1
00:00:03,111 --> 00:00:07,028
Good job on your chores.
Emme, that's for you.

2
00:00:07,071 --> 00:00:08,507
Teddy, that's for you.

3
00:00:08,551 --> 00:00:09,943
Two dollars?

4
00:00:09,987 --> 00:00:11,945
That's less than I pay Emme
to do my chores for me.

5
00:00:14,122 --> 00:00:14,600
Ah!

6
00:00:14,644 --> 00:00:15,558
Not so fast.

7
00:00:15,601 --> 00:00:17,560
You still have one more chore.

8
00:00:17,603 --> 00:00:18,691
Fine.

9
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,697
Okay, paying for a hug

10
00:00:24,741 --> 00:00:27,700
doesn't make it
any less special!

11
00:00:27,744 --> 00:00:28,962
Hey.

12
00:00:29,006 --> 00:00:30,660
So, that Halloween store
downtown

13
00:00:30,703 --> 00:00:31,965
is going out of business.

14
00:00:32,009 --> 00:00:33,402
And you know how
I love a good deal.

15
00:00:33,445 --> 00:00:34,620
Right?Mm.

16
00:00:34,664 --> 00:00:36,187
So I got this for Emme.

17
00:00:36,231 --> 00:00:37,754
Huh?

18
00:00:37,797 --> 00:00:38,885
Princess dress

19
00:00:38,929 --> 00:00:40,496
for my little princess.

20
00:00:40,539 --> 00:00:42,106
Huh?

21
00:00:42,150 --> 00:00:44,108
Look, it's sweet of you
to think of Emme,

22
00:00:44,152 --> 00:00:45,936
but you can't give that to her.

23
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,546
What

24
00:00:47,590 --> 00:00:50,549
Because princess stories
are just a bad influence

25
00:00:50,593 --> 00:00:52,116
on little girls, you know?

26
00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:55,032
It teaches 'em stuff
like you need a man to save you.

27
00:00:55,076 --> 00:00:57,426
Who told you that?

28
00:00:58,340 --> 00:00:59,602
Was it Beyoncé? 'Cause I know

29
00:00:59,645 --> 00:01:01,778
she's got
some mysterious hold on you.

30
00:01:01,821 --> 00:01:03,780
No, no, no.
Think about it, okay?

31
00:01:03,823 --> 00:01:06,391
In Beauty and the Beast,
that girl was just a hostage.

32
00:01:06,435 --> 00:01:08,698
Yeah.
She had Stockholm syndrome.

33
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:11,396
And-and in Sleeping Beauty,uh,

34
00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:12,658
she marries the first guy
that kisses her

35
00:01:12,702 --> 00:01:15,096
because she got roofied.

36
00:01:16,140 --> 00:01:17,620
What kind of message

37
00:01:17,663 --> 00:01:19,752
do you think that dress sends
to Emme?

38
00:01:19,796 --> 00:01:22,668
"I love you
and I got you a present."

39
00:01:22,712 --> 00:01:25,193
It's just,
I've been working for years

40
00:01:25,236 --> 00:01:27,760
to keep that stuff out
of the house.

41
00:01:27,804 --> 00:01:29,936
I mean, when Kate was little
and she wanted a princess dress,

42
00:01:29,980 --> 00:01:33,505
I told her
she was allergic to glitter.

43
00:01:33,549 --> 00:01:36,204
I didn't know
you were doing that.Yeah, it's how I keep

44
00:01:36,247 --> 00:01:38,031
the kids from doing things
that are bad for them.

45
00:01:38,075 --> 00:01:41,600
I call it
my protective love bubble.

46
00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:44,342
Your what bubble?

47
00:01:44,386 --> 00:01:45,822
My love bubble.

48
00:01:45,865 --> 00:01:48,694
You know, little white lies
that are for their own good.

49
00:01:48,738 --> 00:01:51,784
Oh. Hey, I'm not opposed
to lying to our children.

50
00:01:51,828 --> 00:01:53,917
Great. So we're agreed.

51
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,440
No, no.

52
00:01:55,484 --> 00:01:57,660
I don't think these
dresses are bad.

53
00:01:57,703 --> 00:01:59,662
You kept princesses away
from Katie,

54
00:01:59,705 --> 00:02:02,839
and-- let's be honest--
she's kind of a frowner.

55
00:02:02,882 --> 00:02:04,536
No, she's not.

56
00:02:04,580 --> 00:02:07,148
I happen to know
you pay her for hugs.

57
00:02:08,279 --> 00:02:09,237
Emme's my last one.

58
00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:10,586
I want a smiler.

59
00:02:10,629 --> 00:02:13,154
I want a huggy smiler.

60
00:02:13,197 --> 00:02:15,417
I'm taking that dress back.No, you're not.

61
00:02:15,460 --> 00:02:16,635
Okay.

62
00:02:16,679 --> 00:02:19,856
We've been
in this situation before,

63
00:02:19,899 --> 00:02:22,554
and it usually doesn't end well
for you.

64
00:02:22,598 --> 00:02:26,079
You... you may recall I have
a few tricks up my sleeve.

65
00:02:26,123 --> 00:02:27,777
Uh

66
00:02:27,820 --> 00:02:30,214
It's a protective love bubble.

67
00:02:30,258 --> 00:02:31,737
Well, I'm popping it.

68
00:02:31,781 --> 00:02:33,174
Bubble time is over.

69
00:02:33,217 --> 00:02:36,177
Emme, put down those
gender-neutral toys!

70
00:02:36,220 --> 00:02:38,614
Daddy got you
something sparkly!

71
00:02:42,922 --> 00:02:45,882
A toast to Princess Emme.

72
00:02:45,925 --> 00:02:47,275
Who got you that
pretty dress?

73
00:02:47,318 --> 00:02:48,972
You did.

74
00:02:49,015 --> 00:02:50,974
That's right. Daddy did.

75
00:02:51,017 --> 00:02:53,890
And who loved it so much
she wore it to bed last night?

76
00:02:53,933 --> 00:02:55,848
I did.That's right.

77
00:02:55,892 --> 00:02:59,243
Mommy's face was so funny.

78
00:02:59,287 --> 00:03:00,679
Hey, guys.

79
00:03:00,723 --> 00:03:02,115
ADAM:
There she is.

80
00:03:02,159 --> 00:03:03,682
Don't mind us.

81
00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:06,163
We're just having another
princess tea party.

82
00:03:06,207 --> 00:03:08,774
There's Mommy's
funny face again.

83
00:03:08,818 --> 00:03:11,560
Emme, honey, um,

84
00:03:11,603 --> 00:03:13,779
I hate to pull you away
from all this fun,

85
00:03:13,823 --> 00:03:14,780
but, um,

86
00:03:14,824 --> 00:03:16,391
I got you a new doll.

87
00:03:16,434 --> 00:03:18,697
Yeah. And I think
you are gonna love her

88
00:03:18,741 --> 00:03:19,742
even more
than you love your dress.

89
00:03:19,785 --> 00:03:21,178
Who is it

90
00:03:21,222 --> 00:03:22,527
Snow White?

91
00:03:22,571 --> 00:03:24,529
No. E-Even better.

92
00:03:24,573 --> 00:03:28,185
Supreme Court Justice
Ruth Bader Ginsburg!

93
00:03:29,317 --> 00:03:31,014
Oh, Andi.

94
00:03:32,755 --> 00:03:35,584
Why does this man have
a girl name?

95
00:03:35,627 --> 00:03:37,803
No, it's a girl.

96
00:03:37,847 --> 00:03:41,938
She just has more important
things to do than fix her hair.

97
00:03:41,981 --> 00:03:43,809
Where are her sparkles?

98
00:03:43,853 --> 00:03:44,984
On her brain.

99
00:03:45,028 --> 00:03:46,377
Yeah.

100
00:03:46,421 --> 00:03:47,944
Ruth here has done

101
00:03:47,987 --> 00:03:50,599
a lot of important
work for our country.

102
00:03:50,642 --> 00:03:51,817
Oh, yeah

103
00:03:51,861 --> 00:03:54,037
What?

104
00:03:55,821 --> 00:03:58,781
Well, you're such an expert
on her accomplishments.

105
00:03:58,824 --> 00:04:00,783
We'd like to hear a few.

106
00:04:00,826 --> 00:04:03,829
Let's see what happens.

107
00:04:05,527 --> 00:04:07,703
One of her accomplishments is
that she doesn't have a husband

108
00:04:07,746 --> 00:04:09,270
that asks too many questions.

109
00:04:11,881 --> 00:04:14,536
Thanks, Mommy.
I love her.

110
00:04:14,579 --> 00:04:17,843
Oh. Really?

111
00:04:17,887 --> 00:04:20,933
She can be the witch who puts
a curse on the princess!

112
00:04:20,977 --> 00:04:23,284
No, no!
She's not a witch!

113
00:04:23,327 --> 00:04:25,286
She's a judge
who's famous for...

114
00:04:25,329 --> 00:04:27,157
She's famous for...

115
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,333
I should've kept the box.

116
00:04:29,377 --> 00:04:31,335
It was all on the box!

117
00:04:33,598 --> 00:04:37,036
And Adam
lived happily ever after.

118
00:04:38,342 --> 00:04:40,779
♪

119
00:04:49,310 --> 00:04:51,573
Check out what happened
to Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

120
00:04:51,616 --> 00:04:53,575
She went upstairs
in her judge's robe,

121
00:04:53,618 --> 00:04:57,622
and she came back down
in a coconut bra.

122
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,193
Aw,

123
00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:04,412
man.

124
00:05:04,455 --> 00:05:06,762
Emme glittered Ginsburg?

125
00:05:06,805 --> 00:05:10,331
I don't mind seeing
Ruth cut loose a little.

126
00:05:11,636 --> 00:05:13,116
This is what happens
when you bring princesses

127
00:05:13,159 --> 00:05:14,596
into our house.

128
00:05:14,639 --> 00:05:16,337
They bully the smart girls.

129
00:05:17,642 --> 00:05:20,863
This dinner took an odd turn.

130
00:05:20,906 --> 00:05:22,343
Hit 'em with the dessert
we brought, Don.Ooh.

131
00:05:23,431 --> 00:05:24,867
Bear claws.

132
00:05:24,910 --> 00:05:27,391
The tastiest of all claws.

133
00:05:27,435 --> 00:05:29,437
Ah, I haven't had one of these

134
00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,569
since Zellner's Bakery
closed down.

135
00:05:31,613 --> 00:05:33,528
Oh, no, no, it's not closed;
that's where we got them.

136
00:05:33,571 --> 00:05:35,094
What?

137
00:05:35,138 --> 00:05:36,487
You told me
they went out of business.

138
00:05:36,531 --> 00:05:38,054
No, I didn't.

139
00:05:38,097 --> 00:05:40,622
Mm-mm.

140
00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:43,886
You know, that seems
like something

141
00:05:43,929 --> 00:05:46,628
you might've dreamed. Yeah.

142
00:05:46,671 --> 00:05:49,848
Ah, y-you do dream
about bakeries a lot.

143
00:05:49,892 --> 00:05:52,721
Like you're trapped, and
have to eat your way out?

144
00:05:52,764 --> 00:05:54,505
I had that one.

145
00:05:54,549 --> 00:05:56,289
No, no, I'm pretty sure
this was real.

146
00:05:56,333 --> 00:05:58,074
Why would you say it was closed
if it wasn't?

147
00:05:58,117 --> 00:06:00,903
Eh, I guess I can
tell you now.

148
00:06:00,946 --> 00:06:03,035
It's just, e-every weekend,
you'd make yourself sick

149
00:06:03,079 --> 00:06:04,559
by eating too many bear claws.

150
00:06:04,602 --> 00:06:06,387
You'd swear not to do it again,

151
00:06:06,430 --> 00:06:09,999
but then, the next weekend,
you'd be right back on the claw.

152
00:06:10,042 --> 00:06:12,741
But they made me happy
when they were in my mouth.

153
00:06:12,784 --> 00:06:14,482
Well...

154
00:06:14,525 --> 00:06:17,833
it was just a little white
lie, for your own good.

155
00:06:17,876 --> 00:06:19,138
ADAM: But that's
what you do

156
00:06:19,182 --> 00:06:20,401
to the kids.
I...

157
00:06:23,752 --> 00:06:26,842
You put me in your lie balloon.

158
00:06:26,885 --> 00:06:29,627
It's a love bubble.

159
00:06:29,671 --> 00:06:32,587
And who wouldn't want to
be surrounded by love?

160
00:06:32,630 --> 00:06:34,371
Okay, just because you put
the word "love"

161
00:06:34,415 --> 00:06:36,634
in front of something
doesn't make it good.

162
00:06:36,678 --> 00:06:38,593
"Love murder" is still murder.

163
00:06:40,638 --> 00:06:43,424
Well, at least "love
bubble" is a fun name.

164
00:06:43,467 --> 00:06:45,774
Marcy does the same thing
to me, but she just calls it

165
00:06:45,817 --> 00:06:47,123
"take it or leave it."

166
00:06:48,559 --> 00:06:50,474
I had it engraved on the inside
of his wedding band.

167
00:06:50,518 --> 00:06:51,519
Mm-hmm.

168
00:06:51,562 --> 00:06:53,869
Right. I make my own decisions

169
00:06:53,912 --> 00:06:56,480
about what's good for me--
even if it's bad for me.

170
00:06:56,524 --> 00:06:59,004
I'm an American man,
that's what we do.

171
00:06:59,048 --> 00:07:01,485
Adam, relax.

172
00:07:01,529 --> 00:07:02,617
You guys
are diamonds,

173
00:07:02,660 --> 00:07:03,705
and we love you.

174
00:07:03,748 --> 00:07:05,141
But what makes a diamond?

175
00:07:05,184 --> 00:07:08,840
A chunk of coal
under constant pressure.

176
00:07:08,884 --> 00:07:10,320
DON:
I did just fine

177
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:11,843
for 30 years
without your help.

178
00:07:11,887 --> 00:07:13,366
I did.Oh, please. Without me,
you'd still be

179
00:07:13,410 --> 00:07:15,499
living in that sad apartment
where I found you.

180
00:07:16,805 --> 00:07:18,546
Hey, that was my
groovy bachelor pad.
Ugh.

181
00:07:18,589 --> 00:07:21,200
I put up some respectable
numbers in there.

182
00:07:21,244 --> 00:07:22,941
When I first met Adam,

183
00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:25,683
everything he wore had the
name of a sports team on it.

184
00:07:25,727 --> 00:07:27,337
His whole wardrobe
looked like it got shot

185
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:29,165
out of a T-shirt cannon.

186
00:07:30,035 --> 00:07:31,515
That's not true.

187
00:07:31,559 --> 00:07:33,735
My-- I had that one,
it looked like a tuxedo.

188
00:07:33,778 --> 00:07:34,779
Remember?

189
00:07:34,823 --> 00:07:36,520
I wore it to your
cousin's wedding.

190
00:07:36,564 --> 00:07:38,522
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Remember?

191
00:07:38,566 --> 00:07:40,524
It took me six Christmases

192
00:07:40,568 --> 00:07:43,179
to gently replace every
shirt in Adam's drawer.

193
00:07:43,222 --> 00:07:45,398
Oh, I remember. Every time we'd
come to dinner, I'd smuggle out

194
00:07:45,442 --> 00:07:47,183
some of your old T-shirts
in my coat.

195
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,099
Was that what it was?

196
00:07:50,142 --> 00:07:51,579
I just thought after you ate,
your stomach got real big,

197
00:07:51,622 --> 00:07:53,189
like a snake.

198
00:07:58,499 --> 00:08:00,762
I love you.

199
00:08:00,805 --> 00:08:04,026
You told me the washing
machine ripped them.

200
00:08:04,069 --> 00:08:07,246
Mm, washing machine, garbage
truck, me and my scissors,

201
00:08:07,290 --> 00:08:08,857
something ripped them.

202
00:08:09,814 --> 00:08:10,902
So, first the bear claws,

203
00:08:10,946 --> 00:08:12,556
now the T-shirts; that's two.

204
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,340
Is there anything else?

205
00:08:14,384 --> 00:08:15,603
No.

206
00:08:15,646 --> 00:08:18,040
That's a yes.

207
00:08:18,083 --> 00:08:20,433
What is it

208
00:08:20,477 --> 00:08:21,609
Hey.

209
00:08:21,652 --> 00:08:26,135
Who wants a bear claw?

210
00:08:26,178 --> 00:08:28,093
Me, for the last seven years.

211
00:08:29,791 --> 00:08:31,706
ADAM:
I know

212
00:08:31,749 --> 00:08:33,098
there's something big
Andi's keeping from me,

213
00:08:33,142 --> 00:08:35,666
'cause she's clammed
up, like a... a...

214
00:08:35,710 --> 00:08:37,929
Clam?
Yes.

215
00:08:37,973 --> 00:08:39,496
You've got to put
a stop to this.

216
00:08:39,540 --> 00:08:40,802
I didn't, and look at me.

217
00:08:40,845 --> 00:08:42,499
I haven't had a sweater
with sleeves on it

218
00:08:42,543 --> 00:08:43,631
since my wedding day.

219
00:08:43,674 --> 00:08:45,720
Where did my sleeves go?

220
00:08:45,763 --> 00:08:48,331
I don't know,
my wife won't tell me.

221
00:08:48,374 --> 00:08:51,160
Look, I am gonna figure out
what she's been hiding, because

222
00:08:51,203 --> 00:08:55,164
there is no love bubble big
enough to contain Adam Burns.

223
00:08:55,207 --> 00:08:56,339
You're doing
God's work, brother.

224
00:08:56,382 --> 00:08:57,862
Ha.
LOWELL:
Okay, so think.

225
00:08:57,906 --> 00:08:59,690
What are some big things
that you've wanted

226
00:08:59,734 --> 00:09:01,387
that Andi has said no to?

227
00:09:01,431 --> 00:09:04,347
Well, uh, I've always wanted
a grill for the patio,

228
00:09:04,390 --> 00:09:06,175
but Andi said it wouldn't fit.

229
00:09:06,218 --> 00:09:07,350
I bet that's it.

230
00:09:07,393 --> 00:09:09,178
Women are anti-grill.

231
00:09:09,221 --> 00:09:11,833
They don't like anything we can
do while we're drinking beer.

232
00:09:11,876 --> 00:09:15,227
No, no, I measured the patio;
she's right.

233
00:09:15,271 --> 00:09:17,229
Oh, she's good. She's peppering
the lies with truth

234
00:09:17,273 --> 00:09:19,710
to create maximum confusion.

235
00:09:19,754 --> 00:09:21,886
Okay, so what else?

236
00:09:21,930 --> 00:09:23,627
Well, who knows
what she's hiding?

237
00:09:23,671 --> 00:09:24,933
We've been married 17 years.

238
00:09:24,976 --> 00:09:27,239
We both hide lots of stuff.

239
00:09:27,283 --> 00:09:31,853
I got a hollowed out book
just for M&M's.

240
00:09:31,896 --> 00:09:34,638
Stay focused.

241
00:09:34,682 --> 00:09:36,292
You're doing work
for all men, here.

242
00:09:36,335 --> 00:09:37,685
You need to crawl up
out of the swamp,

243
00:09:37,728 --> 00:09:39,512
and tell us what
fresh air smells like.

244
00:09:39,556 --> 00:09:42,777
Okay, uh, well, she knows
I've always wanted a recliner,

245
00:09:42,820 --> 00:09:44,822
but obviously,
I can't have one of those,

246
00:09:44,866 --> 00:09:46,824
because over half
of childhood broken bones

247
00:09:46,868 --> 00:09:49,522
come from recliners. Ha.

248
00:09:51,873 --> 00:09:55,877
Maybe I should
remeasure the patio.

249
00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:58,836
Back up. What was that thing
about recliners?

250
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:00,621
Yeah, that's what
Andi told me.

251
00:10:00,664 --> 00:10:01,883
She saw it on the news.

252
00:10:01,926 --> 00:10:03,624
It's true, over half of all...

253
00:10:03,667 --> 00:10:04,668
Uh-uh.

254
00:10:04,712 --> 00:10:06,670
What? No, no, really. Seriously.

255
00:10:06,714 --> 00:10:07,976
If you-- when you pull
the lever,

256
00:10:08,019 --> 00:10:09,107
your arm could get caught...

257
00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:10,326
Nope.

258
00:10:11,893 --> 00:10:13,851
But don't those things shoot
kids right across the...

259
00:10:13,895 --> 00:10:16,288
It's not a rocket, it's a chair.

260
00:10:17,246 --> 00:10:18,856
I can't believe this.

261
00:10:18,900 --> 00:10:20,684
Why would she
lie about a chair?

262
00:10:20,728 --> 00:10:22,904
Why wouldn't she
lie about a chair?

263
00:10:22,947 --> 00:10:25,994
That's what you need
to be asking yourself.

264
00:10:26,037 --> 00:10:29,650
Oh. So it's the recliner?

265
00:10:29,693 --> 00:10:33,741
She has been keeping me
needlessly upright for years.

266
00:10:33,784 --> 00:10:35,351
Men came down
from the trees.

267
00:10:35,394 --> 00:10:37,222
We started walking and then
we started reclining.

268
00:10:37,266 --> 00:10:39,572
Andi's messing
with evolution.

269
00:10:40,922 --> 00:10:42,140
What are you gonna do?

270
00:10:42,184 --> 00:10:44,708
I don't know, but I need
one of those chairs,

271
00:10:44,752 --> 00:10:47,537
because if I'm like this,
I'm uncomfortable.

272
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:50,322
If I'm like this, I'm asleep.

273
00:10:50,366 --> 00:10:52,542
This is where I need to be.

274
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:54,675
This is the sweet spot.

275
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,641
Hello, darling.

276
00:11:12,867 --> 00:11:16,174
Uh-oh.

277
00:11:16,218 --> 00:11:18,263
Yup.

278
00:11:18,307 --> 00:11:21,789
I'm in the sweet spot.

279
00:11:21,832 --> 00:11:24,182
Ah...

280
00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:27,055
I didn't think
you'd figure it out.

281
00:11:27,098 --> 00:11:31,624
You give me 17 years,
I can figure anything out.

282
00:11:36,673 --> 00:11:43,724
So, recliners cause over half
of childhood broken bones, huh?

283
00:11:43,767 --> 00:11:46,248
Okay, I may have rounded it up.

284
00:11:46,291 --> 00:11:49,468
Or made it up.

285
00:11:49,512 --> 00:11:52,558
The point is it was up and when
things are up, they're good.

286
00:11:52,602 --> 00:11:55,561
That's the rule of up.

287
00:11:57,825 --> 00:11:58,826
Look, okay.

288
00:11:58,869 --> 00:12:01,350
Let me give you
a real statistic.

289
00:12:01,393 --> 00:12:06,050
This is where I'm gonna be
spending over half of my time,

290
00:12:06,094 --> 00:12:09,314
eating over half of my meals

291
00:12:09,358 --> 00:12:13,536
and believing less than half
of what you say.

292
00:12:13,579 --> 00:12:15,886
Let's not make a big deal
out of this.

293
00:12:15,930 --> 00:12:16,844
Oh, I'm gonna.

294
00:12:21,762 --> 00:12:24,416
I've never been on the
not-lying side of a lie before.

295
00:12:24,460 --> 00:12:25,853
I am gonna enjoy this.

296
00:12:25,896 --> 00:12:28,812
I guess you deserve that.

297
00:12:28,856 --> 00:12:30,292
Oh, I do. Yeah.

298
00:12:30,335 --> 00:12:32,033
Because you know
what I was thinking,

299
00:12:32,076 --> 00:12:35,297
sitting in the warm embrace of
my Pittsburgh spirit chair?

300
00:12:35,340 --> 00:12:37,342
And, yes, that's
what we're calling it.

301
00:12:38,996 --> 00:12:40,737
Why would you lie
about a recliner?

302
00:12:40,781 --> 00:12:44,567
How is that part of the
protective love bubble?

303
00:12:44,610 --> 00:12:48,963
Well, I was protecting you

304
00:12:49,006 --> 00:12:50,921
from bringing that ugly chair
into my living room.

305
00:12:50,965 --> 00:12:55,012
Ah. So this was
for you, not me.

306
00:12:55,056 --> 00:12:56,579
Yes. You caught me.

307
00:12:56,622 --> 00:12:57,754
Ah-ha! I caught you.

308
00:12:59,582 --> 00:13:01,366
Yeah, I just said that.

309
00:13:01,410 --> 00:13:03,325
I know. I had it
in the chamber.

310
00:13:03,368 --> 00:13:04,935
I was gonna say it
no matter what.

311
00:13:04,979 --> 00:13:10,027
Honey, the love bubble
started out innocently.

312
00:13:10,071 --> 00:13:12,421
Right? I-I'd tell the kids
not to do something

313
00:13:12,464 --> 00:13:15,032
and then they keep asking,
"Why Why?"

314
00:13:15,076 --> 00:13:17,818
It was just easier
to tell a little fib.

315
00:13:17,861 --> 00:13:18,862
Mm-hmm.

316
00:13:18,906 --> 00:13:20,429
But-but then I
used it on you

317
00:13:20,472 --> 00:13:23,867
and-and-and my love bubble
became a...

318
00:13:23,911 --> 00:13:24,999
Lie balloon.

319
00:13:26,652 --> 00:13:29,873
Just like I said.
Ah-ha again.

320
00:13:29,917 --> 00:13:32,963
And you were right
and I'm really sorry.

321
00:13:33,007 --> 00:13:35,052
What?

322
00:13:35,096 --> 00:13:38,664
You were right
and I'm sorry.

323
00:13:43,452 --> 00:13:44,975
Okay, I don't
know what to say

324
00:13:45,019 --> 00:13:46,411
because I never thought
this would happen.

325
00:13:48,936 --> 00:13:51,068
Well, it's happening.

326
00:13:51,112 --> 00:13:54,071
I don't buy it.
You're up to something.

327
00:13:54,115 --> 00:13:55,507
What, do you think
I'm lying?

328
00:13:55,551 --> 00:13:57,422
After a multiyear
recliner conspiracy,

329
00:13:57,466 --> 00:13:59,120
I tend to be a
little skeptical.

330
00:14:03,472 --> 00:14:04,995
I got my eye on you.

331
00:14:09,086 --> 00:14:13,003
Ah, damn. I should've sprung
for the swiveler.

332
00:14:15,397 --> 00:14:17,094
Andi said she was sorry?
Yup.

333
00:14:17,138 --> 00:14:18,922
Like she's sorry
she married you?

334
00:14:18,966 --> 00:14:24,493
No, no, but something's...
something's definitely fishy.

335
00:14:24,536 --> 00:14:26,408
She said I was right.

336
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,802
That's not the woman
I married.

337
00:14:29,846 --> 00:14:32,718
I bet she's buying
time to regroup.

338
00:14:32,762 --> 00:14:34,982
Has she done anything
else suspicious?

339
00:14:35,025 --> 00:14:39,595
Yeah. Yeah, she said she felt
so bad that her and Marcy

340
00:14:39,638 --> 00:14:41,945
went all the way
across town to Tony's

341
00:14:41,989 --> 00:14:43,599
to get my favorite pizza
for dinner.

342
00:14:43,642 --> 00:14:44,992
That's a diversion.

343
00:14:45,035 --> 00:14:47,951
There's definitely gonna
be a counterattack.

344
00:14:47,995 --> 00:14:49,605
Although I do hope
she got breadsticks.

345
00:14:49,648 --> 00:14:51,999
It's gonna take more
than great pizza to fool me.

346
00:14:52,042 --> 00:14:54,001
That's right.

347
00:14:54,044 --> 00:14:55,741
But all bets are off if
she got the breadsticks.

348
00:14:55,785 --> 00:14:57,961
Okay.

349
00:14:58,005 --> 00:15:00,137
Uh-huh.

350
00:15:00,181 --> 00:15:04,054
O-Okay. Uh, can you hold on
just for one second?

351
00:15:04,098 --> 00:15:06,448
The principal from Emme's school
is on the phone.

352
00:15:06,491 --> 00:15:08,667
Emme's been kissing boys.

353
00:15:08,711 --> 00:15:11,888
What? I don't want my baby
doing that.

354
00:15:11,932 --> 00:15:13,498
Yeah, well, apparently,
she's been looking

355
00:15:13,542 --> 00:15:15,936
for her Prince Charming, thanks
to your little princess kick.

356
00:15:17,981 --> 00:15:19,940
You're good.

357
00:15:20,984 --> 00:15:23,682
I see what's happening here.

358
00:15:23,726 --> 00:15:25,989
I thought you'd come after
the recliner,

359
00:15:26,033 --> 00:15:29,688
but you're doing an end run
all the way back to princesses.

360
00:15:31,603 --> 00:15:32,996
What?

361
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:34,998
Got to admire the technique.

362
00:15:35,042 --> 00:15:37,000
Yeah. So what's your game, huh?

363
00:15:37,044 --> 00:15:38,784
I'm supposed to feel so bad
about Emme

364
00:15:38,828 --> 00:15:41,048
that I give up my recliner

365
00:15:41,091 --> 00:15:42,136
Is that it

366
00:15:42,179 --> 00:15:45,139
Adam, I have a job
and three children.

367
00:15:45,182 --> 00:15:48,490
I don't have time to be
a criminal mastermind. Okay?

368
00:15:48,533 --> 00:15:51,362
I'm-I'm telling you that Emme's
principal is on the phone.

369
00:15:51,406 --> 00:15:54,235
Oh, sure.
The old fake phone call.

370
00:15:54,278 --> 00:15:57,020
Yeah, well, the kid is one step
ahead of you this time, huh?

371
00:15:57,064 --> 00:15:58,500
What do you think, Don?

372
00:15:58,543 --> 00:16:01,982
It's the sauce.
That's the secret.

373
00:16:05,072 --> 00:16:06,899
It's Marcy on the phone,
isn't it?

374
00:16:06,943 --> 00:16:08,075
Huh

375
00:16:08,118 --> 00:16:10,033
Upstairs

376
00:16:10,077 --> 00:16:11,861
Okay.

377
00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:13,776
Yeah. This is Adam Burns.

378
00:16:13,819 --> 00:16:15,038
Let me tell you something.

379
00:16:15,082 --> 00:16:16,692
My daughter can kiss
whoever she wants.

380
00:16:16,735 --> 00:16:19,216
In fact, maybe I'll
come down there

381
00:16:19,260 --> 00:16:22,872
and give you a big kiss, too,
Principal Marcy.

382
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:24,265
Who's he talking to?

383
00:16:29,096 --> 00:16:30,140
:
It's for you.

384
00:16:30,184 --> 00:16:32,882
Nope. Mm-mm.

385
00:16:35,102 --> 00:16:37,669
Hi.

386
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:41,238
Uh-huh.

387
00:16:41,282 --> 00:16:42,674
We'll be there first thing
in the morning.

388
00:16:45,112 --> 00:16:48,071
Yes, ma'am, I do need to work
on my attitude.

389
00:16:52,119 --> 00:16:55,209
You want to tell me
what just happened here?

390
00:16:55,252 --> 00:16:59,082
:
It's funny because I thought

391
00:16:59,126 --> 00:17:01,084
you were doing something,

392
00:17:01,128 --> 00:17:03,347
but you were actually
just being honest.

393
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:07,308
I hide M&M's in a book.

394
00:17:09,875 --> 00:17:12,139
I guess we got ourselves worked
up for nothing out there, huh?

395
00:17:14,184 --> 00:17:16,230
Ah, what are you
gonna do, right?

396
00:17:20,451 --> 00:17:22,018
Although, after your
behavior on the phone,

397
00:17:22,062 --> 00:17:23,715
I shouldn't be too surprised
about your daughter.

398
00:17:23,759 --> 00:17:25,152
And I'll tell you
something else.

399
00:17:25,195 --> 00:17:27,023
Kissing boys
is a perfect example

400
00:17:27,067 --> 00:17:30,200
of why we discourage these
ridiculous princess obsessions.

401
00:17:32,637 --> 00:17:34,117
Stop looking at me.

402
00:17:34,161 --> 00:17:36,641
You're making my ear hot.

403
00:17:38,469 --> 00:17:40,210
All right, listen.

404
00:17:40,254 --> 00:17:42,125
We need to go in together
and talk to Emme

405
00:17:42,169 --> 00:17:43,953
about this boy-kissing
business. Okay?

406
00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:45,868
Now, I know we both
made some mistakes.

407
00:17:45,911 --> 00:17:49,263
Well, I made a mistake and then
you made a much bigger mistake.

408
00:17:49,306 --> 00:17:52,570
The important thing is

409
00:17:52,614 --> 00:17:55,443
that when we talk to Emme
we do it bubble-free. No lies.

410
00:17:55,486 --> 00:17:57,575
Agreed. But it's
a shame, you know?

411
00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:00,012
I mean, the bubble
and I had a good run.

412
00:18:00,056 --> 00:18:02,189
Oh. Um...

413
00:18:02,232 --> 00:18:05,496
well, I should tell you
that guys in tank tops

414
00:18:05,540 --> 00:18:07,542
don't really get
more speeding tickets.

415
00:18:07,585 --> 00:18:09,283
I knew it.

416
00:18:10,327 --> 00:18:12,460
Summer can't come fast enough.

417
00:18:12,503 --> 00:18:15,202
Hey, sweetie.

418
00:18:15,245 --> 00:18:19,641
Hey, Emme. Uh...

419
00:18:19,684 --> 00:18:22,905
we talked to your principal
today and...

420
00:18:22,948 --> 00:18:25,647
it's not okay
to kiss boys.

421
00:18:25,690 --> 00:18:28,171
But I was just looking
for my prince.

422
00:18:28,215 --> 00:18:29,346
I know, honey.

423
00:18:29,390 --> 00:18:30,260
But those princess stories,

424
00:18:30,304 --> 00:18:31,783
they're-they're just made-up.

425
00:18:31,827 --> 00:18:34,569
You can't act like that
in real life.

426
00:18:34,612 --> 00:18:36,788
Why?

427
00:18:38,225 --> 00:18:41,097
Because little girls
are strong, too,

428
00:18:41,141 --> 00:18:43,317
and it's better if
they stand on their own.

429
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:46,058
Why?

430
00:18:47,364 --> 00:18:50,454
Because it's a big world
out there, okay?

431
00:18:50,498 --> 00:18:53,501
And the only thing that
you can really depend on

432
00:18:53,544 --> 00:18:56,721
is your own self-respect.

433
00:18:56,765 --> 00:18:58,941
Why?

434
00:19:01,291 --> 00:19:02,727
Because Snow White called

435
00:19:02,771 --> 00:19:04,338
and said you were being
too cute in your dress

436
00:19:04,381 --> 00:19:06,383
and made her look bad.

437
00:19:06,427 --> 00:19:08,211
That makes sense.
Mm.

438
00:19:11,867 --> 00:19:13,390
Welcome back to the bubble.

439
00:19:20,832 --> 00:19:22,051
How about this?

440
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:23,313
You get rid of the chair

441
00:19:23,357 --> 00:19:26,534
and I'll talk to Teddy
about using deodorant.

442
00:19:26,577 --> 00:19:27,839
Doesn't bother me.

443
00:19:27,883 --> 00:19:30,668
His smell is just my
smell on a little kid.

444
00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:32,627
Okay, how about this?

445
00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:37,936
You and I can have sex,
lots of sex.

446
00:19:37,980 --> 00:19:39,895
Already having it. You
like it as much as me.

447
00:19:39,938 --> 00:19:40,809
Try again.

448
00:19:40,852 --> 00:19:43,028
I got it.

449
00:19:43,072 --> 00:19:46,031
You get rid of the chair, I'll
move the furniture off the patio

450
00:19:46,075 --> 00:19:48,773
and you can put in
a big built-in grill.

451
00:19:48,817 --> 00:19:49,992
Huh?

452
00:19:54,649 --> 00:19:55,650
Deal.
Ah.

453
00:19:56,955 --> 00:19:59,262
So, uh, what are you gonna
do with the chair?

454
00:19:59,306 --> 00:20:00,872
Well, I'll just

455
00:20:00,916 --> 00:20:03,266
put it out on the curb and
hope it finds a good home.

456
00:20:03,310 --> 00:20:06,051
What kind of nitwit
would take that?

457
00:20:07,923 --> 00:20:12,232
There's the sweet spot.

458
00:20:14,712 --> 00:20:16,061
No.

459
00:20:16,105 --> 00:20:19,064
Okay, I'll give up the recliner
if you agree...

460
00:20:19,108 --> 00:20:21,066
Honey, it's me or the chair.

461
00:20:21,110 --> 00:20:23,025
I'm gonna miss you, baby.

462
00:20:23,068 --> 00:20:24,113
Don.

463
00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:25,680
I was talking to the chair.

464
00:20:25,723 --> 00:20:27,072
Ugh.

465
00:20:27,116 --> 00:20:30,075
I wasn't talking to you.

466
00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:31,642
Captioning sponsored by
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467
00:20:35,951 --> 00:20:39,433
Captioned by
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