[theme music plays]
[piano music plays]
[sneezes]
[in French] Shit, I think I caught Albert's cold.
Oh.
[Martin, in French] If you're sick, stay away from me.
With the presentation I have to do this week,
I can't afford to get a cold, or I will never get the job.
Fuck, I just can't anymore.
What does that mean, "you can't anymore"? What can't you anymore?
You are such a talented architect,
I can't bear the fact that nobody can see your work here.
I had a dream job in Paris.
I dropped everything to follow you here,
because you thought that Paris was depressing.
Isn't it depressing here too, with the psycho we have for a president?
I can't help it if French food is in fashion but not French design.
I know things will turn out okay for you eventually, Martin.
I'm just very tired, and I wish that you would sometimes
take care of the groceries when you're in between jobs, like now.
I keep buying more and the fridge is empty on the next day. It feels…
I just can't anymore.
I'll take care of the groceries for us if you want. No problem.
Okay, thank you.
[sneezes]
[classical string music plays]
I want to try all of their oil.
-Okay. -Yeah.
Just to try, to have it--you know.
-Hey, Frank. How are you? -Justine.
Well. You? Hi.
Look at this chanterelle!
[sniffs]
Well…
They don't have any smell today.
Really?
Gjelina just placed a huge order.
Mm. No, actually, these are extremely fragrant.
-Try that. -[sniffs]
No, I can't smell anything. Are you kidding?
Do you have truffles?
Oh, my God, look at these.
The true beauty.
Wonderful. Maybe I'll take another one.
This one has been a little bit eaten by a big worm.
Ooh, look at this one.
-Hmm. -Perfect.
[sniffs]
[sniffs harder]
Wait. Can I bite into it?
I can't--I can't taste anything.
[stammers] What's going on?
-[sniffs] -Oh, my God.
Nothing.
Nothing, I can't--
Turmeric.
[mouth full] I can't taste it.
Nothing. Basil, nothing.
I can't even smell… [sniffs] garlic.
-Okay, sweetie-- -I'm sorry.
But what am I gonna do, Evan?
Sweetie, you have a cold, okay?
Look, it's all good. I can be your nose for a few days.
Thank you, Evan. What would I do without you?
-Sorry. Sorry, Frank. I'm having… -It's okay.
a tiny panic attack.
I can't smell anything.
-I'm so depressed. -It's okay.
I'll Venmo you.
[small dog howling]
[howling continues]
They did it again.
-Will, they left him outside. -[howling continues]
He'll be howling all day.
-[dog yipping, howling] -[phone buttons beep]
-[line ringing] -Okay, I'm gonna
get started on breakfast.
-He's gonna get up soon. -[man] Hello, Animal Services.
This is Brad speaking. How may I help you?
-[dog howling] -Yes, hello Brad.
-How are you? -[dog barks]
Good, good.
Listen, I'd like to report a howling dog.
Yeah, it belongs to my neighbors,.
Well, they-- they leave this poor thing
to fester in his own feces
for days on end.
Sometimes even nights.
Well, you know, I mean, I'm an animal lover
and I just-- I hope he's not being abused.
Not to mention, we've spotted coyotes recently.
-I know. -[dog howls]
Listen, when do you think they'll be able
to come talk to my neighbors?
Um, 3155 Superba Street.
Great. No, thank you, Brad.
[upbeat music plays]
Oh, honey. No gymnastics today.
-You have soccer. -But, Mom,
this is my version of athletic wear.
At school they always tell us to live in our truth.
-Sebastian, cut it out. -Of course, of course.
Cut it out. You need to put on your uniform.
-Come on. -It is no big deal.
We're already late. Come on.
I can put the jersey over it. It's--it's not--
Let me handle this, Anne. Let me handle this.
-Come on, honey. -[Sebastian] The shorts are uncomfortable.
[Gretchen, in German]
I can wear the jersey over it. Dad, please!
-He's fine. He's fine. -Uh-huh.
Relax, it's okay.
He's an individual. He believes in himself
and he has to feel good about himself.
That's his identity and we have to stay out of it.
Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe not.
You really have to let it go.
[speaks indistinctly, mouth full]
-Is that good? -These are delicious!
We made a compromise.
-Buddy, you look fantastic. -I love your hair.
-You look like David Beckham. -[Sebastian scoffs]
[spectators cheering]
-[bottle sprays] -[Justine gasps]
-[Justine] Almost! -[laughs]
That is never gonna happen.
Look at Sebastian. He's so graceful.
[Yasmin] He really is. He looks good out there.
Just look at him. He's like a little gazelle.
They're so perfect and cute.
You know, someday they're gonna be hairy and smelly,
and they're not gonna want to cuddle with us anymore.
Oh, that's so sad.
So sad.
I get sick to the thought of…
Albert sticking it into
some stupid American teenage pussy.
-[laughs] -Oh, my God, Justine.
What's wrong with American vaginas?
I think what she means is,
she would prefer if it's a French vagina.
-Always. Always. -All right.
-That's fair enough. -Oh, yes.
But I told Albert, if his first girlfriend is American,
she has to sign a contract
stating that she's 100% okay with it.
-That's ridiculous. -Well, no, that's where we are.
I wouldn't have minded if we had to sign
some kind of form when I was a teenager.
Although then there would be a paper trail.
-Which would be bad. -[bottle sprays]
Justine, you look blotchy. What are you--
What is this?
Listen, I have a cold. I'm all clogged up.
I can't smell shit, literally,
and this is some over-the-counter crap. It's not working.
Do you know how many celebrities have died
-from over-the-counter crap? -First of all,
-this is a steroid. -Prince. I'm pretty sure.
No, actua--Prince, that was a-- that was a prescription.
Oh, that was fentanyl, you're right.
Yeah, if you want to be mad at somebody,
the doctors who prescribe that stuff are the--
you can't keep using this.
Okay. Whoa whoa whoa whoa!
[Yasmin] What? What? [gasps]
Oh, get in there, Albert.
Oh, my God! That was so close.
You know what? For effort.
I was actually telling Ell--
wait, where is Ell?
She texted me. She got a job.
Yes, at the Natural History Museum.
-Amazing. -What's she doing there?
-Something with kids. -[Yasmin] Really?
The velociraptor's diet was strictly meat,
but many dinosaurs of the Late Cretaceous were herbivores.
So if the velociraptor…
-[panting] -was around today,
would he eat meat?
[kids, shouting] Yeah!
Whoa! Oh, no! But not now!
No, uh, uh, eat them!
Yeah, eat them!
-[roars] -[kids shriek]
-Mom. -What?
Ryan just said I looked like a fairy farted in my hair.
Oh, that's not nice. Come here.
[Yasmin] Ryan. Come here, honey.
-I'm sorry. -Right now.
I heard what you said to Seb.
We've talked about this, right?
Like, how do you think he feels when you say stuff like that?
But Mom, I didn't say it in a mean way.
You always tell me to tell the truth.
His hair does look like a fairy farted in it.
Okay. Well, sometimes the truth needs to be told
in a way that doesn't completely reveal
exactly what you're truly thinking. Okay?
-Mm-hmm. -Okay, honey.
Come on, Seb.
Well… [clears throat] It's official.
-I'm a piece of shit. -What happened?
Oh, look, everyone.
The dinosaur's taking a huge poop!
[laughter]
Who you calling poop, you little shit?
-That's a good one. -That's funny.
But, did they fire you?
-Yeah. -Aww.
I mean, you're the worst Jew I know. You're so bad at business.
-Oh, my God. -What?
You can't say stuff like that. You're not even Jewish.
-[Yasmin scoffs] -Well, it makes sense.
You know, all French people are anti-Semitic.
-That's right. -We are not!
[laughter]
We have the largest Jewish population
after Israel and the US.
Oh, come on. That's impossible.
-It's true. -She's right.
I will Google it for you.
Uh, I'm sorry. Didn't Pétain send all of us to gas chambers?
No, I'm sorry, "work camps"?
Wait, you think the French were happy to be invaded
-by the German after World War I? -[cell phone ringing]
-Yeah. -We hated them.
Ooh, I'm sorry, guys. I gotta take this.
Keep talking. Hello, this is Ell.
I'm the granddaughter of resistants, okay?
Every French person I know says that.
-[laughs] -Oh, God.
-Just saying. -Can we have a truce here?
-I love you. -So there are…
-Okay. -more Jews in France
than anywhere else except for the US and Israel.
-Okay. -So.
-Hello. -Uh, uh, hello.
You don't get to use Jewish people as an excuse
for why the French are just a tiny bit anti-Arab.
-Oh, I can't take this anymore. -Justine?
[Anne] What are you doing?
Justine, that's the trash.
-Oh, my God. -I can't.
-Not even orange peel. -Ew.
-I can't even smell it. -Okay, I'm calling my ENT.
He is so amazing.
He really helped George with this nose… [sniffs]
back in the day. I'm texting him right now.
-Oh, God. -All you need to do
is stay out of the trash and stop with the steroids.
You will get through this, my friend.
All right, I'm really happy. I'm really lucky
Evan is here taking over the restaurant because…
I do not trust him.
He's so over-solicitous with you.
What does "over-solicitous" means?
Means she thinks you-- he kisses your ass.
-Yes, he does. [slurps] -[Justine] Oh.
-He does? -[Yasmin] Yeah. A little bit.
Okay, I gotta go.
-Justine-- -Love you.
-Is she gonna be okay? -[chuckles] Yes.
[in French] I need to go, Martin. -No.
I'm serious, I need to go.
We said today would be a family day. What am I going to tell Albert?
[in English] Bye, Albert!
[in French] See you later!
Look, I need to take care of an emergency at the restaurant,
I will be back in an hour. Okay? Don't worry.
[in English] Everything okay?
[clicks tongue] Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I don't know.
She doesn't…I don't know.
You know, the--the other day I was reading this, uh…
super interesting article in Le Monde
and this new research says that boys
actually need their dads more than their moms.
-Really? -Yeah.
I thought mothers were everything to little boys.
Yeah, yeah, so did I.
But apparently, boys that are brought up by widowed fathers
end up, you know, much better than the boys
being raised by widowed mothers.
-Widows? -Yeah.
Uh…[stammers]
Orion loves his mom.
But you know, Justine, she's always been all about her work.
And from the beginning, she refused to breastfeed.
So it made Albert very…
I don't know, very attached to me.
-Hmm. -Yeah.
I vaguely remember Yas saying
-that Justine had mastitis or something? -Ah, yeah.
-Maybe that's what it was. -Yeah, sure.
I mean, you know, frankly,
I don't even think it's a real condition.
You know, I think it's something, like, created by the Western doctors.
It's like postpartum, right? I mean,
let's go ask the women working the fields in Africa
if they suffer from fucking postpartum.
-Right? -Right.
Right.
[in French] Come on!
[Jerry] No, but I think you're doing a great job.
Really, I mean, the whole vibe here
is just like-- it's a fresh feeling, right?
Thanks, Jerry. I've been working on it. I appreciate it.
Yeah, no, thank you, man.
-Love working with you. -Yeah. Pleasure.
[both chuckle]
-Pour yourself a stiff one. -[Jerry] Oh.
I'm back.
I see that. Uh, I…
I told you I could handle it today. You didn't have to come.
Yeah, well, the carrots need to be ready by 5:00.
Are the carrots ready?
Okay, please relax. I have it all under control.
Okay? How could I not? I learned from the best, hmm?
Well, apparently not.
You had the carrots peeled.
Who peels organic carrots?
All the subtlety of the flavor is in the skin.
The woodiness, the sour-meets-with-tanginess.
And the consistency!
I mean, what are these?
I mean, this is not carrots. This is carrot puree.
Uh, those are steaming hot. You're gonna burn your hand.
Brad, we need some ice, ASAP.
-[Fred] I'm on it. -What is with all the screaming?
Justine, what are you doing here?
I thought you were in bed with a cold.
Where are my onions?
My onions.
I, uh…I told them to wait until the last minute
so that they stay crispy.
Crispy?
We don't do crispy here, Evan. We do caramelized.
Okay? I'm away for two hours
and suddenly it's-- we're at McDonalds?
This is my kitchen!
Justine, are--are you on something?
'cause you look--your face looks like…
Okay.
Something's wrong with me.
Because I'm not sucking anyone's dick.
[Jerry] You shut the fuck--Justine.
-You are embarrassing yourself. -Ha ha. Yes.
I'm embarrassing myself because I'm showing my emotions.
Because I'm a woman.
Okay, that's it. You need to go home.
-[bottle sprays] -That's it, yeah.
I'll go home. I'll go home to die,
and when I return from the dead,
I want to come back as a man.
Okay, right. Okay, what--what--what--
What is this? What is this? What is this? Give it to me.
-Give it to me. Give it to me. -[straining]
Give it to me. What--
You used all of this?
Oh, my God, my heart.
-What? -It's pounding so fast.
[Jerry ] Oh. Oh, my God.
Okay, we need to take her to an urgent care.
Yeah, I'm taking her right now.
No, no, no, no. I need you in the kitchen.
Okay, I'm so sorry, everybody.
This--this is the worst day of my life. I'm sorry.
-[Jerry] Okay. -[Justine] Thank you!
Evan, I love you. [sobs]
-Yeah… -I love you, man, I love you!
Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
-[Justine] You, too! -Let's go, okay, come on.
-I love you too! -[Evan] Uncrisp the onions.
[doorbell rings]
-Hi. -Hi.
I'm Helen. I'm your neighbor from next door.
We haven't met yet.
Oh, nice to meet you. Yasmin.
Sorry to disturb you on Sunday,
but have you seen Patrick?
-Patrick. -Our little dog.
We--we can't find him.
I usually keep him in the side yard
because he just goes crazy cooped up inside all day,
and now he's gone.
I might have forgotten to close the gate.
I just…ah. You haven't heard or seen anything, have you?
No, we actually have been at my son's soccer game all morning, so…
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Maybe he got snatched up by a coyote, Mommy!
-Uh, Mom? -Yeah, honey.
I saw a dog on the street when we left for soccer.
It looked just like him.
-Oh, really? -Yes.
Well, Patrick must've escaped, then.
Have you tried, like, driving around the neighborhood or--
Right, that's what we need to do.
We need to drive around the neighborhood.
Uch. I hope we find him before it gets dark.
-Thank you. -Yeah, of course.
If there's anything we can do, let us know.
Okay, thank you. Patrick!
Hi, Brad. This is Yasmin.
We spoke this morning? About Patrick, the howling dog?
From Venice? Yeah, he's vanished.
What?
Why would you do something like that?
But, you don't even leave a note?
I know you're not Fedex, but…
No, no, I just said the dog was howling.
I didn't say to kidnap him. Where is he now?
What procedure?
I don't understand, what does that mean,
his testes didn't drop?
So you're telling me, you're gonna have to put him to sleep,
just because he has imperfect balls?
Okay, so basically, what you're saying is,
if someone doesn't claim Patrick within the next 24 hours,
you are going to have to kill him?
[whispers] Oh, my God.
-The x-ray shows no polyps. -[sighs]
[extremely stuffy] No tumor?
Slight congestion, but nothing to be worried about.
[sighs deeply]
It's just…
it started with a big sneeze this morning,
and then I couldn't smell anything!
Well, that's pretty standard for a cold.
No, but, you don't understand.
If I can't smell, I can't taste. If I can't taste, I can't cook.
-If I can't cook, I can't live. -Okay.
Well, we definitely want you to live.
So I'm going to prescribe an antihistamine
which should help relieve some of the congestion.
-Okay. -But no more nasal spray.
-No. -I'm also gonna give you
something for the redness and I'm gonna prescribe
an antibiotic on the off chance it could be bacterial.
Antibiotics? But I already had antibiotics
twice last year. Isn't that too much?
Well, those were for recurring bladder infections.
That's not the same family of antibiotics.
-Okay. -Hmm.
Those were some pretty serious infections.
Lucky you didn't get sepsis.
I was in so much pain.
I believe you.
Do you have more than one sexual partner?
No. I'm, uh, married.
And--and actually, each time my husband and I have sex,
I get a bladder infection.
So, you had three bladder infections in the past two years?
Yeah.
Well, you know how it is.
You have kids, you're so busy, working,
-It just, like, exhausts-- -Oh, yeah.
-Too exhausted to, you know. -Right.
-The classic baby years. -Yeah.
How old are your kids?
He's 11. One kid.
Eleven is a wonderful age.
He's very cute. He's very handsome.
-Wow. -When he was little…
Well, enjoy it. The time goes by so fast.
Of course, yeah.
I'm gonna give you a little something for…
Well, in case you ever feel…
anxious.
-Okay, thanks. -You're welcome.
All right.
Hi, honey. [deep breath]
Can you believe Patrick's disappeared?
Patrick…
You know, the cute little dog from next door?
Well, didn't you call Animal Control about him this morning?
Well, I did, but I--I-- I didn't reach anyone.
You know what? I bet they traced my call
and then took it upon themselves to kidnap him.
I mean, okay, I did… leave a short message.
But I was very vague.
And then I spoke with them 40 minutes ago,
and they told me they came by and took him.
And that if no one adopts him within 24 hours,
they're gonna put this dog to sleep.
Okay, well, then you should tell the neighbors
so they-- they can go pick him up.
No, I can't do that.
Then they're gonna know it was me.
I mean, who did it. Who…
you know, who called Animal Control.
Left a message. But, I mean, plus,
even if I tell them, right?
Apparently Patrick has some kind of testicular disease
and Brad said that it comes from neglect.
So even if they do try to pick him up,
they won't give Patrick back to them.
And it's not like anyone else is gonna want a…
you know, a sick little dog with mono-ball.
Hmm. Hmm.
Who's Brad?
[sighs]
Hey guys, Mommy's got some news she wants to share with everyone.
Sarah, can you get off your phone, please?
Uh, I'm texting with Daddy.
Now.
So Mommy lost her job today.
Again?
Yes, again. Thank you, Oliver.
-Uh, Mom? -Yeah.
All my friends are getting an allowance.
Oliver, not now. Please.
Mom, someone should make a reality show about our family.
We could totally be like the Kardashians, but poor.
-No. -Like, super poor.
No. No. No. I don't like that word.
I told you, we're not poor.
We're middle class, and I told you
-not to watch reality TV, okay? -[chuckles] Why?
The Kardashians are not in line with our values as a family.
Since when do we have family values?
-Question. -What?
Uh, do you think we're poor 'cause we make bad decisions,
or we make bad decisions because we're poor?
Mom, even if we're poor, we're happy,
-because we're family! -Yeah, without our dads.
And you're the best mom in the whole world
because you let me have corn flakes for dinner.
Delicious.
Kai.
Can you say that again for Mommy,
exactly the same way you said it,
but, like, with a big smile this time?
You're the best mom in the whole world
because you let me have corn flakes for dinner.
Delicious!
Again.
You're the best mom in the whole world
because you let me have corn flakes for dinner.
Delicious!
-[liquid pouring] -I'm worried about Justine.
I don't think she's very happy with Martin.
I'm pretty sure she's just staying because of Albert.
-What do you think? -I'm not happy.
[laughter, indistinct chatter]
Want to open another bottle?
Anne, I'm not happy.
[laughter, indistinct chatter continues]
[Justine sniffs, sighs]
[sentimental music plays on phone]
[softly] Oh…
[whispers] Oh, so cute.
[sniffs]
-Mom… -Oh, I'm sorry.
You're filming me again.
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
[sighs] I can't smell your hair,
and I like the smell so much.
-It's clean. -Did you brush your teeth?
Uh, yeah. Twice.
What did you do with Daddy tonight?
Math.
-Oh, that's fun. -Did you burn yourself again?
Oh, yeah. It's nothing. Just another hot pot.
[chuckles]
Oh, Mom. Did you know that John said he felt the same
when he met Yoko as when he met Paul?
I think that's why his music kept on being as good
after he went solo,
because it came from his love for someone.
-That makes sense. -Mm-hmm.
I'm gonna make you your lunchbox.
What do you want to eat tomorrow?
Oh, can you make me one of those
five veggie wraps with goat cheese?
I love your cooking, Mommy.
Oh, I love you too, sweetie.
Okay, go back to sleep.
Mwah.
[in French] Night-night.
[in English] Oh, Mommy.
Can you do your funny dance, please?
[chuckles] Okay.
[Albert laughs]
[in French] Martin and Albert.
What about me?
-[radio plays softly] -[dog whimpers]
Oh, my God.
[whimpers again]
I'm warning you.
Do not get attached to me.
I have the heart of a pirate.
[dog yips]
No licking.
[dog whimpers]
Okay.
-[sighs] -[dog yips]
[dog whining]
It's one of your brethren.
There we go.
Don't--stop wiggling. Okay, okay.
Sorry about this. I'm sorry.
Patrick, are you okay?
[sighs in relief]
-[barks] -[shushing] Go.
-[barks] -I know.
I don't love you. I don't love you.
-[barks] -Okay, I do, I do. I love you.
-[barks] -But you have to go.
You have--this isn't gonna work.
Look, you have to go away. I know. I know.
Oh, my God. Bye bye.
[fast classical piano music plays]
[sighs heavily]
[Martin] Justine?
[in French] Yeah.
[in French] What's going on? It's so late, I've been trying to reach you for hours.
I had to go to the ER.
The nasal spray caused sort of reaction, then I burnt my hand.
I've been so worried.
Call me when things like these happen. I could have come for support.
I didn't want to trouble you.
Why do you always feel the need to carry everything on your shoulders?
What about my cold?
You know, I'm going to get it eventually, so…
-What's wrong? -Fuck.
What happened? Did I hurt you?
No, I just hurt my disc earlier, when I carried the water bottles.
Oh, that's too bad.
Yes, I'm sorry. Is it okay if we do this another time?
Maybe I could be on top?
No, that's even worse. You would crush my vertebra.
Let's just watch a documentary.
Sure, that's a good idea.
I'm going to get changed.
Can you bring me two aspirins?
Sure.
We have everything.
We're just…
We're just trying it out,
see what works best for the both of us.
What about Sebastian?
Hmm?
[sighs]
[Attenborough] A lion can mate up to five times in seven minutes,
a painful process for the female.
['70s porn music plays]
She will produce three cubs from the new dominant male,
from the new dominant male.
[in French] I think the spray messed with my head. I'm going to sleep.
[in English] When one male has had enough, she allows the other to take over…
-[in French] I'll put my headphones. -Sure, if you want.
…keeping them both happy.
[Justine] My future was hanging there in my nostrils.
What was to become of me if I lost my sense of smell?
The way we perceive things is what defines us.
What are we but a combination of our senses?
What smells bad to me is beauty for another animal.
The smell of shit makes me sick, but to a cockroach,
it is a delicious chocolate cake baking in the oven.
Being eaten alive is a nightmare to us,
but maybe, for a male praying mantis,
being eaten by the female he just impregnated
is ultimate bliss.