1
00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:06,305
There's my sexy gardener.

2
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:07,640
Yeah.

3
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:09,575
I like you in those
little green gloves.

4
00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:11,110
Oh, these old things?

5
00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:12,205
(chuckles)

6
00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:13,776
Just something I threw on.

7
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:15,584
I'd already be done
if you let me

8
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:17,446
use that weed killer
in the garage.

9
00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:19,285
I'm being punished
just because Teddy used to--

10
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:23,290
and I repeat, used to--
lick the shrubs.

11
00:00:23,324 --> 00:00:25,264
Okay, well, everything's
looking good inside.

12
00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:27,703
The kids are cleaning their
rooms, I got the laundry done.

13
00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:31,068
Now, I just have to figure out
what that smell upstairs is.

14
00:00:31,099 --> 00:00:32,369
I smelled that, too.

15
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:33,630
I didn't say anything
because I love you,

16
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:35,597
and I thought it was you.

17
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,308
Hey!

18
00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:41,510
That came
from Teddy's window.

19
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,842
(scoffs)

20
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,477
It's like a Dumpster back here.

21
00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:48,524
Well, now we know
how he cleans his room.

22
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:54,264
And where the Funyuns went.

23
00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:55,618
I'm sorry I blamed you.
Mm-hmm.

24
00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,155
Throwing trash out the window?

25
00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:01,233
He gets that from
your side of the family.

26
00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:02,602
(scoffs)

27
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:03,730
Don't overreact.

28
00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:05,134
I am not overreacting.

29
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,596
I am reacting.

30
00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:10,165
Okay, but-but you got to
admit, for the most part,

31
00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:13,574
our-our kids are
pretty darn adequate.

32
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:16,538
I mean, they
brush their teeth.

33
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,447
Emme doesn't.
They-they do well in school.

34
00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:20,149
Teddy doesn't.

35
00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:21,821
They still hug us.

36
00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:22,849
Katie doesn't.

37
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:27,192
Okay, well, Kate puts "XO"
at the end of her texts.

38
00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:29,361
That's a kiss and a hug.

39
00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:30,820
Yeah. To a robot.

40
00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:33,358
Okay, look. Look-look--
wait, wait, wait, wait.

41
00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:35,364
My-my parenting book says

42
00:01:35,396 --> 00:01:37,766
that the most effective
form of discipline

43
00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:39,898
if often just listening.

44
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,273
Mm-hmm. I hate that book.

45
00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:43,866
Okay? I've hated it
ever since it said

46
00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:45,744
we should make
our own baby food.

47
00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:49,783
Please, please, just this once,
can we do it my way?

48
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:51,910
Your way is to just yell.

49
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:54,545
Yeah. And thanks to my dad,
I'm really good at it.

50
00:01:56,384 --> 00:01:58,194
Look, I think that we should
stick with my way,

51
00:01:58,219 --> 00:01:59,349
the book's way.

52
00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:00,317
(groans)
(stammers)
Let's just hear

53
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:01,924
Teddy's side of the story.

54
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,915
You always want to hear
the kids' side.

55
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,827
I could tell you
right now: their side

56
00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:07,759
is they're lazy boneheads.

57
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,530
I'm just saying that
there might be a problem

58
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:13,265
behind the problem.

59
00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:15,571
Okay, the problem
is they're lazy.

60
00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:19,773
The problem behind the problem
is they're boneheads.

61
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:25,282
Teddy, why would you dump trash
out the window?

62
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:26,883
Why do you put the caps
from your beer bottles

63
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,284
behind the couch pillow?

64
00:02:28,316 --> 00:02:30,676
I just...

65
00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:32,888
I get sleepy.

66
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,190
(sniffing)

67
00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:35,292
You smell that?

68
00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:36,593
(sniffing)

69
00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:38,234
Is that the smell?

70
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:39,359
(sniffing)

71
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:41,963
I think that's just boy.

72
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:45,495
You know, you get an allowance
to keep your room clean.

73
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:47,973
And that includes
taking your trash outside.

74
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,741
My room is clean,
and the trash is outside.

75
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:53,736
(chuckles)

76
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:55,914
Can I overreact now?

77
00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:58,313
Whoa, whoa.
Before you pop a vein,

78
00:02:58,346 --> 00:03:00,346
you might want to see
what's in Emme's closet.

79
00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:05,623
Hi, Emme, we just need to
check your closet real quick.

80
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:06,993
You smell that?
(sniffing)

81
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,560
Is that the smell?

82
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:10,589
It's at least
part of the smell.

83
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,595
Whoa! It hits you
right in the face.

84
00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:18,628
I think we just found
the house's butt.

85
00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:21,966
Emme, what is in
your shoe organizer?

86
00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:24,272
Is that broccoli?

87
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,705
Yes, it is.

88
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:30,641
I put it in there
so you think I ate it.

89
00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:33,508
Honey, keeping your room clean
and eating your broccoli

90
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,017
are the two things

91
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,918
you're supposed to do
for your allowance.

92
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,490
I don't like broccoli.

93
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:41,659
You make me eat it,
this is what happens.

94
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,964
This is very,
very bad, Emme.

95
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:49,503
It's not as bad
as what's in Kate's room.

96
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,601
Well, I say we
board that closet up

97
00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:55,003
like a portal to hell and
never speak of this again.

98
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:57,935
How did we not
know about this sooner?

99
00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,871
Well, we don't go in there
that much.

100
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:02,637
Look, the kids get an allowance
to keep their rooms clean.

101
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:05,476
The book says it's supposed
to foster responsibility.

102
00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:07,553
The only thing it's fostering
is botulism.

103
00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:10,346
Stop listening to that book.

104
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,824
You agreed it had good ideas.

105
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,693
I only agreed because you
asked me when we were in bed,

106
00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:16,522
and I wanted to fool around.

107
00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:18,757
Yeah, that's how I get you
to agree to things.

108
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:21,362
That's your allowance.
(chuckles)

109
00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:23,295
You're no fool.
Hmm.

110
00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:25,701
Well, all right. Let's see
what's behind door number three.

111
00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:27,543
Hmm.

112
00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:31,974
Looks okay to me.

113
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:33,305
Wait.

114
00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:34,911
I smell more smell.

115
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,912
A lot more smell.

116
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,014
(both sniffing)

117
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:43,050
It's not me.

118
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:44,853
(sniffs)
No, it's not me.

119
00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:46,585
(sniffing)

120
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:47,990
Oh!

121
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:49,421
The bed's wet.

122
00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:51,087
Katie's a bed wetter?

123
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:54,334
That means therapy.
That'll cost a fortune.

124
00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:55,532
Well...

125
00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:58,103
Smell the bedspread and see.

126
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,701
Uh, you smell it.

127
00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:03,103
Just, go-go and check
and see what's under there.

128
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,666
(groans)

129
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:09,840
Oh, it's old, moldy towels.

130
00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:11,547
Ugh.
Yep, that's the smell.

131
00:05:11,579 --> 00:05:13,679
That's the rest
of the smell.

132
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,854
Ooh, check this one out.

133
00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:18,693
That's the queen of the hive.

134
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:22,021
What are you doing?

135
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:24,955
Right now? Wondering
where it all went wrong.

136
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:27,433
Why are your old,
wet shower towels

137
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:28,601
at the bottom of your bed?

138
00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:30,029
Oh. Every night, I get in bed

139
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,873
with a towel on my hair.
Eventually, it falls off,

140
00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:33,099
and I just kick it
to the bottom.

141
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:35,803
And you never
change your sheets?

142
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,906
I thought you just changed them
every seven years.

143
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:40,708
That's the mattress, Kate.

144
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,141
Look, we give you

145
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,975
an allowance to keep
your room clean.

146
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,911
Well, now we know where
all our towels went.

147
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,476
This morning,
I had to dry off

148
00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:49,715
by running around
the house like a dog.

149
00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:52,448
I mean, how can you
not smell that?

150
00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:53,916
I smell it.

151
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,094
I'm just used to it.

152
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,992
Got good to me.

153
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:02,132
Well, at least I won't have
to pay for a wedding.

154
00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:04,432
Look, I'm not the only one
doing stuff.

155
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,095
Do you know what Teddy
does with his trash?

156
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:07,473
Yes, we do.

157
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:09,041
How about Emme's closet?
Seen it all.

158
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:10,639
Dad's beer caps?

159
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:12,371
You're not getting
out of this, Katie.

160
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:16,007
*

161
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,591
Seriously?

162
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,063
The parenting book again?

163
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:33,131
Is the last chapter
just a picture of the author

164
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,730
sitting on a pile of money,
laughing at us?

165
00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:38,903
She's a renowned
childcare expert.

166
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:40,632
(groans)
Hey-- wait, wait,
listen to this.

167
00:06:40,668 --> 00:06:42,798
Uh, "About the Author.

168
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:45,666
"Nancy is... single,

169
00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:47,676
and lives in Maine with her
beloved parakeet."

170
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:48,838
What?

171
00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:52,677
Wait, she doesn't
even have kids?

172
00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:55,823
That's why she doesn't know you
can buy baby food at the store.

173
00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:58,819
I liquefied a perfectly good
salmon thanks to her.

174
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,552
I can't believe this.

175
00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:02,688
I mean, uh, for 14 years,
this has been, like,

176
00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:04,693
my-my parenting bible.

177
00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:06,025
(scoffs)

178
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:08,029
I hope her bird flies
into a ceiling fan.

179
00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:11,497
You know what?

180
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:12,972
You're in charge now. Yeah.

181
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:13,970
Let's go Full Metal Jacket.

182
00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:15,171
Yeah?

183
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:17,102
That's what I'm talking about.

184
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:19,037
It's time to drop
an Adam bomb.

185
00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:21,112
Get it? 'Cause my name's Adam?

186
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:22,841
Yeah, no. I got it.

187
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,846
Yeah. Oh, I've been wanting
to use that for so long.

188
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:25,778
(laughs)

189
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:27,653
Come on.

190
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:29,521
All right. Listen up.

191
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:31,850
There's gonna be
some changes around here.

192
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,245
Yeah. You're supposed
to handle your rooms,

193
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,756
we handle everything else.

194
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,588
But you blew it, so
now, you get this.

195
00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:39,525
It's all you, A-Bomb.

196
00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:42,999
All right.

197
00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:45,600
From now on, if you
don't do your chores,

198
00:07:45,633 --> 00:07:46,733
you don't get your allowance.

199
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:47,937
Not one cent.

200
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:51,272
(whistles)

201
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:54,214
(imitates explosion)

202
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,811
That was a bomb noise, kids.

203
00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:58,014
ADAM:
Which means

204
00:07:58,045 --> 00:07:59,905
you can't go the
mall and buy yo-yos

205
00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:03,617
and slingshots and
blacklight posters.

206
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,888
I haven't been to
a mall in a while.

207
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:11,093
We'd like a moment to discuss.

208
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:12,694
What? What are you talk--
what do you mean?

209
00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:14,856
There's no discussing.

210
00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:17,865
You just got flattened
by a bomb!

211
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:20,528
Okay. Here's
what we do: nothing.

212
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:22,768
If we give in now,
our free ride is over.

213
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:24,173
But won't they get mad?

214
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:26,144
Look, you.

215
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,980
I've been lowering
their expectations for years.

216
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:34,284
I will not let you
mess it up for me.

217
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:35,654
Capisce?

218
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,553
What does that mean?

219
00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:40,846
"Understand"?

220
00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:43,758
How can I understand if you
won't tell me what it means?

221
00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:47,962
Teddy, just do what she says.

222
00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:53,728
So, we've discussed
your offer.

223
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:54,967
Take it or leave it.

224
00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:56,702
We've decided to leave it.

225
00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:59,037
What? No, there's no leaving it.
You have to take it.

226
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:03,112
Look, we know you love us too
much to stop giving us money.

227
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:06,907
You're good people.

228
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:09,577
Nuh-uh.

229
00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:12,987
We do-- do good people
watch Breaking Bad? Hmm?

230
00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:17,855
Yeah. 'Cause we watched one.

231
00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:20,989
It's a gamble we're
willing to take.

232
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,696
So, we're going on strike.

233
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,832
Capisce?

234
00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:33,137
Did he just capisce me?

235
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:36,813
(whistles)

236
00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:38,154
Nothing.

237
00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:42,017
LOWELL:
You took away their allowance

238
00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:43,349
and they still won't
do their chores?

239
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:44,723
Yeah.

240
00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:46,092
So guess who had
to make their beds

241
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:47,959
and take out
their trash?

242
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,218
Andi.

243
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:50,986
And that put her
in a bad mood,

244
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:53,364
which put me in a bad mood.

245
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:55,863
I guess now's not
the time to tell you

246
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:58,766
I lightly rear-ended you when
I was parking this morning.

247
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,173
No, it's not.

248
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,802
Okay. We'll put a pin in it.

249
00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:07,913
Kids are terrible
at chores anyway.

250
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,911
Little hands can't fold towels
the way I like.

251
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:12,153
It's fold, fold, flipsy, flopsy.

252
00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:14,179
That's a man's job.

253
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:17,284
It's a symptom
of a bigger problem.

254
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:19,187
We've lost our authority.

255
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:21,989
When we were kids, our
parents had the power.

256
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:24,862
But now that we're parents,
the kids have the power.

257
00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:27,332
We've never had the power.

258
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,400
I think it all started
with sugary cereal.

259
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:32,170
All we got
for breakfast

260
00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:33,429
was plain oatmeal.

261
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,036
You know?
That put you in your place.

262
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,938
You were barely more important
than a horse.

263
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,171
Yeah, yeah. You know what
we never heard from Dad

264
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:41,307
when we were kids?

265
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:42,941
"How do you feel?"
Yeah.

266
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,946
I heard, "How does that feel?"
Yeah.

267
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,349
And, "You're gonna feel that
for a while."

268
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,920
Yeah, yeah.
I remember that.

269
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:52,320
I'm starting to think it didn't
hurt him more than it hurt us.

270
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:56,322
I just, I-I don't know how
to get through to these kids.

271
00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:57,886
You should talk to Dad.

272
00:10:57,925 --> 00:10:59,185
He's always had the power.

273
00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:00,786
He's the reason
I don't stick up for myself

274
00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:02,028
and I'm grateful for that.

275
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:04,702
Yes, Dad.
Yeah.

276
00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:07,202
That man ruled with an iron fist

277
00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:09,044
from the comfort
of his Barcalounger.

278
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,369
All he had to say was,

279
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:13,013
"Don't make me get up,"
and we never did.

280
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:15,944
He'll get those
kids in line.

281
00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:18,006
You guys are really getting me
fired up.

282
00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:20,045
I'm sick of my kids
running my house.

283
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,920
I'm not gonna put up
with it anymore.

284
00:11:21,949 --> 00:11:25,249
Tonight, I'm gonna ask them
for more power.

285
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:29,991
Dad, uh, we need to talk to you

286
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,893
about a situation
we're having.

287
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:33,225
Take a bath together.

288
00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:35,800
That spiced it up
for me and your mom.

289
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:40,171
That's gonna
stick with me.

290
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,240
Uh, n-no, no, Dad.

291
00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:44,740
That's not the problem,

292
00:11:44,772 --> 00:11:47,042
but we should do that.

293
00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:49,414
Hey, there's my Teddy Bear.

294
00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:51,082
Hey, Grandpa.
Huh?

295
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:52,411
You couldn't spare
a few dollars

296
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:55,075
for a guy who's down
on his luck, could you?

297
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,946
Teddy, you want
your allowance,

298
00:11:57,985 --> 00:11:59,945
take out the trash.

299
00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:01,347
Nah, I'll let you do it.

300
00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:06,194
You see that right there?
That's the problem.

301
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,226
If you'd talked to me like that
when you were a kid,

302
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,131
I would've taken the trash out
with you in it.

303
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,528
Yeah, well, it's not just Teddy.
It's all of them.

304
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:16,266
There are ways to make kids
do what you want.

305
00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:20,273
Yeah, but, Dad, your ways
aren't legal anymore.

306
00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:23,777
That was only one tool
in the toolbox.

307
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:26,152
You two have
a structural problem.

308
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:27,209
You're too soft on them.

309
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:30,917
Yeah. You-You're always
asking them how they feel.

310
00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:36,224
You have to make them
fear the consequences

311
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,286
of not doing their chores.

312
00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:41,225
You can't be afraid
to ruin their lives a little.

313
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:43,901
Remember when you
wouldn't make your bed?

314
00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:44,971
What did I do?

315
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:46,868
You took my bed.

316
00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:48,537
You didn't.

317
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:50,098
I damn well did.

318
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:53,007
But he makes his bed
now, doesn't he, huh?

319
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,040
Yeah, huh? You're welcome.

320
00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:58,447
He's right, he's right.

321
00:12:58,478 --> 00:12:59,448
We need to up our game

322
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:02,049
and make their lives a
little less comfortable.

323
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:04,182
This is how we get
the power back.

324
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:06,217
I just, I don't want them
to be unhappy.

325
00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:08,063
Don't worry about that.

326
00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:10,518
Unhappy children is how you know
you're doing a good job.

327
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:15,857
Good morning.

328
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:18,066
Your mother and I have realized
that we made a mistake

329
00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:20,828
with this whole
chore situation.

330
00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:23,538
Told ya.

331
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:26,240
We've been too soft on you.

332
00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:29,943
Uh-oh.

333
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:32,147
Yeah, we've been thinking
about this, uh, strike of yours

334
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:34,349
and it's actually
a great idea.

335
00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:36,621
So until you agree to start
pulling your weight around here,

336
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,249
we're going on strike.

337
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:40,946
ADAM:
That's right.

338
00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:42,958
Instead of us doing
all the work,

339
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,160
you're gonna do it,

340
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:46,131
and we're gonna do nothing.

341
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,260
You're gonna do the
dishes, the laundry,

342
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:53,226
keep the kitchen
clean and, and...

343
00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:56,866
you're gonna do
it all for free.

344
00:13:58,405 --> 00:14:00,535
We trusted you.

345
00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:04,506
And that allowance money
that you're not getting,

346
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:06,214
we're gonna use it
to buy ice cream

347
00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:08,116
and then eat it
in front of you.
Mm-hmm.

348
00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:11,116
And we're gonna get
all those goofy flavors

349
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:14,191
you like and we hate just to
make it harder for you to watch.

350
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:17,658
Oh, and I almost forgot.

351
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:21,090
Here's your breakfast.

352
00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:22,398
Enjoy your oatmeal.

353
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,366
That's right.
We'll be in the tub.

354
00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:43,478
We've only been
on strike three days

355
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:46,246
and it looks like...
somebody took our house

356
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:48,156
and shook it
like a snow globe.

357
00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:53,561
Yeah, there's no
place to sit.

358
00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:55,203
Sitting's our
favorite thing.

359
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,498
Yeah, but think about it.

360
00:14:57,530 --> 00:15:00,330
If it's getting to us,
it's got to be getting to them.

361
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:01,997
(keys jangling)
Ooh, ooh, here they come.

362
00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:04,065
Okay, let's close this deal.

363
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,509
Hey, guys.

364
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:10,080
How was riding the
nasty old school bus?

365
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:11,440
Yeah, we're on strike.

366
00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:14,448
We don't pick you
up. That's rough.

367
00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:16,621
The bus is awesome.
I sat next to an older kid

368
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:18,289
who taught me
about the dark web.

369
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:22,663
You guys are really okay
with this mess?

370
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:24,319
Yeah, I mean,
this place looks

371
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:25,657
like the morning
after Burning Man.

372
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,997
Doesn't bother us if
it doesn't bother you.

373
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,998
Oh, it doesn't bother us.

374
00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:38,667
No, no, no.

375
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,965
You wish it bothered us!

376
00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:42,978
It bothers me so much, Andi!

377
00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:46,110
I-I can't take it anymore.

378
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:47,146
What are you talking about?

379
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:49,120
It's gross in here!

380
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:52,419
Those lunch boxes have not been
emptied since tuna fish day.

381
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,293
Tuna fish, Andi!

382
00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:57,662
Sitting right under
the heating vent.

383
00:15:57,690 --> 00:15:59,990
If whatever that grows into
learns how to open the lid,

384
00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:02,757
it's gonna kill us
in our sleep.

385
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:05,125
Wh-Whoa, whoa. Wait-wait
a minute, wait a minute.

386
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:06,765
You got me into this.
You can't give up.

387
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:09,569
Why not?
I never get to give up.

388
00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:11,642
It looks fun.
I want to try it.

389
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,471
Oh, hey, hey.

390
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,276
How about let's both
do it, huh?

391
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,638
You're always saying you want
to do more stuff together.

392
00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:20,777
Come on. Think of all the
battles that we've quit on.

393
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,023
All right? The-the
bedtime battle,

394
00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:24,350
the-the junk food battle,

395
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,124
the flushing the
toilet battle.

396
00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:28,323
We were all losers
that day.

397
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:32,029
And all because we
never stick with it.

398
00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:34,029
This is where we
draw the line,

399
00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:36,231
just like that line that
Teddy drew on the wall

400
00:16:36,263 --> 00:16:37,263
that we never
punished him for.

401
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:40,427
(groans) I painted over it,
but I can still see it

402
00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:41,767
when the sun hits it right.

403
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:44,101
God, it makes me crazy!

404
00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:46,167
Yes, yes. Use that anger.

405
00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:47,506
Embrace the dark side.

406
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:49,180
Okay. Okay,
we'll stick it out.

407
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:51,339
And when it works, I'm gonna
write my own parenting book

408
00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:53,148
and call it
Take That, Bonehead!

409
00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,550
By Adam "A-Bomb" Burns!

410
00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,390
I need to sit down.

411
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,359
(water running, clattering)

412
00:17:10,597 --> 00:17:12,627
Adam, did you hear that?

413
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:16,341
Adam?

414
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,739
(fly buzzing)

415
00:17:26,113 --> 00:17:28,483
(laughs)

416
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:33,589
Adam!

417
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:36,490
(stammers)
It's not what you think.

418
00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:39,063
I'm, uh, I'm having an affair.

419
00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:44,500
You broke the strike.

420
00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:45,871
You-you surrendered.

421
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,498
You're-you're like a, like a,

422
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:50,104
like a Frenchman.

423
00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:51,837
I can't live like this anymore.

424
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:53,641
We got flies, Andi.

425
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:56,113
And I'm pretty sure something
in the bottom of the sink

426
00:17:56,143 --> 00:17:57,783
just grabbed my hand.

427
00:17:57,810 --> 00:18:00,750
I am so disappointed in you.

428
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:02,580
Oh, come on. Don't do that.

429
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:04,145
It's just, I got...

430
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:07,254
Wait a minute.
What are those?

431
00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:09,687
Who washed the
kids' lunch boxes?

432
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:14,194
Guess the kids did.
We won.

433
00:18:14,227 --> 00:18:15,527
Let's go back to bed.

434
00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:18,302
Not so fast, Jean-Pierre.

435
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:20,471
Ugh. All right, you caught me.

436
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,140
Uh, hey.

437
00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:23,869
Let's do your thing
and give up, huh?

438
00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:26,343
We can, we can give up together
in the tub.
No.

439
00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:29,343
No. The tub is for winners.

440
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,353
(scoffs) Look at us.

441
00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:35,580
We went on strike to make
the mess the kids' problem

442
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,415
and we ended up just
punishing ourselves.

443
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:38,450
Well, you're right.

444
00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:40,145
I mean, at this point,

445
00:18:40,187 --> 00:18:42,617
their rooms are probably the
cleanest ones in the house.

446
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:48,229
You know what? They are.

447
00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:51,596
And we are finally gonna
make this mess their problem

448
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,501
because I just got an idea.

449
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:58,338
Okay, babe, everyone's home
from their playdates.

450
00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:02,212
Hey, hey, look how clean
it is in here.
I see it.

451
00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:03,242
Stick with me, kid.

452
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:05,606
That's right. We cleaned up.

453
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:06,845
You got us.

454
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:09,319
Oh, here we go.

455
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:10,879
Good luck.

456
00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:13,187
See you on the other side.

457
00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:23,699
KATE:
Oh, my God!

458
00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:26,300
EMME: What happened?
TEDDY: Somebody help!

459
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:29,543
That is the sweet
sound of victory.

460
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:31,899
(whistles)

461
00:19:31,938 --> 00:19:34,668
(imitates small explosion)

462
00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:36,877
(imitates bigger explosion)

463
00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:40,882
I did all the laundry.

464
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:43,283
I took out all the trash.

465
00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:46,686
I broke a plate and didn't have
to do anything after that.

466
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:51,415
And what I'm hearing
is you surrender.

467
00:19:51,458 --> 00:19:52,828
Pretty much.

468
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,589
Say it.

469
00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:59,726
ALL:
We surrender.

470
00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:02,366
All right,
then the strike is over.

471
00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:04,472
We do our work.
You do your work.

472
00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:06,774
Everybody gets along.

473
00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:08,576
You win.

474
00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:10,938
We're not very happy.

475
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:14,907
And that's how we know
we're doing a good job.

476
00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:24,319
Okay.

477
00:20:24,357 --> 00:20:26,527
After I take out the kids'
trash, I'll make their beds.

478
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:29,759
Okay. And, uh,

479
00:20:29,796 --> 00:20:30,996
I'll pick up their toys

480
00:20:31,030 --> 00:20:32,600
and start vacuuming their rooms.
Okay.

481
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:37,768
Hey.

482
00:20:37,804 --> 00:20:40,574
What the hell happened?

483
00:20:43,543 --> 00:20:44,713
Call your dad!

484
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,754
I'm on it.

485
00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:55,455
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

486
00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:58,488
Captioned by
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access.wgbh.org