1 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:13,433 Okay, this is my first time ever seeing this. 2 00:00:14,700 --> 00:00:16,467 And I'm gonna be honest, if you want 3 00:00:16,467 --> 00:00:19,567 me to be honest about what I'm looking at, 4 00:00:19,567 --> 00:00:22,567 I'm glad that you got your ass in there 5 00:00:22,567 --> 00:00:26,066 so that you can't hurt any damn body else. 6 00:00:26,066 --> 00:00:28,166 I have no sympathy for you. 7 00:00:28,166 --> 00:00:31,100 I hate you for everything that you did. 8 00:00:31,100 --> 00:00:33,233 And I hope that you rot in hell. 9 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,066 Two years ago, I said, well, I need to 10 00:00:37,133 --> 00:00:39,133 get it together, 'cause it's killing me. 11 00:00:40,467 --> 00:00:42,767 But seeing this tombstone, I could go out there 12 00:00:42,767 --> 00:00:44,967 and take that tombstone and pull him up 13 00:00:44,967 --> 00:00:47,367 and kill his ass all over again. 14 00:00:47,367 --> 00:00:49,233 That's the honest to God truth. 15 00:01:01,767 --> 00:01:06,967 It's hard to think about what I've been through with my son 16 00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:09,533 and to have to relive it. 17 00:01:11,100 --> 00:01:13,266 And I'm hoping that this will reach 18 00:01:13,333 --> 00:01:15,867 my son, because he don't call me. 19 00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:19,667 He -- he don't want a relationship with me. 20 00:01:19,667 --> 00:01:22,467 I was always so embarrassed. 21 00:01:22,533 --> 00:01:24,767 I couldn't talk to him about it. 22 00:01:24,767 --> 00:01:27,233 I was angry with myself for a long time. 23 00:01:30,567 --> 00:01:32,734 I'm still angry with myself. 24 00:01:33,900 --> 00:01:35,867 I should have paid attention. 25 00:01:35,934 --> 00:01:39,166 I felt stupid. I felt dumb. 26 00:01:42,066 --> 00:01:44,066 I thought Ray was the perfect man. 27 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:48,767 I overlooked all the red flags, 28 00:01:48,767 --> 00:01:51,767 because I wanted love. 29 00:01:51,834 --> 00:01:56,333 I wanted to be loved, and I wanted my son to be loved. 30 00:01:57,667 --> 00:01:59,667 I wouldn't have never thought that 31 00:01:59,667 --> 00:02:03,000 a father could have did what he did, 32 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:06,033 and then he went on and hurt other people. 33 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:12,133 Ray was evil. Ray was evil. 34 00:02:19,100 --> 00:02:20,533 Ray was evil. 35 00:02:22,266 --> 00:02:25,266 [The Paper Chase's "What's So Amazing About Grace?" plays] 36 00:02:25,266 --> 00:02:27,667 [strings continue playing sinister tune] 37 00:02:27,734 --> 00:02:29,567 [static crackling] 38 00:02:31,767 --> 00:02:34,266 -[knock at door] -[creaking] 39 00:02:34,266 --> 00:02:39,567 -[banging on door] -[creaking] 40 00:02:39,634 --> 00:02:43,567 -[banging on door] -[creaking] 41 00:02:43,567 --> 00:02:46,567 [water dripping] 42 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:49,467 -[banging on door] -[creaking] 43 00:02:49,467 --> 00:02:51,533 [sinister chord strikes] 44 00:02:57,467 --> 00:03:03,367 Before I met Ray, I was a normal, carefree teenager. 45 00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,000 I was living with my mom. 46 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:09,266 We lived in Milwaukee on the northwest side. 47 00:03:09,333 --> 00:03:14,066 Ray, he lived a door away from my mom. 48 00:03:14,066 --> 00:03:16,166 I would see him outside, and I'm like, 49 00:03:16,166 --> 00:03:18,967 this is a very nice-looking man. 50 00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,467 All right, let's see what you got. 51 00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:24,567 ANDREA: Ray was tall, handsome, dark. 52 00:03:24,567 --> 00:03:29,000 He dressed really well, very clean man. 53 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,834 And I had a crush. 54 00:03:32,567 --> 00:03:35,266 Right away, my mom, she saw me looking at him, 55 00:03:35,266 --> 00:03:37,734 and she was like, "Don't mess with that boy. 56 00:03:39,367 --> 00:03:41,066 I don't like that boy." 57 00:03:43,467 --> 00:03:46,266 And I'm like, whatever. 58 00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:51,767 I never asked her, why didn't she like him? 59 00:03:51,767 --> 00:03:53,433 She just didn't like him. 60 00:03:55,166 --> 00:03:58,767 I think that my mom might have seen 61 00:03:58,767 --> 00:04:02,333 something that I didn't know about with Ray. 62 00:04:03,266 --> 00:04:07,266 I think, looking back, she already knew that he had 63 00:04:07,333 --> 00:04:12,533 evil within him, because she could not stand this man. 64 00:04:13,867 --> 00:04:16,367 I never thought in the beginning that he would turn 65 00:04:16,367 --> 00:04:20,166 out to be what he was. 66 00:04:20,233 --> 00:04:22,567 There's the win. There's a win. 67 00:04:41,567 --> 00:04:45,667 ANDREA: One day, I went to the store, and I got dressed up. 68 00:04:45,667 --> 00:04:48,000 I wanted to look so beautiful, because I'm like, 69 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:51,166 he gotta see me, he has to see me. 70 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:55,266 So I turned around -- Ray's behind me. 71 00:04:55,266 --> 00:04:58,166 Okay, and I'm -- I'm like, oh my God, this is it. 72 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,867 I was like, is he gonna say anything? 73 00:05:02,934 --> 00:05:04,367 I'm not gonna say anything to him. 74 00:05:04,367 --> 00:05:06,166 He needs to say something to me. 75 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:11,567 We walked about eight blocks, and he didn't say anything. 76 00:05:11,567 --> 00:05:13,166 That was kind of weird. 77 00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,467 But you know, you're young, you're silly. 78 00:05:18,467 --> 00:05:20,467 So I thought it was kind of cute. 79 00:05:20,467 --> 00:05:22,967 But later on, 80 00:05:22,967 --> 00:05:26,066 I got a little nervous with that, 81 00:05:26,133 --> 00:05:27,734 just looking back on it. 82 00:05:31,367 --> 00:05:33,433 I didn't realize that was stalking. 83 00:05:41,667 --> 00:05:43,767 [phone ringing] 84 00:05:43,834 --> 00:05:46,000 In the beginning, everything was good. 85 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:50,567 But later on, I started getting a lot of phone calls from Ray, 86 00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:52,266 [phone ringing] 87 00:05:52,266 --> 00:05:54,467 a lot of phone calls. 88 00:05:54,467 --> 00:05:57,867 We could talk for an hour, and then he'd 89 00:05:57,934 --> 00:06:00,266 hang up and call right back, "What you doing now?" 90 00:06:00,266 --> 00:06:02,467 [phone ringing] 91 00:06:02,533 --> 00:06:03,767 I'm like, "The same thing 92 00:06:03,834 --> 00:06:06,066 I just got through doing five minutes ago." 93 00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:07,967 Ray, Ray -- Ray, calm down. 94 00:06:09,166 --> 00:06:10,767 Calm down, it's okay. 95 00:06:10,767 --> 00:06:13,066 ANDREA: Ray would ask me, you know, 96 00:06:13,066 --> 00:06:15,867 "When you coming back? Do you love me?" 97 00:06:15,867 --> 00:06:18,667 And I'm like, "I told you that already. I love you." 98 00:06:18,667 --> 00:06:23,467 So Ray started getting kind of weird on me. 99 00:06:23,533 --> 00:06:25,667 Just tell me what's happening. 100 00:06:25,734 --> 00:06:26,867 ANDREA: Ray would start crying. 101 00:06:26,867 --> 00:06:29,100 I didn't understand it. 102 00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:32,066 What's wrong? What's going on? 103 00:06:32,066 --> 00:06:34,166 And he would just tell me, "Nothing. 104 00:06:34,166 --> 00:06:37,467 I just -- I'm hurt, I'm scared I'm gonna lose you." 105 00:06:38,867 --> 00:06:41,266 It started getting, like, obsessive. 106 00:06:41,266 --> 00:06:43,467 [phone ringing distantly] 107 00:06:43,467 --> 00:06:46,467 Everybody needs to feel secure. 108 00:06:46,467 --> 00:06:48,567 [phone ringing distantly] 109 00:06:48,567 --> 00:06:51,367 And I know, when I was younger, 110 00:06:51,367 --> 00:06:54,467 I would get hugged to make me feel okay. 111 00:06:54,533 --> 00:06:57,667 And I felt that he just needed 112 00:06:57,734 --> 00:07:02,166 someone to hold him and to understand him. 113 00:07:02,166 --> 00:07:05,166 And I thought that things would be okay. 114 00:07:05,233 --> 00:07:07,467 [phone ringing] 115 00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:16,166 I didn't tell my mom about Ray 116 00:07:16,233 --> 00:07:19,166 at first -- I think she suspected, 117 00:07:19,166 --> 00:07:21,667 you know, something was going on. 118 00:07:21,734 --> 00:07:24,467 Not long into our relationship, 119 00:07:24,467 --> 00:07:28,233 Ray started sending a lot of flowers. 120 00:07:29,667 --> 00:07:32,166 One, a dozen, six. 121 00:07:32,166 --> 00:07:34,867 It started weirding me out. 122 00:07:34,867 --> 00:07:38,367 I told him he didn't have to spend that type of money on me. 123 00:07:38,433 --> 00:07:40,767 But he said, "You're my woman." 124 00:07:43,467 --> 00:07:48,567 One day, me and my mom had went somewhere, and we come 125 00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:53,634 back, and I see all these flowers leading up to the door. 126 00:07:55,600 --> 00:08:00,834 And my mom, she just shook her head in disgust. 127 00:08:02,967 --> 00:08:05,066 The flowers had little notes. 128 00:08:05,066 --> 00:08:06,467 I love you. 129 00:08:06,467 --> 00:08:08,667 I love you, infinity and back. 130 00:08:08,734 --> 00:08:11,667 You're my everything, things of that nature. 131 00:08:11,667 --> 00:08:18,166 But the message on the last flower was "Death is near." 132 00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:24,667 Chills ran through my body, a cold chill. 133 00:08:27,266 --> 00:08:29,667 Why would he send a message like that? 134 00:08:29,667 --> 00:08:32,767 That message went all the way through my soul, 135 00:08:32,767 --> 00:08:35,066 because I couldn't understand 136 00:08:35,133 --> 00:08:37,467 why would he send a message saying, 137 00:08:37,467 --> 00:08:39,333 death is near? 138 00:08:40,767 --> 00:08:43,867 That note stuck with me to this day. 139 00:08:43,867 --> 00:08:45,834 I'll never forget that feeling. 140 00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:49,100 My insides shook. 141 00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:53,967 I couldn't brush it off like that, because when somebody tell 142 00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:55,567 you death is near, 143 00:08:55,567 --> 00:08:57,166 they're planning something. 144 00:09:02,266 --> 00:09:06,000 ANDREA: I think that I ignored the red flags. 145 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:10,166 If I had paid attention a little bit more, I think 146 00:09:10,166 --> 00:09:12,934 things would have maybe been different. 147 00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:16,734 The day my mom seen the flowers, 148 00:09:16,734 --> 00:09:19,667 she was like, "I told you about that boy. 149 00:09:19,734 --> 00:09:21,767 Are you having sex with him?" 150 00:09:21,767 --> 00:09:25,367 And I -- I told her, "No, I'm not having sex with him." 151 00:09:25,433 --> 00:09:27,166 I lied 152 00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:30,266 all the way up until I got pregnant. 153 00:09:30,333 --> 00:09:31,667 I was just 18. 154 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:37,266 I couldn't wait to get home to tell Ray. 155 00:09:37,266 --> 00:09:39,066 I felt very hopeful. 156 00:09:39,066 --> 00:09:42,467 I thought that this would be a new chapter. 157 00:09:42,467 --> 00:09:44,533 We're -- we're gonna be parents. 158 00:09:46,266 --> 00:09:47,767 I was just so excited. 159 00:09:47,767 --> 00:09:52,066 I was ready to be a mother at that early age, 160 00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:56,734 and I hoped that he would feel the same way. 161 00:09:58,066 --> 00:10:01,367 And I'm like, okay, get yourself together, 162 00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:03,767 and then my heart is just beating, you know, 163 00:10:03,767 --> 00:10:05,734 because I got some exciting news. 164 00:10:05,734 --> 00:10:08,166 So I finally say, 165 00:10:08,166 --> 00:10:10,266 "I got something to tell you." 166 00:10:10,266 --> 00:10:13,066 I said, "I got some news -- I'm pregnant." 167 00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:19,066 And he started calling me names. 168 00:10:19,066 --> 00:10:21,367 -How could you do this to me? -AS ANDREA: Ray! 169 00:10:21,367 --> 00:10:22,767 ANDREA: He called me a bitch 170 00:10:22,767 --> 00:10:27,567 and a whore and that this child is not his. 171 00:10:27,634 --> 00:10:31,066 He also stated, "I lied to you about my age. 172 00:10:31,066 --> 00:10:34,834 I'm 16." I was like, what? 173 00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:36,800 He was like, "You're gonna go to jail." 174 00:10:39,467 --> 00:10:41,166 And it devastated me. 175 00:10:41,166 --> 00:10:44,266 I could -- I never even thought 176 00:10:44,266 --> 00:10:45,834 he would change like that. 177 00:10:45,834 --> 00:10:49,367 It was a total different person. 178 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,734 I had a lonely pregnancy. 179 00:10:57,066 --> 00:10:59,734 I thought one day, he would come to the door 180 00:10:59,734 --> 00:11:01,467 and tell me he was sorry. 181 00:11:01,533 --> 00:11:03,734 He never came to the door. 182 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,800 There was many nights I went to bed crying. 183 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:11,734 I felt rejected -- I felt rejected, 184 00:11:11,734 --> 00:11:15,734 just as I had as a child, 185 00:11:15,734 --> 00:11:18,634 that feeling came back. 186 00:11:20,567 --> 00:11:26,567 The rejection, the lies, all of it just came back, 187 00:11:26,634 --> 00:11:28,834 and I had nobody 188 00:11:28,900 --> 00:11:32,166 to talk to about it. 189 00:11:32,166 --> 00:11:34,266 My mom -- I'm sorry, 190 00:11:34,266 --> 00:11:35,667 um, she's gone now. 191 00:11:35,734 --> 00:11:37,834 She wasn't interested. 192 00:11:37,900 --> 00:11:40,900 I had nobody. It was just me. 193 00:11:51,266 --> 00:11:55,734 I'm trying not to cry, but I'm doing a pitiful job here. 194 00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:09,934 I didn't think of any other name. 195 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:13,834 I'm like, I want him to be named after his father. 196 00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,734 This is a love child, 197 00:12:16,867 --> 00:12:21,033 and seeing this little baby, mm. 198 00:12:22,266 --> 00:12:24,000 It was just -- 199 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:28,266 it was just wonderful to see what 200 00:12:28,333 --> 00:12:32,266 me and him had created together. 201 00:12:32,266 --> 00:12:34,467 And at that moment, 202 00:12:34,467 --> 00:12:36,467 that's when I -- 203 00:12:36,533 --> 00:12:38,834 I was a woman. 204 00:12:38,900 --> 00:12:42,467 I got somebody that's gonna love me for the rest of 205 00:12:42,467 --> 00:12:44,834 my life -- that's how I felt. 206 00:12:46,367 --> 00:12:48,967 And I looked at him one day, and I said, 207 00:12:48,967 --> 00:12:51,834 "I'm gonna take some pictures of you, and I'm gonna put these 208 00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:54,667 in your daddy's mailbox." 209 00:12:54,734 --> 00:12:57,734 My mom had an instant camera, 210 00:12:57,800 --> 00:12:59,900 and I went in there, I took pictures of him, 211 00:13:01,667 --> 00:13:03,834 and I might put them in an envelope, 212 00:13:03,834 --> 00:13:07,233 and I went and put this envelope in his mailbox, 213 00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:10,734 and I'm like, I bet you this will change him. 214 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:16,834 So one day, I go to the mailbox, and I look. 215 00:13:16,900 --> 00:13:18,834 There's another envelope. 216 00:13:18,900 --> 00:13:21,867 It says "Andrea" on the outside. 217 00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:24,100 I go into the kitchen. 218 00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:27,066 I open the envelope, and... 219 00:13:27,066 --> 00:13:30,000 I see this picture with no head. 220 00:13:32,066 --> 00:13:34,367 My body started to shake. 221 00:13:34,433 --> 00:13:38,734 The pictures are cut, all six pictures, 222 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:40,233 the head was cut off. 223 00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:44,567 That was like the worst thing. 224 00:13:44,567 --> 00:13:47,867 It was like pulling my heart out of me. 225 00:13:47,867 --> 00:13:50,667 That's -- like, I couldn't breathe. 226 00:14:03,066 --> 00:14:06,367 One day, I got home and I noticed 227 00:14:06,367 --> 00:14:10,734 things were different in the house. 228 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:14,934 The floors were mopped. The floors were waxed. 229 00:14:14,934 --> 00:14:17,367 It was weird. 230 00:14:17,433 --> 00:14:20,066 I never make up my bed, 231 00:14:20,066 --> 00:14:22,834 and my bed was made up, 232 00:14:22,834 --> 00:14:26,066 and there was flowers on top of the comforter. 233 00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:30,934 It was creepy, 234 00:14:30,934 --> 00:14:33,166 and I smell 235 00:14:33,166 --> 00:14:34,967 the smell 236 00:14:34,967 --> 00:14:38,066 of cologne, a man's cologne, 237 00:14:38,066 --> 00:14:40,934 and I check the closets, up under the bed, 238 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,734 and check the hallway, 239 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,367 and then I make sure the baby is secure, 240 00:14:47,467 --> 00:14:49,467 shut the door, 241 00:14:49,533 --> 00:14:51,533 and I walked down the stairs, 242 00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:57,166 and the smell is getting, like, really, really strong. 243 00:14:58,367 --> 00:15:00,367 So I opened the basement door. 244 00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:02,333 I started walking down the stairs. 245 00:15:03,867 --> 00:15:06,734 At that moment, I looked to the right, 246 00:15:07,867 --> 00:15:09,867 and nobody's there. 247 00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,767 I'm scared to turn around to the left, 248 00:15:12,767 --> 00:15:16,133 and I turned to the left, and Ray was there. 249 00:15:18,567 --> 00:15:24,367 He got on a ski mask, a black shirt, black leather gloves, 250 00:15:24,433 --> 00:15:28,734 black pants, and he has a huge butcher knife. 251 00:15:31,767 --> 00:15:33,934 So we just stared at each other. 252 00:15:36,266 --> 00:15:39,066 I said, "You're not gonna hurt me, are you?" 253 00:15:41,934 --> 00:15:43,567 So I didn't know what to do. 254 00:15:43,634 --> 00:15:46,166 And then something came over me. 255 00:15:46,166 --> 00:15:48,834 Start telling him how much you love him. 256 00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:51,667 You are the most important thing in my life. 257 00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:57,166 And, at first, he was gripping the knife, like, 258 00:15:57,233 --> 00:15:59,166 you know, really tight. 259 00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:03,934 When I said that, it's like he loosened up everything. 260 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:09,834 Then I started hearing him weep. 261 00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:11,533 He started crying. 262 00:16:14,300 --> 00:16:17,367 And once he dropped the knife, 263 00:16:19,467 --> 00:16:21,634 I took off. -[As Andrea gasps] 264 00:16:22,767 --> 00:16:27,667 And I grabbed the door, and he was almost overpowering me. 265 00:16:27,734 --> 00:16:30,166 And it seemed like when I thought about my baby, 266 00:16:30,166 --> 00:16:36,000 I got real strong, and I pushed the door as hard as I could, 267 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,066 and I put my foot up against it... 268 00:16:38,066 --> 00:16:39,567 [As Andrea shouts] 269 00:16:39,634 --> 00:16:40,967 ...and I locked it. 270 00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:43,800 I couldn't believe, because he -- he was strong. 271 00:16:49,467 --> 00:16:51,266 After I locked him in the basement, 272 00:16:51,266 --> 00:16:52,867 I ran and called the police. 273 00:16:52,867 --> 00:16:54,467 [siren wailing] 274 00:16:54,467 --> 00:16:56,767 By the time they got there, 275 00:16:56,767 --> 00:16:59,133 Ray had went through the basement window, 276 00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:02,767 and they couldn't do anything. 277 00:17:02,767 --> 00:17:06,367 It seems like he was never afraid of the police 278 00:17:06,367 --> 00:17:08,367 or anything. 279 00:17:08,433 --> 00:17:10,567 It was his word against mine. 280 00:17:10,567 --> 00:17:14,467 He had to hurt me before they could arrest him. 281 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:17,734 He was just totally out of control at that moment. 282 00:17:17,734 --> 00:17:20,233 I just felt like Ray was gonna kill me. 283 00:17:25,667 --> 00:17:27,367 ANDREA: One day, the phone rang, 284 00:17:27,433 --> 00:17:28,867 [phone ringing] 285 00:17:28,867 --> 00:17:32,834 and I picked up the phone, and it was Ray, 286 00:17:32,900 --> 00:17:37,734 being apologetic, telling me he wants to be back with me. 287 00:17:37,734 --> 00:17:40,934 He was wrong for everything that he did. 288 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,867 "You gotta forgive me. 289 00:17:42,867 --> 00:17:45,000 "Let's move together, and you're gonna 290 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,667 see how much I'm gonna change." 291 00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:52,433 Ray told me that he wanted to start our family. 292 00:17:54,066 --> 00:17:59,166 "I'm gonna change me for you and for my son." 293 00:17:59,166 --> 00:18:02,667 I believed him, and he really begged for this. 294 00:18:02,734 --> 00:18:06,367 He really begged, "I want my family," 295 00:18:06,367 --> 00:18:10,467 and I think that was my weakness right there. 296 00:18:11,467 --> 00:18:14,166 I hope people don't be saying they hate me for being 297 00:18:14,166 --> 00:18:17,066 so stupid -- I gotta tell the truth. 298 00:18:17,066 --> 00:18:21,033 You know, I went back to him even after that. 299 00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:26,867 Looking back at it now, that was all a plan. 300 00:18:26,867 --> 00:18:31,333 It was all a plan, and, um, I didn't see through it. 301 00:18:43,367 --> 00:18:46,100 This is a picture of Ray and I 302 00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:49,367 when he was about four months old. 303 00:18:49,367 --> 00:18:52,367 I wasn't really, really happy right here, 304 00:18:52,367 --> 00:18:55,467 because I had been through so much. 305 00:18:55,533 --> 00:18:58,867 But I was trying to put on a smile here. 306 00:18:58,867 --> 00:19:00,467 You know, 307 00:19:00,467 --> 00:19:03,467 even though I was going through so much, 308 00:19:03,467 --> 00:19:07,667 something like this can't do anything but make you smile. 309 00:19:07,734 --> 00:19:12,166 When you look at life in its purest form, 310 00:19:12,166 --> 00:19:15,867 there's no hatred there, there's no evil. 311 00:19:15,867 --> 00:19:19,367 This is pure love, it's no evil there. 312 00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:22,033 I would go through the same thing over 313 00:19:22,033 --> 00:19:27,066 again to bring this beautiful baby into the world. 314 00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:29,033 I would. 315 00:19:29,033 --> 00:19:33,667 I made it to the point where Ray, 316 00:19:33,734 --> 00:19:37,667 he's grown now, but I still want my baby. 317 00:19:37,734 --> 00:19:41,667 I would just love to just hold him, you know, 318 00:19:41,734 --> 00:19:45,033 and let him know that everything is gonna be okay, 319 00:19:45,033 --> 00:19:46,800 because I'm still here. 320 00:19:57,934 --> 00:20:01,266 I thought with us living together and being in 321 00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:05,100 that room, we will all bond. 322 00:20:05,100 --> 00:20:09,266 I wanted that so much for me and him, 323 00:20:09,266 --> 00:20:14,266 and for him and his baby, and for us as a family. 324 00:20:14,266 --> 00:20:18,667 But I noticed he wasn't as close to the baby 325 00:20:18,734 --> 00:20:21,567 as he should have been. 326 00:20:21,567 --> 00:20:25,233 He wouldn't pick him up that much or anything. 327 00:20:26,467 --> 00:20:29,367 I just didn't see that joy, 328 00:20:29,433 --> 00:20:32,066 a father holding his son. 329 00:20:32,066 --> 00:20:35,033 That's a powerful statement right there. 330 00:20:35,033 --> 00:20:37,166 I didn't see that, 331 00:20:37,166 --> 00:20:40,100 and I thought everything would come in time. 332 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:48,266 So one day, we were sleeping, 333 00:20:48,266 --> 00:20:52,266 and Ray jumps out the bed, he grabs the baby, 334 00:20:52,266 --> 00:20:55,166 the window was open without, 335 00:20:55,166 --> 00:20:59,100 like, a screen on it, and he turned him upside down... 336 00:20:59,100 --> 00:21:01,667 [baby crying] 337 00:21:01,734 --> 00:21:04,033 AS ANDREA: Ray, stop! 338 00:21:04,033 --> 00:21:10,166 He held him by his ankles with one hand out the window. 339 00:21:10,166 --> 00:21:12,734 Everything just happened so fast, and I -- 340 00:21:12,734 --> 00:21:14,867 I'm looking like, what are you doing? 341 00:21:14,867 --> 00:21:16,834 AS ANDREA: Please. Please, Ray, please stop. 342 00:21:16,834 --> 00:21:18,567 AS RAY: You know I didn't want a kid! 343 00:21:18,567 --> 00:21:22,467 Ray kept yelling, "Bitch, I'm gonna kill him. 344 00:21:22,467 --> 00:21:24,266 I told you I didn't want a baby." 345 00:21:24,266 --> 00:21:26,867 Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray. Please, please, please, stop! 346 00:21:26,867 --> 00:21:28,266 ANDREA: I started begging. 347 00:21:28,266 --> 00:21:30,166 AS ANDREA: Please, Ray. Please don't. 348 00:21:30,166 --> 00:21:31,667 I fell to the floor. 349 00:21:31,667 --> 00:21:35,667 I grabbed his leg, and I just kept begging. 350 00:21:35,734 --> 00:21:37,734 I said, "Please don't -- don't drop him." 351 00:21:37,734 --> 00:21:39,367 AS ANDREA: Don't do this, Ray, please. 352 00:21:39,433 --> 00:21:40,367 ANDREA: I was nervous. 353 00:21:40,367 --> 00:21:42,667 I was scared. I was everything... 354 00:21:42,734 --> 00:21:44,467 AS RAY: I'm gonna throw him out this window! 355 00:21:44,533 --> 00:21:46,133 ...that's related to fear. 356 00:21:47,500 --> 00:21:50,166 I was outside of my body. 357 00:21:50,166 --> 00:21:52,734 And I said, "Ray, please, don't drop him." 358 00:21:54,166 --> 00:21:55,567 I said, "What's wrong with you?" 359 00:21:57,300 --> 00:22:03,567 And he looked at me, and I said to him, "I love you, please." 360 00:22:03,634 --> 00:22:07,233 And he brought the baby in, he brought him in, 361 00:22:12,066 --> 00:22:13,734 and, um, 362 00:22:13,734 --> 00:22:16,166 he just started, like, hitting on stuff, 363 00:22:16,166 --> 00:22:19,266 telling me he's so stupid. 364 00:22:19,333 --> 00:22:22,467 He got a nice family. He's so stupid. 365 00:22:22,533 --> 00:22:24,367 I said, "Why are you doing this? 366 00:22:24,367 --> 00:22:26,367 What's wrong?" 367 00:22:26,433 --> 00:22:28,367 And he said, "You gotta listen to me. 368 00:22:28,367 --> 00:22:30,166 "I ain't gonna never do this no more. 369 00:22:30,166 --> 00:22:31,800 I'm gonna go get help." 370 00:22:39,934 --> 00:22:43,266 I needed somebody to talk to me and tell me, 371 00:22:45,100 --> 00:22:47,934 "He's hurting you. He's not right. 372 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,367 That's not love." 373 00:22:51,166 --> 00:22:55,734 As a little girl, seeing my mother with my stepfather, 374 00:22:55,734 --> 00:22:58,367 I heard my mom crying back then. 375 00:22:58,367 --> 00:23:01,266 So I know that love hurts. 376 00:23:01,333 --> 00:23:05,567 You don't know any different when you came from abuse. 377 00:23:05,634 --> 00:23:07,467 You only know abuse. 378 00:23:08,767 --> 00:23:13,834 I just thought there could be just a little chance. 379 00:23:13,834 --> 00:23:17,667 Is he gonna go get treatment like he said? 380 00:23:17,734 --> 00:23:19,433 He promised me he would. 381 00:23:22,166 --> 00:23:25,066 And all of it was lies, 382 00:23:25,066 --> 00:23:27,100 and I believed them, 383 00:23:27,100 --> 00:23:30,266 and I thought it was just something in him that 384 00:23:30,266 --> 00:23:32,467 would change. 385 00:23:32,467 --> 00:23:36,667 People fix things, but it didn't. 386 00:23:36,734 --> 00:23:39,000 It didn't -- it didn't fix anything. 387 00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:43,567 He was evil. 388 00:23:43,634 --> 00:23:45,533 You can't fix evil. 389 00:23:58,367 --> 00:24:01,467 After he hung the baby out the window, 390 00:24:01,467 --> 00:24:05,567 things did get better with me and Ray 391 00:24:05,567 --> 00:24:09,834 and the baby -- things got a whole lot better. 392 00:24:09,900 --> 00:24:11,834 He started picking him up more. 393 00:24:11,834 --> 00:24:14,467 He started going to fix bottles. 394 00:24:14,467 --> 00:24:16,367 He started going to get the food, 395 00:24:16,367 --> 00:24:18,166 warming up the baby food. 396 00:24:18,166 --> 00:24:21,834 He started washing the baby clothes, drying them. 397 00:24:23,367 --> 00:24:25,467 He just started playing with the baby more, 398 00:24:25,533 --> 00:24:27,467 being more attentive, 399 00:24:27,533 --> 00:24:29,734 picking the baby up, 400 00:24:29,734 --> 00:24:34,867 and I started to feel hopeful, happy, and like 401 00:24:34,867 --> 00:24:38,734 maybe things will be okay, maybe it'll be okay. 402 00:24:42,266 --> 00:24:45,834 So one day, I had to go to the store. 403 00:24:45,834 --> 00:24:48,100 I just have to get a few things. 404 00:24:48,100 --> 00:24:49,934 Sounds good. 405 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:54,467 And he said, "Okay, you don't have to worry about anything. 406 00:24:54,467 --> 00:24:56,734 It's gonna be fine." 407 00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,367 And I kinda, you know, like struggled 408 00:24:59,367 --> 00:25:03,467 a little bit leaving out the door, but... 409 00:25:03,533 --> 00:25:06,533 I'm thinking, he's gonna be -- he's gonna be good. 410 00:25:08,967 --> 00:25:10,567 And, um, 411 00:25:10,567 --> 00:25:12,567 I got sick. 412 00:25:12,567 --> 00:25:15,667 I had the worst feeling inside my body, 413 00:25:17,266 --> 00:25:19,834 and, um, I didn't know what that was. 414 00:25:19,834 --> 00:25:22,934 I just had a horrible feeling, 415 00:25:24,166 --> 00:25:26,333 and I went home, 416 00:25:27,934 --> 00:25:29,834 and walking through the door, 417 00:25:29,834 --> 00:25:31,734 I heard the baby crying, -[baby crying distantly] 418 00:25:31,734 --> 00:25:33,934 [baby crying continues] 419 00:25:33,934 --> 00:25:36,767 painful crying, you know. 420 00:25:36,767 --> 00:25:39,266 You knew something was wrong. 421 00:25:39,266 --> 00:25:42,367 This baby sounded like he was gonna die. 422 00:25:42,367 --> 00:25:45,533 [distant baby crying] 423 00:25:58,133 --> 00:26:00,133 ANDREA: From the time that I walked in, 424 00:26:00,133 --> 00:26:01,667 [distant baby crying] 425 00:26:01,667 --> 00:26:04,734 the baby's scream was painful. 426 00:26:04,734 --> 00:26:06,667 It was gut-wrenching. 427 00:26:08,367 --> 00:26:12,467 I threw my purse down, and I looked at Ray. 428 00:26:12,467 --> 00:26:13,734 He's holding the baby. 429 00:26:13,734 --> 00:26:15,800 His eyes is blood red. 430 00:26:16,867 --> 00:26:20,066 I said, "What's going on? What's wrong?" 431 00:26:20,066 --> 00:26:23,000 So when the baby opened his mouth, 432 00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:25,900 his tongue is almost burnt out of his mouth. 433 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,367 And I looked at the baby's head. 434 00:26:30,367 --> 00:26:32,567 He had a huge 435 00:26:32,567 --> 00:26:33,934 knot on his head, 436 00:26:35,467 --> 00:26:38,333 and I said, "Give him here, right now." 437 00:26:39,667 --> 00:26:43,266 I said, "I don't know what -- what's going on here." 438 00:26:43,266 --> 00:26:45,967 And I touched the baby's legs, 439 00:26:45,967 --> 00:26:49,000 and the baby looked like he was gonna pass out. 440 00:26:52,734 --> 00:26:55,000 I didn't know what to think. 441 00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:59,033 It seemed like everything was in slow motion. 442 00:26:59,033 --> 00:27:00,934 So I made it to that door, 443 00:27:00,934 --> 00:27:04,266 and the hospital was like two blocks down the street. 444 00:27:04,266 --> 00:27:06,467 So I ran the baby down there. 445 00:27:06,467 --> 00:27:10,000 I'm like, nobody can do this to their own child. 446 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:11,934 He -- he didn't do this. 447 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,367 There's no way he did this to his baby. 448 00:27:24,367 --> 00:27:28,266 Once I got in the hospital, and they examined him, 449 00:27:28,266 --> 00:27:31,100 a lot of police officers, social services, 450 00:27:31,100 --> 00:27:33,767 all of these people came out. 451 00:27:33,767 --> 00:27:36,367 They wanna know what happened. 452 00:27:36,367 --> 00:27:38,333 I felt I had failed. 453 00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:43,734 I knew my mother would say I told you so. 454 00:27:43,734 --> 00:27:47,433 And I wanted to think... 455 00:27:49,467 --> 00:27:51,066 he couldn't have did it. 456 00:27:51,066 --> 00:27:52,634 He couldn't have did it. 457 00:27:55,266 --> 00:27:57,467 And I started talking. 458 00:27:57,467 --> 00:27:59,233 I told them what happened. 459 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,934 I explained to them everything. 460 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:09,000 They did X-rays and all of that stuff. 461 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:12,166 And the doctor came in the room. 462 00:28:12,166 --> 00:28:15,900 Andrea, he's bleeding in his brain. 463 00:28:17,934 --> 00:28:22,934 He twisted his legs one at a time. 464 00:28:31,367 --> 00:28:33,734 I'm not a violent person, 465 00:28:33,734 --> 00:28:38,433 but to do a baby, a baby, a helpless baby like that, 466 00:28:39,767 --> 00:28:42,367 I just had so much rage inside of me. 467 00:28:42,367 --> 00:28:43,967 I felt evil. 468 00:28:43,967 --> 00:28:45,734 I was -- I wanted to get him. 469 00:28:53,467 --> 00:28:55,367 I sat by his side -- I didn't 470 00:28:55,367 --> 00:28:58,100 want to go home, change, bathe, or anything. 471 00:29:00,066 --> 00:29:01,934 I was too scared to even leave 472 00:29:01,934 --> 00:29:04,533 the room to go downstairs to get anything to eat. 473 00:29:06,767 --> 00:29:10,333 So after a while, the bleeding did stop. 474 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:14,467 And, um, I decided, I told the nurse 475 00:29:14,467 --> 00:29:18,266 that I was leaving to go home to shower, 476 00:29:18,266 --> 00:29:20,667 and she told me that the baby was gonna be fine. 477 00:29:22,967 --> 00:29:27,834 So I went ahead, and I left and went home and changed clothes 478 00:29:27,900 --> 00:29:31,367 and got the shower and just relaxed for a minute 479 00:29:31,433 --> 00:29:34,200 and tried to get it together. 480 00:29:48,667 --> 00:29:50,433 I went back out there 481 00:29:51,567 --> 00:29:55,166 and went to the room, and a nurse came to me, 482 00:29:56,266 --> 00:29:58,834 and she said he started 483 00:29:58,834 --> 00:30:01,734 bleeding again at the head. 484 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:04,934 Something happened, we don't know -- he's getting worse. 485 00:30:04,934 --> 00:30:08,266 ANDREA: And I said, "How, why -- why would that happen?" 486 00:30:08,266 --> 00:30:09,667 And she was like, "I don't know." 487 00:30:09,734 --> 00:30:11,867 For some reason, I just asked, 488 00:30:11,867 --> 00:30:13,834 "Has anybody been out here?" 489 00:30:13,900 --> 00:30:15,967 She said, "Yeah, his father." 490 00:30:15,967 --> 00:30:18,867 [As Andrea screaming] My God! No! 491 00:30:18,867 --> 00:30:21,934 ANDREA: And I just started screaming, saying that 492 00:30:21,934 --> 00:30:24,467 he was supposed to be in jail. 493 00:30:24,467 --> 00:30:26,567 He wasn't supposed to be out here. 494 00:30:26,567 --> 00:30:29,166 [As Andrea shouting indistinctly] 495 00:30:29,166 --> 00:30:30,767 ANDREA: It was just so many people around me. 496 00:30:30,767 --> 00:30:34,834 And I said, "How could y'all let him into the room? 497 00:30:34,834 --> 00:30:37,133 He did all of this to him." 498 00:30:37,133 --> 00:30:40,266 There was some nurses that were standing there crying. 499 00:30:40,266 --> 00:30:42,467 You were supposed to protect my baby. 500 00:30:42,467 --> 00:30:43,734 This is a baby. 501 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:45,667 You let him sit in the room? 502 00:30:46,734 --> 00:30:48,667 Knowing that he was on the loose, 503 00:30:48,667 --> 00:30:51,567 all of this was just too much for me. 504 00:30:51,634 --> 00:30:53,934 After all of this abuse, 505 00:30:53,934 --> 00:30:59,934 he was able to come into my baby's room and continue trying 506 00:30:59,934 --> 00:31:01,634 to kill my son. 507 00:31:02,734 --> 00:31:07,100 I felt let down at that moment, I felt hurt. 508 00:31:07,100 --> 00:31:10,100 I felt a lot of pain. 509 00:31:10,100 --> 00:31:13,467 All we had to do was pray for the best. 510 00:31:13,533 --> 00:31:14,800 And that's what we did. 511 00:31:23,467 --> 00:31:27,066 Time had passed with the baby. 512 00:31:27,066 --> 00:31:30,533 Everything had healed in his head. 513 00:31:32,867 --> 00:31:35,367 After leaving the hospital, 514 00:31:35,367 --> 00:31:39,100 me and my baby moved back in with my mom. 515 00:31:40,467 --> 00:31:43,934 One day, my mom came in from work and she told me 516 00:31:43,934 --> 00:31:45,567 she seen Ray. 517 00:31:45,634 --> 00:31:47,567 "I seen him riding down the street." 518 00:31:47,567 --> 00:31:49,166 What are you talking about? 519 00:31:49,166 --> 00:31:51,266 ANDREA: She told me there was another woman 520 00:31:51,266 --> 00:31:54,133 on the back of Ray's moped. 521 00:31:54,133 --> 00:31:55,467 She was pregnant. 522 00:31:57,867 --> 00:32:00,066 When I heard that, at that moment, 523 00:32:00,066 --> 00:32:02,967 I didn't give a damn. I didn't give a damn. 524 00:32:02,967 --> 00:32:05,767 I had hatred for him. 525 00:32:05,767 --> 00:32:07,967 There was no more love left. 526 00:32:07,967 --> 00:32:11,333 That was over. I hated him. I didn't care. 527 00:32:12,934 --> 00:32:14,467 But she was pregnant. 528 00:32:14,467 --> 00:32:18,934 So as a mother, I wanted to call her to 529 00:32:18,934 --> 00:32:23,066 let her know what type of danger she was in. 530 00:32:25,867 --> 00:32:29,367 And she answered, I asked her was her name Tawana. 531 00:32:29,367 --> 00:32:30,734 And she told me, yeah. 532 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:32,934 Well, now I need to tell you something about Ray. 533 00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:34,467 ANDREA: She would hang that phone up. 534 00:32:34,467 --> 00:32:35,834 [dial tone] 535 00:32:35,834 --> 00:32:37,266 She didn't wanna talk, she didn't 536 00:32:37,333 --> 00:32:39,100 wanna believe, she didn't wanna listen. 537 00:32:40,967 --> 00:32:44,266 I tried Tawana, I tried calling back many 538 00:32:44,333 --> 00:32:48,033 times, and she refused to take my calls. 539 00:32:49,667 --> 00:32:52,767 I stopped calling, stopped trying. 540 00:32:52,767 --> 00:32:55,266 It was hard letting it go, 541 00:32:55,266 --> 00:32:57,867 because I feared, I knew in my heart, 542 00:32:57,867 --> 00:33:00,667 that something big was about to happen. 543 00:33:08,500 --> 00:33:10,867 ANDREA: I was at my mom's house. 544 00:33:10,867 --> 00:33:16,667 The TV was on, and I heard the news, and they said that 545 00:33:16,667 --> 00:33:20,433 a man had beat a baby to death, 546 00:33:22,967 --> 00:33:26,734 and that he changed her, her little dress, 547 00:33:28,567 --> 00:33:31,367 and I knew it was Ray. 548 00:33:31,433 --> 00:33:34,367 I didn't hear his name, but I knew it was him. 549 00:33:34,367 --> 00:33:36,934 [phone ringing] 550 00:33:40,667 --> 00:33:45,233 I don't know how many minutes later, the phone rang, 551 00:33:45,300 --> 00:33:47,433 and, um, it was Ray. 552 00:33:48,934 --> 00:33:54,033 He said, "If I had had another baby, 553 00:33:54,033 --> 00:33:57,834 you would never have anything to do with me again." 554 00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:00,467 I didn't know what that meant. 555 00:34:00,533 --> 00:34:02,567 What -- what do that mean? 556 00:34:02,567 --> 00:34:06,800 And we were just silent, and I hung up the phone. 557 00:34:10,066 --> 00:34:14,333 I just sat there and just, you know, cried a little bit. 558 00:34:16,266 --> 00:34:19,133 Why would he do that to this baby? 559 00:34:19,133 --> 00:34:20,934 She was only six weeks old. 560 00:34:24,266 --> 00:34:27,834 Ray was charged with killing the baby, 561 00:34:27,834 --> 00:34:31,066 and they let him out once again. 562 00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:36,233 We had a child abuser on the loose. 563 00:34:36,233 --> 00:34:38,834 Now we got a killer on the loose. 564 00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:44,266 They let him out with my son, and they -- 565 00:34:44,266 --> 00:34:49,567 they let him out when he even killed a baby, he was out free. 566 00:34:51,266 --> 00:34:55,734 And yeah, I feared for my life. 567 00:34:55,734 --> 00:34:58,133 I feared that Ray would come for me, 568 00:34:58,133 --> 00:35:02,834 because he hadn't finished what he wanted to do. 569 00:35:13,834 --> 00:35:18,033 So a couple weeks after, I was listening to 570 00:35:18,033 --> 00:35:22,100 the news, and I found out Tawana was dead. 571 00:35:23,467 --> 00:35:27,834 Ray brought flowers to her house. 572 00:35:27,834 --> 00:35:31,767 She answers the door, she receives the flowers, 573 00:35:31,767 --> 00:35:34,333 she walked to put them in the vase, 574 00:35:35,467 --> 00:35:37,300 and he shot her. 575 00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:45,834 Hearing the news about him killing her, 576 00:35:45,900 --> 00:35:49,233 and to hear about these flowers again, 577 00:35:49,300 --> 00:35:51,533 it was always these flowers, 578 00:35:53,467 --> 00:35:57,367 and it -- I started thinking about the one that he left. 579 00:35:57,367 --> 00:35:59,934 Death is near. 580 00:36:00,066 --> 00:36:03,000 I felt a chill, a horrible chill, 581 00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:05,567 come all the way through my body. 582 00:36:05,567 --> 00:36:08,567 To this day, I don't like flowers. 583 00:36:08,567 --> 00:36:11,567 Flowers was always a part of everything. 584 00:36:22,467 --> 00:36:26,433 I remember getting this paper, this journal, 585 00:36:27,567 --> 00:36:28,767 and I just cried. 586 00:36:28,767 --> 00:36:33,133 I couldn't even read the article. 587 00:36:33,133 --> 00:36:35,934 I was just focusing in on her. 588 00:36:35,934 --> 00:36:38,567 She was a pretty -- a pretty girl. 589 00:36:38,567 --> 00:36:44,467 You know, and his fake smile, his smile was fake on here. 590 00:36:44,467 --> 00:36:48,000 And I just -- it really bothered me. 591 00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:51,734 I -- it took me a while before I even read the, um, article. 592 00:36:51,734 --> 00:36:54,834 I just looked at her, and I just cried. 593 00:36:56,233 --> 00:36:59,533 She said "I do" to this man. 594 00:37:00,500 --> 00:37:04,467 She made one of the biggest steps that a woman can make. 595 00:37:04,467 --> 00:37:07,834 She trusted him, just like I did. 596 00:37:07,900 --> 00:37:10,233 She believed in him. 597 00:37:10,233 --> 00:37:13,266 She beared a child for him, and he turned 598 00:37:13,266 --> 00:37:16,800 around and took her life and her baby's life. 599 00:37:18,266 --> 00:37:21,100 Evil has two faces. 600 00:37:21,100 --> 00:37:22,233 It don't want to show you 601 00:37:22,233 --> 00:37:25,000 right off the bat that it's evil. 602 00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:30,266 It wants to hide, it wants to make sure you believe in them. 603 00:37:30,266 --> 00:37:34,667 You don't know what a person have hidden inside of them. 604 00:37:37,567 --> 00:37:40,367 He was of no good. 605 00:37:40,367 --> 00:37:43,166 He was definitely a ticking time bomb. 606 00:37:51,767 --> 00:37:55,000 That evening, I got a phone call. 607 00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:57,066 I answered the phone. 608 00:37:57,066 --> 00:38:00,834 A gentleman said, "Is this Andrea Bell?" 609 00:38:00,834 --> 00:38:02,734 I say yes. 610 00:38:02,734 --> 00:38:07,934 I started to shake, and he said, Ray Clark is here. 611 00:38:07,934 --> 00:38:12,667 He shot himself, and he -- I found this on him. 612 00:38:12,734 --> 00:38:14,467 There's a letter. 613 00:38:14,467 --> 00:38:19,734 And he read the letter, and he told me he loved me forever, 614 00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:24,834 infinity, and that he was sorry for everything that he had 615 00:38:24,834 --> 00:38:26,166 ever done. 616 00:38:27,300 --> 00:38:30,667 I was enraged, and I asked the police officer 617 00:38:30,667 --> 00:38:34,000 would he put the phone to his ear? 618 00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:38,100 I told Ray that I -- I wished him dead, 619 00:38:38,100 --> 00:38:42,567 and I screamed, and right before I could finish, 620 00:38:42,634 --> 00:38:47,133 the officer took the phone, and he said, "He's dead, he's gone." 621 00:38:54,033 --> 00:38:57,367 You know, you have all these emotions inside of you. 622 00:38:57,433 --> 00:38:59,767 I didn't have to run anymore. 623 00:38:59,767 --> 00:39:01,867 I didn't have to hide anymore. 624 00:39:01,867 --> 00:39:04,567 I didn't have to look over my shoulder. 625 00:39:04,634 --> 00:39:07,233 I could go ahead and start living my life. 626 00:39:07,300 --> 00:39:09,266 He was dead now. 627 00:39:09,266 --> 00:39:11,333 That was total relief. 628 00:39:19,233 --> 00:39:24,033 Looking back on my life and things that I went through, 629 00:39:24,033 --> 00:39:25,967 it's hard to believe. 630 00:39:25,967 --> 00:39:30,066 I overlooked all the red flags, 631 00:39:30,066 --> 00:39:33,567 because I -- I wanted love. 632 00:39:33,567 --> 00:39:38,734 I wanted to be loved, and I wanted my son to be loved. 633 00:39:38,734 --> 00:39:41,567 You know, I had a hard walk. 634 00:39:41,567 --> 00:39:44,367 It was long. It was painful. 635 00:39:46,166 --> 00:39:48,233 But I made it through. 636 00:39:48,300 --> 00:39:50,734 When my son got older, 637 00:39:50,734 --> 00:39:54,834 we don't have a mother and son relationship. 638 00:39:56,767 --> 00:39:58,433 He don't call me. 639 00:39:59,567 --> 00:40:04,266 I haven't spoke to Ray in two years. 640 00:40:04,266 --> 00:40:07,734 He don't want a relationship with me. 641 00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:09,834 My son blames me 642 00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:14,166 for his father taking his life. 643 00:40:15,767 --> 00:40:20,100 I'm hoping that when Ray watches this, 644 00:40:20,100 --> 00:40:23,934 that he understands my story. 645 00:40:23,934 --> 00:40:28,233 This is the real story, and I'm sorry 646 00:40:28,300 --> 00:40:31,734 it took me so long to tell you. 647 00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:33,867 I pray that me and my son would 648 00:40:33,867 --> 00:40:38,367 get back together, and everything would be okay. 649 00:40:38,433 --> 00:40:43,667 I'll always love him, from the day that I had him, 650 00:40:43,667 --> 00:40:46,166 it has never changed. 651 00:40:46,166 --> 00:40:50,000 My love for him is forever, 652 00:40:53,033 --> 00:40:56,467 and I'm waiting on that day to hear from my baby. 653 00:40:57,867 --> 00:40:59,066 [crying quietly] 654 00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:13,100 ♪ 655 00:41:13,100 --> 00:41:19,166 It's very difficult to even say that my mom killed children. 656 00:41:19,166 --> 00:41:22,834 I feel skin on my finger tips... 657 00:41:22,900 --> 00:41:25,033 [gasps] sorry. 658 00:41:25,033 --> 00:41:27,867 Panic attack. 659 00:41:27,867 --> 00:41:29,867 [groans] I'm sorry.