1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,926
[theme music playing]
2
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,433
[man] Hey!
3
00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:05,363
Rise and shine, Princess.
It's your big day.
4
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,280
Hope you got your beauty sleep.
5
00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:09,528
[gasps] Ugh! She did it again.
6
00:01:10,278 --> 00:01:12,698
Please, let me go on a crusade! Anything's safer
than guarding that princess.
7
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,540
All in.
8
00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:26,540
-Call.
-[crowd gasps]
9
00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,171
Two pair.
10
00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:32,427
Not so fast.
11
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,803
Three me's.
12
00:01:34,886 --> 00:01:36,546
That's only two.
13
00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:39,428
One, two, me.
14
00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:40,886
Money's mine.
15
00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:44,561
Not when I got the knife.
16
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:46,356
[scoffs and gulps]
17
00:01:47,148 --> 00:01:49,028
[burps loudly] Hmm.
18
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,073
[whimpers]
19
00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:56,033
[crowd gasps]
20
00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:58,412
[grunts]
21
00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:16,927
[all exclaiming]
22
00:02:37,031 --> 00:02:38,281
[gasps]
23
00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:39,780
[groans]
24
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:42,754
See you guys tomorrow.
25
00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:47,789
You've had your fun.
Now it's time to get married.
26
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:51,205
Would Your Highness care to get in?
27
00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:56,804
-Morning, Princess!
-Lovely day, miss!
28
00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:58,045
How's it hanging, Princess?
29
00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:01,386
-Sorry I can't make your wedding.
-You wanna switch places?
30
00:03:01,472 --> 00:03:02,522
No, I'm good.
31
00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:06,142
-Enjoy your special day.
-You, too.
32
00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:10,055
Morning, Princess.
Care to try my new cure-all?
33
00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:11,728
It wards off deadly plague.
34
00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:14,986
I'm actually hoping for death.
Thanks, though.
35
00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:19,655
Gah! Quit judging me, Dad.
36
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,588
[Zog] Mmm.
37
00:03:39,677 --> 00:03:43,677
This one needs royaling up.
More columns, more frosting.
38
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:46,175
And neither of these looks like me.
39
00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:49,437
Make them both look like me.
Then, get rid of one!
40
00:03:58,529 --> 00:03:59,859
Ugh. Cakes.
41
00:04:00,531 --> 00:04:02,661
Did you make sure to add extra frosting?
42
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:05,792
Of course, I... Hey! Where were you?
43
00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:07,330
Oh, I understand, darling.
44
00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:10,633
On my wedding day,
I also had butterflies in stomach.
45
00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:12,628
I shouldn't have eaten so many.
46
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:17,881
I just wanted to have a last bit of fun
before the happiest day of my life.
47
00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:22,256
Silence! The delegation from Bentwood
arrives any moment.
48
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:26,015
Take off those common clothes
and come down looking like a princess!
49
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,599
As you wish, Father.
50
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:35,281
Anybody looks at her,
they get their head chopped off.
51
00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:40,817
Oh, boy, did I look at her!
52
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,203
What?
53
00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:59,296
Great. I have to wear this crazy veil
and pretend I'm a virgin?
54
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:02,762
It's not a veil, ma'am. It's your corset.
55
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:06,644
See? It pushes all the mincemeat
to the top of the pie.
56
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:10,023
All this wedding hassle
for a stupid political alliance?
57
00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:13,311
I thought that I'd get married
for true love, or because I was wasted.
58
00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:15,686
Lots of reasons to get married, ma'am.
59
00:05:15,773 --> 00:05:17,693
I got married for a goat.
60
00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:21,145
Now, let's hurry. The prince will be here
any minute to marry you
61
00:05:21,237 --> 00:05:23,737
and, time permitting, meet you.
62
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,486
Eh? Huh?
63
00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:29,617
How do I look? Spiffy, right?
64
00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:32,254
I had the dogs lick me clean twice.
65
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,712
[trumpeting]
66
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:49,314
Announcing the King and Queen of Bentwood,
67
00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:52,560
Lorenzo the First and Bunny.
68
00:05:54,103 --> 00:05:56,443
Welcome, Your Highnesses.
69
00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:58,902
[stammers] My new King-and-Queen-in-laws.
70
00:05:58,983 --> 00:06:02,493
Or should I just call you
brother and sister?
71
00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:05,030
We are brother and sister. What of it?
72
00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:06,994
And their son-slash-nephew,
73
00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:11,405
hero of the Battle Against That Bird
That Flew Into The Room One Time,
74
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:15,246
groom-to-be, Prince Guysbert of Bentwood.
75
00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:17,127
[crowd gasps]
76
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:19,090
Va-va-voom!
77
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,046
You never do that for me.
78
00:06:24,967 --> 00:06:28,297
-[sighs] I hate this feeling.
-Sobriety, ma'am?
79
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:32,348
No, I just feel like my life is ending.
I can't even smile.
80
00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:33,683
[grunts]
81
00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:37,358
Don't worry. We'll make your cheeks
look nice and rosy.
82
00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:40,978
Remember: Whores rouge. Ladies leech.
83
00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:46,322
You ever wish you could live in a place
where people are really, truly happy?
84
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:49,196
♪ It's a ha ha ha and a hee hee hee ♪
85
00:06:49,283 --> 00:06:51,953
♪ We're as happy as we can be ♪
86
00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:54,326
♪ Elfwood is the place we'll never flee ♪
87
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,134
♪ Our minds are blank
But our hearts are free ♪
88
00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:59,338
♪ We work all day and we sing with glee ♪
89
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:02,259
♪ We drink all night, uncontrollably ♪
90
00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:05,008
♪ It's a ho ho ho and a hee hee hee ♪
91
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:07,721
♪ Listen to us whistle adorably ♪
92
00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:08,892
[whistling]
93
00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:10,717
[kissing] [gasping]
94
00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:27,775
-[whistling stops]
-[both moaning]
95
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:31,164
[Superviso] Elfo! Kissy!
No tummy touching!
96
00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:35,042
Kissy, save your lips for the prepackaged
candy assortments.
97
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:39,331
And, Elfo, it's like you don't appreciate
your assembly-line job.
98
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:42,127
Yeah, uh, it's kinda not the one I wanted.
99
00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:45,881
I'm kinda not always... happy?
100
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,085
[elves gasp]
101
00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:48,675
But we're singing.
102
00:07:48,759 --> 00:07:53,349
Yeah, singing while you work's
not happiness. It's mental illness.
103
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:54,681
Wha...
104
00:07:54,765 --> 00:07:57,935
Ugh! I'm sick of being happy all the time.
105
00:07:58,019 --> 00:07:59,729
Just once, I wish...
106
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:03,652
I wish I could go somewhere
where people are miserable.
107
00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:15,407
Hmm.
108
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:19,829
What is going on with this gift?
109
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:22,836
[gruff voice] Open the gates of...
I mean, the ribbon.
110
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,264
Princess Tiabeanie,
111
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:34,354
you are hereby cursed
from the deepest depths of the underworld!
112
00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:35,430
Oh! What?
113
00:08:35,973 --> 00:08:38,853
You look great, though.
Nice to meet you. They call me Luci.
114
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,095
-Guards! Guards!
-Shh! Shh!
115
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,978
A weird ghost guy is attacking
and complimenting me.
116
00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:46,566
Shut up! Silenzio!
117
00:08:47,151 --> 00:08:48,651
[muffled grunts]
118
00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:50,146
First up, not a ghost.
119
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:51,818
Ghosts are losers that got murdered.
120
00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:54,866
-I am a demon.
-[muffled] You're a demon?
121
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,661
That's right.
In fact, your personal demon.
122
00:08:57,745 --> 00:08:59,075
Get used to it,
123
00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:01,673
'cause you are stuck with me
for all eter...
124
00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:09,507
...nity.
125
00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:17,143
And so the demonic binding begins.
126
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:20,773
Yes, our emissary will steer her
towards the darkness.
127
00:09:20,851 --> 00:09:22,851
It may take months, even years.
128
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,517
So, we'll need chairs.
129
00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:26,315
Dark chairs.
130
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,729
[Elfo kissing and moaning]
131
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:32,656
[Elfo grunts]
132
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:35,068
[Kissy] Oh, Elfo, you're so naughty.
133
00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:37,287
[Elfo] Why is everyone always saying that?
134
00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:41,038
Just because I'm not jolly all the time
doesn't make me a weirdo.
135
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:43,462
Hey! Get outta here, Weirdo!
136
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:44,381
[breathy chuckle]
137
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:47,254
[Elfo] But it's like you do
the slightest thing here,
138
00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:49,586
-and everyone freaks out.
-[Kissy] Mmm-hmm.
139
00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:52,302
[Elfo] It's like they all have
peppermint sticks up their asses.
140
00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:53,223
[Kissy] Oh, yeah.
141
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:56,761
-Your whining really turns me on.
-There's more where that came from.
142
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:59,846
We spend all day making candy
to earn candy.
143
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,562
It doesn't make any sense!
144
00:10:01,642 --> 00:10:04,562
You're so sad. You're a sad little elf!
145
00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:07,475
Kissy! What in humping heavens
is going on?
146
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:08,895
Nothing, Father!
147
00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:11,943
Weirdo doesn't take his pants off
for nothing. Elfo?
148
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:13,108
Oh! Ow.
149
00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:16,115
This is the last straw.
You're going to be punished.
150
00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:19,038
What are you gonna do? Give me a paddling
with a big wollypop?
151
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:22,788
This is serious. You'll be hanged
from the Gumdrop Tree.
152
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:27,882
♪ Hanging Elfo from the Gumdrop Tree
A strangly-dangly activity ♪
153
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:32,210
Oh, this is all me fault, my boy.
I got something to tell ya.
154
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,628
Oh! Pops!
155
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:37,136
Well, it's gonna take a while,
so let me pull up this chair.
156
00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:38,099
Hey.
157
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,059
-Now, what was I saying?
-[Elfo] Ow!
158
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:43,269
Oh, yeah, it all started
when I first laid eyes on your mother.
159
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:44,311
I mean, hands.
160
00:10:44,393 --> 00:10:45,943
I couldn't keep them to myself,
161
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:47,810
and all of a sudden,
she gave me a right hook,
162
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:49,187
-and I was in love.
-Pops!
163
00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:50,273
[grunting]
164
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:53,323
[Luci laughs]
165
00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:54,242
Whoa!
166
00:10:55,946 --> 00:10:56,776
Olé!
167
00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:00,445
I'm already cursed enough.
168
00:11:00,534 --> 00:11:03,204
I don't need some demon
making my life worse.
169
00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:04,659
Oh!
170
00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:06,207
That's no ladies' mace.
171
00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:07,500
[grunts]
172
00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:13,963
Yeah, look, you're stuck with me forever,
so just take a deep breath and--
173
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:15,418
[grunting] Ow!
174
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,338
Ow! Ow! Ow!
175
00:11:17,426 --> 00:11:18,296
[grunts]
176
00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:19,426
[objects clattering]
177
00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:23,932
And that, my friend,
is how one returns a gift.
178
00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:27,396
If you don't calm down,
this is gonna be a long forever.
179
00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:28,558
[sighs]
180
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,226
Okay, you win.
181
00:11:30,981 --> 00:11:31,941
[grunts]
182
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:33,034
[snoring] [choking and struggling]
183
00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:38,655
I told you elves are too light to hang.
184
00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:40,989
The last guy we hanged died of old age.
185
00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:42,535
Fine. Stab him!
186
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:44,998
Father, stop!
187
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:47,499
You can't just kill every guy
that kisses me.
188
00:11:47,581 --> 00:11:48,871
Sure I can.
189
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,752
[crowd murmurs]
190
00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:53,416
[Elfo grunts]
191
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:56,972
[Elfo grunts]
192
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,010
Run, Elfo! Run far away!
193
00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:01,054
Come with me!
194
00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:04,774
[panting]
195
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:41,046
Kissy, you've come this far.
Don't you want to see the outside world?
196
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:44,885
Elfo, I've never said this before,
but I can't go all the way.
197
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:49,813
Elfo, no! It is forbidden.
198
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:52,024
I don't know why we keep that lever there.
199
00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:53,774
[elf king] Elfo, I warn thee.
200
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:57,146
For centuries,
no elf has ever left Elfwood.
201
00:12:57,234 --> 00:13:00,034
-Except Leavo.
-Speak no more of Leavo, Speako!
202
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:02,322
Please don't open it.
203
00:13:02,406 --> 00:13:07,076
All will be forgiven
as long as you obey the Jolly Code.
204
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:10,331
Ugh... Scribeldy-scrobeldy-screw
the Jolly Code!
205
00:13:10,414 --> 00:13:11,714
[Shocko] Wha...
206
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,501
I wanna taste something
other than sweetness.
207
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:17,045
I want to cry salty tears,
208
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:18,589
learn bitter truths.
209
00:13:18,672 --> 00:13:23,142
I want to take a big, meaty bite
out of life and dip it in mustard.
210
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:28,059
Mustard, vinegar, anchovies?
These are the ravings of fools.
211
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:32,814
[gate unlocks]
212
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:51,290
Take one step further, you're on your own.
213
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:55,002
No elf has ever returned,
not even Returno.
214
00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:57,254
Elfo, you'll die out there.
215
00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:01,802
I'd rather die a big death
than live a small life.
216
00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:08,718
[owl hoots] [gate closing]
217
00:14:21,902 --> 00:14:22,742
Wow.
218
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:26,450
For the first time in my life,
I feel completely calm and--
219
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,162
-[hawk screeches]
-[Elfo screaming]
220
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:37,590
Personal demon.
221
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,668
-So, you'll do my bidding?
-Uh, no.
222
00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:44,133
I'm a princess. I can't do my own bidding.
How are you even useful?
223
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:45,466
Okay. Hmm.
224
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:48,391
You know that voice in your head
that says to do the right thing?
225
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:50,140
I'm the guy yelling over it.
226
00:14:50,222 --> 00:14:54,562
Yeah, I'm the guy that makes you feel good
about doing bad things.
227
00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:57,523
-You're like a terrible friend?
-I never said I'm your friend.
228
00:14:57,605 --> 00:14:59,105
[sighs] Look at this cake.
229
00:14:59,189 --> 00:15:02,029
It's not even about me.
It's about the stupid alliance.
230
00:15:02,109 --> 00:15:05,319
Shame you're a princess and too dainty
to do anything about it.
231
00:15:09,199 --> 00:15:10,029
[door opens]
232
00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:14,204
I think you'll be very pleased
with the revised cake, Your Highness.
233
00:15:15,956 --> 00:15:19,166
Nice likeness. Competent latticework.
234
00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:23,091
Moving down, sugar columns
seem structurally sound.
235
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:27,972
Back looks good. And just a cursory glance
at the bottom tier.
236
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:29,222
And it says...
237
00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:31,223
"Get Bent, Dad."
238
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,055
Isn't that... What?
239
00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:35,021
Bean!
240
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,019
[both laughing]
241
00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:43,982
[Elfo] Caramel can be a coating,
a filling, or a candy unto itself.
242
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:47,448
Now, a cousin to caramel is nougat,
which essentially is--
243
00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:51,529
[grunts] [plays melody]
244
00:15:58,707 --> 00:16:01,627
Oh. Hi, I'm Elfo. And you are?
245
00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:03,500
Busy. We're at war here.
246
00:16:03,587 --> 00:16:04,507
What's war?
247
00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:05,418
[whistles]
248
00:16:08,008 --> 00:16:09,178
[stomping]
249
00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:11,259
[growling]
250
00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:14,425
Wee!
251
00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:16,385
Now we're meeting new people. [grunts]
252
00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:21,399
Yikes.
253
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:23,186
Huh?
254
00:16:23,857 --> 00:16:24,727
[shrieks]
255
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,000
[screams]
256
00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:40,207
[gnomes yelling]
257
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:45,798
Hi, I'm Elfo.
258
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:51,680
Yeow!
259
00:16:57,266 --> 00:17:01,266
Well, I like war,
but I wouldn't say I love it.
260
00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:04,605
[coins jingling]
261
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:22,120
Wha...
262
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:23,457
Ooh. [chuckles]
263
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,962
-I'm glad you can't see this. Bye!
-Huh?
264
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:27,594
[ogre groans]
265
00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:33,257
-Oh!
-Ah!
266
00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:36,433
Tonight is wedding night,
so is time we had talk.
267
00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:39,523
-I know I am not your mother.
-Please don't.
268
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,900
-But I do have sex with your father.
-God, Oona. Ew.
269
00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:45,898
I do not need a sex talk
from my stepmother.
270
00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:49,781
Tonight, you will be expect
to perform your wifely duties.
271
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:53,200
I mention because it was difficult
for me with the tentacles.
272
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:54,620
I don't have tentacles.
273
00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:56,948
Your husband will have tentacles.
274
00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:59,124
Are you trying to say testicles?
275
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:03,293
I don't know. Just leave your eggs
on the nightstand and get out of there.
276
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:04,881
[bell tolling]
277
00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:08,459
Hmm.
278
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,217
[shrieking]
279
00:18:22,309 --> 00:18:24,059
Man, I'm starving.
280
00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:27,234
I should've grabbed one of those gumdrops
when they were hanging me.
281
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:35,360
I'm Elfo, by the way. What's your name?
282
00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:37,027
We are but humble people.
283
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,486
We have no names,
but you can call me Farmer.
284
00:18:39,576 --> 00:18:41,286
Our food is not flavorful,
285
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:43,660
but we humbly offer it
for your sustenance.
286
00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:46,207
Are you kidding me?
This stuff looks amazing.
287
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:47,841
All I've ever eaten is candy.
288
00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:49,998
Candy? Are you a king?
289
00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:51,417
[scoffs] No.
290
00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:53,762
Mmm. Mmm! Oh!
291
00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:56,511
I am sorry our food will bring you no joy.
292
00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:57,683
This is delicious!
293
00:18:57,761 --> 00:19:01,011
I beg you, sir.
We are far too humble to receive praise.
294
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:03,478
I can't help it. You deserve praise.
295
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:07,099
-We deserve to be beaten with our food.
-[laughs] I would rather eat it.
296
00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:11,527
-It's so incredibly good!
-Now you've praised us too far.
297
00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:14,358
-You must leave our humble home!
-Get out, praiser.
298
00:19:15,779 --> 00:19:18,159
Thanks again! It was delicious!
299
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,160
You're ruining our lives!
300
00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:32,921
[man] Announcing King Zog,
Queen Oona and... Who cares?
301
00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:38,430
What do you see?
302
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:41,050
Ooh! Everybody got shoes.
303
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:47,392
How long is this gonna last? [shudders]
I'm not exactly comfortable in a church.
304
00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:48,307
[shudders]
305
00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:52,107
That's communion wine.
306
00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:56,986
-You could use some, though.
-I really shouldn't.
307
00:19:57,070 --> 00:20:01,030
Times when you really shouldn't
are exactly when you really should.
308
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:09,080
Drinking wine with a demon.
Not exactly the wedding day I wished for.
309
00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:14,125
[snorts] Hmm!
310
00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:24,931
I'm supposed to be surrounded
by people I like.
311
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:26,595
I don't even have my real mother.
312
00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:31,266
Who needs a mother
when you've got bridesmaids?
313
00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:33,322
-No bridesmaids?
-No.
314
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:34,858
-How about friends?
-Uh-uh.
315
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:36,282
Only drinking buddies.
316
00:20:37,110 --> 00:20:38,280
To drinking buddies.
317
00:20:38,362 --> 00:20:40,952
Better than bridesmaids.
Better than mothers.
318
00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:43,951
I was raised
by a pack of drinking buddies.
319
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:47,454
And I came out perfect.
320
00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:54,880
Dearly beloved, as we stand here
in this overly large building,
321
00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:57,672
designed to make us feel small
and inadequate,
322
00:20:57,756 --> 00:21:00,876
we ask the invisible God
we think is up there,
323
00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:03,848
to watch over us if He, She,
324
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:07,769
or It is even capable of things
like watching over us...
325
00:21:07,849 --> 00:21:10,389
This religion is still
in its early stages.
326
00:21:10,477 --> 00:21:12,147
Nobody knows anything for sure,
327
00:21:12,229 --> 00:21:17,649
but if I talk with confidence,
you dopes will believe anything I say.
328
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:20,196
[both laughing]
329
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,319
Whoa! Pops.
330
00:21:21,405 --> 00:21:25,525
[stammering] I'm just kicking back
with my new cat.
331
00:21:25,617 --> 00:21:28,617
Me? Ow. Meow. That's what cats say, right?
332
00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:30,464
I'm not here to answer cat questions.
333
00:21:30,539 --> 00:21:31,369
[Luci grunts]
334
00:21:31,456 --> 00:21:33,996
Now get up and make your dad proud,
you drunk.
335
00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:38,878
-Are you trying to make a jerk out of me?
-Yes.
336
00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:48,098
Wow!
337
00:21:48,181 --> 00:21:49,981
It's so small.
338
00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:52,725
[chuckles] Oh, wait, I'm far away.
339
00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:57,069
[organ music playing]
340
00:21:58,817 --> 00:22:02,697
Do you, Guysbert,
most Exalted Prince of Bentwood,
341
00:22:02,779 --> 00:22:04,159
Slayer of Metallica,
342
00:22:04,239 --> 00:22:08,119
take this woman
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
343
00:22:08,201 --> 00:22:09,791
Duh...
344
00:22:09,870 --> 00:22:10,910
Okay.
345
00:22:10,996 --> 00:22:14,666
And do you, Princess Tiabeanie,
a single woman,
346
00:22:14,750 --> 00:22:17,840
take this man
to be your lawfully wedded husband?
347
00:22:27,637 --> 00:22:28,927
No!
348
00:22:34,936 --> 00:22:35,766
Ah.
349
00:22:37,689 --> 00:22:38,859
[crowd gasps]
350
00:22:38,940 --> 00:22:41,570
[stammers] I didn't mean for that.
I'm so sorry.
351
00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:44,281
He's dead.
352
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:48,663
Uh, I think I'm still alive.
No, wait. Nevermind.
353
00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:50,332
I want my gift back.
354
00:22:50,410 --> 00:22:53,290
Wait! Wait! Wait!
[stammers] Don't leave! Stab that guy.
355
00:22:56,666 --> 00:22:59,456
-This wedding is all messed up.
-We've got to save the alliance.
356
00:22:59,544 --> 00:23:01,344
-What are we gonna do?
-We've got another son.
357
00:23:01,421 --> 00:23:03,171
Why didn't you say so? What's his name?
358
00:23:03,256 --> 00:23:06,176
-[stammers] God... Uh, Merkimer.
-Merkimer.
359
00:23:06,259 --> 00:23:08,299
Okay, watch this. Here we go.
360
00:23:08,387 --> 00:23:10,847
Everybody, sit down. [chuckles]
361
00:23:10,931 --> 00:23:16,481
[clears throat] In consultation
with Guysbert's grieving parents,
362
00:23:16,561 --> 00:23:19,361
we've decided
the princess can still marry.
363
00:23:19,439 --> 00:23:20,359
What?
364
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:23,070
Presenting Guysbert's younger brother,
365
00:23:23,151 --> 00:23:27,411
the new heir to the throne of Bentwood,
Prince Merkimer.
366
00:23:27,489 --> 00:23:28,619
Don't be sad.
367
00:23:28,698 --> 00:23:30,658
She would have left him for me anyway.
368
00:23:30,742 --> 00:23:35,212
Uh... Actually, I'd be fine if someone
could just slide my head up a bit.
369
00:23:35,288 --> 00:23:37,708
Hush! There's a wedding in progress.
370
00:23:38,792 --> 00:23:41,962
Do you, Prince Merkimer of Bentwood--
371
00:23:42,045 --> 00:23:44,295
You gotta be kidding me.
Father, you can't make me--
372
00:23:44,381 --> 00:23:46,221
The king can make anyone!
373
00:23:46,299 --> 00:23:48,299
You do. You do.
374
00:23:48,969 --> 00:23:50,299
Say "man and wife."
375
00:23:50,387 --> 00:23:52,807
I now pronounce you man and--
376
00:23:52,889 --> 00:23:54,639
-[door creaks open]
-[crowd gasps]
377
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:58,397
Uh... Hi, I'm Elfo. [chuckles]
378
00:23:58,478 --> 00:24:00,018
What are all your names?
379
00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:01,265
What the hell is that?
380
00:24:01,356 --> 00:24:03,186
-An elf.
-A magical elf.
381
00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:05,685
Elves haven't been seen in centuries.
382
00:24:05,777 --> 00:24:07,567
Imagine the possibilities.
383
00:24:07,654 --> 00:24:11,244
With elf magic,
I could progress far beyond card tricks.
384
00:24:11,783 --> 00:24:12,623
[whimpers]
385
00:24:12,701 --> 00:24:16,161
A shiny gold Zog
to whoever seizes the elf.
386
00:24:16,246 --> 00:24:17,576
[chattering and clambering]
387
00:24:17,664 --> 00:24:18,754
[Elfo screams]
388
00:24:20,709 --> 00:24:22,669
Oh, I'll get you, wee elf!
389
00:24:22,752 --> 00:24:23,802
[rapid thumping]
390
00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:24,709
Oh!
391
00:24:25,630 --> 00:24:26,470
Ah!
392
00:24:38,810 --> 00:24:39,900
[inhales deeply] Ah!
393
00:24:40,979 --> 00:24:41,979
[grunting] [fabric tearing]
394
00:24:45,775 --> 00:24:46,735
Whoa! [grunts]
395
00:24:47,986 --> 00:24:49,066
[Elfo screams]
396
00:24:52,449 --> 00:24:53,409
So how'd it go?
397
00:24:56,161 --> 00:24:57,621
That good, huh?
398
00:24:59,414 --> 00:25:03,464
The wedding is ruined.
The demon is performing exquisitely.
399
00:25:03,543 --> 00:25:08,513
But look. There's a complication.
They've been joined by a tiny dork.
400
00:25:08,590 --> 00:25:09,420
Ow.
401
00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:11,798
It's fire, Cloyd. It's hot.
402
00:25:11,885 --> 00:25:14,345
I know. I was there.
403
00:25:17,265 --> 00:25:20,385
Elfo has left the building with Bean.
404
00:25:20,477 --> 00:25:24,357
No worry. I'm an expert hunter,
and I'll track down the woman I love.
405
00:25:24,439 --> 00:25:25,899
Keep the champagne chilled.
406
00:25:25,982 --> 00:25:28,742
I shall return
before the last uncle passes out.
407
00:25:28,818 --> 00:25:32,408
My Knights of the Zog Table will aid you.
Knights!
408
00:25:33,907 --> 00:25:36,577
Pendergast, who are your best trackers?
409
00:25:36,660 --> 00:25:38,950
That would be Stryker and Bolt, sire.
410
00:25:39,037 --> 00:25:42,037
But they're lost,
so, it'll be Turbish and Mertz.
411
00:25:43,124 --> 00:25:45,384
We won't get tired this time.
412
00:25:48,713 --> 00:25:49,883
[horses neighing]
413
00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:57,218
[crown clangs] [Elfo grunts]
414
00:26:06,147 --> 00:26:09,857
It was sweet of you to wreck my wedding,
but you're kind of slowing us down.
415
00:26:09,943 --> 00:26:11,283
Mind if I give you a ride?
416
00:26:11,361 --> 00:26:13,411
Mind? I don't mind at all.
417
00:26:13,488 --> 00:26:14,658
[inhales]
418
00:26:14,739 --> 00:26:16,529
[exhales]
419
00:26:24,124 --> 00:26:28,304
Well, it took all day,
but I finally got my winnings--
420
00:26:28,378 --> 00:26:29,878
-[grunts]
-[crowd exclaims]
421
00:26:37,012 --> 00:26:38,642
[Bean] Oh, no.
422
00:26:40,807 --> 00:26:42,427
Stand back, chumps.
423
00:26:42,517 --> 00:26:45,147
Watch as a non-chump chumps these chumps.
424
00:26:47,063 --> 00:26:48,063
[inhales]
425
00:26:54,738 --> 00:26:55,568
[Merkimer grunts]
426
00:26:55,655 --> 00:26:57,315
[horse neighs]
427
00:26:59,576 --> 00:27:00,826
[Luci laughs]
428
00:27:01,745 --> 00:27:03,365
[knights grunting]
429
00:27:04,623 --> 00:27:07,383
Before today,
we had neither riches nor magic.
430
00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:12,129
Then today, for one blessed second,
we almost had both.
431
00:27:12,213 --> 00:27:13,883
And now you got bupkis!
432
00:27:15,425 --> 00:27:16,885
Oh, no.
433
00:27:25,226 --> 00:27:26,226
[Elfo screams]
434
00:27:26,311 --> 00:27:27,231
[Bean screams]
435
00:27:28,063 --> 00:27:29,863
-[Luci] Ow, ow, ow!
-[Bean grunting]
436
00:27:29,939 --> 00:27:31,319
[grunting and screaming]
437
00:27:31,399 --> 00:27:32,899
Ow, ow, ow!
438
00:27:32,984 --> 00:27:34,404
Oh! Ah! [grunts]
439
00:27:34,486 --> 00:27:35,486
Why me?
440
00:27:38,990 --> 00:27:41,450
[Pendergast] No one could survive
that many tumbles.
441
00:27:41,534 --> 00:27:43,414
-[laughing]
-[Pendergast] Oh.
442
00:28:00,303 --> 00:28:01,143
[owl hoots]
443
00:28:01,221 --> 00:28:04,681
I've never had a nightmare. Is this one?
444
00:28:04,766 --> 00:28:05,766
[distant trumpeting]
445
00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:15,605
[Pendergast] The footprints
stop dead right here.
446
00:28:15,694 --> 00:28:18,614
-Where did they go?
-Only one place they could have gone.
447
00:28:18,697 --> 00:28:19,857
Start digging.
448
00:28:19,948 --> 00:28:22,198
[Turbish] I have theory. Maybe they go up.
449
00:28:22,283 --> 00:28:25,503
I won't even dignify that
with an upward glance.
450
00:28:25,578 --> 00:28:26,408
[Turbish] Ugh.
451
00:28:31,376 --> 00:28:32,666
[fairy] Hey, there.
452
00:28:32,752 --> 00:28:36,342
I haven't seen you in this tree before.
You looking for a good time?
453
00:28:36,423 --> 00:28:39,683
A fairy? Maybe she can help us.
Do you do magic?
454
00:28:39,759 --> 00:28:43,179
Sure, I've done a trick or two.
What do you have in mind?
455
00:28:43,263 --> 00:28:46,523
I was forced into a wedding,
and I wish I had my freedom to--
456
00:28:46,599 --> 00:28:48,599
Hey, I'm gonna stop you right there.
457
00:28:48,685 --> 00:28:51,345
Wishes sound free. I don't do free.
458
00:28:51,438 --> 00:28:55,018
But you look like sweet kids.
You ever heard of the Wishmaster?
459
00:28:55,108 --> 00:28:56,738
I've never heard of anything.
460
00:28:56,818 --> 00:28:59,028
It's true. He just thinks
you're a real friendly lady.
461
00:28:59,112 --> 00:29:01,612
An old girlfriend of mine
used to work the mountain.
462
00:29:01,698 --> 00:29:05,788
She said this Wishmaster guy
was the real deal. Thataway.
463
00:29:05,869 --> 00:29:09,119
This is so helpful.
How can we ever repay you?
464
00:29:09,205 --> 00:29:11,365
Cash. Leave it on the branch.
465
00:29:18,548 --> 00:29:19,378
[chirps]
466
00:29:22,761 --> 00:29:23,681
[Luci sighs]
467
00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:26,812
Cool night air, sky full of stars...
468
00:29:27,390 --> 00:29:29,230
This sucks. How much further?
469
00:29:29,309 --> 00:29:30,139
[grunts]
470
00:29:32,103 --> 00:29:34,233
It's getting late, boys.
We'd better stay here.
471
00:29:41,237 --> 00:29:42,817
Okay, so if we get three wishes,
472
00:29:42,906 --> 00:29:45,576
I want to be in charge of my own destiny,
473
00:29:45,658 --> 00:29:47,198
to have my mom back, obviously,
474
00:29:47,285 --> 00:29:49,695
and to find a boyfriend
who's a great listener.
475
00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:51,118
What do you wish for, Elfo?
476
00:29:51,206 --> 00:29:52,416
To be a great listener.
477
00:29:52,499 --> 00:29:55,419
And whatever that thing is
you said about your mom.
478
00:29:55,502 --> 00:29:58,842
I would get rid of all the diseases
plaguing mankind,
479
00:29:58,922 --> 00:30:01,012
and replace them with worse ones.
480
00:30:01,090 --> 00:30:02,840
Ooh! And make Elfo die alone.
481
00:30:02,926 --> 00:30:06,216
Hey, he's making fun of my dreams.
482
00:30:06,304 --> 00:30:08,104
That's what friends do.
483
00:30:08,181 --> 00:30:11,601
We got a long journey in the morning.
Let's get some shut-eye.
484
00:30:11,684 --> 00:30:14,694
You two sleep down by my feet.
I call it the friend zone.
485
00:30:14,771 --> 00:30:17,321
Get comfortable.
You ain't never getting outta here.
486
00:30:18,441 --> 00:30:21,491
What's this weird feeling
I don't want to drink away?
487
00:30:21,569 --> 00:30:23,449
That's hope. That's hope!
488
00:30:23,530 --> 00:30:26,240
You know what we say in Hell?
"Hope's for dopes."
489
00:30:26,324 --> 00:30:28,374
Well, good night, everybody. [grunts]
490
00:30:28,993 --> 00:30:32,253
I'll be entering your dreams
tonight in the form of a laughing skull.
491
00:30:32,330 --> 00:30:37,380
[chuckles] Yeah, that's me. That's me.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry about that.
492
00:30:44,467 --> 00:30:47,967
An elf with a human girl?
That ain't right.
493
00:30:57,772 --> 00:30:58,772
[Oona snoring]
494
00:31:01,609 --> 00:31:02,439
Ah... [snores]
495
00:31:07,782 --> 00:31:08,622
[Luci snores]
496
00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:11,490
Mmm... Guys, hey! Wake up.
497
00:31:11,578 --> 00:31:15,038
Come on. We've got a long way to go
to the Wishmaster's lair.
498
00:31:15,123 --> 00:31:16,083
[Elfo] Mmm...
499
00:31:16,624 --> 00:31:17,464
Oh.
500
00:31:23,214 --> 00:31:24,804
I wish you guys would help.
501
00:31:24,883 --> 00:31:26,263
Save it for the Wishmaster.
502
00:31:40,607 --> 00:31:42,607
[distant vocalizing]
503
00:31:51,117 --> 00:31:52,367
Seek ye me?
504
00:31:52,452 --> 00:31:54,122
Yes, are you--
505
00:31:54,203 --> 00:31:55,623
The Washmaster.
506
00:31:55,705 --> 00:31:57,455
Wait, the what-master?
507
00:31:57,540 --> 00:31:59,250
You heard me. The Washmaster.
508
00:31:59,334 --> 00:32:03,094
People far and wide seek me out
to wash their clothes.
509
00:32:06,549 --> 00:32:07,719
No!
510
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:11,220
Well, now we know something
we didn't know yesterday.
511
00:32:11,971 --> 00:32:12,811
[horse neighs]
512
00:32:13,765 --> 00:32:14,765
[Bean sighs]
513
00:32:15,808 --> 00:32:20,148
Ah, there you are, my love.
I've come to take you back to our wedding.
514
00:32:20,229 --> 00:32:21,229
[panting]
515
00:32:46,631 --> 00:32:47,471
[Bean] Oh! [sniffs]
516
00:32:59,894 --> 00:33:00,734
Ah!
517
00:33:04,941 --> 00:33:06,821
I might as well give up and accept
518
00:33:06,901 --> 00:33:09,031
that I'll never be anything more
than a wealthy queen
519
00:33:09,112 --> 00:33:11,702
of a fabulous faraway kingdom. [sniffles]
520
00:33:12,573 --> 00:33:13,703
It's my destiny.
521
00:33:13,783 --> 00:33:15,283
Bean, no!
522
00:33:15,368 --> 00:33:18,708
You are beautiful,
and your skin is so soft,
523
00:33:18,788 --> 00:33:21,788
and your hair smells like butterscotch,
but you're wrong!
524
00:33:21,874 --> 00:33:25,384
Pardon my language,
but destiny is baloney!
525
00:33:25,461 --> 00:33:28,721
Your future is not foretold.
It's what you make of it.
526
00:33:28,798 --> 00:33:30,298
[Merkimer] He's right, my darling. Let's make a future together.
527
00:33:31,968 --> 00:33:35,098
I've loved you
since the moment you killed my brother.
528
00:33:38,891 --> 00:33:41,441
Give me your hand in marriage, Bean.
529
00:33:52,447 --> 00:33:53,447
Ah...
530
00:33:53,531 --> 00:33:55,741
-You're magic, right?
-Yep.
531
00:33:56,826 --> 00:33:58,446
Not that kind of magic, though.
532
00:33:58,536 --> 00:34:01,286
-What about you?
-Maybe I am.
533
00:34:02,206 --> 00:34:03,036
Nope.
534
00:34:03,124 --> 00:34:04,134
[all screaming]