1
00:00:04,221 --> 00:00:05,831
There you are.

2
00:00:05,875 --> 00:00:07,529
Why aren't you in bed?

3
00:00:07,572 --> 00:00:11,011
I just put the moves
on your pillow.

4
00:00:11,054 --> 00:00:13,926
I remembered that Emme has to do
a "My Life" project for school

5
00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,754
and she asked
for some baby pictures.

6
00:00:15,798 --> 00:00:17,321
Project, school, baby.

7
00:00:17,365 --> 00:00:19,497
These are not sexy words.

8
00:00:19,541 --> 00:00:22,065
I can't find any of Emme.

9
00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:24,894
We have a ton of the
older kids. You see?

10
00:00:24,937 --> 00:00:27,549
We have Kate and Teddy, each
going potty for the first time.

11
00:00:29,072 --> 00:00:31,553
Look at the boy strainin'.

12
00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:36,384
Face like a frustrated tomato.

13
00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:38,690
Well, what happened?
It's like we started off

14
00:00:38,734 --> 00:00:41,345
as good parents
and then we just gave up.

15
00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:45,175
Okay, let's look at it
in baseball terms, okay?

16
00:00:45,219 --> 00:00:47,221
We won the first two games
of the series,

17
00:00:47,264 --> 00:00:48,744
and then we phoned in the third.

18
00:00:50,224 --> 00:00:51,921
We were saving our bullpen.

19
00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:54,358
Wait a minute.
Didn't I ask you to put a box

20
00:00:54,402 --> 00:00:56,578
of old baby pictures
in the top of Kate's closet?

21
00:00:56,621 --> 00:01:00,103
I don't know. You tell me to put
a lot of boxes a lot of places.

22
00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:01,626
Come on, help me
get them down.

23
00:01:01,670 --> 00:01:03,933
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
What if we fooled around,

24
00:01:03,976 --> 00:01:06,936
thengot the pictures?Oh, honey,

25
00:01:06,979 --> 00:01:08,198
if you're that worked up,

26
00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:09,634
just finish what you started
with my pillow.

27
00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:17,425
I don't even know if your pillow
likes me like that.

28
00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:22,734
[whispering]: Shh. We
don't want to wake her up.

29
00:01:22,778 --> 00:01:24,432
She's our favorite.

30
00:01:24,475 --> 00:01:25,998
That's not funny.

31
00:01:34,311 --> 00:01:36,922
[whispering]:
Kate.

32
00:01:36,966 --> 00:01:38,968
What are you doing?
Did you sneak out?

33
00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:40,970
Why am I still whispering?

34
00:01:42,232 --> 00:01:43,407
Downstairs. Now.

35
00:01:43,451 --> 00:01:44,756
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

36
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:47,672
This is her first sneak-out.
Hold on.

37
00:01:49,848 --> 00:01:52,024
Oh! It's a keeper.[chuckles]: Yeah.

38
00:01:53,374 --> 00:01:55,332
♪

39
00:02:03,601 --> 00:02:04,950
Kate, why would you sneak out?

40
00:02:04,994 --> 00:02:07,736
Was it boys? Booze?
Boys andbooze?

41
00:02:07,779 --> 00:02:10,782
No, it wasn't like that.
I-I was at Shelby's.

42
00:02:10,826 --> 00:02:12,871
We both like A55-4U.

43
00:02:12,915 --> 00:02:13,959
Wh-What is that?

44
00:02:14,003 --> 00:02:16,136
What is that?
Some new drug? Huh?

45
00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:17,876
Andi, get me a frying
pan and an egg.

46
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,530
We're doing the
"brain on drugs" thing.

47
00:02:19,574 --> 00:02:22,403
No, no, no!
It's-it's a band I like.

48
00:02:22,446 --> 00:02:23,969
Okay, well, if that's true,

49
00:02:24,013 --> 00:02:25,928
why didn't you just tell us
you were going out?

50
00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:28,757
Because it's a school night,
and I knew Dad wouldn't let me.

51
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,585
It's like I'm in jail.

52
00:02:30,628 --> 00:02:32,804
Oh, well...

53
00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,589
we don't want you to feel
like a prisoner.

54
00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:36,939
Yes, we do.

55
00:02:36,982 --> 00:02:39,898
This is a prison,
and your sentence is 18 years.

56
00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:41,552
Hold on.

57
00:02:41,596 --> 00:02:44,294
Maybe we should hear
what she has to say.

58
00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:46,731
She did her talking when
she climbed out her window.

59
00:02:46,775 --> 00:02:48,559
Adam.
Andi!
Dad!

60
00:02:48,603 --> 00:02:50,126
You go to your room.

61
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,911
[huffs]
This is so unfair!

62
00:02:52,955 --> 00:02:55,827
I was just listening
to music!

63
00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:57,307
Katie stomping up the stairs--

64
00:02:57,351 --> 00:02:59,396
that's music
welisten to every day!

65
00:03:00,484 --> 00:03:02,051
Hilarious!

66
00:03:03,531 --> 00:03:04,836
Adam.

67
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,838
Wait for the door slam.

68
00:03:06,882 --> 00:03:09,232
[door slams]

69
00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:10,973
What are you doing?What are youdoing?

70
00:03:11,016 --> 00:03:13,062
I am thinking
about our daughter, okay?

71
00:03:13,105 --> 00:03:15,064
Caring about
how your children feel

72
00:03:15,107 --> 00:03:17,153
is part of being
a modern parent.

73
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,982
Oh, modern parenting
is ruining our country.

74
00:03:20,025 --> 00:03:21,375
Okay? We coddle

75
00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:25,117
our kids so that everyone
thinks they're special.

76
00:03:25,161 --> 00:03:28,469
You know who was special?
Mary Lou Retton.

77
00:03:28,512 --> 00:03:30,514
Oh, this is gonna take a while.

78
00:03:30,558 --> 00:03:32,386
Yeah. Settle in.

79
00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:34,214
Did Mary Lou Retton get a hug

80
00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:36,390
when she fell off
the balance beam?

81
00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:40,350
No. She got screamed at
by an angry, old Romanian.

82
00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:43,440
So she dug deep
and won the gold.

83
00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:45,137
Well, maybe Mary Lou
would've been happier

84
00:03:45,181 --> 00:03:47,009
if she'd gotten a few more hugs.Uh-huh, yeah.

85
00:03:47,052 --> 00:03:49,011
You know what feels better
than a hug?

86
00:03:49,054 --> 00:03:50,882
Kicking Russia's ass
in gymnastics!

87
00:03:52,754 --> 00:03:54,538
And while I feel like
I have the upper hand,

88
00:03:54,582 --> 00:03:55,974
there's something else
I want to say

89
00:03:56,018 --> 00:03:57,889
that I have been holding in
for a long time.

90
00:03:57,933 --> 00:03:59,935
This all goes back

91
00:03:59,978 --> 00:04:01,284
to sleep training.

92
00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:04,592
Oh, my God.
That was 15 years ago!

93
00:04:04,635 --> 00:04:06,115
Since the beginning of time,

94
00:04:06,158 --> 00:04:09,292
kids have figured out
how to go to sleep.

95
00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:12,208
They cried until they got bored,
and when no one came in,

96
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,209
they nodded off.

97
00:04:14,384 --> 00:04:16,647
And those cave kids
were so well-rested,

98
00:04:16,691 --> 00:04:18,170
they invented fire!

99
00:04:20,172 --> 00:04:22,871
But then, in the year 2003,

100
00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:26,962
some parents decided
that they knew better.

101
00:04:28,398 --> 00:04:31,445
And those parents...
are sitting on our couch.

102
00:04:33,708 --> 00:04:35,840
I know we agreed
to let Kate cry it out,

103
00:04:35,884 --> 00:04:37,015
but I couldn't do it.

104
00:04:37,059 --> 00:04:38,408
All right?

105
00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:40,236
And when I picked her up,
she loved me so much.

106
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,238
Well, I hope it was worth it.

107
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,371
Because I can draw a direct line

108
00:04:44,414 --> 00:04:45,633
between you picking Katie up

109
00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,678
to her climbing
through a window.

110
00:04:47,722 --> 00:04:50,899
Modern parenting.

111
00:04:50,942 --> 00:04:53,815
Well, I don't want our kids
sneaking out.

112
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:55,251
I don't know.

113
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:59,037
Maybe-- maybe--
I've been too easy on her.

114
00:04:59,081 --> 00:04:59,908
Yes.

115
00:04:59,951 --> 00:05:02,389
And maybe-- maybe--

116
00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:05,435
we need to shake things up,
get this thing back on track.

117
00:05:05,479 --> 00:05:06,958
No, I-I can see that.

118
00:05:07,002 --> 00:05:09,570
I mean, you know,
somewhere between cave kids

119
00:05:09,613 --> 00:05:12,094
and angry Romanians,
you made a good point.

120
00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:15,619
Okay. You're in charge.

121
00:05:15,663 --> 00:05:17,142
Really?

122
00:05:17,186 --> 00:05:19,101
Yeah. What do you
want to do?

123
00:05:19,144 --> 00:05:21,277
I have dreamed
about this moment.

124
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,758
Okay, first of all,
no more modern.

125
00:05:23,801 --> 00:05:26,369
We are going old school.
Shock and awe.

126
00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:28,415
Huh? But you got to back me up.

127
00:05:28,458 --> 00:05:29,807
Oh, you-you have my word.

128
00:05:29,851 --> 00:05:31,505
I won't even give her
the pizza bagel I made

129
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:32,941
'cause she was hungry
from sneaking out.

130
00:05:32,984 --> 00:05:35,726
[timer dings]I'll take it.
Dads eat first.

131
00:05:37,075 --> 00:05:38,468
That's old school.

132
00:05:40,383 --> 00:05:42,124
ANDI:
So, Emme,

133
00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:43,299
obviously, I took

134
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,692
a million baby pictures of you,

135
00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:46,476
but I can't find any of them

136
00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:48,478
because your old babysitter
stole them.

137
00:05:49,523 --> 00:05:51,133
Yeah, yeah, she, uh,

138
00:05:51,176 --> 00:05:52,830
she-she sent them
to a modeling agency

139
00:05:52,874 --> 00:05:54,179
since you're so darn cute.

140
00:05:56,181 --> 00:05:58,009
But don't try to track
those pictures down.

141
00:05:58,053 --> 00:06:02,710
That modeling agency was
swallowed by a giant whale.

142
00:06:02,753 --> 00:06:04,102
Uh-huh.

143
00:06:05,147 --> 00:06:07,149
So, for your
school project,

144
00:06:07,192 --> 00:06:08,803
we are going to...

145
00:06:08,846 --> 00:06:11,501
fake a baby picture.Pop in this binky,

146
00:06:11,545 --> 00:06:13,895
and we'll take one from far away
so you look small.

147
00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:19,117
KATE:
Oh, my God! Mom!

148
00:06:19,161 --> 00:06:22,120
Dad took my door!

149
00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:25,036
Welcome to the old school.

150
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,473
Katie, you have shown

151
00:06:26,516 --> 00:06:27,517
that you can't be trusted.

152
00:06:27,561 --> 00:06:28,823
This way,

153
00:06:28,866 --> 00:06:30,694
I can keep track
of your every move.

154
00:06:30,738 --> 00:06:33,697
Plus, what are you gonna
slam now, Slammy Davis Jr.?

155
00:06:41,226 --> 00:06:43,403
Why do we have so many doors?

156
00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:46,318
This seems hard.
Have you considered

157
00:06:46,362 --> 00:06:48,886
just letting it be
her boyfriend's problem someday?

158
00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:54,718
[Kate laughing]Oh-ho-ho-ho.

159
00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:58,069
[Kate continues laughing][mock chuckling]

160
00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:03,858
What are you doing?

161
00:07:03,901 --> 00:07:06,251
Katie is in her closet
laughing it up

162
00:07:06,295 --> 00:07:08,210
with her friend on the phone.

163
00:07:08,253 --> 00:07:10,430
She is in trouble.
Why is she laughing?

164
00:07:10,473 --> 00:07:11,648
Well...I'll tell you why.

165
00:07:11,692 --> 00:07:13,563
Okay, you go.

166
00:07:13,607 --> 00:07:15,260
Modern parenting.

167
00:07:17,698 --> 00:07:19,917
Oh, that's it?

168
00:07:19,961 --> 00:07:21,876
I thought you were gonna talk
for ten minutes again,

169
00:07:21,919 --> 00:07:24,400
and I was gonna go grab
a granola bar for sustenance.

170
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,489
She doesn't get to be happy.

171
00:07:26,533 --> 00:07:28,709
In old school, no one is happy.

172
00:07:28,752 --> 00:07:32,234
Look at any old-timey
picture. Miserable!

173
00:07:32,277 --> 00:07:33,496
Mm.

174
00:07:34,932 --> 00:07:36,934
[Katie continues laughing]

175
00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:38,458
Eh-eh-eh?

176
00:07:40,895 --> 00:07:41,765
Busted.

177
00:07:41,809 --> 00:07:42,940
For what?

178
00:07:42,984 --> 00:07:45,552
Excessive laughing.

179
00:07:45,595 --> 00:07:47,989
You just lost
your closet door, missy.

180
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:52,123
Andi, get my tools.

181
00:07:52,167 --> 00:07:53,777
Why don't you
just take her phone?

182
00:07:53,821 --> 00:07:55,257
That's smarter.

183
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,737
And meaner. [chuckles]

184
00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:59,087
You just lost your phone, missy.

185
00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:00,915
[sighs]

186
00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:03,918
She'll call you back
in a few years.

187
00:08:03,961 --> 00:08:05,354
[chuckles]Wait, hold on.

188
00:08:05,397 --> 00:08:08,270
I need that. I'm doing a
group project for Spanish.

189
00:08:08,313 --> 00:08:11,012
Oh. Okay, well,
if it's for school,

190
00:08:11,055 --> 00:08:13,405
you can have a phone.
I'm reasonable.

191
00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:15,843
I'm not reasonable.

192
00:08:15,886 --> 00:08:17,584
Enjoy your new phone.

193
00:08:18,933 --> 00:08:21,631
It's so old; is it for
talking to dead people?

194
00:08:23,328 --> 00:08:24,982
From now on, this...

195
00:08:25,026 --> 00:08:27,419
is the only phone
you are allowed to use.

196
00:08:27,463 --> 00:08:31,075
AndI can keep an eye on you,
because you can only go as far

197
00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:33,513
as the cord will reach.
[chuckles]

198
00:08:39,475 --> 00:08:41,956
I got to make that cord shorter.

199
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,525
Where'd you even get that thing?

200
00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:47,831
Where's our phone?

201
00:08:48,876 --> 00:08:50,399
Adam said he needed it.

202
00:08:50,442 --> 00:08:52,619
He better not be calling
long distance.

203
00:08:53,794 --> 00:08:55,447
KATE:
So, I'll start the presentation

204
00:08:55,491 --> 00:08:59,408
by saying, "La historia
de los conquistadores

205
00:08:59,451 --> 00:09:01,541
es muy fascinante."

206
00:09:03,455 --> 00:09:05,414
Enjoying your breakfast?

207
00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:09,549
I know this is annoying,
but it is all gonna pay off.

208
00:09:15,337 --> 00:09:16,599
Spoon?

209
00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:19,297
Thank you.
[chuckles]

210
00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:22,344
And then you'll say,
"Yo no sabia eso."

211
00:09:22,387 --> 00:09:23,780
I'll bet she's saying
curse words.

212
00:09:23,824 --> 00:09:24,999
She's real mad at you.

213
00:09:25,042 --> 00:09:27,001
Good. By the way,

214
00:09:27,044 --> 00:09:29,830
part of our old-school rules,
kids clean up after themselves.

215
00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:32,659
Can you please put
your dirty glass in the sink?

216
00:09:32,702 --> 00:09:33,747
Happy to.

217
00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:35,487
Mm-hmm.

218
00:09:35,531 --> 00:09:37,794
No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

219
00:09:37,838 --> 00:09:39,709
I will clear the table.

220
00:09:41,537 --> 00:09:43,104
Yeah, that's good.

221
00:09:43,147 --> 00:09:45,628
And then I'll say,

222
00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:50,720
"Los conquistadores eran
guerreros viciosos."

223
00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:55,856
All right.

224
00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:57,988
Katie, honey...
[chuckles]

225
00:09:58,032 --> 00:10:00,382
let me show
you something.

226
00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:01,731
[chuckling]

227
00:10:04,821 --> 00:10:07,041
Adam, do we have a...

228
00:10:07,084 --> 00:10:10,522
time frame on how long
this is gonna take?

229
00:10:10,566 --> 00:10:12,873
I mean, when do
we know we won?

230
00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:16,224
When she says, "I was wrong.
You were right. I'm sorry."

231
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:19,575
You know, that thing
I always end up saying to you.

232
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,403
But you're so good at it.

233
00:10:21,446 --> 00:10:24,406
Practice does
make perfect.

234
00:10:24,449 --> 00:10:28,845
Kate was outside speaking
Spanish into my telephone.

235
00:10:28,889 --> 00:10:31,674
If that was an international
call, you're paying for it.

236
00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:36,548
Hey, Dad, you're
gonna love this.

237
00:10:36,592 --> 00:10:38,072
Since we caught
Katie sneaking out,

238
00:10:38,115 --> 00:10:40,422
I have been making
her life miserable

239
00:10:40,465 --> 00:10:42,859
with some tough,
old-school parenting.

240
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:44,687
Oh, really giving her
the business, huh?

241
00:10:44,731 --> 00:10:46,515
Oh, I am locked in.

242
00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:50,084
I was up all night thinking of
different ways to bum Katie out.

243
00:10:50,127 --> 00:10:51,563
So you're turning
your life upside down

244
00:10:51,607 --> 00:10:54,175
to teach a kid a lesson?Yeah. [chuckles]

245
00:10:54,218 --> 00:10:57,091
That's the furthest thing
from old school I've ever heard.

246
00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:59,833
What? What?
You don't get it.

247
00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:02,444
I took Katie's
bedroom door.

248
00:11:02,487 --> 00:11:06,361
A door is like a teenager's
favorite thing, and I took it!

249
00:11:06,404 --> 00:11:09,756
That is stone-cold old.

250
00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:11,322
Son, when you were a kid,

251
00:11:11,366 --> 00:11:13,847
I didn't even know
if you had a door.

252
00:11:13,890 --> 00:11:16,153
That'sold school.

253
00:11:16,197 --> 00:11:18,547
We believed
in fresh air for kids.

254
00:11:18,590 --> 00:11:21,942
Every morning, we just put you
outside like a milk bottle.

255
00:11:21,985 --> 00:11:23,987
What?

256
00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:28,862
Oh, no.

257
00:11:28,905 --> 00:11:32,561
Adam, what's wrong,
honey? Are...? Oh.

258
00:11:32,604 --> 00:11:35,520
Are-are you sad 'cause your dad
didn't know if you had a door?

259
00:11:35,564 --> 00:11:38,959
What? It's worse than that.

260
00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:40,961
I'm a modern parent.

261
00:11:41,004 --> 00:11:42,789
Bev, he seems upset.

262
00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:45,705
Give him one of
your muscle relaxers.

263
00:11:52,102 --> 00:11:53,713
I can't believe this.
I'm so modern,

264
00:11:53,756 --> 00:11:55,802
I don't even know
what old school is anymore.

265
00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:58,369
I'm like a cat
wearing a dog costume.

266
00:12:00,197 --> 00:12:01,503
Well, you've always
been sensitive.

267
00:12:01,546 --> 00:12:02,330
Remember that time

268
00:12:02,373 --> 00:12:03,810
you stood in front of

269
00:12:03,853 --> 00:12:05,550
the lobster tank crying?

270
00:12:05,594 --> 00:12:07,335
I was six.

271
00:12:07,378 --> 00:12:09,380
You told me
to pick my favorite one.

272
00:12:09,424 --> 00:12:12,296
I didn't know
what was gonna happen next.

273
00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:15,604
They put the bib on him,
and all hell broke loose.Yeah.

274
00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:18,172
Well, don't beat yourself up.

275
00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:19,826
I mean, you're not so modern.

276
00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:22,567
You still hose down the driveway
in your bathrobe.

277
00:12:22,611 --> 00:12:25,875
That's just to give
the neighbor ladies a thrill.

278
00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:28,399
Hey,

279
00:12:28,443 --> 00:12:31,315
Grandma, do you have that
baby picture for my project?

280
00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:33,187
I sure do, honey.

281
00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:35,015
There you go.Thanks.

282
00:12:35,058 --> 00:12:36,756
Hmm.
Wow.

283
00:12:36,799 --> 00:12:39,062
Did you see that?
We didn't have

284
00:12:39,106 --> 00:12:40,716
what Emme needed,
so she asked Bev.

285
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:41,804
She's resourceful.

286
00:12:43,066 --> 00:12:44,589
Yeah, we raised her right.Yeah.

287
00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:45,982
She's the one
we raised the least.

288
00:12:49,943 --> 00:12:51,988
That's true.

289
00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:55,687
We did the best job with Emme
by barely doing the job at all.

290
00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:59,300
That's what we should be
doing with Katie.

291
00:12:59,343 --> 00:13:02,259
Back off and let life
teach her some lessons.

292
00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:04,348
Oh, I like it.
I can really

293
00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:06,394
get behind that,
instead of fake getting behind

294
00:13:06,437 --> 00:13:07,874
what you were doing before.

295
00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:11,399
Yes, you can,
because I re-figured this out.

296
00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:14,445
I thought I was old school,
but I was really new school.

297
00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:18,623
Now I need to go oldold school.

298
00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:20,451
You already talked
more about this

299
00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:22,758
than I've talked about
you in your entire life.

300
00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:26,718
I keep looking for
a way to leave,

301
00:13:26,762 --> 00:13:27,937
but he just won't stop.Yeah.

302
00:13:29,069 --> 00:13:30,461
You know what?

303
00:13:30,505 --> 00:13:32,681
Keep the phone.
Life's too short.

304
00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:38,121
Your mother and I
have decided to go

305
00:13:38,165 --> 00:13:39,819
with a different punishment.

306
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:41,429
From now on, we're gonna
give you morefreedom.

307
00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:43,257
How do you feel
about that?

308
00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:45,607
I... like it?Hmm.

309
00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:47,652
Well, you won't for long,

310
00:13:47,696 --> 00:13:49,959
because in real life,
there's consequences.

311
00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:51,831
Yeah, you think
we're tough?

312
00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:53,963
Life's a real
son of a gun.

313
00:13:54,007 --> 00:13:57,662
Yes, it is, so good luck
running your own life.

314
00:13:57,706 --> 00:13:59,839
Cool. I'm going to a concert
Thursday night.

315
00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:02,276
What?Andi, that's her decision.

316
00:14:02,319 --> 00:14:05,192
Yeah, but that's
a school night.
Mm-mm-mm.

317
00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:07,107
You know,
for your first choice,

318
00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:08,891
I was expecting...Mm-mm-mm.

319
00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:11,111
...something small,
like, you know,

320
00:14:11,154 --> 00:14:13,243
swimming right after you eat.

321
00:14:13,287 --> 00:14:15,289
But I can still go, right?

322
00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:16,246
Absolutely.

323
00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:17,465
And on Friday morning,

324
00:14:17,508 --> 00:14:19,206
when you're too tired

325
00:14:19,249 --> 00:14:21,469
to learn anything at school,
and you don't get into college,

326
00:14:21,512 --> 00:14:23,950
and you end up a milky-eyed
drifter, that's on you.

327
00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:26,343
Enjoy sleeping in a boxcar.

328
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,740
ADAM:
Come on!

329
00:14:31,783 --> 00:14:34,177
This guy's climbing
a jungle gym.

330
00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:38,094
He does not deserve
the title of "ninja warrior."

331
00:14:38,138 --> 00:14:40,314
Adam, I don't like this.

332
00:14:40,357 --> 00:14:42,925
I mean, Kate is at a
concert on a school night.

333
00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:44,535
I mean, what's she
doing? Is she dancing?

334
00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:46,494
Is she vaping?
What's vaping? I...

335
00:14:46,537 --> 00:14:48,496
Stay strong.

336
00:14:48,539 --> 00:14:49,976
Remember Emme?

337
00:14:50,019 --> 00:14:51,934
I mean, remember how
we didn't remember Emme?

338
00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:54,850
Lady Gaga would say she
was just born that way.

339
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:58,636
I don't care what
the Lady of Gaga says.

340
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:03,163
I am Adam of Pittsburgh,
and I say we need to back off

341
00:15:03,206 --> 00:15:05,861
and let Katie learn
about consequences.

342
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,819
Okay.

343
00:15:07,863 --> 00:15:10,692
But maybe I'll just
google the band to see

344
00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:12,694
if there's any news
stories from the venue.

345
00:15:12,737 --> 00:15:14,957
You do what you need to do.
I want no part of it.Okay.

346
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:17,699
Oh, hey, what was the
name of that band again?

347
00:15:17,742 --> 00:15:19,701
It was a bunch of letters
and numbers.

348
00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:21,616
I could do this.

349
00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:23,096
I should try out
for this.

350
00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:24,706
Oh, hey.

351
00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:26,186
Emme, honey,
do you remember the name

352
00:15:26,229 --> 00:15:28,014
of that band
that Kate likes?

353
00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:29,450
Yeah, it's A55-4U.

354
00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:30,886
Ah.

355
00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:34,890
God, Emme's great.

356
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,547
A55-4U. Huh.

357
00:15:39,590 --> 00:15:41,157
What does that even mean?

358
00:15:41,201 --> 00:15:45,814
You know, when we were kids,
bands had names that made sense.

359
00:15:45,857 --> 00:15:49,165
Like... Men Without Hats.

360
00:15:49,209 --> 00:15:54,214
You knew what they were, and
you knew what their problem was.

361
00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:56,216
Wait, wait, wait.
Look at this.Mm.

362
00:15:56,259 --> 00:15:59,306
When I typed it out, the
two fives look like S's.

363
00:15:59,349 --> 00:16:03,571
"A55-4U" is really...
"Ass-For-You."

364
00:16:03,614 --> 00:16:05,703
Oh, we're gonna lose
the next war.

365
00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:10,752
Okay, well, there's no bad news
from tonight's

366
00:16:10,795 --> 00:16:14,930
Ass-For-You concert
at... Obermeyer College?

367
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,324
What? The concert's
at a college?

368
00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:18,934
Where college boys are?

369
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,936
Yeah, and-and their
college-boy beds.

370
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,504
That's the thing about
college boys-- they have beds!

371
00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:25,680
Yeah.The hell with this.
I'm calling her.

372
00:16:25,723 --> 00:16:27,421
[sighs]

373
00:16:27,464 --> 00:16:30,119
[phone ringing]

374
00:16:34,515 --> 00:16:36,821
You didn't give her
back her phone?

375
00:16:36,865 --> 00:16:38,432
You didn't remind me
to give her back her phone!

376
00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:39,781
You didn't tell me to remind you
to give her back her phone!

377
00:16:39,824 --> 00:16:42,262
This consequen--
[shouts]

378
00:16:42,305 --> 00:16:44,438
This consequences thing
is happening to us!

379
00:16:44,481 --> 00:16:46,788
Life isa son of a gun!

380
00:16:46,831 --> 00:16:48,442
We-we have to
go get her.

381
00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:50,270
Yeah, okay. Oh, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

382
00:16:50,313 --> 00:16:51,836
If we go down there,

383
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,795
she'll know we couldn't
old-school her, either.

384
00:16:53,838 --> 00:16:55,971
[sighs]Okay.

385
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:59,496
What if we send someone else
down there to go check on her?

386
00:16:59,540 --> 00:17:03,326
Way to find
a loophole, baby!

387
00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:06,155
But what kind of weirdo
grown-ups do we know

388
00:17:06,199 --> 00:17:09,985
that would drop everything
to go to an Ass-For-You concert?

389
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,552
[music playing]Thanks for the
tickets, Adam.

390
00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:13,510
Ass-For-You is
my workout jam.

391
00:17:13,554 --> 00:17:15,860
Lowell, have
you seen Katie?

392
00:17:15,904 --> 00:17:16,687
Not yet.

393
00:17:16,731 --> 00:17:18,080
Put Don on the phone.

394
00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:19,647
Oh, good idea.
He'll spot her.

395
00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:21,257
He's so tall, he
can see everything.

396
00:17:21,301 --> 00:17:22,519
He's like Google Earth.

397
00:17:24,217 --> 00:17:25,696
Go for Don.

398
00:17:25,740 --> 00:17:27,133
Any sign of Katie?

399
00:17:27,176 --> 00:17:29,309
No dice. I even stood
outside the girl's bathroom

400
00:17:29,352 --> 00:17:32,355
for a half hour until security
told me to move along.

401
00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:33,704
We need to find Katie!

402
00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:34,966
Don't worry, brother.

403
00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:37,186
You got the right two guys
on this mission.

404
00:17:37,230 --> 00:17:40,015
Lowell?!

405
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,364
I-I'll tell you what.

406
00:17:41,408 --> 00:17:43,236
I'll find Lowell first,
and then I'll find Katie.

407
00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:47,805
Adam, I'm worried.

408
00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:49,633
And I love you enough
to tell you

409
00:17:49,677 --> 00:17:52,462
that if anything happens to her,
the media is gonna blame you,

410
00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:54,986
and I am not gonna be that wife
that sticks up for you.

411
00:17:55,030 --> 00:17:57,467
Screw it. Let's
go get our girl.

412
00:17:57,511 --> 00:17:58,947
Oh, yeah.

413
00:17:58,990 --> 00:18:00,383
And after all
that modern parenting,

414
00:18:00,427 --> 00:18:02,037
Kate can't survive
on her own.
Yeah.

415
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,517
She's like a monkey
raised in captivity.

416
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:04,909
Yeah, we can't
set her free now.

417
00:18:04,953 --> 00:18:06,389
She'll never find
her own bananas!

418
00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:10,350
[gasps]
Ah! Our monkey's safe!

419
00:18:10,393 --> 00:18:13,309
Oh, you came home.
I'm so proud of you.Oh.

420
00:18:13,353 --> 00:18:15,224
You are?
Yeah.

421
00:18:15,268 --> 00:18:17,705
Yeah, you realized
that going to a concert

422
00:18:17,748 --> 00:18:20,490
on a school night was not smart.

423
00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:21,839
Old school works.
[chuckles]

424
00:18:21,883 --> 00:18:23,232
No, I still

425
00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:24,538
wanted to go to the concert,

426
00:18:24,581 --> 00:18:26,192
but no one else
was allowed to go.

427
00:18:26,235 --> 00:18:27,889
The other parents think
you guys are crazy.

428
00:18:27,932 --> 00:18:30,021
I'd expect some angry calls.

429
00:18:30,065 --> 00:18:33,242
Oh. So you didn't learn
any lessons?

430
00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:35,070
Not as far as I know.

431
00:18:37,725 --> 00:18:40,902
Don't look at me.
I wanted to hug her.

432
00:18:40,945 --> 00:18:44,775
So, what happens now?
Can I still do whatever I want?

433
00:18:44,819 --> 00:18:46,690
Huh.

434
00:18:46,734 --> 00:18:50,041
Yeah, that's
what I think: huh.

435
00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:51,956
That's a confusing answer.

436
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,089
It sure is.

437
00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:56,396
And it's supposed to be,

438
00:18:56,439 --> 00:18:59,268
because that was our plan
all along.

439
00:19:01,096 --> 00:19:04,360
That's right.
All along, we had a plan.

440
00:19:04,404 --> 00:19:05,753
Yeah. We wanted
to keep you guessing

441
00:19:05,796 --> 00:19:09,626
by veering wildly
from crazy strict to super easy.

442
00:19:09,670 --> 00:19:11,672
Crazy strict,
super easy.

443
00:19:11,715 --> 00:19:13,369
Where are we?
You don't know.

444
00:19:13,413 --> 00:19:14,892
Yeah. You...

445
00:19:14,936 --> 00:19:16,503
are in the hands
of masters here.

446
00:19:16,546 --> 00:19:18,200
Ha!
Masters!

447
00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:21,160
Yeah, so go to your room.
And do whatever you want.

448
00:19:23,945 --> 00:19:26,121
[both laugh]

449
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,992
BOTH:
I... I don't know.

450
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:35,739
Well, we squeaked
through that one.
Yeah.

451
00:19:35,783 --> 00:19:37,915
If she hadn't come home,
we would've gone to get her.

452
00:19:37,959 --> 00:19:40,396
Yeah. We're not new
school, or old school,

453
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,137
or oldold school.

454
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,965
We got expelled
from every school.

455
00:19:44,008 --> 00:19:46,010
[scoffs]

456
00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:49,362
We have no power
because we love 'em too much.Mm.

457
00:19:49,405 --> 00:19:52,060
You know, kids-- they lock you
in early with their cuteness,

458
00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:54,454
and then you're screwed.[scoffs]

459
00:19:54,497 --> 00:19:58,893
So, how do you control
someone you love?

460
00:19:58,936 --> 00:20:02,375
Wait. How did you get me
to go see Mamma Mia on Ice?

461
00:20:02,418 --> 00:20:05,116
I locked you in early
with my cuteness,

462
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,206
and now you're screwed.

463
00:20:08,685 --> 00:20:10,818
Ah, so I guess we
just white-knuckle it

464
00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:12,341
till Katie's out
of the house.

465
00:20:12,385 --> 00:20:14,952
Mm, maybe we let her be
her boyfriend's problem,

466
00:20:14,996 --> 00:20:17,041
go with Don's solution.

467
00:20:17,085 --> 00:20:20,393
Scary times.

468
00:20:20,436 --> 00:20:23,831
Hey, party people.

469
00:20:23,874 --> 00:20:25,876
Lowell, what happened?
Are you okay?

470
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,488
It was the greatest night
of my life.

471
00:20:28,531 --> 00:20:30,533
I got swept up in the crowd,

472
00:20:30,577 --> 00:20:32,274
and someone gave me
a breath mint

473
00:20:32,318 --> 00:20:34,668
that made me love everybody.

474
00:20:37,192 --> 00:20:39,499
Good night, Mom.
Good night, Dad.

475
00:20:39,542 --> 00:20:41,414
You guys, look.

476
00:20:41,457 --> 00:20:43,242
[whispers]:
I found Kate.

477
00:20:49,335 --> 00:20:53,295
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

478
00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:55,341
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
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