1
00:00:03,786 --> 00:00:07,311
[playing out of tune]

2
00:00:09,357 --> 00:00:11,054
Hey.

3
00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:13,970
If we have to listen,
you have to listen.

4
00:00:15,972 --> 00:00:18,061
Oh.
[applause]

5
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:23,023
Well, I just loved it, Emme.

6
00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:25,764
I loved it, too. I don't think
I'll ever forget it.

7
00:00:25,808 --> 00:00:27,549
I can't wait for my recital.

8
00:00:27,592 --> 00:00:28,854
[soft laughter]

9
00:00:28,898 --> 00:00:30,943
It's a two-hour concert, Adam.

10
00:00:30,987 --> 00:00:32,858
What if she's the best one?

11
00:00:32,902 --> 00:00:36,036
Uh, we'll boo.

12
00:00:36,079 --> 00:00:37,602
Other people's kids need
to know the truth.

13
00:00:38,821 --> 00:00:41,345
Oh, hey, Katie,
by the way,

14
00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:43,043
there's a new
Godzilla movie out.

15
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:44,870
What?

16
00:00:44,914 --> 00:00:47,003
I said there's
a new Godzilla movie out.

17
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,831
We've been to every one.
You want to go this weekend?

18
00:00:48,874 --> 00:00:50,833
Thanks, but I'm okay.

19
00:00:52,269 --> 00:00:54,010
Well, I know you're okay,

20
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,838
I was just wondering
if you want to see a movie.

21
00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:57,622
What?

22
00:00:58,667 --> 00:01:00,060
Never mind.

23
00:01:01,844 --> 00:01:03,889
[sighs]

24
00:01:03,933 --> 00:01:06,240
"I'm okay"?
What the heck is "I'm okay"?

25
00:01:06,283 --> 00:01:08,242
"I'm okay"
is a nice way of saying,

26
00:01:08,285 --> 00:01:12,159
"I'd rather do nothing alone
than something with you."

27
00:01:12,202 --> 00:01:15,466
She used to love doing stuff
with me.

28
00:01:15,510 --> 00:01:17,468
Well, I'll see
the movie with you.

29
00:01:17,512 --> 00:01:20,993
Eh, thanks, but I'm okay.

30
00:01:21,037 --> 00:01:22,995
Honey, don't take it
personally, all right?

31
00:01:23,039 --> 00:01:25,781
Maybe she doesn't like
Godzilla movies anymore.

32
00:01:25,824 --> 00:01:29,176
[scoffs]
Andi, everybody likes Godzilla.

33
00:01:29,219 --> 00:01:31,003
Not me. I-I don't get it.

34
00:01:31,047 --> 00:01:34,181
I-Is he a dinosaur, a-a dragon?

35
00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:37,401
Maybe he destroys cities 'cause
he doesn't know what he is.

36
00:01:37,445 --> 00:01:41,144
He was created
by an atomic explosion.

37
00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:43,103
See, the radiation--
Y-You know what?

38
00:01:43,146 --> 00:01:44,887
I'm not explaining it
to you again.

39
00:01:46,323 --> 00:01:49,021
Look, honey, Kate's
getting older.

40
00:01:49,065 --> 00:01:51,023
Okay? You're the parent.

41
00:01:51,067 --> 00:01:53,983
It's your job to figure out
how to connect with her.

42
00:01:54,026 --> 00:01:56,072
Yeah, I just need to find
something we have in common.

43
00:01:56,116 --> 00:02:00,076
Used to be Godzilla,
now I have no idea.

44
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,905
Planet of the Apes,maybe?Eh...

45
00:02:04,950 --> 00:02:07,518
Hey, Dad, can you drop me at
the mall after school tomorrow?

46
00:02:08,563 --> 00:02:11,131
[mouths]

47
00:02:12,393 --> 00:02:13,916
N-No problem.

48
00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:15,831
I am always here for you.

49
00:02:15,874 --> 00:02:18,790
Hey, how about
a hug? Huh? Aww.

50
00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:20,923
Huh...?

51
00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:23,795
That was no hug.

52
00:02:23,839 --> 00:02:27,103
It's like she bumped into me
by accident.

53
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,497
Yeah, the good hug
days are over.

54
00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:30,846
If it makes you feel any better,

55
00:02:30,889 --> 00:02:32,369
I don't get them
anymore, either.

56
00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:35,546
You know what? It does not
make me feel any better.

57
00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:40,290
You're not gonna believe
this. I won the lottery.

58
00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:43,119
Oh, my God. How much?

59
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,816
The barbecue ribs lottery.

60
00:02:44,860 --> 00:02:46,775
Oh, my God. How much?

61
00:02:46,818 --> 00:02:48,124
What is a ribs lottery?

62
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:51,345
I-It's for Frank's
Underground Barbecue.

63
00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:53,738
He's a backyard chef
who randomly texts people

64
00:02:53,782 --> 00:02:55,914
from his list when
a new batch of ribs is ready--

65
00:02:55,958 --> 00:02:57,655
if you're not gonna know
about Godzilla,

66
00:02:57,699 --> 00:03:00,528
at least know about Frank.

67
00:03:00,571 --> 00:03:03,400
Oh. This is the perfect way
to connect with Katie.

68
00:03:03,444 --> 00:03:04,619
She loves ribs.

69
00:03:04,662 --> 00:03:05,924
Yeah, you know,
when she was little,

70
00:03:05,968 --> 00:03:07,709
I used to take her
for barbecue on my motorcycle.

71
00:03:07,752 --> 00:03:10,886
You put my baby on the
back of your motorcycle?

72
00:03:10,929 --> 00:03:12,496
Come pick them up with me.

73
00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:14,324
We can put the ribs
in Emme's old car seat.

74
00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:15,630
Safety first.

75
00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:17,675
[laughs]

76
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,461
Ooh.Whoa...

77
00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:22,680
Check out those ribs, Andi.

78
00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:24,639
You know, you look at cows,
and they're kind of ugly,

79
00:03:24,682 --> 00:03:26,031
but when you chop them up
into little pieces,

80
00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:27,816
they're beautiful.ADAM [laughs]:
Yeah.

81
00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:30,645
You know, we almost didn't
find Frank's Barbecue.

82
00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:32,342
We had to follow the smoke
in the sky,

83
00:03:32,386 --> 00:03:33,952
like when they choose
a new pope. [chuckles]

84
00:03:33,996 --> 00:03:35,258
Yeah.

85
00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:37,869
Katie, look,
I got all your favorites.

86
00:03:37,913 --> 00:03:41,090
Ribs, mac and cheese,
pork and beans.

87
00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:43,875
Actually, I'm a vegan now.

88
00:03:45,137 --> 00:03:46,922
What?

89
00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:49,881
I'm a vegan.
I don't eat meat anymore.

90
00:03:49,925 --> 00:03:52,057
Why?

91
00:03:52,101 --> 00:03:53,363
Wait,

92
00:03:53,407 --> 00:03:54,712
we can do that?

93
00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:55,974
You always say we have
to eat whatever Mom makes,

94
00:03:56,018 --> 00:03:57,541
even if it's gross.

95
00:03:57,585 --> 00:04:00,718
Like her Andi Patties.

96
00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:03,417
Why won't you tell us
what's in them?

97
00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:06,376
Because I want you to eat them.

98
00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:08,596
So you're a vegan now, huh?

99
00:04:08,639 --> 00:04:10,206
Good for you.
I call Kate's ribs.

100
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,426
Oh, no, no, no.

101
00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:15,777
Look, honey, we don't allow
vegans in this house.

102
00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:18,083
Okay? When you're older,
and you build a house

103
00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:21,173
with yourbare hands,
you can let vegans in it.

104
00:04:21,217 --> 00:04:22,784
You didn't build this house.

105
00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:24,699
I installed the icemaker.

106
00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:28,006
Adam,

107
00:04:28,050 --> 00:04:31,009
what I'm hearing is that Kate
has a new interest,

108
00:04:31,053 --> 00:04:34,012
which you might be interested in
connecting to.

109
00:04:34,056 --> 00:04:35,231
I can't connect to that.

110
00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:38,452
She eats plants.

111
00:04:38,495 --> 00:04:41,193
I eat food you have to hunt.

112
00:04:41,237 --> 00:04:43,413
It's a cow, Adam.

113
00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:47,069
I didn't say it was hard.

114
00:04:47,112 --> 00:04:49,114
♪

115
00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:59,603
So is vegan like vegetarian?

116
00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:01,388
Uh, what things can't you eat?

117
00:05:01,431 --> 00:05:05,566
Well, there's meat, fish,
cheese, milk, butter.

118
00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:07,263
But those are all the things.

119
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:10,440
They showed us a documentary
about it at school,

120
00:05:10,484 --> 00:05:12,964
and if you guys could've seen
the faces on those animals,

121
00:05:13,008 --> 00:05:14,749
you'd agree with me.

122
00:05:14,792 --> 00:05:17,447
This is a terrible idea.
Think of your mother.

123
00:05:17,491 --> 00:05:20,102
She's gonna have to cook two
different dinners every night.

124
00:05:20,145 --> 00:05:21,625
Well, you could cook one.

125
00:05:22,974 --> 00:05:24,889
I am on your side, here.

126
00:05:26,151 --> 00:05:27,936
Don, help me out?

127
00:05:27,979 --> 00:05:29,503
No can do.
The ribs are kicking in.

128
00:05:29,546 --> 00:05:30,721
Time to take a meat nap.

129
00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:33,942
Mom,

130
00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:35,987
Emme and I decided
to only eat cake now.

131
00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:39,034
If Kate gets to go vegan,
than we get to go caken.

132
00:05:40,992 --> 00:05:43,604
Well, my Andi Patties could be
made of cake. You don't know.

133
00:05:43,647 --> 00:05:45,606
I think they're made of ear wax.

134
00:05:45,649 --> 00:05:47,434
Okay, go upstairs, please.

135
00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:51,133
You see?

136
00:05:51,176 --> 00:05:54,919
Your vegan kick has started
a house-wide rebellion.

137
00:05:54,963 --> 00:05:56,007
If you'd just watch the
documentary with me,

138
00:05:56,051 --> 00:05:57,313
you'd get it.

139
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,010
Look, I brought home a copy.

140
00:06:01,796 --> 00:06:03,885
"Apocalypse Cow"?

141
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,976
Thanks, but I'm okay.

142
00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:10,631
This is your chance
to connect with her.

143
00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:12,850
Yeah, well,
I don't agree with her,

144
00:06:12,894 --> 00:06:14,852
I am top of the food chain.

145
00:06:14,896 --> 00:06:18,073
When a cow installs an icemaker,
I will stop eating it.

146
00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:22,120
You don't have to really be
interested, you just fake it.

147
00:06:22,164 --> 00:06:24,906
Like, like, I do when Teddy
tells me about his video games.

148
00:06:24,949 --> 00:06:27,430
"Mom, I zapped a space trooper."

149
00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:30,520
"That's great honey." Hug.

150
00:06:30,564 --> 00:06:34,045
You think if I watch that movie
with Katie, she'll hug me?

151
00:06:34,089 --> 00:06:35,917
She might go full koala.

152
00:06:37,658 --> 00:06:40,704
All right, I'll try it.

153
00:06:40,748 --> 00:06:42,706
[sighs, chuckles]

154
00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:44,926
Remember when the kids were
all over us all the time?

155
00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:46,710
[laughs softly]

156
00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:48,582
Maybe we should
have another baby.
Really?

157
00:06:51,323 --> 00:06:54,849
No, no, I'll try this.

158
00:06:54,892 --> 00:06:57,025
Before we start,
I just want you to know

159
00:06:57,068 --> 00:06:59,070
it means a lot
that you'll watch this with me.

160
00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:01,464
Hey, I like spending time
with you.

161
00:07:01,508 --> 00:07:04,336
But this movie is not
gonna change how I feel.

162
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:07,470
I know how the sausage is made,
and it's delicious.

163
00:07:09,994 --> 00:07:13,737
[crying]: I did not know
how the sausage was made.

164
00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:16,958
And why'd they name the
chickens after famous people?

165
00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:19,395
That just made us sadder
when they got eaten.

166
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:22,354
Poor Anne Hatch-away.

167
00:07:22,398 --> 00:07:24,966
And what about her
husband, Eggy Van Halen?

168
00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:29,536
He's heartbroken,
she was the one.

169
00:07:29,579 --> 00:07:33,191
I can't believe I'm saying
this, but I'm done with meat.

170
00:07:33,235 --> 00:07:36,020
What?
I mean it, Katie.

171
00:07:36,064 --> 00:07:37,457
I'm going vegan with you.

172
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:38,545
Really?

173
00:07:38,588 --> 00:07:40,416
I love you, Dad.

174
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,549
I love you, honey.

175
00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:44,420
Oh, oh, are we done? Okay.

176
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:47,423
Hey, I'll get Mom to do it, too.

177
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,251
You're the best.

178
00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:58,260
Brace yourself.
I've got big news.

179
00:07:58,303 --> 00:08:00,392
Katie hugged me.

180
00:08:00,436 --> 00:08:02,482
Aww, that's great.

181
00:08:02,525 --> 00:08:05,180
And all you had to do
was fake some interest.

182
00:08:05,223 --> 00:08:06,703
Parenting's easy.

183
00:08:06,747 --> 00:08:09,358
That's the other thing.
I'm not faking.

184
00:08:09,401 --> 00:08:11,099
I am going vegan.

185
00:08:11,142 --> 00:08:12,970
[laughs]:
Yeah, right.

186
00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:14,537
I am.

187
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:17,540
Oh, also, I told her
you'd do it too.What?

188
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:20,021
It bought me another hug,
I'm not sorry.

189
00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:22,284
What-- s-so now if I don't
do it, I look like a jerk.

190
00:08:22,327 --> 00:08:24,373
All you had to do was fake it.

191
00:08:24,416 --> 00:08:27,115
I couldn't.
The movie was too powerful.

192
00:08:27,158 --> 00:08:29,509
There was this cow,
his name was Paul MooCartney--

193
00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:32,512
and... and do you know
what veal is?

194
00:08:32,555 --> 00:08:35,732
How can we be Parmesan-ing
those little guys?

195
00:08:35,776 --> 00:08:37,995
So Kate really hugged you?

196
00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:39,388
[chuckles]:
Yeah, like this.

197
00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:44,393
Oh. Wow.[chuckles]:
Yeah.

198
00:08:44,436 --> 00:08:47,570
Last time I got a hug like that,
I had to buy her a phone.

199
00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:50,094
But even then she hugged
the phone tighter.

200
00:08:51,226 --> 00:08:52,357
Okay, I'll do it.

201
00:08:52,401 --> 00:08:53,968
Oh, this is gonna be so great.

202
00:08:54,011 --> 00:08:56,318
We'll be healthier,
happier and huggier.

203
00:08:56,361 --> 00:08:58,320
Okay, but-but, hey,
I just, I need to know

204
00:08:58,363 --> 00:09:00,365
that you're really committed.Well...
[scoffs]

205
00:09:00,409 --> 00:09:01,410
Don't you remember
when you promised

206
00:09:01,453 --> 00:09:02,890
to do couples yoga with me?

207
00:09:02,933 --> 00:09:04,108
You didn't even make it
through one class.

208
00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:07,285
That lady touched my rear end.

209
00:09:07,329 --> 00:09:10,637
She was the instructor,
and she was adjusting your pose.

210
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:13,074
She made it halfway
to third base, Andi.

211
00:09:13,117 --> 00:09:15,250
But this isn't like that.

212
00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:17,339
I promise, I am fully committed.

213
00:09:17,382 --> 00:09:19,254
Okay.

214
00:09:19,297 --> 00:09:20,864
Okay.
Wait.

215
00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:24,302
You do know that going vegan
means no more McNuggets, right?

216
00:09:26,348 --> 00:09:28,132
I hadn't thought of that.

217
00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:30,308
[grunts]
I can do it.

218
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,271
So here's what we've prepared
for your first vegan experience.

219
00:09:36,314 --> 00:09:39,274
Yeah. These nuggets
are made of tofu,

220
00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:41,711
so they're chick-none nuggets.

221
00:09:41,755 --> 00:09:44,235
Okay? They taste just
like chicken, but wet.

222
00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:47,282
Eat it like an oyster.

223
00:09:47,325 --> 00:09:49,850
And this is macaroni
and cashew cheese.

224
00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:53,636
Yeah, all the fun of cashews,
but in a paste.

225
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:56,857
So you're trying
to feed me nut cheese?

226
00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:59,337
Look, I know
it's a big adjustment,

227
00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:01,296
but there is an upside.

228
00:10:01,339 --> 00:10:04,516
We get to act superior by
telling everybody we're vegan.

229
00:10:05,909 --> 00:10:07,171
And we're saving
animals' lives.

230
00:10:07,215 --> 00:10:09,347
Yeah, that, too.

231
00:10:09,391 --> 00:10:11,306
Yeah, and we had
a vegan breakfast.

232
00:10:11,349 --> 00:10:13,656
Bathroom-wise,
it's much more efficient.

233
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,571
Okay, first bite
starts the clock,

234
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,399
so I don't recommend
eating in the car.

235
00:10:17,442 --> 00:10:20,228
Bon appétit, everyone.

236
00:10:23,579 --> 00:10:24,928
Don!

237
00:10:24,972 --> 00:10:26,321
It was a primitive
instinct.

238
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:29,890
I ate poison and
my body rejected it.

239
00:10:29,933 --> 00:10:32,327
All right, well,
that-that-that's okay.

240
00:10:32,370 --> 00:10:33,894
It takes a little
getting used to,

241
00:10:33,937 --> 00:10:35,330
but it's for the animals.
Right, Katie?

242
00:10:35,373 --> 00:10:37,332
That's right, Dad.

243
00:10:37,375 --> 00:10:40,378
This is even worse
than Andi Patties.

244
00:10:41,205 --> 00:10:45,122
Yeah, it tastes like
an Andi Patty's butt.

245
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:47,559
Enough of this
beatnik nonsense.

246
00:10:47,603 --> 00:10:49,387
Don, get those ribs
out of the fridge.

247
00:10:49,431 --> 00:10:52,564
Dad, we don't eat that anymore.

248
00:10:52,608 --> 00:10:55,655
I didn't spend the Christmas
of '66 dodging bullets

249
00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:58,222
in a rice paddy
to eat snot nuggets.

250
00:10:59,789 --> 00:11:01,748
You have to decide right now,

251
00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:03,837
are you a vegan or an American?

252
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,622
You're missing the point.

253
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:09,233
Those ribs came
from an innocent cow.

254
00:11:09,277 --> 00:11:11,366
Cows are designed
to be eaten.

255
00:11:11,409 --> 00:11:13,455
They're made of
steak and cheese.

256
00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:18,329
You know what? You two are
a bad influence, so these ribs

257
00:11:18,373 --> 00:11:20,288
are going where
they belong,

258
00:11:20,331 --> 00:11:22,246
in the trash.I'm proud of you, honey.

259
00:11:22,290 --> 00:11:23,508
Thank you.

260
00:11:23,552 --> 00:11:27,034
Now, who wants a soy-glazed
mushroom cutlet?

261
00:11:27,077 --> 00:11:29,079
Donny, you know
what to do.

262
00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:31,125
I'm one step ahead of you, Pop.

263
00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:37,522
You think the trash
is gonna scare me?

264
00:11:37,566 --> 00:11:39,699
In the service,
they called me The Raccoon.

265
00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:48,664
[playing out of tune]

266
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:51,754
Okay, okay, sweetie.
So beautiful.

267
00:11:51,798 --> 00:11:53,887
[chuckles]
Um, why don't you

268
00:11:53,930 --> 00:11:55,279
go get dressed for your recital?

269
00:11:55,323 --> 00:11:57,325
I'm not going too fancy.

270
00:11:57,368 --> 00:11:59,936
I'll let my music
speak for itself.

271
00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:02,112
Never lose that
confidence, sweetie.

272
00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:08,771
Ugh. What?

273
00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:11,469
Oh, who leaves a half-eaten
Slim Jim in their backpack?

274
00:12:11,513 --> 00:12:13,558
It's all covered with lint

275
00:12:13,602 --> 00:12:17,867
and hair and... deliciousness.

276
00:12:17,911 --> 00:12:19,216
ADAM:
Andi!

277
00:12:20,435 --> 00:12:21,784
Put down that Slim Jim.

278
00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:25,179
Too late.

279
00:12:25,222 --> 00:12:26,484
It wasn't too late.

280
00:12:26,528 --> 00:12:29,183
You saw me and then you ate it.

281
00:12:29,226 --> 00:12:31,794
And now it's too late.

282
00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:34,405
Just don't tell
Kate, okay?

283
00:12:34,449 --> 00:12:36,973
This vegan thing
is working for me, too.

284
00:12:37,017 --> 00:12:38,496
This morning,
she took out an earbud

285
00:12:38,540 --> 00:12:42,892
and voluntarily spoke to me.
She... she said,

286
00:12:42,936 --> 00:12:45,460
"Can I have ten dollars?"

287
00:12:45,503 --> 00:12:47,636
I'm not gonna tell Katie

288
00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:50,813
because I enjoy having
the moral high ground.

289
00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:53,903
The view's nice,
I've never been up here before.

290
00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:56,732
Hey, Mom, thank you so much

291
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,821
for buying me those
strawberry snack bars.

292
00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:00,431
Oh, honey, you're welcome.

293
00:13:00,475 --> 00:13:02,869
No, seriously, it means a lot
that you support my choices.

294
00:13:02,912 --> 00:13:05,349
Aw.

295
00:13:07,351 --> 00:13:09,136
Your mom ate a Slim Jim.[gasps]

296
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:13,880
What?
Yeah.

297
00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:16,665
She barely chewed it,
she was like a seal with a fish.

298
00:13:17,971 --> 00:13:19,755
Oh, Mom.

299
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,365
Your mother's betrayal
must be very hard for you.

300
00:13:21,409 --> 00:13:22,497
Come on, let's hug it out.

301
00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:24,891
Well, I'm not that upset.

302
00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:26,370
No, no, it's for your own good.

303
00:13:36,554 --> 00:13:39,122
Okay, Don's all set up
in the back

304
00:13:39,166 --> 00:13:40,776
to record
Emme's recital.

305
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,778
He's so tall, no one
can block him.

306
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:46,086
He's like a giraffe
with a camera.

307
00:13:46,129 --> 00:13:48,915
Don't act like
everything's fine.

308
00:13:48,958 --> 00:13:51,395
You sold me out to Kate.

309
00:13:51,439 --> 00:13:53,180
I had to.

310
00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:56,096
There's only a limited amount of
hugs until she goes to college.

311
00:13:56,139 --> 00:13:57,793
I'm getting
as many as I can.

312
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,360
What about me?

313
00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:01,971
You're fine, the
breastfeeding years

314
00:14:02,015 --> 00:14:05,018
were like one
long hug for you.

315
00:14:05,061 --> 00:14:07,063
It's my time.

316
00:14:07,716 --> 00:14:09,674
BOTH:
Hi.

317
00:14:09,718 --> 00:14:11,328
Yes, we're arguing,

318
00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:14,636
but life is complicated
for us because we're vegan.

319
00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:17,247
Yeah, that's right,
full-blown vegan.

320
00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:21,730
Well, some of us are.
She cheated on me.

321
00:14:21,773 --> 00:14:24,037
With jerky.

322
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,647
And I am back
on the wagon.

323
00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:27,736
Yeah, I made a chicken
for Teddy and Emme today,

324
00:14:27,779 --> 00:14:29,085
I wasn't even tempted.

325
00:14:29,129 --> 00:14:32,175
I saved the gizzards
for Andi Patties.

326
00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:35,962
ANNOUNCER:
Next up, Emme Burns.

327
00:14:36,005 --> 00:14:39,356
Oh, there she is.
That's our daughter.

328
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,402
[Emme plays screechy recorder]

329
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:47,147
She's not a vegan.

330
00:14:50,019 --> 00:14:51,542
This is a great gig.

331
00:14:51,586 --> 00:14:53,109
I just made 40 bucks
charging short moms

332
00:14:53,153 --> 00:14:54,719
to videotape
their kids.

333
00:14:54,763 --> 00:14:58,375
Don, this is
my kid's school.

334
00:14:58,419 --> 00:15:00,073
I should get half.

335
00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:01,509
[cell phone buzzes]

336
00:15:01,552 --> 00:15:03,990
Ugh. Look at this.

337
00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:06,949
I finally get picked for Frank's
barbecue and I can't have it.

338
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:08,603
It's like when my
high school teacher

339
00:15:08,646 --> 00:15:10,866
hit on me after
I was married.

340
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,999
Ah, Miss Popovich.
She made algebra sexy.

341
00:15:13,042 --> 00:15:16,567
I wore a tank top
for four years, nothing.

342
00:15:16,611 --> 00:15:19,919
Married six months,
here she comes.

343
00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:21,790
I'll just text
and say I don't want the ribs.

344
00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:23,096
Whoa, don't do that.
I'll take them.

345
00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:24,836
Well, if you want them,
go get them yourself.

346
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:26,577
I can't, they
check your ID.

347
00:15:26,621 --> 00:15:28,231
Ugh.
Come on, you owe me.

348
00:15:28,275 --> 00:15:30,364
You threw my ribs in the
garbage. I didn't get any.

349
00:15:30,407 --> 00:15:32,105
Raccoons don't share.

350
00:15:34,194 --> 00:15:35,804
Okay, fine, I'll go,

351
00:15:35,847 --> 00:15:37,371
but Andi can never know.

352
00:15:37,414 --> 00:15:39,025
I snitched on her
for sneaking jerky

353
00:15:39,068 --> 00:15:40,287
and she's looking
for revenge.

354
00:15:40,330 --> 00:15:42,158
You guys have
a weird marriage.

355
00:15:42,202 --> 00:15:46,032
Will you please?Okay, I'll cover for you.

356
00:15:46,075 --> 00:15:50,079
Okay, just, uh, oh, tell Andi
I went home to use the bathroom.

357
00:15:50,123 --> 00:15:51,341
I'm a vegan,
she'll believe it.

358
00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:58,087
Okay, Emme went to
a sleepover. Where's Adam?

359
00:15:58,131 --> 00:16:00,089
Oh, he was having
vegan problems,

360
00:16:00,133 --> 00:16:01,699
so he went home
to use the bathroom.

361
00:16:01,743 --> 00:16:03,701
Why wouldn't he use
the bathroom here?

362
00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:08,010
Well, because he wanted
to stop on the way

363
00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:10,491
and get Emme flowers

364
00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:13,102
because the recital
was so good.

365
00:16:13,146 --> 00:16:14,974
Okay, now I know you're lying.

366
00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:17,063
Where is he?

367
00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:20,066
Fine, he's sleeping
with his high school teacher.

368
00:16:20,109 --> 00:16:21,719
Don.

369
00:16:21,763 --> 00:16:25,071
Okay, okay, he won
the barbecue lottery.

370
00:16:25,114 --> 00:16:26,637
He went to pick up the ribs.

371
00:16:26,681 --> 00:16:29,118
Oh, you have got
to be kidding me.

372
00:16:29,162 --> 00:16:31,120
Mister Holier-Than-Thou
is getting ribs

373
00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:32,992
while-while
I'm an outcast

374
00:16:33,035 --> 00:16:36,082
for eating a hairy,
backpack Slim Jim?

375
00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:39,172
He's not getting them for
himself, he's giving them to me.

376
00:16:39,215 --> 00:16:40,869
Come on, Don,
we both know better.

377
00:16:40,912 --> 00:16:42,436
He can't resist
barbecue.

378
00:16:42,479 --> 00:16:44,873
His first time alone
in the car with those ribs

379
00:16:44,916 --> 00:16:47,615
will be like his first time
alone in a car with me.

380
00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:49,225
Lots of grabbing,
heavy breathing,

381
00:16:49,269 --> 00:16:51,184
and windows
steaming up.

382
00:16:51,227 --> 00:16:53,273
He's not doing that
to my ribs.
Let's go.

383
00:16:59,105 --> 00:17:02,760
ADAM: Smell good all you want,
I'm taking you to Don's.

384
00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:06,982
I'm doing this for Katie
and Anne Hatch-away,

385
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:11,117
and Veal Patrick Harris.

386
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:15,295
Aw, who am I kidding?
I can't control myself.

387
00:17:15,338 --> 00:17:18,341
This is just like my first time alone in the car with Andi.

388
00:17:18,385 --> 00:17:22,128
I'm sorry, Katie.

389
00:17:22,171 --> 00:17:26,349
I saw his truck.
He's here with those ribs.

390
00:17:26,393 --> 00:17:29,309
I smell it.
The meat is near.

391
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:37,621
Good boy, Don,
good boy.

392
00:17:43,932 --> 00:17:47,327
[snoring]

393
00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:49,372
Classic meat nap.

394
00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:51,244
Look how happy he is.

395
00:17:51,287 --> 00:17:53,246
I'm going
to get the hose.

396
00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:56,510
Wait, Andi, let's remember
what's important here.

397
00:17:58,555 --> 00:18:01,297
Okay, let him have it.

398
00:18:01,341 --> 00:18:05,301
Okay, I'm sorry I ate the ribs.

399
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:07,651
Lay it on me, I deserve it.

400
00:18:07,695 --> 00:18:09,827
No, you know what?
This makes sense

401
00:18:09,871 --> 00:18:11,655
'cause for a couple hours today
I was thinking

402
00:18:11,699 --> 00:18:13,701
you were better than me,
and then I was like,

403
00:18:13,744 --> 00:18:16,225
"Well, that can't be right."
And look, it's not.

404
00:18:16,269 --> 00:18:19,924
The thing is,
I can't be a vegan.

405
00:18:19,968 --> 00:18:24,364
It's like asking Godzilla
not to stomp on Tokyo.

406
00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:27,497
He has to do it, it's who he is.

407
00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:30,239
You gonna tell Kate?

408
00:18:30,283 --> 00:18:33,199
Well, yeah, I can't
let her hug a lie.

409
00:18:33,242 --> 00:18:36,245
She deserves the truth.
I'll-I'll go tell her now.

410
00:18:36,289 --> 00:18:38,378
Hey, maybe bring her

411
00:18:38,421 --> 00:18:41,163
one of those strawberry
snack bars to soften her up.

412
00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:42,469
Got me a hug.

413
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,519
Katie?
I'm sorry.

414
00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:51,391
I saw chicken in the fridge
and I couldn't resist.

415
00:18:51,434 --> 00:18:53,915
I love meat too much.

416
00:18:53,958 --> 00:18:55,525
So do I!

417
00:18:55,569 --> 00:18:58,398
I just ate a half a cow.

418
00:18:58,441 --> 00:19:02,228
Really? That makes me feel
so much better.

419
00:19:02,271 --> 00:19:05,970
Oh, and this hug is even nicer

420
00:19:06,014 --> 00:19:08,277
because we both smell like meat.

421
00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:12,586
Nah!

422
00:19:14,631 --> 00:19:15,893
Ah...

423
00:19:21,899 --> 00:19:23,249
Ah, that was
some good chicken.

424
00:19:23,292 --> 00:19:24,598
Mm.

425
00:19:24,641 --> 00:19:26,730
Anne Hatch-away and her
finger-licking friends

426
00:19:26,774 --> 00:19:28,210
went out in a blaze of glory.

427
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:32,345
And we put out that blaze
with honey mustard.

428
00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:35,174
[laughs]:
Yeah.

429
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:37,611
I do feel kind of bad
for giving up, though.

430
00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:41,919
Hey, how about this?

431
00:19:41,963 --> 00:19:43,399
We'll keep eating meat,

432
00:19:43,443 --> 00:19:45,967
but we'll donate
to the animal rights people.

433
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:47,229
Really?

434
00:19:47,273 --> 00:19:49,100
Yeah. We'll do whatever we want,

435
00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:50,667
but we'll give a little money

436
00:19:50,711 --> 00:19:54,236
to the people
who do the right thing. Yeah?

437
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:58,284
And that is how
you get around that.

438
00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:10,165
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

439
00:20:10,557 --> 00:20:12,385
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org