1
00:00:03,669 --> 00:00:05,168
There you are.

2
00:00:05,254 --> 00:00:06,920
Why aren't you in bed?

3
00:00:07,005 --> 00:00:10,023
I just put the moves on your pillow.

4
00:00:10,048 --> 00:00:12,987
I remembered that Emme has to
do a "My Life" project for school

5
00:00:13,012 --> 00:00:14,812
and she asked for some baby pictures.

6
00:00:14,847 --> 00:00:16,397
Project, school, baby.

7
00:00:16,482 --> 00:00:18,515
These are not sexy words.

8
00:00:18,601 --> 00:00:21,151
I can't find any of Emme.

9
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:23,447
We have a ton of the
older kids. You see?

10
00:00:23,472 --> 00:00:26,657
We have Kate and Teddy, each
going potty for the first time.

11
00:00:28,984 --> 00:00:30,791
Look at the boy strainin'.

12
00:00:32,448 --> 00:00:34,916
Face like a frustrated tomato.

13
00:00:35,463 --> 00:00:38,203
Well, what happened?
It's like we started off

14
00:00:38,228 --> 00:00:40,371
as good parents and
then we just gave up.

15
00:00:40,456 --> 00:00:44,258
Okay, let's look at it
in baseball terms, okay?

16
00:00:44,343 --> 00:00:46,104
We won the first two
games of the series,

17
00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:47,595
and then we phoned in the third.

18
00:00:48,571 --> 00:00:50,238
We were saving our bullpen.

19
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,184
Wait a minute. Didn't
I ask you to put a box

20
00:00:53,269 --> 00:00:55,386
of old baby pictures in
the top of Kate's closet?

21
00:00:55,471 --> 00:00:58,889
I don't know. You tell me to put
a lot of boxes a lot of places.

22
00:00:59,429 --> 00:01:00,895
Come on, help me get them down.

23
00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:03,442
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
What if we fooled around,

24
00:01:03,467 --> 00:01:06,067
- then got the pictures?
- Oh, honey,

25
00:01:06,092 --> 00:01:06,864
if you're that worked up,

26
00:01:06,889 --> 00:01:08,740
just finish what you
started with my pillow.

27
00:01:12,121 --> 00:01:16,207
I don't even know if your
pillow likes me like that.

28
00:01:19,258 --> 00:01:21,462
Shh. We don't want to wake her up.

29
00:01:21,497 --> 00:01:23,164
She's our favorite.

30
00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:24,749
That's not funny.

31
00:01:34,450 --> 00:01:35,643
Kate.

32
00:01:35,678 --> 00:01:37,678
What are you doing? Did you sneak out?

33
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:39,680
Why am I still whispering?

34
00:01:41,017 --> 00:01:42,373
Downstairs. Now.

35
00:01:42,398 --> 00:01:43,697
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

36
00:01:43,722 --> 00:01:46,245
This is her first sneak-out. Hold on.

37
00:01:48,456 --> 00:01:50,775
- Oh! It's a keeper.
- Yeah.

38
00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,182
Kate, why would you sneak out?

39
00:02:05,207 --> 00:02:08,251
Was it boys? Booze? Boys and booze?

40
00:02:08,556 --> 00:02:10,977
No, it wasn't like that.
I-I was at Shelby's.

41
00:02:11,046 --> 00:02:13,046
We both like A55-4U.

42
00:02:13,115 --> 00:02:14,115
Wh-What is that?

43
00:02:14,182 --> 00:02:16,202
What is that? Some new drug? Huh?

44
00:02:16,227 --> 00:02:18,018
Andi, get me a frying pan and an egg.

45
00:02:18,103 --> 00:02:19,686
We're doing the "brain on drugs" thing.

46
00:02:19,771 --> 00:02:22,605
No, no, no! It's-it's a band I like.

47
00:02:22,691 --> 00:02:24,157
Okay, well, if that's true,

48
00:02:24,192 --> 00:02:26,109
why didn't you just tell
us you were going out?

49
00:02:26,194 --> 00:02:28,945
Because it's a school night,
and I knew Dad wouldn't let me.

50
00:02:29,031 --> 00:02:30,780
It's like I'm in jail.

51
00:02:31,410 --> 00:02:32,999
Oh, well...

52
00:02:33,035 --> 00:02:34,575
we don't want you to
feel like a prisoner.

53
00:02:34,599 --> 00:02:37,087
Yes, we do.

54
00:02:37,112 --> 00:02:40,285
This is a prison, and
your sentence is 18 years.

55
00:02:40,707 --> 00:02:41,708
Hold on.

56
00:02:41,793 --> 00:02:43,970
Maybe we should hear
what she has to say.

57
00:02:43,995 --> 00:02:46,767
She did her talking when
she climbed out her window.

58
00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:47,978
- Adam.
- Andi!

59
00:02:48,003 --> 00:02:50,266
- Dad!
- You go to your room.

60
00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:53,053
This is so unfair!

61
00:02:53,138 --> 00:02:55,657
I was just listening to music!

62
00:02:55,682 --> 00:02:57,039
Katie stomping up the stairs...

63
00:02:57,064 --> 00:02:59,438
that's music we listen to every day!

64
00:03:01,049 --> 00:03:02,548
Hilarious!

65
00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:04,994
Adam.

66
00:03:05,019 --> 00:03:06,910
Wait for the door slam.

67
00:03:09,404 --> 00:03:10,935
- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?

68
00:03:10,959 --> 00:03:13,534
I am thinking about our daughter, okay?

69
00:03:13,559 --> 00:03:15,158
Caring about how your children feel

70
00:03:15,243 --> 00:03:16,708
is part of being a modern parent.

71
00:03:16,733 --> 00:03:20,080
Oh, modern parenting
is ruining our country.

72
00:03:20,165 --> 00:03:22,230
Okay? We coddle our kids

73
00:03:22,255 --> 00:03:25,218
so that everyone thinks they're special.

74
00:03:25,253 --> 00:03:28,165
You know who was
special? Mary Lou Retton.

75
00:03:28,673 --> 00:03:30,306
Oh, this is gonna take a while.

76
00:03:30,331 --> 00:03:32,509
Yeah. Settle in.

77
00:03:32,594 --> 00:03:34,617
Did Mary Lou Retton get a hug

78
00:03:34,642 --> 00:03:36,513
when she fell off the balance beam?

79
00:03:36,598 --> 00:03:40,517
No. She got screamed at
by an angry, old Romanian.

80
00:03:41,203 --> 00:03:43,570
So she dug deep and won the gold.

81
00:03:43,605 --> 00:03:45,245
Well, maybe Mary Lou
would've been happier

82
00:03:45,273 --> 00:03:47,107
if she'd gotten a few
more hugs. Uh-huh, yeah.

83
00:03:47,192 --> 00:03:48,976
You know what feels better than a hug?

84
00:03:49,001 --> 00:03:51,027
Kicking Russia's ass in gymnastics!

85
00:03:52,778 --> 00:03:54,567
And while I feel like
I have the upper hand,

86
00:03:54,592 --> 00:03:55,662
there's something else I want to say

87
00:03:55,686 --> 00:03:58,001
that I have been holding
in for a long time.

88
00:03:58,086 --> 00:03:59,919
This all goes back

89
00:03:59,944 --> 00:04:01,193
to sleep training.

90
00:04:01,218 --> 00:04:04,386
Oh, my God. That was 15 years ago!

91
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,126
Since the beginning of time,

92
00:04:06,211 --> 00:04:09,345
kids have figured out
how to go to sleep.

93
00:04:09,431 --> 00:04:12,215
They cried until they got
bored, and when no one came in,

94
00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:13,300
they nodded off.

95
00:04:13,705 --> 00:04:16,686
And those cave kids
were so well-rested,

96
00:04:16,771 --> 00:04:18,468
they invented fire!

97
00:04:19,601 --> 00:04:22,942
But then, in the year 2003,

98
00:04:22,978 --> 00:04:27,030
some parents decided
that they knew better.

99
00:04:27,484 --> 00:04:31,833
And those parents...
are sitting on our couch.

100
00:04:33,788 --> 00:04:35,739
I know we agreed to let Kate cry it out,

101
00:04:35,764 --> 00:04:37,040
but I couldn't do it.

102
00:04:37,065 --> 00:04:37,848
All right?

103
00:04:37,873 --> 00:04:40,243
And when I picked her
up, she loved me so much.

104
00:04:40,328 --> 00:04:42,295
Well, I hope it was worth it.

105
00:04:42,432 --> 00:04:44,221
Because I can draw a direct line

106
00:04:44,241 --> 00:04:45,407
between you picking Katie up

107
00:04:45,492 --> 00:04:47,459
to her climbing through a window.

108
00:04:47,768 --> 00:04:50,662
Modern parenting.

109
00:04:51,861 --> 00:04:53,947
Well, I don't want
our kids sneaking out.

110
00:04:53,972 --> 00:04:55,305
I don't know.

111
00:04:55,330 --> 00:04:58,804
Maybe... maybe... I've
been too easy on her.

112
00:04:58,889 --> 00:04:59,721
Yes.

113
00:04:59,757 --> 00:05:02,140
And maybe... maybe...

114
00:05:02,226 --> 00:05:05,177
we need to shake things up,
get this thing back on track.

115
00:05:05,262 --> 00:05:06,678
No, I-I can see that.

116
00:05:06,764 --> 00:05:09,264
I mean, you know,
somewhere between cave kids

117
00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:12,058
and angry Romanians,
you made a good point.

118
00:05:13,533 --> 00:05:15,950
Okay. You're in charge.

119
00:05:15,975 --> 00:05:17,391
Really?

120
00:05:17,416 --> 00:05:19,299
Yeah. What do you want to do?

121
00:05:19,324 --> 00:05:20,943
I have dreamed about this moment.

122
00:05:21,028 --> 00:05:23,445
Okay, first of all, no more modern.

123
00:05:23,530 --> 00:05:26,650
We are going old school. Shock and awe.

124
00:05:26,675 --> 00:05:28,116
Huh? But you got to back me up.

125
00:05:28,202 --> 00:05:29,534
Oh, you-you have my word.

126
00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:31,264
I won't even give her
the pizza bagel I made

127
00:05:31,288 --> 00:05:32,682
'cause she was hungry from sneaking out.

128
00:05:32,706 --> 00:05:35,457
I'll take it. Dads eat first.

129
00:05:37,387 --> 00:05:38,803
That's old school.

130
00:05:40,977 --> 00:05:42,030
So, Emme,

131
00:05:42,055 --> 00:05:44,433
obviously, I took a million
baby pictures of you,

132
00:05:44,468 --> 00:05:46,218
but I can't find any of them

133
00:05:46,303 --> 00:05:48,220
because your old babysitter stole them.

134
00:05:49,306 --> 00:05:50,856
Yeah, yeah, she, uh,

135
00:05:50,941 --> 00:05:52,557
she-she sent them to a modeling agency

136
00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:55,178
since you're so darn cute.

137
00:05:55,678 --> 00:05:57,729
But don't try to track
those pictures down.

138
00:05:57,754 --> 00:06:01,562
That modeling agency was
swallowed by a giant whale.

139
00:06:02,781 --> 00:06:04,113
Uh-huh.

140
00:06:05,250 --> 00:06:07,394
So, for your school project,

141
00:06:07,419 --> 00:06:08,667
we are going to...

142
00:06:08,692 --> 00:06:11,665
- fake a baby picture.
- Pop in this binky,

143
00:06:11,690 --> 00:06:14,023
and we'll take one from
far away so you look small.

144
00:06:17,285 --> 00:06:19,135
Oh, my God! Mom!

145
00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:21,803
Dad took my door!

146
00:06:23,146 --> 00:06:24,896
Welcome to the old school.

147
00:06:24,921 --> 00:06:27,506
Katie, you have shown
that you can't be trusted.

148
00:06:27,531 --> 00:06:28,343
This way,

149
00:06:28,368 --> 00:06:30,345
I can keep track of your every move.

150
00:06:30,431 --> 00:06:33,398
Plus, what are you gonna
slam now, Slammy Davis Jr.?

151
00:06:41,506 --> 00:06:43,673
Why do we have so many doors?

152
00:06:44,442 --> 00:06:46,347
This seems hard. Have you considered

153
00:06:46,372 --> 00:06:48,530
just letting it be her
boyfriend's problem someday?

154
00:06:52,049 --> 00:06:54,369
Oh-ho-ho-ho.

155
00:07:01,849 --> 00:07:03,186
What are you doing?

156
00:07:03,726 --> 00:07:05,847
Katie is in her closet laughing it up

157
00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:07,766
with her friend on the phone.

158
00:07:07,851 --> 00:07:10,018
She is in trouble. Why is she laughing?

159
00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:11,219
- Well...
- I'll tell you why.

160
00:07:11,305 --> 00:07:13,188
Okay, you go.

161
00:07:13,550 --> 00:07:15,183
Modern parenting.

162
00:07:17,755 --> 00:07:19,504
Oh, that's it?

163
00:07:19,563 --> 00:07:21,508
I thought you were gonna
talk for ten minutes again,

164
00:07:21,532 --> 00:07:23,949
and I was gonna go grab a
granola bar for sustenance.

165
00:07:24,498 --> 00:07:26,356
She doesn't get to be happy.

166
00:07:26,381 --> 00:07:29,013
In old school, no one is happy.

167
00:07:29,138 --> 00:07:31,790
Look at any old-timey
picture. Miserable!

168
00:07:32,671 --> 00:07:33,921
Mm.

169
00:07:37,126 --> 00:07:38,592
Eh-eh-eh?

170
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:41,383
Busted.

171
00:07:41,418 --> 00:07:42,551
For what?

172
00:07:42,586 --> 00:07:44,847
Excessive laughing.

173
00:07:45,255 --> 00:07:47,589
You just lost your closet door, missy.

174
00:07:49,384 --> 00:07:52,011
Andi, get my tools.

175
00:07:52,066 --> 00:07:53,426
Why don't you just take her phone?

176
00:07:53,757 --> 00:07:55,140
That's smarter.

177
00:07:55,165 --> 00:07:56,348
And meaner.

178
00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:59,485
You just lost your phone, missy.

179
00:08:01,532 --> 00:08:03,438
She'll call you back in a few years.

180
00:08:03,524 --> 00:08:05,444
Wait, hold on.

181
00:08:05,469 --> 00:08:08,295
I need that. I'm doing a
group project for Spanish.

182
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:10,529
Oh. Okay, well, if it's for school,

183
00:08:10,614 --> 00:08:12,914
you can have a phone. I'm reasonable.

184
00:08:12,950 --> 00:08:15,039
I'm not reasonable.

185
00:08:15,616 --> 00:08:17,283
Enjoy your new phone.

186
00:08:18,860 --> 00:08:21,611
It's so old; is it for
talking to dead people?

187
00:08:22,537 --> 00:08:24,509
From now on, this...

188
00:08:24,595 --> 00:08:26,928
is the only phone you
are allowed to use.

189
00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:30,599
And I can keep an eye on you,
because you can only go as far

190
00:08:30,634 --> 00:08:33,051
as the cord will reach.

191
00:08:40,249 --> 00:08:41,917
I got to make that cord shorter.

192
00:08:43,570 --> 00:08:45,537
Where'd you even get that thing?

193
00:08:46,573 --> 00:08:47,877
Where's our phone?

194
00:08:48,655 --> 00:08:50,408
Adam said he needed it.

195
00:08:50,494 --> 00:08:52,661
He better not be calling long distance.

196
00:08:54,344 --> 00:08:55,977
So, I'll start the presentation

197
00:08:56,002 --> 00:08:59,533
by saying, "La historia
de los conquistadores

198
00:08:59,558 --> 00:09:01,641
es muy fascinante."

199
00:09:03,197 --> 00:09:04,749
Enjoying your breakfast?

200
00:09:05,230 --> 00:09:09,366
I know this is annoying,
but it is all gonna pay off.

201
00:09:14,811 --> 00:09:16,011
Spoon?

202
00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:18,520
Thank you.

203
00:09:18,545 --> 00:09:21,887
And then you'll say, "Yo no sabia eso."

204
00:09:21,912 --> 00:09:23,295
I'll bet she's saying curse words.

205
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:24,486
She's real mad at you.

206
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:27,031
Good. By the way,

207
00:09:27,056 --> 00:09:30,164
part of our old-school rules,
kids clean up after themselves.

208
00:09:30,189 --> 00:09:32,160
Can you please put your
dirty glass in the sink?

209
00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:33,196
Happy to.

210
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:34,913
Mm-hmm.

211
00:09:34,998 --> 00:09:37,249
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

212
00:09:37,334 --> 00:09:39,201
I will clear the table.

213
00:09:41,962 --> 00:09:43,038
Yeah, that's good.

214
00:09:43,063 --> 00:09:44,876
And then I'll say,

215
00:09:44,901 --> 00:09:50,276
"Los conquistadores
eran guerreros viciosos."

216
00:09:54,017 --> 00:09:55,350
All right.

217
00:09:55,385 --> 00:09:58,431
Katie, honey...

218
00:09:58,603 --> 00:09:59,804
let me show you something.

219
00:10:04,486 --> 00:10:06,528
Adam, do we have a...

220
00:10:06,563 --> 00:10:09,948
time frame on how long
this is gonna take?

221
00:10:10,033 --> 00:10:12,317
I mean, when do we know we won?

222
00:10:12,402 --> 00:10:16,241
When she says, "I was wrong.
You were right. I'm sorry."

223
00:10:16,266 --> 00:10:19,040
You know, that thing I
always end up saying to you.

224
00:10:19,699 --> 00:10:21,498
But you're so good at it.

225
00:10:21,523 --> 00:10:23,878
Practice does make perfect.

226
00:10:25,074 --> 00:10:28,625
Kate was outside speaking
Spanish into my telephone.

227
00:10:28,650 --> 00:10:32,035
If that was an international
call, you're paying for it.

228
00:10:33,949 --> 00:10:35,974
Hey, Dad, you're gonna love this.

229
00:10:36,059 --> 00:10:37,559
Since we caught Katie sneaking out,

230
00:10:37,594 --> 00:10:39,844
I have been making her life miserable

231
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:42,314
with some tough, old-school parenting.

232
00:10:42,399 --> 00:10:44,099
Oh, really giving her the business, huh?

233
00:10:44,184 --> 00:10:45,934
Oh, I am locked in.

234
00:10:46,019 --> 00:10:49,521
I was up all night thinking of
different ways to bum Katie out.

235
00:10:49,606 --> 00:10:51,050
So you're turning your life upside down

236
00:10:51,074 --> 00:10:53,608
- to teach a kid a lesson?
- Yeah.

237
00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:56,528
That's the furthest thing from
old school I've ever heard.

238
00:10:57,297 --> 00:10:59,281
What? What? You don't get it.

239
00:10:59,366 --> 00:11:02,061
I took Katie's bedroom door.

240
00:11:02,086 --> 00:11:05,754
A door is like a teenager's
favorite thing, and I took it!

241
00:11:05,789 --> 00:11:09,174
That is stone-cold old.

242
00:11:09,259 --> 00:11:11,243
Son, when you were a kid,

243
00:11:11,268 --> 00:11:13,261
I didn't even know if you had a door.

244
00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:15,547
That's old school.

245
00:11:15,632 --> 00:11:17,932
We believed in fresh air for kids.

246
00:11:17,968 --> 00:11:21,303
Every morning, we just put
you outside like a milk bottle.

247
00:11:21,388 --> 00:11:23,438
What?

248
00:11:25,722 --> 00:11:28,276
Oh, no.

249
00:11:28,312 --> 00:11:31,463
Adam, what's wrong, honey? Are...? Oh.

250
00:11:31,488 --> 00:11:34,791
Are-are you sad 'cause your dad
didn't know if you had a door?

251
00:11:34,816 --> 00:11:38,212
What? It's worse than that.

252
00:11:38,697 --> 00:11:40,322
I'm a modern parent.

253
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:43,447
Bev, he seems upset.

254
00:11:43,472 --> 00:11:45,689
Give him one of your muscle relaxers.

255
00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:54,188
I can't believe this. I'm so modern,

256
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:56,246
I don't even know what
old school is anymore.

257
00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:59,249
I'm like a cat wearing a dog costume.

258
00:12:00,155 --> 00:12:02,231
Well, you've always been sensitive.

259
00:12:02,256 --> 00:12:03,310
Remember that time

260
00:12:03,335 --> 00:12:05,950
you stood in front of
the lobster tank crying?

261
00:12:06,633 --> 00:12:08,349
I was six.

262
00:12:08,374 --> 00:12:09,788
You told me to pick my favorite one.

263
00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:12,646
I didn't know what
was gonna happen next.

264
00:12:13,155 --> 00:12:14,365
They put the bib on him,

265
00:12:14,390 --> 00:12:16,965
- and all hell broke loose.
- Yeah.

266
00:12:16,990 --> 00:12:18,436
Well, don't beat yourself up.

267
00:12:18,461 --> 00:12:20,204
I mean, you're not so modern.

268
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:22,906
You still hose down the
driveway in your bathrobe.

269
00:12:23,428 --> 00:12:26,243
That's just to give the
neighbor ladies a thrill.

270
00:12:28,208 --> 00:12:29,073
Hey,

271
00:12:29,098 --> 00:12:31,665
Grandma, do you have that
baby picture for my project?

272
00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:34,199
I sure do, honey.

273
00:12:34,224 --> 00:12:35,772
- There you go.
- Thanks.

274
00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,463
- Hmm.
- Wow.

275
00:12:37,488 --> 00:12:39,423
Did you see that? We didn't have

276
00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:41,528
what Emme needed, so she asked Bev.

277
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:42,971
She's resourceful.

278
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,924
- Yeah, we raised her right.
- Yeah.

279
00:12:44,949 --> 00:12:46,396
She's the one we raised the least.

280
00:12:50,988 --> 00:12:52,352
That's true.

281
00:12:52,838 --> 00:12:56,667
We did the best job with Emme
by barely doing the job at all.

282
00:12:57,057 --> 00:12:59,660
That's what we should
be doing with Katie.

283
00:12:59,745 --> 00:13:02,613
Back off and let life
teach her some lessons.

284
00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:05,697
Oh, I like it. I can
really get behind that,

285
00:13:05,722 --> 00:13:08,262
instead of fake getting behind
what you were doing before.

286
00:13:08,948 --> 00:13:11,705
Yes, you can, because
I re-figured this out.

287
00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:14,758
I thought I was old school,
but I was really new school.

288
00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:18,929
Now I need to go old old school.

289
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:20,764
You already talked more about this

290
00:13:20,799 --> 00:13:23,781
than I've talked about
you in your entire life.

291
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:26,970
I keep looking for a way to leave,

292
00:13:26,995 --> 00:13:28,272
but he just won't stop. Yeah.

293
00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:30,774
You know what?

294
00:13:31,066 --> 00:13:33,762
Keep the phone. Life's too short.

295
00:13:36,815 --> 00:13:38,448
Your mother and I have decided to go

296
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,117
with a different punishment.

297
00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:42,120
From now on, we're gonna
give you more freedom.

298
00:13:42,145 --> 00:13:43,537
How do you feel about that?

299
00:13:44,041 --> 00:13:45,966
- I... like it?
- Hmm.

300
00:13:46,408 --> 00:13:48,125
Well, you won't for long,

301
00:13:48,150 --> 00:13:50,294
because in real life,
there's consequences.

302
00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:52,129
Yeah, you think we're tough?

303
00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:54,298
Life's a real son of a gun.

304
00:13:54,799 --> 00:13:57,968
Yes, it is, so good luck
running your own life.

305
00:13:58,236 --> 00:14:00,445
Cool. I'm going to a
concert Thursday night.

306
00:14:00,470 --> 00:14:03,328
- What?
- Andi, that's her decision.

307
00:14:03,353 --> 00:14:05,425
- Yeah, but that's a school night. 
- Mm-mm-mm.

308
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,344
You know, for your first choice,

309
00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:09,096
- I was expecting...
- Mm-mm-mm.

310
00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:11,348
...something small, like, you know,

311
00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:13,483
swimming right after you eat.

312
00:14:14,139 --> 00:14:15,569
But I can still go, right?

313
00:14:15,604 --> 00:14:16,486
Absolutely.

314
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:18,216
And on Friday morning,

315
00:14:18,241 --> 00:14:19,186
when you're too tired

316
00:14:19,211 --> 00:14:21,336
to learn anything at school,
and you don't get into college,

317
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:25,089
and you end up a milky-eyed
drifter, that's on you.

318
00:14:25,150 --> 00:14:27,018
Enjoy sleeping in a boxcar.

319
00:14:31,292 --> 00:14:32,947
Come on!

320
00:14:32,972 --> 00:14:34,421
This guy's climbing a jungle gym.

321
00:14:34,506 --> 00:14:38,342
He does not deserve the
title of "ninja warrior."

322
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:40,544
Adam, I don't like this.

323
00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:43,180
I mean, Kate is at a
concert on a school night.

324
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:44,815
I mean, what's she
doing? Is she dancing?

325
00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:46,717
Is she vaping? What's vaping? I...

326
00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:49,052
Stay strong.

327
00:14:49,077 --> 00:14:50,084
Remember Emme?

328
00:14:50,109 --> 00:14:52,139
I mean, remember how
we didn't remember Emme?

329
00:14:52,944 --> 00:14:55,630
Lady Gaga would say she
was just born that way.

330
00:14:55,655 --> 00:14:58,862
I don't care what the Lady of Gaga says.

331
00:14:58,897 --> 00:15:03,690
I am Adam of Pittsburgh,
and I say we need to back off

332
00:15:03,715 --> 00:15:06,401
and let Katie learn about consequences.

333
00:15:06,426 --> 00:15:07,954
Okay.

334
00:15:08,457 --> 00:15:11,221
But maybe I'll just
google the band to see

335
00:15:11,246 --> 00:15:13,057
if there's any news
stories from the venue.

336
00:15:13,082 --> 00:15:14,895
You do what you need to
do. I want no part of it.

337
00:15:14,919 --> 00:15:15,919
Okay.

338
00:15:16,042 --> 00:15:17,881
Oh, hey, what was the
name of that band again?

339
00:15:17,916 --> 00:15:20,721
It was a bunch of letters and numbers.

340
00:15:20,746 --> 00:15:21,752
I could do this.

341
00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:23,253
I should try out for this.

342
00:15:24,026 --> 00:15:25,118
Oh, hey.

343
00:15:25,143 --> 00:15:26,704
Emme, honey, do you remember the name

344
00:15:26,729 --> 00:15:28,297
of that band that Kate likes?

345
00:15:28,322 --> 00:15:30,385
Yeah, it's A55-4U.

346
00:15:30,482 --> 00:15:31,865
Ah.

347
00:15:32,971 --> 00:15:35,354
God, Emme's great.

348
00:15:37,523 --> 00:15:40,157
A55-4U. Huh.

349
00:15:40,182 --> 00:15:41,514
What does that even mean?

350
00:15:41,539 --> 00:15:46,179
You know, when we were kids,
bands had names that made sense.

351
00:15:46,226 --> 00:15:48,937
Like... Men Without Hats.

352
00:15:49,632 --> 00:15:53,872
You knew what they were, and
you knew what their problem was.

353
00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:56,847
- Wait, wait, wait. Look at this.
- Mm.

354
00:15:56,872 --> 00:15:59,456
When I typed it out, the
two fives look like S's.

355
00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:03,627
"A55-4U" is really... "Ass-For-You."

356
00:16:04,016 --> 00:16:06,385
Oh, we're gonna lose the next war.

357
00:16:08,737 --> 00:16:10,851
Okay, well, there's no
bad news from tonight's

358
00:16:10,936 --> 00:16:14,971
Ass-For-You concert
at... Obermeyer College?

359
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,741
What? The concert's at a college?

360
00:16:17,766 --> 00:16:19,265
Where college boys are?

361
00:16:19,290 --> 00:16:21,027
Yeah, and-and their college-boy beds.

362
00:16:21,113 --> 00:16:23,613
That's the thing about
college boys... they have beds!

363
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:26,227
- Yeah.
- The hell with this. I'm calling her.

364
00:16:35,568 --> 00:16:36,968
You didn't give her back her phone?

365
00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:38,473
You didn't remind me to
give her back her phone!

366
00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:39,891
You didn't tell me to remind
you to give her back her phone!

367
00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:42,332
This consequen...

368
00:16:42,417 --> 00:16:44,501
This consequences thing
is happening to us!

369
00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:46,887
Life is a son of a gun!

370
00:16:47,229 --> 00:16:48,505
We-we have to go get her.

371
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:50,350
Yeah, okay. Oh, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.

372
00:16:50,425 --> 00:16:51,815
If we go down there,

373
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,002
she'll know we couldn't
old-school her, either.

374
00:16:54,166 --> 00:16:56,012
Okay.

375
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:59,599
What if we send someone else
down there to go check on her?

376
00:17:00,055 --> 00:17:03,353
Way to find a loophole, baby!

377
00:17:03,378 --> 00:17:06,189
But what kind of weirdo
grown-ups do we know

378
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:09,993
that would drop everything to
go to an Ass-For-You concert?

379
00:17:10,028 --> 00:17:11,639
Thanks for the tickets, Adam.

380
00:17:11,663 --> 00:17:14,098
Ass-For-You is my workout jam.

381
00:17:14,123 --> 00:17:15,866
Lowell, have you seen Katie?

382
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:16,700
Not yet.

383
00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:18,118
Put Don on the phone.

384
00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:19,669
Oh, good idea. He'll spot her.

385
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,288
He's so tall, he can see everything.

386
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:22,589
He's like Google Earth.

387
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:25,709
Go for Don.

388
00:17:25,794 --> 00:17:27,043
Any sign of Katie?

389
00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:29,346
No dice. I even stood
outside the girl's bathroom

390
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:32,382
for a half hour until
security told me to move along.

391
00:17:32,467 --> 00:17:33,717
We need to find Katie!

392
00:17:33,802 --> 00:17:34,968
Don't worry, brother.

393
00:17:35,053 --> 00:17:37,220
You got the right two
guys on this mission.

394
00:17:38,501 --> 00:17:40,023
Lowell?!

395
00:17:40,058 --> 00:17:41,391
I-I'll tell you what.

396
00:17:41,476 --> 00:17:43,743
I'll find Lowell first,
and then I'll find Katie.

397
00:17:46,540 --> 00:17:47,814
Adam, I'm worried.

398
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,176
And I love you enough to tell you

399
00:17:50,201 --> 00:17:52,547
that if anything happens to her,
the media is gonna blame you,

400
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:54,988
and I am not gonna be that
wife that sticks up for you.

401
00:17:56,592 --> 00:17:58,160
Screw it. Let's go get our girl.

402
00:17:58,185 --> 00:17:58,959
Oh, yeah.

403
00:17:59,192 --> 00:18:00,868
And after all that modern parenting,

404
00:18:00,893 --> 00:18:02,299
- Kate can't survive on her own.
- Yeah.

405
00:18:02,323 --> 00:18:03,525
She's like a monkey raised in captivity.

406
00:18:03,549 --> 00:18:04,881
Yeah, we can't set her free now.

407
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,002
She'll never find her own bananas!

408
00:18:07,994 --> 00:18:10,303
Ah! Our monkey's safe!

409
00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:12,783
Oh, you came home. I'm so proud of you.

410
00:18:12,808 --> 00:18:15,424
- Oh. You are?
- Yeah.

411
00:18:15,449 --> 00:18:17,727
Yeah, you realized
that going to a concert

412
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:20,580
on a school night was not smart.

413
00:18:20,605 --> 00:18:22,620
Old school works.

414
00:18:22,862 --> 00:18:24,484
No, I still wanted to go to the concert,

415
00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:26,400
but no one else was allowed to go.

416
00:18:26,425 --> 00:18:27,916
The other parents think
you guys are crazy.

417
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,940
I'd expect some angry calls.

418
00:18:30,706 --> 00:18:33,647
Oh. So you didn't learn any lessons?

419
00:18:33,785 --> 00:18:35,535
Not as far as I know.

420
00:18:38,554 --> 00:18:40,867
Don't look at me. I wanted to hug her.

421
00:18:42,015 --> 00:18:45,177
So, what happens now? Can
I still do whatever I want?

422
00:18:45,574 --> 00:18:46,995
Huh.

423
00:18:47,137 --> 00:18:49,960
Yeah, that's what I think: huh.

424
00:18:50,717 --> 00:18:52,600
That's a confusing answer.

425
00:18:52,705 --> 00:18:54,788
It sure is.

426
00:18:54,817 --> 00:18:56,383
And it's supposed to be,

427
00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:59,269
because that was our plan all along.

428
00:19:01,728 --> 00:19:04,274
That's right. All along, we had a plan.

429
00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:06,648
Yeah. We wanted to keep you guessing

430
00:19:06,673 --> 00:19:09,529
by veering wildly from
crazy strict to super easy.

431
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:11,898
Crazy strict, super easy.

432
00:19:11,923 --> 00:19:13,283
Where are we? You don't know.

433
00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:14,784
Yeah. You...

434
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,872
are in the hands of masters here.

435
00:19:16,897 --> 00:19:18,071
Ha! Masters!

436
00:19:18,096 --> 00:19:21,163
Yeah, so go to your room.
And do whatever you want.

437
00:19:26,822 --> 00:19:28,655
I... I don't know.

438
00:19:33,707 --> 00:19:35,899
- Well, we squeaked through that one.
- Yeah.

439
00:19:35,924 --> 00:19:37,818
If she hadn't come home,
we would've gone to get her.

440
00:19:37,842 --> 00:19:41,529
Yeah. We're not new
school, or old school,

441
00:19:41,554 --> 00:19:43,187
or old old school.

442
00:19:43,272 --> 00:19:45,022
We got expelled from every school.

443
00:19:47,143 --> 00:19:49,233
We have no power because
we love 'em too much.

444
00:19:49,265 --> 00:19:49,966
Mm.

445
00:19:49,991 --> 00:19:52,928
You know, kids... they lock you
in early with their cuteness,

446
00:19:52,953 --> 00:19:55,336
and then you're screwed.

447
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:59,504
So, how do you control someone you love?

448
00:19:59,529 --> 00:20:02,997
Wait. How did you get me
to go see Mamma Mia on Ice?

449
00:20:04,332 --> 00:20:06,043
I locked you in early with my cuteness,

450
00:20:06,068 --> 00:20:08,118
and now you're screwed.

451
00:20:09,799 --> 00:20:11,575
Ah, so I guess we just white-knuckle it

452
00:20:11,626 --> 00:20:13,076
till Katie's out of the house.

453
00:20:13,161 --> 00:20:15,662
Mm, maybe we let her be
her boyfriend's problem,

454
00:20:15,747 --> 00:20:17,747
go with Don's solution.

455
00:20:18,965 --> 00:20:20,700
Scary times.

456
00:20:22,122 --> 00:20:24,012
Hey, party people.

457
00:20:24,340 --> 00:20:26,589
Lowell, what happened? Are you okay?

458
00:20:26,614 --> 00:20:29,164
It was the greatest night of my life.

459
00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,163
I got swept up in the crowd,

460
00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:32,905
and someone gave me a breath mint

461
00:20:32,930 --> 00:20:35,313
that made me love everybody.

462
00:20:38,952 --> 00:20:40,661
Good night, Mom. Good night, Dad.

463
00:20:40,686 --> 00:20:42,155
You guys, look.

464
00:20:42,467 --> 00:20:44,332
I found Kate.

465
00:20:46,918 --> 00:20:51,918
Synced and corrected by Octavia 
- www.addic7ed.com -