1 00:00:00,648 --> 00:00:02,115 2 00:00:02,602 --> 00:00:05,054 Well, I'm off. 3 00:00:05,219 --> 00:00:06,852 Arthur, put that on my tab, will you? 4 00:00:06,854 --> 00:00:08,020 Oh, you out of money again? 5 00:00:08,022 --> 00:00:10,474 No, I've just got it taped to my stomach. 6 00:00:10,513 --> 00:00:11,537 What? 7 00:00:11,583 --> 00:00:13,525 Yeah, last week I was pick-pocketed, 8 00:00:13,527 --> 00:00:15,527 and I don't want it to happen again. 9 00:00:16,429 --> 00:00:18,430 But if you insist. 10 00:00:23,937 --> 00:00:25,404 Well, actually, it's $1.25. 11 00:00:25,406 --> 00:00:27,606 I think I've got some change. 12 00:00:29,643 --> 00:00:31,977 I hope this is a quarter, not a nipple. 13 00:00:31,979 --> 00:00:33,712 No, no, no, stop, stop. 14 00:00:33,714 --> 00:00:34,646 We'll call it even. 15 00:00:34,648 --> 00:00:36,582 Bless you. Eh. 16 00:00:36,584 --> 00:00:38,550 Hello. 'Sup? 17 00:00:38,552 --> 00:00:41,086 Randy, my dear friend, you accidentally 18 00:00:41,088 --> 00:00:43,322 left that ticket on my Mercedes. 19 00:00:43,324 --> 00:00:45,691 Uh, you were parked in a loading zone. 20 00:00:45,693 --> 00:00:49,928 That's because I was loading my mouth with fro-yo. 21 00:00:49,930 --> 00:00:53,065 Sorry, Fawz, the law's the law. 22 00:00:53,067 --> 00:00:54,399 Why don't you just park in the alley? 23 00:00:54,401 --> 00:00:55,367 That spot's always open. 24 00:00:55,369 --> 00:00:56,602 No, no, that's my spot. 25 00:00:56,604 --> 00:00:57,970 I'm gonna park my motorcycle there 26 00:00:57,972 --> 00:00:59,605 when I finally get one. 27 00:00:59,607 --> 00:01:01,440 Then we can park the hearse there 28 00:01:01,442 --> 00:01:03,976 after you go for your first ride. 29 00:01:03,978 --> 00:01:05,744 Well, I will fight this in court! 30 00:01:05,746 --> 00:01:06,945 Well, that'll cost you more. 31 00:01:06,947 --> 00:01:08,947 Then I will pay this today! 32 00:01:10,516 --> 00:01:12,084 Hey, Randy, you let people park 33 00:01:12,086 --> 00:01:13,986 in that loading zone all the time. 34 00:01:13,988 --> 00:01:16,154 Yeah, well, not this week. 35 00:01:16,156 --> 00:01:18,056 They're having a contest down at the station 36 00:01:18,058 --> 00:01:20,192 to see who can write the most tickets, 37 00:01:20,194 --> 00:01:22,394 and the pot is up to 800 bucks. 38 00:01:22,396 --> 00:01:23,929 Whoa. You remember, 39 00:01:23,985 --> 00:01:25,430 I got that kid going to Northwestern. 40 00:01:25,495 --> 00:01:30,898 800 bucks? That'll pay for at least 14 minutes of class. 41 00:01:30,904 --> 00:01:33,205 Hey, baby. 42 00:01:33,207 --> 00:01:34,239 Hey, Honeybutt. 43 00:01:34,241 --> 00:01:35,841 How's the conference going? 44 00:01:35,843 --> 00:01:38,443 Hey, Franco, what'd I tell you about video telephoning at work? 45 00:01:38,445 --> 00:01:40,345 I-I don't remember, 'cause I started laughing 46 00:01:40,347 --> 00:01:43,281 as soon as you said "video telephoning." 47 00:01:43,283 --> 00:01:44,516 Well, say good-bye to Honeybutt 48 00:01:44,518 --> 00:01:46,551 and go get a fresh batch of fritters. 49 00:01:46,553 --> 00:01:48,120 Fine. All right. 50 00:01:48,122 --> 00:01:50,122 Well, I guess I'll see you later? 51 00:01:50,124 --> 00:01:51,723 Oh, no, no, this is fine. 52 00:01:51,725 --> 00:01:54,059 I can talk to you and do my job at the same time. 53 00:01:54,061 --> 00:01:56,161 It's called multitasking. 54 00:01:56,163 --> 00:01:58,397 Well, if that's true, tell me something. 55 00:01:58,399 --> 00:02:00,699 Can you see my bra through this shirt? 56 00:02:00,701 --> 00:02:01,967 No. 57 00:02:01,969 --> 00:02:03,268 What about now? 58 00:02:03,270 --> 00:02:05,203 Oh, damn! Oh, damn! 59 00:02:05,205 --> 00:02:08,573 Damn! Damn! 60 00:02:08,575 --> 00:02:10,275 What happened in here? 61 00:02:10,277 --> 00:02:12,444 My computer. 62 00:02:13,246 --> 00:02:15,614 This. 63 00:02:15,616 --> 00:02:17,649 Oh... no. 64 00:02:17,651 --> 00:02:18,984 Oh, I'm sorry. 65 00:02:18,986 --> 00:02:21,053 You can use my typewriter anytime you want. 66 00:02:21,059 --> 00:02:22,056 Brand-new ribbon. 67 00:02:22,180 --> 00:02:26,683 68 00:02:30,930 --> 00:02:33,465 Damn. It's definitely broken. 69 00:02:33,467 --> 00:02:35,734 They said it would cost more to fix than to buy a new one. 70 00:02:35,736 --> 00:02:37,536 That sucks. I know. 71 00:02:37,538 --> 00:02:39,604 We've been through so much together. 72 00:02:39,606 --> 00:02:42,574 Got me through high school, gave me my first e-mail address, 73 00:02:42,576 --> 00:02:45,677 saw me through my Asian girl phase, 74 00:02:45,679 --> 00:02:47,212 my big-butt phase, 75 00:02:47,214 --> 00:02:49,648 my big-butt Asian girl phase. 76 00:02:49,650 --> 00:02:52,384 Who knows where you would have taken me next? 77 00:02:52,386 --> 00:02:55,520 Long-haul lady truckers. 78 00:02:57,657 --> 00:02:59,825 Man, I was gonna apply to art school with that computer. 79 00:02:59,827 --> 00:03:01,026 Where am I gonna get the money? 80 00:03:01,028 --> 00:03:02,594 How much you got in your savings account? 81 00:03:02,596 --> 00:03:05,831 About 40 grand, but I'm saving up for a yacht. 82 00:03:05,833 --> 00:03:06,898 Well, that doesn't seem like a... 83 00:03:06,900 --> 00:03:07,933 I don't have a savings account, 84 00:03:07,935 --> 00:03:08,967 all right? 85 00:03:08,969 --> 00:03:10,202 They charge $20 86 00:03:10,204 --> 00:03:11,970 every time your balance goes below $200. 87 00:03:11,972 --> 00:03:14,673 And right now my balance is... 88 00:03:14,675 --> 00:03:16,775 nine. 89 00:03:16,777 --> 00:03:18,477 You really should save some money. 90 00:03:18,479 --> 00:03:20,378 How? I make minimum wage. 91 00:03:20,380 --> 00:03:23,014 You know, minimum wage is not a livable wage. 92 00:03:23,016 --> 00:03:24,382 And I know that from experience, 93 00:03:24,384 --> 00:03:27,285 because I chanted it at a Bernie rally. 94 00:03:27,287 --> 00:03:30,355 Listen, Frank, I wish I could pay you more than minimum wage, 95 00:03:30,357 --> 00:03:32,324 but, uh, I afraid that's all I can afford. 96 00:03:32,326 --> 00:03:34,192 Dude, I'm not asking for a raise, all right? 97 00:03:34,194 --> 00:03:36,828 I just, uh... I guess I got to find a second job. 98 00:03:36,830 --> 00:03:39,865 But lucky for you, I've got more gigs 99 00:03:39,867 --> 00:03:42,134 coming in than I can handle. 100 00:03:42,136 --> 00:03:45,904 How do you feel about digging pet graves? 101 00:03:45,906 --> 00:03:48,540 Franco, I'm looking to hire 102 00:03:48,542 --> 00:03:50,475 a part-time assistant to work nights. 103 00:03:50,477 --> 00:03:53,345 What kind of pets we talking about? 104 00:03:53,347 --> 00:03:54,746 No, come on, you don't need another job. 105 00:03:54,748 --> 00:03:57,048 All you need to do is learn to live on what you make. 106 00:03:57,050 --> 00:03:58,216 You got a budget? 107 00:03:58,218 --> 00:04:00,152 Yeah, I keep it down in my condo in Florida. 108 00:04:00,154 --> 00:04:01,553 No, I don't have a budget. 109 00:04:01,555 --> 00:04:05,323 I'm 25. My budget is breakfast, lunch or dinner. 110 00:04:05,325 --> 00:04:06,516 I'm gonna make one up for you. You'll see. 111 00:04:06,548 --> 00:04:07,720 If you're smart with your money, you can 112 00:04:07,766 --> 00:04:09,413 definitely support yourself on minimum wage. 113 00:04:09,467 --> 00:04:10,483 Mm-hmm. 114 00:04:10,632 --> 00:04:12,632 All right, but if you change your mind, 115 00:04:12,634 --> 00:04:15,202 I have to bury a zoo bear tonight. 116 00:04:17,138 --> 00:04:19,706 Definitely a two-man operation. 117 00:04:23,711 --> 00:04:25,745 Damn this city. 118 00:04:25,747 --> 00:04:26,847 What's wrong? 119 00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:29,583 Nobody's breaking the law. 120 00:04:29,585 --> 00:04:32,535 How am I supposed to win this contest 121 00:04:32,628 --> 00:04:34,154 if I can't write any tickets? 122 00:04:34,156 --> 00:04:36,623 Ah, look at this guy. 123 00:04:36,625 --> 00:04:40,193 He just parked legally, fed the meter. 124 00:04:41,229 --> 00:04:43,430 Now he's feeding someone else's meter. 125 00:04:44,265 --> 00:04:46,733 What a little bitch. 126 00:04:47,568 --> 00:04:49,035 Here, let's see. 127 00:04:49,837 --> 00:04:52,305 Actually, I see three violations. 128 00:04:52,307 --> 00:04:53,673 Where? 129 00:04:53,675 --> 00:04:55,909 Well, there's unlawful obstruction of a gas meter, 130 00:04:55,911 --> 00:04:57,511 consumption of food or drink on a bus, 131 00:04:57,513 --> 00:05:00,981 and improper number of riders on a bicycle. 132 00:05:00,983 --> 00:05:02,782 Wow. 133 00:05:02,784 --> 00:05:05,585 Did you memorize every single code in the book? 134 00:05:05,587 --> 00:05:07,954 Of course. 135 00:05:09,957 --> 00:05:12,225 You-you... you didn't? 136 00:05:12,227 --> 00:05:15,829 No. I'm attractive, and people like me. 137 00:05:17,064 --> 00:05:20,200 Now come on. I got money to win. 138 00:05:20,202 --> 00:05:22,413 Hey, kid, all done with your budget. 139 00:05:22,483 --> 00:05:24,771 And you'll be happy to know I found a way to make it all work. 140 00:05:24,773 --> 00:05:26,306 All right, cool. 141 00:05:26,308 --> 00:05:29,910 Wait. $40 a week for food? 142 00:05:29,912 --> 00:05:32,212 That's pretty high, huh? Uh... 143 00:05:32,214 --> 00:05:34,481 How am I gonna eat on $40?! 144 00:05:34,483 --> 00:05:35,815 Well, just do what I do. 145 00:05:35,817 --> 00:05:39,052 Every weekend, I fry up two pounds of ground beef. 146 00:05:39,054 --> 00:05:41,154 Sunday is Taco Night. 147 00:05:41,156 --> 00:05:43,089 Monday, it's Sloppy Joes. 148 00:05:43,091 --> 00:05:46,092 Tuesday, it's spaghetti. 149 00:05:46,094 --> 00:05:47,661 Wednesday, it's Fiesta Night! 150 00:05:47,663 --> 00:05:48,962 Wait. Wait. Isn't that just Taco Night again? 151 00:05:48,964 --> 00:05:51,031 Sí, señor. 152 00:05:51,033 --> 00:05:53,667 Damn it! Randy just wrote me a ticket 153 00:05:53,669 --> 00:05:57,070 for giving my wife a ride on my bicycle! 154 00:05:58,300 --> 00:05:59,535 Look, Arthur, look, I appreciate 155 00:05:59,574 --> 00:06:01,847 you making this budget, man, but, uh, I'm young. 156 00:06:01,863 --> 00:06:02,909 I want to have fun every once in a while. 157 00:06:02,911 --> 00:06:04,711 Yeah, well, sometimes you have to make choices. 158 00:06:04,713 --> 00:06:06,212 Besides, there's fun in there. 159 00:06:06,214 --> 00:06:09,449 You get to fry up ground beef all weekend. 160 00:06:10,651 --> 00:06:13,676 Fawz, look, are you still looking for a new assistant? 161 00:06:13,715 --> 00:06:14,488 'Cause I can 162 00:06:14,543 --> 00:06:16,144 start there as soon as I'm done with my shift over here. 163 00:06:16,261 --> 00:06:17,457 Great. 164 00:06:17,459 --> 00:06:19,559 No, wait. Wait a minute. Are you crazy? 165 00:06:19,561 --> 00:06:21,461 You can't work for Fawz. You know what he is. 166 00:06:21,463 --> 00:06:23,463 Yeah, he's a greedy, ruthless capitalist 167 00:06:23,465 --> 00:06:25,665 who would bleed people dry to make a buck. 168 00:06:25,667 --> 00:06:27,701 Maya, stop! 169 00:06:27,703 --> 00:06:29,235 I'm blushing. 170 00:06:29,237 --> 00:06:32,619 Hey, believe me, kid. Uh-uh, don't do that. 171 00:06:32,799 --> 00:06:34,708 Oh, you're offering me a raise? No... 172 00:06:34,710 --> 00:06:36,610 Then don't tell me I can't take a second job. 173 00:06:36,612 --> 00:06:38,878 Right now Fawz is my only choice. 174 00:06:39,497 --> 00:06:41,364 So, hey, when can I start? 175 00:06:41,464 --> 00:06:43,183 Hey, come by the dry cleaners when you're done here. 176 00:06:43,185 --> 00:06:44,985 We can discuss the terms. All right. 177 00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:46,386 Now, if you'll excuse me, 178 00:06:46,388 --> 00:06:49,255 I'm gonna go fire my current assistant. 179 00:06:49,257 --> 00:06:51,891 Hey, Francisco, you're fired! 180 00:06:51,893 --> 00:06:55,095 Right after you drive me to lunch. 181 00:06:55,097 --> 00:06:56,429 Oh, this is gonna be a long ride. 182 00:06:56,431 --> 00:06:57,998 I should've thought this through. 183 00:07:05,524 --> 00:07:08,026 Welcome to Fawz headquarters. 184 00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:09,625 Oh, this is pretty disappointing, man. 185 00:07:09,688 --> 00:07:11,227 I thought your office would be underground 186 00:07:11,305 --> 00:07:14,180 and filled with evil henchman and crocodiles. 187 00:07:14,431 --> 00:07:16,131 I know it doesn't look like much, 188 00:07:16,133 --> 00:07:18,633 but first rule of business: keep your overhead low. 189 00:07:18,635 --> 00:07:20,289 Besides, it has everything I need... 190 00:07:20,344 --> 00:07:24,339 a phone, a desk, and it's quiet. 191 00:07:26,843 --> 00:07:28,576 You get used to it! What?! 192 00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:31,446 You get used to it! 193 00:07:31,448 --> 00:07:33,148 Yo, thanks for the opportunity, dude. 194 00:07:33,150 --> 00:07:36,251 Franco, I came to America 195 00:07:36,253 --> 00:07:40,955 with three dollars and this eagle. 196 00:07:40,957 --> 00:07:43,630 And I built all this from nothing. 197 00:07:43,732 --> 00:07:47,400 And because I came from nothing, I'm very good to my employees. 198 00:07:47,402 --> 00:07:49,068 Have a seat. Cool. 199 00:07:49,070 --> 00:07:50,303 Would you like some tea? 200 00:07:50,305 --> 00:07:51,304 Yeah, sure. 201 00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:06,486 My Mother-in-law. 202 00:08:06,488 --> 00:08:08,187 All right, cool, man. 203 00:08:08,189 --> 00:08:09,923 Um, so what would I have to do? 204 00:08:09,925 --> 00:08:12,091 Well, at first, you can drive me around, 205 00:08:12,093 --> 00:08:13,426 maybe run some errands. 206 00:08:13,428 --> 00:08:16,296 But the more you learn, the more I'll give you to do. 207 00:08:16,298 --> 00:08:17,564 You'll be my right-hand man. 208 00:08:17,566 --> 00:08:18,965 Word? All right, okay. 209 00:08:18,967 --> 00:08:20,233 So, what about the pay? 210 00:08:20,235 --> 00:08:21,401 Ah. 211 00:08:21,403 --> 00:08:23,236 Open for negotiation. 212 00:08:23,238 --> 00:08:25,004 Tell me... 213 00:08:25,006 --> 00:08:26,372 what does Arthur pay you? 214 00:08:26,374 --> 00:08:28,174 $10.50 an hour. 215 00:08:28,176 --> 00:08:32,246 First lesson... never reveal your current salary. 216 00:08:32,308 --> 00:08:34,280 Now I could offer you $10.75, and you'd take it. 217 00:08:34,282 --> 00:08:35,882 I'll take it. 218 00:08:35,884 --> 00:08:39,586 Now you counter-offer, but when you do, go high. 219 00:08:39,588 --> 00:08:40,887 $20 an hour. 220 00:08:42,290 --> 00:08:43,556 Opening with a joke. 221 00:08:43,558 --> 00:08:45,091 Very good. 222 00:08:45,093 --> 00:08:46,259 All right, $15. 223 00:08:47,134 --> 00:08:48,267 I never responded! 224 00:08:48,597 --> 00:08:51,431 Never negotiate against yourself. 225 00:08:51,433 --> 00:08:55,368 And always be willing to walk away, like so. 226 00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:03,409 Fawz? Fawz, is that a yes? 227 00:09:03,411 --> 00:09:06,779 That's a no! 228 00:09:06,781 --> 00:09:09,983 Always keep them on their toes. 229 00:09:09,985 --> 00:09:11,718 $13, my final offer. 230 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:12,952 $13.50. Done. 231 00:09:12,954 --> 00:09:14,387 All right. And one more thing. 232 00:09:14,389 --> 00:09:16,474 Mm-hmm. You're gonna work for me, you have to wear a suit. 233 00:09:16,536 --> 00:09:18,124 We run a classy operation here. 234 00:09:18,126 --> 00:09:19,599 Man, I ain't got money to buy a suit. 235 00:09:19,655 --> 00:09:21,655 Not a problem. What are you... a 34 short? 236 00:09:22,063 --> 00:09:23,429 Mm-hmm. 237 00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:32,839 There you go. All right. 238 00:09:32,841 --> 00:09:34,674 Won't they need this back? 239 00:09:34,676 --> 00:09:37,810 Uh... not until Thursday. 240 00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:45,251 Randy, you are so gonna win this contest. 241 00:09:45,253 --> 00:09:47,020 I just gave a guy a ticket for loitering. 242 00:09:47,022 --> 00:09:49,489 He threw it on the ground. I gave him one for littering. 243 00:09:49,491 --> 00:09:52,525 Wow. You are on fire. 244 00:09:52,527 --> 00:09:54,661 Get back out there and beat your record. 245 00:09:54,663 --> 00:09:56,429 Okay. Well, wait a minute. 246 00:09:56,431 --> 00:09:57,997 Why aren't you out there? 247 00:09:57,999 --> 00:10:00,400 'Cause you're doing such a great job. 248 00:10:00,402 --> 00:10:02,635 You know, if I'm gonna do all the work, 249 00:10:02,637 --> 00:10:04,637 maybe I'll just enter the contest myself. 250 00:10:04,639 --> 00:10:07,073 Oh, no, you can't do that. We're partners. 251 00:10:07,075 --> 00:10:09,876 Yeah? Well, you weren't gonna share the money with me. 252 00:10:09,878 --> 00:10:12,278 Well, what do you need money for? 253 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,482 Your next trip to Comic-Con? 254 00:10:14,527 --> 00:10:16,594 Or, uh, Star Trek-Con? 255 00:10:16,885 --> 00:10:19,852 Or Virgin-Con? 256 00:10:19,854 --> 00:10:21,721 Oh, I'm just kidding. 257 00:10:21,723 --> 00:10:23,956 They're all virgin-cons. 258 00:10:23,958 --> 00:10:25,692 Well, good luck, okay? 259 00:10:25,694 --> 00:10:28,795 Because no one knows their way around the penal code like I do. 260 00:10:28,797 --> 00:10:30,296 I'm the penal master. The penal... 261 00:10:30,298 --> 00:10:31,898 Stop saying "penal." 262 00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:36,202 Until I can get my body cam on. Go. 263 00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:40,373 What's up, y'all? Oh! 264 00:10:40,375 --> 00:10:42,909 You survived your first night with Fawz, huh? 265 00:10:42,911 --> 00:10:44,243 I want all the gory details. 266 00:10:44,245 --> 00:10:46,045 Uh, don't, don't start. 267 00:10:46,047 --> 00:10:48,376 Not until I get a cup of coffee. 268 00:10:48,447 --> 00:10:50,508 God, I wish I still smoked. 269 00:10:51,119 --> 00:10:52,285 Hit me. 270 00:10:52,287 --> 00:10:54,454 Actually, it was pretty interesting. 271 00:10:54,456 --> 00:10:56,289 Fawz is teaching me so much. 272 00:10:56,291 --> 00:10:59,826 Well, that was a waste. 273 00:10:59,828 --> 00:11:01,861 Are we talking about the same Fawz? 274 00:11:01,863 --> 00:11:04,330 Racist, misogynist, sexy? 275 00:11:04,332 --> 00:11:07,300 Uh, I think you mean "sexist"? 276 00:11:07,302 --> 00:11:09,969 I really need to get laid. 277 00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:13,106 I'm telling y'all, Fawz is a smart businessman. 278 00:11:13,108 --> 00:11:15,374 He actually taught me to negotiate my own salary. 279 00:11:15,376 --> 00:11:17,243 Now I'm making $13.50 an hour. 280 00:11:17,245 --> 00:11:19,159 Wow, Franco, that's great. 281 00:11:19,195 --> 00:11:20,455 How is he able to pay you all that? 282 00:11:20,635 --> 00:11:22,115 Well, he's always thinking of ways to cut costs 283 00:11:22,117 --> 00:11:23,182 so we can bring in more money. 284 00:11:23,184 --> 00:11:24,350 You know, you should talk to him, man. 285 00:11:24,352 --> 00:11:25,384 He could give you some advice 286 00:11:25,386 --> 00:11:26,719 and help you make this place more efficient. 287 00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:29,655 Good morning, my protégé. 288 00:11:29,657 --> 00:11:32,225 Or should I say, brotégé. 289 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:34,827 I brought you a suit for tonight. 290 00:11:34,829 --> 00:11:36,729 Mr. Yakamora is on a cruise, 291 00:11:36,731 --> 00:11:40,533 so you can hold onto this one for eight more days. 292 00:11:40,535 --> 00:11:41,701 Domo. 293 00:11:41,703 --> 00:11:42,769 Arigato. 294 00:11:42,771 --> 00:11:44,637 Hey, look. 295 00:11:44,639 --> 00:11:46,639 Fawz says you have to dress for the job you want. 296 00:11:46,641 --> 00:11:50,777 And apparently I want to be a tiny Japanese businessman. 297 00:11:50,779 --> 00:11:53,713 Well, if Fawz says so, it must be true. 298 00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:57,216 Sayonara. 299 00:11:58,485 --> 00:12:00,553 Maybe it's a bald thing. 300 00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:06,359 Nope, definitely not a bald thing. 301 00:12:15,113 --> 00:12:16,191 Hey, Tush, what you doing? 302 00:12:16,449 --> 00:12:19,917 I'm rehearsing for my TED Talk. 303 00:12:19,919 --> 00:12:21,552 You're doing a TED Talk? 304 00:12:21,554 --> 00:12:22,820 Not the fancy kind. 305 00:12:22,822 --> 00:12:26,824 This woman pays me to talk to her husband, Ted. 306 00:12:28,226 --> 00:12:30,294 He's depressed, I tell him stories about my life, 307 00:12:30,296 --> 00:12:32,930 and for some reason, it cheers him up. 308 00:12:34,066 --> 00:12:36,367 Arthur, I need to borrow Franco for a meeting. 309 00:12:36,369 --> 00:12:37,535 I hope that's okay. 310 00:12:37,537 --> 00:12:38,602 Wait, who are we meeting? 311 00:12:38,604 --> 00:12:40,071 The president of Fast Lube. 312 00:12:40,073 --> 00:12:41,605 Oh, that's a big company. 313 00:12:41,607 --> 00:12:44,175 Yeah. If I can get my hand on those greasy jumpsuits, 314 00:12:44,177 --> 00:12:47,611 my bank account will be fatter than Mahira Moghadam. 315 00:12:48,681 --> 00:12:50,481 She's like the Precious of Iraq. 316 00:12:50,483 --> 00:12:53,284 Oh. 317 00:12:53,286 --> 00:12:54,819 Yo, Arthur, is that cool? 318 00:12:54,821 --> 00:12:57,288 No, it's not cool. We don't close for another 30 minutes. 319 00:12:57,290 --> 00:12:59,724 Man, come on, Arthur, there's, like, three people here. 320 00:12:59,726 --> 00:13:01,425 It doesn't matter, you're still on the clock. 321 00:13:01,427 --> 00:13:02,994 Well, I'll come in early tomorrow, all right? 322 00:13:02,996 --> 00:13:05,029 You heard Fawz, this is a big meeting, 323 00:13:05,031 --> 00:13:06,063 and he needs me. 324 00:13:06,065 --> 00:13:07,131 Wait a minute, you're just gonna leave? 325 00:13:07,133 --> 00:13:08,833 Well, Arthur, you said it yourself, man, 326 00:13:08,835 --> 00:13:10,601 sometimes you got to make choices. 327 00:13:10,603 --> 00:13:12,536 Come on, after the meeting, we'll drink tea 328 00:13:12,538 --> 00:13:14,872 and play Guess That Stain. 329 00:13:19,312 --> 00:13:20,611 Arthur. 330 00:13:20,613 --> 00:13:21,946 What is going on? 331 00:13:21,948 --> 00:13:23,547 Last week you let him leave early 332 00:13:23,549 --> 00:13:24,949 'cause he wanted to watch a marathon 333 00:13:24,951 --> 00:13:28,386 of Different Strokes. 334 00:13:28,388 --> 00:13:30,855 Look, I'm his boss. He shouldn't talk to me that way. 335 00:13:30,857 --> 00:13:32,523 Uh-huh. Is it that? 336 00:13:32,525 --> 00:13:34,625 Or might you be just a little jealous 337 00:13:34,627 --> 00:13:36,293 because he's cheating on you 338 00:13:36,295 --> 00:13:39,196 with another older business owner? 339 00:13:39,198 --> 00:13:41,232 Now you're just being crazy. 340 00:13:41,234 --> 00:13:42,533 You know, it's okay to admit 341 00:13:42,535 --> 00:13:44,902 you want to be the guy that Franco looks up to. 342 00:13:44,904 --> 00:13:46,137 Oh, come on. 343 00:13:46,139 --> 00:13:47,538 He doesn't look up to Fawz. 344 00:13:47,540 --> 00:13:49,940 He's just blinded by the money. 345 00:13:49,942 --> 00:13:51,876 Money he really needs. 346 00:13:51,878 --> 00:13:54,245 Yeah, I know. 347 00:13:54,247 --> 00:13:56,313 Arthur, you've been doing the same thing around here 348 00:13:56,315 --> 00:13:57,515 for 40 years. 349 00:13:57,517 --> 00:13:59,750 Maybe it's time to look at your own budget. 350 00:13:59,752 --> 00:14:02,820 Try to find a way to give Franco a raise. 351 00:14:03,855 --> 00:14:07,291 You mean I have to get rid of Fiesta Wednesdays? 352 00:14:07,293 --> 00:14:10,161 Aw, Dios mío. 353 00:14:11,296 --> 00:14:12,797 I'm talking about the shop. 354 00:14:12,799 --> 00:14:16,567 There's got to be ways to cut some corners around here. 355 00:14:20,405 --> 00:14:21,772 Excellent choice. 356 00:14:21,774 --> 00:14:22,907 You sure? 357 00:14:22,909 --> 00:14:24,308 This ain't too Ben Carson? 358 00:14:24,310 --> 00:14:26,977 Can anything be too Ben Carson? 359 00:14:26,979 --> 00:14:29,480 Franco, you have been doing a great job around here. 360 00:14:29,482 --> 00:14:32,125 So great that I would like to give you a promotion. 361 00:14:32,196 --> 00:14:32,954 Yeah? 362 00:14:32,969 --> 00:14:35,086 How does vice president of operations sound? 363 00:14:35,088 --> 00:14:36,821 Get the... yo! 364 00:14:36,823 --> 00:14:38,022 Sounds like the president of operations 365 00:14:38,024 --> 00:14:39,423 better watch his back. 366 00:14:39,425 --> 00:14:40,424 That's me. 367 00:14:40,426 --> 00:14:41,459 Oh. 368 00:14:41,461 --> 00:14:42,593 Well, you know what, man? 369 00:14:42,595 --> 00:14:44,151 I, thank you, man, this is dope as hell. 370 00:14:44,183 --> 00:14:46,797 Well, listen, Fawz Al-Shahrani is a big believer 371 00:14:46,799 --> 00:14:48,099 in diversity and inclusion. 372 00:14:48,101 --> 00:14:49,900 And you can quote me on that. 373 00:14:49,902 --> 00:14:51,836 Okay. Oh, here they are. 374 00:14:51,838 --> 00:14:54,171 Go ahead, quote me on that. 375 00:14:54,173 --> 00:14:55,372 Hey, Fawz. 376 00:14:55,374 --> 00:14:58,075 Franco Wicks, meet Marcus Brooks, the president 377 00:14:58,077 --> 00:15:00,377 of Fast Lube, and his associates. 378 00:15:00,379 --> 00:15:01,979 Nice to meet you, Franco. 379 00:15:01,981 --> 00:15:03,414 Yeah. 380 00:15:03,416 --> 00:15:04,548 That's it? 381 00:15:04,550 --> 00:15:06,784 I thought that handshake would have more steps. 382 00:15:06,786 --> 00:15:08,385 Uh, d... uh... 383 00:15:08,387 --> 00:15:09,386 Excuse us. 384 00:15:09,388 --> 00:15:10,654 Can I talk to you for a minute? Yeah. 385 00:15:10,656 --> 00:15:12,990 Yeah? What? Okay. 386 00:15:12,992 --> 00:15:15,059 This is why you hired me? Huh? 387 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:24,201 Because you're all black! 388 00:15:25,871 --> 00:15:29,240 Is a great color on you, wow. 389 00:15:29,242 --> 00:15:31,509 Slimming. 390 00:15:42,154 --> 00:15:43,521 Where have you been? 391 00:15:43,523 --> 00:15:45,823 Out kicking your ass. 392 00:15:45,825 --> 00:15:48,959 I just wrote 15 tickets in three hours. 393 00:15:48,961 --> 00:15:50,594 I stood outside Wrigley Field 394 00:15:50,596 --> 00:15:52,163 and picked off the public urinators 395 00:15:52,165 --> 00:15:54,865 one by one. 396 00:15:54,867 --> 00:15:57,168 Who's the penal expert now? 397 00:15:58,304 --> 00:15:59,970 Damn. 398 00:15:59,972 --> 00:16:02,139 Yep, and that contest ends in five minutes. 399 00:16:02,141 --> 00:16:04,275 I got a three-ticket lead. 400 00:16:04,277 --> 00:16:05,409 Sorry, nerd. 401 00:16:05,411 --> 00:16:07,444 Cool kids win again. 402 00:16:08,547 --> 00:16:10,314 Morning. 403 00:16:10,316 --> 00:16:11,515 Morning. 404 00:16:11,517 --> 00:16:12,750 How was the meeting? 405 00:16:12,752 --> 00:16:14,418 Did you learn a lot? 406 00:16:14,420 --> 00:16:16,086 You could say that. 407 00:16:16,088 --> 00:16:18,689 Hey, you guys are out of paper towels in the ladies' room. 408 00:16:18,691 --> 00:16:21,158 I got it. No, no. Uh... 409 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:22,326 Uh, we're not doing that anymore. 410 00:16:22,328 --> 00:16:23,928 It's too expensive. 411 00:16:23,930 --> 00:16:26,764 What? 412 00:16:26,766 --> 00:16:28,632 Did you see the bath towel I put in there? 413 00:16:28,634 --> 00:16:31,435 Oh. So that's a communal towel, 414 00:16:31,437 --> 00:16:33,537 that's as clean as the dirtiest person who used it. 415 00:16:33,539 --> 00:16:35,139 You know what, I'll just air-dry. 416 00:16:38,009 --> 00:16:39,343 All right, Arthur. 417 00:16:39,345 --> 00:16:42,313 I'm here to settle my tab. 418 00:16:42,315 --> 00:16:43,714 Here's some change, 419 00:16:43,716 --> 00:16:47,318 separated by denomination and country of origin. 420 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,688 Should be about twenty bucks, based on exchange rates 421 00:16:50,690 --> 00:16:54,592 and a possible coup in Venezuela. 422 00:16:54,594 --> 00:16:59,129 And there's 19 bucks left on this Circuit City gift card. 423 00:16:59,131 --> 00:17:01,665 They went out of business five years ago. 424 00:17:01,667 --> 00:17:04,735 You could've just said no. 425 00:17:04,737 --> 00:17:06,237 Arthur, what are you doing? 426 00:17:06,239 --> 00:17:07,838 Just asked Tush to pay up his tab. 427 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:09,206 Why you doing that? 428 00:17:09,208 --> 00:17:12,142 Just a little belt-tightening around here, that's all. 429 00:17:12,144 --> 00:17:13,978 Yeah, Arthur's trying to cut back a little 430 00:17:13,980 --> 00:17:15,479 so he can give you a raise. 431 00:17:15,481 --> 00:17:19,550 Right. I realize you can't live on ground beef alone. 432 00:17:19,552 --> 00:17:22,553 Okay, thank you, but I don't want you changing this place. 433 00:17:22,555 --> 00:17:23,687 You don't? 434 00:17:23,689 --> 00:17:25,556 What about all that stuff you learned from Fawz 435 00:17:25,558 --> 00:17:27,324 about how to be a good businessman? 436 00:17:27,326 --> 00:17:29,293 Turns out Fawz was just using me 437 00:17:29,295 --> 00:17:31,662 so he can bring in more "urban clientele." 438 00:17:31,664 --> 00:17:33,130 You know what I really learned from Fawz 439 00:17:33,132 --> 00:17:35,432 is that that dude would do anything for money. 440 00:17:35,434 --> 00:17:37,034 And I like that you won't. 441 00:17:37,036 --> 00:17:39,136 I mean, having Tush run his tab here 442 00:17:39,138 --> 00:17:40,871 is what makes Superior Donuts what it is. 443 00:17:40,873 --> 00:17:44,341 And you can't put a price on personal hygiene. 444 00:17:44,343 --> 00:17:46,410 I don't like it any more than you do. 445 00:17:46,412 --> 00:17:48,412 So that's a yes on the tab? Great. 446 00:17:48,414 --> 00:17:50,247 I just don't want you 447 00:17:50,249 --> 00:17:52,082 working for Fawz, that's all. Dude, I... Trust me, 448 00:17:52,084 --> 00:17:53,417 I would love to quit. 449 00:17:53,419 --> 00:17:55,386 But right now I need the extra money. 450 00:17:55,388 --> 00:17:56,920 Unbelievable. 451 00:17:56,922 --> 00:17:58,489 My car was parked legally, 452 00:17:58,491 --> 00:18:02,059 and you still give me three tickets? 453 00:18:02,061 --> 00:18:03,761 No, I didn't. 454 00:18:03,763 --> 00:18:05,429 I did. 455 00:18:05,431 --> 00:18:07,965 And we're officially tied. 456 00:18:09,134 --> 00:18:11,268 Unlawfully tinted windows. 457 00:18:11,270 --> 00:18:12,603 No front plate. 458 00:18:12,605 --> 00:18:13,837 Oversized rims. 459 00:18:13,839 --> 00:18:16,106 Mark my words, you will live to regret this. 460 00:18:16,108 --> 00:18:19,943 And threatening a police officer. 461 00:18:19,945 --> 00:18:22,880 That is nerds FTW, 462 00:18:22,882 --> 00:18:25,716 which means "nerds for the win" 463 00:18:25,718 --> 00:18:28,285 Which you would know if you weren't so cool. 464 00:18:29,287 --> 00:18:31,188 Damn. 465 00:18:31,190 --> 00:18:34,525 I still got two minutes before the contest ends. 466 00:18:35,327 --> 00:18:38,629 Hey! You must be doing meth. 467 00:18:38,631 --> 00:18:41,665 Nobody's that skinny in Chicago. 468 00:18:43,968 --> 00:18:45,336 Hey, Fawz. 469 00:18:45,338 --> 00:18:46,970 Maybe I can help you. 470 00:18:46,972 --> 00:18:49,640 How'd you like to park your car in my space in the alley? 471 00:18:49,642 --> 00:18:51,241 That would be amazing. 472 00:18:51,243 --> 00:18:52,443 Thank you, Arthur. 473 00:18:52,445 --> 00:18:54,078 No, I-I don't mean for free. 474 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:57,481 I mean, um, maybe I could rent it to you. 475 00:18:57,483 --> 00:18:59,550 Yeah, um... 476 00:18:59,552 --> 00:19:02,486 Fawz, how much are you spending a month on parking tickets? 477 00:19:02,488 --> 00:19:03,754 Uh, $300. 478 00:19:04,890 --> 00:19:06,957 Now I can charge you $250, and you'd take it. 479 00:19:06,959 --> 00:19:08,025 I'll take it. 480 00:19:08,027 --> 00:19:09,793 $275. 481 00:19:09,795 --> 00:19:10,928 Are you crazy? 482 00:19:10,930 --> 00:19:13,564 Oh, well, I guess I'll just walk away. Yep. 483 00:19:13,566 --> 00:19:16,433 You know, Shelly's Nails has been begging me 484 00:19:16,435 --> 00:19:17,868 to rent that space. Oh, really? Shelly? 485 00:19:17,870 --> 00:19:19,103 Shelly would love the spot. Yeah. 486 00:19:19,105 --> 00:19:20,404 Okay, okay. $275. 487 00:19:20,406 --> 00:19:22,873 Deal. 488 00:19:22,875 --> 00:19:25,476 Well, Franco, you just got a raise. 489 00:19:25,478 --> 00:19:26,844 $275 a month. 490 00:19:26,846 --> 00:19:28,445 Thank you, Arthur. You're quite welcome. 491 00:19:28,447 --> 00:19:29,980 All right. And, Fawz, 492 00:19:29,982 --> 00:19:31,682 with all due respect, 493 00:19:31,684 --> 00:19:35,219 kiss my black ass. I quit. 494 00:19:35,221 --> 00:19:37,654 I am so mad at you right now! 495 00:19:37,656 --> 00:19:39,123 But also proud. 496 00:19:40,492 --> 00:19:42,292 Of how you screwed me over! 497 00:19:42,294 --> 00:19:44,027 Which was masterful. 498 00:19:45,063 --> 00:19:46,964 But I will get my revenge! 499 00:19:46,966 --> 00:19:48,332 Okay, bye. 500 00:19:53,294 --> 00:19:56,004 There you are. I can see those big, beautiful eyes 501 00:19:56,035 --> 00:19:57,996 on my new computer. Can you see me? 502 00:19:58,121 --> 00:20:00,433 I can see you fine. 503 00:20:01,145 --> 00:20:02,878 Hey, yo, thanks for the raise, dude. 504 00:20:02,938 --> 00:20:04,610 This new laptop is better than my first one. 505 00:20:04,696 --> 00:20:05,839 Well, I'm happy to do it. 506 00:20:06,466 --> 00:20:07,898 This Skyping is amazing. 507 00:20:07,923 --> 00:20:09,089 I know, right? 508 00:20:09,122 --> 00:20:10,255 Hey, hold the phone up, man. 509 00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:12,009 I'm getting nothing but your nose hair. 510 00:20:16,327 --> 00:20:19,596 Randy, am I walking funny? 511 00:20:19,639 --> 00:20:22,489 Because my pocket's feeling about $800 heavier. 512 00:20:24,406 --> 00:20:25,908 Go on, have at it. 513 00:20:26,008 --> 00:20:28,086 You won. Yeah. 514 00:20:28,187 --> 00:20:29,445 Actually, you'll be happy to know 515 00:20:29,461 --> 00:20:31,164 that I'm giving half my winnings to a good cause: 516 00:20:31,166 --> 00:20:33,066 your daughter's college fund. 517 00:20:34,530 --> 00:20:36,455 Oh, James. 518 00:20:36,546 --> 00:20:38,335 You don't have to do that. 519 00:20:38,382 --> 00:20:40,116 Well, like you said. 520 00:20:40,186 --> 00:20:41,571 We're partners. 521 00:20:42,063 --> 00:20:44,777 But I was so mean to you all week. 522 00:20:44,779 --> 00:20:46,846 I feel terrible. 523 00:20:48,371 --> 00:20:50,338 Then it was all worth it.