1
00:00:02,437 --> 00:00:05,179
♪ The night is right

2
00:00:05,222 --> 00:00:08,095
♪ For making love

3
00:00:09,183 --> 00:00:11,402
♪ To you.

4
00:00:12,490 --> 00:00:15,102
Old Spice, my secret weapon.

5
00:00:18,192 --> 00:00:19,628
Oh-ho-ho.

6
00:00:19,671 --> 00:00:21,673
She's a lucky lady.

7
00:00:21,717 --> 00:00:26,330
Andi, prepare yourself
for some good old-fashioned...

8
00:00:26,374 --> 00:00:27,462
Teddy.

9
00:00:29,507 --> 00:00:32,293
Surprise, he's
in our bed again.

10
00:00:32,336 --> 00:00:34,512
I see that and I love it.

11
00:00:34,556 --> 00:00:36,993
[chuckles]
But, uh...

12
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,430
buddy, you've been sleeping
in here for two weeks.

13
00:00:39,474 --> 00:00:41,258
Made your own little dent
in the mattress.

14
00:00:42,607 --> 00:00:45,001
Well, he can't
sleep on his own

15
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,830
because somebody let him
watch Nightmare on Elm Street.

16
00:00:49,310 --> 00:00:50,963
Okay, look, I know
we talked about this,

17
00:00:51,007 --> 00:00:52,313
but I am still not convinced

18
00:00:52,356 --> 00:00:53,923
that's why he can't
sleep by himself.

19
00:00:53,966 --> 00:00:55,794
Hmm.

20
00:00:55,838 --> 00:00:57,535
What else could have
happened two weeks ago

21
00:00:57,579 --> 00:00:59,146
to scare the bejesus
out of Teddy?

22
00:00:59,189 --> 00:01:00,669
[gasps]

23
00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:05,108
I switched to two percent
milk, that's pretty spooky.

24
00:01:05,152 --> 00:01:06,675
No, it was the movie.

25
00:01:06,718 --> 00:01:09,025
Okay.Honey, don't
worry about it.

26
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,896
Go get your pillow.

27
00:01:10,940 --> 00:01:12,855
[sighs]

28
00:01:12,898 --> 00:01:15,466
I estimate we have
30 seconds, okay?

29
00:01:15,510 --> 00:01:17,294
Unless he brushes his teeth.

30
00:01:17,338 --> 00:01:18,469
Ted-Teddy!

31
00:01:18,513 --> 00:01:20,341
Brush your teeth!

32
00:01:20,384 --> 00:01:22,212
Okay, we have
35 seconds.

33
00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:23,648
It's not a race.

34
00:01:23,692 --> 00:01:25,911
Well, it can be.
It's been two weeks!

35
00:01:25,955 --> 00:01:27,348
Okay, listen.

36
00:01:27,391 --> 00:01:29,698
No, no, no,
listen, listen.

37
00:01:29,741 --> 00:01:31,352
I said he was too
young for that movie

38
00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:32,744
but you went rogue.

39
00:01:32,788 --> 00:01:33,876
[scoffs]
Yeah.

40
00:01:33,919 --> 00:01:36,008
You made your bed and now

41
00:01:36,052 --> 00:01:37,880
we all get to lie in it.

42
00:01:37,923 --> 00:01:39,577
With Teddy.

43
00:01:40,883 --> 00:01:43,538
Wait, wait, wait, we
still have ten seconds.

44
00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:45,148
We can make this happen.

45
00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:46,889
If you follow my instructions
very carefully...

46
00:01:50,545 --> 00:01:53,113
[scoffs] What a waste
of Old Spice.

47
00:01:58,553 --> 00:02:00,903
[exhales sharply]

48
00:02:00,946 --> 00:02:04,689
What is wrong with this... bag?

49
00:02:04,733 --> 00:02:07,649
Why won't it open?

50
00:02:07,692 --> 00:02:09,651
Why don't bags open anymore?

51
00:02:10,826 --> 00:02:13,742
This bag is broken.

52
00:02:13,785 --> 00:02:15,047
Adam.

53
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,140
You seem troubled.

54
00:02:20,183 --> 00:02:24,144
I'm fine, it's... it's private.

55
00:02:24,187 --> 00:02:26,320
Yeah, stay out
of the man's business.

56
00:02:26,363 --> 00:02:29,453
He hasn't made love
to his wife in 15 days.

57
00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:32,195
That's not true.
How do you know that?

58
00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:33,979
Marcy told me.

59
00:02:34,023 --> 00:02:36,808
After we made love.
[laughs]

60
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:41,639
We have a heck
of a streak going.

61
00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:44,816
And I'll tell you,
the sky looks a little bluer.

62
00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:48,124
Well, since
it's public information...

63
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,953
I let Teddy watch
a scary movie

64
00:02:50,996 --> 00:02:53,173
and he's been in
our bed ever since.

65
00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:55,958
Now I'm starring in my own
horror movie and it's rated G.

66
00:02:57,612 --> 00:02:59,570
I haven't had
intimate relations

67
00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:01,442
since Jen and I split up.

68
00:03:01,485 --> 00:03:03,270
But I'm not complaining,
I have new interests.

69
00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:05,620
I'm learning Mandarin.
[speaks Mandarin]

70
00:03:05,663 --> 00:03:07,752
That means,
"I'm lonely."

71
00:03:10,755 --> 00:03:13,889
Let's just keep our bedroom
problems to ourselves, okay?

72
00:03:13,932 --> 00:03:17,632
I don't need anyone else
knowing my private business.

73
00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:20,156
Your mother tells me
you're in a slump, son.

74
00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:24,595
Mom knows?

75
00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:26,641
Well, my guess is you're
overthinking things.

76
00:03:26,684 --> 00:03:27,990
Just relax, boy.

77
00:03:28,033 --> 00:03:30,514
See the ball,
hit the ball.

78
00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:33,648
It's not a slump.
It's a drought.

79
00:03:33,691 --> 00:03:36,085
My swing is just fine.

80
00:03:36,128 --> 00:03:38,827
You say "tomato," I say
you're not getting any.

81
00:03:42,961 --> 00:03:45,921
Look, the problem's
not me and Andi.

82
00:03:45,964 --> 00:03:48,663
It's all the little people
that live with us.

83
00:03:48,706 --> 00:03:50,969
One of life's cruel jokes:

84
00:03:51,013 --> 00:03:52,797
the more kids you have,
the less time there is

85
00:03:52,841 --> 00:03:54,669
to do the thing
that makes kids.

86
00:03:56,061 --> 00:03:58,325
Well, you know
what you should do?

87
00:03:58,368 --> 00:03:59,587
Take Andi to a hotel.

88
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,502
No kids, a little romance.

89
00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:03,199
That's actually
a great idea.

90
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,679
Andi loves hotels.

91
00:04:04,722 --> 00:04:06,724
It reminds her of our honeymoon,
when she was already

92
00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:08,683
in a good mood,
'cause she got me.
[snorts]

93
00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:11,294
Hey, Dad, can you
watch the kids?
Sure.

94
00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:13,427
I love having my little
beer grabbers around.

95
00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:19,041
How come you never ask me
or Marcy to watch the kids?

96
00:04:19,084 --> 00:04:20,912
Where are your keys right now?

97
00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:24,351
That's why.

98
00:04:24,394 --> 00:04:26,875
Come on, I'm serious.

99
00:04:26,918 --> 00:04:28,224
You never even consider us.

100
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,269
I love those kids.

101
00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:31,619
Well, that's nice
to hear, Don.

102
00:04:32,924 --> 00:04:34,883
And since Dad just called them
"little beer grabbers,"

103
00:04:34,926 --> 00:04:36,101
I guess you win.

104
00:04:37,755 --> 00:04:39,191
That's all right.

105
00:04:39,235 --> 00:04:41,585
I still have your mother,
the original beer grabber.

106
00:04:44,849 --> 00:04:48,592
How would you like
to be whisked... away

107
00:04:48,636 --> 00:04:51,378
by your loving husband
to a hotel room

108
00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:55,382
complete with...
a loving husband?

109
00:04:55,425 --> 00:04:58,385
[chuckles] You're so sweet.Hmm? Yeah.

110
00:04:58,428 --> 00:05:01,257
But we can't.
What? Why?

111
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,911
Well, hotels cost money.

112
00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:05,522
Until we sell that flip house,
we are carrying two mortgages.

113
00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:06,828
I already thought of that.

114
00:05:06,871 --> 00:05:09,483
I have a gift card.

115
00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:12,486
Don't worry, baby.

116
00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:14,488
I won't spend
a dime on you.
Aw.

117
00:05:14,531 --> 00:05:16,533
[chuckles]

118
00:05:16,577 --> 00:05:19,275
Wait, this is the hotel
that gave us a free night

119
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,494
'cause they had bedbugs.

120
00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:21,930
Mm.

121
00:05:21,973 --> 00:05:23,366
[chuckles]
You saw one,

122
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:24,976
and freaked out and the
next thing I knew,

123
00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:26,369
you were in the
glass elevator naked,

124
00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:27,588
riding down to the lobby.

125
00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:31,853
I had my underwear.

126
00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:33,942
In your hand.

127
00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:36,988
And I apologized
to that wedding.

128
00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:39,208
But the hotel
just reopened,

129
00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:41,341
so it'll never be cleaner.

130
00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:42,646
Just like when
a restaurant reopens

131
00:05:42,690 --> 00:05:44,213
after a rat problem-- ooh.

132
00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:46,911
By the way, I have a gift card
for dinner, too.

133
00:05:48,478 --> 00:05:50,480
♪

134
00:05:59,271 --> 00:06:01,230
So, your dad and I
have to go away for a night.

135
00:06:01,273 --> 00:06:02,623
Oh, what for?

136
00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:06,148
We got to take care
of a little business.

137
00:06:06,191 --> 00:06:07,410
What kind of business?

138
00:06:07,454 --> 00:06:09,412
None of your
business business.

139
00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:12,110
So, you, Teddy and Emme
are gonna be staying

140
00:06:12,154 --> 00:06:13,373
with Uncle Don
and Aunt Marcy.

141
00:06:13,416 --> 00:06:15,462
Or...

142
00:06:15,505 --> 00:06:16,811
I think I'm old enough now

143
00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:19,161
to stay home by myself
for one night.

144
00:06:19,204 --> 00:06:20,467
What do you say?

145
00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:21,729
Okay.
No.

146
00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:24,862
BOTH:
Pantry.

147
00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:28,997
[laughing]:
Okay.

148
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:30,955
We are not leaving
Katie here by herself;

149
00:06:30,999 --> 00:06:32,304
she can't be trusted.

150
00:06:32,348 --> 00:06:34,002
She's got our DNA.

151
00:06:34,045 --> 00:06:37,440
Our beer-chugging,
mechanical bull-riding DNA.

152
00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:40,487
She gets good grades,
she's responsible,

153
00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:42,140
she's a good girl.

154
00:06:42,184 --> 00:06:44,621
We had a golden retriever
growing up that was a good girl.

155
00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:46,884
You know what she did
every time we left her alone?

156
00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:48,320
Jumped the fence
and got pregnant.

157
00:06:48,364 --> 00:06:51,498
She's having a tough time
at school, all right?

158
00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:53,064
Her best friend moved away.

159
00:06:53,108 --> 00:06:55,327
She hasn't found
a new social circle yet.

160
00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:57,895
Look, she wants this; let's
just do something nice for her.

161
00:06:57,939 --> 00:07:01,246
We give her food and clothes
every single day.

162
00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:05,947
All right, let me ask you this:
what do you want more?

163
00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:09,211
To win this Kate thing,
or hotel sex?

164
00:07:09,254 --> 00:07:12,214
I vote for hotel sex.
I'm a single-issue voter, okay?

165
00:07:12,257 --> 00:07:15,173
Katie, great news.

166
00:07:16,653 --> 00:07:18,307
Okay, so Teddy and Emme
are at Uncle Don's...

167
00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:19,700
Okay, everyone knows
where everyone is.

168
00:07:19,743 --> 00:07:21,528
Blow some kisses.
No time to waste.

169
00:07:21,571 --> 00:07:24,226
Uh, hey.

170
00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:26,489
Would it be okay if I invited
Shelby and Winslow over?

171
00:07:26,533 --> 00:07:29,797
The two old guys
from The Muppets?

172
00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:32,887
No. They're girls
from my Spanish class.

173
00:07:32,930 --> 00:07:34,932
But I'm thinking I might
get to know them better

174
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:35,977
if we hang out.

175
00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:38,066
[chuckling]

176
00:07:38,109 --> 00:07:40,155
You-you can
hang out tomorrow, okay?

177
00:07:40,198 --> 00:07:41,678
Nobody but you here tonight.

178
00:07:41,722 --> 00:07:43,419
You invite someone over,
they invite more people.

179
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:46,640
Next thing you know, I got
Burning Man in my living room.

180
00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:48,772
You in the house, just you.

181
00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:50,644
Sitting around, doing nothing.

182
00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,428
Have fun. I love you.

183
00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:56,345
Honey,

184
00:07:56,388 --> 00:07:57,868
just between you and me,

185
00:07:57,912 --> 00:08:00,001
go ahead and have
those girls over.

186
00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:02,046
But Dad just said...Don't worry about Dad.

187
00:08:02,090 --> 00:08:03,526
He's got other things
on his mind.

188
00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:07,356
Come on.

189
00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:09,619
Would you please come on?
I've got ideas.
Okay.

190
00:08:21,631 --> 00:08:23,459
Howdy, cowboy.

191
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:26,549
Ooh, Old West prostitute.
I like it.

192
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:29,030
No, no, I'm a pioneer woman.

193
00:08:29,073 --> 00:08:32,424
Yeah, farming the land
to feed our 12 children.

194
00:08:32,468 --> 00:08:34,557
Let's just be ourselves.

195
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:36,559
It's been 15 days.
It'll seem new.

196
00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:39,214
[laughs] Later, we should
raid those minibar snacks.

197
00:08:39,257 --> 00:08:40,432
They're complimentary.
[chuckles]

198
00:08:40,476 --> 00:08:42,217
Well, if we do this thing right,

199
00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:44,393
you won't be awake
for minibar snacks.

200
00:08:44,436 --> 00:08:46,047
Mm-hmm.

201
00:08:46,090 --> 00:08:48,353
[both chuckling]

202
00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:54,403
What is it?

203
00:08:56,361 --> 00:08:57,798
I started thinking about
those bedbugs.Oh...

204
00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:00,757
I think this might be
the same room

205
00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:02,324
that we had last time.

206
00:09:02,367 --> 00:09:04,369
It's got the same floor plan:
bed, window, TV.

207
00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:08,330
It's a hotel room.
They all have that floor plan.

208
00:09:08,373 --> 00:09:10,811
Right. Right.
[laughs]

209
00:09:10,854 --> 00:09:12,377
[both chuckling]

210
00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:17,861
It-It's like I can
feel bugs on me.

211
00:09:19,254 --> 00:09:20,821
Those things drink blood.

212
00:09:20,864 --> 00:09:23,345
And what if one of 'em
bites me there?

213
00:09:23,388 --> 00:09:24,868
That's where all the blood
will be.

214
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,655
Everything's gonna be fine.
All right?

215
00:09:28,698 --> 00:09:32,310
Now, mosey on over here,
partner.

216
00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:35,444
Come on.

217
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:39,013
[groaning]

218
00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:41,276
I-I can't do it,
I'm sorry.

219
00:09:42,407 --> 00:09:45,454
Hey, Teddy is at Don
and Marcy's.

220
00:09:45,497 --> 00:09:47,369
That means our bed is empty.

221
00:09:47,412 --> 00:09:48,631
Le-Let's just go home.

222
00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:49,763
You want to go home?

223
00:09:49,806 --> 00:09:51,808
I'll make it just like
a hotel, okay.

224
00:09:51,852 --> 00:09:53,201
I'll put chocolates
on the pillow,

225
00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:56,683
and in the morning, we
can steal our own shampoo.

226
00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:58,380
Okay, yeah, that--

227
00:09:58,423 --> 00:10:01,035
Let me just text Kate
and warn her-- tellher

228
00:10:01,078 --> 00:10:02,558
that we're coming home.

229
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,212
Good, good, great.
I am out of here.

230
00:10:04,255 --> 00:10:05,387
Adam.
Hmm?

231
00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:07,389
Glass elevator.

232
00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:08,999
Right. Pants.

233
00:10:11,915 --> 00:10:13,569
[phone chimes]

234
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,615
[indistinct chatter]

235
00:10:18,095 --> 00:10:19,488
My dad's coming.
Everybody out!

236
00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:20,663
Go, go! Get out!

237
00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:22,752
Out, out, out, out.
Go, go, go, go!

238
00:10:22,796 --> 00:10:24,624
["Yakety Sax"
by Boots Randolph playing]

239
00:10:32,109 --> 00:10:33,458
[shrieks]

240
00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:39,334
Oh, my...!

241
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:49,953
[car door closes]

242
00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:57,613
Hi.

243
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,441
Hey, Mom.
[chuckles nervously]

244
00:10:59,484 --> 00:11:01,269
There's my girl.

245
00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:05,360
All alone, like I knew
you would be.

246
00:11:05,403 --> 00:11:07,275
Okay. Hey, Katie,
we're very tired,

247
00:11:07,318 --> 00:11:09,364
so we're just gonna
go straight up to bed.

248
00:11:09,407 --> 00:11:10,582
Okay.

249
00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:14,717
I never got
my minibar snacks.

250
00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:16,066
[chuckles]

251
00:11:18,155 --> 00:11:19,809
This room's taken, bro.

252
00:11:30,385 --> 00:11:33,693
Katie, there were teenagers
canoodling in our pantry.

253
00:11:35,738 --> 00:11:37,261
How did this happen?

254
00:11:37,305 --> 00:11:39,873
It doesn't matter
how it happened.
[scoffs]

255
00:11:42,353 --> 00:11:44,094
We don't even need
to know what anybody said

256
00:11:44,138 --> 00:11:45,792
that might've led up to it.

257
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,533
I want to know.

258
00:11:48,577 --> 00:11:50,231
She had a party.

259
00:11:50,274 --> 00:11:52,189
The one thing I
told her not to do.

260
00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:53,625
It wasn't a party.

261
00:11:53,669 --> 00:11:55,366
Oh, it wasn't a party?

262
00:11:55,410 --> 00:11:57,455
Well, then you won't mind

263
00:11:57,499 --> 00:11:59,762
if I check the trash
outside for evidence, huh?

264
00:12:00,981 --> 00:12:03,070
Huh? This house looks
a little too clean.

265
00:12:03,113 --> 00:12:05,289
I've been living with your
mother for a long time...

266
00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:06,682
Hey.

267
00:12:14,516 --> 00:12:16,300
Wait!

268
00:12:17,649 --> 00:12:20,957
Before you do that,
I should tell you.

269
00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:23,351
A neighbor came by...

270
00:12:23,394 --> 00:12:24,961
and he asked if he could

271
00:12:25,005 --> 00:12:28,008
dump his beer cans
into our trash.

272
00:12:30,010 --> 00:12:33,100
And... then he said
he was moving away

273
00:12:33,143 --> 00:12:34,666
so we'll never see him again.

274
00:12:38,018 --> 00:12:40,020
Oh, Katie.

275
00:12:41,586 --> 00:12:43,719
Oh-ho-ho, Katie.

276
00:12:46,069 --> 00:12:48,550
Okay, fine.
There was a party.

277
00:12:48,593 --> 00:12:50,247
But I didn't drink anything.

278
00:12:50,291 --> 00:12:52,554
And I only invited
two girls over.

279
00:12:52,597 --> 00:12:54,382
The others heard about it
and showed up.

280
00:12:54,425 --> 00:12:57,080
Which is exactly what
I told you would happen

281
00:12:57,124 --> 00:13:00,431
and why I said you couldn't
have anybody over.

282
00:13:01,432 --> 00:13:03,043
[exhales]

283
00:13:03,086 --> 00:13:04,609
You're grounded.

284
00:13:04,653 --> 00:13:06,046
Grounded?

285
00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:09,353
Mom said I could!

286
00:13:13,531 --> 00:13:15,272
What? I-- [scoffs]

287
00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:20,800
Oh, Andi.

288
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,022
[whistling]

289
00:13:26,066 --> 00:13:28,111
[whistling stops]

290
00:13:28,155 --> 00:13:29,243
What's up?

291
00:13:29,286 --> 00:13:31,811
That is an excellent
question, Teddy.

292
00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:33,682
What is up?

293
00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:35,858
Teddy's scared.

294
00:13:35,902 --> 00:13:37,294
He wants to sleep
in here with us.

295
00:13:37,338 --> 00:13:39,514
But we have a streak.

296
00:13:39,557 --> 00:13:41,690
Well, I guess
the streak is over, honey.

297
00:13:43,387 --> 00:13:45,172
Teddy, let's go
for a ride.

298
00:13:51,526 --> 00:13:52,701
Hey, munchkins.

299
00:13:52,744 --> 00:13:54,834
What a nice surprise.

300
00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:57,880
I see you, Donny.

301
00:13:57,924 --> 00:13:59,577
You went behind my back

302
00:13:59,621 --> 00:14:01,449
and decided to
parent on your own.

303
00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:03,190
You went rogue.

304
00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:05,148
You went rogue, too,

305
00:14:05,192 --> 00:14:06,846
when you let Teddy
watch a scary movie.

306
00:14:06,889 --> 00:14:09,065
Wh... [scoffs]

307
00:14:09,109 --> 00:14:12,329
This is completely different.

308
00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:15,942
I explicitly said Katie
couldn't have anybody over.

309
00:14:15,985 --> 00:14:19,336
And I explicitly said that Teddy
shouldn't watch that movie.

310
00:14:19,380 --> 00:14:21,861
Yeah, but I wasn't listening.

311
00:14:24,037 --> 00:14:26,866
Plus, Teddy is the only one
in his class who hadn't seen it.

312
00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:28,215
I was right.

313
00:14:28,258 --> 00:14:30,347
Well, I think I was right.But you were wrong.

314
00:14:30,391 --> 00:14:33,655
I never told Kate
to have a party.

315
00:14:33,698 --> 00:14:35,483
I just wanted her
to make some friends.

316
00:14:35,526 --> 00:14:38,529
Oh, people were making
friends, all right.

317
00:14:38,573 --> 00:14:41,184
Some teenager was stealing
second base in our pantry!

318
00:14:41,228 --> 00:14:43,708
Where we keep our food.

319
00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:46,711
Contaminated, Andi!

320
00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:54,502
What's that?

321
00:14:54,545 --> 00:14:56,330
I signed Emme up
for boxing.

322
00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:58,680
You said no, but since
we're going rogue,

323
00:14:58,723 --> 00:15:00,595
I'm doing it anyway.

324
00:15:00,638 --> 00:15:03,728
Oh. Fine with me.
Mm.

325
00:15:03,772 --> 00:15:06,340
I'll sign Teddy up for
rhythmic gymnastics class.

326
00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:07,732
You know that's
the Olympic event

327
00:15:07,776 --> 00:15:09,996
where they dance around
twirling the ribbons.

328
00:15:10,039 --> 00:15:11,388
Great.

329
00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:14,696
Then I'll call the gym
about Emme. Yeah. [chuckles]

330
00:15:14,739 --> 00:15:17,003
I can't wait to watch her
spit a tooth into a bucket.

331
00:15:17,046 --> 00:15:18,700
Terrific.

332
00:15:18,743 --> 00:15:20,006
Good. Yep.

333
00:15:20,049 --> 00:15:22,095
You have your athlete,
I have mine.

334
00:15:22,138 --> 00:15:23,966
[chuckles]
See you at the Olympics.

335
00:15:25,098 --> 00:15:28,014
Hey, we just came
to drop off the kids.

336
00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:29,580
Why do you have
Teddy and Emme?

337
00:15:29,624 --> 00:15:32,714
Uncle Don ding-dong-ditched us
on their porch.

338
00:15:32,757 --> 00:15:35,935
It was awesome. We got
Grandpa, like, four beers.

339
00:15:38,633 --> 00:15:40,026
Did we come at a bad time?

340
00:15:40,069 --> 00:15:41,984
I can always tell
when a wife's mad.

341
00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:44,900
If you're fighting,
we'll wait in the driveway.

342
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,467
We-we can hear
everything from there.

343
00:15:46,510 --> 00:15:50,036
We're not fighting,
we're having a disagreement.

344
00:15:50,079 --> 00:15:54,301
Oh, doesn't surprise me.
We know all about your drought.

345
00:15:54,344 --> 00:15:56,433
Ma, that's not
what this is about.

346
00:15:56,477 --> 00:16:00,481
Your daughter-in-law organized
a teenage orgy in our pantry.

347
00:16:01,656 --> 00:16:03,658
Adam's just mad
because I told Kate

348
00:16:03,701 --> 00:16:06,008
it was okay to have friends
over, and a party happened.

349
00:16:06,052 --> 00:16:10,795
Oh, so what? You and Don always
had parties when we left town.

350
00:16:10,839 --> 00:16:12,058
What? No, we didn't.

351
00:16:12,101 --> 00:16:13,973
The hell you didn't!
There were more beers

352
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:16,236
in the fridge when we
got home than when we left.

353
00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:20,414
That's because
this weird neighbor

354
00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:22,372
would sometimes bring beers over

355
00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:24,592
and we would put them
in the fridge for you.

356
00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:27,551
And then he moved away,
so you can't ask him.

357
00:16:27,595 --> 00:16:31,903
Was it Sal? Or Daryl? That seems
like something he would do.

358
00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:34,080
He's making it up, Bev.

359
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:35,820
The point is, Andi,

360
00:16:35,864 --> 00:16:38,301
we are supposed to
parent together,

361
00:16:38,345 --> 00:16:41,043
and she went rogue.He went rogue first.

362
00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:43,959
Well, that's a different story.
Nobody likes that.

363
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,440
I had to lay down the law
with your mother in '79

364
00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:48,529
when she took you...Don't you finish
that sentence, Joe.

365
00:16:48,572 --> 00:16:49,747
You took Adam

366
00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:52,359
to get a perm after
I told you not to.

367
00:16:52,402 --> 00:16:53,795
You're darn right I did.

368
00:16:53,838 --> 00:16:56,841
Oh, you looked like
one of The Jackson 5.

369
00:16:57,973 --> 00:17:00,715
His hair was so big,
a bird got stuck in it.

370
00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:02,760
Hold on, hold on,
I have an important question.

371
00:17:03,979 --> 00:17:06,068
You had a perm?

372
00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:07,983
No.

373
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:11,943
Stop talking. This family
talks too much. Goodbye.

374
00:17:11,987 --> 00:17:14,729
He wanted to express himself,
and I supported him.

375
00:17:14,772 --> 00:17:16,339
No father should
see his son

376
00:17:16,383 --> 00:17:19,212
under a beauty shop hair dryer
reading Good Housekeeping.

377
00:17:22,128 --> 00:17:25,131
[chuckles]

378
00:17:26,306 --> 00:17:28,917
[laughing]:
Can't believe a word they say.

379
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,746
Well, it makes me feel better

380
00:17:31,789 --> 00:17:35,793
that we're not the first parents
arguing about this stuff.

381
00:17:35,837 --> 00:17:39,406
It probably goes all the way
back to the Old West.

382
00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:43,845
Ain't that right, Sheriff?

383
00:17:50,417 --> 00:17:53,811
Well, I reckon so.

384
00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:56,510
Madam Prostitute.

385
00:17:58,512 --> 00:18:02,777
I'm a pioneer woman.
Sheesh. Let it go.

386
00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:06,389
Fine, fine, fine.

387
00:18:06,433 --> 00:18:07,564
Maybe for our anniversary.

388
00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:13,353
I... I'm sorry for going
behind your back with Teddy.

389
00:18:13,396 --> 00:18:15,833
Me, too, with Kate.

390
00:18:15,877 --> 00:18:18,967
Going rogue is a bad idea.You're right.

391
00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:20,708
So we're not gonna
do that anymore, right?

392
00:18:20,751 --> 00:18:22,797
Right.

393
00:18:27,236 --> 00:18:30,631
Well, there's hundreds
of scary movies,

394
00:18:30,674 --> 00:18:32,807
and I'm too afraid
to watch them alone.

395
00:18:34,287 --> 00:18:36,158
[stammers] We'll go
case by case.

396
00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:37,986
Fair enough.

397
00:18:40,075 --> 00:18:43,034
Hey, you got any pictures
of you with that perm?

398
00:18:43,078 --> 00:18:44,862
No. No.

399
00:18:44,906 --> 00:18:47,169
No, I burned them all.[groans]

400
00:18:47,213 --> 00:18:51,217
That's too bad. You might
get lucky if you did.

401
00:18:51,260 --> 00:18:53,436
I know exactly where one is.

402
00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:02,837
Morning, fellas.

403
00:19:05,709 --> 00:19:08,364
What a day, huh?

404
00:19:10,453 --> 00:19:14,718
Have you ever seen
a sky that blue?

405
00:19:17,547 --> 00:19:20,202
Well, somebody sure
has cheered up.

406
00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:22,204
Yeah, worked
everything out.

407
00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:23,771
Instead of grounding Katie,

408
00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:27,166
her punishment is Teddy
has to sleep in her room.

409
00:19:28,384 --> 00:19:32,171
So in the parents'
room, well,

410
00:19:32,214 --> 00:19:34,085
let's just say

411
00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:36,958
there's a new sheriff in town.

412
00:19:39,003 --> 00:19:40,831
Yeah, well, my streak is over.

413
00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:43,834
Marcy said choosing sex
over family is a turnoff.

414
00:19:45,706 --> 00:19:48,448
And then she started listing
all the other things I do

415
00:19:48,491 --> 00:19:50,624
that are turnoffs.

416
00:19:50,667 --> 00:19:53,017
It was a real bad night.

417
00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:56,673
Well, you have my sympathies.

418
00:19:56,717 --> 00:19:59,415
As a single man, I understand
how hard celibacy can be.

419
00:19:59,459 --> 00:20:00,808
Here.

420
00:20:00,851 --> 00:20:02,113
Let me help you with that.

421
00:20:07,162 --> 00:20:09,295
Okay, okay, okay, okay.

422
00:20:09,338 --> 00:20:10,600
Take it easy, buddy.

423
00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:15,649
Some guys just can't
handle a drought.

424
00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:22,133
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

425
00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:25,180
Captioned by
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