1 00:00:01,383 --> 00:00:04,156 You put everything you've got into your children. 2 00:00:04,181 --> 00:00:06,257 You teach them, you nurture them, 3 00:00:06,282 --> 00:00:09,009 you shepherd them along life's winding path. 4 00:00:09,034 --> 00:00:11,593 But what if, after all that, 5 00:00:11,618 --> 00:00:14,081 they grow up to be morons? 6 00:00:17,571 --> 00:00:19,867 - _ - Okay, everyone, if we have any hope 7 00:00:19,892 --> 00:00:21,078 of selling the minivan, 8 00:00:21,103 --> 00:00:22,156 we got to clean it up. 9 00:00:22,181 --> 00:00:25,203 That means getting rid of all the stains and smells. 10 00:00:25,546 --> 00:00:26,694 Ooof! 11 00:00:26,719 --> 00:00:30,093 That is 10 years of old milk and farts right there. 12 00:00:30,118 --> 00:00:31,437 Why do we have to sell it? 13 00:00:31,462 --> 00:00:33,395 Because it's a rite of passage. 14 00:00:33,420 --> 00:00:35,554 Minivans are for families with little kids. 15 00:00:35,579 --> 00:00:38,405 The Ottos are entering a new era. 16 00:00:38,430 --> 00:00:40,843 Taylor can drive, Oliver gets his permit this year... 17 00:00:40,868 --> 00:00:42,814 And you're old enough to squeeze in between these two 18 00:00:42,838 --> 00:00:44,500 if we ever go on that camping trip 19 00:00:44,525 --> 00:00:46,992 that I'm never, ever going to sign off on. 20 00:00:49,353 --> 00:00:50,750 I'm gonna miss this thing. 21 00:00:50,775 --> 00:00:52,015 You're going to miss it? 22 00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:53,906 Yeah. It means a lot to me. 23 00:00:53,931 --> 00:00:55,835 The day you guys brought it home was the day 24 00:00:55,860 --> 00:00:57,704 I decided to go to Harvard so I could become rich 25 00:00:57,728 --> 00:00:59,040 and never have to drive this symbol 26 00:00:59,064 --> 00:01:00,584 of middle-class mediocrity. 27 00:01:00,609 --> 00:01:03,701 I love and I hate it, so thank you and also how dare you. 28 00:01:03,726 --> 00:01:05,360 I'm gonna miss this thing, too. 29 00:01:05,385 --> 00:01:08,921 Every spill and stain has a memory. 30 00:01:09,793 --> 00:01:11,875 Here is where Oliver threw up his Cheerios 31 00:01:11,900 --> 00:01:12,966 when he was 5. 32 00:01:12,991 --> 00:01:14,421 They were actually Toasted O's, 33 00:01:14,446 --> 00:01:15,835 the generic ones. 34 00:01:15,860 --> 00:01:18,515 That's when we realized he was allergic to off-brand foods. 35 00:01:18,540 --> 00:01:20,606 I used to love looking in the back seat 36 00:01:20,631 --> 00:01:23,499 and seeing those three little heads bobbing around. 37 00:01:24,772 --> 00:01:27,358 I spy with my little eye... 38 00:01:27,383 --> 00:01:29,311 something red. 39 00:01:30,492 --> 00:01:32,015 I'll give you a hint. 40 00:01:34,253 --> 00:01:36,453 - A fire truck! - A red noise! 41 00:01:38,993 --> 00:01:40,672 Every time you talk about the past, you make a point 42 00:01:40,696 --> 00:01:43,604 of saying you look exactly like Alessandra Ambrosio. 43 00:01:43,730 --> 00:01:45,863 I like to tell the story accurately, Greg. 44 00:01:46,536 --> 00:01:51,914 I miss when you were such cute, squishy, little babies. 45 00:01:51,939 --> 00:01:54,460 But now I look at you, I just see free labor. 46 00:01:54,485 --> 00:01:55,882 Get to work. 47 00:01:56,247 --> 00:01:59,263 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 48 00:02:02,999 --> 00:02:04,521 I have great news for you guys. 49 00:02:04,546 --> 00:02:05,546 Hmm? 50 00:02:05,571 --> 00:02:07,761 Anna-Kat has been officially sprung 51 00:02:07,786 --> 00:02:09,138 from the looney bin. 52 00:02:09,450 --> 00:02:10,568 Excuse me? 53 00:02:10,593 --> 00:02:11,693 The looney bin. 54 00:02:11,718 --> 00:02:13,100 The quacky factory. 55 00:02:13,412 --> 00:02:15,158 Anna-Kat no longer has to attend 56 00:02:15,183 --> 00:02:17,171 Dr. Ellie's Special Ed class. 57 00:02:17,196 --> 00:02:18,701 That is good news. 58 00:02:18,726 --> 00:02:21,123 Is there a less offensive way to say that? 59 00:02:21,651 --> 00:02:23,442 I don't think so, no. 60 00:02:23,467 --> 00:02:25,646 Anna-Kat's OCD has really improved. 61 00:02:25,671 --> 00:02:27,337 She's ready to be with everyone all day. 62 00:02:27,362 --> 00:02:29,329 We're happy to hear that, 63 00:02:29,354 --> 00:02:33,120 but we're also concerned it might be a tad premature. 64 00:02:33,348 --> 00:02:35,766 - We are? - Yes, we are. 65 00:02:35,791 --> 00:02:38,382 Principal Ablin, are you sure that she's ready? 66 00:02:38,407 --> 00:02:39,577 This summer, 67 00:02:39,602 --> 00:02:41,852 she watched that John Goodman bomb shelter movie 68 00:02:41,877 --> 00:02:44,711 and turned her entire closet into a doomsday bunker. 69 00:02:47,729 --> 00:02:49,235 Privet? 70 00:02:49,260 --> 00:02:51,493 Anna-Kat? Privet? 71 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,007 On the plus side, 72 00:02:53,032 --> 00:02:54,173 Mikhail said we have a place to stay 73 00:02:54,197 --> 00:02:56,077 - if we ever make it to St. Petersburg. - ‭Yeah. 74 00:02:57,496 --> 00:03:00,118 Anna-Kat might not be ready for this. 75 00:03:00,143 --> 00:03:02,455 You said it was a new era, and that's exactly what she started. 76 00:03:02,479 --> 00:03:04,613 But what if she's not ready for the new era? 77 00:03:04,638 --> 00:03:06,227 Like the dinosaurs and the Ice Age. 78 00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:07,529 A meteor killed the dinosaurs. 79 00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:08,913 Don't science me, Greg. 80 00:03:08,938 --> 00:03:10,791 Katie, we moved to this town so she could get 81 00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:12,793 the special help she needed, and it worked. 82 00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:13,818 This is a good thing. 83 00:03:13,843 --> 00:03:16,563 But I liked that Dr. Ellie was an extra pair of eyes on her, 84 00:03:16,588 --> 00:03:18,227 and if she slipped off the rails, 85 00:03:18,252 --> 00:03:20,519 she was right there to put her back on. 86 00:03:20,544 --> 00:03:23,103 When you start a new era, things are bound to change. 87 00:03:23,128 --> 00:03:24,738 So you're saying I should calm down? 88 00:03:24,763 --> 00:03:26,929 No, I've learned to avoid your trigger phrases... 89 00:03:26,954 --> 00:03:28,344 "Calm down," "You're overreacting," 90 00:03:28,368 --> 00:03:29,650 "Really? I thought she was nice." 91 00:03:29,674 --> 00:03:32,170 Aww. You've just about got the hang of me. 92 00:03:41,149 --> 00:03:42,311 Anna-Kat? 93 00:03:42,866 --> 00:03:44,899 We have some good news for you. 94 00:03:45,204 --> 00:03:49,096 You have officially graduated from Dr. Ellie's class. 95 00:03:49,121 --> 00:03:50,386 Really?! 96 00:03:50,411 --> 00:03:51,528 Wow! 97 00:03:53,630 --> 00:03:55,536 We're pretty sure you're ready for this. 98 00:03:55,561 --> 00:03:58,046 I mean, there's no way for us to really know 99 00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,541 if you're ready. Unless you're not ready. 100 00:04:00,566 --> 00:04:01,577 But you're ready. 101 00:04:01,602 --> 00:04:03,269 - Maybe. - Rutabaga. 102 00:04:03,294 --> 00:04:04,294 What does that mean? 103 00:04:04,319 --> 00:04:05,538 It's a code your mom and I have for 104 00:04:05,562 --> 00:04:06,718 when I think she's being a bad parent. 105 00:04:06,742 --> 00:04:08,326 - Ugh. - You hear that, Franklin? 106 00:04:08,351 --> 00:04:10,483 I got sprung from Dr. Ellie's class. 107 00:04:10,508 --> 00:04:11,662 Why? 108 00:04:11,687 --> 00:04:14,444 Well, Dr. Ellie's class is for Special Education, 109 00:04:14,469 --> 00:04:16,035 and I guess they think I'm better. 110 00:04:16,060 --> 00:04:18,686 Special Education? I thought it was Home Ec. 111 00:04:18,711 --> 00:04:19,956 Why did you think it was Home Ec? 112 00:04:19,980 --> 00:04:21,261 It's a long story. 113 00:04:21,286 --> 00:04:23,240 My mom told me it was Home Ec. 114 00:04:23,621 --> 00:04:25,967 I guess it wasn't a long story. 115 00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:29,101 Is Taylor helping you guys clean? 116 00:04:29,126 --> 00:04:30,390 Yeah, I'm out here washing the back. 117 00:04:30,414 --> 00:04:31,414 Oh. 118 00:04:33,777 --> 00:04:35,365 Taylor! Stop! 119 00:04:35,390 --> 00:04:38,217 You can't use scouring powder on a car! 120 00:04:38,242 --> 00:04:40,409 Why? Everything's coming off. 121 00:04:42,508 --> 00:04:44,061 Including the paint! 122 00:04:44,086 --> 00:04:46,209 Taylor, I swear... 123 00:04:46,234 --> 00:04:48,522 No, you know what? Katie, this one is on us. 124 00:04:48,547 --> 00:04:51,314 She's 18 years old, and apparently, we've taught her no common sense. 125 00:04:51,339 --> 00:04:52,604 You're right. When your child 126 00:04:52,629 --> 00:04:54,691 is a year away from leaving home and is this clueless, 127 00:04:54,715 --> 00:04:56,643 the only ones to blame are the parents. 128 00:04:56,668 --> 00:04:58,165 Oh, good. So I'm not in trouble. 129 00:04:58,190 --> 00:04:59,399 Should I keep going? 130 00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:01,625 I had one glass of wine in my third trimester, 131 00:05:01,650 --> 00:05:03,198 and here we are. 132 00:05:09,334 --> 00:05:11,278 We took our eyes off of our oldest 133 00:05:11,303 --> 00:05:13,655 for half an hour, and this is what happens. 134 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,703 Who knows what trouble Anna-Kat will get into 135 00:05:15,728 --> 00:05:17,428 without someone looking after her. 136 00:05:17,711 --> 00:05:19,516 Anna-Kat is gonna be fine. 137 00:05:19,541 --> 00:05:22,070 The more pressing matter is Taylor. 138 00:05:22,095 --> 00:05:25,414 She just knocked $1,200 off the value of a $1,500 car. 139 00:05:25,439 --> 00:05:28,177 You're right. If we are gonna move into a new era, 140 00:05:28,202 --> 00:05:30,193 then we need to make sure she does, too. 141 00:05:30,218 --> 00:05:31,233 We should make a list of the things 142 00:05:31,257 --> 00:05:32,647 she needs to know to be a fully functioning 143 00:05:32,671 --> 00:05:34,060 - person in the world. - Yeah. 144 00:05:34,263 --> 00:05:36,060 - Just off the top of my head... - Mm-hmm. 145 00:05:36,085 --> 00:05:38,972 - I would say do laundry. - Mm-hmm. 146 00:05:38,997 --> 00:05:40,931 - Unclog a toilet. - Mm-hmm. 147 00:05:40,956 --> 00:05:42,188 Sew on a button... 148 00:05:42,213 --> 00:05:44,888 How to shake out your hair after taking off a motorcycle helmet. 149 00:05:46,359 --> 00:05:48,669 What? It's important. 150 00:05:48,883 --> 00:05:51,750 Shake, shake, turn, wink. 151 00:05:53,014 --> 00:05:54,788 We might have failed Taylor until now, 152 00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:56,178 but it's not too late to get her on track. 153 00:05:56,202 --> 00:05:58,568 We blew this assignment off for way too many years. 154 00:05:58,593 --> 00:05:59,763 It's time to cram. 155 00:05:59,788 --> 00:06:00,987 Follow my lead, Greg. 156 00:06:01,012 --> 00:06:02,627 This is where people who half-assed 157 00:06:02,652 --> 00:06:04,621 their waythrough college shine. 158 00:06:06,896 --> 00:06:10,097 Anna-Kat, I am so proud of you 159 00:06:10,122 --> 00:06:11,721 for graduating Dr. Ellie's class. 160 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:14,813 And to honor the occasion, I got you a present. 161 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:16,480 I love it. 162 00:06:16,505 --> 00:06:19,238 Now whenever you check the time, you'll think of me. 163 00:06:19,263 --> 00:06:21,472 I will always be with you. 164 00:06:21,807 --> 00:06:23,355 Does it do anything else, 165 00:06:23,380 --> 00:06:25,153 like text or go on the Internet? 166 00:06:25,178 --> 00:06:28,113 No. Just a watch to remind you of Mommy. 167 00:06:28,291 --> 00:06:31,019 So it's a watch that only tells time? 168 00:06:31,104 --> 00:06:34,503 And a fond reminder of Mommy. 169 00:06:34,863 --> 00:06:36,035 Alright. 170 00:06:36,177 --> 00:06:38,113 See you guys at my ballet recital. 171 00:06:38,138 --> 00:06:40,246 Where are you going? We're all driving together. 172 00:06:40,271 --> 00:06:41,838 I'm never riding in that thing again. 173 00:06:41,863 --> 00:06:43,641 Before, it was embarrassing, but now we're no better 174 00:06:43,665 --> 00:06:45,590 than that guy who sells empanadas out of his trunk. 175 00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:47,774 Oh, they're so good. His abuela makes them. 176 00:06:47,799 --> 00:06:49,343 Let's go. We're gonna be late. 177 00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:51,511 Uh, where are my bravo flowers? 178 00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:52,536 Your what? 179 00:06:52,561 --> 00:06:53,927 My bravo flowers. 180 00:06:53,952 --> 00:06:56,650 The flowers you throw on stage to me when you shout "Bravo." 181 00:06:56,675 --> 00:06:58,089 It was in the e-mail I sent you 182 00:06:58,114 --> 00:06:59,786 about what to do at my performance. 183 00:06:59,811 --> 00:07:01,588 It was right under "Don't wear pajamas." 184 00:07:01,613 --> 00:07:03,630 Yeah, well, I have you set up to go straight to junk mail. 185 00:07:03,654 --> 00:07:05,457 Mom, the Fairfield Gazette is gonna be there. 186 00:07:05,482 --> 00:07:08,161 A real review is important for my college portfolio. 187 00:07:08,186 --> 00:07:10,787 So I'm riding my bike and I'm picking up my own bouquet 188 00:07:10,812 --> 00:07:12,972 with a high rose-to-baby's-breath ratio. 189 00:07:15,029 --> 00:07:18,472 We are not bringing snotty Oliver into the new era. 190 00:07:18,497 --> 00:07:20,325 I thought he'd grow out of it, but he's only getting worse. 191 00:07:20,349 --> 00:07:22,816 I guess the dangers of eating sushi in your second trimester 192 00:07:22,841 --> 00:07:24,504 wasn't just an old wives' tale. 193 00:07:24,529 --> 00:07:27,183 You never read any of those pregnancy books I gave you. 194 00:07:27,208 --> 00:07:28,425 Of course not, Greg. 195 00:07:35,816 --> 00:07:37,392 Oliver's recital starts in 10 minutes, 196 00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:38,800 and he's still not here yet. 197 00:07:39,050 --> 00:07:41,051 Do you have those empanadas with the raisins today? 198 00:07:41,076 --> 00:07:42,527 We're not that guy. 199 00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:46,597 So, Oliver is going to miss his own recital 200 00:07:46,622 --> 00:07:48,027 because he's a snob. 201 00:07:48,052 --> 00:07:50,464 He better be lying in a ditch somewhere. 202 00:07:50,807 --> 00:07:52,199 It's a saying. 203 00:07:59,494 --> 00:08:00,953 You okay? 204 00:08:01,405 --> 00:08:04,429 Yeah, I just lost my balance. I'm a little banged up. 205 00:08:04,454 --> 00:08:05,626 Can I give you a ride somewhere? 206 00:08:05,650 --> 00:08:07,431 No, thanks. I'll wait for a Mercedes 207 00:08:07,456 --> 00:08:08,970 or better to drive by. 208 00:08:19,156 --> 00:08:20,353 This is no big deal. 209 00:08:20,378 --> 00:08:22,853 I'm gonna walk this thing off and get back to ballet ASAP. 210 00:08:22,878 --> 00:08:25,470 Honey, the doctor said you tore your ACL. 211 00:08:25,495 --> 00:08:27,610 You can't dance for six to eight months. 212 00:08:27,635 --> 00:08:28,940 If I miss ballet recruitment season, 213 00:08:28,964 --> 00:08:30,368 I'll never get into Harvard. 214 00:08:30,393 --> 00:08:31,931 I'll just pop my knee back into place. 215 00:08:31,956 --> 00:08:33,759 Dad, give me your wallet to bite down on. 216 00:08:33,784 --> 00:08:35,940 Never mind. It's probably pleather. I'll just gut it out. 217 00:08:36,393 --> 00:08:38,204 Honey, I'm so sorry, 218 00:08:38,229 --> 00:08:39,829 but you're going to have to put ballet 219 00:08:39,854 --> 00:08:41,253 on the back burner for a while. 220 00:08:41,278 --> 00:08:43,715 There are other extracurricular activities you can do 221 00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:44,979 that'll help you get into Harvard. 222 00:08:45,003 --> 00:08:46,651 All you need is a plan B. 223 00:08:46,676 --> 00:08:48,798 But I put so much time into ballet. 224 00:08:49,216 --> 00:08:50,900 What am I gonna do now? 225 00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:53,689 You'll figure it out. 226 00:08:53,714 --> 00:08:55,603 You can do this. You're an Otto! 227 00:08:56,753 --> 00:08:58,630 You're right. I am an Otto. 228 00:08:58,655 --> 00:08:59,946 There you go. 229 00:08:59,971 --> 00:09:02,048 Look at you, leaving the old Oliver behind 230 00:09:02,073 --> 00:09:03,572 and coming into the new era. 231 00:09:04,266 --> 00:09:06,138 My whole life, I've been living with the deficit 232 00:09:06,162 --> 00:09:07,672 of being born into this family, 233 00:09:07,697 --> 00:09:09,064 and yet I thrive. 234 00:09:09,089 --> 00:09:10,600 I'm like one of those Brazilian orphans 235 00:09:10,624 --> 00:09:13,064 who was raised in a landfill and starts his own shoe company. 236 00:09:13,089 --> 00:09:14,868 You're about to be one of those kids in a coma 237 00:09:14,892 --> 00:09:16,224 with a mother in jail. 238 00:09:18,038 --> 00:09:21,353 Maybe we can add "Fixing Oliver" to Taylor's list. 239 00:09:21,378 --> 00:09:22,767 No, we have to do it ourselves. 240 00:09:22,792 --> 00:09:24,126 But we suck at it. 241 00:09:24,151 --> 00:09:26,040 It's like when we tried to sleep-train Anna-Kat 242 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:28,079 and you ended up crashing in her crib every night. 243 00:09:28,104 --> 00:09:30,095 That "Wonder Pets" mobile was hypnotic, 244 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:31,877 and I can't believe you're bringing that up right now! 245 00:09:31,901 --> 00:09:32,901 You're right. 246 00:09:32,926 --> 00:09:34,103 We can't turn on each other. 247 00:09:34,128 --> 00:09:35,532 United front. 248 00:09:42,319 --> 00:09:43,319 What's this? 249 00:09:43,344 --> 00:09:45,830 It's a list of all the things you need to learn how to do 250 00:09:45,855 --> 00:09:47,446 before you move out of the house. 251 00:09:47,471 --> 00:09:48,923 Is this a joke?! 252 00:09:48,985 --> 00:09:51,939 "How to light a pilot light. How to reset a fuse box. 253 00:09:51,964 --> 00:09:53,364 How to defrost a freezer"?! 254 00:09:53,389 --> 00:09:55,767 You will learn to become self-sufficient. 255 00:09:55,792 --> 00:09:57,165 I am not doing this. 256 00:09:57,190 --> 00:09:58,790 That is your choice. 257 00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:01,337 But if this list isn't done 258 00:10:01,362 --> 00:10:02,923 by the night of your senior prom, 259 00:10:02,948 --> 00:10:04,314 then you're staying home with me 260 00:10:04,339 --> 00:10:05,638 and watching "Dirty Dancing." 261 00:10:05,663 --> 00:10:07,868 I told you before, I refuse to watch that. 262 00:10:07,893 --> 00:10:09,321 I don't like movies from the 1880s. 263 00:10:09,346 --> 00:10:10,470 1980s. 264 00:10:10,495 --> 00:10:11,736 Same thing! 265 00:10:11,761 --> 00:10:14,353 This is so unfair! This list is huge! 266 00:10:14,378 --> 00:10:16,204 I'll never be able to get it done in a year! 267 00:10:16,229 --> 00:10:18,843 It's too much! I'm totally screwed! 268 00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:21,079 Oh, honey. It's okay. 269 00:10:21,104 --> 00:10:24,272 Yeah, we can... take some things off. 270 00:10:24,297 --> 00:10:25,884 Ha! Number 12... 271 00:10:25,909 --> 00:10:27,306 "How to cry to get out of stuff." 272 00:10:27,331 --> 00:10:29,264 I don't need this list, dudes. I'm good. 273 00:10:31,447 --> 00:10:33,189 That's 1 of 78, Taylor! 274 00:10:33,214 --> 00:10:35,931 That may fly on your math test, but not here! 275 00:10:38,745 --> 00:10:41,181 We're struggling a bit with Taylor and Oliver, 276 00:10:41,206 --> 00:10:44,345 so I am not going to take my eye off Anna-Kat. 277 00:10:44,370 --> 00:10:46,200 Angela, thank you for the watch. 278 00:10:46,225 --> 00:10:47,238 My pleasure. 279 00:10:47,263 --> 00:10:48,362 What watch? 280 00:10:48,387 --> 00:10:50,119 How come this is the first I'm hearing about a watch? 281 00:10:50,143 --> 00:10:51,910 You were there when we discussed it. 282 00:10:51,935 --> 00:10:53,595 You said it was a great idea. 283 00:10:53,634 --> 00:10:55,701 Oh, I have got to stop taking Ambien. 284 00:10:55,726 --> 00:10:57,384 I'm losing half of my life! 285 00:10:57,409 --> 00:10:58,475 Once again, 286 00:10:58,500 --> 00:11:00,704 I lent Katie a spy watch that listens in on you 287 00:11:00,729 --> 00:11:01,729 that an ex gave me. 288 00:11:01,754 --> 00:11:03,287 Why would an ex give you that? 289 00:11:03,312 --> 00:11:04,665 We went over that, too. 290 00:11:04,690 --> 00:11:06,665 - Oh, wait, I remember. Ah! - Mm. 291 00:11:06,690 --> 00:11:07,963 You were cheating with that woman 292 00:11:07,987 --> 00:11:09,424 who stole your identity, then bought 293 00:11:09,448 --> 00:11:11,710 that bed-and-breakfast in Belize with your credit card. 294 00:11:12,001 --> 00:11:13,001 Barb. 295 00:11:13,026 --> 00:11:15,212 I'm happy Anna-Kat moved on from Dr. Ellie's, 296 00:11:15,237 --> 00:11:17,595 but if I can't have an extra pair of eyes on her, 297 00:11:17,620 --> 00:11:19,931 at least I can have an extra pair of ears. 298 00:11:21,262 --> 00:11:22,407 Okay, Franklin, 299 00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:25,343 would you rather eat monkey brains or a cow's heart? 300 00:11:25,368 --> 00:11:26,868 I'd rather eat a worm. 301 00:11:26,893 --> 00:11:28,646 That wasn't one of the choices. 302 00:11:28,671 --> 00:11:30,275 I know, but I've been trying to find 303 00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:32,884 a good time to tell you that I sometimes eat worms. 304 00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:35,343 Okay. Nothing to worry about yet. 305 00:11:35,794 --> 00:11:38,673 Two nights ago, I woke up at a poker table at the Mohegan Sun, 306 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,689 and I have no idea how I got there. 307 00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:45,101 - I might have a problem. - Yeah. 308 00:11:50,703 --> 00:11:52,866 Hey, where'd you get that watch? 309 00:11:52,891 --> 00:11:53,891 My mom gave it to me 310 00:11:53,916 --> 00:11:56,194 when I graduated from Dr. Ellie's class. 311 00:11:57,070 --> 00:11:58,172 It's a spy watch. 312 00:11:58,196 --> 00:11:59,735 She can hear everything we're saying. 313 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:00,883 How do you know? 314 00:12:00,907 --> 00:12:02,898 My mom put one on me last year when she found out 315 00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:04,602 I was crawling through our neighbor's doggie door 316 00:12:04,626 --> 00:12:05,905 to use their steam shower. 317 00:12:06,248 --> 00:12:09,521 It's a small detail that can really add value to a house. 318 00:12:09,546 --> 00:12:11,569 I can't believe it. 319 00:12:11,713 --> 00:12:14,114 She doesn't think I'm okay on my own. 320 00:12:14,341 --> 00:12:15,707 Well, I'll show her. 321 00:12:15,732 --> 00:12:17,085 So, what are we thinking? 322 00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:19,444 Catfish her, trick her to flying to Indiana? 323 00:12:19,469 --> 00:12:21,702 No. I'm just gonna mess with her head. 324 00:12:21,727 --> 00:12:23,788 Look at you, being all normal. 325 00:12:23,813 --> 00:12:25,983 They were right to spring you from Special Ed. 326 00:12:26,008 --> 00:12:27,107 I'm proud of you, kid. 327 00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:33,123 - What's for breakfast? - Eggs. 328 00:12:33,148 --> 00:12:34,849 Yum! I'll have scrambled. 329 00:12:34,874 --> 00:12:37,443 Look at number 20 on your list. 330 00:12:37,468 --> 00:12:39,060 Mm. I lost the list. 331 00:12:39,085 --> 00:12:40,218 Mm. 332 00:12:41,176 --> 00:12:42,646 You made copies? 333 00:12:42,671 --> 00:12:43,870 Double-sided. 334 00:12:43,895 --> 00:12:45,568 And laminated. 335 00:12:45,593 --> 00:12:47,740 Oh, look! I'm dipping it in my coffee. 336 00:12:47,765 --> 00:12:49,386 Yes, you're really getting your money's worth 337 00:12:49,410 --> 00:12:50,476 out of your laminator. 338 00:12:50,501 --> 00:12:52,713 And if I ever need to return it... 339 00:12:53,516 --> 00:12:54,955 I have the receipt. 340 00:12:54,980 --> 00:12:56,361 Laminated. 341 00:12:56,386 --> 00:12:57,409 Okay. 342 00:12:57,434 --> 00:12:59,601 Number 20... how to cook an egg. 343 00:12:59,978 --> 00:13:01,128 Easy. 344 00:13:09,599 --> 00:13:11,005 Oh, there you go. 345 00:13:14,453 --> 00:13:15,453 - Stop! - Stop! 346 00:13:19,079 --> 00:13:20,411 Bon appetite. 347 00:13:21,389 --> 00:13:23,185 These aren't edible. 348 00:13:23,210 --> 00:13:25,700 It's an egg, it's cooked. It counts. 349 00:13:25,725 --> 00:13:27,036 Mark it off the list. 350 00:13:27,061 --> 00:13:28,061 Boom! 351 00:13:29,212 --> 00:13:30,349 When is she going to learn 352 00:13:30,374 --> 00:13:33,075 that she can't be a screw-up her whole life? 353 00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:34,669 I'm going to edit the list. 354 00:13:34,694 --> 00:13:37,427 I'm going to make it "Cook an edible egg." 355 00:13:37,452 --> 00:13:38,651 Mm. 356 00:13:42,607 --> 00:13:45,036 Oh. This is Oliver's computer. 357 00:13:45,708 --> 00:13:47,553 While I'm here, I might as well take a look around. 358 00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:49,110 How do you know his password? 359 00:13:49,602 --> 00:13:51,368 Stop it. 360 00:13:53,647 --> 00:13:54,763 _ 361 00:13:57,460 --> 00:13:58,982 Oh, no. 362 00:14:00,843 --> 00:14:02,872 - Oh, my God. - ‭Okay. 363 00:14:03,470 --> 00:14:05,029 Really? 364 00:14:05,054 --> 00:14:06,654 Leave it to Oliver to create 365 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,935 our very own Otto family college admissions scandal. 366 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,700 I'd feel better about this new Otto era 367 00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:13,758 if we were going into it with different kids. 368 00:14:24,123 --> 00:14:25,291 Looking for this? 369 00:14:25,316 --> 00:14:26,715 Hey, gimme that! 370 00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:28,695 We saw your little Photoshop project. 371 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:30,608 Oliver, you're not cheating your way into Harvard. 372 00:14:30,632 --> 00:14:31,693 You know, it's the parents 373 00:14:31,718 --> 00:14:33,568 who end up going to jail in these scandals. 374 00:14:33,593 --> 00:14:35,211 Yeah, but, Mom, think about it. 375 00:14:35,236 --> 00:14:37,426 In prison, no kids, you have your own sink, 376 00:14:37,451 --> 00:14:38,943 they do laundry for you. 377 00:14:39,310 --> 00:14:40,550 And you still look pretty good. 378 00:14:40,575 --> 00:14:42,175 I bet you'd fetch quite the prison wife. 379 00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:43,253 He's not wrong. 380 00:14:43,278 --> 00:14:45,378 Guys, I'm a sophomore. I'm out of time. 381 00:14:45,403 --> 00:14:46,690 I have to cut corners. 382 00:14:46,715 --> 00:14:48,155 We really believed you when you said 383 00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:49,926 you were picking yourself up off the mat 384 00:14:49,951 --> 00:14:51,168 and finding another path. 385 00:14:51,193 --> 00:14:52,318 I was, but then I realized 386 00:14:52,343 --> 00:14:54,207 it's not possible to start over now. 387 00:14:54,232 --> 00:14:56,029 You still have excellent grades. 388 00:14:56,054 --> 00:14:57,496 That's not enough anymore. 389 00:14:57,521 --> 00:14:58,840 God, you're so old! 390 00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:01,043 You have to have a 4.8 GPA, play six sports, 391 00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:02,270 and discover a new language 392 00:15:02,295 --> 00:15:04,028 to get into a decent college these days. 393 00:15:04,053 --> 00:15:06,833 We are not going to let you cheat your way into college! 394 00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:11,114 I guess I'll just have a horrible life. 395 00:15:11,139 --> 00:15:13,465 Go to Cornell, make low six figures, 396 00:15:13,490 --> 00:15:15,806 and join a country club where I'll only have a social membership 397 00:15:15,830 --> 00:15:18,217 because I can't afford golf and tennis privileges. 398 00:15:19,033 --> 00:15:21,591 If you think that's a horrible life, 399 00:15:21,616 --> 00:15:25,215 then you have no idea what a horrible life is. 400 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:26,833 You should go to a homeless shelter someday 401 00:15:26,857 --> 00:15:28,454 and see how those people have to live. 402 00:15:28,479 --> 00:15:30,731 Not someday... today. 403 00:15:30,756 --> 00:15:32,291 You are gonna get your snobby ass 404 00:15:32,316 --> 00:15:34,738 down to a homeless shelter and get some perspective. 405 00:15:34,763 --> 00:15:36,912 And you're going in the minivan. 406 00:15:41,713 --> 00:15:43,313 What are you doing now? 407 00:15:44,149 --> 00:15:46,387 I'm having a nice moment with my mind family. 408 00:15:46,412 --> 00:15:47,708 We're all wearing clothes that fit 409 00:15:47,732 --> 00:15:49,365 and celebrating each other's ambitions. 410 00:15:49,390 --> 00:15:50,222 Ugh! 411 00:15:52,592 --> 00:15:54,992 - Hey, Franklin. Knock-knock. - Who's there? 412 00:15:55,016 --> 00:15:56,359 Your smelly butt. 413 00:15:57,734 --> 00:15:59,053 Never not funny. 414 00:15:59,078 --> 00:16:01,341 I'm still not comfortable with you spying on Anna-Kat. 415 00:16:01,366 --> 00:16:04,262 Well, I'm not comfortable with your new black underpants. 416 00:16:04,287 --> 00:16:06,396 I can wash them with my jeans! 417 00:16:06,670 --> 00:16:08,004 Hey, did you bring that beer 418 00:16:08,029 --> 00:16:09,723 I told you to swipe from your house? 419 00:16:09,748 --> 00:16:10,756 Yeah, I got it. 420 00:16:10,781 --> 00:16:12,909 Did you steal that money from your mom for cigarettes? 421 00:16:12,934 --> 00:16:14,442 Uh-huh. We can go out 422 00:16:14,467 --> 00:16:16,045 to the woods after school tomorrow 423 00:16:16,070 --> 00:16:17,952 and try them. 424 00:16:18,614 --> 00:16:20,918 And the janitor's gonna meet us there, right? 425 00:16:20,943 --> 00:16:21,979 Of course. 426 00:16:22,004 --> 00:16:24,802 He said we could take a ride in his van afterwards, too. 427 00:16:30,508 --> 00:16:32,005 We need to talk. 428 00:16:32,030 --> 00:16:33,030 Yes, we do. 429 00:16:33,055 --> 00:16:34,922 We have a few questions for you. 430 00:16:34,947 --> 00:16:36,303 What a coincidence. 431 00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:38,274 I have some questions for you, as well. 432 00:16:38,526 --> 00:16:40,304 I was sure we had the upper hand in this conversation, 433 00:16:40,328 --> 00:16:41,971 but it really doesn't feel that way. 434 00:16:41,996 --> 00:16:45,408 So, do you guys want to continue this conversation face-to-face, 435 00:16:45,433 --> 00:16:47,500 or should I just talk into my watch?! 436 00:16:47,525 --> 00:16:48,530 Damn! 437 00:16:48,555 --> 00:16:49,979 Why would you guys do that? 438 00:16:50,004 --> 00:16:51,336 Don't you trust me? 439 00:16:51,361 --> 00:16:54,717 Oh, honey, it has nothing to do with trust. 440 00:16:54,953 --> 00:16:56,553 We're just worried there's less people 441 00:16:56,578 --> 00:16:58,156 to keep an eye on you now. 442 00:16:58,539 --> 00:17:00,813 Mom, Dad... 443 00:17:01,289 --> 00:17:04,616 I realize that me moving on from Dr. Ellie's class 444 00:17:04,641 --> 00:17:06,519 isn't just a big change for me. 445 00:17:06,621 --> 00:17:08,969 It's a big change for you, too. 446 00:17:09,109 --> 00:17:12,061 But I can't let your worries hold me back. 447 00:17:12,328 --> 00:17:13,789 Do you want that? 448 00:17:14,289 --> 00:17:15,633 - No. - No. 449 00:17:15,658 --> 00:17:17,473 If you ever feel these worries again, 450 00:17:17,498 --> 00:17:20,545 I want you both to come to me, and we can work it out. 451 00:17:20,570 --> 00:17:22,391 No more tricks, okay? 452 00:17:22,820 --> 00:17:24,919 - Okay. - Okay. 453 00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:26,673 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna have Google 454 00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:29,234 translate the word "booger" into several languages. 455 00:17:33,425 --> 00:17:34,624 Wow. 456 00:17:34,649 --> 00:17:37,679 She just brought us into her new era. 457 00:17:38,135 --> 00:17:40,091 You can cross two more things off your list. 458 00:17:40,116 --> 00:17:41,959 I drove Oliver to the homeless shelter, 459 00:17:41,984 --> 00:17:44,084 so I learned how to put others before myself, 460 00:17:44,109 --> 00:17:46,335 and I let a hobo braid my hair. 461 00:17:46,861 --> 00:17:49,362 Write that on the list and then just cross it off. 462 00:17:51,379 --> 00:17:52,542 So... 463 00:17:52,567 --> 00:17:54,849 how did it go at the shelter? 464 00:17:54,874 --> 00:17:57,529 You were right. Going down there really opened my eyes. 465 00:17:57,554 --> 00:17:59,243 To the fact that you're extremely fortunate 466 00:17:59,268 --> 00:18:00,913 and other people have harder lives than you? 467 00:18:02,001 --> 00:18:04,007 You're funny. No. 468 00:18:04,070 --> 00:18:05,256 I learned the way I'm gonna get into Harvard 469 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,396 is by doing a ton of community service. 470 00:18:07,421 --> 00:18:09,607 I'm gonna trick them into thinking I'm a good person. 471 00:18:09,632 --> 00:18:11,396 I'm back on track, baby. 472 00:18:11,421 --> 00:18:13,429 My dilemma is which one to choose. 473 00:18:13,454 --> 00:18:15,565 Big Brothers, Meals on Wheels, 474 00:18:15,590 --> 00:18:17,189 Habitat for Humanity. 475 00:18:17,214 --> 00:18:19,180 I just have to pick the one with the most prestige 476 00:18:19,205 --> 00:18:20,870 and takes the least effort. 477 00:18:20,895 --> 00:18:22,693 Well, I guess, for the moment, 478 00:18:22,718 --> 00:18:24,741 you doing the right thing for the wrong reasons 479 00:18:24,766 --> 00:18:26,699 is the best we can hope for. 480 00:18:27,218 --> 00:18:28,935 It really is, guys. 481 00:18:31,982 --> 00:18:34,050 - Okay. Hmm. - ‭Alright. 482 00:18:36,534 --> 00:18:38,216 I decided to knock a bunch of things 483 00:18:38,241 --> 00:18:40,013 off your dumb list all at once. 484 00:18:40,038 --> 00:18:41,209 Number 40... 485 00:18:41,234 --> 00:18:43,412 "Take responsibility for your own actions." 486 00:18:43,437 --> 00:18:45,991 I messed up the minivan, so I fixed it. 487 00:18:46,327 --> 00:18:47,738 That's great! 488 00:18:47,763 --> 00:18:48,763 How? 489 00:18:48,788 --> 00:18:50,167 I called a bunch of auto body shops, 490 00:18:50,191 --> 00:18:51,490 and I found the cheapest one. 491 00:18:51,515 --> 00:18:53,534 Number 17... "Be frugal." 492 00:18:53,559 --> 00:18:54,559 And I also figured out 493 00:18:54,582 --> 00:18:56,284 how to get that gross smell out of there. 494 00:18:56,309 --> 00:18:58,473 Number 5... "Take initiative." 495 00:18:58,621 --> 00:19:01,324 Wow, Taylor. We're very impressed. 496 00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:03,088 How did you get rid of the smell? 497 00:19:03,113 --> 00:19:04,916 That stank was in there, man. 498 00:19:04,941 --> 00:19:07,199 I lit those scented candles you got from work. 499 00:19:07,642 --> 00:19:09,504 You... put lit candles in the car? 500 00:19:09,529 --> 00:19:10,853 Yeah. And they're still going. 501 00:19:10,878 --> 00:19:12,534 It's been about three hours. 502 00:19:12,559 --> 00:19:14,909 Number 77... "Learn to tell time." 503 00:19:15,966 --> 00:19:17,113 Oh, no, no, no! 504 00:19:17,586 --> 00:19:19,720 - No! No! ‭- Taylor, what did you do?! 505 00:19:21,798 --> 00:19:23,212 Taylor! 506 00:19:31,135 --> 00:19:33,973 Some people charge into the new era. 507 00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:36,105 Some slowly limp forward. 508 00:19:36,130 --> 00:19:38,798 Some may never get there. 509 00:19:39,230 --> 00:19:40,950 This is so bad. 510 00:19:40,975 --> 00:19:43,109 I've got to make a real change. 511 00:19:43,134 --> 00:19:45,041 I have to stop being such a screw-up. 512 00:19:45,066 --> 00:19:48,059 Then again, maybe they will. 513 00:19:49,896 --> 00:19:53,012 I'm... here to check on the minivan for sale. 514 00:19:53,428 --> 00:19:55,832 There is some wiggle room on the price. 515 00:20:04,834 --> 00:20:07,371 Well, I just finalized the minivan sale. 516 00:20:07,396 --> 00:20:08,865 250 bucks. 517 00:20:09,068 --> 00:20:10,574 That's all we got for it? 518 00:20:10,599 --> 00:20:13,751 "We"? That's what I paid the guy to haul away that piece of crap. 519 00:20:13,776 --> 00:20:16,287 I still remember the day we brought it home. 520 00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:23,131 Mom! 521 00:20:24,293 --> 00:20:25,568 Mommy! 522 00:20:30,342 --> 00:20:32,224 That's... not how I remember it. 523 00:20:35,387 --> 00:20:36,823 Mom! 524 00:20:37,936 --> 00:20:39,494 Mommy! 525 00:20:46,310 --> 00:20:47,376 Wait. 526 00:20:47,401 --> 00:20:50,259 So, in your version, you look like Alex Landi? 527 00:20:50,284 --> 00:20:52,038 I like to tell a story accurately. 528 00:20:56,226 --> 00:20:58,585 - I love you. - I love you, too, sweetie.