1
00:00:03,271 --> 00:00:05,741
Gentlemen, I got a problem.

2
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:08,313
I've gathered you here because I
need the smartest guys I know.

3
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:11,112
My life is what it is,
so that's you.

4
00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:16,446
He's talking to you
guys, so step it up.

5
00:00:16,484 --> 00:00:18,754
Yesterday, I was the only one
home and the doorbell rings.

6
00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:20,316
It was Carl Tompkins.

7
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,324
That son of a bitch.

8
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,326
Who's Carl Tompkins?

9
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,788
Pastor Carl? The guy who married
me and Andi at our wedding.

10
00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:29,127
That son of a bitch.

11
00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:31,103
Dad, will you listen, please?

12
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:32,632
He gave me some very bad news.

13
00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:35,296
17 years ago, when I
married you and Andi,

14
00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:37,366
I had a nasty gambling problem.

15
00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:40,805
But I'm in a program now,
and I'm on the ninth step,

16
00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:43,181
which is making amends.

17
00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:46,451
Amends? That's never good.

18
00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:48,350
When I did your ceremony,
I was broke,

19
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,452
so I hadn't renewed
my credentials.

20
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,624
I forged your paperwork
and your marriage isn't legal.

21
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:54,423
What?

22
00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:56,385
We're not legally married?

23
00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:58,164
But why would you
do the ceremony

24
00:00:58,192 --> 00:00:59,462
if you knew
it wasn't real?

25
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,863
I just love
making people happy.

26
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:04,395
Do I look happy now?

27
00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:06,702
So I was right--
he is a son of a bitch.

28
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:09,244
Andi's not
gonna like this.

29
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:10,600
But she's not
gonna blame Adam.

30
00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:12,568
It's not your fault the guy
had a gambling problem.

31
00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:16,506
See, this is
where it gets tricky.

32
00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:19,454
H-He's not the guy
Andi told me to hire.

33
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:20,610
I picked him
'cause he was cheaper.

34
00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:23,448
Oh, Adam.

35
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:25,624
What? Well, I had
to do something.

36
00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:28,323
Look, we agreed on a simple
courthouse ceremony,

37
00:01:28,356 --> 00:01:29,856
then the bride magazines
started showing up

38
00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,430
and everything got expensive.

39
00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:33,429
She wanted to move it
to the Bahamas.

40
00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:34,901
I had to show her a bunch
of shark attack videos

41
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:37,168
just to keep it on the mainland.

42
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:38,368
So you're not legally married?

43
00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:39,469
And it's your fault.

44
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:40,630
And Andi doesn't know.

45
00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:42,768
That's pretty much it.

46
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:44,743
Yeah, you're gonna need
smarter guys.

47
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,140
*

48
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,352
First of all, I am
really pumped to be included

49
00:02:00,388 --> 00:02:02,318
in this advice circle.

50
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:03,516
We don't name our meetings,
Lowell.

51
00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:05,227
And if we did, it would
be something cool,

52
00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:07,699
like "war council."

53
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:11,868
But a wedding is not something
to cut corners on.

54
00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:15,369
You blew it, bubba.
Sorry for the language.

55
00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:18,243
Money is for saving,
not spending.

56
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:19,812
That's right, and you're
gonna need that money

57
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,240
when the storm comes.

58
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:23,235
And there is always
a storm coming.

59
00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:24,547
You taught us that, Pop.

60
00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:26,248
I'm never not afraid.

61
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:29,280
Damn straight.
It keeps you frosty.
Mm-hmm.

62
00:02:29,317 --> 00:02:31,517
So how do I tell Andi
we're not legally married

63
00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:33,192
because I wanted to save
a few bucks?

64
00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:35,521
Now, keep in mind,
not being married might be

65
00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:37,726
a hot-button issue for her.

66
00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:40,858
Well, you could
soften her up with some romance.

67
00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:43,434
Ooh, take her to
a nice hotel for a weekend.

68
00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:44,674
I don't like the idea
of being locked

69
00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:47,368
in a tiny room with her
when she finds out.

70
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:49,571
Whenever I've screwed
up with Marcy--

71
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:52,543
and it has happened--

72
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,383
I tell her I did
something much worse,

73
00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:55,908
and then when I tell
her the real thing,

74
00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:57,713
(exhales)
she's relieved.

75
00:02:57,745 --> 00:03:00,445
So what could I tell Andi
that's worse than this?

76
00:03:00,481 --> 00:03:01,851
Nothing.

77
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,350
I was just saying, you know,

78
00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:05,915
if you'd done something
not so big,

79
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:07,663
that would be the solution.

80
00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:11,489
This is the worst war council
I've ever been on.

81
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:14,996
Son, you got to think
outside the box.

82
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:17,798
Men have been screwing up with
women for thousands of years.

83
00:03:17,831 --> 00:03:19,231
They're on to us.

84
00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:21,838
You need something new.

85
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:24,939
So your idea is:
come up with a good idea.

86
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:27,642
That's right.
Run with that.

87
00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:30,635
Okay. Well, a lot of good
perspectives here.

88
00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:32,848
But the thing is, Andi
is the best, all right?

89
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,650
I got a good one,
so I'm just gonna go home

90
00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:36,382
and tell her;
she'll understand.

91
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:37,587
Attaboy.
Absolutely.
Good for you.

92
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:42,561
He's not coming
back from this.

93
00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:43,660
He's a dead man.

94
00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:46,531
I should have told him
I loved him.

95
00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,727
Hey, sweetie.
Hey.

96
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:53,665
You'll never guess what happened
at work today.

97
00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:54,671
I hope it was good.

98
00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:55,742
It's so good.

99
00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:57,739
Okay. I finally figured out

100
00:03:57,771 --> 00:04:00,671
who's been microwaving fish in
the break room. It was Karen.

101
00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:03,608
Yeah. We're gonna have
a whole meeting about it

102
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:05,754
and everything.

103
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:08,579
Yeah. Funny thing happened
to me today, too. Get this.

104
00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:10,676
Wait. Wait.

105
00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:12,718
Babe, what's this? They didn't
have the organic chicken?

106
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,593
No, no, they did, but we'll
get to that in a minute.

107
00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:16,462
Yeah.
Okay, but, um,

108
00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:18,360
I thought we agreed we
were gonna go organic.

109
00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:19,492
Remember? We watched
that documentary.

110
00:04:19,527 --> 00:04:21,927
You cried a little.

111
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:24,502
Then I saw how much
organic chicken costs,

112
00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:25,672
and I cried more.

113
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:27,739
They just charge you
twice as much

114
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:30,468
'cause they slap
a fancy label on it.

115
00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:32,914
Okay, Adam, we've
talked about this.

116
00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,510
Don't be cheap.

117
00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:37,952
Well-- I am not cheap,
I am frugal.

118
00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:39,778
Okay, see what you did there?

119
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:42,583
You just took "cheap" and you
slapped a fancy label on it.

120
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:45,486
Okay, this isn't a big deal,
it's just chicken,

121
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:47,089
but I-I do need to...

122
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,990
Okay, look, Adam, we both
know it's not just chicken.

123
00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:53,864
I mean, like, for example,
all of our napkins

124
00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:56,634
come from fast food places.

125
00:04:56,664 --> 00:05:00,674
You should never have
to pay for napkins.

126
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:03,471
They're free everywhere.

127
00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:04,874
And when company comes over,

128
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:07,705
we put out the good ones
from Arby's.

129
00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:12,678
Okay. Let's talk about
our coffee situation.

130
00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:15,453
These coffee pods
come 12 to a box,

131
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:18,493
but somehow every box
seems to last us for a month.

132
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:23,421
I did not know that
you noticed that.

133
00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:25,727
Oh, I did.

134
00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:27,459
Says right on it,

135
00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:30,095
"single use only."

136
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:34,436
You've been double dripping,
haven't you?

137
00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:38,609
You're damn right I have.

138
00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:39,909
They would love for you to
only use each pod once.

139
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,680
That's their whole scam.

140
00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:43,079
I bet you there's a
documentary about that.

141
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,478
Okay, Adam, it's not a scam,
okay?

142
00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:48,745
I've been drinking brown water

143
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,822
and falling asleep at 10:30
in the morning.

144
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:53,151
Okay, you know
I love a bargain.

145
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:56,656
But isn't it fun when you
find out and we have a laugh?

146
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:57,790
Huh?

147
00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:59,125
Yeah, so fun.

148
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,032
Hey, um, let me ask you
something.

149
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:05,803
Last week, when you made
the reservation

150
00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:07,743
for our family trip
to Keystone Lake,

151
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:10,838
um...

152
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,841
you said that the hotel
right on the water was full,

153
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:17,914
so that we had to stay at the
cheap one six blocks away.

154
00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:20,005
Yeah.

155
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:22,017
Yeah. I-I-I-I told you that

156
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,049
because that's what happened.

157
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:27,764
And if I'm remembering
right, and I hope I am,

158
00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:30,758
I said there was a convention.

159
00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:33,091
Uh-huh. So if I call
the good hotel right now,

160
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:34,726
they'll say they're booked.

161
00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:36,802
Oh, they absolutely will.

162
00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:39,095
They might not.

163
00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:40,572
I knew it.

164
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,602
You know what?

165
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:46,107
I can deal with
the napkins and the coffee,

166
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,079
but you can't skimp
on the big stuff.

167
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:51,748
The family stuff, that's what
makes me crazy, all right?

168
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:53,779
I don't want to hear
about any more secret ways

169
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:55,124
that you've been
cheaping out.

170
00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:58,488
Well, d-don't
worry, you won't.

171
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,689
Okay, good.

172
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:02,691
Hey, what did you want
to talk to me about?

173
00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:04,163
Nothing.

174
00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:08,896
Uh, well, I just wanted
to talk... in general.

175
00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:11,670
And we did.

176
00:07:11,699 --> 00:07:13,499
Great job.

177
00:07:14,902 --> 00:07:17,172
So I'm not telling her.

178
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:20,814
I'm sorry it didn't go well,
but I'm thrilled to be back.

179
00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:23,011
I'm this close to
making us all T-shirts.

180
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:24,983
What happened?
I didn't have time
to get the design right.

181
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:26,652
Not you.

182
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,180
What happened?

183
00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:30,845
Well, I was gonna tell her,
but inside of five minutes,

184
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:34,724
she busted me on discount
chicken, reused coffee pods,

185
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:36,855
and a secret budget hotel.

186
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,660
It did not seem wise or healthy
for me to tell her

187
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:41,863
I picked Pastor Carl
because he was cheaper.

188
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:43,125
I mean, "frugaler."

189
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:45,833
I once had a frugaler
at a Jewish wedding.

190
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:47,936
It was delicious.

191
00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:50,796
So the problem isn't
that you're not married,

192
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:53,568
it's that you're not married
because you were cheap.

193
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,907
And she does not like that,
which is sad,

194
00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:58,213
because I think it's one
of my greatest qualities.

195
00:07:58,245 --> 00:07:59,245
Look,

196
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:00,249
when it comes to money,

197
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:01,780
I'm right and she's wrong,

198
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,975
but this will prove
that I'm wrong.

199
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:06,147
If it proves you're wrong,
doesn't that mean you're wrong?

200
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,590
Clearly I'm wrong.

201
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:11,763
It will upset the balance
of our whole marriage.

202
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:13,932
I'll lose every
money argument forever.

203
00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:15,761
We'll just be sitting
in the poor house

204
00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:18,796
with our rich black coffee
and high-end napkins.

205
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,602
So you're not gonna
tell her at all?

206
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:21,804
You're just gonna
stay not married?

207
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,765
I thought about that.

208
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,944
I could tell her now, or...

209
00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:27,813
I could fix it
and tell her never.

210
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,311
Huh? How about this?

211
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:30,782
Andi's always talking about

212
00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:31,981
renewing our vows someday.

213
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,782
Why can't that be now?

214
00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:36,324
And why can't that be done
by a real pastor?

215
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,189
Then you'll be
legally married.

216
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:39,948
I like it. It's got
Lowell's romance,

217
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,557
it's got Dad's
outside the box,

218
00:08:41,589 --> 00:08:43,519
and it's kind
of shady, like me.

219
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,900
What?

220
00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:07,884
You are so beautiful.

221
00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:09,915
Even when you're
about to spit.

222
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:11,950
Mmm. Thanks, honey.

223
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:17,018
You know, I was
just thinking,

224
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,957
we haven't done something
really romantic in a long time.

225
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:21,863
You know, to
celebrate our love.

226
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,595
Aw, sweetie, you don't have
to do a whole song and dance.

227
00:09:24,632 --> 00:09:26,672
You know I'm always up
to roll around a little.

228
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:29,300
We can do that,
too, but I'm talking

229
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,906
about a spontaneous event.

230
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:34,839
Like... (gasps)

231
00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:42,147
Ah, never mind,
it's too romantic.

232
00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:45,022
No. Whoa. What? What?
No, no, no.
It's too magical.

233
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:46,852
(gasps)
Tell me.

234
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:52,033
(sighs)

235
00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,997
What if we renewed our vows?

236
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,399
(gasps)

237
00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:01,000
Oh, I've always
wanted to do that.

238
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:02,874
Oh, but, I mean,
shouldn't we wait

239
00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:04,273
for a big anniversary?

240
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:06,174
Like our 20th or our 30th?

241
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,176
No, no, no. No, no, no.

242
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:11,008
I-I-I, I think we
do it right now

243
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:13,854
for our 17-and-a-half-ieth.

244
00:10:13,881 --> 00:10:14,951
Huh?

245
00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:16,982
No one will see that coming.

246
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:18,847
What's gotten into you?

247
00:10:18,886 --> 00:10:21,086
Just a bunch of love.

248
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,261
Huh? Think about it.

249
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:25,290
The girls can wear
matching outfits.

250
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:27,085
Teddy can wear suspenders.

251
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,857
You love Teddy in suspenders.

252
00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:31,697
He looks so cute--

253
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:33,432
like a tiny Southern lawyer.

254
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,066
Yeah.

255
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:38,307
Okay, let's do it.

256
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,938
We're doing it.
(laughing):
Yeah. This is so exciting.

257
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:44,044
(gasps)
Ooh. What about having
it in the Bahamas?

258
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:45,277
Huh?
Uh... (chatters teeth)

259
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,152
Oh.
Nah.

260
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:48,950
Sharks. I forgot.
Mm-hmm.

261
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,082
Yeah, but it's still
gonna be great.

262
00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:53,688
Yeah, yeah. Oh, and this
time, my dad won't be trying

263
00:10:53,721 --> 00:10:57,261
to talk me out of it as
I'm walking down the aisle.

264
00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:05,899
I did not know he did that.

265
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:08,003
Huh. Look, but-- hey,
let's get married again.
Yay! (laughs)

266
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:16,135
Okay, great,

267
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,106
you guys are all set for
the renewal ceremony tonight.

268
00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:20,405
We look
like dweebs.

269
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:23,147
Yes, you do. That's your wedding
present to your mother.

270
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:27,693
These suspenders are pulling
my pants up too high.

271
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:31,259
I feel like I'm
sitting on a rope.

272
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,761
Go loosen 'em up a little.
I want grandkids.

273
00:11:36,964 --> 00:11:39,174
Okay, I'll take these
out to the backyard

274
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,729
and arrange them
around the altar.

275
00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,268
Oh, and, Adam, I think

276
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,442
what you're doing today
is incredibly romantic.

277
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:48,011
(laughs)
That's a hint, Don.

278
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,111
I'm all over it, baby.

279
00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:54,820
So in a few hours, you're
gonna make an honest woman

280
00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:56,248
out of Andi.
Yeah.

281
00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:57,953
She's very excited.

282
00:11:57,985 --> 00:12:00,145
Apparently, I'm the world's
greatest husband...

283
00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:02,857
based on her limited
information.

284
00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:05,060
But after tonight
we'll be back to being married,

285
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:07,332
and I can pretend
this whole thing never happened.

286
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,160
You seem
a little jumpy, son.

287
00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:12,226
I saw that look run past me
in Vietnam a lot.

288
00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:14,465
Yeah, I'm jumpy. I got

289
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:17,141
a lot of balls in the air, a lot
of stories. It's complicated.

290
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:19,240
Hey, listen, if you were
gonna tell her the truth,

291
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,242
you should have done it
the day you found out.

292
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:23,244
The cover-up is always worse
than the crime.

293
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:28,176
Why didn't you say that when
we were having the war council?

294
00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:31,075
I just thought of it.
Oh.

295
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:32,518
Don't give me
a bunch of beers

296
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:35,022
and then ask me
serious questions.

297
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,115
Well, you know what? Andi
will be home any minute

298
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:39,057
from getting her hair done,
she'll see how beautiful

299
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,332
everything looks out there,

300
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,400
we'll tie the knot,
and I'll be home free.

301
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:45,169
All right, I'm gonna
go get your mom.

302
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:46,568
She's been up on blocks

303
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,499
at the beauty shop
getting a full refurb.

304
00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:52,035
(knocking)
Oh, that'll be Lowell
with cake. Okay.

305
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:54,212
Yeah.

306
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,241
Who are you?
Pastor Carl.

307
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,006
Son of a bitch.

308
00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:02,147
Pastor Carl, what
are you doing here?

309
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:04,322
(scoffs)
I need to talk to Andi.

310
00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:06,521
Turns out, I got
to make amends to her, too.

311
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:08,223
I got a meeting
in a few hours,

312
00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:10,215
and if I get Andi,
I can move on to step ten.

313
00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:12,327
Well, settle in to step
nine 'cause you're
not talking to her.

314
00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:13,529
You got to get out of here.
No, no.

315
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:17,000
I'm not going anywhere
until I see Andi.

316
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:19,230
Okay, uh, fine. Um...

317
00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,196
Tell me what you want to say
to her, and I'll text it to her.

318
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:23,374
Then you can leave,
and I'll text you what she says.

319
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:25,073
She'll probably say
something like, "I forgive you.

320
00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:27,365
Don't ever come to my house
again, and, you know..."

321
00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:29,237
No. Don't sit!

322
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:31,306
I got bad knees from
standing at the craps table.

323
00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:36,317
Okay, fine. You know what?
I'll go get her.

324
00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:38,349
She's out in the driveway.
Yeah. Hey, is this champagne
for anybody?

325
00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:41,145
Yeah, anybody but you.

326
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:42,458
So I just need you
to pretend

327
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:44,359
to be my wife for,
like, five minutes.

328
00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:46,461
You have got to be kidding me.

329
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,233
Do it for Andi, huh?

330
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:49,631
How you would feel
if you found out

331
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,362
you weren't really
married to Don?

332
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:54,328
Yeah, that's not gonna
get you there.
Yeah, okay, okay,

333
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,397
bad example. Look,
but I'm in a real spot here.

334
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:58,506
This is my home.
I'd like to keep living here.

335
00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:00,168
Well, I don't know.

336
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:03,077
Maybe I'll like
Andi's second husband better.

337
00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:04,610
Yeah, maybe he'll want
to play tennis with me.

338
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:07,314
Oh.
Well, think about
Andi's feelings, okay?

339
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,377
She loved our wedding.
It meant everything to her.

340
00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:11,916
If you could help me fix this
without her finding out,

341
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,592
it would really spare her
a lot of heartache.

342
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:16,420
Okay, I'll do it...
for Andi.
Okay.

343
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:17,656
But I have one condition.

344
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,960
Anything.
I'm taking voice lessons,

345
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:21,663
and you're gonna let me sing
at the renewal ceremony.

346
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,604
Whatever you want. Yeah.
How long you been taking

347
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:25,170
voice lessons?
My first one is Tuesday.

348
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,328
Oh.

349
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,567
Okay.

350
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:33,342
Here's my wife Andi, so you can
make your amends and move on.

351
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,313
You looked a lot different
at the wedding.

352
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:38,312
(mutters)
Well, you know, living
with me takes it toll.

353
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:40,145
I'm not buying this.

354
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:42,180
If that's really Andi, kiss her.

355
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:45,385
Whoa. Hey, Padre,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

356
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,348
If you're looking for a
thrill, go to the library,

357
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,457
get on their Wi-Fi,
like the rest of us.

358
00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:53,327
Don.
You're not
kissing my wife.

359
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:57,461
Okay, fine.
She's not my wife.

360
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:58,667
But you got to
get out of here.

361
00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:00,298
My real wife will
be here any minute.

362
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:01,703
I'll tell you what-- I'll
give you a hundred dollars

363
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,304
to just go back
to being a gambler.

364
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:04,636
Remember how fun
that was, huh?

365
00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:09,284
Hey... honey.

366
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:11,109
Oh, my God.

367
00:15:11,144 --> 00:15:12,414
Pastor Carl?
DON:
All right.

368
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:15,215
Let's back it up.
This is gonna get bumpy.
Mm-hmm.

369
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,948
I can't believe this.

370
00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:18,724
You got Pastor Carl
to do the renewal

371
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,421
because he married us
the first time?

372
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,163
You are

373
00:15:22,189 --> 00:15:23,959
full of surprises.

374
00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:26,131
(laughing):
I sure am, yeah.

375
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:28,329
But, unfortunately,
Pastor Carl can't do it

376
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:30,101
'cause he's,
uh... he's booked.

377
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:34,100
Yeah, he just came by to give
us the bad news in person.

378
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:36,174
Oh, that's such a shame.

379
00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:38,473
You know what?
I'll do it.

380
00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:40,065
I'll cancel
everything.

381
00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:41,467
You will?
Yeah.

382
00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:43,438
I just love making people happy!

383
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:45,306
Yay!
Yay!

384
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:47,145
ADAM:
Hey!

385
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:50,020
But you said you didn't
have your license anymore.

386
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,620
Well, who cares?
It's just a renewal.

387
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:53,251
Yeah, let's get happy.

388
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,746
ANDI: Yes!
ADAM: No! No! No! No!

389
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,717
Andi, Pastor Carl can't do it.

390
00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:58,556
Well, why not?
He just said he could.
Yeah.

391
00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:00,461
But he isn't a
licensed pastor.

392
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:03,503
And-and-and...

393
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:07,430
And he wasn't when he
married us the first time.

394
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:12,473
What?

395
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:14,665
Oh. Uh, what does that mean?

396
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:17,407
Okay, technically--
and this is really

397
00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:20,514
just a small clerical thing--

398
00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:23,217
we're not legally married.

399
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:27,588
Amends made.
Good night.

400
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,492
(door closes)

401
00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:33,533
Oh, my God, so that's why...

402
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,560
She's putting
it together.

403
00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:37,695
Wait. What?!

404
00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:39,270
Nope. She lost it.
Oh.

405
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:41,399
I-I'll walk her through it.
Oh.

406
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:44,274
The renewal wasn't a renewal.

407
00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:46,544
He was trying to marry you
without you knowing

408
00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:48,613
because that guy
wasn't pasteurized.

409
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:54,514
Okay, she's all caught up.
Back to you.

410
00:16:56,449 --> 00:17:00,249
But the good news is we're all
set to fix this today, okay?

411
00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:02,117
I got a real pastor coming over.

412
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:04,685
I checked his papers and
everything, so what do you say?

413
00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:06,534
Let's get hitched.

414
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:08,399
I don't think so.

415
00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:10,058
(to "Here Comes the Bride"):
* Da, da-da, da

416
00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:12,497
* Da, da...

417
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,502
Oh, Adam.

418
00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:22,483
You're so beautiful.

419
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:27,447
Remember when
that was fun?

420
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,150
You know what?
It's all coming back to me now.

421
00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:32,623
I gave you the pastor
to hire for our wedding.

422
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,792
Where did Pastor Carl
even come from?

423
00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:37,091
I mean, why didn't you just
hire my guy?

424
00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:39,634
My actual minister guy,
my not-addicted-to-gambling guy?

425
00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:42,199
I didn't know he was
addicted to gambling.

426
00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:43,659
I was just trying
to save a few bucks.

427
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:46,196
Your guy was so expensive.

428
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:50,797
I'm sorry.

429
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:54,867
We're not married
because you're cheap?

430
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:59,847
You know, some people say
that's one of my best qualities.

431
00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:06,248
You know, I can deal
with a discount chicken, okay?

432
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:08,716
But this? I mean, come on, Adam,
we're not really married.

433
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:11,615
I just know that there's always
a storm coming.

434
00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:13,628
I think the storm is here.

435
00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:15,830
I'm just saying,

436
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:19,302
we have been through some times.

437
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:22,642
You remember 2008? I didn't
build a house for ten months.

438
00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:25,339
We almost had
to move in with my parents.

439
00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:26,812
They had one bathroom, Andi.

440
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:29,809
One bathroom, no fan,
just a book of matches.

441
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,642
But we had

442
00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:34,508
our rainy day fund,
so we got to stay here.

443
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:37,475
Okay, I get it.

444
00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:41,617
But our wedding, Adam?
You skimped on our wedding.

445
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:44,924
I skimped on our wedding because
I cared about our marriage.

446
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,687
Which doesn't
legally exist.

447
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,627
I am working on that.

448
00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:52,272
I almost had it today.
I was this close!

449
00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:03,338
(clears throat)

450
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:06,846
Look, when we were
first engaged,

451
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:09,579
I didn't know
if the business was gonna work.

452
00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:11,446
I was freaking out.

453
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:14,554
Well, why didn't
you just tell me that?

454
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:16,657
Because I didn't
want you to worry.

455
00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:19,429
Andi, I wanted
to give you everything,

456
00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:22,599
but I didn't have... anything.

457
00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:25,569
All I had was you.

458
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:27,568
(sighs)

459
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,800
Well, now look
what you did.

460
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:32,266
You gave me the feels.

461
00:19:34,907 --> 00:19:36,877
You know, if you marry me again,

462
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:39,979
I promise that every time
I make coffee...

463
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,752
You'll only use the
coffee pod once?

464
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,521
No, I can't do that.

465
00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:47,624
But I will always
give you the first cup.

466
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:52,763
I'll take it.
(laughs)

467
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,592
Let's get married again
for the first time.

468
00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:56,697
Great! Yeah.

469
00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:58,669
I get another crack
at our wedding night.

470
00:19:58,698 --> 00:19:59,628
I know what you like now.

471
00:20:08,675 --> 00:20:10,975
Thanks for marrying me
today, Mrs. Burns.

472
00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:15,250
Turns out that was a real quick
fix down at the courthouse.

473
00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:16,752
Mm-hmm.

474
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:18,493
If I just told you
in the beginning,

475
00:20:18,518 --> 00:20:20,918
I could have avoided
a lot of trouble.

476
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:22,893
Well, you're right
about one thing.

477
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:25,432
Our first wedding night
was pretty wild.

478
00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:29,258
Mm-hmm.
But... this one's
even better.

479
00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:34,003
Yeah, I see what you're going
for there, but no.

480
00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:35,603
(laughs)

481
00:20:35,635 --> 00:20:37,765
Well, you're a good man.

482
00:20:37,804 --> 00:20:40,044
It's not easy to find
a guy to marry you

483
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:43,442
when you're in your 40s
and you got three kids.

484
00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:47,654
Whose feet stink?

485
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:54,554
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

486
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:57,587
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org