1
00:00:02,044 --> 00:00:03,219
Hey, babe.

2
00:00:04,292 --> 00:00:06,207
What's wrong?

3
00:00:06,232 --> 00:00:08,365
Well, wh-what is it? A ghost.

4
00:00:08,528 --> 00:00:11,183
I told you, I felt a presence here.

5
00:00:11,790 --> 00:00:13,969
No. My little sister's here.

6
00:00:14,012 --> 00:00:16,729
You're kidding me. No, you're not.

7
00:00:16,754 --> 00:00:19,008
Hey, Kelly.

8
00:00:19,033 --> 00:00:22,194
Why did you... when did you come here?

9
00:00:22,238 --> 00:00:24,259
Oh, I have a conference in town.

10
00:00:24,284 --> 00:00:25,494
They booked me at the The Ritz,

11
00:00:25,518 --> 00:00:27,197
but I stay at nice places all the time,

12
00:00:27,222 --> 00:00:29,948
so I thought I'd come to
your little cabin instead.

13
00:00:31,292 --> 00:00:33,267
It's not a cabin, okay?

14
00:00:33,292 --> 00:00:35,481
I'll have you know, this is the
sixth-biggest house on the block.

15
00:00:35,505 --> 00:00:39,784
Oh. Well, you look great.
Country life suits you.

16
00:00:40,807 --> 00:00:42,364
Pittsburgh is a city. How can you not...

17
00:00:42,388 --> 00:00:44,495
Okay, you know what, Adam,

18
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:47,036
wh-why don't you help me get
Kelly's bag out of the car?

19
00:00:47,061 --> 00:00:50,396
We have sports teams.
Mister Rogers is from here.

20
00:00:51,044 --> 00:00:53,761
Oh, oh, uh, Kelly,
meet our friend Lowell.

21
00:00:53,786 --> 00:00:55,575
Lowell, this is my sister Kelly.

22
00:00:55,619 --> 00:00:57,360
Enjoy.

23
00:00:58,707 --> 00:01:00,493
So, how do you know Adam and Andi?

24
00:01:00,537 --> 00:01:01,379
I work for them.

25
00:01:01,404 --> 00:01:03,670
Oh, well, you'll bounce back.

26
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,849
When is she leaving?

27
00:01:07,977 --> 00:01:09,106
Her bag's still in the car.

28
00:01:09,131 --> 00:01:11,002
I could drive her to
the airport right now.

29
00:01:11,637 --> 00:01:13,910
She's my sister. I
can't ask her to leave.

30
00:01:13,985 --> 00:01:15,569
Oh, well, she's not my
sister. I'll ask her.

31
00:01:15,593 --> 00:01:17,387
- I'll do that right now.
- Adam.

32
00:01:18,326 --> 00:01:20,818
It's not good for you when she's here.

33
00:01:20,843 --> 00:01:22,254
All she does is judge you.

34
00:01:22,298 --> 00:01:23,865
Just don't let her bother you.

35
00:01:23,890 --> 00:01:25,823
Yeah, but I know she bothers you.

36
00:01:25,867 --> 00:01:27,068
Why do you let her get away

37
00:01:27,093 --> 00:01:30,436
with acting superior all the time, huh?

38
00:01:30,741 --> 00:01:33,772
"Cabin." We have heated
floors in our bathroom.

39
00:01:34,239 --> 00:01:36,763
- We do?
- They're broken, but yeah.

40
00:01:38,053 --> 00:01:39,163
Look...

41
00:01:39,188 --> 00:01:42,057
It'd be great if my sister didn't
always compare her glamorous,

42
00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:43,928
jet-setting life to me settling down

43
00:01:43,972 --> 00:01:46,452
in an average town with an average joe.

44
00:01:48,792 --> 00:01:50,665
Average joe?

45
00:01:50,690 --> 00:01:54,286
I am the sixth-best
husband on the block.

46
00:01:54,330 --> 00:01:55,792
You're amazing,

47
00:01:55,817 --> 00:01:58,943
which is why I am not gonna
play her game, all right?

48
00:01:58,987 --> 00:02:00,727
It's called taking the high road.

49
00:02:00,771 --> 00:02:02,468
Yeah, but she already looks down on us.

50
00:02:02,512 --> 00:02:05,762
Let's at least get our
money's worth. Low road.

51
00:02:06,379 --> 00:02:09,788
Adam, I have a wonderful husband
and three loving children.

52
00:02:09,813 --> 00:02:13,262
No matter what she says,
I am happy with my choices.

53
00:02:13,305 --> 00:02:17,222
So even though I am
not competing, I win.

54
00:02:17,430 --> 00:02:20,269
Well, since you already
won, let's celebrate

55
00:02:20,312 --> 00:02:22,619
by taking her to the airport

56
00:02:23,969 --> 00:02:26,217
Don't leave me alone with her anymore.

57
00:02:26,242 --> 00:02:28,680
Do you guys think I
look like Forrest Gump?

58
00:02:30,496 --> 00:02:32,542
- No
- Only when you run.

59
00:02:35,002 --> 00:02:36,328
How are you two sisters?

60
00:02:36,372 --> 00:02:37,666
You don't even look alike.

61
00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:39,432
Ugh...

62
00:02:39,885 --> 00:02:42,579
Well, she spent a little
time in Switzerland,

63
00:02:42,604 --> 00:02:43,813
if you know what I mean.

64
00:02:43,838 --> 00:02:46,991
Yeah. When she blinks, you can
see the back of her neck move.

65
00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:50,197
Oh, I got so much good
stuff. Let me at her, coach.

66
00:02:50,385 --> 00:02:52,649
No, Adam. High road, okay?

67
00:02:52,692 --> 00:02:56,609
Let's just live our normal
lives as if she's not even here.

68
00:02:56,653 --> 00:02:58,437
Fresh-squeezed papaya juice, Kell?

69
00:03:00,135 --> 00:03:01,704
Wow.

70
00:03:01,729 --> 00:03:04,139
Do you make breakfast
like this all the time?

71
00:03:04,182 --> 00:03:06,134
It's like a Four Seasons in here.

72
00:03:06,767 --> 00:03:09,013
That's a fancy hotel.

73
00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:11,320
I know what it is.

74
00:03:11,363 --> 00:03:13,148
I've driven by one.

75
00:03:14,290 --> 00:03:16,065
No, what you're seeing
is just our normal,

76
00:03:16,090 --> 00:03:17,456
everyday life.

77
00:03:17,886 --> 00:03:20,215
I love cooking for my family.

78
00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:21,645
Mom, my muffin has a price tag on it.

79
00:03:21,669 --> 00:03:23,191
Honey, put that in your mouth.

80
00:03:23,449 --> 00:03:26,030
So, um, hey, how did you sleep?

81
00:03:26,074 --> 00:03:27,553
I mean, it's pretty cozy

82
00:03:27,597 --> 00:03:30,168
in a house full of
children and love, huh?

83
00:03:30,193 --> 00:03:31,980
Oh, I slept great.

84
00:03:32,005 --> 00:03:34,909
Oh, but I do need to go out
and get a memory foam pillow.

85
00:03:34,934 --> 00:03:36,475
I went to the bathroom last night,

86
00:03:36,519 --> 00:03:39,175
and your pillow completely
forgot how I wanted to sleep.

87
00:03:43,792 --> 00:03:46,417
What's with the spread?

88
00:03:46,442 --> 00:03:49,010
Oh, shoot. Is it Easter?

89
00:03:50,801 --> 00:03:54,841
No. No, this is just our
regular, typical breakfast.

90
00:03:54,885 --> 00:03:56,843
We do this every day.

91
00:03:56,887 --> 00:03:58,497
Oh, yeah.

92
00:03:58,541 --> 00:04:01,283
I meant, "is it Easter?" like,

93
00:04:01,326 --> 00:04:03,111
every day is Easter with my girl.

94
00:04:03,154 --> 00:04:05,043
Oh...

95
00:04:05,068 --> 00:04:08,159
Oh, kids, I brought you some presents.

96
00:04:08,404 --> 00:04:12,294
I picked them up on my business
trip last week to Tokyo.

97
00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:16,816
It's just a little something to
say domo arigato for having me.

98
00:04:16,841 --> 00:04:19,426
- Oh, sorry, that means...
- I know what it means.

99
00:04:20,418 --> 00:04:22,956
That's what you say to Mr. Roboto.

100
00:04:25,418 --> 00:04:27,918
- It's candy.
- This is so cool.

101
00:04:27,961 --> 00:04:29,983
We never get anything
like this around here.

102
00:04:30,008 --> 00:04:32,662
Uh, I think you're
forgetting about the Tic Tacs

103
00:04:32,705 --> 00:04:35,230
I got for you at the gas
station the other day.

104
00:04:35,273 --> 00:04:37,335
I'm so glad you like it, kids.

105
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,582
Oh, Tokyo is amazing.

106
00:04:39,607 --> 00:04:42,381
It's modern, vibrant, cultured.

107
00:04:42,406 --> 00:04:43,890
It's so not your thing.

108
00:04:44,921 --> 00:04:46,589
We don't need to go to Japan.

109
00:04:46,632 --> 00:04:49,014
Okay? We go to Benihana.

110
00:04:49,548 --> 00:04:52,133
Uh, hey, kids, why
don't you go up and play?

111
00:04:53,143 --> 00:04:56,103
Well, I'm off to buy a pillow.

112
00:04:56,294 --> 00:04:58,949
How far is Pittsburgh from a city?

113
00:04:58,992 --> 00:05:01,517
You know what? Never
mind. I'll Google it.

114
00:05:04,046 --> 00:05:07,225
I don't like this. She's getting to you.

115
00:05:07,250 --> 00:05:08,611
She is not.

116
00:05:08,654 --> 00:05:09,897
Oh, come on.

117
00:05:09,922 --> 00:05:11,806
I haven't seen that crystal punch bowl

118
00:05:11,831 --> 00:05:14,225
since you told me to
return it after our wedding.

119
00:05:15,249 --> 00:05:17,642
This is not how we live.

120
00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:24,911
Look, I make breakfast
for you every morning.

121
00:05:25,319 --> 00:05:26,358
Babe.

122
00:05:26,383 --> 00:05:28,674
Yesterday, you put a
frozen Eggo in my pocket

123
00:05:28,718 --> 00:05:31,329
and said my body heat would warm it up.

124
00:05:33,921 --> 00:05:35,986
- Okay, she's getting to me. 
- Mm-hmm.

125
00:05:36,029 --> 00:05:38,053
I didn't sleep at all last night.

126
00:05:38,078 --> 00:05:41,339
I knew I heard someone
rage-whispering in the bathroom.

127
00:05:42,688 --> 00:05:45,213
I'm just glad it was
you and not the ghost.

128
00:05:47,865 --> 00:05:50,020
Growing up, she was always like this.

129
00:05:50,045 --> 00:05:52,652
Any toy I had, her toy was better.

130
00:05:52,677 --> 00:05:56,006
Any sport I played,
her sport was better.

131
00:05:56,049 --> 00:05:58,395
- What sport did you play?
- Badminton.

132
00:05:59,676 --> 00:06:02,186
Well, you weren't doing
yourself any favors.

133
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:05,371
Look, if you won't say
anything, then let me do it.

134
00:06:05,396 --> 00:06:08,061
Okay? She needs to know
that there are consequences

135
00:06:08,105 --> 00:06:09,097
when she's mean to you.

136
00:06:09,122 --> 00:06:11,285
Absolutely not, okay?

137
00:06:11,310 --> 00:06:14,746
You stay out of it. I have my own plan.

138
00:06:14,771 --> 00:06:16,582
At our 50th anniversary party,

139
00:06:16,607 --> 00:06:18,864
when I'm surrounded
by all my grandchildren

140
00:06:18,889 --> 00:06:21,833
and she's in a wheelchair,
hobbled with loneliness,

141
00:06:21,858 --> 00:06:23,990
she'll look at me, and we'll both know

142
00:06:24,034 --> 00:06:25,209
I won.

143
00:06:28,420 --> 00:06:31,476
But that'll take forever.

144
00:06:34,871 --> 00:06:37,301
$7.99?

145
00:06:38,848 --> 00:06:41,764
Oh, we're returning these.

146
00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:55,552
I can't take much more of Andi's sister.

147
00:06:55,577 --> 00:06:56,869
I'm trying to get her out of my house,

148
00:06:56,893 --> 00:06:58,852
Andi's making her a
four-star breakfast.

149
00:06:59,351 --> 00:07:01,681
You don't get rid of rats by
throwing cheese on the floor.

150
00:07:02,272 --> 00:07:04,183
Unless you put poison in the cheese.

151
00:07:04,208 --> 00:07:06,776
But then you've escalated
things quite a bit.

152
00:07:07,722 --> 00:07:09,201
I'm not a fan of Kelly.

153
00:07:09,226 --> 00:07:11,529
- Yeah.
- When we were Andi's bridesmaids,

154
00:07:11,554 --> 00:07:13,576
she told me that the color
yellow looked good on me

155
00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:15,564
because it matched my teeth.

156
00:07:16,226 --> 00:07:19,015
I let it slide, 'cause I didn't
want to ruin Andi's wedding.

157
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:20,302
You mean our wedding.

158
00:07:20,327 --> 00:07:22,092
Eh, it was Andi's wedding.

159
00:07:22,515 --> 00:07:23,958
Nobody wants to look at the groom.

160
00:07:23,983 --> 00:07:26,227
That's why they make you
dress in black, like a roadie.

161
00:07:27,467 --> 00:07:31,082
What I'm thinking is, if we
make life unpleasant for Kelly,

162
00:07:31,107 --> 00:07:33,504
she'll leave, but I can't do it.

163
00:07:33,529 --> 00:07:37,679
No. So what I need is a
maker of unpleasantness, huh?

164
00:07:37,704 --> 00:07:39,402
Which brings me to you, Marcy.

165
00:07:39,912 --> 00:07:41,100
You're really good at making people

166
00:07:41,124 --> 00:07:42,582
feel bad about themselves.

167
00:07:42,607 --> 00:07:44,724
That is so sweet.

168
00:07:44,767 --> 00:07:47,177
No, I-I'm proud of my
skills. They didn't come easy.

169
00:07:47,202 --> 00:07:48,873
I had to practice on Don.

170
00:07:49,123 --> 00:07:50,904
I'm your speedbag, baby.

171
00:07:51,455 --> 00:07:52,630
So... so you'll do it?

172
00:07:52,655 --> 00:07:56,569
Sure. Sure, I've had stuff
to say to Kelly for 18 years.

173
00:07:56,951 --> 00:07:58,895
She has big feet, right?

174
00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:01,059
Oh, you could row one of
her shoes across a lake

175
00:08:01,084 --> 00:08:02,912
like a canoe

176
00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:04,754
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.

177
00:08:04,779 --> 00:08:05,849
What do you got there?

178
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:08,122
They're cookies, and
a woman gave them to me

179
00:08:08,147 --> 00:08:10,603
and she likes me and
I'm not related to her.

180
00:08:13,755 --> 00:08:16,417
Uh... you seeing someone?

181
00:08:16,442 --> 00:08:19,269
I am. Her name is Melanie, and
we met a month ago at the gym

182
00:08:19,294 --> 00:08:21,300
when I became lightheaded
on the StairMaster.

183
00:08:21,325 --> 00:08:24,604
Ooh. A month, huh? Sounds serious.

184
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,551
Well, I don't like to kiss and tell,

185
00:08:26,576 --> 00:08:30,189
but I have kissed, and I
must tell you, I liked it.

186
00:08:31,232 --> 00:08:32,910
I know you, Lowell, okay?

187
00:08:32,935 --> 00:08:33,886
Whoever you sleep with,

188
00:08:33,911 --> 00:08:36,261
you're gonna imprint
on like a baby duck.

189
00:08:36,286 --> 00:08:37,222
That's true.

190
00:08:37,247 --> 00:08:39,380
So I think we should meet this girl.

191
00:08:39,405 --> 00:08:40,778
Maybe you could check
her out and make sure

192
00:08:40,802 --> 00:08:42,521
I'm not blinded by her cookies.

193
00:08:42,546 --> 00:08:45,001
Grow up, Lowell.
They're called knockers.

194
00:08:45,869 --> 00:08:47,175
Hey.

195
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:48,706
Bring her by tonight, okay?

196
00:08:48,731 --> 00:08:50,714
It'll help fill up the
room and distract Andi

197
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:53,096
- from my hit man Marcy.Yeah.
- You're right.

198
00:08:53,121 --> 00:08:54,401
With Lowell and his lady there,

199
00:08:54,426 --> 00:08:55,503
I'll just be a face in the crowd.

200
00:08:55,527 --> 00:08:59,277
Exactly. You'll do the hit,
drop the gun, take the cannoli.

201
00:09:01,807 --> 00:09:03,879
Adam, this is my date Melanie.

202
00:09:03,926 --> 00:09:06,027
Hi. Nice to meet you.

203
00:09:06,341 --> 00:09:09,665
So, uh, what are your
intentions with Lowell?

204
00:09:09,690 --> 00:09:11,474
You know he doesn't
have any money, right?

205
00:09:12,354 --> 00:09:15,134
I figure I'll just take out
some life insurance on him,

206
00:09:15,159 --> 00:09:17,860
put him on a StairMaster
and wait for my payday.

207
00:09:18,728 --> 00:09:21,034
Ah, she's funny.

208
00:09:21,059 --> 00:09:23,888
That's good. Your
ex-wife wasn't very funny.

209
00:09:25,034 --> 00:09:27,188
It's so fun having your friends over.

210
00:09:27,213 --> 00:09:28,700
It's like a hoedown.

211
00:09:28,725 --> 00:09:30,809
Is there gonna be a hay ride?

212
00:09:32,186 --> 00:09:34,014
I'll see if I can rustle one up.

213
00:09:35,426 --> 00:09:37,557
- So, tell me about you.
- Well, I...

214
00:09:37,582 --> 00:09:39,882
Oh, Marcy's here. Got to go.

215
00:09:40,542 --> 00:09:42,728
- You ready for this?
- Oh, I am more than ready.

216
00:09:42,753 --> 00:09:44,887
We listened to the
Rockytheme the whole way over.

217
00:09:45,449 --> 00:09:47,368
I'm kind of pumped up, myself.

218
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:49,583
Kelly, hey, uh,

219
00:09:49,608 --> 00:09:52,070
you remember Marcy, don't
you? From our wedding?

220
00:09:52,095 --> 00:09:54,062
- Hmm...
- Hello, Kelly.

221
00:09:54,095 --> 00:09:57,378
Oh, I didn't recognize you at first.

222
00:09:57,403 --> 00:10:00,941
Well, people age differently,
and you're doing your best.

223
00:10:00,966 --> 00:10:02,184
Ch...

224
00:10:06,895 --> 00:10:09,362
You just let her walk away.
You didn't even say anything.

225
00:10:09,387 --> 00:10:10,221
I wasn't ready.

226
00:10:10,246 --> 00:10:12,872
She sucker-punched me before the bell.

227
00:10:13,402 --> 00:10:15,744
I mean, aging is hard,
and I am doing my best.

228
00:10:15,788 --> 00:10:19,080
Okay, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no. Shake it off, champ.

229
00:10:19,105 --> 00:10:20,532
Come on, stay focused. All right?

230
00:10:20,575 --> 00:10:22,969
Oh! Pretend she's Don.

231
00:10:24,447 --> 00:10:26,189
Yeah, that helps.

232
00:10:26,548 --> 00:10:30,094
You know, sushi isn't the
most popular food in Japan.

233
00:10:30,119 --> 00:10:31,543
It's rom-yon.

234
00:10:32,962 --> 00:10:33,962
You mean ramen?

235
00:10:34,774 --> 00:10:37,062
Oh, we would have a big laugh in Tokyo

236
00:10:37,087 --> 00:10:39,768
hearing you say it like that.

237
00:10:40,165 --> 00:10:43,598
Okay. Hey, who's ready
for another margarita, huh?

238
00:10:44,157 --> 00:10:46,507
Mm. Ooh, look, I am.

239
00:10:48,046 --> 00:10:49,865
Get her, Marcy.

240
00:10:50,452 --> 00:10:54,049
So, Kelly, about what
you said to me before.

241
00:10:54,074 --> 00:10:56,052
Oh, I'm so sorry.

242
00:10:56,077 --> 00:10:58,973
What I meant to say was
people age differently,

243
00:10:58,998 --> 00:11:00,789
and you're doing your best.

244
00:11:02,217 --> 00:11:04,286
That's-that's exactly what
you said the first time.

245
00:11:04,311 --> 00:11:05,421
What's up with those two?

246
00:11:05,446 --> 00:11:07,143
Uh, no idea.

247
00:11:07,866 --> 00:11:09,591
You know what, it's okay.

248
00:11:09,616 --> 00:11:11,708
I understand you lashing out,

249
00:11:11,733 --> 00:11:14,059
seeing your sister with
her wonderful family,

250
00:11:14,084 --> 00:11:15,971
and you all alone.

251
00:11:15,996 --> 00:11:18,817
Mm, it must feel like
such an empty life...

252
00:11:19,433 --> 00:11:21,827
set on top of two gigantic feet.

253
00:11:23,882 --> 00:11:26,789
Oh, yeah? Well, let
me tell you something.

254
00:11:27,906 --> 00:11:29,599
You're absolutely right.

255
00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:32,517
- Huh?
- I'm what, now?

256
00:11:33,107 --> 00:11:35,240
I do have an empty life.

257
00:11:35,265 --> 00:11:37,173
I don't even have a job anymore.

258
00:11:37,549 --> 00:11:38,724
They fired me.

259
00:11:38,749 --> 00:11:41,255
They fired you? What happened?

260
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,897
I embezzled a tiny bit of money.

261
00:11:44,999 --> 00:11:46,356
Can you believe it? It's a real

262
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:49,185
"one strike and you're
out" policy over there.

263
00:11:49,645 --> 00:11:52,101
I-I thought you were in
town for a work conference.

264
00:11:52,126 --> 00:11:53,851
There is no conference.

265
00:11:53,876 --> 00:11:57,000
I came here because Pittsburgh
is the cheapest flight

266
00:11:57,025 --> 00:11:59,478
since nobody wants to come here.

267
00:12:00,517 --> 00:12:02,497
But you said you just
got back from Tokyo.

268
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:06,048
I lied. I got the kids' candy at Pier 1.

269
00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:08,718
I'm not even sure it's candy.

270
00:12:08,743 --> 00:12:10,685
It might be little soaps.

271
00:12:11,658 --> 00:12:13,720
I ate three of those.

272
00:12:14,907 --> 00:12:18,164
The truth is I'm jealous of you.

273
00:12:18,189 --> 00:12:20,500
I tried to convince
myself that I was winning,

274
00:12:20,525 --> 00:12:23,611
but I guess this is like
the tortoise and the hare.

275
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:26,705
I'm the sleek, sexy bunny...

276
00:12:28,119 --> 00:12:31,822
losing to you, the slow, scaly turtle.

277
00:12:32,054 --> 00:12:34,970
I'm gonna go pack.

278
00:12:37,002 --> 00:12:38,496
What happened?

279
00:12:38,539 --> 00:12:40,741
She went down in the first round.

280
00:12:40,766 --> 00:12:43,548
Adam, you didn't tell
me she had a glass jaw.

281
00:12:44,913 --> 00:12:47,132
Why would Adam tell
you anything about her?

282
00:12:47,157 --> 00:12:48,245
Wait.

283
00:12:52,337 --> 00:12:53,939
Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.

284
00:12:53,964 --> 00:12:56,281
D-Did you put Marcy up to this?

285
00:12:56,306 --> 00:12:58,037
Up to what?

286
00:12:58,501 --> 00:13:00,306
Great party, honey.

287
00:13:01,964 --> 00:13:04,227
- Adam?
- Okay, fine.

288
00:13:04,806 --> 00:13:06,867
I didn't know she was
gonna get so upset.

289
00:13:06,892 --> 00:13:08,763
But you know how many times
I've seen her make you upset?

290
00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:09,874
But that's not the point.

291
00:13:09,899 --> 00:13:11,902
You were supposed to stay
on the high road with me.

292
00:13:11,927 --> 00:13:14,499
Andi! When you met me, I was in a bar,

293
00:13:14,524 --> 00:13:16,395
passed out in a bowl of chicken wings.

294
00:13:17,447 --> 00:13:19,711
I don't do "high road."

295
00:13:19,754 --> 00:13:21,800
Okay, but you promised
to stay out of it.

296
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:23,575
I did stay out of it.

297
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:25,298
I just put Marcy into it.

298
00:13:26,274 --> 00:13:27,109
I found a loophole.

299
00:13:27,153 --> 00:13:28,720
You're welcome.

300
00:13:28,763 --> 00:13:30,989
- I'm not thanking you.
- Well, I would like you to.

301
00:13:31,014 --> 00:13:32,517
That's why I said "you're welcome."

302
00:13:32,747 --> 00:13:35,986
Fine. You did the
opposite of what I wanted.

303
00:13:36,011 --> 00:13:37,578
Thank you so much.

304
00:13:42,086 --> 00:13:44,111
That did not seem genuine.

305
00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:51,608
You just stay right next to Daddy, okay?

306
00:13:51,633 --> 00:13:53,454
As long as you're here, Mommy can't do

307
00:13:53,479 --> 00:13:56,120
that loud talking the way she wants to.

308
00:13:56,145 --> 00:13:58,940
Okay? So, when she comes
in, you know what to do?

309
00:13:58,965 --> 00:14:01,028
Pretend to sleep and look cute.

310
00:14:01,053 --> 00:14:03,044
Exactly. Yeah.

311
00:14:03,088 --> 00:14:04,965
Now, when I hear her coming in,

312
00:14:04,990 --> 00:14:07,942
I'll say our code word,
and you close your eyes.

313
00:14:07,967 --> 00:14:09,044
This is fun.

314
00:14:09,069 --> 00:14:10,636
Yeah, isn't it nice that we could...

315
00:14:10,660 --> 00:14:12,967
Ooh. Potato. Potato.

316
00:14:14,346 --> 00:14:15,901
Hi. Shh.

317
00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:17,815
I wish we could talk about tonight,

318
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,930
but we don't want to
wake this sleeping angel.

319
00:14:22,281 --> 00:14:24,954
What can you do? Shh.

320
00:14:24,979 --> 00:14:27,054
Well, I guess, if Emme's asleep,

321
00:14:27,079 --> 00:14:29,559
she can't have the ice
cream that's downstairs.

322
00:14:32,329 --> 00:14:35,054
Emme, where you going?
Potato. Potato. Potato!

323
00:14:35,079 --> 00:14:38,327
Stop shouting vegetables,
all right? I'm not mad at you.

324
00:14:38,352 --> 00:14:39,352
You're not?

325
00:14:39,685 --> 00:14:40,821
No.

326
00:14:40,865 --> 00:14:45,957
I mean, at first I was, but
then I just kept smiling.

327
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,064
And I can admit this to you

328
00:14:47,088 --> 00:14:48,318
because you're no better than me,

329
00:14:48,342 --> 00:14:52,615
but hearing Kelly say
the words, "I'm jealous,"

330
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:55,009
was what I've waited for my whole life.

331
00:14:55,221 --> 00:14:58,534
I mean, I win. I win so much.
And it's all because of you.

332
00:14:58,578 --> 00:15:00,830
Oh, well, hey, well, you
know what I always say.

333
00:15:00,855 --> 00:15:02,979
I'm petty and small, and
you're lucky to have me.

334
00:15:03,004 --> 00:15:05,397
I am.

335
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:07,191
You know what, I should
go check on Kelly,

336
00:15:07,215 --> 00:15:08,782
make sure she's okay.

337
00:15:09,023 --> 00:15:10,628
Yeah.

338
00:15:11,323 --> 00:15:13,989
- What?
- You just want to do a victory lap.

339
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,682
I kind of do. I've never had one.

340
00:15:17,062 --> 00:15:18,427
Look, look.

341
00:15:18,474 --> 00:15:20,295
She's still gonna be
upset when we go in there,

342
00:15:20,319 --> 00:15:22,452
so don't feel bad and start apologizing.

343
00:15:22,477 --> 00:15:23,864
Oh, no, I-I'll be strong.

344
00:15:23,908 --> 00:15:25,387
You know, just give her a chance

345
00:15:25,431 --> 00:15:27,128
to talk more about
how much she envies me,

346
00:15:27,172 --> 00:15:28,892
and then we'll all get
a good night's sleep.

347
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,063
- Hi.
- Hi.

348
00:15:34,919 --> 00:15:36,240
You okay, sweetie?

349
00:15:36,265 --> 00:15:37,704
Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

350
00:15:40,299 --> 00:15:42,312
Well, do you want to talk about

351
00:15:42,337 --> 00:15:44,406
some of the stuff you were feeling?

352
00:15:44,450 --> 00:15:46,756
Specifically the jealousy.

353
00:15:47,327 --> 00:15:49,847
Or maybe you'd like us to help you pack.

354
00:15:50,398 --> 00:15:52,443
You said you were
coming up here to pack.

355
00:15:52,468 --> 00:15:53,992
You don't want to say
things and not do 'em.

356
00:15:54,016 --> 00:15:55,992
People might start to not like you.

357
00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:59,639
Thanks, guys, but I
seriously feel great.

358
00:15:59,682 --> 00:16:00,875
You do?

359
00:16:02,664 --> 00:16:04,905
Well, then, I guess we'll be going.

360
00:16:04,949 --> 00:16:05,950
Night.

361
00:16:11,515 --> 00:16:13,696
That was no victory lap.

362
00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,679
She didn't seem depressed at all.

363
00:16:15,704 --> 00:16:19,920
If anything, she had a
kind of glow about her.

364
00:16:20,961 --> 00:16:21,906
You know what?

365
00:16:21,931 --> 00:16:24,359
She probably pulled it
together because we knocked.

366
00:16:24,403 --> 00:16:25,752
Let's try surprising her.

367
00:16:31,497 --> 00:16:33,499
Is that my daughter's robe?

368
00:16:33,542 --> 00:16:36,023
That's what you notice about this?

369
00:16:37,503 --> 00:16:39,281
I am spent.

370
00:16:39,453 --> 00:16:41,468
I need an egg and some Gatorade.

371
00:16:42,742 --> 00:16:46,468
You can have treats after you
explain yourself, young man.

372
00:16:46,512 --> 00:16:48,994
What happened to the girl
with the nice cookies?

373
00:16:49,104 --> 00:16:50,979
Melanie. I dropped her off,

374
00:16:51,004 --> 00:16:53,171
and then I realized I
forgot my phone here.

375
00:16:53,214 --> 00:16:55,477
So I came back to find
Kelly on the porch.

376
00:16:55,521 --> 00:16:56,739
On the porch?

377
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,309
What was she doing on the porch?

378
00:16:58,334 --> 00:17:02,160
I don't know, but I ran
straight into a sexual tornado.

379
00:17:02,332 --> 00:17:04,754
It was amazing. She tore my pants off

380
00:17:04,779 --> 00:17:07,477
like I was a basketball
player coming off the bench.

381
00:17:08,035 --> 00:17:11,518
Yeah, she did that in college
to actual basketball players.

382
00:17:11,712 --> 00:17:13,397
Wait-wait a minute,
she was supposed to be

383
00:17:13,422 --> 00:17:15,660
upstairs in her room, crying.

384
00:17:15,832 --> 00:17:17,486
Was she crying on the porch?

385
00:17:17,511 --> 00:17:19,695
No, she was just standing there

386
00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:22,563
tying a cherry stem into
a knot with her tongue.

387
00:17:25,061 --> 00:17:27,411
Sad people don't do that.

388
00:17:28,446 --> 00:17:30,512
You don't think this
could be a setup, do you?

389
00:17:30,556 --> 00:17:33,515
Adam, she... she's not a monster.

390
00:17:33,559 --> 00:17:35,082
Of course it was a setup.

391
00:17:35,951 --> 00:17:38,333
I hid his phone so
he'd have to come back.

392
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:39,779
Why would you go to all that trouble

393
00:17:39,803 --> 00:17:41,413
for some one-night stand?

394
00:17:41,468 --> 00:17:44,346
It was just a one-night stand, right?

395
00:17:44,570 --> 00:17:46,635
I mean, yes, it was one night,

396
00:17:46,660 --> 00:17:49,620
and we did stand for a little bit.

397
00:18:01,021 --> 00:18:02,729
Ah.

398
00:18:04,276 --> 00:18:06,635
Okay, tell me it's
not gonna happen again.

399
00:18:06,660 --> 00:18:08,923
Tell me you didn't "baby duck" her.

400
00:18:09,104 --> 00:18:10,683
Well, we did a lot of
things. I don't know

401
00:18:10,707 --> 00:18:12,099
what the names of all of them are.

402
00:18:13,035 --> 00:18:16,261
Oh, my God, she's gonna
peel him like an orange.

403
00:18:17,213 --> 00:18:19,519
You're not serious about Kelly, are you?

404
00:18:19,544 --> 00:18:21,502
I don't know if I'm serious about her.

405
00:18:21,580 --> 00:18:24,267
I mean, I never want
to be without her again.

406
00:18:24,292 --> 00:18:25,598
I miss her right now.

407
00:18:25,623 --> 00:18:26,763
Is she okay? Is she cold?

408
00:18:26,788 --> 00:18:28,529
Can you give her my sweater?

409
00:18:28,874 --> 00:18:30,435
But why Lowell?

410
00:18:30,460 --> 00:18:31,513
He's cute.

411
00:18:31,538 --> 00:18:33,714
Forrest Gump is my favorite movie.

412
00:18:34,771 --> 00:18:37,427
Plus, he's single and
he already has kids.

413
00:18:37,452 --> 00:18:39,584
He gives me everything you have, Andi.

414
00:18:39,676 --> 00:18:41,481
But better, because I
didn't have to go through

415
00:18:41,505 --> 00:18:44,067
all that pregnancy stuff, so
I can laugh without peeing.

416
00:18:48,874 --> 00:18:52,035
Looks like the speedy
little bunny wins again.

417
00:18:52,692 --> 00:18:54,807
Wait a minute, wait,
you're still leaving, right?

418
00:18:54,832 --> 00:18:57,914
- Oh, I'm not going anywhere.
- She's not going anywhere, Adam.

419
00:18:57,939 --> 00:18:59,916
She's not jealous, and
she's not going anywhere.

420
00:19:00,254 --> 00:19:02,916
I haven't felt this good
since before I got fired.

421
00:19:02,941 --> 00:19:05,496
Lowell is the solution to everything.

422
00:19:05,521 --> 00:19:06,738
And I figured that out

423
00:19:06,763 --> 00:19:09,505
thanks to your
yellow-toothed friend Marcy.

424
00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:13,167
But Marcy only talked
to you because of me.

425
00:19:13,192 --> 00:19:15,925
So, you're with Lowell because of me.

426
00:19:15,950 --> 00:19:18,968
And now you're not
leaving because of me.

427
00:19:19,012 --> 00:19:22,148
I owe it all to you. Thanks, Adam.

428
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:24,703
Well, there's your thank-you.

429
00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:26,208
Did you enjoy it?

430
00:19:26,715 --> 00:19:28,679
I think you know I didn't.

431
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,730
What are you barbecuing
at 10:00 in the morning?

432
00:19:36,755 --> 00:19:38,148
- Katie's robe
- Oh.

433
00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:41,734
Good-bye, all.

434
00:19:41,759 --> 00:19:44,057
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
You're-you're leaving?

435
00:19:44,082 --> 00:19:45,997
I'm moving in with Lowell.

436
00:19:46,251 --> 00:19:48,551
Oh, that poor baby duck.

437
00:19:48,962 --> 00:19:50,509
But you won't miss me too much,

438
00:19:50,534 --> 00:19:53,627
because we're gonna have you
over next week for rom-yon.

439
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:56,844
It's ramen, okay? I called
the Japanese embassy.

440
00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,389
Yeah, and you didn't even go to Japan.

441
00:19:59,414 --> 00:20:02,440
That's not how I remember it. Sayonara.

442
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:06,556
She might be in Pittsburgh forever.

443
00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:09,048
- Wh-What are we gonna do now? 
- I don't know about you,

444
00:20:09,073 --> 00:20:10,268
but I'm gonna get in that barbecue grill

445
00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:11,684
and close the lid.

446
00:20:12,251 --> 00:20:14,940
No, no, we are not giving up, all right?

447
00:20:14,965 --> 00:20:17,254
Our problem is the low
road wasn't low enough.

448
00:20:17,279 --> 00:20:19,807
I know us. We can get lower.

449
00:20:20,794 --> 00:20:22,647
Now you're talking.

450
00:20:22,672 --> 00:20:26,134
You see, the high road may
be the road to happiness,

451
00:20:26,159 --> 00:20:28,852
but the low road is the road to revenge.

452
00:20:30,175 --> 00:20:32,048
- I think Gandhi said that
- Mm.

453
00:20:32,994 --> 00:20:35,494
Synced and corrected by Octavia 
- www.addic7ed.com -