1 00:00:04,567 --> 00:00:05,693 [Andi] That's so weird. 2 00:00:05,776 --> 00:00:08,779 I left a fun-size Baby Ruth on the kitchen island, and now it's gone. 3 00:00:08,863 --> 00:00:11,991 Huh. Well... maybe one of the kids took it. 4 00:00:12,074 --> 00:00:13,868 Yeah, that's what I would have thought 5 00:00:13,951 --> 00:00:15,411 except I saw you take it. 6 00:00:16,787 --> 00:00:20,416 You didn't let me finish. I was gonna say, "Maybe one of the kids took it" 7 00:00:20,499 --> 00:00:24,378 is one theory that would later be proven false. 8 00:00:25,629 --> 00:00:28,007 You know, if you keep telling little lies, 9 00:00:28,090 --> 00:00:29,967 I won't believe you when you tell the truth. 10 00:00:30,843 --> 00:00:32,595 Why does that sound so familiar? 11 00:00:33,387 --> 00:00:36,640 Wait a minute, that's the same speech you gave to Teddy last night. 12 00:00:36,724 --> 00:00:38,559 Yes, it's The Boy Who Cried Wolf. 13 00:00:38,642 --> 00:00:41,479 Oh. So I'm the sexy wolf. 14 00:00:42,938 --> 00:00:45,107 -No. [chuckles] -Hmm? 15 00:00:45,191 --> 00:00:46,609 You're the boy who gets eaten 16 00:00:46,692 --> 00:00:49,653 because the villagers don't believe him when the wolf shows up. 17 00:00:50,488 --> 00:00:52,072 Oh, come on, it was a candy bar. 18 00:00:52,156 --> 00:00:54,617 If it was something important, people would believe me. 19 00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:56,327 I have a face you believe. 20 00:00:56,410 --> 00:00:57,953 That's why I lie so good. 21 00:00:58,871 --> 00:01:01,707 You know, I told Teddy that story because he tells fibs too. 22 00:01:02,333 --> 00:01:06,253 And it just made me think that maybe we're not setting the best example. 23 00:01:07,171 --> 00:01:08,839 And when I say "we," I mean you. 24 00:01:11,092 --> 00:01:12,426 Well, now I feel bad. 25 00:01:13,177 --> 00:01:15,888 And when I say "I," I mean you made me feel bad. 26 00:01:17,431 --> 00:01:19,391 Okay, fine. I promise. 27 00:01:19,475 --> 00:01:20,684 Thank you. 28 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:25,981 Except for any little fibs I'm currently in the middle of, 29 00:01:26,065 --> 00:01:27,525 those are grandfathered in. 30 00:01:27,608 --> 00:01:29,819 [chuckles] No, they're not. 31 00:01:29,902 --> 00:01:31,654 Oh. 32 00:01:31,737 --> 00:01:33,697 Well, in that case, um... 33 00:01:35,074 --> 00:01:38,536 Teddy quit soccer a month ago. We've just been going to Froyo. 34 00:01:44,083 --> 00:01:46,836 If your mother asks, I was with you all night. 35 00:01:47,878 --> 00:01:49,046 What? 36 00:01:49,130 --> 00:01:50,464 What's going on? 37 00:01:52,007 --> 00:01:53,884 Nope. Not happening. [chuckles] 38 00:01:53,968 --> 00:01:56,095 You are not going to school wearing those. 39 00:01:56,178 --> 00:01:57,179 Why not? 40 00:01:57,263 --> 00:01:59,181 Because we came to this country as Pilgrims 41 00:01:59,265 --> 00:02:01,767 and ever since then, it's been one long striptease 42 00:02:01,851 --> 00:02:03,602 and it stops now. [snaps fingers] 43 00:02:07,106 --> 00:02:08,107 Dad? 44 00:02:09,859 --> 00:02:11,652 Adam, where's your father? 45 00:02:12,695 --> 00:02:16,282 I woke up to a message saying he was here and ended up staying over. 46 00:02:16,365 --> 00:02:17,366 What happened? 47 00:02:17,908 --> 00:02:19,702 That is a great question. 48 00:02:20,536 --> 00:02:22,663 You don't know. I know. 49 00:02:22,746 --> 00:02:23,956 But I haven't told you. 50 00:02:24,039 --> 00:02:26,041 That's what we're all waiting for, right? 51 00:02:27,168 --> 00:02:29,044 Oh, there's my girl. 52 00:02:29,128 --> 00:02:30,546 Are-- Are you okay? 53 00:02:30,629 --> 00:02:33,090 Yeah, I just got a little sick last night. 54 00:02:33,174 --> 00:02:35,050 -From what? -Andi's lasagna. 55 00:02:35,134 --> 00:02:37,511 Oh. How many times do I have to tell you? 56 00:02:37,595 --> 00:02:39,013 Eat before you come over here. 57 00:02:39,930 --> 00:02:43,225 Okay. Well, thanks for letting him stay. 58 00:02:43,309 --> 00:02:46,187 Uh, yeah, no problem. It was like he was never even here. 59 00:02:52,318 --> 00:02:53,444 Still no. 60 00:03:04,246 --> 00:03:06,248 This stuff with your dad sounds pretty shady. 61 00:03:06,874 --> 00:03:07,875 Yeah. 62 00:03:07,958 --> 00:03:09,710 What's with the clogs, Lowell? 63 00:03:10,669 --> 00:03:12,171 Did you lose a bet? 64 00:03:12,838 --> 00:03:15,382 No, I won great arch support. 65 00:03:16,383 --> 00:03:17,718 You know, I hate to say it, 66 00:03:17,801 --> 00:03:20,429 but this reminds me of when my ex was cheating on me. 67 00:03:20,512 --> 00:03:23,682 Except with less of me screaming "why" into a pillow. 68 00:03:25,059 --> 00:03:27,102 My dad is not having an affair, Lowell. 69 00:03:27,186 --> 00:03:28,312 He's 80 years old. 70 00:03:28,395 --> 00:03:31,815 With all the pills they have these days, old age is an endless sex party. 71 00:03:31,899 --> 00:03:33,359 And they're into some kinky stuff. 72 00:03:33,442 --> 00:03:35,569 That's why they have handles in the showers. 73 00:03:37,029 --> 00:03:38,614 You need to stay off the Internet. 74 00:03:39,573 --> 00:03:41,325 I'm getting to the bottom of this. 75 00:03:43,577 --> 00:03:44,578 [phone rings] 76 00:03:45,079 --> 00:03:46,080 What? 77 00:03:46,705 --> 00:03:48,290 Is that how you answer your phone? 78 00:03:48,374 --> 00:03:51,252 Is that how you talk to the guy who's about to hang up on you? 79 00:03:52,044 --> 00:03:53,545 What was going on this morning? 80 00:03:53,629 --> 00:03:56,507 Here's some joe for my Joe. 81 00:03:56,590 --> 00:03:58,384 Thank you, sweetheart. 82 00:03:58,968 --> 00:04:02,054 I can't talk. Meet me at Mick's for lunch. 83 00:04:04,265 --> 00:04:05,432 That's weird. 84 00:04:05,516 --> 00:04:07,601 He didn't want to say anything in front of my mom. 85 00:04:07,685 --> 00:04:11,772 Hmm. What secret would he want to keep from his wife? 86 00:04:12,690 --> 00:04:14,400 Not everything's an affair, Lowell. 87 00:04:14,483 --> 00:04:16,110 Well, I hope you're right. 88 00:04:16,193 --> 00:04:18,362 But I bet your new mom will agree with me. 89 00:04:22,574 --> 00:04:25,202 -All right. -Lowell. 90 00:04:25,911 --> 00:04:28,455 I think you accidentally bought some women's shoes. 91 00:04:29,581 --> 00:04:31,583 Dad, will you just tell me what's going on? 92 00:04:31,667 --> 00:04:33,294 Not in front of the dame. 93 00:04:36,130 --> 00:04:39,425 Okay. But just so you know, in ancient Holland, 94 00:04:39,508 --> 00:04:41,635 these were worn by kings. 95 00:04:45,306 --> 00:04:46,515 All right. 96 00:04:47,266 --> 00:04:50,185 I had my physical, and I need a pacemaker. 97 00:04:51,061 --> 00:04:52,688 What? Are you okay? 98 00:04:52,771 --> 00:04:55,482 Yeah, I'm fine. Just a small heart flutter. 99 00:04:55,566 --> 00:04:56,984 -Heart flutter? -Mm. 100 00:04:57,067 --> 00:05:00,279 And last night, I had to stay at the hospital for some pre-op tests. 101 00:05:00,362 --> 00:05:03,198 So that's where you were. But I don't get it. 102 00:05:03,282 --> 00:05:05,826 -Why are you keeping it from Mom? -Well, she worries too much. 103 00:05:05,909 --> 00:05:08,037 I'll tell her after it's done. 104 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:10,873 I just, I hate to see my bride upset. 105 00:05:10,956 --> 00:05:13,584 You do? When did that start? 106 00:05:13,667 --> 00:05:17,338 I need you to drive me to the hospital tomorrow for the procedure 107 00:05:17,421 --> 00:05:19,381 and then pick me up the next day. 108 00:05:19,465 --> 00:05:22,343 Of course, of course. But I'm not gonna leave you there by yourself. 109 00:05:22,426 --> 00:05:25,637 I'll just tell Andi I'm staying the night with you. I don't want you to be alone. 110 00:05:25,721 --> 00:05:27,348 No, no, you can't tell Andi. 111 00:05:27,431 --> 00:05:29,099 -Why not? -Well, it's too risky. 112 00:05:29,183 --> 00:05:30,392 She'll tell your mom. 113 00:05:30,476 --> 00:05:34,521 [groans] But I'm in the middle of a whole thing with Andi about lying. 114 00:05:34,605 --> 00:05:36,398 She's coming out strongly against it. 115 00:05:38,150 --> 00:05:40,069 I can't do it, Dad. I'm sorry. 116 00:05:40,152 --> 00:05:42,946 All right. I'll ask your brother. 117 00:05:43,614 --> 00:05:45,407 Don probably loves me. 118 00:05:46,283 --> 00:05:47,951 Why do you always have to go nuclear? 119 00:05:48,035 --> 00:05:49,369 Because it works. 120 00:05:51,038 --> 00:05:52,623 So, I can't lie to Andi, 121 00:05:52,706 --> 00:05:53,957 but I have to lie to Andi. 122 00:05:54,041 --> 00:05:57,002 It's okay to bend the truth with your wife now and again. 123 00:05:57,086 --> 00:05:58,295 That's what I think. 124 00:05:59,046 --> 00:06:01,173 Marriage is a marathon, 125 00:06:01,256 --> 00:06:04,802 and the lies are the bananas they give you every couple of miles. 126 00:06:04,885 --> 00:06:07,429 Without them, you'd never make it to the finish line. 127 00:06:07,513 --> 00:06:10,307 I just came very close to hugging you. 128 00:06:11,391 --> 00:06:12,392 All right, I'll do it. 129 00:06:13,102 --> 00:06:15,229 Because it's you and me, together, without Don, 130 00:06:15,312 --> 00:06:16,730 doing stuff without Don. 131 00:06:16,814 --> 00:06:18,107 Good boy. 132 00:06:18,190 --> 00:06:20,234 But hey, hey. Andi can't know. 133 00:06:20,317 --> 00:06:23,362 So we need to come up with a good story to explain why I'm gone all night. 134 00:06:23,445 --> 00:06:26,073 Don't worry about it. I've got a guy. 135 00:06:27,783 --> 00:06:29,243 Marcy is your guy? 136 00:06:29,326 --> 00:06:31,954 She came up with that dynamite lasagna story. 137 00:06:32,704 --> 00:06:35,040 It's well-known that Andi makes a weak lasagna. 138 00:06:35,124 --> 00:06:37,501 The best lies are perfectly seasoned with the truth. 139 00:06:37,584 --> 00:06:39,336 My guy's good. 140 00:06:40,629 --> 00:06:43,674 Marcy's Andi's best friend. She's gonna tell her everything. 141 00:06:43,757 --> 00:06:47,136 No. Normally, I'm on team Andi, but this is for Joe. 142 00:06:47,219 --> 00:06:49,555 The man who protects me from my greatest enemy... 143 00:06:49,638 --> 00:06:50,889 his lovely wife, Bev. 144 00:06:51,682 --> 00:06:53,809 If he hadn't convinced her that I was right for Don, 145 00:06:53,892 --> 00:06:55,686 I'd still be single and picking up random-- 146 00:06:55,769 --> 00:06:57,521 You know what, that's in the past. 147 00:06:58,230 --> 00:07:00,899 The point is... I won't tell Andi. 148 00:07:02,985 --> 00:07:05,112 You and Dad are friends? 149 00:07:05,195 --> 00:07:07,573 How long has this unholy alliance been going on? 150 00:07:07,656 --> 00:07:10,826 We have been secretly running this family for decades. 151 00:07:10,909 --> 00:07:12,953 It's a shadow government. 152 00:07:13,036 --> 00:07:17,040 So, you both need an excuse to be out of the house tomorrow night. 153 00:07:17,124 --> 00:07:20,836 I saw something that might help while I was cutting up Don's newspaper. 154 00:07:20,919 --> 00:07:24,715 Every day I do that to keep him from being tempted by bad ideas. 155 00:07:25,382 --> 00:07:28,385 Wow. It's like North Korea over here. 156 00:07:29,261 --> 00:07:30,345 Oh, like this. 157 00:07:30,429 --> 00:07:32,473 "Free owl to a good home." 158 00:07:32,556 --> 00:07:36,018 No. I won't sit across the dinner table from Don and his owl. 159 00:07:36,977 --> 00:07:38,604 Oh, here we are. 160 00:07:39,438 --> 00:07:41,773 "Fishing store grand opening." 161 00:07:41,857 --> 00:07:44,776 Ooh... that's not bad. 162 00:07:44,860 --> 00:07:47,029 But it's not just what you say, it's how you say it. 163 00:07:47,112 --> 00:07:48,864 The reason you get caught a lot 164 00:07:48,947 --> 00:07:51,241 is because your lies are obvious and lack finesse. 165 00:07:52,242 --> 00:07:53,619 I got this. 166 00:07:54,161 --> 00:07:55,746 Finesse is my middle name. 167 00:07:55,829 --> 00:07:57,080 And my shampoo. 168 00:08:01,460 --> 00:08:03,921 -You ready? -Don't worry, I got a plan. 169 00:08:04,004 --> 00:08:06,423 I'm gonna pretend to be nervous and get caught lying 170 00:08:06,507 --> 00:08:08,217 so that Andi will believe the real lie. 171 00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:10,719 See, most people when they get caught, they admit the truth-- 172 00:08:10,802 --> 00:08:12,763 Just do it. I've got a heart flutter. 173 00:08:15,015 --> 00:08:16,808 -Hi, guys. -Hey, Andi! 174 00:08:16,892 --> 00:08:18,727 I mean, hey... Andrew. 175 00:08:20,270 --> 00:08:23,690 -What's going on? -Nothing, nothing, nothing. 176 00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:28,111 It-- It was just, uh, Dad and I wanted to, um... 177 00:08:29,404 --> 00:08:30,697 uh... 178 00:08:30,781 --> 00:08:32,950 [exhales] Is it hot in here? 179 00:08:33,033 --> 00:08:36,495 Wait, before you go on, I can tell that you're about to lie 180 00:08:36,578 --> 00:08:39,248 and I just want to remind you that you made a promise. 181 00:08:40,749 --> 00:08:43,001 You're right. You caught me. 182 00:08:43,544 --> 00:08:47,297 Okay. Um... here's the truth. 183 00:08:47,756 --> 00:08:50,884 There's a grand opening at this fishing store 184 00:08:50,968 --> 00:08:53,512 and the first ten customers get lots of free stuff. 185 00:08:53,595 --> 00:08:56,848 So Dad and I wanted to camp outside on the sidewalk tonight 186 00:08:56,932 --> 00:08:58,976 so that we can be first in line tomorrow. 187 00:08:59,726 --> 00:09:01,645 See? Doesn't the truth feel better? 188 00:09:01,728 --> 00:09:05,524 So much better. Yeah, you know, it really will set you free. 189 00:09:05,607 --> 00:09:07,067 -Yeah. -[both laugh] 190 00:09:07,150 --> 00:09:08,986 Well, I am happy to handle the kids tonight. 191 00:09:09,570 --> 00:09:10,654 Okay, great. 192 00:09:10,737 --> 00:09:13,532 So, uh, I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning. 193 00:09:14,491 --> 00:09:16,118 You guys have fun. 194 00:09:16,201 --> 00:09:19,705 I'm headed over to your mom's. She asked me to bring over my lasagna. 195 00:09:20,706 --> 00:09:23,166 Maybe today's the day that she'll admit mine's better. 196 00:09:23,959 --> 00:09:25,043 Maybe. 197 00:09:27,754 --> 00:09:30,632 Let's go get you a pacemaker. [chuckles] 198 00:09:30,716 --> 00:09:33,385 See what I did there? I am one silver-tongued devil. 199 00:09:33,468 --> 00:09:34,845 Yeah, just run the bases. 200 00:09:34,928 --> 00:09:37,014 Don't stand there and watch the ball leave the park. 201 00:09:37,097 --> 00:09:38,098 Yeah. 202 00:09:44,021 --> 00:09:47,232 [sighs] This tiny juice makes me feel like a giant. 203 00:09:48,567 --> 00:09:50,402 Oh, yeah. Whee! 204 00:09:51,737 --> 00:09:52,738 How was the surgery? 205 00:09:52,821 --> 00:09:54,406 I feel groovy. 206 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:56,950 And they give you unlimited juice. 207 00:09:57,034 --> 00:09:59,953 Oh, he's got a lot more than juice running through his system right now. 208 00:10:00,037 --> 00:10:02,122 [laughs] You're funny, son. 209 00:10:02,205 --> 00:10:04,833 And I like your new hairdo, Andi. 210 00:10:06,293 --> 00:10:08,712 We should've gotten him on this stuff years ago. 211 00:10:11,423 --> 00:10:14,051 Okay, now we need to focus on finishing this thing 212 00:10:14,134 --> 00:10:15,177 without me getting caught. 213 00:10:15,260 --> 00:10:18,263 [Joe] ♪ I'm looking over A four-leaf clover ♪ 214 00:10:18,347 --> 00:10:20,182 ♪ That I've overlooked before ♪ 215 00:10:20,265 --> 00:10:23,769 This is the most critical part of the mission: re-entry. 216 00:10:23,852 --> 00:10:27,064 Okay? The hard part's not going to the moon, it's getting home. 217 00:10:27,773 --> 00:10:29,524 I don't think that's true. 218 00:10:29,608 --> 00:10:32,152 Don't question me about space, Marcy. I'm an expert. 219 00:10:32,235 --> 00:10:34,529 I once had a beer with Ned Armstrong. 220 00:10:34,613 --> 00:10:36,865 -You mean Neil? -No, Ned. Neil's cousin. 221 00:10:36,948 --> 00:10:38,283 -Uh-huh. -He told me everything, 222 00:10:38,367 --> 00:10:40,577 including the fact that Neil said, and I quote, 223 00:10:41,244 --> 00:10:43,121 "I'm just worried about getting home." 224 00:10:44,164 --> 00:10:45,624 I wouldn't tell that story again. 225 00:10:46,875 --> 00:10:50,087 The point is, Andi cannot catch me lying to her. 226 00:10:50,170 --> 00:10:51,338 I promised. 227 00:10:51,421 --> 00:10:54,883 Yes, I immediately broke that promise, but I would like to do the right thing, 228 00:10:54,966 --> 00:10:56,385 and make her think I kept it. 229 00:10:56,468 --> 00:10:58,637 Okay. Trust the lie, Adam. 230 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:02,057 Okay? I'm off to babysit your mom and keep her distracted. 231 00:11:02,140 --> 00:11:03,809 She's not gonna want to hang out with you. 232 00:11:03,892 --> 00:11:05,602 -She doesn't like you. -I'm gonna use that. 233 00:11:05,686 --> 00:11:07,479 I'll let her talk about her favorite subject. 234 00:11:08,063 --> 00:11:09,147 What are you doing here? 235 00:11:09,231 --> 00:11:11,942 I had the night free, and I thought you'd like to tell me all the ways 236 00:11:12,025 --> 00:11:15,153 I could be a better daughter-in-law, wife and human being. 237 00:11:15,821 --> 00:11:18,073 This is so exciting. Come on in! 238 00:11:19,533 --> 00:11:21,868 We'll start with unannounced visits. 239 00:11:23,328 --> 00:11:25,789 Dad said no, but I think they look fine. 240 00:11:25,872 --> 00:11:29,000 Those shorts are what people put on before they put their shorts on. 241 00:11:30,043 --> 00:11:32,421 You know, my friend's parents have already given up. 242 00:11:32,504 --> 00:11:33,505 Try that. 243 00:11:34,464 --> 00:11:37,300 Hey, everybody. Oh, I'll come back when Kate's finished getting dressed. 244 00:11:37,384 --> 00:11:38,635 No, no, no, no, no, no. 245 00:11:38,718 --> 00:11:41,304 This is why I wanted you to come over. They're too short, right? 246 00:11:41,388 --> 00:11:44,433 You're gonna take fashion advice from a man in clogs? 247 00:11:44,516 --> 00:11:47,060 These are the best-looking shoes money can buy... 248 00:11:47,561 --> 00:11:48,979 at a doctor's office. 249 00:11:50,981 --> 00:11:53,024 It's a hard "no" on the outfit. 250 00:11:53,108 --> 00:11:54,401 [sighs] 251 00:11:55,068 --> 00:11:57,320 Can my Build-A-Bear have his shorts back? 252 00:11:57,404 --> 00:11:58,697 Shut up! 253 00:12:00,699 --> 00:12:01,992 Where's Adam? 254 00:12:02,075 --> 00:12:05,328 Oh, he and Joe are camped out at some new fishing store all night. 255 00:12:05,787 --> 00:12:07,038 He didn't tell you about that? 256 00:12:08,290 --> 00:12:11,251 Right, right. The fishing store. 257 00:12:11,334 --> 00:12:13,920 He told me they were going to buy... 258 00:12:14,004 --> 00:12:15,797 -Win. -Win... 259 00:12:17,632 --> 00:12:18,925 some fish. 260 00:12:20,302 --> 00:12:21,887 -I should go. -Hold on. 261 00:12:22,387 --> 00:12:23,847 What are you covering up? 262 00:12:23,930 --> 00:12:25,974 I don't know enough to cover anything up. 263 00:12:26,057 --> 00:12:28,059 Yeah, but you know something. 264 00:12:28,143 --> 00:12:29,686 Spill it, Dutch boy. 265 00:12:31,271 --> 00:12:34,900 All I know is Joe lied about where he was the other night, and Adam's helping him. 266 00:12:34,983 --> 00:12:38,111 But I wasn't allowed to hear the rest because Joe is shoe intolerant. 267 00:12:39,029 --> 00:12:40,322 Unbelievable! 268 00:12:40,405 --> 00:12:42,282 You know, Adam promised me no more lying. 269 00:12:42,365 --> 00:12:43,909 I mean, is he even at the fish store? 270 00:12:43,992 --> 00:12:46,286 I mean, I can't trust a word that man says, Lowell! 271 00:12:46,870 --> 00:12:48,079 Face it. 272 00:12:48,163 --> 00:12:51,041 We're just a couple of dames on the outside looking in. 273 00:12:53,168 --> 00:12:54,961 -Hurry up, Lowell. -I'll be right there. 274 00:12:55,045 --> 00:12:56,630 I've got a rock in my clog. 275 00:12:57,923 --> 00:13:01,051 If I drink enough free juice, I'll make money on this deal. 276 00:13:02,010 --> 00:13:03,011 Slow down. 277 00:13:03,094 --> 00:13:05,722 You sneezed earlier, and the whole room smelled like pineapple. 278 00:13:06,389 --> 00:13:07,682 [cell phone rings] 279 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:09,601 Hello? 280 00:13:09,684 --> 00:13:11,269 Adam? It's Lowell. I did a bad thing. 281 00:13:11,353 --> 00:13:13,939 -Wear whatever shoes you want, goodbye. -Wait! 282 00:13:14,022 --> 00:13:17,067 I may have accidentally implied to Andi that you weren't at the fishing store. 283 00:13:17,150 --> 00:13:18,360 She thinks you're lying again. 284 00:13:18,443 --> 00:13:20,779 We're going to Don's to see if he knows what's going on. 285 00:13:20,862 --> 00:13:23,823 But I didn't tell him what's going on. I mean, nothing's going on! 286 00:13:23,907 --> 00:13:25,909 I mean... wrong number. 287 00:13:26,868 --> 00:13:28,537 -Adam? -[Andi] Lowell! 288 00:13:28,620 --> 00:13:29,996 Cheese and crackers. 289 00:13:31,456 --> 00:13:34,793 -Things are starting to heat up, Dad. -Well, cool off with some juice. 290 00:13:36,670 --> 00:13:37,921 -Your man works hard. -Mm. 291 00:13:38,004 --> 00:13:40,423 It wouldn't kill you to put on some pantyhose. 292 00:13:40,507 --> 00:13:42,175 [cell phone rings] 293 00:13:44,261 --> 00:13:45,262 Hey, what's up? 294 00:13:45,345 --> 00:13:47,472 Andi's onto us. You have to come to the hospital 295 00:13:47,556 --> 00:13:49,432 and stay with Dad while I go put out this fire. 296 00:13:49,516 --> 00:13:50,892 I'm on it. 297 00:13:50,976 --> 00:13:53,144 You know what, Bev? It is getting late. [chuckles] 298 00:13:53,228 --> 00:13:56,523 I'd better hurry and buy those teeth-whitening strips you mentioned. 299 00:13:56,606 --> 00:13:59,818 Think about a hat if you're not gonna do anything with your hair. 300 00:14:04,573 --> 00:14:05,782 This is so great. 301 00:14:05,865 --> 00:14:08,577 The doctor said you're doing so well, you get to go home early. 302 00:14:08,660 --> 00:14:11,371 -What about Adam? -His cover's blown. Save yourself. 303 00:14:11,454 --> 00:14:13,957 Good thinking. That's why we run this family. 304 00:14:19,838 --> 00:14:22,090 -Hey. -Oh, thank God you showed up. 305 00:14:22,173 --> 00:14:24,050 There's nothing going on in this town. 306 00:14:25,302 --> 00:14:26,553 Adam told me that he and Joe 307 00:14:26,636 --> 00:14:28,930 were going to the grand opening of some new fishing store. 308 00:14:29,014 --> 00:14:30,557 But we went by, and they weren't there. 309 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,977 Grand opening? You'd think something like that would be in the paper. 310 00:14:34,060 --> 00:14:36,980 Don, Adam, and Joe are up to something. 311 00:14:37,063 --> 00:14:39,774 I want to know where they are and why Adam's lying about it. 312 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:41,401 I'm sure it's nothing. 313 00:14:41,484 --> 00:14:42,819 Probably just an affair. 314 00:14:44,237 --> 00:14:46,197 He takes his dad with him to have an affair? 315 00:14:46,781 --> 00:14:48,325 Maybe Dad's got a gal, too. 316 00:14:48,408 --> 00:14:50,201 You know, one of those mother-daughter things. 317 00:14:51,745 --> 00:14:53,955 Ah, look who's here. 318 00:14:54,039 --> 00:14:56,833 -How was the fishing store? -I know where you're going with this. 319 00:14:56,917 --> 00:14:58,251 How do you know where I'm going? 320 00:14:58,335 --> 00:14:59,753 Lowell called me. 321 00:14:59,836 --> 00:15:02,380 -Lowell! -I'm not sorry. He's my hero. 322 00:15:02,464 --> 00:15:05,675 Okay, you caught me not being entirely honest with you, 323 00:15:05,759 --> 00:15:08,678 but on the way here, I realized, I can tell you everything, 324 00:15:08,762 --> 00:15:11,723 because the thing I couldn't tell you is over. 325 00:15:11,806 --> 00:15:12,933 And when you hear this, 326 00:15:13,016 --> 00:15:16,353 I think you are gonna be touched, and proud, and a little sorry-- 327 00:15:16,436 --> 00:15:17,938 You know what? I'll just tell you. 328 00:15:18,021 --> 00:15:19,981 I can't wait to finally hear the truth. 329 00:15:20,732 --> 00:15:23,193 My dad got a pacemaker today. He's fine. 330 00:15:23,276 --> 00:15:25,987 But he didn't want anyone else to know, especially Don. 331 00:15:26,071 --> 00:15:27,864 [chuckles] 332 00:15:27,948 --> 00:15:29,324 So I lied. 333 00:15:29,407 --> 00:15:31,409 But only for the love of my father. 334 00:15:32,118 --> 00:15:37,040 So, to recap: Dad, pacemaker, a son's love. 335 00:15:38,166 --> 00:15:39,876 -Come on. -Please. 336 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:42,504 -What? -This is a new low. 337 00:15:42,587 --> 00:15:44,881 Dad would never get a pacemaker and not tell me. 338 00:15:44,965 --> 00:15:46,424 He's my best friend. 339 00:15:47,050 --> 00:15:48,468 What? You don't believe me? 340 00:15:48,551 --> 00:15:50,345 I don't know what to believe anymore, Adam. 341 00:15:50,428 --> 00:15:51,680 This is so sad. 342 00:15:51,763 --> 00:15:53,098 You're my new hero, Andi. 343 00:15:53,181 --> 00:15:54,599 What? No! No! 344 00:15:54,683 --> 00:15:57,394 But this is 100% true! 345 00:15:57,477 --> 00:15:59,229 Come to the hospital. I'll prove it. 346 00:16:00,063 --> 00:16:02,649 Prepare to apologize. 347 00:16:08,905 --> 00:16:10,448 I'm sorry. 348 00:16:12,283 --> 00:16:16,538 Dad, I need you to tell Andi the truth about where we were tonight. 349 00:16:16,621 --> 00:16:18,081 Okay. 350 00:16:18,164 --> 00:16:20,208 I went to the fishing store, you weren't there, 351 00:16:20,291 --> 00:16:22,085 so I felt betrayed and came home. 352 00:16:23,044 --> 00:16:24,254 That's not true. 353 00:16:24,963 --> 00:16:25,964 I know the truth. 354 00:16:26,047 --> 00:16:28,758 Mom, Dad and Adam are having an affair with a mother-daughter team. 355 00:16:29,968 --> 00:16:31,136 What's happening? 356 00:16:31,219 --> 00:16:32,679 Don't ask. He's got a theory. 357 00:16:32,762 --> 00:16:33,972 Oh, no. No, I'm right. 358 00:16:34,055 --> 00:16:36,599 There are tons of mini documentaries about it on the Internet. 359 00:16:37,475 --> 00:16:39,310 Andi, honey, you have to believe me. 360 00:16:39,394 --> 00:16:41,104 But nobody believes you. 361 00:16:41,646 --> 00:16:42,981 I, uh... 362 00:16:43,773 --> 00:16:44,941 Marcy does. 363 00:16:45,025 --> 00:16:48,236 She masterminded the whole plan to keep it a secret from you. Right, Marcy? 364 00:16:48,319 --> 00:16:50,071 What? Why would I keep a secret from Andi? 365 00:16:50,155 --> 00:16:52,240 Because of the shadow government. 366 00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:55,160 Are you on drugs? 367 00:16:56,327 --> 00:17:00,165 This is crazy. I'm telling the truth, and nobody believes me. 368 00:17:00,248 --> 00:17:03,209 Huh. That doesn't feel great, does it? 369 00:17:04,085 --> 00:17:07,380 Why are you using your "I'm about to teach you a lesson" voice? 370 00:17:07,464 --> 00:17:09,674 Because I've known about the pacemaker all day. 371 00:17:09,758 --> 00:17:11,217 -What? -Yeah. It's a good thing 372 00:17:11,301 --> 00:17:13,678 you're not wearing a hat, 'cause your mind just got blown. 373 00:17:14,804 --> 00:17:15,930 -You knew? -Mm-hmm. 374 00:17:16,014 --> 00:17:18,725 And you let me lie to you while you were lying to me? 375 00:17:18,808 --> 00:17:20,185 That is something I would do! 376 00:17:21,811 --> 00:17:24,522 Wait. It's true? Daddy? 377 00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:28,359 I didn't want anyone to know. 378 00:17:28,902 --> 00:17:31,613 Especially my bride. I didn't want you to worry. 379 00:17:31,696 --> 00:17:35,241 Oh, honey, it was so sweet of you to think of me. 380 00:17:35,825 --> 00:17:38,286 This is how your man treats you when you wear pantyhose. 381 00:17:39,370 --> 00:17:42,624 You hear that, Don? I'm gonna start dressing like your mom. 382 00:17:42,707 --> 00:17:43,958 Enjoy. 383 00:17:45,210 --> 00:17:46,377 I can work with that. 384 00:17:47,545 --> 00:17:49,380 Uh, wait-- Hold on. 385 00:17:49,464 --> 00:17:51,800 So Don and Lowell were in on it, too? 386 00:17:51,883 --> 00:17:53,093 Yes. 387 00:17:53,176 --> 00:17:55,345 -No, you weren't. -No, I was not. 388 00:17:56,888 --> 00:17:59,516 I wanted you to know that you are the boy that cried wolf. 389 00:17:59,599 --> 00:18:00,975 Right? And I needed witnesses. 390 00:18:01,059 --> 00:18:02,393 I mean, if the boy cries wolf 391 00:18:02,477 --> 00:18:04,813 and there are no villagers there to see him get eaten, 392 00:18:04,896 --> 00:18:06,064 what's the point? 393 00:18:07,232 --> 00:18:08,399 Wow. 394 00:18:09,150 --> 00:18:12,112 -This is next level. -Yeah. 395 00:18:12,195 --> 00:18:14,030 I wasn't even close to pulling this off, was I? 396 00:18:14,114 --> 00:18:15,865 [chuckles] No, honey. 397 00:18:17,075 --> 00:18:20,578 So when I came over, you got me to accidentally blab something about Adam? 398 00:18:20,662 --> 00:18:21,663 Yep. 399 00:18:21,746 --> 00:18:23,623 You didn't need any information from Don at all? 400 00:18:23,706 --> 00:18:26,167 Nope. I just needed villagers. 401 00:18:26,251 --> 00:18:28,253 I don't like just being a villager. 402 00:18:28,753 --> 00:18:30,255 Next year, I'm trying out for wolf. 403 00:18:31,756 --> 00:18:34,968 So how do you feel about telling the truth and not having people believe it? 404 00:18:35,051 --> 00:18:36,261 Not great. 405 00:18:36,344 --> 00:18:38,012 Kind of like how Ned said Neil felt 406 00:18:38,096 --> 00:18:39,889 when people thought he faked the moon landing. 407 00:18:40,557 --> 00:18:42,267 -Who's Neil? -Who's Ned? 408 00:18:42,350 --> 00:18:43,476 He is on drugs. 409 00:18:44,769 --> 00:18:46,729 I told you not to tell that story. 410 00:18:51,067 --> 00:18:53,236 Okay, here's the last one. 411 00:18:53,319 --> 00:18:55,655 You know how we're finally watching Breaking Bad together? 412 00:18:55,738 --> 00:18:56,990 Mm-hmm. 413 00:18:57,073 --> 00:18:59,284 I watched it three years ago with Don in the trailer. 414 00:19:00,243 --> 00:19:02,912 It was when we were working nights on the O'Bannon job. 415 00:19:03,788 --> 00:19:05,206 Also, there was no O'Bannon job. 416 00:19:06,791 --> 00:19:08,585 Oh, hey, one more thing. 417 00:19:08,668 --> 00:19:10,253 [sighs] 418 00:19:10,336 --> 00:19:12,172 There's something wrong with your lasagna. 419 00:19:14,841 --> 00:19:17,510 Okay, I think we've covered enough lies for one night. 420 00:19:17,594 --> 00:19:19,470 Hey, I got a question. 421 00:19:19,554 --> 00:19:21,681 How did you find out about my dad's pacemaker? 422 00:19:21,764 --> 00:19:22,807 Bev told me. 423 00:19:22,891 --> 00:19:24,058 [both] What? 424 00:19:24,559 --> 00:19:27,770 So Joe's getting a pacemaker and there's no fishing store? 425 00:19:28,688 --> 00:19:30,064 Adam lied to me? 426 00:19:30,148 --> 00:19:32,192 Of course he did, he's your husband. 427 00:19:32,984 --> 00:19:34,194 I see. 428 00:19:35,236 --> 00:19:38,948 Hey... do you mind if I have a little fun with this? 429 00:19:39,032 --> 00:19:40,742 Be my guest. 430 00:19:42,202 --> 00:19:44,996 Oh, honey? You can take that thing with you. 431 00:19:51,711 --> 00:19:52,837 How did you know? 432 00:19:52,921 --> 00:19:55,965 I'm your emergency contact. I know everything. 433 00:19:56,758 --> 00:20:00,053 But I didn't want you to worry about me worrying about you, 434 00:20:00,136 --> 00:20:01,971 so I wasn't gonna tell you. 435 00:20:02,597 --> 00:20:04,891 Dad, I thought you and Marcy had a shadow government. 436 00:20:04,974 --> 00:20:06,476 What? Don't be ridiculous. 437 00:20:06,559 --> 00:20:08,144 There's no shadow government. 438 00:20:08,228 --> 00:20:11,522 [chuckles] That's right. Bev and I run this family. 439 00:20:13,149 --> 00:20:14,484 Bev runs this family.