1 00:00:02,437 --> 00:00:08,051 [Jughead] The year is 1955, and nothing like this had ever happened in Riverdale. 2 00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:11,402 One of our own, Ethel Muggs, had stumbled into the sock hop, 3 00:00:11,402 --> 00:00:14,710 covered in, we would soon find out, her parents' blood. 4 00:00:14,710 --> 00:00:17,669 Both were dead, stabbed multiple times. 5 00:00:21,064 --> 00:00:22,326 [door opens] 6 00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:24,198 [Alice] Oh... 7 00:00:24,198 --> 00:00:25,721 What did Ethel say? 8 00:00:25,721 --> 00:00:26,983 Did she see the killer? 9 00:00:26,983 --> 00:00:28,637 Well, your friend's keeping mum, 10 00:00:28,637 --> 00:00:30,465 but she claims 11 00:00:30,465 --> 00:00:33,294 that the milkman killed her parents. 12 00:00:34,991 --> 00:00:36,471 Willie? 13 00:00:36,471 --> 00:00:38,690 He's 70 years old. [scoffs] 14 00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:40,170 He is. 15 00:00:40,170 --> 00:00:41,563 Well, are you going to bring him in for questioning? 16 00:00:41,563 --> 00:00:44,218 It's late and Willie could use his rest, 17 00:00:44,218 --> 00:00:46,133 so we'll, uh... We'll talk to him tomorrow 18 00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:47,743 after he's done his morning deliveries. 19 00:00:48,744 --> 00:00:51,529 It's tragic, yes. 20 00:00:51,529 --> 00:00:53,488 But why bring her here, Alice? 21 00:00:53,488 --> 00:00:55,664 She has nowhere else to go, Hal. 22 00:00:56,447 --> 00:00:58,580 Her parents are dead. 23 00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:02,018 It's the least we can do for her, don't you think? 24 00:01:02,018 --> 00:01:03,454 Think how this will affect Betty. 25 00:01:03,454 --> 00:01:05,587 That's all I ever think about, 26 00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:07,415 is the well-being of this family. 27 00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:10,418 Which is more than I can say for you. 28 00:01:11,288 --> 00:01:12,289 [sighs] 29 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:21,646 We're gonna make up my sister's old room for you. 30 00:01:23,648 --> 00:01:26,129 Here are some fresh towels. 31 00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:29,567 If you need anything at any point, just come find me. 32 00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:30,525 Okay? 33 00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:35,617 I don't know what else they want me to say. 34 00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:36,574 [sniffles] 35 00:01:40,012 --> 00:01:43,712 It's... It's almost like they think that maybe I... 36 00:01:43,712 --> 00:01:45,670 Ethel, is there anyone who saw you 37 00:01:45,670 --> 00:01:47,324 before you went back to your house? 38 00:01:48,934 --> 00:01:51,807 Anyone who could be an alibi? 39 00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:55,463 No. 40 00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:58,509 No, I was alone. 41 00:02:01,686 --> 00:02:03,688 I'm so sorry that this happened to you. 42 00:02:04,515 --> 00:02:06,822 Please try to rest, okay? 43 00:02:11,914 --> 00:02:12,828 We're here for you. 44 00:02:15,352 --> 00:02:17,180 Whatever you need. 45 00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:19,791 [Jughead] But Betty's entreaties did little to comfort Ethel, 46 00:02:19,791 --> 00:02:22,272 who didn't say another word that night. 47 00:02:22,272 --> 00:02:24,622 Which only added to the mystery. 48 00:02:24,622 --> 00:02:26,363 Is Ethel hiding something? 49 00:02:26,363 --> 00:02:29,497 And why did her milkman story sound so familiar to me? 50 00:02:32,935 --> 00:02:37,200 ♪ Listen to the winds From the desert's Burning waste ♪ 51 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:42,205 ♪ Hear the words in a fire When it crackles to you ♪ 52 00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:44,512 ♪ The devil is a woman ♪ 53 00:02:44,512 --> 00:02:46,688 ♪ A red-headed woman ♪ 54 00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:49,343 ♪ A fiery headed woman ♪ 55 00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:51,954 ♪ Taboo ♪ 56 00:02:51,954 --> 00:02:56,480 It is high time that you got yourself a boyfriend, Cheryl. 57 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:59,048 Mother, I don't have time for boys. 58 00:02:59,048 --> 00:03:01,398 - I'm far too busy. - Doing what? 59 00:03:01,398 --> 00:03:03,705 - Painting naked ladies? - Mother! 60 00:03:03,705 --> 00:03:06,273 What nerve? That's homework for art class! 61 00:03:08,144 --> 00:03:09,841 You could help, you know? 62 00:03:09,841 --> 00:03:13,671 Isn't there some nice, normal boy you could introduce her to? 63 00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:17,414 I'm just worried she's, uh... 64 00:03:17,414 --> 00:03:21,288 developing unnatural proclivities, shall we say? 65 00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:23,377 What are you talking about, Mom? 66 00:03:23,377 --> 00:03:27,946 Find your sister a suitable match, immediately. 67 00:03:27,946 --> 00:03:29,513 Do I make myself clear? 68 00:03:37,608 --> 00:03:39,915 That was quite the scene at the sock hop. 69 00:03:41,438 --> 00:03:42,744 Do you know that poor girl? 70 00:03:42,744 --> 00:03:43,875 Not really. 71 00:03:43,875 --> 00:03:45,225 I mean, she's Ethel. She kind of... 72 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,618 She kind of keeps to herself. 73 00:03:47,618 --> 00:03:52,797 Well, not to pivot gracelessly, but... 74 00:03:52,797 --> 00:03:56,410 Listen, Archie, I'm really sorry we got off on the wrong foot. 75 00:03:57,585 --> 00:04:00,022 Could we maybe try again? 76 00:04:02,503 --> 00:04:04,461 I... I really appreciate the apology. 77 00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:07,812 Look, the truth is, Veronica, 78 00:04:07,812 --> 00:04:10,162 I just... I don't think we're a good match. 79 00:04:10,162 --> 00:04:12,513 I mean, you're too much of a handful for a guy like me. 80 00:04:18,649 --> 00:04:20,129 [sighs] 81 00:04:20,129 --> 00:04:21,957 What happened to the Muggs family is a tragedy. 82 00:04:23,741 --> 00:04:25,569 It's all the children are talking about. 83 00:04:26,962 --> 00:04:28,833 The parents are calling. 84 00:04:28,833 --> 00:04:31,488 Asking how we plan to address this situation. 85 00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:35,579 Well, I believe the most prudent course of action is to simply carry on 86 00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:38,103 with the week's preapproved lesson plans. 87 00:04:38,103 --> 00:04:38,974 Yes! 88 00:04:40,497 --> 00:04:43,326 What's on the docket this week, Ms. Bell? 89 00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:46,198 Well, in fact, the juniors are scheduled 90 00:04:46,198 --> 00:04:50,594 to have their PTA-approved sexual education lecture. 91 00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:52,509 But we could postpone it. 92 00:04:52,509 --> 00:04:56,252 On the contrary, I will give the lecture myself. 93 00:04:56,252 --> 00:04:59,429 Splendid idea, Dr. Werthers. 94 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,779 Business as usual. 95 00:05:02,998 --> 00:05:03,912 That's the ticket. 96 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:13,008 Tough luck about Veronica, chum. 97 00:05:13,008 --> 00:05:15,010 I guess it wasn't in the cards for you two. 98 00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:18,056 Yeah, I guess not. 99 00:05:18,056 --> 00:05:19,797 It's probably for the best. 100 00:05:19,797 --> 00:05:23,061 I mean, girls like Veronica run hot and cold 101 00:05:23,061 --> 00:05:26,500 and it takes a certain kind of man to ride that roller-coaster. 102 00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:29,024 - A man like you, I'm guessing? - Pretty much. 103 00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:31,505 But if you're hankering for a steady girlfriend, 104 00:05:31,505 --> 00:05:32,897 Cheryl's available. 105 00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:33,898 Cheryl? 106 00:05:36,074 --> 00:05:38,076 Thanks, but no thanks. 107 00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:39,339 Why not? 108 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,862 You don't think my sister is a honey? 109 00:05:40,862 --> 00:05:43,560 [scoffs] No, I mean, come on, Chery's gorgeous. 110 00:05:45,301 --> 00:05:46,824 - But... - But what? 111 00:05:46,824 --> 00:05:49,697 Well, she's always seemed a little standoffish to me. 112 00:05:49,697 --> 00:05:51,960 I mean, I've never seen her with a steady boyfriend or anything. 113 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:55,659 She's had boyfriends. College guys, mostly. 114 00:05:55,659 --> 00:05:57,966 You know what they say about girls who like older men, right? 115 00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:00,534 No, what... 116 00:06:01,404 --> 00:06:03,058 What do they say? 117 00:06:03,058 --> 00:06:04,538 They're a lot more... 118 00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:09,499 open-minded than most high school girls 119 00:06:09,499 --> 00:06:11,371 if you catch my drift. 120 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,416 You take Cheryl out, 121 00:06:13,416 --> 00:06:14,983 you're made in the shade, daddio. 122 00:06:16,637 --> 00:06:18,421 Something tells me she'd... 123 00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:20,380 really go for a stud like you. 124 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,511 [chuckles] 125 00:06:22,773 --> 00:06:24,558 Think about it at least. 126 00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:39,877 [jazz music playing] 127 00:06:48,103 --> 00:06:49,844 Hey, Blossom, wait up. 128 00:06:51,585 --> 00:06:53,325 What is it, Serpentina? 129 00:06:53,325 --> 00:06:55,719 I'm putting on a little performance at the Dark Room tonight. 130 00:06:55,719 --> 00:06:58,461 And I have a feeling it might razz your berries. 131 00:07:00,855 --> 00:07:03,684 Kindly mark me down as a definitive, "No, thank you." 132 00:07:04,162 --> 00:07:05,468 Ta-ta. 133 00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:09,516 [Lizzo chuckles] 134 00:07:09,516 --> 00:07:12,649 Think same old Topaz always going after the straight-laced square girls. 135 00:07:12,649 --> 00:07:14,434 You know there's no future there for you, right? 136 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,436 I'm not so sure about that, Lizzo. 137 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,785 What's your problem, Topaz? 138 00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:20,614 Am I too much woman for you? 139 00:07:20,614 --> 00:07:22,572 My problem with you 140 00:07:22,572 --> 00:07:25,183 is that you're a high school dropout and you're too territorial. 141 00:07:26,358 --> 00:07:27,708 But I'll see you at the Dark Room. 142 00:07:27,708 --> 00:07:29,623 And what makes you think I'm going? 143 00:07:29,623 --> 00:07:31,581 Get over yourself, Lizzo. 144 00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:33,148 I know you wouldn't miss it. 145 00:07:38,109 --> 00:07:38,980 [engine starts] 146 00:07:47,945 --> 00:07:48,946 [exhales] 147 00:07:48,946 --> 00:07:50,861 Kevin, you okay? 148 00:07:51,688 --> 00:07:54,169 You seem a little froggy. 149 00:07:54,169 --> 00:07:56,563 You know, jumpy, kind of like you're avoiding someone. 150 00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:59,957 No, uh... I just... I had too much Highpoint this morning. 151 00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:01,002 It's okay, Kevin. 152 00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,354 What are you doing tonight? 153 00:08:05,354 --> 00:08:07,051 Do you want to come to an open mic at the Dark Room? 154 00:08:08,836 --> 00:08:10,490 A bunch of us hepcats are performing. 155 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,496 Um... 156 00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:18,585 The Dark Room, 157 00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:20,500 isn't that the beatnik hangout? 158 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,981 It's a coffeehouse, Kevin. 159 00:08:28,203 --> 00:08:29,247 Do you have plans or not? 160 00:08:31,293 --> 00:08:33,817 I was going to maybe see The Seven Year Itch with Betty. 161 00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:38,822 But she might like going to the Dark Room. 162 00:08:38,822 --> 00:08:39,954 She won't regret it. 163 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,609 And... 164 00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:47,135 neither will you. 165 00:08:47,135 --> 00:08:49,398 [chuckles softly] 166 00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:55,099 ♪ I wish I didn't love you so ♪ 167 00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:58,494 [door opens] 168 00:08:58,494 --> 00:09:00,540 Cheryl, I've been looking for you. 169 00:09:02,237 --> 00:09:03,194 Cool painting. 170 00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:07,547 Why, pray tell, have you been searching for moi? 171 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:08,983 Um... 172 00:09:08,983 --> 00:09:11,376 What are you... What are you doing tonight? 173 00:09:11,376 --> 00:09:14,118 I was wondering if you wanted to go see The Seven Year Itch with me at the Babylonium? 174 00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:17,426 I have already seen it and found it egregiously overrated. 175 00:09:17,426 --> 00:09:18,949 Oh, okay. Well-- 176 00:09:18,949 --> 00:09:22,779 However, there is an event at the Dark Room tonight. 177 00:09:22,779 --> 00:09:24,607 Some sort of poetry reading. 178 00:09:24,607 --> 00:09:28,263 I wasn't going to attend in fear of being slimed by a greaser. 179 00:09:28,263 --> 00:09:31,832 But with the proper escort, I might relent. 180 00:09:31,832 --> 00:09:33,921 - Poetry reading? - Hmm. 181 00:09:33,921 --> 00:09:36,401 Well, I've actually just started writing poetry myself. 182 00:09:36,401 --> 00:09:38,621 How peachy keen for you. 183 00:09:38,621 --> 00:09:39,753 Pick me up at 7:00? 184 00:09:55,551 --> 00:09:56,770 Hey, doll face. 185 00:09:56,770 --> 00:09:58,641 Wanna go to the Babylonium tonight? 186 00:09:58,641 --> 00:10:00,774 The Seven Year Itch is playing. 187 00:10:00,774 --> 00:10:02,297 Drop dead, Julian. 188 00:10:02,297 --> 00:10:04,342 You know, if you're still pining after Andrews, 189 00:10:04,342 --> 00:10:05,866 don't hold your breath. 190 00:10:05,866 --> 00:10:07,868 Word on the street is he's going to something 191 00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:09,609 at the beatnik bar tonight with Cheryl. 192 00:10:14,788 --> 00:10:17,138 I want to go. To the Dark Room. 193 00:10:17,138 --> 00:10:19,836 I didn't know you were into the whole beatnik scene. 194 00:10:19,836 --> 00:10:22,534 Oh, I'm into a lot of scenes, Julian. 195 00:10:22,534 --> 00:10:23,797 Pick me up at 8:00. 196 00:10:28,540 --> 00:10:30,499 [Sheriff Keller] Sorry to bother you, there, Willie, 197 00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:33,763 but we got to follow every lead, even the crazy ones. 198 00:10:33,763 --> 00:10:35,156 Let me walk you out. 199 00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:40,901 [door opens, closes] 200 00:10:45,209 --> 00:10:46,123 Ethel... 201 00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:47,603 What happened? 202 00:10:47,603 --> 00:10:49,039 It wasn't the milkman. 203 00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:52,652 Or at least not that milkman. 204 00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:56,525 So it was another milkman? 205 00:10:56,525 --> 00:10:59,006 Or someone dressed like one, I don't know. 206 00:11:00,181 --> 00:11:01,791 Jughead... 207 00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:03,184 I'm really, really scared. 208 00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:07,841 What if Sheriff Keller starts to think that I did it? 209 00:11:09,451 --> 00:11:12,193 Why would he do that? 210 00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:15,326 You know those pretend covers I'm always drawing? 211 00:11:15,326 --> 00:11:17,024 Yeah. They're super boss. 212 00:11:18,852 --> 00:11:20,897 Do you remember my meat grinder cover? 213 00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:22,769 Yeah? 214 00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:26,511 Oh... 215 00:11:26,511 --> 00:11:28,078 Oh, God, Ethel. 216 00:11:28,078 --> 00:11:30,211 [Jughead] Ethel's drawing depicted a girl 217 00:11:30,211 --> 00:11:32,082 who happened to look like Ethel, 218 00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:33,823 shoving dismembered body parts 219 00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:36,391 that happened to look like they belong to her parents 220 00:11:36,391 --> 00:11:37,740 into a meat grinder. 221 00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:41,265 It was a goof, Jughead. 222 00:11:41,265 --> 00:11:43,224 [sighs deeply] 223 00:11:43,224 --> 00:11:45,661 I was just mad at my parents for not letting me go see The Tingler. 224 00:11:45,661 --> 00:11:48,055 And now I'm afraid that Sheriff Keller is gonna... 225 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:50,535 misinterpret it. 226 00:11:50,535 --> 00:11:52,886 - Where's the drawing? - In my hope chest. 227 00:11:52,886 --> 00:11:54,801 I would get them myself, 228 00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:57,238 but I just... I don't think I can face going back into that house. 229 00:11:57,934 --> 00:11:59,327 Not so soon. 230 00:11:59,327 --> 00:12:00,894 Okay. It's fine. 231 00:12:00,894 --> 00:12:02,634 I'm gonna get it. I'm gonna go tonight. 232 00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:03,766 Yeah. 233 00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:06,290 [door opens] 234 00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:15,909 Excuse me, young lady. 235 00:12:15,909 --> 00:12:16,953 Where do you think you're going? 236 00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:24,308 Kevin and I are going to a poetry reading. 237 00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:26,354 Not before you march over to Ethel's house 238 00:12:26,354 --> 00:12:29,270 and bring that girl back another change of clothes or two. 239 00:12:31,185 --> 00:12:32,316 Chop-chop. 240 00:12:42,674 --> 00:12:44,198 Oh, thank God. 241 00:13:07,656 --> 00:13:08,962 [door opens] 242 00:13:10,398 --> 00:13:11,312 The cops! 243 00:13:42,299 --> 00:13:46,564 [Jughead] Here is why Ethel's milkman story sounded so familiar. 244 00:13:46,564 --> 00:13:49,524 It reminded me of a comic book Pep had published. 245 00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:51,656 One of their most infamous issues, 246 00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:54,616 about a lunatic who escapes from an insane asylum, 247 00:13:54,616 --> 00:13:56,618 dresses up as the town milkman 248 00:13:56,618 --> 00:13:58,228 and starts murdering people. 249 00:13:58,228 --> 00:13:59,839 Ethel and I had both read it. 250 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,145 Then again, everyone had. 251 00:14:02,145 --> 00:14:04,626 I'm sure it was a coincidence. It had to be. 252 00:14:04,626 --> 00:14:06,715 But it wouldn't look good for Ethel 253 00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:08,456 to be caught with it, no matter what. 254 00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:15,942 And to the republic that falls short. 255 00:14:17,465 --> 00:14:22,383 One nation under siege, indefensible. 256 00:14:22,383 --> 00:14:26,866 With liberty and justice for none. 257 00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:32,306 All are beat. All are beat. 258 00:14:35,526 --> 00:14:36,440 Gratitude. 259 00:14:37,398 --> 00:14:39,226 [all applauding] 260 00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:44,361 Keen, but what does it mean? 261 00:14:44,361 --> 00:14:48,017 It's art, Betty. It doesn't need to mean anything. 262 00:14:48,017 --> 00:14:51,020 I mean, it didn't even rhyme, really. 263 00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:53,675 - Poetry doesn't have to rhyme. - Here. 264 00:14:53,675 --> 00:14:56,025 This might help make the evening more tolerable. 265 00:15:01,335 --> 00:15:06,122 [sensual music playing with bongos and flute] 266 00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:08,429 Immortal Aphrodite 267 00:15:09,256 --> 00:15:11,127 on your shimmering throne. 268 00:15:12,085 --> 00:15:15,653 Daughter of Zeus, weaver of wiles, 269 00:15:15,653 --> 00:15:17,090 I pray thee. 270 00:15:18,265 --> 00:15:21,311 Crush not my spirit nor my soul 271 00:15:22,312 --> 00:15:24,575 with anguish and distress. 272 00:15:25,794 --> 00:15:27,448 Oh, queen. 273 00:15:27,448 --> 00:15:31,104 Come release me from cruel cares. 274 00:15:31,104 --> 00:15:34,890 Let my heart accomplish all that it desires. 275 00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:37,284 Mine, as I am yours. 276 00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:40,504 Take me. 277 00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:43,464 Take me. 278 00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:46,510 Take me. 279 00:15:48,382 --> 00:15:49,339 Take me. 280 00:15:50,688 --> 00:15:51,951 [moans] 281 00:15:53,343 --> 00:15:55,128 [all applauding and snapping] 282 00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:56,607 [all cheering] 283 00:15:58,566 --> 00:16:00,263 I want to leave. 284 00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:02,091 - What? - Take me home, now. 285 00:16:16,671 --> 00:16:17,977 Well, good night, Cheryl. 286 00:16:19,848 --> 00:16:21,806 I had a real nice time. 287 00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:25,114 ♪ Everywhere I go ♪ 288 00:16:26,289 --> 00:16:28,988 ♪ I hear your name ♪ 289 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,946 I wasn't expecting that. 290 00:16:30,946 --> 00:16:32,339 Walk me to school tomorrow. 291 00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:34,689 Yeah, sure. 292 00:16:35,777 --> 00:16:36,996 Okay. 293 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,127 It's a date. 294 00:16:39,694 --> 00:16:40,738 Toodles. 295 00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:42,523 Toodles. 296 00:16:42,523 --> 00:16:45,961 ♪ Hiding my tears ♪ 297 00:16:45,961 --> 00:16:51,010 ♪ With a smile ♪ 298 00:16:59,801 --> 00:17:01,150 [breathing heavily] 299 00:17:10,638 --> 00:17:13,728 [sensual instrumental music playing] 300 00:17:50,373 --> 00:17:52,636 [music continues] 301 00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:58,137 [music continues] 302 00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:15,545 [breathing heavily] 303 00:19:20,985 --> 00:19:23,162 [school bell ringing] 304 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:24,728 [Kevin] Oh, my golly. 305 00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:27,688 Who knew the Dark Room was gonna be such a gas? 306 00:19:27,688 --> 00:19:31,170 Isn't Clay just an astonishing writer? 307 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,736 I can't stop thinking about his poem. 308 00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:37,698 I'm still reeling from Toni's dance poem. 309 00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:41,963 It was pretty sexy, don't you think? 310 00:19:41,963 --> 00:19:42,964 [chuckles] I suppose. 311 00:19:45,096 --> 00:19:46,533 You suppose? 312 00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:51,451 Kevin, it was jaw-dropping. 313 00:19:51,451 --> 00:19:56,673 ♪ Blow me a kiss From across the room ♪ 314 00:19:58,022 --> 00:20:02,331 ♪ Say I look nice When I'm not ♪ 315 00:20:05,073 --> 00:20:10,992 ♪ Touch my hair As you pass my chair ♪ 316 00:20:10,992 --> 00:20:12,733 ♪ Little things ♪ 317 00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:18,913 ♪ Little things mean a lot ♪ 318 00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:23,222 As I'm sure you're aware, 319 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,267 based on your eager, 320 00:20:26,268 --> 00:20:27,835 sweaty faces, 321 00:20:27,835 --> 00:20:31,012 today's lesson will be focusing on the fundamentals of... 322 00:20:31,926 --> 00:20:34,494 sexual reproduction. 323 00:20:34,494 --> 00:20:37,584 Your bodies are changing right now. 324 00:20:37,584 --> 00:20:40,587 it can be a confusing time. 325 00:20:40,587 --> 00:20:43,242 You have many questions, no doubt. 326 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:45,766 But first, first, 327 00:20:45,766 --> 00:20:49,378 let's begin with a very useful diagram. 328 00:20:59,693 --> 00:21:03,784 Much can be gleaned from the typical American flower, 329 00:21:03,784 --> 00:21:07,135 whose sole function, with its colorful petals 330 00:21:07,135 --> 00:21:12,749 and its pleasing contour, is pollination or reproduction. 331 00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:16,536 I'm so confused. 332 00:21:16,536 --> 00:21:18,842 What do flowers and bees have to do with us? 333 00:21:18,842 --> 00:21:21,323 Nothing. I don't know what that speech was about. 334 00:21:21,323 --> 00:21:25,719 But recently I got my hands on a copy of Kingsley's Guide to Human Sexuality. 335 00:21:26,633 --> 00:21:28,069 That's got the real skinny. 336 00:21:28,069 --> 00:21:30,027 This is ridiculous. 337 00:21:30,027 --> 00:21:34,162 If you fuddy duddies truly want to learn about S-E-X, 338 00:21:34,162 --> 00:21:37,470 we have to stop talking about it and start doing it. 339 00:21:39,385 --> 00:21:42,736 I'm going to host a make-out party and you're all coming. 340 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,130 Thanks, but no thanks. 341 00:21:46,130 --> 00:21:47,480 I'm a germaphobe. 342 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:50,221 Is that like an orgy? 343 00:21:50,221 --> 00:21:52,963 No, it's kissing games. 344 00:21:52,963 --> 00:21:56,880 Spin the Bottle, Post Office, Seven Minutes in Heaven, Pony Ride. 345 00:21:57,533 --> 00:21:59,100 And trust me, 346 00:21:59,100 --> 00:22:03,887 nothing is ever gonna be the same again. 347 00:22:03,887 --> 00:22:06,325 [Jughead] In that moment, before our very eyes, 348 00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:09,240 Veronica Lodge became a Georgia O'Keeffe lotus 349 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:12,635 and Archie Andrews a hapless bumblebee. 350 00:22:18,641 --> 00:22:21,252 Gosh, a real-life make-out party. 351 00:22:21,252 --> 00:22:25,039 I'll have to check my book to see what Dr. Kingsley says about them. 352 00:22:25,039 --> 00:22:28,303 [Veronica] Between you and me, it all boils down to this. 353 00:22:28,303 --> 00:22:30,044 Boys think they're in charge, 354 00:22:30,044 --> 00:22:33,613 but it's all about our pleasure, not theirs. 355 00:22:33,613 --> 00:22:38,095 Well, right now, I don't think either me or Kevin are experiencing much pleasure. 356 00:22:39,314 --> 00:22:41,316 Hmm. 357 00:22:41,316 --> 00:22:44,145 The more direct you can be with your beau, the better. 358 00:22:44,145 --> 00:22:46,103 I botched it playing coy with Archie. 359 00:22:46,103 --> 00:22:49,890 But I'll make my desires crystal clear to him at the party. 360 00:22:52,501 --> 00:22:53,546 [scoffs] 361 00:22:58,551 --> 00:22:59,813 [both chuckle] 362 00:23:01,467 --> 00:23:02,642 [indistinct chatter] 363 00:23:09,344 --> 00:23:12,173 [Toni] Hey, Blossom. 364 00:23:12,173 --> 00:23:15,437 You didn't stick around after my performance last night. 365 00:23:15,437 --> 00:23:17,134 Did you dig it? 366 00:23:17,134 --> 00:23:21,443 It was a little... avant-garde for my sensibilities. 367 00:23:21,443 --> 00:23:23,097 Archie thought the same. 368 00:23:23,097 --> 00:23:25,142 You have heard we're going steady, have you not? 369 00:23:25,142 --> 00:23:26,796 Yeah. We've all seen you parade him around 370 00:23:26,796 --> 00:23:28,929 like he's some kind of prize stud. 371 00:23:28,929 --> 00:23:30,844 You know, you don't have to go to some make-out party 372 00:23:30,844 --> 00:23:33,281 to pretend to be somebody you're not. 373 00:23:33,281 --> 00:23:36,023 Why exactly does everyone presume to know my personal life? 374 00:23:36,023 --> 00:23:38,634 You're worse than my hobgoblin mother, and that's saying a lot. 375 00:23:46,990 --> 00:23:49,515 Kev, can we talk for a sec? 376 00:23:51,081 --> 00:23:52,735 It's about the make-out party. 377 00:23:52,735 --> 00:23:55,129 Yeah. Yeah. I was thinking, why don't we ditch that? 378 00:23:55,129 --> 00:23:57,305 No. We're going. 379 00:23:57,305 --> 00:23:59,829 It's happening tonight, Kevin, you and me. 380 00:23:59,829 --> 00:24:01,614 Because you say that you love me 381 00:24:01,614 --> 00:24:04,878 and now it's time that you proved it. 382 00:24:11,493 --> 00:24:13,669 [door closes] 383 00:24:13,669 --> 00:24:16,019 We'll cut right to the chase, Jughead. 384 00:24:16,019 --> 00:24:18,805 Did you break into Ethel Muggs' house yesterday? 385 00:24:18,805 --> 00:24:21,372 Uh, I'm pretty sure that I was just at home 386 00:24:21,372 --> 00:24:23,070 writing and eating hamburgers. 387 00:24:23,070 --> 00:24:24,724 Because there's a neighbor there 388 00:24:24,724 --> 00:24:27,248 that reported someone matching your description. 389 00:24:27,248 --> 00:24:30,643 Teenager wearing a crown exiting a window. 390 00:24:30,643 --> 00:24:31,905 Well, that wasn't me. 391 00:24:31,905 --> 00:24:33,646 - Hmm. - You are a... 392 00:24:34,777 --> 00:24:36,910 Well, you're a bit of an odd duck, 393 00:24:36,910 --> 00:24:38,868 aren't you, Mr. Jones? 394 00:24:39,260 --> 00:24:40,566 A loner. 395 00:24:41,436 --> 00:24:42,829 Like Miss Muggs. 396 00:24:43,873 --> 00:24:45,527 Is she your girlfriend? 397 00:24:45,527 --> 00:24:46,833 She's just a friend. 398 00:24:46,833 --> 00:24:48,748 Are you protecting her now? 399 00:24:48,748 --> 00:24:51,402 Maybe you helped her do something bad and... 400 00:24:51,402 --> 00:24:52,969 now you have to protect yourself, too. 401 00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:57,408 I wasn't at Ethel Muggs' house last night, 402 00:24:57,408 --> 00:24:58,801 and I'm not her boyfriend 403 00:24:58,801 --> 00:25:01,587 or an odd duck loner, whatever that means. 404 00:25:01,587 --> 00:25:04,807 In fact, I'm going to a party tonight. 405 00:25:04,807 --> 00:25:07,288 - With all the cool kids. - [Dr. Werthers scoffs] 406 00:25:07,288 --> 00:25:09,333 - Really? - And... And for the record, 407 00:25:09,333 --> 00:25:13,120 the Ethel that I know would not kill her parents. 408 00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:14,425 You're barking up the wrong tree. 409 00:25:14,425 --> 00:25:15,339 Now can I go, please? 410 00:25:16,602 --> 00:25:17,646 Yeah. 411 00:25:17,646 --> 00:25:18,778 You're free to go. 412 00:25:20,127 --> 00:25:22,999 Oh, enjoy your party tonight. 413 00:25:31,225 --> 00:25:33,793 Oh, uh, hey, Clay. Um... 414 00:25:33,793 --> 00:25:35,272 Thought I missed the locker-room rush. 415 00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:37,492 What can I say? 416 00:25:37,492 --> 00:25:39,276 I love a long, lingering shower. 417 00:25:59,645 --> 00:26:04,171 [sputters] Um... Are you going to that make-out party? 418 00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:06,782 I don't think so. 419 00:26:08,175 --> 00:26:09,132 Why not? 420 00:26:11,700 --> 00:26:12,875 Because... 421 00:26:14,747 --> 00:26:15,922 I like boys, Kevin. 422 00:26:17,401 --> 00:26:20,317 And I don't think it's that kind of party. 423 00:26:23,233 --> 00:26:27,324 Uh, that... That makes sense. 424 00:26:27,324 --> 00:26:30,719 Obviously, most people don't know that about me. 425 00:26:30,719 --> 00:26:32,199 I hope I can trust you to be discreet. 426 00:26:33,592 --> 00:26:35,202 Of course, Clay. 427 00:26:36,899 --> 00:26:39,032 Uh, I gotta go. Um... 428 00:26:39,032 --> 00:26:41,208 - Gotta get ready. - All right. 429 00:26:48,389 --> 00:26:49,782 - [Archie] Hey, Betty. - [Betty] Hmm? 430 00:26:50,783 --> 00:26:52,219 You know that, um... 431 00:26:53,394 --> 00:26:55,265 sex book you mentioned? 432 00:26:57,616 --> 00:27:00,488 I was wondering if I could have a little read. 433 00:27:01,228 --> 00:27:02,577 Um... [chuckles] 434 00:27:02,577 --> 00:27:06,363 Just so I can brush up before the make-out party. 435 00:27:07,364 --> 00:27:08,278 Of course. 436 00:27:15,198 --> 00:27:17,418 What do you think of Dr. Kingsley? 437 00:27:17,418 --> 00:27:19,202 I mean, I think... I think I get it. 438 00:27:19,202 --> 00:27:20,247 I just... 439 00:27:21,770 --> 00:27:23,903 But how does it all start? 440 00:27:23,903 --> 00:27:26,122 That's the easy part. 441 00:27:26,122 --> 00:27:29,822 Okay, so say you're sitting side-by-side 442 00:27:29,822 --> 00:27:31,867 next to Cheryl like this. 443 00:27:34,653 --> 00:27:36,176 Maybe some music starts playing. 444 00:27:40,876 --> 00:27:43,923 [romantic music playing] 445 00:27:43,923 --> 00:27:48,492 Now you might want to say something like... 446 00:27:48,492 --> 00:27:51,191 "Cheryl, would you like to get a bit more comfortable?" 447 00:27:55,978 --> 00:27:58,154 [clears throat] 448 00:27:58,154 --> 00:28:01,288 Say, would you like to get a bit more comfortable? 449 00:28:02,681 --> 00:28:04,030 Why, yes, I would. 450 00:28:12,865 --> 00:28:13,996 Then... 451 00:28:14,649 --> 00:28:15,563 she might... 452 00:28:17,478 --> 00:28:18,392 do this. 453 00:28:19,349 --> 00:28:20,307 Oh. 454 00:28:21,003 --> 00:28:22,439 And then what? 455 00:28:23,005 --> 00:28:24,093 And then... 456 00:28:27,531 --> 00:28:29,403 Oh! 457 00:28:29,403 --> 00:28:32,275 - I'm sorry, Betty. - What? No. It's okay. 458 00:28:32,275 --> 00:28:33,494 I'm sorry. 459 00:28:40,196 --> 00:28:41,850 [indistinct conversation] 460 00:28:46,550 --> 00:28:48,814 [rock 'n' roll instrumental music playing] 461 00:28:48,814 --> 00:28:50,511 Now, before we break off 462 00:28:50,511 --> 00:28:54,167 and retreat into the Pembrooke's various dark corners, 463 00:28:54,167 --> 00:28:56,212 I thought we could warm up 464 00:28:56,212 --> 00:29:00,477 with a perfectly innocent round of Post Office. 465 00:29:00,477 --> 00:29:03,306 Now, boys, each of you is holding an envelope 466 00:29:03,306 --> 00:29:07,006 containing a number which corresponds to one of us girls. 467 00:29:07,006 --> 00:29:09,660 You must deliver your envelope to that girl 468 00:29:09,660 --> 00:29:12,402 along with a kiss. 469 00:29:12,402 --> 00:29:14,535 Fangs, would you like to get us started? 470 00:29:14,535 --> 00:29:17,146 - [clears throat] - Reveal your number and the girl you'll be kissing. 471 00:29:18,408 --> 00:29:20,062 [exhales] Okay. 472 00:29:24,675 --> 00:29:25,676 Number two. 473 00:29:25,676 --> 00:29:28,027 [groans] That's me. 474 00:29:28,027 --> 00:29:29,942 I bet you've never kissed a greaser before. 475 00:29:29,942 --> 00:29:31,726 I don't even eat French fries. 476 00:29:31,726 --> 00:29:34,033 But rules are rules. 477 00:29:34,033 --> 00:29:35,295 Forgive me, Midge. 478 00:29:36,513 --> 00:29:37,906 Don't worry, square. 479 00:29:37,906 --> 00:29:40,213 I brushed my teeth earlier this week. 480 00:29:42,258 --> 00:29:43,869 - Ugh! - Oh! 481 00:29:43,869 --> 00:29:45,261 Whoa! Was that cheating? 482 00:29:45,261 --> 00:29:47,742 It's skirting the edge, 483 00:29:47,742 --> 00:29:50,876 but hopefully Kevin will give us what we all want. 484 00:29:50,876 --> 00:29:53,313 Which is a real kiss. 485 00:29:53,835 --> 00:29:54,923 Kevin? 486 00:29:57,447 --> 00:29:59,058 Uh, number three. 487 00:29:59,058 --> 00:30:00,189 I'm three. 488 00:30:11,026 --> 00:30:12,549 Hold your head still. 489 00:30:15,291 --> 00:30:16,902 All right, let's just get this over with. 490 00:30:18,817 --> 00:30:19,905 [sighs] 491 00:30:22,777 --> 00:30:23,647 One. 492 00:30:25,127 --> 00:30:26,737 That's me. 493 00:30:26,737 --> 00:30:27,913 This oughta be good. 494 00:30:29,958 --> 00:30:31,438 Nice to meet you, by the way. 495 00:30:31,438 --> 00:30:33,527 Pleased to make your acquaintance. 496 00:30:42,579 --> 00:30:43,493 Thank you. 497 00:30:50,805 --> 00:30:51,893 Five. 498 00:30:51,893 --> 00:30:54,287 Wow. [chuckles] That's me. 499 00:30:54,287 --> 00:30:55,854 How did that happen? 500 00:30:55,854 --> 00:30:56,985 Excuse me, brother. 501 00:30:59,292 --> 00:31:02,991 I guess this is what's known as a date with destiny. 502 00:31:15,177 --> 00:31:16,570 She's gonna suffocate him. 503 00:31:17,353 --> 00:31:18,702 But what a way to go. 504 00:31:22,968 --> 00:31:24,621 I think I got your gum. 505 00:31:24,621 --> 00:31:25,622 You can keep it. 506 00:31:25,622 --> 00:31:26,623 It's Triple Bubble. 507 00:31:30,671 --> 00:31:35,241 Guess that leaves me and the Wild One. 508 00:31:35,241 --> 00:31:37,112 Luckily, I've had all my shots. 509 00:31:42,857 --> 00:31:44,641 Yeah. That's not a kiss, preppie. 510 00:31:44,641 --> 00:31:45,642 This is a kiss. 511 00:31:57,567 --> 00:31:59,004 Okay. 512 00:31:59,004 --> 00:32:01,832 Now that all of our lips are appropriately lubricated, 513 00:32:01,832 --> 00:32:03,095 we pair off. 514 00:32:03,095 --> 00:32:04,792 I, for instance, might sneak off with-- 515 00:32:04,792 --> 00:32:06,315 Come along, Archie. 516 00:32:06,315 --> 00:32:09,797 Let's find a private space away from prying eyes. 517 00:32:15,977 --> 00:32:17,413 What do you say? 518 00:32:17,413 --> 00:32:18,762 Shall we go to your room? 519 00:32:20,764 --> 00:32:21,809 Actually... 520 00:32:23,028 --> 00:32:24,203 You. 521 00:32:24,899 --> 00:32:26,161 [Jughead] Me? 522 00:32:26,161 --> 00:32:29,208 You just hit the jackpot, Holden Caulfield. 523 00:32:29,208 --> 00:32:31,471 I guess that leaves the two of you. 524 00:32:34,996 --> 00:32:36,824 We could finish what you started. 525 00:32:36,824 --> 00:32:39,044 In your dreams, prepster. 526 00:32:39,044 --> 00:32:41,220 I will, however, let you drive me home 527 00:32:41,220 --> 00:32:42,612 in that sweet ride of yours. 528 00:32:55,843 --> 00:32:59,716 ♪ Milkman, Keep those bottles quiet ♪ 529 00:33:02,545 --> 00:33:06,549 ♪ Can't use that jive On my milk diet ♪ 530 00:33:07,289 --> 00:33:09,248 Don't, Hal. 531 00:33:09,248 --> 00:33:12,120 I've already called Social Services 532 00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:13,817 and she's going back to school tomorrow. 533 00:33:15,819 --> 00:33:18,431 [clears throat] Thank you, Alice. 534 00:33:19,954 --> 00:33:21,216 Of course, dear. 535 00:33:22,826 --> 00:33:24,437 [pop music playing] 536 00:33:28,354 --> 00:33:30,443 Look, I don't know what it is that you plan on doing to me, 537 00:33:30,443 --> 00:33:31,879 but I should probably let you know 538 00:33:31,879 --> 00:33:33,446 the only reason I'm here 539 00:33:33,446 --> 00:33:36,101 is because I don't want people thinking I'm a miscreant 540 00:33:36,101 --> 00:33:39,191 that helped Ethel murder her parents. 541 00:33:40,670 --> 00:33:42,324 Funny. 542 00:33:42,324 --> 00:33:45,371 Sounds exactly like something a miscreant murderer would say. 543 00:33:46,937 --> 00:33:48,809 Relax. 544 00:33:48,809 --> 00:33:51,768 I just needed a warm body to help me get away from Julian Blossom. 545 00:33:51,768 --> 00:33:53,248 That guy's an octopus. 546 00:33:54,032 --> 00:33:55,642 Well, glad I could help. 547 00:33:59,602 --> 00:34:02,997 By the way, what was with that Holden Caulfield reference? 548 00:34:02,997 --> 00:34:04,955 Well, isn't that your thing? 549 00:34:04,955 --> 00:34:06,740 "Everybody's phony except me." 550 00:34:06,740 --> 00:34:08,872 No, I just meant that not everyone in Riverdale goes around 551 00:34:08,872 --> 00:34:10,787 name dropping literary anti-heroes. 552 00:34:10,787 --> 00:34:13,225 People do read in Los Angeles, you know. 553 00:34:19,535 --> 00:34:21,798 So what's your dealio? 554 00:34:21,798 --> 00:34:24,149 If you're not dating Ethel Muggs, then who are you dating? 555 00:34:25,063 --> 00:34:26,151 Uh... 556 00:34:27,021 --> 00:34:29,458 Who has time for dating? 557 00:34:29,458 --> 00:34:31,852 What with all these comics to read and burgers to eat 558 00:34:31,852 --> 00:34:33,723 and monster movies to watch? 559 00:34:34,550 --> 00:34:36,248 I like monster movies. 560 00:34:36,248 --> 00:34:37,727 The scarier the better. 561 00:34:37,727 --> 00:34:39,077 Mm. 562 00:34:39,077 --> 00:34:41,296 I'll tell you my favorite if you tell me yours. 563 00:34:50,392 --> 00:34:51,611 Ladies first. 564 00:34:53,352 --> 00:34:54,962 Creature from the Black Lagoon. 565 00:34:54,962 --> 00:34:56,529 - Really? - Yeah. 566 00:34:56,529 --> 00:34:58,531 - That's actually my favorite, too. I love it. - Really? 567 00:34:58,531 --> 00:35:00,620 You know, you kind of remind me of the girl in the white bathing suit. 568 00:35:00,620 --> 00:35:03,188 - Julie Adams? I get that a lot. - Mm-hmm. 569 00:35:08,323 --> 00:35:09,585 [soft music playing in distance] 570 00:35:47,841 --> 00:35:48,755 You're not excited. 571 00:35:51,279 --> 00:35:52,367 Of course I am. 572 00:35:53,890 --> 00:35:55,370 No, you're not, Kev. 573 00:35:55,370 --> 00:35:57,459 I can tell that you're not excited. 574 00:35:57,459 --> 00:36:00,027 You're not... aroused. 575 00:36:01,898 --> 00:36:04,945 Maybe if we just... If we just keep kissing, you know? 576 00:36:27,359 --> 00:36:30,927 You can move your right hand a little higher if you want. 577 00:36:40,328 --> 00:36:42,330 Oh, not that high, Archie. 578 00:36:44,158 --> 00:36:45,464 As my nana likes to say, 579 00:36:45,464 --> 00:36:48,684 "Let's leave room for the Holy Spirit." 580 00:36:48,684 --> 00:36:49,772 Okay? 581 00:36:57,606 --> 00:37:00,305 - Archie, your right hand again. - Oh. 582 00:37:00,305 --> 00:37:02,481 I'm sorry if I'm screwing this up. 583 00:37:02,481 --> 00:37:04,047 I just... I'm excited. 584 00:37:05,266 --> 00:37:07,094 And a little nervous maybe because... 585 00:37:08,487 --> 00:37:11,054 you're so experienced. 586 00:37:11,054 --> 00:37:13,405 You know, you're used to going out with college guys. 587 00:37:13,405 --> 00:37:14,536 Who told you that? 588 00:37:15,145 --> 00:37:16,451 Julian. 589 00:37:16,451 --> 00:37:17,887 Why were you and Julian talking about me? 590 00:37:19,976 --> 00:37:21,151 Well, 591 00:37:21,151 --> 00:37:23,023 I mean, he suggested that I ask you out. 592 00:37:24,546 --> 00:37:26,853 Yeah, he said we might hit it off. 593 00:37:26,853 --> 00:37:28,681 Archie, I'm going to be honest with you. 594 00:37:30,509 --> 00:37:34,164 I've never been with a college guy. 595 00:37:34,164 --> 00:37:37,037 I've actually never really been with any guy. 596 00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:40,997 But... 597 00:37:43,870 --> 00:37:46,699 I'm quite certain we can figure it out. 598 00:37:47,395 --> 00:37:48,483 Together. 599 00:37:49,136 --> 00:37:50,398 Definitely. 600 00:37:56,752 --> 00:37:58,232 [Betty] Dear Diary. 601 00:37:58,232 --> 00:38:01,714 The make-out party was unsurprisingly a disaster. 602 00:38:01,714 --> 00:38:03,716 I want Kevin to want me. 603 00:38:03,716 --> 00:38:05,413 I want to feel desired. 604 00:38:05,413 --> 00:38:07,023 I want to feel sexy. 605 00:38:07,023 --> 00:38:08,024 I want... 606 00:38:08,024 --> 00:38:09,722 [blues song playing] 607 00:38:10,897 --> 00:38:14,509 ♪ I'm gonna hoo-doo you, baby ♪ 608 00:38:14,509 --> 00:38:18,034 ♪ And set your soul on fire ♪ 609 00:38:18,034 --> 00:38:21,995 I'm not sure how much more of this I can take before I explode, Diary. 610 00:38:23,605 --> 00:38:25,085 Something has to change. 611 00:38:27,522 --> 00:38:28,915 And soon. 612 00:38:28,915 --> 00:38:30,873 ♪ Yes, I'm gonna Make you mine ♪ 613 00:38:32,527 --> 00:38:33,920 My dear boy, 614 00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:35,922 any updates on our little project? 615 00:38:35,922 --> 00:38:37,619 We're made in the shade, Mother. 616 00:38:37,619 --> 00:38:39,099 Got Cheryl together with Archie 617 00:38:39,099 --> 00:38:42,058 and I'm fairly certain they're going steady now. 618 00:38:42,058 --> 00:38:43,364 Very good, Julian. 619 00:38:43,364 --> 00:38:44,365 Well done. 620 00:38:44,365 --> 00:38:45,453 [footsteps approaching] 621 00:38:49,239 --> 00:38:50,545 Good morning, Mother. 622 00:38:52,417 --> 00:38:54,593 - Julian. - Cheryl Marjorie Blossom. 623 00:38:54,593 --> 00:38:57,247 What is that lesion on your neck? 624 00:38:57,247 --> 00:38:59,293 It's a hickey, Mother. 625 00:38:59,293 --> 00:39:01,904 And I suppose you both should know Archie pinned me last night. 626 00:39:01,904 --> 00:39:02,818 [coughs] 627 00:39:02,818 --> 00:39:06,431 And I mean, really pinned me. 628 00:39:06,431 --> 00:39:09,869 As in, all the way pinned me. 629 00:39:10,348 --> 00:39:11,261 Barf. 630 00:39:11,261 --> 00:39:12,654 [horn honking] 631 00:39:12,654 --> 00:39:13,786 That must be Archie. 632 00:39:13,786 --> 00:39:15,440 He's driving me to school. 633 00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:17,790 I'd say he's a true gentleman, but... 634 00:39:17,790 --> 00:39:20,967 the truth is, Archie is a total animal. 635 00:39:22,403 --> 00:39:23,491 Toodles. 636 00:39:32,457 --> 00:39:35,590 Kevin, I have something for you. 637 00:39:35,590 --> 00:39:37,026 What is it? 638 00:39:37,026 --> 00:39:39,289 Kingsley's Guide to Human Sexuality. 639 00:39:39,289 --> 00:39:40,769 Betty, we're at school. 640 00:39:40,769 --> 00:39:42,510 You need to read it. 641 00:39:42,510 --> 00:39:45,383 Think of this as your own personal sex education, Kevin. 642 00:39:45,383 --> 00:39:48,473 Finals are coming up and it's time to start cramming. 643 00:39:49,648 --> 00:39:51,606 Betty. Betty! 644 00:39:55,001 --> 00:39:56,350 Hey. 645 00:39:56,350 --> 00:39:59,222 I just wanted to say fun party last night. 646 00:39:59,222 --> 00:40:00,963 Sorry I had to cut out early. 647 00:40:00,963 --> 00:40:03,488 But, you know, I'm playing the long game. 648 00:40:04,532 --> 00:40:06,142 Really, with who? 649 00:40:06,926 --> 00:40:09,755 I'd rather not say... yet. 650 00:40:09,755 --> 00:40:11,931 But how did it go with Bazooka Jones? 651 00:40:12,888 --> 00:40:15,195 Well, if you really must know, 652 00:40:15,195 --> 00:40:18,024 Jughead and I spent the entire night together. 653 00:40:19,286 --> 00:40:20,548 Talking. 654 00:40:20,548 --> 00:40:22,158 Holy hell. 655 00:40:22,158 --> 00:40:25,031 Are you making a play for that crown-wearing clown? 656 00:40:27,207 --> 00:40:30,689 Let's just say I'm not ruling it out. 657 00:40:35,563 --> 00:40:37,522 - [girl 1] Oh, my God. - [boy] It's her. 658 00:40:37,522 --> 00:40:38,871 - [girl 2] There she is. - [girl 3] The girl who killed her parents. 659 00:40:38,871 --> 00:40:40,263 [girl 1] What is she doing here? 660 00:40:40,263 --> 00:40:43,049 Everyone's looking at me like I'm a murderer. 661 00:40:43,049 --> 00:40:46,400 Hey, this is all going to blow over. 662 00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:49,882 As soon as the actual killer is caught, okay? 663 00:40:49,882 --> 00:40:53,059 Right now, just take it nice and slow. 664 00:40:53,059 --> 00:40:54,887 [Ms. Bell over PA] Attention, students. 665 00:40:54,887 --> 00:40:57,237 Will Ethel Muggs and Jughead Jones 666 00:40:57,237 --> 00:40:59,587 please come to the principal's office? 667 00:40:59,587 --> 00:41:01,937 Ethel Muggs and Jughead Jones, 668 00:41:01,937 --> 00:41:04,244 please report to the principal's office. 669 00:41:10,685 --> 00:41:12,470 Let me guess. 670 00:41:12,470 --> 00:41:14,733 You'd like to know who was canoodling at the make-out party? 671 00:41:14,733 --> 00:41:16,343 We searched your train car, Jughead, 672 00:41:16,343 --> 00:41:19,302 right after you left for school this morning. 673 00:41:19,302 --> 00:41:22,044 - Wha... Why? - [Sheriff Keller] In any case, 674 00:41:22,044 --> 00:41:26,658 we found some pretty damning evidence stuffed underneath your mattress. 675 00:41:33,969 --> 00:41:35,884 Care to explain, Miss Muggs? 676 00:41:37,407 --> 00:41:38,800 Mr. Jones?