1
00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:04,786
Come on, guys, we're
gonna be late for school.

2
00:00:04,788 --> 00:00:06,588
We don't have school.

3
00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:10,425
No, no, no, I'm not
falling for that again.

4
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:12,494
No, it's for real. It's
Teacher Reading Day.

5
00:00:12,496 --> 00:00:13,962
They sent home a note.

6
00:00:13,964 --> 00:00:16,691
What note? I didn't see any note.

7
00:00:16,740 --> 00:00:19,741
Teddy, did you start eating paper again?

8
00:00:20,337 --> 00:00:22,537
Well, I found the note.

9
00:00:22,539 --> 00:00:25,640
And the upstairs remote. Teddy!

10
00:00:26,677 --> 00:00:29,344
We both have to work.
What are we gonna do?

11
00:00:29,346 --> 00:00:31,012
Katie can babysit.

12
00:00:31,014 --> 00:00:33,088
Yes! I knew there was
a reason we had three.

13
00:00:33,113 --> 00:00:34,168
Yeah.

14
00:00:34,193 --> 00:00:35,984
Sorry, no day off for high school.

15
00:00:35,986 --> 00:00:37,804
You know, I can't wait to go to college

16
00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:39,362
and skip class all the time.

17
00:00:42,038 --> 00:00:44,072
She's gonna be trouble.

18
00:00:47,986 --> 00:00:50,106
You know, the teachers are there.

19
00:00:50,108 --> 00:00:52,141
What if we just drop these two at school

20
00:00:52,143 --> 00:00:54,644
and act like we didn't know?

21
00:00:54,646 --> 00:00:57,019
The trick is to drive away fast.

22
00:00:58,034 --> 00:00:59,589
I have an idea.

23
00:01:00,558 --> 00:01:02,916
You guys are going to
work with Daddy today!

24
00:01:02,941 --> 00:01:04,187
Yay!

25
00:01:05,016 --> 00:01:05,913
No, no yay.

26
00:01:05,938 --> 00:01:07,924
No, I can't take them. I have to work.

27
00:01:07,926 --> 00:01:09,358
Well, I have to work, too.

28
00:01:10,580 --> 00:01:12,101
So what are we gonna do?

29
00:01:12,126 --> 00:01:14,831
Guess we're just gonna have
to sit down and talk it out.

30
00:01:14,833 --> 00:01:19,373
Aw, I always lose when we do that!

31
00:01:19,782 --> 00:01:21,223
Oh, how about this?

32
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:22,661
A race to the door, okay?

33
00:01:22,686 --> 00:01:24,474
Last one out stays home, all right?

34
00:01:24,476 --> 00:01:25,541
On three. Okay, come on.

35
00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:28,010
One, two...

36
00:01:28,012 --> 00:01:31,447
Thought I could hurdle that
coffee table, I really did.

37
00:01:32,871 --> 00:01:34,717
Okay, why can't you take the kids today?

38
00:01:34,719 --> 00:01:36,753
I have a meeting with
the mini-mall developer.

39
00:01:36,755 --> 00:01:38,688
And she's already bent
out of shape because

40
00:01:38,690 --> 00:01:41,190
there's a trucker's strike
and construction is delayed.

41
00:01:41,192 --> 00:01:44,026
Okay, well, no rational
person can blame you for that.

42
00:01:44,028 --> 00:01:46,462
She's not rational.

43
00:01:46,464 --> 00:01:48,664
She fired her own mother.

44
00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:50,610
Well, I can't take them either.

45
00:01:50,635 --> 00:01:52,034
My boss is out for the morning,

46
00:01:52,059 --> 00:01:53,740
and he just made me his number two.

47
00:01:55,972 --> 00:01:58,407
Hey, you know, a promotion
like that deserves a reward.

48
00:01:58,409 --> 00:02:00,510
Congratulations, honey,
you just won a day at home

49
00:02:00,512 --> 00:02:02,245
with our beautiful children.

50
00:02:03,113 --> 00:02:06,582
Oh. So I have to stay
home because I'm a woman?

51
00:02:09,271 --> 00:02:10,894
Okay.

52
00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:12,622
Didn't know you'd play
that card this early.

53
00:02:13,108 --> 00:02:15,675
Hey, if I'm holding an
ace, you're gonna see it.

54
00:02:16,561 --> 00:02:19,762
There's no good solution to this.

55
00:02:19,764 --> 00:02:22,498
I don't understand why
kids can't stay home alone.

56
00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:24,634
Remember that movie, Home Alone?

57
00:02:24,636 --> 00:02:25,635
Huh?

58
00:02:25,894 --> 00:02:27,427
That was a big hit.

59
00:02:27,685 --> 00:02:28,771
You know,

60
00:02:28,773 --> 00:02:30,540
when I was Teddy's age,
my parents would just

61
00:02:30,542 --> 00:02:32,942
leave Don and I with a sign
around our necks that said,

62
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:35,945
"If found, please return
to 247 Maple Street."

63
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:39,278
Is that true?

64
00:02:39,303 --> 00:02:41,370
Just let me tell my story.

65
00:02:42,347 --> 00:02:45,235
All this babying is
not good for the kids.

66
00:02:45,260 --> 00:02:48,996
You know, we... we cut up their bananas.

67
00:02:49,594 --> 00:02:51,527
Bananas, Andi!

68
00:02:51,529 --> 00:02:54,630
A monkey knows how to work a banana.

69
00:02:55,774 --> 00:02:58,613
If we keep this up, when the
kids get out in the real world,

70
00:02:58,638 --> 00:03:00,603
they are never gonna survive.

71
00:03:00,605 --> 00:03:02,449
Okay, okay.

72
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:04,059
You know what? This weekend,

73
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:05,918
we will drive the kids out to the woods,

74
00:03:05,943 --> 00:03:09,045
give them a banana and
see who makes it home. Huh?

75
00:03:09,047 --> 00:03:11,823
But for now, take them to work.

76
00:03:12,042 --> 00:03:15,109
I knew I'd lose if we talked it out.

77
00:03:15,134 --> 00:03:16,652
Fine, I'll take them.

78
00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:19,655
But we are definitely doing
that banana Hunger Games thing.

79
00:03:22,034 --> 00:03:24,360
I'll tell you what, when my
boss gets back this afternoon,

80
00:03:24,362 --> 00:03:26,462
I'll-I'll fake a lady problem

81
00:03:26,464 --> 00:03:28,531
and I'll come take
Teddy and Emme from you.

82
00:03:28,533 --> 00:03:31,267
Yes. Men don't ask
questions about lady problems

83
00:03:31,269 --> 00:03:33,202
'cause we don't want the answers.

84
00:03:36,241 --> 00:03:38,407
Teddy, Teddy, don't-don't touch that.

85
00:03:38,409 --> 00:03:40,243
Don't touch that, okay? All right.

86
00:03:40,245 --> 00:03:42,111
Emme, Emme, Emme, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.

87
00:03:42,113 --> 00:03:43,980
Honey, that's-that's
my boss's chair, okay?

88
00:03:43,982 --> 00:03:45,748
Come on, come on, come on, come on.

89
00:03:45,750 --> 00:03:47,416
Teddy, Teddy, Teddy.

90
00:03:47,418 --> 00:03:48,517
Give me that. Give me that.

91
00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:50,453
Stop playing... No. Will you stop it?

92
00:03:50,455 --> 00:03:53,222
Stop. Stop it. Stop it!

93
00:03:53,224 --> 00:03:55,157
Lisa!

94
00:03:55,159 --> 00:03:59,800
Oh, look, you brought your
children to my workplace.

95
00:04:00,832 --> 00:04:02,698
I'd just like to point out
that I didn't bring any kids.

96
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:05,902
Good, Don. Very good.

97
00:04:05,904 --> 00:04:07,299
Now, why don't you and the little ones

98
00:04:07,324 --> 00:04:10,273
celebrate your victory by
going out into the hall.

99
00:04:10,702 --> 00:04:11,574
That's a good idea.

100
00:04:11,599 --> 00:04:13,834
Why don't you guys wait
for Daddy outside. Okay.

101
00:04:13,859 --> 00:04:14,977
Really? Are you sure you want me to...

102
00:04:14,979 --> 00:04:16,818
Yep, uh-huh. Now you're doing it.

103
00:04:16,843 --> 00:04:18,381
Okay.

104
00:04:18,727 --> 00:04:20,326
Uh, sorry about that.

105
00:04:20,351 --> 00:04:21,684
There was a scheduling
thing with school,

106
00:04:21,686 --> 00:04:23,486
and my wife is very liberated.

107
00:04:23,488 --> 00:04:25,566
Bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup.
It's best if I don't know

108
00:04:25,591 --> 00:04:27,324
too much about your personal life.

109
00:04:27,349 --> 00:04:29,625
It'll make it easier
if/when things go south

110
00:04:29,627 --> 00:04:32,061
with the mini-mall, and
I have to, you know...

111
00:04:34,625 --> 00:04:35,865
Kill me?

112
00:04:35,867 --> 00:04:37,433
No, fire you.

113
00:04:37,435 --> 00:04:38,377
Oh.

114
00:04:38,402 --> 00:04:40,002
Although my therapist would tell me

115
00:04:40,004 --> 00:04:41,337
to be more sympathetic.

116
00:04:41,339 --> 00:04:42,705
Your therapist sounds very smart.

117
00:04:42,707 --> 00:04:45,241
- I fired her.
- Serves that idiot right.

118
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:47,677
Uh, we have to make
this a quick meeting.

119
00:04:47,679 --> 00:04:49,145
The Developers Association

120
00:04:49,147 --> 00:04:51,347
is honoring me with an Innovator Award,

121
00:04:51,349 --> 00:04:53,672
and I'm a little frightened
of public speaking.

122
00:04:53,696 --> 00:04:54,394
Oh.

123
00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:56,252
I'm much more likeable one-on-one.

124
00:04:56,867 --> 00:04:58,120
Sure. Yeah.

125
00:04:58,122 --> 00:05:01,223
I say that because
I don't want you to...

126
00:05:02,024 --> 00:05:03,259
What is that?

127
00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:04,927
I was just doing what you did.

128
00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:06,662
You don't do that. I do that.

129
00:05:06,664 --> 00:05:07,830
Okay.

130
00:05:07,832 --> 00:05:09,665
Let's talk about why you're here.

131
00:05:09,667 --> 00:05:12,301
I am not happy about the
delays on the mini-mall.

132
00:05:12,303 --> 00:05:14,837
Lisa, this truckers'
strike is causing problems.

133
00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:17,306
If it helps, I have 20 other contractors

134
00:05:17,308 --> 00:05:19,608
that can replace you guys by tomorrow.

135
00:05:20,715 --> 00:05:22,845
I wouldn't call it super helpful.

136
00:05:22,847 --> 00:05:25,514
Look, we will bring this
thing in on time, okay?

137
00:05:25,516 --> 00:05:28,324
The Burns brothers are as
professional as it gets.

138
00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:30,439
Hey, random question.

139
00:05:30,816 --> 00:05:32,888
Was that vase out here expensive?

140
00:05:34,064 --> 00:05:36,093
The kids broke the vase?

141
00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:38,461
Right. Yeah, the kids.

142
00:05:38,846 --> 00:05:41,446
But don't ask them about
it; they'll just lie.

143
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:02,277
Whoa, what's going on here?

144
00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,446
I have bugs on my head.

145
00:06:05,916 --> 00:06:08,383
Welcome home, honey. The kids have lice.

146
00:06:09,453 --> 00:06:11,553
Would you stop telling
everybody about that?

147
00:06:11,555 --> 00:06:15,757
He's your dad. You've
pooped in his hand.

148
00:06:15,977 --> 00:06:18,644
Stop telling everybody about that!

149
00:06:19,603 --> 00:06:21,129
How can we have lice again?

150
00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:22,697
I thought you could only get that once.

151
00:06:23,279 --> 00:06:25,106
No, that's mono.

152
00:06:25,108 --> 00:06:28,724
And somehow I've taken that
around the block a few times.

153
00:06:28,749 --> 00:06:31,822
Lowell was kind enough to
come and treat everybody.

154
00:06:31,848 --> 00:06:33,848
Actually, I told Andi it's
easy and she could do it,

155
00:06:33,850 --> 00:06:36,251
and she said, "Oh, I have to
do it because I'm a woman?"

156
00:06:36,253 --> 00:06:37,648
And I came right over.

157
00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:42,558
Wow, you are milking
that like a dairy cow.

158
00:06:43,527 --> 00:06:44,759
It's no big deal.

159
00:06:44,761 --> 00:06:46,828
I had the supplies because
I just treated my kids.

160
00:06:46,830 --> 00:06:48,530
Apparently, the whole school has it.

161
00:06:48,532 --> 00:06:51,633
Well, why wouldn't they tell us that?

162
00:06:53,902 --> 00:06:55,825
Wait a minute.

163
00:06:58,606 --> 00:07:00,141
Here it is.

164
00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:01,576
Teddy!

165
00:07:01,578 --> 00:07:03,778
Hey, don't shoot the messenger.

166
00:07:03,998 --> 00:07:07,333
You're not the messenger.
You never deliver the message!

167
00:07:08,104 --> 00:07:09,580
Okay, guys, you're done.

168
00:07:09,605 --> 00:07:12,320
Go upstairs and rinse the little
dead bodies out of your hair.

169
00:07:12,322 --> 00:07:14,156
Ugh.

170
00:07:14,181 --> 00:07:16,451
Just talking about these
bugs makes me itchy.

171
00:07:16,476 --> 00:07:19,295
Actually, um, you guys
should get checked.

172
00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:21,096
Oh, and we have to tell your dad, too.

173
00:07:21,098 --> 00:07:24,146
He took the kids to that
ball pit place yesterday.

174
00:07:24,171 --> 00:07:25,647
You should let them know, too.

175
00:07:25,672 --> 00:07:28,069
Hey, if you go to a ball pit
and all you catch is lice,

176
00:07:28,094 --> 00:07:30,171
you dodged a bullet.

177
00:07:31,174 --> 00:07:33,341
The kids' feet don't reach
the bottom, but mine did.

178
00:07:33,343 --> 00:07:35,477
It's wet down there.

179
00:07:36,038 --> 00:07:37,646
Okay, Don's clean.

180
00:07:37,648 --> 00:07:39,981
Yeah, they couldn't make
it up to the penthouse.

181
00:07:41,450 --> 00:07:43,685
But Adam's got some friends on top.

182
00:07:43,687 --> 00:07:44,853
Oh.

183
00:07:44,855 --> 00:07:46,591
I can't believe this.

184
00:07:46,616 --> 00:07:47,910
Honey, it's okay.

185
00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:51,112
It just means you're a
loving, affectionate dad.

186
00:07:51,962 --> 00:07:54,331
And Don's a cold, distant uncle.

187
00:07:55,463 --> 00:07:57,632
You're gonna have to notify
everybody you were with today.

188
00:07:57,634 --> 00:08:01,134
Well, we weren't with
anyone except each other.

189
00:08:01,159 --> 00:08:03,471
Oh!

190
00:08:10,677 --> 00:08:13,044
Adam, are-are you okay?

191
00:08:13,539 --> 00:08:15,583
The kids were all over Lisa's office.

192
00:08:15,585 --> 00:08:18,248
They probably gave her lice!

193
00:08:18,755 --> 00:08:20,976
If we left them home with
signs around their necks,

194
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:23,068
this never would've happened.

195
00:08:23,476 --> 00:08:27,347
I-I'm sure she'll understand.
I mean, she's probably got kids.

196
00:08:27,372 --> 00:08:29,140
The only way she has
kids is if she lured them

197
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:32,204
into her candy house
to eat them for dinner.

198
00:08:35,540 --> 00:08:37,148
Listen, we got to get out in front

199
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:39,077
of this lice thing with Lisa.

200
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,419
Okay, we gave up all of
our other work for this job.

201
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:43,421
We got expenses, we hired Lowell.

202
00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:44,789
You guys better fix this.

203
00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:46,658
I can't go back to
being a house-husband.

204
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:49,550
My father-in-law just
stopped calling me Nancy.

205
00:08:52,370 --> 00:08:53,961
Wow, Nancy's worried.

206
00:08:54,594 --> 00:08:57,802
Okay, all right, uh...
Oh, how about this?

207
00:08:57,804 --> 00:08:59,204
Lisa's got that awards banquet tonight.

208
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,039
Let's just go down
there and check her out.

209
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,407
No, no. I'm mad at her.

210
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:04,743
She put me out in the
hall with the kids.

211
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,211
No, no, Don.

212
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,380
We'll just hang back and
see if she's scratching.

213
00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:09,981
If she's not, then we're just

214
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:12,384
a couple of business
partners there to support her.

215
00:09:12,763 --> 00:09:13,818
That's nice of us.

216
00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:14,986
Yeah. Yeah.

217
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:17,055
And if she does have
lice, we'll come clean.

218
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,824
Hopefully, she'll appreciate our
honesty and not send us packing.

219
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:23,361
Wait, wait, you're betting
our jobs on her humanity?

220
00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:25,063
Yep. And it's a high-risk move

221
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,465
'cause I'm not convinced she's human.

222
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:30,735
I'm pretty sure I saw a
zipper on the back of her head.

223
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:36,541
I better have all my hair
when you wash this stuff out.

224
00:09:36,980 --> 00:09:40,281
My inventory's running low already.

225
00:09:41,563 --> 00:09:44,116
All right, we're heading
down to Lisa's awards banquet.

226
00:09:44,141 --> 00:09:45,817
No big deal, just
trying to save our jobs.

227
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:48,308
Oh, I'm sure you'll do great.

228
00:09:48,333 --> 00:09:50,260
Don, let Adam do all the talking.

229
00:09:50,285 --> 00:09:52,029
Right. I'll just be eye candy.

230
00:09:53,544 --> 00:09:56,071
Joe, I'm really sorry
the kids turned your head

231
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,929
into a bug motel.

232
00:09:59,052 --> 00:10:01,063
You know, Bev's probably got them, too,

233
00:10:01,088 --> 00:10:03,672
and she's on a river
cruise with her gal pals.

234
00:10:03,697 --> 00:10:06,735
A boat full of itchy
women scratching together.

235
00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:07,992
Huh.

236
00:10:08,017 --> 00:10:10,215
That-that makes me chuckle.

237
00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:12,526
Okay, let's check you out.

238
00:10:12,551 --> 00:10:15,135
Okay, well, get ready,

239
00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:16,815
'cause last time the
kids gave them to me,

240
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:20,605
it was like the million
lice march on my head.

241
00:10:20,630 --> 00:10:23,683
I guess that's just the curse
of being an affectionate mother.

242
00:10:24,417 --> 00:10:26,330
Nope. You're clean as a whistle.

243
00:10:27,589 --> 00:10:28,564
Huh?

244
00:10:28,589 --> 00:10:30,195
No, no, no, that-that
can't be right, Lowell.

245
00:10:30,220 --> 00:10:31,933
Ch-Check it again.

246
00:10:32,456 --> 00:10:35,534
I checked. You're good.

247
00:10:36,581 --> 00:10:38,737
Okay.

248
00:10:39,086 --> 00:10:41,373
Listen to me very carefully, all right?

249
00:10:41,398 --> 00:10:42,707
I'm their mother. Right?

250
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:45,009
Every time they get
the flu, I get the flu.

251
00:10:45,011 --> 00:10:47,521
When they had strep
throat, I had strep throat.

252
00:10:47,546 --> 00:10:49,280
And the last time they got these bugs,

253
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:52,828
I got hit the worst because
I am a warm and loving mother!

254
00:10:53,836 --> 00:10:55,722
Okay, don't beat yourself up.

255
00:10:55,747 --> 00:10:57,187
You can't compare then to now.

256
00:10:57,212 --> 00:10:59,571
I mean, these days, you're busy working.

257
00:11:02,625 --> 00:11:04,763
What... what are you implying, Lowell?

258
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:06,598
Don't engage.

259
00:11:08,178 --> 00:11:09,634
No, I'm not implying anything.

260
00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:11,970
I'm just pointing out
a factual difference.

261
00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:13,545
Stand down, boy.

262
00:11:16,365 --> 00:11:18,276
I think you're saying
that I don't have lice

263
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:20,522
because I'm not around enough.

264
00:11:20,663 --> 00:11:24,491
No, no, I did not mean that at all.

265
00:11:24,678 --> 00:11:26,211
What do I do?

266
00:11:26,530 --> 00:11:29,765
Play dead and hope she moves on.

267
00:11:30,272 --> 00:11:32,853
Okay, look, there could be
lots of reasons for this.

268
00:11:32,878 --> 00:11:36,713
Like here... it says lice are
only attracted to clean hair.

269
00:11:39,910 --> 00:11:42,734
So I'm either an absent
mom or a dirty one.

270
00:11:44,449 --> 00:11:47,505
Maybe you're both. Who
says you can't have it all?

271
00:11:50,470 --> 00:11:52,110
Wow, look at this spread.

272
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:54,451
They got the giant
shrimp and tiny pickles.

273
00:11:54,476 --> 00:11:56,313
The whole world's upside down.

274
00:11:56,931 --> 00:11:58,817
Will you stay focused?
We have a job to do.

275
00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:01,152
Ooh, they got the olives with
a red thing in the middle.

276
00:12:01,302 --> 00:12:03,336
How they do that?

277
00:12:03,592 --> 00:12:06,819
Go to a grocery store, man.
That's just regular stuff.

278
00:12:07,545 --> 00:12:10,628
All right, now use your
freakish height to find Lisa.

279
00:12:11,247 --> 00:12:12,557
There she is.

280
00:12:12,747 --> 00:12:15,698
Ladies and gentlemen, our
Innovator Award winner,

281
00:12:15,723 --> 00:12:17,340
Lisa McCaffrey.

282
00:12:23,583 --> 00:12:25,183
Uh-oh. She's scratching her head.

283
00:12:25,208 --> 00:12:26,636
Hold on, hold on.

284
00:12:26,661 --> 00:12:29,714
Maybe she's just coming up with an idea.

285
00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:33,300
This is... such an honor.

286
00:12:34,583 --> 00:12:37,055
Must be a real brainstorm.

287
00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:39,339
Okay.

288
00:12:47,310 --> 00:12:48,600
Oh, my God.

289
00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:51,903
We just turned our boss into
the Bride of Frankenstein.

290
00:12:54,669 --> 00:12:56,875
Now, where was I?

291
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:03,965
Don, we're screwed.

292
00:13:03,967 --> 00:13:06,592
We gave our boss lice, and
she just humiliated herself.

293
00:13:06,617 --> 00:13:08,169
She sees us.

294
00:13:08,710 --> 00:13:09,910
Just look away.

295
00:13:09,935 --> 00:13:11,901
I can't; her hair's too funny.

296
00:13:13,188 --> 00:13:15,418
What are we gonna do? I
thought we had to tell her.

297
00:13:15,443 --> 00:13:17,050
No, no, no, it's too big.

298
00:13:17,248 --> 00:13:19,482
Remember when we were kids,
we shot that bottle rocket

299
00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,473
into the woods and all
the trees caught on fire?

300
00:13:21,498 --> 00:13:23,532
We didn't tell anyone, we
just got the hell out of there.

301
00:13:23,534 --> 00:13:25,386
Everything's on fire, Don!
Let's get the hell out of here!

302
00:13:25,411 --> 00:13:26,737
You're right, let's go.

303
00:13:29,886 --> 00:13:32,401
What kind of frickin' lice
don't get on the mother's head?

304
00:13:35,813 --> 00:13:38,233
She's upset. One of us is
gonna have to go in there.

305
00:13:38,258 --> 00:13:39,218
You go.

306
00:13:39,243 --> 00:13:40,397
You're related to her.

307
00:13:40,422 --> 00:13:43,552
Not by blood, so let's just
take that off the table.

308
00:13:44,901 --> 00:13:46,061
You know what this is?

309
00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:50,359
This-this is society trying
to keep the working moms down!

310
00:13:50,361 --> 00:13:51,270
I'm out.

311
00:13:51,295 --> 00:13:53,692
What? Don't leave me.

312
00:13:53,717 --> 00:13:56,832
Hey, you pulled the pin on
the grenade; you jump on it.

313
00:13:56,834 --> 00:13:58,100
Feel better, honey!

314
00:14:10,706 --> 00:14:13,985
So... you know what I was thinking?

315
00:14:14,010 --> 00:14:16,034
I bet that you don't have lice

316
00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:18,632
because they just flew off your head

317
00:14:18,634 --> 00:14:22,469
while you were running
around being a great mom.

318
00:14:22,844 --> 00:14:24,504
Nice try, Lowell, but
I think we both know

319
00:14:24,506 --> 00:14:25,772
why I don't have the bugs.

320
00:14:26,180 --> 00:14:27,844
There could be other reasons.

321
00:14:27,869 --> 00:14:31,344
Like, did you put your head
too close to the microwave?

322
00:14:32,607 --> 00:14:36,850
Were you underwater for 45 minutes?

323
00:14:36,852 --> 00:14:39,019
Have you been in space?

324
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:41,354
Are you having fun, Lowell?

325
00:14:42,458 --> 00:14:44,191
No.

326
00:14:45,213 --> 00:14:48,963
And not that I'm ready to go,
but have you seen my car keys?

327
00:14:49,549 --> 00:14:52,732
Wait. Is this your hair spray?

328
00:14:52,823 --> 00:14:54,909
No, I stole it.

329
00:14:54,934 --> 00:14:57,304
Among my many flaws,
I'm also a kleptomaniac.

330
00:14:58,312 --> 00:15:01,608
I guess once you light the
fuse, all the bombs go off.

331
00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:02,742
I'm just saying,

332
00:15:02,767 --> 00:15:05,117
your hair spray has tea tree oil in it.

333
00:15:05,142 --> 00:15:08,014
- That repels lice.
- It does?

334
00:15:08,016 --> 00:15:10,550
Look, it's on the sheet from school.

335
00:15:13,422 --> 00:15:15,622
So it's not my fault?

336
00:15:16,825 --> 00:15:19,226
I am a good mother.

337
00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:21,505
Great mother.

338
00:15:21,530 --> 00:15:24,664
Little bit of an aggressive host.

339
00:15:24,666 --> 00:15:27,100
Okay, I'm gonna get out of
here while you're smiling.

340
00:15:27,102 --> 00:15:28,368
Thanks so much, Lowell.

341
00:15:28,370 --> 00:15:30,570
Anytime. But never again.

342
00:15:32,374 --> 00:15:33,815
Hey, Lowell.

343
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:36,276
There's my handsome man. How'd it go?

344
00:15:36,278 --> 00:15:37,744
I don't want to tell you

345
00:15:37,746 --> 00:15:40,664
because you look like
you're in a good mood.

346
00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:41,734
She is now.

347
00:15:41,759 --> 00:15:45,007
Thanks for meeting me at the
exit of the roller coaster.

348
00:15:49,069 --> 00:15:49,943
Wait a minute.

349
00:15:49,968 --> 00:15:53,526
You thought you were a bad mom
because you didn't have lice?

350
00:15:53,528 --> 00:15:55,999
Yeah, I felt terrible.

351
00:15:56,024 --> 00:15:58,967
So I did the healthy thing
and I took it out on Lowell.

352
00:16:00,655 --> 00:16:02,736
Well, I don't hate that
someone else took that shrapnel.

353
00:16:03,844 --> 00:16:06,506
I mean, I actually thought
about quitting my job.

354
00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:09,175
I can't believe you were
beating yourself up like that.

355
00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:11,011
And there's no way you're quitting.

356
00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:12,445
After Lisa's speech tonight,

357
00:16:12,447 --> 00:16:14,914
you might be the only one of us working.

358
00:16:14,916 --> 00:16:16,590
Was it really that bad?

359
00:16:16,615 --> 00:16:18,952
Yeah, yeah. She's got a bundle of lice,

360
00:16:18,954 --> 00:16:21,054
and she's gonna realize
it was because of us.

361
00:16:21,056 --> 00:16:23,423
We have until Monday to
figure our way out of this.

362
00:16:25,825 --> 00:16:27,460
Who is it?

363
00:16:27,462 --> 00:16:29,029
It's Lisa McCaffrey!

364
00:16:30,931 --> 00:16:32,330
Don, she's at my house.

365
00:16:32,355 --> 00:16:33,600
She knows!

366
00:16:33,602 --> 00:16:34,768
Turn off the lights.

367
00:16:36,338 --> 00:16:39,088
Oh! Andi, you talk to her.

368
00:16:39,113 --> 00:16:41,679
Oh, I have to talk to
her because I'm a woman?

369
00:16:41,704 --> 00:16:43,677
Yes! I'm playing the card now.

370
00:16:43,679 --> 00:16:45,478
The card works both ways.

371
00:16:46,023 --> 00:16:46,980
Hello?

372
00:16:46,982 --> 00:16:49,023
I know you're in there.

373
00:16:49,048 --> 00:16:51,551
You know what? This
seems like man's work.

374
00:16:51,553 --> 00:16:53,219
Yeah, I'm reverse playing the card.

375
00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:02,653
Lisa. Hey, what's up?

376
00:17:02,678 --> 00:17:05,432
So, my speech didn't
go very well tonight,

377
00:17:05,434 --> 00:17:06,916
and we need to talk about it.

378
00:17:06,941 --> 00:17:09,169
Uh, look, I just want
to say I'm sorry...

379
00:17:09,171 --> 00:17:10,971
I had an anxiety attack.

380
00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:12,772
Or you go.

381
00:17:13,525 --> 00:17:15,709
I called my therapist, Dr. Klein,

382
00:17:15,711 --> 00:17:17,510
and she explained that the itching was

383
00:17:17,512 --> 00:17:20,980
a physical manifestation of
my fear of public speaking.

384
00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:25,218
- That sounds about right.
- She nailed it.

385
00:17:26,069 --> 00:17:28,955
I just came by because we work together,

386
00:17:28,957 --> 00:17:32,258
and I felt I owed you an explanation.

387
00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:36,348
Well, just don't let it happen again.

388
00:17:38,582 --> 00:17:39,517
Bottom line:

389
00:17:39,542 --> 00:17:42,302
what happened on that
stage tonight was my fault.

390
00:17:42,304 --> 00:17:43,837
It was my failure,

391
00:17:43,839 --> 00:17:46,740
and I have to figure out
a way to deal with that.

392
00:17:49,411 --> 00:17:51,578
No. Don't you do it.

393
00:17:51,580 --> 00:17:53,079
Don't you do the right thing.

394
00:17:53,081 --> 00:17:55,749
Lisa! Lisa! Wait, wait.

395
00:17:55,751 --> 00:17:58,184
Oh, he's doing it.

396
00:17:58,186 --> 00:18:00,854
Yeah, c-come on in.

397
00:18:00,856 --> 00:18:02,291
Um...

398
00:18:02,958 --> 00:18:06,926
What happened tonight... The
problem's not in your head,

399
00:18:06,928 --> 00:18:09,996
it's on your head.

400
00:18:11,010 --> 00:18:12,242
What are you saying?

401
00:18:12,267 --> 00:18:14,156
Well, you see...

402
00:18:15,537 --> 00:18:19,205
Don's niece and nephew gave you lice.

403
00:18:23,437 --> 00:18:25,278
You let me make a fool out of myself

404
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:26,826
in front of my entire industry.

405
00:18:26,851 --> 00:18:29,249
I should fire you right now.

406
00:18:30,303 --> 00:18:31,803
Hey, you know what?

407
00:18:31,828 --> 00:18:34,087
My wife has a job, okay?

408
00:18:34,089 --> 00:18:37,123
So sometimes I have to
bring my kids to work,

409
00:18:37,125 --> 00:18:40,393
and almost every time, they
have something you can catch.

410
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:43,997
And I'm not gonna apologize for that.

411
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:46,739
I will. I'm sorry for both of us.

412
00:18:46,764 --> 00:18:49,810
No, no, no. I'm tired
of everyone feeling bad.

413
00:18:49,835 --> 00:18:52,539
My wife felt bad because she
thought she was a bad mom.

414
00:18:52,541 --> 00:18:54,908
I felt bad because I
thought I was a bad employee.

415
00:18:54,910 --> 00:18:56,242
We're all doing the best we can,

416
00:18:56,244 --> 00:18:57,566
and if that's not good enough for you,

417
00:18:57,591 --> 00:18:59,925
then you know what, go
ahead, fire us, go ahead.

418
00:19:00,777 --> 00:19:04,250
Well, you really took
the wind out of my sails.

419
00:19:04,252 --> 00:19:07,169
If you don't mind getting
fired, it's not fun for me.

420
00:19:08,286 --> 00:19:10,690
I'd like to be fired, too, then.

421
00:19:13,698 --> 00:19:17,564
Look, if it means anything, we
never meant for it to happen.

422
00:19:19,065 --> 00:19:22,101
Well, I guess the lice
is a bit of a relief.

423
00:19:22,103 --> 00:19:24,404
I can fix that with shampoo.

424
00:19:24,406 --> 00:19:28,341
I thought I was gonna
have to improve myself.

425
00:19:28,343 --> 00:19:30,109
Good luck, am I right?

426
00:19:31,236 --> 00:19:33,970
Okay, uh, are we still working for you?

427
00:19:34,492 --> 00:19:37,116
Sure. For now.

428
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:40,887
Meanwhile, I'm gonna call my therapist,

429
00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:42,789
Dr. Klein, and fire her.

430
00:19:42,791 --> 00:19:45,124
And then I'm gonna swing
by my ex-husband's house

431
00:19:45,126 --> 00:19:49,295
and give his new
girlfriend a big licey hug.

432
00:19:50,782 --> 00:19:51,998
That sounds fun.

433
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,133
Maybe don't lose Dr. Klein's number.

434
00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:00,440
That was good stuff.

435
00:20:00,442 --> 00:20:02,542
I was worried, but
you landed that plane.

436
00:20:04,145 --> 00:20:05,678
Hey, honey.

437
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:08,648
I heard everything. I'm so proud of you.

438
00:20:08,673 --> 00:20:09,782
You've earned these.

439
00:20:09,784 --> 00:20:10,984
- Oh.
- Oh.

440
00:20:10,986 --> 00:20:12,252
I meant what I said.

441
00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:14,354
If I have to take my
kids to work every day,

442
00:20:14,356 --> 00:20:15,389
then I am happy to do it.

443
00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:17,139
Oh, good.

444
00:20:17,951 --> 00:20:20,260
'Cause I just got an e-mail.
They're fumigating the school,

445
00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:23,029
and the kids are gonna be
off for the next three days.

446
00:20:24,499 --> 00:20:26,432
I'm calling in with lady problems.

447
00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:36,341
And in other news, a
river boat was quarantined

448
00:20:36,343 --> 00:20:39,173
offshore due to a lice outbreak.

449
00:20:42,925 --> 00:20:45,987
Never tell your mother
how much I enjoyed this.

450
00:20:46,456 --> 00:20:48,259
You want us to rewind
it and play it again?

451
00:20:48,284 --> 00:20:49,890
He's seen it three times.

452
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:52,489
Once more for the old man, huh?

453
00:20:52,833 --> 00:20:54,724
And in other news, a river
boat was quarantined...

454
00:20:57,610 --> 00:21:02,610
Synced and corrected by Octavia 
- www.addic7ed.com -