1
00:00:01,302 --> 00:00:03,002
MAN WITH A PLAN #210
"We Can Be Heroes"
Closed Captioned

2
00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:04,367
What happened to donuts?

3
00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:06,535
This thing is mostly hole.

4
00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:08,784
I think they're making
the middle bigger.

5
00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:11,049
I bought a dozen donuts
and a dozen donut holes.

6
00:00:11,079 --> 00:00:13,179
They don't match up.
Somebody's getting rich.

7
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:15,454
Huh.

8
00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:17,193
Hey, there they are.
(laughs)

9
00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:18,788
How'd the, uh,
doctors appointments go?

10
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:22,089
Turns out Teddy needs
glasses, like, a lot.

11
00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:25,293
The doctor was
pretty judgmental.

12
00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:26,726
I got, like,
six lollipops.

13
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,660
I got nothing
because I'm perfect.

14
00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:31,027
Aw.

15
00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:33,300
Well, don't worry
about it, buddy.

16
00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:36,244
We'll get it handled.
Go get a snack.

17
00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:38,210
He needs glasses.

18
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:40,739
That explains so much.

19
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:43,714
Also, Katie needs braces.

20
00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:45,814
Ugh, I'm gonna
look so dorky.

21
00:00:45,846 --> 00:00:47,816
Can I please get
the plastic invisible ones?

22
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:49,218
I don't see why not.

23
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:50,280
They're $6,000.

24
00:00:50,318 --> 00:00:52,218
I see exactly why not.

25
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:54,263
Great.
Well, I'll have metal mouth.

26
00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:56,318
Guess you can use my face
to open your beers.

27
00:00:56,357 --> 00:00:58,487
That's the spirit.

28
00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:02,161
Braces and glasses.
Yeah.

29
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,266
You're gonna need
some quick cash.
Yeah.

30
00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:05,798
Well, I've got an idea.

31
00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:08,273
How would you feel
about taking a tumble

32
00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:10,272
down the escalator
at the mall?

33
00:01:10,304 --> 00:01:12,544
I know a guy.
He can push you.

34
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,143
You don't even
need the courage.

35
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:16,375
We'll be fine.

36
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,150
We have insurance.

37
00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:20,409
But you came up with that
escalator thing pretty quick.

38
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:22,818
Next time we go to the mall,
you're walking in front.

39
00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:26,916
Look at this.

40
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:30,194
Our insurance only gives us
$30 for Teddy's glasses.

41
00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:31,694
Where are we supposed
to buy them?

42
00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:33,725
The spinny thing
at the drugstore?

43
00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:36,601
Well, the drugstore
has good stuff.

44
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:39,370
That's where I get
my sexy sweatpants you like.

45
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,701
And check this out.

46
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:44,436
The deductible
for Katie's braces

47
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:46,342
is more than the cost
of the actual braces.

48
00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:48,244
Well, they do
cover leg braces.

49
00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:53,781
Might as well get her those
if they're giving them away.

50
00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:55,724
Ugh, we can't
afford all this.

51
00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:57,649
Ugh.
Well, the orthodontist
has financing.

52
00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:59,445
He gave me a brochure,

53
00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:03,187
but I dropped it when Teddy
walked into the fish tank.

54
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:04,494
He really can't see.

55
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:06,425
We should be ashamed
of ourselves.

56
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,230
The Burns men
don't do financing.

57
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:09,732
You end up paying triple.

58
00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:11,603
Be cheaper to just
send Katie to England

59
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,672
to live with the rest
of the snaggle-toothers.

60
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:19,569
Well, we have to find
the money somewhere.

61
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:24,384
Maybe we should go to the mall
and talk about it.

62
00:02:24,412 --> 00:02:28,482
I'm not falling down
an escalator, Andi.

63
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:31,186
Why not?
You fall off stuff all the time.

64
00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:32,689
Let's start making some money.

65
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:40,362
Hey, pretty lady.

66
00:02:41,429 --> 00:02:43,199
I'm wearing my drugstore sweats.

67
00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:45,271
Let's get crazy.

68
00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:49,599
You know what's crazy is
how tight our budget already is.

69
00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:52,267
So fooling around is out?

70
00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:54,806
Okay, let's talk money.

71
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,612
What's in our
rainy day fund?

72
00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:58,684
$175. Yeah.

73
00:02:58,712 --> 00:02:59,952
Which one of Kate's teeth

74
00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:01,750
would you like
to straighten with that?

75
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:04,752
I thought we agreed to keep
that tone out of the bedroom.

76
00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,915
Okay, well, I printed out
our budget.

77
00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:09,694
And, uh, this page
is our necessities.

78
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,933
You know, mortgage,
groceries, stuff like that.

79
00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:14,659
And this page
is our extras.

80
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:18,395
And, um, your cable
sports packages

81
00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:19,972
seem to be our
biggest extra.

82
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,840
Hold on. No sex, no sports?

83
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,770
I'm sorry I even came in here.

84
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:27,535
I'm not giving up
my sports packages.

85
00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:29,535
Adam, you bought,
like, eight of them.

86
00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:31,777
I mean, you shouldn't have more
sports channels than children.

87
00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:33,782
Then let's have
more children.

88
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:36,324
No. Forget I said that.

89
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:38,320
Look, Andi,
these sports packages

90
00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:40,592
are the only thing I have left
that makes me happy.

91
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:43,321
Well, besides you and the kids.
Blah, blah, blah.

92
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:44,987
Look, I know
you love them,

93
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:47,455
but I-I-I think
they have to go.

94
00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:50,325
The kids? Okay.

95
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:52,574
But wait a minute, hold on.
What about your extras?

96
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,000
Maybe we can get rid
of one of those.

97
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:55,944
No, I don't have
any extras.

98
00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:58,339
I already gave them
all up for the family.

99
00:03:58,372 --> 00:04:00,342
Oh.

100
00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:02,884
Then I guess there's
no coming back from that.

101
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:06,650
Fine, okay.
I'll cancel my sports packages.

102
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,920
I know it hurts, honey, but
you're doing the right thing.

103
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:12,620
If it helps,
you're kind of being a hero.

104
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:14,923
A hero, huh?

105
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,385
That does help.

106
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,290
Hero. As in...

107
00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:22,297
I'd like to dedicate
this Nobel Prize to my father,

108
00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:24,030
Adam Burns, the real hero.

109
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:26,404
Whatever gets you there, babe.

110
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,565
Ugh, the only thing is

111
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,443
I don't know how
I'm gonna tell the guys.

112
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,072
They love coming over here
to watch the games.

113
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,636
Our house is where
Pittsburgh comes to play.

114
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:39,506
I know, honey,
but I guess from now on,

115
00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:41,817
Pittsburgh's just gonna
have to play with itself.

116
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:47,324
I know how
Pittsburgh feels.

117
00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:49,685
*

118
00:04:58,566 --> 00:04:59,926
(sportscast playing,
men groaning)

119
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,497
Okay, I know this is your
last sports package game,

120
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:04,966
but on the upside,
I made mini pizzas.

121
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:09,877
I'm torn. I'm mad at you
for taking away our sports,

122
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:12,380
but I'm impressed
by these tiny pepperonis.

123
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:14,783
What did you use,
a hole punch?

124
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,545
I just nibbled them
down to size.

125
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:22,524
Man, this stinks.

126
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,926
If I'm not here watching
the game, I have to go home.

127
00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:26,788
That's where my wife lives.

128
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:31,532
This is our time
and Andi took it.

129
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:32,825
I fought hard
to get in here.

130
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:34,866
I'm not gonna lose it just
because you took a vow

131
00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:36,742
with some hussy
you met in a bar.

132
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:38,010
Look, I know it's tough,

133
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:40,138
but some situations
call for a hero,

134
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,813
a man who's
willing to step up

135
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,542
and do what's right
for his family.

136
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:44,877
Well, can you
find that guy

137
00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:47,452
and ask him to bring me
a regular size pizza?

138
00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:52,388
Okay, Dad, you and Mom
were always on a budget.

139
00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:54,690
How did you pay for stuff when
Don and I were growing up?

140
00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:57,062
Well, we just chose the kid
with the most potential

141
00:05:57,090 --> 00:06:00,460
and spent
our resources on him.

142
00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:03,604
In our case,
that was Donny.

143
00:06:03,631 --> 00:06:04,601
Thanks, Pop.

144
00:06:04,632 --> 00:06:07,002
You chose him?

145
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,774
Well, he seemed
like the better bet.

146
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:10,502
He was bigger
and he talked more.

147
00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:15,608
You just sat there chewing
on your fist like an apple.

148
00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:17,013
I was a baby.

149
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:19,014
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

150
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:20,706
Is that why I always
got cheese sandwiches

151
00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:21,848
and he got bologna?

152
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,482
Exactly. And it worked.

153
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:26,747
Look how tall he is,
like a redwood.

154
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:29,517
I am majestic.
Thanks again, Pop.

155
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:34,034
I could never do
that with my kids.

156
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,161
Andi wouldn't let me.

157
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:38,126
Listen, if you want
your sports back,

158
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:40,065
you better cut something else
from this budget.

159
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,070
Where did you get that?

160
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,172
I took the long way
to the bathroom.

161
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:47,074
Folder said "private."
Got me interested.

162
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,512
Who's Josephine?

163
00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:52,775
Give me that.

164
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,775
Wow. Who is Josephine?

165
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,887
She costs a fortune.
No, no, no, no.

166
00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,649
You don't need to look
at that. You don't...

167
00:07:00,688 --> 00:07:02,018
Just enjoy your pizzas.

168
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:04,085
I ate two pounds of
pepperoni for those.

169
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:07,733
Tell me who Josephine is.

170
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,801
She's my hairdresser.

171
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:12,030
Yeah. Josephine
makes my hair all,

172
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:16,135
you know, silky and, you
know, all this one color.

173
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:22,440
I could do that for free.

174
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,746
Strip it, prime it, paint it.

175
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,678
I've done it a million times.

176
00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:29,745
Wait, why did you put

177
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:32,193
your hair salon
under necessities?

178
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:33,719
So you wouldn't see it.

179
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:34,994
Yeah.

180
00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:36,262
See, I showed
you the extras

181
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:37,859
and then I held back
the necessities.

182
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,861
It was all very
well thought-out.

183
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:41,803
So you're just
shuffling cash around?

184
00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:43,159
That's money laundering.

185
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:46,897
You rigged this whole thing.
Rigged!

186
00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:48,944
You know, there's no cheaper way
to see my game.

187
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:49,999
None!

188
00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:52,207
But you could easily find
a bargain hair place.

189
00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:53,639
Do it!

190
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:58,176
All right, Lowell,
I can handle this.

191
00:07:58,211 --> 00:08:00,211
Then handle it, man.

192
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:07,586
What's with him?

193
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:09,491
I don't know.
He had a wine spritzer.

194
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:13,861
Look, honey, Josephine
is a necessity.

195
00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:15,604
All right? It's not
just a haircut.

196
00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:17,869
She rubs my shoulders.
She listens to me vent.

197
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:20,098
You know that-that time
with her, it keeps me going.

198
00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:22,143
It's my last happy thing.

199
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:25,269
It... besides you and the
kids and blah, blah, blah.

200
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:27,875
Well, that's how I feel
about my sports.

201
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:30,278
It's a few hours a week
where I don't have to worry

202
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:32,280
about all the stuff
I have to worry about.

203
00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:36,122
For example, you keeping
two sets of books like the mob.

204
00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:39,619
Well, I don't want to
give up my one last thing.

205
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:41,623
Well, I don't want
to give up mine, either.

206
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,985
Well, look, one if us gonna
have to bite the bullet.

207
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,094
You're right.

208
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:48,255
I think I know a way
we can settle this like adults.

209
00:08:48,295 --> 00:08:49,255
Then settle it.

210
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,826
All right. Lowell.

211
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,195
You're gonna have to go
take a walk or something.

212
00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:01,270
Okay, what's your plan?

213
00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:02,708
How are we gonna settle
this like adults?

214
00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:04,213
Rock, paper, scissors.

215
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,814
Ready?
Yeah.

216
00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:07,306
BOTH:
One, two...
Wait, wait, wait.

217
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:09,117
I want this to be fair.

218
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,719
So, I have to tell you,
I know you're gonna do rock.

219
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:12,992
You always do rock.

220
00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:15,990
Well, that's because I disagree
that anything could beat rock.

221
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,193
Paper beats rock.

222
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:19,194
Okay, you throw
a piece of paper at me,

223
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:22,056
I'll throw a rock at you,
let's see who's happier.

224
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,795
Okay, forget I said
anything. Ready?

225
00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:26,132
BOTH:
One, two...
Wait, wait, wait.

226
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:27,736
Okay, now that you know
I'm gonna throw rock,

227
00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:28,868
I'm gonna change it.

228
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:32,612
So you're still going with rock?

229
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,710
Well, that was the plan,
but I'm really gonna change it.

230
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,812
Okay, here we go.

231
00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:38,354
Winner keeps
their favorite thing.

232
00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:39,978
Loser gives it up.

233
00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,983
BOTH:
One, two, three, shoot.

234
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:44,745
That's what
I'm talking about.

235
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,245
Paper crushes rock.

236
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:48,856
I double outsmarted you.
Right? (chuckles)
I know.

237
00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:51,219
I had a good 15-year
winning streak there,

238
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:55,158
but you got me, so I will
cancel my hair place.

239
00:09:58,031 --> 00:10:01,101
Are you gonna be generous
and classy about this?

240
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:02,974
Yeah.

241
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:04,843
Well, it's no fun
to beat someone

242
00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:06,372
who's generous and classy.

243
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:09,706
Aw, all right, all right, look.
How about this?

244
00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:11,783
How about if we both
give up our favorite thing?

245
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:13,652
Really?

246
00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:15,381
Hey, the only way
we can both be happy

247
00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:16,875
is if we're both unhappy.

248
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:18,717
Right?

249
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:21,022
That's what marriage is.

250
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:24,194
Got to say, I'm impressed.

251
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:25,734
Yeah?
Hmm.

252
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:28,029
Well, you should be.
I mean, most people,

253
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:30,431
they have to read
about what a hero does.

254
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,803
But you, you're getting
to see it firsthand.

255
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:35,303
You're... you're
a lucky lady.

256
00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:41,679
What are you watching?

257
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:43,079
Well, all the sports
are gone

258
00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:44,810
so I'm watching
The Weather Channel.

259
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:49,819
San Diego's beating Buffalo
by 60 degrees.

260
00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:52,421
Hey, buddy.

261
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:54,052
Now that you got
your new glasses,

262
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:55,887
let me try something.

263
00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:56,963
Catch.

264
00:10:58,091 --> 00:11:00,891
I knew you could do that!

265
00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:03,028
I'm good at stuff!

266
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,195
Well, hopefully he can
hit the toilet now.

267
00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:11,197
Hey, honey.

268
00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:15,214
What's wrong?

269
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:17,182
I went to Jiffy Cuts.

270
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:18,710
Huh?

271
00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:20,176
And this happened.

272
00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:24,323
Oh, boy.

273
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:27,221
My new hairdresser,
whose name is Cricket,

274
00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:30,324
was texting her boyfriend,
whose name is Sledge.

275
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:34,127
This country is doomed.

276
00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:37,101
She was distracted,
so instead of using brown dye,

277
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,230
she used bleach.

278
00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:40,265
Oh, but... (chuckles)

279
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:43,000
the good news is that while
she was shampooing my hair,

280
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,066
her nose ring
fell into my mouth.

281
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:51,852
Sounds like you had
a jam-packed morning.

282
00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:54,480
But didn't it feel good
to save money?

283
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:55,884
Huh? Come on.

284
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:57,216
It's for the kids.

285
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,220
Oh, you're right.
You're right.

286
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,962
This is, this is all so Katie
can have straight teeth.

287
00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:03,359
Yeah, and Teddy,
with his new glasses,

288
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:05,360
I threw him the ball
and he caught it.

289
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:06,732
And not with his face.

290
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:09,795
We're doing great things here.

291
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:10,830
Yes, we are.

292
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:13,104
It's all worth it.
Yeah.

293
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:15,343
And we can save even more money
on Halloween.

294
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:16,468
Huh?

295
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,113
Do you need to buy a costume?

296
00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:20,738
No, you're already wearing it
on your head.

297
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:29,881
Hey.

298
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,123
What's going on?

299
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:37,255
We're having
an intervention.
Wha...?

300
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,290
You let Andi
take away our sports.

301
00:12:39,326 --> 00:12:41,386
You never handled it, man.

302
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,858
(clicks tongue)
I blame myself.

303
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:46,127
Maybe if you'd had a
little bologna as a kid,

304
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:47,866
you could stand up
to your wife.

305
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:50,971
Okay, look,
this is hard on me, too.

306
00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:53,114
That was my thing,
my very last thing,

307
00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:55,280
but I told Andi I'd give it up.

308
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:56,508
But she played dirty.

309
00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:58,283
She didn't even tell you
about her hair lady.

310
00:12:58,311 --> 00:12:59,511
That's true.

311
00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:01,276
And who won rock,
paper, scissors?

312
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:03,024
I did.

313
00:13:03,050 --> 00:13:05,190
I double outsmarted her.

314
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:08,018
Did you?

315
00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:11,085
But now I'm stuck watching
cooking shows with Marcy.

316
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,264
I'm real sad, brother.

317
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,863
You hear that?

318
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:16,155
Do something, boy.

319
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:18,366
You just made a
mighty redwood cry.

320
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:26,514
Teddy, where are your glasses?

321
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:31,042
I lost them.

322
00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:32,108
Already?

323
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,405
I'm not used to having them.

324
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:35,276
When I go somewhere,
everything else on my face

325
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,275
just comes with me.

326
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,216
Okay, well, go look for 'em.

327
00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:40,351
Your dad's in the garage.
I'll go get him to help.

328
00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:43,087
Okay, Kate, your last
meal before braces,

329
00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,463
just like you ordered.

330
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:49,361
Popcorn, salt water taffy
and beef jerky.

331
00:13:49,396 --> 00:13:51,396
You know, those three things
are gonna meet in your stomach

332
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:53,101
and they are
not gonna be friends.

333
00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:55,473
(scoffs)
I don't even want braces.

334
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:58,142
How about this:
just give me the money

335
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,971
and I'll push my teeth together
with my fingers. Huh? See.

336
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:04,338
Honey, I know it
stinks, all right?

337
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:06,877
But if it helps,
it-it stinks for all of us.

338
00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:08,884
I mean, your dad
gave up his sports

339
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:12,916
and I look like I'm trying
to murder 101 Dalmatians.

340
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:16,918
Oh!

341
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:18,957
I hope Andi doesn't find out
you bought the sports package

342
00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:20,362
on the Internet!

343
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:22,363
It would help if
you didn't scream it

344
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:24,095
at the top of your lungs.

345
00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:25,331
My bad!

346
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,895
Oh, Crosby stole the puck.
Come on.

347
00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:28,965
Come on.
Go, go.

348
00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:31,942
(all cheering, whooping)

349
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,442
Yeah!
(laughs)

350
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:36,513
Hey! Look who's here.

351
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,383
What's going on?

352
00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:40,211
Uh, okay,
it's not what you think.

353
00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:44,317
We were, um,
watching an adult movie.

354
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:46,451
Really?
Mm.

355
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:49,386
'Cause there was
a lot of high-fiving.

356
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:52,532
It was very inspirational.

357
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:55,999
Okay, look, I canceled all the
cable sports like I promised,

358
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:58,329
but due to the miracle
of technology,

359
00:14:58,365 --> 00:15:00,465
I found all the games
on the Internet.

360
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:01,940
For free?

361
00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:04,399
Free of you knowing about it.

362
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:08,537
So you were just gonna hide the
expense in the Internet bill?

363
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:09,535
Well...

364
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:11,006
Whose idea was this?

365
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:13,584
It was mine and I'm not sorry.

366
00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:15,684
You might be the wife,

367
00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:18,445
but I'm the hockey buddy;
I have a voice here.

368
00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,415
Really, Lowell?

369
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,693
You really want to
go up against the wife?

370
00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:26,062
To be honest,
I'm losing steam.

371
00:15:27,194 --> 00:15:29,164
How was this even
supposed to work?

372
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,556
I was ten feet away.

373
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,197
Well, we had a plan.

374
00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:35,072
My dad was supposed
to be a lookout.

375
00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:38,142
Oh, yeah.
Your wife's coming.

376
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:47,148
I can't believe you bought
the sports packages again.

377
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:50,720
Okay, I admit, it looks
bad, but you know what?

378
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:54,050
I won rock, paper, scissors
fair and square.

379
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:56,987
Okay, that's school yard rules,
no backsies.

380
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:59,334
That's your argument?

381
00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:01,329
Well, originally
it was Don's argument,

382
00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:03,201
which explains
why it isn't working.

383
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:06,100
Actually, it's true.

384
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:08,473
It is? I mean, it is.

385
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:10,271
Look, I'll tell you what.

386
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,613
I already gave up Josephine,
you have your sports back.

387
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,109
Everything works out.

388
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:16,041
Plus, four more punches
on my Jiffy Cuts card

389
00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:18,746
and I get a free beer koozie.

390
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:22,748
Mm-hmm. So I do something
sneaky and you just give up?

391
00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:26,051
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

392
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:28,386
The hairs on the back of
my neck are standing up.

393
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:29,521
What's the catch?

394
00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:31,656
There's no catch.
I'm happy to do it.

395
00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:33,661
You know,
and years from now,

396
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:35,503
when the kids are
accepting some award,

397
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,428
they'll probably thank me
for being such a hero

398
00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:39,034
or, I don't know,
something like that.

399
00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:41,366
Wait, wait, wait,
what'd you say?

400
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:43,741
I said I'm happy to do it.
No, after that. You said
you'd be the hero?

401
00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:45,440
Well, that goes
without saying.
Then why'd
you say it?

402
00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:47,412
Because I'd be the hero.
But I like being the hero.

403
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,140
Well, you can't be the hero
if you don't make the sacrifice.

404
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:50,006
Then I'm giving up my sports.

405
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:51,243
Too late.
I already gave up my hair.

406
00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:53,778
Over my dead body. I'm giving up
my sports and that's final.

407
00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:57,483
Fine. I'll call Josephine
and make an appointment.

408
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:58,687
You're damn right you will.

409
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,016
Okay, it's settled.

410
00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:08,533
Oh, Andi!

411
00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:12,327
That was low.

412
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,325
At least I didn't play
mind games with you.

413
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,237
I had the decency
to straight-up lie.

414
00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:18,769
That's what a real hero does!

415
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:21,365
Come on, Adam, it's my hair.

416
00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:22,808
My hair.

417
00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:26,352
Yesterday, at the park,
a skunk tried to hump my leg.

418
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:29,249
Well, of course he did.
You're sexy.

419
00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:33,652
Oh, and at work, they made
a new name tag for me.

420
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:36,116
It says Cruella de Burns.

421
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:38,086
You have to go through
three departments

422
00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:38,925
to get a name tag.

423
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:42,128
A vice president
had to sign off on it.

424
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,802
All right, okay,
you know what?

425
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:46,170
I'm gonna figure out a way
we can both get what we want.

426
00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:48,539
What are you gonna do?
I don't know, but I love you.

427
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,268
I'm not gonna let
people make fun of you.

428
00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:51,403
Only I get to do that.

429
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:53,268
That is my right
as your husband!

430
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:58,676
That's right.

431
00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:00,281
That is good stuff.

432
00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:07,352
I just got us enough money
to pay for the braces,

433
00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:09,687
the glasses,
your hair, everything.

434
00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:13,192
Oh, my God, did you do
the escalator thing?

435
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:16,756
No, no. I sold the motorcycle.

436
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,896
What? It's not even finished.

437
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:21,631
Well, Don and I stayed up
all night working on it.

438
00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:24,238
Check it out.

439
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:26,671
Holy crap!

440
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:28,676
You got this much
for that old bike?

441
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:32,778
I may have told the guy it used
to belong to Steve McQueen.

442
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:34,312
(laughs)

443
00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:36,647
You are the
sweetest hero ever.

444
00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:39,493
Oh, I can't wait to call
Josephine and get my hair fixed.

445
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:41,419
Oh, I'm gonna call
the cable company

446
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:44,324
and get the fun machine
turned back on.
Yeah.

447
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:47,687
Mom, look at my face.

448
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:50,357
Oh, no, what happened?

449
00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:52,267
The school nurse says
I'm having an allergic reaction

450
00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:53,629
to the nickel in my braces.

451
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:56,396
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

452
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:58,906
At least you don't have
Mom's hair, huh? (chuckles)

453
00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:00,808
And that's it for those.

454
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,210
Honey, go upstairs
and wash your face.

455
00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,713
I'll be right up to put
some medicine on it.

456
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:07,575
Okay, thanks.

457
00:19:07,614 --> 00:19:10,924
I guess this means I'm getting
the invisible ones. (laughs)

458
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:16,585
(groans) How much are
the plastic braces again?

459
00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:17,893
3,000 more.

460
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:20,364
Oh, you got
to be kidding me.

461
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:21,593
(crunching)

462
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:27,432
What was that?

463
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,867
I think you just found
Teddy's glasses.

464
00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:35,639
Aah!

465
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:36,875
(clicks tongue)

466
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:39,749
Well, there goes
your sports.

467
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:41,509
And your hair.

468
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:45,518
But we still
got each other.

469
00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:47,552
BOTH:
Blah, blah, blah.

470
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,931
This is nice.
Yeah, look at us, huh?

471
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,273
Even on a budget,
we could still have fun.

472
00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:02,669
I got my hockey on the radio.
You're getting your hair fixed.

473
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:05,272
I'm not sure you should be
doing it by candlelight,

474
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:08,905
but (scoffs) I'm half
schnockered, so whatevs.

475
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,541
You got nothing
to worry about, babe.

476
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:12,607
Just like painting a fence.

477
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:15,275
(radio announcer
talking excitedly)

478
00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:17,945
Get it cleanly...
Crosby to the net! He scores!

479
00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:19,694
Woo-hoo!

480
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,249
Oh...

481
00:20:21,288 --> 00:20:22,818
What happened?

482
00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:24,955
Uh, we just took the lead.

483
00:20:24,991 --> 00:20:26,961
To my hair, Adam.

484
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,033
Uh, nothing.

485
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:32,671
But, uh, what didn't happen
on this side

486
00:20:32,699 --> 00:20:36,839
needs to also not
happen on this side.

487
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:39,409
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

488
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:41,739
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org