1 00:00:02,773 --> 00:00:04,539 - Morning, Arthur. - Hey, Randy. 2 00:00:04,619 --> 00:00:05,715 How's your new partner? 3 00:00:05,740 --> 00:00:08,077 Uh, typical eager-beaver rookie. 4 00:00:08,079 --> 00:00:09,778 Can't wait to clean up the streets 5 00:00:09,780 --> 00:00:11,213 and protect and serve. 6 00:00:11,215 --> 00:00:12,881 Ah, it's such a cute age. 7 00:00:12,883 --> 00:00:14,216 Aw... 8 00:00:14,218 --> 00:00:17,019 Can I tempt you with a batch of some fresh maple crèmes? 9 00:00:17,021 --> 00:00:18,253 - Hmm? - Ooh! 10 00:00:18,584 --> 00:00:20,254 Okay, all right. 11 00:00:20,279 --> 00:00:22,209 I had to chase him four blocks, but I got him. 12 00:00:22,279 --> 00:00:24,426 All right, I'm calling the station. 13 00:00:24,428 --> 00:00:26,528 Dispatch, this is Officer DeLuca. 14 00:00:26,530 --> 00:00:29,224 Be advised... the maple crèmes are fresh. 15 00:00:30,834 --> 00:00:33,302 This is what you're doing while I'm out there risking my life? 16 00:00:33,304 --> 00:00:34,336 Oh, James. 17 00:00:34,338 --> 00:00:35,571 Some day you're gonna learn 18 00:00:35,573 --> 00:00:36,905 the difference between the perps 19 00:00:36,907 --> 00:00:40,175 that need chasing and the ones that are just "eh." 20 00:00:40,626 --> 00:00:42,411 Really? I hold up a liquor store, 21 00:00:42,413 --> 00:00:43,718 and all I get is "eh"? 22 00:00:43,773 --> 00:00:45,023 And there's your confession. 23 00:00:47,118 --> 00:00:49,001 Now just relax, order yourself something. 24 00:00:49,026 --> 00:00:51,735 Okay. Uh, do you have any cronuts? 25 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,088 - Ooh! - Oh! 26 00:00:53,090 --> 00:00:55,057 What? 27 00:00:55,230 --> 00:00:56,225 A cronut. 28 00:00:56,227 --> 00:00:58,260 It's, uh, part donut, part croissant. 29 00:00:58,262 --> 00:00:59,387 It's what they call a hybrid. 30 00:00:59,458 --> 00:01:01,841 I-I know what a cronuts is, and no, I don't sell them. 31 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:04,520 Nor do I sell muffins or duffins or muffnuts. 32 00:01:05,927 --> 00:01:06,835 The name of this place is 33 00:01:06,837 --> 00:01:08,804 Superior Donuts. I sell donuts. 34 00:01:08,806 --> 00:01:11,206 My parents did not smuggle me out of Communist Poland 35 00:01:11,208 --> 00:01:12,941 in the hold of a cargo ship 36 00:01:12,943 --> 00:01:15,659 so that 65 years later, I could sell you a damn cronut! 37 00:01:18,605 --> 00:01:19,308 Scone? 38 00:01:19,333 --> 00:01:20,716 Get out of here. 39 00:01:30,684 --> 00:01:32,401 - Hi, Arthur. - Hey, Maya. 40 00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:33,723 Whoa! Lot of books. 41 00:01:33,748 --> 00:01:35,253 Yeah. I'm changing my dissertation 42 00:01:35,255 --> 00:01:36,822 to a textual analysis 43 00:01:36,884 --> 00:01:38,117 of hetero-normative structures 44 00:01:38,142 --> 00:01:40,455 as they relate to the postmodern patriarchy. 45 00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:41,938 Now, I know what you're thinking... 46 00:01:41,963 --> 00:01:43,735 How ironic to be writing about gender roles 47 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:45,877 surrounded by donuts, which... Let's face it... 48 00:01:45,909 --> 00:01:48,734 Are Western culture's culinary representation of the vagina. 49 00:01:50,631 --> 00:01:52,204 So what kind of vagina can I get you? 50 00:01:53,890 --> 00:01:55,857 Arthur, it is only okay when I say it. 51 00:01:55,882 --> 00:01:56,952 Oh. 52 00:01:58,435 --> 00:01:59,146 Donut man! 53 00:01:59,216 --> 00:02:00,784 - I'm here about the job. - What? 54 00:02:00,809 --> 00:02:02,432 "You got a Help Wanted" sign in the window, 55 00:02:02,457 --> 00:02:04,356 which you don't need anymore, 'cause I'm here. 56 00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:06,437 Okay. Leave your résumé. I'll call if I'm interested. 57 00:02:06,462 --> 00:02:08,016 Mm, I ain't really a résumé guy. 58 00:02:08,041 --> 00:02:09,741 But I'll tell you this. I used to work at Pete's Liquors, 59 00:02:09,743 --> 00:02:11,376 till they turned that into a Whole Foods. 60 00:02:11,378 --> 00:02:13,144 And I used to drive a truck for the Salvation Army 61 00:02:13,146 --> 00:02:14,507 till they turned that into an Old Navy. 62 00:02:16,116 --> 00:02:18,183 So you're a small business serial killer, huh? 63 00:02:18,185 --> 00:02:20,585 You funny. So what's the pay? 64 00:02:20,587 --> 00:02:22,287 - Minimum wage. - Health insurance? 65 00:02:22,289 --> 00:02:24,256 First aid kit. 66 00:02:24,258 --> 00:02:25,924 - What about profit sharing? - Profit sharing? 67 00:02:25,926 --> 00:02:27,205 Do you believe in profit sharing? 68 00:02:27,260 --> 00:02:28,549 Yeah, I believe in it. I don't offer it. 69 00:02:30,097 --> 00:02:31,830 You want benefits, why don't you apply at the Whole Foods? 70 00:02:31,855 --> 00:02:34,465 Ugh. I refuse to work for some greedy-ass corporation 71 00:02:34,490 --> 00:02:36,801 that's ripping the soul out of the neighborhood I grew up in. 72 00:02:36,803 --> 00:02:37,402 They turned you down? 73 00:02:37,404 --> 00:02:38,154 Bastards! 74 00:02:39,935 --> 00:02:40,839 So what would I have to do? 75 00:02:40,841 --> 00:02:43,675 Uh, work the counter, brew coffee, make change. 76 00:02:43,677 --> 00:02:44,776 You need help with social media? 77 00:02:44,778 --> 00:02:46,645 Instagram? Snapchat? 78 00:02:46,647 --> 00:02:48,967 Tumblr? Morse code? Cave paintings? 79 00:02:48,992 --> 00:02:50,025 How old are you, man? 80 00:02:51,189 --> 00:02:52,937 I don't need that stuff. This is a donut shop. 81 00:02:53,015 --> 00:02:54,992 I hate to break it you, but this is a donut museum. 82 00:02:56,523 --> 00:02:58,089 It happens to be my slow time of day. 83 00:02:58,091 --> 00:03:00,892 It's 8:00 a.m. in a place that serves breakfast. 84 00:03:01,516 --> 00:03:02,994 In a city full of fat people. 85 00:03:04,555 --> 00:03:05,945 You got, like, one customer here, man! 86 00:03:05,970 --> 00:03:07,032 You have a point? 87 00:03:07,034 --> 00:03:09,167 This place could be a gold mine, you know? 88 00:03:09,169 --> 00:03:11,002 It's authentic. People love that. 89 00:03:11,004 --> 00:03:12,471 Just remind the world that you're here. 90 00:03:12,596 --> 00:03:15,572 "Maybe put a chalkboard outside with a Donut of the Day" on it. 91 00:03:15,597 --> 00:03:16,751 You know, eventually, the chalkboard's 92 00:03:16,776 --> 00:03:18,126 gonna get stolen, but that's fine. 93 00:03:18,204 --> 00:03:19,678 That's cool. It gets the people talking. 94 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,179 Yo, yo, you heard somebody stole 95 00:03:21,181 --> 00:03:22,239 "the chalkboard from the donut shop?" 96 00:03:22,271 --> 00:03:24,442 "Wait, wait. Back up. We got a donut shop? I want a donut!" 97 00:03:24,467 --> 00:03:26,489 Now everybody talk about donuts, man! 98 00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:28,753 Bam! 99 00:03:28,799 --> 00:03:30,432 You realize this is a job interview, right? 100 00:03:30,457 --> 00:03:31,589 Yeah. How am I doing? 101 00:03:31,591 --> 00:03:32,940 Actually, not bad. 102 00:03:35,362 --> 00:03:37,871 Arthur, I'm celebrating! Donuts for everyone! 103 00:03:38,113 --> 00:03:39,847 Who was already in the room when I made the offer. 104 00:03:41,401 --> 00:03:43,151 Fawz, why are you in such a good mood? 105 00:03:43,176 --> 00:03:45,440 The American dream, my friend. I'm living it! 106 00:03:45,465 --> 00:03:47,939 For years, I'm buying buildings in this dung-heap neighborhood. 107 00:03:47,941 --> 00:03:49,574 And now Starbucks is opening. 108 00:03:49,576 --> 00:03:51,240 Rents will rise, and I will be rich! 109 00:03:51,295 --> 00:03:53,271 I'm gonna have money coming into my ass! 110 00:03:54,428 --> 00:03:57,482 Great. Jack up the rent so I got to move down to South Side 111 00:03:57,484 --> 00:03:59,446 and dodge bullets every time I go to the store. 112 00:04:00,485 --> 00:04:01,501 Who is this black guy? 113 00:04:03,251 --> 00:04:04,553 Actually, I go by Franco. 114 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:06,076 "Only my friends call me black guy." 115 00:04:07,568 --> 00:04:08,994 What? I'm not allowed to say you're black? 116 00:04:08,996 --> 00:04:11,412 I'm not allowed to call black people black people? 117 00:04:11,437 --> 00:04:13,164 It's cool, man. No reason to blow up. 118 00:04:13,166 --> 00:04:15,164 Ah, terrorist joke. A first for me. 119 00:04:17,137 --> 00:04:19,295 So, Arthur, have you considered my offer? 120 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:20,959 Sorry, Fawz, I'm not selling the shop. 121 00:04:20,984 --> 00:04:22,273 Arthur, give it up! 122 00:04:22,275 --> 00:04:23,675 Fancy people are moving to Uptown, 123 00:04:23,677 --> 00:04:25,243 and they don't want donuts. 124 00:04:25,245 --> 00:04:26,778 They want to drink kale smoothies 125 00:04:26,780 --> 00:04:28,813 and not vaccinate their children. 126 00:04:29,613 --> 00:04:31,049 I'm afraid Fawz is right. 127 00:04:31,051 --> 00:04:32,951 Uptown is being gentrified. 128 00:04:32,953 --> 00:04:35,653 Low-income families and small businesses are being pushed out 129 00:04:35,655 --> 00:04:37,355 by soulless chains and condominiums 130 00:04:37,357 --> 00:04:38,690 for rich white people. 131 00:04:38,692 --> 00:04:40,392 Uh, aren't you a rich white person? 132 00:04:40,394 --> 00:04:42,927 Yes, and I have to live with that 133 00:04:42,929 --> 00:04:44,854 every day of my life. 134 00:04:47,705 --> 00:04:50,301 So, Arthur, what do you say? I give you good price. 135 00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:52,437 Just give me a couple of days to think about it. 136 00:04:52,439 --> 00:04:53,972 No, you don't have to think about it, man. 137 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,940 'Cause you can't sell this place. 138 00:04:55,942 --> 00:04:57,609 It's the heart of this neighborhood. 139 00:04:57,611 --> 00:04:59,677 I remember when I was six, my dad came back home 140 00:04:59,679 --> 00:05:01,479 with a box of Superior Donuts. 141 00:05:01,481 --> 00:05:03,748 We sat out on the porch all night, eating donuts, 142 00:05:04,247 --> 00:05:05,283 watching them put up Christmas lights 143 00:05:05,285 --> 00:05:06,546 on the crack house across the street. 144 00:05:08,007 --> 00:05:09,015 Damn, they worked fast! 145 00:05:10,665 --> 00:05:11,447 Your point? 146 00:05:11,923 --> 00:05:13,820 My point is this neighborhood is our home. 147 00:05:13,845 --> 00:05:15,727 And those people moving in... They're not coming to join us. 148 00:05:15,729 --> 00:05:17,362 They're coming to push us out. 149 00:05:17,364 --> 00:05:19,204 And you got to push back, man. 150 00:05:19,478 --> 00:05:20,665 You built something here, 151 00:05:20,667 --> 00:05:22,634 and it deserves to live on. 152 00:05:22,636 --> 00:05:23,802 Who the hell is this guy? 153 00:05:23,804 --> 00:05:25,870 - Yeah, who the hell are you? - Franco Wicks. 154 00:05:25,872 --> 00:05:27,605 He's Franco Wicks. He works here. 155 00:05:29,242 --> 00:05:30,442 Mark my words, Arthur. 156 00:05:30,444 --> 00:05:32,640 You will rue the day you said no to me! 157 00:05:33,531 --> 00:05:34,948 Ooh, that sounds a little terrorist-y. 158 00:05:36,792 --> 00:05:37,667 Sorry about that. 159 00:05:38,690 --> 00:05:39,706 Have a nice day. 160 00:05:42,055 --> 00:05:43,788 You will not regret this, man. 161 00:05:43,790 --> 00:05:45,929 I'm gonna help you bring this place into the 20th century. 162 00:05:45,954 --> 00:05:47,258 Oh, you mean the 21st. 163 00:05:47,260 --> 00:05:47,931 No, I don't. 164 00:06:02,649 --> 00:06:04,683 What the hell you doing here so early? 165 00:06:04,685 --> 00:06:06,610 Did we discuss you painting my shop? 166 00:06:06,635 --> 00:06:08,892 I'm a self-starter, man. You like the color? 167 00:06:08,917 --> 00:06:10,223 "It's called ancient ivory." 168 00:06:10,858 --> 00:06:11,770 Like you. 169 00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:14,653 Your jukebox ate my quarter. 170 00:06:14,692 --> 00:06:16,476 That thing hasn't worked for years. 171 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,382 Oh, well, I was trying to find some Biggie Smalls, 172 00:06:18,407 --> 00:06:19,452 and all they had was Little Richard. 173 00:06:20,534 --> 00:06:22,621 The next time you think of painting, ask first, okay? 174 00:06:22,646 --> 00:06:24,418 Actually, you're doing a pretty good job. 175 00:06:24,443 --> 00:06:28,056 - That's because I'm an artist. - Really? Oil? Water color? 176 00:06:28,081 --> 00:06:29,048 I'm more of a street artist. 177 00:06:29,079 --> 00:06:32,077 Oh, graffiti, which is illegal. Yeah. 178 00:06:32,079 --> 00:06:33,218 Yeah, yeah. It's not graffiti. 179 00:06:33,243 --> 00:06:34,595 It's social commentary. 180 00:06:36,056 --> 00:06:37,082 Why is it like when a white dude 181 00:06:37,084 --> 00:06:38,717 like Banksy does it, it's great art, 182 00:06:38,719 --> 00:06:40,186 but when a black dude does it, it's graffiti? 183 00:06:41,305 --> 00:06:42,148 Are you a racist? 184 00:06:42,173 --> 00:06:42,898 Not yet. 185 00:06:45,594 --> 00:06:48,093 Well, Basquiat started as a street artist, 186 00:06:48,095 --> 00:06:49,558 so I suppose you're in good company. 187 00:06:49,583 --> 00:06:52,197 Basquiat? Donut Man knows his art history. 188 00:06:52,199 --> 00:06:53,932 I'm shocked. 189 00:06:53,934 --> 00:06:56,301 Just because I own a donut shop, I can't like art? 190 00:06:56,303 --> 00:06:58,470 I watch documentaries. 191 00:06:58,472 --> 00:06:59,547 I got Netflix. 192 00:07:01,250 --> 00:07:02,821 Morning, Arthur. 193 00:07:02,846 --> 00:07:03,884 Hey. 194 00:07:03,909 --> 00:07:05,173 Are you being robbed? 195 00:07:06,957 --> 00:07:08,463 - With this? - I've seen it. 196 00:07:09,750 --> 00:07:11,549 No, no, he works here. 197 00:07:11,551 --> 00:07:13,356 Yeah, I work here, fat Bruce Willis. 198 00:07:13,497 --> 00:07:15,301 I've seen it. 199 00:07:15,465 --> 00:07:16,988 Name's Carl Tushinski. 200 00:07:16,990 --> 00:07:18,754 "People call me Tush." 201 00:07:18,925 --> 00:07:21,230 'Cause I got one you can bounce a quarter off of. 202 00:07:25,173 --> 00:07:27,032 He's my most loyal customer. 203 00:07:27,034 --> 00:07:28,767 Yeah, he used to come in here every morning 204 00:07:28,769 --> 00:07:30,569 before his shift at the John Deere factory. 205 00:07:30,594 --> 00:07:32,522 Then he kept coming in when the plant went belly-up. 206 00:07:32,547 --> 00:07:34,940 Best thing that ever happened to me. 207 00:07:34,942 --> 00:07:36,100 Now I work when I want 208 00:07:36,125 --> 00:07:38,743 "where I want. It's called the gig economy" 209 00:07:38,745 --> 00:07:41,746 I deliver pizzas, walk dogs, do some modeling. 210 00:07:41,748 --> 00:07:43,090 Mostly print. 211 00:07:44,718 --> 00:07:46,926 "I've done a hell of a lot of before" pictures. 212 00:07:48,197 --> 00:07:50,664 You know, this place is kind of like my office. 213 00:07:50,689 --> 00:07:53,425 Oh. Ew. Is that a fax machine? 214 00:07:53,427 --> 00:07:55,760 Yup. Does everything your smart phone does, 215 00:07:55,762 --> 00:07:57,437 but I found mine on a curb. 216 00:07:59,406 --> 00:08:01,272 - So, Arthur? - I got to make some donuts. 217 00:08:01,297 --> 00:08:03,247 I know, but I have some ideas about boosting business. 218 00:08:03,310 --> 00:08:05,193 All right? Let's get some free Wi-Fi in this place. 219 00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:07,091 Or we can pass out some flyers at the weed dispensary. 220 00:08:07,116 --> 00:08:09,045 Oh! Or make this the weed dispensary! 221 00:08:10,143 --> 00:08:11,068 Are you married to donuts? 222 00:08:12,460 --> 00:08:14,506 I'm just playing, man. What's your marketing budget like? 223 00:08:14,531 --> 00:08:16,435 I can totally amaze you with $1,000. 224 00:08:16,460 --> 00:08:18,193 Why don't you mildly surprise me with $50? 225 00:08:19,943 --> 00:08:22,302 Mm, I get it... you ain't got that kind of money. 226 00:08:22,357 --> 00:08:24,568 No, I got it... in my emergency fund. 227 00:08:24,631 --> 00:08:27,525 Good luck. He hasn't touched that in 30 years. 228 00:08:27,527 --> 00:08:30,515 Well, you should, because this is an emergency. 229 00:08:30,540 --> 00:08:32,671 If you don't do something, Starbucks gonna put you out of business. 230 00:08:32,703 --> 00:08:35,678 - Come on, I can save you. - Save me? Who are you... Black Jesus? 231 00:08:37,414 --> 00:08:39,070 Okay, first of all, that's redundant. 232 00:08:40,578 --> 00:08:43,151 I'm gonna give you, uh, $200. 233 00:08:43,176 --> 00:08:45,542 - Thank you. - I don't want thanks. I want customers. 234 00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:48,206 Oh! Gig coming in! 235 00:08:52,020 --> 00:08:53,364 Huh. 236 00:08:53,389 --> 00:08:55,067 Hospital needs a fluid donor. 237 00:08:55,762 --> 00:08:57,442 Wonder if it's blood or sperm. 238 00:08:58,786 --> 00:09:01,026 Last time, I guessed wrong, and they were not happy. 239 00:09:05,899 --> 00:09:07,137 Aah, Starbucks. 240 00:09:07,176 --> 00:09:09,301 Just opened. There's already a line out the door. 241 00:09:09,326 --> 00:09:10,573 Which is a good thing. 242 00:09:10,598 --> 00:09:11,754 They will get sick of waiting, 243 00:09:11,779 --> 00:09:14,355 so I have a plan to entice them over here. 244 00:09:14,380 --> 00:09:15,637 Sweatpants! 245 00:09:19,106 --> 00:09:20,533 This is my friend Sweatpants. 246 00:09:20,604 --> 00:09:23,096 He's gonna stand outside and pass out flyers 247 00:09:23,121 --> 00:09:24,611 and look delicious. 248 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:28,791 And I'm gonna post this video on our new Instagram account. 249 00:09:28,955 --> 00:09:31,161 All right, Sweatpants, say your line. 250 00:09:31,163 --> 00:09:33,497 Who wants to go nuts for donuts? 251 00:09:36,107 --> 00:09:37,634 All right, Sweatpants, make us proud. 252 00:09:37,636 --> 00:09:40,370 And, look, don't go north on Foster Avenue. 253 00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:41,927 Some of those sprinkles are gang colors. 254 00:09:44,185 --> 00:09:45,042 You really think that's gonna work? 255 00:09:45,044 --> 00:09:46,143 Absolutely. 256 00:09:46,145 --> 00:09:47,909 I also lined up a poetry slam for tonight, 257 00:09:47,934 --> 00:09:50,314 and I posted a bunch of dope-ass Yelp reviews. 258 00:09:50,316 --> 00:09:51,482 Dope-ass... that's good, right? 259 00:09:51,484 --> 00:09:53,417 Dope-ass is good. Trust me, Arthur. 260 00:09:53,419 --> 00:09:54,964 This is going to be your biggest day in years. 261 00:09:54,980 --> 00:09:55,897 Yeah, well, that would be nice. 262 00:09:55,921 --> 00:09:57,921 Wish you had seen this place in its heyday. 263 00:09:57,923 --> 00:10:00,023 The factory was doing three shifts a day, 264 00:10:00,025 --> 00:10:02,526 people were having breakfast all around the clock. 265 00:10:02,528 --> 00:10:04,995 - That's cool. - Yeah, this place was stacked. 266 00:10:04,997 --> 00:10:06,396 - The jukebox was working. - Yeah? 267 00:10:06,443 --> 00:10:09,933 The air was thick with the smell of donuts and cigarettes. 268 00:10:09,935 --> 00:10:11,769 Wonder where those people are today. 269 00:10:11,771 --> 00:10:13,514 Probably dead from all the donuts and cigarettes. 270 00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:17,989 Just saying, you can't give someone a ticket 271 00:10:18,014 --> 00:10:18,942 for being annoying. 272 00:10:18,944 --> 00:10:21,178 I can, and I did. 273 00:10:21,180 --> 00:10:23,291 Fine, but I'm not paying it. 274 00:10:25,470 --> 00:10:28,719 Hey, Arthur, I just got a flyer from a giant donut 275 00:10:28,721 --> 00:10:29,970 named Jockstrap? 276 00:10:31,533 --> 00:10:33,757 Actually, uh, his name is Sweatpants, and I'm Franco. 277 00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:35,259 - Nice to meet you, Franco. - What's up? 278 00:10:35,261 --> 00:10:36,560 I'm Randy DeLuca. 279 00:10:36,562 --> 00:10:37,995 I've known Randy since she was a kid. 280 00:10:37,997 --> 00:10:39,763 Dad was a stubborn S.O.B. 281 00:10:39,765 --> 00:10:42,299 He cheated at bowling and never once left a tip. 282 00:10:42,301 --> 00:10:44,426 Best friend I ever had. 283 00:10:45,723 --> 00:10:48,305 Yeah, he started bringing me here when I was a little girl. 284 00:10:48,307 --> 00:10:49,740 We'd come after school, 285 00:10:49,742 --> 00:10:52,542 after church, after Cubs games. 286 00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:54,535 I was kind of a porker. 287 00:10:56,097 --> 00:10:57,496 - You look pretty good now. - Well, 288 00:10:57,558 --> 00:11:00,405 I don't know if I should be flattered or drug test you. 289 00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:02,286 Be flattered. 290 00:11:02,288 --> 00:11:03,483 Or else wait three days. 291 00:11:07,046 --> 00:11:08,452 Hey, where'd that come from? 292 00:11:08,499 --> 00:11:10,022 Oh, I painted it. Let me show you. 293 00:11:11,483 --> 00:11:13,997 Oh! I must really trust you. 294 00:11:13,999 --> 00:11:15,952 I just turned my back on a Chicago cop. 295 00:11:18,141 --> 00:11:19,336 I'm not gonna shoot you. 296 00:11:19,338 --> 00:11:21,224 I got my body cam on. 297 00:11:22,779 --> 00:11:24,880 I call this Arthur in the Sky with Donuts. 298 00:11:26,076 --> 00:11:27,599 My new employee's got talent, don't you think? 299 00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:28,474 Mm-hmm. 300 00:11:28,498 --> 00:11:29,413 - You like this, Arthur? - Yeah. 301 00:11:29,415 --> 00:11:31,381 You ought to think about going to art school. 302 00:11:32,351 --> 00:11:34,084 Wait a minute, why am I so dark? 303 00:11:34,086 --> 00:11:36,520 That's because I repurposed one of my old paintings. 304 00:11:36,522 --> 00:11:38,522 Uh, yesterday, those donuts were basketballs, 305 00:11:38,524 --> 00:11:39,980 and you were Michael Jordan. 306 00:11:43,668 --> 00:11:45,529 Oh. This place is so retro. 307 00:11:45,531 --> 00:11:47,464 - Those Yelp reviews were right. - Yeah. 308 00:11:47,466 --> 00:11:49,700 Oh, looks like our marketing campaign is paying off. 309 00:11:49,702 --> 00:11:51,134 - Good job, kid. - Mm. 310 00:11:51,136 --> 00:11:52,336 Welcome to Superior Donuts. 311 00:11:52,338 --> 00:11:53,871 May we interest you in one 312 00:11:53,873 --> 00:11:55,539 of our artisanal confections, 313 00:11:55,541 --> 00:11:58,609 handcrafted by our in-house donut-eer? 314 00:11:58,611 --> 00:12:00,777 Eh, I'm trying to stay away from dairy. 315 00:12:00,779 --> 00:12:02,648 Then let me move this creamer. 316 00:12:06,038 --> 00:12:07,184 Do you have anything soy-based? 317 00:12:07,186 --> 00:12:09,163 No, everything here is food-based. 318 00:12:10,498 --> 00:12:13,288 Can I interest you in my, uh, famous maple crèmes? 319 00:12:13,506 --> 00:12:16,026 No, thanks. I'll have a grande mocha macchiato. 320 00:12:16,028 --> 00:12:17,561 We only sell coffee. 321 00:12:17,563 --> 00:12:18,662 Isn't that coffee? 322 00:12:18,664 --> 00:12:22,178 "No, that's Italian for Overcharge me, I'm a pretentious millennial." 323 00:12:24,475 --> 00:12:25,702 Let's get out of here. 324 00:12:26,421 --> 00:12:28,639 All right, learning curve. Um, 325 00:12:28,641 --> 00:12:30,641 all we got to do is adapt to our new customer base. 326 00:12:30,643 --> 00:12:32,809 You know, let me, you know, whip up some new flavors, 327 00:12:32,811 --> 00:12:34,211 like Sriracha or Nutter Butter. 328 00:12:34,213 --> 00:12:36,647 That is my department. I do the donuts. 329 00:12:37,650 --> 00:12:40,086 Uh, gig coming in. 330 00:12:43,155 --> 00:12:45,255 Well, guess who's going to be the assailant 331 00:12:45,257 --> 00:12:47,187 at a women's self-defense class. 332 00:12:49,405 --> 00:12:51,210 I hope they give me a cup this time. 333 00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:55,521 Look at all those people, hmm? 334 00:12:55,546 --> 00:12:56,900 Not one of 'em wants a freaking donut. 335 00:12:57,359 --> 00:12:58,702 Screw you, Starbucks! 336 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:00,902 And quit giving me that smug look! 337 00:13:00,927 --> 00:13:02,425 Stupid mermaid. 338 00:13:03,933 --> 00:13:05,595 - All right, so it's a rough day. - Yeah. 339 00:13:05,620 --> 00:13:08,412 But don't worry. Your regulars are gonna stand by you. 340 00:13:08,414 --> 00:13:10,314 Hello, my fellow Americans! 341 00:13:10,316 --> 00:13:13,283 - Did you go to Starbucks? - Not cool, Fawz. 342 00:13:13,285 --> 00:13:15,452 What? I have a weak spot for the caramel Frappuccino. 343 00:13:15,454 --> 00:13:18,155 Growing up in the marshes of Iraq, all we had to drink was... 344 00:13:18,644 --> 00:13:20,386 Actually, we had these. Starbucks is everywhere. 345 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:23,449 That's something we could try, you know, 346 00:13:23,474 --> 00:13:25,462 get an espresso machine and make those fancy drinks. 347 00:13:25,464 --> 00:13:27,664 - You mean spend more money? No. - Arthur, 348 00:13:27,666 --> 00:13:29,433 today, you not have so many customers. 349 00:13:29,435 --> 00:13:31,969 Tomorrow will be worse. Sell to me. 350 00:13:31,994 --> 00:13:33,178 Sell to me right now! 351 00:13:34,952 --> 00:13:36,840 I apologize. This is my fourth coffee drink of the day. 352 00:13:36,842 --> 00:13:38,439 I'm very just... Whew. 353 00:13:39,572 --> 00:13:41,678 All right, Fawz, how much money we talking about? 354 00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:44,314 - No, Arthur, you can't sell the shop! - Hey, stop telling me what to do. 355 00:13:44,316 --> 00:13:46,550 I gave you a chance. Your ideas didn't work. 356 00:13:47,217 --> 00:13:49,186 Not the painting, not the flyers, 357 00:13:49,188 --> 00:13:50,554 not the chalkboard. 358 00:13:50,556 --> 00:13:52,138 Which has already been stolen. 359 00:13:53,943 --> 00:13:56,727 - That's it. I'm calling it. - No, you said we could stay open late! 360 00:13:56,729 --> 00:13:57,894 We still have the poetry reading. 361 00:13:57,896 --> 00:13:59,427 Roses are red, no, we don't. 362 00:14:01,224 --> 00:14:02,899 You're making it really hard for me to help you here. 363 00:14:02,901 --> 00:14:04,067 Well, I don't need your help! 364 00:14:04,069 --> 00:14:06,303 I got the best damn donuts in Chicago. 365 00:14:06,305 --> 00:14:08,405 I agree. So where are the customers? 366 00:14:08,407 --> 00:14:11,575 Huh? You don't think you scared 'em off 'cause you're too cranky 367 00:14:11,577 --> 00:14:13,256 and stubborn and stuck in the past? 368 00:14:13,295 --> 00:14:15,312 Who are you to come in here and talk to me like that, huh? 369 00:14:15,314 --> 00:14:17,458 You come in here and tell me how to run my business? 370 00:14:17,818 --> 00:14:18,749 You can't even keep a job. 371 00:14:18,751 --> 00:14:20,283 And you're barely holding on to this one. 372 00:14:20,285 --> 00:14:22,185 Okay, guys, let's just take it down a notch. 373 00:14:22,187 --> 00:14:24,187 Well, maybe I don't want to work here. If you're just gonna 374 00:14:24,189 --> 00:14:26,456 roll over and let your business die. That's weak. 375 00:14:26,458 --> 00:14:27,691 You calling me weak? Yeah. 376 00:14:27,693 --> 00:14:28,925 You're afraid to fight for something 377 00:14:28,927 --> 00:14:30,660 you poured your whole life into. 378 00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:32,562 At least go down swinging. 379 00:14:32,564 --> 00:14:33,864 You try or you die. 380 00:14:33,866 --> 00:14:35,499 Well, try this. 381 00:14:35,501 --> 00:14:37,034 You're fired. 382 00:14:43,988 --> 00:14:44,829 Oh. What's up, Franco? 383 00:14:44,854 --> 00:14:47,845 - Move, man. - Hey. Where's he going? 384 00:14:48,030 --> 00:14:50,869 It's time for me to get my poetry on! 385 00:14:53,136 --> 00:14:53,950 You're the poet? 386 00:14:53,952 --> 00:14:55,886 Yep. Aw, damn. 387 00:14:56,292 --> 00:14:58,768 "Should've said, You know it." 388 00:15:03,542 --> 00:15:05,562 Ugh! I hate this neighborhood! 389 00:15:05,564 --> 00:15:07,185 It actually makes me miss Iraq. 390 00:15:08,435 --> 00:15:09,873 Except for the mustard gas. 391 00:15:10,420 --> 00:15:13,236 And the torture. And the traffic on Ramadan. It's just... 392 00:15:13,238 --> 00:15:15,272 What's going on, Fawz? 393 00:15:15,274 --> 00:15:16,205 Follow me. 394 00:15:19,278 --> 00:15:22,179 Last night, someone did the graffiti on the Starbucks sign. 395 00:15:22,181 --> 00:15:23,747 - I don't see it. - Look closer. 396 00:15:23,749 --> 00:15:25,916 That thing the mermaid is holding? Not a coffee cup. 397 00:15:25,918 --> 00:15:26,532 Oh. Yeah. 398 00:15:28,393 --> 00:15:30,253 And it no longer says Starbucks," it says Star..." 399 00:15:30,255 --> 00:15:31,988 Now I see it. Yeah. 400 00:15:31,990 --> 00:15:33,990 How am I going to get rich when people stand in the way 401 00:15:33,992 --> 00:15:36,102 of progress? Well, I've called the police. 402 00:15:36,127 --> 00:15:37,861 They said whoever did this is going to jail. 403 00:15:37,863 --> 00:15:40,330 Actually, I think I know who did it. 404 00:15:40,722 --> 00:15:41,768 The black guy? 405 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:43,967 Fawz, you can't keep saying that! 406 00:15:43,969 --> 00:15:46,636 It would be like you calling me the Jew. 407 00:15:47,767 --> 00:15:49,259 Oh, my God, you call me that, don't you? 408 00:15:51,712 --> 00:15:53,329 I'm not so good with names! 409 00:15:58,093 --> 00:15:59,926 Hey, Arthur. Any chance you remember 410 00:15:59,928 --> 00:16:02,596 - the color of Franco's backpack? - No, how would I... 411 00:16:02,598 --> 00:16:05,232 Brown. Actually, more of a chestnut. 412 00:16:05,234 --> 00:16:08,451 I remember, because it's the same shade as his soulful eyes. 413 00:16:10,130 --> 00:16:12,615 Oh, right, I'm the only one who got lost in those things. 414 00:16:12,646 --> 00:16:14,162 Nope. Me, too. 415 00:16:15,857 --> 00:16:17,646 Why are you asking me about Franco's backpack? 416 00:16:17,671 --> 00:16:20,034 James is over talking to the Starbucks manager. 417 00:16:20,059 --> 00:16:23,083 He got a glimpse of the person who spray-painted his sign, 418 00:16:23,085 --> 00:16:25,118 and he was wearing a brown backpack. 419 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,154 - Oh, no. - Yeah. 420 00:16:27,156 --> 00:16:28,488 It gets worse. 421 00:16:28,490 --> 00:16:30,100 Apparently, Franco's got priors. 422 00:16:30,147 --> 00:16:31,092 Nothing serious. 423 00:16:31,117 --> 00:16:33,627 All graffiti-related. But he could be looking 424 00:16:33,629 --> 00:16:34,998 at doing jail time. 425 00:16:35,023 --> 00:16:36,920 Why you telling me? Kid doesn't work here anymore. 426 00:16:36,945 --> 00:16:38,632 Well, he might need a character witness. 427 00:16:38,634 --> 00:16:40,233 I thought you could vouch for him. 428 00:16:40,235 --> 00:16:42,702 - Why would I do that? - For one thing, he risked going to jail 429 00:16:42,704 --> 00:16:44,204 to get back at your competition. 430 00:16:44,206 --> 00:16:45,906 You know why you're mad, don't you? 431 00:16:45,908 --> 00:16:47,246 The kid got your hopes up. 432 00:16:47,271 --> 00:16:49,694 Yeah, and for what? It didn't work out, did it? 433 00:16:49,719 --> 00:16:52,879 There goes 200 bucks. And 47 years. 434 00:16:52,881 --> 00:16:56,149 Oh, Arthur, I wish my dad was still here. 435 00:16:56,151 --> 00:16:59,563 He'd put his arm around you, look into your eyes, 436 00:16:59,588 --> 00:17:01,617 "and say, Get your head out of your ass!" 437 00:17:01,642 --> 00:17:04,594 - What are you talking about? - Franco was good for you. 438 00:17:04,619 --> 00:17:07,394 You've been just going through the motions since Joanie died. 439 00:17:07,396 --> 00:17:10,697 Yesterday, you had a gleam in your eye. 440 00:17:10,699 --> 00:17:12,766 It was like you finally woke up again. 441 00:17:18,315 --> 00:17:19,946 What the hell? When did that start working? 442 00:17:19,971 --> 00:17:21,180 Franco fixed it. 443 00:17:21,205 --> 00:17:22,909 Sounds pretty good, doesn't it? 444 00:17:22,911 --> 00:17:24,978 - Yeah, it does. - See? 445 00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:26,947 The kid's good for you, Arthur. 446 00:17:30,496 --> 00:17:32,941 Not a very good repairman, but he's good for you. 447 00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:39,459 Y'all can relax. 448 00:17:39,461 --> 00:17:40,760 I know I'm fired. 449 00:17:40,762 --> 00:17:43,396 I just came to get my paycheck. 450 00:17:43,398 --> 00:17:46,617 Franco, you mind telling us where you were last night around 12:30? 451 00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,535 I don't know. Probably at home. 452 00:17:48,537 --> 00:17:50,670 - Franco. - What? 453 00:17:50,672 --> 00:17:52,125 This is Mr. Patterson from the Starbucks. 454 00:17:52,141 --> 00:17:52,884 That's it. 455 00:17:52,908 --> 00:17:54,109 That's the brown backpack. 456 00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:56,343 Please, you call that brown? 457 00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:57,593 It looks orange to me. 458 00:17:58,726 --> 00:18:00,429 But then again, those self-defense ladies 459 00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:01,648 used real pepper spray. 460 00:18:02,931 --> 00:18:04,684 I'm sorry, Franco, we're gonna have to take you in 461 00:18:04,686 --> 00:18:07,020 - for questioning. - Okay. Can I call my mom? 462 00:18:07,022 --> 00:18:08,255 Can I call my mom? 463 00:18:08,678 --> 00:18:10,056 Uh, wait. 464 00:18:10,058 --> 00:18:11,725 This is my backpack. 465 00:18:11,727 --> 00:18:13,069 You're telling me that's yours? 466 00:18:13,094 --> 00:18:14,584 Yes, absolutely. 467 00:18:14,725 --> 00:18:16,874 You see, it's got my, um... 468 00:18:16,899 --> 00:18:17,937 afro pick. 469 00:18:20,484 --> 00:18:22,304 And, um, and it's got my... 470 00:18:23,295 --> 00:18:25,172 - oregano. - Mm-hmm. 471 00:18:26,630 --> 00:18:28,041 And my spray paint. 472 00:18:28,043 --> 00:18:29,776 Which I used to, uh, deface your store. 473 00:18:29,778 --> 00:18:31,044 Okay. 474 00:18:31,046 --> 00:18:32,445 This is a load of crap. 475 00:18:32,447 --> 00:18:34,714 You're right. It is a load of crap. 476 00:18:35,191 --> 00:18:37,651 That I would commit such a, uh, 477 00:18:37,653 --> 00:18:39,019 senseless act of vandalism. 478 00:18:39,021 --> 00:18:40,824 But if you would, uh, drop the charges, 479 00:18:40,847 --> 00:18:44,214 I have $2,500 here 480 00:18:45,027 --> 00:18:47,227 in my, um, emergency fund. 481 00:18:48,047 --> 00:18:50,539 Be glad to give it to you to cover the damages. 482 00:18:50,719 --> 00:18:52,469 Are you buying any of this? 483 00:18:53,844 --> 00:18:57,571 Well, the man said he did it. 484 00:18:59,813 --> 00:19:01,276 You want the money or not? 485 00:19:04,646 --> 00:19:06,580 Fine. 486 00:19:11,453 --> 00:19:13,835 And once again, the white man gets off! 487 00:19:21,330 --> 00:19:24,510 Hey. 488 00:19:24,541 --> 00:19:26,566 I appreciate that, man. 489 00:19:26,568 --> 00:19:28,001 And I'm sorry I got you involved. 490 00:19:28,003 --> 00:19:29,127 You shouldn't have wrecked that sign. 491 00:19:29,152 --> 00:19:31,460 I know, but I was pissed. 492 00:19:31,485 --> 00:19:33,343 I didn't want them putting you out of business. 493 00:19:34,042 --> 00:19:35,351 You gave me a job. 494 00:19:36,011 --> 00:19:37,687 And you listened to my ideas. 495 00:19:38,937 --> 00:19:41,414 And you said I should go to art school. 496 00:19:41,416 --> 00:19:43,350 First time I mentioned art school to my dad, 497 00:19:43,352 --> 00:19:44,645 he laughed in my face. 498 00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,786 What? The man who brought you donuts? 499 00:19:46,788 --> 00:19:48,888 It was kind of a one-time thing. 500 00:19:48,890 --> 00:19:50,991 Most of the time he was just tearing me down, 501 00:19:50,993 --> 00:19:54,048 telling me I was nothing. 502 00:19:54,095 --> 00:19:55,392 I remember senior year of high school 503 00:19:55,548 --> 00:19:57,017 when I finally stood up to him. 504 00:19:57,699 --> 00:19:58,932 I got back home from school 505 00:19:58,934 --> 00:20:00,173 and all my stuff was on the street. 506 00:20:01,336 --> 00:20:04,037 I caught a dude trying to steal my sweatpants. 507 00:20:04,039 --> 00:20:05,833 That's how I met Sweatpants. 508 00:20:09,279 --> 00:20:13,213 Well, I'm glad you're pursuing your art, but no more vandalism. 509 00:20:13,215 --> 00:20:16,349 I can't keep bailing out my employees. 510 00:20:16,351 --> 00:20:17,797 You hiring me back? 511 00:20:17,898 --> 00:20:20,093 Yeah. How's that for ass-dope? 512 00:20:22,336 --> 00:20:23,453 It's dope-ass. 513 00:20:25,260 --> 00:20:27,527 - Thank you, man, I appreciate that. - Yeah, well, 514 00:20:27,529 --> 00:20:29,593 it wouldn't kill me to try some new things around here. 515 00:20:29,618 --> 00:20:31,364 You try or you die, right? 516 00:20:31,366 --> 00:20:33,033 Donut man. 517 00:20:33,035 --> 00:20:34,578 I'm really feeling the urge to hug you right now. 518 00:20:34,603 --> 00:20:35,695 Resist it. All right. 519 00:20:36,371 --> 00:20:37,971 - Yeah. - Okay. 520 00:20:37,973 --> 00:20:39,537 - Well, I'm gonna pay you back. - Damn right. 521 00:20:39,576 --> 00:20:42,232 I'm gonna deduct ten percent out of your salary till we're even. 522 00:20:42,302 --> 00:20:44,474 Sounds fair. Can I at least get my oregano back? 523 00:20:44,499 --> 00:20:45,974 I'm taking ten percent of that, too. 524 00:20:48,005 --> 00:20:49,416 Well, you're gonna need these donuts then, ain't you? 525 00:20:52,477 --> 00:20:56,277 Synced and corrected by Dragoniod for www.addic7ed.com