's almost, you know, like there's something wrong with my brain.
Like, I--I don't know.
Do I need to go in for an MRI or something?
I just--I know that I've been too fixated on Orion lately.
And, you know, I feel like I'm suffocating him.
-He's suffocating me. -How about this?
How about this? I'm gonna take Orion
with me to that conference in Palo Alto.
Right? Then you can get some time to yourself and write.
Well, but, you can't do that, because that's a whole week.
I mean, he's in sixth grade. It's a pivotal year.
It's a 3-day weekend,
so he'll miss maybe two days of school.
How's that?
He'll be away from me that whole time.
He--he's not even 12.
[classical music plays]
[phone chimes]
PLEASE DON'T BUY THE GENERIC BRAND
IT GETS STUCK IN MY PUBES AND MAKES LITTLE BALLS.
[sighs]
♪♪♪
Good evening. I'm sorry to bother you.
-Are you leaving, by chance? -Uh, in a minute.
Awesome. Can I have your spot?
-Yeah, sure. -Great. Thanks.
-Okay. -Yeah, you already tried that.
Your trunk's not big enough.
You know what else is not big enough?
Your small dick.
The hell's your problem, lady?
-I'm not leaving. -Really?
Any time soon.
How about that?
-Fine. -Go.
Enjoy your toilet paper.
[whistles]
["Clouds" by Django Reinhardt plays]
♪♪♪
[sniffs]
[sniffs harder]
[Justine] And now, my mother's recipe for ouefs à la neige.
No, not true. Not my mother's,
because my mother never cooked anything.
The truth is, I learned everything about food and life
through my dad.
[flushes]
There is a secret for making the perfect crème anglaise.
Bring your full fat milk to a boil
and mix in the granulated sugar,
but wait until after your milk has cooled
before adding the vanilla bean.
Doing it in that order ensures that the bean
leaves none of its bitterness behind.
In cooking, like in life,
bitterness kills all sweetness.
♪♪♪
[typing]