1
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:04,637
What happened to donuts?

2
00:00:04,639 --> 00:00:06,906
This thing is mostly hole.

3
00:00:06,908 --> 00:00:08,851
I think they're making
the middle bigger.

4
00:00:08,876 --> 00:00:11,310
I bought a dozen donuts
and a dozen donut holes.

5
00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:13,445
They don't match up.
Somebody's getting rich.

6
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:15,232
Huh.

7
00:00:15,257 --> 00:00:17,383
Hey, there they are.

8
00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:19,084
How'd the, uh, doctors appointments go?

9
00:00:19,086 --> 00:00:22,187
Turns out Teddy needs
glasses, like, a lot.

10
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:25,388
The doctor was pretty judgmental.

11
00:00:25,413 --> 00:00:27,026
I got, like, six lollipops.

12
00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:29,995
I got nothing because I'm perfect.

13
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:31,363
Aw.

14
00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:33,532
Well, don't worry about it, buddy.

15
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:36,435
We'll get it handled. Go get a snack.

16
00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:38,404
He needs glasses.

17
00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:41,106
That explains so much.

18
00:00:41,108 --> 00:00:44,109
Also, Katie needs braces.

19
00:00:44,111 --> 00:00:46,178
Ugh, I'm gonna look so dorky.

20
00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:48,247
Can I please get the
plastic invisible ones?

21
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:49,448
I don't see why not.

22
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:50,466
They're $6,000.

23
00:00:50,491 --> 00:00:52,451
I see exactly why not.

24
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:54,453
Great. Well, I'll have metal mouth.

25
00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:56,655
Guess you can use my
face to open your beers.

26
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:58,924
That's the spirit.

27
00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:02,227
- Braces and glasses.
- Yeah.

28
00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:04,496
- You're gonna need some quick cash.
- Yeah.

29
00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:06,065
Well, I've got an idea.

30
00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:08,293
How would you feel about taking a tumble

31
00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,251
down the escalator at the mall?

32
00:01:10,888 --> 00:01:12,800
I know a guy. He can push you.

33
00:01:12,825 --> 00:01:14,560
You don't even need the courage.

34
00:01:15,528 --> 00:01:16,424
We'll be fine.

35
00:01:16,426 --> 00:01:18,092
We have insurance.

36
00:01:18,094 --> 00:01:20,495
But you came up with that
escalator thing pretty quick.

37
00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:23,130
Next time we go to the mall,
you're walking in front.

38
00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:27,484
Look at this.

39
00:01:27,509 --> 00:01:30,438
Our insurance only gives
us $30 for Teddy's glasses.

40
00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:32,073
Where are we supposed to buy them?

41
00:01:32,075 --> 00:01:34,175
The spinny thing at the drugstore?

42
00:01:35,624 --> 00:01:37,536
Well, the drugstore has good stuff.

43
00:01:37,561 --> 00:01:40,362
That's where I get my
sexy sweatpants you like.

44
00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,084
And check this out.

45
00:01:43,086 --> 00:01:44,719
The deductible for Katie's braces

46
00:01:44,721 --> 00:01:46,654
is more than the cost
of the actual braces.

47
00:01:46,656 --> 00:01:48,689
Well, they do cover leg braces.

48
00:01:50,894 --> 00:01:54,262
Might as well get her those
if they're giving them away.

49
00:01:54,264 --> 00:01:56,030
Ugh, we can't afford all this.

50
00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:58,665
- Ugh.
- Well, the orthodontist has financing.

51
00:01:58,690 --> 00:01:59,767
He gave me a brochure,

52
00:01:59,792 --> 00:02:03,437
but I dropped it when Teddy
walked into the fish tank.

53
00:02:03,439 --> 00:02:04,739
He really can't see.

54
00:02:04,741 --> 00:02:06,674
We should be ashamed of ourselves.

55
00:02:06,676 --> 00:02:08,476
The Burns men don't do financing.

56
00:02:08,478 --> 00:02:10,011
You end up paying triple.

57
00:02:10,013 --> 00:02:11,879
Be cheaper to just send Katie to England

58
00:02:11,881 --> 00:02:14,181
to live with the rest
of the snaggle-toothers.

59
00:02:16,286 --> 00:02:20,087
Well, we have to find
the money somewhere.

60
00:02:21,157 --> 00:02:24,659
Maybe we should go to the
mall and talk about it.

61
00:02:25,939 --> 00:02:28,763
I'm not falling down an escalator, Andi.

62
00:02:28,765 --> 00:02:31,432
Why not? You fall off
stuff all the time.

63
00:02:31,434 --> 00:02:33,200
Let's start making some money.

64
00:02:38,945 --> 00:02:41,212
Hey, pretty lady.

65
00:02:41,644 --> 00:02:43,477
I'm wearing my drugstore sweats.

66
00:02:43,479 --> 00:02:45,546
Let's get crazy.

67
00:02:46,257 --> 00:02:50,638
You know what's crazy is how
tight our budget already is.

68
00:02:50,663 --> 00:02:52,587
So fooling around is out?

69
00:02:53,116 --> 00:02:55,222
Okay, let's talk money.

70
00:02:55,224 --> 00:02:56,924
What's in our rainy day fund?

71
00:02:56,926 --> 00:02:59,060
$175. Yeah.

72
00:02:59,585 --> 00:03:00,560
Which one of Kate's teeth

73
00:03:00,585 --> 00:03:02,029
would you like to straighten with that?

74
00:03:02,031 --> 00:03:04,943
I thought we agreed to keep
that tone out of the bedroom.

75
00:03:05,694 --> 00:03:07,622
Okay, well, I printed out our budget.

76
00:03:07,647 --> 00:03:09,904
And, uh, this page is our necessities.

77
00:03:09,906 --> 00:03:11,891
You know, mortgage,
groceries, stuff like that.

78
00:03:11,916 --> 00:03:14,842
And this page is our extras.

79
00:03:14,844 --> 00:03:18,512
And, um, your cable sports packages

80
00:03:18,514 --> 00:03:20,852
seem to be our biggest extra.

81
00:03:21,571 --> 00:03:23,184
Hold on. No sex, no sports?

82
00:03:23,186 --> 00:03:25,086
I'm sorry I even came in here.

83
00:03:25,088 --> 00:03:27,722
I'm not giving up my sports packages.

84
00:03:27,724 --> 00:03:29,724
Adam, you bought, like, eight of them.

85
00:03:29,726 --> 00:03:32,093
I mean, you shouldn't have more
sports channels than children.

86
00:03:32,742 --> 00:03:34,095
Then let's have more children.

87
00:03:34,097 --> 00:03:36,464
No. Forget I said that.

88
00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:38,466
Look, Andi, these sports packages

89
00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:40,801
are the only thing I have
left that makes me happy.

90
00:03:40,803 --> 00:03:43,437
Well, besides you and the
kids. Blah, blah, blah.

91
00:03:44,204 --> 00:03:45,306
Look, I know you love them,

92
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:47,708
but I-I-I think they have to go.

93
00:03:47,710 --> 00:03:50,478
The kids? Okay.

94
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,780
But wait a minute, hold
on. What about your extras?

95
00:03:52,782 --> 00:03:54,348
Maybe we can get rid of one of those.

96
00:03:54,350 --> 00:03:56,183
No, I don't have any extras.

97
00:03:56,185 --> 00:03:58,486
I already gave them
all up for the family.

98
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,588
Oh.

99
00:04:00,590 --> 00:04:03,124
Then I guess there's no
coming back from that.

100
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:06,794
Fine, okay. I'll cancel
my sports packages.

101
00:04:06,796 --> 00:04:10,131
I know it hurts, honey, but
you're doing the right thing.

102
00:04:10,767 --> 00:04:12,800
If it helps, you're
kind of being a hero.

103
00:04:13,177 --> 00:04:15,577
A hero, huh?

104
00:04:15,602 --> 00:04:17,069
That does help.

105
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,340
Hero. As in...

106
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:22,376
I'd like to dedicate this
Nobel Prize to my father,

107
00:04:22,378 --> 00:04:24,311
Adam Burns, the real hero.

108
00:04:25,094 --> 00:04:27,462
Whatever gets you there, babe.

109
00:04:28,420 --> 00:04:30,216
Ugh, the only thing is

110
00:04:30,241 --> 00:04:31,485
I don't know how I'm
gonna tell the guys.

111
00:04:31,487 --> 00:04:33,287
They love coming over
here to watch the games.

112
00:04:33,289 --> 00:04:35,790
Our house is where
Pittsburgh comes to play.

113
00:04:36,683 --> 00:04:39,627
I know, honey, but I guess from now on,

114
00:04:39,629 --> 00:04:42,163
Pittsburgh's just gonna
have to play with itself.

115
00:04:44,067 --> 00:04:47,334
I know how Pittsburgh feels.

116
00:04:59,356 --> 00:05:02,194
Okay, I know this is your
last sports package game,

117
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:05,676
but on the upside, I made mini pizzas.

118
00:05:07,137 --> 00:05:10,118
I'm torn. I'm mad at you
for taking away our sports,

119
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,477
but I'm impressed by
these tiny pepperonis.

120
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,913
What did you use, a hole punch?

121
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:16,848
I just nibbled them down to size.

122
00:05:21,882 --> 00:05:23,068
Man, this stinks.

123
00:05:23,093 --> 00:05:25,190
If I'm not here watching
the game, I have to go home.

124
00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:27,158
That's where my wife lives.

125
00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:31,596
This is our time and Andi took it.

126
00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:32,997
I fought hard to get in here.

127
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,935
I'm not gonna lose it
just because you took a vow

128
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,926
with some hussy you met in a bar.

129
00:05:36,928 --> 00:05:38,161
Look, I know it's tough,

130
00:05:38,163 --> 00:05:40,330
but some situations call for a hero,

131
00:05:40,332 --> 00:05:41,898
a man who's willing to step up

132
00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:43,600
and do what's right for his family.

133
00:05:43,602 --> 00:05:45,034
Well, can you find that guy

134
00:05:45,036 --> 00:05:47,637
and ask him to bring
me a regular size pizza?

135
00:05:50,375 --> 00:05:52,342
Okay, Dad, you and Mom
were always on a budget.

136
00:05:52,344 --> 00:05:54,778
How did you pay for stuff
when Don and I were growing up?

137
00:05:54,780 --> 00:05:57,247
Well, we just chose the
kid with the most potential

138
00:05:57,249 --> 00:06:00,483
and spent our resources on him.

139
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:03,653
In our case, that was Donny.

140
00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:04,621
Thanks, Pop.

141
00:06:06,049 --> 00:06:07,430
You chose him?

142
00:06:07,455 --> 00:06:08,825
Well, he seemed like the better bet.

143
00:06:08,850 --> 00:06:11,086
He was bigger and he talked more.

144
00:06:11,111 --> 00:06:15,632
You just sat there chewing
on your fist like an apple.

145
00:06:15,634 --> 00:06:17,066
I was a baby.

146
00:06:17,888 --> 00:06:18,977
Wait a minute, wait a minute.

147
00:06:19,002 --> 00:06:20,737
Is that why I always
got cheese sandwiches

148
00:06:20,739 --> 00:06:21,669
and he got bologna?

149
00:06:21,694 --> 00:06:23,406
Exactly. And it worked.

150
00:06:23,408 --> 00:06:26,743
Look how tall he is, like a redwood.

151
00:06:27,018 --> 00:06:29,919
I am majestic. Thanks again, Pop.

152
00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:34,150
I could never do that with my kids.

153
00:06:34,152 --> 00:06:36,252
Andi wouldn't let me.

154
00:06:36,254 --> 00:06:38,188
Listen, if you want your sports back,

155
00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:40,793
you better cut something
else from this budget.

156
00:06:40,818 --> 00:06:42,348
Where did you get that?

157
00:06:42,373 --> 00:06:44,260
I took the long way to the bathroom.

158
00:06:44,262 --> 00:06:47,330
Folder said "private."
Got me interested.

159
00:06:49,222 --> 00:06:51,113
Who's Josephine?

160
00:06:51,138 --> 00:06:52,571
Give me that.

161
00:06:55,113 --> 00:06:57,299
Wow. Who is Josephine?

162
00:06:57,324 --> 00:06:58,942
- She costs a fortune.
- No, no, no, no.

163
00:06:58,944 --> 00:07:00,643
You don't need to look
at that. You don't...

164
00:07:00,645 --> 00:07:02,011
Just enjoy your pizzas.

165
00:07:02,013 --> 00:07:04,587
I ate two pounds of pepperoni for those.

166
00:07:06,151 --> 00:07:07,717
Tell me who Josephine is.

167
00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:09,719
She's my hairdresser.

168
00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:11,900
Yeah. Josephine makes my hair all,

169
00:07:11,925 --> 00:07:15,655
you know, silky and, you
know, all this one color.

170
00:07:21,038 --> 00:07:23,099
I could do that for free.

171
00:07:23,155 --> 00:07:24,577
Strip it, prime it, paint it.

172
00:07:24,602 --> 00:07:26,635
I've done it a million times.

173
00:07:27,672 --> 00:07:29,706
Wait, why did you put

174
00:07:29,708 --> 00:07:32,275
your hair salon under necessities?

175
00:07:32,277 --> 00:07:33,676
So you wouldn't see it.

176
00:07:33,678 --> 00:07:34,944
Yeah.

177
00:07:34,946 --> 00:07:36,346
See, I showed you the extras

178
00:07:36,348 --> 00:07:37,780
and then I held back the necessities.

179
00:07:37,782 --> 00:07:39,849
It was all very well thought-out.

180
00:07:39,851 --> 00:07:41,851
So you're just shuffling cash around?

181
00:07:41,853 --> 00:07:43,386
That's money laundering.

182
00:07:44,189 --> 00:07:46,923
- You rigged this whole thing.
- Rigged!

183
00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:49,143
You know, there's no
cheaper way to see my game.

184
00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:50,018
None!

185
00:07:50,043 --> 00:07:52,740
But you could easily
find a bargain hair place.

186
00:07:52,765 --> 00:07:54,198
Do it!

187
00:07:56,425 --> 00:07:58,788
All right, Lowell, I can handle this.

188
00:07:58,813 --> 00:08:00,714
Then handle it, man.

189
00:08:06,344 --> 00:08:07,410
What's with him?

190
00:08:07,412 --> 00:08:09,445
I don't know. He had a wine spritzer.

191
00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:13,750
Look, honey, Josephine is a necessity.

192
00:08:13,752 --> 00:08:15,385
All right? It's not just a haircut.

193
00:08:15,387 --> 00:08:18,161
She rubs my shoulders.
She listens to me vent.

194
00:08:18,186 --> 00:08:20,734
You know that-that time
with her, it keeps me going.

195
00:08:20,759 --> 00:08:22,269
It's my last happy thing.

196
00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:25,562
It... besides you and the
kids and blah, blah, blah.

197
00:08:25,780 --> 00:08:27,830
Well, that's how I feel about my sports.

198
00:08:27,832 --> 00:08:30,266
It's a few hours a week
where I don't have to worry

199
00:08:30,268 --> 00:08:32,302
about all the stuff
I have to worry about.

200
00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:36,039
For example, you keeping two
sets of books like the mob.

201
00:08:36,536 --> 00:08:39,475
Well, I don't want to
give up my one last thing.

202
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:41,411
Well, I don't want to
give up mine, either.

203
00:08:41,413 --> 00:08:43,947
Well, look, one if us gonna
have to bite the bullet.

204
00:08:43,949 --> 00:08:45,281
You're right.

205
00:08:45,283 --> 00:08:48,284
I think I know a way we
can settle this like adults.

206
00:08:48,286 --> 00:08:49,252
Then settle it.

207
00:08:49,254 --> 00:08:51,721
All right. Lowell.

208
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:54,699
You're gonna have to go
take a walk or something.

209
00:08:59,815 --> 00:09:00,880
Okay, what's your plan?

210
00:09:00,905 --> 00:09:03,042
How are we gonna
settle this like adults?

211
00:09:03,067 --> 00:09:04,377
Rock, paper, scissors.

212
00:09:04,402 --> 00:09:05,501
- Ready?
- Yeah.

213
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:07,270
- One, two...
- One, two... Wait, wait, wait.

214
00:09:07,272 --> 00:09:08,567
I want this to be fair.

215
00:09:08,592 --> 00:09:11,507
So, I have to tell you, I
know you're gonna do rock.

216
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:13,076
You always do rock.

217
00:09:13,705 --> 00:09:15,978
Well, that's because I disagree
that anything could beat rock.

218
00:09:16,003 --> 00:09:17,375
Paper beats rock.

219
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,148
Okay, you throw a piece of paper at me,

220
00:09:19,150 --> 00:09:21,918
I'll throw a rock at you,
let's see who's happier.

221
00:09:22,326 --> 00:09:24,520
Okay, forget I said anything. Ready?

222
00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:26,022
- One, two...
- One, two... Wait, wait, wait.

223
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:27,557
Okay, now that you know
I'm gonna throw rock,

224
00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:28,791
I'm gonna change it.

225
00:09:29,957 --> 00:09:32,395
So you're still going with rock?

226
00:09:32,621 --> 00:09:35,330
Well, that was the plan, but
I'm really gonna change it.

227
00:09:35,355 --> 00:09:36,632
Okay, here we go.

228
00:09:36,634 --> 00:09:38,189
Winner keeps their favorite thing.

229
00:09:38,214 --> 00:09:39,802
Loser gives it up.

230
00:09:39,804 --> 00:09:41,904
One, two, three, shoot.

231
00:09:41,906 --> 00:09:44,574
That's what I'm talking about.

232
00:09:44,576 --> 00:09:46,109
Paper crushes rock.

233
00:09:46,111 --> 00:09:49,195
- I double outsmarted you. Right?
- I know.

234
00:09:49,220 --> 00:09:51,080
I had a good 15-year
winning streak there,

235
00:09:51,082 --> 00:09:55,218
but you got me, so I
will cancel my hair place.

236
00:09:57,789 --> 00:10:00,990
Are you gonna be generous
and classy about this?

237
00:10:01,775 --> 00:10:03,166
Yeah.

238
00:10:03,191 --> 00:10:04,694
Well, it's no fun to beat someone

239
00:10:04,696 --> 00:10:07,094
who's generous and classy.

240
00:10:07,953 --> 00:10:09,465
Aw, all right, all right,
look. How about this?

241
00:10:09,467 --> 00:10:11,601
How about if we both give
up our favorite thing?

242
00:10:12,305 --> 00:10:13,219
Really?

243
00:10:13,244 --> 00:10:15,110
Hey, the only way we can both be happy

244
00:10:15,135 --> 00:10:16,716
is if we're both unhappy.

245
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:18,574
Right?

246
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:20,910
That's what marriage is.

247
00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:24,047
Got to say, I'm impressed.

248
00:10:24,049 --> 00:10:25,481
- Yeah?
- Hmm.

249
00:10:25,483 --> 00:10:27,884
Well, you should be.
I mean, most people,

250
00:10:27,886 --> 00:10:30,420
they have to read
about what a hero does.

251
00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:32,655
But you, you're getting
to see it firsthand.

252
00:10:32,657 --> 00:10:35,643
You're... you're a lucky lady.

253
00:10:39,744 --> 00:10:41,431
What are you watching?

254
00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:42,965
Well, all the sports are gone

255
00:10:42,967 --> 00:10:44,767
so I'm watching The Weather Channel.

256
00:10:46,237 --> 00:10:49,772
San Diego's beating
Buffalo by 60 degrees.

257
00:10:51,714 --> 00:10:52,665
Hey, buddy.

258
00:10:52,690 --> 00:10:53,910
Now that you got your new glasses,

259
00:10:53,912 --> 00:10:55,678
let me try something.

260
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,266
Catch.

261
00:10:58,750 --> 00:11:00,783
I knew you could do that!

262
00:11:01,340 --> 00:11:03,507
I'm good at stuff!

263
00:11:05,176 --> 00:11:07,476
Well, hopefully he
can hit the toilet now.

264
00:11:09,894 --> 00:11:11,160
Hey, honey.

265
00:11:13,969 --> 00:11:15,402
What's wrong?

266
00:11:15,427 --> 00:11:16,966
I went to Jiffy Cuts.

267
00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:18,401
Huh?

268
00:11:18,403 --> 00:11:20,136
And this happened.

269
00:11:22,607 --> 00:11:24,073
Oh, boy.

270
00:11:24,075 --> 00:11:26,976
My new hairdresser,
whose name is Cricket,

271
00:11:27,464 --> 00:11:30,871
was texting her boyfriend,
whose name is Sledge.

272
00:11:31,379 --> 00:11:33,850
This country is doomed.

273
00:11:33,852 --> 00:11:36,919
She was distracted, so
instead of using brown dye,

274
00:11:36,921 --> 00:11:38,437
she used bleach.

275
00:11:38,462 --> 00:11:40,022
Oh, but...

276
00:11:40,024 --> 00:11:43,067
the good news is that while
she was shampooing my hair,

277
00:11:43,092 --> 00:11:45,392
her nose ring fell into my mouth.

278
00:11:48,823 --> 00:11:52,091
Sounds like you had
a jam-packed morning.

279
00:11:52,740 --> 00:11:54,337
But didn't it feel good to save money?

280
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:55,671
Huh? Come on.

281
00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:57,294
It's for the kids.

282
00:11:57,319 --> 00:11:58,975
Oh, you're right. You're right.

283
00:11:58,977 --> 00:12:01,577
This is, this is all so
Katie can have straight teeth.

284
00:12:01,579 --> 00:12:03,408
Yeah, and Teddy, with his new glasses,

285
00:12:03,433 --> 00:12:05,114
I threw him the ball and he caught it.

286
00:12:05,116 --> 00:12:06,516
And not with his face.

287
00:12:07,402 --> 00:12:09,418
We're doing great things here.

288
00:12:09,420 --> 00:12:10,830
Yes, we are.

289
00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:12,788
- It's all worth it.
- Yeah.

290
00:12:12,790 --> 00:12:15,124
And we can save even
more money on Halloween.

291
00:12:15,126 --> 00:12:16,259
Huh?

292
00:12:16,261 --> 00:12:17,793
Do you need to buy a costume?

293
00:12:17,795 --> 00:12:20,530
No, you're already
wearing it on your head.

294
00:12:28,694 --> 00:12:29,705
Hey.

295
00:12:33,811 --> 00:12:34,844
What's going on?

296
00:12:34,846 --> 00:12:37,013
- We're having an intervention.
- Wha...?

297
00:12:37,015 --> 00:12:39,081
You let Andi take away our sports.

298
00:12:39,083 --> 00:12:41,681
You never handled it, man.

299
00:12:41,706 --> 00:12:44,174
I blame myself.

300
00:12:44,199 --> 00:12:45,788
Maybe if you'd had a
little bologna as a kid,

301
00:12:45,790 --> 00:12:48,136
you could stand up to your wife.

302
00:12:48,824 --> 00:12:50,626
Okay, look, this is hard on me, too.

303
00:12:50,628 --> 00:12:52,862
That was my thing, my very last thing,

304
00:12:52,864 --> 00:12:55,064
but I told Andi I'd give it up.

305
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,365
But she played dirty.

306
00:12:56,367 --> 00:12:58,100
She didn't even tell
you about her hair lady.

307
00:12:58,102 --> 00:12:59,268
That's true.

308
00:12:59,270 --> 00:13:01,003
And who won rock, paper, scissors?

309
00:13:01,005 --> 00:13:02,672
I did.

310
00:13:02,674 --> 00:13:04,874
I double outsmarted her.

311
00:13:04,876 --> 00:13:06,313
Did you?

312
00:13:07,645 --> 00:13:10,746
But now I'm stuck watching
cooking shows with Marcy.

313
00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:12,915
I'm real sad, brother.

314
00:13:13,289 --> 00:13:14,417
You hear that?

315
00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:15,751
Do something, boy.

316
00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:18,221
You just made a mighty redwood cry.

317
00:13:24,874 --> 00:13:26,958
Teddy, where are your glasses?

318
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:30,700
I lost them.

319
00:13:30,702 --> 00:13:31,767
Already?

320
00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:33,035
I'm not used to having them.

321
00:13:33,037 --> 00:13:34,937
When I go somewhere,
everything else on my face

322
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,005
just comes with me.

323
00:13:36,474 --> 00:13:37,907
Okay, well, go look for 'em.

324
00:13:37,909 --> 00:13:39,976
Your dad's in the garage.
I'll go get him to help.

325
00:13:40,467 --> 00:13:42,712
Okay, Kate, your last
meal before braces,

326
00:13:42,714 --> 00:13:44,113
just like you ordered.

327
00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:48,985
Popcorn, salt water
taffy and beef jerky.

328
00:13:48,987 --> 00:13:51,020
You know, those three things
are gonna meet in your stomach

329
00:13:51,022 --> 00:13:52,722
and they are not gonna be friends.

330
00:13:53,216 --> 00:13:55,157
I don't even want braces.

331
00:13:55,159 --> 00:13:57,760
How about this: just give me the money

332
00:13:57,762 --> 00:14:01,105
and I'll push my teeth together
with my fingers. Huh? See.

333
00:14:01,918 --> 00:14:03,899
Honey, I know it stinks, all right?

334
00:14:03,901 --> 00:14:06,335
But if it helps, it-it
stinks for all of us.

335
00:14:06,337 --> 00:14:08,337
I mean, your dad gave up his sports

336
00:14:08,339 --> 00:14:13,138
and I look like I'm trying
to murder 101 Dalmatians.

337
00:14:14,982 --> 00:14:16,318
Oh!

338
00:14:16,343 --> 00:14:18,481
I hope Andi doesn't find out
you bought the sports package

339
00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:20,016
on the Internet!

340
00:14:20,896 --> 00:14:22,018
It would help if you didn't scream it

341
00:14:22,020 --> 00:14:23,686
at the top of your lungs.

342
00:14:23,688 --> 00:14:24,887
My bad!

343
00:14:25,808 --> 00:14:27,390
Oh, Crosby stole the puck. Come on.

344
00:14:27,392 --> 00:14:28,524
Go, go.

345
00:14:31,429 --> 00:14:33,681
Yeah!

346
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,232
Hey! Look who's here.

347
00:14:36,961 --> 00:14:38,000
What's going on?

348
00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:40,022
Uh, okay, it's not what you think.

349
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:43,873
We were, um, watching an adult movie.

350
00:14:44,844 --> 00:14:46,175
- Really?
- Mm.

351
00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:49,011
'Cause there was a lot of high-fiving.

352
00:14:49,239 --> 00:14:52,307
It was very inspirational.

353
00:14:52,927 --> 00:14:55,972
Okay, look, I canceled all the
cable sports like I promised,

354
00:14:55,997 --> 00:14:57,887
but due to the miracle of technology,

355
00:14:57,889 --> 00:15:00,089
I found all the games on the Internet.

356
00:15:00,419 --> 00:15:01,357
For free?

357
00:15:02,061 --> 00:15:03,926
Free of you knowing about it.

358
00:15:04,897 --> 00:15:08,130
So you were just gonna hide the
expense in the Internet bill?

359
00:15:08,132 --> 00:15:09,165
Well...

360
00:15:09,635 --> 00:15:10,934
Whose idea was this?

361
00:15:10,959 --> 00:15:13,827
It was mine and I'm not sorry.

362
00:15:14,272 --> 00:15:15,538
You might be the wife,

363
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:18,040
but I'm the hockey buddy;
I have a voice here.

364
00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:19,942
Really, Lowell?

365
00:15:20,131 --> 00:15:22,431
You really want to go
up against the wife?

366
00:15:23,004 --> 00:15:25,648
To be honest, I'm losing steam.

367
00:15:26,988 --> 00:15:28,684
How was this even supposed to work?

368
00:15:28,686 --> 00:15:30,152
I was ten feet away.

369
00:15:30,154 --> 00:15:31,654
Well, we had a plan.

370
00:15:31,656 --> 00:15:34,523
My dad was supposed to be a lookout.

371
00:15:35,221 --> 00:15:37,760
Oh, yeah. Your wife's coming.

372
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:46,129
I can't believe you bought
the sports packages again.

373
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:49,217
Okay, I admit, it looks
bad, but you know what?

374
00:15:49,242 --> 00:15:51,658
I won rock, paper,
scissors fair and square.

375
00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:54,594
Okay, that's school
yard rules, no backsies.

376
00:15:55,818 --> 00:15:57,605
That's your argument?

377
00:15:57,630 --> 00:15:59,183
Well, originally it was Don's argument,

378
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,208
which explains why it isn't working.

379
00:16:02,014 --> 00:16:04,945
Actually, it's true.

380
00:16:04,947 --> 00:16:07,447
It is? I mean, it is.

381
00:16:07,944 --> 00:16:09,082
Look, I'll tell you what.

382
00:16:09,084 --> 00:16:11,585
I already gave up Josephine,
you have your sports back.

383
00:16:11,587 --> 00:16:12,953
Everything works out.

384
00:16:12,955 --> 00:16:14,888
Plus, four more punches
on my Jiffy Cuts card

385
00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:17,724
and I get a free beer koozie.

386
00:16:18,513 --> 00:16:21,895
Mm-hmm. So I do something
sneaky and you just give up?

387
00:16:22,831 --> 00:16:25,487
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

388
00:16:25,512 --> 00:16:27,334
The hairs on the back of
my neck are standing up.

389
00:16:27,336 --> 00:16:28,468
What's the catch?

390
00:16:28,470 --> 00:16:30,614
There's no catch. I'm happy to do it.

391
00:16:31,446 --> 00:16:32,550
You know, and years from now,

392
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,408
when the kids are accepting some award,

393
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,310
they'll probably thank
me for being such a hero

394
00:16:36,312 --> 00:16:38,132
or, I don't know, something like that.

395
00:16:38,499 --> 00:16:40,181
Wait, wait, wait, what'd you say?

396
00:16:40,183 --> 00:16:41,796
- I said I'm happy to do it.
- No, after that.

397
00:16:41,828 --> 00:16:42,701
You said you'd be the hero?

398
00:16:42,726 --> 00:16:44,285
- Well, that goes without saying.
- Then why'd you say it?

399
00:16:44,287 --> 00:16:46,171
- Because I'd be the hero.
- But I like being the hero.

400
00:16:46,196 --> 00:16:47,671
Well, you can't be the hero if
you don't make the sacrifice.

401
00:16:47,696 --> 00:16:48,923
Then I'm giving up my sports.

402
00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:50,104
Too late. I already gave up my hair.

403
00:16:50,129 --> 00:16:52,704
Over my dead body. I'm giving
up my sports and that's final.

404
00:16:54,025 --> 00:16:56,096
Fine. I'll call Josephine
and make an appointment.

405
00:16:56,121 --> 00:16:57,765
You're damn right you will.

406
00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:00,935
Okay, it's settled.

407
00:17:05,265 --> 00:17:07,508
Oh, Andi!

408
00:17:08,586 --> 00:17:11,045
That was low.

409
00:17:11,047 --> 00:17:13,014
At least I didn't play
mind games with you.

410
00:17:13,016 --> 00:17:14,982
I had the decency to straight-up lie.

411
00:17:14,984 --> 00:17:17,718
That's what a real hero does!

412
00:17:18,430 --> 00:17:20,221
Come on, Adam, it's my hair.

413
00:17:20,223 --> 00:17:21,689
My hair.

414
00:17:21,691 --> 00:17:25,092
Yesterday, at the park, a
skunk tried to hump my leg.

415
00:17:25,703 --> 00:17:27,995
Well, of course he did. You're sexy.

416
00:17:29,708 --> 00:17:32,500
Oh, and at work, they
made a new name tag for me.

417
00:17:32,502 --> 00:17:34,835
It says Cruella de Burns.

418
00:17:35,208 --> 00:17:36,804
You have to go through three departments

419
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:37,805
to get a name tag.

420
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:40,808
A vice president had to sign off on it.

421
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:42,456
All right, okay, you know what?

422
00:17:42,481 --> 00:17:45,025
I'm gonna figure out a way
we can both get what we want.

423
00:17:45,050 --> 00:17:47,281
- What are you gonna do?
- I don't know, but I love you.

424
00:17:47,283 --> 00:17:48,983
I'm not gonna let
people make fun of you.

425
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:50,003
Only I get to do that.

426
00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:51,995
That is my right as your husband!

427
00:17:54,702 --> 00:17:56,334
That's right.

428
00:17:57,527 --> 00:17:59,160
That is good stuff.

429
00:18:03,548 --> 00:18:05,967
I just got us enough money
to pay for the braces,

430
00:18:05,969 --> 00:18:08,402
the glasses, your hair, everything.

431
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:11,839
Oh, my God, did you
do the escalator thing?

432
00:18:12,376 --> 00:18:15,576
No, no. I sold the motorcycle.

433
00:18:15,578 --> 00:18:17,678
What? It's not even finished.

434
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,414
Well, Don and I stayed up
all night working on it.

435
00:18:20,416 --> 00:18:22,022
Check it out.

436
00:18:23,108 --> 00:18:25,353
Holy crap!

437
00:18:25,644 --> 00:18:27,710
You got this much for that old bike?

438
00:18:27,936 --> 00:18:31,592
I may have told the guy it
used to belong to Steve McQueen.

439
00:18:32,740 --> 00:18:35,240
You are the sweetest hero ever.

440
00:18:35,431 --> 00:18:38,023
Oh, I can't wait to call
Josephine and get my hair fixed.

441
00:18:38,048 --> 00:18:40,034
Oh, I'm gonna call the cable company

442
00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:43,014
- and get the fun machine turned back on.
- Yeah.

443
00:18:43,741 --> 00:18:46,974
Mom, look at my face.

444
00:18:46,999 --> 00:18:48,655
Oh, no, what happened?

445
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:50,642
The school nurse says I'm
having an allergic reaction

446
00:18:50,667 --> 00:18:52,480
to the nickel in my braces.

447
00:18:52,482 --> 00:18:55,149
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

448
00:18:55,151 --> 00:18:57,818
At least you don't have Mom's hair, huh?

449
00:18:57,820 --> 00:18:59,723
And that's it for those.

450
00:19:00,855 --> 00:19:02,589
Honey, go upstairs and wash your face.

451
00:19:02,614 --> 00:19:04,425
I'll be right up to
put some medicine on it.

452
00:19:04,427 --> 00:19:06,293
Okay, thanks.

453
00:19:06,716 --> 00:19:10,251
I guess this means I'm
getting the invisible ones.

454
00:19:11,788 --> 00:19:15,014
How much are the plastic braces again?

455
00:19:15,039 --> 00:19:16,114
3,000 more.

456
00:19:16,139 --> 00:19:18,939
Oh, you got to be kidding me.

457
00:19:24,977 --> 00:19:26,410
What was that?

458
00:19:26,435 --> 00:19:28,749
I think you just found Teddy's glasses.

459
00:19:31,490 --> 00:19:34,157
Aah!

460
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:38,459
Well, there goes your sports.

461
00:19:38,461 --> 00:19:40,127
And your hair.

462
00:19:41,230 --> 00:19:44,065
But we still got each other.

463
00:19:44,387 --> 00:19:46,653
- Blah, blah, blah.
- Blah, blah, blah.

464
00:19:52,670 --> 00:19:55,544
- This is nice.
- Yeah, look at us, huh?

465
00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:57,769
Even on a budget, we
could still have fun.

466
00:19:57,771 --> 00:20:01,849
I got my hockey on the radio.
You're getting your hair fixed.

467
00:20:02,006 --> 00:20:03,809
I'm not sure you should
be doing it by candlelight,

468
00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:07,546
but I'm half schnockered, so whatevs.

469
00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:09,315
You got nothing to worry about, babe.

470
00:20:09,340 --> 00:20:12,581
Just like painting a fence.

471
00:20:12,606 --> 00:20:14,840
He's coming around to the left circle.

472
00:20:14,865 --> 00:20:16,665
He shoots, he scores.

473
00:20:16,690 --> 00:20:18,323
Woo-hoo!

474
00:20:18,590 --> 00:20:20,023
Oh...

475
00:20:20,048 --> 00:20:21,493
What happened?

476
00:20:21,495 --> 00:20:23,629
Uh, we just took the lead.

477
00:20:23,631 --> 00:20:25,631
To my hair, Adam.

478
00:20:25,633 --> 00:20:27,564
Uh, nothing.

479
00:20:27,589 --> 00:20:31,236
But, uh, what didn't happen on this side

480
00:20:31,238 --> 00:20:35,407
needs to also not happen on this side.

481
00:20:37,899 --> 00:20:42,899
Synced and corrected by Octavia 
- www.addic7ed.com -