1
00:00:05,276 --> 00:00:06,736
Can I have $20?

2
00:00:07,611 --> 00:00:11,282
I'm not gonna just give you $20.
You have to work to earn money.

3
00:00:11,824 --> 00:00:13,242
I've been hanging with you all day.

4
00:00:13,743 --> 00:00:14,744
[door opens]

5
00:00:15,911 --> 00:00:17,413
Hey, I thought you were at the movies.

6
00:00:17,496 --> 00:00:23,753
Oh, I was, and then Teddy texted,
"Mom, emergency, need deodorant ASAP."

7
00:00:25,796 --> 00:00:28,340
That's not good.
Deodorant's like a parachute--

8
00:00:28,424 --> 00:00:30,801
if you suddenly realize you need it,
it's probably too late.

9
00:00:32,261 --> 00:00:35,181
-Where's my sweaty boy?
-He's up in his room.

10
00:00:38,184 --> 00:00:39,226
You're not gonna warn her?

11
00:00:39,977 --> 00:00:41,729
Where's the fun in that?

12
00:00:45,065 --> 00:00:46,150
Girl!

13
00:00:47,610 --> 00:00:50,446
I just caught Teddy
in his room with a girl.

14
00:00:51,906 --> 00:00:54,492
And get this, she's a year older than him.

15
00:00:54,575 --> 00:00:56,202
Kid's punching above his weight.

16
00:00:57,328 --> 00:00:58,579
You knew about this?

17
00:00:58,662 --> 00:01:00,706
They're just doing homework.
It's innocent.

18
00:01:01,957 --> 00:01:04,126
There are blankets in there, Adam.

19
00:01:05,503 --> 00:01:07,338
Do you know what blankets hide?

20
00:01:08,047 --> 00:01:09,673
Of course I do.

21
00:01:09,757 --> 00:01:11,383
If I hadn't kept a blanket in my truck,

22
00:01:11,467 --> 00:01:14,470
we would've gotten arrested every time
we parked for more than five minutes.

23
00:01:14,553 --> 00:01:15,679
-[chuckles]
-Ugh.

24
00:01:17,348 --> 00:01:18,599
Okay, two things,

25
00:01:18,682 --> 00:01:21,060
one, I'm in the room,
and you're grossing me out.

26
00:01:21,685 --> 00:01:24,730
Okay, two, you're really grossing me out.
I just wanted to say that again.

27
00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:29,193
Hold on. What're you doing?

28
00:01:29,276 --> 00:01:30,903
I'm getting those blankets out of there.

29
00:01:30,986 --> 00:01:33,447
I'm saving my baby
before he gets tangled in her web.

30
00:01:34,573 --> 00:01:35,908
Would you leave them alone?

31
00:01:35,991 --> 00:01:37,076
[sighs]

32
00:01:38,118 --> 00:01:43,457
Teddy is barely a teenager, Adam,
and he has a girl in his room.

33
00:01:44,792 --> 00:01:47,378
That's a good point.
I should go tell him I'm proud of him.

34
00:01:50,005 --> 00:01:52,091
Okay, your mother and I had a talk.

35
00:01:52,174 --> 00:01:54,009
You mean, she talked, you listened.

36
00:01:55,761 --> 00:01:56,929
I've seen it.

37
00:01:58,430 --> 00:02:00,474
[chuckles]

38
00:02:01,642 --> 00:02:03,018
Actually, this time I talked.

39
00:02:03,102 --> 00:02:05,354
I explained how all of this is normal,

40
00:02:05,437 --> 00:02:08,023
and she promised
not to yell "girl" anymore.

41
00:02:08,983 --> 00:02:12,236
In exchange, you'll have to share
a milkshake with her every so often.

42
00:02:13,195 --> 00:02:14,947
One glass, two straws.

43
00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:19,326
But if you're gonna have girls over,
which, congratulations...

44
00:02:19,869 --> 00:02:20,870
[clears throat]

45
00:02:20,953 --> 00:02:22,204
...there are rules.

46
00:02:22,288 --> 00:02:24,915
Okay, first, no girls in your room
with the door closed

47
00:02:24,999 --> 00:02:26,292
and no sitting on the bed.

48
00:02:26,375 --> 00:02:30,129
Now, couches are okay
with a two-cushion buffer.

49
00:02:34,383 --> 00:02:36,302
Look, but don't touch, hmm?

50
00:02:36,385 --> 00:02:37,970
Same rules as the ceiling fan.

51
00:02:39,805 --> 00:02:41,557
There's no touching. We're just friends.

52
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:44,393
-Hmm.
-But I wish she was my girlfriend.

53
00:02:45,978 --> 00:02:48,480
Teddy, when you say you want her
to be your girlfriend,

54
00:02:48,564 --> 00:02:50,149
what does that mean to you?

55
00:02:50,232 --> 00:02:51,984
Well, I'd like her
to sit with me at lunch.

56
00:02:52,067 --> 00:02:53,944
[both] Aw.

57
00:02:54,028 --> 00:02:55,529
Save me a seat in Spanish class.

58
00:02:55,613 --> 00:02:57,114
-Mm-hmm.
-That's nice.

59
00:02:57,197 --> 00:02:59,158
And next week,
at Jeremy's roller-skating party,

60
00:02:59,241 --> 00:03:01,702
-I'd like to go all the way...
-[both] What?

61
00:03:01,785 --> 00:03:03,203
...around the rink with her.

62
00:03:03,704 --> 00:03:06,332
You know,
hold her hand during couples' skate.

63
00:03:06,415 --> 00:03:07,625
-Oh, okay, okay.
-Yeah, okay.

64
00:03:07,708 --> 00:03:08,709
[Adam] Yeah.

65
00:03:08,792 --> 00:03:11,545
I just don't know how to get her
from friend to girlfriend.

66
00:03:11,629 --> 00:03:13,631
Oh. [chuckles]

67
00:03:15,007 --> 00:03:17,927
Teddy, my boy,
you were born to the right father.

68
00:03:19,261 --> 00:03:22,514
This is like Bruce Lee's son
saying he wants to learn kung fu.

69
00:03:23,933 --> 00:03:27,603
Or he could just learn it on his own.

70
00:03:27,686 --> 00:03:29,063
[chuckles]

71
00:03:33,275 --> 00:03:34,360
-Andi.
-Yeah.

72
00:03:34,443 --> 00:03:37,446
I've been waiting 14 years
for this moment.

73
00:03:37,529 --> 00:03:40,741
I didn't go through all that time
from when he was born to now for nothing.

74
00:03:41,909 --> 00:03:45,037
Teddy, the lessons will begin tomorrow.

75
00:03:46,038 --> 00:03:47,498
Thanks, Dad.

76
00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:51,502
-Aw.
-Lessons?

77
00:03:52,086 --> 00:03:56,924
The kid's got natural talent,
like his father before him.

78
00:03:57,508 --> 00:03:59,802
Okay? I am a well-known wooer.

79
00:04:00,386 --> 00:04:04,640
Teddy is a Burns man,
and he has finally found his thing.

80
00:04:06,767 --> 00:04:09,103
His "thing" is what I'm worried about.

81
00:04:19,947 --> 00:04:22,908
Now listen, getting out
of the friend zone is tricky.

82
00:04:23,450 --> 00:04:25,995
I've heard.
It's never actually happened to me.

83
00:04:27,329 --> 00:04:28,872
Hey, what's up, fellas?

84
00:04:28,956 --> 00:04:30,624
Dad's teaching me about girls.

85
00:04:31,834 --> 00:04:32,918
Without us?

86
00:04:33,836 --> 00:04:36,505
Yes, intentionally without you.

87
00:04:37,506 --> 00:04:39,633
I'm helping him turn a friend
into a girlfriend.

88
00:04:39,717 --> 00:04:41,552
It is not easy to do.

89
00:04:41,635 --> 00:04:44,805
Take it from a guy who's been
a maid of honor three times.

90
00:04:47,182 --> 00:04:48,976
Don't listen to them. Listen to me.

91
00:04:49,059 --> 00:04:51,145
And that's just a good rule in general.

92
00:04:51,937 --> 00:04:55,149
Now, any romance
is a complicated operation.

93
00:04:55,232 --> 00:04:59,695
It requires strategic planning. And what
happens when we don't have a plan, Teddy?

94
00:04:59,778 --> 00:05:03,490
We get lost, argue with Mom,
and then eventually look at a map.

95
00:05:06,577 --> 00:05:08,871
Orlando is a poorly designed city.

96
00:05:10,622 --> 00:05:12,958
The point is, we need a plan.

97
00:05:13,042 --> 00:05:15,336
No, he doesn't need a plan.

98
00:05:15,419 --> 00:05:19,173
I mean, if you must get involved,
at least don't teach him nonsense.

99
00:05:20,883 --> 00:05:22,301
What are you doing in here?

100
00:05:24,261 --> 00:05:27,139
I'm dusting, like I do.

101
00:05:28,098 --> 00:05:29,433
No, you don't.

102
00:05:30,142 --> 00:05:31,643
That's not even a real duster.

103
00:05:31,727 --> 00:05:34,021
It came with your sexy maid
Halloween costume.

104
00:05:37,399 --> 00:05:40,069
Well, I'm here now,
and I have something to say.

105
00:05:40,152 --> 00:05:41,361
[sighs]

106
00:05:42,446 --> 00:05:43,447
Teddy...

107
00:05:46,533 --> 00:05:49,369
Teddy, relationships can't be planned.

108
00:05:49,453 --> 00:05:52,581
They blossom naturally through chemistry.

109
00:05:53,415 --> 00:05:54,833
It's magic,

110
00:05:54,917 --> 00:05:57,211
and magic can't be faked.

111
00:05:58,253 --> 00:06:00,089
Literally all of magic is fake.

112
00:06:01,632 --> 00:06:03,092
Don't you say that.

113
00:06:04,802 --> 00:06:07,054
Look, I agree with Adam.

114
00:06:07,137 --> 00:06:08,847
Sometimes being yourself isn't enough.

115
00:06:08,931 --> 00:06:11,600
Oh, everyone be quiet,
the divorced guy's talking.

116
00:06:13,685 --> 00:06:16,105
Look, I've never had a plan,

117
00:06:16,188 --> 00:06:19,024
and I've had a lot of dates end
with a friendly handshake.

118
00:06:19,108 --> 00:06:22,486
I've walked into a lot of weddings
on the arm of the best man.

119
00:06:23,946 --> 00:06:25,864
We get it. You agree with me.

120
00:06:25,948 --> 00:06:27,157
Go dust something.

121
00:06:30,035 --> 00:06:33,455
I'm just saying that
there are moments that can't be faked.

122
00:06:33,539 --> 00:06:35,374
Like, when we were first dating,

123
00:06:35,457 --> 00:06:37,126
a waitress came to our table and she said,

124
00:06:37,209 --> 00:06:40,712
"You two are the cutest couple.
You're perfect for each other,"

125
00:06:41,296 --> 00:06:42,756
and that's when I knew it was right.

126
00:06:43,799 --> 00:06:45,592
It was magic. Admit it.

127
00:06:45,676 --> 00:06:46,969
Oh, yeah, yeah.

128
00:06:47,052 --> 00:06:49,012
-That was a truck blanket night.
-Yeah.

129
00:06:51,890 --> 00:06:54,768
So, Teddy,
if you want this girl to like you,

130
00:06:54,852 --> 00:06:57,604
just let the magic happen.

131
00:06:57,688 --> 00:07:01,191
Or don't do that,
and get yourself a girlfriend.

132
00:07:02,818 --> 00:07:03,902
Your choice.

133
00:07:03,986 --> 00:07:05,571
Sorry, Mom, I'm going with Dad.

134
00:07:07,531 --> 00:07:08,782
[chuckles]

135
00:07:08,866 --> 00:07:10,659
He's no dummy.

136
00:07:12,411 --> 00:07:15,956
You want to learn to cook?
You come to Chef Boyardee.

137
00:07:17,499 --> 00:07:19,793
Are you Chef Boyardee or Bruce Lee?

138
00:07:19,877 --> 00:07:21,753
I'm dinner and a movie.

139
00:07:23,964 --> 00:07:25,424
I do it all, baby.

140
00:07:26,925 --> 00:07:30,053
All right, now you just need
to shift the conversation

141
00:07:30,137 --> 00:07:32,973
from friend stuff to asking her
to the skate party.

142
00:07:33,056 --> 00:07:34,850
Here, we'll do a demonstration.

143
00:07:34,933 --> 00:07:36,435
Don, you be Madison.

144
00:07:36,518 --> 00:07:37,936
That makes sense.

145
00:07:38,896 --> 00:07:40,814
Hey, Madison, how's it going?

146
00:07:40,898 --> 00:07:42,107
Cool, cool.

147
00:07:42,816 --> 00:07:45,235
Now you're grooving, so you hit her with:

148
00:07:45,319 --> 00:07:47,154
Hey, are you going
to Jeremy's skate party?

149
00:07:47,237 --> 00:07:50,282
-I was thinking about it.
-Yeah? Me, too.

150
00:07:50,365 --> 00:07:54,203
Hey. I just thought of something.
We should go together.

151
00:07:55,037 --> 00:07:57,206
Sorry, I don't date guys shorter than me.

152
00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:00,292
I knew you'd ruin it.
I just didn't know when.

153
00:08:02,127 --> 00:08:05,923
Look, Teddy, next,
we need to manufacture some magic.

154
00:08:06,006 --> 00:08:07,883
Okay? Set up a situation

155
00:08:07,966 --> 00:08:10,677
where it looks like fate
caused you to run into her.

156
00:08:10,761 --> 00:08:11,845
Girls love that.

157
00:08:11,929 --> 00:08:14,056
Can you get your hands
on an ice cream truck?

158
00:08:14,139 --> 00:08:15,807
The music will do the work for you.

159
00:08:17,392 --> 00:08:18,602
I got it, I got it.

160
00:08:18,685 --> 00:08:22,648
You casually bump into her while
she's waiting for her parents at pickup.

161
00:08:22,731 --> 00:08:24,399
Madison rides her bike to school.

162
00:08:24,483 --> 00:08:26,568
Hmm, okay, uh-- Oh.

163
00:08:26,652 --> 00:08:28,403
How about this? [chuckles]

164
00:08:28,487 --> 00:08:31,907
You slip out during lunch
and you pop a hole in her tire.

165
00:08:31,990 --> 00:08:34,409
Then you can patch it for her
like I taught you last week.

166
00:08:34,493 --> 00:08:37,037
I remember you showing me,
but I stopped paying attention

167
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,831
because I realized
if I ever needed it, you could do it.

168
00:08:40,916 --> 00:08:44,461
Fine, just let the air out of her tire,
then offer to push her bike home.

169
00:08:44,545 --> 00:08:47,005
During the walk, you ask her to the party.

170
00:08:47,089 --> 00:08:48,966
-That's great.
-Yeah.

171
00:08:49,049 --> 00:08:50,384
Wait, what if she says no?

172
00:08:50,467 --> 00:08:54,263
Ah, always remember two words,
"Just kidding."

173
00:08:54,346 --> 00:08:56,807
They get you out
of any embarrassing situation.

174
00:08:56,890 --> 00:08:58,976
Except when you try
to steal a monkey from the zoo.

175
00:08:59,059 --> 00:09:00,519
They count those things every night.

176
00:09:05,190 --> 00:09:06,316
[chattering, laughter]

177
00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:08,068
I'm telling you. [laughs]

178
00:09:09,236 --> 00:09:11,863
-What's all this?
-Oh, it's a celebration.

179
00:09:11,947 --> 00:09:13,699
Yeah, Teddy's asking Madison out today,

180
00:09:13,782 --> 00:09:17,160
so I invited the guys over
to share in my victory--

181
00:09:17,244 --> 00:09:18,829
Teddy, Teddy's victory.

182
00:09:19,454 --> 00:09:21,415
He comes from a long line of ladies' men.

183
00:09:21,498 --> 00:09:24,293
First me, then Donny, and now Teddy.

184
00:09:25,961 --> 00:09:27,504
Well said, Pop.

185
00:09:28,797 --> 00:09:32,259
There he is. How'd it go, champ?

186
00:09:32,342 --> 00:09:33,552
Madison said no.

187
00:09:33,635 --> 00:09:36,722
What happened? Did you push her bike home?

188
00:09:36,805 --> 00:09:39,266
It was hot. Did you forget deodorant?

189
00:09:39,349 --> 00:09:42,394
-No, it just didn't work.
-That's because it was all a setup.

190
00:09:42,936 --> 00:09:46,148
You can't manufacture magic.
Women can always tell.

191
00:09:47,399 --> 00:09:49,318
No, snacks are for closers.

192
00:09:50,444 --> 00:09:52,654
Don't worry, Teddy. We'll figure this out.

193
00:09:53,238 --> 00:09:55,741
Actually, if you want
to get closer to a woman,

194
00:09:55,824 --> 00:09:57,826
you should probably talk to a woman.

195
00:09:57,909 --> 00:10:01,204
Where am I gonna get one of those?
That's my whole problem.

196
00:10:01,288 --> 00:10:02,914
Me, Teddy. I'm a woman.

197
00:10:03,624 --> 00:10:05,417
I can-- I can help you if you want.

198
00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:07,377
Really? That's awesome. Thanks, Mom.

199
00:10:07,461 --> 00:10:08,545
-Yeah.
-Hold on.

200
00:10:09,921 --> 00:10:11,256
What about me?

201
00:10:11,340 --> 00:10:12,716
You're out. I need results.

202
00:10:16,053 --> 00:10:19,931
I don't get this.
I gave him solid gold material.

203
00:10:20,015 --> 00:10:21,141
That's the point.

204
00:10:21,224 --> 00:10:24,436
You gave him material, right?
It wasn't real.

205
00:10:25,228 --> 00:10:27,397
You call yourself this great wooer...

206
00:10:27,481 --> 00:10:28,774
But you whiffed.

207
00:10:28,857 --> 00:10:30,484
You're a whiffer.

208
00:10:31,318 --> 00:10:33,528
He needs a woman to help him
with this, Adam.

209
00:10:33,612 --> 00:10:34,863
I know what women want.

210
00:10:34,946 --> 00:10:37,449
Okay, if I don't know
what women want, how did I get you?

211
00:10:37,532 --> 00:10:39,242
That was magic.

212
00:10:39,326 --> 00:10:41,286
You didn't do anything.

213
00:10:41,370 --> 00:10:43,664
Oh, really? You know,

214
00:10:44,581 --> 00:10:47,584
it's interesting you would say that,
because you know that story

215
00:10:47,668 --> 00:10:49,127
about the waitress you love so much?

216
00:10:49,211 --> 00:10:50,879
-Mm-hmm.
-Yeah? Yeah.

217
00:10:50,962 --> 00:10:53,465
I paid her $10 to say
we were a perfect couple.

218
00:10:54,549 --> 00:10:56,176
Manufactured magic.

219
00:10:56,259 --> 00:10:57,511
And it worked. Ha!

220
00:10:57,594 --> 00:10:59,596
[laughs]

221
00:11:01,056 --> 00:11:04,476
So, the precious moment that I remember

222
00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:07,229
as the universe giving me a sign
that we were meant to be...

223
00:11:07,771 --> 00:11:08,772
was a trick?

224
00:11:09,940 --> 00:11:11,525
Come on. It's funny.

225
00:11:11,608 --> 00:11:14,152
It's the old "you married
a different guy than you thought" gag.

226
00:11:20,826 --> 00:11:22,661
Hey. Uh,

227
00:11:22,744 --> 00:11:26,581
remember the thing I said
about giving that waitress $10?

228
00:11:26,665 --> 00:11:27,999
Just kidding.

229
00:11:30,210 --> 00:11:32,212
I'm just saying,
if I hadn't paid that waitress

230
00:11:32,295 --> 00:11:35,048
to say we were perfect for each other,
we might not even be together.

231
00:11:35,132 --> 00:11:36,133
You ever think of that?

232
00:11:36,216 --> 00:11:38,218
I'm thinking about it right now.

233
00:11:39,344 --> 00:11:42,639
But everything worked out.
Look at us! We're in love.

234
00:11:43,598 --> 00:11:47,394
[scoffs] What you don't get is
that you didn't need to do it.

235
00:11:47,477 --> 00:11:48,770
I already liked you.

236
00:11:48,854 --> 00:11:50,939
Well, and I already liked you, too.

237
00:11:51,022 --> 00:11:54,526
That's why I had to play
all those tricks and lock it down.

238
00:11:55,694 --> 00:11:58,572
-All those tricks? There's more?
-No. Who said that?

239
00:12:00,198 --> 00:12:02,534
I'm starting to question a lot of things.

240
00:12:02,617 --> 00:12:05,662
What about that night in your apartment
when the lights went out,

241
00:12:05,745 --> 00:12:08,665
so you lit a bunch of candles, and then
you took your shirt off to fix it?

242
00:12:10,459 --> 00:12:11,918
I cut the power.

243
00:12:13,587 --> 00:12:17,299
But my muscles were real
and so were my feelings for you.

244
00:12:17,382 --> 00:12:20,802
Mm-hmm. And that wounded dove

245
00:12:20,886 --> 00:12:23,388
that you brought over to my house
to nurse back to health?

246
00:12:23,472 --> 00:12:27,267
Did you choke it out so I could
see your soft and gentle side?

247
00:12:27,350 --> 00:12:30,187
No! I would never do that.

248
00:12:32,647 --> 00:12:34,691
I soaked some bread in cough medicine.

249
00:12:35,650 --> 00:12:37,402
But it's still a great memory.

250
00:12:37,486 --> 00:12:39,488
And that bird got
the best sleep of his life.

251
00:12:40,822 --> 00:12:42,157
You are unbelievable.

252
00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:43,700
I know.

253
00:12:43,783 --> 00:12:46,244
But you're not saying it
like it's a compliment.

254
00:12:47,829 --> 00:12:49,873
Mom, do you have time
to talk about Madison?

255
00:12:50,457 --> 00:12:51,666
Of course, honey.

256
00:12:51,750 --> 00:12:54,127
[gasps] Hmm. I'll make us a milkshake.

257
00:12:54,211 --> 00:12:55,962
One glass, two straws.

258
00:12:56,505 --> 00:12:57,714
Hey, hey.

259
00:12:59,216 --> 00:13:02,552
If you want to come back to Team Dad,
I got some ideas to figure this out.

260
00:13:02,636 --> 00:13:05,680
We get you and Madison in an elevator.
I cut the power.

261
00:13:05,764 --> 00:13:08,350
Or a Ferris wheel, huh?

262
00:13:08,433 --> 00:13:09,434
I cut the power.

263
00:13:09,518 --> 00:13:10,560
I'm good.

264
00:13:11,937 --> 00:13:13,230
Fine.

265
00:13:14,272 --> 00:13:16,942
[sighs] You wouldn't even be here
if I hadn't cut the power.

266
00:13:21,363 --> 00:13:22,697
[sighs]

267
00:13:27,911 --> 00:13:31,498
I see you and Teddy have managed to pry
yourselves apart for a few minutes.

268
00:13:33,208 --> 00:13:34,543
He's at soccer practice.

269
00:13:37,003 --> 00:13:40,173
You two were talking for a long time
in his room last night.

270
00:13:40,257 --> 00:13:41,591
Girl in room, door closed,

271
00:13:41,675 --> 00:13:43,593
I thought that was against your rules.

272
00:13:44,302 --> 00:13:48,056
Yeah, but I just assumed that rules
went out the window after I found out

273
00:13:48,139 --> 00:13:50,725
that our relationship
was based on a drugged bird.

274
00:13:52,686 --> 00:13:54,271
I'm Teddy's dad.

275
00:13:54,354 --> 00:13:56,231
I should be teaching him this stuff.

276
00:13:56,314 --> 00:13:57,816
This is my only chance.

277
00:13:57,899 --> 00:14:00,819
We have two girls and one boy.
You get to do it twice.

278
00:14:01,736 --> 00:14:03,196
Fine. You can have one of the girls.

279
00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:05,574
I don't want the girls! I want Teddy!

280
00:14:06,741 --> 00:14:08,702
I had him first. Then you stole him!

281
00:14:08,785 --> 00:14:11,413
What? I didn't steal him.

282
00:14:11,496 --> 00:14:15,500
He chose me,
because I have advice that actually works.

283
00:14:16,501 --> 00:14:18,628
Let's hear your wonderful advice.

284
00:14:18,712 --> 00:14:22,215
Okay. Well, he said he gets nervous
talking to Madison,

285
00:14:22,299 --> 00:14:25,886
so I told him to send her a text
explaining how he feels about her.

286
00:14:25,969 --> 00:14:27,971
Open and honest.

287
00:14:28,054 --> 00:14:29,639
That's what girls want.

288
00:14:30,265 --> 00:14:32,517
Uh-huh. Okay. Uh-huh.

289
00:14:32,601 --> 00:14:34,603
[phone rings]

290
00:14:36,229 --> 00:14:37,230
Hello.

291
00:14:37,814 --> 00:14:39,774
Oh, hi.

292
00:14:39,858 --> 00:14:42,652
It's Madison's mom.
She's probably calling to thank me.

293
00:14:43,653 --> 00:14:46,197
We should enjoy this together.
What's up, Kathy?

294
00:14:46,281 --> 00:14:49,910
Your son is sending my daughter
weird text messages.

295
00:14:51,369 --> 00:14:54,456
If it doesn't stop,
I'm getting the school involved.

296
00:14:54,539 --> 00:14:57,417
Right. Well, bye...
Oh. You already hung up.

297
00:14:59,336 --> 00:15:01,296
Oh, my God. Getting the school involved?

298
00:15:01,379 --> 00:15:04,424
-All right. Uh, where's his phone?
-Uh... backpack.

299
00:15:07,469 --> 00:15:09,846
Uh... Oh, boy. Brace yourself.

300
00:15:10,513 --> 00:15:13,767
"I drew your face on an apple,
and then I ate it."

301
00:15:17,604 --> 00:15:18,605
Did you...

302
00:15:18,688 --> 00:15:20,315
You can't say that.

303
00:15:21,816 --> 00:15:23,276
Listen to this one.

304
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:27,989
"I follow you on Instagram, Twitter,
and secretly, on your way home."

305
00:15:36,498 --> 00:15:38,541
Uh... this is bad.

306
00:15:38,625 --> 00:15:40,126
Okay. Okay. Okay.

307
00:15:40,210 --> 00:15:42,003
Um... all right.

308
00:15:42,087 --> 00:15:46,007
Katie and Emme get married, and Teddy
lives with us the rest of his life.

309
00:15:46,091 --> 00:15:50,220
Yeah. Yeah, that's not so bad.
It'll be like having a lonely butler.

310
00:15:52,097 --> 00:15:55,600
[sighs] I feel terrible for him.
We have to do something.

311
00:15:55,684 --> 00:15:58,853
There is no coming back from
eating her face on an apple.

312
00:16:01,940 --> 00:16:03,566
-You know what we need?
-Whiskey.

313
00:16:03,650 --> 00:16:05,318
No, no, no, no.

314
00:16:05,860 --> 00:16:08,279
We need some Adam Burns magic.

315
00:16:08,363 --> 00:16:10,407
Your fake magic, your trickery.

316
00:16:10,490 --> 00:16:11,950
I thought you hated that stuff.

317
00:16:12,033 --> 00:16:16,788
Yeah, but we have to help Teddy,
and it works, right? It worked on me.

318
00:16:16,871 --> 00:16:19,958
I mean, you schemed your way into
getting a woman you in no way deserved.

319
00:16:22,460 --> 00:16:24,587
-I am good, aren't I?
-Mm-hmm.

320
00:16:24,671 --> 00:16:27,841
Wait, so you're not mad at me
for paying that waitress anymore?

321
00:16:27,924 --> 00:16:32,012
[sighs] I'm choosing to believe that
when she said we were the cutest couple

322
00:16:32,095 --> 00:16:35,056
and perfect for each other,
that there was magic.

323
00:16:36,099 --> 00:16:40,228
The magic of getting you,
a known cheapskate, to part with $10.

324
00:16:41,396 --> 00:16:42,772
Yeah, she wouldn't make change.

325
00:16:44,733 --> 00:16:45,942
All right, so...

326
00:16:46,026 --> 00:16:47,861
-So what are you thinking?
-Uh, well,

327
00:16:47,944 --> 00:16:50,030
we combine our superpowers, right?

328
00:16:50,113 --> 00:16:53,033
My honesty and your man-made magic.

329
00:16:53,116 --> 00:16:55,785
Right? If we work together,
we can save the day.

330
00:16:56,828 --> 00:16:57,912
I like it.

331
00:16:59,831 --> 00:17:01,624
I think this is how the Avengers started.

332
00:17:01,708 --> 00:17:02,917
Yes.

333
00:17:03,668 --> 00:17:06,921
Look, we came here
because we want to be completely honest.

334
00:17:07,005 --> 00:17:09,132
Madison, you and Teddy were doing great,

335
00:17:09,215 --> 00:17:11,384
but then we got involved
and ruined everything.

336
00:17:11,468 --> 00:17:14,721
Yeah, we were the problem,
and we're so sorry.

337
00:17:14,804 --> 00:17:16,014
Do you like Teddy?

338
00:17:16,097 --> 00:17:19,476
I did until people told me
he let the air out of my bike tire.

339
00:17:19,559 --> 00:17:21,603
That was me. I told him to do that.

340
00:17:22,604 --> 00:17:24,481
And I'm the one who told him

341
00:17:24,564 --> 00:17:28,401
to send you super-honest text messages
about his feelings.

342
00:17:28,485 --> 00:17:30,361
You guys are the worst.

343
00:17:30,445 --> 00:17:33,907
Yes. Thank you, Kathy.
That's what we're saying. We're the worst.

344
00:17:35,158 --> 00:17:36,284
But Teddy's not.

345
00:17:37,035 --> 00:17:38,286
Oh, my God.

346
00:17:38,369 --> 00:17:40,205
I can't believe
you two actually came here.

347
00:17:40,288 --> 00:17:41,581
Leave these poor people alone.

348
00:17:41,664 --> 00:17:43,458
We're just trying to fix
what we screwed up.

349
00:17:44,375 --> 00:17:45,668
I'll handle this.

350
00:17:46,419 --> 00:17:49,255
-Hey, Madison, you know me, right?
-Everyone at school knows you.

351
00:17:49,339 --> 00:17:51,341
You're a legend. I heard you had a party--

352
00:17:51,424 --> 00:17:53,343
Uh, we don't need to talk about that.

353
00:17:53,426 --> 00:17:54,886
Uh, listen.

354
00:17:55,386 --> 00:17:57,055
I saw you and Teddy at our house,

355
00:17:57,138 --> 00:18:00,725
and I was like, and I wrote this down
so I'd remember it,

356
00:18:01,851 --> 00:18:02,894
"Oh, my God.

357
00:18:02,977 --> 00:18:06,272
You two are the cutest couple.
You're perfect for each other."

358
00:18:06,815 --> 00:18:08,399
-Really?
-Totally.

359
00:18:08,483 --> 00:18:09,943
And if you like Teddy,

360
00:18:10,026 --> 00:18:12,320
I think you should go
to the skate party with him.

361
00:18:12,403 --> 00:18:13,446
It'll be fun.

362
00:18:13,530 --> 00:18:16,074
All right, I want to go with him.

363
00:18:16,157 --> 00:18:17,408
Mom?

364
00:18:18,076 --> 00:18:20,829
-Fine, but I'm driving both ways.
-[Adam] Yeah.

365
00:18:20,912 --> 00:18:22,914
Oh. No. Great. Great.

366
00:18:22,997 --> 00:18:25,625
A-And we promise
that we will never get involved

367
00:18:25,708 --> 00:18:27,335
in Teddy's personal life again.

368
00:18:28,503 --> 00:18:30,380
Oh, by the way, you have a beautiful--

369
00:18:30,463 --> 00:18:32,549
Oh. And you already closed the door.

370
00:18:33,758 --> 00:18:36,427
Way to go, Avengers. [laughs]

371
00:18:36,511 --> 00:18:39,013
Instead of saving the world,
we tricked a teenage girl,

372
00:18:39,097 --> 00:18:40,932
-but it still feels good.
-Mm-hmm.

373
00:18:43,977 --> 00:18:46,229
-What's that?
-That's the 20 bucks we agreed on.

374
00:18:46,312 --> 00:18:47,897
Yeah, 20 bucks to do it,

375
00:18:47,981 --> 00:18:50,900
but did we settle on a price
for me not telling Teddy about it?

376
00:18:57,991 --> 00:19:00,118
-That kid is going places.
-Mm-hmm.

377
00:19:03,705 --> 00:19:05,999
[music playing on TV]

378
00:19:06,082 --> 00:19:07,500
[music stops]

379
00:19:12,046 --> 00:19:14,632
Adam, what's happening?

380
00:19:17,343 --> 00:19:20,638
Wow. Looks like the power went out.

381
00:19:23,933 --> 00:19:25,727
Right when the kids are at my folks'

382
00:19:25,810 --> 00:19:28,563
and I have this candle in one hand and...

383
00:19:29,230 --> 00:19:31,733
a bottle of wine in the other!

384
00:19:32,901 --> 00:19:34,027
That's lucky.

385
00:19:34,110 --> 00:19:35,945
[laughs]

386
00:19:38,198 --> 00:19:39,616
You cut the power, didn't you?

387
00:19:41,701 --> 00:19:45,163
Do you really want to know,
or do you want to just enjoy the magic?

388
00:19:47,790 --> 00:19:50,752
-I'll take the magic.
-Yeah.

389
00:19:50,835 --> 00:19:52,420
Go ahead. Woo me.

390
00:19:54,422 --> 00:19:55,715
I thought I just did.

391
00:19:59,594 --> 00:20:02,847
I can go outside and try to catch a bird,
but I got to tell you, honey,

392
00:20:02,931 --> 00:20:04,307
I'm not as quick as I used to be.

393
00:20:04,390 --> 00:20:06,809
[both chuckling]