1
00:00:02,436 --> 00:00:04,136
Okay, guys, Mommy and I
are gonna be leaving
2
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:06,508
in a couple minutes,
and we're, uh...
3
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,667
(chuckles)
4
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:10,276
Are you watching
The Hangover?
5
00:00:10,277 --> 00:00:13,477
Uh, no, that's rated R.
6
00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:15,151
Uncle Don came in
and turned it on.
7
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:17,549
It's way better
than SpongeBob.
8
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:23,063
I sat on the remote
and it just came on.
9
00:00:23,057 --> 00:00:25,187
That's not what happened at all.
10
00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:26,492
He searched for it,
found it, and then said,
11
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:27,794
"Buckle up, kids."
12
00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,030
Come on, man.
13
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,600
I also told you
not to tell your dad.
14
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,603
Hey, what's with
the suit?
15
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,435
Looks like you're selling pianos
at the mall.
16
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:42,374
It's Valentine's Day.
17
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,106
I'm taking Andi out
18
00:00:44,111 --> 00:00:45,581
because I love her.
Hmm.
19
00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:48,109
And because she told me to.
20
00:00:48,115 --> 00:00:50,445
Really doing it up
fancy, huh?
21
00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:52,051
Oh, yeah, yeah.
22
00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:54,293
I called three weeks ago
to get us in at Staiano's
23
00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:55,718
for dinner and dancing,
24
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:59,393
pre-ordered their special
lovers package for two,
25
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,763
and had the truck detailed for
when she throws herself at me
26
00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,602
on the way home.
Hmm.
27
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,497
I forgot nothing.
28
00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:08,229
Who's babysitting tonight?
I forgot something.
29
00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:10,465
Oh, this is not good,
30
00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:12,571
I don't have a babysitter.
31
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:15,373
Wha-- hey, are you and Marcy
doing anything special tonight?
No.
32
00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:17,636
Every night I let Marcy lay
her head on this bear skin rug.
33
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:20,205
So, you know,
34
00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:22,514
it's always Valentine's Day
at our house.
35
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:25,146
Sounds like it's always
Halloween at your house.
36
00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:28,817
So can you babysit?
Let me call Marcy.
37
00:01:28,823 --> 00:01:30,693
(phone rings)
Hello?
38
00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:32,521
Hey, babe, I got a question
about tonight.
39
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:35,486
So do I, where are you taking me
for Valentine's Day?
40
00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:38,156
We got a big night
ahead of us, baby,
41
00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:40,295
so lay out
my good underwear.
42
00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:42,839
I can't babysit,
I screwed up big.
43
00:01:42,837 --> 00:01:44,467
I got to find some place
to take Marcy.
44
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:46,412
Wha... you're never
gonna get in
45
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:48,567
anywhere on Valentine's Day.
46
00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:51,406
Hey, I snuck into three Cher
concerts, I could do anything.
47
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:53,576
(door closes)
48
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:56,719
So are you guys
not going out?
49
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:58,817
No, no, no,
I can still save this.
50
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:00,549
I'll call Marie.
51
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:02,454
She's been single
a long time.
52
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:05,616
It's a sad, sad-- Marie!
53
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,156
Hey, uh, any chance
54
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:09,501
you could babysit tonight?
No can do.
55
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:12,557
I'm here with your favorite
kindergarten teacher,
56
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,896
and we are drowning
our sorrows in meat.
57
00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:17,302
Hey, Burns, the best thing
about tonight
58
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:19,374
is I've hit rock bottom.
59
00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:20,913
I can only go
up from here.
60
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:26,584
Katie, some phone calls
make you feel very lucky.
61
00:02:27,615 --> 00:02:29,745
Lowell, it's Adam.
62
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,220
Hey.
63
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:32,818
Hey, uh, can you watch
my kids tonight?
64
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:35,490
I wish I could, Adam,
but I've got romantic plans
65
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,219
with my wife all night.
66
00:02:40,161 --> 00:02:43,301
Time for lefty.
67
00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:46,165
Oh, I am in big trouble.
68
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:47,697
Big trouble.
69
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:49,171
I could babysit.
70
00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:50,670
What?
71
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,501
Wait.
72
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:55,166
Wait, wait.
73
00:02:55,176 --> 00:02:57,606
Yeah, you're 13,
you're old enough now.
74
00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,581
Yeah, and happy
to do it any time.
75
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:01,850
Wasn't even thinking
about any time.
76
00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:05,379
I was just thinking
about tonight.
77
00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:07,546
Yeah, but any time
means, like,
78
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,485
if I have to run back to
the office, you'll be here.
79
00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:12,590
Or if Mom and I want to
see a movie, you'll be here.
80
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:15,633
Or if we just don't want
to be here, you'll be here!
81
00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:20,195
This could
change our lives.
82
00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:23,598
One thing though,
if I babysit,
83
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:25,744
it's gonna cost you
three dollars an hour.
84
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:28,309
Three dollars an hour?
85
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:30,506
Katie, honey...
86
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:32,511
that's not how
you negotiate, okay?
87
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:34,313
You go high, I go low.
88
00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:36,815
Start at, like,
ten or $15.
89
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:38,717
Okay.
90
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,419
$15, then.
91
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:41,951
No, no, no, no, it's three,
you already said three.
92
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:47,425
Whoa, look at you.
93
00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:49,658
And look at you.
94
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:52,433
I can't wait to get
you out on the town.
95
00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:53,733
(chuckles)
When's the babysitter
getting here?
96
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:57,304
Ah, Valentine's
surprise number one.
97
00:03:57,304 --> 00:03:59,614
She's already here.
Oh.
98
00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:00,837
In fact,
99
00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:03,711
she's been here
for 13 years.
100
00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:07,381
She's responsible,
well-raised,
101
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:09,751
you know her and you
love her, it's Katie!
102
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:14,752
(chuckles) You forgot to book
a babysitter, didn't you?
103
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,915
That's Valentine's
surprise number two.
104
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:19,725
Yeah, honey,
105
00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:21,657
I-I just don't think
she's ready yet.
106
00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:24,862
I mean, babysitters need to be
a little more, you know, mature.
107
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:27,595
Wha...
You let Uncle Don babysit.
108
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:32,301
Good point, Katie,
my smartest child. Huh?
109
00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:33,736
Don was here
for five minutes
110
00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:36,541
and Emme learned
every bad word ever.
111
00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:38,783
They're all up here now.
112
00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:42,014
Okay, Adam, we need to talk
in the kitchen.
113
00:04:42,016 --> 00:04:44,376
(sighs)
That means no.
114
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:46,845
Do you see
how smart she is?
115
00:04:46,854 --> 00:04:48,294
Look, I tried everyone.
116
00:04:48,289 --> 00:04:49,759
Katie is our
only option.
117
00:04:49,757 --> 00:04:51,417
Look, I'm fine with
Katie babysitting.
118
00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:53,055
Just not our kids.
119
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:54,790
Yeah, I mean, let her
work out all the kinks
120
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:57,595
on that frog killer,
Tabitha, down the street.
121
00:04:57,598 --> 00:05:01,598
Andi, the restaurant's only
a few minutes away, okay?
122
00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:03,942
The kids will watch a movie,
we'll have some dinner,
123
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:05,697
dance to Sinatra,
124
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,406
maybe squeeze in a little
125
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:09,408
truck action
on the way home.
126
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:10,680
Come on.
127
00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:11,978
I don't know.
128
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,409
It's just scary
to think about
129
00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:15,684
leaving her in charge.
I mean,
130
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:17,423
I have bras
older than her.
131
00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:23,056
And like those bras,
Katie has been through a lot.
132
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:28,056
Look, she helps me
already, okay?
133
00:05:28,062 --> 00:05:29,662
When we get home from school,
134
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,333
she gives Teddy and Emme
their snacks,
135
00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:33,002
she gets them started
on their homework.
136
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,070
She's really good at it.
137
00:05:35,069 --> 00:05:37,569
Isn't that what
you're supposed to be doing?
138
00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:41,009
Let's not get bogged down
in details, okay?
139
00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:42,508
You know what?
Look, look, look,
140
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:44,079
if...
141
00:05:44,078 --> 00:05:47,408
if Katie starts babysitting,
we can go out whenever we want.
142
00:05:47,414 --> 00:05:50,724
All right? We can be that
spontaneous, happy couple
143
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:54,688
we used to be before the kids,
you know, ruined everything.
144
00:05:57,091 --> 00:05:59,931
I think it's fun to
stay home with the kids.
145
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:05,459
They can't hear you.
You can tell the truth.
146
00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:06,896
Look, can we just
try it for tonight?
147
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,870
Okay, fine.
All right?
Okay.
148
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:12,900
But if anything goes wrong
at the house while we're gone,
149
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,806
Katie babysitting
goes on the list of things
150
00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:16,838
you are not allowed
to ask me to do again.
151
00:06:16,844 --> 00:06:18,444
Okay, sure, sure, sure.
152
00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:19,875
I'll put it
next to skydiving
153
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,650
and that thing I tried
on New Year's Eve.
154
00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,078
Now, let's...
155
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:25,823
let's do this before
you change your mind, okay?
156
00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:27,589
That's what you said
on New Year's Eve.
157
00:06:29,456 --> 00:06:31,656
Katie,
158
00:06:31,658 --> 00:06:34,128
your mother and I have
decided to let you babysit.
159
00:06:34,128 --> 00:06:35,988
EMME AND TEDDY:
Yay!
Really?! That's amazing!
160
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:38,396
I won't let you down,
I promise.
Okay. All right.
161
00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:39,929
But I have some rules,
all right?
162
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:42,003
No running, no jumping,
no climbing, no fighting,
163
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:44,772
no biting, no cooking,
all right?
164
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:46,812
A-And no trying anything
for the first time.
165
00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:49,407
If you're not already great
at it, don't do it, okay?
166
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,114
(chuckles)
Okay, listen,
167
00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:54,812
if you need anything, you call
me, not your mother, me.
168
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,575
Got it?
Got it.
169
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,853
Okay. And...
170
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,922
if you need anything,
you call me, okay?
171
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:05,720
(all say good-byes)
172
00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:07,786
Be good, bye!
Oh, and lock this door.
173
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:08,855
Don't answer
this door.
174
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,202
Nothing with doors.
175
00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:12,197
Doors equal death.
176
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:19,104
(knocking on door)
177
00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:22,868
And you're dead.
178
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,014
¶ ¶
179
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,519
Do you think it's
too early to call home?
180
00:07:38,525 --> 00:07:40,585
Honey, we left six
and a half minutes ago.
181
00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:44,029
The kids are in good hands,
will you just relax?
182
00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:46,871
Okay, well, as long as
everything is fine at home,
183
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,767
I'm fine.
Well...
184
00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:50,569
I like this place.
Mm.
185
00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:51,891
It's fancy.
Yeah.
186
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,198
You know, when I went to
the ladies' room,
187
00:07:53,207 --> 00:07:55,937
the toilet seat
was heated. Yeah.
188
00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:57,483
And not from somebody else
sitting on it.
189
00:07:57,478 --> 00:07:59,078
Oh.
190
00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:02,079
Oh, and, since I'm only paying
Katie three dollars an hour,
191
00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:05,622
I am gonna order us the second
cheapest bottle of wine.
192
00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:07,819
Mm.
(chuckles)
193
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,661
Hi, may I help you?
Hey, yeah, uh, we have
a reservation for two.
194
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:11,687
Burns.
195
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,162
Hmm. Oh,
I just seated
196
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,660
the Burns party.
197
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:15,991
(chuckles)
198
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,556
I think I would've
remembered if that happened.
199
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,130
Is that Don?
200
00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:23,504
Yes.
201
00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:26,844
That seven-foot howler monkey
stole our table.
202
00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:29,835
What the hell are you doing
at our table?
203
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,813
I took a gamble you
wouldn't find a babysitter.
204
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:34,153
I kind of bet
my marriage on it.
205
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:36,177
Okay, well,
206
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,683
Marcy's looking at me,
207
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,254
so tell me
all the lies quickly.
208
00:08:39,253 --> 00:08:41,853
I told her I invited you guys
here to surprise her.
209
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,215
And that you're fighting,
and that's why you looked mad.
210
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:49,031
Okay, fine,
but you are buying us
211
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,699
the third cheapest
bottle of wine.
212
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,197
No problem.
213
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:53,829
I'm not doing that.
214
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:55,874
(phone rings)
215
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,639
(grumbles)
216
00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,698
Oh, no,
Katie's calling me.
217
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:02,866
Katie, hey.
Are you okay?
218
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,636
Uh, yeah, we're fine.
I think that fuse blew again,
219
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:05,935
the lights went out.
220
00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:07,776
Oh, oh, you just have
to reset the breaker.
221
00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:10,281
You know where the breaker box
is out on the garage wall?
222
00:09:10,284 --> 00:09:12,984
Yeah, you mean that thing you
told me to touch never ever?
223
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:16,016
That was when you were four,
but you're old enough now.
224
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,293
Just-- but, uh,
before you open it,
225
00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:18,691
bang your hand on the cover
226
00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:21,762
a couple of times
to scare the spiders.
227
00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:24,732
Spiders? We'll just leave the
power off till you come home.
228
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:25,931
No, no, no, no, no, if...
229
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:27,733
if the power's off
when Mom gets home,
230
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:30,744
we'll never get our
spontaneous life back.
231
00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,697
What are you talking about?
You'll understand in 30 years.
232
00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:34,766
You know what?
I'll be home in a minute.
233
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:36,935
Okay, listen,
I got to run home,
234
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:39,114
but Andi can't know that
Katie called or that I left,
235
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,352
so cover for me,
all right?
236
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:41,877
Tell her that, uh...
237
00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:43,782
Tell her you saw me
running into the bathroom.
238
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,884
Yeah, got it. You were sweating,
your hands were on your butt.
239
00:09:45,886 --> 00:09:49,686
Right? And you were screaming,
"Oh, Lord help me."
240
00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:51,190
What? No, no!
241
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,661
What's the matter?
Too religious?
242
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,703
(keys jingle)
Hey, hi, everyone.
Okay, it's just me.
243
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,970
Hi. How's everybody doing?
You good? Good? Okay.
244
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:03,899
Playing a board game,
that's nice. All right, good.
245
00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:05,804
Just gonna run out here
and trip the breaker.
246
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:07,866
All right, nothing--
will only take a second.
247
00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:09,144
Okay.
248
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,742
Lights will be
on in a second.
249
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:13,705
And the lights
are back on. Yeah.
250
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:16,254
Okay, all right, that's good.
And I can...
251
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:18,879
see that there's a spider on me!
252
00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:23,685
This is so fun that Don invited
you guys here to surprise me.
253
00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:25,960
Yeah, we're
all surprised.
254
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,730
Hey, what'd I miss?
255
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:31,811
Hey, how's your tummy?
256
00:10:31,814 --> 00:10:32,904
Don said you had to
borrow a pair of pants
257
00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:34,899
from the lost and found.
258
00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:38,800
Thanks, Don.
259
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,035
No, it was just
260
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,710
an upset stomach,
but I feel great so,
261
00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:43,238
uh, let's get out night started.
262
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:44,943
May I have this dance?
263
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:49,878
Happy Valentine's Day.
264
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:51,423
Here are your personalized
champagne glasses
265
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,788
that were included
in your lovers package for two.
266
00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:55,117
(gasps)
267
00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:58,192
Why do they say
Adam and Andi?
268
00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:00,061
What?
269
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:01,430
Well, shouldn't they have
our names on them?
270
00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:03,358
I mean,
you did make the reservation.
271
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:07,833
Or is there something going on
that I should know about?
272
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,444
Just that this is an outrage!
273
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:13,297
This is fun.
(Adam chuckles)
274
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:15,106
(phone buzzing)
Is that your phone buzzing?
275
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:16,368
Um...
Oh, is it Kate?
276
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:17,736
Well, let me check.
277
00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:18,844
Uh,
278
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:19,875
no...
279
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:20,880
No, no, no.
280
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:22,111
No, that's a, uh, uh,
281
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,975
an alarm that I set for myself
282
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:27,354
to remind me to tell you
that I love you.
283
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:28,454
Oh...
284
00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:30,155
I love you, I got to go.
285
00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:31,317
Wait, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
286
00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:32,994
Go where?
287
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:36,733
Babe, a love like ours
is beyond questions.
288
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,071
Listen, what's so hard about
getting a name on a glass?
289
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:45,440
I'm begging you,
find a Sharpie and get it done.
290
00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:48,367
Katie called again,
I got to call her back.
291
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,205
Okay, I'll stand in front
of you so Andi can't see.
292
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,840
Fine, fine, yeah.
293
00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:54,145
Hey, Katie, it's Dad.
Are you okay?
294
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,147
Dad, there's a bat flying around
in Emme's room
295
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:57,479
and she's
freaking out.
296
00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,024
How did a bat get in the house?
297
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:00,149
It must have flown in when you
298
00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:02,093
left the back door open
to fix the fuse.
299
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:04,789
Okay, no need to point fingers.
300
00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:06,831
All right,
I-I'll be home in a minute.
301
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:09,757
Okay, listen,
tell Andi, uh...
302
00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:12,233
I'll make something up.
No, no, no, no, no.
303
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,432
Uh, tell her, uh,
tell her I had to move the car.
304
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,504
I-I accidently parked
in a loading zone.
305
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,943
Okay, but I got to find a
strong drink for Marcy first.
306
00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:20,509
She's starting to
get suspicious.
307
00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:22,237
Really?
308
00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:23,971
You having a hard time
outsmarting her, are you?
309
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:25,007
Oh, always.
310
00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:26,311
Huh.
311
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:27,983
Oh, this drink looks good.
312
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:30,011
It's called a Mind Eraser.
313
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:34,018
Yeah. Mom must've
had a few of those
314
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:36,090
when she was pregnant with you.
315
00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:39,123
Okay! I'm here.
316
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:40,856
I'm here!
317
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:41,831
Hello?
318
00:12:41,828 --> 00:12:42,958
Oh, it's okay,
319
00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:44,833
I got him to fly
out the window.
320
00:12:44,831 --> 00:12:47,471
Really?
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
321
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,067
You're the best babysitter ever.
322
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:50,069
See that?
323
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:51,040
Nothing to be scared of.
324
00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:52,767
Just a little bat.
(chuckles)
325
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,875
Ah! The bat's out here!
326
00:12:57,978 --> 00:12:59,508
It's chasing me!
327
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:04,079
(phone buzzing)
328
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:06,224
Not again.
329
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:08,319
Hey, Katie.
What is it this time?
330
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:10,821
Never mind, I'm coming.
331
00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:12,264
Hey, pal.
332
00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:14,289
Hi, Dad.
333
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,957
Okay, ready?
334
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,095
Yeah.
Out you go.
335
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,270
(both grunt)
336
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:24,798
(whoops)
What a rush.
337
00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:26,035
Yeah, it's good, right?
338
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:27,509
Yeah.
Yeah. Okay,
339
00:13:27,506 --> 00:13:28,966
please don't do that again,
all right?
340
00:13:28,973 --> 00:13:30,443
All right, I got to go.
You call me if you need me.
341
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:31,443
(door closes)
342
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:33,984
(phone rings)
343
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:35,980
Hey, Mom.
344
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:37,352
Hey, honey, just checking in.
345
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,180
Oh, uh, don't worry,
Dad just left.
346
00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:42,446
Wait, your-your dad was there?
347
00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:45,415
Yeah, to get Teddy's head
out of the banister.
348
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:46,955
What?
349
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,490
(stammering):
Kate, what happened?
350
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:49,955
Which time?
351
00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:52,463
"Which time?"
352
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:54,425
Oh, it... it's no big deal.
353
00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:56,274
Dad only came home
when the fuse blew out,
354
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:58,369
when the bat was upstairs
and when Teddy's head got stuck.
355
00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:02,307
I thought you guys
told each other stuff.
356
00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:04,309
Yeah, so did I.
357
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:06,275
Okay, honey, well, I think
358
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,879
we'll be home very soon.
359
00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:10,081
Okay? Bye-bye.
360
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:12,053
Excuse me?
361
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:14,952
I would like your most expensive
bottle of wine, please.
362
00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,291
This drink is delicious.
I don't even care
363
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:25,526
if my name's not on the glass.
364
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:26,972
(chuckles)
There you go.
365
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:28,396
And there's hardly
any alcohol in there,
366
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:30,131
so you could have
as many as you want.
367
00:14:31,605 --> 00:14:33,635
Hey.
368
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,610
ANDI:
Hey.
369
00:14:35,609 --> 00:14:38,409
Honey, it sure took you
a long time to move the car.
370
00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:41,151
Yeah, well,
I had to circle around forever.
371
00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:43,107
Practically ended up
back at the house.
372
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:44,876
(Adam and Andi laugh)
373
00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:47,145
I hate when
I can't find a parking spot.
374
00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:49,893
It just makes me
want to blow a fuse.
375
00:14:51,625 --> 00:14:55,325
Well, that... that was very
specifically worded.
376
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:58,198
It just drives me...
(groans)
377
00:14:58,198 --> 00:14:59,628
batty.
378
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:03,967
It's over, man.
379
00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:07,936
Why didn't you tell me you
had to go home three times?
380
00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:09,211
I'm sorry.
381
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,409
I wasn't thinking straight
because I got caught up
382
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,951
in this beautiful
fantasy.
383
00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:15,677
Imagine this:
it's a typical night,
384
00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:17,952
the kids are tired and fighting,
385
00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:19,381
and what do we do?
386
00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:21,186
We just walk out the door.
387
00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:24,363
Because the babysitter
is already there.
388
00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:28,956
All right, I mean,
that does sound pretty good.
389
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:30,962
And Katie did the right thing:
every time there was a problem,
390
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,204
she called me.
391
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:33,598
We can trust her.
392
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,930
'Cause she was raised
by a good mother.
393
00:15:35,936 --> 00:15:38,136
A good, smokin' hot mother.
394
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:39,598
Okay, okay.
395
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:41,606
Too much?
396
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,978
No, I mean, I like it.
397
00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:46,711
I like the fantasy,
398
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:48,953
I-I like the whole thing.
399
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,549
Yeah.
You know what?
I'm gonna call Katie
400
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:52,320
and tell her what a good job
she's doing.
401
00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:54,389
Great, great.
Then let's go enjoy our night.
402
00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:56,587
We still got a lot to look
forward to: dinner, dancing,
403
00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:59,619
fireworks when Don's night
goes up in flames.
404
00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:03,432
Adam, she's not picking up.
405
00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:06,460
What?
406
00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:09,495
(blender whirring)
(phone ringing)
407
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:11,672
This night is going great.
408
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,741
I think I'm actually
gonna get away with it.
409
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:15,720
Hey, bartender,
410
00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:17,705
another Mind Eraser,
shaky, shaky.
411
00:16:17,711 --> 00:16:19,641
Five rings,
412
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:22,346
six rings... voice mail.
413
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,649
Voice mail, Adam!
Well, why isn't she answering?
414
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,551
I don't know, but we need to
get home to our kids right now!
415
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:27,693
All right, all right, that's it,
416
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:28,647
we're out of here.
417
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:29,645
Oh!
418
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,016
Oh...
419
00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:31,664
Oh, sorry, buddy.
420
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,418
Uh, he'll pay for it.
421
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:35,526
I-I got to go!
422
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,358
Why do I have to pay for it?
423
00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:38,734
It wasn't even my reservation!
424
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,274
What did you just say?
425
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:47,741
(sighs)
Oh, I was so close.
426
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:51,035
Still no answer.
427
00:16:51,044 --> 00:16:52,514
Can you drive faster?
428
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:53,712
Well, I...
(scoffs)
My God,
429
00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:54,713
when we're going
for fried chicken,
430
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:56,354
you're breaking
the sound barrier.
431
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,179
All right, hold on.
432
00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:01,254
(siren chirps)
433
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:03,694
Oh, you got to
be kidding me!
434
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:07,090
(groans)
435
00:17:07,093 --> 00:17:08,633
I'm soaked in booze.
436
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:10,258
He's gonna think
I've been drinking.
437
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:12,363
You got any perfume
or something to cover the smell?
438
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,495
Uh... ooh, this'll work.
439
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:15,601
This'll work, okay.
440
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:17,542
Ow! What the
hell was that?
441
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,097
It's-it's lavender hair spray,
442
00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:20,765
with-with a little bit
of glitter.
443
00:17:20,774 --> 00:17:23,074
(Adam gags)
It's why I look
like a princess tonight.
444
00:17:24,778 --> 00:17:27,078
It's in my eyes!
445
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:28,110
Okay, uh...
446
00:17:28,114 --> 00:17:30,114
Give me something
to wipe my eyes.
447
00:17:30,116 --> 00:17:32,046
I don't...
I don't have anything.
448
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:33,822
I... here, oh, here.
(groans)
449
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:36,090
Use my dress.
Okay.
450
00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:38,659
Oh...
451
00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:41,358
(knock on window)
452
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,798
Good evening, officer.
453
00:17:47,801 --> 00:17:50,641
Well, I pulled you over
for doing 50 in a 35,
454
00:17:50,637 --> 00:17:53,737
but by the look of things, we
have a bit more to talk about.
455
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,840
Oh...
456
00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:58,582
Doesn't he look
like a princess?
457
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,476
(knock on door)
458
00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:16,434
Are these your parents?
459
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:18,529
(sighs)
I'm afraid so.
460
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:24,535
What do you two have to say
for yourselves?
461
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:27,766
I'm sorry, honey.
462
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:30,114
Oh, sure,
apologize to her.
463
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:31,480
My eyes got glittered,
464
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:34,348
it's like I'm living
in a snow globe.
465
00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:37,277
Look, me babysitting
isn't gonna work
466
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:39,223
if you can't be
more responsible.
467
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:42,291
You're right.
468
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,418
Yeah.
(mumbles)
469
00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:45,564
What was that?
470
00:18:46,526 --> 00:18:50,756
You're right. God.
471
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:51,833
Now...
472
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:53,701
I'm gonna put
these two to bed.
473
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:56,330
Just know, I'm not mad.
474
00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:57,666
I'm disappointed.
475
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:01,906
We're all
disappointed.
476
00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:07,181
(scoffs)
477
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:10,580
Well, clearly Kate's
bossy enough to babysit.
478
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:12,753
I'm sorry, honey.
479
00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:15,192
I really wanted this
to be a special night for you.
480
00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:17,858
Well, I mean, you know,
we got covered in drinks,
481
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:20,387
covered in glitter and
detained by the police.
482
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:24,303
Before we had kids, we would've
called that a pretty fun night.
483
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:26,357
Yeah.
484
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:28,466
And it's not over yet.
485
00:19:28,468 --> 00:19:30,938
I still have one more
Valentine's Day gift for you.
486
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,304
But I have to give it
to you upstairs.
487
00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:36,306
Oh, so the same thing
you got me last year?
488
00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:40,178
Well, it might be
in a different order,
489
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:41,810
but we end up
in the same place.
490
00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:44,224
All right, let's go.
491
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:45,877
(Adam chuckles)
492
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,485
(knock on door)
493
00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:52,657
(groans)
494
00:19:58,932 --> 00:20:01,732
Turns out Mind Erasers wear off.
495
00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:06,973
Get in here,
you big howler monkey.
496
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,354
Okay, Kate, we're headed out.
497
00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:18,679
Now remember,
doors are still death
498
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:20,645
and try to keep Teddy's head
out of the banister.
499
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:21,953
I know he's quick.
500
00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:24,455
And, uh, call us
if you need anything.
501
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:26,387
Same deal as before,
three dollars an hour.
502
00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:29,526
I'm thinking ten.
503
00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:32,259
What?
When did the price go up?
504
00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:35,495
When you bought
non-refundable movie tickets.
505
00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:39,373
Now that's how you negotiate.
506
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:42,372
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
507
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:44,505
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org