1
00:00:01,848 --> 00:00:05,543
Bup! Guess who just got invited
to Prince Harry's wedding.
2
00:00:05,545 --> 00:00:07,278
Oh, right.
3
00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:09,414
You got invited to the royal wedding?
4
00:00:09,416 --> 00:00:10,415
Not that Prince Harry.
5
00:00:10,417 --> 00:00:12,050
A guy I went to high school with.
6
00:00:12,052 --> 00:00:14,752
A Prince impersonator named Harry.
7
00:00:16,156 --> 00:00:18,189
When I see him walking down that aisle,
8
00:00:18,191 --> 00:00:21,059
doves won't be the only things crying.
9
00:00:21,932 --> 00:00:22,733
Yeah.
10
00:00:22,768 --> 00:00:24,662
I got a plus-one, if you want to come.
11
00:00:24,664 --> 00:00:26,297
Oh, sorry.
12
00:00:26,299 --> 00:00:29,868
I already have plans on, um, April 7.
13
00:00:32,105 --> 00:00:34,272
It's the one day I'm booked.
14
00:00:34,274 --> 00:00:35,907
It's actually April 8.
15
00:00:35,909 --> 00:00:38,309
For a two-day event.
16
00:00:41,086 --> 00:00:42,447
That's a big order, Arthur.
17
00:00:42,449 --> 00:00:45,817
Yeah. Delivery to a baby
shower at Pizzeria Uno.
18
00:00:45,819 --> 00:00:49,287
The ladies wanted something
light to go with their deep dish.
19
00:00:50,290 --> 00:00:51,789
Pizza and donuts?
20
00:00:51,791 --> 00:00:54,792
Sounds like a dream Tush had.
21
00:00:55,427 --> 00:00:57,695
Yeah, sometimes
the donuts are my girlfriend,
22
00:00:57,697 --> 00:01:00,665
sometimes it's the pizza.
23
00:01:01,042 --> 00:01:06,204
Once, a cinnamon roll showed up,
and things got nasty.
24
00:01:07,090 --> 00:01:09,407
I'd like to explore new
business opportunities.
25
00:01:09,409 --> 00:01:11,075
Maybe put a drive-through window
26
00:01:11,077 --> 00:01:13,111
in the alley behind my dry cleaners.
27
00:01:13,113 --> 00:01:14,279
Why don't you?
28
00:01:14,281 --> 00:01:17,015
Well, that's where
Arthur parks his Oldsmobile.
29
00:01:17,017 --> 00:01:18,449
It's a Buick.
30
00:01:18,451 --> 00:01:21,186
Any car you drive is an Oldsmobile.
31
00:01:22,098 --> 00:01:24,055
Well, you're not getting
my parking space, Fawz.
32
00:01:24,057 --> 00:01:25,456
Oh, I'll get it someday.
33
00:01:25,458 --> 00:01:26,491
Things can change...
34
00:01:26,493 --> 00:01:28,526
zoning laws, city regulations,
35
00:01:28,528 --> 00:01:30,762
natural causes.
36
00:01:32,912 --> 00:01:34,098
ARTHUR: Hey, Franco,
37
00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:35,133
where's your cousin Marcus?
38
00:01:35,135 --> 00:01:36,334
I got a delivery to make.
39
00:01:36,336 --> 00:01:38,269
Oh, yo. That reminds me, man.
40
00:01:38,271 --> 00:01:40,305
Uh, Marcus gone. He got another job.
41
00:01:40,307 --> 00:01:41,506
What?
42
00:01:41,508 --> 00:01:43,107
He never gave me notice.
43
00:01:43,109 --> 00:01:46,077
He did. I just forgot to tell you. Um...
44
00:01:46,079 --> 00:01:48,379
But he wanted to thank
you with a bottle of wine.
45
00:01:48,381 --> 00:01:49,414
Ah.
46
00:01:49,416 --> 00:01:50,381
That's gone, too.
47
00:01:50,383 --> 00:01:52,050
Uh...
48
00:01:52,052 --> 00:01:53,885
All right, well, you're my delivery guy.
49
00:01:53,887 --> 00:01:55,119
Here, you can take my car.
50
00:01:55,121 --> 00:01:57,188
Uh, yeah, look, there's a...
51
00:01:57,190 --> 00:01:59,390
little hiccup with my driver's license.
52
00:01:59,392 --> 00:02:00,325
What?
53
00:02:00,327 --> 00:02:02,427
I never got one.
54
00:02:02,429 --> 00:02:05,797
Wait a minute! Your résumé
said that you worked as a driver.
55
00:02:05,799 --> 00:02:07,465
It also said I juggle and speak Italian.
56
00:02:07,467 --> 00:02:09,400
- (chuckles)
- FAWZ: Franco,
57
00:02:09,402 --> 00:02:11,603
I can't believe you never
got your driver's license.
58
00:02:11,605 --> 00:02:13,605
I got mine the day I turned 16.
59
00:02:13,607 --> 00:02:15,440
Greatest feeling in the world.
60
00:02:15,442 --> 00:02:16,808
Rolled down the windows,
61
00:02:16,810 --> 00:02:18,810
cranked up the REO Speedwagon,
62
00:02:18,812 --> 00:02:23,248
let my long hair blow in the breeze.
63
00:02:23,250 --> 00:02:25,583
So that's where it went.
64
00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:28,620
(sighs) Growing up in Wisconsin,
65
00:02:28,622 --> 00:02:30,188
you couldn't wait to get your license
66
00:02:30,190 --> 00:02:31,956
so you'd be free to just go nuts.
67
00:02:32,340 --> 00:02:34,092
You'd tell your mom you
were going to the library
68
00:02:34,094 --> 00:02:35,426
to do your homework, right? (Chuckles)
69
00:02:35,428 --> 00:02:37,695
And you would. (Chuckles)
70
00:02:38,672 --> 00:02:39,564
But then
71
00:02:39,566 --> 00:02:41,099
you'd go to Dairy Queen
72
00:02:41,101 --> 00:02:43,601
and spoil your dinner with a small cone.
73
00:02:43,603 --> 00:02:45,503
(laughing): It was so wild!
74
00:02:49,743 --> 00:02:52,744
You know, I just never needed
to learn how to drive, man.
75
00:02:52,746 --> 00:02:54,245
You know, I took the bus or the "L."
76
00:02:54,247 --> 00:02:55,980
I rode my bike those
magical eight minutes
77
00:02:55,982 --> 00:02:57,915
before it got stolen.
78
00:02:58,766 --> 00:03:00,518
Well, you don't know
what you're missing, kid.
79
00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:02,387
You know, driving, that's freedom.
80
00:03:02,389 --> 00:03:05,390
You just walk outside your door,
you can go anywhere you want.
81
00:03:05,392 --> 00:03:06,724
The world is yours.
82
00:03:06,726 --> 00:03:09,427
Joanie and I used to love
taking those long road trips.
83
00:03:09,429 --> 00:03:12,163
We were trying to see all 48 states.
84
00:03:13,733 --> 00:03:17,335
They slipped in a couple more
when you weren't looking.
85
00:03:17,337 --> 00:03:18,936
Oh, and we almost did it, you know?
86
00:03:18,938 --> 00:03:22,240
We just missed, uh, Oregon,
Maine, and Alabama.
87
00:03:22,242 --> 00:03:26,177
Rain, snow, and still pissed
the South lost the Civil War.
88
00:03:27,580 --> 00:03:29,314
I ain't got time to learn
how to drive, man.
89
00:03:29,316 --> 00:03:32,016
I'm swamped with school,
work, girlfriend.
90
00:03:32,018 --> 00:03:33,584
ARTHUR: Oh, well, that's too bad,
91
00:03:33,586 --> 00:03:36,788
because Marcus was pulling down
a hundred bucks a week in tips.
92
00:03:36,790 --> 00:03:39,424
Who's teaching me how to drive?
93
00:03:40,260 --> 00:03:41,793
I could teach you.
94
00:03:41,795 --> 00:03:44,395
Yeah... Nope! (Chuckles)
95
00:03:44,397 --> 00:03:45,730
That ain't happening, man.
96
00:03:45,732 --> 00:03:47,632
I ain't trying to have that
conversation with my girlfriend.
97
00:03:47,634 --> 00:03:49,100
Cute girl teaching me how to drive...
98
00:03:49,102 --> 00:03:51,436
that already sounds like a lie.
99
00:03:52,740 --> 00:03:54,539
Sorry. Just trying to be nice.
100
00:03:54,541 --> 00:03:58,276
Whatever you say, you little minx.
101
00:04:00,017 --> 00:04:02,480
You know,
I don't know why I come in here!
102
00:04:02,482 --> 00:04:04,182
I don't eat the donuts,
the coffee sucks,
103
00:04:04,184 --> 00:04:05,416
and you guys are jerks.
104
00:04:05,418 --> 00:04:07,518
- Okay, I'll see you tomorrow!
- ARTHUR: Tomorrow.
105
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:08,920
Bye!
106
00:04:09,769 --> 00:04:11,456
Franco, I could teach you.
107
00:04:11,458 --> 00:04:13,057
I taught my daughter.
108
00:04:13,059 --> 00:04:15,426
And other than that
time we got in a fight
109
00:04:15,428 --> 00:04:16,961
and I ditched her in Indiana,
110
00:04:16,963 --> 00:04:19,364
it went great.
111
00:04:20,189 --> 00:04:21,466
Franco, son,
112
00:04:21,468 --> 00:04:23,434
I wouldn't take lessons
from either one of them.
113
00:04:23,436 --> 00:04:24,469
Not because they're women
114
00:04:24,471 --> 00:04:27,405
but because women are terrible drivers.
115
00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:30,007
ARTHUR: Franco,
116
00:04:30,009 --> 00:04:32,210
I'll teach you to drive.
I'm an excellent driving instructor.
117
00:04:32,212 --> 00:04:33,678
Okay. Cool.
118
00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,446
But I pick the radio stations.
119
00:04:35,448 --> 00:04:37,949
Okay. But my antenna's broken.
120
00:04:37,951 --> 00:04:39,884
So it's either the Spanish station
121
00:04:39,886 --> 00:04:42,420
or the lady who wants us
to accept Jesus Christ
122
00:04:42,422 --> 00:04:44,389
as our Lord and Savior.
123
00:04:45,792 --> 00:04:46,858
She's pretty convincing, you know?
124
00:04:46,860 --> 00:04:48,192
I-I-I'm thinking of doing that.
125
00:04:48,194 --> 00:04:50,695
Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
126
00:04:52,365 --> 00:04:54,632
♪ ♪
127
00:05:10,462 --> 00:05:11,380
Good.
128
00:05:11,382 --> 00:05:13,148
- (laughs) I'm driving.
- Good.
129
00:05:13,150 --> 00:05:15,518
- Yeah. (Chuckles)
- I'm driving! This is dope.
130
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:16,986
If you think this parking lot is dope,
131
00:05:16,988 --> 00:05:19,154
wait till you get out on the open road.
132
00:05:19,156 --> 00:05:20,856
It's super dope.
133
00:05:20,858 --> 00:05:23,792
You might even call it the dope-en road.
134
00:05:24,608 --> 00:05:27,396
- You used up all your "dopes" for the day, man.
- All right.
135
00:05:27,982 --> 00:05:29,265
Okay, let's stop here.
136
00:05:29,267 --> 00:05:31,133
- Okay.
- Just slowly press the brake.
137
00:05:31,135 --> 00:05:32,167
All right.
138
00:05:32,169 --> 00:05:33,235
There we go.
139
00:05:33,237 --> 00:05:34,470
Now put it in park.
140
00:05:34,472 --> 00:05:35,671
Okay.
141
00:05:35,673 --> 00:05:37,306
Very good for a first try.
142
00:05:37,308 --> 00:05:38,307
Hey!
143
00:05:38,309 --> 00:05:39,675
So, you have any questions?
144
00:05:39,677 --> 00:05:43,412
Yeah. What the hell is this
bead thing I'm sitting on?
145
00:05:44,581 --> 00:05:45,781
It massages your back.
146
00:05:45,783 --> 00:05:48,918
It's massaging something,
but it's not my back.
147
00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:52,621
Well, just relax and let it happen.
148
00:05:53,523 --> 00:05:55,057
Okay, got another question.
149
00:05:55,059 --> 00:05:58,260
If there are only two pedals,
uh, why can I only use one foot?
150
00:05:58,262 --> 00:06:00,195
Well, you can only press
either the brake or the gas,
151
00:06:00,197 --> 00:06:01,330
you know, one at a time.
152
00:06:01,332 --> 00:06:03,232
Otherwise, you'll get really mixed up.
153
00:06:03,234 --> 00:06:05,668
One foot does all the work while
the other one just hangs out?
154
00:06:05,670 --> 00:06:08,304
That's right.
Just like you and me at the shop.
155
00:06:09,473 --> 00:06:11,340
- Okay, let's take another lap.
- Yeah?
156
00:06:11,342 --> 00:06:13,108
This time,
we'll work on parallel parking.
157
00:06:13,110 --> 00:06:14,944
Oh, that's my favorite
of all the parkings.
158
00:06:14,946 --> 00:06:15,844
(chuckles)
159
00:06:15,846 --> 00:06:17,446
- (siren wails)
- Oh! Cops!
160
00:06:17,448 --> 00:06:18,714
Switch. Switch.
161
00:06:18,716 --> 00:06:20,182
Why are you panicking?
162
00:06:20,184 --> 00:06:22,051
Chicago cop sees a black dude
driving an old white dude's car
163
00:06:22,053 --> 00:06:23,052
without no license?
164
00:06:23,054 --> 00:06:24,887
I'm gonna be a hashtag by sundown.
165
00:06:26,698 --> 00:06:27,489
What the hell are you doing?
166
00:06:27,491 --> 00:06:29,291
I'm not reaching in my
pocket in front of a cop.
167
00:06:29,293 --> 00:06:31,827
That's the leading cause of death
amongst African-American men.
168
00:06:33,097 --> 00:06:34,363
Hold up, wait.
169
00:06:34,365 --> 00:06:36,966
Yes! It's a black cop. (Whoops)
170
00:06:36,968 --> 00:06:39,735
It's an emotional
roller coaster with you.
171
00:06:41,305 --> 00:06:43,038
You've been circling this
parking lot for almost an hour.
172
00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,908
Can I see your license?
173
00:06:45,910 --> 00:06:47,676
Listen here, bruh,
174
00:06:47,678 --> 00:06:49,411
I ain't got that right now.
175
00:06:49,413 --> 00:06:51,714
You know how it is, man.
176
00:06:52,475 --> 00:06:54,550
- I ain't even trippin', man.
- Mm-hmm.
177
00:06:55,620 --> 00:06:56,685
So, what's going on here?
178
00:06:56,687 --> 00:06:58,520
Is this some kind of
Blind Side situation?
179
00:06:58,522 --> 00:07:00,623
Diff'rent Strokes? Driving Mr. Daisy?
180
00:07:00,625 --> 00:07:02,458
Hey.
181
00:07:02,460 --> 00:07:04,093
It's complicated, man.
182
00:07:04,095 --> 00:07:06,228
Hmm, I feel you.
183
00:07:06,230 --> 00:07:08,897
Look, Officer,
I'm just teaching the kid how to drive.
184
00:07:08,899 --> 00:07:11,166
Then I'm gonna need to see
your license and registration.
185
00:07:11,168 --> 00:07:12,601
Ooh.
186
00:07:12,603 --> 00:07:14,236
This must be how it feels to be white,
187
00:07:14,238 --> 00:07:16,205
watching somebody else get in trouble.
188
00:07:16,207 --> 00:07:17,239
I feel like whistling.
189
00:07:17,241 --> 00:07:19,141
Is this why y'all whistle?
190
00:07:19,977 --> 00:07:22,111
- Your license is expired.
- What?
191
00:07:22,113 --> 00:07:25,414
No. My license doesn't
expire until 2018.
192
00:07:25,416 --> 00:07:26,849
It is 2018.
193
00:07:26,851 --> 00:07:28,550
Sir, do you even know where you are
194
00:07:28,552 --> 00:07:30,619
- or who the president is?
- Chicago.
195
00:07:30,621 --> 00:07:33,922
And I'm gonna say Trump,
but I hope I'm wrong.
196
00:07:33,924 --> 00:07:37,192
- Nah, you ain't wrong, man.
- Nah, you ain't wrong.
197
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:39,228
Your license expired four months ago.
198
00:07:39,230 --> 00:07:42,364
I'm sorry, Officer.
I'll make a call and get it renewed.
199
00:07:42,366 --> 00:07:43,966
No. You're over the age of 75,
200
00:07:43,968 --> 00:07:46,835
so you have to go to the
DMV and take a driving test.
201
00:07:46,837 --> 00:07:49,104
- What?
- And I'm confiscating your license.
202
00:07:49,106 --> 00:07:51,607
- What?
- And I'm giving you this ticket.
203
00:07:51,609 --> 00:07:53,042
(whispers): Damn.
204
00:07:53,044 --> 00:07:54,977
- $250?
- If you prefer,
205
00:07:54,979 --> 00:07:56,578
I can impound your car.
206
00:07:56,580 --> 00:07:59,081
Hey, let him take the car, man.
It's cheaper than the ticket.
207
00:07:59,497 --> 00:08:01,583
Don't worry about it.
We can take the test together.
208
00:08:01,585 --> 00:08:03,886
Don't let me catch you out
here again without a license.
209
00:08:03,888 --> 00:08:06,288
- Take care, brother.
- You, too, man. Be good.
210
00:08:10,628 --> 00:08:12,594
Hey, Tush. Where's Arthur and Franco?
211
00:08:12,596 --> 00:08:14,797
They're at the DMV taking
their driving tests.
212
00:08:14,799 --> 00:08:16,865
So they wanted me to hold down the fort.
213
00:08:16,867 --> 00:08:19,802
Let me guess,
they're paying you in donuts. (Chuckles)
214
00:08:21,030 --> 00:08:21,737
No.
215
00:08:21,739 --> 00:08:24,406
Cash.
216
00:08:24,408 --> 00:08:26,341
Well, that's nice. You're a good friend.
217
00:08:26,343 --> 00:08:28,544
Oh, I see what's going on here.
218
00:08:28,546 --> 00:08:31,580
You're angling for my
plus-one to Harry's wedding.
219
00:08:33,317 --> 00:08:37,419
Sorry. I like a gal with a
little more meat on her bones,
220
00:08:37,421 --> 00:08:38,854
a few more miles on her.
221
00:08:38,856 --> 00:08:40,055
Like, you know...
222
00:08:43,961 --> 00:08:47,463
Say anyone else.
223
00:08:49,310 --> 00:08:50,432
Hey! How'd it go?
224
00:08:50,434 --> 00:08:51,600
I'm a driver!
225
00:08:51,602 --> 00:08:54,036
Whose?
226
00:08:54,038 --> 00:08:55,037
I passed my test.
227
00:08:55,039 --> 00:08:56,605
I got my temporary license.
228
00:08:56,607 --> 00:08:57,673
- Hey!
- Hey!
229
00:08:57,742 --> 00:08:59,742
Wow, that's amazing!
230
00:08:59,744 --> 00:09:01,076
What about Arthur?
231
00:09:01,078 --> 00:09:03,612
That test is rigged!
232
00:09:05,267 --> 00:09:07,583
They had it out for me the
second I walked in there!
233
00:09:07,585 --> 00:09:08,751
I'm not an idiot.
234
00:09:08,753 --> 00:09:12,020
I know what a yellow light means.
235
00:09:12,723 --> 00:09:15,591
Didn't have a chance!
236
00:09:17,582 --> 00:09:19,595
He did not pass.
237
00:09:21,416 --> 00:09:22,498
What happened?
238
00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:24,399
(groans) He couldn't
do a three-point turn.
239
00:09:24,401 --> 00:09:27,035
Which was so weird,
'cause he just taught me how to do that.
240
00:09:27,037 --> 00:09:28,837
So, what changed?
241
00:09:28,839 --> 00:09:31,640
He was so nervous.
It was like he's never driven before.
242
00:09:32,223 --> 00:09:34,276
I think he's just worried he
won't get his license back.
243
00:09:34,278 --> 00:09:37,813
Well, that might not be the worst thing.
244
00:09:37,815 --> 00:09:39,148
- What you mean?
- You know,
245
00:09:39,150 --> 00:09:40,682
they give that test for a reason.
246
00:09:40,684 --> 00:09:42,217
And if he couldn't pass it,
247
00:09:42,219 --> 00:09:44,887
maybe he's too old to be driving.
248
00:09:44,889 --> 00:09:46,355
He's not that old.
249
00:09:46,357 --> 00:09:47,456
Not that old?
250
00:09:47,458 --> 00:09:49,525
When God said, "Let there be light,"
251
00:09:49,527 --> 00:09:52,561
Arthur said, "Good idea."
252
00:09:54,698 --> 00:09:56,064
I'm with Randy.
253
00:09:56,066 --> 00:09:58,600
You know, my grandmother started
slipping around Arthur's age.
254
00:09:58,602 --> 00:10:02,471
She'd ask me how kindergarten was,
no matter how old I got.
255
00:10:02,473 --> 00:10:06,642
Well, in her defense,
you do dress like a naughty toddler.
256
00:10:09,446 --> 00:10:13,782
I shop at the department
where they have my size!
257
00:10:15,939 --> 00:10:18,053
And I will not see you tomorrow.
258
00:10:18,055 --> 00:10:19,555
Unless I have to use the bathroom.
259
00:10:19,557 --> 00:10:22,624
Or I need a cup of coffee.
260
00:10:22,626 --> 00:10:24,526
Okay, I'll see you tomorrow.
261
00:10:24,528 --> 00:10:26,161
FRANCO: Bye.
262
00:10:27,998 --> 00:10:31,099
Franco, I'm just looking out for Arthur.
263
00:10:31,101 --> 00:10:33,468
Now, why do you care so
much that he keeps driving?
264
00:10:33,470 --> 00:10:34,970
'Cause, Randy, he loves it.
265
00:10:34,972 --> 00:10:37,139
If he gives up driving,
he'll give up everything else.
266
00:10:37,141 --> 00:10:38,473
Like my Aunt Darlene.
267
00:10:38,475 --> 00:10:41,443
She sat in a wheelchair
once and never got up.
268
00:10:41,445 --> 00:10:43,579
- Was she paralyzed?
- Mm-mm.
269
00:10:43,581 --> 00:10:46,014
Just comfortable.
270
00:10:46,817 --> 00:10:48,884
But it went all downhill from there.
271
00:10:48,886 --> 00:10:51,220
You know, she went from,
like, a tough-ass lady
272
00:10:51,222 --> 00:10:52,721
to somebody who just stopped caring.
273
00:10:52,723 --> 00:10:54,256
I don't want that to happen to Arthur.
274
00:10:54,258 --> 00:10:57,025
It's like they were targeting me!
275
00:10:57,027 --> 00:10:59,795
So my three-point turn turned
to an eight-point turn.
276
00:10:59,797 --> 00:11:03,031
It still got the job done.
It got it done.
277
00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:04,666
RANDY: Arthur, they were just
278
00:11:04,668 --> 00:11:06,368
being extra careful.
279
00:11:06,370 --> 00:11:09,638
When people get older,
their-their reflexes slow
280
00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:11,506
and their vision gets worse.
281
00:11:11,508 --> 00:11:13,542
Seniors are high-risk drivers.
282
00:11:13,544 --> 00:11:15,510
Oh, so now I'm a senior?
283
00:11:16,881 --> 00:11:20,716
You got your AARP card when I was eight.
284
00:11:23,552 --> 00:11:24,386
FRANCO: Hey, Arthur.
285
00:11:24,388 --> 00:11:26,321
I don't mean to brag,
but I got my license.
286
00:11:26,323 --> 00:11:27,756
Right? So I can take you out.
287
00:11:27,758 --> 00:11:29,224
We can work on your three-point turns
288
00:11:29,226 --> 00:11:31,326
and build up your confidence
so you can take the test again.
289
00:11:31,328 --> 00:11:32,895
And fail again?
290
00:11:34,565 --> 00:11:36,431
How humiliating.
291
00:11:36,433 --> 00:11:38,967
It's best for everyone if
he just gives up the car
292
00:11:38,969 --> 00:11:40,569
and lets me have my
drive-through window.
293
00:11:40,571 --> 00:11:41,770
Hey.
294
00:11:41,772 --> 00:11:43,205
I am not done driving.
295
00:11:43,207 --> 00:11:46,675
You'll get your drive-through
window over my dead body.
296
00:11:46,677 --> 00:11:49,177
Arthur, I would never want you dead.
297
00:11:49,179 --> 00:11:52,447
Locked away in a nursing home, okay.
298
00:11:56,053 --> 00:11:58,387
Why don't you stop gripping
the wheel so tight.
299
00:11:59,084 --> 00:12:00,555
You need to relax.
300
00:12:00,557 --> 00:12:01,890
Lean back
301
00:12:01,892 --> 00:12:04,826
and let the beads do their thing.
302
00:12:04,828 --> 00:12:06,862
I'm just so nervous
about that stupid test.
303
00:12:06,864 --> 00:12:08,030
If I fail it again,
304
00:12:08,032 --> 00:12:11,066
- I might never get my license back.
- You're gonna be fine, okay?
305
00:12:11,068 --> 00:12:13,168
You've been behind the wheel since...
306
00:12:13,170 --> 00:12:15,304
they invented the wheel.
307
00:12:15,306 --> 00:12:17,539
Okay? So l-let's find a place
308
00:12:17,541 --> 00:12:19,441
where we can practice
your three-point turns.
309
00:12:19,443 --> 00:12:20,709
That's right. Right, right.
310
00:12:20,711 --> 00:12:22,344
- Three-point turn. Three-point turn.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
311
00:12:22,346 --> 00:12:25,080
- Hey, yo, why don't you try driving with both feet?
- (chuckles) What?
312
00:12:25,082 --> 00:12:26,915
Well, it helped me.
313
00:12:26,917 --> 00:12:28,850
Oh, well, last time I listened to you,
314
00:12:28,852 --> 00:12:31,286
I discovered "Beyonce."
315
00:12:31,288 --> 00:12:33,855
Her name is Beyoncé.
316
00:12:33,857 --> 00:12:36,625
- Beyoncé, Beyoncé.
- Mm, yeah.
317
00:12:36,627 --> 00:12:40,062
So, the employee bathroom
is currently over there,
318
00:12:40,064 --> 00:12:42,264
but we can relocate that to, uh,
319
00:12:42,266 --> 00:12:45,067
the Shell station on the corner.
320
00:12:45,629 --> 00:12:48,236
And then the drive-through
window will go right there.
321
00:12:48,238 --> 00:12:50,105
(tires screeching)
322
00:13:02,759 --> 00:13:04,519
Or right there.
323
00:13:12,001 --> 00:13:13,829
Hey, Fawz.
324
00:13:23,943 --> 00:13:25,170
FRANCO: Hey, Arthur.
325
00:13:25,174 --> 00:13:27,257
What about a cup of coffee, man?
It might make you feel better.
326
00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:29,807
Stop fussing. I'm fine.
327
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:31,809
"Fine"?
328
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,742
You just drove your car
through a building, man.
329
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:36,547
- Have a seat.
- Look, I don't want to sit,
330
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:37,515
all right?
331
00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:41,502
I got a couple of those
beads jamming up my tailpipe.
332
00:13:41,811 --> 00:13:43,571
You know, an accident like that
333
00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:45,306
really puts things into perspective.
334
00:13:45,308 --> 00:13:47,375
Makes that grease fire
I started in the kitchen
335
00:13:47,377 --> 00:13:49,477
seem like nothing.
336
00:13:49,758 --> 00:13:50,711
Grease fire?
337
00:13:50,713 --> 00:13:52,580
- There was a grease fire in the kitchen?
- Hey.
338
00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:54,816
All that matters is that you're alive.
339
00:13:54,818 --> 00:13:56,818
All right, all right.
340
00:13:57,592 --> 00:13:58,886
Thanks to you, Arthur,
341
00:13:58,888 --> 00:14:01,222
there's a giant hole in
the front of my store.
342
00:14:01,224 --> 00:14:02,690
How am I supposed to run a sweatshop
343
00:14:02,692 --> 00:14:05,226
with a cool, refreshing breeze?
344
00:14:05,228 --> 00:14:07,228
Look, I'm sorry. It was an accident.
345
00:14:07,230 --> 00:14:09,397
I was heading to my shop,
but I couldn't let that happen,
346
00:14:09,399 --> 00:14:11,098
so I swerved into your shop.
347
00:14:12,669 --> 00:14:16,170
All right,
I smoothed it over with the cops.
348
00:14:16,172 --> 00:14:17,939
They're gonna ignore
your expired license
349
00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:19,740
and just give you a moving violation.
350
00:14:19,742 --> 00:14:21,042
Oh, thanks, Randy.
351
00:14:21,044 --> 00:14:22,977
- But then we got to have a talk.
- Hmm?
352
00:14:22,979 --> 00:14:25,646
I think it's time you
consider giving up driving.
353
00:14:25,648 --> 00:14:27,181
No, I'm not gonna do that.
354
00:14:27,183 --> 00:14:30,918
(sighs) Arthur,
you just drove through Fawz's shop.
355
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:32,987
Yeah, but that was my fault.
I-I was trying to teach him
356
00:14:32,989 --> 00:14:34,956
how to drive with both feet,
and he got all confused.
357
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:36,624
Franco, stop.
358
00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:37,959
You're not doing him any favors.
359
00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:39,227
Yeah, but what about his road trip
360
00:14:39,229 --> 00:14:40,595
and all the states he wants to see?
361
00:14:40,597 --> 00:14:43,030
And all the stores he
wants to crash into.
362
00:14:44,701 --> 00:14:46,868
Arthur, do you remember my dad?
363
00:14:46,870 --> 00:14:48,870
He didn't want to give up his keys,
364
00:14:48,872 --> 00:14:51,372
and then he rear-ended someone.
365
00:14:51,374 --> 00:14:53,174
That guy ended up in the hospital,
366
00:14:53,176 --> 00:14:55,209
and my dad never got over it.
367
00:14:55,211 --> 00:14:57,845
(groans) Maybe you're right.
368
00:14:57,847 --> 00:14:59,881
Maybe that accident was a sign.
369
00:14:59,883 --> 00:15:03,150
I had a sign. You crashed into it.
370
00:15:05,522 --> 00:15:08,089
Randy, look, I know that crash was bad,
371
00:15:08,091 --> 00:15:09,323
but this dude's driven for years
372
00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:10,992
without a single incident, all right?
373
00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:12,360
And you got a lot of life left.
374
00:15:12,362 --> 00:15:14,462
What about the freedom of the open road?
375
00:15:14,464 --> 00:15:16,330
A-And all the states you want to see?
376
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:18,566
Yeah, I'll bet you could
be in and out of Alabama
377
00:15:18,568 --> 00:15:20,768
before they even realize you're Jewish.
378
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:28,276
- Franco, it's the responsible thing to do.
- No.
379
00:15:28,278 --> 00:15:30,111
He's not giving up. Nah.
380
00:15:30,113 --> 00:15:32,980
He owes it to himself and
Joanie to finish that trip.
381
00:15:32,982 --> 00:15:35,082
Will you stop talking
like I'm not even here?
382
00:15:35,084 --> 00:15:36,317
It's my decision,
383
00:15:36,319 --> 00:15:38,352
and I'm not gonna be pushed
into it by either of you.
384
00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:40,655
Bossing me around,
treating me like I'm some old man
385
00:15:40,657 --> 00:15:41,822
who talks to himself.
386
00:15:41,824 --> 00:15:43,824
Well, who the hell
am I gonna talk to, any...?
387
00:15:47,830 --> 00:15:49,463
Hey, have you seen Arthur?
388
00:15:49,465 --> 00:15:51,866
- He's not returning my texts.
- I haven't seen him all day.
389
00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:53,367
He called me to cover for him.
390
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:54,835
I hope he's not upset.
391
00:15:54,837 --> 00:15:57,104
I just don't want to see him get hurt.
392
00:15:57,106 --> 00:15:58,973
I'm sure he knows that, Randy.
393
00:15:59,468 --> 00:16:02,877
Well, Harry's wedding was beautiful.
394
00:16:06,649 --> 00:16:08,249
I don't know what the other
Prince Harry's wedding's
395
00:16:08,251 --> 00:16:11,519
gonna be like,
but it's got a lot to live up to.
396
00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:14,355
Really?
397
00:16:14,357 --> 00:16:15,923
Did the queen show up?
398
00:16:15,925 --> 00:16:17,224
He's a Prince impersonator.
399
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,994
There were tons of queens.
400
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:25,466
Tush, you look very handsome.
401
00:16:25,468 --> 00:16:26,634
Oh, my God, Sofia.
402
00:16:26,636 --> 00:16:29,070
We have got to get you a boyfriend.
403
00:16:33,977 --> 00:16:35,710
Hey. What can I get you?
404
00:16:35,712 --> 00:16:37,778
I'm looking for Arthur Przybyszewski.
405
00:16:37,780 --> 00:16:39,814
He sold me a car,
and I'm here to pick it up.
406
00:16:39,816 --> 00:16:42,516
What? He sold his car?
407
00:16:42,518 --> 00:16:44,986
And you're buying it?
408
00:16:45,822 --> 00:16:47,622
He said the keys and title
409
00:16:47,624 --> 00:16:49,590
would be under the
register in an envelope.
410
00:16:49,592 --> 00:16:50,725
- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
411
00:16:50,727 --> 00:16:52,026
He tell you it was old
412
00:16:52,028 --> 00:16:54,261
and the car big as hell...
413
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:56,197
and just got in an accident?
414
00:16:56,199 --> 00:16:57,865
Yeah. It's for my teenage daughter.
415
00:16:57,867 --> 00:16:59,166
She's been kind of an ass lately,
416
00:16:59,168 --> 00:17:01,002
so I'm trying to take her down a notch.
417
00:17:04,483 --> 00:17:05,539
Damn.
418
00:17:05,541 --> 00:17:08,275
I can't believe Arthur
just sold his car.
419
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:10,611
I guess he's just giving up.
420
00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:14,781
Look, Franco, it's hard for all
of us to see Arthur slowing down.
421
00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:19,472
But obviously he thinks it's time,
so we have to be supportive.
422
00:17:19,473 --> 00:17:20,473
(horn honks)
423
00:17:28,321 --> 00:17:29,688
What the hell is this?
424
00:17:29,780 --> 00:17:30,767
That's my new car.
425
00:17:30,781 --> 00:17:33,515
Well, it's used, but it's new to me.
426
00:17:33,517 --> 00:17:35,984
Well, why'd you do that?
You don't even have a license.
427
00:17:35,986 --> 00:17:37,652
Oh, uh, yes, I do.
428
00:17:37,654 --> 00:17:38,854
Yo, so you did take the test.
429
00:17:38,946 --> 00:17:40,545
That's right. First thing this morning.
430
00:17:40,547 --> 00:17:42,280
You know, I was thinking
about what you said yesterday
431
00:17:42,282 --> 00:17:43,515
about my road trip,
432
00:17:43,517 --> 00:17:45,617
so I went home, and I dug up...
433
00:17:45,619 --> 00:17:47,853
Please don't say Joanie.
434
00:17:49,804 --> 00:17:51,654
No. My old atlas.
435
00:17:51,758 --> 00:17:54,326
I had dog-eared all the
states that we'd seen.
436
00:17:54,328 --> 00:17:55,727
It just got me excited, you know,
437
00:17:55,729 --> 00:17:56,928
to finish what I started.
438
00:17:56,930 --> 00:17:58,296
So I stopped doubting myself,
439
00:17:58,298 --> 00:17:59,598
marched right down to the DMV,
440
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:00,765
and took that test
441
00:18:00,767 --> 00:18:03,439
and barely passed with flying colors.
442
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,514
- (laughs) That's awesome, man.
- Yeah.
443
00:18:05,816 --> 00:18:06,615
And then I started thinking,
444
00:18:06,616 --> 00:18:08,616
now, if I wanted to see
those last three states,
445
00:18:08,675 --> 00:18:10,909
well, my old car's not gonna make it.
446
00:18:10,911 --> 00:18:13,812
So I got myself something fun and zippy.
447
00:18:15,582 --> 00:18:18,250
So, if you're keeping your parking spot,
448
00:18:18,252 --> 00:18:19,885
how about my drive-through window?
449
00:18:19,887 --> 00:18:21,720
I've already paid off a lot of people,
450
00:18:21,722 --> 00:18:24,132
and the mayor does not give refunds.
451
00:18:24,292 --> 00:18:27,726
Well, I'm sorry, Fawz,
but I got a lot of time left,
452
00:18:27,728 --> 00:18:29,861
and I'm gonna spend it
taking life by the horns
453
00:18:29,863 --> 00:18:32,664
and showing it who's boss.
454
00:18:32,666 --> 00:18:34,332
That's great, Arthur.
455
00:18:34,334 --> 00:18:36,134
- I'm happy for you.
- Thank you.
456
00:18:40,107 --> 00:18:41,940
Your blinker's still on, Arthur.
457
00:18:41,942 --> 00:18:44,075
I know. I'm making a turn later.
458
00:18:58,155 --> 00:18:59,147
(panting): Look what I got.
459
00:18:59,149 --> 00:19:01,450
- A permanent license.
- Oh.
460
00:19:01,452 --> 00:19:04,286
Congratulations.
461
00:19:04,288 --> 00:19:06,254
Why aren't you an organ donor?
462
00:19:06,256 --> 00:19:08,757
Oh, 'cause I'm black.
463
00:19:09,593 --> 00:19:11,326
If I get a scratch, they take my brain.
464
00:19:11,328 --> 00:19:13,362
- Give me that.
- Oh.
465
00:19:13,364 --> 00:19:15,364
So, what are you gonna
do with your new license?
466
00:19:15,366 --> 00:19:16,732
I don't know, man.
467
00:19:16,734 --> 00:19:18,166
There's... You know,
there's this cool, new art exhibit
468
00:19:18,168 --> 00:19:20,602
in Detroit.
I-I'm thinking about taking Tavi there.
469
00:19:20,604 --> 00:19:22,704
That's great, kid.
I'm gonna lend you my car.
470
00:19:22,706 --> 00:19:25,240
Kind of a thank you for
helping me to get my license.
471
00:19:25,242 --> 00:19:27,209
Nah, thank you, man.
472
00:19:27,211 --> 00:19:29,711
Hearing all those stories
about Joanie was so cool.
473
00:19:29,713 --> 00:19:31,580
I-I want to make memories
like that with Tavi.
474
00:19:31,582 --> 00:19:33,281
Yeah, well,
there's not gonna be enough room
475
00:19:33,283 --> 00:19:35,350
in that Mini Cooper to
make memories like we did.
476
00:19:37,821 --> 00:19:39,554
Wow. (Chuckles)
477
00:19:39,556 --> 00:19:40,989
A road trip.
478
00:19:40,991 --> 00:19:43,458
It sounds like you and Tavi
are getting really serious.
479
00:19:43,460 --> 00:19:46,995
Next thing you know,
you'll be moving in together,
480
00:19:46,997 --> 00:19:48,797
getting married, having kids.
481
00:19:48,799 --> 00:19:52,000
(chuckles) Buying a
house next to the Obamas.
482
00:19:55,906 --> 00:19:58,407
I'm just trying to see Detroit, man.
483
00:20:00,778 --> 00:20:03,311
So thirsty.
484
00:20:04,882 --> 00:20:06,748
You know, if you're that
desperate for male attention,
485
00:20:06,750 --> 00:20:08,617
I'll take you for one
lap around the block.
486
00:20:08,619 --> 00:20:10,118
Come on.
487
00:20:10,988 --> 00:20:12,154
You, too. Let's go.
488
00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:41,664
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