1
00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:04,496
Ugh, Don, you have got
to get over this.
2
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,265
I'm not buying you a Cinnabon
3
00:00:06,273 --> 00:00:08,673
every time
we go see our accountant.
4
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:11,206
It's right downstairs.
5
00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:12,582
I could smell it
the whole meeting.
6
00:00:12,580 --> 00:00:14,250
Now I'm just
7
00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:16,348
sitting here eating an orange,
like a hippie.
8
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:17,780
ANDI:
Hey, babe.
9
00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:20,085
Hi, Don. Hi.
Oh, hey, honey.
10
00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:22,287
I've got some good
news for you.
Yeah?
11
00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:23,689
You know that, uh, fundraiser
at my hospital
12
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,121
that we're going to
this weekend?
13
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:26,186
Oh, yeah, yeah. That party.
14
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:28,133
(coughs)
Ooh.
15
00:00:28,129 --> 00:00:30,399
Where'd that cough come from?
16
00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:32,598
(coughs)
17
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,600
Whoa.
I hope it's not contagious,
18
00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:37,202
'cause I really am looking
forward to putting on a suit
19
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:38,704
and talking
to a bunch of strangers.
20
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,636
(coughs)
21
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:43,781
That does sound
like a pretty bad fake cough.
22
00:00:43,778 --> 00:00:46,278
Should I call a fake ambulance
23
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,150
and have some fake doctors
take a look at you?
24
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:51,150
You think I would fake
being sick to get out
25
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:52,222
of going to your fundraiser?
26
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:54,319
I am so offended. I...
27
00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:57,721
I don't think I can go
to the fundraiser anymore.
28
00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,585
You're cute. Are you done?
29
00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:01,563
Yeah, I'm done.
Okay.
30
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:04,432
The good news I was gonna tell
you is you don't have to go.
31
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:11,170
Really?
32
00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:12,402
Okay,
33
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:14,206
when you say I don't have to go,
34
00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:16,738
do you mean
I really don't have to go
35
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,484
or I don't
have to go
36
00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:21,249
but I should go,
37
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:22,478
unless I want to hear about this
a month later
38
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,483
in some completely unrelated
argument?
39
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:26,745
You know what? I'm going.
40
00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:30,224
No, you really don't have to go.
Marcy said she'd go with me.
41
00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:31,194
Don't take my wife.
42
00:01:32,827 --> 00:01:35,557
You should make Adam go.
43
00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:38,263
What are you doing?
44
00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:40,295
I'll tell you
what I'm not doing:
45
00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:41,431
eating a Cinnabon.
46
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:44,135
My God, every week
with this guy.
47
00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:45,568
Why don't you just go
get one yourself?
48
00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:48,113
He says it tastes better
when I buy it.
49
00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:51,739
Okay, but, seriously, babe, you
are off the hook for the party.
50
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:54,745
Marcy will keep me company.
And, plus, all my work friends
51
00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:58,278
from the lab will be there.
You know, Amy, Sarah, and Bob.
52
00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:00,885
Oh. That sounds great.
Uh, who was that last one?
53
00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:03,358
I didn't catch her name.
54
00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:04,587
Bob. He's a he.
55
00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:06,362
We watch the same cooking shows.
56
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,790
Oh, and if I get
behind on an episode,
57
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:11,526
he puts me in coffee jail.
58
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,470
And that means
I can't have any coffee
59
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:15,768
until I catch up.
60
00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:17,469
Ooh.
Yeah.
61
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:20,471
Everyone at work thinks
it's hilarious.
62
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:23,414
He sounds like a great guy.
63
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:25,180
Huh. Wow.
64
00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:27,279
You have come a long way.
65
00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:29,681
You know, there was a time that
you would've been very jealous
66
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:31,223
that I had a male work friend.
67
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:33,148
Oh. No. Not anymore.
68
00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:34,654
No, I left
my jealous days behind
69
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,385
with my jean shorts
and my mullet.
70
00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:39,491
I am a modern man now.
71
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,493
(chuckles)
72
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,625
Yep. That's right.
73
00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:46,701
Don, you want to help me
carry this out to my truck?
74
00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,639
I don't know
if you noticed,
75
00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:55,411
but it doesn't really take
two guys to carry this.
76
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:58,480
I don't like this Bob guy
one bit.
77
00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:00,249
First of all, his name's Bob.
78
00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:02,307
It's the same backwards
as it is forwards.
79
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:06,486
Y-You can't trust
somebody like that.
80
00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:07,887
You mean like Mom?
81
00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:09,348
Exactly.
82
00:03:10,925 --> 00:03:13,485
Who cares if some guy
likes Andi's TV shows?
83
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,964
I do. 'Cause it's a move, man.
84
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:18,403
I used the same one on Andi
when we were dating.
85
00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:20,329
(gasps)
"You love Ally McBeal?
86
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:21,474
"I love Ally McBeal.
87
00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:23,638
Let's take off our pants!"
88
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:26,337
I think if I tried
that move on Marcy,
89
00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:28,440
I'd just end up
washing her pants.
90
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:29,942
Here's the problem,
91
00:03:29,944 --> 00:03:32,484
Andi was home with the kids
for a long time.
92
00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:34,309
Now she's back at work. I mean,
93
00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:37,775
you put that honey out there,
bears are gonna show up.
94
00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:40,445
I got an idea--
just don't be jealous.
95
00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:42,594
I can't help it.
Yes, I am sophisticated
96
00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:44,590
on the outside, okay?
97
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:47,662
But on the inside,
I'm an animal, just like you.
98
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,961
We're a couple
of wild stallions.
Mm.
99
00:03:49,964 --> 00:03:52,304
Okay, then be jealous
100
00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:53,999
and just tell Andi
you don't want her
hanging out with that guy.
101
00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:55,431
I can't do that either.
102
00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:57,236
She hates when I get jealous.
103
00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:59,398
Remember when we were dating
and that guy in the bar
104
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:00,606
put his arm around her?
105
00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:02,508
Yeah. You put him
in the trash can.
106
00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:04,439
Upside-down.
107
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:07,475
I'd seen that in cartoons
but never real life.
108
00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:10,451
I actually got the idea
from a cartoon.
109
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:13,551
But she was so mad,
she broke up with me.
110
00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:14,894
So when we got back together,
111
00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:16,618
I promised
I was done being jealous.
112
00:04:16,624 --> 00:04:19,564
I'm not done.
I'm livin' a lie, Don.
113
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:21,861
Hey, honey, um, how do you feel
114
00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:23,432
about a kale salad for dinner?
115
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,260
You know I love kale.
116
00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:27,796
Huh? I am a modern man
117
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:30,541
who loves his kale.
(chuckles)
118
00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:32,567
Okay.
119
00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:35,343
Now I got to choke down
another bowl of rabbit food.
120
00:04:35,342 --> 00:04:38,582
What happened to you, man?
Look,
121
00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:40,579
do me a favor,
if you see me getting jealous,
122
00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:42,551
you got to do something
to stop me.
123
00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:44,549
Can I get physical?
Yes. Usual rules:
124
00:04:44,551 --> 00:04:46,551
above the waist and-- I can't
believe I have to say this--
125
00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:48,353
no biting.
126
00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:50,455
A brother waits a lifetime
for something like this.
127
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:52,587
Okay. Good. Yeah.
128
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:54,993
¶ ¶
129
00:05:03,037 --> 00:05:04,937
ANDI:
Thanks for meeting me, Marcy.
130
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:06,868
I love visiting you
at the hospital.
131
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,844
We haven't had lunch
since you went back to work.
132
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,912
In the future,
is it okay if I bring wine?
133
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:13,951
Well, you can't bring a bottle.
But if you bring a thermos,
134
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:15,807
whatever's in it's
your business.
Oh.
135
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,946
So it's church rules.
136
00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:19,991
Sure.
137
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:23,357
Hey, um, I wanted
to run something by you.
138
00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:24,757
Hmm.
Um,
139
00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:27,588
yesterday, I told Adam
that I had a guy friend at work,
140
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:30,434
Bob, and he seemed fine with it.
141
00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:31,601
What a jerk!
142
00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:33,068
I know!
143
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,526
I mean, at first,
I was... I was proud of him,
144
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:37,835
but then I started thinking,
why is he so fine with it?
145
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,568
No, no.
This is totally unacceptable.
146
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:41,413
You deserve a little jealousy,
okay?
147
00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:43,678
If I was your husband,
Bob would be in a suitcase
148
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,677
at the bottom of a river.
149
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:48,349
Aw. That's sweet, Marcy.
150
00:05:48,349 --> 00:05:50,479
I don't know.
Maybe it's normal.
151
00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:53,054
I mean, Adam and I have been
married for 15 years.
152
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:56,463
And the other night,
we... we made, um,
153
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:59,727
you know, a date to fool around,
and we both fell asleep.
154
00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:02,487
Oh.
Yeah. That's the first time
that's ever happened.
155
00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:04,556
It wasn't during, was it?
'Cause if Don mistimes
156
00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:06,395
his blood pressure pill,
I'm not crawling out
157
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:07,900
from under that
until the morning.
158
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:11,669
No, it wasn't
quite like that.
159
00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:13,112
I don't know.
160
00:06:13,107 --> 00:06:15,607
Maybe I should just talk
to Adam about it.
161
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,139
And, what, get pity jealousy?
162
00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,484
Is that what you want?
163
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,780
Oh, you know what,
I want the real thing.
Well, if you want
164
00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:23,452
to mess with a man's head,
you are having lunch
165
00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:24,480
with the right person.
166
00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:26,515
Okay, here's
what you do:
167
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,450
you tell him
that Bob is texting you.
168
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:29,855
That'll wake Adam up.
169
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:33,127
But Bob's my boss.
He doesn't text me.
170
00:06:33,127 --> 00:06:35,027
You know who doesn't know that?
Adam.
171
00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:37,133
Hey, Adam, I just got
172
00:06:37,131 --> 00:06:40,071
the funniest text from Bob.
(chuckles)
173
00:06:42,136 --> 00:06:44,396
Damn.
174
00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:45,535
(chuckles)
175
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:48,439
Your texts are too much, Bob.
176
00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:51,512
Aw, come on.
177
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:53,152
Hey, uh, careful you
don't shock yourself,
178
00:06:53,147 --> 00:06:55,007
there's a bare spot
on that cord.
179
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:56,005
(buzzing)
180
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:57,416
(yells)
181
00:06:57,418 --> 00:06:58,548
(laughing)
I touched it.
182
00:06:58,552 --> 00:06:59,822
I was gonna fix it,
183
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:02,190
but I knew
you were gonna do that.
184
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,859
Hold on, my heart
stopped beating.
185
00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,533
There it goes.
Okay, we're back.
186
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:09,158
Yeah, hey, you didn't tell Marcy
187
00:07:09,163 --> 00:07:10,603
what we talked about, did you?
188
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,457
About Andi and that guy at work?
189
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:13,566
Oh, don't tell me it's a secret.
190
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:14,697
I cannot keep a secret
from Marcy.
191
00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:15,681
She senses it,
192
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:16,665
like an old sailor
senses a storm.
193
00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:18,670
But you lie to her all the time.
194
00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:20,142
And she catches me all the time.
195
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:21,440
Well, that's not true.
196
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:22,672
She still doesn't know about
197
00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:24,076
our secret fishing boat
up at the lake.
198
00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:25,907
Both our wives are in the dark
on that one.
199
00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:27,683
Well, I was only able
to keep that a secret
200
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:29,611
because I never paid
for my half of the boat.
201
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,176
Not my boat, not my secret.
202
00:07:31,185 --> 00:07:32,775
See how I did that?
203
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,746
Hmm, yeah, someone should
study your brain.
204
00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:37,490
Okay, just keep your mouth shut.
205
00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:38,661
Hey, babe,
Huh?
206
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:39,659
dinner's gonna be
ready soon.
207
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:40,660
(laughing)
208
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,691
I'm sorry I'm laughing. I just--
209
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,526
I got the funniest text
from Bob.
210
00:07:44,531 --> 00:07:46,201
(Andi laughing)
211
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,630
You know, i-it's actually weird
that he's funny,
212
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,035
because, I mean,
you wouldn't think that
213
00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:51,737
someone that does triathlons
214
00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:53,168
would have a sense of humor.
215
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:56,143
Wow, he runs,
he bikes, he swims.
216
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,883
I hope the sharks don't get him.
(chuckles)
217
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:00,649
You know, you should hear
218
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,747
his stories about
trying to find bicycle pants
219
00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:04,619
that are big enough
to fit his muscular thighs--
220
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,488
I mean, they're hilarious.
221
00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:07,617
(chuckling)
222
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:09,751
And touching.
223
00:08:09,756 --> 00:08:11,486
Okay...
224
00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:12,922
(buzzing)
(yelps)
225
00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:16,895
Oh, what happened there?
226
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:18,127
You seem mad.
227
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:22,101
N-no. No, no. No, Don
228
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:23,602
accidentally shocked me...
229
00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:25,144
too much.
230
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:27,768
Oh, okay, well,
231
00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:29,514
I guess I'll just go
finish dinner.
232
00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:30,140
Yeah.
Yeah.
233
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:32,043
Pound that
chicken flat.
234
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,806
Did you hear what she said?
235
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:38,045
Bob and his giant thighs
are texting her now.
236
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:39,821
I'm starting to root for Bob,
237
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,150
he sounds like a winner.
238
00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:45,793
I got no reaction out of Adam!
239
00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:47,732
I mean, I did everything
short of
240
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,658
telling him that
Bob and I were slow dancing
241
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:51,833
in the cafeteria.
242
00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:53,902
Well, maybe you just have
to accept the fact
243
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,171
that things are different now.
244
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:58,598
(scoffs)
Marcy,
245
00:08:58,605 --> 00:08:59,905
I did not call you
246
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,837
to get a levelheaded
and fair assessment
247
00:09:01,842 --> 00:09:03,742
of the situation.
248
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,184
You're right, my bad.
249
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:06,038
Okay,
250
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,306
maybe I can get some intel
251
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:08,784
from Don,
but in the meantime,
252
00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:10,252
you-you got to
kick it up a notch.
253
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:11,750
It's like with dogs,
254
00:09:11,751 --> 00:09:13,251
okay? You can't just
put the food out
255
00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:14,853
and expect that they'll find it.
256
00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:16,715
You got to shake the bowl.
257
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,963
Oh, I'm gonna shake my bowl.
258
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,586
Wait, am I the food
259
00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:23,325
or the bowl?
260
00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:26,330
Well, I'm not the dog, am I?
261
00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:29,943
This guy Bob is definitely
flirting with Andi now.
262
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:31,167
Well, are you flirting with her?
263
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,771
Yeah,
264
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,743
sometimes I walk around
with my robe open.
265
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:37,881
That's not flirting,
that's just sloppy.
266
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:39,738
You need to get
back in the game.
267
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,776
Hey, text her a sexy picture.
268
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:43,082
Really?
269
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,823
Yeah, it's called sexting.
270
00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:46,788
(scoffs)
What do you know about sexting?
271
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:49,187
I like to dip my toe
in popular culture.
272
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:51,719
(scoffs)
Actually,
273
00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:53,625
a picture's
not a bad idea.
274
00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:55,057
I think getting
shocked by that cord
275
00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:57,732
might have fired a neuron
or two up in your attic.
276
00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,061
Look, all you need to do
is remind her
277
00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:00,796
that she's got this
slightly faded stud
278
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:02,201
waiting for her at home.
279
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,372
Well, if I'm faded,
280
00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:04,770
then what the
hell are you?
281
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,141
I do all right.
282
00:10:10,911 --> 00:10:13,241
This is stupid;
I feel ridiculous.
283
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:16,276
I could tell.
I'm not feeling the sexy.
284
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,083
Look, I'm gonna give you
one smoldering look,
285
00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:19,845
because I know that
works for me.
286
00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:21,853
And you're gonna take
a picture on my phone,
287
00:10:21,855 --> 00:10:23,785
and then we are never
gonna speak of this again.
288
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,890
You ready?
Yeah.
289
00:10:25,892 --> 00:10:27,962
(sighs)
290
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:35,773
Okay. Actually,
that's not bad.
Oh.
291
00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:37,239
Okay, I'm gonna send it.
292
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:39,667
And... oops.
293
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,810
Who's Alicia?
What?
294
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,809
I accidentally sent it to
someone named Alicia Rodriguez.
295
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,782
That's Emme's
kindergarten teacher.
296
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:49,681
Her name is right next
to Andi's on your phone.
297
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:51,183
These fat fingers,
I'm telling you.
298
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:52,954
That picture's gonna go around
the whole school.
299
00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:54,723
I can fix it,
I can fix it.
300
00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:56,691
Hold on... Oops.
301
00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:57,790
Oops, again?
302
00:10:57,791 --> 00:10:59,421
I was texting to say sorry,
303
00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:01,356
and it autocorrected
to salami.
304
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:02,661
Give me that.
305
00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:09,965
Okay, kids.
Let's move it along.
306
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:11,940
We're wheels up in five minutes.
307
00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:14,938
(laughs)
Sorry my shoes are so loud.
308
00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:16,341
High heels.
309
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,152
You never wear high heels
to work.
310
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:22,708
Well, I dressed up.
311
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,276
Why?
312
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,254
Well, it's the finale
of the cooking show
313
00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:27,723
that Bob and I watch,
314
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:28,751
so he's taking me out
315
00:11:28,755 --> 00:11:29,985
for a, you know,
316
00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:32,090
a special lunch
to celebrate.
317
00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:33,792
Just the two of us.
318
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,027
Got to love that Bob.
319
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,935
Great.
Great.
320
00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:45,137
(door closes)
321
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,208
(sighs)
322
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:53,451
Oh. Uh,
I'm sorry, buddy.
323
00:11:53,447 --> 00:11:56,077
Let me clean you up
a little bit.
324
00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:02,091
Okay, turn around.
325
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:04,419
Let's just go, uh, up.
326
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:08,033
So, um,
327
00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:09,888
has Adam ever said
anything to you
328
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:11,196
about Andi's friend, Bob?
329
00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:13,928
Let me think.
330
00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:16,034
Are you saying "Bob" or "Rob"?
331
00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:19,066
Bob. B-O-B.
Todd?
332
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:22,512
Are you trying to hide
something from me?
333
00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:24,139
No. And you're not gonna
get the secret out of me.
334
00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:25,384
I'm like a rock.
335
00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:26,908
So there is a secret.
336
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:30,184
Okay, I see what I did there.
337
00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:32,953
Okay. Spill it, Don.
338
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:34,053
Fine. You want the secret?
339
00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:36,194
Adam's gonna kill me, but okay.
340
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:38,763
We have a secret fishing boat
341
00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:41,389
we never told you about.
342
00:12:41,394 --> 00:12:43,064
You want to know my secret?
343
00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:45,263
I've known about that boat
for six months.
344
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:48,195
Wow, no keeping anything
from you.
345
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:49,231
So,
346
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:51,796
nothing about Bob?
347
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:52,795
Rod?
348
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:54,136
Don!
349
00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:55,211
Well, I'm Don.
350
00:12:59,246 --> 00:13:00,246
Bye, Dad.
Bye, Dad.
351
00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:01,407
Bye, Dad.
ADAM: Bye-bye, bye.
352
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:03,054
Have a good day.
All right, bye.
353
00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:04,419
(chuckling)
354
00:13:04,417 --> 00:13:06,417
Good morning, Burns.
355
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:10,360
Good morning, Mrs. Rodriguez.
356
00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:13,017
(imitates motor revving)
357
00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:17,061
I'm glad everyone enjoyed
the motorcycle picture.
358
00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:19,233
Yeah, we had a little
caption contest.
359
00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:23,232
Mine was, "Born to be
wild-ly embarrassed."
360
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:25,836
Okay, that picture was
supposed to be for my wife,
361
00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:28,339
but mistakes were made.
362
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:31,341
Why are you taking pictures
of yourself on a motorcycle?
363
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:34,054
Besides to delight me.
364
00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:35,377
I'm not talking to you about it.
365
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:37,082
From now on, I'm not talking
to anyone about it,
366
00:13:37,083 --> 00:13:38,453
except Andi, which is what
I should have done
367
00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:39,881
in the first place.
368
00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:41,146
So, I'm gonna go
find her at work
369
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,354
and settle this whole thing.
370
00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:43,815
All right, and I'm see
how much it costs
371
00:13:43,824 --> 00:13:45,294
to rent a billboard.
372
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:50,230
Okay, Bob, I finished
processing these samples
373
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:51,830
and I'm gonna go
grab a cup of coffee.
374
00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:52,832
You want some?
375
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,073
Uh...
(chuckles)
376
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:55,397
oxygen potassium.
377
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:57,142
What?
From the periodic table.
378
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:58,837
They're "O" and "K."
379
00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:00,099
Oh.
(laughing)
380
00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:01,306
(laughing)
That's a good one,
381
00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:02,408
Bob.
Yeah.
382
00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:04,239
Yeah, yeah,
Oxygen...
383
00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:05,384
yeah, yeah, yeah.
384
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:09,378
You must be Bob.
385
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:10,622
Yeah, that's right.
386
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:12,117
Yeah.
(chuckling)
387
00:14:12,118 --> 00:14:14,518
Yeah...
388
00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:19,220
Yeah,
389
00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:21,326
let's get a look at
those muscular thighs.
390
00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:23,288
Huh?
391
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:25,256
They're not so great.
You want to see my thighs?
392
00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:26,625
Uh, no.
393
00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:29,233
Let's put our thighs
against each other.
394
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:31,566
Thigh to thigh.
Come on, Bob, let's do this.
395
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:32,641
Who are you?
396
00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:34,169
I'm Andi's husband,
now hold still.
397
00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:35,344
No, you first.
398
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:39,313
Okay, listen, pal.
I don't like you
399
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:42,312
watching TV shows
with my wife.
400
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,275
Okay? I don't like you
401
00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:46,024
having special lunches with her,
402
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:48,449
or making her wear high heels.
403
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:51,015
I think there's been
a misunderstanding.
404
00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:52,924
Oh, look at that, you're
right next to a big trash can.
405
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:54,086
You ever watch cartoons?
406
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,359
Adam?
407
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:58,604
W-What are you doing here?
408
00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,228
I'm just letting this guy know
409
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,103
it's not okay
to text another man's wife.
410
00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:03,602
I never texted her.
411
00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:06,603
Oh, you just keep walking
into problems, Bob.
412
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:09,336
Andi told me about the texts.
413
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,582
Right, Andi?
Andi, I'm right, right?
414
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,107
Andi, am I right?
415
00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:15,152
Okay, um...
(clears throat)
416
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:16,408
...funny story.
417
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,946
Um...
(clears throat)
418
00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:19,481
I-I may have mentioned
419
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:21,186
that Bob was texting me...
420
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:22,117
(laughs obnoxiously)
421
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:23,192
...but that was a--
422
00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:25,119
a slight exaggeration
423
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:27,155
in-in the sense that, um,
424
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:30,130
h-he never did anything
like that, ever.
425
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:33,300
Where's the funny part
to that story?
426
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:35,300
Oh, well, um,
the funny part is,
427
00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:37,402
he's my boss,
Bob Thompson.
428
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:40,311
That is funny.
429
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:42,007
(laughing)
430
00:15:42,008 --> 00:15:44,238
(laughing):
Well, that is funny.
431
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:46,205
And I hope that one day,
432
00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:47,312
we'll can look back on this
433
00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:48,984
and laugh.
434
00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:50,152
(chuckling)
435
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,450
I'll do whatever you want.
436
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:55,452
A-And I also hope that
this little misunderstanding
437
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,715
won't cause a problem
with Andi's job.
438
00:15:57,724 --> 00:16:00,364
No, no, her--
her job is safe.
439
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,160
Uh, we may tighten up our
440
00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:04,302
"no spouses at work" policy.
441
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:09,102
(Adam and Bob chuckling)
442
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:10,342
Oh...
443
00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:11,467
Andi, what are you doing to me?
444
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,471
Well, I...
445
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,372
I don't know.
446
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:16,144
(sighing)
Okay,
447
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:19,342
w-when I mentioned that
I had a guy friend at work,
448
00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:21,006
you didn't seem to care.
449
00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:22,714
Didn't care?
450
00:16:22,716 --> 00:16:24,246
Well, I cared a lot!
451
00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:25,450
I was going crazy!
452
00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:27,192
Well, why didn't you
say something?
453
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:30,317
Because you hate it
when I get jealous.
454
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,093
Well, I hated it when
we were in our 20s
455
00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:33,732
and guys were hitting on me
all the time.
456
00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:35,187
Guys were hitting on you
all the time?
457
00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:36,385
Who were these guys?
Are they tall?
458
00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:38,196
See,
459
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:39,428
that's what I was looking for.
460
00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,002
What?
461
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:44,171
Well, a little jealousy is nice.
462
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:47,311
Wha-- since when?
463
00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:50,337
Apparently, the older I get,
the more I'm gonna need.
464
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:53,383
Good...
465
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:55,050
'cause I am tired of pretending
466
00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:56,408
to be someone I'm not.
467
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:57,716
I'm a jealous man.
468
00:16:58,752 --> 00:16:59,752
And I'll tell you another thing:
469
00:16:59,753 --> 00:17:01,223
I don't like kale.
470
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:02,521
I don't like kale, either.
471
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,762
Then why are we eating
yard clippings?
472
00:17:04,758 --> 00:17:07,188
Because we're supposed
to like it.
473
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:09,393
Just like I'm supposed to get
my confidence from the inside
474
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:11,756
and you're supposed to be
so secure in our marriage
475
00:17:11,765 --> 00:17:13,555
that you don't care
who I'm friends with.
476
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,197
That sounds like
477
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:17,742
something they do in France!
478
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,339
This is America, damn it.
479
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:23,440
We are jealous,
insecure, kale haters.
480
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:25,784
I love you.
481
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:29,107
I love you, too.
482
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:31,450
Oh, by the way,
483
00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:34,521
I texted Mrs. Rodriguez
a sexy photo of myself.
484
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:36,421
And, uh, the word "salami."
485
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:38,163
So, there might be
some fallout from that.
486
00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:39,818
But, uh, okay, here we go.
487
00:17:49,335 --> 00:17:51,235
So, after all of this,
488
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,597
we have decided to be completely
honest with each other.
489
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:55,806
That's right,
no more secrets.
Mm.
490
00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:57,739
I like that, Don.
We should do that, too.
491
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,714
Hey, I'm way ahead
of you, baby.
492
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:01,852
That's why I told you
about Adam's secret boat.
493
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:07,345
Don!
494
00:18:07,353 --> 00:18:08,523
W-What boat?
495
00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:10,521
You said there's no secrets.
496
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:12,493
I meant no new secrets.
497
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:15,333
Wait, you bought a boat
without telling me?
498
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:16,728
Ooh, that's bad.
499
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:19,207
Oh, yeah?
500
00:18:19,214 --> 00:18:20,734
Marcy, Don bought
your engagement ring
501
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:22,473
from a mortician.
502
00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:25,374
What?
503
00:18:25,371 --> 00:18:27,571
Oh, that's worse!
504
00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:30,814
Hey, the dearly departed
didn't need it anymore.
505
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:31,740
It's not like they
506
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:33,514
cut it off her finger.
507
00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:34,813
(mouthing):
They did.
508
00:18:42,422 --> 00:18:44,662
(Adam sighs)
509
00:18:46,426 --> 00:18:48,226
(laughing)
510
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:49,778
What's so funny?
511
00:18:49,779 --> 00:18:51,329
Have you looked at your
passenger side door lately?
512
00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:52,401
No, why?
513
00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:54,668
What happened there?
514
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:58,670
Don.
515
00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:05,338
I bet that's payback
for the mortician.
516
00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:08,705
(laughing): "Honk if
you think I'm sexy."
517
00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:12,817
Hey, I didn't get
a single honk!
518
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:15,519
Oh...
I'm going back out there.
519
00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:18,922
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
520
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:21,585
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org