1
00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:04,997
Okay, here's the deal--
2
00:00:05,006 --> 00:00:06,236
if we plug these in
and they light up,
3
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,140
we got to spend the afternoon
untangling them.
4
00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:11,012
If they don't, we can chuck 'em
and watch the game.
5
00:00:11,012 --> 00:00:13,012
Yeah. I know
what I'm rooting for.
6
00:00:13,014 --> 00:00:14,714
Yeah.
7
00:00:16,017 --> 00:00:17,447
Aw...
Aw...
8
00:00:19,086 --> 00:00:20,646
Hey...!
Hey...!
9
00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:21,354
Yeah!
Yeah!
10
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:23,415
Aw...
Aw...
11
00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:29,088
Hey...!
Hey...!
12
00:00:29,096 --> 00:00:30,496
(laughs)
13
00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:32,558
I think we celebrate that
with a Christmas beer.
14
00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:35,766
Hey, remember when we
used to help Dad untangle
the Christmas lights?
15
00:00:35,770 --> 00:00:38,070
Yeah. That's where I learned
all my swear words.
16
00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:40,672
He'd start with a
couple a couple frickin'
frackin's, and then he'd
17
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:42,044
move on to
the good stuff.
18
00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:43,283
ANDI:
Hey.
19
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:45,137
Hey, honey.
(gasps)
20
00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:47,246
Oh, look at the lights.
21
00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:49,518
It's exciting!
22
00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:53,247
It's the time to deck the halls
and jingle some bells.
23
00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:55,194
Don, you remember
Christmas Andi.
Yeah.
24
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:57,119
She's just like regular
Andi, except if someone
25
00:00:57,124 --> 00:00:58,624
popped off her head
and stuffed her
26
00:00:58,626 --> 00:01:00,786
full of snowflakes
and speed.
27
00:01:00,795 --> 00:01:03,355
I can't help it--
it's my favorite time of year.
28
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:06,074
Oh, which reminds me. For our
Christmas pictures this year,
29
00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:07,127
we're all gonna wear
matching sweaters
30
00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:09,704
for maximum cuteness.
31
00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:12,273
I smell a trip
to Sweater Barn.
32
00:01:12,273 --> 00:01:14,213
Oh, Sweater Barn!
33
00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:16,208
Great idea, Don. Thanks!
34
00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:20,078
Yeah, thanks, Don.
35
00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:21,811
Well, at least it's
not Candle House.
Oh!
36
00:01:21,816 --> 00:01:24,216
Candle House!
Thank you for reminding me.
37
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,646
You did that one
to yourself.
Yeah.
38
00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:28,845
Okay, honey,
39
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:30,656
you know I love
Christmas Andi, okay,
40
00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,718
but I don't want you making
yourself crazy, all right?
41
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:34,186
Christmas is still
three weeks away,
42
00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:35,855
and you're already
at level eight.
43
00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:39,233
That's okay, I can go
all the way to a hundred.
44
00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:42,234
Okay. Well, I'm off
to the craft store.
45
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:45,336
I can't believe I let
our glitter supply get this low.
46
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:48,239
Look, hey, hey, hey, before you
go, just think about this, okay?
47
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:50,842
You're back to work now, we
both have a lot on our plates--
48
00:01:50,845 --> 00:01:53,805
maybe we should just
dial it back a little this year.
49
00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:55,184
Dial it back?
Mm-hmm.
50
00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:56,822
Oh, no, we have to amp it up
51
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:58,217
because I'm back at work.
52
00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:00,489
Look, I... I want
the kids to know that
53
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:04,388
I may have a job now, but
my heart is still at home,
54
00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:06,631
covered with tinsel.
55
00:02:08,129 --> 00:02:10,299
So that's a no
on dialing it back?
56
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:12,257
Look, I know it's a lot,
57
00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:14,266
but... look, on
Christmas morning
58
00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:16,138
when those kids come
running down those stairs
59
00:02:16,137 --> 00:02:18,397
to open their presents,
it's-it's magical.
60
00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:20,165
It's my magical moment,
61
00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:23,184
and it makes all the
hard work worth it.
62
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:25,307
Hey, if you really want
to amp up Christmas,
63
00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,682
I suggest a trip
to Decoration Station.
64
00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,821
Oh, I love that place!
65
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:32,484
5,000 square feet
66
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:35,216
of things to
hang on a tree.
67
00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:37,692
The choices will bring Adam
to his knees.
68
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,656
What are you doing?
69
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,865
I'm trying to send you
to some more boring stores,
70
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:50,198
'cause I think it's funny.
71
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:54,205
Aw...
Aw...
72
00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:56,708
You guys better
untangle those.
73
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:58,310
DON:
Andi's on
74
00:02:58,312 --> 00:02:59,552
a holiday roll, man.
75
00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:01,247
You got some tough weeks
ahead of you.
76
00:03:01,248 --> 00:03:02,878
Yeah, but she loves it.
77
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,753
Happy wife, happy life.
78
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,549
Happy husband...
79
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:10,715
It's so unimportant
nobody even tried to rhyme it.
80
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:12,964
You know,
81
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:16,360
there is a way out of this--
outsource it. Fix it so that
82
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:18,463
you guys spend Christmas
with one of the grandparents.
83
00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:20,225
Let them do all the work.
84
00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:22,234
Well, we can't go to our folks.
85
00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:24,236
Things are weird
between Mom and Andi
86
00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:27,308
since she caught Andi staring
at her chin whisker.
87
00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:29,538
You could strum a guitar
with that thing.
88
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:32,281
But you know what?
89
00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:34,779
Andi's parents could
work. Yeah, I mean,
90
00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:37,282
they're both active,
they're both clean-shaven...
91
00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:38,724
and they're both
92
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,419
as crazy about Christmas
as she is.
93
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:42,351
You know,
they'd do all the prep.
94
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:44,286
It'd take a lot of pressure
off Andi.
95
00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:45,821
And less work for you.
96
00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:47,355
Yeah, don't think
I didn't notice that.
97
00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:49,601
Mm, I don't know,
though, you know.
98
00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:52,327
If I suggest it, she's
gonna know I have an angle.
99
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:55,333
She's smart, Don--
it's her only bad quality.
100
00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:57,266
You don't suggest it to Andi.
101
00:03:57,271 --> 00:03:59,971
Call her parents,
say the grandkids miss them,
102
00:03:59,974 --> 00:04:02,014
sit back, let it happen.
103
00:04:02,009 --> 00:04:03,479
It's like
taking candy
104
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:06,377
from... a really old baby.
105
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:07,850
I love this idea.
106
00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:09,818
I'm gonna call them right now.
107
00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:12,247
I'm right here
if anything goes wrong.
108
00:04:12,253 --> 00:04:14,723
You haven't moved all day.
109
00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:16,292
True.
110
00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:19,394
Frank. It's Adam.
111
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:20,563
How's things in
Virginia Beach?
112
00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:22,361
You guys getting
ready for Christmas?
113
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:25,803
Yeah, the kids sure would love
to see you this year.
114
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:30,300
Huh? Spend Christmas
at your place?
115
00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:34,042
I'm in. But
run it by Andi.
116
00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:37,441
Yeah, but say it came from you;
don't tell her it was my idea.
117
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:38,684
Why? U-Uh...
118
00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:40,309
Hold on a sec.
119
00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:41,454
Why?
120
00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,023
Just hang up.
121
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:52,319
Uh, because I want you guys to
get credit for this great idea.
122
00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:53,626
Yeah.
123
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,387
(chuckles):
Okay. Oh.
124
00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:57,526
Ho-ho-ho to you, too.
125
00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:11,077
Hey, um, my folks just called.
126
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:13,608
They want us to go
to Virginia Beach for Christmas.
127
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:14,984
What?
128
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:20,448
That's out of the blue.
129
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:22,454
Yeah, but we should just
stay here, right?
130
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:24,456
Definitely, yeah.
131
00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:27,528
On the other hand...
132
00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:29,728
you know, now that I'm thinking
about it for the first time...
133
00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:32,664
...it might make
your life easier.
134
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,926
You know, you said you wanted
an amped-up Christmas
135
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:37,835
and you know your parents
go Christmas crazy.
136
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,068
It's genetic.
137
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:44,111
Yeah, I mean, they did sound
pretty excited. (chuckles)
138
00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:47,351
And I guess it would
be less work for us.
139
00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:48,948
Would it be?
140
00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:51,849
I don't know,
let's just do it and see.
141
00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:55,120
Yeah, I mean,
I suppose we could do
142
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:58,122
all our Christmas Eve traditions
down there, right?
143
00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:00,085
I mean, like, buying the tree,
144
00:06:00,094 --> 00:06:02,064
and wrapping the presents,
145
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:04,362
and bandaging your paper cuts
146
00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:05,955
from wrapping the presents.
147
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:07,766
Three generations,
148
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,898
celebrating the holiday
together.
149
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:13,373
You know, now that
I'm over the surprise of it,
150
00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:15,714
I got to say,
that sounds pretty good.
151
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:19,579
I'll call it "Christmas
Through the Generations."
152
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:20,710
You know, we've never
153
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,114
taken a picture with my parents
154
00:06:22,116 --> 00:06:23,646
all in the same sweater.
155
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:27,915
You are knocking
me out, lady.
156
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:30,521
And I'll still get my
magic moment Christmas morning.
157
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,158
I love it.
158
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:34,129
I'm gonna go check
flights to Virginia.
159
00:06:34,128 --> 00:06:36,898
That's a great idea. Yeah.
160
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,657
You know, I got to say,
I feel a little silly
161
00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:40,625
that I didn't
think of this one myself.
162
00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:44,667
Well, you got to admit,
163
00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:45,901
all this free time
164
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,106
has been pretty relaxing, right?
165
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:48,567
Yeah.
166
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,505
Weird, but relaxing.
167
00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:52,908
Oh, I talked to my parents
168
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,053
and they are
taking care of everything.
169
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,577
They even had our traditional
170
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,622
pre-Christmas fight for us.
171
00:06:57,618 --> 00:07:00,618
Oh, and we're all set
on the kids' gifts.
172
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:01,951
I ordered everything online,
173
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:03,185
I had it sent
directly to Virginia.
174
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:04,520
It was amazing.
175
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:05,515
I'd pick one thing
176
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:06,526
and the Internet would say,
177
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:07,557
"If you like this,
178
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:08,591
you might also like this."
179
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,555
And I did, every time.
180
00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:12,198
Mommy, I finished
181
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:13,199
my letter to Santa.
182
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,830
Oh, good job, sweetie.
183
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:18,096
Just in case he didn't
get your first 17.
184
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:20,665
I'm not taking any chances.
185
00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:23,708
So, how'd you do?
186
00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:24,940
I got everything,
187
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:27,875
except the baby sister.
188
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:31,051
(both grumbling, chuckling)
189
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,721
Mom,
190
00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:34,849
did you tell Dad about
who stopped by earlier?
191
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:37,055
Oh, yeah, Carol Robertson
from next door.
192
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,157
(groans)
Yeah, she dropped off
193
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:39,438
her keys so we could
194
00:07:39,442 --> 00:07:40,732
watch their place
while they're away,
195
00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:41,907
but really,
196
00:07:41,911 --> 00:07:43,091
it was really just
an excuse to brag
197
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,626
about their two-week vacation
to Hawaii.
198
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,702
Well, did you tell her
that we'd be spending
199
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,871
the next three days
in Virginia Beach,
200
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:53,570
the Hawaii of Virginia?
201
00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:55,974
Yeah, she said we had
the shortest vacation
202
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,236
of anyone she knew.
203
00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:59,144
And then she
flipped her hair so hard
204
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:00,706
she almost
fell off the porch.
205
00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:02,184
(chuckling)
206
00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:03,982
(scoffs)
Yeah,
207
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,954
Sasha Robertson is the
meanest girl in our class.
208
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:07,993
She started a rumor
that I wear a wig.
209
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,618
And I know she got a nose job.
210
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,664
I mean, sure, you get
hit in the face
211
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:14,689
with a volleyball and
your nose gets cuter?
212
00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:17,725
Why can't you just tell people
you don't wear a wig?
213
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:19,201
In middle school,
214
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:20,269
the more you deny something,
215
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:22,497
the more people believe it.
216
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:24,836
Ow!
217
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,068
Give it a yank, Dad.
218
00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:28,643
Something's going on there.
219
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:30,982
Okay, I'm gonna walk away.
You do what you need to do.
220
00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:40,651
Merry Christmas Eve
morning, babe. Huh?
221
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:42,124
Honey, that blizzard
222
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:44,192
that was supposed to
hit New York last night?
223
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,061
It hit us instead.
Ooh.
224
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,829
They say it's bigger than
the blizzard of '75.
225
00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:51,529
Ha! Take that, '75.
226
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:54,872
No, the airports are closed.
227
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,538
How are we gonna
get to my parents'?
228
00:08:56,537 --> 00:08:58,737
I mean, I have a suitcase
full of matching sweaters
229
00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:00,239
and I need some old
people to wear them.
230
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,670
Okay, plan B:
231
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,776
we are driving to Virginia.
232
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:07,008
Yeah, who doesn't like
a road trip, right?
233
00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:10,184
And the lack of visibility
will make it exciting.
234
00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:12,283
Like a video game.
235
00:09:12,286 --> 00:09:14,116
Turn up the heat,
it's cold.
236
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:16,121
I hope your wig
doesn't freeze.
237
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:18,163
I'm going to choke you
while you're sleeping.
238
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:19,958
All right,
all right.
239
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,960
No choking until
after Christmas.
240
00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:24,203
(scoffs)
Look,
241
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:25,327
the Robertsons keep posting
242
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:26,972
bikini selfies from Hawaii.
243
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,827
Give me that.
244
00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:31,236
Hey, give me that.
245
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,343
Give me that!
246
00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:37,642
All right, let's
hit the road.
247
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:39,284
(car shifts into gear)
Virginia, here we come.
248
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:42,049
(engine revving)
249
00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:45,049
(revving continues)
250
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:46,722
I don't think we're moving.
251
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,790
Guys, I don't think
we're making it
252
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:50,819
to Virginia for Christmas.
253
00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,294
Then I'm going back inside.
254
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:53,292
It's windy out there.
255
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:54,663
Hold on to your wig.
256
00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:56,601
Don't fall asleep, Teddy.
257
00:09:57,331 --> 00:09:59,261
Don't ever fall asleep.
258
00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:05,804
Well, I could try
and dig us out.
259
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:07,036
Oh, no.
260
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,210
They just closed all the roads.
261
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,679
Okay, okay, all right,
262
00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:12,007
so we'll have just have
Christmas at home.
263
00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:13,042
Like we always do.
264
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:14,276
But it won't be the same.
265
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:16,251
I mean, we don't
have anything ready.
266
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:17,319
We don't even have a tree.
267
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:19,377
(scoffs)
268
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,151
Or do we?
269
00:10:24,358 --> 00:10:27,758
Okay, I think you know
where you can put that.
270
00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:29,691
Oh, I know it's awful.
271
00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:31,996
But we can't
control the weather, Dad.
272
00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:34,229
What?
273
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:36,104
Why would Adam be disappointed?
274
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,204
Oh.
275
00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:41,766
Coming to see you
was his idea.
276
00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:44,680
Just hang up.
277
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,919
So this whole trip to
Virginia was a scam.
278
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:56,921
You went behind my back,
279
00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:59,163
you manipulated my parents,
280
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,329
and you set into motion
a chain of events
281
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:04,298
that effectively ruined
Christmas for everyone.
282
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:08,900
To be fair... okay?
283
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:11,972
If it hadn't snowed
and you hadn't found out,
284
00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:13,412
you wouldn't be mad right now.
285
00:11:13,407 --> 00:11:14,767
Okay, so,
286
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:16,905
I think we're both victims
287
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:19,210
of bad luck.
288
00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:23,152
Just... walk me through
your thought process.
289
00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:25,350
Well, I was talking to Don...
290
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,892
Ah.
291
00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:30,858
So there was no thought process.
292
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:32,087
Okay, I'm sorry, all right?
293
00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:33,732
But I was thinking of you.
294
00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:35,857
I felt like you were
taking on too much.
295
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:37,162
And you got to admit,
these last three weeks
296
00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:39,234
have been very relaxing.
297
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:42,172
Do I look relaxed now?
298
00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:44,369
Well, I think you look
beautiful, baby. Come here.
299
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:47,041
No, no, no, no, no, no.
300
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,210
I think you were just trying to
get out of all the holiday work.
301
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:52,009
Well, sure, there was
a little bit of that.
302
00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:54,882
But you got to look at it
from my perspective, okay?
303
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,881
Every year, I take friendly
fire from Christmas Andi.
304
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:58,924
You know?
You remember the time
305
00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:00,019
you made me put
306
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:01,050
the inflatable Santa
up on the roof
307
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:03,054
and the wind picked up?
308
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:06,786
Me and Kris Kringle parasailed
into the church parking lot.
309
00:12:06,793 --> 00:12:09,963
Okay, that was scary.
310
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:13,263
And a little funny, but...
(chuckles)
311
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:16,896
I guess I can go a little bit
overboard at Christmas.
312
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:19,503
All right, look, honey,
313
00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:21,906
I love that you want
Christmases to be great.
314
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,008
You're adorable.
315
00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:25,309
It's like being married to a...
316
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:26,812
sexy elf.
317
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,181
And I'm sorry this isn't
what we expected,
318
00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:32,023
but you know what?
319
00:12:32,018 --> 00:12:33,748
I think we have the makings
320
00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:36,054
of a classic Christmas here.
321
00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:37,986
We got snow, family.
322
00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:41,991
(gasps)
Forgiveness.
323
00:12:43,029 --> 00:12:44,999
Huh?
324
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:46,198
Fine.
325
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:47,929
But I just want you to know
that, normally,
326
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:50,034
I would stay mad longer,
but Christmas Andi's
327
00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:51,296
just too freaking jolly.
328
00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:53,514
You know what we'll do?
We'll have a...
329
00:12:53,507 --> 00:12:56,907
simple, old-fashioned Christmas.
330
00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:58,040
Yeah.
We can
331
00:12:58,044 --> 00:12:59,884
make our own decorations,
332
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,050
sing songs by the fire.
333
00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:03,948
You know what? I'm actually
getting excited about this.
334
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,780
You know, there's no reason
335
00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:08,386
that this can't be one of our
best Christmases ever.
336
00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:10,258
EMME:
Hey, if we don't have a tree,
337
00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:13,487
where is Santa gonna put
all our presents?
338
00:13:15,829 --> 00:13:18,029
What?
339
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,832
Presents.
340
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:22,134
She said "presents."
341
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,935
Yes, I-I heard her.
342
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:27,168
Uh, okay, uh...
here's the thing, sweetie,
343
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:29,844
um, Santa thinks
we're in Virginia.
344
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:31,043
Yes, yes.
345
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,844
That's a good point. Yeah.
346
00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:34,976
Listen, honey, honey, you know,
347
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:38,351
Santa is gonna deliver
all the presents to Virginia
348
00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:41,591
because he doesn't know
we're stuck here.
349
00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:45,818
Daddy, he sees you when
you're sleeping.
350
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:47,886
He knows when you're awake.
351
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:52,496
He knows we're in Pittsburgh.
352
00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:58,472
Okay.
353
00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:00,511
That's really an ironclad
argument there.
354
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:06,878
Well?
355
00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:08,080
Why aren't I one of those moms
356
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:10,881
that buys extra toys
in case of emergencies?
357
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:13,354
Because there's no such thing
as a toy emergency.
358
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,123
Oh, really? 'Cause I think we
might be in the middle of one
359
00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:16,351
right now.
360
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:19,556
You haven't found anything?
No. Just...
361
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:22,059
an unopened box
of birth control pills.
362
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,902
Well, that's troubling.
363
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,601
Look, we've got to
find something.
364
00:14:29,603 --> 00:14:31,173
I mean...
Okay, okay.
365
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:32,941
Okay, I want you to see
those happy faces
366
00:14:32,939 --> 00:14:34,619
on Christmas morning, all right?
367
00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:36,313
All right, um... you
and the kids get started
368
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:38,009
on the decorations,
and I'm gonna head out
369
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:39,211
and find us some presents.
370
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,082
Wha... but the whole town
is closed down.
371
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:44,121
This is America, somebody's
always selling something.
372
00:14:45,952 --> 00:14:47,252
I like Crafty Christmas, Mom.
373
00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:50,194
I think our tree's cute.
It is, isn't it?
374
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:52,990
Who needs a fresh-cut tree
when you've got Christmas spirit
375
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:55,193
and Mommy's drying rack?
376
00:14:56,630 --> 00:14:59,300
You have a nice rack, Mommy.
377
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:03,969
It's a... drying rack, sweetie.
378
00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:06,340
You got to say "drying"
if you're gonna say "rack."
379
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:09,169
ADAM:
Hey, there's my
Christmas elves.
380
00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:11,335
Wow, look at that tree.
381
00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:12,914
Yeah.
382
00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:14,383
All our real decorations
are in the garage,
383
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:16,081
which is frozen shut,
but you know what?
384
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:18,382
I think I handled
that setback like a champ
385
00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:20,075
thanks to my new friend,
386
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:21,216
peppermint schnapps.
387
00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:25,089
Look.
388
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,161
I made a nativity scene
389
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:28,259
out of my Transformers.
390
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,561
Baby Jesus transforms
into a car,
391
00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:32,403
'cause I think he could.
392
00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:36,069
Well, sure he could, honey.
393
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:37,439
We really got to get him back
in Sunday School.
394
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:38,937
Yeah.
395
00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:41,239
So, uh, you guys, uh,
keep decorating.
396
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:42,711
I just-- I got to talk
to Daddy in the kitchen
397
00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:44,139
for a minute, okay?
398
00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:46,244
(softly):
So...
399
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:47,976
how'd it go
with the kids' presents?
400
00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:49,581
Before I tell you,
401
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,422
they won't look
good unless you know
402
00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:54,488
that the only place open that I
could walk to was a gas station.
403
00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:58,219
That being said,
404
00:15:58,224 --> 00:16:00,734
I tried to be very
thoughtful, okay?
Okay.
405
00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:02,627
Okay, Katie's
taking Spanish, right?
406
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:04,499
So I got her...
407
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:06,657
taquitos.
408
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:11,299
I got a pool toy for Emme.
409
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,144
But we might have to
change the packaging
410
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,239
'cause it says,
"Trucker's Hemorrhoid Ring."
411
00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:21,184
And I got Teddy this
really cool funnel.
412
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,211
You know, in case he wants
to pour a lot of liquid
413
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:25,276
into a really small opening.
414
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,687
We can't give them these.
What?
415
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:32,719
I mean, sure, Teddy's
gonna love that funnel, but...
416
00:16:32,726 --> 00:16:35,156
the rest of this
stuff is no good.
417
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:37,201
You know what I love best
about our tree, Mommy?
418
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:39,027
Oh, what's that, sweetie?
419
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:40,772
That's where all our presents
are gonna go.
420
00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,467
Oh, that's right, sweet pea.
You're not even gonna be able to
421
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:45,769
see the tree
because all the presents.
422
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:47,712
Yay!
423
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:51,176
Why?
424
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:53,037
I didn't want to
disappoint her today,
425
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:55,646
because tomorrow is
gonna be brutal.
426
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:57,678
Yeah, because we don't have
any presents to put under
427
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,354
our drying-rack tree,
428
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,792
which is decorated with
spoons and chip clips.
429
00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:04,458
I mean, those kids are
gonna be devastated tomorrow
430
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:05,717
and it's all thanks to you.
431
00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:07,455
Wha-- hey.
432
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,730
Hey, hey!
433
00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:11,529
What happened?
I thought we made up.
434
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,461
I forgave you too quickly.
435
00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:15,496
Christmas Andi's just
a soft-hearted fool.
436
00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:21,639
That's the pantry!
Yeah.
437
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,545
Hey Butterbean,
438
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,307
why are you still awake?
439
00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:31,575
We forgot to put out
cookies for Santa.
440
00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:34,324
Ah.
441
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,750
Uh, listen, Emme,
442
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:37,555
you know, I'm still
a little worried
443
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,317
that Santa might not have
gotten the message
444
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:41,255
that we're stuck in Pittsburgh.
445
00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:43,131
You worry too much.
446
00:17:43,129 --> 00:17:45,759
Well, I just don't want you
to be disappointed
447
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,465
if he doesn't come tonight.
448
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:50,497
The only reason
Santa wouldn't come
449
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:52,143
is if I wasn't good this year.
450
00:17:52,138 --> 00:17:54,508
Oh, honey, you're the best kid
451
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:55,567
there ever was.
452
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:56,835
Daddy,
453
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,513
can you tell me
a bedtime story?
454
00:17:58,511 --> 00:17:59,511
Oh, okay.
455
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,152
Here, come here.
456
00:18:01,147 --> 00:18:04,547
(groans)
457
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:05,681
Uh...
458
00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:08,745
'Twas the night
before Christmas.
459
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:12,555
And a handsome prince
had angered his princess
460
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:15,359
because he foolishly listened
461
00:18:15,361 --> 00:18:18,431
to an idiot giant named Don.
462
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,431
That's like Uncle Don.
463
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:23,873
Exactly like Uncle Don.
464
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:29,673
(kids yelling over each other)
465
00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:32,536
Oh, right in the jingle bells.
Come on!
466
00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:33,995
Let's go open our presents!
Come on!
467
00:18:33,996 --> 00:18:35,446
No, no, no, you guys,
hold on, wait.
468
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,508
Let's go, let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go!
469
00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:38,416
Oh...
470
00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:41,118
This is gonna be so tough.
471
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:43,321
Okay, you ready for this?
472
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:44,693
Yeah.
473
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:47,331
I'll just put
some schnapps in my coffee.
474
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:57,136
Oh...
475
00:18:57,137 --> 00:19:00,267
my God.
476
00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:04,513
Merry Christmas.
477
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:07,651
Oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God!
478
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,207
See, I told you Santa
would come.
479
00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:11,645
A doll house!
480
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:15,415
Oh, cool, an Xbox.
481
00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:17,521
(gasps)
And a funnel!
482
00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:22,861
What is happening?
483
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:25,502
Where did all this
stuff come from?
484
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,468
Well, last night,
I was feeling really bad
485
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,397
so I went out in the backyard
486
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:30,472
and I looked up at the stars,
487
00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:32,570
and I wished with all my might
488
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:34,912
for a Christmas miracle.
489
00:19:34,908 --> 00:19:37,538
And that worked?
490
00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:39,844
No!
491
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,476
No, then I remembered
we had a key to the Robertson's,
492
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:43,351
so I just went over there
and stole everything.
493
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:48,690
Aw.
494
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:52,218
You stole me my magic moment.
495
00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:53,455
This is the best Christmas ever.
496
00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:55,489
Aw.
(both chuckle)
497
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:57,395
And don't worry,
I'll put everything back.
498
00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:58,527
When the Robertsons get home,
499
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,361
everything will be just like
they left it.
500
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:01,926
Except it's gonna stink,
501
00:20:01,935 --> 00:20:04,695
'cause I stashed
a taquito in their air vent.
502
00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:13,511
That's weird.
503
00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:14,653
All I got was this old notebook.
504
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:18,217
Oh, did you open it?
505
00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:23,488
Oh, my God!
506
00:20:23,489 --> 00:20:25,719
It's Sasha Robertson's diary!
507
00:20:30,997 --> 00:20:33,597
And she did have a nose job!
508
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:36,527
It's a Christmas miracle.