WEBVTT 1 00:00:01,080 --> 00:00:02,960 So, we'll do the opening ceremony 2 00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:04,080 at the front gate when the parade ends. 3 00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:06,420 That way, after they cut the ribbon, 4 00:00:06,420 --> 00:00:08,040 it will be a hu-- Mom, you ironed my shirt 5 00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:10,830 in a way I can only describe as "indifferently sloppy." 6 00:00:10,830 --> 00:00:12,420 I look like a socialist. 7 00:00:12,420 --> 00:00:13,830 Oliver, I'm a little busy 8 00:00:13,830 --> 00:00:15,920 planning the Westport Founder's Day Fair. 9 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:18,790 You can survive one day with a less-than-perfect crease. 10 00:00:18,790 --> 00:00:20,170 You don't understand. 11 00:00:20,170 --> 00:00:21,830 I'm with Brie Witherspoon now. 12 00:00:21,830 --> 00:00:23,500 She's a cardboard box heiress. 13 00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:25,790 Ugh. I need to look my best at all times! 14 00:00:25,790 --> 00:00:27,710 Or, to put it in cardboard box terms, 15 00:00:27,710 --> 00:00:30,170 corners sharp, flaps in, sides tight. 16 00:00:30,170 --> 00:00:31,960 Please shut up. 17 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:33,920 Sorry. As I was saying -- 18 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:35,290 [ Clattering ] Hold on one second! 19 00:00:35,290 --> 00:00:37,120 [ Luthor whines ] Luthor! You're killing me! 20 00:00:38,750 --> 00:00:42,290 Anna-Kat, it's supposed to be cool today, so no sandals. 21 00:00:43,670 --> 00:00:45,420 I like going toe-commando. 22 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,120 I'm not letting you go to school like that. 23 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:48,670 Put on some socks. 24 00:00:48,670 --> 00:00:51,380 [ Exhales sharply ] Okay, sorry. Last interruption. 25 00:00:51,380 --> 00:00:52,960 Mom, can you get me and the Joshes 26 00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:54,170 free tickets to the fair? 27 00:00:54,170 --> 00:00:55,500 Nope. I lied. 28 00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:57,000 I'll call you back. 29 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,380 The Joshes? 30 00:00:58,380 --> 00:01:00,830 The three boys named Josh who are constantly in trouble? 31 00:01:00,830 --> 00:01:02,620 I don't want you hanging out with them. 32 00:01:02,620 --> 00:01:03,830 Well, that's unfair. 33 00:01:03,830 --> 00:01:05,710 Sure, Josh has gotten into some trouble. 34 00:01:05,710 --> 00:01:06,920 Maybe Josh has, too. 35 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:08,000 But Josh hasn't. 36 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,920 The best way not to do something stupid 37 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:12,420 is to not do something stupid. 38 00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:13,580 [ Scoffs ] 39 00:01:13,580 --> 00:01:15,000 Greg, a little help here. 40 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:17,170 I'm sorry. It's my fault. Won't do it again. 41 00:01:17,170 --> 00:01:18,500 Greg! 42 00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:19,580 Ah. 43 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,250 I'm a little preoccupied. 44 00:01:21,250 --> 00:01:25,420 My re-enactment group not only promoted me to Captain... 45 00:01:25,420 --> 00:01:28,000 Holding for applause. Getting none. Moving on. 46 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:31,920 ...but also, I've been chosen to recite the immortal words 47 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:34,670 of Westport founder Daniel Nash to open the Fair. 48 00:01:34,670 --> 00:01:35,710 Hmm. 49 00:01:35,710 --> 00:01:37,830 "Though we are weary, we are not worn. 50 00:01:37,830 --> 00:01:39,830 We are bloodied, but not broken. 51 00:01:39,830 --> 00:01:41,750 Don't fire unless fired upon, 52 00:01:41,750 --> 00:01:45,420 but if they mean to have a war, let it begin in Westport." 53 00:01:45,420 --> 00:01:47,170 That was terrible. 54 00:01:47,170 --> 00:01:49,290 You're a captain now. Get it together, Otto! 55 00:01:50,380 --> 00:01:53,670 So, basically, I'm on my own for all of this -- as usual. 56 00:01:53,670 --> 00:01:54,830 [ Inhales deeply ] 57 00:01:54,830 --> 00:01:58,170 Taking care of the kids, taking care of the house, 58 00:01:58,170 --> 00:02:01,420 and not a thank-you in sight. 59 00:02:01,420 --> 00:02:03,500 I deserve a thank-you. 60 00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:04,830 [ Discordant chord plays ] 61 00:02:04,830 --> 00:02:06,920 I deserve gratitude! 62 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,500 [ Discordant chord plays ] 63 00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:11,380 I deserve applause! 64 00:02:11,380 --> 00:02:14,290 [ Flourish plays ] 65 00:02:14,290 --> 00:02:17,250 Yeah. That's right. It's a musical. 66 00:02:17,250 --> 00:02:19,380 Deal with it. 67 00:02:19,380 --> 00:02:23,000 ♪ Everyone's the star of their own little show ♪ 68 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:24,170 Juice is warm. 69 00:02:24,170 --> 00:02:27,750 ♪ They all get their moment to shine ♪ 70 00:02:27,750 --> 00:02:30,330 Who bought lime shampoo? 71 00:02:30,330 --> 00:02:34,500 ♪ Everybody basks in the spotlight's hot glow ♪ 72 00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:35,790 I think this has mad cow. 73 00:02:35,790 --> 00:02:38,250 ♪ They get tons of moments ♪ 74 00:02:38,250 --> 00:02:41,170 ♪ Where's mine? ♪ 75 00:02:41,170 --> 00:02:43,330 ♪ Mothers cook, and they clean ♪ 76 00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:45,500 ♪ Run the carpool routine ♪ 77 00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:47,790 ♪ We work our butts off ♪ 78 00:02:47,790 --> 00:02:51,750 ♪ And do we get paid? ♪ 79 00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:56,710 ♪ Plus, we keep our husbands happy ♪ 80 00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:59,880 Yeah. I mean that kind of happy. 81 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:03,880 ♪ So when is this town gonna celebrate me? ♪ 82 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:07,420 ♪ With marching and singing like something from "Glee"? ♪ 83 00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:09,380 ♪ I want floats, I want bands ♪ 84 00:03:09,380 --> 00:03:11,000 ♪ I want streets lined with stands ♪ 85 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,920 ♪ I want drum majorettes ♪ 86 00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:14,620 ♪ I want lots of jazz hands! ♪ 87 00:03:14,620 --> 00:03:16,420 ♪ I want cheers and confetti ♪ 88 00:03:16,420 --> 00:03:20,710 ♪ As all kinds of fusses are made ♪ 89 00:03:20,710 --> 00:03:24,960 ♪ Tell me, where is my ♪ 90 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:30,380 ♪ Paraaaaaaaaaaade? ♪ 91 00:03:30,380 --> 00:03:35,500 ♪ Paraaaaaaaaaaade? ♪ 92 00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:36,710 [ Song ends ] 93 00:03:38,670 --> 00:03:39,670 Mom's in a mood. 94 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:44,750 ♪♪ 95 00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:46,960 I just wanted to soak in the history 96 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,670 to connect with Daniel Nash so I can do his words justice. 97 00:03:49,670 --> 00:03:53,120 Look, I understand your passion for Nash. 98 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,670 You know, sometimes, I'll just come here on the weekends 99 00:03:55,670 --> 00:03:56,790 when I don't have 100 00:03:56,790 --> 00:03:59,540 my court-mandated anger management classes. 101 00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:01,250 There she is! 102 00:04:01,250 --> 00:04:03,920 The actual flag Nash carried into battle 103 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:05,460 during the forming of Westport. 104 00:04:05,460 --> 00:04:08,290 You can still see the blood on it. 105 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,620 The powder burns when he was shot. 106 00:04:10,620 --> 00:04:12,670 And the imprints from the horseshoes 107 00:04:12,670 --> 00:04:15,000 when he was trampled under the Cavalry charge. 108 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,250 But still he held... 109 00:04:17,250 --> 00:04:20,120 proud...and strong. 110 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:21,830 Oh, it's working. 111 00:04:21,830 --> 00:04:23,830 Hey, I know it's a lot to ask, 112 00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:27,170 but do you think there's any way that I could hold the flag 113 00:04:27,170 --> 00:04:28,920 while I'm delivering Nash's words? 114 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,210 This is a priceless artifact. 115 00:04:31,210 --> 00:04:33,540 I-I-It's never even left the glass case. 116 00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:35,540 Of course. What was I thinking? Stupid! 117 00:04:35,540 --> 00:04:36,710 It's never left the case 118 00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,710 because nobody's ever had the guts to ask. 119 00:04:38,710 --> 00:04:39,710 What's happening? 120 00:04:39,710 --> 00:04:40,880 I want you to take this home, 121 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:42,710 and I want you to soak in its history! 122 00:04:42,710 --> 00:04:44,170 Take it home for realsies? 123 00:04:44,170 --> 00:04:46,000 Yes, Captain Otto. 124 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,330 For realsies. 125 00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:48,960 [ Patriotic music plays ] 126 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:50,670 I am overwhelmed. 127 00:04:50,670 --> 00:04:53,500 I barely have the Founder's Day Fair under control, 128 00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:55,500 plus keeping up with the kids and the house 129 00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:57,170 and Greg being no help. 130 00:04:57,170 --> 00:04:59,580 Sometimes it is too much. 131 00:04:59,580 --> 00:05:02,500 Ugh! I can totally relate. It's the same at my place. 132 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:04,540 Really? You get overwhelmed? 133 00:05:04,540 --> 00:05:05,790 Oh. [ Chuckles ] 134 00:05:05,790 --> 00:05:07,500 I'm sorry. I wasn't talking about me. 135 00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:09,170 I was talking about my nannies. 136 00:05:09,170 --> 00:05:11,380 Those poor women dealing with raising the kids, 137 00:05:11,380 --> 00:05:12,460 taking care of the house -- 138 00:05:12,460 --> 00:05:13,710 it is a struggle. 139 00:05:13,710 --> 00:05:16,290 See? This is the problem with Westport. 140 00:05:16,290 --> 00:05:18,790 Moms don't actually do anything on their own. 141 00:05:18,790 --> 00:05:20,620 They have drivers, shoppers... 142 00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:22,330 And that is why Westport... 143 00:05:22,330 --> 00:05:24,000 [ Mid-tempo music plays ] ...is the best place in the world. 144 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,920 Oh, yeah. It is pretty great. Yeah. 145 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:27,670 Sure, but not for me. 146 00:05:27,670 --> 00:05:29,620 Well, that's because you're doing it wrong! 147 00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:31,790 Tell her, Angela. 148 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,880 ♪ Look at life in Westport ♪ 149 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:35,670 ♪ Tell me whatcha see ♪ 150 00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:37,830 ♪ Every lawn is green, every house, obscene ♪ 151 00:05:37,830 --> 00:05:39,460 ♪ Every face is wrinkle-free ♪ 152 00:05:39,460 --> 00:05:40,670 Eh... 153 00:05:40,670 --> 00:05:42,670 ♪ Don't it all sound perfect? ♪ No. 154 00:05:42,670 --> 00:05:44,580 ♪ Yeah, it does, don't lie ♪ Yeah. 155 00:05:44,580 --> 00:05:46,000 ♪ You can't fight it or hide it ♪ 156 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,460 ♪ So, hey, why try? ♪ 157 00:05:47,460 --> 00:05:48,750 ♪ Why try? ♪ 158 00:05:48,750 --> 00:05:50,540 ♪ Just pop a couple Xanax ♪ 159 00:05:50,540 --> 00:05:51,420 Two. 160 00:05:51,420 --> 00:05:53,080 ♪ Let your worries fade ♪ 161 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,080 ♪ When life gives you lululemons ♪ 162 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:58,170 ♪ Have some lululemonade ♪ 163 00:05:58,170 --> 00:06:00,290 ♪ Just kick back and relax ♪ 164 00:06:00,290 --> 00:06:02,380 ♪ That's the Westport way ♪ 165 00:06:02,380 --> 00:06:04,750 ♪ Have the help bring you snacks ♪ 166 00:06:04,750 --> 00:06:07,000 ♪ On a Westport tray ♪ [ Gasps ] 167 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,420 ♪ Hit the gym ♪ ♪ Get a tan ♪ 168 00:06:08,420 --> 00:06:09,880 ♪ Do a tennis pro ♪ 169 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:13,170 ♪ The world is your oyster once you go full Westport ♪ 170 00:06:13,170 --> 00:06:15,120 ♪ You gotta go full Westport ♪ 171 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:17,170 ♪ Go full Westport ♪ 172 00:06:17,170 --> 00:06:18,380 You're right. 173 00:06:18,380 --> 00:06:20,290 If no one appreciates anything that I do... 174 00:06:20,290 --> 00:06:22,750 "If"? ...then I will do things that I appreciate. 175 00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:23,920 Welcome to the neighborhood! 176 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:25,080 Finally. 177 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,290 ♪ Sleepin' in on weekdays ♪ 178 00:06:26,290 --> 00:06:27,250 ♪ Always ♪ 179 00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:28,000 ♪ Ditchin' work, as well ♪ 180 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:29,380 ♪ Oh, well ♪ 181 00:06:29,380 --> 00:06:30,790 ♪ The whole carpool schedule ♪ 182 00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:31,790 ♪ Can go to ♪ 183 00:06:31,790 --> 00:06:33,500 ♪ Wherever carpools go ♪ 184 00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:35,830 ♪ Your kids take you for granted ♪ Yep! 185 00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,880 ♪ Let's face it, no one cares ♪ No! 186 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,790 ♪ And that's why God made nannies ♪ 187 00:06:39,790 --> 00:06:40,790 ♪ Butlers ♪ ♪ Tutors ♪ 188 00:06:40,790 --> 00:06:41,920 ♪ And au pairs ♪ 189 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:43,830 ♪ Go do lunch and then chill ♪ 190 00:06:43,830 --> 00:06:46,000 ♪ That's the Westport style ♪ 191 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:48,210 ♪ When you sign for the bill ♪ 192 00:06:48,210 --> 00:06:50,670 ♪ Smile a Westport smile ♪ 193 00:06:50,670 --> 00:06:51,880 ♪ Hit the spa ♪ ♪ And Pilates ♪ 194 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:53,330 ♪ And the nail salon ♪ 195 00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:56,500 ♪ You'll stop feeling guilty once you've gone full Westport ♪ 196 00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:58,830 ♪ So why not go full Westport? ♪ 197 00:06:58,830 --> 00:07:00,830 ♪ Go full Westport ♪ 198 00:07:00,830 --> 00:07:02,040 [ Rapping ] ♪ Is the best port ♪ 199 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,210 ♪ It's the juice-organically-pressed-port ♪ 200 00:07:04,210 --> 00:07:06,330 ♪ Westport, it's the best port ♪ 201 00:07:06,330 --> 00:07:08,210 ♪ It's the look-amazing-undressed-port ♪ 202 00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:10,540 ♪ It's the latest-handbag-obsessed-port ♪ 203 00:07:10,540 --> 00:07:12,920 ♪ It's the everyone- genetically-blessed-port ♪ 204 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:15,290 ♪ It's a hot-yoga, paleo, never-ending fashion show ♪ 205 00:07:15,290 --> 00:07:16,960 ♪ Why-would-anybody- be-stressed-port? ♪ 206 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,790 ♪ Give up and give in ♪ 207 00:07:18,790 --> 00:07:21,000 ♪ To the Westport life ♪ 208 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,170 ♪ Self-indulge, take the win ♪ 209 00:07:23,170 --> 00:07:25,790 ♪ Like a Westport wife ♪ ♪ Ohhhhh ♪ 210 00:07:25,790 --> 00:07:28,040 ♪ Why waste another minute being discontent? ♪ 211 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:30,000 ♪ You'll look back and wonder why you never went ♪ 212 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:30,670 ♪ Full Westport ♪ 213 00:07:30,670 --> 00:07:31,670 ♪ Westport ♪ 214 00:07:31,670 --> 00:07:32,620 ♪ It's time to go full Westport ♪ 215 00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:33,920 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 216 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,790 ♪ Go full Westport ♪ 217 00:07:35,790 --> 00:07:37,170 So? That's it. 218 00:07:37,170 --> 00:07:38,250 I'm gonna do it. 219 00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:40,040 ♪ Go full Westport ♪ 220 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,380 And by "do it," I mean "do nothing"! 221 00:07:42,380 --> 00:07:44,120 ♪ Go full Westport ♪ 222 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:45,830 ♪ Westport, Westport, Westport ♪ 223 00:07:45,830 --> 00:07:47,580 ♪ It's time to go full Westport ♪ 224 00:07:47,580 --> 00:07:49,210 It's the best port. It's the best port. 225 00:07:50,330 --> 00:07:51,670 Gather up. [ Door closes ] 226 00:07:51,670 --> 00:07:54,500 I do everything around here, with no appreciation. 227 00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:56,790 So from now on, we are going to have 228 00:07:56,790 --> 00:08:00,330 nannies, housekeepers, and drivers take care of it all. 229 00:08:00,330 --> 00:08:01,330 Really? 230 00:08:01,330 --> 00:08:02,210 Yeah. 231 00:08:02,210 --> 00:08:03,330 Nanny. [ Discordant chord ] 232 00:08:03,330 --> 00:08:04,500 Housekeeper. [ Discordant chord ] 233 00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:05,670 Driver. [ Discordant chord ] 234 00:08:05,670 --> 00:08:07,170 As of now, you're all on your own. 235 00:08:07,170 --> 00:08:08,170 [ Barks ] 236 00:08:08,170 --> 00:08:09,500 You're right, Luthor. 237 00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:11,210 It's gonna be a disaster. 238 00:08:11,210 --> 00:08:12,330 I think he's just hungry. 239 00:08:12,330 --> 00:08:14,000 He said it was gonna be a disaster! 240 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,880 ♪♪ 241 00:08:20,460 --> 00:08:22,830 ♪♪ 242 00:08:22,830 --> 00:08:23,880 Hey, guys. 243 00:08:24,830 --> 00:08:26,000 [ Chuckling ] Wow! 244 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,170 Look at your clothes. 245 00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:29,170 They're all crumpled up like the $100 bills 246 00:08:29,170 --> 00:08:31,120 I find between the seat cushions in my couch. 247 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,330 Our mom has gone completely AWOL. 248 00:08:33,330 --> 00:08:34,710 What's her deal? 249 00:08:34,710 --> 00:08:36,620 If you want appreciation, don't be a mom. 250 00:08:36,620 --> 00:08:37,920 Let's just say "thank you" 251 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:39,670 and go back to her doing stuff for us. 252 00:08:39,670 --> 00:08:41,620 I...suppose you could, 253 00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:44,040 but as a kid who almost never sees his parents 254 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:45,830 'cause they're always traveling, 255 00:08:45,830 --> 00:08:48,580 there are benefits to life without parents. 256 00:08:48,580 --> 00:08:51,500 Can you communicate those in an interesting way? 257 00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:54,000 ♪ Imagine no one in your face ♪ 258 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,460 That is interesting. 259 00:08:55,460 --> 00:08:58,210 ♪ Nobody all up in your biz ♪ 260 00:08:58,210 --> 00:08:59,330 Huh. 261 00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:02,790 ♪ No one decidin' how you walk or eat ♪ 262 00:09:02,790 --> 00:09:06,080 ♪ Just think how sweet it is ♪ 263 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:07,540 Keep talking. 264 00:09:07,540 --> 00:09:09,750 ♪ Nobody steppin' on your game ♪ 265 00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:11,460 I'm liking this. 266 00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:14,170 ♪ No one decidin' who you see ♪ 267 00:09:14,170 --> 00:09:15,500 I'm really liking this. 268 00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:18,620 ♪ No one to criticize your point of view ♪ 269 00:09:18,620 --> 00:09:22,000 ♪ Or tell ya who to be ♪ 270 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,540 ♪ Your life is not your own ♪ 271 00:09:24,540 --> 00:09:26,790 ♪ But once they leave you alone ♪ 272 00:09:26,790 --> 00:09:28,080 ♪ You can do you ♪ 273 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:30,830 ♪ Stay out all night and get some tattoos ♪ 274 00:09:30,830 --> 00:09:32,080 ♪ You can do you ♪ 275 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:34,960 ♪ Go on and break those family taboos ♪ 276 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:39,330 ♪ Life can be nice when you got nothin' to lose ♪ 277 00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:43,080 ♪ And once you're free to go and be whatever you choose ♪ 278 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:44,290 ♪ You can do you ♪ 279 00:09:44,290 --> 00:09:46,000 [ Laughter ] 280 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,290 Let me get this straight. 281 00:09:47,290 --> 00:09:48,960 If we can just get rid of our parents... 282 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,290 The sky's the limit. 283 00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:53,670 ♪ Imagine wearing what I want ♪ 284 00:09:53,670 --> 00:09:55,880 ♪ You can wear anything you want ♪ 285 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:57,620 ♪ Nobody screenin' every call ♪ 286 00:09:57,620 --> 00:10:00,000 ♪ No one to screen every call ♪ 287 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,460 ♪ No one complaining that if I don't stop ♪ 288 00:10:02,460 --> 00:10:03,460 ♪ Nobody ♪ 289 00:10:03,460 --> 00:10:06,750 ♪ I'll drive her up the wall ♪ 290 00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:08,080 ♪ You can do you ♪ 291 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:10,620 ♪ You can dress exactly like a hedge fund C.E.O. ♪ 292 00:10:10,620 --> 00:10:12,040 ♪ You can do you ♪ 293 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:14,670 ♪ You can blow off school to hang with every Josh you know ♪ 294 00:10:14,670 --> 00:10:16,210 ♪ You can do you ♪ 295 00:10:16,210 --> 00:10:19,290 ♪ You can cruise the hallways with your toenails out on show ♪ 296 00:10:19,290 --> 00:10:20,540 ♪ You can do you ♪ 297 00:10:20,540 --> 00:10:23,710 ♪ And your mother never has to know ♪ 298 00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:26,830 ♪ Won't it be nice when no one's blockin' your flow ♪ 299 00:10:26,830 --> 00:10:28,080 ♪ Blockin' your flow ♪ 300 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,170 ♪ And once you're through with you-know-who ♪ 301 00:10:30,170 --> 00:10:32,250 ♪ Once we're through with you-know-who ♪ 302 00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:34,330 ♪ Once you're through with you-know-who ♪ 303 00:10:34,330 --> 00:10:36,000 ♪ We'll be good to go ♪ 304 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,170 ♪ You can do you ♪ 305 00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,120 [ Laughter ] 306 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:41,250 I propose we make a pact. 307 00:10:41,250 --> 00:10:43,790 We'll cook, clean, do laundry, and pick up after ourselves. 308 00:10:43,790 --> 00:10:45,080 ♪ You can do you ♪ 309 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:47,500 The longer we keep Mom out of our business, the better. 310 00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:52,330 ♪ Wait and see what you can be when you can do you ♪ 311 00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:59,580 ♪♪ 312 00:10:59,580 --> 00:11:03,040 Virginia ham and baked potatoes. 313 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:04,670 You made this? 314 00:11:04,670 --> 00:11:06,330 Pretty amazing what a kid can do 315 00:11:06,330 --> 00:11:08,830 when her toes aren't being smothered by socks. 316 00:11:08,830 --> 00:11:11,040 [ Doorbell rings ] 317 00:11:14,420 --> 00:11:16,670 My perfectly pressed shirts. 318 00:11:16,670 --> 00:11:18,540 Turns out, in Cooper's basement, 319 00:11:18,540 --> 00:11:21,330 next to the bowling alley is a little dry cleaner. 320 00:11:23,210 --> 00:11:24,670 Oliver programmed my phone 321 00:11:24,670 --> 00:11:26,290 to do everything you would do for me. 322 00:11:26,290 --> 00:11:27,580 [ Cellphone chimes ] 323 00:11:27,580 --> 00:11:30,500 I just got a notification to study for a history quiz. 324 00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:32,500 Not gonna do it, but it's nice to have the option. 325 00:11:34,670 --> 00:11:36,540 Can you believe how far they'll go 326 00:11:36,540 --> 00:11:38,920 just to keep from showing me any appreciation? 327 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:40,330 But just think, this is what you wanted -- 328 00:11:40,330 --> 00:11:41,500 to live like a Westport housewife 329 00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:42,920 with a full staff of help. 330 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:43,960 And you kind of are. 331 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,170 I mean, watch this. 332 00:11:45,170 --> 00:11:46,830 [ Fork clatters ] 333 00:11:49,580 --> 00:11:51,620 Yeah. I guess that's kind of cool. 334 00:11:51,620 --> 00:11:53,580 Well, I better practice my Daniel Nash line. 335 00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:55,380 You know, I think the flag is really helping. 336 00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:56,420 Mm. 337 00:11:57,540 --> 00:11:59,000 Taylor, honey, have you seen my flag? 338 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,330 It was on the side table. 339 00:12:00,330 --> 00:12:02,330 Yeah. It was filthy, so I threw it in the laundry. 340 00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:03,330 You what?! 341 00:12:03,330 --> 00:12:04,620 I know! Can you believe it? 342 00:12:04,620 --> 00:12:06,290 I'm doing laundry now! [ Chuckles ] 343 00:12:06,290 --> 00:12:07,290 Here you go. What... 344 00:12:07,290 --> 00:12:08,500 I even sewed up the holes. 345 00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:09,540 You what?! 346 00:12:09,540 --> 00:12:12,670 Taylor, this was a historical artifact! 347 00:12:12,670 --> 00:12:14,170 It's the first time out of the case! 348 00:12:14,170 --> 00:12:16,170 Did you not see where it was signed by George Washington?! 349 00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:17,540 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. 350 00:12:17,540 --> 00:12:18,830 It said "Washington"? 351 00:12:18,830 --> 00:12:21,620 I thought it said "Wash a ton," so I did. 352 00:12:21,620 --> 00:12:22,710 Like seven times. 353 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,830 Katie: By the day of the Westport Founder's Day Fair, 354 00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:31,580 I was sure the kids would have come crawling back to me. 355 00:12:31,580 --> 00:12:34,290 But they seemed to be doing fine on their own. 356 00:12:34,290 --> 00:12:35,790 Okay, guys, time to go. 357 00:12:35,790 --> 00:12:37,330 I'm driving, so we're taking the car. 358 00:12:37,330 --> 00:12:38,670 Oliver: And since we're on our own, 359 00:12:38,670 --> 00:12:40,380 I will be with Brie at the fair, 360 00:12:40,380 --> 00:12:42,170 and I don't need you to embarrass me. 361 00:12:42,170 --> 00:12:43,670 I request you keep your distance. 362 00:12:43,670 --> 00:12:46,580 Imagine there's a 20-foot circle of kung pao tofu around me. 363 00:12:46,580 --> 00:12:49,380 Why would they ruin kung pao with tofu?! 364 00:12:49,380 --> 00:12:50,620 Exactly. 365 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:53,920 Oops. I almost forgot. 366 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:55,120 My socks. 367 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:56,620 You're already wearing them, honey. 368 00:12:56,620 --> 00:12:58,040 I know. 369 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:02,080 There. That's better. 370 00:13:03,420 --> 00:13:05,330 Breathe it in, piggies. 371 00:13:05,330 --> 00:13:06,500 [ Door closes ] 372 00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:07,830 Good news. 373 00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:10,290 I figured out how to get the flag back to how it was 374 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,710 in time for my speech. Hmm. 375 00:13:11,710 --> 00:13:14,040 I use raw hamburger for the blood... Mm-hmm. 376 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:15,830 ...black powder for the burns... 377 00:13:15,830 --> 00:13:17,460 [ Clatter ] ...and a box of old horseshoes 378 00:13:17,460 --> 00:13:18,710 I can dump on it for the stampede. 379 00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:19,750 [ Exhales sharply ] 380 00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:21,330 I need the counter. Okay. 381 00:13:22,670 --> 00:13:23,710 It's all yours. 382 00:13:23,710 --> 00:13:25,830 Okay, Captain Otto. 383 00:13:25,830 --> 00:13:27,120 Let's do this thing. 384 00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:28,620 [ Colonial music plays ] 385 00:13:28,620 --> 00:13:31,250 Aah! Ohh! Ah! Ooh! 386 00:13:31,250 --> 00:13:33,040 [ Groaning ] 387 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:39,040 ♪♪ 388 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:41,120 [ Screaming ] 389 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,670 [ Straining ] Horseshoes, you're supposed to be lucky! 390 00:13:43,670 --> 00:13:44,670 [ Groans ] 391 00:13:44,670 --> 00:13:50,670 ♪♪ 392 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:56,830 ♪♪ 393 00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,330 Oh, [bleep]! 394 00:13:59,330 --> 00:14:00,460 Aah! Aah! 395 00:14:00,460 --> 00:14:01,500 Ugh! 396 00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:06,080 Aah! 397 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:07,080 [ Blows ] 398 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,330 Aaaaaah! 399 00:14:08,330 --> 00:14:09,330 Gaaaah! 400 00:14:09,330 --> 00:14:11,420 [ Indistinct conversations ] 401 00:14:13,290 --> 00:14:15,830 Okay, the parade is officially over. 402 00:14:15,830 --> 00:14:18,040 Time to cut the ribbon and open the gates. 403 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:20,620 Anybody need anything from me? 404 00:14:20,620 --> 00:14:21,750 Man: No, we don't need you. 405 00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:22,750 Man #2: I'm fine here. 406 00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:23,830 Woman: Everything's good. 407 00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:25,330 Man #3: Nothing from me. 408 00:14:25,330 --> 00:14:26,670 Man #4: You're not needed. 409 00:14:26,670 --> 00:14:28,420 Roger. 410 00:14:28,420 --> 00:14:30,170 Could've done without that. 411 00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:32,290 Greg: Excuse me. Excuse me. 412 00:14:32,290 --> 00:14:33,290 [ Groans ] 413 00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:34,830 Good Lord, Greg, what happened? 414 00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:36,040 [ Groans ] 415 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:37,120 Excuse me. 416 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,330 Excuse me. 417 00:14:38,330 --> 00:14:39,830 Captain Otto. 418 00:14:39,830 --> 00:14:41,540 I love the Daniel Nash limp. 419 00:14:41,540 --> 00:14:43,670 Wh-- And you smell of burnt hair! 420 00:14:43,670 --> 00:14:45,920 Wow! I'd like to shake your hand! Ow! [ Groans ] 421 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:46,960 Whoa. 422 00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:48,880 Step aside, Vin Diesel. 423 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,790 You are now the greatest actor I have ever met. 424 00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:54,290 [ Groans ] 425 00:14:54,290 --> 00:14:55,620 Attention, everyone! 426 00:14:55,620 --> 00:14:58,500 [ Stirring music plays ] 427 00:14:58,500 --> 00:15:02,830 "Though we are weary, we are not worn. 428 00:15:02,830 --> 00:15:06,330 We are bloodied, but not broken." 429 00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:08,710 ♪♪ 430 00:15:08,710 --> 00:15:12,000 "Do not fire unless fired upon..." 431 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,670 Mm-hmm. 432 00:15:13,670 --> 00:15:16,290 "...but if they mean to have a war, 433 00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:18,830 let it begin in Westport!" 434 00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:20,830 [ Cheers and applause ] 435 00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:26,830 ♪♪ 436 00:15:27,670 --> 00:15:33,040 ♪♪ 437 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:34,920 [ Cheers and applause ] 438 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:36,460 [ Groans ] 439 00:15:36,460 --> 00:15:38,290 [ Indistinct talking ] 440 00:15:38,290 --> 00:15:44,330 ♪♪ 441 00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:47,380 Okay. It's showtime. 442 00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:48,960 So, what are we doing, Joshes? 443 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,880 I just bought a bunch of gooey, hot, fried cheese balls. 444 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:53,210 Cool! 445 00:15:53,210 --> 00:15:54,830 When the next person comes out of that Porta Potty... 446 00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:55,830 Bam! 447 00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,000 ...we fire away. 448 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,170 [ Laughs ] Classic. 449 00:15:58,170 --> 00:15:59,330 But won't that hurt? 450 00:15:59,330 --> 00:16:00,620 That's what's funny! [ Laughs ] 451 00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:02,290 Oh! Okay, quick, load up. People are coming out. 452 00:16:02,290 --> 00:16:03,500 Here. 453 00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:05,170 Katie: [ Echoing ] Don't do this, Taylor. 454 00:16:05,170 --> 00:16:06,330 People could get burned! 455 00:16:06,330 --> 00:16:08,670 ♪♪ 456 00:16:08,670 --> 00:16:10,500 [ Chuckling ] Oh, this is gonna be crazy-funny. 457 00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:12,500 The best way not to do something stupid 458 00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:14,000 is to not do something stupid. 459 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,120 [ Sighs ] 460 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,960 Josh, Josh, Josh. 461 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:19,040 Hold up. 462 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,250 I think this is a bad idea. 463 00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:21,500 What are you talking about? 464 00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:22,830 We're throwing cheese balls, man. 465 00:16:22,830 --> 00:16:24,120 [ Chuckling ] Yeah. Guys, don't! 466 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,080 ♪♪ 467 00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:28,580 [ Exhales sharply ] 468 00:16:28,580 --> 00:16:30,830 It's...so good that you stopped us. 469 00:16:30,830 --> 00:16:32,670 We would've been so busted. 470 00:16:32,670 --> 00:16:34,170 Oh, my God. My mom was right. 471 00:16:34,170 --> 00:16:36,500 That's right. I was right. 472 00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:42,500 ♪♪ 473 00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:44,080 Wonderful speech, Captain Otto. 474 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:45,210 W-- Thank you! 475 00:16:45,210 --> 00:16:47,000 I think I really connected people to history. 476 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,000 Maybe next year, I'll shoot you in the head. 477 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,170 You can be Lincoln. 478 00:16:50,170 --> 00:16:51,670 What's wrong with you? 479 00:16:51,670 --> 00:16:52,790 Sorry. 480 00:16:52,790 --> 00:16:54,960 I just wanted a little appreciation. 481 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,170 But instead, I started a revolution. 482 00:16:57,170 --> 00:17:00,290 And now they don't need me anymore. 483 00:17:00,290 --> 00:17:01,330 [ Sighs ] 484 00:17:01,330 --> 00:17:02,710 I still need you. 485 00:17:02,710 --> 00:17:05,000 Look what happened when I tried to handle things myself. 486 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,670 I was stabbed, burned, and trampled by horseshoes. 487 00:17:09,790 --> 00:17:11,620 [ Shivering ] 488 00:17:13,540 --> 00:17:15,080 Give me a second. 489 00:17:16,170 --> 00:17:18,000 So cold. 490 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,420 Here you go, honey. 491 00:17:20,580 --> 00:17:22,080 Socks! Yes! 492 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:23,080 Thank you. 493 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:25,580 [ Uplifting music plays ] 494 00:17:25,580 --> 00:17:27,330 [ Girls laugh ] 495 00:17:27,330 --> 00:17:28,500 Oliver. 496 00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:30,210 Mom! Kung pao tofu! 497 00:17:30,210 --> 00:17:32,960 You have got mustard on your shirt. 498 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:33,960 Oh, no! 499 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,830 Just hold still. Brie's coming. 500 00:17:35,830 --> 00:17:38,120 ♪♪ 501 00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:39,830 There you go. Good as new. 502 00:17:41,790 --> 00:17:42,960 Thank you, Mom. 503 00:17:44,210 --> 00:17:46,000 Young woman: Guys, come on! Let's go! 504 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,670 [ Inhales deeply ] 505 00:17:47,670 --> 00:17:48,750 [ Sighs ] 506 00:17:48,750 --> 00:17:51,250 ♪♪ 507 00:17:51,250 --> 00:17:52,080 Mom! 508 00:17:53,210 --> 00:17:54,750 You were right. 509 00:17:54,750 --> 00:17:55,790 Thank you. 510 00:17:55,790 --> 00:17:57,670 [ Chuckles ] 511 00:17:57,670 --> 00:17:59,830 ♪♪ 512 00:17:59,830 --> 00:18:02,250 ♪ Two little words ♪ 513 00:18:02,250 --> 00:18:05,170 ♪ Those two little words ♪ 514 00:18:05,170 --> 00:18:10,710 ♪ And all my frustrations just fade ♪ 515 00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:13,040 ♪ It's better than chocolate ♪ 516 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,420 ♪ Not quite as good as sex ♪ 517 00:18:15,420 --> 00:18:21,420 ♪ But it feels like my personal Founder's Day parade ♪ 518 00:18:25,420 --> 00:18:27,750 ♪ It's like ♪ 519 00:18:27,750 --> 00:18:32,210 ♪ Being at a carnival and riding every ride ♪ 520 00:18:32,210 --> 00:18:36,540 ♪ That rush of pure adrenaline when bumper cars collide ♪ 521 00:18:36,540 --> 00:18:40,790 ♪ The rapture when you realize that all the food is fried ♪ 522 00:18:40,790 --> 00:18:44,080 ♪ All from two little words ♪ 523 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,290 ♪ It's that roller-coaster feeling ♪ 524 00:18:46,290 --> 00:18:48,500 ♪ Like you gotta scream out loud ♪ 525 00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:52,290 ♪ Or burying your face inside a cotton-candy cloud ♪ 526 00:18:52,290 --> 00:18:55,330 ♪ Or chowing on a corn dog that's extremely well-endowed ♪ 527 00:18:55,330 --> 00:18:56,330 [ Whistle! ] 528 00:18:56,330 --> 00:18:59,620 ♪ All from two little words ♪ 529 00:18:59,620 --> 00:19:03,500 ♪ The cooking, the cleaning, the laundry every day ♪ 530 00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:07,330 ♪ The whining, the tantrums, the flu ♪ 531 00:19:07,330 --> 00:19:11,170 ♪ Somehow, it's worth it the moment that they say ♪ 532 00:19:11,170 --> 00:19:14,880 ♪ One little "thank," then one little "you" ♪ 533 00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:17,290 ♪ It's like ♪ 534 00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:21,960 ♪ Being in the spotlight in a glitzy Broadway show ♪ 535 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:26,920 ♪ And basking in applause like a beloved Broadway pro ♪ 536 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:30,670 ♪ It's like a standing "O" crossed with the other kind of ♪ 537 00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,290 [ High-pitched ] "O"! 538 00:19:32,290 --> 00:19:36,750 [ Normal voice ] ♪ It's a wow and a hoot and a scream ♪ 539 00:19:36,750 --> 00:19:39,620 ♪ It's a fantasy crossed with a dream ♪ 540 00:19:39,620 --> 00:19:43,380 ♪ And I guess it could very well seem ♪ 541 00:19:43,380 --> 00:19:47,290 ♪ Like a sign of my low self-esteem ♪ 542 00:19:47,290 --> 00:19:50,670 ♪ But I'm throbbing with thanks ♪ 543 00:19:50,670 --> 00:19:53,580 ♪ From my head to my SPANX ♪ 544 00:19:53,580 --> 00:19:58,620 ♪ And it's due to two little ♪ 545 00:19:58,620 --> 00:19:59,290 ♪ Wooooooooooooords ♪ 546 00:19:59,290 --> 00:20:03,330 ♪ Throbbing with thanks from her head to her SPANX ♪ 547 00:20:03,330 --> 00:20:07,920 ♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ahhhh ♪ ♪ Wooooooooooooords ♪ 548 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:09,500 [ Song ends ] 549 00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:12,000 [ Panting ] 550 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,170 [ Indistinct conversations, laughter ] 551 00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:17,790 Let's go home. 552 00:20:19,460 --> 00:20:21,790 Anna-Kat: That's the game that I won the unicorn at. Greg: Oh, that one? 553 00:20:21,790 --> 00:20:27,380 Katie: ♪ And it's due to two little ♪ 554 00:20:27,380 --> 00:20:30,540 ♪ Wooooooooooooords ♪ 555 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:35,080 Try the mark. 556 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:36,210 I don't know what I'm doing. 557 00:20:36,210 --> 00:20:38,170 I've never dealt with a pony in my life. 558 00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:40,790 [ Shouting, laughter ] 559 00:20:40,790 --> 00:20:42,330 Any notes? 560 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,330 So that means "many." 561 00:20:46,330 --> 00:20:47,670 Line? 562 00:20:47,670 --> 00:20:49,830 No, I'll just look at the paper. I don't have an assistant. 563 00:20:49,830 --> 00:20:51,290 [ Laughter ] 564 00:20:51,290 --> 00:20:52,500 Hold on. 565 00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:54,790 Why am I acting like -- like a -- 566 00:20:54,790 --> 00:20:55,790 Somebody! 567 00:20:55,790 --> 00:20:57,670 Okay, well, why don't we just, um... 568 00:20:57,670 --> 00:20:58,960 Woman: We're rolling. 569 00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:01,000 ...give some cigars to everybody, some booze... 570 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,040 Man: Yeah! Man #2: Yeah! 571 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:03,210 ...and party on down? 572 00:21:03,210 --> 00:21:04,960 We'll take a little while. 573 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,290 "G" to the gizzay, "H" to the hizzo. 574 00:21:07,290 --> 00:21:08,670 [ Laughter ] 575 00:21:08,670 --> 00:21:10,960 Angela: ♪ On a Westport tray ♪ 576 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:12,330 ♪ It's the -- ♪ Whaa! 577 00:21:12,330 --> 00:21:18,330 ♪♪ 578 00:21:21,670 --> 00:21:22,710 Man: Cut!