1
00:00:03,004 --> 00:00:04,404
Thanks for cooking, Ma.
2
00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:06,405
I haven't had a real
home-cooked meal in...
3
00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:08,667
one day.
4
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:17,081
God, you're pretty.
5
00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:20,746
Oh, you're lucky
you're pretty, too.
6
00:00:22,089 --> 00:00:23,619
Oh, I've missed
nights like this.
7
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:26,494
Everybody I love
under the same roof.
8
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:28,694
Well, my wife couldn't make it,
so not everyone.
9
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,526
I knew what I was saying.
10
00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:34,503
You guys got to come see
what the girls did to Grandpa.
11
00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:36,302
It's awesome.
12
00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:38,443
I bet it's not as awesome
as your mother's coffee.
13
00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:39,609
I made that.
14
00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:41,037
It's bitter. I don't...
15
00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:52,447
We turned him
into a princess.
16
00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:55,524
He's all over my
Instagram now.
17
00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:58,187
You're about
to break the Internet.
18
00:00:58,192 --> 00:00:59,832
Good. I hate the Internet.
19
00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:06,069
Princess Cranky, the grumpiest
princess in all the land.
20
00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:11,095
You're such a pushover when
it comes to these kids, Joe.
21
00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:14,065
Well, I can't say no
to these sweet faces.
22
00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:15,365
Ah, well,
when you live with them,
23
00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:16,576
that wears off pretty quick.
24
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,637
Okay, guys,
up to bed.
25
00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:20,176
Good night, Grandpa.
Good night, Grandpa.
26
00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:21,511
Good night.
Night. Night.
27
00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:23,145
Love you.
Night. Oh.
28
00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:27,220
Ooh, this damn shoulder's
barking at me again.
29
00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:28,821
You got a couple of pain pills?
30
00:01:28,823 --> 00:01:30,323
Did you check
your purse?
31
00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:35,189
Relax, Princess. I'll get
you some from the kitchen.
32
00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:38,798
I worry about your dad.
33
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:41,429
He's been taking
way too many pills lately.
34
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,695
Well, if they're mood enhancers,
they've met their match.
35
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:47,369
What does his doctor
say about all this?
36
00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:49,644
Oh, he hasn't been
to the doctor since...
37
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:52,713
Well, it was the morning
after Obama first won.
38
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:56,278
His blood pressure
shot through the roof.
39
00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:59,323
Ma, that's almost
ten years ago.
40
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,250
You got to get him to go.
41
00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:04,515
I've tried, but he is
so stuck in his ways.
42
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:06,285
About everything.
43
00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:08,388
Bought him a cordless phone.
44
00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:09,755
He still stands
right next to the base.
45
00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:11,233
Makes me furious.
46
00:02:12,399 --> 00:02:14,229
Well, somebody
should talk to him.
47
00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:15,465
Any volunteers?
48
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,840
Fine, I'll do it.
49
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,611
Oh, thank you, honey.
Mm-hmm.
50
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:25,684
No, no, no. No.
51
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:27,679
Let's go upstairs and
pretend like we don't know
52
00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,821
what's happening.
Come on.
53
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:32,247
I learn something new
from you every day.
54
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,150
Dad, you got to
go to the doctor.
55
00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:36,656
If you don't
get a check-up,
56
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,687
how will you know if
something's wrong with you?
57
00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:40,432
I'd rather not know.
58
00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:42,657
Smile, smile, smile, dead.
59
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,463
That's how I want
to punch my ticket.
60
00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:50,699
Okay.
61
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,574
Okay, when did you ever smile?
62
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,313
(laughs)
63
00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:56,278
He smiles at me
all the time.
64
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:58,577
Yeah, see? Why can't you be
more like your brother?
65
00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:00,409
He's always on my side,
right, Donny?
66
00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:03,324
Ah, you got it, Pops.
67
00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:06,617
He's not on your side,
he's just a big yes man.
68
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:09,320
Everybody's a yes man
when you're always right.
69
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:12,223
All right, all right,
so let me get this straight.
70
00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:14,826
You two jokers have decided
you don't need doctors.
71
00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:18,258
I got through the Vietnam War
on aspirin and Bengay.
72
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:21,871
That's not true.
73
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,199
You weren't there.
74
00:03:25,472 --> 00:03:27,412
You weren't there!
75
00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:29,738
Adam, let me talk to you
for a minute in the kitchen.
76
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,513
Come on.
77
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:46,234
What?
78
00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:48,357
I just brought you in here
so Dad could leave.
79
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:49,662
What?
80
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:51,063
Dad!
81
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,464
Thanks for letting me
borrow your car.
82
00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:57,599
¶ ¶
83
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:07,406
All right, Mom and Dad'll
be here any minute.
84
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,454
Dad's been avoiding
me all week about
85
00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:11,350
going to the
doctor, but I know
86
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:13,372
he can't resist brunch.
87
00:04:13,370 --> 00:04:15,390
That man would walk into a hail
of bullets for a plate of bacon.
88
00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:17,519
Yeah. I turned
the exhaust fan on high
89
00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:18,994
so the smell wafts outside.
90
00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:21,763
He's gonna float in here
like a cartoon bear.
91
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:25,532
You guys might get along better
if you stop nagging the old man.
92
00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:27,672
Hey, I'd much rather
be the fun son, like you,
93
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:30,368
but someone has to step up
and deal with things.
94
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:32,271
And that kind of attitude is why
he doesn't invite you
95
00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:33,673
to go mall walking with us.
96
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:36,744
You guys go mall walking
together?
97
00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:40,054
Yeah. We got matching
sweat suits. It's adorable.
98
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:42,647
I'd mall walk
if someone asked me.
99
00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:44,420
Three guys
in matching sweat suits?
100
00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:45,978
That's a boy band, Adam.
101
00:04:49,757 --> 00:04:51,417
Honey, I'll go mall
walking with you.
102
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,926
Not you.
103
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:56,398
Hey.
Morning.
104
00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:57,657
ADAM:
Hey, Ma.
105
00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:58,825
Where's Dad?
106
00:04:58,832 --> 00:04:59,902
He won't come. He doesn't want
107
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:00,970
to hear it about the doctor.
108
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:02,832
But Lowell was nice enough
109
00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:04,296
to give me a ride.
110
00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:06,035
He told me
if I ever needed anything,
111
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:07,610
I should call him.
112
00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:09,778
I didn't think
she'd really call.
113
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:10,777
Oh, she calls.
114
00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:13,379
ADAM: Oh.
I love him.
115
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,380
It's like having a house boy.
116
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,792
Lowell, you do not want
to start driving her around.
117
00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:23,319
All right? She's got
a million places to go,
118
00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:24,664
and they all suck.
119
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:27,788
I can't tell her no;
she's too nice.
120
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:29,325
Listen, when I first
married Adam,
121
00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:30,860
I got roped into
driving her everywhere.
122
00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:32,864
And the only way I got out of it
123
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:34,466
was by going into labor
with Kate
124
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:35,928
in the middle of a yarn shop.
125
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:38,596
And before Andi,
I used to drive her.
126
00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:40,365
That's when I learned
a little trick called
127
00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:41,944
"pretending to fall asleep."
128
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:43,806
I got it from
watching the possums
129
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:44,881
on The Animal Channel.
130
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,406
Who wouldn't
mind driving me
131
00:05:47,414 --> 00:05:48,954
to the outlets
on Saturday?
132
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:55,691
I can't believe
Dad wouldn't come.
133
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:56,759
He is so stubborn.
134
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,087
Oh, the both of you
are stubborn.
135
00:05:58,092 --> 00:05:59,622
Hey, don't say I'm like Dad.
136
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:00,756
You know I hate that.
137
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:02,131
I wasn't going to.
138
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:04,659
I was just going to look
at Andi knowingly.
139
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:06,765
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
140
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:09,427
Okay, so nobody's
gonna do anything?
141
00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:11,036
Mm-mm.
Mm-mm.
142
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:13,138
Fine.
143
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:14,910
I'll go over there
and talk to Dad--
144
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,408
who I'm nothing like...
145
00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:18,908
...and be the bad guy
like I always am.
146
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:20,412
Bacon's not my only weapon.
147
00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:22,414
I got one more way
to turn up the heat.
148
00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:24,846
Good luck. He already
keeps the heat on 82.
149
00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:27,492
You should see how I sweat
through my nightgown.
150
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:29,789
Ma, no.
151
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:38,495
Dad, I know you're home.
I heard you yelling at the news.
152
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:43,397
Hey. Would you stop
banging on my house?
153
00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:45,474
I'm trying to get my dad
to come out here.
154
00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:48,442
Wait, you're the landlord.
Can you unlock his door for me?
155
00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:50,412
Nah, I like him more than you.
156
00:06:50,411 --> 00:06:51,641
You like him?
157
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,945
He calls you
Mrs. Chiquita Banana.
158
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,647
Yeah, and I call him
Colonel Sanders.
159
00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:56,949
We have a thing, we're fun.
160
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,270
(groans)
161
00:06:58,267 --> 00:06:59,577
What's with all
the yapping, Charo?
162
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,686
Dad, just get
in the car.
163
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:03,458
I don't have to do what you say.
164
00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:06,087
Fine, I can stand
out here all day.
165
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:08,433
Eh, not on my front
porch, you can't.
166
00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:09,929
All right, you old drumstick,
167
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,930
get your Kentucky Fried butt
in the car.
Okay.
168
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:14,902
Okay, settle down. I'm going.
169
00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:17,943
You want to learn
how to be a man?
170
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:18,998
Watch her.
171
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:22,214
Wow.
172
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:23,879
He got us both in one shot.
He's good.
173
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,037
Mm.
174
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:30,117
Grandpa,
please go to the doctor.
175
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,717
TEDDY:
Yeah, Grandpa.
176
00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:33,988
If you're gone,
who's gonna ask me
177
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:36,017
to pull their finger
every morning?
178
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,786
Grandma?
179
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:44,962
No, that's a grandpa's job.
180
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,595
He's teetering.
181
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,230
Yep. And now the little one
for the win.
182
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:57,141
Please go to the
doctor, Grandpa.
183
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:59,484
I love you so much.
184
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:03,720
Oh, kids,
I can't say no to you.
185
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:06,147
So why don't you leave the room
so I can say no to your dad.
186
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:10,158
Come on!
187
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,617
(scoffs) Everybody
in this room
188
00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:14,226
goes to the doctor once a year.
189
00:08:14,228 --> 00:08:16,188
Okay, it's what
normal humans do.
190
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:17,826
What is your problem?
191
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:20,831
Look, I had this friend, Barney,
from the VFW.
192
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:23,004
His wife was named Libby.
193
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,237
I always found that strange.
194
00:08:25,239 --> 00:08:28,709
Libby. What's that short for?
195
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,614
Elibabeth?
196
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:34,847
Can I talk here?
197
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,876
Anyway, it had been a while,
198
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:39,915
and Barney went in
'cause he had a cough.
199
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,690
When he came out
of that doctor's office,
200
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,048
his cough was gone.
201
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,586
Because he was dead.
202
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:48,587
Poor Elibabeth.
203
00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:52,601
Now she's a wibow.
204
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:57,165
Don't do what he does.
205
00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:00,191
Let's go, Donny.
206
00:09:00,189 --> 00:09:02,209
I'm with you, Dad,
just like on our mall walks
207
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:04,239
that Adam is not invited to.
208
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,813
Yeah, did you know
they go mall walking together?
209
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,084
I never should have said
anything to Adam.
210
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:14,786
Now they're just in a big fight.
211
00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:15,918
(Andi groans)
212
00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:17,693
Bev, this is
going nowhere.
213
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,891
Oh, they're throwing handfuls
of snow at each other.
214
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,963
Oh, well, that's nice.
I like to see my boys playing.
215
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:27,095
Here's what we'll do:
I will call Adam's doctor
216
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:28,670
and make Joe an appointment,
217
00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:30,239
and then you will annoy him
until he goes.
218
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,767
I can do annoying.
219
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:33,202
Hi, um, I'd like
to make an appointment
220
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,706
with Dr. Phillips, please.
221
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:36,838
What?
222
00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:38,843
Oh. Uh...
223
00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:40,705
No, that's okay.
I'll call back.
224
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:42,654
Okay, bye-bye.
What happened?
225
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:45,919
Dr. Phillips retired
five years ago.
226
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,249
But Adam said
he sees him every year,
227
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:50,855
which means someone's a liar.
228
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:54,927
Why would Dr. Phillips lie
about his retirement?
229
00:09:57,731 --> 00:10:00,801
Oh, that's right,
you're Don's mom, too.
230
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:07,114
Listen, you can't make me do
what I don't want to do.
231
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,007
So why don't you go
back in the kitchen
232
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,739
with the rest
of the jibbedas.
233
00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:12,614
What's a jibbeda?
234
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:14,683
You know,
jibbeda, jibbeda, jibbeda.
235
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:16,276
Adam?
236
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,083
Look, I was thinking,
237
00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:20,715
maybe your dad would feel better
if you told him
238
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:22,721
how your last physical went.
239
00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:25,163
Huh? Wh-When was that again?
240
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,628
Uh, I don't know,
I saw Dr. Phillips,
241
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:27,627
like, six months ago.
242
00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:28,358
Checked my heart,
243
00:10:28,362 --> 00:10:29,762
my blood pressure,
244
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:31,633
gave me the one-handed juggle.
245
00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:36,025
That's interesting because
246
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:37,896
Dr. Phillips retired
five years ago.
247
00:10:37,904 --> 00:10:39,444
Yeah.
248
00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:40,968
I just called his office.
Busted.
249
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,914
No, no, not busted.
250
00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:46,310
I still go to his office,
but I see a different doctor.
251
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,413
Oh, really? What's his name?
252
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:51,115
Dr. Pepper.
253
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:54,119
Literally any other name
would've worked.
254
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:05,363
Adam, why haven't you been
going to the doctor?
255
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:08,695
Get him, Bev.
256
00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:10,302
How can you say that to me
and not Dad?
257
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,843
Because I live with him and
he controls the thermostat.
258
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,109
God.
259
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:16,977
A person can only buy
so many nightgowns.
260
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,708
Okay, look, last time I went,
261
00:11:19,713 --> 00:11:21,113
they wanted to run
all these extra tests,
262
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:23,354
and I had to sweat
the results out for a week
263
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,920
before they came back normal.
264
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:27,348
It scared the crap out of me.
265
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:28,954
So you lied
and stopped going?
266
00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:31,085
Hey, you have secrets, too,
upstairs candy drawer.
267
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,861
(gasps)
268
00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:38,328
That is not mine, that
was here when we moved in.
269
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:41,471
Dad, you're a doctor-hater,
back me up on this.
270
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:44,198
Adam, you are being a moron
for ignoring your health.
271
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,074
What?!
272
00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:47,943
From you? Seriously?
273
00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:50,741
Well, this is different.
274
00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:53,344
You have young kids,
a beautiful wife.
275
00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:55,176
You have a reason to live.
276
00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:57,823
I heard that one, Joe.
277
00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:00,749
God, you're pretty.
278
00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:03,455
Very funny.
279
00:12:03,457 --> 00:12:06,187
The point is,
we all want you to go.
280
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:10,730
Okay, okay, I'll go.
281
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:12,201
But on one condition:
282
00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:13,329
You're going, too.
283
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:15,503
So you won't go unless I go?
284
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,192
That's right.
285
00:12:17,186 --> 00:12:18,866
Just like when
you potty-trained him.
286
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,840
Fine.
287
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:23,242
Ha-ha!
288
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:24,913
You're going, too, Don.
289
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,250
These gowns are ridiculous.
290
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,822
Well, at least
your gown fits.
291
00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:35,920
I'm flapping in the
breeze down here.
292
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:38,422
That's because they don't have
the Jolly Green Giant size.
293
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,155
Speaking of that...
¶ Ho, ho, ho ¶
294
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,430
Legs together.
295
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,900
You know, we could be home
watching the game right now,
296
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:47,998
but, no, you had to go and
make a big stink about this.
297
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:49,901
Hey, I'm just trying
to be a good son.
298
00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:51,043
I mean,
look at this one.
299
00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:52,197
He keeps licking
tongue depressors
300
00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:53,335
and putting them back.
301
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:56,068
I got to be better than him.
302
00:12:57,511 --> 00:12:59,311
Well, all I know is
I've had enough already.
303
00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:03,182
And no way in hell you're
getting me through that door.
304
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,924
Good morning, gentlemen.
305
00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:07,049
I'm Dr. Knox.
306
00:13:07,053 --> 00:13:08,553
I'll be doing your
check-ups today.
307
00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:10,555
So, who's up first?
308
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:12,557
That'd me be.
309
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:14,329
Let's get this party started.
310
00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:20,198
Here we go.
Thank you.
311
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,570
Well, it's a good thing
I threw on some pants,
312
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,169
'cause I really thought
this house was empty.
313
00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:26,441
Oh. Hi, honey.
314
00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:27,469
I just wanted to be
here when the boys
315
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,414
came home from
the doctor.
316
00:13:29,408 --> 00:13:31,338
And Lowell was nice enough
to give me another ride.
317
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:32,914
We got up so early,
we already stopped
318
00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:34,213
at the farmer's market.
319
00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:38,082
We helped
the farmers set up.
320
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:42,586
I found a potato
that looks like Elvis.
321
00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:45,389
Oh.
Lowell said he'd glue
some sideburns on.
322
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:48,229
I did.
I did say that.
323
00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:50,928
I don't know why.
324
00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:52,461
You know, Bev,
325
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:55,025
Lowell has a family
and-and responsibilities.
326
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:57,295
He-he can't keep
giving you rides everywhere.
327
00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:58,374
Oh.
328
00:13:58,371 --> 00:13:59,601
I'm so sorry, dear.
329
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:01,206
I just wasn't thinking.
330
00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:04,138
You don't have to
take me to the outlets.
331
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:05,844
Oh, Andi, you can take me.
332
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,876
No. No. What...
333
00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:09,081
What just happened?
334
00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:11,222
I'm free.
Lowell?
335
00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:13,318
Get back here!
No, you got to help me.
336
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,520
No chance, sister. One of us
has to live to tell this story.
337
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,092
You...
Hey, Lowell.
338
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:18,920
Out of my way!
Whoa.
339
00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:20,225
BEV:
Hey, boys,
340
00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:21,557
did you get a clean bill
of health?
341
00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,491
Yeah, yeah, we're all good.
342
00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,056
But this lucky guy
343
00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:29,065
won himself a date
with a colonoscopy.
344
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:31,369
These prep instructions
read like a war movie,
345
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,471
and my rear end's
Omaha Beach.
346
00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:36,341
This is all your fault.
347
00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:38,083
Hey, I was just
looking out for you.
348
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:40,508
Well, I don't need it. Why don't
you just mind your own business?
349
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:42,213
Because you are
my business.
350
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,615
You know, I took the day
off of work to make sure
351
00:14:44,618 --> 00:14:46,448
you stay healthy
and live a long time.
352
00:14:46,453 --> 00:14:48,123
Jibbeda, jibbeda, jibbeda.
353
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,993
And you wonder why I'd rather
hang out with your brother?
354
00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:53,522
Wow.
355
00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:55,926
You know, I haven't been
a dad as long as you,
356
00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:57,929
but I'm pretty sure you're
not supposed to say that.
357
00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,101
Oh.
358
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:00,629
You and your new rules.
359
00:15:00,634 --> 00:15:02,534
In the old days, you could
hurt anybody's feelings.
360
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:04,235
Okay, I can't even
talk to him anymore.
361
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,397
Well, I can't talk
to you either!
Ah!
362
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,266
Joe, I think
you're overreacting.
363
00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:11,275
Yeah, I mean, they do these
colonoscopy things all the time.
364
00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:13,538
You know, they scare you
with the thought of
365
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:15,206
aliens probing your butt,
366
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:17,475
but it's your own people
you have to worry about.
367
00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:23,422
Aw, Oreos and milk?
368
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,293
That's your sad snack.
369
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:27,292
I'm not even
pulling them apart
370
00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:29,094
and having fun with them.
Aw.
371
00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:31,363
You know,
372
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:33,004
I'm just trying
to help my dad.
373
00:15:32,999 --> 00:15:35,229
Would it kill him
to say "thank you"?
374
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:36,695
Oh, honey, I think it might.
375
00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:38,173
Yeah.
376
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:42,437
I'm not asking for much,
just a little,
377
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,382
"Adam, I see that
you look out for me
378
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,307
"and I appreciate that,
because your older brother
379
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:47,653
is a narcoleptic ape."
380
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,180
Look, he appreciates you.
381
00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:54,245
He's just not the kind of guy
that lets it out,
382
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:57,064
but it's in there,
deep, deep down in there.
383
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:59,387
Maybe they'll find it
during the probe.
384
00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:05,396
Look, hon, it's always been
this way with you guys.
385
00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:06,968
He doesn't like
to talk about feelings,
386
00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:08,197
you don't like to
talk about feelings.
387
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:09,531
You're both incredibly stubborn.
388
00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:11,666
(scoffs)
In fact, you could say
389
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,671
that the both of you
are almost exact...
390
00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:15,343
Yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa!
391
00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:16,742
Don't say it.
392
00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:20,083
We agreed many years ago
you can't say that.
393
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:23,150
I mean, what if I were to say
that you and your mother are...
394
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:26,749
Hey, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
395
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:30,523
Let's just put the pins
back in these grenades
396
00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:32,623
and walk away.
397
00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:52,512
So your dad's colonoscopy
went very well.
398
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,112
Oh, good. Good news.
399
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:56,114
I have seen that man eat
his whole life,
400
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:58,016
and I just want to say
I'm very sorry
401
00:16:58,018 --> 00:17:00,048
for what you had
to go through today.
402
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:03,021
Uh, just to warn you,
403
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:05,123
he's probably going to be
a little loopy
404
00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:06,615
from the anesthesia.
405
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:09,556
He might say some things
he wouldn't normally say.
406
00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:12,262
What, like what
he's really feeling?
407
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,165
If he's feeling it,
you'll hear it.
408
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:16,768
Sometimes it's beautiful.
409
00:17:16,770 --> 00:17:18,600
Most of the time, it's creepy.
410
00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:25,283
Hey, Dr. Foxy.
411
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:28,780
Dad, it's Dr. Knox.
412
00:17:28,782 --> 00:17:31,282
That's what I said,
Dr. Knockers.
413
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:35,424
So how you feeling?
414
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:36,652
Jazzy, like a jazz man.
415
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:38,056
(imitates jazz drumming)
416
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:39,258
Okay.
417
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,389
Okay. Yeah.
418
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:42,834
You know, when they
were putting me under,
419
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:44,459
I got worried
I'd never wake up.
420
00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:48,368
And then I'd never see
the people I love again.
421
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:51,398
Your mother,
your brother, Andi...
422
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,205
...those kids...
423
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:56,307
Yeah, and?
424
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:58,209
Tony.
425
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:00,782
Tony?
426
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:03,510
Yeah, Tony.
I met him on the way in.
427
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,388
I love that guy.
428
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:17,099
Ah, I just need a signature
on these release papers.
429
00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:19,327
Oh, he's just getting dressed;
he'll be out in a minute.
430
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:21,602
Uh, actually, these are for you.
He put you down as his proxy.
431
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:24,301
He did?
Before he went in,
432
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:26,344
he kept saying, "Make sure
Adam takes care of everything.
433
00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:28,439
He's the only one I trust."
434
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,639
He actually said that?
435
00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,144
B-Before the drugs?
436
00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:36,545
Yeah.
437
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,347
Well...
438
00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:40,752
on to the next butt.
439
00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:42,253
Ah.
440
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:53,899
Hey, Dad.
441
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,670
What are you grinning at?
442
00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:00,235
Nothing.
443
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,540
Come on, everyone's home,
waiting to see you.
444
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:04,712
I just had a damn
movie camera up my ass.
445
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:07,381
I'm moving
as fast as I can.
446
00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:12,582
Well, if we time it right,
we can finish our mall walk
447
00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:15,485
right when Cinnabon opens.
448
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:16,848
Hey, guys.
449
00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:20,829
What are you
doing here?
450
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,787
Just heading down
to the mall for a walk.
451
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:24,525
Are you guys going
to the mall, too?
452
00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:26,201
That's lucky.
(chuckles)
453
00:19:26,199 --> 00:19:27,869
No, no, no, no, no,
this is our thing.
454
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:30,537
Your thing is fighting,
our thing is friends.
455
00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:32,197
I'm going. Mom said I could.
456
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:34,839
And you know what
I have in my pocket?
457
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,571
Three gift cards for Cinnabon.
458
00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:38,807
All right, let him in.
459
00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:41,781
And you know what I have
in my other pocket?
460
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,711
Another gift card for suck it.
461
00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:45,176
Hey, Dad, wait up!
462
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:51,820
Yeah, Bev, we want you to
be able to get around
463
00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:53,794
without depending
on, well, me.
464
00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:55,863
Um, and we found
a solution.
465
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,902
It's a driving
service called Uber.
466
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,357
Uber?
467
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:01,665
Sounds German.
I don't like it.
468
00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:05,903
No, it's an app
on your phone.
469
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:08,635
You press a button and a
nice driver comes to you.
470
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:10,371
How do they know
where I am?
471
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:13,236
I don't want the damn
Germans knowing where we are!
472
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:17,384
World War Three breaks out,
I'm on the list!
473
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:18,653
BEV:
He's right.
474
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:19,981
And something's coming.
475
00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:22,746
Things have been too
good for too long.
476
00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:24,985
Okay, look, there's not
gonna be-- you don't have--
477
00:20:24,991 --> 00:20:26,991
look, even if
that happens,
478
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,693
I'm pretty sure you're
way down on the list.
479
00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:32,826
On the list
is on the list.
480
00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:36,631
I am nothing
like him.
481
00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:38,896
Of course not.
Not at all.
482
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:40,535
Mm...
Mm...
483
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:43,641
Oh, jibbeda,
jibbeda, jibbeda.
484
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:46,343
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
485
00:20:49,716 --> 00:20:53,776
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org