1
00:00:03,617 --> 00:00:04,883
Okay, here's the deal...

2
00:00:04,885 --> 00:00:06,651
if we plug these in and they light up,

3
00:00:06,653 --> 00:00:08,371
we got to spend the
afternoon untangling them.

4
00:00:08,396 --> 00:00:11,163
If they don't, we can chuck
'em and watch the game.

5
00:00:11,424 --> 00:00:13,458
Yeah. I know what I'm rooting for.

6
00:00:13,460 --> 00:00:15,293
Yeah.

7
00:00:16,429 --> 00:00:18,029
- Aw...
- Aw...

8
00:00:19,299 --> 00:00:21,065
- Hey...!
- Hey...!

9
00:00:21,067 --> 00:00:22,104
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

10
00:00:22,129 --> 00:00:24,002
- Aw...
- Aw...

11
00:00:27,875 --> 00:00:29,607
- Hey...!
- Hey...!

12
00:00:31,156 --> 00:00:33,256
I think we celebrate that
with a Christmas beer.

13
00:00:33,281 --> 00:00:35,958
Hey, remember when we used to help
Dad untangle the Christmas lights?

14
00:00:35,983 --> 00:00:38,183
Yeah. That's where I
learned all my swear words.

15
00:00:38,358 --> 00:00:40,992
He'd start with a couple a couple
frickin' frackin's, and then he'd

16
00:00:40,994 --> 00:00:42,360
move on to the good stuff.

17
00:00:42,362 --> 00:00:43,595
Hey.

18
00:00:43,597 --> 00:00:45,396
Hey, honey.

19
00:00:45,398 --> 00:00:47,732
Oh, look at the lights.

20
00:00:47,734 --> 00:00:49,901
It's exciting!

21
00:00:49,903 --> 00:00:53,505
It's the time to deck the
halls and jingle some bells.

22
00:00:53,507 --> 00:00:55,540
- Don, you remember Christmas Andi.
- Yeah.

23
00:00:55,542 --> 00:00:57,442
She's just like regular
Andi, except if someone

24
00:00:57,444 --> 00:00:58,943
popped off her head and stuffed her

25
00:00:58,945 --> 00:01:01,212
full of snowflakes and speed.

26
00:01:01,214 --> 00:01:03,615
I can't help it... it's
my favorite time of year.

27
00:01:03,617 --> 00:01:06,251
Oh, which reminds me. For our
Christmas pictures this year,

28
00:01:06,253 --> 00:01:07,896
we're all gonna wear matching sweaters

29
00:01:07,921 --> 00:01:09,988
for maximum cuteness.

30
00:01:09,990 --> 00:01:12,590
I smell a trip to Sweater Barn.

31
00:01:12,592 --> 00:01:14,359
Oh, Sweater Barn!

32
00:01:14,361 --> 00:01:16,461
Great idea, Don. Thanks!

33
00:01:17,223 --> 00:01:20,057
Yeah, thanks, Don.

34
00:01:20,059 --> 00:01:22,312
- Well, at least it's not Candle House.
- Oh!

35
00:01:22,337 --> 00:01:24,938
Candle House! Thank
you for reminding me.

36
00:01:25,965 --> 00:01:27,932
- You did that one to yourself.
- Yeah.

37
00:01:27,934 --> 00:01:29,033
Okay, honey,

38
00:01:29,035 --> 00:01:30,868
you know I love Christmas Andi, okay,

39
00:01:30,870 --> 00:01:33,096
but I don't want you making
yourself crazy, all right?

40
00:01:33,121 --> 00:01:34,633
Christmas is still three weeks away,

41
00:01:34,658 --> 00:01:36,050
and you're already at level eight.

42
00:01:37,094 --> 00:01:39,610
That's okay, I can go
all the way to a hundred.

43
00:01:40,404 --> 00:01:42,256
Okay. Well, I'm off to the craft store.

44
00:01:42,281 --> 00:01:45,583
I can't believe I let our
glitter supply get this low.

45
00:01:45,585 --> 00:01:48,486
Look, hey, hey, hey, before you
go, just think about this, okay?

46
00:01:48,488 --> 00:01:50,934
You're back to work now, we
both have a lot on our plates...

47
00:01:50,959 --> 00:01:53,893
maybe we should just dial
it back a little this year.

48
00:01:53,993 --> 00:01:55,459
- Dial it back? 
- Mm-hmm.

49
00:01:55,461 --> 00:01:57,027
Oh, no, we have to amp it up

50
00:01:57,029 --> 00:01:58,395
because I'm back at work.

51
00:01:58,925 --> 00:02:00,664
Look, I... I want the kids to know that

52
00:02:00,666 --> 00:02:04,602
I may have a job now, but
my heart is still at home,

53
00:02:04,604 --> 00:02:06,937
covered with tinsel.

54
00:02:08,074 --> 00:02:10,541
So that's a no on dialing it back?

55
00:02:10,543 --> 00:02:12,376
Look, I know it's a lot,

56
00:02:12,378 --> 00:02:14,211
but... look, on Christmas morning

57
00:02:14,213 --> 00:02:16,347
when those kids come
running down those stairs

58
00:02:16,349 --> 00:02:19,079
to open their presents,
it's-it's magical.

59
00:02:19,104 --> 00:02:20,317
It's my magical moment,

60
00:02:20,319 --> 00:02:22,918
and it makes all the hard work worth it.

61
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:25,456
Hey, if you really want
to amp up Christmas,

62
00:02:25,458 --> 00:02:27,858
I suggest a trip to Decoration Station.

63
00:02:27,860 --> 00:02:30,127
Oh, I love that place!

64
00:02:30,663 --> 00:02:32,783
5,000 square feet

65
00:02:32,808 --> 00:02:35,132
of things to hang on a tree.

66
00:02:35,134 --> 00:02:38,002
The choices will bring
Adam to his knees.

67
00:02:43,494 --> 00:02:44,808
What are you doing?

68
00:02:46,003 --> 00:02:48,325
I'm trying to send you to
some more boring stores,

69
00:02:48,350 --> 00:02:50,517
'cause I think it's funny.

70
00:02:51,717 --> 00:02:54,118
- Aw...
- Aw...

71
00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,820
You guys better untangle those.

72
00:02:57,572 --> 00:02:58,440
Andi's on

73
00:02:58,465 --> 00:02:59,723
a holiday roll, man.

74
00:02:59,725 --> 00:03:01,358
You got some tough weeks ahead of you.

75
00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:03,027
Yeah, but she loves it.

76
00:03:03,029 --> 00:03:04,995
Happy wife, happy life.

77
00:03:05,865 --> 00:03:07,631
Happy husband...

78
00:03:07,633 --> 00:03:10,834
It's so unimportant nobody
even tried to rhyme it.

79
00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:13,070
You know,

80
00:03:13,072 --> 00:03:16,641
there is a way out of this...
outsource it. Fix it so that

81
00:03:16,666 --> 00:03:18,869
you guys spend Christmas
with one of the grandparents.

82
00:03:18,894 --> 00:03:20,377
Let them do all the work.

83
00:03:20,653 --> 00:03:22,534
Well, we can't go to our folks.

84
00:03:22,559 --> 00:03:24,281
Things are weird between Mom and Andi

85
00:03:24,283 --> 00:03:27,251
since she caught Andi
staring at her chin whisker.

86
00:03:27,816 --> 00:03:29,669
You could strum a
guitar with that thing.

87
00:03:30,923 --> 00:03:32,221
But you know what?

88
00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:34,785
Andi's parents could work. Yeah, I mean,

89
00:03:34,810 --> 00:03:37,494
they're both active,
they're both clean-shaven...

90
00:03:38,354 --> 00:03:38,993
and they're both

91
00:03:39,018 --> 00:03:41,059
as crazy about Christmas as she is.

92
00:03:41,168 --> 00:03:42,489
You know, they'd do all the prep.

93
00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:44,201
It'd take a lot of pressure off Andi.

94
00:03:44,203 --> 00:03:45,536
And less work for you.

95
00:03:45,538 --> 00:03:47,237
Yeah, don't think I didn't notice that.

96
00:03:47,989 --> 00:03:49,707
Mm, I don't know, though, you know.

97
00:03:49,709 --> 00:03:52,276
If I suggest it, she's
gonna know I have an angle.

98
00:03:52,278 --> 00:03:55,479
She's smart, Don... it's
her only bad quality.

99
00:03:55,481 --> 00:03:57,314
You don't suggest it to Andi.

100
00:03:57,316 --> 00:04:00,117
Call her parents, say
the grandkids miss them,

101
00:04:00,119 --> 00:04:02,086
sit back, let it happen.

102
00:04:02,903 --> 00:04:04,027
It's like taking candy

103
00:04:04,052 --> 00:04:06,423
from... a really old baby.

104
00:04:07,027 --> 00:04:08,527
I love this idea.

105
00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:09,893
I'm gonna call them right now.

106
00:04:09,895 --> 00:04:12,329
I'm right here if anything goes wrong.

107
00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,765
You haven't moved all day.

108
00:04:14,767 --> 00:04:16,266
True.

109
00:04:17,498 --> 00:04:19,403
Frank. It's Adam.

110
00:04:19,405 --> 00:04:20,726
How's things in Virginia Beach?

111
00:04:20,751 --> 00:04:22,139
You guys getting ready for Christmas?

112
00:04:23,008 --> 00:04:25,976
Yeah, the kids sure would
love to see you this year.

113
00:04:26,746 --> 00:04:30,280
Huh? Spend Christmas at your place?

114
00:04:32,294 --> 00:04:34,084
I'm in. But run it by Andi.

115
00:04:34,086 --> 00:04:37,287
Yeah, but say it came from you;
don't tell her it was my idea.

116
00:04:37,289 --> 00:04:39,167
Why? U-Uh...

117
00:04:39,192 --> 00:04:40,384
Hold on a sec.

118
00:04:40,409 --> 00:04:41,875
Why?

119
00:04:42,812 --> 00:04:44,194
Just hang up.

120
00:04:48,701 --> 00:04:52,169
Uh, because I want you guys to
get credit for this great idea.

121
00:04:52,171 --> 00:04:53,604
Yeah.

122
00:04:53,606 --> 00:04:55,439
Okay. Oh.

123
00:04:55,441 --> 00:04:57,508
Ho-ho-ho to you, too.

124
00:05:08,466 --> 00:05:10,453
Hey, um, my folks just called.

125
00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:12,845
They want us to go to
Virginia Beach for Christmas.

126
00:05:12,847 --> 00:05:14,346
What?

127
00:05:17,118 --> 00:05:19,652
That's out of the blue.

128
00:05:19,654 --> 00:05:21,536
Yeah, but we should
just stay here, right?

129
00:05:21,561 --> 00:05:23,689
Definitely, yeah.

130
00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:26,759
On the other hand...

131
00:05:26,761 --> 00:05:29,095
you know, now that I'm thinking
about it for the first time...

132
00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:31,897
it might make your life easier.

133
00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:34,100
You know, you said you
wanted an amped-up Christmas

134
00:05:34,102 --> 00:05:36,884
and you know your parents
go Christmas crazy.

135
00:05:36,909 --> 00:05:38,441
It's genetic.

136
00:05:40,517 --> 00:05:43,342
Yeah, I mean, they did
sound pretty excited.

137
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:46,579
And I guess it would
be less work for us.

138
00:05:46,706 --> 00:05:48,305
Would it be?

139
00:05:48,330 --> 00:05:51,365
I don't know, let's just do it and see.

140
00:05:52,737 --> 00:05:54,520
Yeah, I mean, I suppose we could do

141
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:57,356
all our Christmas Eve
traditions down there, right?

142
00:05:57,358 --> 00:05:59,525
I mean, like, buying the tree,

143
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:01,293
and wrapping the presents,

144
00:06:01,295 --> 00:06:03,529
and bandaging your paper cuts

145
00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:05,131
from wrapping the presents.

146
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:06,796
Three generations,

147
00:06:06,821 --> 00:06:08,954
celebrating the holiday together.

148
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:12,505
You know, now that I'm
over the surprise of it,

149
00:06:12,507 --> 00:06:14,874
I got to say, that sounds pretty good.

150
00:06:14,876 --> 00:06:18,811
I'll call it "Christmas
Through the Generations."

151
00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:19,912
You know, we've never

152
00:06:19,914 --> 00:06:21,408
taken a picture with my parents

153
00:06:21,433 --> 00:06:22,865
all in the same sweater.

154
00:06:24,118 --> 00:06:27,086
You are knocking me out, lady.

155
00:06:27,088 --> 00:06:29,822
And I'll still get my magic
moment Christmas morning.

156
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:31,346
I love it.

157
00:06:31,371 --> 00:06:33,437
I'm gonna go check flights to Virginia.

158
00:06:33,462 --> 00:06:35,929
That's a great idea. Yeah.

159
00:06:35,954 --> 00:06:37,721
You know, I got to say,
I feel a little silly

160
00:06:37,746 --> 00:06:39,879
that I didn't think of this one myself.

161
00:06:42,997 --> 00:06:43,836
Well, you got to admit,

162
00:06:43,838 --> 00:06:44,680
all this free time

163
00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:46,435
has been pretty relaxing, right?

164
00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:47,529
Yeah.

165
00:06:47,554 --> 00:06:49,621
Weird, but relaxing.

166
00:06:50,081 --> 00:06:51,402
Oh, I talked to my parents

167
00:06:51,427 --> 00:06:53,122
and they are taking care of everything.

168
00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:54,612
They even had our traditional

169
00:06:54,614 --> 00:06:56,647
pre-Christmas fight for us.

170
00:06:56,649 --> 00:06:59,684
Oh, and we're all set
on the kids' gifts.

171
00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:00,918
I ordered everything online,

172
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,518
I had it sent directly to Virginia.

173
00:07:02,543 --> 00:07:03,554
It was amazing.

174
00:07:03,556 --> 00:07:04,488
I'd pick one thing

175
00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:05,489
and the Internet would say,

176
00:07:05,491 --> 00:07:06,524
"If you like this,

177
00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:07,558
you might also like this."

178
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,660
And I did, every time.

179
00:07:10,196 --> 00:07:11,195
Mommy, I finished

180
00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:12,363
my letter to Santa.

181
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:14,865
Oh, good job, sweetie.

182
00:07:14,867 --> 00:07:17,101
Just in case he didn't
get your first 17.

183
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,770
I'm not taking any chances.

184
00:07:21,488 --> 00:07:22,673
So, how'd you do?

185
00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:23,908
I got everything,

186
00:07:23,910 --> 00:07:26,844
except the baby sister.

187
00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:31,878
Mom,

188
00:07:31,903 --> 00:07:33,784
did you tell Dad about
who stopped by earlier?

189
00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:36,187
Oh, yeah, Carol
Robertson from next door.

190
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:37,321
Yeah, she dropped off

191
00:07:37,323 --> 00:07:38,389
her keys so we could

192
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:39,724
watch their place while they're away,

193
00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:40,725
but really,

194
00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:42,193
it was really just an excuse to brag

195
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:44,562
about their two-week
vacation to Hawaii.

196
00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:46,597
Well, did you tell her
that we'd be spending

197
00:07:46,599 --> 00:07:49,098
the next three days in Virginia Beach,

198
00:07:49,278 --> 00:07:52,447
the Hawaii of Virginia?

199
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,985
Yeah, she said we had
the shortest vacation

200
00:07:55,010 --> 00:07:56,242
of anyone she knew.

201
00:07:56,586 --> 00:07:58,134
And then she flipped her hair so hard

202
00:07:58,159 --> 00:07:59,677
she almost fell off the porch.

203
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:02,591
Yeah,

204
00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,782
Sasha Robertson is the
meanest girl in our class.

205
00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:06,884
She started a rumor that I wear a wig.

206
00:08:06,886 --> 00:08:09,520
And I know she got a nose job.

207
00:08:09,522 --> 00:08:10,654
I mean, sure, you get hit in the face

208
00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:13,591
with a volleyball and
your nose gets cuter?

209
00:08:14,418 --> 00:08:16,627
Why can't you just tell
people you don't wear a wig?

210
00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:18,215
In middle school,

211
00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:19,206
the more you deny something,

212
00:08:19,231 --> 00:08:21,198
the more people believe it.

213
00:08:22,606 --> 00:08:23,768
Ow!

214
00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:25,035
Give it a yank, Dad.

215
00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:26,613
Something's going on there.

216
00:08:28,039 --> 00:08:30,129
Okay, I'm gonna walk away.
You do what you need to do.

217
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:39,583
Merry Christmas Eve morning, babe. Huh?

218
00:08:39,975 --> 00:08:41,218
Honey, that blizzard

219
00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:43,020
that was supposed to
hit New York last night?

220
00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,022
- It hit us instead.
- Ooh.

221
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:47,758
They say it's bigger
than the blizzard of '75.

222
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:50,361
Ha! Take that, '75.

223
00:08:52,141 --> 00:08:53,958
No, the airports are closed.

224
00:08:53,983 --> 00:08:55,716
How are we gonna get to my parents'?

225
00:08:55,741 --> 00:08:57,601
I mean, I have a suitcase
full of matching sweaters

226
00:08:57,603 --> 00:08:59,136
and I need some old people to wear them.

227
00:08:59,774 --> 00:09:01,505
Okay, plan B:

228
00:09:01,507 --> 00:09:03,641
we are driving to Virginia.

229
00:09:03,643 --> 00:09:05,776
Yeah, who doesn't like
a road trip, right?

230
00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:09,013
And the lack of visibility
will make it exciting.

231
00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:11,382
Like a video game.

232
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,983
Turn up the heat, it's cold.

233
00:09:12,985 --> 00:09:15,019
I hope your wig doesn't freeze.

234
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:17,121
I'm going to choke you
while you're sleeping.

235
00:09:17,786 --> 00:09:18,789
All right, all right.

236
00:09:18,791 --> 00:09:21,759
No choking until after Christmas.

237
00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:23,060
Look,

238
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:24,195
the Robertsons keep posting

239
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:25,796
bikini selfies from Hawaii.

240
00:09:26,265 --> 00:09:27,226
Give me that.

241
00:09:28,574 --> 00:09:30,307
Hey, give me that.

242
00:09:31,666 --> 00:09:33,332
Give me that!

243
00:09:34,707 --> 00:09:36,417
All right, let's hit the road.

244
00:09:36,442 --> 00:09:38,342
Virginia, here we come.

245
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:45,583
I don't think we're moving.

246
00:09:46,282 --> 00:09:47,618
Guys, I don't think we're making it

247
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,720
to Virginia for Christmas.

248
00:09:49,722 --> 00:09:51,388
Then I'm going back inside.

249
00:09:51,390 --> 00:09:52,356
It's windy out there.

250
00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:53,524
Hold on to your wig.

251
00:09:54,448 --> 00:09:55,863
Don't fall asleep, Teddy.

252
00:09:56,395 --> 00:09:58,229
Don't ever fall asleep.

253
00:10:02,468 --> 00:10:04,668
Well, I could try and dig us out.

254
00:10:04,670 --> 00:10:05,903
Oh, no.

255
00:10:05,905 --> 00:10:08,038
They just closed all the roads.

256
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:09,554
Okay, okay, all right,

257
00:10:09,579 --> 00:10:10,841
so we'll have just
have Christmas at home.

258
00:10:10,843 --> 00:10:11,909
Like we always do.

259
00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:13,344
But it won't be the same.

260
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,145
I mean, we don't have anything ready.

261
00:10:15,147 --> 00:10:16,380
We don't even have a tree.

262
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:22,119
Or do we?

263
00:10:23,996 --> 00:10:26,624
Okay, I think you know
where you can put that.

264
00:10:27,229 --> 00:10:28,861
Oh, I know it's awful.

265
00:10:28,886 --> 00:10:31,083
But we can't control the weather, Dad.

266
00:10:32,028 --> 00:10:33,274
What?

267
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,065
Why would Adam be disappointed?

268
00:10:36,748 --> 00:10:37,968
Oh.

269
00:10:38,259 --> 00:10:41,027
Coming to see you was his idea.

270
00:10:42,177 --> 00:10:43,776
Just hang up.

271
00:10:50,602 --> 00:10:53,355
So this whole trip to
Virginia was a scam.

272
00:10:53,545 --> 00:10:55,022
You went behind my back,

273
00:10:55,047 --> 00:10:57,075
you manipulated my parents,

274
00:10:57,077 --> 00:10:59,277
and you set into
motion a chain of events

275
00:10:59,279 --> 00:11:02,514
that effectively ruined
Christmas for everyone.

276
00:11:04,785 --> 00:11:06,931
To be fair... okay?

277
00:11:06,956 --> 00:11:09,921
If it hadn't snowed and
you hadn't found out,

278
00:11:09,923 --> 00:11:11,289
you wouldn't be mad right now.

279
00:11:11,815 --> 00:11:12,559
Okay, so,

280
00:11:12,584 --> 00:11:14,688
I think we're both victims

281
00:11:14,713 --> 00:11:16,980
of bad luck.

282
00:11:17,658 --> 00:11:20,950
Just... walk me through
your thought process.

283
00:11:20,952 --> 00:11:22,499
Well, I was talking to Don...

284
00:11:22,524 --> 00:11:23,945
Ah.

285
00:11:26,198 --> 00:11:28,398
So there was no thought process.

286
00:11:28,423 --> 00:11:30,060
Okay, I'm sorry, all right?

287
00:11:30,085 --> 00:11:31,010
But I was thinking of you.

288
00:11:31,035 --> 00:11:33,169
I felt like you were taking on too much.

289
00:11:33,171 --> 00:11:34,771
And you got to admit,
these last three weeks

290
00:11:34,773 --> 00:11:36,806
have been very relaxing.

291
00:11:36,808 --> 00:11:39,675
Do I look relaxed now?

292
00:11:39,677 --> 00:11:41,547
Well, I think you look
beautiful, baby. Come on.

293
00:11:41,572 --> 00:11:44,173
No, no, no, no, no, no.

294
00:11:44,198 --> 00:11:46,904
I think you were just trying to
get out of all the holiday work.

295
00:11:47,420 --> 00:11:49,519
Well, sure, there was
a little bit of that.

296
00:11:49,521 --> 00:11:52,026
But you got to look at it
from my perspective, okay?

297
00:11:52,051 --> 00:11:55,052
Every year, I take friendly
fire from Christmas Andi.

298
00:11:55,193 --> 00:11:56,463
You know? You remember the time

299
00:11:56,488 --> 00:11:57,289
you made me put

300
00:11:57,314 --> 00:11:58,865
the inflatable Santa up on the roof

301
00:11:58,890 --> 00:12:00,187
and the wind picked up?

302
00:12:00,212 --> 00:12:03,947
Me and Kris Kringle parasailed
into the church parking lot.

303
00:12:05,389 --> 00:12:07,203
Okay, that was scary.

304
00:12:07,205 --> 00:12:10,773
And a little funny, but...

305
00:12:11,213 --> 00:12:14,243
I guess I can go a little
bit overboard at Christmas.

306
00:12:14,245 --> 00:12:16,237
All right, look, honey,

307
00:12:16,262 --> 00:12:19,282
I love that you want
Christmases to be great.

308
00:12:19,409 --> 00:12:20,360
You're adorable.

309
00:12:20,385 --> 00:12:22,591
It's like being married to a...

310
00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:24,048
sexy elf.

311
00:12:25,272 --> 00:12:27,581
And I'm sorry this
isn't what we expected,

312
00:12:27,606 --> 00:12:29,081
but you know what?

313
00:12:29,106 --> 00:12:31,037
I think we have the makings

314
00:12:31,062 --> 00:12:33,068
of a classic Christmas here.

315
00:12:33,093 --> 00:12:35,264
We got snow, family.

316
00:12:35,266 --> 00:12:37,867
Forgiveness.

317
00:12:40,338 --> 00:12:42,305
Huh?

318
00:12:43,143 --> 00:12:43,845
Fine.

319
00:12:43,870 --> 00:12:45,010
But I just want you
to know that, normally,

320
00:12:45,035 --> 00:12:47,135
I would stay mad longer,
but Christmas Andi's

321
00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:48,660
just too freaking jolly.

322
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,047
You know what we'll do? We'll have a...

323
00:12:51,395 --> 00:12:54,150
simple, old-fashioned Christmas.

324
00:12:54,152 --> 00:12:55,551
- Yeah.
- We can

325
00:12:55,553 --> 00:12:57,186
make our own decorations,

326
00:12:57,188 --> 00:12:59,522
sing songs by the fire.

327
00:12:59,524 --> 00:13:01,787
You know what? I'm actually
getting excited about this.

328
00:13:01,812 --> 00:13:02,969
You know, there's no reason

329
00:13:02,994 --> 00:13:05,839
that this can't be one of
our best Christmases ever.

330
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,491
Hey, if we don't have a tree,

331
00:13:08,516 --> 00:13:11,067
where is Santa gonna
put all our presents?

332
00:13:13,173 --> 00:13:13,937
What?

333
00:13:16,925 --> 00:13:17,784
Presents.

334
00:13:18,109 --> 00:13:19,408
She said "presents."

335
00:13:19,410 --> 00:13:21,310
Yes, I-I heard her.

336
00:13:22,185 --> 00:13:24,488
Uh, okay, uh... here's
the thing, sweetie,

337
00:13:24,513 --> 00:13:26,947
um, Santa thinks we're in Virginia.

338
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:28,238
Yes, yes.

339
00:13:28,263 --> 00:13:29,905
That's a good point. Yeah.

340
00:13:29,930 --> 00:13:32,288
Listen, honey, honey, you know,

341
00:13:32,357 --> 00:13:35,825
Santa is gonna deliver all
the presents to Virginia

342
00:13:35,827 --> 00:13:38,363
because he doesn't
know we're stuck here.

343
00:13:38,388 --> 00:13:42,424
Daddy, he sees you when you're sleeping.

344
00:13:43,101 --> 00:13:45,268
He knows when you're awake.

345
00:13:46,677 --> 00:13:49,978
He knows we're in Pittsburgh.

346
00:13:53,044 --> 00:13:54,289
Okay.

347
00:13:55,914 --> 00:13:58,080
That's really an
ironclad argument there.

348
00:14:02,807 --> 00:14:04,153
Well?

349
00:14:04,155 --> 00:14:05,683
Why aren't I one of those moms

350
00:14:05,708 --> 00:14:07,876
that buys extra toys
in case of emergencies?

351
00:14:07,908 --> 00:14:10,575
Because there's no such
thing as a toy emergency.

352
00:14:10,577 --> 00:14:12,177
Oh, really? 'Cause I think we
might be in the middle of one

353
00:14:12,179 --> 00:14:13,611
right now.

354
00:14:13,613 --> 00:14:16,559
- You haven't found anything?
- No. Just...

355
00:14:16,584 --> 00:14:19,017
an unopened box of birth control pills.

356
00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:24,989
Well, that's troubling.

357
00:14:25,831 --> 00:14:27,418
Look, we've got to find something.

358
00:14:27,443 --> 00:14:28,539
- I mean...
- Okay, okay.

359
00:14:28,564 --> 00:14:30,267
Okay, I want you to
see those happy faces

360
00:14:30,292 --> 00:14:31,628
on Christmas morning, all right?

361
00:14:31,653 --> 00:14:33,736
All right, um... you
and the kids get started

362
00:14:33,761 --> 00:14:35,288
on the decorations,
and I'm gonna head out

363
00:14:35,313 --> 00:14:36,434
and find us some presents.

364
00:14:36,436 --> 00:14:38,303
Wha... but the whole
town is closed down.

365
00:14:38,305 --> 00:14:41,105
This is America, somebody's
always selling something.

366
00:14:42,902 --> 00:14:44,535
I like Crafty Christmas, Mom.

367
00:14:44,537 --> 00:14:47,171
- I think our tree's cute.
- It is, isn't it?

368
00:14:47,173 --> 00:14:50,109
Who needs a fresh-cut tree
when you've got Christmas spirit

369
00:14:50,134 --> 00:14:52,602
and Mommy's drying rack?

370
00:14:53,780 --> 00:14:56,514
You have a nice rack, Mommy.

371
00:14:58,332 --> 00:15:00,918
It's a... drying rack, sweetie.

372
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:03,354
You got to say "drying"
if you're gonna say "rack."

373
00:15:04,321 --> 00:15:06,473
Hey, there's my Christmas elves.

374
00:15:06,498 --> 00:15:08,829
Wow, look at that tree.

375
00:15:08,854 --> 00:15:09,794
Yeah.

376
00:15:09,796 --> 00:15:11,713
All our real decorations
are in the garage,

377
00:15:11,738 --> 00:15:13,097
which is frozen shut, but you know what?

378
00:15:13,099 --> 00:15:15,845
I think I handled that
setback like a champ

379
00:15:15,870 --> 00:15:17,336
thanks to my new friend,

380
00:15:17,361 --> 00:15:18,827
peppermint schnapps.

381
00:15:21,176 --> 00:15:22,006
Look.

382
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:23,768
I made a nativity scene

383
00:15:23,793 --> 00:15:25,276
out of my Transformers.

384
00:15:25,715 --> 00:15:27,745
Baby Jesus transforms into a car,

385
00:15:27,747 --> 00:15:29,514
'cause I think he could.

386
00:15:30,808 --> 00:15:32,884
Well, sure he could, honey.

387
00:15:32,886 --> 00:15:34,805
We really got to get him
back in Sunday School.

388
00:15:34,830 --> 00:15:35,787
Yeah.

389
00:15:36,781 --> 00:15:38,720
So, uh, you guys, uh, keep decorating.

390
00:15:38,745 --> 00:15:40,010
I just... I got to talk
to Daddy in the kitchen

391
00:15:40,035 --> 00:15:41,200
for a minute, okay?

392
00:15:42,319 --> 00:15:43,394
So...

393
00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:45,158
how'd it go with the kids' presents?

394
00:15:45,423 --> 00:15:46,664
Before I tell you,

395
00:15:47,022 --> 00:15:48,499
they won't look good unless you know

396
00:15:48,501 --> 00:15:51,702
that the only place open that I
could walk to was a gas station.

397
00:15:54,885 --> 00:15:55,696
That being said,

398
00:15:55,721 --> 00:15:57,987
- I tried to be very thoughtful, okay?
- Okay.

399
00:15:58,012 --> 00:16:00,125
Okay, Katie's taking Spanish, right?

400
00:16:00,150 --> 00:16:01,512
So I got her...

401
00:16:02,187 --> 00:16:03,815
taquitos.

402
00:16:06,773 --> 00:16:08,592
I got a pool toy for Emme.

403
00:16:08,617 --> 00:16:10,123
But we might have to
change the packaging

404
00:16:10,148 --> 00:16:12,515
'cause it says, "Trucker's
Hemorrhoid Ring."

405
00:16:16,229 --> 00:16:18,162
And I got Teddy this really cool funnel.

406
00:16:18,164 --> 00:16:20,031
You know, in case he wants
to pour a lot of liquid

407
00:16:20,033 --> 00:16:22,233
into a really small opening.

408
00:16:24,504 --> 00:16:26,387
- We can't give them these.
- What?

409
00:16:26,412 --> 00:16:29,379
I mean, sure, Teddy's gonna
love that funnel, but...

410
00:16:29,742 --> 00:16:31,714
the rest of this stuff is no good.

411
00:16:31,739 --> 00:16:34,353
You know what I love best
about our tree, Mommy?

412
00:16:34,462 --> 00:16:35,813
Oh, what's that, sweetie?

413
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,385
That's where all our
presents are gonna go.

414
00:16:38,410 --> 00:16:40,496
Oh, that's right, sweet pea.
You're not even gonna be able to

415
00:16:40,521 --> 00:16:43,688
see the tree because all the presents.

416
00:16:43,965 --> 00:16:45,723
Yay!

417
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:48,893
Why?

418
00:16:49,167 --> 00:16:50,944
I didn't want to disappoint her today,

419
00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:53,497
because tomorrow is gonna be brutal.

420
00:16:53,499 --> 00:16:55,687
Yeah, because we don't have
any presents to put under

421
00:16:55,712 --> 00:16:57,292
our drying-rack tree,

422
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:59,670
which is decorated with
spoons and chip clips.

423
00:17:00,397 --> 00:17:02,340
I mean, those kids are
gonna be devastated tomorrow

424
00:17:02,342 --> 00:17:03,692
and it's all thanks to you.

425
00:17:03,717 --> 00:17:05,076
Wha... hey.

426
00:17:05,078 --> 00:17:06,423
Hey, hey!

427
00:17:08,017 --> 00:17:09,449
What happened? I thought we made up.

428
00:17:09,474 --> 00:17:11,082
I forgave you too quickly.

429
00:17:11,084 --> 00:17:13,355
Christmas Andi's just
a soft-hearted fool.

430
00:17:16,956 --> 00:17:19,390
- That's the pantry!
- Yeah.

431
00:17:23,496 --> 00:17:25,396
Hey, Butterbean,

432
00:17:25,398 --> 00:17:26,864
why are you still awake?

433
00:17:27,099 --> 00:17:29,377
We forgot to put out cookies for Santa.

434
00:17:29,402 --> 00:17:31,969
Ah.

435
00:17:31,971 --> 00:17:33,581
Uh, listen, Emme,

436
00:17:33,908 --> 00:17:35,306
you know, I'm still a little worried

437
00:17:35,331 --> 00:17:37,199
that Santa might not
have gotten the message

438
00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:38,876
that we're stuck in Pittsburgh.

439
00:17:39,143 --> 00:17:40,976
You worry too much.

440
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:43,750
Well, I just don't want
you to be disappointed

441
00:17:43,775 --> 00:17:45,082
if he doesn't come tonight.

442
00:17:45,319 --> 00:17:48,185
The only reason Santa wouldn't come

443
00:17:48,187 --> 00:17:50,012
is if I wasn't good this year.

444
00:17:50,037 --> 00:17:52,264
Oh, honey, you're the best kid

445
00:17:52,289 --> 00:17:53,391
there ever was.

446
00:17:53,393 --> 00:17:54,400
Daddy,

447
00:17:54,425 --> 00:17:56,327
can you tell me a bedtime story?

448
00:17:56,329 --> 00:17:57,361
Oh, okay.

449
00:17:57,639 --> 00:17:58,874
Here, come here.

450
00:18:02,101 --> 00:18:03,664
Uh...

451
00:18:03,689 --> 00:18:06,470
'Twas the night before Christmas.

452
00:18:06,472 --> 00:18:10,604
And a handsome prince
had angered his princess

453
00:18:10,629 --> 00:18:12,910
because he foolishly listened

454
00:18:13,244 --> 00:18:16,080
to an idiot giant named Don.

455
00:18:16,657 --> 00:18:18,192
That's like Uncle Don.

456
00:18:18,217 --> 00:18:21,552
Exactly like Uncle Don.

457
00:18:27,427 --> 00:18:29,812
- Oh, right in the jingle bells.
- Come on!

458
00:18:29,837 --> 00:18:31,644
- Let's go open our presents!
- Come on!

459
00:18:31,669 --> 00:18:33,164
No, no, no, you guys, hold on, wait.

460
00:18:33,166 --> 00:18:34,265
Let's go, let's go, let's
go, let's go, let's go!

461
00:18:34,603 --> 00:18:36,503
Oh...

462
00:18:36,595 --> 00:18:38,535
This is gonna be so tough.

463
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,726
Okay, you ready for this?

464
00:18:41,363 --> 00:18:42,440
Yeah.

465
00:18:42,442 --> 00:18:45,009
I'll just put some
schnapps in my coffee.

466
00:18:53,786 --> 00:18:54,719
Oh...

467
00:18:54,721 --> 00:18:57,855
my God.

468
00:18:57,857 --> 00:19:01,993
Merry Christmas.

469
00:19:01,995 --> 00:19:04,917
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!

470
00:19:04,942 --> 00:19:07,248
See, I told you Santa would come.

471
00:19:07,942 --> 00:19:09,351
A doll house!

472
00:19:10,911 --> 00:19:12,620
Oh, cool, an Xbox.

473
00:19:12,645 --> 00:19:15,079
And a funnel!

474
00:19:19,497 --> 00:19:20,863
What is happening?

475
00:19:20,888 --> 00:19:22,980
Where did all this stuff come from?

476
00:19:22,982 --> 00:19:25,429
Well, last night, I
was feeling really bad

477
00:19:25,454 --> 00:19:26,917
so I went out in the backyard

478
00:19:26,919 --> 00:19:28,185
and I looked up at the stars,

479
00:19:28,187 --> 00:19:30,405
and I wished with all my might

480
00:19:30,430 --> 00:19:32,623
for a Christmas miracle.

481
00:19:33,657 --> 00:19:35,026
And that worked?

482
00:19:35,028 --> 00:19:36,160
No!

483
00:19:37,049 --> 00:19:39,037
No, then I remembered we
had a key to the Robertson's,

484
00:19:39,062 --> 00:19:40,862
so I just went over there
and stole everything.

485
00:19:45,104 --> 00:19:46,370
Aw.

486
00:19:46,372 --> 00:19:48,343
You stole me my magic moment.

487
00:19:49,373 --> 00:19:51,044
This is the best Christmas ever.

488
00:19:51,046 --> 00:19:53,120
Aw.

489
00:19:53,145 --> 00:19:54,912
And don't worry, I'll
put everything back.

490
00:19:54,914 --> 00:19:56,213
When the Robertsons get home,

491
00:19:56,215 --> 00:19:57,915
everything will be
just like they left it.

492
00:19:57,917 --> 00:19:59,683
Except it's gonna stink,

493
00:19:59,685 --> 00:20:02,319
'cause I stashed a
taquito in their air vent.

494
00:20:07,975 --> 00:20:09,675
That's weird.

495
00:20:09,677 --> 00:20:11,009
All I got was this old notebook.

496
00:20:11,011 --> 00:20:12,886
Oh, did you open it?

497
00:20:18,491 --> 00:20:19,685
Oh, my God!

498
00:20:20,222 --> 00:20:21,987
It's Sasha Robertson's diary!

499
00:20:27,211 --> 00:20:29,745
And she did have a nose job!

500
00:20:31,974 --> 00:20:33,632
It's a Christmas miracle.

501
00:20:34,828 --> 00:20:39,828
Synced and corrected by Octavia 
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