1
00:00:36,168 --> 00:00:37,604
[LIGHTER CLICKS]

2
00:00:44,524 --> 00:00:46,570
[WINDING MUSIC BOX]

3
00:01:00,845 --> 00:01:03,152
[ALL OUT OF LOVEPLAYING]

4
00:01:24,216 --> 00:01:25,696
[SNIFFING]

5
00:01:33,704 --> 00:01:35,401
[BOTTLES CLATTERING]

6
00:02:14,048 --> 00:02:17,443
DEADPOOL: Fuck Wolverine.

7
00:02:17,487 --> 00:02:20,185
First, he rides my coattails
with the R rating.

8
00:02:20,229 --> 00:02:24,624
Then the hairy motherfucker
ups the ante by dying.

9
00:02:24,668 --> 00:02:26,844
What a dick.

10
00:02:26,887 --> 00:02:29,107
Well, guess what, Wolvie?

11
00:02:29,151 --> 00:02:31,979
I'm dying in this one, too.

12
00:02:32,023 --> 00:02:33,416
[X GOIN' GIVE IT
TO YAPLAYING]

13
00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:37,115
DEADPOOL: To understand
why I took a cat-nap

14
00:02:37,159 --> 00:02:39,248
on 1,200 gallons
of high-test fuel...

15
00:02:39,291 --> 00:02:40,640
I need to take you back

16
00:02:40,684 --> 00:02:43,121
to the dewy slopes
of six weeks ago.

17
00:02:43,165 --> 00:02:44,514
I'd gone international,

18
00:02:44,557 --> 00:02:46,472
taking out mass murderers,
gangsters,

19
00:02:46,516 --> 00:02:48,213
unspeakable monsters.

20
00:02:48,257 --> 00:02:51,216
People nobody would touch.
Except me.

21
00:02:51,260 --> 00:02:53,218
I'm gonna touch them all over.

22
00:02:53,262 --> 00:02:54,828
[CELL PHONE RINGING]

23
00:02:56,874 --> 00:02:58,789
DEADPOOL:
Hey, it's Gail calling.

24
00:02:58,832 --> 00:02:59,964
Love the shiny suit.

25
00:03:00,007 --> 00:03:01,748
Really brings out

26
00:03:01,792 --> 00:03:02,445
the sex trafficker
in your eyes.[SPEAKING CANTONESE]

27
00:03:04,925 --> 00:03:09,016
[IN ENGLISH] I don't
speak Cantonese, Mister...

28
00:03:09,060 --> 00:03:11,193
Well, I'm not even gonna
attempt that.

29
00:03:11,236 --> 00:03:13,717
But I did take
8th grade Spanish, so...
[SPEAKING SPANISH]

30
00:03:16,067 --> 00:03:18,896
Which literally
translates to...

31
00:03:18,939 --> 00:03:21,986
I don't bargain,
pumpkin fucker.

32
00:03:22,029 --> 00:03:23,074
[CELL PHONE CLATTERS]

33
00:03:26,338 --> 00:03:27,774
[WOMAN SCREAMING]

34
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:30,342
[GUNS COCKING]

35
00:03:31,735 --> 00:03:34,477
Oh. Oh, this isn't Gilbert's.

36
00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:35,782
I am so sorry.

37
00:03:35,826 --> 00:03:37,436
I thought this was
an anal-bleaching party.

38
00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:38,524
[GUNS FIRING]

39
00:03:38,568 --> 00:03:39,612
[GRUNTING]

40
00:03:43,355 --> 00:03:45,183
[BREATHING HEAVILY]

41
00:03:45,227 --> 00:03:46,402
[GASPS]

42
00:03:46,445 --> 00:03:47,707
[SHUSHING]

43
00:03:56,934 --> 00:03:58,283
[MEN LAUGHING]

44
00:04:00,024 --> 00:04:01,895
Don't worry.
You're not going to die.

45
00:04:01,939 --> 00:04:04,028
Although these will kill you.

46
00:04:04,071 --> 00:04:05,290
Hit it, Dolly.

47
00:04:05,334 --> 00:04:06,857
[9 TO 5PLAYING]

48
00:04:11,383 --> 00:04:12,558
[BOTH GRUNTING]

49
00:04:14,734 --> 00:04:15,735
[WOMAN SCREAMS]

50
00:04:25,571 --> 00:04:26,964
I'm merely
a vessel for the Lord.

51
00:04:33,449 --> 00:04:34,493
[MEN GROANING]

52
00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:40,804
Taking the hands out
of the guns of the criminals!

53
00:04:48,333 --> 00:04:50,857
Whoo! Do not go in there!

54
00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,649
Let's see
Captain America do that.

55
00:05:01,128 --> 00:05:02,304
[MEN CHEERING]

56
00:05:05,307 --> 00:05:06,351
[CROWD CHEERING]

57
00:05:08,614 --> 00:05:10,137
Too exotic?

58
00:05:31,071 --> 00:05:32,116
[SPEAKING SPANISH]

59
00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:36,555
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

60
00:05:38,078 --> 00:05:39,428
[ALL GRUNTING]

61
00:05:57,184 --> 00:05:58,447
[MUSIC CONTINUES]

62
00:06:32,306 --> 00:06:35,266
Oh, God! Oh, God,
time out! Time out!

63
00:06:35,309 --> 00:06:38,835
Cut. I've got bad guy blood,
right in my open eye.

64
00:06:38,878 --> 00:06:40,880
Oh, that's so gross.

65
00:06:40,924 --> 00:06:41,968
[GROANING]

66
00:06:42,012 --> 00:06:44,188
Fuck.

67
00:06:44,231 --> 00:06:46,103
Looks like you left
a little landing strip there.

68
00:06:46,146 --> 00:06:47,191
I like it.

69
00:06:52,326 --> 00:06:53,937
Oh, man!

70
00:06:58,289 --> 00:07:00,247
DEADPOOL: My world tour
brought me home

71
00:07:00,291 --> 00:07:02,728
to this guy,
Sergei Valishnikov.

72
00:07:02,772 --> 00:07:04,295
But we'll get to him
in a moment.

73
00:07:04,338 --> 00:07:05,775
'Cause I know
what you're thinking.

74
00:07:05,818 --> 00:07:08,560
"I'm so glad
I left the kiddos at home."

75
00:07:08,604 --> 00:07:10,301
But that's where
you'd be wrong.

76
00:07:10,344 --> 00:07:13,086
That babysitter of yours
is high as fuck right now...

77
00:07:13,130 --> 00:07:17,439
and, believe it or not,
Deadpool 2 is a family film.

78
00:07:17,482 --> 00:07:19,266
True story.

79
00:07:19,310 --> 00:07:22,487
And every good family film
starts with a vicious murder.

80
00:07:22,531 --> 00:07:25,621
Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.

81
00:07:25,664 --> 00:07:28,972
[CHUCKLING] Holy shit pickles! That guy's on fire.

82
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:31,931
That's not CGI, folks.
He's actually on fire.

83
00:07:31,975 --> 00:07:35,369
Yeah. You know I get paid
to take out bad guys, right?

84
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:36,632
But this guy?

85
00:07:36,675 --> 00:07:38,634
He was
one of the worst of 'em.

86
00:07:41,332 --> 00:07:42,855
Hurry up and open
this fucking door,

87
00:07:42,899 --> 00:07:44,030
and let's kill
this motherfucker!

88
00:07:44,074 --> 00:07:45,336
[ALARM RINGING][GUNSHOT]

89
00:07:45,379 --> 00:07:46,380
[BODY THUDS]

90
00:07:51,124 --> 00:07:53,170
Ugh. So gross.

91
00:07:53,213 --> 00:07:56,042
A panic room? Really?

92
00:07:56,086 --> 00:07:58,305
Can you come out?[WATCH BEEPING]

93
00:07:58,349 --> 00:08:01,439
I really have to go.
It's my anniversary.

94
00:08:03,963 --> 00:08:05,791
[GUNS COCKING]

95
00:08:07,358 --> 00:08:08,751
MAN: [ON RADIO]
Over and over,
I hear people say,

96
00:08:08,794 --> 00:08:10,361
"I just don't have
enough confidence."

97
00:08:10,404 --> 00:08:12,494
Listen, confidence is not
something you have.

98
00:08:12,537 --> 00:08:13,973
It's something you create.[LAUGHS]

99
00:08:14,017 --> 00:08:15,932
And you can create it
at any moment in time.

100
00:08:15,975 --> 00:08:17,673
A sense of confidence
is nothing

101
00:08:17,716 --> 00:08:19,457
but a sense of power
within yourself...

102
00:08:19,501 --> 00:08:21,024
a sense of certainty that
you can pull something off.

103
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:23,156
DEADPOOL:
Start the fucking car!

104
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:24,331
Dopinder!

105
00:08:24,375 --> 00:08:25,898
Start the fucking car!

106
00:08:26,508 --> 00:08:27,509
[SCREAMS]

107
00:08:30,599 --> 00:08:33,079
MAN: Shoot that motherfucker!
Shoot him!

108
00:08:33,123 --> 00:08:34,646
Whoo!Oh, I shit my pants.

109
00:08:34,690 --> 00:08:37,083
Actually, that may
have been me.

110
00:08:37,127 --> 00:08:38,389
Oh, mission accomplished?

111
00:08:38,432 --> 00:08:40,565
Oh, in a George W.
sort of way.

112
00:08:40,609 --> 00:08:42,306
Fucker can't stay
in a panic room forever.

113
00:08:42,349 --> 00:08:43,786
DOPINDER: Oh, you're living
the dreams, DP.

114
00:08:43,829 --> 00:08:46,005
It has been
quite the run, Dopinder,

115
00:08:46,049 --> 00:08:47,354
and who'da thought?

116
00:08:47,398 --> 00:08:49,835
Now I'm talked about
in the same sentence as Jesus.

117
00:08:49,879 --> 00:08:51,750
Passion of the Christ,then me.

118
00:08:51,794 --> 00:08:53,056
At least domestically.

119
00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:54,318
We beat them overseas,

120
00:08:54,361 --> 00:08:56,363
where there's no such thing
as religion.

121
00:08:56,407 --> 00:08:58,583
I do want to live
the dreams, Pool Boy.

122
00:08:58,627 --> 00:09:01,020
Taxiing is not as sexy
as it looks.

123
00:09:01,064 --> 00:09:02,848
I want to fill my...Pockets?

124
00:09:02,892 --> 00:09:06,112
What's your poison?
A little, uh, cokey cokey?

125
00:09:06,156 --> 00:09:07,505
Can't maintain an erection

126
00:09:07,549 --> 00:09:09,072
without buying shoes online?[HORN HONKS]

127
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:11,074
I've never experienced
that last one.

128
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:12,510
Talk to me, Goose.

129
00:09:12,554 --> 00:09:15,252
I was going to say "soul".
I want to fill my soul.

130
00:09:15,295 --> 00:09:18,385
I want to belong to something,
like you, Pool, sir.

131
00:09:18,429 --> 00:09:20,387
Dopinder...Hmm?

132
00:09:20,431 --> 00:09:22,259
You never cease
to surprise me.

133
00:09:23,565 --> 00:09:26,393
You know, the depth of
your heart is extraordinary.

134
00:09:26,437 --> 00:09:28,091
We all need
a sense of belonging.

135
00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:29,919
We all need
a genuine sense of home.

136
00:09:29,962 --> 00:09:31,094
A place in this world.

137
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:32,486
I want to become
a contract killer.

138
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:34,358
I'm sorry. What did you say?

139
00:09:34,401 --> 00:09:36,360
Remember when
I kidnapped Bandhu

140
00:09:36,403 --> 00:09:37,709
and threatened him
with great violence?

141
00:09:37,753 --> 00:09:39,363
You kind of killed him.

142
00:09:39,406 --> 00:09:40,973
And then remember the movie
Interview with the Vampire?

143
00:09:41,017 --> 00:09:42,192
Don't want to.

144
00:09:42,235 --> 00:09:43,323
When Tom Cruise fed

145
00:09:43,367 --> 00:09:45,195
10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst blood

146
00:09:45,238 --> 00:09:46,457
for the first time...

147
00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:48,894
and she looked up
at his smooth,

148
00:09:48,938 --> 00:09:51,157
handsome face and said...

149
00:09:51,941 --> 00:09:53,725
"I want some more."

150
00:09:53,769 --> 00:09:57,424
Oh, Pool, picture me,
a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.

151
00:09:58,469 --> 00:10:01,167
I'll never not picture that.

152
00:10:01,211 --> 00:10:02,995
But I can't wait
to never speak of this,

153
00:10:03,039 --> 00:10:05,084
as soon as possible.

154
00:10:05,128 --> 00:10:07,609
We're here.[BRAKES SCREECHING]

155
00:10:12,439 --> 00:10:14,354
[GROANS]

156
00:10:14,398 --> 00:10:16,400
Dopinder, it's me again.

157
00:10:16,443 --> 00:10:18,141
Look, a saner man
might discourage you

158
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:20,056
from joining
the deadly merc business...

159
00:10:20,099 --> 00:10:21,579
what, with your concave chest

160
00:10:21,623 --> 00:10:23,276
and your
paper towel tube arms.

161
00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:25,017
But you're an eagle...

162
00:10:25,061 --> 00:10:27,063
and goddamn it,
an eagle's gotta soar.

163
00:10:27,106 --> 00:10:28,499
You gotta grab those dreams,

164
00:10:28,542 --> 00:10:30,153
grab those dreams
by the dick tip...

165
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:31,720
and make it rain!

166
00:10:31,763 --> 00:10:33,678
I don't know what that means.

167
00:10:33,722 --> 00:10:35,680
Me neither.[BOTH LAUGH]

168
00:10:36,289 --> 00:10:37,769
I'm gonna see you...

169
00:10:37,813 --> 00:10:39,031
[EXCLAIMS]

170
00:10:39,075 --> 00:10:40,424
at the office.

171
00:10:40,990 --> 00:10:42,121
In the sky.

172
00:10:42,165 --> 00:10:43,296
You're my Tom Cruise!

173
00:10:43,340 --> 00:10:44,950
DEADPOOL:
And you're my Kristen Dunst!

174
00:10:44,994 --> 00:10:46,473
Kristen? Kirsten?

175
00:10:51,522 --> 00:10:53,132
Sorry I'm late.

176
00:10:53,176 --> 00:10:54,743
There was a bunch of

177
00:10:54,786 --> 00:10:56,875
handicapable children
stuck in a tree...

178
00:10:56,919 --> 00:10:58,442
and I had to, uh...Uh-uh.

179
00:10:58,485 --> 00:11:01,227
You're right.
I was fighting a caped badass.

180
00:11:01,271 --> 00:11:03,621
But then we discovered
his mom is named Martha, too.

181
00:11:03,665 --> 00:11:05,971
No.You got me.

182
00:11:06,015 --> 00:11:07,799
I was rounding up
all the gluten in the world

183
00:11:07,843 --> 00:11:09,061
and launching it into space...

184
00:11:09,105 --> 00:11:11,237
where it can't not
hurt us ever again.

185
00:11:11,281 --> 00:11:12,456
Try again.

186
00:11:13,022 --> 00:11:14,588
Diarrhea?

187
00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:16,242
We can't be sure
until I get this suit off...

188
00:11:17,330 --> 00:11:19,289
but, uh,
all signs point to yes.

189
00:11:21,204 --> 00:11:22,205
Traffic?

190
00:11:22,814 --> 00:11:23,859
Hmm?

191
00:11:25,077 --> 00:11:26,731
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.

192
00:11:26,775 --> 00:11:27,732
Well, come here.

193
00:11:29,734 --> 00:11:31,518
[TAKE ON MEPLAYING]

194
00:11:36,828 --> 00:11:39,439
[VANESSA MOANS]

195
00:11:39,483 --> 00:11:41,920
I'm gonna shower
and get out of this suit.

196
00:11:41,964 --> 00:11:43,139
Don't you want
your surprise?

197
00:11:43,182 --> 00:11:45,010
Do I look like
a patient burn victim?

198
00:11:45,794 --> 00:11:47,056
I got one for you, too.

199
00:11:48,187 --> 00:11:49,711
Happy anniversary, baby.

200
00:11:49,754 --> 00:11:51,321
Open, open, open.

201
00:11:53,323 --> 00:11:55,064
Skee-Ball token.

202
00:11:55,107 --> 00:11:56,500
Our first date.

203
00:11:56,543 --> 00:11:58,110
Yup.

204
00:11:58,154 --> 00:12:00,809
That's genuine,
high-grade lead.

205
00:12:03,725 --> 00:12:06,031
I'll keep it forever.[CHUCKLES]

206
00:12:06,075 --> 00:12:07,511
Thank you, baby.

207
00:12:09,121 --> 00:12:10,819
Open yours.All right, all right.

208
00:12:11,733 --> 00:12:13,038
Oh...

209
00:12:14,431 --> 00:12:16,302
That's just the most
beautiful thing that I've...

210
00:12:16,346 --> 00:12:17,739
I don't know
what this is.

211
00:12:17,782 --> 00:12:19,610
My IUD.

212
00:12:19,653 --> 00:12:20,829
A bomb?

213
00:12:20,872 --> 00:12:23,962
No, dick for brains.
My birth control device.

214
00:12:24,006 --> 00:12:25,094
What, you mean that your...

215
00:12:25,137 --> 00:12:26,878
Baby factory's open
for business.

216
00:12:26,922 --> 00:12:28,227
Oh, my God![BOX CLATTERS]

217
00:12:28,271 --> 00:12:31,535
[VANESSA LAUGHS]Oh, my God! I want a boy!

218
00:12:31,578 --> 00:12:34,668
Or a little girl!
Definitely one or the other!

219
00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:37,497
Oh! And I want our kid
to have only one name.

220
00:12:38,063 --> 00:12:41,327
Like Cher or Todd.

221
00:12:41,371 --> 00:12:43,155
You gotta pump a baby
in me first, cowboy.

222
00:12:43,199 --> 00:12:44,548
Yes, I do.

223
00:12:44,591 --> 00:12:46,071
Let's watch some porn
and show that bed who's boss.

224
00:12:46,115 --> 00:12:47,116
Let's do that.

225
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:50,467
♪ Papa...♪

226
00:12:50,510 --> 00:12:52,686
♪ Can you hear me?♪

227
00:12:54,123 --> 00:12:56,778
♪ Papa, can you see me?♪

228
00:12:56,821 --> 00:12:59,041
Does this song
sound familiar to you?

229
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:03,523
May.

230
00:13:03,567 --> 00:13:07,266
Connor, if it's a boy.
May, if it's a girl.

231
00:13:08,485 --> 00:13:09,878
[CHUCKLES]

232
00:13:09,921 --> 00:13:12,358
So weird.[LAUGHS]

233
00:13:12,402 --> 00:13:14,796
Family was always
an F-word to me.

234
00:13:16,319 --> 00:13:20,671
My pile of shit father
took off and bailed.

235
00:13:20,714 --> 00:13:22,934
I mean, it's not like I have
a lot of strong role models

236
00:13:22,978 --> 00:13:24,718
to draw off of for Todd.

237
00:13:25,894 --> 00:13:28,505
Hey. Look at me.

238
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:31,813
You are not your father.

239
00:13:33,553 --> 00:13:34,990
Besides...

240
00:13:35,033 --> 00:13:39,777
I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.

241
00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:41,823
But here's the thing,

242
00:13:41,866 --> 00:13:43,694
isn't that how
it always works?

243
00:13:43,737 --> 00:13:45,261
Like in Star Wars,

244
00:13:45,304 --> 00:13:48,003
men are destined
to become their father...

245
00:13:48,046 --> 00:13:51,136
and then have consensual sex
with their sister?

246
00:13:51,180 --> 00:13:54,487
I think you missed
big, big chunks of that movie.

247
00:13:54,531 --> 00:13:56,794
No, I'm pretty sure
Luke nailed her.

248
00:13:56,838 --> 00:13:58,883
Baby, that's Empire.

249
00:13:58,927 --> 00:14:01,538
The point is, kids...

250
00:14:03,018 --> 00:14:05,672
they give us a chance
to be better than we are.

251
00:14:06,499 --> 00:14:09,154
Better than we used to be.

252
00:14:09,198 --> 00:14:11,722
You're a lot smarter
than I look.

253
00:14:12,766 --> 00:14:14,420
I'm gonna go make dessert.

254
00:14:14,464 --> 00:14:18,903
You get the strap-on.
Let's make a super baby.

255
00:14:18,947 --> 00:14:22,341
Pretty sure it doesn't work
that way, but we can try.

256
00:14:22,385 --> 00:14:25,910
VANESSA: What about Krystal?
But with a "K"?

257
00:14:25,954 --> 00:14:27,912
[TIMER TICKING]It's too stripper-y.

258
00:14:27,956 --> 00:14:29,479
Kevin with a "K"!

259
00:14:29,522 --> 00:14:31,611
No, too stripper-y, too.

260
00:14:32,177 --> 00:14:34,092
Uh, Earl!

261
00:14:34,136 --> 00:14:36,486
[IN SLOW MOTION]
He's gonna go straight to jail

262
00:14:36,529 --> 00:14:38,749
if we name him Earl.

263
00:14:38,792 --> 00:14:40,664
What about Bruce?

264
00:14:41,665 --> 00:14:43,101
No.

265
00:14:43,145 --> 00:14:44,189
Get down.

266
00:14:44,233 --> 00:14:45,625
What?[GUN FIRES]

267
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:49,978
[ALL GRUNTING]

268
00:14:55,157 --> 00:14:57,420
[GUN FIRING]

269
00:15:14,524 --> 00:15:16,613
Baby? Baby?

270
00:15:16,656 --> 00:15:18,658
[BREATHING HEAVILY]

271
00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:21,574
I'm okay.

272
00:15:21,618 --> 00:15:24,273
Thank God I didn't have to use
the cream cheese spreader.

273
00:15:24,316 --> 00:15:25,883
[BOTH PANTING][GASPS]

274
00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:46,773
[INAUDIBLE]

275
00:15:58,872 --> 00:16:00,135
[MOUTHING] Please.

276
00:16:05,227 --> 00:16:07,055
Please. Please.

277
00:16:07,098 --> 00:16:10,275
Baby, I'm so sorry.

278
00:16:10,319 --> 00:16:14,105
No!

279
00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:21,765
[DINGS]

280
00:16:33,777 --> 00:16:35,213
[PANTING]

281
00:16:39,913 --> 00:16:42,351
[HORN BLARING][GRUNTS]

282
00:16:46,137 --> 00:16:47,921
[TIRES SCREECHING]

283
00:16:57,801 --> 00:16:58,802
[THUNDER RUMBLES]

284
00:17:01,022 --> 00:17:03,067
[BREATHING HEAVILY]

285
00:17:03,111 --> 00:17:04,199
[ENGINE STALLING]

286
00:17:06,810 --> 00:17:08,420
[YELLS]

287
00:17:26,090 --> 00:17:28,049
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]

288
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:35,708
[THUNDER RUMBLING]

289
00:17:38,668 --> 00:17:40,148
[HORN BLARES]

290
00:17:44,108 --> 00:17:46,110
[WOMAN SINGING]

291
00:19:18,637 --> 00:19:21,336
♪ Papa, can you hear me?♪

292
00:19:22,293 --> 00:19:24,077
Is it just me, or does

293
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:25,688
Do You Want to Build
a Snowman?from Frozen...

294
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:27,037
sound suspiciously like

295
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,039
Papa, Can You Hear Me?
from Yentl?

296
00:19:29,082 --> 00:19:30,345
[SNIFFLES]

297
00:19:30,388 --> 00:19:32,521
♪ Papa, can you hear me?♪

298
00:19:34,305 --> 00:19:36,916
And nobody
fucking realizes it.

299
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:38,527
Wade, you gotta go home.

300
00:19:38,570 --> 00:19:41,312
You've been sitting here
for three days, okay?

301
00:19:41,356 --> 00:19:45,055
You smell like sauerkraut
left in the warm rain.

302
00:19:45,098 --> 00:19:47,405
Like wet garbage
in hot urine.

303
00:19:47,449 --> 00:19:49,625
You smell like
a dog ate kitty litter...

304
00:19:49,668 --> 00:19:51,714
and then farted his way
out of the living room.

305
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:53,585
I mean, like Rush Limbaugh's

306
00:19:53,629 --> 00:19:55,457
couch cushions
after Shark Week.

307
00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:57,241
I love Frozen.

308
00:19:57,285 --> 00:20:00,853
I loved her. I loved her
like an ocean loves water.

309
00:20:00,897 --> 00:20:02,420
An ocean is water.

310
00:20:02,464 --> 00:20:07,208
More importantly, I liked her.
I really liked her, you know?

311
00:20:07,251 --> 00:20:08,383
George Michael was right.

312
00:20:08,426 --> 00:20:10,254
I'm never gonna
dance again. Fuck!

313
00:20:10,863 --> 00:20:11,864
He's dead, too.

314
00:20:13,039 --> 00:20:14,389
At least we still have Bowie.

315
00:20:14,432 --> 00:20:16,173
Oh, Mr. Pool.
David Bowie is...

316
00:20:16,217 --> 00:20:17,479
Uh, uh, uh...

317
00:20:17,522 --> 00:20:18,697
still with us.

318
00:20:18,741 --> 00:20:21,613
We do.
We'll always have Bowie.

319
00:20:22,223 --> 00:20:23,267
I'm sorry.

320
00:20:23,311 --> 00:20:24,747
Shot after shot,

321
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:26,618
it's not gonna change the fact
that I think you're...

322
00:20:26,662 --> 00:20:28,272
Are you pissing?
Are you urinating right now?

323
00:20:28,316 --> 00:20:31,232
You're making the face that
you make when you urinate.

324
00:20:31,275 --> 00:20:32,842
Is he pissing?I'm on it!

325
00:20:32,885 --> 00:20:34,365
There you go, Dopinder.

326
00:20:34,409 --> 00:20:36,454
If you want to be
a contract killer...

327
00:20:36,498 --> 00:20:39,065
you gotta handle a mop
before you handle a gun.

328
00:20:39,109 --> 00:20:40,153
Although I don't
quite understand

329
00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:41,764
how they are at all similar.

330
00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:43,896
'Cause I could shove either
one up your ass and kill you.

331
00:20:43,940 --> 00:20:45,071
Now, leave me.

332
00:20:45,115 --> 00:20:46,116
I get it.

333
00:20:46,638 --> 00:20:48,249
Go home, Wade.

334
00:20:48,292 --> 00:20:50,642
I don't have a home,
Weas, you know. I got a...

335
00:20:52,078 --> 00:20:53,471
Okay, I'm fine.

336
00:20:53,515 --> 00:20:54,646
I'm fine.

337
00:20:54,690 --> 00:20:56,518
You know what "fine"
stands for, Wade?

338
00:20:56,561 --> 00:21:00,304
Fucked up, insecure,
needy, and emotional.

339
00:21:00,348 --> 00:21:01,566
According to the...

340
00:21:02,915 --> 00:21:04,352
Kubler-Ross.Yeah.

341
00:21:04,395 --> 00:21:06,267
According to
the Kubler-Ross model...

342
00:21:06,310 --> 00:21:09,095
denial is just one of
the five stages of grief.

343
00:21:09,139 --> 00:21:11,489
Jesus Christ, Buck!

344
00:21:11,533 --> 00:21:13,448
No more speaking lines
for you.

345
00:21:16,189 --> 00:21:18,061
[LAUGHING]

346
00:21:18,104 --> 00:21:20,759
[JACK BENNY SCATTING ON RADIO]

347
00:21:20,803 --> 00:21:22,065
[COMEDY SERIES PLAYING
ON RADIO]

348
00:21:22,108 --> 00:21:24,459
THUG: [ON RADIO]
Hey, bud. Bud.

349
00:21:24,502 --> 00:21:26,591
JACK: Huh?THUG: Got a match?

350
00:21:26,635 --> 00:21:28,158
JACK: Match?

351
00:21:28,201 --> 00:21:29,681
Yes, I have one right here.

352
00:21:29,725 --> 00:21:31,074
THUG: Don't make a move.
This is a stick-up.

353
00:21:31,117 --> 00:21:32,858
JACK: What?THUG: You heard me.

354
00:21:32,902 --> 00:21:34,947
JACK: Mister, Mister,
put down that gun.

355
00:21:34,991 --> 00:21:37,602
THUG: Shut up. Now, come on.
Your money or your life?

356
00:21:37,646 --> 00:21:39,952
[SNIFFS][AUDIENCE LAUGHING ON RADIO]

357
00:21:45,784 --> 00:21:49,527
THUG: Look, bud. I said,
"Your money or your life."

358
00:21:49,571 --> 00:21:50,876
"I'm thinking it over!"

359
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,313
Motherfuck!

360
00:21:52,356 --> 00:21:53,401
Fuck!

361
00:21:54,402 --> 00:21:55,533
[SIGHS IN RELIEF]

362
00:21:56,404 --> 00:21:57,883
The hell you doin' here?

363
00:21:57,927 --> 00:22:00,016
Don't you know how to knock?

364
00:22:00,059 --> 00:22:01,974
I thought you saw me...

365
00:22:02,018 --> 00:22:03,541
with your ears.

366
00:22:03,585 --> 00:22:04,629
You're lucky I didn't
shoot you in the...

367
00:22:04,673 --> 00:22:05,717
The wall?

368
00:22:05,761 --> 00:22:09,155
The refrigerator?
I'm in so much pain.

369
00:22:11,941 --> 00:22:13,551
BLIND AL: I heard the news,
sweetie.

370
00:22:13,595 --> 00:22:15,684
I'm very sorry. I am.

371
00:22:15,727 --> 00:22:17,642
What am I gonna do, Al?

372
00:22:17,686 --> 00:22:19,383
Probably something terrible.

373
00:22:20,558 --> 00:22:21,951
Knowing you.

374
00:22:21,994 --> 00:22:23,518
It was my fault.

375
00:22:24,736 --> 00:22:27,435
I fucking did this.

376
00:22:27,478 --> 00:22:29,350
And all I wanna do
is grab her and see her

377
00:22:29,393 --> 00:22:31,352
and tell her that I'm sorry,
and I can't.

378
00:22:33,354 --> 00:22:35,007
She's gone.

379
00:22:35,051 --> 00:22:38,837
BLIND AL: Sweetheart,
can you speak up?

380
00:22:38,881 --> 00:22:40,143
It's a little hard
to hear you

381
00:22:40,186 --> 00:22:41,884
with that pity dick
in your mouth.

382
00:22:41,927 --> 00:22:44,974
Now, look, sugar.
You need to just keep living.

383
00:22:45,017 --> 00:22:46,323
Thank you...

384
00:22:46,367 --> 00:22:49,370
Matthew McConaughey,
your words are a treasure.

385
00:22:49,413 --> 00:22:51,459
Listen to the pain.

386
00:22:51,502 --> 00:22:54,287
It's both history teacher
and fortune teller.

387
00:22:54,331 --> 00:22:57,943
Pain teaches us
who we are, Wade.

388
00:22:57,987 --> 00:23:01,860
Sometimes, it's so bad,
we feel like we're dying.

389
00:23:01,904 --> 00:23:04,602
But we can't really live till
we've died a little, can we?

390
00:23:07,126 --> 00:23:08,345
Wade?

391
00:23:10,782 --> 00:23:12,958
Wade?I'm right here, Althea.

392
00:23:13,002 --> 00:23:15,613
And that is
the most beautiful thing

393
00:23:15,657 --> 00:23:16,875
I've ever heard.

394
00:23:17,615 --> 00:23:19,182
And you're absolutely right.

395
00:23:21,924 --> 00:23:23,012
[COUGHS]

396
00:23:23,055 --> 00:23:25,406
I'm about to do
something terrible.

397
00:23:27,146 --> 00:23:28,583
[BLUES ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

398
00:23:31,455 --> 00:23:32,717
DEADPOOL:
Precious, aren't they?

399
00:23:33,544 --> 00:23:34,980
Whoa!

400
00:23:35,024 --> 00:23:36,460
Are you a superhero?

401
00:23:36,504 --> 00:23:38,201
Fucking A, sweetie.

402
00:23:38,244 --> 00:23:39,811
What's your name?

403
00:23:39,855 --> 00:23:41,639
Captain Delicious Pants.

404
00:23:41,683 --> 00:23:43,859
Who's Captain Delicious Pants?

405
00:23:45,643 --> 00:23:47,689
[KIDS SCREAMING][ANIMAL GROWLING]

406
00:24:09,232 --> 00:24:11,234
I can't believe
he's still alive.

407
00:24:11,277 --> 00:24:13,758
I can't believe you left
the house in that shirt.

408
00:24:15,238 --> 00:24:17,196
There's gotta be
some way to die.

409
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,285
I just need to die harder.

410
00:24:19,329 --> 00:24:20,548
Trademark Fox.

411
00:24:20,591 --> 00:24:21,592
Y'all caught up now?

412
00:24:30,862 --> 00:24:33,474
[OVERLAPPING VOICES]

413
00:24:34,866 --> 00:24:36,520
VANESSA: Open for business.

414
00:24:36,564 --> 00:24:38,827
[OVERLAPPING VOICES CONTINUE]

415
00:24:40,393 --> 00:24:42,526
WADE: Your crazy
matches my crazy.

416
00:24:42,570 --> 00:24:44,702
VANESSA: I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.

417
00:24:44,746 --> 00:24:46,008
WADE: Skee-Ball token.

418
00:24:46,051 --> 00:24:47,009
You're a lot smarter
than I look.

419
00:24:47,575 --> 00:24:49,272
[VOICES ECHOING]

420
00:24:53,232 --> 00:24:54,495
WADE: About why
we're so good together.

421
00:24:54,538 --> 00:24:55,713
VANESSA: I love you,
Wade Wilson.

422
00:24:55,757 --> 00:24:57,236
[GASPS]

423
00:24:58,368 --> 00:24:59,761
WADE: Ness?

424
00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:02,372
Ness?

425
00:25:03,199 --> 00:25:04,766
Ness.

426
00:25:04,809 --> 00:25:07,508
Ness, there's something here.
I can't get to you.

427
00:25:09,205 --> 00:25:11,729
Your heart's not
in the right place.

428
00:25:11,773 --> 00:25:14,427
[STAMMERS]
Wait, hold on. What?

429
00:25:14,471 --> 00:25:16,560
Your heart's not
in the right place.

430
00:25:16,604 --> 00:25:17,996
Wait. What do you mean

431
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:19,084
my heart's not in the right
place? What does it...

432
00:25:19,128 --> 00:25:20,564
[TIMER TICKING]

433
00:25:22,610 --> 00:25:23,567
[TIMER DINGS]

434
00:25:39,235 --> 00:25:41,759
I'm terribly sorry
for your loss, Wade.

435
00:25:42,238 --> 00:25:43,369
You're broken.

436
00:25:43,413 --> 00:25:46,372
DEADPOOL: Oh, God.
I know that voice.

437
00:26:07,437 --> 00:26:08,873
HEADMASTER: Well, Russell.

438
00:26:08,917 --> 00:26:11,572
I hear you're handy
at picking locks.

439
00:26:12,964 --> 00:26:15,184
There will be no need
for that here.

440
00:26:15,227 --> 00:26:18,535
There's no locks on our doors,
no bars on our windows.

441
00:26:19,884 --> 00:26:21,930
I know what you're thinking.

442
00:26:21,973 --> 00:26:24,628
Why don't the kids just run?

443
00:26:24,672 --> 00:26:27,631
Who would choose to stay
in such a place?

444
00:26:27,675 --> 00:26:30,155
You stay because...

445
00:26:30,199 --> 00:26:34,943
deep down inside, you know
you're unfit to leave.

446
00:26:38,729 --> 00:26:40,339
Don't worry.

447
00:26:41,514 --> 00:26:43,168
We can fix that.

448
00:26:47,999 --> 00:26:51,742
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand.

449
00:27:13,721 --> 00:27:15,418
DEADPOOL:
"Heart's in the right place."

450
00:27:15,461 --> 00:27:16,898
"Heart's in the right..."
What does that mean?

451
00:27:16,941 --> 00:27:18,856
COLOSSUS:
Take your mask off, Wade.

452
00:27:18,900 --> 00:27:20,597
I wish you'd said "pants".

453
00:27:20,641 --> 00:27:21,859
Let's play a game.

454
00:27:21,903 --> 00:27:24,427
It's called
"Adrien Brody or Adam Brody?".

455
00:27:24,470 --> 00:27:26,821
Now, close your eyes
and open your mouth.

456
00:27:26,864 --> 00:27:28,692
COLOSSUS: You don't need
to be funny here.

457
00:27:29,301 --> 00:27:30,563
We must talk.

458
00:27:30,607 --> 00:27:33,088
You need fresh start.[GROANS]

459
00:27:33,131 --> 00:27:34,698
Such a glare.

460
00:27:34,742 --> 00:27:37,005
It's like I'm on stage
at the Gaiety.

461
00:27:37,048 --> 00:27:39,660
With training,
you can be X-Man.

462
00:27:39,703 --> 00:27:41,792
You're wasting your time,
Shiny Jesus.

463
00:27:41,836 --> 00:27:43,141
I'm not X-Man material.

464
00:27:43,185 --> 00:27:44,752
Understatement of the year.

465
00:27:45,230 --> 00:27:46,231
Wade, Yukio.

466
00:27:46,710 --> 00:27:48,625
Yukio, Wade.

467
00:27:48,669 --> 00:27:50,758
What in the fuck knuckles
is this?

468
00:27:50,801 --> 00:27:53,456
She's my girlfriend,
you intolerant shit.

469
00:27:53,499 --> 00:27:55,327
Whoa! Pump the hate brakes,
Fox & Friends.

470
00:27:55,371 --> 00:27:57,242
I'm just surprised
anyone would date you.

471
00:27:57,286 --> 00:27:59,897
Especially Pinkie Pie
from My Little Pony.

472
00:27:59,941 --> 00:28:01,769
I like this guy.

473
00:28:01,812 --> 00:28:03,901
Give him a chance.

474
00:28:03,945 --> 00:28:05,033
It's great seeing you
like this.

475
00:28:05,076 --> 00:28:07,252
[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY] Yeah.

476
00:28:07,731 --> 00:28:09,037
Bye, Wade!

477
00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:11,561
Now, some ground rules
while under our roof.

478
00:28:11,604 --> 00:28:14,390
"Rule number one.
No killing...

479
00:28:14,433 --> 00:28:17,872
"anyone ever,
no matter how bad.

480
00:28:17,915 --> 00:28:20,570
"Rule two. Label everything
in refrigerator."

481
00:28:20,613 --> 00:28:21,614
Wade?

482
00:28:22,485 --> 00:28:23,747
Wade?

483
00:28:23,791 --> 00:28:25,618
Don't try to chase me.Wade!

484
00:28:25,662 --> 00:28:27,751
I'm not ready
to be touched again.

485
00:28:27,795 --> 00:28:30,014
All these old guys
on the wall.

486
00:28:30,058 --> 00:28:32,147
Who lives here,
Calista Flockhart?

487
00:28:33,061 --> 00:28:34,410
[OBJECTS SHATTERING]

488
00:28:34,453 --> 00:28:37,369
Those were already damaged
after they fell there!

489
00:28:37,413 --> 00:28:39,284
What am I supposed
to do around here, anyway?

490
00:28:39,328 --> 00:28:41,591
Sit in a share circle,
talk about my feelings?

491
00:28:41,634 --> 00:28:44,507
And how would I
do that exactly?

492
00:28:44,550 --> 00:28:46,988
'Cause where the fuck
is everyone?

493
00:28:47,031 --> 00:28:48,250
It's always just you

494
00:28:48,293 --> 00:28:49,599
and Negasonic Teenage
Longest Name Ever...

495
00:28:49,642 --> 00:28:50,861
Enough!

496
00:28:50,905 --> 00:28:52,733
[GASPS] I said no touching!

497
00:28:54,517 --> 00:28:57,781
What the fuck?

498
00:28:57,825 --> 00:29:00,001
You'd think the studio
would throw us a bone.

499
00:29:00,044 --> 00:29:02,873
One that doesn't end up
in my mouth.

500
00:29:02,917 --> 00:29:04,092
The first movie
made more money

501
00:29:04,135 --> 00:29:06,485
than the guy
who invented pants.

502
00:29:06,529 --> 00:29:08,705
They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?

503
00:29:08,749 --> 00:29:10,838
How 'bout that putz
with the giant pigeon wings?

504
00:29:10,881 --> 00:29:12,187
What do those do anyway, huh?

505
00:29:12,230 --> 00:29:13,710
Carry him
three feet off the ground

506
00:29:13,754 --> 00:29:15,799
to snatch up
the nearest muffin crumb?

507
00:29:15,843 --> 00:29:18,019
[DOORS CLOSE]No, no, no!

508
00:29:18,062 --> 00:29:20,804
I am not X-Man material
at all.

509
00:29:20,848 --> 00:29:23,502
First off...
[BREATHES DEEPLY]

510
00:29:23,546 --> 00:29:25,591
I'm not even a virgin.
Second and more... [GROANS]

511
00:29:26,288 --> 00:29:27,768
[GRUNTS]

512
00:29:27,811 --> 00:29:28,856
I should have left you

513
00:29:28,899 --> 00:29:30,640
in the self-pitying mess
I found you in.

514
00:29:30,683 --> 00:29:33,774
But this is what friends do.
They show up!

515
00:29:33,817 --> 00:29:35,819
Not when convenient or easy.

516
00:29:35,863 --> 00:29:40,171
When hard,
and you always make it hard.

517
00:29:40,215 --> 00:29:42,695
[BREATHING HEAVILY]You are unwell.

518
00:29:42,739 --> 00:29:44,828
I'm sticking my neck out
bringing you here.

519
00:29:44,872 --> 00:29:46,787
[STRAINING] Wait.
One of the assholes

520
00:29:46,830 --> 00:29:48,310
who killed Vanessa got away.

521
00:29:49,050 --> 00:29:50,138
[GRUNTS]

522
00:29:50,878 --> 00:29:53,054
Oh, Jesus Christ!

523
00:29:53,097 --> 00:29:54,969
I thought you were gonna
kiss me for a second there.

524
00:29:55,012 --> 00:29:56,927
Please know I wouldn't be
able to stop you if you did.

525
00:29:56,971 --> 00:29:59,016
Wade, whoever they are...

526
00:29:59,060 --> 00:30:01,410
we track them down
and bring them to justice.

527
00:30:01,976 --> 00:30:03,412
It was me.

528
00:30:06,241 --> 00:30:08,896
I'm the asshole who got away.

529
00:30:08,939 --> 00:30:12,073
I killed every last one
of them, except me.

530
00:30:12,116 --> 00:30:13,814
Couldn't kill me.

531
00:30:16,947 --> 00:30:18,949
We were gonna start a family.

532
00:30:20,777 --> 00:30:22,735
We were, uh... [SNIFFLES]

533
00:30:22,779 --> 00:30:23,911
[CLEARS THROAT]

534
00:30:23,954 --> 00:30:25,695
We were gonna be a family.

535
00:30:26,478 --> 00:30:27,610
COLOSSUS: Wade...

536
00:30:27,653 --> 00:30:30,439
Vanessa is gone.
She's not coming back.

537
00:30:32,006 --> 00:30:34,356
This may not be
family you want...

538
00:30:34,399 --> 00:30:36,837
but it's family you need.

539
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:38,142
You have a good heart.

540
00:30:38,186 --> 00:30:39,752
It belongs here
where it can grow.

541
00:30:41,537 --> 00:30:42,538
What did you say?

542
00:30:44,583 --> 00:30:45,889
About my heart?

543
00:30:49,850 --> 00:30:51,286
[EXHALES]

544
00:30:51,329 --> 00:30:53,331
I think
I'm in the right place.

545
00:31:03,341 --> 00:31:04,908
[GRUNTS]

546
00:31:50,736 --> 00:31:52,042
[INAUDIBLE]

547
00:31:56,612 --> 00:31:58,135
[SCREAMING]

548
00:32:01,138 --> 00:32:03,967
MAN: I'mma tell you
what the big lie is.

549
00:32:04,011 --> 00:32:05,621
[ESCAPEPLAYING ON RADIO]Toilet paper.

550
00:32:05,664 --> 00:32:07,057
What's so bad
about toilet paper?

551
00:32:07,101 --> 00:32:08,319
Gets the job done.

552
00:32:08,363 --> 00:32:11,235
Does it really
get the job done?

553
00:32:11,279 --> 00:32:13,498
All right. Say you wake up
tomorrow morning...

554
00:32:13,542 --> 00:32:18,242
and, hypothetically, find some
fresh shit on your face.

555
00:32:18,286 --> 00:32:19,983
Your cheek, maybe
a little bit in the beard.

556
00:32:20,027 --> 00:32:21,724
What the hell?
I'm about to be fucking sick!

557
00:32:21,767 --> 00:32:22,855
What do you do?

558
00:32:22,899 --> 00:32:24,205
Do you go to a bathroom

559
00:32:24,248 --> 00:32:25,946
and tear off
a piece of dry tissue...

560
00:32:25,989 --> 00:32:27,860
and rub it around
on your beard a little bit

561
00:32:27,904 --> 00:32:29,471
and then go on,
get on with your day?

562
00:32:29,514 --> 00:32:31,125
Go to church,
maybe dinner and a movie,

563
00:32:31,168 --> 00:32:32,300
like nothing happened?

564
00:32:32,343 --> 00:32:33,736
Where is this
coming from, man?

565
00:32:33,779 --> 00:32:34,998
But something did happen.

566
00:32:35,042 --> 00:32:36,521
Your face smells like shit.
Right?

567
00:32:36,565 --> 00:32:38,132
So what you would do,

568
00:32:38,175 --> 00:32:40,438
is you would get some soap,
you'd get some hot water...

569
00:32:40,482 --> 00:32:42,832
and you would scrub
the fucking shit

570
00:32:42,875 --> 00:32:44,877
out of your beard
for 10 straight minutes.

571
00:32:44,921 --> 00:32:46,618
You could not
scrub it enough.

572
00:32:46,662 --> 00:32:48,316
Are you trying
to make me feel disgusting?

573
00:32:48,359 --> 00:32:49,578
I'm starting to feel...

574
00:32:49,621 --> 00:32:52,320
Toilet paper is
a pretty fine appetizer.

575
00:32:52,363 --> 00:32:54,670
But, then...

576
00:32:54,713 --> 00:32:57,020
Huggies Natural Care
wet wipes.

577
00:32:57,064 --> 00:32:58,456
That's your main course.

578
00:32:58,500 --> 00:33:02,417
They're soft, they're moist.
They're for babies.

579
00:33:02,460 --> 00:33:05,246
Finally, one more pass
with toilet paper,

580
00:33:05,289 --> 00:33:07,204
maybe clear out
that excess moisture.

581
00:33:07,248 --> 00:33:08,901
Maybe treat yourself
to a blow and go,

582
00:33:08,945 --> 00:33:10,251
if you can get you
a hair dryer.

583
00:33:10,294 --> 00:33:12,644
Just about 30 seconds
would do you good.

584
00:33:16,344 --> 00:33:17,345
The fuck?

585
00:33:18,607 --> 00:33:19,651
Year.

586
00:33:20,652 --> 00:33:21,653
What?

587
00:33:22,872 --> 00:33:24,526
What year is it?

588
00:33:24,569 --> 00:33:27,007
What kind of dumbass question
is that to ask?

589
00:33:33,361 --> 00:33:36,320
[ESCAPECONTINUES
PLAYING ON RADIO]

590
00:33:41,064 --> 00:33:42,718
[ALARM RINGING]

591
00:33:44,111 --> 00:33:46,243
[SIRENS APPROACHING]

592
00:33:57,776 --> 00:34:00,562
INSTRUCTOR: We have 8 weeks of boot camp ahead of us, men.

593
00:34:00,605 --> 00:34:01,954
That'll get us
toned and prepared

594
00:34:01,998 --> 00:34:03,565
for all manner of combat.

595
00:34:05,654 --> 00:34:09,875
Not working out at all.

596
00:34:09,919 --> 00:34:11,573
Masking tape.

597
00:34:11,616 --> 00:34:13,966
It is no friend
to chilled aluminum.

598
00:34:15,055 --> 00:34:17,057
Velcro.
Color-coded, efficient,

599
00:34:17,100 --> 00:34:18,145
environmentally friendly.

600
00:34:18,928 --> 00:34:20,495
Who is he talking to?

601
00:34:20,538 --> 00:34:22,192
And why is he dressed like
a registered sex offender?

602
00:34:22,236 --> 00:34:24,238
Can we focus
for a moment, ladies?

603
00:34:24,281 --> 00:34:26,588
Please, we need to talk about
next month's meal plan.

604
00:34:26,631 --> 00:34:28,416
Obviously,
everyone hated the ceviche.

605
00:34:28,459 --> 00:34:29,808
I read the suggestion box.

606
00:34:29,852 --> 00:34:31,462
I'm gonna stop you
right there.

607
00:34:31,506 --> 00:34:33,508
I see through this weak act.

608
00:34:33,551 --> 00:34:37,903
You may have fooled Colossus
with this nice guy shit...

609
00:34:37,947 --> 00:34:39,122
but not me.

610
00:34:39,166 --> 00:34:40,254
Don't be mean.

611
00:34:40,297 --> 00:34:41,646
Back off, NTW.

612
00:34:41,690 --> 00:34:43,909
No, no, no. Let her go.

613
00:34:43,953 --> 00:34:45,128
Let her go, it's okay.

614
00:34:45,172 --> 00:34:46,738
She has a right
to be skeptical.

615
00:34:46,782 --> 00:34:49,393
Look at me.
I'm an easy target.

616
00:34:50,568 --> 00:34:51,961
You know, historically,

617
00:34:52,004 --> 00:34:53,919
mischief has been
my mistress...

618
00:34:53,963 --> 00:34:56,618
so I understand, you know.
But I like to think...

619
00:34:58,228 --> 00:35:01,536
that you guys have
really rubbed off on me.

620
00:35:01,579 --> 00:35:03,581
I like to think that I've
rubbed off around you, too.

621
00:35:05,627 --> 00:35:07,585
A lot.

622
00:35:07,629 --> 00:35:10,284
And for the first time
in a long while...

623
00:35:10,327 --> 00:35:11,502
I like me.

624
00:35:13,722 --> 00:35:16,246
I accept your apology.I never apologized.

625
00:35:16,290 --> 00:35:17,856
I was talking to your heart.

626
00:35:17,900 --> 00:35:20,294
See? You're not
lost cause you thought.

627
00:35:20,337 --> 00:35:23,558
I'm proud. You're everything
I knew you can be.

628
00:35:23,601 --> 00:35:25,603
Thank you, Colossus.

629
00:35:25,647 --> 00:35:27,257
Just trying to be
the world's best X-Man.

630
00:35:27,301 --> 00:35:28,737
Sorry, X-Person.

631
00:35:30,304 --> 00:35:33,002
Hmm. Something wrong
with the soap.

632
00:35:33,045 --> 00:35:34,656
It's fine.

633
00:35:34,699 --> 00:35:36,919
I just filled it. Give it
a few more pumps there.

634
00:35:38,138 --> 00:35:40,618
Now, if you'll excuse me...

635
00:35:40,662 --> 00:35:42,446
it's dust bunny season...

636
00:35:42,490 --> 00:35:43,491
and I'm hunting wabbits.

637
00:35:44,231 --> 00:35:45,319
Bye, Wade!

638
00:35:47,495 --> 00:35:50,062
[MOUTHING] Fuck.[MOUTHING] Fuck you.

639
00:35:56,199 --> 00:35:57,679
[BELL CONTINUES RINGING]

640
00:35:59,681 --> 00:36:01,683
[BELL STOPS RINGING]

641
00:36:01,726 --> 00:36:04,294
HEADMASTER:
No one is born perfect.

642
00:36:04,338 --> 00:36:06,340
But you can be.

643
00:36:06,383 --> 00:36:08,733
I know you're doing
what comes naturally.

644
00:36:13,042 --> 00:36:14,870
You can't help yourself.

645
00:36:18,743 --> 00:36:20,832
But you can.

646
00:36:20,876 --> 00:36:23,966
It takes work, discipline...

647
00:36:24,009 --> 00:36:25,228
and treatment.

648
00:36:25,272 --> 00:36:26,969
Your abilities...

649
00:36:28,927 --> 00:36:31,713
I know how seductive they are.

650
00:36:31,756 --> 00:36:34,890
How powerful
they make you feel.

651
00:36:34,933 --> 00:36:37,458
But you must learn
never to use them...

652
00:36:37,501 --> 00:36:40,112
so they will never use you.

653
00:36:43,725 --> 00:36:44,943
[CRYING]

654
00:36:46,336 --> 00:36:47,946
Please don't cry.

655
00:36:48,773 --> 00:36:50,384
I'm going to help.

656
00:36:50,427 --> 00:36:53,604
I'm gonna make you feel
what you should feel.

657
00:36:53,648 --> 00:36:56,172
How you need to feel...

658
00:36:56,216 --> 00:36:59,567
every time you're tempted
to act upon your urges.

659
00:36:59,610 --> 00:37:03,527
Suck my mutant dick,
you four-eyed fuck.

660
00:37:06,095 --> 00:37:08,053
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING][GRUNTING]

661
00:37:13,494 --> 00:37:14,495
[SCREAMS]

662
00:37:17,933 --> 00:37:19,151
COLOSSUS: Wade.

663
00:37:20,152 --> 00:37:21,719
Wade!

664
00:37:21,763 --> 00:37:23,852
Come in!
Hey, I was just doing

665
00:37:23,895 --> 00:37:25,810
a little bit
of light reading here...

666
00:37:25,854 --> 00:37:27,290
We have mission.

667
00:37:27,334 --> 00:37:28,857
Well, you guys be
safe out there.

668
00:37:28,900 --> 00:37:30,162
I'll be praying for you.

669
00:37:30,206 --> 00:37:32,600
No, I want you to join.

670
00:37:33,818 --> 00:37:34,993
I'm sorry, what?

671
00:37:35,037 --> 00:37:36,647
You heard me.

672
00:37:36,691 --> 00:37:39,084
Trust me,
that's a terrible idea.

673
00:37:39,128 --> 00:37:40,216
I'm really not ready.

674
00:37:40,260 --> 00:37:41,957
You are ready.I'm not.

675
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:43,872
Be at the X-Jet in five.

676
00:37:43,915 --> 00:37:45,090
I can do thirty.

677
00:37:45,134 --> 00:37:47,092
Now.I can do now.

678
00:37:47,136 --> 00:37:48,355
Final offer.

679
00:37:48,398 --> 00:37:50,966
REPORTER: Irene Merryweather, WHIT News.

680
00:37:51,009 --> 00:37:53,011
Live here
at a breaking news situation

681
00:37:53,055 --> 00:37:55,710
at the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation.

682
00:37:55,753 --> 00:37:57,712
A mutant boy
is appearing to have

683
00:37:57,755 --> 00:37:59,235
some sort of an incident...

684
00:37:59,279 --> 00:38:00,758
with police here behind me.RUSSELL: Get away from me!

685
00:38:00,802 --> 00:38:03,239
There are two police vehicles
that are overturned.

686
00:38:03,283 --> 00:38:04,719
There are open fires.Fuck off! Stay back!

687
00:38:04,762 --> 00:38:05,807
REPORTER: A scene of
absolute chaos here.

688
00:38:05,850 --> 00:38:06,982
OFFICER: Calm down.

689
00:38:07,025 --> 00:38:09,637
RUSSELL: I'll burn you!
You stay back!

690
00:38:10,377 --> 00:38:12,161
Get away from me!

691
00:38:12,204 --> 00:38:14,685
You wanna fucking die?
[BREATHING HEAVILY]

692
00:38:29,700 --> 00:38:32,921
And it appears as if the X-Men
are arriving...

693
00:38:32,964 --> 00:38:34,488
DEADPOOL: Scatter!

694
00:38:34,531 --> 00:38:36,533
REPORTER: ...with what appears
to be a trainee.

695
00:38:36,577 --> 00:38:39,580
DEADPOOL: Everyone, calm down!
The pros are here. I...

696
00:38:39,623 --> 00:38:40,798
We're the X-Men!

697
00:38:40,842 --> 00:38:43,366
A dated metaphor for racism
in the '60s.

698
00:38:43,410 --> 00:38:45,934
So, respect.

699
00:38:45,977 --> 00:38:47,239
At ease, Officer.

700
00:38:48,806 --> 00:38:50,330
What are you doing?

701
00:38:50,808 --> 00:38:52,114
My job!

702
00:38:52,157 --> 00:38:53,550
You're the one who said
I was ready,

703
00:38:53,594 --> 00:38:55,117
and I frankly disagreed
with you.

704
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:57,554
But here we are, trying to
overcome our differences.

705
00:38:57,598 --> 00:39:00,035
Like Beyonce says, "Please...

706
00:39:00,862 --> 00:39:02,254
"Please, stop cheating on me."

707
00:39:02,298 --> 00:39:03,386
OFFICER: Hey!

708
00:39:03,430 --> 00:39:04,822
This is the fifth incident.

709
00:39:04,866 --> 00:39:07,085
This kid needs to be
in the Ice Box, not here.

710
00:39:07,129 --> 00:39:08,783
Russell belongs in our care.

711
00:39:08,826 --> 00:39:10,611
Not in prison.
I assure you...

712
00:39:10,654 --> 00:39:11,786
we have everything
under control.

713
00:39:11,829 --> 00:39:12,917
RUSSELL: Stay back!
I'll burn you!

714
00:39:12,961 --> 00:39:14,179
Not getting a real

715
00:39:14,223 --> 00:39:16,312
"under control"
vibe here, Marty.

716
00:39:16,356 --> 00:39:18,401
It is Glen, isn't it?Daniel.

717
00:39:18,445 --> 00:39:19,663
I'll ask the questions,
Miguel.

718
00:39:19,707 --> 00:39:21,056
Let me talk to the kid.

719
00:39:21,099 --> 00:39:25,930
You stay here with your weird,
secret sex lips.

720
00:39:27,671 --> 00:39:28,716
RUSSELL: You wanna die?

721
00:39:28,759 --> 00:39:29,934
DEADPOOL: This kid's adorable.

722
00:39:29,978 --> 00:39:30,979
I don't know why I packed
the hollow points.

723
00:39:31,022 --> 00:39:32,197
I'll burn your balls off!

724
00:39:32,241 --> 00:39:35,592
First day. [CHUCKLING]
I'm so nervous!

725
00:39:35,636 --> 00:39:37,202
Did you just say
"hollow points"?

726
00:39:37,246 --> 00:39:38,595
Yeah, probably should've

727
00:39:38,639 --> 00:39:40,684
brought a Super Soaker.
[LAUGHS]

728
00:39:41,250 --> 00:39:42,251
Hi, there!

729
00:39:43,513 --> 00:39:46,037
Stay back
or Justin Bieber dies!

730
00:39:46,081 --> 00:39:49,563
[LAUGHS] Justin Bieber.
He called you Justin Bieber.

731
00:39:50,955 --> 00:39:52,609
[RUSSELL GRUNTS]Hold on! Wait, wait, wait!

732
00:39:52,653 --> 00:39:55,786
Okay, let's not do
whatever that is.

733
00:39:55,830 --> 00:39:57,353
Okay? Let's just talk!

734
00:39:57,397 --> 00:39:59,007
It's Russell, right?

735
00:39:59,050 --> 00:40:01,313
Firefist.Firefist.

736
00:40:01,357 --> 00:40:03,577
Ooh, that's a great name.
Where does it burn?

737
00:40:03,620 --> 00:40:05,056
Just the fist, or all the way
up to the elbow?

738
00:40:06,014 --> 00:40:07,276
[GRUNTS]

739
00:40:08,756 --> 00:40:10,061
[CROWD EXCLAIMS]

740
00:40:10,105 --> 00:40:12,760
[CHUCKLES] Definitely all
the way up to the elbow.

741
00:40:12,803 --> 00:40:15,632
Come quietly,
or there will be trouble.

742
00:40:15,676 --> 00:40:18,461
You stole that from Robocop!That's from Robocop!

743
00:40:18,505 --> 00:40:20,158
Just stand down!

744
00:40:20,202 --> 00:40:22,291
You're embarrassing me.
Look, Fire...

745
00:40:22,334 --> 00:40:23,597
[LAUGHS]

746
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:26,164
Oh, my God! I can't say it!
I'm so sorry!

747
00:40:26,208 --> 00:40:27,209
[GRUNTS]

748
00:40:28,166 --> 00:40:30,647
[ALL SCREAMING]

749
00:40:30,691 --> 00:40:34,695
Oh, shit!
That fucking does it!

750
00:40:34,738 --> 00:40:36,131
Put your hands
behind your knees

751
00:40:36,174 --> 00:40:37,654
and get down
on your head! Now!

752
00:40:37,698 --> 00:40:39,961
Wade! What was first rule?

753
00:40:40,004 --> 00:40:41,963
Label everything
in the refrigerator!

754
00:40:42,006 --> 00:40:44,618
Do not escalate!Rules are meant to be broken!

755
00:40:44,661 --> 00:40:46,097
COLOSSUS:
That's the exact opposite

756
00:40:46,141 --> 00:40:47,490
of what they're meant for!

757
00:40:48,535 --> 00:40:50,493
Fuck! Fine!

758
00:40:50,537 --> 00:40:52,147
I'll start from the beginning.

759
00:40:52,190 --> 00:40:54,541
My name is Deadpool,
and I'm an X-Man.

760
00:40:54,584 --> 00:40:56,543
Trainee!Shut it!

761
00:40:57,500 --> 00:40:59,763
Look, I get it.

762
00:41:00,938 --> 00:41:02,549
All right, you're scared.

763
00:41:03,114 --> 00:41:04,202
Alone.

764
00:41:04,246 --> 00:41:05,334
You got no family.

765
00:41:05,377 --> 00:41:06,422
I didn't have
a family, either.

766
00:41:06,466 --> 00:41:08,206
You live in this dump.
Guess what?

767
00:41:08,250 --> 00:41:09,947
I used to live in a shithole
just like it.

768
00:41:10,861 --> 00:41:12,210
But you know something?

769
00:41:12,254 --> 00:41:13,995
A wise woman
once said to me...

770
00:41:14,038 --> 00:41:15,518
"Speak up."

771
00:41:15,562 --> 00:41:18,390
"I can't hear you with that
pity dick in your mouth."

772
00:41:18,434 --> 00:41:20,044
Too much? I went too far.

773
00:41:20,088 --> 00:41:21,350
[GRUNTS][ALL EXCLAIM]

774
00:41:28,009 --> 00:41:29,532
That was effervescent.

775
00:41:29,576 --> 00:41:31,839
[SIGHS] Stay in school, kid.

776
00:41:31,882 --> 00:41:33,710
Or don't. I didn't.

777
00:41:33,754 --> 00:41:35,364
And I'm an X-Man.[THUDS]

778
00:41:35,407 --> 00:41:36,539
Trainee.

779
00:41:36,583 --> 00:41:37,932
Fuck it!

780
00:41:37,975 --> 00:41:39,716
Superhero landing coming up!

781
00:41:41,849 --> 00:41:43,285
[GRUNTS]

782
00:41:43,328 --> 00:41:44,982
Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck!

783
00:41:45,026 --> 00:41:47,115
[GROANS]
That is so not practical.

784
00:41:47,158 --> 00:41:48,682
[GRUNTS][GASPS]

785
00:41:50,466 --> 00:41:51,641
[BREATHING HEAVILY]

786
00:41:57,212 --> 00:41:58,430
[GROANS]

787
00:42:02,783 --> 00:42:05,133
[CROWD CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]

788
00:42:07,614 --> 00:42:09,746
I could get used
to this X-Man shit.

789
00:42:09,790 --> 00:42:10,921
NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD:
Trainee!

790
00:42:10,965 --> 00:42:12,183
DEADPOOL: Trainee!

791
00:42:12,227 --> 00:42:14,011
OFFICER: Get a power restraint
on him. Now!

792
00:42:14,055 --> 00:42:17,275
DEADPOOL: Calm down, squirt.
It's over. We got ya.

793
00:42:17,972 --> 00:42:19,103
[DEVICE WHIRRS]

794
00:42:19,147 --> 00:42:20,670
What's that do?

795
00:42:20,714 --> 00:42:22,237
Power-dampening collar.

796
00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:23,586
Shuts down
all mutant abilities.

797
00:42:23,630 --> 00:42:26,458
You can't get it off.
Unless you've got a grenade.

798
00:42:26,502 --> 00:42:29,505
Huh. Could've used
one of those in the first act.

799
00:42:29,549 --> 00:42:30,767
HEADMASTER: Thank you!

800
00:42:32,639 --> 00:42:34,858
That was absolutely thrilling.

801
00:42:34,902 --> 00:42:37,121
True heroism in action.

802
00:42:37,165 --> 00:42:38,819
We are in your debt.

803
00:42:39,646 --> 00:42:41,299
We can take it from here.

804
00:42:41,343 --> 00:42:43,563
Take me
to the Ice Box, please!

805
00:42:43,606 --> 00:42:44,781
Anywhere's better than here.

806
00:42:44,825 --> 00:42:46,087
DEADPOOL: Believe me, son,

807
00:42:46,130 --> 00:42:47,871
you do not wanna go
to the Ice Box.

808
00:42:47,915 --> 00:42:50,526
That place makes Hitler's anus
look like Waikiki.

809
00:42:50,570 --> 00:42:52,441
Let's get you inside,
young man.

810
00:42:52,484 --> 00:42:54,486
No, wait, wait. Wait.

811
00:42:54,530 --> 00:42:56,010
You guys stay there.

812
00:43:06,107 --> 00:43:07,717
Those guys hurt you?

813
00:43:09,153 --> 00:43:10,198
Who?

814
00:43:12,243 --> 00:43:14,942
Baldilocks? Jared Kushner?

815
00:43:16,421 --> 00:43:17,901
Both of 'em?

816
00:43:21,644 --> 00:43:23,341
Oh, fuck it.

817
00:43:23,385 --> 00:43:24,952
Four or five moments!

818
00:43:24,995 --> 00:43:26,040
I'm sorry?

819
00:43:26,083 --> 00:43:29,260
Four or five moments!

820
00:43:30,522 --> 00:43:33,264
That's all it takes
to be a hero.

821
00:43:34,309 --> 00:43:36,616
People think
you wake up a hero...

822
00:43:36,659 --> 00:43:38,792
brush your teeth a hero...

823
00:43:38,835 --> 00:43:41,751
ejaculate into
a soap dispenser a hero.

824
00:43:41,795 --> 00:43:43,144
[SPEAKS RUSSIAN]

825
00:43:43,187 --> 00:43:46,887
But, no, being a hero
takes only a few moments!

826
00:43:48,236 --> 00:43:49,890
A few moments...

827
00:43:49,933 --> 00:43:52,632
doing the ugly stuff
no one else will do.

828
00:43:52,675 --> 00:43:53,720
[GROANS]

829
00:43:56,113 --> 00:43:57,245
No!

830
00:43:59,900 --> 00:44:01,162
OFFICER: Stand down!
Hold your fire!

831
00:44:01,205 --> 00:44:03,555
Wade, what did you do?Colossus, no!

832
00:44:03,599 --> 00:44:06,863
You were right, Wade.
You are not X-Men material.

833
00:44:06,907 --> 00:44:09,213
No shit, Shiny Gandhi!

834
00:44:09,257 --> 00:44:10,737
What was your first clue?

835
00:44:10,780 --> 00:44:13,914
The hollow point
through that fuckhead's face?

836
00:44:13,957 --> 00:44:15,263
That kid was abused!

837
00:44:15,306 --> 00:44:17,352
You can always tell!COLOSSUS: We have rules!

838
00:44:17,395 --> 00:44:20,137
You are not judge,
jury or executioner!

839
00:44:20,181 --> 00:44:23,140
Fuck your rules!
I fight for what's right!

840
00:44:23,184 --> 00:44:25,012
And sometimes
you gotta fight dirty!

841
00:44:25,055 --> 00:44:28,102
You let me down
for the last time, Wade.

842
00:44:31,235 --> 00:44:33,542
OFFICER: Okay,
get these guys in the pod.

843
00:44:33,585 --> 00:44:35,762
Take them to the Ice Box.[SIRENS WAILING]

844
00:44:35,805 --> 00:44:37,677
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

845
00:44:48,818 --> 00:44:51,647
[PRISONERS SHOUTING][WHISTLING]

846
00:44:51,691 --> 00:44:53,562
[GATE BUZZING]

847
00:44:55,216 --> 00:44:56,347
[SHOUTING CONTINUES][GRUNTS]

848
00:44:56,391 --> 00:44:57,392
Hey, baby!

849
00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:00,743
I wonder what gang
I'll be in.

850
00:45:00,787 --> 00:45:02,266
Yeah!

851
00:45:02,310 --> 00:45:04,573
Is there, like, a Sorting Hat?
[MOUTHS] Hi.

852
00:45:06,444 --> 00:45:07,837
I've always seen myself as

853
00:45:07,881 --> 00:45:09,273
more of
an East Coast Hufflepuff.

854
00:45:10,797 --> 00:45:13,756
I've made a critical error
on my Airbnb reservation.

855
00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:17,673
This is not what the website
looked like at all.

856
00:45:19,240 --> 00:45:20,981
I love the decor though.

857
00:45:21,024 --> 00:45:22,983
I had no idea
hopeless was a color.

858
00:45:23,026 --> 00:45:24,288
GUARD: Hard left, douchebag.

859
00:45:28,815 --> 00:45:30,033
Please, after you.

860
00:45:32,166 --> 00:45:34,864
Another disgusting minority
off the streets.

861
00:45:34,908 --> 00:45:36,039
We'll sleep well tonight.

862
00:45:36,083 --> 00:45:37,127
Let's get a bagel.

863
00:45:37,171 --> 00:45:40,348
[TASER CRACKLING][GROANING]

864
00:45:40,391 --> 00:45:43,220
Nighty-night,
you annoying prick!

865
00:45:44,308 --> 00:45:46,397
[CONTINUES GROANING]

866
00:46:13,381 --> 00:46:14,904
[VOMITING]

867
00:46:18,995 --> 00:46:20,867
RUSSELL: You're a long way
from your superpowers.

868
00:46:20,910 --> 00:46:23,347
Yeah. Just a touch of cancer.

869
00:46:23,391 --> 00:46:25,872
Not to worry,
we're old friends.

870
00:46:25,915 --> 00:46:27,134
Fuck!

871
00:46:27,177 --> 00:46:29,353
I wanted to be a superhero.

872
00:46:29,397 --> 00:46:31,355
Always wanted
a real super suit.

873
00:46:31,399 --> 00:46:32,966
[SIGHS] What happened?

874
00:46:33,009 --> 00:46:35,055
When was the last time you saw
a plus-sized superhero?

875
00:46:35,795 --> 00:46:37,274
Never.

876
00:46:37,318 --> 00:46:39,102
The industry discriminates.

877
00:46:40,190 --> 00:46:42,279
Fuck superheroes.

878
00:46:42,323 --> 00:46:44,586
The thing that
pisses me off the most...

879
00:46:44,629 --> 00:46:46,457
I never stood up
for myself in there.

880
00:46:48,068 --> 00:46:50,984
My whole life.

881
00:46:51,027 --> 00:46:54,509
I've been waiting for someone
to come and save me.

882
00:46:56,903 --> 00:46:59,862
Nobody's gonna sacrifice
anything for me.

883
00:47:03,997 --> 00:47:06,260
I gotta start taking care
of myself.

884
00:47:07,609 --> 00:47:10,351
I have a mission now.

885
00:47:10,394 --> 00:47:13,049
The first thing I wanna do
when I get out of here...

886
00:47:13,093 --> 00:47:15,443
burn the headmaster alive...

887
00:47:15,486 --> 00:47:19,186
and then take a selfie
with his smoldering corpse.

888
00:47:19,229 --> 00:47:21,666
Aw. That's, like,
my favorite part of the Bible.

889
00:47:23,407 --> 00:47:25,888
I don't have
a sock puppet on me...

890
00:47:25,932 --> 00:47:27,977
but what did he do to you?

891
00:47:28,021 --> 00:47:29,631
Did he taste the rainbow?

892
00:47:29,674 --> 00:47:31,720
I'd whisper it,
but Skittles would sue us.

893
00:47:32,895 --> 00:47:34,897
Fucker hates mutants.

894
00:47:34,941 --> 00:47:36,899
He tried to beat
the genes out of us.

895
00:47:36,943 --> 00:47:39,467
Nothing worse than
a "pray the gay away"
type guy.

896
00:47:40,250 --> 00:47:41,643
Sick piece of shit.

897
00:47:43,036 --> 00:47:46,735
Tomorrow, we'll find
the biggest guy in here...

898
00:47:47,692 --> 00:47:49,390
and we'll make him our bitch!

899
00:47:49,433 --> 00:47:50,782
[RUMBLING]

900
00:47:52,045 --> 00:47:53,263
[WADE COUGHS]

901
00:47:53,307 --> 00:47:54,656
What was that?[CLEARS THROAT]

902
00:47:54,699 --> 00:47:57,267
That is the biggest guy
in here.

903
00:47:57,311 --> 00:47:59,400
Fun fact about the Ice Box...

904
00:47:59,443 --> 00:48:01,271
though no one's ever seen it,

905
00:48:01,315 --> 00:48:03,534
they keep a monster
in the basement.

906
00:48:03,578 --> 00:48:05,319
Right next to a huge,

907
00:48:05,362 --> 00:48:06,886
steaming bowl
of foreshadowing.

908
00:48:07,538 --> 00:48:08,539
Look.

909
00:48:09,540 --> 00:48:11,803
I can't protect you. [COUGHS]

910
00:48:11,847 --> 00:48:12,979
With this collar on,

911
00:48:13,022 --> 00:48:16,156
my superpower
is just unbridled cancer.

912
00:48:16,199 --> 00:48:19,681
Give me a bow and arrow,
I'm basically Hawkeye.

913
00:48:19,724 --> 00:48:21,813
Now, if you'll excuse me...
[COUGHS]

914
00:48:21,857 --> 00:48:25,034
I've got tumors to grow.
Vanessa awaits.

915
00:48:25,078 --> 00:48:27,558
I'll start by making us
a shank.

916
00:48:27,602 --> 00:48:29,517
Good listening.I stole that guard's pen...

917
00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:31,519
and stashed it
in the old prison wallet,

918
00:48:31,562 --> 00:48:32,955
if you know what I'm saying.

919
00:48:32,999 --> 00:48:35,479
I really hope I don't know
what you're saying.

920
00:48:36,089 --> 00:48:37,525
[RUSSELL EXHALES]

921
00:48:37,568 --> 00:48:39,919
RUSSELL: I know it's in there,
I just need to get it out.

922
00:48:39,962 --> 00:48:42,051
Oh, Jesus Christ.

923
00:48:42,095 --> 00:48:44,749
I can hear you
rummaging around in there.

924
00:48:44,793 --> 00:48:47,187
Do they make Purell
for your ears?

925
00:48:47,230 --> 00:48:48,753
[SIREN WAILING]

926
00:48:51,713 --> 00:48:53,062
REPORTER: [ON TV]
And to update you

927
00:48:53,106 --> 00:48:54,498
on the story reported earlier,

928
00:48:54,542 --> 00:48:56,239
after a lengthy standoff

929
00:48:56,283 --> 00:48:58,894
outside the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation...

930
00:48:58,938 --> 00:49:00,243
two mutants were arrested

931
00:49:00,287 --> 00:49:02,028
and transported
to the Ice Box...

932
00:49:02,071 --> 00:49:03,464
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Entering repair mode.

933
00:49:07,903 --> 00:49:09,470
REPORTER: ...several
police cars were destroyed

934
00:49:09,513 --> 00:49:11,341
and the X-Men were called in
to restore order.

935
00:49:31,231 --> 00:49:32,536
[COUGHS]

936
00:49:32,580 --> 00:49:34,582
GUARD: [ON PA]
Cells seven and nine

937
00:49:34,625 --> 00:49:38,020
now off-limits
for medical personnel.

938
00:49:38,064 --> 00:49:39,543
Cells seven and nine

939
00:49:39,587 --> 00:49:42,329
now off-limits
for medical personnel.

940
00:49:44,070 --> 00:49:45,462
Psst!

941
00:49:47,769 --> 00:49:50,119
Don't do that.

942
00:49:50,163 --> 00:49:53,035
What? Why are you
winking at me?

943
00:49:53,079 --> 00:49:54,167
[COUGHS]

944
00:49:56,647 --> 00:49:58,040
I got your back.

945
00:49:58,084 --> 00:49:59,302
Oh, my God.

946
00:49:59,346 --> 00:50:00,869
You're sick,
I gotta protect you.

947
00:50:00,912 --> 00:50:02,827
Just leave me alone, kid.[MAN WHISTLING]

948
00:50:03,959 --> 00:50:05,004
Oh, great.

949
00:50:05,613 --> 00:50:06,831
[WADE COUGHS]

950
00:50:06,875 --> 00:50:09,399
Well, hello there, new fish.

951
00:50:09,443 --> 00:50:12,489
It's nice to see some
fresh faces around here.

952
00:50:12,533 --> 00:50:14,796
[COUGHS] I've done some
light catalog work...

953
00:50:14,839 --> 00:50:17,320
but, really, modeling is just
a stepping stone to acting.

954
00:50:17,364 --> 00:50:20,149
I was talking to him.Oh.

955
00:50:20,193 --> 00:50:23,587
Have we met?
I can't place your mustache.

956
00:50:23,631 --> 00:50:26,286
Black Tom Cassidy.White Wade Wilson.

957
00:50:26,329 --> 00:50:29,767
What's your superpower?
Cultural appropriation?

958
00:50:29,811 --> 00:50:32,379
You're supposed to be
the toughest cunt in here.

959
00:50:32,422 --> 00:50:34,990
You don't look
like much to me.

960
00:50:35,034 --> 00:50:37,471
First rule of the yard,
fuckface...

961
00:50:37,514 --> 00:50:39,560
find the biggest guy
and make him your...

962
00:50:39,603 --> 00:50:41,562
[GROANS][INMATES EXCLAIM]

963
00:50:43,390 --> 00:50:45,609
Second biggest guy.

964
00:50:45,653 --> 00:50:48,090
The last thing I need
is more hepatitis.

965
00:50:48,134 --> 00:50:51,702
Oh, it's slippery, too.
This table needs a wipe down!

966
00:50:51,746 --> 00:50:53,574
Can we get a wipe down
on the table?

967
00:50:53,617 --> 00:50:54,836
[GROANS][INMATES EXCLAIM]

968
00:50:54,879 --> 00:50:57,099
Kid, I think you picked
the wrong side.

969
00:50:57,143 --> 00:50:59,493
No, I didn't!
He's my friend!

970
00:50:59,536 --> 00:51:01,799
Zip it. We're not friends.[INMATES CHEERING]

971
00:51:03,497 --> 00:51:04,585
You're about to get
dick-slapped.

972
00:51:05,760 --> 00:51:08,197
[INMATES SHOUTING][COUGHS]

973
00:51:09,720 --> 00:51:11,287
[SHOUTING CONTINUES]

974
00:51:17,163 --> 00:51:18,903
I had so much fun!
You were like... [GRUNTS]

975
00:51:18,947 --> 00:51:21,036
And I was like,
"Take a seat, shit dick."

976
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:22,820
Just let me die in peace.

977
00:51:22,864 --> 00:51:24,996
[GRUNTS]
We make a great team!

978
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:27,608
Oh, God! We're not a team.
[COUGHING]

979
00:51:27,651 --> 00:51:32,003
Why'd you say that back there?
We're friends, partners.

980
00:51:32,047 --> 00:51:34,441
We're not partners
or friends.

981
00:51:35,877 --> 00:51:37,966
This doesn't end with us
riding into the sunset.

982
00:51:38,009 --> 00:51:40,186
It ends with me
dying of cancer...

983
00:51:40,229 --> 00:51:44,103
and you winning the Ice Box
award for softest mouth.

984
00:51:44,146 --> 00:51:45,495
[WADE COUGHS]

985
00:51:45,539 --> 00:51:47,149
There's only one person
in this world

986
00:51:47,193 --> 00:51:48,977
that I care about,
and she's gone.

987
00:51:50,761 --> 00:51:53,938
You wanna survive?

988
00:51:53,982 --> 00:51:57,290
Stop trying to shank
the biggest guys in here...

989
00:51:57,333 --> 00:51:59,205
and make friends with them.

990
00:52:00,510 --> 00:52:02,121
Make friends with someone.

991
00:52:03,339 --> 00:52:04,949
Anyone but me.

992
00:52:06,125 --> 00:52:08,431
Maybe even Black Tim.

993
00:52:09,345 --> 00:52:10,955
Black Evan, I don't know.

994
00:52:10,999 --> 00:52:13,480
All I remember is
he was African-American.

995
00:52:24,317 --> 00:52:26,014
[GUARDS GROANING]

996
00:52:32,716 --> 00:52:34,065
[BREATHING HEAVILY][ALARM BLARING]

997
00:52:41,160 --> 00:52:42,987
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

998
00:52:48,384 --> 00:52:50,125
[BEEPING RAPIDLY]

999
00:52:51,474 --> 00:52:53,172
[GUARDS GROANING]

1000
00:52:58,960 --> 00:53:01,049
AUTOMATED VOICE: [ON PA]
System malfunctioning.

1001
00:53:01,092 --> 00:53:04,444
Cells 7, 12, 14, 27.

1002
00:53:04,487 --> 00:53:06,750
Back in your cells, you filthy
mutants! Get in there!

1003
00:53:06,794 --> 00:53:10,101
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Cells 1, 3, 7, 8.

1004
00:53:11,277 --> 00:53:12,669
[BEEPING]AUTOMATED VOICE: Searching.

1005
00:53:14,236 --> 00:53:16,586
Cell 04 located.

1006
00:53:17,979 --> 00:53:20,111
Door won't open!

1007
00:53:20,155 --> 00:53:21,765
GUARD: On your fucking knees!

1008
00:53:24,290 --> 00:53:25,856
[ALL GRUNTING]

1009
00:53:58,715 --> 00:54:00,413
That was our cell.

1010
00:54:02,545 --> 00:54:04,852
What did I do to piss off
a grumpy old fucker

1011
00:54:04,895 --> 00:54:06,070
with a Winter Soldier arm?

1012
00:54:15,341 --> 00:54:17,256
Get away from me, kid!

1013
00:54:19,127 --> 00:54:20,302
[PRISONER GROANS]

1014
00:54:20,955 --> 00:54:22,043
[ALL GRUNTING]

1015
00:54:24,872 --> 00:54:26,090
Listen to me! Go!

1016
00:54:31,574 --> 00:54:32,880
Hello, Russell.

1017
00:54:36,623 --> 00:54:37,711
[COCKS GUN]

1018
00:54:41,802 --> 00:54:43,151
[GROANS]

1019
00:54:44,283 --> 00:54:46,023
[WADE GRUNTS][GROANS]

1020
00:54:47,547 --> 00:54:49,200
[GROANING]

1021
00:55:02,301 --> 00:55:03,606
[GRUNTS]

1022
00:55:13,573 --> 00:55:15,966
[GUARDS GROANING]

1023
00:55:35,290 --> 00:55:37,988
[GROANING]

1024
00:55:41,731 --> 00:55:43,211
[ALL GRUNTING]

1025
00:55:51,872 --> 00:55:53,047
[GROANS]

1026
00:55:53,090 --> 00:55:54,875
[GASPS]

1027
00:55:54,918 --> 00:55:56,093
[SPEAKING SPANISH]

1028
00:56:03,057 --> 00:56:04,450
[GRUNTS][GROANS]

1029
00:56:07,409 --> 00:56:08,932
[BOTH GRUNTING]

1030
00:56:16,462 --> 00:56:17,463
Who are you?

1031
00:56:18,377 --> 00:56:19,595
I'm Batman.

1032
00:56:28,952 --> 00:56:30,040
[GASPS]

1033
00:56:31,041 --> 00:56:32,086
Ooh!

1034
00:56:33,043 --> 00:56:34,131
[GRUNTS]

1035
00:56:36,830 --> 00:56:39,702
Oh. That's got some zip.

1036
00:56:48,232 --> 00:56:51,018
Don't feel bad.
Even I can't kill me.

1037
00:56:51,714 --> 00:56:53,281
Talk!

1038
00:56:53,324 --> 00:56:55,109
What kind of
spineless shit stick

1039
00:56:55,152 --> 00:56:56,502
tries to kill
a 14-year-old boy?

1040
00:56:57,807 --> 00:56:59,330
You might wanna start talking!

1041
00:56:59,374 --> 00:57:01,463
'Cause I got a long history of
firing at times like this!

1042
00:57:02,986 --> 00:57:04,988
The name's Cable.

1043
00:57:05,032 --> 00:57:07,687
I'm from the future.
Just walk away.

1044
00:57:08,383 --> 00:57:09,689
Oh!

1045
00:57:09,732 --> 00:57:11,691
So, you're from the future.

1046
00:57:11,734 --> 00:57:13,693
I have
three questions then.

1047
00:57:13,736 --> 00:57:17,348
One, is dubstep still a thing?

1048
00:57:17,392 --> 00:57:19,873
Two, do people still homebrew?

1049
00:57:19,916 --> 00:57:22,484
And three,
does Dopinder ever find love?

1050
00:57:31,580 --> 00:57:33,103
[BOTH GRUNTING]

1051
00:57:46,116 --> 00:57:47,944
[BREATHING HEAVILY]

1052
00:57:50,294 --> 00:57:53,646
[SHOUTING][CHOKING]

1053
00:57:56,562 --> 00:57:57,911
[SCREAMING]

1054
00:58:02,568 --> 00:58:04,265
[GROANING]

1055
00:58:06,659 --> 00:58:08,443
Dubstep's for pussies.

1056
00:58:08,487 --> 00:58:09,792
You're so dark!

1057
00:58:09,836 --> 00:58:11,925
Are you sure you're not
from the DC universe?

1058
00:58:12,665 --> 00:58:14,231
I love dubstep!

1059
00:58:14,275 --> 00:58:16,451
[DUBSTEP MUSIC PLAYING]

1060
00:58:24,764 --> 00:58:26,505
[GRUNTS][GROANS]

1061
00:58:38,995 --> 00:58:40,475
[GROANS]

1062
00:58:40,519 --> 00:58:41,955
WADE: Is that a fanny pack?

1063
00:58:41,998 --> 00:58:44,566
I used to have one of those
in 1990-never.

1064
00:58:45,567 --> 00:58:47,656
Something to remember you by.

1065
00:58:47,700 --> 00:58:51,486
Give me that back!
That goes with me everywhere.

1066
00:58:51,530 --> 00:58:53,880
Like the memory
of your fucking fanny pack!

1067
00:58:59,363 --> 00:59:00,408
[GROANING]

1068
00:59:03,629 --> 00:59:05,718
Why are you protecting
the kid?

1069
00:59:05,761 --> 00:59:06,980
[LAUGHS]

1070
00:59:07,023 --> 00:59:09,330
I don't give a fuck
about him...

1071
00:59:09,373 --> 00:59:11,767
and his Are You My Mother?
complex!

1072
00:59:14,117 --> 00:59:15,379
What's this one do?

1073
00:59:16,729 --> 00:59:18,687
[BEEPING RAPIDLY]

1074
00:59:27,783 --> 00:59:29,524
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

1075
00:59:29,568 --> 00:59:31,178
WADE: In every film,
there's a moment

1076
00:59:31,221 --> 00:59:33,615
when the hero
hits rock bottom.

1077
00:59:33,659 --> 00:59:35,617
InCool Runnings,
it was when John Candy's

1078
00:59:35,661 --> 00:59:37,619
prized bobsled broke.

1079
00:59:37,663 --> 00:59:40,404
InHuman Centipede,
it was when those people...

1080
00:59:40,448 --> 00:59:42,015
signed on to be in that movie.

1081
00:59:42,058 --> 00:59:44,191
But in this film, well...

1082
00:59:44,234 --> 00:59:45,453
you're looking at it.

1083
00:59:45,496 --> 00:59:47,237
GUARD:
On your fucking knees, mutant.

1084
00:59:48,064 --> 00:59:49,500
[GROANING]

1085
00:59:50,153 --> 00:59:51,154
WADE: Rock...

1086
00:59:55,202 --> 00:59:56,682
meet bottom.

1087
01:00:01,774 --> 01:00:03,602
[INDISTINCT VOICES ECHOING]

1088
01:00:07,388 --> 01:00:08,519
VANESSA:
I love you, Wade Wilson.

1089
01:00:08,563 --> 01:00:09,738
Ness?

1090
01:00:10,783 --> 01:00:12,262
Hey, Ness!

1091
01:00:13,133 --> 01:00:14,961
Ness, can you let me in?

1092
01:00:15,004 --> 01:00:17,093
Please! Please.

1093
01:00:19,269 --> 01:00:20,401
Jesus.

1094
01:00:20,444 --> 01:00:21,445
[SIGHS]

1095
01:00:23,317 --> 01:00:25,058
You're not giving me
a lot of direction here.

1096
01:00:25,101 --> 01:00:26,929
I'm at the end of my rope.

1097
01:00:26,973 --> 01:00:28,409
[TIMER TICKING]

1098
01:00:29,410 --> 01:00:31,760
Then I joined the X-Men.

1099
01:00:31,804 --> 01:00:33,632
I went to prison. I, uh...

1100
01:00:37,723 --> 01:00:39,246
Is it the kid?

1101
01:00:41,291 --> 01:00:44,207
Kids give us a chance to be
better than we used to be.

1102
01:00:45,644 --> 01:00:46,645
The kid![TIMER DINGS]

1103
01:00:50,126 --> 01:00:51,650
[GASPING]

1104
01:00:54,261 --> 01:00:55,828
[WHEEZING]

1105
01:01:00,267 --> 01:01:01,877
That's exactly what she meant.

1106
01:01:01,921 --> 01:01:03,313
Your heart needs to be
in the right place.

1107
01:01:03,357 --> 01:01:05,228
I'm not gonna
abandon this kid.

1108
01:01:05,272 --> 01:01:07,883
He's never had anyone, ever.

1109
01:01:07,927 --> 01:01:09,276
I need to be selfless.

1110
01:01:09,319 --> 01:01:11,278
Yeah, but what does
that mean?

1111
01:01:11,321 --> 01:01:14,585
It means
I'm gonna save Russell.

1112
01:01:14,629 --> 01:01:16,152
Maybe I couldn't
save Vanessa...

1113
01:01:16,196 --> 01:01:19,199
but maybe I can save a robust
teenager from New Zealand.

1114
01:01:19,242 --> 01:01:21,288
Yeah, but what I mean is,
like, the world "selfless."

1115
01:01:21,331 --> 01:01:22,855
I literally don't know
what that means.

1116
01:01:22,898 --> 01:01:24,073
Jesus Christ.

1117
01:01:24,117 --> 01:01:26,859
Okay, look.
According to my guy, okay...

1118
01:01:26,902 --> 01:01:28,730
those muties
are being transferred

1119
01:01:28,774 --> 01:01:30,601
to a supermax, 80 miles away.

1120
01:01:30,645 --> 01:01:32,473
Great, I'll pick 'em off
along the way.

1121
01:01:32,516 --> 01:01:34,693
Hold your testicles there,
buddy, okay?

1122
01:01:34,736 --> 01:01:36,738
We're talking about
an armored convoy...

1123
01:01:36,782 --> 01:01:39,393
and a vicious super soldier
from the future...

1124
01:01:39,436 --> 01:01:41,787
that is looking to turn your
skull into a fuckable ashtray.

1125
01:01:41,830 --> 01:01:43,310
You know what we need to do?

1126
01:01:43,353 --> 01:01:45,225
We need to build
a fucking team.

1127
01:01:45,268 --> 01:01:47,357
We need 'em tough,
morally flexible...

1128
01:01:47,401 --> 01:01:48,794
and young enough
so they can carry

1129
01:01:48,837 --> 01:01:50,012
this franchise 10 to 12 years.

1130
01:01:50,056 --> 01:01:51,927
A team of
highly-skilled motherfuckers.

1131
01:01:51,971 --> 01:01:55,017
I'm talking about some
Ocean's 14shit. Rogue Two.

1132
01:01:55,061 --> 01:01:57,498
John Wick 3,but with
the original director.

1133
01:01:57,541 --> 01:01:59,456
DOPINDER: My body is an
instrument of death.

1134
01:01:59,500 --> 01:02:00,849
Not now, Dopinder.

1135
01:02:00,893 --> 01:02:02,372
I could be of great use.

1136
01:02:02,416 --> 01:02:03,983
What's your superpower?

1137
01:02:05,811 --> 01:02:07,464
Courage.That's adorable.

1138
01:02:07,508 --> 01:02:09,162
Do you have the courage
to check and see...

1139
01:02:09,205 --> 01:02:11,599
if there are enough sanitary
napkins in the dispenser?

1140
01:02:11,642 --> 01:02:12,687
Yes, sir.

1141
01:02:12,731 --> 01:02:13,993
I'm sorry
you had to see that,

1142
01:02:14,036 --> 01:02:16,386
although I'm glad
you heard it.

1143
01:02:16,430 --> 01:02:18,345
All right, I'll put out
a call for resumes.

1144
01:02:18,388 --> 01:02:20,651
But we're not paying
medical or dental.

1145
01:02:20,695 --> 01:02:22,741
It's time to get back
on LinkedIn.

1146
01:02:32,576 --> 01:02:34,013
[EXHALES]

1147
01:02:43,849 --> 01:02:45,807
[CHILD SINGING]

1148
01:02:59,603 --> 01:03:01,257
GUARD: [ON PA]
Attention, all inmates!

1149
01:03:01,301 --> 01:03:03,738
Transport to Cross Force
Maximum Security

1150
01:03:03,782 --> 01:03:05,261
Mutant Containment Facility...

1151
01:03:05,305 --> 01:03:07,263
will begin at 0800 hours.

1152
01:03:07,307 --> 01:03:09,309
Inspection of your cells
and out processing

1153
01:03:09,352 --> 01:03:11,398
will begin at 0600.

1154
01:03:19,710 --> 01:03:20,799
BLACK TOM: Oi.

1155
01:03:20,842 --> 01:03:22,191
MUTANT: What the fuck
do you want?

1156
01:03:22,235 --> 01:03:24,063
That's my fucking pudding.

1157
01:03:24,106 --> 01:03:26,108
Fuck your pudding!You like pudding?

1158
01:03:26,152 --> 01:03:27,893
[GRUNTS][PRISONERS CLAMORING]

1159
01:03:28,719 --> 01:03:30,417
[ALARM BLARING]

1160
01:03:47,129 --> 01:03:48,130
Hello?

1161
01:03:50,437 --> 01:03:52,787
I know you're in there.

1162
01:04:08,455 --> 01:04:10,761
Must be hard
being the biggest guy in here.

1163
01:04:12,024 --> 01:04:14,330
Lonely at the top, eh?

1164
01:04:14,374 --> 01:04:16,332
They're moving us tomorrow.

1165
01:04:18,813 --> 01:04:20,597
Maybe I can get you
out of here.

1166
01:04:21,816 --> 01:04:24,950
And we can make
the whole world our bitch.

1167
01:04:26,821 --> 01:04:28,562
We need a secret code.

1168
01:04:30,520 --> 01:04:31,739
[IMITATES BIRD CALL]

1169
01:04:31,782 --> 01:04:34,220
[SOFTLY] No,
that's stupid, Russell. Idiot.

1170
01:04:36,396 --> 01:04:38,354
[RHYTHMIC BANGING]

1171
01:04:38,398 --> 01:04:40,269
[RHYTHMIC BANGING IN RESPONSE]

1172
01:04:41,488 --> 01:04:43,011
We're a team.

1173
01:04:43,055 --> 01:04:45,013
We're like thugs,
we're like gangsters.

1174
01:04:45,057 --> 01:04:48,712
I'm like Tupac,
and you're like Ice Cube.

1175
01:04:48,756 --> 01:04:49,844
WEASEL: Supposedly,
she can rap, too.

1176
01:04:49,888 --> 01:04:50,976
DEADPOOL: Yeah.

1177
01:04:51,019 --> 01:04:52,064
I like that.

1178
01:04:52,107 --> 01:04:53,761
Terrific,
these are all terrific.

1179
01:04:53,804 --> 01:04:55,545
Meet Bedlam.

1180
01:04:55,589 --> 01:04:57,852
Cool name! Superpowers?

1181
01:04:57,896 --> 01:04:59,419
I can distort
electrical fields.

1182
01:04:59,462 --> 01:05:00,594
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

1183
01:05:00,637 --> 01:05:02,857
Including the one
inside your brain...

1184
01:05:02,901 --> 01:05:05,599
causing anxiety, confusion...

1185
01:05:05,642 --> 01:05:07,644
pain.

1186
01:05:07,688 --> 01:05:09,777
So, basically,
you're Dave Matthews.

1187
01:05:09,820 --> 01:05:10,952
We can use him.

1188
01:05:12,736 --> 01:05:14,390
I'm Zeitgeist.

1189
01:05:14,434 --> 01:05:15,739
Cool. I like it.

1190
01:05:15,783 --> 01:05:17,045
So you have the power

1191
01:05:17,089 --> 01:05:19,439
to put your finger
on the pulse of society?

1192
01:05:20,483 --> 01:05:21,658
[STAMMERS] No.

1193
01:05:21,702 --> 01:05:23,269
No, I spit acidic vomit.
[SNIFFS]

1194
01:05:23,312 --> 01:05:24,444
Oh.Do you want me

1195
01:05:24,487 --> 01:05:25,880
to demonstrate?DEADPOOL: No!

1196
01:05:25,924 --> 01:05:27,403
WEASEL: We'll take
your word for it.

1197
01:05:27,447 --> 01:05:28,796
Thank you. Yeah. Listen,
we've all eaten
at Arby's, okay?

1198
01:05:29,623 --> 01:05:32,234
And this is the Vanisher.

1199
01:05:35,585 --> 01:05:36,586
But...

1200
01:05:37,761 --> 01:05:39,241
Vanisher!

1201
01:05:39,285 --> 01:05:40,851
[LAUGHS]

1202
01:05:41,765 --> 01:05:43,419
Nice!Right?

1203
01:05:44,725 --> 01:05:45,856
He's not here, is he?

1204
01:05:45,900 --> 01:05:47,423
He may be running late.

1205
01:05:49,034 --> 01:05:51,862
My name's Rusty,
but I go by Shatterstar.

1206
01:05:51,906 --> 01:05:53,125
BOTH: That's good, yeah.

1207
01:05:53,168 --> 01:05:55,301
"Rusty" is terrible.Toughie.

1208
01:05:55,344 --> 01:05:58,173
So, uh, where are you from?The planet Mojo World.

1209
01:05:58,217 --> 01:06:00,262
So you're an alien, I guess.Bad name.

1210
01:06:00,306 --> 01:06:02,003
How does that, uh, help us?

1211
01:06:02,047 --> 01:06:04,963
I'm basically better
than you at everything.

1212
01:06:05,006 --> 01:06:06,703
Just once, I'm gonna find
a planet of people

1213
01:06:06,747 --> 01:06:08,314
that are worse than me
at everything.

1214
01:06:08,357 --> 01:06:10,577
A whole bunch
of functional idiots.

1215
01:06:10,620 --> 01:06:12,535
I'm gonna go there, and I'm
gonna be their Superman.

1216
01:06:12,579 --> 01:06:13,710
Isn't that Canada?

1217
01:06:13,754 --> 01:06:16,148
You shut your
goddamn trash mouth!

1218
01:06:17,323 --> 01:06:18,846
WEASEL: Meet...Domino.

1219
01:06:18,889 --> 01:06:20,935
DEADPOOL: What's your shtick?I'm lucky.

1220
01:06:20,979 --> 01:06:22,371
That's not a superpower.

1221
01:06:22,415 --> 01:06:23,546
Yeah, it is.No, it isn't.

1222
01:06:23,590 --> 01:06:24,852
Yes, it is.No, it isn't.

1223
01:06:24,895 --> 01:06:25,940
Yeah, it is.No, it isn't.

1224
01:06:25,984 --> 01:06:27,028
Yes, it is.No, it isn't.

1225
01:06:27,072 --> 01:06:28,073
Yeah, it is.Really isn't.

1226
01:06:28,116 --> 01:06:29,335
No, it isn't.Yes, it is.

1227
01:06:29,378 --> 01:06:30,553
Told you.

1228
01:06:30,597 --> 01:06:31,946
Get out of my head!

1229
01:06:31,990 --> 01:06:33,600
I'm not in your head.

1230
01:06:33,643 --> 01:06:34,993
I'm in an
11-year-old's bedroom.

1231
01:06:35,036 --> 01:06:36,168
Well, if you're so lucky,

1232
01:06:36,211 --> 01:06:37,821
then what are you
doing here with us?

1233
01:06:37,865 --> 01:06:38,997
I don't know yet.

1234
01:06:39,040 --> 01:06:40,563
What's that supposed to mean?

1235
01:06:40,607 --> 01:06:41,869
There's a reason why I'm here,
and I'll know when I know.

1236
01:06:41,912 --> 01:06:43,697
Everything usually
just kind of works out for me.

1237
01:06:43,740 --> 01:06:45,568
Like 2008 Ryan Reynolds.

1238
01:06:46,874 --> 01:06:48,006
I don't know who that is.

1239
01:06:48,049 --> 01:06:49,529
DEADPOOL: You're hired.

1240
01:06:49,572 --> 01:06:50,617
Lucky me.

1241
01:06:50,660 --> 01:06:51,879
DEADPOOL: I like her!

1242
01:06:53,011 --> 01:06:54,316
And last, but not least...

1243
01:06:54,360 --> 01:06:55,491
Peter.

1244
01:06:56,884 --> 01:06:59,408
Am I getting
catfished here or...?

1245
01:06:59,452 --> 01:07:01,367
Any powers you wanna
tell us about?

1246
01:07:01,410 --> 01:07:03,021
PETER: No.

1247
01:07:03,064 --> 01:07:04,761
I don't have one.

1248
01:07:04,805 --> 01:07:06,111
Um, I just saw the ad.

1249
01:07:06,154 --> 01:07:07,938
No superpowers at all?

1250
01:07:07,982 --> 01:07:11,072
Uh, I have both
Type 1 and 2 Diabetes.

1251
01:07:11,594 --> 01:07:12,943
Ow! Oh!

1252
01:07:12,987 --> 01:07:14,119
That's all the diabetes.

1253
01:07:14,162 --> 01:07:15,468
Right?
Yeah, you got 'em all.

1254
01:07:15,511 --> 01:07:17,426
If you find a Type 3,
let us know.

1255
01:07:17,948 --> 01:07:18,993
Yeah.

1256
01:07:19,037 --> 01:07:20,125
You're in.

1257
01:07:20,168 --> 01:07:21,691
Yeah.Fuck!

1258
01:07:24,085 --> 01:07:25,478
It's fulfilling work.

1259
01:07:30,570 --> 01:07:31,875
GUARD: Let's go!

1260
01:07:45,498 --> 01:07:48,109
GUARD: This is Convoy 17
departing the Ice Box.

1261
01:07:48,153 --> 01:07:49,502
We are en route.

1262
01:07:57,118 --> 01:07:59,468
CABLE:
Peacetime makes people soft.

1263
01:08:01,079 --> 01:08:02,863
I was born into war.

1264
01:08:04,386 --> 01:08:05,561
Bred into it.

1265
01:08:06,693 --> 01:08:08,477
Okay.

1266
01:08:08,521 --> 01:08:10,871
What's the most pain
you've ever felt?

1267
01:08:12,829 --> 01:08:14,092
These restraints are pretty...

1268
01:08:14,135 --> 01:08:16,006
People think
they understand pain.

1269
01:08:16,050 --> 01:08:17,486
They have no concept of it

1270
01:08:17,530 --> 01:08:19,488
beyond their own
worst experience.

1271
01:08:21,099 --> 01:08:24,276
5 years old. That's what?

1272
01:08:24,319 --> 01:08:25,886
A bee sting.

1273
01:08:25,929 --> 01:08:27,061
Oh, yeah.

1274
01:08:27,105 --> 01:08:29,629
20 years old, shrapnel.

1275
01:08:29,672 --> 01:08:32,371
40 years old, disease.

1276
01:08:32,414 --> 01:08:36,984
Maybe the kind that leaves you
more machine than man.

1277
01:08:37,027 --> 01:08:38,420
Yeah, getting old's
not for sissies.

1278
01:08:38,464 --> 01:08:40,118
That's what my
Grandma Ginny used to...

1279
01:08:40,161 --> 01:08:41,336
I've got a list.

1280
01:08:42,120 --> 01:08:44,078
We're gonna work down it.

1281
01:08:44,774 --> 01:08:45,775
Together.

1282
01:08:46,950 --> 01:08:49,997
Number one,
I'm gonna bend something.

1283
01:08:50,040 --> 01:08:52,347
Something that was not
meant to bend.

1284
01:08:52,391 --> 01:08:53,522
I'm gonna
stop you right there

1285
01:08:53,566 --> 01:08:54,871
because I'm not gonna
make it to two.

1286
01:08:54,915 --> 01:08:56,221
I won't even
make it to one.

1287
01:08:56,264 --> 01:08:58,005
I don't do well with pain,
you know.

1288
01:08:58,048 --> 01:09:00,399
If I stub my toe,
I'm done for the day.

1289
01:09:00,442 --> 01:09:02,836
I cried when they
canceled Felicity.

1290
01:09:02,879 --> 01:09:04,707
When I get really scared,
I get nervous erections.

1291
01:09:04,751 --> 01:09:06,144
I have one right now.

1292
01:09:06,187 --> 01:09:07,754
Don't look.
It'll only make it worse.

1293
01:09:07,797 --> 01:09:08,929
I don't want you
to hurt me,

1294
01:09:08,972 --> 01:09:11,149
and I'll tell you
anything you wanna know.

1295
01:09:12,150 --> 01:09:14,282
Except for where they are.

1296
01:09:14,326 --> 01:09:15,588
Russell's in a convoy
heading southbound

1297
01:09:15,631 --> 01:09:17,024
on Gerry Duggan Parkway.

1298
01:09:17,067 --> 01:09:18,373
The monster's with them.
I wouldn't fuck with him.

1299
01:09:18,417 --> 01:09:19,896
DEADPOOL:
You all know the plan.

1300
01:09:19,940 --> 01:09:21,681
Intercept the convoy,

1301
01:09:21,724 --> 01:09:23,726
grab the boy.
But not inappropriately!

1302
01:09:23,770 --> 01:09:25,119
WEASEL: You know what,

1303
01:09:25,163 --> 01:09:26,686
I wouldn't fuck with
Deadpool either.

1304
01:09:26,729 --> 01:09:28,862
Because he's built a team.
He's unstoppable.

1305
01:09:28,905 --> 01:09:31,604
He has an ass pen.
He'll stab you with it.

1306
01:09:31,647 --> 01:09:34,259
Watch out for this guy, Cable!

1307
01:09:34,302 --> 01:09:37,566
He's very short, 5'11".
Not like in the comics.

1308
01:09:37,610 --> 01:09:40,700
And if we succeed,
we all go home early.

1309
01:09:40,743 --> 01:09:42,528
WEASEL: So if you go after
them, Cable, I warn you...

1310
01:09:43,616 --> 01:09:45,313
there's a wind advisory
in effect.

1311
01:09:49,796 --> 01:09:51,493
[WIND HOWLING]

1312
01:09:56,455 --> 01:09:58,065
PILOT: [ON PA]
A little turbulent up here.

1313
01:10:05,464 --> 01:10:07,248
I don't know much
about this Cable fella...

1314
01:10:07,292 --> 01:10:08,684
but I guarantee
he hasn't killed

1315
01:10:08,728 --> 01:10:10,469
as many people
as melanoma has.

1316
01:10:11,861 --> 01:10:13,254
We're getting close!

1317
01:10:13,298 --> 01:10:14,995
As a former X-Man...

1318
01:10:15,038 --> 01:10:16,953
Trainee.Thank you, Bedlam.

1319
01:10:16,997 --> 01:10:19,347
I was always appalled
by the blatant sexism

1320
01:10:19,391 --> 01:10:21,001
in the group's name.

1321
01:10:21,044 --> 01:10:23,090
X-Men! Men!

1322
01:10:23,133 --> 01:10:26,136
The point is, our group
will be forward thinking.

1323
01:10:26,180 --> 01:10:27,486
Gender neutral.

1324
01:10:27,529 --> 01:10:29,836
From now on,
we'll be known as...

1325
01:10:32,099 --> 01:10:33,448
X-Force.

1326
01:10:33,492 --> 01:10:35,276
Isn't that
a little derivative?

1327
01:10:35,320 --> 01:10:37,713
I don't recall asking
your opinion, Peter!

1328
01:10:38,975 --> 01:10:40,412
That wasn't me.

1329
01:10:47,462 --> 01:10:49,812
Hang the laundry out
at 1,300 feet...

1330
01:10:49,856 --> 01:10:51,684
intercept the convoy,
and grab the boy.

1331
01:10:51,727 --> 01:10:52,815
Let's bring on
the carnage, baby!

1332
01:10:52,859 --> 01:10:54,730
Get me on the ground,
watch me go!

1333
01:10:54,774 --> 01:10:55,905
ALL: Yeah!

1334
01:10:55,949 --> 01:10:57,646
[ALL WHOOPING]I can't wait to kill!

1335
01:10:57,690 --> 01:11:00,432
Hey! Hey! Hey!

1336
01:11:00,475 --> 01:11:03,173
I just wanna say
how proud I am of this team.

1337
01:11:03,217 --> 01:11:06,089
You know,
you guys look amazing!

1338
01:11:06,133 --> 01:11:09,005
Vanisher, I have no doubt
you look amazing too.

1339
01:11:09,049 --> 01:11:10,180
This is the family

1340
01:11:10,224 --> 01:11:11,617
that I've always dreamed
of having and I...

1341
01:11:12,661 --> 01:11:13,749
Ah, shit.

1342
01:11:13,793 --> 01:11:15,316
[SNIFFLES]

1343
01:11:15,360 --> 01:11:17,057
I just get a little choked up
sometimes.

1344
01:11:17,100 --> 01:11:18,928
I hate to interrupt,
but is anybody nervous

1345
01:11:18,972 --> 01:11:20,321
about the high winds?

1346
01:11:20,365 --> 01:11:21,714
Gary.My name's Peter.

1347
01:11:21,757 --> 01:11:23,672
I realize that you're
new to this, but relax.

1348
01:11:23,716 --> 01:11:25,370
You've been chosen
by a higher power.

1349
01:11:25,413 --> 01:11:27,720
Did he just call himself God?I think he did.

1350
01:11:27,763 --> 01:11:29,330
I'd like to go home.And I'd like...

1351
01:11:29,374 --> 01:11:31,898
the McRib to be available
year round,

1352
01:11:31,941 --> 01:11:33,769
but sometimes dreams
don't come true.

1353
01:11:33,813 --> 01:11:35,989
I spent 10 years
in Special Forces.

1354
01:11:36,032 --> 01:11:37,164
You think we didn't
jump out of the plane

1355
01:11:37,207 --> 01:11:39,166
because of a light breeze?

1356
01:11:39,209 --> 01:11:41,473
You're in this shit now,
Mustache!

1357
01:11:41,516 --> 01:11:43,475
[WHISPERS] I'm only yelling
to impress the other guys.

1358
01:11:43,518 --> 01:11:45,825
I'd never let anything
happen to you, Sugarbear.

1359
01:11:45,868 --> 01:11:48,088
Leonard, hit it!

1360
01:11:48,131 --> 01:11:49,959
[ALARM BLARING] [THUNDERSTRUCKPLAYING]

1361
01:11:56,792 --> 01:11:58,838
Go! Go! Go!

1362
01:12:01,884 --> 01:12:03,364
[MAN SINGING]

1363
01:12:34,526 --> 01:12:35,962
Let's get some!

1364
01:12:36,005 --> 01:12:37,180
Whoo!

1365
01:12:37,224 --> 01:12:38,399
Oh, yeah!

1366
01:12:38,443 --> 01:12:41,271
Convoy, 12 o'clock!
On my command!

1367
01:12:42,316 --> 01:12:43,796
Deploy! Oh, hey now!

1368
01:12:43,839 --> 01:12:45,101
Whoa!

1369
01:12:50,368 --> 01:12:52,282
Little off course here.

1370
01:12:53,371 --> 01:12:54,415
[GROANS]

1371
01:12:54,459 --> 01:12:57,287
Holy mommy fucking shit!

1372
01:12:58,027 --> 01:12:59,464
Ah, there they are.

1373
01:12:59,507 --> 01:13:03,119
Look at these gorgeous
sons of bitches. [BLOWS KISS]

1374
01:13:03,163 --> 01:13:05,078
Oh, yeah!
That's right, Bedlam!

1375
01:13:06,688 --> 01:13:08,255
[BEDLAM GRUNTS][ALL GASP]

1376
01:13:08,298 --> 01:13:10,126
[GASPING DRAMATICALLY]

1377
01:13:10,170 --> 01:13:14,435
No! Tripping
motherfucking billies!

1378
01:13:14,479 --> 01:13:17,569
Shatterstar.
Okay, you got this.

1379
01:13:18,352 --> 01:13:19,397
Left!

1380
01:13:19,440 --> 01:13:20,789
Left!

1381
01:13:20,833 --> 01:13:23,096
You'd have to be insane
to take off in this.

1382
01:13:23,139 --> 01:13:25,359
No, stage left, you idiot!

1383
01:13:26,099 --> 01:13:27,622
[GASPS]

1384
01:13:29,276 --> 01:13:30,799
Well, I guess
we found something

1385
01:13:30,843 --> 01:13:31,931
you're not better at.

1386
01:13:34,150 --> 01:13:35,456
Vanisher.

1387
01:13:35,500 --> 01:13:37,284
Maybe the wind can't blow
what it can't see.

1388
01:13:38,807 --> 01:13:40,374
[GRUNTING]

1389
01:13:40,418 --> 01:13:41,854
Oh! Really?

1390
01:13:41,897 --> 01:13:44,247
All right,
we could do this with four.

1391
01:13:44,291 --> 01:13:47,294
Sugarbear.
You got this, buddy!

1392
01:13:47,337 --> 01:13:49,427
That's the stuff!
That's the X-Force spirit!

1393
01:13:50,645 --> 01:13:52,734
Never underestimate
a man with a mustache!

1394
01:13:52,778 --> 01:13:54,344
Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.

1395
01:13:54,388 --> 01:13:55,563
[WHOOPS] We did it!

1396
01:13:55,607 --> 01:13:57,173
You're a goddamn
superhero, you!

1397
01:13:57,217 --> 01:13:58,305
X-Force!

1398
01:13:58,914 --> 01:14:00,002
X-Force.

1399
01:14:02,222 --> 01:14:03,266
[SCREAMING]

1400
01:14:03,310 --> 01:14:04,354
[WOOD CHIPPER WHIRRING]

1401
01:14:04,398 --> 01:14:06,269
[GASPS]Oh!

1402
01:14:07,270 --> 01:14:08,402
[EXHALES]

1403
01:14:09,969 --> 01:14:11,013
Peter.

1404
01:14:11,057 --> 01:14:12,362
PETER: I got you, buddy!

1405
01:14:12,406 --> 01:14:13,581
You're gonna be fine!This is not good, man!

1406
01:14:13,625 --> 01:14:15,931
You got this, big guy!
Here we go, Peter!

1407
01:14:15,975 --> 01:14:17,455
Look at me.
We're X-Force, right?

1408
01:14:17,498 --> 01:14:19,587
Yeah, we're X-Force.We're X-Force.

1409
01:14:23,635 --> 01:14:25,680
Oh, my God!
What the fuck?

1410
01:14:25,724 --> 01:14:27,726
Fucking acidic vomit![SCREAMS]

1411
01:14:27,769 --> 01:14:29,249
[WHIRRING]

1412
01:14:29,292 --> 01:14:32,078
Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up
in my mask.

1413
01:14:32,121 --> 01:14:33,383
[EXHALES]

1414
01:14:35,168 --> 01:14:37,562
DOMINO: Okay,
I'm over the convoy.

1415
01:14:37,605 --> 01:14:40,042
Where did the rest
of the team land?

1416
01:14:40,086 --> 01:14:41,740
Good news and bad news.

1417
01:14:41,783 --> 01:14:44,917
Bad news is
the whole team is dead.

1418
01:14:44,960 --> 01:14:46,266
The good news is,

1419
01:14:46,309 --> 01:14:48,137
I don't think anyone's
gonna miss Shatterstar.

1420
01:14:48,181 --> 01:14:51,532
He was a bit of a prick.
Oh, but Paul!

1421
01:14:51,576 --> 01:14:52,577
DOMINO: Peter!

1422
01:14:52,620 --> 01:14:54,100
Peter, I'm gonna
miss him most.

1423
01:14:54,143 --> 01:14:55,275
But there is
a slight chance

1424
01:14:55,318 --> 01:14:56,668
Vanisher could make it.

1425
01:14:56,711 --> 01:14:59,322
[PEOPLE EXCLAIMING]Nope, no chance. He's dead.

1426
01:14:59,366 --> 01:15:00,541
DOMINO:
The whole team?

1427
01:15:00,585 --> 01:15:02,456
Only the main ones.
We're still good.

1428
01:15:02,500 --> 01:15:03,762
Fuck, you are dumb.

1429
01:15:03,805 --> 01:15:05,459
Whoever planned this stunt's

1430
01:15:05,503 --> 01:15:07,679
been smoking
a lot jazz cabbage.

1431
01:15:07,722 --> 01:15:08,854
I'll tell you that much.

1432
01:15:08,897 --> 01:15:10,551
That's pretty obvious!

1433
01:15:10,595 --> 01:15:12,335
Looking good, Vanisher.

1434
01:15:22,171 --> 01:15:24,043
They're headed
into the tunnel.

1435
01:15:25,044 --> 01:15:26,524
I'm that kid's only hope,

1436
01:15:26,567 --> 01:15:28,438
so sit tight
and wait for my word.

1437
01:15:29,178 --> 01:15:30,484
DOMINO: Whatever.

1438
01:15:30,528 --> 01:15:32,051
We're gonna lose 'em.
I'm dropping in.

1439
01:15:32,094 --> 01:15:34,488
DEADPOOL: Uh, that's
a negative, sole survivor.

1440
01:15:34,532 --> 01:15:37,056
Luck is not a superpower!
We are so fucked!

1441
01:15:37,099 --> 01:15:40,189
No, we most certainly
are not fucked.

1442
01:15:40,233 --> 01:15:41,582
[CARS HORNS HONKING][BRAKES SCREECHING]

1443
01:15:43,279 --> 01:15:45,934
DEADPOOL: Seriously,
I don't get it!

1444
01:15:45,978 --> 01:15:48,458
What, you shoot luck lasers
out of your eyes?

1445
01:15:50,635 --> 01:15:52,462
It's just
it's hard to picture.

1446
01:15:52,506 --> 01:15:54,595
And certainly
not very cinematic.

1447
01:15:57,293 --> 01:15:58,904
I mean, luck?

1448
01:15:58,947 --> 01:16:01,515
What coked out,
glass pipe-sucking

1449
01:16:01,559 --> 01:16:02,908
freakshow comic book artist...

1450
01:16:02,951 --> 01:16:04,605
came up
with that little chestnut?

1451
01:16:04,649 --> 01:16:06,912
Probably a guy
who can't draw feet!

1452
01:16:18,010 --> 01:16:21,317
Once again, it all falls
on my shoulders.

1453
01:16:21,361 --> 01:16:22,580
It's why I'm cursed to be
a solo act.

1454
01:16:22,623 --> 01:16:23,624
Wander the Earth...I'm in.

1455
01:16:23,668 --> 01:16:25,191
I'm sorry, what did you say?

1456
01:16:25,234 --> 01:16:26,366
I'm in.

1457
01:16:26,409 --> 01:16:28,281
How in the fuck
are you in already?

1458
01:16:28,716 --> 01:16:30,544
Oh, shit.

1459
01:16:30,588 --> 01:16:31,806
It's Cable. 12 o'clock.

1460
01:16:31,850 --> 01:16:32,981
DEADPOOL: Okay.

1461
01:16:33,025 --> 01:16:35,462
New plan. Use all of your
imaginary powers

1462
01:16:35,505 --> 01:16:38,247
to stop Cable
from killing that kid.

1463
01:16:38,291 --> 01:16:39,901
I'm coming up on your six.

1464
01:16:48,170 --> 01:16:50,216
That gun is amazing!

1465
01:16:50,259 --> 01:16:52,348
[GRUNTS][TIRES SCREECHING]

1466
01:16:59,355 --> 01:17:01,401
MAN: Hey!
Asshole!

1467
01:17:01,444 --> 01:17:03,055
DOMINO: Where is he?
I can't see him.

1468
01:17:03,098 --> 01:17:04,839
DEADPOOL: He's on top of you.

1469
01:17:04,883 --> 01:17:06,754
He's tearing you open!

1470
01:17:06,798 --> 01:17:08,713
He's going in
through the back!

1471
01:17:08,756 --> 01:17:09,888
Oh, God, he's inside!

1472
01:17:09,931 --> 01:17:11,237
You hear yourself, right?

1473
01:17:11,280 --> 01:17:12,717
DEADPOOL:
Accidental double entendres!

1474
01:17:12,760 --> 01:17:15,284
Russell! Russell Collins!

1475
01:17:15,328 --> 01:17:17,243
DEADPOOL: Hands off that kid,
John Connor!

1476
01:17:22,248 --> 01:17:23,249
No, no, no!

1477
01:17:27,601 --> 01:17:28,689
Shit!

1478
01:17:29,429 --> 01:17:30,430
[PRISONER SCREAMING]

1479
01:17:32,345 --> 01:17:33,346
[GRUNTS]

1480
01:17:41,180 --> 01:17:42,181
[BEEPING RAPIDLY]

1481
01:17:50,668 --> 01:17:52,582
DEADPOOL:
Two can play that game!

1482
01:17:54,715 --> 01:17:56,543
Got it! No, I don't.

1483
01:17:57,544 --> 01:17:58,588
Showtime, mama!

1484
01:17:58,632 --> 01:18:00,242
Lady Luck, take the wheel.

1485
01:18:08,555 --> 01:18:09,687
[GUN CLICKS]

1486
01:18:16,258 --> 01:18:17,259
[GROANS]

1487
01:18:33,754 --> 01:18:34,712
[HORNS HONKING]

1488
01:18:35,582 --> 01:18:36,583
[DOMINO GRUNTING]

1489
01:18:38,063 --> 01:18:39,847
I'd ask who you are, but
you'll be dead in a second.

1490
01:18:39,891 --> 01:18:41,980
I'm Domino, and doubtful.

1491
01:18:42,023 --> 01:18:43,503
[BOTH GRUNTING]

1492
01:18:58,561 --> 01:18:59,562
Hang in there, Doms!

1493
01:19:00,868 --> 01:19:02,565
Oh, this is really hard.

1494
01:19:02,609 --> 01:19:03,784
[TIRES SCREECHING]

1495
01:19:13,707 --> 01:19:14,795
[GUNSHOT]

1496
01:19:14,839 --> 01:19:16,188
And give me back
my Skee-Ball token.

1497
01:19:19,757 --> 01:19:21,280
You're doing great.X-Force.

1498
01:19:23,238 --> 01:19:25,284
I guess dubstep never dies.

1499
01:19:25,327 --> 01:19:26,894
[BANGARANGPLAYING]

1500
01:19:29,549 --> 01:19:30,593
Whoo!

1501
01:19:31,812 --> 01:19:32,944
[LAUGHING]

1502
01:19:34,859 --> 01:19:36,164
[BLACK TOM GROANS]

1503
01:19:36,208 --> 01:19:37,557
[DEADPOOL GASPS]

1504
01:19:37,600 --> 01:19:40,255
You killed Black Tom,
you racist son of a bitch!

1505
01:19:41,256 --> 01:19:42,301
[GROWLS]

1506
01:19:43,041 --> 01:19:44,172
That's unfortunate.

1507
01:19:47,306 --> 01:19:48,698
We got no brakes!

1508
01:19:48,742 --> 01:19:49,961
[STRAINING]
Figure it out!

1509
01:19:50,875 --> 01:19:52,137
[BOTH GRUNTING]

1510
01:19:54,356 --> 01:19:55,880
There's nothing I can't kill.

1511
01:19:58,708 --> 01:20:01,233
Well, as Scoutmaster Kevin
used to say...

1512
01:20:01,276 --> 01:20:03,626
"There's a first time
for everything, son."

1513
01:20:05,324 --> 01:20:06,891
Give me your best shot,
One-Eyed Willy.

1514
01:20:19,381 --> 01:20:21,731
[PANTING]

1515
01:20:21,775 --> 01:20:23,690
Those bullets were, like,
super fast.

1516
01:20:24,256 --> 01:20:25,257
Here we go.

1517
01:20:26,345 --> 01:20:28,608
Domino, mind slowing us down?

1518
01:20:28,651 --> 01:20:30,784
[SIGHS] Here goes nothing.

1519
01:20:30,828 --> 01:20:32,090
[HORN HONKING]

1520
01:20:33,961 --> 01:20:35,441
[BOTH GRUNTING]

1521
01:20:38,792 --> 01:20:40,272
[HONKING]

1522
01:21:01,946 --> 01:21:03,686
MAN: Knock, knock.

1523
01:21:10,215 --> 01:21:11,259
That's my boy.

1524
01:21:11,303 --> 01:21:12,608
[BOTH GRUNTING]

1525
01:21:17,657 --> 01:21:18,876
Holy...

1526
01:21:18,919 --> 01:21:19,920
[GRUNTS]

1527
01:21:23,750 --> 01:21:25,143
[ONLY TIMEPLAYING]

1528
01:21:27,536 --> 01:21:29,060
[YELLING]

1529
01:21:29,103 --> 01:21:30,757
DEADPOOL:
I'll be first to admit...

1530
01:21:30,800 --> 01:21:33,151
this did not go
according to plan.

1531
01:21:34,500 --> 01:21:36,067
I'll also be the first
to admit that

1532
01:21:36,110 --> 01:21:37,982
that plan was
written in crayon.

1533
01:21:38,025 --> 01:21:41,289
Looks like Russell found
a new friend. Jelly.

1534
01:21:41,333 --> 01:21:42,943
Turns out Domino's
a bit of a badass,

1535
01:21:42,987 --> 01:21:45,903
and maybe,
possibly mildly lucky.

1536
01:21:45,946 --> 01:21:49,210
But Cable? Ugh.
That guy's in a mood.

1537
01:21:49,254 --> 01:21:50,472
[CHUCKLES] A mood that is

1538
01:21:50,516 --> 01:21:52,300
about to get
significantly worse.

1539
01:21:53,954 --> 01:21:54,955
[SQUEAKS]

1540
01:21:58,654 --> 01:21:59,786
[SIGHS]

1541
01:22:12,277 --> 01:22:14,105
[GROANS]

1542
01:22:16,063 --> 01:22:18,500
Something is so terribly,
terribly wrong.

1543
01:22:21,460 --> 01:22:22,940
Oh.[NECK SNAPS]

1544
01:22:23,375 --> 01:22:24,680
[GROANS]

1545
01:22:24,724 --> 01:22:26,378
Oh, God, that hurt.

1546
01:22:26,421 --> 01:22:28,032
Suck it, Mel Gibson.

1547
01:22:28,597 --> 01:22:29,947
[GROANING]

1548
01:22:31,600 --> 01:22:32,688
Russell.

1549
01:22:35,387 --> 01:22:36,475
Russell!

1550
01:22:37,084 --> 01:22:39,173
Russ, where are ya?

1551
01:22:42,829 --> 01:22:45,005
Russell. Russell, you're okay!

1552
01:22:45,049 --> 01:22:48,487
Oh, thank God.
Oh, my God!

1553
01:22:48,530 --> 01:22:49,879
Juggernaut!

1554
01:22:49,923 --> 01:22:51,011
[GASPS]

1555
01:22:51,055 --> 01:22:53,100
I thought that was you!

1556
01:22:53,144 --> 01:22:55,973
I should've worn
my white pants.

1557
01:22:56,016 --> 01:22:59,846
You probably get this a lot,
but I am a huge fan.

1558
01:22:59,889 --> 01:23:03,197
Uncanny X-Men183. Thor411.

1559
01:23:03,241 --> 01:23:04,590
X-Men Unlimited12.

1560
01:23:04,633 --> 01:23:06,766
You know, it has always been
a dream of mine...

1561
01:23:06,809 --> 01:23:08,594
to see my face
reflected in your helmet...

1562
01:23:08,637 --> 01:23:10,857
as you charge at me
with murderous intent.

1563
01:23:10,900 --> 01:23:12,685
I don't mean right now.

1564
01:23:12,728 --> 01:23:14,643
I'm gonna rip you
in half now.

1565
01:23:14,687 --> 01:23:17,037
[LAUGHS] That is such
a Juggernaut thing to say.

1566
01:23:17,081 --> 01:23:18,430
[DEADPOOL SCREAMING]

1567
01:23:21,085 --> 01:23:25,132
Oh, my God!
I can't feel my legs.

1568
01:23:25,176 --> 01:23:26,264
I can't feel...

1569
01:23:27,221 --> 01:23:28,744
Oh, no, they're right here.

1570
01:23:29,571 --> 01:23:31,356
Got 'em.
God, Russell.

1571
01:23:31,399 --> 01:23:33,749
I have a mission.

1572
01:23:33,793 --> 01:23:35,360
To get my revenge.

1573
01:23:35,403 --> 01:23:37,710
I'm going to burn
that headmaster alive.

1574
01:23:37,753 --> 01:23:39,973
You're not the revenge type.

1575
01:23:40,017 --> 01:23:41,540
Take it from a friend.

1576
01:23:41,583 --> 01:23:45,413
Friend? You were sick,
and I protected you.

1577
01:23:45,457 --> 01:23:47,633
You said it yourself.

1578
01:23:47,676 --> 01:23:50,375
"I'm not your friend.
Find someone stronger."

1579
01:23:50,418 --> 01:23:51,854
So I did.

1580
01:23:51,898 --> 01:23:53,334
[GRUNTS]

1581
01:23:53,378 --> 01:23:55,554
Russell, I couldn't
protect you back then.

1582
01:23:55,597 --> 01:23:59,601
But I can now. What do you
want me to say, huh?

1583
01:23:59,645 --> 01:24:01,516
"I care about you"?
'Cause goddamn it,

1584
01:24:01,560 --> 01:24:03,997
I care about you, Russell.

1585
01:24:04,041 --> 01:24:06,130
What's Juggernaut got
that I don't have?

1586
01:24:06,173 --> 01:24:09,872
Don't you say legs!
I know you're gonna say legs!

1587
01:24:09,916 --> 01:24:12,701
Legs!Still hurts to hear out loud!

1588
01:24:14,877 --> 01:24:17,837
What is that?
That's not a real rope!

1589
01:24:17,880 --> 01:24:20,187
You get back here, young man![SIRENS WAILING]

1590
01:24:21,145 --> 01:24:22,624
Doms!

1591
01:24:22,668 --> 01:24:24,887
Doms, get me
out of here, please.

1592
01:24:24,931 --> 01:24:27,325
Use my arms
as backpack straps.

1593
01:24:30,067 --> 01:24:31,155
I think we may have found

1594
01:24:31,198 --> 01:24:33,374
your cosmic reason
for being here.

1595
01:24:33,418 --> 01:24:35,202
I'm pretty sure
this isn't it.

1596
01:24:35,246 --> 01:24:36,508
DEADPOOL: X-Force.

1597
01:24:50,043 --> 01:24:51,871
BLIND AL:
No child is hopeless.

1598
01:24:51,914 --> 01:24:55,396
Don't give up on the boy.How could he just walk away?

1599
01:24:55,440 --> 01:24:58,138
It was the coldness
in his eyes.

1600
01:24:58,182 --> 01:24:59,748
You should've heard it.

1601
01:25:00,532 --> 01:25:01,620
[WADE SIGHS]

1602
01:25:01,663 --> 01:25:03,970
I guess family
really is an F-word.

1603
01:25:04,884 --> 01:25:07,104
[GROANS] Rub my legs, Mama.

1604
01:25:07,147 --> 01:25:08,540
Why would I
rub your legs?

1605
01:25:08,583 --> 01:25:11,499
Please, they hurt.
I have growing pains.

1606
01:25:11,543 --> 01:25:12,892
[BLIND AL SIGHS]

1607
01:25:14,633 --> 01:25:16,287
What in the...

1608
01:25:16,330 --> 01:25:19,072
Why is your hand
so tiny again?

1609
01:25:19,116 --> 01:25:20,943
That's not my hand.

1610
01:25:20,987 --> 01:25:23,337
Oh! Mary,
mother of Joseph!

1611
01:25:23,381 --> 01:25:25,296
That was nice for me.[DOOR OPENS]

1612
01:25:25,339 --> 01:25:28,168
Wade! I heard what happened
with the convoy and...

1613
01:25:28,212 --> 01:25:29,213
[GASPS]

1614
01:25:30,866 --> 01:25:32,564
[WEASEL RETCHES]

1615
01:25:32,607 --> 01:25:34,914
Why wouldn't you
cover that up?

1616
01:25:34,957 --> 01:25:37,177
A warrior has nothing
to be ashamed of.

1617
01:25:37,221 --> 01:25:39,179
WEASEL: Yeah, but you do.
Look at you.

1618
01:25:39,223 --> 01:25:41,225
You're just
straight shirt-cocking it,

1619
01:25:41,268 --> 01:25:42,748
toddler-style.

1620
01:25:42,791 --> 01:25:44,750
Oh, yeah.
Full Winnie the Pooh.

1621
01:25:44,793 --> 01:25:46,795
The hell's happening?
Describe it.

1622
01:25:46,839 --> 01:25:48,101
I wouldn't ask him to do that,
if I were you.

1623
01:25:48,145 --> 01:25:49,755
WEASEL: It's like, um...Here we go.

1624
01:25:49,798 --> 01:25:51,060
It's like he was
giving birth anally,

1625
01:25:51,104 --> 01:25:52,627
but they quit halfway through.

1626
01:25:52,671 --> 01:25:53,802
They got the legs out,
and they said,

1627
01:25:53,846 --> 01:25:55,195
"You know what, I'm done."

1628
01:25:55,239 --> 01:25:56,501
Happy?

1629
01:25:56,544 --> 01:25:57,632
It's like he's a Muppet
from the waist down.

1630
01:25:57,676 --> 01:25:58,851
But this time, you can see

1631
01:25:58,894 --> 01:26:00,331
the Muppet's dick.[DOOR OPENS]

1632
01:26:00,374 --> 01:26:01,897
Grover's got a cock
the size of a twig.

1633
01:26:01,941 --> 01:26:03,116
DOPINDER: Mr. Weasel, I can
no longer be double-parked.

1634
01:26:03,160 --> 01:26:04,639
I've had three tickets
already. [SCREAMS]

1635
01:26:06,250 --> 01:26:09,035
No, no, no, DP,
not again!

1636
01:26:09,078 --> 01:26:11,690
This has happened before?[DOPINDER RETCHING]

1637
01:26:11,733 --> 01:26:13,213
[DOOR OPENS]Jesus! Either vomit or don't.

1638
01:26:13,257 --> 01:26:14,562
The indecision is killing me.

1639
01:26:14,606 --> 01:26:16,477
Why couldn't God
take my hearing?

1640
01:26:18,087 --> 01:26:20,264
Oh. Wow!

1641
01:26:20,307 --> 01:26:22,004
Cool your pits.
They're growing back.

1642
01:26:22,048 --> 01:26:24,006
I'm talking about your face.

1643
01:26:24,050 --> 01:26:25,965
I've never seen you
without your mask before.

1644
01:26:26,008 --> 01:26:28,228
Jesus Christ!Looks like an avocado.

1645
01:26:28,272 --> 01:26:30,187
DOMINO: Your legs, though,
they're cute.

1646
01:26:30,230 --> 01:26:32,014
You wanna borrow
a pair of pants?

1647
01:26:33,581 --> 01:26:35,192
I'm glad everybody dropped by.

1648
01:26:35,235 --> 01:26:37,933
You must be wondering
why I didn't call you here.

1649
01:26:37,977 --> 01:26:39,587
I'll tell you why I'm here.

1650
01:26:39,631 --> 01:26:41,981
"The Time Traveler's Wife's"
husband...

1651
01:26:42,024 --> 01:26:43,243
beat me within
an inch of my life.

1652
01:26:43,287 --> 01:26:44,636
He was torturing me!

1653
01:26:44,679 --> 01:26:47,552
But all I told him was
everything he wanted to know.

1654
01:26:47,595 --> 01:26:50,250
So, I'm here
to help us gear up.

1655
01:26:50,294 --> 01:26:51,425
So we can go after him
without me.

1656
01:26:51,469 --> 01:26:52,861
WADE: No!

1657
01:26:52,905 --> 01:26:54,254
I'm doing this alone.

1658
01:26:54,298 --> 01:26:55,429
The Juggernaut

1659
01:26:55,473 --> 01:26:56,909
will kill you all.Fair enough.

1660
01:26:56,952 --> 01:26:58,824
WADE: I just need a couple of
hours to get some legs

1661
01:26:58,867 --> 01:26:59,999
under me.What will you do?

1662
01:27:00,042 --> 01:27:01,348
WADE: I don't care
what the kid did to me.

1663
01:27:01,392 --> 01:27:02,741
I ain't letting Cable
get to him,

1664
01:27:02,784 --> 01:27:04,133
even if I have to
teabag him to death.

1665
01:27:04,177 --> 01:27:06,223
It's really just a sip of tea
at this point.

1666
01:27:06,266 --> 01:27:08,050
Zip it, black Black Widow!
I'm flowing.

1667
01:27:08,094 --> 01:27:09,138
The first order
of business is

1668
01:27:09,182 --> 01:27:10,575
to get me in front of Cable...

1669
01:27:10,618 --> 01:27:12,011
so I can pull all the fucking
blood out of his body...

1670
01:27:12,054 --> 01:27:14,405
and fashion his bones
into holiday jewelry.

1671
01:27:14,448 --> 01:27:16,276
Then,
I'm gonna take his skin...

1672
01:27:16,320 --> 01:27:19,366
and stretch it out
over a homemade mating drum.

1673
01:27:20,976 --> 01:27:22,543
He's standing right
behind you, isn't he?

1674
01:27:25,981 --> 01:27:26,982
[COCKS GUN]

1675
01:27:31,248 --> 01:27:33,250
What in the ass?

1676
01:27:33,293 --> 01:27:36,601
Is this apartment listed
on Tinder? Grindr?

1677
01:27:36,644 --> 01:27:39,691
You picked the wrong shithole
to fuck, future boy.

1678
01:27:39,734 --> 01:27:42,259
Ugh. Is that really necessary?

1679
01:27:44,522 --> 01:27:47,307
No. It's his
"Basic Instinct."

1680
01:27:47,351 --> 01:27:49,091
What can we help you with?

1681
01:27:49,135 --> 01:27:50,789
I'm here to proposition you.

1682
01:27:52,312 --> 01:27:53,400
[LAUGHS] Oh, boy!

1683
01:27:53,444 --> 01:27:54,488
He's really teeing it up,
isn't he?

1684
01:27:54,532 --> 01:27:56,664
Who gets to make
the first joke?

1685
01:27:56,708 --> 01:27:58,057
I think we should all do it
at the same time.

1686
01:27:58,100 --> 01:27:59,145
Good call.

1687
01:27:59,188 --> 01:28:00,755
For $45, you get sucky-suck.

1688
01:28:00,799 --> 01:28:02,017
BOTH: I only do over
the pants, mouth stuff.

1689
01:28:02,061 --> 01:28:03,192
Fuck!

1690
01:28:03,236 --> 01:28:04,324
The Proposition
has a wonderful

1691
01:28:04,368 --> 01:28:05,673
Guy Pearce performance.

1692
01:28:05,717 --> 01:28:07,458
WADE: Wait, wait, wait!
I wanna do mine over.

1693
01:28:07,501 --> 01:28:10,112
Give us the line again.I need your help!

1694
01:28:10,156 --> 01:28:12,463
Trust me, I'm even less happy
about this than you are...

1695
01:28:12,506 --> 01:28:15,640
but you unleashed
the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt!

1696
01:28:15,683 --> 01:28:18,077
I can't bring him down alone.

1697
01:28:18,120 --> 01:28:19,644
So here we are.

1698
01:28:20,993 --> 01:28:22,777
We're no longer
accepting applications

1699
01:28:22,821 --> 01:28:24,257
for X-Force, unfortunately.

1700
01:28:24,301 --> 01:28:25,737
Even if we were...

1701
01:28:25,780 --> 01:28:27,434
there's a wind advisory
in effect until at least...

1702
01:28:27,478 --> 01:28:28,740
We don't have a lot of time.

1703
01:28:28,783 --> 01:28:30,524
Your friend's about
to make his first kill.

1704
01:28:30,568 --> 01:28:32,091
No offense,
but if you know so much...

1705
01:28:32,134 --> 01:28:35,007
why not travel back to when
he was a baby, kill him then?

1706
01:28:35,050 --> 01:28:36,095
Or better yet, head back
a little further,

1707
01:28:36,138 --> 01:28:37,226
kill baby Hitler.

1708
01:28:37,270 --> 01:28:39,228
I use a device
to slide through time.

1709
01:28:39,272 --> 01:28:41,927
The longer I travel,
the harder it is to control.

1710
01:28:41,970 --> 01:28:44,582
I got two charges:
one to get me here,

1711
01:28:44,625 --> 01:28:45,800
one to get me home.

1712
01:28:45,844 --> 01:28:47,019
Well.

1713
01:28:47,062 --> 01:28:48,977
That's just lazy writing.

1714
01:28:49,021 --> 01:28:50,283
Your boy's
gonna kill the headmaster

1715
01:28:50,327 --> 01:28:51,893
of the orphanage tonight.

1716
01:28:51,937 --> 01:28:54,069
After that,
he gets a real taste for it.

1717
01:28:54,113 --> 01:28:56,855
Like 10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker!

1718
01:28:56,898 --> 01:28:58,900
So he keeps killing...

1719
01:28:58,944 --> 01:29:00,424
and killing, and killing,

1720
01:29:00,467 --> 01:29:01,990
and killing.[GUNS COCKING]

1721
01:29:02,034 --> 01:29:05,254
Until one day, he kills
the wrong fucking people.

1722
01:29:07,822 --> 01:29:09,215
My people.

1723
01:29:13,132 --> 01:29:14,394
Relax.

1724
01:29:14,438 --> 01:29:16,831
I'm retrieving something
from my utility bag.

1725
01:29:16,875 --> 01:29:19,443
It's a goddamn fanny pack...

1726
01:29:19,486 --> 01:29:22,097
and you know it,
you sick son of a bitch!

1727
01:29:22,141 --> 01:29:23,795
The difference
is night and day.

1728
01:29:25,623 --> 01:29:27,886
You remind me of my wife.

1729
01:29:27,929 --> 01:29:29,409
I'm sorry.

1730
01:29:29,453 --> 01:29:30,541
I said, "You remind me
of my wife."

1731
01:29:30,584 --> 01:29:31,933
No, I'm sorry
that you said that...

1732
01:29:31,977 --> 01:29:34,762
while making heavy eye contact
and applying lip balm.

1733
01:29:34,806 --> 01:29:35,981
CABLE: She always struggled.

1734
01:29:37,112 --> 01:29:38,549
But she was funny...

1735
01:29:38,592 --> 01:29:41,943
and filtered her pain
through the prism of humor.

1736
01:29:41,987 --> 01:29:44,206
Something I could
never master.

1737
01:29:45,120 --> 01:29:47,340
It was my fault she died.

1738
01:29:48,950 --> 01:29:52,606
It was my job
to stop people like him.

1739
01:29:52,650 --> 01:29:54,608
I came close a few times. [TOMORROWPLAYING]

1740
01:29:58,830 --> 01:30:00,484
He wasn't too happy
about that.

1741
01:30:02,224 --> 01:30:03,400
He was trying to hurt me...

1742
01:30:03,443 --> 01:30:05,402
and he knew exactly
how to do it.

1743
01:30:09,449 --> 01:30:11,146
OLDER RUSSELL:
Blessed are the wicked

1744
01:30:11,190 --> 01:30:12,757
who are healed by my hand.

1745
01:30:15,890 --> 01:30:18,240
CABLE: He came into my home...

1746
01:30:18,284 --> 01:30:21,156
and took the only thing
that made it a home.

1747
01:30:25,378 --> 01:30:26,727
Sound familiar?

1748
01:30:27,772 --> 01:30:29,426
I'm sorry.Uh-huh.

1749
01:30:29,469 --> 01:30:31,123
No, I'm really sorry.

1750
01:30:33,342 --> 01:30:35,475
But that isn't Russell.

1751
01:30:35,519 --> 01:30:37,434
It doesn't have to be him.If you knew what I knew...

1752
01:30:37,477 --> 01:30:39,479
Yeah, he's got anger issues...

1753
01:30:39,523 --> 01:30:41,089
maybe a small
learning disability...

1754
01:30:41,133 --> 01:30:42,526
splash of diabetes...

1755
01:30:42,569 --> 01:30:43,918
but nothing
that can't be fixed.

1756
01:30:43,962 --> 01:30:45,616
If you could go back...

1757
01:30:45,659 --> 01:30:48,357
and stop the people that took
your girl, would you?

1758
01:30:48,619 --> 01:30:49,881
No.

1759
01:30:49,924 --> 01:30:51,665
I'd buy them all
a bouquet of hand jobs.

1760
01:30:51,709 --> 01:30:53,450
Of course I fucking would!

1761
01:30:54,233 --> 01:30:55,364
But I wouldn't kill a kid.

1762
01:30:55,408 --> 01:30:57,454
I'm not asking you
to kill a kid!

1763
01:30:57,497 --> 01:30:59,064
I'll kill the kid.

1764
01:30:59,107 --> 01:31:02,589
I'm asking you to save
hundreds of other kids.

1765
01:31:02,633 --> 01:31:04,983
Russell's gonna burn down
that orphanage.

1766
01:31:05,026 --> 01:31:07,072
And I can imagine
your dead girlfriend...

1767
01:31:07,115 --> 01:31:09,378
would want you to do
the right thing, wouldn't she?

1768
01:31:10,379 --> 01:31:13,557
So, what's it gonna be,
handsome?

1769
01:31:13,600 --> 01:31:15,341
Give me a chance to save him.

1770
01:31:15,384 --> 01:31:16,821
What?You said...

1771
01:31:16,864 --> 01:31:18,518
once he kills someone,
he gets a taste for it.

1772
01:31:18,562 --> 01:31:20,912
If we can get to him
before that happens...

1773
01:31:20,955 --> 01:31:22,609
promise you'll give me
a chance

1774
01:31:22,653 --> 01:31:24,524
to put him
on a different path.

1775
01:31:24,568 --> 01:31:25,743
Define "chance."

1776
01:31:25,786 --> 01:31:27,005
I don't know.
How long does it take

1777
01:31:27,048 --> 01:31:28,397
to save someone's soul?
That's not...

1778
01:31:28,441 --> 01:31:29,703
I'll give you 30 seconds.

1779
01:31:29,747 --> 01:31:31,792
What? No!Best I can do.

1780
01:31:31,836 --> 01:31:33,141
Take it or leave it.

1781
01:31:43,587 --> 01:31:45,066
[CABLE GROANS]WEASEL: He's doing it!

1782
01:31:45,110 --> 01:31:46,720
Look at the little fella.
He's doing it.

1783
01:31:46,764 --> 01:31:48,722
[RETCHES]There he goes.

1784
01:31:48,766 --> 01:31:50,245
CABLE: Jesus Christ!

1785
01:31:50,289 --> 01:31:51,769
WEASEL: Just shirt-cocking it.

1786
01:31:51,812 --> 01:31:53,727
Ugh.

1787
01:31:53,771 --> 01:31:55,120
WEASEL:
There you go, little fella.

1788
01:31:55,860 --> 01:31:57,557
Go on, you're doing it!

1789
01:31:57,601 --> 01:32:00,473
My beautiful, hairless,
Twizzler-legged baby boy.

1790
01:32:02,649 --> 01:32:03,781
DOMINO: Christ!

1791
01:32:03,824 --> 01:32:05,522
That's disturbing.

1792
01:32:05,565 --> 01:32:06,958
30 seconds.

1793
01:32:12,354 --> 01:32:13,834
Deal.Deal.

1794
01:32:16,837 --> 01:32:18,622
[FARTING ]

1795
01:32:20,275 --> 01:32:23,365
Man, that sucks they didn't
have anything in your size.

1796
01:32:23,409 --> 01:32:25,411
I really wanted to match,
you know?

1797
01:32:25,454 --> 01:32:27,500
Being a menacing team.[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

1798
01:32:27,544 --> 01:32:28,719
Oh, man, it sucks.

1799
01:32:28,762 --> 01:32:30,634
That was some
cold-ass shit, kid.

1800
01:32:32,026 --> 01:32:34,594
DEADPOOL: And that is just
the first five steps

1801
01:32:34,638 --> 01:32:36,335
to a prostate-assisted orgasm.

1802
01:32:37,249 --> 01:32:38,685
Where the hell
are we going?

1803
01:32:38,729 --> 01:32:40,078
DEADPOOL:
You said it yourself.

1804
01:32:40,121 --> 01:32:43,037
Nothing can stop the
Juggernaut. We need backup.

1805
01:32:43,081 --> 01:32:46,040
I will bathe in the blood
of your enemies.

1806
01:32:46,084 --> 01:32:48,216
[BOLLYWOOD MUSIC PLAYING
ON RADIO]

1807
01:32:50,175 --> 01:32:51,785
Can you turn off the music?

1808
01:32:52,786 --> 01:32:54,919
You'll do no such thing.

1809
01:32:54,962 --> 01:32:56,834
Why don't you just say it
in an Indian accent?

1810
01:32:56,877 --> 01:32:58,618
I'm sorry?Apology accepted.

1811
01:32:58,662 --> 01:33:00,751
This is a side of you
I do not like.

1812
01:33:00,794 --> 01:33:02,143
Let me guess,

1813
01:33:02,187 --> 01:33:03,667
some of your best friends
in the future are Indian.

1814
01:33:03,710 --> 01:33:04,972
What the hell are you...?

1815
01:33:05,016 --> 01:33:06,887
Once again, intolerance rears
its ugly head.

1816
01:33:06,931 --> 01:33:08,236
I am so sorry.
It gets better.

1817
01:33:08,280 --> 01:33:09,847
I'm not a fucking racist,
moron!

1818
01:33:09,890 --> 01:33:11,936
That's precisely
what a racist would say.

1819
01:33:11,979 --> 01:33:13,633
I'm with the old white guy
on this one.

1820
01:33:13,677 --> 01:33:14,939
And that's a twist.

1821
01:33:14,982 --> 01:33:16,505
When this is over...

1822
01:33:16,549 --> 01:33:18,420
I'm going to fuck you to death
with your own broken feet.

1823
01:33:18,464 --> 01:33:20,640
And a sexual predator, too.
That's rich.

1824
01:33:20,684 --> 01:33:22,076
I should have
finished college.

1825
01:33:22,120 --> 01:33:23,251
DEADPOOL:
So what exactly do you

1826
01:33:23,295 --> 01:33:24,339
do in the future, anyway, huh?

1827
01:33:24,383 --> 01:33:25,645
Some kind of soldier?

1828
01:33:25,689 --> 01:33:27,516
Yeah, something like that.

1829
01:33:27,560 --> 01:33:29,736
DEADPOOL: I was a soldier.
Special Forces.

1830
01:33:29,780 --> 01:33:32,478
I bet 50 years from now,
we're bestest buddies.

1831
01:33:32,521 --> 01:33:34,523
50 years from now,
you're very dead.

1832
01:33:34,567 --> 01:33:36,961
Your entire generation fucked
this planet into a coma.

1833
01:33:37,004 --> 01:33:38,615
Boom! [IMITATES EXPLOSION]

1834
01:33:38,658 --> 01:33:39,920
Spoiler alert.

1835
01:33:39,964 --> 01:33:41,095
[SNICKERS]

1836
01:33:41,139 --> 01:33:42,488
[SIGHS] Planets.

1837
01:33:42,531 --> 01:33:44,098
Next time, Uber.

1838
01:33:44,142 --> 01:33:45,447
Here's a spoiler alert.

1839
01:33:46,623 --> 01:33:48,581
You're not a fucking hero.

1840
01:33:48,625 --> 01:33:52,672
You're just an annoying clown
dressed up as a sex toy.

1841
01:33:52,716 --> 01:33:53,891
DEADPOOL:
Well, I got news for you.

1842
01:33:53,934 --> 01:33:55,283
My heart
is in the right place.

1843
01:33:55,327 --> 01:33:56,850
Russell's not
gonna kill anyone.

1844
01:33:56,894 --> 01:33:58,852
Because of me, he's gonna know
what real love looks like.

1845
01:33:58,896 --> 01:33:59,984
We're all going to die.

1846
01:34:00,027 --> 01:34:01,289
Because of you,
I'll always know

1847
01:34:01,333 --> 01:34:03,291
what a grown man
with baby balls looks like.

1848
01:34:03,335 --> 01:34:05,729
I'm a grower, not a shower.

1849
01:34:05,772 --> 01:34:06,947
God, I wish this were a bus

1850
01:34:06,991 --> 01:34:08,166
where I could pull
the string and get out.

1851
01:34:08,209 --> 01:34:09,863
It's a good thing
Cable's not driving,

1852
01:34:09,907 --> 01:34:11,125
or you'd be in the back.

1853
01:34:11,169 --> 01:34:13,519
I am in the back.DEADPOOL: Right here!

1854
01:34:13,562 --> 01:34:14,825
[BRAKES SCREECHING]

1855
01:34:16,174 --> 01:34:17,958
[IN YOUR EYESPLAYING
ON BOOM BOX]

1856
01:34:29,317 --> 01:34:30,579
[GROANS]

1857
01:34:31,668 --> 01:34:33,713
DEADPOOL: I made mistakes!

1858
01:34:33,757 --> 01:34:35,454
I wanna take them back!

1859
01:34:35,497 --> 01:34:38,457
You trusted me.
I took that trust...

1860
01:34:38,500 --> 01:34:39,937
and turned it
into a glory hole

1861
01:34:39,980 --> 01:34:41,547
in an airport bathroom.

1862
01:34:41,590 --> 01:34:44,855
The one in Minneapolis.
You know the one.

1863
01:34:44,898 --> 01:34:47,509
But even you know I'm not
a complete piece of shit.

1864
01:34:47,553 --> 01:34:49,076
I was once an X-Man.

1865
01:34:49,120 --> 01:34:50,164
Trainee!

1866
01:34:51,252 --> 01:34:52,427
[MUSIC STOPS]

1867
01:34:54,821 --> 01:34:57,389
You're still using
my Velcro labels. Aw.

1868
01:34:57,432 --> 01:34:59,043
They do stick better
than tape.

1869
01:34:59,086 --> 01:35:00,131
Hi, Wade!

1870
01:35:00,174 --> 01:35:01,610
Please don't.

1871
01:35:01,654 --> 01:35:04,048
Say whatever it is you're here
to say. Make it quick.

1872
01:35:04,091 --> 01:35:05,353
Right. Quick.

1873
01:35:05,397 --> 01:35:07,094
It's the kid.
Just like you, I let him down.

1874
01:35:07,138 --> 01:35:08,574
And just like me,

1875
01:35:08,617 --> 01:35:09,749
he's never had anyone
sacrifice anything for him...

1876
01:35:09,793 --> 01:35:10,794
because the whole world
wrote him off

1877
01:35:10,837 --> 01:35:12,273
as a piece of shit
a long time ago.

1878
01:35:12,317 --> 01:35:14,014
Look, he's teamed up
with the Juggernaut!

1879
01:35:14,058 --> 01:35:15,581
[GASPS] The Juggernaut!

1880
01:35:15,624 --> 01:35:17,365
Who's, like, my favorite
Marvel character ever...

1881
01:35:17,409 --> 01:35:19,628
And hi, Yukio! That was really
nice of you to say hi...

1882
01:35:19,672 --> 01:35:21,021
so I'm saying hi back.

1883
01:35:21,065 --> 01:35:22,457
You guys make
a super cute couple.

1884
01:35:22,501 --> 01:35:24,198
Yeah. Where was I?

1885
01:35:24,242 --> 01:35:26,113
Oh, yeah. You should never
meet your heroes...

1886
01:35:26,157 --> 01:35:27,854
because, honestly,
he's a bit of a dick!

1887
01:35:27,898 --> 01:35:29,726
And like a lot of dicks,
he's hard as a rock...

1888
01:35:29,769 --> 01:35:31,162
and causes nothing
but problems!

1889
01:35:31,205 --> 01:35:34,078
Look, you can stop the
Juggernaut. I know you can.

1890
01:35:34,121 --> 01:35:37,342
Do you know what would happen
to me if I helped you?

1891
01:35:37,385 --> 01:35:39,474
I would be disgraced.

1892
01:35:39,518 --> 01:35:41,563
You are a criminal,
a fugitive.

1893
01:35:41,607 --> 01:35:43,130
But worst of all...

1894
01:35:43,174 --> 01:35:44,915
you broke my heart, Wade.

1895
01:35:46,612 --> 01:35:47,831
Then you know what?

1896
01:35:47,874 --> 01:35:49,223
Your heart's in
the wrong place, big guy.

1897
01:35:50,529 --> 01:35:53,227
Doing the right thing
is sometimes messy...

1898
01:35:53,271 --> 01:35:56,665
and fucked up, and not
particularly convenient!

1899
01:35:56,709 --> 01:35:59,799
So stay here
in Chateau de Virgin...

1900
01:35:59,843 --> 01:36:01,975
while we go get our fuck on!

1901
01:36:05,152 --> 01:36:06,545
DOMINO: You're doing great.

1902
01:36:09,200 --> 01:36:10,592
[CAR DOOR CLOSES][ENGINE STARTS]

1903
01:36:12,203 --> 01:36:13,726
RUSSELL: So you wear
that helmet because

1904
01:36:13,770 --> 01:36:15,510
your brother
tries to read your mind?

1905
01:36:15,554 --> 01:36:18,818
JUGGERNAUT: Yeah, but he's in
a wheelchair, so even-steven.

1906
01:36:18,862 --> 01:36:21,342
MAN: Someone's coming.
It's Russell, sir.

1907
01:36:21,386 --> 01:36:23,344
And he's not alone.

1908
01:36:23,388 --> 01:36:25,042
HEADMASTER:
Secure the children.

1909
01:36:27,479 --> 01:36:30,221
They will not replace us.

1910
01:36:30,264 --> 01:36:33,050
What do you say
we go fuck some shit up?

1911
01:36:33,093 --> 01:36:36,923
"Let's fuck some shit up"
is my legal middle name.

1912
01:36:40,274 --> 01:36:42,886
Watch my back.
I've got the old man.

1913
01:36:42,929 --> 01:36:44,496
Amen, brother.

1914
01:36:46,063 --> 01:36:47,368
[BRAKES SCREECHING]

1915
01:36:51,024 --> 01:36:52,678
Time to make the chimichangas.

1916
01:36:52,721 --> 01:36:54,898
30 seconds.

1917
01:36:54,941 --> 01:36:57,465
I finally know why I'm here.

1918
01:36:57,509 --> 01:36:59,467
I was raised in this place.

1919
01:36:59,511 --> 01:37:01,774
Well, not raised.
I was tortured.

1920
01:37:01,818 --> 01:37:04,690
Wow! It's your cosmic reason
for being here.

1921
01:37:04,733 --> 01:37:06,039
Shall we?This is gonna be fun.

1922
01:37:06,083 --> 01:37:07,171
DEADPOOL: Yeah!

1923
01:37:07,214 --> 01:37:08,607
Hey! Been meaning
to ask you...

1924
01:37:08,650 --> 01:37:11,915
what's with the dirty,
disgusting hobo bear?

1925
01:37:11,958 --> 01:37:15,135
It's not dirt. It's the blood
of my dead daughter.

1926
01:37:15,179 --> 01:37:17,877
Are You Bear, God?
It's Me, Margaret.

1927
01:37:17,921 --> 01:37:19,357
Give me some.

1928
01:37:19,400 --> 01:37:20,967
They say
laughter heals anything...

1929
01:37:21,011 --> 01:37:22,142
except, of course, that.

1930
01:37:22,186 --> 01:37:23,404
We should just cue the music.

1931
01:37:24,536 --> 01:37:26,407
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

1932
01:37:48,560 --> 01:37:51,258
Welcome home, Russell.
We missed you.

1933
01:37:52,477 --> 01:37:53,521
Russell!

1934
01:37:53,565 --> 01:37:56,960
You don't need to do this!
Let's talk!

1935
01:37:57,003 --> 01:37:58,309
Why are you dressed
like the Unabomber?

1936
01:37:58,352 --> 01:38:00,006
[YELLING]

1937
01:38:02,661 --> 01:38:03,923
That's why!

1938
01:38:03,967 --> 01:38:05,272
Told you this little fucker's
too far gone.

1939
01:38:05,316 --> 01:38:07,013
Zip it, Thanos!
We have a deal and you fuck...

1940
01:38:07,057 --> 01:38:09,537
[GROANS]JUGGERNAUT: Hey!

1941
01:38:09,581 --> 01:38:12,714
I'm gonna shove that
cab driver right up your ass.

1942
01:38:13,846 --> 01:38:16,022
My body and my hands
are so soft.

1943
01:38:16,066 --> 01:38:17,284
You should probably
head back to the car.

1944
01:38:17,328 --> 01:38:19,025
I think I'll head
back to the car.

1945
01:38:20,200 --> 01:38:22,899
It works best
when you pull the trigger.

1946
01:38:24,596 --> 01:38:25,771
[GROANS]

1947
01:38:25,814 --> 01:38:27,077
That gun is amazing!

1948
01:38:28,426 --> 01:38:29,644
RUSSELL: Say it!

1949
01:38:31,820 --> 01:38:34,867
You are an abomination!

1950
01:38:34,911 --> 01:38:36,042
[GRUNTS]

1951
01:38:42,135 --> 01:38:45,443
Now, I'm gonna shove
the red guy up the old guy.

1952
01:38:45,486 --> 01:38:47,924
I believe him!
Every man for themselves!

1953
01:38:52,276 --> 01:38:53,364
Gotcha!

1954
01:38:54,147 --> 01:38:55,322
JUGGERNAUT: Beat it, midget!

1955
01:38:58,325 --> 01:39:01,415
Hey, big guy,
the sun's getting real low!

1956
01:39:01,459 --> 01:39:02,547
Oh, shit fuck!

1957
01:39:03,113 --> 01:39:04,462
[SCREAMING]

1958
01:39:15,038 --> 01:39:16,387
[JUGGERNAUT LAUGHS]

1959
01:39:16,430 --> 01:39:17,997
Come here, beautiful.

1960
01:39:25,787 --> 01:39:26,919
Whoo!

1961
01:39:36,102 --> 01:39:37,190
RUSSELL: Say it!

1962
01:39:52,292 --> 01:39:54,164
[IN YOUR EYESPLAYING]

1963
01:40:55,312 --> 01:40:56,443
[DEADPOOL GROANS]

1964
01:40:59,272 --> 01:41:00,621
[MUMBLES]

1965
01:41:00,665 --> 01:41:01,796
You came for me.

1966
01:41:01,840 --> 01:41:03,276
I'm not giving up on you,

1967
01:41:03,320 --> 01:41:05,452
and you are not
giving up on that boy.

1968
01:41:05,496 --> 01:41:07,541
Who says that rules
aren't meant to be broken?

1969
01:41:07,585 --> 01:41:09,978
It's time to fight dirty.

1970
01:41:10,022 --> 01:41:11,371
Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.

1971
01:41:11,415 --> 01:41:14,200
Hey! Pick on someone
your own size!

1972
01:41:14,244 --> 01:41:16,333
That's such
a you thing to say!

1973
01:41:16,376 --> 01:41:18,335
Go get him, tiger!

1974
01:41:18,378 --> 01:41:20,250
Big CGI fight coming up!

1975
01:41:21,251 --> 01:41:22,730
[BOTH GRUNTING]

1976
01:41:23,253 --> 01:41:24,645
[MUSIC PLAYING]

1977
01:41:29,172 --> 01:41:31,391
[GRUNTS]

1978
01:41:31,435 --> 01:41:33,306
[BOTH GRUNTING][BONE CRACKS]

1979
01:41:33,350 --> 01:41:34,481
[SCREAMS]

1980
01:41:43,316 --> 01:41:44,709
He's doing great.

1981
01:41:44,752 --> 01:41:45,971
RUSSELL: Say it!

1982
01:41:50,149 --> 01:41:51,542
Russell.DEADPOOL: Bingo!

1983
01:41:54,806 --> 01:41:56,068
[GROANING]

1984
01:41:56,938 --> 01:41:58,940
JUGGERNAUT: You see that bus?

1985
01:41:58,984 --> 01:42:00,072
I'm gonna
shove it up your ass.

1986
01:42:00,725 --> 01:42:02,030
[METAL CLANGS]

1987
01:42:02,074 --> 01:42:03,510
[GROANS]

1988
01:42:03,554 --> 01:42:05,512
That's right!
I'm fighting dirty!

1989
01:42:06,426 --> 01:42:07,471
Oh, great!

1990
01:42:07,514 --> 01:42:08,907
ORDERLY: There they are!
Those freaks!

1991
01:42:08,950 --> 01:42:11,039
DEADPOOL: A bunch of armed
pedophiles in nursing shoes.

1992
01:42:11,083 --> 01:42:13,216
Can I have
one of those guns?

1993
01:42:13,259 --> 01:42:15,087
No.That's fine.

1994
01:42:15,131 --> 01:42:17,089
Get off this property,
mutant scum!

1995
01:42:17,133 --> 01:42:18,134
I'm just gonna
use this brick.

1996
01:42:18,873 --> 01:42:19,961
Maximum effort.

1997
01:42:20,005 --> 01:42:21,398
[BOTH GRUNTING]

1998
01:42:26,011 --> 01:42:27,752
Who says you
can't go home again?

1999
01:42:29,754 --> 01:42:31,103
[ALL GRUNTING]

2000
01:42:36,848 --> 01:42:38,241
[SCREAMS]CHILDREN: Oh!

2001
01:42:44,899 --> 01:42:45,900
CHILDREN: Yeah!

2002
01:42:48,120 --> 01:42:49,774
Say it.

2003
01:42:49,817 --> 01:42:52,864
Say what you said
every time you tortured me!

2004
01:42:53,386 --> 01:42:54,735
Say it!

2005
01:42:54,779 --> 01:42:57,477
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand!

2006
01:42:58,696 --> 01:43:00,828
Blessed are the wicked...

2007
01:43:00,872 --> 01:43:02,090
who are healed...

2008
01:43:02,569 --> 01:43:04,092
by my hand.

2009
01:43:05,006 --> 01:43:06,312
[YELLS]

2010
01:43:16,279 --> 01:43:17,715
[BOTH GRUNTING]

2011
01:43:22,154 --> 01:43:23,851
You commie motherfucker!

2012
01:43:28,073 --> 01:43:29,205
[CHILDREN CHEERING]

2013
01:43:30,423 --> 01:43:31,511
[SPITS]

2014
01:43:31,555 --> 01:43:33,121
[YELLS]

2015
01:43:38,344 --> 01:43:39,563
[GROANS]

2016
01:43:50,922 --> 01:43:53,446
DEADPOOL: Oh, my God.
Did you feel that, too?

2017
01:43:53,490 --> 01:43:55,709
Only best buddies
execute pedophiles together.

2018
01:43:58,582 --> 01:44:00,932
You got 30 seconds,
you jabbering butt plug!

2019
01:44:00,975 --> 01:44:02,194
Now we're getting it.

2020
01:44:04,849 --> 01:44:06,851
[SPEAKS RUSSIAN]

2021
01:44:06,894 --> 01:44:09,157
I need a bus
to get you all out of here.

2022
01:44:09,201 --> 01:44:10,202
[GASPS]

2023
01:44:11,029 --> 01:44:12,596
[CAR ALARM WAILING]

2024
01:44:14,424 --> 01:44:15,468
Orphans.

2025
01:44:16,643 --> 01:44:17,862
Oh, geez.

2026
01:44:19,298 --> 01:44:21,996
It's time to burn
for what you've done!

2027
01:44:22,040 --> 01:44:24,521
A child should not be burdened
with such power!

2028
01:44:32,093 --> 01:44:33,312
[RUSSELL GRUNTS]

2029
01:44:33,356 --> 01:44:34,400
Russell! Wait!

2030
01:44:40,406 --> 01:44:41,712
DEADPOOL: Oh!

2031
01:44:48,936 --> 01:44:51,069
Wait! He hasn't killed
anyone yet!

2032
01:44:51,112 --> 01:44:53,114
What more do you need to see?Don't you fucking dare!

2033
01:44:53,158 --> 01:44:54,333
He's just a kid!

2034
01:44:54,377 --> 01:44:56,292
Tick, tock. Meter's running!

2035
01:45:05,388 --> 01:45:06,693
[COLOSSUS GROANS]

2036
01:45:09,000 --> 01:45:12,046
I'm gonna melt you down
and make a cock ring.

2037
01:45:17,443 --> 01:45:18,618
[GRUNTS]

2038
01:45:19,793 --> 01:45:21,142
[GROWLS]

2039
01:45:23,971 --> 01:45:25,321
[GRUNTS]

2040
01:45:25,364 --> 01:45:27,497
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING][GROANING]

2041
01:45:32,415 --> 01:45:35,069
I told you! Leave me alone!Come on!

2042
01:45:35,592 --> 01:45:36,723
Listen to me!

2043
01:45:39,900 --> 01:45:41,424
[RUSSELL SCREAMING]

2044
01:45:41,467 --> 01:45:43,687
[BOTH GRUNTING]

2045
01:45:46,733 --> 01:45:47,952
[GRUNTS]

2046
01:45:59,964 --> 01:46:01,618
COLOSSUS: [SCOFFS]
That's how we do it

2047
01:46:01,661 --> 01:46:03,141
in Mother Russia.

2048
01:46:04,098 --> 01:46:05,317
[GROANS]

2049
01:46:05,361 --> 01:46:07,885
They say millennials are
the hardest to reach.

2050
01:46:09,277 --> 01:46:12,498
CABLE: Oh, no.
You're doing amazing.

2051
01:46:12,542 --> 01:46:13,760
[GROWLS]

2052
01:46:13,804 --> 01:46:16,676
Damn, it feels good
to be a gangsta!

2053
01:46:16,720 --> 01:46:18,548
Go home, Wade!

2054
01:46:18,591 --> 01:46:20,419
You're ruining everything!

2055
01:46:25,772 --> 01:46:27,121
I'm getting good at this shit.

2056
01:46:27,165 --> 01:46:28,471
DEADPOOL: Go, go, go!

2057
01:46:28,514 --> 01:46:29,689
[GRUNTS]

2058
01:46:31,691 --> 01:46:33,650
He dies tonight, Wade.

2059
01:46:33,693 --> 01:46:36,174
You can't stop me!

2060
01:46:36,217 --> 01:46:38,089
CABLE: He even runs
like a fucking pervert.

2061
01:46:38,132 --> 01:46:40,874
Like an online predator
who lost his laptop.

2062
01:46:42,310 --> 01:46:43,790
There's one bullet left
in that gun.

2063
01:46:43,834 --> 01:46:45,836
Wait, wait, wait!
Please, just give me a second!

2064
01:46:45,879 --> 01:46:47,359
I got this.

2065
01:46:47,403 --> 01:46:49,622
Russell!Stay back! Go home, Wade!

2066
01:46:49,666 --> 01:46:52,364
Let's talk. It doesn't
have to go this way!

2067
01:46:52,408 --> 01:46:54,061
That piece of shit...

2068
01:46:54,105 --> 01:46:55,846
he deserves to die
for what he did to you.

2069
01:46:55,889 --> 01:46:59,284
He hurt you badly.
Makes you wanna hurt others.

2070
01:47:00,154 --> 01:47:01,939
But if you kill him, he wins.

2071
01:47:01,982 --> 01:47:05,856
You become everything
he says you are, but worse.

2072
01:47:05,899 --> 01:47:07,901
You're just a kid.

2073
01:47:07,945 --> 01:47:09,686
You don't wanna hurt anyone.

2074
01:47:09,729 --> 01:47:10,991
How do you know what I want?

2075
01:47:11,035 --> 01:47:12,645
Because I've been inside you.

2076
01:47:13,341 --> 01:47:15,213
That came out wrong.

2077
01:47:15,256 --> 01:47:16,954
I've been inside your shoes.

2078
01:47:16,997 --> 01:47:18,869
Which is also off-putting.

2079
01:47:18,912 --> 01:47:20,392
It's not a great analogy.

2080
01:47:20,436 --> 01:47:22,263
The point is...

2081
01:47:22,307 --> 01:47:24,004
there are people...

2082
01:47:24,048 --> 01:47:27,094
There are people
in this fucking world...

2083
01:47:27,138 --> 01:47:29,836
besides him,
who will treat you right.

2084
01:47:29,880 --> 01:47:32,491
It isn't too late.
Don't do it.

2085
01:47:38,062 --> 01:47:40,456
I never should've left
you there.

2086
01:47:42,196 --> 01:47:44,068
I never should've left you
in that prison.

2087
01:47:51,162 --> 01:47:52,468
I can't trust you.

2088
01:47:54,165 --> 01:47:56,515
I can't trust anybody!

2089
01:47:57,560 --> 01:47:59,039
[GROANING]

2090
01:48:05,742 --> 01:48:07,004
Wonderful kid.

2091
01:48:07,047 --> 01:48:08,832
RUSSELL:
You can't stop me, Wade!

2092
01:48:08,875 --> 01:48:10,094
[DEADPOOL GROANS]

2093
01:48:11,051 --> 01:48:13,314
I got one more idea.

2094
01:48:13,358 --> 01:48:16,274
It's just a really bad one,
even for me.

2095
01:48:16,317 --> 01:48:17,580
Wade, what are you doing?

2096
01:48:17,623 --> 01:48:19,930
All right. This is for
all the marbles, kid!

2097
01:48:19,973 --> 01:48:22,062
You're gonna kill
someone today...

2098
01:48:22,106 --> 01:48:23,542
Blessed are the wicked...

2099
01:48:23,586 --> 01:48:25,501
...then it's gotta be me.

2100
01:48:26,589 --> 01:48:28,504
...who are healed by my hand!

2101
01:48:31,594 --> 01:48:34,031
[MOUTHS] Fuck this!

2102
01:48:35,511 --> 01:48:37,164
[TOMORROWPLAYING]

2103
01:48:38,339 --> 01:48:40,472
[GIRL SINGING]

2104
01:49:32,350 --> 01:49:33,569
[GROANS]

2105
01:49:34,744 --> 01:49:37,703
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.

2106
01:49:39,618 --> 01:49:41,098
[DEADPOOL COUGHING]

2107
01:49:42,708 --> 01:49:44,231
Oh, that's not good.

2108
01:49:45,798 --> 01:49:47,234
No, sir.

2109
01:49:54,851 --> 01:49:57,767
You sacrificed yourself
for me.

2110
01:49:58,202 --> 01:49:59,377
Yeah.

2111
01:49:59,420 --> 01:50:01,640
And it was the best thing
I ever did.

2112
01:50:01,684 --> 01:50:03,555
[COUGHING]

2113
01:50:03,599 --> 01:50:05,688
I told you
I care about you.

2114
01:50:05,731 --> 01:50:07,515
You're a good kid, Russell.

2115
01:50:09,213 --> 01:50:10,301
Hey.

2116
01:50:11,607 --> 01:50:12,825
The bear.

2117
01:50:12,869 --> 01:50:14,261
It worked.

2118
01:50:21,225 --> 01:50:22,835
Because of you.

2119
01:50:22,879 --> 01:50:25,185
No, Wade, because of you.

2120
01:50:26,056 --> 01:50:28,145
Stop, stop, stop!

2121
01:50:28,188 --> 01:50:29,363
Stop!

2122
01:50:30,538 --> 01:50:33,498
Just let it happen, okay?

2123
01:50:33,541 --> 01:50:37,241
I guess my heart was finally
in the right place.

2124
01:50:37,284 --> 01:50:39,678
[GROANS] That riddle
is so fucked up.

2125
01:50:42,072 --> 01:50:44,465
[GROANS, COUGHS]

2126
01:50:44,509 --> 01:50:46,903
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

2127
01:50:46,946 --> 01:50:48,295
Don't be. Don't be.

2128
01:50:48,339 --> 01:50:50,558
I've been trying to make
this happen for a while.

2129
01:50:50,602 --> 01:50:52,256
Please, just don't leave me.

2130
01:50:52,299 --> 01:50:53,910
I don't wanna die
without an audience.

2131
01:50:53,953 --> 01:50:55,607
We are not going anywhere.

2132
01:50:55,651 --> 01:50:57,740
WADE: Oh, God, I hope
the Academy is watching.

2133
01:50:57,783 --> 01:50:58,915
Just rest, okay?

2134
01:51:00,743 --> 01:51:01,831
Papa.

2135
01:51:04,050 --> 01:51:06,009
♪ Papa, can you hear me?♪

2136
01:51:08,272 --> 01:51:14,278
♪ Papa, can you find me
in the night?♪

2137
01:51:35,560 --> 01:51:37,301
Before I go... [COUGHS]

2138
01:51:37,344 --> 01:51:39,042
Sorry, I got a bit more in me.

2139
01:51:39,651 --> 01:51:41,000
Domino.

2140
01:51:41,044 --> 01:51:45,483
I want you to have
my Adventure Timewatch.

2141
01:51:45,526 --> 01:51:47,964
[WADE COUGHING]

2142
01:51:48,007 --> 01:51:50,880
Turns out
that I'm the lucky one.

2143
01:51:51,663 --> 01:51:52,751
Thank you.

2144
01:51:54,100 --> 01:51:57,364
Hey, Sabrina,
the Teenage Witch.

2145
01:51:57,408 --> 01:51:59,715
I liked you better
with your hair short.

2146
01:51:59,758 --> 01:52:00,890
Think everyone did.

2147
01:52:01,717 --> 01:52:04,458
Hi, Yukio.Hi, Wade!

2148
01:52:04,502 --> 01:52:06,417
[CHUCKLES]

2149
01:52:06,460 --> 01:52:07,548
And you...

2150
01:52:08,071 --> 01:52:10,073
Chrome Bone.

2151
01:52:10,116 --> 01:52:13,032
I haven't always been
the best friend to you.

2152
01:52:13,076 --> 01:52:15,382
But you've always been
that to me.

2153
01:52:15,426 --> 01:52:16,775
So thank you.

2154
01:52:18,951 --> 01:52:20,561
Say "fuck" for me.

2155
01:52:21,388 --> 01:52:22,694
Just once. Come on,

2156
01:52:22,738 --> 01:52:24,348
we'll do it together.
It's no big deal.

2157
01:52:24,391 --> 01:52:27,438
Here we go. One, two, three.
F... F... F...

2158
01:52:27,481 --> 01:52:28,656
Fuck.

2159
01:52:28,700 --> 01:52:31,964
Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth.
[CHUCKLES]

2160
01:52:33,313 --> 01:52:36,403
And you, Cable. [COUGHS]

2161
01:52:36,447 --> 01:52:40,930
You get back to your family.
You tell 'em Wade says hi.

2162
01:52:40,973 --> 01:52:44,629
And promise me.
Promise me one thing.

2163
01:52:44,672 --> 01:52:46,065
That you'll start
judging people...

2164
01:52:46,109 --> 01:52:47,501
not by the color
of their skin,

2165
01:52:47,545 --> 01:52:49,416
but by the content
of their character.

2166
01:52:50,156 --> 01:52:51,767
Jesus.WADE: R-Dog?

2167
01:52:52,942 --> 01:52:55,422
There you are. Hey!

2168
01:52:55,466 --> 01:52:57,685
You're a superhero now, bubba.

2169
01:52:57,729 --> 01:53:00,732
That's why it's high time
that you had a super suit.

2170
01:53:00,776 --> 01:53:02,168
This one is yours.

2171
01:53:02,212 --> 01:53:03,953
You might wanna
get it steam cleaned.

2172
01:53:03,996 --> 01:53:05,432
Especially around the pants.

2173
01:53:05,476 --> 01:53:07,173
And let it out
a little in the waist.

2174
01:53:08,131 --> 01:53:09,132
But, hey.

2175
01:53:10,176 --> 01:53:11,525
Look.

2176
01:53:11,569 --> 01:53:14,180
Family is not an F-word.

2177
01:53:14,920 --> 01:53:16,269
All right?

2178
01:53:16,313 --> 01:53:18,750
There's one out there
for you. [COUGHS]

2179
01:53:18,794 --> 01:53:20,491
Just keep looking, okay?

2180
01:53:23,973 --> 01:53:26,758
Guys, for a second there...

2181
01:53:27,585 --> 01:53:29,717
we made a pretty good team.

2182
01:53:35,854 --> 01:53:37,421
[SIGHS]

2183
01:53:44,776 --> 01:53:46,778
Oh, it's so hard to go.

2184
01:53:47,170 --> 01:53:48,301
[WHINES]

2185
01:53:48,345 --> 01:53:50,651
I just love being around
you guys so much.

2186
01:53:51,739 --> 01:53:52,958
So, so much.

2187
01:53:53,698 --> 01:53:55,047
Mmm.

2188
01:53:55,091 --> 01:53:57,920
No, I can feel it now.
Here it comes, yeah.

2189
01:53:57,963 --> 01:54:01,793
I feel the soul
exiting the husk.

2190
01:54:01,837 --> 01:54:02,838
Yeah.

2191
01:54:04,709 --> 01:54:07,190
Can you see it?

2192
01:54:07,233 --> 01:54:09,409
Do you see
that beautiful bright light?

2193
01:54:10,889 --> 01:54:12,021
There it is.

2194
01:54:18,288 --> 01:54:19,550
Oh, that's the sun.

2195
01:54:19,593 --> 01:54:21,465
Don't stare
directly into that.

2196
01:54:21,508 --> 01:54:22,945
I just have a few final words.

2197
01:54:22,988 --> 01:54:24,033
[EXHALES]

2198
01:54:25,164 --> 01:54:26,557
Woodpecker.

2199
01:54:27,340 --> 01:54:28,689
Gingivitis.

2200
01:54:30,735 --> 01:54:32,084
Codswallop.

2201
01:54:36,436 --> 01:54:38,395
Do You Want to
Build a Snowman?

2202
01:55:05,726 --> 01:55:07,903
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]

2203
01:55:53,383 --> 01:55:54,601
Sorry I'm late.

2204
01:55:54,645 --> 01:55:56,342
There was a bunch

2205
01:55:56,386 --> 01:55:57,735
of handicapable children
who were stuck in a tree.

2206
01:55:57,778 --> 01:55:59,998
No.No.

2207
01:56:00,042 --> 01:56:03,132
But I did have to help a kid.Yeah.

2208
01:56:03,175 --> 01:56:05,090
He's got a terrible name.It's just awful.

2209
01:56:05,134 --> 01:56:06,135
Ugh.I tried to tell him.

2210
01:56:08,485 --> 01:56:09,921
Is this heaven?

2211
01:56:10,791 --> 01:56:11,967
It is now.

2212
01:56:15,448 --> 01:56:17,320
I am so sorry.

2213
01:56:18,147 --> 01:56:19,496
VANESSA: It's okay.

2214
01:56:39,342 --> 01:56:41,213
I missed you so much.

2215
01:56:46,827 --> 01:56:48,481
What is it? What's wrong?

2216
01:56:50,396 --> 01:56:52,485
It's not time.

2217
01:56:52,529 --> 01:56:54,531
What do you mean
it's not time?

2218
01:56:54,574 --> 01:56:56,185
I'm here, I made it.

2219
01:56:56,228 --> 01:56:57,969
You can't stay.No, no, no.

2220
01:56:58,013 --> 01:57:00,667
I'm staying. I'm not going
anywhere without you.

2221
01:57:00,711 --> 01:57:02,147
It's okay.

2222
01:57:02,191 --> 01:57:05,020
There's a time for us.
It's just not now.

2223
01:57:06,064 --> 01:57:08,501
They need you.Who?

2224
01:57:10,547 --> 01:57:11,852
VANESSA: Your F-word.

2225
01:57:13,115 --> 01:57:14,116
WADE: Why?

2226
01:57:14,159 --> 01:57:15,160
VANESSA: You'll find out.

2227
01:57:16,422 --> 01:57:17,989
It's all right. I'll be here.

2228
01:57:19,338 --> 01:57:22,124
It's pretty fucking
awesome over here.

2229
01:57:22,167 --> 01:57:24,082
I can have anything I want.

2230
01:57:24,126 --> 01:57:26,258
Can every day be
International Women's Day?

2231
01:57:26,302 --> 01:57:27,868
It is heaven.

2232
01:57:27,912 --> 01:57:29,131
I love you.

2233
01:57:31,655 --> 01:57:34,397
I know. I love you, too.

2234
01:57:35,006 --> 01:57:36,399
Now, go.

2235
01:57:37,269 --> 01:57:39,271
Go on. Go, get out of here.

2236
01:57:40,316 --> 01:57:41,317
Go.

2237
01:57:44,146 --> 01:57:45,103
Hey!

2238
01:57:48,150 --> 01:57:50,282
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.

2239
01:57:50,935 --> 01:57:52,067
Well, come here.

2240
01:58:11,390 --> 01:58:13,131
Don't fuck Elvis.

2241
01:58:13,175 --> 01:58:14,915
Ooh, too late.I'm sorry?

2242
01:58:19,877 --> 01:58:21,357
[SCREAMING]

2243
01:58:24,403 --> 01:58:25,665
Time to make the chimichangas.

2244
01:58:25,709 --> 01:58:26,840
30 seconds.

2245
01:58:26,884 --> 01:58:28,146
Hey. Been meaning
to ask you...

2246
01:58:28,190 --> 01:58:30,670
what's with the creepy,
dirty hobo bear?

2247
01:58:30,714 --> 01:58:32,890
It's my daughter's teddy bear.

2248
01:58:32,933 --> 01:58:34,457
Her name's Hope.

2249
01:58:34,500 --> 01:58:35,632
DEADPOOL: Well...

2250
01:58:36,459 --> 01:58:38,374
What are you doing?

2251
01:58:38,417 --> 01:58:40,071
Somebody swiped right.

2252
01:58:40,115 --> 01:58:41,942
[FAST-FORWARDING]

2253
01:58:50,908 --> 01:58:52,779
[GROANS]

2254
01:58:52,823 --> 01:58:55,608
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.

2255
01:58:55,652 --> 01:58:57,306
[DEADPOOL GROANS]

2256
01:58:58,524 --> 01:59:00,309
RUSSELL: You sacrificed
yourself for me.

2257
01:59:00,352 --> 01:59:01,875
DEADPOOL: It would seem I...

2258
01:59:04,051 --> 01:59:05,314
Huh?

2259
01:59:06,445 --> 01:59:08,795
Genuine, high-grade lead.

2260
01:59:10,710 --> 01:59:13,757
You time-sliding
son of a bitch!

2261
01:59:13,800 --> 01:59:15,367
You did this for me?

2262
01:59:17,239 --> 01:59:20,329
Wait. You can't go back.

2263
01:59:20,372 --> 01:59:21,678
You used
the last of your fuel.

2264
01:59:21,721 --> 01:59:23,462
What about your girl,
your wife?

2265
01:59:23,506 --> 01:59:26,770
Now, my family's safe.
And I didn't do it for you.

2266
01:59:28,250 --> 01:59:30,687
No, I'm gonna stick around
for a while...

2267
01:59:30,730 --> 01:59:31,992
and make sure the world

2268
01:59:32,036 --> 01:59:33,733
doesn't shit itself
into oblivion.

2269
01:59:34,430 --> 01:59:37,302
No. You did it for me.

2270
01:59:38,085 --> 01:59:39,522
No, I didn't.

2271
01:59:39,565 --> 01:59:41,001
You did.I really didn't.

2272
01:59:41,045 --> 01:59:42,873
Pretty sure you did.No, I'm positive I didn't.

2273
01:59:42,916 --> 01:59:44,701
Fine. All right,
let's flip a coin. Okay?

2274
01:59:44,744 --> 01:59:47,486
Heads, you did it for me.
Tails, you did it for me.

2275
01:59:47,530 --> 01:59:50,315
I'm not even gonna look,
because you did it for me.

2276
01:59:50,359 --> 01:59:51,490
Say it again.

2277
01:59:51,534 --> 01:59:53,144
He did it for me.CABLE: Jesus.

2278
01:59:53,188 --> 01:59:54,972
We must get the collar off.Forget it. It's no use.

2279
01:59:55,015 --> 01:59:56,930
These collars
don't just come off.

2280
01:59:56,974 --> 01:59:58,454
Wade.

2281
01:59:58,497 --> 02:00:00,412
I have an idea.

2282
02:00:00,456 --> 02:00:02,588
No, no, no!
Let's not do that. Please!

2283
02:00:02,632 --> 02:00:05,069
I'd rather die of cancer.
Let's just...

2284
02:00:05,112 --> 02:00:08,246
Oh, God! They do say the pen
is grosser than the sword.

2285
02:00:08,290 --> 02:00:10,596
[COLLAR BUZZING]RUSSELL: We need the code.

2286
02:00:10,640 --> 02:00:12,555
Try, uh, seven?

2287
02:00:12,598 --> 02:00:14,209
DEADPOOL: Settle down,
Captain Lucky.

2288
02:00:14,252 --> 02:00:15,688
It's not gonna be one number.

2289
02:00:15,732 --> 02:00:16,820
Oh, God, that's lazy writing.

2290
02:00:17,821 --> 02:00:19,170
I still got it.

2291
02:00:20,389 --> 02:00:22,173
[DEADPOOL GROANS]

2292
02:00:22,217 --> 02:00:24,175
Put that back
in your prison wallet.

2293
02:00:25,872 --> 02:00:27,787
I don't know how to thank you.

2294
02:00:27,831 --> 02:00:29,746
But I do know how to hug you.

2295
02:00:29,789 --> 02:00:31,095
No.Yes.

2296
02:00:31,138 --> 02:00:32,618
Here we go. Bring it in.

2297
02:00:32,662 --> 02:00:33,750
Come on.

2298
02:00:33,793 --> 02:00:35,230
Pelvis to pelvis.

2299
02:00:35,273 --> 02:00:36,622
Let's go tip to tip.

2300
02:00:36,666 --> 02:00:39,234
There we go.
The kids call this docking.

2301
02:00:39,277 --> 02:00:40,887
[KNIFE UNSHEATHES]

2302
02:00:40,931 --> 02:00:42,498
Is there a knife in my dick?

2303
02:00:42,541 --> 02:00:44,326
There's a knife in your dick.I'm just gonna back up now.

2304
02:00:44,369 --> 02:00:46,284
Yeah, yeah.No need to go full Yentl.

2305
02:00:46,328 --> 02:00:49,113
Gonna pretend
like that never happened.

2306
02:00:49,156 --> 02:00:51,071
Let's go home, Russell.

2307
02:00:54,727 --> 02:00:56,512
All you dirty mutants

2308
02:00:56,555 --> 02:00:59,123
are gonna rot in hell
with the boy!

2309
02:00:59,166 --> 02:01:02,257
Your souls
are beyond redemption!

2310
02:01:02,300 --> 02:01:03,562
Let's see your soul, perv!

2311
02:01:03,606 --> 02:01:06,435
No, no! No! No more!
We're better than that!

2312
02:01:06,478 --> 02:01:07,784
We're better than him!

2313
02:01:07,827 --> 02:01:10,439
No more senseless violence!
No more bloodshed!

2314
02:01:10,482 --> 02:01:12,092
We'll let karma
take care of him.

2315
02:01:12,136 --> 02:01:15,139
The day of reckoning is here!

2316
02:01:16,096 --> 02:01:17,402
[TIRES SCREECHING]

2317
02:01:17,446 --> 02:01:18,621
[CRASHING]

2318
02:01:24,453 --> 02:01:26,542
I'm gonna miss him.
He seemed great.

2319
02:01:26,585 --> 02:01:27,804
Whoo!

2320
02:01:27,847 --> 02:01:29,458
Courage, motherfuckers!

2321
02:01:29,501 --> 02:01:30,981
And karma, motherfucker.

2322
02:01:31,024 --> 02:01:32,417
DEADPOOL: I could hear you
coming the last 30 seconds.

2323
02:01:32,461 --> 02:01:34,463
I could barely keep
a straight face. [LAUGHS]

2324
02:01:34,506 --> 02:01:36,421
I want some more.

2325
02:01:36,465 --> 02:01:38,205
I bet you do, Brown Panther.

2326
02:01:38,249 --> 02:01:41,774
We should leave
before Fuckernaut wakes up.

2327
02:01:41,818 --> 02:01:44,081
Good call.
You guys coming with us?

2328
02:01:44,124 --> 02:01:46,083
No, we'll get the kids
back to the mansion.

2329
02:01:46,126 --> 02:01:47,650
Besides, we're X-Men.

2330
02:01:47,693 --> 02:01:50,348
No, you're X-People.

2331
02:01:50,392 --> 02:01:51,741
You're exhausting.

2332
02:01:51,784 --> 02:01:53,569
I see what you did there.
Puns.

2333
02:01:53,612 --> 02:01:55,048
Our door's always open.

2334
02:01:55,092 --> 02:01:56,876
That's kind, but
I'm not ready to date again.

2335
02:01:56,920 --> 02:01:57,921
Let alone two women.

2336
02:01:59,052 --> 02:02:00,750
God, you're a douche.

2337
02:02:00,793 --> 02:02:02,926
Bye, Wade!Bye, Yukio!

2338
02:02:02,969 --> 02:02:04,710
[WE BELONGPLAYING]

2339
02:02:05,624 --> 02:02:06,930
DEADPOOL: What do you get

2340
02:02:06,973 --> 02:02:07,887
when you take
eight feet of chrome...

2341
02:02:07,931 --> 02:02:09,106
one pinch of courage...

2342
02:02:09,149 --> 02:02:10,368
a cup of good luck...

2343
02:02:10,412 --> 02:02:11,978
a dab of racism...

2344
02:02:12,022 --> 02:02:13,545
a splash of diabetes...

2345
02:02:13,589 --> 02:02:15,982
and a wheelbarrow
full of stage four cancer?

2346
02:02:16,026 --> 02:02:18,724
Answer: a family.

2347
02:02:18,768 --> 02:02:21,901
See? I didn't lie
what kind of film this was.

2348
02:02:21,945 --> 02:02:23,468
If there's anything
you take away today...

2349
02:02:23,512 --> 02:02:26,471
other than the need to Google, "What the fuck is dubstep?"...

2350
02:02:26,515 --> 02:02:29,344
it's that we all need
to belong to someone.

2351
02:04:26,417 --> 02:04:28,158
How something
so small generates

2352
02:04:28,201 --> 02:04:29,768
enough energy
to reverse time is...

2353
02:04:29,812 --> 02:04:32,205
Oh, just fix it, Eleven,

2354
02:04:32,249 --> 02:04:34,512
or I'll take it
to the Genius Bar.

2355
02:04:34,556 --> 02:04:35,774
Cable's gonna kill you
when he finds out.

2356
02:04:35,818 --> 02:04:36,862
Never heard of him.

2357
02:04:36,906 --> 02:04:38,385
Why do you think
I'm helping him?

2358
02:04:39,648 --> 02:04:41,911
The Lord works
in mysterious ways,

2359
02:04:41,954 --> 02:04:44,217
don't I? A good day.

2360
02:04:44,957 --> 02:04:45,958
Bye, Wade!

2361
02:04:46,481 --> 02:04:47,482
Bye, Yukio!

2362
02:04:48,787 --> 02:04:51,311
That was probably a bad idea.

2363
02:04:51,355 --> 02:04:52,356
What have we done?

2364
02:04:53,575 --> 02:04:55,272
[IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME
PLAYING]

2365
02:05:10,896 --> 02:05:12,942
I hope we sharpened
the cream cheese spreader.

2366
02:05:12,985 --> 02:05:14,334
[BOTH PANTING][GASPS]

2367
02:05:23,082 --> 02:05:24,519
I'll be right back!

2368
02:05:26,521 --> 02:05:29,045
We're definitely naming
our kid Cher!

2369
02:05:29,436 --> 02:05:30,437
Whoo!

2370
02:05:32,265 --> 02:05:33,571
DEADPOOL: Peter!

2371
02:05:33,615 --> 02:05:35,181
Whoo! X-Force!

2372
02:05:35,225 --> 02:05:38,271
Walk away! Just walk away!

2373
02:05:38,315 --> 02:05:40,317
But we're X-Force!Nope! We're not.

2374
02:05:40,360 --> 02:05:41,710
X-Force is just
a marketing tool

2375
02:05:41,753 --> 02:05:43,059
designed by Fox executives...

2376
02:05:43,102 --> 02:05:44,800
to keep Josh Brolin employed.

2377
02:05:44,843 --> 02:05:46,366
It doesn't exist.

2378
02:05:46,410 --> 02:05:49,718
All right, well,
this has been pretty scary!

2379
02:05:49,761 --> 02:05:51,458
And I need to feed my cat!

2380
02:05:51,502 --> 02:05:53,983
Go home, Sugarbear. Go home.

2381
02:05:54,026 --> 02:05:57,290
Okay. Will you give
Domino my email?

2382
02:06:06,473 --> 02:06:08,345
Wade, is that you?

2383
02:06:10,608 --> 02:06:11,957
I guess Stryker finally

2384
02:06:12,001 --> 02:06:13,393
figured out
how to shut you up.

2385
02:06:16,266 --> 02:06:17,615
[GUNSHOT]

2386
02:06:19,965 --> 02:06:23,360
Hey! It's me!
Don't scratch!

2387
02:06:23,403 --> 02:06:25,449
Just cleaning up
the timelines!

2388
02:06:25,492 --> 02:06:29,322
Look, eventually you're
going to hang up the claws...

2389
02:06:29,366 --> 02:06:31,586
and it's gonna make
a lot of people very sad.

2390
02:06:31,977 --> 02:06:33,370
Huh?

2391
02:06:33,413 --> 02:06:34,719
But one day, your old pal
Wade's gonna ask you...

2392
02:06:34,763 --> 02:06:36,721
to get back
in the saddle again.

2393
02:06:37,635 --> 02:06:40,159
And when he does,
say yes.

2394
02:06:41,421 --> 02:06:43,380
Oh, right.[GUNSHOTS]

2395
02:06:44,294 --> 02:06:45,600
[WHISPERS] Love you!

2396
02:06:47,950 --> 02:06:49,604
Goddamn, that's beautiful.

2397
02:06:51,170 --> 02:06:52,171
[GUNSHOT]

2398
02:06:56,959 --> 02:06:58,787
You're welcome, Canada.

2399
02:07:11,321 --> 02:07:12,496
Boy howdy.

2400
02:07:14,367 --> 02:07:17,283
Hi. This is a toughie.[BABY CRYING]

2401
02:07:17,327 --> 02:07:18,763
Yeesh.

2402
02:07:18,807 --> 02:07:22,201
Oh, yes. You're already
practicing your salute, huh?

2403
02:07:22,245 --> 02:07:25,074
Yes, you are. Well, we'll
take care of that, won't we?

2404
02:07:25,117 --> 02:07:27,903
Jesus Christ! This is
so much harder than I thought.

2405
02:07:28,730 --> 02:07:30,383
Oh, I'm going to hell.

2406
02:07:30,427 --> 02:07:32,124
That makes two of us.

2407
02:07:32,168 --> 02:07:33,778
You can do this.
[CLICKS TONGUE]

2408
02:07:33,822 --> 02:07:36,476
This is crazy. This is crazy.
This is crazy. This is crazy.

2409
02:07:36,520 --> 02:07:37,652
All right.

2410
02:07:38,740 --> 02:07:39,828
[SIGHS]

2411
02:07:45,007 --> 02:07:47,400
Maximum effort.

2412
02:07:47,444 --> 02:07:50,403
[IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME
CONTINUES PLAYING]

2413
02:09:08,655 --> 02:09:10,657
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]

2414
02:12:54,838 --> 02:12:56,579
[CHOIR SINGING]

2415
02:13:25,086 --> 02:13:27,392
That's okay.
Let me see here.

2416
02:13:27,436 --> 02:13:28,959
Oh, God.

2417
02:13:29,003 --> 02:13:30,961
That's why you're
such a little bastard.

2418
02:13:31,005 --> 02:13:33,355
No one's ever changed you.

2419
02:13:33,398 --> 02:13:36,140
Yeah, you got a big, old
stinky in there, don't you?

2420
02:13:36,184 --> 02:13:39,013
God, it smells like
Hitler's anus...

2421
02:13:39,056 --> 02:13:41,624
which would makes sense,
wouldn't it? Yeah.

2422
02:13:41,667 --> 02:13:42,842
I think we both know

2423
02:13:42,886 --> 02:13:44,279
I don't have
what it takes to do this...

2424
02:13:44,322 --> 02:13:46,498
so I'm just gonna change
your diaper real quick...

2425
02:13:46,542 --> 02:13:48,457
and then I'm gonna come back
with my friend, Cable.

2426
02:13:48,500 --> 02:13:49,893
He loves killing kids.

2427
02:13:49,936 --> 02:13:51,938
Captioned by Deluxe