1
00:00:02,824 --> 00:00:05,094
We're really excited to have
the kids stay with us

2
00:00:05,127 --> 00:00:07,596
while you guys are away
for a little grown-up time.

3
00:00:07,629 --> 00:00:08,663
Wink, wink.

4
00:00:08,697 --> 00:00:12,101
Ma, don't "wink, wink."

5
00:00:12,134 --> 00:00:14,103
You're gonna ruin grown-up time.

6
00:00:14,136 --> 00:00:16,371
Don't worry, honey,
I got some new lingerie.

7
00:00:16,405 --> 00:00:17,572
You'll power through.

8
00:00:19,141 --> 00:00:21,210
So, you're going
to Atlantic City.

9
00:00:21,243 --> 00:00:23,512
I've had some good times there
with your mother.

10
00:00:23,545 --> 00:00:26,047
I've never been to
Atlantic City, Joe.

11
00:00:27,416 --> 00:00:29,818
Well, some lucky lady.

12
00:00:29,851 --> 00:00:32,821
A-And it's not Atlantic City,
Dad, it's Vegas.

13
00:00:32,854 --> 00:00:34,623
I told you that ten minutes ago

14
00:00:34,656 --> 00:00:37,226
when you were complaining about
how tinfoil used to be thicker.

15
00:00:38,627 --> 00:00:39,661
Hi, Grandma. Hi, Grandpa.

16
00:00:39,694 --> 00:00:41,830
Oh, we are gonna have such fun
with these cuties.

17
00:00:41,863 --> 00:00:45,800
I have a candy bar at home
weighs more than you do.

18
00:00:45,834 --> 00:00:46,801
I love you, Grandma.

19
00:00:46,835 --> 00:00:48,203
Mwah.

20
00:00:48,237 --> 00:00:50,572
And we're hoping that Kate

21
00:00:50,605 --> 00:00:52,741
looks up from her phone
at some point.

22
00:00:52,774 --> 00:00:54,843
What?

23
00:00:54,876 --> 00:00:58,280
And we've got something special
planned for you, Teddy.

24
00:00:58,313 --> 00:01:01,650
I fixed up your dad's
old BB gun.

25
00:01:01,683 --> 00:01:03,285
You better sleep
with one eye open.

26
00:01:03,318 --> 00:01:06,855
I've got a video of you singing
"Let It Go" in your towel.

27
00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,228
A BB gun for Teddy?

28
00:01:13,262 --> 00:01:14,896
Oh, don't worry,
my dad's a great teacher.

29
00:01:14,929 --> 00:01:17,166
Don and I both had 'em
when we were kids.

30
00:01:17,199 --> 00:01:19,234
Oh, yeah, I taught my boys
how to shoot the Army way.

31
00:01:19,268 --> 00:01:20,569
Safety first.

32
00:01:20,602 --> 00:01:22,237
Unless you're being
overrun by Charlie,

33
00:01:22,271 --> 00:01:24,873
then it's just
spray and pray.

34
00:01:24,906 --> 00:01:27,142
But Teddy's so young.

35
00:01:27,176 --> 00:01:29,244
But it's a Burns
family tradition.

36
00:01:29,278 --> 00:01:31,580
Three generations of men
sharing knowledge

37
00:01:31,613 --> 00:01:34,916
and history
and companionship.

38
00:01:34,949 --> 00:01:37,652
That's the kind
of emotional crap you love.

39
00:01:37,686 --> 00:01:41,256
I do love emotional crap.

40
00:01:42,924 --> 00:01:45,227
Okay, well, just be careful.

41
00:01:45,260 --> 00:01:46,861
All right, you better
get out of here

42
00:01:46,895 --> 00:01:49,764
before she changes her mind.
Yeah.

43
00:01:49,798 --> 00:01:51,600
Okay, honey, bye-bye.
Bye-bye.

44
00:01:51,633 --> 00:01:53,168
Mwah.

45
00:01:53,202 --> 00:01:55,204
So...

46
00:01:55,237 --> 00:01:58,207
tell me more about this
girl from Atlantic City.

47
00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:01,576
Honey, don't worry
about who else played the game.

48
00:02:01,610 --> 00:02:03,278
You won the prize.

49
00:02:07,649 --> 00:02:10,285
I'm looking forward to teaching
your boy how to shoot.

50
00:02:10,319 --> 00:02:12,187
Once Teddy learns
how to use a BB gun,

51
00:02:12,221 --> 00:02:13,488
I'll show him my real guns.

52
00:02:13,522 --> 00:02:15,957
Okay, bye, Dad,
yup, night-night.

53
00:02:15,990 --> 00:02:17,426
Okay.

54
00:02:17,459 --> 00:02:19,194
Drive safe.

55
00:02:19,228 --> 00:02:22,931
Off you go.

56
00:02:22,964 --> 00:02:24,433
Wait-wait-wait,
wh

57
00:02:24,466 --> 00:02:26,201
Oh, nothing, just some
old guy jibber-jab.

58
00:02:26,235 --> 00:02:27,236
Nothing to worry about.

59
00:02:27,269 --> 00:02:31,306
Wait, wait, wait.
H

60
00:02:31,340 --> 00:02:31,940
I can't believe

61
00:02:31,973 --> 00:02:33,275
you never told me that.

62
00:02:33,308 --> 00:02:34,709
Honey, my dad hunts,
he's a vet.

63
00:02:34,743 --> 00:02:36,445
I figured you knew.
I'm gonna go in here now.

64
00:02:36,478 --> 00:02:40,682
Oh, I'm gonna go
in here, too.

65
00:02:40,715 --> 00:02:43,318
Look, our kids are
over there a lot.

66
00:02:43,352 --> 00:02:44,953
Yeah, and think
how safe they are

67
00:02:44,986 --> 00:02:47,822
being protected
by all those guns.

68
00:02:47,856 --> 00:02:51,293
Look, when Kate was born, you
got rid of your hunting rifles.

69
00:02:51,326 --> 00:02:54,963
I just... I don't understand why
people insist on having guns.

70
00:02:54,996 --> 00:02:58,300
That's 'cause no one as smart as
me has ever explained it to you.

71
00:02:58,333 --> 00:03:00,502
Okay?

72
00:03:00,535 --> 00:03:03,372
People say it's about
their rights and their freedom,

73
00:03:03,405 --> 00:03:06,841
but here's the real truth:
guns are fun.

74
00:03:08,277 --> 00:03:11,246
They go boom, people like that.

75
00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:12,481
But they're dangerous.

76
00:03:12,514 --> 00:03:14,549
In the hands of idiots.

77
00:03:14,583 --> 00:03:15,584
But the fact that you

78
00:03:15,617 --> 00:03:17,319
never even knew my dad had 'em

79
00:03:17,352 --> 00:03:19,554
proves how careful
and safe he is.

80
00:03:19,588 --> 00:03:21,990
I think it just proves
that you never told me.

81
00:03:23,425 --> 00:03:25,394
It can prove two things.

82
00:03:25,427 --> 00:03:29,030
I'm sorry, I'm-I'm
just not comfortable

83
00:03:29,063 --> 00:03:30,632
leaving the kids there.

84
00:03:30,665 --> 00:03:33,268
I just-- I-I won't be able
to enjoy myself in Vegas.

85
00:03:33,302 --> 00:03:36,305
No, no, no,
leave Vegas out of this.

86
00:03:36,338 --> 00:03:39,040
We've had to cancel
this trip three times.

87
00:03:39,073 --> 00:03:41,810
Okay, well, then
talk to your dad

88
00:03:41,843 --> 00:03:44,279
about getting rid of
his guns and we can go.

89
00:03:44,313 --> 00:03:46,748
If you feel so
strongly about it,

90
00:03:46,781 --> 00:03:48,317
maybe you should
talk to my dad.

91
00:03:48,350 --> 00:03:51,286
Okay.

92
00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:54,423
Yeah, I'll tell your dad
to get rid of his guns.

93
00:03:54,456 --> 00:03:56,958
You can tell my mom she has
to start wearing a bra.

94
00:03:59,561 --> 00:04:01,996
I'll take the guns.

95
00:04:02,030 --> 00:04:04,933
If she's not gonna listen to the
manager at the Golden Corral,

96
00:04:04,966 --> 00:04:06,368
she's not gonna
listen to me.

97
00:04:08,437 --> 00:04:10,439
*

98
00:04:19,414 --> 00:04:21,049
So here's the thing, Dad.

99
00:04:21,082 --> 00:04:23,051
I had a talk with Andi,

100
00:04:23,084 --> 00:04:25,920
and you need to get rid
of your guns.

101
00:04:28,623 --> 00:04:31,059
Your wife is
very funny, yeah.
Yeah.

102
00:04:31,092 --> 00:04:33,061
Yeah, she's a hoot.

103
00:04:33,094 --> 00:04:35,997
But after you brought up
your real guns last night,

104
00:04:36,030 --> 00:04:36,965
Andi got all worried

105
00:04:36,998 --> 00:04:38,900
about the kids staying
with you guys next week.

106
00:04:38,933 --> 00:04:40,969
Oh, geez. No one's
more careful than me.

107
00:04:41,002 --> 00:04:44,406
I told her, but there's talk
of calling off Vegas.

108
00:04:44,439 --> 00:04:46,908
Okay, I need to play
blackjack in a hotel robe,

109
00:04:46,941 --> 00:04:49,077
holding a morning beer.
I need it, Dad.

110
00:04:49,110 --> 00:04:51,079
All right, all right.

111
00:04:51,112 --> 00:04:53,081
Look, I think Andi
just doesn't like guns

112
00:04:53,114 --> 00:04:54,949
because she's
never shot one.

113
00:04:54,983 --> 00:04:56,485
That's what I was thinking.

114
00:04:56,518 --> 00:04:58,520
So how about we take her
to the shooting range?

115
00:04:58,553 --> 00:05:00,955
She can see how responsible you
are, and we can change her mind.

116
00:05:00,989 --> 00:05:02,123
Oh, I like it.

117
00:05:02,156 --> 00:05:04,058
Okay, good.
By the way,

118
00:05:04,092 --> 00:05:05,894
how many times have you actually

119
00:05:05,927 --> 00:05:08,062
changed her mind
about something?

120
00:05:08,096 --> 00:05:11,032
I don't know, who keeps track
of that stuff?

121
00:05:11,065 --> 00:05:13,835
Zero's not a hard number
to remember.

122
00:05:19,140 --> 00:05:22,444
Who can say
fresh radishes?

123
00:05:22,477 --> 00:05:24,379
You don't have to say it,
I'll just give you some.

124
00:05:24,413 --> 00:05:26,448
I grew them in
my garden. Have one.

125
00:05:26,481 --> 00:05:28,750
No, thanks.
I don't try new things.

126
00:05:28,783 --> 00:05:30,652
Don, we've talked about this,

127
00:05:30,685 --> 00:05:32,454
it's good to broaden
your horizons.

128
00:05:32,487 --> 00:05:34,689
Well, actually, Lowell,
in 99% of deaths,

129
00:05:34,723 --> 00:05:36,157
you'll find out
that the deceased,

130
00:05:36,190 --> 00:05:38,927
at some point,
tried something new.

131
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,663
But everybody
tries something new.

132
00:05:41,696 --> 00:05:43,364
And everybody dies.

133
00:05:45,434 --> 00:05:47,035
You got any tomatoes
in that man basket?

134
00:05:47,068 --> 00:05:48,403
I know I like those.

135
00:05:48,437 --> 00:05:49,471
Well, I planted some,

136
00:05:49,504 --> 00:05:51,640
but I've got a thieving
woodchuck in my garden.

137
00:05:51,673 --> 00:05:53,708
I tried to have
my cat chase him off,

138
00:05:53,742 --> 00:05:55,677
but they became
unlikely animal friends.

139
00:05:55,710 --> 00:05:59,013
You know, my dad fixed up
Adam's old BB gun.

140
00:05:59,047 --> 00:06:01,750
How about you and I go out
and take care of that woodchuck?

141
00:06:01,783 --> 00:06:03,785
Scarface style.

142
00:06:05,587 --> 00:06:07,656
I don't like this place.

143
00:06:07,689 --> 00:06:09,658
And why are people
wearing camouflage inside?

144
00:06:09,691 --> 00:06:10,892
It just makes them
more obvious.

145
00:06:10,925 --> 00:06:12,627
I can see all of you!

146
00:06:12,661 --> 00:06:15,797
Honey, don't rile up
the gun owners.

147
00:06:17,231 --> 00:06:19,033
Just relax.

148
00:06:19,067 --> 00:06:21,202
Okay, once you
fire off a few rounds,

149
00:06:21,235 --> 00:06:23,738
I think you'll see it's
not as scary as it seems.

150
00:06:23,772 --> 00:06:24,573
Ready?
All right.

151
00:06:24,606 --> 00:06:27,442
Let's go over a few
safety rules, huh?

152
00:06:27,476 --> 00:06:30,645
Always assume that
every gun is loaded.

153
00:06:30,679 --> 00:06:31,913
Is that one loaded?

154
00:06:31,946 --> 00:06:33,682
What did I just say?

155
00:06:33,715 --> 00:06:35,750
She's not listening.

156
00:06:35,784 --> 00:06:38,219
Trust me, Dad, that's not
how you do it with her.

157
00:06:38,252 --> 00:06:40,789
It's true. It's not how
you do it with me.

158
00:06:40,822 --> 00:06:42,891
All right, you want
to go give this a try?

159
00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:44,158
Well, if it gets me off

160
00:06:44,192 --> 00:06:46,761
the set of Deliverance,
I'll do it.

161
00:06:46,795 --> 00:06:48,697
Okay, fire when ready.

162
00:06:54,002 --> 00:06:57,806
Well that's just
the best thing ever.

163
00:06:59,841 --> 00:07:01,910
I've seen you eat
carrots before,

164
00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:03,512
so I know you'll like these.

165
00:07:03,545 --> 00:07:06,180
I want the last thing that
woodchuck sees to be us enjoying

166
00:07:06,214 --> 00:07:08,617
what is rightfully ours!

167
00:07:09,618 --> 00:07:11,085
Got any ranch dressing?

168
00:07:11,119 --> 00:07:12,754
I do.

169
00:07:14,889 --> 00:07:15,990
Can I have some?

170
00:07:16,024 --> 00:07:18,560
You may not.
Just try one without it.

171
00:07:18,593 --> 00:07:20,862
Why are you always
looking to change me?

172
00:07:20,895 --> 00:07:22,864
It's like when you wanted me
to see movies

173
00:07:22,897 --> 00:07:24,999
that aren't Fast & Furious.

174
00:07:25,033 --> 00:07:27,702
There are better movies.
Branch out.

175
00:07:27,736 --> 00:07:28,703
There aren't better movies.

176
00:07:28,737 --> 00:07:30,872
They made eight and the
worst one was good.

177
00:07:30,905 --> 00:07:32,173
It went great, great, great,

178
00:07:32,206 --> 00:07:34,776
good, great, great,
better, best.

179
00:07:34,809 --> 00:07:38,212
Of course you love it-- it's
the ranch dressing of movies.

180
00:07:40,615 --> 00:07:44,118
Shh, look, there's
the woodchuck.

181
00:07:44,152 --> 00:07:47,756
That's right, just sit there
and eat that tomato.

182
00:07:47,789 --> 00:07:50,792
Oh, no, my cat!

183
00:07:50,825 --> 00:07:52,193
Ow!

184
00:07:52,226 --> 00:07:55,897
You shot me in the butt!

185
00:07:55,930 --> 00:07:59,167
No, I didn't.
I was at work all day.

186
00:08:03,204 --> 00:08:05,807
But I don't want to go home.

187
00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:07,776
Babe, we've been
here two hours.

188
00:08:07,809 --> 00:08:09,911
You can't go full Rambo
on the first day.

189
00:08:10,845 --> 00:08:12,146
Okay.

190
00:08:12,180 --> 00:08:14,015
But first let me check out
the gift counter.

191
00:08:14,048 --> 00:08:16,317
They have a-a pepper grinder
that looks like a hand grenade.

192
00:08:16,350 --> 00:08:18,687
How do I not have one of those?

193
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:22,123
All right, looks like
Atlantic City is back on.

194
00:08:22,156 --> 00:08:24,025
I told you it's Vegas.

195
00:08:24,058 --> 00:08:27,161
Whoa, Dad, you just put
your phone in the gun case.

196
00:08:27,195 --> 00:08:29,898
What?
Were you about to put
the gun in your pocket?

197
00:08:29,931 --> 00:08:32,667
Don't worry about
what I put where.

198
00:08:32,701 --> 00:08:33,534
Well, I'm just saying,

199
00:08:33,568 --> 00:08:35,136
if someone calls
and you answer your gun,

200
00:08:35,169 --> 00:08:36,204
we're gonna have a problem.

201
00:08:36,237 --> 00:08:37,939
I can't see in here

202
00:08:37,972 --> 00:08:40,675
because they're using those
global warming light bulbs.

203
00:08:40,709 --> 00:08:44,045
We're all walking around in the
dark to save some salamander.

204
00:08:45,179 --> 00:08:48,783
Saddle up, boys,

205
00:08:48,817 --> 00:08:50,719
I got to stop by the butcher.

206
00:08:50,752 --> 00:08:51,986
I want to eat something
for dinner

207
00:08:52,020 --> 00:08:53,588
that was walking around
yesterday.

208
00:08:57,726 --> 00:08:59,327
I'm not so sure
about Vegas.

209
00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:01,896
What? But I was really impressed
with your dad.

210
00:09:01,930 --> 00:09:03,832
I don't have any problem
with the kids staying there.

211
00:09:03,865 --> 00:09:04,966
He knows what he's doing.

212
00:09:04,999 --> 00:09:06,835
I used to think
that, too.

213
00:09:06,868 --> 00:09:10,171
Back at the range, he got
his gun and his phone mixed up.

214
00:09:10,204 --> 00:09:12,273
I've never seen him do
anything like that.

215
00:09:12,306 --> 00:09:14,643
Well, I mean,
maybe he-he just got confused.

216
00:09:14,676 --> 00:09:16,878
I mean,
that place was thrilling.

217
00:09:17,846 --> 00:09:18,813
Things got crazy.

218
00:09:18,847 --> 00:09:21,249
I didn't even pay for this hat.

219
00:09:21,282 --> 00:09:23,818
It's more than that.
I've been noticing stuff.

220
00:09:23,852 --> 00:09:25,920
He keeps thinking
we're going to Atlantic City.

221
00:09:25,954 --> 00:09:27,856
Like he's lost a step.

222
00:09:27,889 --> 00:09:30,024
I can't believe I'm saying
this, but I don't think

223
00:09:30,058 --> 00:09:31,860
he should have guns
around the house anymore.

224
00:09:31,893 --> 00:09:34,262
And I have to be the
jerk that tells him.

225
00:09:34,295 --> 00:09:36,164
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

226
00:09:36,197 --> 00:09:38,166
Hey, you talk to my dad,

227
00:09:38,199 --> 00:09:40,735
and I will wrestle your mother
into that bra.

228
00:09:40,769 --> 00:09:42,971
Yeah, now that I think about it,

229
00:09:43,004 --> 00:09:44,305
I think it might be awkward

230
00:09:44,338 --> 00:09:46,741
for you to force underwear
on my mom.

231
00:09:46,775 --> 00:09:48,309
Yeah.

232
00:09:48,342 --> 00:09:50,845
And I think you're the one
that has to talk to your dad.

233
00:09:50,879 --> 00:09:52,681
I know.

234
00:09:52,714 --> 00:09:54,215
Poor guy.

235
00:09:54,248 --> 00:09:57,819
I just... I hate
to hit him with this.

236
00:09:57,852 --> 00:10:00,354
Well, hey, there is
a silver lining.

237
00:10:00,388 --> 00:10:02,991
I mean, if you handle this now,
then you won't get shot

238
00:10:03,024 --> 00:10:04,793
when it's time
to take away his car keys.

239
00:10:12,366 --> 00:10:14,402
So, here's
the thing, Dad.

240
00:10:14,435 --> 00:10:15,970
I had another talk with Andi,

241
00:10:16,004 --> 00:10:19,007
and you need to get rid
of your guns.

242
00:10:20,474 --> 00:10:22,443
That's still a
classic. Yeah.

243
00:10:22,476 --> 00:10:24,412
You're not laughing.

244
00:10:24,445 --> 00:10:26,314
This time I'm serious.

245
00:10:26,347 --> 00:10:28,149
That thing at the range,
with your cell phone,

246
00:10:28,182 --> 00:10:29,784
that freaked me out.

247
00:10:29,818 --> 00:10:31,419
Oh, you were always
easily startled.

248
00:10:31,452 --> 00:10:33,955
Oh, that's true. He used to hate
his jack-in-the-box.

249
00:10:33,988 --> 00:10:36,925
Crank, crank, crank, cry.

250
00:10:36,958 --> 00:10:40,428
You know I'm right. That thing
at the range bothered you, too.

251
00:10:40,461 --> 00:10:42,463
Well, you're not
taking my guns.

252
00:10:42,496 --> 00:10:44,733
I have a constitutional
right to defend myself.

253
00:10:44,766 --> 00:10:45,666
From what?

254
00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:47,836
Snowflakes like you trying
to take my guns.

255
00:10:49,270 --> 00:10:51,339
Everybody eventually
slips a little.

256
00:10:51,372 --> 00:10:53,174
It's happening to me, too.

257
00:10:53,207 --> 00:10:54,743
I tried jumping rope with Emme,

258
00:10:54,776 --> 00:10:56,310
I almost had to go
to the hospital.

259
00:10:56,344 --> 00:10:58,212
Well, I won't do it.

260
00:10:58,246 --> 00:11:00,715
I've already given up
everything else worth having.

261
00:11:00,749 --> 00:11:04,052
Fried food,
hard liquor, tobacco.

262
00:11:04,085 --> 00:11:05,386
And that's the holy trinity.

263
00:11:05,419 --> 00:11:07,255
Ma, help me out here.

264
00:11:07,288 --> 00:11:09,123
She's not gonna
help you on this.

265
00:11:09,157 --> 00:11:11,225
Actually, I agree with Adam.

266
00:11:11,259 --> 00:11:12,260
Bev.

267
00:11:12,293 --> 00:11:14,262
Joe, y-you accidentally left me

268
00:11:14,295 --> 00:11:16,230
at the Kmart last week.

269
00:11:16,264 --> 00:11:19,333
Why are you assuming
that was an accident?

270
00:11:20,134 --> 00:11:21,903
Look, I'm sorry,
Dad, but...

271
00:11:21,936 --> 00:11:24,739
either give me the guns,
or...

272
00:11:24,773 --> 00:11:27,108
or the kids can't come
over here anymore.

273
00:11:27,141 --> 00:11:29,277
Well, then, that's how
it's gonna be.

274
00:11:29,310 --> 00:11:31,946
Wait, wait, we don't
get the kids now?

275
00:11:31,980 --> 00:11:33,948
Look, forget what I said.
Your dad's fine.

276
00:11:33,982 --> 00:11:35,316
Stop being a snowflake.

277
00:11:35,349 --> 00:11:37,451
Really, Dad?

278
00:11:37,485 --> 00:11:38,820
That's your choice?

279
00:11:38,853 --> 00:11:40,121
You heard me.

280
00:11:40,154 --> 00:11:42,824
All right, then,
I guess I'm leaving.

281
00:11:42,857 --> 00:11:44,325
Good.

282
00:11:44,358 --> 00:11:47,261
Try not to get scared by a
clown in a box on your way out.

283
00:11:48,262 --> 00:11:50,431
That thing is not a toy.

284
00:11:50,464 --> 00:11:53,034
It's a horror movie
with a handle.

285
00:11:56,838 --> 00:12:00,208
I can't believe
you tattled to my wife.

286
00:12:00,241 --> 00:12:02,110
Don, why would you shoot him?

287
00:12:02,143 --> 00:12:04,378
I thought you liked this one.

288
00:12:04,412 --> 00:12:05,379
It was an accident.

289
00:12:05,413 --> 00:12:07,281
Or was it? I think he was mad

290
00:12:07,315 --> 00:12:09,083
because I wouldn't give him
ranch dressing.

291
00:12:09,117 --> 00:12:10,885
Which is a child's condiment.

292
00:12:10,919 --> 00:12:13,354
Oh, you've got to give Don
his ranch, Lowell.

293
00:12:13,387 --> 00:12:15,924
How's he gonna eat?

294
00:12:15,957 --> 00:12:17,491
You owe me an apology.

295
00:12:17,525 --> 00:12:19,393
You really think
I shot you on purpose?

296
00:12:19,427 --> 00:12:22,096
That is very hurtful.

297
00:12:22,130 --> 00:12:24,265
Is it as hurtful as being hit
by a hunk of metal

298
00:12:24,298 --> 00:12:27,335
flying through the air
at 900 miles an hour?

299
00:12:27,368 --> 00:12:30,038
Well, I can't say, because
I've never been dumb enough

300
00:12:30,071 --> 00:12:31,572
to step in front of one.

301
00:12:31,605 --> 00:12:33,374
So that's a no on the apology.

302
00:12:33,407 --> 00:12:35,443
Fine. If you'll excuse me,

303
00:12:35,476 --> 00:12:38,079
I'm going to leave
while I still have my dignity.

304
00:12:38,112 --> 00:12:42,383
Ow. Ow. Ow.

305
00:12:42,416 --> 00:12:44,485
Ow, Don.

306
00:13:02,103 --> 00:13:03,471
I'm sorry
about that.

307
00:13:03,504 --> 00:13:05,907
But one day
you're gonna be better

308
00:13:05,940 --> 00:13:07,441
at this than me,
and I'll be okay with that.

309
00:13:07,475 --> 00:13:09,944
It's just the natural order
of things, okay?

310
00:13:14,548 --> 00:13:16,450
I win.

311
00:13:17,551 --> 00:13:20,121
Wow, it happens sooner
than you think.

312
00:13:21,355 --> 00:13:22,323
Don't worry.

313
00:13:22,356 --> 00:13:24,225
You can still beat Teddy.

314
00:13:27,428 --> 00:13:30,364
Hey.
Hey.

315
00:13:30,398 --> 00:13:31,332
I talked to your mom today.

316
00:13:31,365 --> 00:13:33,634
Your dad's still pretty
bent out of shape.

317
00:13:33,667 --> 00:13:36,070
He turned the hose on some
Mormons that came by,

318
00:13:36,104 --> 00:13:37,605
but not even that
cheered him up.

319
00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:40,474
Maybe you should
go over there...

320
00:13:40,508 --> 00:13:42,877
No, no, no, no, no.

321
00:13:42,911 --> 00:13:44,278
See, this is what my dad does.

322
00:13:44,312 --> 00:13:46,280
He acts out, then I feel guilty,

323
00:13:46,314 --> 00:13:48,082
and you always make me
go over there and talk to him.

324
00:13:48,116 --> 00:13:49,383
I'm not doing it this time.

325
00:13:49,417 --> 00:13:51,085
I don't always do that.

326
00:13:51,953 --> 00:13:54,222
Sometimes your mom does it.

327
00:13:54,255 --> 00:13:55,356
And I've been thinking about it.

328
00:13:55,389 --> 00:13:56,925
We're still going to Vegas.

329
00:13:56,958 --> 00:13:58,526
But who's gonna watch the kids?

330
00:13:58,559 --> 00:13:59,928
Well, we'll bring 'em along.

331
00:13:59,961 --> 00:14:01,229
We'll find someone
to watch 'em there.

332
00:14:01,262 --> 00:14:02,897
You can pay a woman
to do anything in Vegas.

333
00:14:04,198 --> 00:14:06,334
Hi, Adam.

334
00:14:06,367 --> 00:14:07,969
Oh, here comes the other one.
I don't care how mad he is,

335
00:14:08,002 --> 00:14:09,437
I'm not going over there.

336
00:14:09,470 --> 00:14:11,472
I just came to tell you
I've got your dad's guns

337
00:14:11,505 --> 00:14:13,107
in the trunk of my car.

338
00:14:13,141 --> 00:14:14,275
Seriously?

339
00:14:14,308 --> 00:14:15,977
Is Dad in there, too?

340
00:14:18,312 --> 00:14:21,015
H-He's not gonna pop out
like a jack

341
00:14:21,049 --> 00:14:23,651
No, he gave them up.

342
00:14:23,684 --> 00:14:25,486
He said he realized
you're right,

343
00:14:25,519 --> 00:14:29,490
and he has to confront the
reality of getting older.

344
00:14:32,260 --> 00:14:34,495
What did he really say?

345
00:14:34,528 --> 00:14:36,664
He said "Get these damn
things out of my house,"

346
00:14:36,697 --> 00:14:38,499
and something about his son
being dead to him,

347
00:14:38,532 --> 00:14:40,601
but he could've been talking
about Don.

348
00:14:42,336 --> 00:14:44,205
Adam, are

349
00:14:44,238 --> 00:14:47,341
I mean, you changed
two people's minds this week.

350
00:14:47,375 --> 00:14:50,144
I actually think you might be
able to get that bra on my mom.

351
00:14:51,379 --> 00:14:53,414
It'd be great if you could do it

352
00:14:53,447 --> 00:14:54,548
before Thanksgiving.
I don't want

353
00:14:54,582 --> 00:14:56,584
my mashed potatoes ruined again.

354
00:14:58,219 --> 00:14:59,387
Honey, what's wrong?

355
00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:01,389
You don't look happy.
Eh...

356
00:15:01,422 --> 00:15:04,392
I know my dad. That couldn't
have been easy for him.

357
00:15:04,425 --> 00:15:08,429
Oh, if only he had someone
to talk it through with.

358
00:15:08,462 --> 00:15:11,532
Oh, interesting, Bev.
Mm-hmm.

359
00:15:13,634 --> 00:15:17,571
But who should it be?

360
00:15:17,605 --> 00:15:20,041
Nice show, ladies.

361
00:15:21,275 --> 00:15:23,011
All right. I'm going.

362
00:15:23,044 --> 00:15:27,015
If he squirts me with the hose,
I'm taking that away, too.

363
00:15:27,048 --> 00:15:29,317
DON:
Hey, Lowell.

364
00:15:29,350 --> 00:15:31,419
What brings you by?

365
00:15:31,452 --> 00:15:33,287
Is she gonna hold me down
while you finish me off,

366
00:15:33,321 --> 00:15:34,455
execution style?

367
00:15:36,657 --> 00:15:40,628
We're here because when my
husband's unhappy, I'm unhappy.

368
00:15:40,661 --> 00:15:42,163
So let's fix this.

369
00:15:42,196 --> 00:15:43,497
Okay? You think

370
00:15:43,531 --> 00:15:45,133
that Don shot you because

371
00:15:45,166 --> 00:15:46,600
on some deeper level,
he was mad at you.

372
00:15:46,634 --> 00:15:50,138
But I-I know from experience,
Don only has one level.

373
00:15:50,171 --> 00:15:53,674
That's true.
I'm an emotional pancake, baby.

374
00:15:55,043 --> 00:15:56,677
But he is sorry.
So to make things right,

375
00:15:56,710 --> 00:15:58,312
there's only one solution.

376
00:15:58,346 --> 00:15:59,347
Lowell,

377
00:15:59,380 --> 00:16:01,515
shoot Don in the butt.

378
00:16:01,549 --> 00:16:04,118
What? That's crazy.

379
00:16:04,152 --> 00:16:05,453
Look, you're my friend,

380
00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:06,754
and if this will
make things okay between us,

381
00:16:06,787 --> 00:16:09,090
then I'm willing
to turn the other cheek.

382
00:16:09,123 --> 00:16:11,492
And let you shoot me in it.

383
00:16:11,525 --> 00:16:15,029
Aw. You've never called me
your friend before.

384
00:16:15,063 --> 00:16:16,230
I'll do it.

385
00:16:16,264 --> 00:16:17,665
What?

386
00:16:17,698 --> 00:16:19,533
Marcy, you said
he wouldn't do it.

387
00:16:19,567 --> 00:16:21,202
No, Lowell,
this was just a gesture.

388
00:16:21,235 --> 00:16:24,105
I can't let you
shoot my husband.

389
00:16:24,138 --> 00:16:25,673
I won't. I just wanted
to scare him a little.

390
00:16:27,341 --> 00:16:28,609
How do you put this
thing on safety?

391
00:16:28,642 --> 00:16:30,444
DON:
Ow!

392
00:16:31,312 --> 00:16:33,547
Eh, he had it coming.

393
00:16:37,651 --> 00:16:39,053
Hey.

394
00:16:39,087 --> 00:16:40,288
Hey.

395
00:16:44,258 --> 00:16:47,128
I heard you had a little fun
with the hose earlier.

396
00:16:47,161 --> 00:16:49,130
You're not taking that away.

397
00:16:49,163 --> 00:16:51,632
That nozzle's the last thing
I have with a trigger.

398
00:16:53,134 --> 00:16:56,537
I was just looking out for you.

399
00:16:56,570 --> 00:16:59,607
Well, you weren't entirely, uh,

400
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:03,711
100% completely... wrong.

401
00:17:03,744 --> 00:17:08,216
That might be the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.

402
00:17:08,249 --> 00:17:09,783
Look, I'm not mad at you.

403
00:17:09,817 --> 00:17:11,185
I'm mad at time.

404
00:17:11,219 --> 00:17:12,620
You know,

405
00:17:12,653 --> 00:17:14,188
some day one of your kids

406
00:17:14,222 --> 00:17:16,590
is gonna show up
and take away your stuff.

407
00:17:16,624 --> 00:17:18,426
Oof, you're right.

408
00:17:18,459 --> 00:17:19,727
It'll probably be Emme.

409
00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:22,163
She just kicked my ass
at checkers.

410
00:17:22,196 --> 00:17:23,697
It didn't feel good, did it?

411
00:17:23,731 --> 00:17:25,633
No.

412
00:17:25,666 --> 00:17:29,270
But you know, there are some
upsides to getting older.

413
00:17:29,303 --> 00:17:30,704
Yeah? Name one.

414
00:17:30,738 --> 00:17:32,306
Uh...

415
00:17:35,376 --> 00:17:37,345
You can give anyone you want
the finger,

416
00:17:37,378 --> 00:17:39,713
and they won't try
and fight you.

417
00:17:39,747 --> 00:17:41,815
Yeah, I do enjoy that.

418
00:17:41,849 --> 00:17:44,585
Oh, and if you don't want
to talk to someone,

419
00:17:44,618 --> 00:17:46,420
you just pretend
you can't hear 'em.

420
00:17:46,454 --> 00:17:47,421
What'd you say?

421
00:17:47,455 --> 00:17:49,190
I said if you don't want to t...

422
00:17:50,591 --> 00:17:52,560
Nice.
Ah, I'm still funnier than you.

423
00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:55,563
Eh? And I can
shoot straighter, too.

424
00:17:55,596 --> 00:17:57,265
I know, Dad.

425
00:17:57,298 --> 00:17:59,633
Look, nothing's changed.

426
00:17:59,667 --> 00:18:00,868
Okay?

427
00:18:04,538 --> 00:18:08,776
You know, the toughest part
about this whole thing is...

428
00:18:08,809 --> 00:18:11,812
when I'm not sure what to do,
I ask you.

429
00:18:12,780 --> 00:18:14,815
But because this was about you,

430
00:18:14,848 --> 00:18:17,785
I had to do it on my own.

431
00:18:17,818 --> 00:18:19,620
That's why it went so poorly.

432
00:18:20,654 --> 00:18:22,490
You know,

433
00:18:22,523 --> 00:18:24,825
I just thought
of another upside:

434
00:18:24,858 --> 00:18:26,927
if you do things right,

435
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:31,432
you raise a kid who cares enough
to really piss you off.

436
00:18:32,733 --> 00:18:34,768
And you are just full
of compliments today.

437
00:18:36,704 --> 00:18:39,507
Do I smell chicken,
or am I having a stroke?

438
00:18:39,540 --> 00:18:41,742
Oh, oh. You know, I figured,

439
00:18:41,775 --> 00:18:43,211
if you got to give something up,

440
00:18:43,244 --> 00:18:45,213
you should get
something back, right?

441
00:18:45,246 --> 00:18:47,848
Fried food,

442
00:18:47,881 --> 00:18:49,683
hard liquor....
Ah.

443
00:18:49,717 --> 00:18:50,884
...and tobacco.

444
00:18:50,918 --> 00:18:52,253
The holy trinity.
The holy trinity.

445
00:18:52,286 --> 00:18:54,255
Eh?

446
00:18:54,288 --> 00:18:55,889
Ah. Ooh.

447
00:18:55,923 --> 00:18:57,558
These are Cubans, huh?

448
00:18:57,591 --> 00:18:59,927
Those Commies know
how to roll a stogie.

449
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,596
And Mom never has to know.

450
00:19:02,630 --> 00:19:03,931
Oh, she doesn't scare me.

451
00:19:03,964 --> 00:19:05,533
But we better crack a window.

452
00:19:05,566 --> 00:19:07,167
She's got guns now.

453
00:19:08,236 --> 00:19:09,803
I'm back, baby.

454
00:19:18,979 --> 00:19:22,616
All right, that's the guns
all locked up.

455
00:19:22,650 --> 00:19:24,885
Listen, Dad. If you ever
want to go shooting,

456
00:19:24,918 --> 00:19:27,421
I'd be happy to take you
to the range.
Sounds good.

457
00:19:27,455 --> 00:19:29,523
There's a great chicken joint
on that side of town.

458
00:19:29,557 --> 00:19:30,924
Ooh.
Okay, you can stop
with the whispering.

459
00:19:30,958 --> 00:19:32,593
I know about the fried chicken.

460
00:19:32,626 --> 00:19:34,428
Our house smells
like Colonel Sanders got drunk

461
00:19:34,462 --> 00:19:35,729
and caught on fire.

462
00:19:36,797 --> 00:19:37,798
Okay, Bev, so we'll drop

463
00:19:37,831 --> 00:19:39,267
the kids by Friday afternoon

464
00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:40,368
on our way to the airport?

465
00:19:40,401 --> 00:19:41,469
Oh, we won't be home then.

466
00:19:41,502 --> 00:19:42,503
It's been a
stressful week,

467
00:19:42,536 --> 00:19:45,639
and Joe wants to get out
of town for a few days.

468
00:19:45,673 --> 00:19:47,941
Yeah, all that Vegas talk
put me in the mood.

469
00:19:47,975 --> 00:19:51,512
What?
You take away my guns,
I take away your Vegas.

470
00:19:51,545 --> 00:19:53,314
Captioning sponsored by
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471
00:19:56,917 --> 00:20:00,921
Captioned by
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