Okay, this is my first time ever seeing this.
And I'm gonna be honest, if you want
me to be honest about what I'm looking at,
I'm glad that you got your ass in there
so that you can't hurt any damn body else.
I have no sympathy for you.
I hate you for everything that you did.
And I hope that you rot in hell.
Two years ago, I said, well, I need to
get it together, 'cause it's killing me.
But seeing this tombstone, I could go out there
and take that tombstone and pull him up
and kill his ass all over again.
That's the honest to God truth.
It's hard to think about what I've been through with my son
and to have to relive it.
And I'm hoping that this will reach
my son, because he don't call me.
He -- he don't want a relationship with me.
I was always so embarrassed.
I couldn't talk to him about it.
I was angry with myself for a long time.
I'm still angry with myself.
I should have paid attention.
I felt stupid. I felt dumb.
I thought Ray was the perfect man.
I overlooked all the red flags,
because I wanted love.
I wanted to be loved, and I wanted my son to be loved.
I wouldn't have never thought that
a father could have did what he did,
and then he went on and hurt other people.
Ray was evil. Ray was evil.
[The Paper Chase's "What's So Amazing About Grace?" plays]
[strings continue playing sinister tune]
[static crackling]
-[knock at door] -[creaking]
-[banging on door] -[creaking]
[water dripping]
-[banging on door] -[creaking]
[sinister chord strikes]
Before I met Ray, I was a normal, carefree teenager.
I was living with my mom.
We lived in Milwaukee on the northwest side.
Ray, he lived a door away from my mom.
I would see him outside, and I'm like,
this is a very nice-looking man.
All right, let's see what you got.
ANDREA: Ray was tall, handsome, dark.
He dressed really well, very clean man.
And I had a crush.
Right away, my mom, she saw me looking at him,
and she was like, "Don't mess with that boy.
I don't like that boy."
And I'm like, whatever.
I never asked her, why didn't she like him?
She just didn't like him.
I think that my mom might have seen
something that I didn't know about with Ray.
I think, looking back, she already knew that he had
evil within him, because she could not stand this man.
I never thought in the beginning that he would turn
out to be what he was.
There's the win. There's a win.
ANDREA: One day, I went to the store, and I got dressed up.
I wanted to look so beautiful, because I'm like,
he gotta see me, he has to see me.
So I turned around -- Ray's behind me.
Okay, and I'm -- I'm like, oh my God, this is it.
I was like, is he gonna say anything?
I'm not gonna say anything to him.
He needs to say something to me.
We walked about eight blocks, and he didn't say anything.
That was kind of weird.
But you know, you're young, you're silly.
So I thought it was kind of cute.
But later on,
I got a little nervous with that,
just looking back on it.
I didn't realize that was stalking.
[phone ringing]
In the beginning, everything was good.
But later on, I started getting a lot of phone calls from Ray,
[phone ringing]
a lot of phone calls.
We could talk for an hour, and then he'd
hang up and call right back, "What you doing now?"
[phone ringing]
I'm like, "The same thing
I just got through doing five minutes ago."
Ray, Ray -- Ray, calm down.
Calm down, it's okay.
ANDREA: Ray would ask me, you know,
"When you coming back? Do you love me?"
And I'm like, "I told you that already. I love you."
So Ray started getting kind of weird on me.
Just tell me what's happening.
ANDREA: Ray would start crying.
I didn't understand it.
What's wrong? What's going on?
And he would just tell me, "Nothing.
I just -- I'm hurt, I'm scared I'm gonna lose you."
It started getting, like, obsessive.
[phone ringing distantly]
Everybody needs to feel secure.
[phone ringing distantly]
And I know, when I was younger,
I would get hugged to make me feel okay.
And I felt that he just needed
someone to hold him and to understand him.
And I thought that things would be okay.
[phone ringing]
I didn't tell my mom about Ray
at first -- I think she suspected,
you know, something was going on.
Not long into our relationship,
Ray started sending a lot of flowers.
One, a dozen, six.
It started weirding me out.
I told him he didn't have to spend that type of money on me.
But he said, "You're my woman."
One day, me and my mom had went somewhere, and we come
back, and I see all these flowers leading up to the door.
And my mom, she just shook her head in disgust.
The flowers had little notes.
I love you.
I love you, infinity and back.
You're my everything, things of that nature.
But the message on the last flower was "Death is near."
Chills ran through my body, a cold chill.
Why would he send a message like that?
That message went all the way through my soul,
because I couldn't understand
why would he send a message saying,
death is near?
That note stuck with me to this day.
I'll never forget that feeling.
My insides shook.
I couldn't brush it off like that, because when somebody tell
you death is near,
they're planning something.
ANDREA: I think that I ignored the red flags.
If I had paid attention a little bit more, I think
things would have maybe been different.
The day my mom seen the flowers,
she was like, "I told you about that boy.
Are you having sex with him?"
And I -- I told her, "No, I'm not having sex with him."
I lied
all the way up until I got pregnant.
I was just 18.
I couldn't wait to get home to tell Ray.
I felt very hopeful.
I thought that this would be a new chapter.
We're -- we're gonna be parents.
I was just so excited.
I was ready to be a mother at that early age,
and I hoped that he would feel the same way.
And I'm like, okay, get yourself together,
and then my heart is just beating, you know,
because I got some exciting news.
So I finally say,
"I got something to tell you."
I said, "I got some news -- I'm pregnant."
And he started calling me names.
-How could you do this to me? -AS ANDREA: Ray!
ANDREA: He called me a bitch
and a whore and that this child is not his.
He also stated, "I lied to you about my age.
I'm 16." I was like, what?
He was like, "You're gonna go to jail."
And it devastated me.
I could -- I never even thought
he would change like that.
It was a total different person.
I had a lonely pregnancy.
I thought one day, he would come to the door
and tell me he was sorry.
He never came to the door.
There was many nights I went to bed crying.
I felt rejected -- I felt rejected,
just as I had as a child,
that feeling came back.
The rejection, the lies, all of it just came back,
and I had nobody
to talk to about it.
My mom -- I'm sorry,
um, she's gone now.
She wasn't interested.
I had nobody. It was just me.
I'm trying not to cry, but I'm doing a pitiful job here.
I didn't think of any other name.
I'm like, I want him to be named after his father.
This is a love child,
and seeing this little baby, mm.
It was just --
it was just wonderful to see what
me and him had created together.
And at that moment,
that's when I --
I was a woman.
I got somebody that's gonna love me for the rest of
my life -- that's how I felt.
And I looked at him one day, and I said,
"I'm gonna take some pictures of you, and I'm gonna put these
in your daddy's mailbox."
My mom had an instant camera,
and I went in there, I took pictures of him,
and I might put them in an envelope,
and I went and put this envelope in his mailbox,
and I'm like, I bet you this will change him.
So one day, I go to the mailbox, and I look.
There's another envelope.
It says "Andrea" on the outside.
I go into the kitchen.
I open the envelope, and...
I see this picture with no head.
My body started to shake.
The pictures are cut, all six pictures,
the head was cut off.
That was like the worst thing.
It was like pulling my heart out of me.
That's -- like, I couldn't breathe.
One day, I got home and I noticed
things were different in the house.
The floors were mopped. The floors were waxed.
It was weird.
I never make up my bed,
and my bed was made up,
and there was flowers on top of the comforter.
It was creepy,
and I smell
the smell
of cologne, a man's cologne,
and I check the closets, up under the bed,
and check the hallway,
and then I make sure the baby is secure,
shut the door,
and I walked down the stairs,
and the smell is getting, like, really, really strong.
So I opened the basement door.
I started walking down the stairs.
At that moment, I looked to the right,
and nobody's there.
I'm scared to turn around to the left,
and I turned to the left, and Ray was there.
He got on a ski mask, a black shirt, black leather gloves,
black pants, and he has a huge butcher knife.
So we just stared at each other.
I said, "You're not gonna hurt me, are you?"
So I didn't know what to do.
And then something came over me.
Start telling him how much you love him.
You are the most important thing in my life.
And, at first, he was gripping the knife, like,
you know, really tight.
When I said that, it's like he loosened up everything.
Then I started hearing him weep.
He started crying.
And once he dropped the knife,
I took off. -[As Andrea gasps]
And I grabbed the door, and he was almost overpowering me.
And it seemed like when I thought about my baby,
I got real strong, and I pushed the door as hard as I could,
and I put my foot up against it...
[As Andrea shouts]
...and I locked it.
I couldn't believe, because he -- he was strong.
After I locked him in the basement,
I ran and called the police.
[siren wailing]
By the time they got there,
Ray had went through the basement window,
and they couldn't do anything.
It seems like he was never afraid of the police
or anything.
It was his word against mine.
He had to hurt me before they could arrest him.
He was just totally out of control at that moment.
I just felt like Ray was gonna kill me.
ANDREA: One day, the phone rang,
[phone ringing]
and I picked up the phone, and it was Ray,
being apologetic, telling me he wants to be back with me.
He was wrong for everything that he did.
"You gotta forgive me.
"Let's move together, and you're gonna
see how much I'm gonna change."
Ray told me that he wanted to start our family.
"I'm gonna change me for you and for my son."
I believed him, and he really begged for this.
He really begged, "I want my family,"
and I think that was my weakness right there.
I hope people don't be saying they hate me for being
so stupid -- I gotta tell the truth.
You know, I went back to him even after that.
Looking back at it now, that was all a plan.
It was all a plan, and, um, I didn't see through it.
This is a picture of Ray and I
when he was about four months old.
I wasn't really, really happy right here,
because I had been through so much.
But I was trying to put on a smile here.
You know,
even though I was going through so much,
something like this can't do anything but make you smile.
When you look at life in its purest form,
there's no hatred there, there's no evil.
This is pure love, it's no evil there.
I would go through the same thing over
again to bring this beautiful baby into the world.
I would.
I made it to the point where Ray,
he's grown now, but I still want my baby.
I would just love to just hold him, you know,
and let him know that everything is gonna be okay,
because I'm still here.
I thought with us living together and being in
that room, we will all bond.
I wanted that so much for me and him,
and for him and his baby, and for us as a family.
But I noticed he wasn't as close to the baby
as he should have been.
He wouldn't pick him up that much or anything.
I just didn't see that joy,
a father holding his son.
That's a powerful statement right there.
I didn't see that,
and I thought everything would come in time.
So one day, we were sleeping,
and Ray jumps out the bed, he grabs the baby,
the window was open without,
like, a screen on it, and he turned him upside down...
[baby crying]
AS ANDREA: Ray, stop!
He held him by his ankles with one hand out the window.
Everything just happened so fast, and I --
I'm looking like, what are you doing?
AS ANDREA: Please. Please, Ray, please stop.
AS RAY: You know I didn't want a kid!
Ray kept yelling, "Bitch, I'm gonna kill him.
I told you I didn't want a baby."
Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray. Please, please, please, stop!
ANDREA: I started begging.
AS ANDREA: Please, Ray. Please don't.
I fell to the floor.
I grabbed his leg, and I just kept begging.
I said, "Please don't -- don't drop him."
AS ANDREA: Don't do this, Ray, please.
ANDREA: I was nervous.
I was scared. I was everything...
AS RAY: I'm gonna throw him out this window!
...that's related to fear.
I was outside of my body.
And I said, "Ray, please, don't drop him."
I said, "What's wrong with you?"
And he looked at me, and I said to him, "I love you, please."
And he brought the baby in, he brought him in,
and, um,
he just started, like, hitting on stuff,
telling me he's so stupid.
He got a nice family. He's so stupid.
I said, "Why are you doing this?
What's wrong?"
And he said, "You gotta listen to me.
"I ain't gonna never do this no more.
I'm gonna go get help."
I needed somebody to talk to me and tell me,
"He's hurting you. He's not right.
That's not love."
As a little girl, seeing my mother with my stepfather,
I heard my mom crying back then.
So I know that love hurts.
You don't know any different when you came from abuse.
You only know abuse.
I just thought there could be just a little chance.
Is he gonna go get treatment like he said?
He promised me he would.
And all of it was lies,
and I believed them,
and I thought it was just something in him that
would change.
People fix things, but it didn't.
It didn't -- it didn't fix anything.
He was evil.
You can't fix evil.
After he hung the baby out the window,
things did get better with me and Ray
and the baby -- things got a whole lot better.
He started picking him up more.
He started going to fix bottles.
He started going to get the food,
warming up the baby food.
He started washing the baby clothes, drying them.
He just started playing with the baby more,
being more attentive,
picking the baby up,
and I started to feel hopeful, happy, and like
maybe things will be okay, maybe it'll be okay.
So one day, I had to go to the store.
I just have to get a few things.
Sounds good.
And he said, "Okay, you don't have to worry about anything.
It's gonna be fine."
And I kinda, you know, like struggled
a little bit leaving out the door, but...
I'm thinking, he's gonna be -- he's gonna be good.
And, um,
I got sick.
I had the worst feeling inside my body,
and, um, I didn't know what that was.
I just had a horrible feeling,
and I went home,
and walking through the door,
I heard the baby crying, -[baby crying distantly]
[baby crying continues]
painful crying, you know.
You knew something was wrong.
This baby sounded like he was gonna die.
[distant baby crying]
ANDREA: From the time that I walked in,
[distant baby crying]
the baby's scream was painful.
It was gut-wrenching.
I threw my purse down, and I looked at Ray.
He's holding the baby.
His eyes is blood red.
I said, "What's going on? What's wrong?"
So when the baby opened his mouth,
his tongue is almost burnt out of his mouth.
And I looked at the baby's head.
He had a huge
knot on his head,
and I said, "Give him here, right now."
I said, "I don't know what -- what's going on here."
And I touched the baby's legs,
and the baby looked like he was gonna pass out.
I didn't know what to think.
It seemed like everything was in slow motion.
So I made it to that door,
and the hospital was like two blocks down the street.
So I ran the baby down there.
I'm like, nobody can do this to their own child.
He -- he didn't do this.
There's no way he did this to his baby.
Once I got in the hospital, and they examined him,
a lot of police officers, social services,
all of these people came out.
They wanna know what happened.
I felt I had failed.
I knew my mother would say I told you so.
And I wanted to think...
he couldn't have did it.
He couldn't have did it.
And I started talking.
I told them what happened.
I explained to them everything.
They did X-rays and all of that stuff.
And the doctor came in the room.
Andrea, he's bleeding in his brain.
He twisted his legs one at a time.
I'm not a violent person,
but to do a baby, a baby, a helpless baby like that,
I just had so much rage inside of me.
I felt evil.
I was -- I wanted to get him.
I sat by his side -- I didn't
want to go home, change, bathe, or anything.
I was too scared to even leave
the room to go downstairs to get anything to eat.
So after a while, the bleeding did stop.
And, um, I decided, I told the nurse
that I was leaving to go home to shower,
and she told me that the baby was gonna be fine.
So I went ahead, and I left and went home and changed clothes
and got the shower and just relaxed for a minute
and tried to get it together.
I went back out there
and went to the room, and a nurse came to me,
and she said he started
bleeding again at the head.
Something happened, we don't know -- he's getting worse.
ANDREA: And I said, "How, why -- why would that happen?"
And she was like, "I don't know."
For some reason, I just asked,
"Has anybody been out here?"
She said, "Yeah, his father."
[As Andrea screaming] My God! No!
ANDREA: And I just started screaming, saying that
he was supposed to be in jail.
He wasn't supposed to be out here.
[As Andrea shouting indistinctly]
ANDREA: It was just so many people around me.
And I said, "How could y'all let him into the room?
He did all of this to him."
There was some nurses that were standing there crying.
You were supposed to protect my baby.
This is a baby.
You let him sit in the room?
Knowing that he was on the loose,
all of this was just too much for me.
After all of this abuse,
he was able to come into my baby's room and continue trying
to kill my son.
I felt let down at that moment, I felt hurt.
I felt a lot of pain.
All we had to do was pray for the best.
And that's what we did.
Time had passed with the baby.
Everything had healed in his head.
After leaving the hospital,
me and my baby moved back in with my mom.
One day, my mom came in from work and she told me
she seen Ray.
"I seen him riding down the street."
What are you talking about?
ANDREA: She told me there was another woman
on the back of Ray's moped.
She was pregnant.
When I heard that, at that moment,
I didn't give a damn. I didn't give a damn.
I had hatred for him.
There was no more love left.
That was over. I hated him. I didn't care.
But she was pregnant.
So as a mother, I wanted to call her to
let her know what type of danger she was in.
And she answered, I asked her was her name Tawana.
And she told me, yeah.
Well, now I need to tell you something about Ray.
ANDREA: She would hang that phone up.
[dial tone]
She didn't wanna talk, she didn't
wanna believe, she didn't wanna listen.
I tried Tawana, I tried calling back many
times, and she refused to take my calls.
I stopped calling, stopped trying.
It was hard letting it go,
because I feared, I knew in my heart,
that something big was about to happen.
ANDREA: I was at my mom's house.
The TV was on, and I heard the news, and they said that
a man had beat a baby to death,
and that he changed her, her little dress,
and I knew it was Ray.
I didn't hear his name, but I knew it was him.
[phone ringing]
I don't know how many minutes later, the phone rang,
and, um, it was Ray.
He said, "If I had had another baby,
you would never have anything to do with me again."
I didn't know what that meant.
What -- what do that mean?
And we were just silent, and I hung up the phone.
I just sat there and just, you know, cried a little bit.
Why would he do that to this baby?
She was only six weeks old.
Ray was charged with killing the baby,
and they let him out once again.
We had a child abuser on the loose.
Now we got a killer on the loose.
They let him out with my son, and they --
they let him out when he even killed a baby, he was out free.
And yeah, I feared for my life.
I feared that Ray would come for me,
because he hadn't finished what he wanted to do.
So a couple weeks after, I was listening to
the news, and I found out Tawana was dead.
Ray brought flowers to her house.
She answers the door, she receives the flowers,
she walked to put them in the vase,
and he shot her.
Hearing the news about him killing her,
and to hear about these flowers again,
it was always these flowers,
and it -- I started thinking about the one that he left.
Death is near.
I felt a chill, a horrible chill,
come all the way through my body.
To this day, I don't like flowers.
Flowers was always a part of everything.
I remember getting this paper, this journal,
and I just cried.
I couldn't even read the article.
I was just focusing in on her.
She was a pretty -- a pretty girl.
You know, and his fake smile, his smile was fake on here.
And I just -- it really bothered me.
I -- it took me a while before I even read the, um, article.
I just looked at her, and I just cried.
She said "I do" to this man.
She made one of the biggest steps that a woman can make.
She trusted him, just like I did.
She believed in him.
She beared a child for him, and he turned
around and took her life and her baby's life.
Evil has two faces.
It don't want to show you
right off the bat that it's evil.
It wants to hide, it wants to make sure you believe in them.
You don't know what a person have hidden inside of them.
He was of no good.
He was definitely a ticking time bomb.
That evening, I got a phone call.
I answered the phone.
A gentleman said, "Is this Andrea Bell?"
I say yes.
I started to shake, and he said, Ray Clark is here.
He shot himself, and he -- I found this on him.
There's a letter.
And he read the letter, and he told me he loved me forever,
infinity, and that he was sorry for everything that he had
ever done.
I was enraged, and I asked the police officer
would he put the phone to his ear?
I told Ray that I -- I wished him dead,
and I screamed, and right before I could finish,
the officer took the phone, and he said, "He's dead, he's gone."
You know, you have all these emotions inside of you.
I didn't have to run anymore.
I didn't have to hide anymore.
I didn't have to look over my shoulder.
I could go ahead and start living my life.
He was dead now.
That was total relief.
Looking back on my life and things that I went through,
it's hard to believe.
I overlooked all the red flags,
because I -- I wanted love.
I wanted to be loved, and I wanted my son to be loved.
You know, I had a hard walk.
It was long. It was painful.
But I made it through.
When my son got older,
we don't have a mother and son relationship.
He don't call me.
I haven't spoke to Ray in two years.
He don't want a relationship with me.
My son blames me
for his father taking his life.
I'm hoping that when Ray watches this,
that he understands my story.
This is the real story, and I'm sorry
it took me so long to tell you.
I pray that me and my son would
get back together, and everything would be okay.
I'll always love him, from the day that I had him,
it has never changed.
My love for him is forever,
and I'm waiting on that day to hear from my baby.
[crying quietly]
♪
It's very difficult to even say that my mom killed children.
I feel skin on my finger tips...
[gasps] sorry.
Panic attack.
[groans] I'm sorry.