[opening theme music playing]
♪ Hey! ♪
[music stops]
[thunder rumbling]
[sinister instrumental music playing]
[dings]
The bride has arrived.
[Bean] No way.
Let the wedding begin!
[organ playing]
-What? -What a beautiful dress!
-So chic. -You don't usually see white in Hell.
And I love her clutch.
That's my friend's face.
Come on, come on!
-Restrain her, Gomer. -Gomer is here?
[grunting]
[Bean grunting]
Shut up, everyone! Shut up! Stop the organ!
My daughter is tired from her long elevator trip.
We're just going to adjust her makeup and be right back.
-[organ stops] -I am not wearing makeup.
-Quit shoving! -Quit writhing.
-Quit poking! -[Gomer grunts]
[Bean] I'll pull your face off!
[scoffs] She's always been feisty…
-[grunting] -…ever since she was a little girl.
[audience applauding]
[grunts]
Now, stay put.
Screw you.
Why are you always running away from your weddings?
Now, stop wiggling. Let me cover up those spots.
They're freckles.
Leave my cheeks alone.
Your stupid schemes have nothing to do with me.
Oh, they have everything to do with you.
Every twist and turn in your ridiculous life, that was all me.
I've overseen every detail right down to the place settings.
Goodbye, Luci.
[grunts]
I don't know what that useless dead demon saw in you anyway, Bean.
Bean?
Whoa!
[dramatic music playing]
[grunts]
[screams and grunts]
[panting]
Bridesmaids, stop her!
[Bean yells]
[grunts]
[panting]
Try take off your heels!
[wind blowing]
[gasping]
[grunting]
[grunts]
[screams]
[shushing]
[whispers] Shut up.
[Bean grunts]
[ominous music playing]
[wind howling]
[pleasant music playing]
[birds chirping]
[horn plays]
[God] Luci, welcome to paradise.
This is great news.
You are the first demon ever to earn a place in Heaven.
-And the first kitty cat, too. -[God] There are no cats in Heaven.
Uh… Meow.
[God] Nice try, Luci.
You're here because you sacrificed yourself to save your good friend Bean.
Sure she ended up in Hell, but cheer up!
I know you're gonna love this place, even if it takes ten million years.
[grunts]
[crying] Oh, Go--
[God] Ah, happy sobbing. Wonderful!
That's what feeds the River of Joy.
[ominous music playing]
If it makes you feel any better, this is exactly what happened to me at my wedding.
Minus the handcuffs.
Most moms don't chain up their daughters.
I can't believe you're sassing me on the happiest day of my life.
Ah, here we go.
So that's the game we're going to play, eh?
You will look beautiful.
[grunts]
[sighs]
[gulps] Ah…
-Gomer! -[grunts]
Get me more lipstick.
And don't test it this time.
[Gomer grumbles]
[scoffs] Never mind. I'll do it myself.
And some concealer. You have a lot to conceal.
Don't go anywhere, darling.
-[laughs] -[door creaks]
[door slams]
[chains jingling]
Oh, Luci.
I'm so sorry your head got chopped off.
I always thought your nonstop negativity was a coping mechanism.
But now, I see you were right from the beginning.
I am cursed from the deepest depths of the underworld.
You didn't think I was listening, did you?
Wha…
My tear, it brought you back to life.
It didn't bring me back to life, it just annoyed me.
Ah, it's so good to hear your voice, Luci.
But listen, I really need your help.
Bean, look, I don't know how much longer I'm going to last.
I can't feel my legs. Do I even have legs?
[gasps] What happened to my sexy body?
Be honest.
Does this headless cadaver make my ass look big?
Knock it off, Toby. That demon is one of the saviors.
Look at the wall, you nitwit.
[all gasping]
[sighs] It would've gone so well with my rat-fur miniskirt.
We must revitalize the sacred torso.
-Get the goo, Benji. -Get your own goo.
[all chanting] Give it the goo!
[gurgling]
[grunts]
[all] Ooh!
[gurgling]
[all chanting] Goo, goo! Goo, goo, goo!
[vocalizing]
[all cheering]
[all] Aw!
[pleasant music playing]
[God] Ooh, it's brunch time.
I'm excited for you to try my deviled egg sandwiches.
I made them with love and mayonnaise.
But we don't even need food up here.
You're just rubbing in the faces of the starving millions.
[God] The sooner they starve, the sooner they'll be in Heaven.
Ooh, that is harsh. High five.
[gulps] I got another question for you.
[God] Go ahead. I enjoy these stumpers.
Okay then. Did you make you?
[God] No. I always was.
Then you didn't make everything.
[God chuckles] Oh, Jerry.
It's going to take an eternity to make you understand eternity.
Okay. What about this?
Is God everywhere?
[God] Yes, I am everywhere.
Then you're in the toilet looking up?
[God] What would you say if I told you yes?
Yes, I am.
I seen you in there.
[laughs]
I'd say God lurks in mysterious ways.
[laughs]
[God] Luci, just because I love all my creations,
doesn't mean I care what you think.
[bell ringing]
Secret elf meeting is starting. I repeat, the secret elf meeting is starting.
[clears throat]
By now, I'm sure you've all heard the crazy rumors.
I knew it. The squirrels are back.
-Ooh! -Quiet.
The uneasy peace between the elves and the squirrels remains unbroken.
Tell 'em, Leavo.
We're talking about what I left Elfwood for all those years ago.
I found it here, deep inside the castle.
-The very thing. -The very thing.
That's it? That's your big reveal?
-What a bunch of horse-- -Oh, let me finish.
Get ready, Shocko.
For now, it can be told.
Dreamland itself is the legendary lost homeland of the elves.
[grumbles] Shocko?
[Elf] He's dead.
[all gasping]
Oh, good. I've been sleeping with his wife.
Ooh!
Now, where were we?
Oh, yes. There's still much to be learned about our forgotten elven history.
We must be smart like dwarves, and sneaky like squirrels.
We must not let the humans find out what we know until it's time.
As per usual, in these situations, Blabbo, you'll have to be arrested.
Guards! Lock him away.
In the future, just don't invite me to these things.
Where's my boy Elfo?
He was taken away by ogres.
-[grunts] What? -Calm down, calm down.
You calling me a lying hair-trigger rageaholic?
I didn't call you anything.
Well, I'm the only lying hair-trigger rageaholic standing here.
[groaning]
[squawking]
[all grunting]
-Are we there yet? -No.
Are we there yet?
If you say, "Are we there yet," one more time,
I'll stop this cage right now and eat you.
Are you annoyed yet? I didn't say "there."
God damn it, I warned you!
-[grunts] -Stop. I'll be good.
[grunts]
[Elfo giggling]
I'm back here. [giggling]
[scoffs] I can't believe that worked.
[grunts]
Oh, I guess I should probably run.
[both grunting]
[panting]
[grunting]
[screams]
-[grunts] -[gnomes gasping]
Gnomes? Are you guys still--
Busy. We're at war here.
Listen, guys, I don't want to cause trouble,
but the ogres are coming.
This is gonna be good.
[God] And that's why I only answer every 25th prayer.
Well, why do we have to pray anyways? You already know what we need.
[God] If I just gave you everything you wanted without even asking,
that wouldn't be fair, now, would it?
You let lots of unfair things happen.
Right now down on Earth, an innocent fly is being eaten by a hungry spider.
People get athlete's foot, and they ain't even athletes.
[Luci] Hmm…
I guess a god this greedy can't be all bad.
[Jerry] And what about Bean? Everybody's forgotten about her.
She's in Hell, and that's no fair.
[God chuckles] Oh, Jerry, I don't intervene in that stuff.
Except bunnies. I give them a little bit of an edge.
I can't help it, they're so cute.
But otherwise, the troubles of Earth are for humans to sort out.
Jerry's a human, I think.
Hey.
Yeah. If Jerry is a human, you could send Jerry down to Earth.
[God] No. Every time I send someone down to Earth to make things better,
another religion starts up, [chuckling] and a lot of people get slaughtered.
I don't want to make things better.
I just want to save Bean.
Come on, God.
He's right, Goddo. Take a chance.
[God sighs]
-Ta-da! -[chuckles]
[God] And flip.
What? He's flipping a coin?
Oh, existence makes sense now.
[God] Mmm. Mmm-hmm.
All right, Jerry, are you ready?
Not yet. I just have one more question.
Where did you--
[screaming]
[God chuckles]
Now, Luci, I heard some rustling noises in my treasure chest.
Is there anything you'd like to confess?
Luci? Luci? Luci?
[exclaims] What's up, Jerry?
Oh, Luci in the sky with diamonds.
[laughs] I'm a goddamn genius.
[groans]
[ominous music playing]
-[sighs] This is hopeless. -[chains jingling]
In a few minutes, I'm going to be Satan's wife.
You got it the wrong way around, girl.
Satan's going to be your husband.
-What does that mean? -Bean, listen to me.
In every bar fight, you throw the first punch.
Get tossed in a plague pit, you crawl out, burned at the stake and still alive.
You even went to Hell and back.
Let's face it. You're impossible.
Trust me, I'm your personal demon, and I'm terrified of you.
[clicks tongue] Aw!
Listen to me, Bean, if there's anyone who can out-Satan Satan, it's you.
I don't know. You really think so?
I know so, you crazy bitch.
[groans]
Luci? Luci?
Those are your dying words?
[gripping instrumental music playing]
[wind howling]
[both grunting]
[both screaming]
-[sighs] -[grunts]
[enchanting instrumental music playing]
[groaning and gasping]
Jerry's back, and Jerry's front.
[gasps] I don't have a body.
Help! Get me into a bottle right now!
-[grave music playing] -Oh, don't fade away, kitty cat.
A bottle, Jerry.
My lucky hammer.
Last time I saw you, you were stuck in the back of my head.
Quick, empty the bottle.
[exhales]
Oh, chunky.
"Expired"?
Oh, finish it.
-[sighs] -[vocalizes]
Where is everybody?
Cloyd? Becky? Joey?
[wind blowing]
They're all gone.
Hey, we gotta get the hell down to Hell. Can we go already?
[creaking]
What's the holdup, Jer? Jump!
Mmm…
[groaning]
[grunts]
[Luci] Jer. Jerry.
[Jerry screams]
This is really scary. Do you mind if I soothe myself?
[Luci] No. Go ahead.
[vocalizing]
-[thuds] -[Jerry] Ow!
[somber instrumental music playing]
[door opens]
-[man] Oh, hello. -Wrong room, pal.
Pardon me.
Do you need help with those manacles?
No, I'm good.
Well, it would be unbecoming of me to marry someone who's chained up like this.
-What? -[chair squeaks]
Only the best for my boot-wearing bride.
Oh, you're the guy.
I'm the guy.
Wow. Wow.
I got to be honest with you.
I was a little nervous about this wedding, but now…
-Hello, good-looking! -What?
[sighs] You are so handsome. Look at you.
Are you talking to me?
I am. Look at those eyes.
Yes, hypnotic, aren't they?
I can actually will the pupils to swirl. [chuckles softly]
Whoa!
They're like little spinning beach balls.
-[chuckles] Oh. -Look at that widow's peak,
those high cheekbones, that fiery red complexion.
I mean, you look like one of those little guys on a hot sauce bottle.
Do you always talk this much?
[laughs] You're hilarious.
But seriously, getting a closer look at your face, I do love it.
I do. But the goatee…
Ah…
[groaning]
-My goatee? -I mean, it's great.
But it's kind of pointy, like, maybe we could think about changing up the shape.
It's sort of a trademark.
Mmm, I do get that, but I think we should lose it.
-"We"? -I really, really, really do.
I mean, I'm being honest now, if we're going to be together,
you're gonna have to accept this kind of honesty.
And, yeah, we gotta lose the goatee, babe.
Listen, how do you feel about throw pillows?
There really aren't any throw pillows in Hell.
-Not yet. -Oh, boy.
This is gonna be incredible 'cause most people,
when they get married, it ends when you die.
But with us, we're in it for eternity.
Just you and me.
Forever and ever and ever.
That's a long time.
Oh, and mandatory marriage counseling for you.
You're really emotionally shut down.
I don't know if anyone's ever said that to you before, but here we are.
[inhales]
You need to dig deep from within and figure out what's really holding you back
'cause I think you are ambitious to a certain extent,
but I think you're really all about work.
And I think you need to really figure out who you are.
-Ah, yeah. -Uh-huh.
Oh, and one more thing.
Eternal monogamy, and that includes everything.
So sex, thoughts, daydreams, fantasies, uh, reenactments, uh, cosplay, doodles.
If I catch you doodling any sort of sexual behavior,
oh, you don't even want to see me.
I'm going to bury myself in all of our throw pillows, and it is going to be bad.
You think this is Hell? Just wait.
Don't listen to her.
She's trying reverse psychology.
Oh, yes.
The old out-Sataning Satan gambit.
Of course, I was one step ahead of her the whole time.
No, you weren't, you liar.
Nice try, daughter dear, but it's time to close the deal.
[sinister instrumental music playing]
[gnomes yelling]
[ogres grunting]
-[screams] -[ogre gulps]
[grunting]
[gnome screams]
[gnomes] Yay! Oh…
[both grunting]
-[laughs] -Yow!
Oh, no.
[all grunting]
This is something you don't see every day.
Double genocide.
Hey.
What the… Hey. Doink, doink. [chuckles]
Well, here we go. Oh! [groans]
[grunting]
[ominous music playing]
We gotta figure out a way to find Bean without anyone knowing we're here.
I've got an idea.
-[Luci] Jerry. -Bean!
-[Luci] No. Jerry, turn around. Idiot. -Bean!
-[Luci] Jerry. -Didn't work.
-[Luci] Just get me. Come on. -Luci.
-Where you going? -[Luci] I'm helpless.
-[yells] -[Luci] Whoa. Whoa. Whoa!
What are you thinking, baldy?
I wish I could slap you.
[Elfo sighs]
This is hard to see through… [grunts]
I can't… It's so heavy.
[grunting] Oh…
Whoa!
Wow! Oh, this is disgusting.
Ah, finally.
[grunting] Whoa!
[chuckles] Oh…
Oh, it's so slimy in here.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
-[grunts] Ow! -[thuds]
[Elfo] Whee!
I'm free! [chuckles]
Ow!
Where's your body, Duncan?
[Elfo] Duncan can't talk right now. [groans]
[sniffs]
[Elfo] Ah!
[organ playing]
Who are all these people?
-Your friends, Bean. -I have friends here?
Well, all the people you've killed.
[Bean] Hansel and Gretel, that was self-defense.
Guysbert, that was an accident.
Skybert…
Oh, I would definitely kill him again.
The debt to Hell is about to be repaid.
Welcome to the deepest depths of the underworld.
It's good to see you all again so soon.
On this most auspicious day of unholy matrimony,
we are gathered here to celebrate
the 50,000th wedding of our Lord and Master,
the Prince of Evil, the Sultan of Sulfur, the Bastard from Beaverton,
the man with a golden pitchfork.
That's right.
I'm talking about Satan!
[sinister instrumental music playing]
[all cheering]
-Excuse us. -When is the buffet?
Shut up, you two.
I think this legally binding contract puts it best.
"The infernal debt shall be repaid by marriage of the Queen of Dreamland
to the King of Hell."
"Consummation encouraged, but not required."
Oh, my God. You manipulated everything.
All so I would become queen of Dreamland?
It seems only fitting that you fill my shoes,
or in your case, overfill them. [chuckles]
And now, the gross part.
Hold out your palms.
[grunts]
And now, Satan, behold this impressive ceremonial dagger. You know the drill.
-[all gasping] -[cat meows]
The blood stamp of the King of Hell.
Me.
-And now my turn? -Not so fast. Give me that.
She can't be trusted.
Don't do it, Mom.
-[Bean grunts] Ha! -[Dagmar] Ow!
No!
The blood stamp of the Queen of Dreamland!
-Ha! Ho! -[sinister instrumental music playing]
[gasps]
What? No hug?
[gasps]
[grunts]
-Seize-- -Silence! I'll handle this.
Seize her!
[all laughing maniacally]
[Bean panting]
[grunting]
[gasps]
Thanks, Gomer.
Are you okay?
I'm great.
[all grunting]
[grunts]
Jerry, Luci! [grunts] What are you doing here?
We brought you a sandwich, but I ate it.
-[screams] -[Luci gasps]
Bean, what did you do to make them so mad?
They're throwing giant can openers at us.
[all laughing maniacally]
Bean, have you seen my body?
No, but I've got your severed head jammed in my dress.
Noice!
[screeching]
[Bean panting]
Guys, head for that Hell hole!
[screeching]
[all grunting]
[Jerry yells]
[objects clattering]
[both grunting]
All right. [exhales] Okay, this will take us back to Dreamland.
Oh…
Come on, come on, come on!
Well, well, well, if it isn't Juanita Demonheimer.
We meet again.
[grunts]
[dings]
[grunts]
-[screeching] -[thuds]
[Satan] Damn you, Juanita!
[both breathing heavily]
-[thuds] -[exhales]
Thank God we're home. I need a drink.
-I need a body. -I need a haircut.
[dings]
Ooh, swanky. I like Dweamland. Oh!
[whispers] It's pronounced Dreamland, and this isn't it.
[upbeat music playing]
[man over TV] Curse you, Squalid Squirrel.
[woman] You're really in for it now, Bucktooth Beaver.
[laughs]
[music stops]
[closing theme music playing]