1
00:00:03,638 --> 00:00:06,795
Hey, slow weekend in Chicago.
Only 12 shootings.
2
00:00:06,797 --> 00:00:07,996
Move your finger.
3
00:00:07,998 --> 00:00:10,666
Oh.
4
00:00:10,668 --> 00:00:12,668
I was covering the third digit.
5
00:00:12,670 --> 00:00:13,869
(chuckles)
6
00:00:13,871 --> 00:00:16,071
At least the Bears had a close game.
7
00:00:16,073 --> 00:00:17,472
Move your finger.
8
00:00:18,275 --> 00:00:19,441
Oh.
9
00:00:19,443 --> 00:00:21,310
Hi. Hi, hi, hi, hi.
10
00:00:21,312 --> 00:00:23,045
- I got to go.
- Hey, hey.
11
00:00:23,047 --> 00:00:24,913
Bathrooms are for customers only.
12
00:00:24,915 --> 00:00:27,115
Oh, come on. I drank three cups
of your coffee this morning.
13
00:00:27,117 --> 00:00:29,151
This is just completing the transaction.
14
00:00:29,153 --> 00:00:31,553
Once you leave,
we reset the toilet clock.
15
00:00:31,555 --> 00:00:32,888
Okay, uh...
16
00:00:32,890 --> 00:00:34,856
Fine. I'll take this one.
17
00:00:35,497 --> 00:00:37,025
Hey!
18
00:00:37,995 --> 00:00:39,006
Did everybody see that?
19
00:00:39,030 --> 00:00:40,562
Yeah, that was crazy.
20
00:00:40,564 --> 00:00:42,531
It landed right on a napkin.
21
00:00:42,533 --> 00:00:44,433
(cash register beeping)
22
00:00:44,435 --> 00:00:46,802
She has the nerve, throwing out my food?
23
00:00:46,804 --> 00:00:49,037
She sells kale-wrapped tofu?
24
00:00:49,039 --> 00:00:51,173
That's a thing that nobody likes.
25
00:00:51,175 --> 00:00:53,275
Wrapped in a thing that nobody likes.
26
00:00:54,144 --> 00:00:55,544
I want my money back.
27
00:00:55,546 --> 00:00:56,979
The toilet's broken.
28
00:00:56,981 --> 00:00:58,647
Well, if it's an emergency,
might I recommend
29
00:00:58,649 --> 00:01:00,649
the candle shop across the street?
30
00:01:00,651 --> 00:01:04,119
No matter what you do in there,
it always smells like lavender.
31
00:01:05,055 --> 00:01:06,955
Just use the men's room.
32
00:01:06,957 --> 00:01:09,157
Okay.
33
00:01:15,413 --> 00:01:16,415
ARTHUR: Hey, Franco.
34
00:01:16,433 --> 00:01:17,539
What are you doing here?
It's your day off.
35
00:01:17,601 --> 00:01:19,267
Oh, well, Sweatpants and I are
meeting our little brothers.
36
00:01:19,336 --> 00:01:21,703
Oh, that's right, you guys are
doing that volunteer program.
37
00:01:21,705 --> 00:01:23,672
I wish I had that much free time.
38
00:01:26,877 --> 00:01:29,845
Well, there's two hours
I'll never get back.
39
00:01:29,847 --> 00:01:31,346
So many kids in this neighborhood
40
00:01:31,348 --> 00:01:32,748
grew up without a dad.
41
00:01:32,750 --> 00:01:35,183
I know it sounds corny,
but it'd be great to make a difference,
42
00:01:35,185 --> 00:01:36,952
even if it's just for one kid.
43
00:01:36,954 --> 00:01:38,787
You know,
boys that grow up without a dad
44
00:01:38,789 --> 00:01:40,989
are twice as likely to go to jail.
45
00:01:40,991 --> 00:01:43,625
And to date me when they grow up.
46
00:01:43,627 --> 00:01:45,861
I just think if I'd
grown up with some cool
47
00:01:45,863 --> 00:01:47,162
older dude who had my back,
48
00:01:47,164 --> 00:01:49,131
- I wouldn't have ended up in some dead-end...
- Hey!
49
00:01:49,133 --> 00:01:51,466
...magical palace.
50
00:01:51,468 --> 00:01:53,235
Yeah.
51
00:01:53,237 --> 00:01:56,171
Uh, so, if y'all are wondering
why I became a Big Brother,
52
00:01:56,173 --> 00:01:57,606
well, it's all about making a difference
53
00:01:57,608 --> 00:01:58,673
in a young man's life.
54
00:01:58,675 --> 00:02:00,242
You just said that.
55
00:02:00,244 --> 00:02:02,844
Oh. The hot girl's here.
56
00:02:03,738 --> 00:02:05,480
I think it's really great
57
00:02:05,482 --> 00:02:07,082
that you guys are giving
back to your community.
58
00:02:07,084 --> 00:02:08,650
SWEATPANTS: Yup. My little brother
59
00:02:08,652 --> 00:02:10,285
and I have so much in common.
60
00:02:10,287 --> 00:02:12,921
We both enjoy monster
trucks and mashed potatoes.
61
00:02:12,923 --> 00:02:14,856
And his name is... Sweatpants?
62
00:02:14,858 --> 00:02:17,626
Oh, I'm reading the wrong section.
63
00:02:17,628 --> 00:02:18,960
(laughs)
64
00:02:18,962 --> 00:02:20,962
You do realize that taking care of a kid
65
00:02:20,964 --> 00:02:22,431
is not just trucks and potatoes.
66
00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:24,199
I mean, uh, it's a big responsibility.
67
00:02:24,201 --> 00:02:25,600
Yeah, but I'm up for it, dude.
68
00:02:25,602 --> 00:02:27,269
It's gonna be a dope-ass day.
69
00:02:27,271 --> 00:02:29,037
- Besides, kids love me.
- Of course they do.
70
00:02:29,039 --> 00:02:30,405
You look like a cartoon character
71
00:02:30,407 --> 00:02:32,174
who's gonna teach him
a rap about hygiene.
72
00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:33,742
All I'm saying
73
00:02:33,744 --> 00:02:36,378
is I know I'll be a great dad one day,
'cause I'm fun,
74
00:02:36,380 --> 00:02:38,013
unlike my dad, who's such a hard-ass.
75
00:02:38,015 --> 00:02:39,915
Oh, you didn't get along with your dad?
76
00:02:39,917 --> 00:02:42,284
Nah. My dad kicked me out when I was 16,
77
00:02:42,286 --> 00:02:44,086
before stomping on my dreams
of becoming an artist.
78
00:02:44,088 --> 00:02:45,687
I saw myself as the next Van Gogh,
79
00:02:45,689 --> 00:02:47,989
and he saw me as the next van driver.
80
00:02:47,991 --> 00:02:50,192
You saw yourself as the next Dali,
81
00:02:50,194 --> 00:02:52,060
and he saw you pushing a dolly.
82
00:02:52,062 --> 00:02:53,195
Yeah.
83
00:02:53,197 --> 00:02:54,529
You saw yourself as Monet.
84
00:02:54,531 --> 00:02:57,799
He was trying to get
you to make some mon-ay.
85
00:02:57,801 --> 00:03:00,102
♪ ♪
86
00:03:04,875 --> 00:03:07,909
Did you know that plumbers
are charging 90 bucks an hour?
87
00:03:07,911 --> 00:03:09,978
You can get a hooker for that.
88
00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:12,380
Hey, Tush, how much would you charge?
89
00:03:12,382 --> 00:03:15,350
It depends.
Do I have to act like I like it?
90
00:03:16,356 --> 00:03:18,053
No, I mean, to fix the toilet.
91
00:03:18,055 --> 00:03:19,488
Oh. Sorry. I can't help you.
92
00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:21,756
I got a hand model gig this afternoon.
93
00:03:21,758 --> 00:03:24,126
Can't mess with the money makers.
94
00:03:25,003 --> 00:03:26,895
Guess I'll fix it myself.
95
00:03:26,897 --> 00:03:30,132
Damn it! The screen froze again.
96
00:03:30,134 --> 00:03:32,167
I hate this stupid thing.
97
00:03:32,169 --> 00:03:35,137
Just hit the escape key.
98
00:03:35,139 --> 00:03:36,404
Oh!
99
00:03:36,406 --> 00:03:39,174
Not with your fist!
100
00:03:39,176 --> 00:03:40,876
Is there something you
want to talk about?
101
00:03:40,878 --> 00:03:42,811
- Like what?!
- Oh, I don't know.
102
00:03:42,813 --> 00:03:45,113
Maybe the fact that
you got shot last week.
103
00:03:45,115 --> 00:03:46,982
Why would I want to talk about that?
104
00:03:46,984 --> 00:03:48,483
Because it was a traumatic experience,
105
00:03:48,485 --> 00:03:49,885
and I'm worried about you.
106
00:03:49,887 --> 00:03:51,686
Look, if you don't work
through these emotions,
107
00:03:51,688 --> 00:03:53,455
they're gonna build up,
and you're gonna snap.
108
00:03:53,457 --> 00:03:55,123
What do you know about that?
109
00:03:55,125 --> 00:03:57,859
1996. John Deere Factory.
110
00:03:57,861 --> 00:04:00,929
Dave Sikorski lost his
finger to a buzz saw.
111
00:04:00,931 --> 00:04:03,865
Came back to work the very next
week like nothing happened.
112
00:04:03,867 --> 00:04:05,901
Later on, we go to a Cubs game.
113
00:04:05,903 --> 00:04:10,005
Someone gives him a foam finger,
he has a nervous breakdown.
114
00:04:10,007 --> 00:04:12,908
Tush, I am a Chicago cop.
115
00:04:12,910 --> 00:04:15,877
I have been through way more
traumatic things than this.
116
00:04:15,879 --> 00:04:18,780
I've seen things that would
make your eyes pop out.
117
00:04:18,782 --> 00:04:21,816
Like watching people's eyes pop out.
118
00:04:22,853 --> 00:04:24,019
You want to talk traumatic?
119
00:04:24,021 --> 00:04:26,354
An hour ago,
I had to help Oven Mitts over here
120
00:04:26,356 --> 00:04:27,656
in the men's room.
121
00:04:29,825 --> 00:04:30,559
FRANCO: Here we go.
122
00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:32,460
Little brother on deck.
123
00:04:32,462 --> 00:04:36,031
Am I looking at a fellow
mashed potato enthusiast?
124
00:04:36,033 --> 00:04:38,166
- Please don't be Franco.
- Ah.
125
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,735
I'm Franco. You must be Andre.
126
00:04:40,737 --> 00:04:42,304
- Yeah.
- Yo, man, come here.
127
00:04:42,306 --> 00:04:43,905
Everybody, meet my little brother Andre.
128
00:04:43,907 --> 00:04:46,241
- They have rules about touching.
- My bad.
129
00:04:46,243 --> 00:04:48,610
Well, I hope they don't
have rules about having fun,
130
00:04:48,612 --> 00:04:50,845
'cause you ready for the
best day of your life?
131
00:04:50,847 --> 00:04:53,114
Okay, but I have to be home by 3:30.
132
00:04:53,116 --> 00:04:55,984
I'm defrosting a chicken,
and it has to go in the crock pot.
133
00:04:55,986 --> 00:04:58,053
Oh, cool. You a cook, little man?
134
00:04:58,055 --> 00:05:00,989
Yeah, my mom works two jobs,
so I'm the one who makes dinner,
135
00:05:00,991 --> 00:05:04,092
- and I am not serving fish two days in a row.
- Oh, okay.
136
00:05:04,094 --> 00:05:06,094
Well, I hope you ready to
go to the United Center
137
00:05:06,096 --> 00:05:07,295
and watch the Bulls practice.
138
00:05:07,297 --> 00:05:10,498
Oh. I'm not a big basketball fan.
139
00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:13,168
Oh, come on, man.
Look, you ever seen a shoot-around?
140
00:05:13,170 --> 00:05:15,837
There was one in my lobby last night.
141
00:05:15,839 --> 00:05:18,006
That's what I'm talking about.
142
00:05:18,008 --> 00:05:19,941
Okay, but can we stop by Food 4 Less?
143
00:05:19,943 --> 00:05:21,977
They have chicken stock
on sale for 29 cents.
144
00:05:21,979 --> 00:05:23,311
Seriously?
145
00:05:23,313 --> 00:05:25,981
Hey, pick me up a couple of cans,
would you?
146
00:05:27,351 --> 00:05:31,519
Hey, little guy,
you look like a mashed potato lover.
147
00:05:31,521 --> 00:05:34,089
What is it with you people
and mashed potatoes?
148
00:05:34,091 --> 00:05:36,291
Oh, I-I'm... I'm sorry.
149
00:05:36,293 --> 00:05:37,826
I'm supposed to meet
my little brother here.
150
00:05:37,828 --> 00:05:39,828
His name is, uh, Sweatpants?
151
00:05:43,033 --> 00:05:45,166
I'm Sweatpants.
152
00:05:47,404 --> 00:05:50,505
But I'm a big boy now.
153
00:05:50,507 --> 00:05:53,375
Well, you filled out
the little brother form.
154
00:05:53,377 --> 00:05:54,943
You know, I was wondering
why they were asking
155
00:05:54,945 --> 00:05:56,244
for my mama's signature.
156
00:05:56,246 --> 00:05:57,579
I mean, she's the grown-up.
157
00:05:57,581 --> 00:05:59,914
She should know better.
158
00:05:59,916 --> 00:06:01,616
Damn. I've paid a lot of money
159
00:06:01,618 --> 00:06:04,753
for these tickets to the Black Circus.
160
00:06:05,656 --> 00:06:07,789
I've never been.
161
00:06:08,859 --> 00:06:10,425
Well, I guess we could...
162
00:06:10,427 --> 00:06:12,560
I'd love to!
163
00:06:12,562 --> 00:06:14,896
Hey, man,
you're gonna love the Bulls practice.
164
00:06:14,898 --> 00:06:16,631
And afterwards,
we can go to Gino's for some lunch.
165
00:06:16,633 --> 00:06:18,667
12 bucks for a pizza?
166
00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:21,069
How much are you paying this guy?
167
00:06:21,071 --> 00:06:22,837
Too much, apparently.
168
00:06:23,807 --> 00:06:27,242
Enjoy your dope-ass day.
169
00:06:29,277 --> 00:06:30,045
SWEATPANTS: Come on, Kenny!
170
00:06:30,047 --> 00:06:31,980
We gonna miss the blacrobats!
171
00:06:41,725 --> 00:06:44,914
Hey, look who's back! It's Boyz II Man.
172
00:06:46,117 --> 00:06:47,617
The Jackson Two.
173
00:06:48,586 --> 00:06:50,553
Earth, Wind, but no Fire.
174
00:06:51,756 --> 00:06:53,356
Did you guys have a fun time?
175
00:06:53,358 --> 00:06:56,726
Sure, if you like basketball...
and trespassing.
176
00:06:57,524 --> 00:06:59,862
What?! No. We just so happened
to sneak through a door
177
00:06:59,864 --> 00:07:02,165
that my buddy Jamal left open,
that works security.
178
00:07:02,167 --> 00:07:05,435
Maybe not the best job for him.
179
00:07:05,437 --> 00:07:06,936
(in high-pitched voice):
Maybe take a seat.
180
00:07:06,938 --> 00:07:08,604
(in normal voice): Huh?
181
00:07:08,606 --> 00:07:10,406
What's up with that kid, man?
182
00:07:10,408 --> 00:07:12,208
We saw the Bulls practice.
183
00:07:12,210 --> 00:07:15,511
You know where my dad took
me when I was his age? Sears.
184
00:07:15,513 --> 00:07:18,081
'Cause he needed my Social
to open a credit card.
185
00:07:18,083 --> 00:07:21,150
I'm still paying off a microwave, man.
186
00:07:21,152 --> 00:07:23,219
Franco, you just have to find something
187
00:07:23,221 --> 00:07:25,288
that you and Andre have in common.
188
00:07:25,290 --> 00:07:26,656
Yeah, like bitching.
189
00:07:26,658 --> 00:07:28,791
You're both good at that.
190
00:07:29,552 --> 00:07:31,260
Has Arthur fixed the toilet yet?
191
00:07:31,262 --> 00:07:33,262
- ARTHUR: You son of a bitch!
- (clanking)
192
00:07:33,264 --> 00:07:35,064
You think you're better than me?!
193
00:07:35,066 --> 00:07:36,799
You know, you have to admire Arthur.
194
00:07:36,801 --> 00:07:38,468
He's not afraid to show his emotions,
195
00:07:38,470 --> 00:07:40,470
unlike some people I know.
196
00:07:40,472 --> 00:07:42,271
Tush, would you give it a rest?
197
00:07:42,273 --> 00:07:44,240
I am fine about the shooting.
198
00:07:44,242 --> 00:07:47,143
There's not some big
breakdown waiting to happen.
199
00:07:47,145 --> 00:07:48,878
SOFIA: Are you sure?
200
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:51,147
I got mugged once,
and I thought I was fine.
201
00:07:51,149 --> 00:07:52,682
Two weeks later, I started sobbing
202
00:07:52,684 --> 00:07:54,817
at my friend's bachelorette party.
203
00:07:54,819 --> 00:07:58,321
Oh, the naked fireman was very confused.
204
00:07:59,357 --> 00:08:01,290
Why are there never any strippers
205
00:08:01,292 --> 00:08:02,925
dressed as dry cleaners?
206
00:08:02,927 --> 00:08:05,628
It's a very sexy profession.
207
00:08:05,630 --> 00:08:08,498
It's not just my shirt that's well hung.
208
00:08:10,268 --> 00:08:11,934
What you doing?
209
00:08:11,936 --> 00:08:14,137
- Drawing.
- Oh, you like to draw?
210
00:08:14,139 --> 00:08:16,305
Dude, I'm an artist!
211
00:08:16,307 --> 00:08:18,441
Oh, my God.
I just thought of a great idea.
212
00:08:18,443 --> 00:08:21,144
Yo, you and I are gonna do
an art project together.
213
00:08:21,146 --> 00:08:22,478
- Hey, yo, Arthur?
- Yeah.
214
00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:23,880
I just found a way to
connect with this kid.
215
00:08:23,882 --> 00:08:25,314
Yo, can you watch him real quick?
I'll be right back.
216
00:08:25,316 --> 00:08:28,151
What? No. No!
No, I-I'm busy fixing the toilet!
217
00:08:28,153 --> 00:08:29,719
Can't anybody else watch him?!
218
00:08:29,721 --> 00:08:32,355
Uh, I got to go back to my store.
219
00:08:33,591 --> 00:08:35,391
I have to get back to my truck.
220
00:08:36,394 --> 00:08:38,094
I was shot.
221
00:08:38,854 --> 00:08:39,862
Well...
222
00:08:39,864 --> 00:08:42,031
I can't be late for my hand job.
223
00:08:45,737 --> 00:08:48,104
I've never been in a ladies'
room before.
224
00:08:48,106 --> 00:08:50,940
It's just like the men's room,
except they flush.
225
00:08:52,310 --> 00:08:56,078
- Why are you doing that?
- Look, kid, I got to get this done.
226
00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,014
- I can't explain every little thing.
- No.
227
00:08:58,016 --> 00:09:00,183
I mean, why are you doing it like that?
228
00:09:00,185 --> 00:09:03,319
You're fixing the wrong
thing with the wrong thing.
229
00:09:03,321 --> 00:09:06,322
Excuse me.
230
00:09:06,324 --> 00:09:08,024
Your problem is the chain's too long.
231
00:09:08,026 --> 00:09:12,261
You just got to snug it up,
then tighten this hose.
232
00:09:12,263 --> 00:09:14,430
(toilet flushes)
233
00:09:18,470 --> 00:09:20,102
How'd you know how to do that?
234
00:09:20,104 --> 00:09:21,904
A lot of stuff in my building's broken,
235
00:09:21,906 --> 00:09:23,506
and there's nobody around to fix it,
236
00:09:23,508 --> 00:09:25,041
so I had to teach myself.
237
00:09:25,043 --> 00:09:26,943
Wow.
238
00:09:26,945 --> 00:09:29,345
That's really sad.
239
00:09:29,347 --> 00:09:31,581
How are you with leaky dishwashers?
240
00:09:34,069 --> 00:09:36,853
So, when you're done,
I got a mixer that's on the fritz,
241
00:09:36,855 --> 00:09:38,654
and I got a crooked
shelf out in the shop.
242
00:09:38,656 --> 00:09:41,224
Just write it all down. I'll get to it.
243
00:09:42,093 --> 00:09:43,926
Andre, great news, man.
244
00:09:43,928 --> 00:09:45,695
I walked past this burned-out meth lab.
245
00:09:45,697 --> 00:09:48,731
We got to paint a mural on
it before they tear it down.
246
00:09:48,733 --> 00:09:51,133
Sorry, I'm kind of
in the middle of something.
247
00:09:51,135 --> 00:09:52,468
ARTHUR: Yeah.
248
00:09:52,470 --> 00:09:53,769
We just fixed the toilet.
249
00:09:53,771 --> 00:09:56,138
We? I fixed the toilet.
250
00:09:56,140 --> 00:09:58,241
This one sat there scratching himself.
251
00:09:58,943 --> 00:10:02,245
(laughing): I just love it
when this kid busts my chops.
252
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:05,181
Andre, no, man.
We're doing an art project.
253
00:10:05,183 --> 00:10:06,516
Look, I got spray paint.
254
00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:08,951
Need a driver's license to score this.
255
00:10:09,833 --> 00:10:11,320
But Arthur's letting me do this.
256
00:10:11,322 --> 00:10:13,656
This is the funnest day ever!
257
00:10:13,658 --> 00:10:15,958
(Arthur laughing)
258
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:18,628
Hey, yo, Arthur, what...
what you doing, man?
259
00:10:18,630 --> 00:10:20,796
Saving 90 bucks an hour.
260
00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:23,933
Nah, man, you're stealing my kid!
261
00:10:23,935 --> 00:10:25,835
I'm not doing anything.
The kid's having fun.
262
00:10:25,837 --> 00:10:28,304
Turns out a broken
toilet is his Disneyland.
263
00:10:28,912 --> 00:10:31,292
Come on.
Yo, this is... this is insane, man.
264
00:10:31,327 --> 00:10:32,975
Like, h-how could he like you
more than me?
265
00:10:32,977 --> 00:10:35,411
Nobody likes you more than me!
266
00:10:35,413 --> 00:10:37,079
What can I tell you, hmm?
267
00:10:37,081 --> 00:10:39,282
You can't force a kid to do
something he doesn't want to do.
268
00:10:39,284 --> 00:10:41,117
Oh, really?
And what makes you such an expert?
269
00:10:41,119 --> 00:10:42,985
Hmm? What you know about kids?
270
00:10:43,836 --> 00:10:44,620
Yeah, you're right.
271
00:10:44,622 --> 00:10:46,756
What do I know about kids?
272
00:10:46,758 --> 00:10:49,392
Except this one likes me more than you.
273
00:10:52,163 --> 00:10:54,964
Man, what is wrong with him?
274
00:10:54,966 --> 00:10:57,066
I remember a time when a kid
couldn't wait to deface a meth lab.
275
00:10:57,068 --> 00:11:00,903
Yeah, that was
my favorite part in Tom Sawyer.
276
00:11:00,905 --> 00:11:02,672
Franco, you got to be patient.
277
00:11:02,674 --> 00:11:05,841
Nobody's gonna bond with their
little brother on the first day.
278
00:11:05,843 --> 00:11:09,512
- (giggles)
- The Black Circus was amazing!
279
00:11:10,113 --> 00:11:12,848
Yeah, the audience was just
as entertaining as the show.
280
00:11:12,850 --> 00:11:15,518
2,000 people,
all yelling at the lion tamer,
281
00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:17,353
"Don't go in there!"
282
00:11:22,351 --> 00:11:24,226
There you go, nice and snug.
283
00:11:24,228 --> 00:11:25,261
What's next?
284
00:11:25,263 --> 00:11:27,163
Well, the bench outside's
a little creaky.
285
00:11:27,165 --> 00:11:28,931
Not as creaky as your knees.
286
00:11:28,933 --> 00:11:30,466
(laughs)
287
00:11:30,468 --> 00:11:34,003
There he goes again. Chops busted!
288
00:11:34,005 --> 00:11:36,706
Uh, Tush,
what's this e-mail you just sent me?
289
00:11:36,708 --> 00:11:39,375
Oh, just a video
I thought you might enjoy.
290
00:11:40,037 --> 00:11:41,744
This'll open up the ol' tear ducts,
291
00:11:41,746 --> 00:11:44,814
and those repressed feelings
are gonna come pouring out.
292
00:11:46,722 --> 00:11:47,783
Look at that.
293
00:11:47,785 --> 00:11:50,753
That kitten thinks that
German shepherd is his mom.
294
00:11:50,755 --> 00:11:52,455
I hate cats.
295
00:11:53,524 --> 00:11:54,957
All right. Oh, my goodness.
296
00:11:54,959 --> 00:11:56,626
Oh, no! Look at that.
297
00:11:56,628 --> 00:11:59,895
That squirrel thinks
that slipper is his dad.
298
00:12:00,732 --> 00:12:03,099
I hate confused rodents.
299
00:12:05,236 --> 00:12:07,036
Tush, I'm surprised you're
having this much trouble
300
00:12:07,038 --> 00:12:08,471
making a woman cry.
301
00:12:08,473 --> 00:12:11,707
I know. If this was a blind date,
she'd be sobbing by now.
302
00:12:11,709 --> 00:12:13,943
I love that you want to help her,
303
00:12:13,945 --> 00:12:15,878
but Randy seems pretty direct.
304
00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:18,080
Tricks aren't gonna work on her.
305
00:12:18,665 --> 00:12:19,548
Hey, Randy.
306
00:12:20,818 --> 00:12:21,984
I just want you to know
307
00:12:21,986 --> 00:12:23,919
that this is a safe space,
308
00:12:23,921 --> 00:12:25,454
and I'm here if you want to talk.
309
00:12:25,456 --> 00:12:28,391
Because you went through
something really traumatic.
310
00:12:28,393 --> 00:12:32,028
I mean, I can't even imagine
what it's like to get shot.
311
00:12:32,030 --> 00:12:34,530
Would you like me to show you?
312
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,433
Yeah, it's not happening.
313
00:12:38,670 --> 00:12:40,169
Yes, ma'am, you heard me right.
314
00:12:40,171 --> 00:12:42,204
I want to return my little brother.
315
00:12:42,206 --> 00:12:44,707
Yeah, he's in mint condition.
I mean, he might...
316
00:12:44,709 --> 00:12:47,009
he might smell like old man and toilet,
you know, but that's...
317
00:12:47,011 --> 00:12:49,679
What are you doing?
You're sending him back?
318
00:12:49,681 --> 00:12:52,314
Yeah. You saw. We're just not clicking.
319
00:12:52,316 --> 00:12:53,983
Like Tupac and Biggie.
320
00:12:53,985 --> 00:12:58,654
Or... Kanye West and anyone.
321
00:12:58,656 --> 00:13:00,589
You can't return him. He's a kid.
322
00:13:00,591 --> 00:13:02,358
A great kid.
323
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,326
If you think he's so great,
why don't you take him, all right?
324
00:13:04,328 --> 00:13:06,662
We're just not connecting, okay?
I don't want him.
325
00:13:06,664 --> 00:13:08,197
ANDRE: Excuse me,
326
00:13:08,931 --> 00:13:10,332
I fixed the bench.
327
00:13:13,838 --> 00:13:16,038
Shame on you.
328
00:13:17,608 --> 00:13:20,509
Were you able to get to the shelf?
329
00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:32,168
- Where's the kid?
- He's out front.
330
00:13:32,170 --> 00:13:33,236
He ain't talking to me.
331
00:13:33,238 --> 00:13:34,504
Well, I don't blame him.
332
00:13:34,506 --> 00:13:36,172
You really screwed this one up,
you know?
333
00:13:36,174 --> 00:13:37,740
You can't just quit on a kid, you know.
334
00:13:37,742 --> 00:13:38,675
Why are you yelling at me?
335
00:13:38,677 --> 00:13:40,543
Because you made a commitment!
336
00:13:40,545 --> 00:13:42,345
You just can't return him,
like I returned that shirt
337
00:13:42,347 --> 00:13:44,547
you gave me for my birthday.
338
00:13:45,482 --> 00:13:46,449
You returned that?
339
00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:47,717
I thought you loved it.
340
00:13:47,719 --> 00:13:49,752
It said "Bone Thugs-N-Harmony."
341
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:53,957
I don't even know what those things are!
342
00:13:53,959 --> 00:13:56,392
You know something,
you're just as bad as your own dad.
343
00:13:56,394 --> 00:13:59,662
- N-No. Nah. Yo, I ain't nothing like my dad, man.
- Oh, really?
344
00:13:59,664 --> 00:14:01,965
You loved art, he didn't care,
so he quit on you.
345
00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:03,599
Now you got a kid who loves things
346
00:14:03,601 --> 00:14:05,368
that you don't care about,
so you're quitting on him!
347
00:14:05,370 --> 00:14:06,602
Why are you piling on me, though?
348
00:14:06,604 --> 00:14:08,004
I already feel bad enough.
349
00:14:08,006 --> 00:14:10,573
Yeah. Well, I know a little
boy that feels worse than that.
350
00:14:10,575 --> 00:14:13,309
And might know where
my socket wrench is!
351
00:14:14,228 --> 00:14:15,411
Have you looked up your ass,
352
00:14:15,413 --> 00:14:16,479
or is your head in the way?
353
00:14:17,564 --> 00:14:19,082
You know something, I changed my mind.
354
00:14:19,722 --> 00:14:22,552
There are some people you quit on.
355
00:14:25,779 --> 00:14:27,223
Oh, my. Would you look at this.
356
00:14:27,225 --> 00:14:28,725
Three-legged dog,
357
00:14:28,727 --> 00:14:30,493
hasn't seen his master in years,
358
00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:34,430
manages to hop across
the Florida panhandle...
359
00:14:34,432 --> 00:14:37,400
Tush, you are not gonna force me to cry.
360
00:14:37,402 --> 00:14:38,835
I'm fine.
361
00:14:38,837 --> 00:14:40,103
(door opens)
362
00:14:40,105 --> 00:14:42,505
Yo, how have you been
friends with Arthur this long
363
00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:43,840
and not strangled him?
364
00:14:43,842 --> 00:14:45,108
Well, with his personality,
365
00:14:45,110 --> 00:14:48,578
I just figured somebody
else would do it for me.
366
00:14:48,580 --> 00:14:50,179
What did he do now?
367
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:52,015
He's busting my ass about this kid.
368
00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:54,183
Mm. Yeah. Anything with kids
369
00:14:54,185 --> 00:14:56,753
brings up all the stuff
he's gone through with Lucy.
370
00:14:56,755 --> 00:14:57,920
Who's Lucy?
371
00:14:58,616 --> 00:14:59,789
His daughter.
372
00:15:00,134 --> 00:15:01,491
What?
373
00:15:02,212 --> 00:15:03,926
He never told me he had a daughter.
374
00:15:03,928 --> 00:15:05,528
He doesn't talk about her much.
375
00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:08,564
They have a really rocky relationship.
376
00:15:08,566 --> 00:15:09,866
In the sense that,
when they're together,
377
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:12,802
it's kind of like the
big fight scene in Rocky.
378
00:15:13,705 --> 00:15:17,006
Joanie was the glue
that kept them together.
379
00:15:17,008 --> 00:15:19,208
And then she died.
380
00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:23,379
I actually don't think
they've spoken in... years.
381
00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:25,815
That's terrible.
382
00:15:25,817 --> 00:15:29,719
I'm trying to picture a woman
that looks like Arthur, and...
383
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:32,155
it's terrible.
384
00:15:32,157 --> 00:15:33,823
You know, I think he's just afraid
385
00:15:33,825 --> 00:15:36,893
that you're gonna make the same
mistakes that he made with her.
386
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,895
Yeah.
387
00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:41,197
And I really feel bad for him.
388
00:15:41,199 --> 00:15:43,032
I wish they'd patch things up.
389
00:15:43,034 --> 00:15:45,668
It's not like he's gonna live forever.
390
00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:49,172
And, you know,
you never know what can happen to you.
391
00:15:50,204 --> 00:15:52,308
Right before I got shot,
392
00:15:52,310 --> 00:15:55,445
I had this big fight with my daughter.
393
00:15:56,493 --> 00:15:59,048
And when I think that, you know...
394
00:15:59,050 --> 00:16:01,317
maybe that would have been the last...
395
00:16:01,319 --> 00:16:04,020
the last time I ever talked to her, I...
396
00:16:04,022 --> 00:16:06,956
(sobbing)
397
00:16:06,958 --> 00:16:08,324
May I cut in?
398
00:16:08,326 --> 00:16:09,559
Yeah.
399
00:16:09,561 --> 00:16:11,928
(sobbing)
400
00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:15,865
There, there. Let it out.
401
00:16:15,867 --> 00:16:17,700
Oh. And how did that dog
402
00:16:17,702 --> 00:16:22,338
make it all the way across
Florida on three legs?!
403
00:16:22,340 --> 00:16:23,372
I know.
404
00:16:23,374 --> 00:16:26,042
It's such a big state!
405
00:16:26,044 --> 00:16:28,010
That's it.
406
00:16:34,057 --> 00:16:36,419
Hey. Where'd you get the donut?
407
00:16:40,325 --> 00:16:42,959
Look, man, I'm...
408
00:16:42,961 --> 00:16:46,496
I bailed on you, man, and-and...
But I'm here right now,
409
00:16:46,498 --> 00:16:50,233
and I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry.
410
00:16:50,235 --> 00:16:52,802
I have never heard a grown-up say
"I'm sorry" before.
411
00:16:52,804 --> 00:16:54,704
Really?
412
00:16:54,706 --> 00:16:56,472
Well, once, my mom apologized
413
00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:58,508
for putting ketchup on my meatloaf.
414
00:16:58,510 --> 00:17:00,810
I mean, I made gravy.
415
00:17:02,786 --> 00:17:04,747
You do a lot of stuff
around the house, huh?
416
00:17:04,749 --> 00:17:05,882
I have to.
417
00:17:05,884 --> 00:17:08,851
Most of the time, it's just me.
418
00:17:08,853 --> 00:17:11,053
I feel you.
419
00:17:11,055 --> 00:17:13,456
I used to have to work
two jobs after school
420
00:17:13,458 --> 00:17:15,124
to support my family.
421
00:17:15,126 --> 00:17:17,760
Oh, you got paid for your jobs?
422
00:17:17,762 --> 00:17:19,228
I have to vacuum the lobby so the super
423
00:17:19,230 --> 00:17:21,030
doesn't turn off our heat.
424
00:17:21,933 --> 00:17:22,665
(chuckles): Oh.
425
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,934
All right. Okay.
You have a vacuum cleaner?
426
00:17:24,936 --> 00:17:26,769
Well, my mom used
to wet me in the bathtub
427
00:17:26,771 --> 00:17:30,273
and make me roll around on
the carpet to pick up crumbs.
428
00:17:30,275 --> 00:17:32,408
Oh, you had a bathtub?
429
00:17:32,410 --> 00:17:34,810
I run through car washes.
430
00:17:34,812 --> 00:17:36,546
(laughs) Okay.
431
00:17:36,548 --> 00:17:38,447
Okay, you win. You win.
432
00:17:38,449 --> 00:17:40,616
So, look, man.
We got, like, an hour left, man.
433
00:17:40,618 --> 00:17:42,685
Is-is there anything
that you want to do?
434
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:44,554
- Do you have an Xbox?
- Yeah.
435
00:17:44,556 --> 00:17:46,556
I got a Xbox. You trying to play?
436
00:17:46,558 --> 00:17:48,624
Actually, I've always wanted
to take one apart
437
00:17:48,626 --> 00:17:50,526
to see how it works.
438
00:17:52,058 --> 00:17:53,696
Okay.
439
00:17:54,457 --> 00:17:55,364
All right.
440
00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:58,167
I guess we're gonna take apart my Xbox.
441
00:17:58,169 --> 00:17:59,769
You know how to put it
back together, right?
442
00:17:59,771 --> 00:18:02,205
- We'll find out!
- (groans)
443
00:18:04,609 --> 00:18:05,608
(door opens)
444
00:18:05,610 --> 00:18:06,642
Yo.
445
00:18:06,644 --> 00:18:08,277
I just dropped off Andre.
446
00:18:08,279 --> 00:18:09,912
He wanted me to give you this.
447
00:18:09,914 --> 00:18:13,115
He calls it Chicken à la Andre.
448
00:18:13,117 --> 00:18:15,284
What is that glaze on top?
449
00:18:15,286 --> 00:18:16,619
I think it's melted gummy bears.
450
00:18:16,621 --> 00:18:18,221
Oh.
451
00:18:18,223 --> 00:18:19,488
He's 11.
452
00:18:20,992 --> 00:18:23,759
Yeah. Well, I'm seeing Andre
next weekend, by the way.
453
00:18:23,761 --> 00:18:26,095
Oh, good for you. You didn't quit, huh?
454
00:18:26,097 --> 00:18:28,064
Yeah.
455
00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:30,466
And you didn't tell me
you have a daughter.
456
00:18:31,369 --> 00:18:33,369
I didn't? Huh.
457
00:18:33,371 --> 00:18:35,238
I wonder why I didn't tell you.
458
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,240
Oh! Right.
459
00:18:37,242 --> 00:18:39,442
'Cause it's none of your damn business.
460
00:18:42,814 --> 00:18:45,648
(sighs)
461
00:18:45,650 --> 00:18:47,717
Her name's Lucy.
She lives in Schaumburg.
462
00:18:47,719 --> 00:18:49,685
We don't talk.
463
00:18:50,989 --> 00:18:52,622
Why not?
464
00:18:52,624 --> 00:18:54,924
(sighs) She's been mad at
me for a very long time.
465
00:18:54,926 --> 00:18:56,859
I don't remember why.
466
00:18:56,861 --> 00:18:59,161
Either I didn't let her go
to a Tears for Fears concert
467
00:18:59,163 --> 00:19:01,864
or I gambled away her college fund.
468
00:19:03,234 --> 00:19:06,802
I'm-I'm-a go hard college fund
on that, Arthur.
469
00:19:06,804 --> 00:19:08,671
We just drifted apart. (grunts)
470
00:19:08,673 --> 00:19:10,973
It happens.
471
00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:12,675
We're very different people.
472
00:19:12,677 --> 00:19:15,278
Okay. Well...
473
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,613
(clears throat) a friend once told me
474
00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:19,315
that you never quit on a kid,
475
00:19:19,317 --> 00:19:21,884
no matter how different you both are.
476
00:19:22,842 --> 00:19:24,053
Why don't you call her?
477
00:19:24,055 --> 00:19:27,189
Look, trust me, she doesn't want
to hear anything I have to say.
478
00:19:27,191 --> 00:19:29,592
Okay.
479
00:19:30,681 --> 00:19:32,461
Minding my own damn business.
480
00:19:33,264 --> 00:19:34,864
Have a dope-ass night.
481
00:19:58,366 --> 00:20:01,865
Hey, Franco. I called my
daughter and left a voice mail.
482
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,693
And thanks for getting
that ball rolling.
483
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:06,503
You're gonna be happy you did that.
484
00:20:06,505 --> 00:20:08,305
So, I'm trying to picture your daughter.
485
00:20:08,307 --> 00:20:11,975
Like, is...
More chest hair than you or less?
486
00:20:13,561 --> 00:20:14,348
SWEATPANTS: Yo!
487
00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:15,827
Kenny, what are you doing here?
488
00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:20,083
Wait, you got us tickets
to the Blackhawks game!
489
00:20:20,085 --> 00:20:22,652
Well, I'm going to the game
490
00:20:22,654 --> 00:20:24,654
but... not with you.
491
00:20:24,656 --> 00:20:26,389
I don't understand.
492
00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:28,558
Look, Sweatpants, you're great, but,
493
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,626
come on, man,
we both know this can't last.
494
00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:31,921
Why not?
495
00:20:32,098 --> 00:20:35,765
Well, for starters,
you're a grown-ass man, and...
496
00:20:35,767 --> 00:20:37,534
well, that's pretty much it.
497
00:20:38,150 --> 00:20:39,570
Kenny, can we go?
498
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,137
I don't want to miss the face-off.
499
00:20:41,273 --> 00:20:45,475
Hey, Sweatpants,
this is my new little brother, Herbert.
500
00:20:46,311 --> 00:20:47,978
I see.
501
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:51,214
Hello... Herbert.
502
00:20:51,758 --> 00:20:53,464
All right, we're off.
503
00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:55,218
Hey, Herbert.
504
00:20:57,055 --> 00:20:59,956
(voice breaking):
You better be good to him.
505
00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:08,298
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com