I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THE INTERVIEW
WHEN YOU FIRST SPOKE WITH ME,
AND I STILL DON'T WANT TO DO THE INTERVIEW.
I'M READY.
I'M READY FOR IT.
Newscaster: POLICE ARE SAYING THEY'RE NOT SURE WHAT SET HIM OFF.
I GOT A PHONE CALL FROM RON,
AND HE WAS CRYING.
[ Voice breaking ] AND HE SAID, "DID YOU HEAR WHAT HAPPENED?"
Newscaster: THE DAY HAD TURNED INTO PANIC, THEN TERROR.
[ SIREN WAILS ]
AND HE SAYS, IT'S TRUE, IT WAS ROBBIE.
AND I JUST -- I SCREAMED.
I JUST SCREAMED SO LOUD,
AND THEN I JUST PASSED OUT.
--Captions by VITAC-- www.vitac.com
CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS
[ DOOR HINGES CREAK, KNOCKING ]
[ KNOCKING, DOOR HINGES CREAK ]
HOW CAN ANYONE COMPREHEND HIM DOING WHAT HE DID?
YOU CAN'T.
YOU CAN'T JUSTIFY IT.
THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON THAT KNOWS WHY HE DID IT.
AND THAT'S ROBBIE.
Newscaster: POLICE SAY THEY DON'T KNOW AND MAY NEVER KNOW.
CERTAINLY, WHENEVER YOU HAVE AN INCIDENT OF THIS NATURE,
IT MAY BE IMPOSSIBLE TO COME UP WITH AN EXPLANATION.
Sims: ROBBIE WAS REALLY BRIGHT, VERY BRIGHT, VERY CREATIVE.
EVERYTHING WAS MAGICAL TO HIM.
HE LOVED FIGURING OUT NEW THINGS.
YOU CAN COME HOME WITH A BALLOON,
AND HE'D FIND SOMETHING HAPPY TO DO WITH IT, YOU KNOW?
TIE A TIE CAR TO IT OR ONE OF HIS ARMY MEN AND PRETEND
THEY WERE PARACHUTING DOWN OUT OF AN AIRPLANE OR SOMETHING.
BUT ROBBIE WAS VERY DIFFERENT FROM A VERY EARLY AGE.
-HAPPY BIRTHDAY! -HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
ONE, TWO, THREE.
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]
Hawkins: THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS. GO AHEAD.
HE HAD A LOT OF OUTBURSTS.
HERE'S MY GIFT.
NO! I WANT THE BLUE ONE!
NO, NO, NO! I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!
YOU'RE STUPID! YOU'RE REALLY, REALLY, REALLY --
IT'S REALLY HARD TO DESCRIBE A CHILD'S TEMPER TANTRUM.
JUST SOMETIMES SOMETHING WOULD CLICK IN HIM.
ROBBIE WOULD YELL PROFANITIES AT YOU.
YOU KNOW, TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE WORTHLESS,
AND JUST ANYTHING THAT HE COULD DO TO TRY TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS.
Robbie: I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!
BUT ONE TIME, ROBBIE WENT BEYOND THE TYPICAL.
HE THREW THINGS AROUND, HIT HIS HEAD ON HIS WALL.
GET A HOLD OF YOU TO TRY TO BITE YOU OR TO HURT YOU IN SOME WAY.
I THINK WE WERE, LIKE, BASICALLY ANY PARENT.
YOU JUST TRY TO TALK HIM DOWN AND TALK HIM OUT OF IT,
BUT NONE OF THAT WORKED FOR HIM.
REASONING DIDN'T WORK.
YOU WOULD JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE UNTIL HE CALMED DOWN.
AND THEN HE WOULD JUST COME OUT AND SAY, "GOOD MORNING, MOM.
GOOD MORNING, DAD," AND JUST BE REALLY SWEET.
AND YOU KIND OF PUSH IT TO THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD
AND MOVE ALONG LIKE IT DIDN'T HAPPEN BECAUSE YOU JUST HAVE TO.
BUT IT WAS VERY DIFFICULT A LOT OF THE TIME.
THE WHOLE HOUSE WAS ON EGGSHELLS ALMOST ALL THE TIME.
RIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, HE GOT KICKED OUT OF KINDERCARE.
THEY CALLED ME, AND I HAD TO COME AND GET HIM EARLY.
AND THAT'S WHEN THEY EXPLAINED TO ME
WHAT HAD HAPPENED THAT DAY.
WHAT WAS HE DOING?
Man: HE WAS HITTING PEOPLE AND THREW A CHAIR.
WELL, WHY WAS HE ATTACKING THOSE KIDS?
THEY DON'T KNOW.
BUT HE WAS HITTING, KICKING, AND HE HIT SOMEONE WITH A CHAIR.
THAT WAS THE END MOMENT WHEN THEY SAID THEY JUST
COULDN'T HAVE HIM COME BACK ANYMORE
IS WHEN THEY HIT SOMEONE WITH A CHAIR.
Sims: THEY'D HAVE KIDS THAT ACT OUT,
BUT ROBBIE WAS AN EXTREME, A VERY EXTREME CASE,
AND IT WAS GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE
IT WAS GETTING TOO PHYSICAL AND TOO VIOLENT AND DANGEROUS.
AND ROBBIE HAD SUCH AN INCREDIBLY STRONG WILL,
HE WOULD NOT GIVE UP.
AND WHEN YOU HAVE A CHILD WHO --
WHO HAS A STRONGER WILL THAN YOU CAN STAND,
WHAT DO YOU DO?
I TRIED TO FIND SOMETHING,
SOMEBODY TO HELP BECAUSE I OBVIOUSLY COULDN'T FIX.
I DON'T KNOW ENOUGH.
SO, THEY TOOK HIM TO A HOSPITAL.
I DON'T KNOW, RON.
I'M JUST TRYING TO DO WHAT'S BEST FOR HIM.
THE FEELING OF HIM GOING IN THERE JUST MAKES YOU NUMB.
AND IT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE A WORTHLESS PARENT.
IT'S VERY TERRIFYING
TO BASICALLY PASS YOUR CHILD OVER TO SOMEBODY ELSE
AND TO SAY,
"CAN YOU FIX HIM?"
BECAUSE THAT'S KIND OF HOW IT WAS.
HE WAS A BROKEN TOY THAT JUST NEEDED TO BE FIXED.
AND HOW DO YOU TELL A 4-YEAR-OLD,
WE'RE NOT LEAVING YOU,
THAT THESE PEOPLE ARE FIXING YOU, THEY'RE HELPING YOU.
I DON'T REMEMBER HOW LONG HE WAS IN THE FIRST TIME,
BUT WHEN HE WAS ABLE TO COME HOME,
HE CAME HOME A VERY WIPED CLEAN SLATE.
HE WASN'T ANGRY ANYMORE,
BUT YET, HE WASN'T THAT HAPPY ROBBIE ANYMORE, EITHER.
HE DIDN'T HAVE ANY EMOTIONS.
[ KNOCKING ]
HEY, ROBBIE, DINNER'S READY.
AS ROBBIE GOT OLDER, HE OBVIOUSLY GOT STRONGER.
HE GOT BIGGER.
AND HIS PHYSICAL PRESENCE GOT MUCH MORE SCARY.
ROBBIE, YOU BETTER BE DOWNSTAIRS AT THAT TABLE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I JUST KEPT THINKING, "ROBBIE'S NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING.
ROBBIE WOULDN'T DO ANYTHING."
Sims: ROBBIE GOT A LITTLE OLDER
AND A LITTLE BIT MORE BOISTEROUS.
I THINK THAT'S WHEN HE WAS THINKING
THAT IF I WASN'T IN THE PICTURE, THAT HIS MOM WOULD COME BACK,
AND HIS MOM AND DAD WOULD GET RE-MARRIED.
AND THEIR FAMILY WOULD BE WHOLE.
IF YOU EVER TELL ME WHAT TO DO,
I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET IT.
THAT'S WHEN HIS HOSTILITY PERSONALLY TOWARDS ME
REALLY TOOK OFF.
[ LAWNMOWER RUNNING ]
ONE DAY, I WAS OUT MOWING THE GRASS,
AND I ASKED FOR SOMEBODY TO GET ME SOMETHING TO DRINK.
ROBBIE BROUGHT ME OUT A POP TO DRINK.
I TOOK A SWIG OF IT.
AND JUST THOUGHT,
"OOH, THAT POP --
THE CASE OF POP MUST HAVE GONE BAD OR SOMETHING."
I'M, LIKE, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT EVEN IS.
SO I TOOK ANOTHER DRINK OF IT 'CAUSE
IT WASN'T LIKE IT WAS A FLAT POP OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
AND I TOOK ANOTHER DRINK OF IT,
AND I JUST -- I WAS, LIKE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS,
BUT I'M DEFINITELY NOT GONNA FINISH THIS AFTER I TOOK, LIKE,
TWO OR THREE SIPS TRYING TO JUST FIGURE OUT WHAT IT WAS.
AND LATER THAT NIGHT, I GOT REALLY SICK.
IT WAS JUST A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER,
AND I GOT REALLY PHYSICALLY SICK
AND GO TO FIND OUT THAT HE HAD PUT --
HE HAD PUT A CHEMICAL IN MY --
IN MY POP.
HE PUT PESTICIDE IN IT.
ONCE HE FIGURED OUT
THAT I WASN'T GONNA GO TO THE HOSPITAL OR ANYTHING,
HE TOLD US HE THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY.
AFTER I FOUND OUT THAT HE HAD POISONED ME,
IT WAS REALLY HARD TO KEEP MY EMOTIONS IN CHECK
BECAUSE ON ONE HAND,
IT DID START MAKING ME BE AFRAID OF HIM.
WHY DID YOU DO THAT, ROBBIE?
I'M SERIOUS.
WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY?
IT WAS A PRANK.
HE DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS GOING TO MAKE YOU SICK.
RIGHT, ROBBIE?
YEAH.
THAT'S ALL IT WAS.
Sims: HE JUST WANTED ME OUT OF THE PICTURE.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
I MEAN, YOU'RE FINE.
IT'S NOT LIKE YOU DIED.
I COULD HAVE. I COULD HAVE DIED.
[ SCOFFS ]
BUT IN THE OTHER HAND,
I JUST KEPT THINKING, "ROBBIE'S NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING.
ROBBIE WOULDN'T DO ANYTHING BECAUSE WE KNOW WHO HE IS."
YOU KNOW? HE'S NOT THIS TERRIBLE MONSTER.
THE NEXT BIG ALTERCATION THAT ROBBIE AND I GOT INTO
WAS THE DAY THAT LED HIM TO PERMANENTLY LEAVE OUR HOUSE.
HIS OLDER SISTER WORKED AT A RESTAURANT,
AND HE KEPT STEALING HER CASH.
ROBBIE?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN YOUR SISTER'S ROOM?
NOTHING.
LET ME SEE YOUR BACKPACK.
NO.
I WANTED TO LOOK IN HIS BACKPACK
TO SEE IF HE HAD HIS SISTER'S MONEY.
LET ME SEE YOUR BACKPACK.
NO!
YOU CANNOT KEEP STEALING HER MONEY.
AND SO ROBBIE AND I GOT INTO A BIG ARGUMENT.
LET GO!
I DIDN'T STEAL ANYTHING.
YOU ARE ALWAYS TAKING EVERYONE ELSE'S SIDE.
YOU NEVER TAKE MINE!
I WAS TRYING TO GET HIS BOOK BAG FROM HIM,
AND WE WERE WRESTLING OVER THE BOOK BAG.
AND MY WEDDING RING CUT HIM ON THE CHEEK.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO.
I'M SORRY.
IF YOU EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN, I WILL KILL YOU.
[ BELL RINGING ]
ROBBIE TELLS ME THAT YOU TWO GOT INTO A PHYSICAL FIGHT,
AND THAT'S WHERE THE SCRATCH CAME FROM.
WHEN HE WAS AT SCHOOL, HE WENT AND TOLD A COUPLE OF HIS FRIENDS
AND ALSO TOLD THE COUNSELOR THAT I HAD HIT HIM,
AND THAT, YOU KNOW, I GOT PHYSICAL WITH HIM,
AND THAT'S HOW HE HAD GOT THE CUT ON HIS CHEEK.
HE WAS TRYING TO TURN THE BACKPACK INCIDENT
THAT I WAS OUT OF CONTROL,
AND THAT I WAS GETTING PHYSICAL,
AND THAT I HAD BASICALLY ABUSED HIM.
THERE IS A MORE SERIOUS ISSUE THAT WE HAVE TO DISCUSS HERE.
THEN HE TOLD A COUPLE OF KIDS AT SCHOOL
THAT HE WAS SO UPSET WITH ME THAT THE ONLY WAY
THAT I WAS GONNA BE LEAVING THE HOUSE THE NEXT DAY
WAS IN A BODY BAG.
AND TOLD THEM THAT HE WAS GOING TO
STAB ME IN MY SLEEP THAT NIGHT.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
YOU DON'T KNOW --
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOUR KID IS LIKE THAT?
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
[ SIGHS ]RON, PLEASE, PLEASE.
I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE.
I'M SCARED.HE DIDN'T MEAN IT.
HE'S JUST STRUGGLING.
HONEY, I THINK HE MEANS IT WHEN HE SAYS THOSE THINGS.
I'M ON EDGE ALL THE TIME. I JUST CAN'T.
I THINK YOU NEED TO GIVE IT A LITTLE MORE TIME, OKAY?
HE'S JUST A KID.
Hawkins: WHEN A NORMAL KID SAYS SOMETHING,
"I HATE YOU," TO THEIR PARENTS, THEY DON'T MEAN IT.
BUT WITH ROBBIE, WHEN HE SAID THESE THINGS,
IT BRINGS UP A DOUBT,
AND THAT DOUBT IS ENOUGH TO WORRY YOU.
IT'S, LIKE, "MAN, DOES HE REALLY MEAN THIS?"
I THINK ROBBIE DEFINITELY MEANT IT BECAUSE LATER ON,
WE FOUND THAT HE HAD CARVED INTO HIS DRESSER, "KILL HER."
AND WE FOUND POCKETKNIVES
THAT HE HAD BEEN COLLECTING IN HIS DRAWERS,
SO WE KNEW THAT HE MEANT IT.
IT WASN'T AN IDLE THREAT.
WHETHER OR NOT IT WAS THAT NIGHT OR ANOTHER NIGHT.
WE CALLED A PSYCHIATRIST,
AND HIS PSYCHIATRIST SAID THAT WE NEEDED TO CALL THE COPS
AND HAVE HIM PHYSICALLY REMOVED,
THAT HE COULDN'T' BE TRUSTED IN THE HOUSE AT THAT TIME.
AND SO THEY DID.
THEY...
[ Voice breaking ]...CAME AND TOOK HIM.
AND BESIDES A NIGHT VISIT OR A WEEKEND VISIT,
THAT WAS HIS LAST IN THE HOUSE.
Hawkins: HE NEEDED SOME PLACE
WHERE HE HAD A VERY STRUCTURED ENVIRONMENT,
BUT I FELT TERRIBLE.
THERE WAS A PIECE OF MY FAMILY THAT WAS MISSING.
AND THE DOCTOR TOLD US,
"WELL, IT COULD BE THIS, IT COULD BE THIS,
IT COULD BE THIS."
SEPARATION ANXIETY DISORDER,
POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER, A.D.D., ADHD THINGS.
EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD.
NO ONE ON EARTH I KNEW HAD AN ANSWER.
AND THEY WOULD TRY DIFFERENT MEDICATIONS.
THEY WOULD TRY DIFFERENT TECHNIQUES AND THINGS.
"WELL, THAT'S NOT WORKING.
LET'S TRY THIS ONE.
WELL, THAT DIDN'T CHANGE ANYTHING.
LET'S TRY SOMETHING ELSE."
Sims: THERE WAS MORE THAN ONE INCIDENT
THAT SHOWED ME OR THE FAMILY DEAD.
KNIVES STABBED IN US OR NOOSES AROUND OUR NECK.
WE WERE OUT OF TIME.
[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]
Sims: WELL, WHEN ROBBIE WENT INTO PSYCHIATRIC CARE,
I JUST KEPT TRYING TO REMIND MYSELF, "IT'S NOT ABOUT ME."
AND I JUST WOULD KEEP TELLING MYSELF,
"IT'S NOT ME, IT'S NOT ME, IT'S NOT ME."
ROBBIE HAD A LOT OF GOALS IN THERAPY,
AND ONE OF THEM WAS TO TRY TO MAKE THINGS BETTER WITH ME.
AND TO BASICALLY APOLOGIZE FOR HIS ACTIONS.
YOU CAN'T DO AND SAY THESE THINGS
WITHOUT APOLOGIZING TO SOMEBODY.
YOU NEED TO APOLOGIZE AND TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS.
HE WOULD SAY IT,
BUT HE DIDN'T COME ACROSS AS BEING SINCERE ABOUT IT.
I'M SORRY, OKAY?
[ SIGHS ]
NO.
I DON'T ACCEPT THAT.
[ LAUGHS ]
IT WAS JUST A MESS. HE'S NOT EVEN FAKING IT TO MAKE IT.
HE'S NOT EVEN TRYING TO PRETEND,
"OH, I LOVE CANDACE NOW,
AND I WANT TO COME HOME,
AND I WAS WRONG."
WE THOUGHT THAT HE WOULD DO THAT EVENTUALLY.
SIX MONTHS GOES BY, A YEAR GOES BY, TWO YEARS GOES BY.
THREE YEARS GOES BY.
FOUR YEARS GO BY.
AND WE STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THAT HE'S STILL DOWN THIS TRACK.
Hawkins: AND THE LONGER IT GOES WITHOUT ACTUALLY HAVING THAT INTERACTION
OF APOLOGIZING, IT JUST GETS WORSE,
AND THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENED.
THEN IT WAS BACK TO THE VERBAL ABUSE.
AND YOU WERE RIGHT BACK TO SQUARE ONE AGAIN.
SOMEHOW, IT WAS VERY EASY FOR HIM TO CONSTANTLY JUST KEEP
GOING A LEVEL DEEPER AND DEEPER AND DEEPER.
AND THE DEEPER THAT HE GOT,
THERE WAS NOTHING THAT ANYONE SAID OR DID
THAT CAN BRING HIM BACK UP TO THE SURFACE.
WHEN YOU'RE IN GROUP HOME,
YOU DON'T HAVE A LOT OF PERSONAL ITEMS.
SO THE ONLY THING THAT WAS REALLY AVAILABLE TO HIM
ON A REGULAR BASIS WAS, OBVIOUSLY, PEN AND PAPER,
AND SO HE DID A LOT OF DRAWINGS.
HE DID THEM ALL THE TIME. HE LOVED TO DRAW.
HE WAS ACTUALLY A VERY GOOD DRAWER.
HI, ROBBIE.
HE HAD TO DRAW PICTURES OF HIS EMOTIONS.
WHAT ARE YOU DRAWING?
NOTHING.
CAN I SEE?
AND THEY WERE PICTURES OF,
YOU KNOW, THE FAMILY LAYING AROUND WITH KNIVES
STABBED IN US OR NOOSES AROUND OUR NECK.
SOME OF THEM WERE JUST ME.
SOME OF THEM WERE THE FAMILY.
SOME OF THEM WERE HIS DAD AND I.
I JUST THINK THAT HE HAD SO MUCH DARKNESS BUILT UP INSIDE OF HIM
THAT HE WAS JUST PROJECTING AND DRAWING WHAT HE FELT.
WHAT IS THIS, ROBBIE?
WHY WOULD YOU DRAW THIS?
HE WAS SOMEBODY THAT WAS JUST UNRECOGNIZABLE TO US.
HE ALWAYS BLAMED ME FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO COME BACK HOME.
"YOU DON'T EVEN WANT ME AT HOME.
YOU DON'T EVEN CARE THAT I'M IN HERE.
YOU'RE HAPPIER WITHOUT ME, ANYWAYS."
I'M NOT GIVING UP ON HIM.
I'M NOT, EITHER, BUT, CLEARLY, IT'S NOT WORKING.
MAYBE IF WE BRING HIM HOME AGAIN.
NO!
I CAN'T STAY HERE ANYMORE.
MAYBE IT'LL BE BETTER IF I'M NOT HERE.
I'M NEVER GONNA BLAME ROBBIE FOR ENDING OUR MARRIAGE,
BUT IN THE END, RON AND I DID GET A DIVORCE
SO ROBBIE COULD COME HOME,
AND THAT WAS KIND OF OUR LAST STRAW OF,
MAYBE ROBBIE CAN COME BACK HOME IF I WAS OUT OF THE PICTURE.
I LOVE YOU, RON,
BUT I JUST CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE.
[ SOBS ]
HE NEEDED TO COME HOME
SO HIS DAD CAN TEACH HIM HOW TO BE A MAN.
AND HOW TO LIVE LIFE
'CAUSE HE'D BEEN IN THERE FOR FIVE YEARS.
HE WAS 17 YEARS OLD.
HE JUST NEEDED TO COME HOME.
I NEVER SPOKE TO ROBBIE AGAIN AFTER RON AND I GOT A DIVORCE.
I NEVER GOT ANY E-MAILS,
PHONE CALLS, LETTERS IN THE MAIL.
I'M NOT SURE IF HE UTTERED MY NAME AGAIN OR ANYTHING.
I NEVER THOUGHT THAT ROBBIE WOULD EVER TURN ON ANYBODY.
I NEVER THOUGHT THAT HE WAS EVER GOING TO SEEK ME OUT
OR SEEK ANYBODY ELSE OUT.
Officer: WHENEVER YOU HAVE AN INCIDENT OF THIS NATURE,
IT MAY BE IMPOSSIBLE TO COME UP WITH AN EXPLANATION.
[ Voice breaking ] IT BROKE EVERYBODY'S HEART.
[ SNIFFLES ]
AND IT JUST CHANGED EVERYBODY'S LIFE.
IF ROBBIE WAS PAINTING THIS PICTURE THAT I WAS
THE BIG PROBLEM IN ALL OF THIS,
THEN I WAS GOING TO REMOVE MYSELF
BECAUSE I KIND OF FELT LIKE SOMETIMES I PUT A WEDGE
BETWEEN RON AND HIS SON AND NOT HAVING HIS SON AT HOME.
ROBBIE WOULD NOT COME HOME UNTIL AFTER I WAS DIVORCED
AND HAD MY OWN HOUSE, MY OWN HOME.
THAT'S WHEN ROBBIE CAME HOME.
I DIDN'T HAVE ANY ROSY EXPECTATIONS THAT, TA-DA,
HE'S GONNA COME BACK,
AND HE AND I ARE GONNA, YOU KNOW,
HAVE THIS ROSY LIFE AND STUFF.
I KNEW IT WASN'T GONNA BE EASY.
I JUST HOPED WE COULD MOVE FORWARD.
YOU JUST NEED ORDER.
YOU NEED A ROUTINE.
HE HAD REAL STRICT RULES
OF WHAT HE HAD TO DO AND HOW HE HAD TO BEHAVE.
I HAD EXPECTATIONS FOR HIM TO PUT FORTH THE EFFORT
AND DO WHAT NEEDED TO BE AT SCHOOL AND NO ALCOHOL, NO DRUGS.
HE HAD CURFEW.
YOU KNOW, ALL THE NORMAL THINGS.
JUST REGULAR, NORMAL THINGS.
HE WAS DOING PRETTY WELL.
I MEAN, WHEN ROBBIE APPLIED HIMSELF, HE COULD DO ANYTHING.
HE WASN'T A DUMB KID BY ANY STRETCH.
I BELIEVED THAT ROBBIE WAS GOING TO BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO,
AFTER HE CAME THROUGH ALL OF HIS CRAP,
AND HE WAS GONNA BE TALKING TO KIDS
WHO WERE GOING THROUGH THINGS,
AND HE COULD BE ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO --
HE COULD ACTUALLY SIT DOWN WITH A KID AND GO,
"I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH."
AND HE WAS GONNA BE ABLE TO USE ALL THE HURT
HE'D HAD IN HIS LIFE TO HELP SOMEBODY ELSE.
SOME MONTHS LATER, HE HAD A JOB, HAD MET A GIRL.
IT WAS WHAT I WAS HOPING TO SEE,
A SIGN OF A REALIZATION
THAT HE'D SEEN THE BAD STUFF HASN'T BEEN WORKING,
AND HE'S TRYING TO AT LEAST MOVE TOWARDS BETTER THINGS.
A JOB AND A GIRL, USUALLY THAT MEANS A LOT TO SOMEBODY.
YOU'RE DOING THINGS TO BUILD A FUTURE.
IT'S NOT LIKE I THOUGHT HE WAS, YOU KNOW, OUT OF THE WOODS,
BUT IT WAS ONE OF THOSE POSITIVE SIGNS.
IT WAS AN INDICATION
THAT MAYBE THINGS WERE GOING TO START GOING BETTER.
I HEARD 12 GUNSHOTS.
POP, POP, POP, POP, POP.
AND PEOPLE RUNNING AND SCREAMING.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
[ SIRENS WAILING ]
WE WERE HIDING IN A CLOTHES RACK,
AND THAT'S WHEN I CALLED 911.
HIS OLDEST SISTER, MY OLDEST ONE,
SHE CALLED ME AND SAID, DID I HEAR WHAT WAS GOING ON?
AND I SAID NO.
SHE GOES, "MOM, YOU DON'T THINK THAT WAS ROBBIE, DO YOU?"
AND I SAID, "WHY WOULD I THINK THAT THAT'S ROBBIE?"
[ SNIFFS ]
I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT TIME OF DAY IT WAS.
I DON'T.
MY DAUGHTER CALLED ME AND SAID THAT
"I'D JUST HEARD ABOUT A SHOOTING AT WESTROADS MALL.
AND I'M SCARED."
AND SHE KNEW JUST A LITTLE BIT OF DETAILS FROM THE NEWS.
Newscaster: A DAY OF HOLIDAY SHOPPING TURNED INTO PANIC,
THEN TERROR AFTER A TEENAGER WITH AN ASSAULT RIFLE
OPENED FIRE.
Hawkins: SO, I'M RIGHT THERE BY IT,
AND I PULLED UP TO ONE COP.
AND I'M --
I ASKED THIS ONE COP, I SAID, "PLEASE, JUST TELL ME.
I'M A PARANOID FATHER,
BUT I'M JUST AFRAID THIS, YOU KNOW --"
I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER HOW -- I JUST WANTED THE GUY TO TELL ME,
"JUST GO HOME, YOU'RE BEING RIDICULOUS."
AND HE ASKED ME FOR MY I.D. AND WENT AWAY.
AND HE DIDN'T COME BACK.
[ SNIFFLES ]
AND THEN MY PHONE RANG.
AND IT WAS MY OLDEST DAUGHTER,
AND ALL SHE DID WAS SCREAM INTO THE PHONE AT ME.
[ SNIFFLES ]
AND THEY STILL DIDN'T COME OUT AND TELL ME ANYTHING.
[ SNIFFLES ]
AND THAT'S HOW I FOUND OUT,
WHILE I WAS SITTING RIGHT AT THE PLACE.
[ SIREN WAILS ]
THEN I GOT A PHONE CALL FROM RON,
AND HE WAS CRYING.
AND HE SAID, "DID YOU HEAR WHAT HAPPENED?"
AND HE SAID, "IT'S TRUE. IT WAS ROBBIE."
AND I JUST -- I SCREAMED.
I JUST SCREAMED SO LOUD, AND THEN I JUST PASSED OUT.
[ SNIFFLES ]
[ SIGHS ]
Newscaster: POLICE SAY 19-YEAR-OLD ROBERT HAWKINS WAS THE SHOOTER.
NO WORDS AND NO SORRY ARE EVER GOING TO MAKE THINGS
BETTER FOR THEM, EVER.
GOOD AFTERNOON.
BEFORE TURNING TO THE SITUATION ON THE HOUSING MARKET,
I SEND MY SYMPATHY TO THE FAMILIES
OF THOSE MURDERED IN OMAHA, NEBRASKA, YESTERDAY.
EVEN AFTER IT WAS CONFIRMED THAT IT WAS HIM,
I JUST --
ALL I COULD DO WAS JUST SHAKE MY HEAD AND SIT THERE AND SAY --
I JUST --
I JUST STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THAT HE DID THIS.
AND I KNOW WHAT A DIFFICULT DAY IT IS FOR THAT FINE COMMUNITY.
THE VICTIMS IN THEIR LOVED ONES ARE IN THE PRAYERS OF AMERICANS.
I DON'T -- I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
Newscaster: THE THIRD AND FINAL IMAGE
SHOWS THE 19-YEAR-OLD AIMING AN AK-47 TO FIRE.
POLICE SAY HAWKINS THEN OPENED FIRE,
KILLING EIGHT PEOPLE IN THE DEPARTMENT STORE.
Newscaster: IN THE AFTERMATH, NINE PEOPLE, INCLUDING THE GUNMAN, WERE DEAD.
FIVE PEOPLE WERE WOUNDED.
Newscaster #2: POLICE SAY THEY DON'T KNOW
AND MAY NEVER KNOW EXACTLY WHY HE OPENED FIRE.
HOW CAN ANYONE COMPREHEND HIM DOING WHAT HE DID?
YOU CAN'T.
YOU CAN'T JUSTIFY IT.
THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON THAT KNOWS WHY HE DID IT,
AND THAT'S ROBBIE.
I HAVE NO IDEA. I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHY.
IT'S TOO EXTREME TO HAVE EVEN OCCURRED TO ME
OR ENTERED MY MIND THAT WHAT HE DID COULD HAVE HAPPENED.
JUST -- I COULDN'T.
IT'S SO FAR-FETCHED FICTIONAL THAT MY BRAIN WOULD NEVER
BE ABLE TO EVEN COME UP WITH THAT KIND OF SCENARIO.
THERE'S A LOT OF TIMES I DO.
I BLAME MYSELF FOR --
[ SNIFFLES ]
UM...
GETTING INTO THAT FIGHT WITH HIM AND TAKING HIS BOOK BAG
'CAUSE IF I HADN'T HAVE TAKEN IT TO THAT LEVEL,
THEN HE WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT OUR HOUSE.
WHAT ABOUT IF I HAD JUST STOPPED IT
AND JUST GIVEN HIS OLDER SISTER THE $10
THAT SHE WAS MISSING OUT OF MY OWN POCKET?
YOU DON'T KNOW IF YOU DID THE RIGHT THING OR NOT.
LOOKING BACK, WE HAVE NO IDEA
BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW IF WE HADN'T HAVE TAKEN HIM THERE,
WHAT THE OTHER PATH WOULD HAVE LED TO.
WE DON'T HAVE THAT MAGIC 8 BALL
THAT WE CAN GO BACK AND DO A REDO ON EVERYTHING.
Hawkins: AFTER IT HAPPENED, I WOULD JUST GO ONLINE,
AND ALL OF THE HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS OF COMMENTS
THAT PEOPLE WERE MAKING, I WOULD GO READ THEM.
"WHY DIDN'T SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING?
WHY DIDN'T SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING?"
EVERYBODY INVOLVED
DID EVERYTHING THAT THEY COULD THINK OF.
I DID EVERYTHING I COULD IMAGINE,
AND IT -- IT WASN'T ENOUGH.
Sims: AFTER THE SHOOTING,
I DID HIDE MYSELF AWAY FOR QUITE SOME TIME,
AND IT IS REALLY HARD GOING OUT TO EAT STILL TO THIS DAY.
AND YOU HEAR A CONVERSATION NEXT TO YOU GOING ON,
TALKING ABOUT IT.
OR GOING TO CHURCH,
AND THEY HAVE AN ANNIVERSARY MEMORIAL OF IT.
AND SITTING THERE, WATCHING TV, AND SEE IT ON TV.
THEN YOU HAVE HIS BIRTHDAY THAT COMES UP,
AND THEN YOU HAVE
THE SHOOTING ANNIVERSARY THAT COMES UP.
AND IT NEVER --
IT NEVER GOES AWAY.
IT'S REALLY HARD TO BE
ON THE OTHER END OF SOMETHING LIKE THIS
AND NOT BEING ABLE TO UNDERSTAND IT.
I THINK I TRIED TO LEARN TO TRY NOT TO SIT THERE
AND ASK YOURSELF WHAT I COULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY.
THERE WAS NOTHING THAT I COULD HAVE DONE
TO PREVENT THE SHOOTINGS.
I'M NOT SURE IF I CAN FINALIZE MY FINAL THOUGHTS.
I HAVE A THOUSAND OF THEM.
THE FOREMOST...
...I LOVE MY FAMILY.
I LOVE MY KIDS.
I LOVE ROBBIE.
WE MISS HIM DEARLY.
[ SNIFFLES ]
AND THE WORD "SORRY" DON'T EVEN TOUCH HOW I FEEL TO THE VICTIMS
AND THEIR FAMILIES AND EVERYBODY THAT HAS BEEN AFFECTED BY THIS.
[ SNIFFLES ]
I CAN'T SUM IT UP.