1 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:13,245 Most normal people think of my dad as this monster, 2 00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:17,649 and I've spent most of the last 10-plus years 3 00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:20,552 of my life actively not talking about it. 4 00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:25,758 You think that... 5 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:30,029 because your dad is a murderer, 6 00:00:30,130 --> 00:00:32,364 that people won't trust you. 7 00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:39,972 You feel like somehow, that is sleeping somewhere 8 00:00:40,073 --> 00:00:42,508 in you or it's down there, 9 00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:46,545 and I have never been able to shake ever, to this day, 10 00:00:47,914 --> 00:00:51,717 the fear that this is just genetically... 11 00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:54,219 inside of me. 12 00:01:01,294 --> 00:01:05,664 It is still, to this day, 13 00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:08,700 probably one of, if not the hardest, things 14 00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:10,169 I've ever had to do. 15 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:14,306 How do I explain that to someone? 16 00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:17,643 How do I explain the huge difference between this 17 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,344 terrible thing that he did 18 00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:23,849 and how I still care about him, 19 00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:26,318 and how does that not make me a bad person? 20 00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:29,154 How do I tell that story? 21 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:30,989 And I don't know if I'm gonna be able to, 22 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:34,960 but I never would have imagined 23 00:01:35,061 --> 00:01:36,962 that he would do this 24 00:01:37,063 --> 00:01:39,498 just horrible thing. 25 00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:42,000 No, I never -- 26 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,635 I never ever thought that would happen. 27 00:01:47,373 --> 00:01:49,975 [The Paper Chase's "What's So Amazing About Grace?" plays] 28 00:01:50,076 --> 00:01:53,011 [strings continue playing sinister tune] 29 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:58,117 [static crackling] 30 00:01:58,218 --> 00:01:59,885 [knock at door] [creaking] 31 00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:05,124 [banging on door] 32 00:02:05,225 --> 00:02:10,395 [creaking] 33 00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:13,031 [water dripping] 34 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,667 [banging on door] [creaking] 35 00:02:15,768 --> 00:02:17,035 [sinister chord strikes] 36 00:02:27,947 --> 00:02:31,316 This is a picture of my mom and dad on their wedding day. 37 00:02:34,254 --> 00:02:35,354 When I look at this picture, 38 00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:38,857 I see a guy that people really like to hang out with 39 00:02:38,958 --> 00:02:41,760 and that matches everything 40 00:02:41,861 --> 00:02:45,430 my mom ever told me about my dad when he was younger, 41 00:02:45,532 --> 00:02:47,132 someone who's pretty charismatic. 42 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:49,601 I don't think any person could look at 43 00:02:49,702 --> 00:02:52,504 these two people and say he's bad news. 44 00:02:52,605 --> 00:02:55,040 He looks really happy. He looks like he loves my mom. 45 00:02:57,210 --> 00:02:59,444 This is not what I remember of their marriage. 46 00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:01,380 It certainly wouldn't be very long before 47 00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:04,316 I was born and my brother was born, and... 48 00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:05,517 like, the real worst of it 49 00:03:05,618 --> 00:03:07,886 would start pretty much right after that. 50 00:03:10,390 --> 00:03:12,291 This life of theirs seems like a choose 51 00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:14,893 your own adventure, and somebody picked the wrong one. 52 00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:34,179 We lived in Wyoming, but my grandparents all 53 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,950 lived in North Dakota, which is several states away. 54 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:41,853 And one of the things that is sort of a pillar of my memory 55 00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:43,422 of my childhood is these road trips 56 00:03:43,523 --> 00:03:45,624 from Wyoming to North Dakota. 57 00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,293 Every few months, we were going to grandma's house. 58 00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:50,662 Where are we going? 59 00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:54,700 I -- I think we're gonna go to grandma's for a while, okay? 60 00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:58,136 I always knew that if we were going to go see my grandparents, 61 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,105 were gonna be there for a while. 62 00:04:00,206 --> 00:04:01,840 You never go to grandma's house for a day. 63 00:04:01,941 --> 00:04:05,077 You wanna help me grab the bags? Come on! 64 00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:07,012 If I was planning, you know, 65 00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:11,083 a multi-week road trip to go see my family 66 00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:12,884 three states away, 67 00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:16,388 you know, you think it would take, like, a lot of planning. 68 00:04:16,489 --> 00:04:19,992 But a lot of the times, it always felt to me really quick, 69 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,426 like, hey, we're going to grandma's house. 70 00:04:21,527 --> 00:04:23,895 All right, let's go -- Hop in the car. 71 00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:25,564 What about school? 72 00:04:25,665 --> 00:04:28,000 It's okay, I'm gonna talk to your teachers. 73 00:04:29,235 --> 00:04:33,438 And it only sticks out now to me as really odd that 74 00:04:33,539 --> 00:04:37,743 my dad never came with and that he was never with us. 75 00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:38,910 Where's dad? 76 00:04:41,547 --> 00:04:42,514 Dad's not coming. 77 00:04:44,150 --> 00:04:46,852 I don't think I really understood at the time why. 78 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,820 Why did we go back and forth so often? 79 00:04:48,921 --> 00:04:50,555 Like, why were we -- Because it's a long trip. 80 00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:51,590 It's a long drive. 81 00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:53,191 Why would -- Why were we doing that? 82 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,061 But what I now think and, you know, kind of talking through 83 00:04:56,162 --> 00:04:59,431 it with my mom is the realization that, for my mom, 84 00:04:59,532 --> 00:05:04,069 going to her parents' house and getting away from my dad 85 00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:05,570 was a way for us, even for 86 00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:08,974 a little bit of time, just to be safe. 87 00:05:09,075 --> 00:05:13,412 I don't think you can really understand that when you're 88 00:05:13,513 --> 00:05:14,913 seven or eight years old, 89 00:05:15,014 --> 00:05:16,915 but now, it makes a lot more sense to me. 90 00:05:19,085 --> 00:05:24,690 As my dad began to become more unstable and more violent, 91 00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:30,095 um, I think my mom honestly just needed to get away and go 92 00:05:30,196 --> 00:05:32,097 to the safety and comfort of her family, 93 00:05:32,198 --> 00:05:34,466 my grandparents. 94 00:05:34,567 --> 00:05:38,704 If my grandma, specifically, and my grandpa had known what was 95 00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:40,405 actually going on, 96 00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:42,741 like if they had known... 97 00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:45,243 [sighs] 98 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,245 ...I don't think they would have let us go back. 99 00:05:56,656 --> 00:05:58,957 One time, I was in my parents' bathroom. 100 00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,261 Definitely probably shouldn't have been in there, 101 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:07,666 and when I was in there, there was a mirror on the -- 102 00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:08,633 On the bathroom sink. 103 00:06:11,270 --> 00:06:13,772 And on the mirror, there were lines 104 00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:14,906 of cocaine. 105 00:06:16,976 --> 00:06:19,544 I didn't know what that was then, but I knew it was bad. 106 00:06:19,645 --> 00:06:22,647 I knew it was a drug, but they don't really teach you, 107 00:06:22,749 --> 00:06:24,616 what do you do when you find a drug in your parents' 108 00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:26,785 bathroom, right? Like, nobody teaches you that. 109 00:06:28,287 --> 00:06:29,955 People who do drugs go to jail, 110 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,590 that was what they would tell you. 111 00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:34,593 And I didn't want my parents to go to jail, 112 00:06:34,694 --> 00:06:37,629 and so I put it in the toilet, and I flushed it away. 113 00:06:39,832 --> 00:06:41,867 - [toilet flushing] - Daniel! 114 00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:44,269 What are you doing in here? 115 00:06:45,638 --> 00:06:49,841 And my mom is just -- Just upset like I've never seen. 116 00:06:49,942 --> 00:06:53,044 Oh, my God, what did you just do? 117 00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:54,146 I don't know. 118 00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:56,848 What is wrong with you? 119 00:06:56,949 --> 00:06:58,350 Why is my mom yelling at me? 120 00:06:58,451 --> 00:07:00,619 Why would you do that?! 121 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,988 My mom is frantic and upset 122 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:07,559 and a little bit violent, and that was terrifying, 123 00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:10,896 honestly -- I'd never seen my mom act that way. 124 00:07:10,997 --> 00:07:13,098 Go get ready for bed. 125 00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:17,469 - I said go get ready for bed! - DANIEL: In the moment, 126 00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:20,138 what was really hard for me to understand was 127 00:07:20,239 --> 00:07:22,374 why is my mom upset with me about this? 128 00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:26,711 I think now that was probably an early... 129 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:31,683 indication that my mom was kind of afraid of my dad. 130 00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:35,754 He was abusing a lot of alcohol, 131 00:07:35,855 --> 00:07:37,355 a lot of drugs, and she knew 132 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,890 she would have to explain it to my dad. 133 00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:44,463 And I think my mom was afraid that she was probably 134 00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:46,164 gonna get hit. 135 00:07:46,265 --> 00:07:49,935 She was just terrified. 136 00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:53,772 I wonder how many things my mom 137 00:07:53,873 --> 00:07:57,576 did to stay safe and to stay, um... 138 00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:01,146 on my dad's good side. 139 00:08:10,756 --> 00:08:15,527 We often would go camping, and in Wyoming, there's 140 00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:20,532 so many really beautiful places that you can go camping. 141 00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:21,833 I don't remember where we were, 142 00:08:21,934 --> 00:08:24,469 but I remember that we were camped, 143 00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:26,338 and the first thing I remember is just the sound, 144 00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:29,241 just this sort of loud crash. 145 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:32,077 Goddamn it! 146 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:36,114 And I don't know what happened, but something made my dad flip, 147 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:37,582 [metal clanging] 148 00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:38,683 And then it was just 149 00:08:38,784 --> 00:08:41,686 sort of like this tornado, throwing things, 150 00:08:41,787 --> 00:08:45,290 kicking things, smashing things with his hand, 151 00:08:45,391 --> 00:08:46,725 punching things. 152 00:08:46,826 --> 00:08:48,093 [shouts indistinctly] 153 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,362 This switch flipped on him, 154 00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:53,865 and he was just this explosion of anger. 155 00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:55,467 Damn it! 156 00:08:55,568 --> 00:08:58,169 DANIEL: It was the first time that I remember being in 157 00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:02,207 the middle of an episode of my dad completely losing 158 00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:03,108 his temper. 159 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:05,777 One thing I remember that just still, 160 00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:07,913 like, sticks out is, like, this hatchet. 161 00:09:10,816 --> 00:09:12,851 All I remember seeing is just this -- this 162 00:09:12,952 --> 00:09:14,920 hatchet moving and then slamming in the tree. 163 00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:20,525 It's like this picture I have in my head of, like, looking at 164 00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:22,561 this tree, and there's a hatchet in the tree, 165 00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:23,828 and I knew that my dad did it. 166 00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:29,367 As a child in that moment, I just froze. 167 00:09:31,103 --> 00:09:32,571 [can clanging] 168 00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:34,606 [shouts indistinctly] 169 00:09:34,707 --> 00:09:40,145 My mom, in those instances, knew what I now know, which 170 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:43,548 is that there was nothing that you could do to stop him. 171 00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:45,016 He just had to go through the rage. 172 00:09:47,186 --> 00:09:50,989 And after he had destroyed our entire campsite, 173 00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:54,426 he just walked away, like nothing happened. 174 00:09:57,263 --> 00:10:01,399 And what I remember is that my mom 175 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:05,570 was the one cleaning it up, and I saw that a lot 176 00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:10,375 with my mom where, in the aftermath of 177 00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:12,310 all of that violence, 178 00:10:14,146 --> 00:10:15,580 she's left picking up the pieces. 179 00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:21,653 And then, I don't know, an hour or two hours later, 180 00:10:21,754 --> 00:10:23,388 he's, "Hey, Daniel." 181 00:10:23,489 --> 00:10:25,690 "Do you wanna go -- Do you wanna go fishing? 182 00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:28,059 Come with me buddy, come on, let's go." 183 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:29,561 I mean really like Jekyll 184 00:10:29,662 --> 00:10:33,431 and Hyde 100%, like completely different people. 185 00:10:33,532 --> 00:10:36,301 So I would see my dad have these huge violent 186 00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:39,471 outbursts, and then he would become this entirely 187 00:10:39,572 --> 00:10:44,442 different person, this very kind, sweet, nice dad. 188 00:10:44,543 --> 00:10:45,977 As a child, 189 00:10:46,078 --> 00:10:49,347 like, you don't know what's going on, 190 00:10:49,448 --> 00:10:52,617 and what I found out later was terrifying. 191 00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:06,865 This is a picture of me and my brother, 192 00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:09,267 and my dad is building Legos 193 00:11:09,368 --> 00:11:13,071 with us -- as much as I really, 194 00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:15,640 you know, at this time in my life, I obviously really love 195 00:11:15,741 --> 00:11:18,076 my dad -- he's, like, my idol at this time. 196 00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:21,179 Makes me start to wonder about, 197 00:11:22,481 --> 00:11:23,682 you know, how his life had -- 198 00:11:23,783 --> 00:11:25,884 Was starting to spiral out of control. 199 00:11:25,985 --> 00:11:30,755 The first time that I really remember, like, seeing my dad 200 00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:33,258 hurt something is when our dog, 201 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,793 Elway, ran away, 202 00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:37,495 and my dad just really lost it. 203 00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:45,637 Elway was the sweetest dog, and he was very smart. 204 00:11:45,738 --> 00:11:48,306 He figured out all on his own how to open the fence. 205 00:11:48,407 --> 00:11:50,742 He would hop up, use his nose, and open 206 00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:54,546 the fence, and he would get out, and he would run away. 207 00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:55,547 As he got older, 208 00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:58,750 he would do that often, and one day, 209 00:11:58,851 --> 00:12:02,087 he got out, and he had run away. 210 00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:04,823 Daniel. Where's Elway? 211 00:12:04,924 --> 00:12:07,792 I don't know. I just saw the gate open. 212 00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:09,027 [sighs] God. 213 00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:12,797 And I remember just this sort of, like -- 214 00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:15,200 Not panic, I don't know if panic is the word, 215 00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:19,070 but she was so afraid of what he would do to us. 216 00:12:19,171 --> 00:12:21,272 Um, I'm gonna look for him. 217 00:12:21,373 --> 00:12:24,075 You stay here in case he comes back. 218 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,278 My dad found him. 219 00:12:27,379 --> 00:12:30,782 What I remember very clearly now, 220 00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:34,452 my dad just, like, picks the dog up by his collar, 221 00:12:34,553 --> 00:12:38,590 and then he slams, slams the dog down 222 00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:42,660 and hits the dog, punches this dog in the face. 223 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:46,030 And I remember, like, hearing, like, the sound of a dog yelping 224 00:12:46,132 --> 00:12:48,199 because it's, like, being hit, 225 00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:50,068 like, it just kind of sticks in your head. 226 00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:54,706 I remember thinking, there's nothing I can do 227 00:12:54,807 --> 00:12:57,942 to stop him, and... 228 00:12:58,043 --> 00:12:59,577 is the dog gonna die? 229 00:12:59,678 --> 00:13:02,380 Like, he's gonna kill the dog because he ran away? 230 00:13:02,481 --> 00:13:04,282 I just remember thinking, like, this makes no sense. 231 00:13:04,383 --> 00:13:06,518 Why would you do that? Why would you do that? 232 00:13:13,826 --> 00:13:15,860 And then I just remember my dad walks away, 233 00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:18,530 and the dog's, like, getting up from that. 234 00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:25,737 Everything was okay, and very commonly after having one of 235 00:13:25,838 --> 00:13:28,873 these fits of rage, my dad would go drink. 236 00:13:32,077 --> 00:13:36,247 I can always see it -- it's this crystal glass, drops a couple 237 00:13:36,348 --> 00:13:37,582 ice cubes in, 238 00:13:37,683 --> 00:13:40,585 pours himself a whiskey, and just 239 00:13:40,686 --> 00:13:42,587 starts drinking, like nothing had happened. 240 00:13:42,688 --> 00:13:45,290 Like nothing at all had happened. 241 00:13:45,391 --> 00:13:48,693 My feelings about my dad over time 242 00:13:48,794 --> 00:13:52,163 did change, and whereas I first 243 00:13:52,264 --> 00:13:54,899 saw him as, you know, 244 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,368 my superhero dad, over time... 245 00:13:57,469 --> 00:14:02,340 I -- I started to become afraid of my dad. 246 00:14:13,219 --> 00:14:15,687 Eventually, we did get another dog. 247 00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:18,022 That dog's name was Teak, 248 00:14:18,123 --> 00:14:19,891 and one day, all of my friends 249 00:14:19,992 --> 00:14:21,125 in the neighborhood were running around, 250 00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:23,494 they were playing, and we ended up in my yard. 251 00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:25,730 - Mom! - What's wrong? 252 00:14:27,466 --> 00:14:28,800 What happened? 253 00:14:28,901 --> 00:14:31,002 And somehow, Teak got to the front yard 254 00:14:31,103 --> 00:14:33,271 and actually bit one of my friends. 255 00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:35,373 Oh. 256 00:14:35,474 --> 00:14:38,676 Okay, uh, let me -- Let me take a look. 257 00:14:38,777 --> 00:14:41,179 My mom was home at the time, and she actually grabbed 258 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:42,714 our neighbor, put bandages on her 259 00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,083 and was, like, holding her and helping her out. 260 00:14:45,184 --> 00:14:48,586 And remember the look on my mom's face was 261 00:14:48,687 --> 00:14:52,724 sort of like, something is going to happen now. 262 00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:56,261 This is -- this is more than just a dog biting the neighbor. 263 00:14:56,362 --> 00:14:58,096 This is -- this is a lot worse. 264 00:14:58,197 --> 00:14:59,964 [sighs] 265 00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:04,502 My mom worked very hard to sort of clean up after that. 266 00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:06,638 It looks okay. 267 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,139 I'm gonna call you mom, 268 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,574 I'm gonna tell her what happened. 269 00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:12,543 DANIEL: She paid for all of the medical bills 270 00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:14,212 for the dog bite. 271 00:15:14,313 --> 00:15:16,247 She was, you know, really trying to make sure 272 00:15:16,348 --> 00:15:18,349 that everything was okay with our neighbor, 273 00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:20,585 but I remember my mom, it just seemed like she was worried. 274 00:15:20,686 --> 00:15:21,953 It seemed like she was, like, worried 275 00:15:22,054 --> 00:15:23,521 that this wasn't the end of it. 276 00:15:23,622 --> 00:15:26,024 And it turned out that it was definitely not the end of it. 277 00:15:26,125 --> 00:15:29,494 That ended very poorly for everyone. 278 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,829 Come here -- come on, careful. 279 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,065 Even though the neighbor was okay, 280 00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:37,602 my dad was not okay with it, and he was upset about it. 281 00:15:37,703 --> 00:15:41,272 My dad made my mom have the dog 282 00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:44,475 put down in front of her two sons. 283 00:15:44,576 --> 00:15:47,645 [somber music] 284 00:15:47,746 --> 00:15:49,681 Completely unnecessary. 285 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:53,217 He could have taken the dog to a place 286 00:15:53,319 --> 00:15:57,255 that was safe for the dog and for other kids, 287 00:15:57,356 --> 00:16:01,225 but he refused to back down. 288 00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:03,194 Don, we don't have to do this. 289 00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:07,465 We're all standing there, we're crying. 290 00:16:07,566 --> 00:16:11,035 Like my brother and I were just sobbing to 291 00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:13,104 you know, please don't put the dog down. 292 00:16:13,205 --> 00:16:15,707 I believe he wanted to punish us. 293 00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,108 Do it. 294 00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:20,912 DANIEL: He wanted us to experience the consequence 295 00:16:21,013 --> 00:16:23,281 in the most horrific way. 296 00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:27,618 What it takes for a person 297 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,520 to do that to their own child... 298 00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:35,059 I don't understand. 299 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,970 Over time, I started to actually 300 00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:51,876 see things that I knew were not right, 301 00:16:51,977 --> 00:16:55,780 but I never really understood them. 302 00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:59,717 Things like smashed cigarette trays, 303 00:16:59,818 --> 00:17:01,586 [glass breaking] 304 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,121 Broken windows, 305 00:17:03,222 --> 00:17:05,256 holes in the wall. 306 00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:09,527 My mom having a Band-Aid on her face 307 00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:13,231 or covering up her arm. 308 00:17:13,332 --> 00:17:14,732 You can't put those pieces together 309 00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:16,200 when you're that young. 310 00:17:16,301 --> 00:17:18,803 But you know something's off. 311 00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:21,506 My mom never sat me down and said, "Daniel", 312 00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:23,841 "these are black eyes from your dad. 313 00:17:23,942 --> 00:17:26,611 He punched me. He got mad at me. This is wrong." 314 00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:28,780 In fact, she worked really, 315 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:33,017 really hard to make sure that I didn't see that. 316 00:17:33,118 --> 00:17:37,455 But as it began to escalate, the sounds of my mom in 317 00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:40,024 distress, like screaming because she was scared 318 00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:43,061 or screaming because my dad was about to do something 319 00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:45,263 violent like throw something or break something, 320 00:17:45,364 --> 00:17:48,533 that gradually became an increasing part of 321 00:17:48,634 --> 00:17:51,235 my evenings -- A scream and then a smash. 322 00:17:52,704 --> 00:17:54,005 [glass breaking] 323 00:17:58,377 --> 00:17:59,377 In our living room, 324 00:17:59,478 --> 00:18:01,646 we had a huge picture window. 325 00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:04,449 One morning, it was just broken glass, 326 00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:06,651 and my mom is cleaning up. 327 00:18:08,153 --> 00:18:11,222 She had also looked like she had been also beaten up 328 00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:13,224 by my dad. 329 00:18:13,325 --> 00:18:14,525 Mom? 330 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,328 What happened? 331 00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:19,664 DANIEL: I didn't know at the time what had happened, 332 00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:25,002 but I think as I got older, I couldn't ignore that there was 333 00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:28,940 a part of my life that was not normal and not like my friends. 334 00:18:30,242 --> 00:18:33,077 I knew my dad could be very violent, and I knew that 335 00:18:33,178 --> 00:18:37,315 that was starting to be violence towards my mom. 336 00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:39,317 Go get ready for school. 337 00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:40,818 I'll be done in just a minute. 338 00:18:40,919 --> 00:18:43,855 I think at that time in my life, looking at these big 339 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,289 pieces of glass, for me, 340 00:18:45,390 --> 00:18:48,292 what I could no longer deny was that my dad was dangerous. 341 00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:58,336 Fear of my dad and of 342 00:18:58,437 --> 00:19:01,239 his anger and rage started to 343 00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:04,108 fill in all of the other feelings that I had for my dad. 344 00:19:06,011 --> 00:19:10,815 My dad handled repairs for large hydraulic 345 00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:14,919 equipment that was mainly used in oil fields. 346 00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:18,756 And so my dad traveled often, and he would go to some very 347 00:19:18,857 --> 00:19:20,024 exotic places, 348 00:19:20,125 --> 00:19:22,960 and he would bring us back pictures and souvenirs and all 349 00:19:23,061 --> 00:19:24,629 sorts of really cool things. 350 00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:27,231 And one time, he came back from Syria, 351 00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:31,068 and he had this ceremonial blade, 352 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,104 this knife, it was, you know, probably about 353 00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:35,673 a little bit over a foot long. 354 00:19:35,774 --> 00:19:38,042 Has this really nice sheath, and you pull it out, 355 00:19:38,143 --> 00:19:39,410 and it's decorated and it's really, 356 00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,312 really beautiful, and I never saw anything like that in 357 00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:42,480 my life -- for me, 358 00:19:42,581 --> 00:19:45,349 knives were just things that you went hunting with 359 00:19:45,450 --> 00:19:47,852 or fishing with or used at dinner, and here 360 00:19:47,953 --> 00:19:50,221 was this thing that looks like a sword from a movie, 361 00:19:50,322 --> 00:19:51,989 and I thought it was the coolest thing ever. 362 00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:56,127 I remember one day, um, I was 363 00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:57,461 just playing around with my brother, 364 00:20:00,265 --> 00:20:02,900 I'm looking around my house, and I'm like, what -- 365 00:20:03,001 --> 00:20:04,335 What can I do with this? 366 00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:06,304 How can I -- How can I test how -- 367 00:20:06,405 --> 00:20:08,873 How awesome this -- This thing is? 368 00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:11,375 And so I get a frying pan of all things. 369 00:20:11,476 --> 00:20:14,245 We take the knife, and we're just -- wa-pow! 370 00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:18,216 Just trying to go at this frying pan, and then I look at 371 00:20:18,317 --> 00:20:20,885 the knife in my hand, and the knife has 372 00:20:20,986 --> 00:20:26,123 just gashes and dents from where it hit the frying pan, 373 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:29,327 and I remember just being panicked. 374 00:20:29,428 --> 00:20:32,763 I remember that was the first time I ever felt like I had 375 00:20:32,864 --> 00:20:37,335 done something that I was going to experience 376 00:20:37,436 --> 00:20:39,170 what my mom had experienced. 377 00:20:39,271 --> 00:20:40,438 I just knew I had to hide it. 378 00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:42,940 So I took the knife, I put it back in the sheath, 379 00:20:43,041 --> 00:20:45,376 I put it back in the gun cabinet and actually put 380 00:20:45,477 --> 00:20:46,510 something on the top of it. 381 00:20:49,715 --> 00:20:53,150 A few days later, I heard my dad scream. 382 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,685 DONALD: Daniel! 383 00:20:54,786 --> 00:20:59,223 And I knew instantly, he found the knife. 384 00:20:59,324 --> 00:21:01,826 Did you do this? 385 00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:04,228 What the hell is wrong with you? 386 00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:08,232 His eyes are, like, black, blackened over, 387 00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:10,334 and he's just angry 388 00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:13,904 and -- and yelling and just at the top of his lungs just 389 00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:16,440 screaming, swearing. 390 00:21:16,541 --> 00:21:19,477 That's it. Come over here, come on. 391 00:21:19,544 --> 00:21:22,446 DANIEL: I was terrified, terrified. 392 00:21:22,547 --> 00:21:25,082 He was just out of control. 393 00:21:26,652 --> 00:21:28,452 Don -- Don, calm down. 394 00:21:28,553 --> 00:21:31,422 I remember just hearing my mom say, "Don't hit him." 395 00:21:31,523 --> 00:21:33,224 "Please don't, Don. Please don't, Don. 396 00:21:33,325 --> 00:21:34,725 Please don't do this." 397 00:21:34,826 --> 00:21:37,261 Look, it was an accident. He didn't mean to. 398 00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:42,533 I had never in my life been hurt by my parents like that. 399 00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:46,637 I still, all these years later, remember how much that hurt. 400 00:21:46,738 --> 00:21:51,008 I never felt safe being around my dad alone after that. 401 00:21:53,412 --> 00:21:57,014 Until, I mean, a couple months ago, 402 00:21:57,115 --> 00:22:01,485 I actually always assumed that it was my dad 403 00:22:01,586 --> 00:22:04,455 that had hit me with the belt 404 00:22:04,589 --> 00:22:06,190 because he was so angry. 405 00:22:07,859 --> 00:22:09,260 But 406 00:22:09,361 --> 00:22:13,297 I only recently found out that it was actually my mom. 407 00:22:16,134 --> 00:22:19,704 I was asking my mom about the incident with the knife, 408 00:22:19,805 --> 00:22:22,473 and she said, "No, it wasn't, it was me." 409 00:22:24,643 --> 00:22:27,044 "I took the belt from him because I was afraid" 410 00:22:28,547 --> 00:22:30,848 "of what he would do with the belt." 411 00:22:30,949 --> 00:22:32,683 She was afraid he was gonna kill us. 412 00:22:34,453 --> 00:22:37,621 And so because she thought that 413 00:22:37,723 --> 00:22:41,325 it would be easier if she did it, she did. 414 00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:46,063 I'm not angry with my mom about it. 415 00:22:46,164 --> 00:22:50,301 I'm actually grateful, because... 416 00:22:50,402 --> 00:22:53,003 I don't know if my dad would have 417 00:22:53,105 --> 00:22:55,005 killed me, 418 00:22:55,107 --> 00:22:57,508 but I don't think he would have stopped. 419 00:22:59,711 --> 00:23:02,747 It's easy for me now to forgive my mom for that, 420 00:23:02,848 --> 00:23:04,949 because I realized my mom 421 00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:08,619 was doing the best that she thought she could 422 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:10,588 in that minute to protect me. 423 00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:28,339 The incidents that would cause him to lose 424 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:33,244 control of his temper and become very violent, 425 00:23:33,345 --> 00:23:37,181 it became less predictable, longer lasting, 426 00:23:37,282 --> 00:23:40,050 and harder to stop. 427 00:23:40,152 --> 00:23:43,921 My mom did her very best to make sure that we were away 428 00:23:44,022 --> 00:23:45,623 from the arguments, 429 00:23:45,724 --> 00:23:48,225 the fighting, and the violence. 430 00:23:48,326 --> 00:23:50,594 The earlier indications that something was 431 00:23:50,695 --> 00:23:53,631 happening were really sounds -- muffled, angry 432 00:23:53,732 --> 00:23:56,500 sound of my dad yelling about something. 433 00:23:56,601 --> 00:24:01,038 The sound of my mom doing her best to try to calm him down. 434 00:24:01,139 --> 00:24:02,606 DANIEL'S MOM: Please just take it easy. 435 00:24:02,707 --> 00:24:04,675 DONALD: Don't tell me to take it easy! 436 00:24:04,776 --> 00:24:07,278 There's a really memorable sound that 437 00:24:07,412 --> 00:24:10,381 a hand makes when it goes through drywall. 438 00:24:10,482 --> 00:24:12,383 DANIEL'S MOM: Calm down, you'll wake the boys. 439 00:24:12,484 --> 00:24:14,318 DANIEL: It's kind of like this scary 440 00:24:14,419 --> 00:24:16,253 mystery happening outside of your door. 441 00:24:16,354 --> 00:24:18,456 DONALD: Why are you always like this? 442 00:24:18,557 --> 00:24:20,624 - DANIEL'S MOM: Like what? - DANIEL: Your brain learns to 443 00:24:20,725 --> 00:24:21,826 kind of tune it out, 444 00:24:21,927 --> 00:24:25,229 and you learn to kind of just like put your head down. 445 00:24:25,330 --> 00:24:27,364 Like I remember that -- I remember like this, 446 00:24:27,466 --> 00:24:29,099 like putting my head down like that. 447 00:24:29,201 --> 00:24:32,336 Can I just close my eyes and go to sleep? 448 00:24:32,437 --> 00:24:33,637 DONALD: When are you going to learn? 449 00:24:33,738 --> 00:24:36,140 - DANIEL'S MOM: Stop it. - She never left. 450 00:24:36,241 --> 00:24:39,643 She stayed, and I never understood why. 451 00:24:39,744 --> 00:24:42,580 What I later found out was that my dad told my mom, 452 00:24:42,681 --> 00:24:45,049 he said, "You can leave." 453 00:24:45,150 --> 00:24:47,117 "You can leave any time you want to, 454 00:24:47,219 --> 00:24:49,453 but I will find you, and I will kill you." 455 00:24:50,856 --> 00:24:54,625 And she was afraid that he would do that -- 456 00:24:54,726 --> 00:24:56,660 That he would find her, and that he would kill her. 457 00:25:04,069 --> 00:25:08,239 There were things that I saw and heard 458 00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:10,174 but that I blocked out, 459 00:25:11,576 --> 00:25:14,712 because they were so bad, and one of those examples 460 00:25:14,813 --> 00:25:18,682 is probably one of the most dangerous times 461 00:25:18,783 --> 00:25:20,484 where me and my brother and my mom 462 00:25:22,387 --> 00:25:23,787 might have been killed by my dad. 463 00:25:26,057 --> 00:25:28,092 I talked to my brother, and I asked him, 464 00:25:28,193 --> 00:25:29,994 what did you remember? What do you remember? 465 00:25:30,095 --> 00:25:33,998 And he told me about this story when my mom and dad 466 00:25:34,099 --> 00:25:36,033 had been fighting, and my mom 467 00:25:36,134 --> 00:25:39,036 and my brother and myself ended up 468 00:25:39,137 --> 00:25:40,671 locked behind a door. 469 00:25:40,772 --> 00:25:43,941 Stop. Stop, stop. What are you doing? 470 00:25:45,544 --> 00:25:48,612 DANIEL: And then my dad had tied a cord around the door 471 00:25:48,713 --> 00:25:52,116 and he had threatened apparently 472 00:25:52,217 --> 00:25:55,753 to burn the house down while we were locked in the room. 473 00:25:55,854 --> 00:25:58,956 Don, please don't do this to the kids, please. 474 00:26:01,293 --> 00:26:04,595 DANIEL: And I think what's unsettling for me is that 475 00:26:04,696 --> 00:26:06,330 I was there, 476 00:26:06,431 --> 00:26:08,866 and that I don't remember any of that. 477 00:26:08,967 --> 00:26:13,704 But I believe my brother, he's positive that it happened 478 00:26:13,805 --> 00:26:16,273 and that my dad said he was gonna burn the house down. 479 00:26:17,876 --> 00:26:19,677 But he didn't. 480 00:26:19,778 --> 00:26:21,478 I think that day 481 00:26:21,580 --> 00:26:23,480 the fear 482 00:26:23,582 --> 00:26:26,016 of being burnt with your children in 483 00:26:26,117 --> 00:26:29,019 the room was enough for my dad. 484 00:26:29,120 --> 00:26:30,854 I think that's what he wanted. 485 00:26:30,956 --> 00:26:32,590 It really does make me wonder, like... 486 00:26:35,660 --> 00:26:38,662 what else did my dad do 487 00:26:38,763 --> 00:26:41,966 that was so bad that we blocked it out? 488 00:26:52,510 --> 00:26:57,181 I'm not sure if my dad ever thought that he would kill us. 489 00:26:59,250 --> 00:27:03,187 But what I do remember is that one of the times that 490 00:27:03,288 --> 00:27:05,856 we were traveling from Wyoming to North Dakota 491 00:27:05,957 --> 00:27:09,326 to my grandparents' house, 492 00:27:09,427 --> 00:27:11,895 we were driving along, laughing, joking, you know, 493 00:27:11,997 --> 00:27:15,032 road trip, and just kind of out of nowhere, 494 00:27:15,133 --> 00:27:17,134 I remember hearing what sounded like 495 00:27:17,235 --> 00:27:19,803 a gong, just this huge metal clang. 496 00:27:23,008 --> 00:27:28,045 And then the vehicle went down, and then the scraping sound. 497 00:27:30,515 --> 00:27:36,153 And what happened was the tire from the van had literally 498 00:27:36,254 --> 00:27:39,857 come off on the highway, rolled off. 499 00:27:39,958 --> 00:27:41,592 [breathing heavily] 500 00:27:41,693 --> 00:27:43,994 The first thing everyone did was, like, getting out 501 00:27:44,095 --> 00:27:46,830 and sort of looking around to figure out what had happened. 502 00:27:49,167 --> 00:27:50,467 What happened? 503 00:27:50,568 --> 00:27:54,104 My mom had kind of said offhandedly that my dad had 504 00:27:54,205 --> 00:27:55,339 just changed the tires. 505 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:58,709 He'd just put new tires on the van himself, 506 00:27:58,843 --> 00:28:00,077 and my dad was a mechanic. 507 00:28:00,178 --> 00:28:03,480 So strange. Your dad was just working on the tires. 508 00:28:06,117 --> 00:28:10,988 Even at that young age, I knew my dad was 509 00:28:11,056 --> 00:28:12,823 a very talented mechanic. 510 00:28:12,924 --> 00:28:17,928 He worked on multimillion dollar, very complex machines. 511 00:28:19,330 --> 00:28:21,365 The idea of, like, a tire change, 512 00:28:21,466 --> 00:28:24,401 fixing a tire, and that he would mess that up, 513 00:28:24,502 --> 00:28:26,437 even at that young age, 514 00:28:26,538 --> 00:28:29,773 I felt unsettled, like that there was something wrong, and I 515 00:28:29,874 --> 00:28:32,810 remember my mom saying, "Maybe this was not an accident." 516 00:28:35,313 --> 00:28:38,515 I definitely remember the feeling, this sort of 517 00:28:38,616 --> 00:28:41,652 panicky feeling, like how could this happen? 518 00:28:41,753 --> 00:28:43,287 How could this happen? 519 00:28:43,388 --> 00:28:45,089 There's no way. 520 00:28:45,190 --> 00:28:48,726 This feels like more than just an accident. 521 00:28:48,827 --> 00:28:52,096 The best case scenario is my dad was so drunk that 522 00:28:52,197 --> 00:28:53,931 he was careless. 523 00:28:55,567 --> 00:28:57,401 And the worst case scenario is that 524 00:28:59,370 --> 00:29:02,506 he was angry, and... 525 00:29:02,607 --> 00:29:03,640 he wanted to kill us. 526 00:29:05,744 --> 00:29:07,811 I think that my mom probably to this day 527 00:29:07,912 --> 00:29:10,748 still quietly wonders if it really was an accident. 528 00:29:10,849 --> 00:29:11,949 Because I do, for sure. 529 00:29:13,685 --> 00:29:15,119 I wonder. 530 00:29:26,431 --> 00:29:30,300 Just seemed like it got harder and harder and harder for him 531 00:29:30,401 --> 00:29:33,070 to stop, to calm down, 532 00:29:33,171 --> 00:29:35,973 to stop breaking, screaming, kicking, yelling. 533 00:29:36,074 --> 00:29:39,209 One of the most violent times he's ever been with my mom, 534 00:29:39,310 --> 00:29:41,278 um, two black eyes. 535 00:29:43,815 --> 00:29:45,916 I mean, the house was just completely trashed. 536 00:29:47,986 --> 00:29:50,788 He had actually, like, really 537 00:29:50,889 --> 00:29:54,424 violently pushed my brother, and... 538 00:29:55,794 --> 00:29:58,295 my mom began to feel 539 00:29:58,396 --> 00:29:59,997 less that she was in danger, 540 00:30:00,098 --> 00:30:01,732 but more that we were in danger. 541 00:30:04,369 --> 00:30:07,070 In the aftermath, I'm separated from my brother. 542 00:30:07,172 --> 00:30:09,039 He's with my mom in one room, 543 00:30:09,140 --> 00:30:11,975 and I'm with my dad in another room, 544 00:30:12,076 --> 00:30:14,978 and he's sad, and he's telling me that my mom 545 00:30:15,079 --> 00:30:16,180 and my dad were gonna be separating. 546 00:30:17,682 --> 00:30:19,883 It's -- it's not your fault, okay? 547 00:30:21,386 --> 00:30:24,354 I think on that night, my dad knew 548 00:30:24,455 --> 00:30:25,989 that their marriage was ending. 549 00:30:26,090 --> 00:30:29,193 I think my dad knew that whatever he had done was enough. 550 00:30:30,862 --> 00:30:33,897 And then the next thing I know is the sound 551 00:30:33,998 --> 00:30:38,435 of someone banging on the door, just banging on the door. 552 00:30:38,570 --> 00:30:40,070 [banging noises] 553 00:30:40,171 --> 00:30:41,839 "It's the police. 554 00:30:43,141 --> 00:30:44,641 Let us in." 555 00:30:46,377 --> 00:30:49,213 My mom or someone else had called the police, 556 00:30:49,314 --> 00:30:50,948 which was new to me. 557 00:30:51,049 --> 00:30:53,984 The police had not really, that I had seen, 558 00:30:54,085 --> 00:30:59,156 been involved in this before. 559 00:30:59,257 --> 00:31:01,558 And they knocked down the door, and they come in, 560 00:31:01,659 --> 00:31:03,560 and they tackle my dad in front of me, 561 00:31:03,661 --> 00:31:05,996 and he's not going down easy. 562 00:31:06,097 --> 00:31:09,366 He's, like, fighting them. 563 00:31:09,467 --> 00:31:12,736 I felt bad for him, he's getting arrested, 564 00:31:12,837 --> 00:31:15,606 but I'm also, at this point in my life, very scared of him 565 00:31:15,707 --> 00:31:17,174 at times. 566 00:31:17,275 --> 00:31:21,778 I was struggling with how I still, 567 00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:23,547 in many ways, love my dad, 568 00:31:23,648 --> 00:31:27,451 and I knew my dad loved me, but I think I started to realize 569 00:31:27,552 --> 00:31:32,122 that my dad's rage was stronger than how much he loved me. 570 00:31:32,223 --> 00:31:36,293 He gets tackled down in front of me and hauled away, 571 00:31:36,394 --> 00:31:39,196 and he looked back at me, 572 00:31:39,297 --> 00:31:43,333 and I saw he was just, like, angry, 573 00:31:43,434 --> 00:31:46,236 like that same kind of rage that I had seen many times, 574 00:31:46,337 --> 00:31:50,841 but that the difference was that he was in handcuffs, 575 00:31:52,577 --> 00:31:56,313 and he couldn't do anything. 576 00:31:56,414 --> 00:31:59,483 I felt like at least at that moment that I was -- 577 00:31:59,584 --> 00:32:02,185 I was being rescued, you know, 578 00:32:02,287 --> 00:32:05,289 I felt safe, because I felt like the police 579 00:32:05,390 --> 00:32:08,825 had taken him away and that 580 00:32:08,927 --> 00:32:12,329 maybe he would finally stop, 581 00:32:12,430 --> 00:32:13,864 because he didn't want to go to jail. 582 00:32:13,965 --> 00:32:17,901 Thankfully that was where my mom decided that she could 583 00:32:18,002 --> 00:32:19,102 leave, and she did leave, 584 00:32:19,203 --> 00:32:24,107 and she got a divorce, and we moved out of our house. 585 00:32:33,551 --> 00:32:35,986 After we moved out, I began to see a lot less of 586 00:32:36,087 --> 00:32:39,656 my dad than I had before. 587 00:32:39,757 --> 00:32:44,227 I grew up, and I very quickly saw that 588 00:32:44,329 --> 00:32:46,930 what I had seen him do with my mom 589 00:32:47,031 --> 00:32:49,533 had not only continued but that it seemed 590 00:32:49,634 --> 00:32:50,867 that it was getting worse. 591 00:32:50,969 --> 00:32:54,838 My dad had a new girlfriend. 592 00:32:54,939 --> 00:32:59,910 I remember seeing my dad pushing, shoving, smacking 593 00:33:00,011 --> 00:33:01,311 with her. 594 00:33:01,412 --> 00:33:05,716 [shouting indistinctly] 595 00:33:05,817 --> 00:33:11,655 My dad's violence and rage against my mom and our family 596 00:33:11,756 --> 00:33:14,157 had always been a secret in our family, 597 00:33:14,292 --> 00:33:16,727 but now it was growing outside of our family. 598 00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:19,896 Every woman that he was ever with, 599 00:33:19,998 --> 00:33:21,865 every single one, 600 00:33:21,966 --> 00:33:24,868 had had some type of, you know, really terrible, 601 00:33:24,969 --> 00:33:26,169 violent experience with him. 602 00:33:28,473 --> 00:33:31,041 It was very clear to me at that point 603 00:33:31,142 --> 00:33:34,578 that this just violent explosion couldn't be stopped. 604 00:33:39,984 --> 00:33:41,385 I instantly recognized her face. 605 00:33:41,486 --> 00:33:45,222 This is a photo of Jennifer Randel. 606 00:33:47,825 --> 00:33:50,260 If I, you know, closed my eyes and thought of the first time 607 00:33:50,395 --> 00:33:51,595 I saw Jennifer, 608 00:33:51,696 --> 00:33:54,498 this is almost exactly what it would look like in my head. 609 00:33:54,599 --> 00:33:56,700 Very kind -- 610 00:33:56,801 --> 00:33:59,002 It makes me wish that she had not met my dad. 611 00:34:01,873 --> 00:34:04,474 When I met Jennifer the first time, I think I was probably 612 00:34:04,575 --> 00:34:08,445 grateful for her, because by that time, my dad, 613 00:34:08,546 --> 00:34:11,982 I had seen 20 years of my dad being a mess, 614 00:34:12,083 --> 00:34:14,718 and I was -- I was 615 00:34:14,819 --> 00:34:17,788 glad for my dad that there was someone that cared about him. 616 00:34:19,157 --> 00:34:22,392 One of the last times that I saw Jennifer with my dad was 617 00:34:22,493 --> 00:34:25,495 at a bar -- we were all there, having a really good time. 618 00:34:27,598 --> 00:34:30,834 I had no idea, no idea, 619 00:34:30,935 --> 00:34:33,670 of how bad it would actually be. 620 00:34:43,481 --> 00:34:44,714 [phone ringing] 621 00:34:55,126 --> 00:34:57,727 I get a call, and it's my grandma, and my grandma 622 00:34:57,829 --> 00:35:02,065 says something along the lines of, "Your dad has been arrested. 623 00:35:02,166 --> 00:35:05,268 He's in jail. He murdered his girlfriend." 624 00:35:18,850 --> 00:35:19,850 DANIEL: The very first thing I did, 625 00:35:19,951 --> 00:35:21,618 I get on the computer, and then I started 626 00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:24,020 to, like, read into the details of what he did. 627 00:35:24,122 --> 00:35:27,190 He's at a bar, and he gets in a fight with his girlfriend. 628 00:35:27,291 --> 00:35:30,894 He takes Jennifer and puts Jennifer in the car, 629 00:35:30,995 --> 00:35:31,795 in his trunk. 630 00:35:40,271 --> 00:35:42,072 - [buttons dialing] - [Jennifer shouting] 631 00:35:45,209 --> 00:35:48,145 They drive out into the countryside. 632 00:35:51,716 --> 00:35:57,320 He just brutally, just absolutely, just beats her 633 00:35:59,123 --> 00:36:02,092 to the point that she's, you know... 634 00:36:04,795 --> 00:36:07,797 there's massive internal damage, just massive. 635 00:36:23,948 --> 00:36:25,081 You can hear... 636 00:36:27,151 --> 00:36:31,054 that she's terrified, and I believe that she's terrified. 637 00:36:31,155 --> 00:36:35,225 It's very hard to hear what's probably someone's last words. 638 00:36:51,943 --> 00:36:56,279 This is a letter that my dad wrote 639 00:36:56,380 --> 00:37:00,717 after he murdered Jennifer. 640 00:37:00,818 --> 00:37:03,053 "I am not the one who stabbed Jennifer. 641 00:37:03,154 --> 00:37:07,891 "She took the knife from the glove box to stab me. 642 00:37:07,992 --> 00:37:10,026 "She started kicking the windows out of 643 00:37:10,127 --> 00:37:13,396 "the truck and throwing things out of the window. 644 00:37:13,497 --> 00:37:15,632 "I tried to stop her, and she fought. 645 00:37:15,733 --> 00:37:17,767 "I didn't know she got stabbed until I heard 646 00:37:17,868 --> 00:37:20,203 "that [bleep]-up sound. 647 00:37:20,304 --> 00:37:21,638 "I did fight with her. 648 00:37:21,739 --> 00:37:23,340 I didn't actually kill her." 649 00:37:28,846 --> 00:37:31,781 I don't think you can listen to the call that we listened to 650 00:37:33,851 --> 00:37:37,053 and believe anything that he wrote in this letter. 651 00:37:37,154 --> 00:37:38,989 And it's shameful and embarrassing 652 00:37:39,090 --> 00:37:40,423 that this is my dad, 653 00:37:46,163 --> 00:37:48,198 because he did stab Jennifer. 654 00:37:53,104 --> 00:37:56,806 Killed Jennifer -- Can we stop for a second? 655 00:38:15,426 --> 00:38:17,927 The prosecutor in his case was 656 00:38:18,029 --> 00:38:21,498 very adamant about him being put to death. 657 00:38:24,235 --> 00:38:29,039 But well before my father ever committed this crime, 658 00:38:29,140 --> 00:38:33,810 I have been and continue to be very strongly opposed to 659 00:38:33,911 --> 00:38:36,846 the death penalty, and so I had this enormous clash 660 00:38:36,947 --> 00:38:39,149 between my personal beliefs 661 00:38:39,250 --> 00:38:41,484 and this horrible thing that my dad did. 662 00:38:45,956 --> 00:38:47,691 But once I did make the decision, 663 00:38:47,792 --> 00:38:48,958 it was very clear to me. 664 00:38:49,060 --> 00:38:52,262 I knew that I would beg a jury not to kill my dad. 665 00:38:55,032 --> 00:38:57,934 And I'm standing up there about to try to save his life, 666 00:39:00,237 --> 00:39:02,972 and he won't even look at me, 667 00:39:03,074 --> 00:39:04,507 so I turned to the jury, 668 00:39:08,145 --> 00:39:09,079 and I took a breath, 669 00:39:11,682 --> 00:39:14,684 and I started to tell them why... 670 00:39:16,354 --> 00:39:19,389 they should not put my dad to death. 671 00:39:23,694 --> 00:39:25,929 And I remember asking them all 672 00:39:26,030 --> 00:39:28,164 to please 673 00:39:28,265 --> 00:39:31,234 just stop the cycle of violence. 674 00:39:31,335 --> 00:39:32,869 And I look at this one juror, 675 00:39:32,970 --> 00:39:34,938 this one juror, she's looking right at me, 676 00:39:36,240 --> 00:39:37,741 and I knew, 677 00:39:37,842 --> 00:39:39,743 I knew, 678 00:39:39,844 --> 00:39:45,048 I knew that she was not going to put my dad to death. 679 00:39:52,323 --> 00:39:54,891 But the last part of his sentencing phase 680 00:39:54,992 --> 00:39:57,093 was he would be given 681 00:39:57,194 --> 00:40:00,430 the opportunity to speak to the jury, and he chose 682 00:40:00,531 --> 00:40:02,432 to hurt me in that moment. 683 00:40:04,802 --> 00:40:08,204 He is addressing 684 00:40:08,305 --> 00:40:11,908 the jury directly, and for the first time, 685 00:40:12,009 --> 00:40:16,212 he acknowledges what he has done. 686 00:40:17,815 --> 00:40:22,919 He accepts and admits that he killed Jennifer, and... 687 00:40:23,020 --> 00:40:26,256 then he tells the jury 688 00:40:26,357 --> 00:40:28,091 that 689 00:40:28,192 --> 00:40:30,226 they should put him to death. 690 00:40:33,197 --> 00:40:37,400 I had just begged a jury to save his life, 691 00:40:37,501 --> 00:40:38,501 and it was this sort of, like, 692 00:40:38,602 --> 00:40:42,472 final act of cruelty after all this time, 693 00:40:44,642 --> 00:40:46,075 and I don't understand that. 694 00:40:48,879 --> 00:40:50,547 Then I got up, 695 00:40:50,648 --> 00:40:52,782 and I walked out of the courtroom, 696 00:40:52,883 --> 00:40:54,784 and I just... 697 00:40:58,155 --> 00:41:00,056 I knew that 698 00:41:00,157 --> 00:41:02,325 I could leave that part of my life... 699 00:41:05,529 --> 00:41:09,666 behind me in Casper with him 700 00:41:09,767 --> 00:41:11,034 in that jail, 701 00:41:12,603 --> 00:41:15,905 and I got on the plane, and I flew home. 702 00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:25,915 After my dad murdered Jennifer, I was a wreck. 703 00:41:26,016 --> 00:41:27,917 I lost my job. 704 00:41:28,018 --> 00:41:29,652 I couldn't focus, I couldn't concentrate. 705 00:41:29,753 --> 00:41:32,222 I was constantly afraid of people finding out. 706 00:41:34,191 --> 00:41:37,794 I have never been able to shake, ever to this day, 707 00:41:37,895 --> 00:41:42,332 the fear that this is just genetically 708 00:41:43,934 --> 00:41:47,270 inside of me and that I genetically 709 00:41:47,371 --> 00:41:49,572 pass that on to my children. 710 00:41:51,842 --> 00:41:53,710 I haven't really spoken to my dad in a while, 711 00:41:53,811 --> 00:41:58,481 but less than a year ago, I got an email from him from jail, 712 00:41:59,850 --> 00:42:03,553 seeing how I was doing and -- And asking me 713 00:42:03,654 --> 00:42:05,855 if I could write him a letter. 714 00:42:05,956 --> 00:42:08,625 I'm sure that I will talk to him again in the future, 715 00:42:08,726 --> 00:42:10,760 but... 716 00:42:12,630 --> 00:42:14,731 he's not gonna be the person that dictates that. 717 00:42:16,534 --> 00:42:21,404 And, you know, like, maybe one day I will go see him, 718 00:42:21,505 --> 00:42:23,473 but not right now. 719 00:42:23,574 --> 00:42:27,310 He doesn't have that power over my family or my future anymore.