♪♪
♪ Look at that sun Look at that sky
♪ Look at my sweater vest I look so fly
♪ Look at that mailbox Look at that tree
♪ It's about as beautiful as it can be
♪ Whoa
♪ Today is gonna be exceptional
♪ Never boring even for a minute
♪ It's my world and we're all livin' in it
♪ Whoa, whoa
♪ Never boring even for a minute
♪ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ♪
Uh-oh. We got a substitute.
MILO: What's the matter with a substitute?
ZACK: Nothing per se.
It all depends on what type you get.
What do you mean?
ZACK: Well, you get your "try-too-hards."
Have some candy! Please like me!
ZACK: And your "drill sergeants."
You! I'm gonna call you Brooklyn.
You from Brooklyn? No, sir!
That's why it's gonna stick!
Well, let's see what we got this time.
Good morning, students, I'm Ms. Baxter, your substitute teacher.
But can I really call myself a teacher?
Will I be able to teach you anything in this brief interval
where our lives overlap?
And if I did, how would I ever know?
Oh. I forgot the third one.
"The discouraged burnout."
MELISSA: Nice likeness. ZACK: Thanks.
You know, I never thought about it before, but being a substitute must be hard.
Maybe if I... Careful, Milo.
Remember the last time you "maybe if I"-ed?
They had to call in the National Guard.
I know! I got to hold a grenade launcher.
Today I'll show you this moderately accurate movie about exothermic reactions.
MILO: Excuse me, Ms. Baxter?
Our school doesn't have the most up-to-date audio-visual equipment.
Do you have anything that'll play on this?
It's called a zoetrope.
We also have a horse jumping and one of a fish.
And no one can figure out what this one is.
Well, I guess that means I'll have to teach.
You there, boy with the kind eyes, you're my teacher's aide for the day.
Cool! These glasses really work.
Um, Ms. Baxter, you might want to put on your safety goggles and take a step back.
Like, maybe all the way to Canada.
Ah! We're here.
Do you have the special pistachio tree fertilizer from the future?
Yeah, I got it. It's heavy too.
Now, all we have to do is find that pistachio plant.
Why are we in a closet?
I don't know. The Quantum Localizer musta glitched again.
(BEEPING) (POWERING DOWN)
(GROANS) It's dead.
And now we don't know where we are, or when!
How are we going to recharge this?
Go outside and see if they've discovered electricity yet.
And that is how a zoetrope works.
Apparently.
You're not gonna like this.
What? I think we're in the 1800's.
What! They got a zoetrope out there.
But, you know, they also had fluorescent lights.
So, maybe we're just in a public school.
All right. It'll only take a minute to charge, so let's find an outlet.
But we must not call attention to ourselves.
Well, the next thing I'm supposed to "teach"
is the three phases of matter. (DOOR OPENING)
Solid... (CREAKING)
(CREAKING CONTINUES)
The three phases of matter.
Solid, liquid...
(CREAKING RESUMES)
Solid, liquid and gas.
To demonstrate, Milo will mix together baking soda, a solid,
and vinegar, a liquid, to produce carbon dioxide gas.
Okay, everyone, goggles on.
Right. You don't need goggles for this.
Flak vests too.
Okay. Let's get started!
GIRL: Duck and cover!
(CLATTERING)
Now's my chance to retrieve the Quantum Localizer!
It should be charged by now. (GASPS)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(CLATTERING CONTINUES)
BOY: May I be excused from this extended physical comedy bit?
Vinegar and baking soda can't catch on fire!
That's impossible. It's endothermic.
Yeah, uh, strange things happen around Milo.
Spooky things.
Other worldly th... Chad.
MELISSA: What have I told you about rising up from under my desk?
CHAD: Not to do it?
All charged up.
Time to save that pistachio plant. (BEEPS)
(VIBRATES) Hey, Melissa, let's hit the new mall after school.
I hear it's totally steep!
I don't think this is our Quantum Localizer.
So where is it?
(BEEPING)
Young lady.
Just because you have a substitute doesn't mean you can text during class.
But that's not my phone. That just made a weird noise...
How do you turn this thing off?
(MUSIC PLAYS)
♪ Substitute science teacher in space
♪ Can you teach them in the brief interval where your lives overlap?
♪ How will you ever know-oo-ooh?
♪ Science teacher in space... ♪
(SCREAMING)
Uh, Ms. Baxter, your...
Your hair's a little messed up.
Really? That's what jumped out at you about that whole thing?
You're in charge.
Okay, polymerization.
Hmm, that sounds advanced.
I'm gonna need an assistant.
Any volunteers?
Everyone's looking at me, aren't they?
Okay, as soon as the coast is clear,
we've got to switch it back for the Quantum Localizer.
And we've got to check out that new mall, apparently.
Give me that!
Okay, Zack, just one more thing.
Duck and cover?
Actually, that's two things, so I guess three more things.
We need to add six grams of diaminohexane.
Careful, it's very volatile.
Uh-oh. This isn't diaminohexane, is it?
I just said it was.
I thought you said diaminohexene.
Diaminohexane makes me sneeze.
How could you possibly know that?
When I was a kid, I had this chemistry set and I... (SNEEZES)
(ALL GASP)
Chemical spill! Everyone panic! I'll start!
(SCREAMING)
GIRL: Oh, my gosh! We're all gonna die!
Just pour some chemical absorbent on it.
There's probably some in the closet.
I'll get it.
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
(WHISPERS) Do you think he noticed us?
Ms. Baxter? I don't think it's working.
The chemical absorbent will neutralize the spill.
Uh, does neutralize mean the same thing in science class
that it does in English class?
ZACK: Oh, this can't be good.
Maybe it's a friendly blob.
Wha... (GROANS)
Hey, Milo? Yeah?
It's not a friendly blob.
It's got my ponytail!
Joni, that's just the pencil sharpener.
Oh.
(GRUNTING)
I'm already pretending this didn't happen.
Thank you. (GROANS)
But now look! Now! Guys!
Ms. Baxter, it's texting in class! (PHONE BEEPING)
Nice head-lock, Mort.
I hope this is his head.
(GRUNTS)
Is this one in the three states of matter?
If we don't retrieve the Quantum Localizer,
we'll never be able to save that pistachio... (KNOCKING)
Excuse me.
(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
Ah, yes. Who was it?
It was a sentient blob.
A sentient blob? That's impossible.
You'd need to mix diaminohexane
with pistachio tree fertilizer from the future...
Like the one we just brought.
Oh.
(BOTH GRUNT)
CAVENDISH: I have the localizer. Let's go!
Oh, no, it's got me! Leggo!
(SCREAMS)
Oh! What is it?
We don't know. It's not quite a liquid and not quite a solid.
Wait a minute! The three phases of matter.
We can turn it into a solid.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Hey, blob! Chill.
Here, Zack!
Get down!
Well, that could've gone better. (GRUNTS)
I do not remember science class being so action-packed.
(BEEPING)
Oh, no! According to this, the danger to our pistachio plant is getting closer.
Quickly, Dakota, to the courtyard!
(SNIFFING)
(EXCLAIMING) No, no, no, no!
Get out of here, you beast.
Well, there you go.
Our first successful mission.
Oh, nuts.
(IN A DEEP VOICE) Now everything's cool.
You gonna keep talking like that?
Thinkin' about it.
I'm sorry that today... (CLEARS THROAT)
(IN NORMAL VOICE) I'm sorry today was so terrible, Ms. Baxter.
Milo, I went through a wormhole into deep space
and I was juggled by a sentient blob.
"Terrible" isn't the word for it.
Yeah, I guess not.
"Awesome" is the word!
Really? Why?
Because you actually learned the three phases of matter in my class!
(MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ Solid, liquid and gas ♪
I taught you something!
Well, it's just like my dad says.
"All's well that ends with a sentient blob
"making a teacher remember why she loves teaching!"
MS. BAXTER: Wow, your dad's sayings are weirdly specific.
(BUBBLING)
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ♪