1
00:00:01,323 --> 00:00:03,024
MAN WITH A PLAN #210
"We Can Be Heroes"
Closed Captioned

2
00:00:03,158 --> 00:00:04,393
What happened to donuts?

3
00:00:04,426 --> 00:00:06,561
This thing is mostly hole.

4
00:00:06,595 --> 00:00:08,797
I think they're making
the middle bigger.

5
00:00:08,830 --> 00:00:11,066
I bought a dozen donuts
and a dozen donut holes.

6
00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:13,202
They don't match up.
Somebody's getting rich.

7
00:00:13,235 --> 00:00:15,470
Huh.

8
00:00:15,504 --> 00:00:17,206
Hey, there they are.

9
00:00:17,239 --> 00:00:18,807
How'd the, uh,
doctors appointments go?

10
00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:22,111
Turns out Teddy needs
glasses, like, a lot.

11
00:00:22,144 --> 00:00:25,314
The doctor was
pretty judgmental.

12
00:00:25,347 --> 00:00:26,748
I got, like,
six lollipops.

13
00:00:26,781 --> 00:00:29,684
I got nothing
because I'm perfect.

14
00:00:29,718 --> 00:00:31,052
Aw.

15
00:00:32,121 --> 00:00:33,322
Well, don't worry
about it, buddy.

16
00:00:33,355 --> 00:00:36,258
We'll get it handled.
Go get a snack.

17
00:00:36,291 --> 00:00:38,227
He needs glasses.

18
00:00:38,260 --> 00:00:40,762
That explains so much.

19
00:00:40,795 --> 00:00:43,732
Also, Katie needs braces.

20
00:00:43,765 --> 00:00:45,834
Ugh, I'm gonna
look so dorky.

21
00:00:45,867 --> 00:00:47,836
Can I please get
the plastic invisible ones?

22
00:00:47,869 --> 00:00:49,238
I don't see why not.

23
00:00:49,271 --> 00:00:50,305
They're $6,000.

24
00:00:50,339 --> 00:00:52,241
I see exactly why not.

25
00:00:52,274 --> 00:00:54,276
Great.
Well, I'll have metal mouth.

26
00:00:54,309 --> 00:00:56,345
Guess you can use my face
to open your beers.

27
00:00:56,378 --> 00:00:58,513
That's the spirit.

28
00:01:00,382 --> 00:01:02,184
Braces and glasses.
Yeah.

29
00:01:02,217 --> 00:01:04,286
You're gonna need
some quick cash.
Yeah.

30
00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:05,820
Well, I've got an idea.

31
00:01:05,854 --> 00:01:08,290
How would you feel
about taking a tumble

32
00:01:08,323 --> 00:01:10,292
down the escalator
at the mall?

33
00:01:10,325 --> 00:01:12,561
I know a guy.
He can push you.

34
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:14,163
You don't even
need the courage.

35
00:01:14,196 --> 00:01:16,398
We'll be fine.

36
00:01:16,431 --> 00:01:18,167
We have insurance.

37
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:20,435
But you came up with that
escalator thing pretty quick.

38
00:01:20,469 --> 00:01:22,837
Next time we go to the mall,
you're walking in front.

39
00:01:25,907 --> 00:01:26,941
Look at this.

40
00:01:26,975 --> 00:01:30,212
Our insurance only gives us
$30 for Teddy's glasses.

41
00:01:30,245 --> 00:01:31,713
Where are we supposed
to buy them?

42
00:01:31,746 --> 00:01:33,748
The spinny thing
at the drugstore?

43
00:01:33,782 --> 00:01:36,618
Well, the drugstore
has good stuff.

44
00:01:36,651 --> 00:01:39,388
That's where I get
my sexy sweatpants you like.

45
00:01:40,622 --> 00:01:42,724
And check this out.

46
00:01:42,757 --> 00:01:44,459
The deductible
for Katie's braces

47
00:01:44,493 --> 00:01:46,361
is more than the cost
of the actual braces.

48
00:01:46,395 --> 00:01:48,263
Well, they do
cover leg braces.

49
00:01:50,532 --> 00:01:53,802
Might as well get her those
if they're giving them away.

50
00:01:53,835 --> 00:01:55,737
Ugh, we can't
afford all this.

51
00:01:55,770 --> 00:01:57,672
Ugh.
Well, the orthodontist
has financing.

52
00:01:57,706 --> 00:01:59,474
He gave me a brochure,

53
00:01:59,508 --> 00:02:03,212
but I dropped it when Teddy
walked into the fish tank.

54
00:02:03,245 --> 00:02:04,513
He really can't see.

55
00:02:04,546 --> 00:02:06,448
We should be ashamed
of ourselves.

56
00:02:06,481 --> 00:02:08,250
The Burns men
don't do financing.

57
00:02:08,283 --> 00:02:09,751
You end up paying triple.

58
00:02:09,784 --> 00:02:11,620
Be cheaper to just
send Katie to England

59
00:02:11,653 --> 00:02:13,688
to live with the rest
of the snaggle-toothers.

60
00:02:15,990 --> 00:02:19,594
Well, we have to find
the money somewhere.

61
00:02:20,895 --> 00:02:24,399
Maybe we should go to the mall
and talk about it.

62
00:02:24,433 --> 00:02:28,503
I'm not falling down
an escalator, Andi.

63
00:02:28,537 --> 00:02:31,206
Why not?
You fall off stuff all the time.

64
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:32,707
Let's start making some money.

65
00:02:38,313 --> 00:02:40,382
Hey, pretty lady.

66
00:02:41,450 --> 00:02:43,218
I'm wearing my drugstore sweats.

67
00:02:43,252 --> 00:02:45,287
Let's get crazy.

68
00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:49,624
You know what's crazy is
how tight our budget already is.

69
00:02:49,658 --> 00:02:52,294
So fooling around is out?

70
00:02:52,327 --> 00:02:54,829
Okay, let's talk money.

71
00:02:54,863 --> 00:02:56,631
What's in our
rainy day fund?

72
00:02:56,665 --> 00:02:58,700
$175. Yeah.

73
00:02:58,733 --> 00:02:59,968
Which one of Kate's teeth

74
00:03:00,001 --> 00:03:01,770
would you like
to straighten with that?

75
00:03:01,803 --> 00:03:04,773
I thought we agreed to keep
that tone out of the bedroom.

76
00:03:04,806 --> 00:03:06,941
Okay, well, I printed out
our budget.

77
00:03:06,975 --> 00:03:09,711
And, uh, this page
is our necessities.

78
00:03:09,744 --> 00:03:11,946
You know, mortgage,
groceries, stuff like that.

79
00:03:11,980 --> 00:03:14,683
And this page
is our extras.

80
00:03:14,716 --> 00:03:18,420
And, um, your cable
sports packages

81
00:03:18,453 --> 00:03:19,988
seem to be our
biggest extra.

82
00:03:20,021 --> 00:03:22,857
Hold on. No sex, no sports?

83
00:03:22,891 --> 00:03:24,793
I'm sorry I even came in here.

84
00:03:24,826 --> 00:03:27,562
I'm not giving up
my sports packages.

85
00:03:27,596 --> 00:03:29,564
Adam, you bought,
like, eight of them.

86
00:03:29,598 --> 00:03:31,800
I mean, you shouldn't have more
sports channels than children.

87
00:03:31,833 --> 00:03:33,802
Then let's have
more children.

88
00:03:33,835 --> 00:03:36,338
No. Forget I said that.

89
00:03:36,371 --> 00:03:38,340
Look, Andi,
these sports packages

90
00:03:38,373 --> 00:03:40,609
are the only thing I have left
that makes me happy.

91
00:03:40,642 --> 00:03:43,345
Well, besides you and the kids.
Blah, blah, blah.

92
00:03:43,378 --> 00:03:45,013
Look, I know
you love them,

93
00:03:45,046 --> 00:03:47,482
but I-I-I think
they have to go.

94
00:03:47,516 --> 00:03:50,352
The kids? Okay.

95
00:03:50,385 --> 00:03:52,587
But wait a minute, hold on.
What about your extras?

96
00:03:52,621 --> 00:03:54,022
Maybe we can get rid
of one of those.

97
00:03:54,055 --> 00:03:55,957
No, I don't have
any extras.

98
00:03:55,990 --> 00:03:58,360
I already gave them
all up for the family.

99
00:03:58,393 --> 00:04:00,362
Oh.

100
00:04:00,395 --> 00:04:02,897
Then I guess there's
no coming back from that.

101
00:04:02,931 --> 00:04:06,668
Fine, okay.
I'll cancel my sports packages.

102
00:04:06,701 --> 00:04:09,938
I know it hurts, honey, but
you're doing the right thing.

103
00:04:09,971 --> 00:04:12,641
If it helps,
you're kind of being a hero.

104
00:04:12,674 --> 00:04:14,943
A hero, huh?

105
00:04:14,976 --> 00:04:16,411
That does help.

106
00:04:17,111 --> 00:04:19,314
Hero. As in...

107
00:04:19,348 --> 00:04:22,317
I'd like to dedicate
this Nobel Prize to my father,

108
00:04:22,351 --> 00:04:24,052
Adam Burns, the real hero.

109
00:04:24,085 --> 00:04:26,421
Whatever gets you there, babe.

110
00:04:27,956 --> 00:04:29,591
Ugh, the only thing is

111
00:04:29,624 --> 00:04:31,460
I don't know how
I'm gonna tell the guys.

112
00:04:31,493 --> 00:04:33,094
They love coming over here
to watch the games.

113
00:04:33,127 --> 00:04:35,664
Our house is where
Pittsburgh comes to play.

114
00:04:35,697 --> 00:04:39,534
I know, honey,
but I guess from now on,

115
00:04:39,568 --> 00:04:41,836
Pittsburgh's just gonna
have to play with itself.

116
00:04:43,905 --> 00:04:47,342
I know how
Pittsburgh feels.

117
00:04:47,376 --> 00:04:49,711
*

118
00:04:58,587 --> 00:04:59,954
(sportscast playing,
men groaning)

119
00:04:59,988 --> 00:05:02,524
Okay, I know this is your
last sports package game,

120
00:05:02,557 --> 00:05:04,993
but on the upside,
I made mini pizzas.

121
00:05:06,928 --> 00:05:09,898
I'm torn. I'm mad at you
for taking away our sports,

122
00:05:09,931 --> 00:05:12,401
but I'm impressed
by these tiny pepperonis.

123
00:05:12,434 --> 00:05:14,803
What did you use,
a hole punch?

124
00:05:14,836 --> 00:05:16,571
I just nibbled them
down to size.

125
00:05:20,875 --> 00:05:22,544
Man, this stinks.

126
00:05:22,577 --> 00:05:24,946
If I'm not here watching
the game, I have to go home.

127
00:05:24,979 --> 00:05:26,815
That's where my wife lives.

128
00:05:29,083 --> 00:05:31,553
This is our time
and Andi took it.

129
00:05:31,586 --> 00:05:32,854
I fought hard
to get in here.

130
00:05:32,887 --> 00:05:34,889
I'm not gonna lose it just
because you took a vow

131
00:05:34,923 --> 00:05:36,758
with some hussy
you met in a bar.

132
00:05:36,791 --> 00:05:38,026
Look, I know it's tough,

133
00:05:38,059 --> 00:05:40,161
but some situations
call for a hero,

134
00:05:40,194 --> 00:05:41,830
a man who's
willing to step up

135
00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:43,565
and do what's right
for his family.

136
00:05:43,598 --> 00:05:44,899
Well, can you
find that guy

137
00:05:44,933 --> 00:05:47,469
and ask him to bring me
a regular size pizza?

138
00:05:50,439 --> 00:05:52,407
Okay, Dad, you and Mom
were always on a budget.

139
00:05:52,441 --> 00:05:54,709
How did you pay for stuff when
Don and I were growing up?

140
00:05:54,743 --> 00:05:57,078
Well, we just chose the kid
with the most potential

141
00:05:57,111 --> 00:06:00,482
and spent
our resources on him.

142
00:06:00,515 --> 00:06:03,618
In our case,
that was Donny.

143
00:06:03,652 --> 00:06:04,619
Thanks, Pop.

144
00:06:04,653 --> 00:06:07,021
You chose him?

145
00:06:07,055 --> 00:06:08,790
Well, he seemed
like the better bet.

146
00:06:08,823 --> 00:06:10,525
He was bigger
and he talked more.

147
00:06:10,559 --> 00:06:15,630
You just sat there chewing
on your fist like an apple.

148
00:06:15,664 --> 00:06:17,031
I was a baby.

149
00:06:17,065 --> 00:06:19,033
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

150
00:06:19,067 --> 00:06:20,735
Is that why I always
got cheese sandwiches

151
00:06:20,769 --> 00:06:21,870
and he got bologna?

152
00:06:21,903 --> 00:06:23,505
Exactly. And it worked.

153
00:06:23,538 --> 00:06:26,775
Look how tall he is,
like a redwood.

154
00:06:26,808 --> 00:06:29,544
I am majestic.
Thanks again, Pop.

155
00:06:31,245 --> 00:06:34,048
I could never do
that with my kids.

156
00:06:34,082 --> 00:06:36,184
Andi wouldn't let me.

157
00:06:36,217 --> 00:06:38,152
Listen, if you want
your sports back,

158
00:06:38,186 --> 00:06:40,088
you better cut something else
from this budget.

159
00:06:40,121 --> 00:06:42,090
Where did you get that?

160
00:06:42,123 --> 00:06:44,192
I took the long way
to the bathroom.

161
00:06:44,225 --> 00:06:47,095
Folder said "private."
Got me interested.

162
00:06:49,263 --> 00:06:51,533
Who's Josephine?

163
00:06:51,566 --> 00:06:52,801
Give me that.

164
00:06:54,836 --> 00:06:56,805
Wow. Who is Josephine?

165
00:06:56,838 --> 00:06:58,907
She costs a fortune.
No, no, no, no.

166
00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:00,675
You don't need to look
at that. You don't...

167
00:07:00,709 --> 00:07:02,043
Just enjoy your pizzas.

168
00:07:02,076 --> 00:07:04,112
I ate two pounds of
pepperoni for those.

169
00:07:06,114 --> 00:07:07,749
Tell me who Josephine is.

170
00:07:07,782 --> 00:07:09,818
She's my hairdresser.

171
00:07:09,851 --> 00:07:12,053
Yeah. Josephine
makes my hair all,

172
00:07:12,086 --> 00:07:16,157
you know, silky and, you
know, all this one color.

173
00:07:19,961 --> 00:07:22,463
I could do that for free.

174
00:07:23,297 --> 00:07:24,766
Strip it, prime it, paint it.

175
00:07:24,799 --> 00:07:26,701
I've done it a million times.

176
00:07:27,736 --> 00:07:29,771
Wait, why did you put

177
00:07:29,804 --> 00:07:32,206
your hair salon
under necessities?

178
00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:33,742
So you wouldn't see it.

179
00:07:33,775 --> 00:07:35,009
Yeah.

180
00:07:35,043 --> 00:07:36,277
See, I showed
you the extras

181
00:07:36,310 --> 00:07:37,879
and then I held back
the necessities.

182
00:07:37,912 --> 00:07:39,881
It was all very
well thought-out.

183
00:07:39,914 --> 00:07:41,816
So you're just
shuffling cash around?

184
00:07:41,850 --> 00:07:43,184
That's money laundering.

185
00:07:44,218 --> 00:07:46,921
You rigged this whole thing.
Rigged!

186
00:07:46,955 --> 00:07:48,957
You know, there's no cheaper way
to see my game.

187
00:07:48,990 --> 00:07:50,024
None!

188
00:07:50,058 --> 00:07:52,226
But you could easily find
a bargain hair place.

189
00:07:52,260 --> 00:07:53,662
Do it!

190
00:07:55,897 --> 00:07:58,199
All right, Lowell,
I can handle this.

191
00:07:58,232 --> 00:08:00,234
Then handle it, man.

192
00:08:06,307 --> 00:08:07,609
What's with him?

193
00:08:07,642 --> 00:08:09,510
I don't know.
He had a wine spritzer.

194
00:08:10,912 --> 00:08:13,882
Look, honey, Josephine
is a necessity.

195
00:08:13,915 --> 00:08:15,617
All right? It's not
just a haircut.

196
00:08:15,650 --> 00:08:17,886
She rubs my shoulders.
She listens to me vent.

197
00:08:17,919 --> 00:08:20,121
You know that-that time
with her, it keeps me going.

198
00:08:20,154 --> 00:08:22,156
It's my last happy thing.

199
00:08:22,190 --> 00:08:25,293
It... besides you and the
kids and blah, blah, blah.

200
00:08:25,326 --> 00:08:27,896
Well, that's how I feel
about my sports.

201
00:08:27,929 --> 00:08:30,298
It's a few hours a week
where I don't have to worry

202
00:08:30,331 --> 00:08:32,300
about all the stuff
I have to worry about.

203
00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:36,137
For example, you keeping
two sets of books like the mob.

204
00:08:36,170 --> 00:08:39,641
Well, I don't want to
give up my one last thing.

205
00:08:39,674 --> 00:08:41,643
Well, I don't want
to give up mine, either.

206
00:08:41,676 --> 00:08:44,012
Well, look, one if us gonna
have to bite the bullet.

207
00:08:44,045 --> 00:08:45,113
You're right.

208
00:08:45,146 --> 00:08:48,282
I think I know a way
we can settle this like adults.

209
00:08:48,316 --> 00:08:49,283
Then settle it.

210
00:08:49,317 --> 00:08:51,853
All right. Lowell.

211
00:08:51,886 --> 00:08:54,222
You're gonna have to go
take a walk or something.

212
00:09:00,361 --> 00:09:01,295
Okay, what's your plan?

213
00:09:01,329 --> 00:09:02,731
How are we gonna settle
this like adults?

214
00:09:02,764 --> 00:09:04,232
Rock, paper, scissors.

215
00:09:04,265 --> 00:09:05,834
Ready?
Yeah.

216
00:09:05,867 --> 00:09:07,335
BOTH:
One, two...
Wait, wait, wait.

217
00:09:07,368 --> 00:09:09,137
I want this to be fair.

218
00:09:09,170 --> 00:09:11,740
So, I have to tell you,
I know you're gonna do rock.

219
00:09:11,773 --> 00:09:13,007
You always do rock.

220
00:09:13,041 --> 00:09:16,010
Well, that's because I disagree
that anything could beat rock.

221
00:09:16,044 --> 00:09:17,211
Paper beats rock.

222
00:09:17,245 --> 00:09:19,213
Okay, you throw
a piece of paper at me,

223
00:09:19,247 --> 00:09:22,083
I'll throw a rock at you,
let's see who's happier.

224
00:09:22,116 --> 00:09:24,819
Okay, forget I said
anything. Ready?

225
00:09:24,853 --> 00:09:26,154
BOTH:
One, two...
Wait, wait, wait.

226
00:09:26,187 --> 00:09:27,756
Okay, now that you know
I'm gonna throw rock,

227
00:09:27,789 --> 00:09:28,890
I'm gonna change it.

228
00:09:28,923 --> 00:09:32,627
So you're still going with rock?

229
00:09:32,661 --> 00:09:34,729
Well, that was the plan,
but I'm really gonna change it.

230
00:09:34,763 --> 00:09:36,831
Okay, here we go.

231
00:09:36,865 --> 00:09:38,366
Winner keeps
their favorite thing.

232
00:09:38,399 --> 00:09:40,001
Loser gives it up.

233
00:09:40,034 --> 00:09:42,003
BOTH:
One, two, three, shoot.

234
00:09:42,036 --> 00:09:44,773
That's what
I'm talking about.

235
00:09:44,806 --> 00:09:46,274
Paper crushes rock.

236
00:09:46,307 --> 00:09:48,877
I double outsmarted you.
Right
I know.

237
00:09:48,910 --> 00:09:51,245
I had a good 15-year
winning streak there,

238
00:09:51,279 --> 00:09:55,183
but you got me, so I will
cancel my hair place.

239
00:09:58,052 --> 00:10:01,122
Are you gonna be generous
and classy about this?

240
00:10:01,155 --> 00:10:02,991
Yeah.

241
00:10:03,024 --> 00:10:04,859
Well, it's no fun
to beat someone

242
00:10:04,893 --> 00:10:06,394
who's generous and classy.

243
00:10:06,427 --> 00:10:09,731
Aw, all right, all right, look.
How about this?

244
00:10:09,764 --> 00:10:11,800
How about if we both
give up our favorite thing?

245
00:10:11,833 --> 00:10:13,668
Really?

246
00:10:13,702 --> 00:10:15,403
Hey, the only way
we can both be happy

247
00:10:15,436 --> 00:10:16,905
is if we're both unhappy.

248
00:10:16,938 --> 00:10:18,740
Right?

249
00:10:18,773 --> 00:10:21,042
That's what marriage is.

250
00:10:21,075 --> 00:10:24,212
Got to say, I'm impressed.

251
00:10:24,245 --> 00:10:25,747
Yeah?
Hmm.

252
00:10:25,780 --> 00:10:28,049
Well, you should be.
I mean, most people,

253
00:10:28,082 --> 00:10:30,451
they have to read
about what a hero does.

254
00:10:30,484 --> 00:10:32,821
But you, you're getting
to see it firsthand.

255
00:10:32,854 --> 00:10:35,323
You're... you're
a lucky lady.

256
00:10:39,460 --> 00:10:41,696
What are you watching?

257
00:10:41,730 --> 00:10:43,097
Well, all the sports
are gone

258
00:10:43,131 --> 00:10:44,833
so I'm watching
The Weather Channel.

259
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:49,838
San Diego's beating Buffalo
by 60 degrees.

260
00:10:50,872 --> 00:10:52,440
Hey, buddy.

261
00:10:52,473 --> 00:10:54,075
Now that you got
your new glasses,

262
00:10:54,108 --> 00:10:55,910
let me try something.

263
00:10:55,944 --> 00:10:56,978
Catch.

264
00:10:58,112 --> 00:11:00,915
I knew you could do that!

265
00:11:00,949 --> 00:11:03,051
I'm good at stuff!

266
00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:07,221
Well, hopefully he can
hit the toilet now.

267
00:11:10,158 --> 00:11:11,225
Hey, honey.

268
00:11:13,895 --> 00:11:15,229
What's wrong?

269
00:11:15,263 --> 00:11:17,198
I went to Jiffy Cuts.

270
00:11:17,231 --> 00:11:18,733
Huh?

271
00:11:18,767 --> 00:11:20,201
And this happened.

272
00:11:22,904 --> 00:11:24,338
Oh, boy.

273
00:11:24,372 --> 00:11:27,241
My new hairdresser,
whose name is Cricket,

274
00:11:27,275 --> 00:11:30,344
was texting her boyfriend,
whose name is Sledge.

275
00:11:30,378 --> 00:11:34,148
This country is doomed.

276
00:11:34,182 --> 00:11:37,118
She was distracted,
so instead of using brown dye,

277
00:11:37,151 --> 00:11:38,252
she used bleach.

278
00:11:38,286 --> 00:11:40,288
Oh, but...

279
00:11:40,321 --> 00:11:43,024
the good news is that while
she was shampooing my hair,

280
00:11:43,057 --> 00:11:45,093
her nose ring
fell into my mouth.

281
00:11:48,863 --> 00:11:51,866
Sounds like you had
a jam-packed morning.

282
00:11:53,201 --> 00:11:54,502
But didn't it feel good
to save money?

283
00:11:54,535 --> 00:11:55,904
Huh? Come on.

284
00:11:55,937 --> 00:11:57,238
It's for the kids.

285
00:11:57,271 --> 00:11:59,240
Oh, you're right.
You're right.

286
00:11:59,273 --> 00:12:01,976
This is, this is all so Katie
can have straight teeth.

287
00:12:02,010 --> 00:12:03,377
Yeah, and Teddy,
with his new glasses,

288
00:12:03,411 --> 00:12:05,379
I threw him the ball
and he caught it.

289
00:12:05,413 --> 00:12:06,747
And not with his face.

290
00:12:07,916 --> 00:12:09,818
We're doing great things here.

291
00:12:09,851 --> 00:12:10,852
Yes, we are.

292
00:12:10,885 --> 00:12:13,121
It's all worth it.
Yeah.

293
00:12:13,154 --> 00:12:15,356
And we can save even more money
on Halloween.

294
00:12:15,389 --> 00:12:16,490
Huh?

295
00:12:16,524 --> 00:12:18,126
Do you need to buy a costume?

296
00:12:18,159 --> 00:12:20,761
No, you're already wearing it
on your head.

297
00:12:28,302 --> 00:12:29,904
Hey.

298
00:12:33,474 --> 00:12:35,143
What's going on?

299
00:12:35,176 --> 00:12:37,278
We're having
an intervention.
Wha...?

300
00:12:37,311 --> 00:12:39,313
You let Andi
take away our sports.

301
00:12:39,347 --> 00:12:41,415
You never handled it, man.

302
00:12:41,449 --> 00:12:43,885
I blame myself.

303
00:12:43,918 --> 00:12:46,154
Maybe if you'd had a
little bologna as a kid,

304
00:12:46,187 --> 00:12:47,889
you could stand up
to your wife.

305
00:12:47,922 --> 00:12:50,992
Okay, look,
this is hard on me, too.

306
00:12:51,025 --> 00:12:53,127
That was my thing,
my very last thing,

307
00:12:53,161 --> 00:12:55,296
but I told Andi I'd give it up.

308
00:12:55,329 --> 00:12:56,530
But she played dirty.

309
00:12:56,564 --> 00:12:58,299
She didn't even tell you
about her hair lady.

310
00:12:58,332 --> 00:12:59,533
That's true.

311
00:12:59,567 --> 00:13:01,302
And who won rock,
paper, scissors?

312
00:13:01,335 --> 00:13:03,037
I did.

313
00:13:03,071 --> 00:13:05,206
I double outsmarted her.

314
00:13:05,239 --> 00:13:08,042
Did you?

315
00:13:08,076 --> 00:13:11,112
But now I'm stuck watching
cooking shows with Marcy.

316
00:13:11,145 --> 00:13:13,281
I'm real sad, brother.

317
00:13:13,314 --> 00:13:14,883
You hear that?

318
00:13:14,916 --> 00:13:16,184
Do something, boy.

319
00:13:16,217 --> 00:13:18,386
You just made a
mighty redwood cry.

320
00:13:24,425 --> 00:13:26,527
Teddy, where are your glasses?

321
00:13:29,263 --> 00:13:31,065
I lost them.

322
00:13:31,099 --> 00:13:32,133
Already?

323
00:13:32,166 --> 00:13:33,434
I'm not used to having them.

324
00:13:33,467 --> 00:13:35,303
When I go somewhere,
everything else on my face

325
00:13:35,336 --> 00:13:36,304
just comes with me.

326
00:13:36,337 --> 00:13:38,239
Okay, well, go look for 'em.

327
00:13:38,272 --> 00:13:40,374
Your dad's in the garage.
I'll go get him to help.

328
00:13:40,408 --> 00:13:43,111
Okay, Kate, your last
meal before braces,

329
00:13:43,144 --> 00:13:44,478
just like you ordered.

330
00:13:44,512 --> 00:13:49,383
Popcorn, salt water taffy
and beef jerky.

331
00:13:49,417 --> 00:13:51,419
You know, those three things
are gonna meet in your stomach

332
00:13:51,452 --> 00:13:53,121
and they are
not gonna be friends.

333
00:13:53,154 --> 00:13:55,489
I don't even want braces.

334
00:13:55,523 --> 00:13:58,159
How about this:
just give me the money

335
00:13:58,192 --> 00:14:00,995
and I'll push my teeth together
with my fingers. Huh? See.

336
00:14:01,029 --> 00:14:04,365
Honey, I know it
stinks, all right?

337
00:14:04,398 --> 00:14:06,901
But if it helps,
it-it stinks for all of us.

338
00:14:06,935 --> 00:14:08,903
I mean, your dad
gave up his sports

339
00:14:08,937 --> 00:14:12,941
and I look like I'm trying
to murder 101 Dalmatians.

340
00:14:15,109 --> 00:14:16,945
Oh!

341
00:14:16,978 --> 00:14:18,980
I hope Andi doesn't find out
you bought the sports package

342
00:14:19,013 --> 00:14:20,381
on the Internet!

343
00:14:20,414 --> 00:14:22,383
It would help if
you didn't scream it

344
00:14:22,416 --> 00:14:24,118
at the top of your lungs.

345
00:14:24,152 --> 00:14:25,353
My bad!

346
00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:27,922
Oh, Crosby stole the puck.
Come on.

347
00:14:27,956 --> 00:14:28,990
Come on.
Go, go.

348
00:14:31,993 --> 00:14:33,461
Yeah!

349
00:14:33,494 --> 00:14:36,530
Hey! Look who's here.

350
00:14:36,564 --> 00:14:38,399
What's going on?

351
00:14:38,432 --> 00:14:40,234
Uh, okay,
it's not what you think.

352
00:14:40,268 --> 00:14:44,338
We were, um,
watching an adult movie.

353
00:14:44,372 --> 00:14:46,474
Really?
Mm.

354
00:14:46,507 --> 00:14:49,410
'Cause there was
a lot of high-fiving.

355
00:14:49,443 --> 00:14:52,546
It was very inspirational.

356
00:14:52,580 --> 00:14:56,017
Okay, look, I canceled all the
cable sports like I promised,

357
00:14:56,050 --> 00:14:58,352
but due to the miracle
of technology,

358
00:14:58,386 --> 00:15:00,488
I found all the games
on the Internet.

359
00:15:00,521 --> 00:15:01,956
For free?

360
00:15:01,990 --> 00:15:04,425
Free of you knowing about it.

361
00:15:04,458 --> 00:15:08,562
So you were just gonna hide the
expense in the Internet bill?

362
00:15:08,596 --> 00:15:09,563
Well...

363
00:15:09,597 --> 00:15:11,032
Whose idea was this?

364
00:15:11,065 --> 00:15:13,601
It was mine and I'm not sorry.

365
00:15:14,735 --> 00:15:15,703
You might be the wife,

366
00:15:15,736 --> 00:15:18,472
but I'm the hockey buddy;
I have a voice here.

367
00:15:18,506 --> 00:15:20,441
Really, Lowell?

368
00:15:20,474 --> 00:15:22,710
You really want to
go up against the wife?

369
00:15:22,743 --> 00:15:26,080
To be honest,
I'm losing steam.

370
00:15:27,215 --> 00:15:29,183
How was this even
supposed to work?

371
00:15:29,217 --> 00:15:30,584
I was ten feet away.

372
00:15:30,618 --> 00:15:32,220
Well, we had a plan.

373
00:15:32,253 --> 00:15:35,089
My dad was supposed
to be a lookout.

374
00:15:35,123 --> 00:15:38,159
Oh, yeah.
Your wife's coming.

375
00:15:45,399 --> 00:15:47,168
I can't believe you bought
the sports packages again.

376
00:15:47,201 --> 00:15:50,738
Okay, I admit, it looks
bad, but you know what?

377
00:15:50,771 --> 00:15:54,075
I won rock, paper, scissors
fair and square.

378
00:15:54,108 --> 00:15:57,011
Okay, that's school yard rules,
no backsies.

379
00:15:57,045 --> 00:15:59,347
That's your argument?

380
00:15:59,380 --> 00:16:01,349
Well, originally
it was Don's argument,

381
00:16:01,382 --> 00:16:03,217
which explains
why it isn't working.

382
00:16:03,251 --> 00:16:06,120
Actually, it's true.

383
00:16:06,154 --> 00:16:08,489
It is? I mean, it is.

384
00:16:08,522 --> 00:16:10,291
Look, I'll tell you what.

385
00:16:10,324 --> 00:16:12,626
I already gave up Josephine,
you have your sports back.

386
00:16:12,660 --> 00:16:14,128
Everything works out.

387
00:16:14,162 --> 00:16:16,064
Plus, four more punches
on my Jiffy Cuts card

388
00:16:16,097 --> 00:16:18,766
and I get a free beer koozie.

389
00:16:18,799 --> 00:16:22,770
Mm-hmm. So I do something
sneaky and you just give up?

390
00:16:24,072 --> 00:16:26,074
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

391
00:16:26,107 --> 00:16:28,409
The hairs on the back of
my neck are standing up.

392
00:16:28,442 --> 00:16:29,543
What's the catch?

393
00:16:29,577 --> 00:16:31,679
There's no catch.
I'm happy to do it.

394
00:16:31,712 --> 00:16:33,681
You know,
and years from now,

395
00:16:33,714 --> 00:16:35,516
when the kids are
accepting some award,

396
00:16:35,549 --> 00:16:37,451
they'll probably thank me
for being such a hero

397
00:16:37,485 --> 00:16:39,053
or, I don't know,
something like that.

398
00:16:39,087 --> 00:16:41,389
Wait, wait, wait,
what'd you say?

399
00:16:41,422 --> 00:16:43,757
I said I'm happy to do it.
No, after that. You said
you'd be the hero?

400
00:16:43,791 --> 00:16:45,459
Well, that goes
without saying.
Then why'd
you say it?

401
00:16:45,493 --> 00:16:47,428
Because I'd be the hero.
But I like being the hero.

402
00:16:47,461 --> 00:16:49,163
Well, you can't be the hero
if you don't make the sacrifice.

403
00:16:49,197 --> 00:16:50,030
Then I'm giving up my sports.

404
00:16:50,064 --> 00:16:51,265
Too late.
I already gave up my hair.

405
00:16:51,299 --> 00:16:53,801
Over my dead body. I'm giving up
my sports and that's final.

406
00:16:53,834 --> 00:16:57,505
Fine. I'll call Josephine
and make an appointment.

407
00:16:57,538 --> 00:16:58,706
You're damn right you will.

408
00:16:59,707 --> 00:17:02,042
Okay, it's settled.

409
00:17:06,414 --> 00:17:08,549
Oh, Andi!

410
00:17:10,118 --> 00:17:12,353
That was low.

411
00:17:12,386 --> 00:17:14,355
At least I didn't play
mind games with you.

412
00:17:14,388 --> 00:17:16,257
I had the decency
to straight-up lie.

413
00:17:16,290 --> 00:17:18,792
That's what a real hero does!

414
00:17:18,826 --> 00:17:21,395
Come on, Adam, it's my hair.

415
00:17:21,429 --> 00:17:22,830
My hair.

416
00:17:22,863 --> 00:17:26,367
Yesterday, at the park,
a skunk tried to hump my leg.

417
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:29,270
Well, of course he did.
You're sexy.

418
00:17:29,303 --> 00:17:33,674
Oh, and at work, they made
a new name tag for me.

419
00:17:33,707 --> 00:17:36,144
It says Cruella de Burns.

420
00:17:36,177 --> 00:17:38,112
You have to go through
three departments

421
00:17:38,146 --> 00:17:38,946
to get a name tag.

422
00:17:38,979 --> 00:17:42,150
A vice president
had to sign off on it.

423
00:17:42,183 --> 00:17:43,817
All right, okay,
you know what?

424
00:17:43,851 --> 00:17:46,187
I'm gonna figure out a way
we can both get what we want.

425
00:17:46,220 --> 00:17:48,556
What are you gonna do?
I don't know, but I love you.

426
00:17:48,589 --> 00:17:50,291
I'm not gonna let
people make fun of you.

427
00:17:50,324 --> 00:17:51,425
Only I get to do that.

428
00:17:51,459 --> 00:17:53,294
That is my right
as your husband!

429
00:17:56,297 --> 00:17:58,699
That's right.

430
00:17:58,732 --> 00:18:00,301
That is good stuff.

431
00:18:05,373 --> 00:18:07,375
I just got us enough money
to pay for the braces,

432
00:18:07,408 --> 00:18:09,710
the glasses,
your hair, everything.

433
00:18:09,743 --> 00:18:13,214
Oh, my God, did you do
the escalator thing?

434
00:18:13,247 --> 00:18:16,784
No, no. I sold the motorcycle.

435
00:18:16,817 --> 00:18:18,919
What? It's not even finished.

436
00:18:18,952 --> 00:18:21,655
Well, Don and I stayed up
all night working on it.

437
00:18:21,689 --> 00:18:24,258
Check it out.

438
00:18:24,292 --> 00:18:26,694
Holy crap!

439
00:18:26,727 --> 00:18:28,696
You got this much
for that old bike?

440
00:18:28,729 --> 00:18:32,800
I may have told the guy it used
to belong to Steve McQueen.

441
00:18:34,368 --> 00:18:36,670
You are the
sweetest hero ever.

442
00:18:36,704 --> 00:18:39,507
Oh, I can't wait to call
Josephine and get my hair fixed.

443
00:18:39,540 --> 00:18:41,442
Oh, I'm gonna call
the cable company

444
00:18:41,475 --> 00:18:44,345
and get the fun machine
turned back on.
Yeah.

445
00:18:44,378 --> 00:18:47,715
Mom, look at my face.

446
00:18:47,748 --> 00:18:50,384
Oh, no, what happened?

447
00:18:50,418 --> 00:18:52,286
The school nurse says
I'm having an allergic reaction

448
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,654
to the nickel in my braces.

449
00:18:53,687 --> 00:18:56,424
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

450
00:18:56,457 --> 00:18:58,926
At least you don't have
Mom's hair, huh

451
00:18:58,959 --> 00:19:00,828
And that's it for those.

452
00:19:00,861 --> 00:19:03,231
Honey, go upstairs
and wash your face.

453
00:19:03,264 --> 00:19:05,733
I'll be right up to put
some medicine on it.

454
00:19:05,766 --> 00:19:07,601
Okay, thanks.

455
00:19:07,635 --> 00:19:10,938
I guess this means I'm getting
the invisible ones.

456
00:19:13,006 --> 00:19:16,610
How much are
the plastic braces again?

457
00:19:16,644 --> 00:19:17,911
3,000 more.

458
00:19:17,945 --> 00:19:20,381
Oh, you got
to be kidding me.

459
00:19:25,953 --> 00:19:27,455
What was that?

460
00:19:27,488 --> 00:19:29,890
I think you just found
Teddy's glasses.

461
00:19:32,660 --> 00:19:35,663
Aah!

462
00:19:36,930 --> 00:19:39,767
Well, there goes
your sports.

463
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,535
And your hair.

464
00:19:41,569 --> 00:19:45,539
But we still
got each other.

465
00:19:45,573 --> 00:19:47,575
BOTH:
Blah, blah, blah.

466
00:19:54,682 --> 00:19:56,950
This is nice.
Yeah, look at us, huh?

467
00:19:56,984 --> 00:19:59,287
Even on a budget,
we could still have fun.

468
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:02,690
I got my hockey on the radio.
You're getting your hair fixed.

469
00:20:02,723 --> 00:20:05,293
I'm not sure you should be
doing it by candlelight,

470
00:20:05,326 --> 00:20:08,929
but  I'm half
schnockered, so whatevs.

471
00:20:08,962 --> 00:20:10,564
You got nothing
to worry about, babe.

472
00:20:10,598 --> 00:20:12,633
Just like painting a fence.

473
00:20:12,666 --> 00:20:15,303
(radio announcer
talking excitedly)

474
00:20:15,336 --> 00:20:17,971
Get it cleanly...
Crosby to the net! He scores!

475
00:20:18,005 --> 00:20:19,707
Woo-hoo!

476
00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:21,275
Oh...

477
00:20:21,309 --> 00:20:22,843
What happened?

478
00:20:22,876 --> 00:20:24,978
Uh, we just took the lead.

479
00:20:25,012 --> 00:20:26,980
To my hair, Adam.

480
00:20:27,014 --> 00:20:29,049
Uh, nothing.

481
00:20:29,082 --> 00:20:32,686
But, uh, what didn't happen
on this side

482
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:36,857
needs to also not
happen on this side.

483
00:20:36,890 --> 00:20:39,427
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

484
00:20:39,460 --> 00:20:41,762
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org