1 00:00:01,833 --> 00:00:04,000 [serene tone] 2 00:00:06,375 --> 00:00:10,250 - So, Chantal, I did something for you. 3 00:00:10,333 --> 00:00:14,416 I filed something called an ineptitude appeal. 4 00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:17,750 Now, this is a leftover New York state loophole 5 00:00:17,833 --> 00:00:19,041 from the Prohibition era 6 00:00:19,125 --> 00:00:20,833 when people used to be paid 7 00:00:20,916 --> 00:00:23,416 to carry boxes of alcohol 8 00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:24,916 to illegal establishments 9 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:28,000 without actually knowing what was in the boxes. 10 00:00:28,083 --> 00:00:29,375 Now, technically speaking, 11 00:00:29,458 --> 00:00:33,166 under this vague and arcane criminal statute, 12 00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:37,708 you could be considered a "boxhead." 13 00:00:39,958 --> 00:00:44,625 - For the record, I never carried anything. 14 00:00:44,708 --> 00:00:47,958 - Uh-huh. Yeah, I-I-I understand that. 15 00:00:48,041 --> 00:00:50,500 I--what I'm telling you is, 16 00:00:50,583 --> 00:00:53,250 I can get you out of prison. 17 00:00:54,041 --> 00:00:56,291 - Oh. Whoa. 18 00:00:56,375 --> 00:00:58,333 Okay, just--hold on, Leonard. 19 00:00:58,416 --> 00:01:00,916 Things are moving really fast. 20 00:01:01,708 --> 00:01:03,541 - Do you not want to leave prison? 21 00:01:03,625 --> 00:01:06,708 - Well, I mean, I just got used to it, and, 22 00:01:06,791 --> 00:01:09,625 like, the food is, like, legit yummy, 23 00:01:09,708 --> 00:01:12,291 and, like, the girls here all think it's really cool 24 00:01:12,375 --> 00:01:14,208 that I did those crimes. 25 00:01:14,916 --> 00:01:16,750 - Okay, you're really breaking me here. 26 00:01:16,833 --> 00:01:18,625 I j--you know what? Just-- 27 00:01:18,708 --> 00:01:21,458 all you have to do is--here. 28 00:01:21,541 --> 00:01:23,625 Sign this. 29 00:01:23,708 --> 00:01:26,083 - Okay, well, could you, like, at least give me 30 00:01:26,166 --> 00:01:28,250 five minutes to ask where they got their mattresses from? 31 00:01:28,333 --> 00:01:30,416 - Just sign the paper, Chantal, okay? 32 00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:32,375 - [sighs] 33 00:01:35,208 --> 00:01:36,458 I mean... 34 00:01:36,541 --> 00:01:38,166 [sighs] I don't know, Leonard. 35 00:01:38,250 --> 00:01:40,500 Like, I signed my way into this mess. 36 00:01:40,583 --> 00:01:43,083 I just--I really think that I'm gonna need to get a lawyer 37 00:01:43,166 --> 00:01:45,916 to look over this before I sign it. 38 00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:50,000 - I am your lawyer, you idiot! 39 00:01:50,083 --> 00:01:52,333 You know what? Just sign the paper. 40 00:01:52,416 --> 00:01:53,750 Sign the fucking paper! 41 00:01:53,833 --> 00:01:55,708 God damn it, for the love of God, 42 00:01:55,791 --> 00:01:57,625 sign the paper! 43 00:01:57,708 --> 00:01:58,875 - Okay. 44 00:02:01,750 --> 00:02:04,166 I better not go to jail for this. 45 00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:06,000 - [exhales] 46 00:02:06,083 --> 00:02:09,125 ["Obedear" by Purity Ring playing] 47 00:02:09,208 --> 00:02:14,541 - ♪ Oh, but dear, the sky is low, watch ♪ 48 00:02:14,625 --> 00:02:17,000 ♪ Fluent sea men rig... ♪ 49 00:02:17,083 --> 00:02:19,416 - It's just so small. 50 00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:22,375 Like, I don't even understand how we all fit in here. 51 00:02:22,458 --> 00:02:24,916 Like, is this, like, an optical illusion? 52 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,958 Is there even enough oxygen to breathe? 53 00:02:28,041 --> 00:02:30,791 - Yeah, I know, it's a big change, honey. 54 00:02:30,875 --> 00:02:33,791 - Yeah, more like a small change, Mom. 55 00:02:33,875 --> 00:02:36,291 - Well, we just have to make do, right? 56 00:02:36,375 --> 00:02:38,000 Robert! - Huh? 57 00:02:38,083 --> 00:02:39,208 What? 58 00:02:39,291 --> 00:02:41,875 - Okay, what is wrong with Dad? 59 00:02:41,958 --> 00:02:43,208 - The doctors don't know. 60 00:02:43,291 --> 00:02:44,791 They just speculate 61 00:02:44,875 --> 00:02:47,833 that it's some kind of situational dementia 62 00:02:47,916 --> 00:02:50,666 brought about by disturbing circumstances. 63 00:02:50,750 --> 00:02:52,083 - What? Why? 64 00:02:52,166 --> 00:02:54,208 - Chantal, get a clue! 65 00:02:54,291 --> 00:02:56,083 This is all because of you! 66 00:02:56,166 --> 00:02:58,083 - What... - Let's not shout, 67 00:02:58,166 --> 00:03:01,583 because we actually do not know what these walls can handle. 68 00:03:01,666 --> 00:03:02,625 - No, no, Mom. 69 00:03:02,708 --> 00:03:04,791 She needs to understand. 70 00:03:04,875 --> 00:03:06,416 Your legal fees 71 00:03:06,500 --> 00:03:08,583 tapped us out completely, 72 00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:10,875 and now we are poor, 73 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:14,166 and we all mysteriously lost our jobs for downsizing, 74 00:03:14,250 --> 00:03:16,458 but it is obvious that the real reason 75 00:03:16,541 --> 00:03:18,625 is because we have a family member 76 00:03:18,708 --> 00:03:21,250 that was stupid enough to associate 77 00:03:21,333 --> 00:03:24,833 with that bad, old man! 78 00:03:24,916 --> 00:03:27,375 We can't get hired anywhere. 79 00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:30,666 They practically chased us out of Chappaqua. 80 00:03:30,750 --> 00:03:33,125 And you did that to us, Chantal. 81 00:03:33,208 --> 00:03:34,583 You did that! 82 00:03:34,666 --> 00:03:37,166 - Okay, Catherine, when you raise your voice, 83 00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:38,958 it is traumatizing. 84 00:03:39,041 --> 00:03:40,166 - Oh. 85 00:03:40,250 --> 00:03:42,958 - You know, and on top of everything else, 86 00:03:43,041 --> 00:03:45,791 Ted is selling drugs. 87 00:03:45,875 --> 00:03:48,083 - I'm not selling them, Linda. 88 00:03:48,166 --> 00:03:51,458 I'm microdosing, and it's a legitimate practice. 89 00:03:51,541 --> 00:03:55,125 One tab is 1/12 of a hit of LSD 90 00:03:55,208 --> 00:03:56,416 and can provide me with a wealth 91 00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:58,416 of incredible innovations. 92 00:03:58,500 --> 00:03:59,625 Believe me when I tell you 93 00:03:59,708 --> 00:04:00,916 I will invent something 94 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,333 that will save our family. 95 00:04:03,416 --> 00:04:05,541 - Ted, my family 96 00:04:05,625 --> 00:04:07,166 is not your family, 97 00:04:07,250 --> 00:04:10,125 and I don't feel comfortable when you say "our family." 98 00:04:11,416 --> 00:04:14,416 - Chantal, is that you? 99 00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:16,625 - Ugh. Yes, Daddy. 100 00:04:16,708 --> 00:04:19,500 I've been behind you for 15 minutes. 101 00:04:19,583 --> 00:04:22,708 Oh, God. Okay, this has got to stop. 102 00:04:22,791 --> 00:04:26,083 I don't like it. You guys are freaking me out. 103 00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:29,083 I am not a poor person, okay? 104 00:04:29,166 --> 00:04:32,041 I don't want to be a Witherbottom anymore. 105 00:04:32,125 --> 00:04:34,000 - Oh, but honey, you are a Witherbottom. 106 00:04:34,083 --> 00:04:37,000 - This isn't Witherbottom. 107 00:04:37,083 --> 00:04:39,333 It's rock bottom. 108 00:04:45,750 --> 00:04:48,958 [faint TV chatter] 109 00:04:52,291 --> 00:04:55,250 I'm sorry. What are you doing? 110 00:04:55,333 --> 00:04:59,041 - Eating, Chantal, like a family. 111 00:04:59,125 --> 00:05:00,333 - Hmm. 112 00:05:00,416 --> 00:05:02,583 Uh, I don't think that you are eating 113 00:05:02,666 --> 00:05:04,791 because I don't see food. 114 00:05:04,875 --> 00:05:09,750 Sticks and rings are not food. [scoffs] 115 00:05:09,833 --> 00:05:12,291 - I was resistant at first, 116 00:05:12,375 --> 00:05:15,166 but the nuggets have really proved themselves. 117 00:05:15,250 --> 00:05:17,916 They can be a little salty, which is why it's good 118 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,375 to take a little dip into the sweet and the sour. 119 00:05:21,458 --> 00:05:22,916 It's a pleasing balance. 120 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:26,083 - Catherine, your husband is very high right now. 121 00:05:26,166 --> 00:05:27,875 - Can you just... - [snorts] 122 00:05:29,541 --> 00:05:32,333 - [sighs] Okay, I am not eating this. 123 00:05:32,416 --> 00:05:36,125 - Just think of dinner time like we're at a carnival. 124 00:05:36,958 --> 00:05:38,583 - I want goose! 125 00:05:38,666 --> 00:05:40,625 - You've never had goose. 126 00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:42,833 - Yeah, okay, and you have? 127 00:05:42,916 --> 00:05:44,000 - Okay... 128 00:05:44,083 --> 00:05:45,666 - [scoffs] 129 00:05:50,958 --> 00:05:52,791 [quavers] 130 00:05:52,875 --> 00:05:56,166 It's crazy that I ate better in prison than this. 131 00:05:56,250 --> 00:05:57,875 - So, Chantal, 132 00:05:57,958 --> 00:06:00,708 everyone is trying to do their parts 133 00:06:00,791 --> 00:06:03,416 to help the family out in their own way. 134 00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:06,625 Catherine is selling bus vacations over the phone. 135 00:06:06,708 --> 00:06:09,916 Linda found a way to make money off of emails. 136 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,583 - Mm-hmm. Every CC is 20¢. 137 00:06:12,666 --> 00:06:15,583 - Robert is... 138 00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:17,500 unable to work, 139 00:06:17,583 --> 00:06:19,791 and I am busy 140 00:06:19,875 --> 00:06:22,000 challenging the frontiers of perception 141 00:06:22,083 --> 00:06:24,541 in an attempt to save us all, 142 00:06:24,625 --> 00:06:27,500 and so I think it may be up to you, Chantal, 143 00:06:27,583 --> 00:06:29,458 to begin applying for jobs. 144 00:06:29,541 --> 00:06:32,166 - Oh, my friend Binda could get you a job 145 00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:34,458 at a money order service in Queens. 146 00:06:34,541 --> 00:06:36,791 - And I did overhear the neighbors yelling 147 00:06:36,875 --> 00:06:39,500 about needing someone to take care of their baby. 148 00:06:39,583 --> 00:06:41,541 You could ask about that. 149 00:06:43,666 --> 00:06:47,333 - [sobbing] 150 00:06:47,416 --> 00:06:49,291 No! 151 00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:50,625 - [sighs] 152 00:06:50,708 --> 00:06:54,083 - I want a different life! 153 00:06:54,166 --> 00:06:57,458 And I want all of you to be different. 154 00:06:57,541 --> 00:06:59,416 I don't want to change-- I like how I am-- 155 00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:02,208 but I want everything else to change! 156 00:07:03,041 --> 00:07:06,041 Excuse me from the "table." 157 00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:07,791 [sobs] 158 00:07:10,791 --> 00:07:12,416 [sighs] 159 00:07:15,125 --> 00:07:16,791 [whimpers] 160 00:07:18,958 --> 00:07:21,916 [spacey music] 161 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:29,166 ♪ ♪ 162 00:07:44,208 --> 00:07:46,166 Why don't I feel anything? 163 00:07:46,250 --> 00:07:47,833 [sighs] 164 00:07:49,666 --> 00:07:52,291 Dare I check the expiration dates? 165 00:07:52,375 --> 00:07:55,333 [mellow dance music] 166 00:07:55,416 --> 00:08:02,583 ♪ ♪ 167 00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:18,333 - We've been waiting for you, Chantal. 168 00:08:18,416 --> 00:08:20,291 - Take a seat. 169 00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,958 [classical music] 170 00:08:23,041 --> 00:08:30,166 ♪ ♪ 171 00:08:31,125 --> 00:08:32,666 - Who are you? 172 00:08:32,750 --> 00:08:35,416 - [chuckles] You tell us. 173 00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:38,208 ♪ ♪ 174 00:08:38,291 --> 00:08:40,666 - Oh, my God. 175 00:08:40,750 --> 00:08:44,291 Are you the most famous dead authors in the world? 176 00:08:44,375 --> 00:08:46,250 - [laughs] all: We are. 177 00:08:46,333 --> 00:08:48,416 - We are. 178 00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:49,750 Should we go around the table 179 00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:51,000 and introduce ourselves? 180 00:08:51,083 --> 00:08:53,625 - Let's let Chantal do it. 181 00:08:53,708 --> 00:08:56,291 - Oh, that's a good idea. 182 00:08:56,375 --> 00:08:59,291 - F. Scott Fitzgerald. [laughs] 183 00:08:59,375 --> 00:09:02,791 William Shakespeare. 184 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,833 Mr. James Baldwin. 185 00:09:04,916 --> 00:09:06,333 Mark Twain! Hi. 186 00:09:06,416 --> 00:09:08,750 Oh, Virginia Woolf. 187 00:09:08,833 --> 00:09:12,083 Mm, Sylvia Plath. 188 00:09:12,166 --> 00:09:13,958 Maya Angelou. 189 00:09:14,041 --> 00:09:17,250 You're, like, my biggest inspiration. 190 00:09:17,333 --> 00:09:19,416 - Same. 191 00:09:19,500 --> 00:09:23,166 - [laughs] 192 00:09:23,250 --> 00:09:25,458 And wait. 193 00:09:25,541 --> 00:09:27,125 Are you R. L. Stine? 194 00:09:27,208 --> 00:09:29,541 - That's right. 195 00:09:29,625 --> 00:09:31,458 I thought you were alive. 196 00:09:31,541 --> 00:09:34,666 - Now there's something we need you to do for us, 197 00:09:34,750 --> 00:09:36,083 Chantal. 198 00:09:36,166 --> 00:09:37,458 - What is it? 199 00:09:37,541 --> 00:09:39,291 - You need to write a book. 200 00:09:39,375 --> 00:09:43,833 - You need to tell the world about your mean family, 201 00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:46,333 about your jerk sister. 202 00:09:46,416 --> 00:09:48,500 She can't act like that and expect you 203 00:09:48,583 --> 00:09:50,458 not to write a book about her. 204 00:09:50,541 --> 00:09:54,041 - But I don't know how to write a book like that. 205 00:09:54,125 --> 00:09:57,500 I only know how to write poems really well. 206 00:09:57,583 --> 00:09:59,916 - Oh, well, we know that. We love your poetry. 207 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,291 It's all we read now. 208 00:10:02,375 --> 00:10:06,041 - I've burned everything that isn't your poetry, 209 00:10:06,125 --> 00:10:08,125 even the things I need. 210 00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,333 [laughs] 211 00:10:09,416 --> 00:10:11,833 - That's why we're here. We can help you. 212 00:10:11,916 --> 00:10:15,125 - Let us speak through you, Chantal. 213 00:10:15,208 --> 00:10:17,500 You're the vessel. 214 00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:18,666 - I am? 215 00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:22,416 - Do the world a beautiful favor 216 00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:26,041 and express what is inside of you. 217 00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:29,375 - Drink from this goblet of wine, 218 00:10:29,458 --> 00:10:31,833 and may the passage of wisdom 219 00:10:31,916 --> 00:10:33,500 be complete. 220 00:10:33,583 --> 00:10:37,208 ♪ ♪ 221 00:10:37,291 --> 00:10:40,708 [laughter] 222 00:10:40,791 --> 00:10:46,500 ♪ ♪ 223 00:10:54,416 --> 00:10:58,166 - [sputters] 224 00:10:58,250 --> 00:11:01,208 [driving classical music] 225 00:11:01,291 --> 00:11:04,541 ♪ ♪ 226 00:11:04,625 --> 00:11:06,916 - Hey, uh, Chantal? 227 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,708 Can I talk to you for a second? 228 00:11:08,791 --> 00:11:09,833 - [sighs] Can it wait? 229 00:11:09,916 --> 00:11:11,083 I'm kind of on a roll. 230 00:11:11,166 --> 00:11:13,083 - No, it can't wait, okay? 231 00:11:14,916 --> 00:11:16,375 Look, uh, 232 00:11:16,458 --> 00:11:18,750 I have a lot of unexpressed anger 233 00:11:18,833 --> 00:11:21,708 toward you about how you handled 234 00:11:21,791 --> 00:11:23,208 my miscarriage. 235 00:11:24,666 --> 00:11:26,125 You didn't even acknowledge it 236 00:11:26,208 --> 00:11:27,500 or ask how I was, 237 00:11:27,583 --> 00:11:28,916 and it's just-- it's hard for me to-- 238 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,708 - Shh! 239 00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:33,375 ♪ ♪ 240 00:11:33,458 --> 00:11:35,416 - Wow. Okay. 241 00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:37,583 [sniffling] 242 00:11:37,666 --> 00:11:42,416 ♪ ♪ 243 00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,708 - Yes, yes, yes! 244 00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:47,541 Yes! Yes! 245 00:11:47,625 --> 00:11:49,500 Yes! 246 00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:51,416 - Chantal, you didn't hear what I was doing 247 00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:53,791 in the other room, did you? 248 00:11:53,875 --> 00:11:56,666 - No, Ted, I'm trying to focus. 249 00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,166 - Now I'm embarrassed. 250 00:11:59,625 --> 00:12:02,041 Part of me wants to tell you what I was doing. 251 00:12:02,125 --> 00:12:08,708 ♪ ♪ 252 00:12:12,625 --> 00:12:14,333 - I'm done. 253 00:12:14,416 --> 00:12:16,458 I did it! Ha! 254 00:12:16,541 --> 00:12:18,666 No, no. 255 00:12:18,750 --> 00:12:20,625 We did it. 256 00:12:20,708 --> 00:12:22,250 Thank you, friends. 257 00:12:22,333 --> 00:12:23,458 - What? 258 00:12:25,083 --> 00:12:26,875 - [quietly] Fuck you. 259 00:12:28,291 --> 00:12:31,166 [breathes deeply] 260 00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,666 ♪ ♪ 261 00:12:33,750 --> 00:12:35,250 - Well, what can I say? I read it. 262 00:12:35,333 --> 00:12:36,500 We all read it. 263 00:12:36,583 --> 00:12:38,083 I think everyone in the building read it. 264 00:12:38,166 --> 00:12:40,833 - Oh, that's great. [laughs] 265 00:12:40,916 --> 00:12:43,666 - Yeah, it's fascinating, to say the least. 266 00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:45,791 Parts of it are extremely problematic. 267 00:12:45,875 --> 00:12:48,583 - Mm. - It's a very difficult read. 268 00:12:48,666 --> 00:12:49,833 - Yes. 269 00:12:49,916 --> 00:12:52,500 I--I wanted to challenge the reader. 270 00:12:52,583 --> 00:12:54,208 Good books do that. 271 00:12:54,291 --> 00:12:55,875 - No, I mean literally difficult. 272 00:12:55,958 --> 00:12:57,333 It took me eight minutes 273 00:12:57,416 --> 00:12:59,166 just to figure out how to open the lock. 274 00:12:59,250 --> 00:13:00,250 - Right. 275 00:13:00,333 --> 00:13:03,083 It's supposed to look and feel 276 00:13:03,166 --> 00:13:04,333 like a diary. 277 00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:05,666 - [chuckles] 278 00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:07,916 - But I feel like if you didn't get that, 279 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,291 then you didn't even really understand 280 00:13:10,375 --> 00:13:12,208 the book that you were reading. 281 00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,291 - Yeah, well, you know, it's unappealing. 282 00:13:14,375 --> 00:13:16,458 Right? I mean, look how ugly this is. 283 00:13:16,541 --> 00:13:17,500 [laughs] 284 00:13:17,583 --> 00:13:19,125 And very costly, I would imagine. 285 00:13:19,208 --> 00:13:21,541 I think you'd have to charge the consumer at least $65 286 00:13:21,625 --> 00:13:23,583 just to make a profit because of these materials. 287 00:13:23,666 --> 00:13:25,166 This is real leather. 288 00:13:25,250 --> 00:13:27,500 It's ugly leather, but it is real, and it's heavy. 289 00:13:27,583 --> 00:13:29,000 I mean, whoo! 290 00:13:29,083 --> 00:13:30,375 You know, you can't just carry this in your bag 291 00:13:30,458 --> 00:13:32,375 or throw it in your coat pocket. 292 00:13:32,458 --> 00:13:34,791 And also, the title, right? "Imperfect Ten." 293 00:13:34,875 --> 00:13:37,875 I don't understand. What does that mean to you? 294 00:13:37,958 --> 00:13:41,708 - Well, it means that my whole life 295 00:13:41,791 --> 00:13:43,666 has been a series of realizations 296 00:13:43,750 --> 00:13:45,916 that even though the common person 297 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,708 might think that I am a perfect ten, 298 00:13:48,791 --> 00:13:51,041 I am indeed flawed. 299 00:13:51,125 --> 00:13:52,625 I may still be a ten, 300 00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:54,500 but I am not perfect. 301 00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:56,791 - And you're just going by Chantal? 302 00:13:56,875 --> 00:13:58,416 You're a one-name person? 303 00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:00,833 - Well, if that also wasn't clear in the book, 304 00:14:00,916 --> 00:14:02,583 I hate my family, so there's, like, 305 00:14:02,666 --> 00:14:05,208 no reason for me to keep my last name anymore. 306 00:14:05,291 --> 00:14:06,958 - Okay, um, 307 00:14:07,041 --> 00:14:09,750 I don't think that you should be a writer. 308 00:14:09,833 --> 00:14:12,250 In fact, I ask you to never write again. 309 00:14:12,333 --> 00:14:14,000 This book is deranged, 310 00:14:14,083 --> 00:14:16,833 and not in a way that I can work with it. 311 00:14:16,916 --> 00:14:18,708 If I were to publish this, 312 00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:20,625 people would freak out. 313 00:14:20,708 --> 00:14:23,208 It would make the world a worse place. 314 00:14:23,291 --> 00:14:26,208 [pensive music] 315 00:14:26,291 --> 00:14:28,583 ♪ ♪ 316 00:14:28,666 --> 00:14:32,166 - But I'm the one. 317 00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:34,000 ♪ ♪ 318 00:14:34,083 --> 00:14:37,250 [panting] 319 00:14:49,041 --> 00:14:52,333 You're so stupid, Chantal! 320 00:14:55,875 --> 00:14:59,958 None of your dreams are ever gonna come true. 321 00:15:00,041 --> 00:15:05,500 You're just a stupid loser idiot! 322 00:15:05,583 --> 00:15:07,833 [spacey music] 323 00:15:07,916 --> 00:15:09,916 [cries] 324 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:14,583 ♪ ♪ 325 00:15:14,666 --> 00:15:17,041 - Get back here! [yelps] 326 00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:18,666 [woman shouts] - My God! 327 00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:20,166 - Is that a book? 328 00:15:20,250 --> 00:15:22,375 Charlie? Help! 329 00:15:22,458 --> 00:15:24,750 My friend was hit by a book! 330 00:15:24,833 --> 00:15:26,750 Where did that come from? 331 00:15:26,833 --> 00:15:29,041 Oh, God. Oh, God. 332 00:15:29,125 --> 00:15:31,166 Charlie. Oh, fuck. 333 00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:33,666 Call Lorraine. 334 00:15:33,750 --> 00:15:35,541 Oh, God. Oh, God. 335 00:15:35,625 --> 00:15:37,833 She was hit by a book! 336 00:15:37,916 --> 00:15:40,666 ♪ ♪ 337 00:15:40,750 --> 00:15:45,750 - "Imperfect Ten" by Chantal. 338 00:15:45,833 --> 00:15:49,000 I wonder what that means. 339 00:15:49,083 --> 00:15:50,166 Hmm. 340 00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:54,000 [driven classical music] 341 00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:56,708 [laughs] 342 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,541 Oh. 343 00:16:01,625 --> 00:16:06,916 ♪ ♪ 344 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,708 Listen up, everybody. 345 00:16:09,791 --> 00:16:14,291 I found a book on the street, 346 00:16:14,375 --> 00:16:17,708 and it's brilliant. 347 00:16:17,791 --> 00:16:20,208 It makes me wonder if I should've been 348 00:16:20,291 --> 00:16:23,041 scouring the streets all these years, 349 00:16:23,125 --> 00:16:25,541 looking down instead of looking up. 350 00:16:25,625 --> 00:16:27,625 Let everyone else look up! 351 00:16:27,708 --> 00:16:31,041 Now, here's the kicker about this book. 352 00:16:31,125 --> 00:16:35,541 It's written by a ten-year-old little girl. 353 00:16:35,625 --> 00:16:38,750 - Wow. - It's a work of art-- 354 00:16:38,833 --> 00:16:42,250 somewhere between self-help and a manifesto 355 00:16:42,333 --> 00:16:47,583 on how to live without shame and without awareness. 356 00:16:47,666 --> 00:16:51,791 There's a passage in the chapter "Picky Eater" 357 00:16:51,875 --> 00:16:53,458 that will break your heart. 358 00:16:53,541 --> 00:16:57,083 Whoever this little Chantal is, 359 00:16:57,166 --> 00:16:59,750 she's a genius. 360 00:16:59,833 --> 00:17:01,083 Yeah. 361 00:17:01,166 --> 00:17:04,125 [spacey percussive music] 362 00:17:04,208 --> 00:17:11,375 ♪ ♪ 363 00:17:39,166 --> 00:17:40,958 - [laughs softly] 364 00:17:41,041 --> 00:17:43,250 Are you k... 365 00:17:43,333 --> 00:17:44,875 A child? 366 00:17:47,375 --> 00:17:49,125 Wait. 367 00:17:49,208 --> 00:17:51,375 Why does it say I'm a child? 368 00:17:53,375 --> 00:17:55,958 - I'm Wilma. It's nice to meet you both. 369 00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:59,875 - I'm Helen, and this is my daughter, Chantal. 370 00:17:59,958 --> 00:18:01,625 - I'm Chantal. 371 00:18:01,708 --> 00:18:03,625 - Well, I really hope that's true, 372 00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:07,500 but there's a long line of little girls out there, 373 00:18:07,583 --> 00:18:11,125 all claiming that they wrote this book. 374 00:18:11,208 --> 00:18:13,166 So, Chantal, 375 00:18:13,250 --> 00:18:16,791 if that is in fact your name, if you wrote this book, 376 00:18:16,875 --> 00:18:20,208 you would recognize your own words, correct? 377 00:18:20,291 --> 00:18:21,541 Good. 378 00:18:21,625 --> 00:18:24,208 So I'm gonna go ahead and quote from the book, 379 00:18:24,291 --> 00:18:27,625 and I want you to finish the quote for me, 380 00:18:27,708 --> 00:18:30,541 and this way, I will know if you are indeed the author. 381 00:18:30,625 --> 00:18:32,416 Kay? 382 00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:35,000 "Life is a roller coaster. 383 00:18:35,083 --> 00:18:36,833 "Time is the tracks, 384 00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:41,083 and wisdom is the..." what? 385 00:18:44,416 --> 00:18:45,875 - Don't look at me. 386 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,208 You wrote it, Chantal. 387 00:18:48,291 --> 00:18:51,541 Wisdom is the... 388 00:18:51,625 --> 00:18:54,291 - Is the screams? 389 00:18:54,375 --> 00:18:56,625 - [sighs] Shame on you both. 390 00:18:56,708 --> 00:18:58,291 - You are such a disappointment. 391 00:18:58,375 --> 00:19:00,083 It's no wonder that your father left. 392 00:19:00,166 --> 00:19:01,833 Excuse you! 393 00:19:04,083 --> 00:19:05,875 - What? - We found her. 394 00:19:05,958 --> 00:19:07,875 - Are you sure? How can you be sure? 395 00:19:07,958 --> 00:19:09,250 - Chantal, can you repeat 396 00:19:09,333 --> 00:19:11,625 what you just said to me for Wilma? 397 00:19:11,708 --> 00:19:15,000 - The wisdom is the park map. 398 00:19:15,083 --> 00:19:16,375 - That's right. 399 00:19:16,458 --> 00:19:18,458 That's right. The wisdom is the park map. 400 00:19:18,541 --> 00:19:19,875 Give me that phone. 401 00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:23,375 Chantal, I am so, so happy 402 00:19:23,458 --> 00:19:24,958 to have found you. 403 00:19:25,041 --> 00:19:29,500 - Oh, my God, and I am so, so happy to have been found! 404 00:19:29,583 --> 00:19:31,375 [laughs] - Oh, Chantal. 405 00:19:31,458 --> 00:19:33,958 I don't know if you understand 406 00:19:34,041 --> 00:19:35,958 what you did, 407 00:19:36,041 --> 00:19:39,583 but you have basically written the Bible! 408 00:19:39,666 --> 00:19:40,625 - [laughs] 409 00:19:40,708 --> 00:19:42,375 - This thing is a manifesto 410 00:19:42,458 --> 00:19:46,750 on how to be a fully realized human being 411 00:19:46,833 --> 00:19:49,083 at the age of ten. 412 00:19:49,166 --> 00:19:53,250 I mean, no one has ever done that before. 413 00:19:53,333 --> 00:19:55,875 - Thank you so much. 414 00:19:55,958 --> 00:19:57,625 Um... 415 00:19:57,708 --> 00:19:59,083 The only thing is that I-- 416 00:19:59,166 --> 00:20:02,208 - I mean, I sobbed hysterically. 417 00:20:02,291 --> 00:20:05,791 I cried for the little girl I was. 418 00:20:05,875 --> 00:20:10,958 I cried for the girl I never got to be. 419 00:20:11,041 --> 00:20:14,083 This is a masterpiece. I mean it. 420 00:20:14,166 --> 00:20:16,791 I suppose it would mean nothing if an adult wrote it, 421 00:20:16,875 --> 00:20:19,458 but you wrote it, 422 00:20:19,541 --> 00:20:21,333 and I need you to be on my show. 423 00:20:21,416 --> 00:20:22,750 How does that sound? 424 00:20:22,833 --> 00:20:26,291 I want the world to love you as much as I do. 425 00:20:26,958 --> 00:20:28,500 - Oh, my God. 426 00:20:32,041 --> 00:20:33,666 Okay. 427 00:20:33,750 --> 00:20:35,125 Okay, okay! 428 00:20:35,208 --> 00:20:37,125 Yes! Yes, I will! 429 00:20:37,208 --> 00:20:39,666 - Yes, yes! She said yes. 430 00:20:39,750 --> 00:20:41,583 Chantal! 431 00:20:41,666 --> 00:20:44,750 - [giggling] Yes! 432 00:20:44,833 --> 00:20:46,833 [mischievous orchestral music] 433 00:20:46,916 --> 00:20:49,291 - This is Chantal. Leave a beep. [laughs] 434 00:20:49,375 --> 00:20:51,750 [answering machine tone] - Shit. 435 00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:54,666 [sighs] 436 00:20:54,750 --> 00:20:56,000 - Where's Chantal? 437 00:20:56,083 --> 00:20:57,833 I want to meet her before we go on the air. 438 00:20:57,916 --> 00:20:59,666 - I have been trying her all day, 439 00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:01,375 and I'm--I'm gonna get her. 440 00:21:01,458 --> 00:21:02,958 - This is Chantal. 441 00:21:03,041 --> 00:21:04,708 Leave a beep. [laughs] [answering machine tone] 442 00:21:04,791 --> 00:21:06,500 - Chantal, honey. I'm hoping you're close. 443 00:21:06,583 --> 00:21:09,375 Please have your parents call me back when they get this. 444 00:21:09,458 --> 00:21:11,166 Wilma, I know you don't want to hear this, 445 00:21:11,250 --> 00:21:13,250 but I would consider doing an audience share circle 446 00:21:13,333 --> 00:21:14,500 as a backup just in case she doesn't-- 447 00:21:14,583 --> 00:21:15,666 - No. 448 00:21:15,750 --> 00:21:17,208 I promised my audience Chantal, 449 00:21:17,291 --> 00:21:19,083 and I'm going to give them Chantal. 450 00:21:19,166 --> 00:21:20,375 That's my job. 451 00:21:20,458 --> 00:21:22,458 Your job is to make sure she gets here. 452 00:21:22,541 --> 00:21:23,916 - Show starts in five. 453 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,250 - I'm gonna go out there, 454 00:21:25,333 --> 00:21:27,083 and I'm going to introduce Chantal, 455 00:21:27,166 --> 00:21:29,500 and I expect for her to come on stage 456 00:21:29,583 --> 00:21:31,333 the moment I call her, got it? 457 00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:33,208 - [muttering indistinctly] 458 00:21:33,291 --> 00:21:35,541 [mischievous music] 459 00:21:35,625 --> 00:21:39,500 [phone buzzing] 460 00:21:39,583 --> 00:21:40,875 - Hello? 461 00:21:40,958 --> 00:21:42,541 - Chantal! Are you close? 462 00:21:42,625 --> 00:21:46,166 - Yeah, I'm in a cab. I'm, like, three blocks away. 463 00:21:46,250 --> 00:21:47,833 - Sweetie, could you please 464 00:21:47,916 --> 00:21:49,458 put one of your parents on the phone? 465 00:21:49,541 --> 00:21:52,541 I just want to check that you're actually close. 466 00:21:52,625 --> 00:21:56,000 - Oh, wait. Look, yeah, here we are. 467 00:21:56,083 --> 00:21:57,541 We're here. 468 00:21:57,625 --> 00:22:00,041 We're--we're--we're pulling up to the curb. 469 00:22:00,125 --> 00:22:02,833 We're--we're getting out. Thank you. 470 00:22:02,916 --> 00:22:04,666 We're just paying the driver, so... 471 00:22:04,750 --> 00:22:05,708 - Oh, thank God. 472 00:22:05,791 --> 00:22:07,041 Okay, there's unfortunately 473 00:22:07,125 --> 00:22:08,375 not enough time for you to meet Wilma 474 00:22:08,458 --> 00:22:10,041 before the show, but don't worry. 475 00:22:10,125 --> 00:22:11,500 We're gonna prep you about everything you need to do 476 00:22:11,583 --> 00:22:13,375 once you get here, so hurry, Chantal. 477 00:22:13,458 --> 00:22:14,791 Run. 478 00:22:14,875 --> 00:22:22,083 ♪ ♪ 479 00:22:24,375 --> 00:22:27,166 - [sighs] Okay. 480 00:22:27,250 --> 00:22:30,750 ♪ ♪ 481 00:22:30,833 --> 00:22:32,000 - All right, y'all. 482 00:22:32,083 --> 00:22:34,083 When that applause light comes on, 483 00:22:34,166 --> 00:22:36,166 I want y'all to lose your damn minds. 484 00:22:36,250 --> 00:22:37,583 You hear me? Right. 485 00:22:37,666 --> 00:22:39,083 As long as that light is on, don't stop. 486 00:22:39,166 --> 00:22:41,250 Keep going, keep clapping. That's right. 487 00:22:41,333 --> 00:22:43,708 And you are not allowed to stop applauding 488 00:22:43,791 --> 00:22:45,583 as long as that light is on. 489 00:22:45,666 --> 00:22:47,000 Okay? Okay? 490 00:22:47,083 --> 00:22:48,833 Okay? Okay? Yeah. 491 00:22:48,916 --> 00:22:50,083 All right. 492 00:22:50,166 --> 00:22:51,458 [laughter] All right, here we go. 493 00:22:51,541 --> 00:22:53,583 Let's practice. Show 'em that light. 494 00:22:53,666 --> 00:22:55,416 ♪ ♪ 495 00:22:55,500 --> 00:22:58,541 [cheers and applause] 496 00:22:58,625 --> 00:23:02,750 ♪ ♪ 497 00:23:02,833 --> 00:23:04,458 That's what I'm talking--yes! Yes! 498 00:23:04,541 --> 00:23:05,791 Even more. Even more. 499 00:23:05,875 --> 00:23:06,958 I can feel it. You got some more in you. 500 00:23:07,041 --> 00:23:08,291 I want to make it sound like 501 00:23:08,375 --> 00:23:09,458 the animals just broke out of the zoo! 502 00:23:09,541 --> 00:23:10,416 Give it to me! 503 00:23:10,500 --> 00:23:11,875 Ooh, Lord have mercy. 504 00:23:11,958 --> 00:23:15,416 [wild cheers and applause] 505 00:23:15,500 --> 00:23:20,250 ♪ ♪ 506 00:23:20,333 --> 00:23:21,833 - Okay. 507 00:23:21,916 --> 00:23:23,416 Hello. 508 00:23:23,500 --> 00:23:25,791 Um, I'm Chantal. 509 00:23:25,875 --> 00:23:28,291 - But--are you her mom? 510 00:23:28,375 --> 00:23:32,958 - No. I'm...her. 511 00:23:33,041 --> 00:23:34,791 - But you're old. 512 00:23:34,875 --> 00:23:37,291 - I'm 29. That's hardly old. 513 00:23:37,375 --> 00:23:38,791 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 514 00:23:38,875 --> 00:23:40,500 I can't believe this. - We're about to go live. 515 00:23:40,583 --> 00:23:42,541 - [whispers] She's not a child. She's an adult. 516 00:23:42,625 --> 00:23:44,458 ♪ ♪ 517 00:23:44,541 --> 00:23:46,625 - Oh, Jesus. Oh, no. 518 00:23:46,708 --> 00:23:49,166 Oh, no. We have to tell her. 519 00:23:49,250 --> 00:23:51,000 We can't let this woman 520 00:23:51,083 --> 00:23:52,791 go out there on live television. 521 00:23:52,875 --> 00:23:54,500 - Well, I can't tell her. Wilma will kill me. 522 00:23:54,583 --> 00:23:57,250 She will actually kill me. You tell her. 523 00:23:57,333 --> 00:23:59,500 - I absolutely am not gonna tell her. 524 00:23:59,583 --> 00:24:02,000 I can't lose my job, Frankie. You do it. 525 00:24:02,083 --> 00:24:03,333 ♪ ♪ 526 00:24:03,416 --> 00:24:05,000 - I quit. 527 00:24:05,083 --> 00:24:06,791 I quit. 528 00:24:06,875 --> 00:24:13,541 ♪ ♪ 529 00:24:13,625 --> 00:24:16,583 [upbeat music playing] 530 00:24:16,666 --> 00:24:19,500 ♪ ♪ 531 00:24:19,583 --> 00:24:23,000 - And now I have the honor of introducing 532 00:24:23,083 --> 00:24:25,750 a very special guest-- 533 00:24:25,833 --> 00:24:28,583 a hero, a friend, 534 00:24:28,666 --> 00:24:30,541 a child. 535 00:24:30,625 --> 00:24:31,791 Chantal! 536 00:24:31,875 --> 00:24:35,083 [cheers and applause] 537 00:24:44,083 --> 00:24:46,125 Do we have her? 538 00:24:48,125 --> 00:24:50,000 Oh, maybe she's shy. 539 00:24:50,083 --> 00:24:51,875 You know how kids are. 540 00:24:51,958 --> 00:24:54,166 Even prodigies get shy. 541 00:24:54,250 --> 00:24:56,750 Let's make her feel welcome. 542 00:24:56,833 --> 00:24:58,375 Chantal! Chantal! 543 00:24:58,458 --> 00:25:01,750 [all chanting] Chantal! Chantal! Chantal! 544 00:25:16,250 --> 00:25:18,125 [chanting fades] 545 00:25:18,208 --> 00:25:21,708 [audience murmuring] 546 00:25:21,791 --> 00:25:23,500 - I'm sorry. What's happening? 547 00:25:25,125 --> 00:25:26,916 - I'm Chantal. 548 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:30,041 - I don't think so. No. 549 00:25:30,125 --> 00:25:31,250 Frankie? 550 00:25:31,333 --> 00:25:33,625 Frankie, who is this adult woman? 551 00:25:33,708 --> 00:25:35,250 - I--I can explain. 552 00:25:35,333 --> 00:25:37,916 - I hope you can explain where Chantal is. 553 00:25:38,708 --> 00:25:41,041 - She's right here. 554 00:25:43,916 --> 00:25:46,958 Ten years old or not, my book spoke to you. 555 00:25:47,041 --> 00:25:48,291 Right? 556 00:25:48,375 --> 00:25:50,041 You had an emotional experience, 557 00:25:50,125 --> 00:25:53,083 and that's--that's really all that we can ask for in life, 558 00:25:53,166 --> 00:25:56,625 is an emotional experience that--that changes us. 559 00:25:57,458 --> 00:25:58,500 - Fuck you. 560 00:25:58,583 --> 00:26:00,041 [all gasp] 561 00:26:01,750 --> 00:26:03,375 - I'm sorry. 562 00:26:03,458 --> 00:26:07,791 I have not used that word in 35 years, 563 00:26:07,875 --> 00:26:10,375 but I'm so full of rage right now! 564 00:26:10,458 --> 00:26:13,041 You tricked me to receive acclaim. 565 00:26:13,125 --> 00:26:14,500 - I didn't mean to. 566 00:26:14,583 --> 00:26:16,458 I truly was just trying to find my purpose, 567 00:26:16,541 --> 00:26:19,625 like, you know, a sense of belonging in the world, 568 00:26:19,708 --> 00:26:22,541 and isn't that what we all want? 569 00:26:22,625 --> 00:26:24,291 Wilma, even you? 570 00:26:24,375 --> 00:26:28,625 Some sign that we're, like, even here on this Earth 571 00:26:28,708 --> 00:26:30,583 for a reason? 572 00:26:30,666 --> 00:26:32,500 So maybe I'm not ten. 573 00:26:32,583 --> 00:26:34,833 Maybe I haven't been ten for 19 years, 574 00:26:34,916 --> 00:26:38,708 but I know what it is to have your heart stomped on, 575 00:26:38,791 --> 00:26:40,416 and I know what it is to feel like 576 00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:42,166 the whole world is against you, 577 00:26:42,250 --> 00:26:45,083 because you know what, Wilma? 578 00:26:45,166 --> 00:26:47,875 I am Chantal. 579 00:26:50,541 --> 00:26:53,666 [applause] 580 00:27:04,416 --> 00:27:07,458 [cheers and applause] 581 00:27:07,541 --> 00:27:10,250 - Stop it. Stop clapping. 582 00:27:10,333 --> 00:27:11,458 Don't clap! 583 00:27:11,541 --> 00:27:13,500 Everybody, stop clapping for her. 584 00:27:13,583 --> 00:27:15,416 - No, let them. 585 00:27:15,500 --> 00:27:19,208 They want to. They know what's good. 586 00:27:19,291 --> 00:27:23,416 [applause continues] 587 00:27:23,500 --> 00:27:25,000 - She's a fraud. 588 00:27:25,083 --> 00:27:27,000 Stop clapping, everybody! 589 00:27:27,083 --> 00:27:30,250 I will not stand for this kind of entitlement 590 00:27:30,333 --> 00:27:31,958 on my stage. 591 00:27:32,041 --> 00:27:33,250 This is preposterous. 592 00:27:33,333 --> 00:27:35,708 Who do you think you are? 593 00:27:35,791 --> 00:27:38,708 - Honestly... 594 00:27:38,791 --> 00:27:40,208 myself. 595 00:27:40,291 --> 00:27:41,666 [dark music] 596 00:27:41,750 --> 00:27:46,166 Honestly, myself. 597 00:27:46,250 --> 00:27:47,750 - [gasps] 598 00:27:47,833 --> 00:27:50,541 - Honestly, myself. 599 00:27:50,625 --> 00:27:51,875 - Not guilty. 600 00:27:51,958 --> 00:27:54,583 - Honestly... 601 00:27:54,666 --> 00:27:56,208 myself. 602 00:27:56,291 --> 00:27:59,083 Honestly, 603 00:27:59,166 --> 00:28:00,125 myself. 604 00:28:00,208 --> 00:28:01,333 [woman shouts] 605 00:28:01,416 --> 00:28:03,916 Honestly, myself. 606 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:07,166 Honestly, myself. 607 00:28:07,250 --> 00:28:08,541 [Taser zapping] 608 00:28:08,625 --> 00:28:10,125 Honestly, myself. 609 00:28:10,208 --> 00:28:12,958 - Chantal, who are you hiding from? 610 00:28:13,041 --> 00:28:14,958 - Honestly, 611 00:28:15,041 --> 00:28:17,458 myself. 612 00:28:17,541 --> 00:28:19,541 - [screams] 613 00:28:19,625 --> 00:28:22,541 [eerie music] 614 00:28:22,625 --> 00:28:29,791 ♪ ♪ 615 00:29:02,416 --> 00:29:03,875 - [coughs]