1
00:00:04,726 --> 00:00:06,328
There's my sexy gardener.

2
00:00:06,361 --> 00:00:07,662
Yeah.

3
00:00:07,696 --> 00:00:09,598
I like you in those
little green gloves.

4
00:00:09,631 --> 00:00:11,133
Oh, these old things?

5
00:00:11,166 --> 00:00:12,234
(chuckles)

6
00:00:12,267 --> 00:00:13,802
Just something I threw on.

7
00:00:13,835 --> 00:00:15,604
I'd already be done
if you let me

8
00:00:15,637 --> 00:00:17,472
use that weed killer
in the garage.

9
00:00:17,506 --> 00:00:19,308
I'm being punished
just because Teddy used to--

10
00:00:19,341 --> 00:00:23,312
and I repeat, used to--
lick the shrubs.

11
00:00:23,345 --> 00:00:25,280
Okay, well, everything's
looking good inside.

12
00:00:25,314 --> 00:00:27,716
The kids are cleaning their
rooms, I got the laundry done.

13
00:00:27,749 --> 00:00:31,086
Now, I just have to figure out
what that smell upstairs is.

14
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:32,387
I smelled that, too.

15
00:00:32,421 --> 00:00:33,655
I didn't say anything
because I love you,

16
00:00:33,688 --> 00:00:35,624
and I thought it was you.

17
00:00:37,659 --> 00:00:39,328
Hey!

18
00:00:39,361 --> 00:00:41,530
That came
from Teddy's window.

19
00:00:41,563 --> 00:00:43,865
(scoffs)

20
00:00:43,898 --> 00:00:46,501
It's like a Dumpster back here.

21
00:00:46,535 --> 00:00:48,537
Well, now we know
how he cleans his room.

22
00:00:50,505 --> 00:00:54,276
And where the Funyuns went.

23
00:00:54,309 --> 00:00:55,644
I'm sorry I blamed you.
Mm-hmm.

24
00:00:57,746 --> 00:00:59,181
Throwing trash out the window?

25
00:00:59,214 --> 00:01:01,250
He gets that from
your side of the family.

26
00:01:01,283 --> 00:01:02,617
(scoffs)

27
00:01:02,651 --> 00:01:03,752
Don't overreact.

28
00:01:03,785 --> 00:01:05,154
I am not overreacting.

29
00:01:05,187 --> 00:01:07,622
I am reacting.

30
00:01:07,656 --> 00:01:10,192
Okay, but-but you got to
admit, for the most part,

31
00:01:10,225 --> 00:01:13,595
our-our kids are
pretty darn adequate.

32
00:01:14,729 --> 00:01:16,565
I mean, they
brush their teeth.

33
00:01:16,598 --> 00:01:18,467
Emme doesn't.
They-they do well in school.

34
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:20,169
Teddy doesn't.

35
00:01:20,202 --> 00:01:21,836
They still hug us.

36
00:01:21,870 --> 00:01:22,871
Katie doesn't.

37
00:01:24,773 --> 00:01:27,209
Okay, well, Kate puts "XO"
at the end of her texts.

38
00:01:27,242 --> 00:01:29,378
That's a kiss and a hug.

39
00:01:29,411 --> 00:01:30,845
Yeah. To a robot.

40
00:01:30,879 --> 00:01:33,382
Okay, look. Look-look--
wait, wait, wait, wait.

41
00:01:33,415 --> 00:01:35,384
My-my parenting book says

42
00:01:35,417 --> 00:01:37,786
that the most effective
form of discipline

43
00:01:37,819 --> 00:01:39,921
if often just listening.

44
00:01:39,954 --> 00:01:41,290
Mm-hmm. I hate that book.

45
00:01:42,657 --> 00:01:43,892
Okay? I've hated it
ever since it said

46
00:01:43,925 --> 00:01:45,760
we should make
our own baby food.

47
00:01:45,794 --> 00:01:49,798
Please, please, just this once,
can we do it my way?

48
00:01:49,831 --> 00:01:51,933
Your way is to just yell.

49
00:01:51,966 --> 00:01:54,569
Yeah. And thanks to my dad,
I'm really good at it.

50
00:01:56,405 --> 00:01:58,207
Look, I think that we should
stick with my way,

51
00:01:58,240 --> 00:01:59,374
the book's way.

52
00:01:59,408 --> 00:02:00,342
(groans)
(stammers)
Let's just hear

53
00:02:00,375 --> 00:02:01,943
Teddy's side of the story.

54
00:02:01,976 --> 00:02:03,945
You always want to hear
the kids' side.

55
00:02:03,978 --> 00:02:05,847
I could tell you
right now: their side

56
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:07,782
is they're lazy boneheads.

57
00:02:09,351 --> 00:02:11,553
I'm just saying that
there might be a problem

58
00:02:11,586 --> 00:02:13,288
behind the problem.

59
00:02:13,322 --> 00:02:15,590
Okay, the problem
is they're lazy.

60
00:02:15,624 --> 00:02:19,794
The problem behind the problem
is they're boneheads.

61
00:02:21,863 --> 00:02:25,300
Teddy, why would you dump trash
out the window?

62
00:02:25,334 --> 00:02:26,901
Why do you put the caps
from your beer bottles

63
00:02:26,935 --> 00:02:28,303
behind the couch pillow?

64
00:02:28,337 --> 00:02:30,705
I just...

65
00:02:30,739 --> 00:02:32,907
I get sleepy.

66
00:02:32,941 --> 00:02:34,209
(sniffing)

67
00:02:34,243 --> 00:02:35,310
You smell that?

68
00:02:35,344 --> 00:02:36,611
(sniffing)

69
00:02:36,645 --> 00:02:38,247
Is that the smell?

70
00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:39,381
(sniffing)

71
00:02:39,414 --> 00:02:41,983
I think that's just boy.

72
00:02:42,016 --> 00:02:45,520
You know, you get an allowance
to keep your room clean.

73
00:02:45,554 --> 00:02:47,989
And that includes
taking your trash outside.

74
00:02:48,022 --> 00:02:50,759
My room is clean,
and the trash is outside.

75
00:02:52,627 --> 00:02:53,762
(chuckles)

76
00:02:53,795 --> 00:02:55,930
Can I overreact now?

77
00:02:55,964 --> 00:02:58,333
Whoa, whoa.
Before you pop a vein,

78
00:02:58,367 --> 00:03:00,369
you might want to see
what's in Emme's closet.

79
00:03:02,304 --> 00:03:05,640
Hi, Emme, we just need to
check your closet real quick.

80
00:03:05,674 --> 00:03:07,008
You smell that?
(sniffing)

81
00:03:07,041 --> 00:03:08,577
Is that the smell?

82
00:03:08,610 --> 00:03:10,612
It's at least
part of the smell.

83
00:03:12,046 --> 00:03:14,616
Whoa! It hits you
right in the face.

84
00:03:14,649 --> 00:03:18,653
I think we just found
the house's butt.

85
00:03:18,687 --> 00:03:21,990
Emme, what is in
your shoe organizer?

86
00:03:22,023 --> 00:03:24,293
Is that broccoli?

87
00:03:24,326 --> 00:03:26,728
Yes, it is.

88
00:03:27,862 --> 00:03:30,665
I put it in there
so you think I ate it.

89
00:03:30,699 --> 00:03:33,535
Honey, keeping your room clean
and eating your broccoli

90
00:03:33,568 --> 00:03:35,036
are the two things

91
00:03:35,069 --> 00:03:36,938
you're supposed to do
for your allowance.

92
00:03:36,971 --> 00:03:38,507
I don't like broccoli.

93
00:03:38,540 --> 00:03:41,676
You make me eat it,
this is what happens.

94
00:03:43,945 --> 00:03:45,980
This is very,
very bad, Emme.

95
00:03:46,014 --> 00:03:49,518
It's not as bad
as what's in Kate's room.

96
00:03:50,852 --> 00:03:52,621
Well, I say we
board that closet up

97
00:03:52,654 --> 00:03:55,023
like a portal to hell and
never speak of this again.

98
00:03:55,056 --> 00:03:57,959
How did we not
know about this sooner?

99
00:03:57,992 --> 00:03:59,894
Well, we don't go in there
that much.

100
00:03:59,928 --> 00:04:02,664
Look, the kids get an allowance
to keep their rooms clean.

101
00:04:02,697 --> 00:04:05,500
The book says it's supposed
to foster responsibility.

102
00:04:05,534 --> 00:04:07,569
The only thing it's fostering
is botulism.

103
00:04:08,537 --> 00:04:10,372
Stop listening to that book.

104
00:04:10,405 --> 00:04:12,841
You agreed it had good ideas.

105
00:04:12,874 --> 00:04:14,709
I only agreed because you
asked me when we were in bed,

106
00:04:14,743 --> 00:04:16,545
and I wanted to fool around.

107
00:04:16,578 --> 00:04:18,780
Yeah, that's how I get you
to agree to things.

108
00:04:18,813 --> 00:04:21,383
That's your allowance.
(chuckles)

109
00:04:21,416 --> 00:04:23,318
You're no fool.
Hmm.

110
00:04:23,352 --> 00:04:25,720
Well, all right. Let's see
what's behind door number three.

111
00:04:25,754 --> 00:04:27,556
Hmm.

112
00:04:30,725 --> 00:04:31,993
Looks okay to me.

113
00:04:32,026 --> 00:04:33,328
Wait.

114
00:04:33,362 --> 00:04:34,929
I smell more smell.

115
00:04:34,963 --> 00:04:36,931
A lot more smell.

116
00:04:36,965 --> 00:04:39,033
(both sniffing)

117
00:04:40,101 --> 00:04:43,071
It's not me.

118
00:04:43,104 --> 00:04:44,873
(sniffs)
No, it's not me.

119
00:04:44,906 --> 00:04:46,608
(sniffing)

120
00:04:46,641 --> 00:04:48,009
Oh!

121
00:04:48,042 --> 00:04:49,444
The bed's wet.

122
00:04:49,478 --> 00:04:51,112
Katie's a bed wetter?

123
00:04:51,145 --> 00:04:54,349
That means therapy.
That'll cost a fortune.

124
00:04:54,383 --> 00:04:55,550
Well...

125
00:04:55,584 --> 00:04:58,119
Smell the bedspread and see.

126
00:04:58,152 --> 00:04:59,721
Uh, you smell it.

127
00:04:59,754 --> 00:05:03,124
Just, go-go and check
and see what's under there.

128
00:05:03,157 --> 00:05:04,693
(groans)

129
00:05:06,761 --> 00:05:09,864
Oh, it's old, moldy towels.

130
00:05:09,898 --> 00:05:11,566
Ugh.
Yep, that's the smell.

131
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:13,702
That's the rest
of the smell.

132
00:05:13,735 --> 00:05:15,870
Ooh, check this one out.

133
00:05:15,904 --> 00:05:18,707
That's the queen of the hive.

134
00:05:20,742 --> 00:05:22,043
What are you doing?

135
00:05:22,076 --> 00:05:24,979
Right now? Wondering
where it all went wrong.

136
00:05:26,114 --> 00:05:27,449
Why are your old,
wet shower towels

137
00:05:27,482 --> 00:05:28,617
at the bottom of your bed?

138
00:05:28,650 --> 00:05:30,051
Oh. Every night, I get in bed

139
00:05:30,084 --> 00:05:31,886
with a towel on my hair.
Eventually, it falls off,

140
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,121
and I just kick it
to the bottom.

141
00:05:33,154 --> 00:05:35,824
And you never
change your sheets?

142
00:05:35,857 --> 00:05:37,926
I thought you just changed them
every seven years.

143
00:05:37,959 --> 00:05:40,729
That's the mattress, Kate.

144
00:05:40,762 --> 00:05:42,163
Look, we give you

145
00:05:42,196 --> 00:05:43,998
an allowance to keep
your room clean.

146
00:05:44,032 --> 00:05:45,934
Well, now we know where
all our towels went.

147
00:05:45,967 --> 00:05:47,502
This morning,
I had to dry off

148
00:05:47,536 --> 00:05:49,738
by running around
the house like a dog.

149
00:05:50,839 --> 00:05:52,474
I mean, how can you
not smell that?

150
00:05:52,507 --> 00:05:53,942
I smell it.

151
00:05:53,975 --> 00:05:55,109
I'm just used to it.

152
00:05:55,143 --> 00:05:57,011
Got good to me.

153
00:05:58,713 --> 00:06:02,150
Well, at least I won't have
to pay for a wedding.

154
00:06:02,183 --> 00:06:04,453
Look, I'm not the only one
doing stuff.

155
00:06:04,486 --> 00:06:06,120
Do you know what Teddy
does with his trash?

156
00:06:06,154 --> 00:06:07,489
Yes, we do.

157
00:06:07,522 --> 00:06:09,057
How about Emme's closet?
Seen it all.

158
00:06:09,090 --> 00:06:10,659
Dad's beer caps?

159
00:06:10,692 --> 00:06:12,393
You're not getting
out of this, Katie.

160
00:06:14,028 --> 00:06:16,030
*

161
00:06:28,242 --> 00:06:29,611
Seriously?

162
00:06:29,644 --> 00:06:31,079
The parenting book again?

163
00:06:31,112 --> 00:06:33,147
Is the last chapter
just a picture of the author

164
00:06:33,181 --> 00:06:35,750
sitting on a pile of money,
laughing at us?

165
00:06:35,784 --> 00:06:38,920
She's a renowned
childcare expert.

166
00:06:38,953 --> 00:06:40,655
(groans)
Hey-- wait, wait,
listen to this.

167
00:06:40,689 --> 00:06:42,824
Uh, "About the Author.

168
00:06:42,857 --> 00:06:45,694
"Nancy is... single,

169
00:06:45,727 --> 00:06:47,696
and lives in Maine with her
beloved parakeet."

170
00:06:47,729 --> 00:06:48,863
What?

171
00:06:49,998 --> 00:06:52,701
Wait, she doesn't
even have kids?

172
00:06:52,734 --> 00:06:55,837
That's why she doesn't know you
can buy baby food at the store.

173
00:06:55,870 --> 00:06:58,840
I liquefied a perfectly good
salmon thanks to her.

174
00:06:58,873 --> 00:07:00,575
I can't believe this.

175
00:07:00,609 --> 00:07:02,711
I mean, uh, for 14 years,
this has been, like,

176
00:07:02,744 --> 00:07:04,713
my-my parenting bible.

177
00:07:04,746 --> 00:07:06,047
(scoffs)

178
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,049
I hope her bird flies
into a ceiling fan.

179
00:07:09,618 --> 00:07:11,520
You know what?

180
00:07:11,553 --> 00:07:12,987
You're in charge now. Yeah.

181
00:07:13,021 --> 00:07:13,988
Let's go Full Metal Jacket.

182
00:07:14,022 --> 00:07:15,189
Yeah?

183
00:07:15,223 --> 00:07:17,125
That's what I'm talking about.

184
00:07:17,158 --> 00:07:19,060
It's time to drop
an Adam bomb.

185
00:07:19,093 --> 00:07:21,129
Get it? 'Cause my name's Adam?

186
00:07:21,162 --> 00:07:22,864
Yeah, no. I got it.

187
00:07:22,897 --> 00:07:24,866
Yeah. Oh, I've been wanting
to use that for so long.

188
00:07:24,899 --> 00:07:25,800
(laughs)

189
00:07:25,834 --> 00:07:27,669
Come on.

190
00:07:27,702 --> 00:07:29,538
All right. Listen up.

191
00:07:29,571 --> 00:07:31,873
There's gonna be
some changes around here.

192
00:07:31,906 --> 00:07:33,274
Yeah. You're supposed
to handle your rooms,

193
00:07:33,307 --> 00:07:34,776
we handle everything else.

194
00:07:34,809 --> 00:07:37,612
But you blew it, so
now, you get this.

195
00:07:37,646 --> 00:07:39,548
It's all you, A-Bomb.

196
00:07:41,650 --> 00:07:43,017
All right.

197
00:07:43,051 --> 00:07:45,620
From now on, if you
don't do your chores,

198
00:07:45,654 --> 00:07:46,755
you don't get your allowance.

199
00:07:46,788 --> 00:07:47,956
Not one cent.

200
00:07:49,123 --> 00:07:51,292
(whistles)

201
00:07:51,325 --> 00:07:54,228
(imitates explosion)

202
00:07:54,262 --> 00:07:56,831
That was a bomb noise, kids.

203
00:07:56,865 --> 00:07:58,032
ADAM:
Which means

204
00:07:58,066 --> 00:07:59,934
you can't go the
mall and buy yo-yos

205
00:07:59,968 --> 00:08:03,638
and slingshots and
blacklight posters.

206
00:08:04,939 --> 00:08:06,908
I haven't been to
a mall in a while.

207
00:08:09,744 --> 00:08:11,112
We'd like a moment to discuss.

208
00:08:11,145 --> 00:08:12,714
What? What are you talk--
what do you mean?

209
00:08:12,747 --> 00:08:14,883
There's no discussing.

210
00:08:14,916 --> 00:08:17,886
You just got flattened
by a bomb!

211
00:08:17,919 --> 00:08:20,555
Okay. Here's
what we do: nothing.

212
00:08:20,589 --> 00:08:22,791
If we give in now,
our free ride is over.

213
00:08:22,824 --> 00:08:24,192
But won't they get mad?

214
00:08:24,225 --> 00:08:26,160
Look, you.

215
00:08:27,361 --> 00:08:29,998
I've been lowering
their expectations for years.

216
00:08:31,365 --> 00:08:34,302
I will not let you
mess it up for me.

217
00:08:34,335 --> 00:08:35,670
Capisce?

218
00:08:35,704 --> 00:08:37,572
What does that mean?

219
00:08:39,107 --> 00:08:40,875
"Understand"?

220
00:08:40,909 --> 00:08:43,778
How can I understand if you
won't tell me what it means?

221
00:08:45,013 --> 00:08:47,982
Teddy, just do what she says.

222
00:08:51,019 --> 00:08:53,755
So, we've discussed
your offer.

223
00:08:53,788 --> 00:08:54,989
Take it or leave it.

224
00:08:55,023 --> 00:08:56,725
We've decided to leave it.

225
00:08:56,758 --> 00:08:59,060
What? No, there's no leaving it.
You have to take it.

226
00:08:59,093 --> 00:09:03,131
Look, we know you love us too
much to stop giving us money.

227
00:09:04,298 --> 00:09:06,935
You're good people.

228
00:09:06,968 --> 00:09:09,604
Nuh-uh.

229
00:09:09,638 --> 00:09:13,007
We do-- do good people
watch Breaking Bad? Hmm?

230
00:09:14,876 --> 00:09:17,879
Yeah. 'Cause we watched one.

231
00:09:19,180 --> 00:09:21,015
It's a gamble we're
willing to take.

232
00:09:23,017 --> 00:09:24,719
So, we're going on strike.

233
00:09:24,753 --> 00:09:26,855
Capisce?

234
00:09:30,158 --> 00:09:33,161
Did he just capisce me?

235
00:09:33,194 --> 00:09:36,831
(whistles)

236
00:09:36,865 --> 00:09:38,166
Nothing.

237
00:09:40,168 --> 00:09:42,036
LOWELL:
You took away their allowance

238
00:09:42,070 --> 00:09:43,371
and they still won't
do their chores?

239
00:09:43,404 --> 00:09:44,739
Yeah.

240
00:09:44,773 --> 00:09:46,107
So guess who had
to make their beds

241
00:09:46,140 --> 00:09:47,976
and take out
their trash?

242
00:09:48,009 --> 00:09:49,243
Andi.

243
00:09:49,277 --> 00:09:51,012
And that put her
in a bad mood,

244
00:09:51,045 --> 00:09:53,381
which put me in a bad mood.

245
00:09:53,414 --> 00:09:55,884
I guess now's not
the time to tell you

246
00:09:55,917 --> 00:09:58,787
I lightly rear-ended you when
I was parking this morning.

247
00:10:00,454 --> 00:10:02,190
No, it's not.

248
00:10:02,223 --> 00:10:03,825
Okay. We'll put a pin in it.

249
00:10:05,794 --> 00:10:07,929
Kids are terrible
at chores anyway.

250
00:10:07,962 --> 00:10:09,931
Little hands can't fold towels
the way I like.

251
00:10:09,964 --> 00:10:12,166
It's fold, fold, flipsy, flopsy.

252
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,202
That's a man's job.

253
00:10:14,235 --> 00:10:17,305
It's a symptom
of a bigger problem.

254
00:10:17,338 --> 00:10:19,207
We've lost our authority.

255
00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:22,010
When we were kids, our
parents had the power.

256
00:10:22,043 --> 00:10:24,879
But now that we're parents,
the kids have the power.

257
00:10:24,913 --> 00:10:27,348
We've never had the power.

258
00:10:27,381 --> 00:10:30,418
I think it all started
with sugary cereal.

259
00:10:30,451 --> 00:10:32,186
All we got
for breakfast

260
00:10:32,220 --> 00:10:33,454
was plain oatmeal.

261
00:10:33,487 --> 00:10:35,056
You know?
That put you in your place.

262
00:10:35,089 --> 00:10:37,959
You were barely more important
than a horse.

263
00:10:37,992 --> 00:10:40,194
Yeah, yeah. You know what
we never heard from Dad

264
00:10:40,228 --> 00:10:41,329
when we were kids?

265
00:10:41,362 --> 00:10:42,964
"How do you feel?"
Yeah.

266
00:10:42,997 --> 00:10:45,967
I heard, "How does that feel?"
Yeah.

267
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,368
And, "You're gonna feel that
for a while."

268
00:10:47,401 --> 00:10:49,938
Yeah, yeah.
I remember that.

269
00:10:49,971 --> 00:10:52,340
I'm starting to think it didn't
hurt him more than it hurt us.

270
00:10:52,373 --> 00:10:56,344
I just, I-I don't know how
to get through to these kids.

271
00:10:56,377 --> 00:10:57,912
You should talk to Dad.

272
00:10:57,946 --> 00:10:59,213
He's always had the power.

273
00:10:59,247 --> 00:11:00,815
He's the reason
I don't stick up for myself

274
00:11:00,849 --> 00:11:02,050
and I'm grateful for that.

275
00:11:02,083 --> 00:11:04,719
Yes, Dad.
Yeah.

276
00:11:04,753 --> 00:11:07,221
That man ruled with an iron fist

277
00:11:07,255 --> 00:11:09,057
from the comfort
of his Barcalounger.

278
00:11:09,090 --> 00:11:10,391
All he had to say was,

279
00:11:10,424 --> 00:11:13,027
"Don't make me get up,"
and we never did.

280
00:11:14,095 --> 00:11:15,964
He'll get those
kids in line.

281
00:11:15,997 --> 00:11:18,032
You guys are really getting me
fired up.

282
00:11:18,066 --> 00:11:20,068
I'm sick of my kids
running my house.

283
00:11:20,101 --> 00:11:21,936
I'm not gonna put up
with it anymore.

284
00:11:21,970 --> 00:11:25,273
Tonight, I'm gonna ask them
for more power.

285
00:11:28,442 --> 00:11:30,011
Dad, uh, we need to talk to you

286
00:11:30,044 --> 00:11:31,913
about a situation
we're having.

287
00:11:31,946 --> 00:11:33,247
Take a bath together.

288
00:11:33,281 --> 00:11:35,817
That spiced it up
for me and your mom.

289
00:11:38,352 --> 00:11:40,188
That's gonna
stick with me.

290
00:11:40,221 --> 00:11:43,257
Uh, n-no, no, Dad.

291
00:11:43,291 --> 00:11:44,759
That's not the problem,

292
00:11:44,793 --> 00:11:47,061
but we should do that.

293
00:11:47,095 --> 00:11:49,430
Hey, there's my Teddy Bear.

294
00:11:49,463 --> 00:11:51,099
Hey, Grandpa.
Huh?

295
00:11:51,132 --> 00:11:52,433
You couldn't spare
a few dollars

296
00:11:52,466 --> 00:11:55,103
for a guy who's down
on his luck, could you?

297
00:11:56,237 --> 00:11:57,972
Teddy, you want
your allowance,

298
00:11:58,006 --> 00:11:59,974
take out the trash.

299
00:12:00,008 --> 00:12:01,375
Nah, I'll let you do it.

300
00:12:04,045 --> 00:12:06,214
You see that right there?
That's the problem.

301
00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:08,249
If you'd talked to me like that
when you were a kid,

302
00:12:08,282 --> 00:12:10,151
I would've taken the trash out
with you in it.

303
00:12:11,519 --> 00:12:13,554
Yeah, well, it's not just Teddy.
It's all of them.

304
00:12:13,587 --> 00:12:16,290
There are ways to make kids
do what you want.

305
00:12:16,324 --> 00:12:20,294
Yeah, but, Dad, your ways
aren't legal anymore.

306
00:12:20,328 --> 00:12:23,798
That was only one tool
in the toolbox.

307
00:12:24,933 --> 00:12:26,167
You two have
a structural problem.

308
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:27,235
You're too soft on them.

309
00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:30,939
Yeah. You-You're always
asking them how they feel.

310
00:12:34,475 --> 00:12:36,244
You have to make them
fear the consequences

311
00:12:36,277 --> 00:12:38,312
of not doing their chores.

312
00:12:38,346 --> 00:12:41,249
You can't be afraid
to ruin their lives a little.

313
00:12:41,282 --> 00:12:43,918
Remember when you
wouldn't make your bed?

314
00:12:43,952 --> 00:12:44,986
What did I do?

315
00:12:45,019 --> 00:12:46,888
You took my bed.

316
00:12:47,588 --> 00:12:48,556
You didn't.

317
00:12:48,589 --> 00:12:50,124
I damn well did.

318
00:12:50,158 --> 00:12:53,027
But he makes his bed
now, doesn't he, huh?

319
00:12:53,061 --> 00:12:55,063
Yeah, huh? You're welcome.

320
00:12:57,098 --> 00:12:58,466
He's right, he's right.

321
00:12:58,499 --> 00:12:59,467
We need to up our game

322
00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:02,070
and make their lives a
little less comfortable.

323
00:13:02,103 --> 00:13:04,205
This is how we get
the power back.

324
00:13:04,238 --> 00:13:06,240
I just, I don't want them
to be unhappy.

325
00:13:06,274 --> 00:13:08,076
Don't worry about that.

326
00:13:08,109 --> 00:13:10,544
Unhappy children is how you know
you're doing a good job.

327
00:13:14,248 --> 00:13:15,884
Good morning.

328
00:13:15,917 --> 00:13:18,086
Your mother and I have realized
that we made a mistake

329
00:13:18,119 --> 00:13:20,855
with this whole
chore situation.

330
00:13:20,889 --> 00:13:23,557
Told ya.

331
00:13:23,591 --> 00:13:26,260
We've been too soft on you.

332
00:13:26,294 --> 00:13:29,964
Uh-oh.

333
00:13:29,998 --> 00:13:32,166
Yeah, we've been thinking
about this, uh, strike of yours

334
00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,368
and it's actually
a great idea.

335
00:13:34,402 --> 00:13:36,637
So until you agree to start
pulling your weight around here,

336
00:13:36,670 --> 00:13:39,273
we're going on strike.

337
00:13:39,307 --> 00:13:40,975
ADAM:
That's right.

338
00:13:41,009 --> 00:13:42,977
Instead of us doing
all the work,

339
00:13:43,011 --> 00:13:44,178
you're gonna do it,

340
00:13:44,212 --> 00:13:46,147
and we're gonna do nothing.

341
00:13:47,481 --> 00:13:49,283
You're gonna do the
dishes, the laundry,

342
00:13:49,317 --> 00:13:53,254
keep the kitchen
clean and, and...

343
00:13:53,287 --> 00:13:56,891
you're gonna do
it all for free.

344
00:13:58,426 --> 00:14:00,561
We trusted you.

345
00:14:02,997 --> 00:14:04,532
And that allowance money
that you're not getting,

346
00:14:04,565 --> 00:14:06,234
we're gonna use it
to buy ice cream

347
00:14:06,267 --> 00:14:08,136
and then eat it
in front of you.
Mm-hmm.

348
00:14:09,437 --> 00:14:11,139
And we're gonna get
all those goofy flavors

349
00:14:11,172 --> 00:14:14,208
you like and we hate just to
make it harder for you to watch.

350
00:14:15,309 --> 00:14:17,678
Oh, and I almost forgot.

351
00:14:17,711 --> 00:14:21,115
Here's your breakfast.

352
00:14:21,149 --> 00:14:22,416
Enjoy your oatmeal.

353
00:14:23,717 --> 00:14:25,386
That's right.
We'll be in the tub.

354
00:14:41,469 --> 00:14:43,504
We've only been
on strike three days

355
00:14:43,537 --> 00:14:46,274
and it looks like...
somebody took our house

356
00:14:46,307 --> 00:14:48,176
and shook it
like a snow globe.

357
00:14:51,512 --> 00:14:53,581
Yeah, there's no
place to sit.

358
00:14:53,614 --> 00:14:55,216
Sitting's our
favorite thing.

359
00:14:55,249 --> 00:14:57,518
Yeah, but think about it.

360
00:14:57,551 --> 00:15:00,354
If it's getting to us,
it's got to be getting to them.

361
00:15:00,388 --> 00:15:02,023
(keys jangling)
Ooh, ooh, here they come.

362
00:15:02,056 --> 00:15:04,092
Okay, let's close this deal.

363
00:15:06,260 --> 00:15:07,528
Hey, guys.

364
00:15:07,561 --> 00:15:10,098
How was riding the
nasty old school bus?

365
00:15:10,131 --> 00:15:11,465
Yeah, we're on strike.

366
00:15:11,499 --> 00:15:14,468
We don't pick you
up. That's rough.

367
00:15:14,502 --> 00:15:16,637
The bus is awesome.
I sat next to an older kid

368
00:15:16,670 --> 00:15:18,306
who taught me
about the dark web.

369
00:15:20,374 --> 00:15:22,676
You guys are really okay
with this mess?

370
00:15:22,710 --> 00:15:24,345
Yeah, I mean,
this place looks

371
00:15:24,378 --> 00:15:25,679
like the morning
after Burning Man.

372
00:15:27,448 --> 00:15:30,018
Doesn't bother us if
it doesn't bother you.

373
00:15:35,289 --> 00:15:37,025
Oh, it doesn't bother us.

374
00:15:37,058 --> 00:15:38,692
No, no, no.

375
00:15:38,726 --> 00:15:40,995
You wish it bothered us!

376
00:15:41,029 --> 00:15:42,997
It bothers me so much, Andi!

377
00:15:43,031 --> 00:15:46,134
I-I can't take it anymore.

378
00:15:46,167 --> 00:15:47,168
What are you talking about?

379
00:15:47,201 --> 00:15:49,137
It's gross in here!

380
00:15:49,170 --> 00:15:52,440
Those lunch boxes have not been
emptied since tuna fish day.

381
00:15:53,574 --> 00:15:55,309
Tuna fish, Andi!

382
00:15:55,343 --> 00:15:57,678
Sitting right under
the heating vent.

383
00:15:57,711 --> 00:16:00,014
If whatever that grows into
learns how to open the lid,

384
00:16:00,048 --> 00:16:02,783
it's gonna kill us
in our sleep.

385
00:16:02,816 --> 00:16:05,153
Wh-Whoa, whoa. Wait-wait
a minute, wait a minute.

386
00:16:05,186 --> 00:16:06,787
You got me into this.
You can't give up.

387
00:16:06,820 --> 00:16:09,590
Why not?
I never get to give up.

388
00:16:09,623 --> 00:16:11,659
It looks fun.
I want to try it.

389
00:16:11,692 --> 00:16:13,494
Oh, hey, hey.

390
00:16:13,527 --> 00:16:15,296
How about let's both
do it, huh?

391
00:16:15,329 --> 00:16:17,665
You're always saying you want
to do more stuff together.

392
00:16:17,698 --> 00:16:20,801
Come on. Think of all the
battles that we've quit on.

393
00:16:20,834 --> 00:16:23,037
All right? The-the
bedtime battle,

394
00:16:23,071 --> 00:16:24,372
the-the junk food battle,

395
00:16:24,405 --> 00:16:26,140
the flushing the
toilet battle.

396
00:16:26,174 --> 00:16:28,342
We were all losers
that day.

397
00:16:29,810 --> 00:16:32,046
And all because we
never stick with it.

398
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:34,048
This is where we
draw the line,

399
00:16:34,082 --> 00:16:36,250
just like that line that
Teddy drew on the wall

400
00:16:36,284 --> 00:16:37,285
that we never
punished him for.

401
00:16:37,318 --> 00:16:40,454
(groans) I painted over it,
but I can still see it

402
00:16:40,488 --> 00:16:41,789
when the sun hits it right.

403
00:16:41,822 --> 00:16:44,125
God, it makes me crazy!

404
00:16:44,158 --> 00:16:46,194
Yes, yes. Use that anger.

405
00:16:46,227 --> 00:16:47,528
Embrace the dark side.

406
00:16:47,561 --> 00:16:49,197
Okay. Okay,
we'll stick it out.

407
00:16:49,230 --> 00:16:51,365
And when it works, I'm gonna
write my own parenting book

408
00:16:51,399 --> 00:16:53,167
and call it
Take That, Bonehead!

409
00:16:53,201 --> 00:16:54,568
By Adam "A-Bomb" Burns!

410
00:16:57,871 --> 00:16:59,407
I need to sit down.

411
00:17:06,380 --> 00:17:08,382
(water running, clattering)

412
00:17:10,618 --> 00:17:12,653
Adam, did you hear that?

413
00:17:14,122 --> 00:17:16,357
Adam?

414
00:17:16,390 --> 00:17:18,759
(fly buzzing)

415
00:17:26,134 --> 00:17:28,502
(laughs)

416
00:17:32,140 --> 00:17:33,607
Adam!

417
00:17:33,641 --> 00:17:36,510
(stammers)
It's not what you think.

418
00:17:36,544 --> 00:17:39,079
I'm, uh, I'm having an affair.

419
00:17:43,151 --> 00:17:44,518
You broke the strike.

420
00:17:44,552 --> 00:17:45,886
You-you surrendered.

421
00:17:45,919 --> 00:17:47,521
You're-you're like a, like a,

422
00:17:47,555 --> 00:17:50,124
like a Frenchman.

423
00:17:50,158 --> 00:17:51,859
I can't live like this anymore.

424
00:17:51,892 --> 00:17:53,661
We got flies, Andi.

425
00:17:53,694 --> 00:17:56,130
And I'm pretty sure something
in the bottom of the sink

426
00:17:56,164 --> 00:17:57,798
just grabbed my hand.

427
00:17:57,831 --> 00:18:00,768
I am so disappointed in you.

428
00:18:00,801 --> 00:18:02,603
Oh, come on. Don't do that.

429
00:18:02,636 --> 00:18:04,172
It's just, I got...

430
00:18:04,205 --> 00:18:07,275
Wait a minute.
What are those?

431
00:18:07,308 --> 00:18:09,710
Who washed the
kids' lunch boxes?

432
00:18:11,445 --> 00:18:14,215
Guess the kids did.
We won.

433
00:18:14,248 --> 00:18:15,549
Let's go back to bed.

434
00:18:15,583 --> 00:18:18,319
Not so fast, Jean-Pierre.

435
00:18:18,352 --> 00:18:20,488
Ugh. All right, you caught me.

436
00:18:20,521 --> 00:18:22,156
Uh, hey.

437
00:18:22,190 --> 00:18:23,891
Let's do your thing
and give up, huh?

438
00:18:23,924 --> 00:18:26,360
We can, we can give up together
in the tub.
No.

439
00:18:26,394 --> 00:18:29,363
No. The tub is for winners.

440
00:18:30,464 --> 00:18:33,367
(scoffs) Look at us.

441
00:18:33,401 --> 00:18:35,603
We went on strike to make
the mess the kids' problem

442
00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:37,438
and we ended up just
punishing ourselves.

443
00:18:37,471 --> 00:18:38,472
Well, you're right.

444
00:18:38,506 --> 00:18:40,174
I mean, at this point,

445
00:18:40,208 --> 00:18:42,643
their rooms are probably the
cleanest ones in the house.

446
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,249
You know what? They are.

447
00:18:49,417 --> 00:18:51,619
And we are finally gonna
make this mess their problem

448
00:18:51,652 --> 00:18:53,521
because I just got an idea.

449
00:18:55,389 --> 00:18:58,359
Okay, babe, everyone's home
from their playdates.

450
00:18:59,893 --> 00:19:02,230
Hey, hey, look how clean
it is in here.
I see it.

451
00:19:02,263 --> 00:19:03,264
Stick with me, kid.

452
00:19:03,297 --> 00:19:05,633
That's right. We cleaned up.

453
00:19:05,666 --> 00:19:06,867
You got us.

454
00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:09,337
Oh, here we go.

455
00:19:09,370 --> 00:19:10,904
Good luck.

456
00:19:10,938 --> 00:19:13,207
See you on the other side.

457
00:19:22,250 --> 00:19:23,717
KATE:
Oh, my God!

458
00:19:23,751 --> 00:19:26,320
EMME: What happened?
TEDDY: Somebody help!

459
00:19:26,354 --> 00:19:29,557
That is the sweet
sound of victory.

460
00:19:29,590 --> 00:19:31,925
(whistles)

461
00:19:31,959 --> 00:19:34,695
(imitates small explosion)

462
00:19:34,728 --> 00:19:36,897
(imitates bigger explosion)

463
00:19:39,433 --> 00:19:40,901
I did all the laundry.

464
00:19:40,934 --> 00:19:43,304
I took out all the trash.

465
00:19:43,337 --> 00:19:46,707
I broke a plate and didn't have
to do anything after that.

466
00:19:48,876 --> 00:19:51,445
And what I'm hearing
is you surrender.

467
00:19:51,479 --> 00:19:52,846
Pretty much.

468
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,615
Say it.

469
00:19:56,617 --> 00:19:59,753
ALL:
We surrender.

470
00:19:59,787 --> 00:20:02,390
All right,
then the strike is over.

471
00:20:02,423 --> 00:20:04,492
We do our work.
You do your work.

472
00:20:04,525 --> 00:20:06,794
Everybody gets along.

473
00:20:06,827 --> 00:20:08,596
You win.

474
00:20:08,629 --> 00:20:10,964
We're not very happy.

475
00:20:10,998 --> 00:20:14,935
And that's how we know
we're doing a good job.

476
00:20:22,610 --> 00:20:24,345
Okay.

477
00:20:24,378 --> 00:20:26,547
After I take out the kids'
trash, I'll make their beds.

478
00:20:26,580 --> 00:20:29,783
Okay. And, uh,

479
00:20:29,817 --> 00:20:31,018
I'll pick up their toys

480
00:20:31,051 --> 00:20:32,620
and start vacuuming their rooms.
Okay.

481
00:20:35,989 --> 00:20:37,791
Hey.

482
00:20:37,825 --> 00:20:40,594
What the hell happened?

483
00:20:43,564 --> 00:20:44,732
Call your dad!

484
00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:46,767
I'm on it.

485
00:20:52,506 --> 00:20:55,476
Captioning sponsored by
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486
00:20:55,509 --> 00:20:58,512
Captioned by
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access.wgbh.org