1 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,926 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,428 [man] Hey! 3 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:26,652 Bean! No! 4 00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,529 She forgot her glove! 5 00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:30,864 My poor Princess Tiabeanie. 6 00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:33,283 She never had a chance to say she loved me. 7 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,535 [footsteps approaching] 8 00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:35,744 Now what? Whoa! 9 00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:37,496 [sniffs] 10 00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:39,665 Me smell fear. 11 00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,416 [stutters] I mean, I smell fear. 12 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:45,295 You don't scare me! I was born scared. Get him, men! 13 00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:47,422 [swords clinking] 14 00:00:47,506 --> 00:00:48,590 [grunting] 15 00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:51,385 [all grunting] 16 00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,766 - [monk] Boys, boys, boys. - [knight] What? 17 00:00:57,849 --> 00:01:00,185 There's no conflict here. 18 00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:03,313 This is a plateau of peace. 19 00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:04,398 [throat singing] 20 00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:13,949 - Ah! - [all grunting] 21 00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:21,748 I can get married or I can die. This should be a harder decision. 22 00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:23,709 Hey! Death is the easy way out! 23 00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:26,795 So I say do it. Do it! Do it, do it, do it! 24 00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:29,756 No! Your cruddy life is worth living, Bean. 25 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,384 And so is mine, if you live. 26 00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:34,720 Ugh. Geez. Do it. 27 00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:35,804 Hey, guys? 28 00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:36,722 [both] Yeah? 29 00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:38,807 Uh, while you were talking, the stick broke. 30 00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:40,142 [Elfo and Bean screaming] 31 00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:46,565 Leaving when the ogre looked away was an excellent strategy. 32 00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:50,902 Now, by my reckoning, the bodies should have landed right here. 33 00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:52,237 Whoa! 34 00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:57,993 Dear God, you've mangled my exquisite face! 35 00:01:58,076 --> 00:02:00,078 Wait, no, that's your face. 36 00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,246 What's wrong with my face? 37 00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:04,791 It looks like a foot. I mean, if you're happy with it... 38 00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:05,876 Whoa! 39 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,186 And that's when I discovered 40 00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:27,105 that the dragon could shoot fire from both ends. 41 00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:29,608 Anyway, enough about every detail of my life. 42 00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:31,234 Tell me something about you. 43 00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:32,152 [grunts] 44 00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:34,863 [man] Really? Fascinating. Exquisite. 45 00:02:35,739 --> 00:02:37,949 [playing fanfare] 46 00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:39,284 [distorted trumpet sound] 47 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:44,873 Your Majesty, it is with much heroism that I now return Princess Bean, 48 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:47,584 along with this priceless sack of elf. 49 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:48,835 Ah! Uh. 50 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:51,838 This cold floor feels good on my concussion. 51 00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:53,382 Hi, I'm Elfo! 52 00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:56,968 But more importantly, I am the one and only Luci. 53 00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:59,221 Who cares what a cat has to say? 54 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:00,389 [grunts] 55 00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:01,431 I'm not a cat! 56 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,642 Ah, whatever. I'm gonna go lay down in the window. 57 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:06,895 All I care about is this sweet, precious elf. 58 00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:08,271 Cram him in a cage! 59 00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:12,192 Dad, you can't just cage him. Elves are jolly by nature. 60 00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:14,403 They need to prance and dance. 61 00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:17,155 Lucky for you, I'm a patron of the arts. 62 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:25,205 But all frolicking stays within castle walls. 63 00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:27,124 Well, get to it! 64 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,711 [playing happy tune on flute] 65 00:03:33,255 --> 00:03:34,256 [screaming and grunting] 66 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:47,269 It's still rolling, but he has stopped screaming. 67 00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:50,689 Someone jab him with a sword, make sure he's okay. 68 00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:53,817 Speaking of things getting poked, we've got a wedding to plan. 69 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:57,654 Ew. Dad, think out the words before they come out. It's... 70 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,948 I know. It felt weird when I said it. 71 00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:01,992 - [bells ringing] - [seagulls squawking] 72 00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:10,250 We'll scrub you right up, as clean as a child on his funeral day. 73 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:11,251 Arms up! 74 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:16,089 Oh. How my Charlie sparkled this morning when they heaved him into the burial pit. 75 00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:17,674 He's in a better place now. 76 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:20,802 Oh, yes, down there with all his little friends. 77 00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:22,387 Ah. Not so hard! 78 00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:23,889 I'm sorry, Bunty. 79 00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:26,850 I don't mean to be insensitive about your dead whatever. 80 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,102 I just really don't want to marry this wealthy prince. 81 00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:30,187 You understand. 82 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,481 But it is your duty as a princess. 83 00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:35,567 We need this marriage to cement our alliance with Bentwood. 84 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,819 For our kingdom is rich in tradition, 85 00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:41,156 but their kingdom is rich in... Well, riches. 86 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:45,243 Plus, I don't see anyone else storming your castle, princess. 87 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,287 Rawr. 88 00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:51,750 [bubbling] 89 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:57,964 [munches] 90 00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,716 - Your Highness. - Eh? 91 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:03,220 The elf may have value far beyond what we expected. 92 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,137 Uh... 93 00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:08,016 It appears there may be truth to the old legends regarding the elves. 94 00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:13,438 It seems certain secrets were set down in the ancient writings of Mephismo. 95 00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:14,356 [blows] 96 00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:15,899 [both coughing] 97 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,943 I should dust in here more often. 98 00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:19,569 Anyway, I've read it before. 99 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:24,491 The essence is that there is enormously potent magic in elves' blood. 100 00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:29,412 Could this elf's blood be the key to my wildest dream? 101 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:34,084 Might we finally create the Elixir of Life? 102 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,253 I don't want to raise your hopes. 103 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,755 But yes, definitely. 104 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:39,840 [humming] 105 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:47,180 Hey, Elfo, what are you lookin' at? 106 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:53,144 I was just admiring the towel. My people don't have terrycloth. 107 00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:56,857 I cannot marry that pig Merkimer. [stutters] I can't do it. 108 00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:59,234 I'm gonna have to kill him or something. 109 00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:00,902 Do it. Do it, do it, do it! 110 00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:02,988 And after you kill him we can hide the body. 111 00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:04,447 Then we could join the search party 112 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,741 and you and I can look at each other and try not to laugh. 113 00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:11,872 No! You're not a murderer, Bean! Well, I mean, you did kill that one guy. 114 00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:16,001 Nope. Still alive, but suffering greatly. 115 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:17,836 You're a sweet person. 116 00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:21,423 Sure, you're a violent alcoholic, but you're not a killer. 117 00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:24,509 You're right. I'll go have a few drinks and we'll figure something out. 118 00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:28,138 Oh. 119 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,181 Hey, I'm still naked. 120 00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:32,100 I'm naked all the time. You just didn't know it. 121 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:33,727 And now you're never gonna un-know it. 122 00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:38,857 Uh, might we borrow this little man for a moment? 123 00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,650 I just need to pick his brain. 124 00:06:41,276 --> 00:06:43,278 Through his nostrils. 125 00:06:43,862 --> 00:06:45,947 So, how we gonna kill your fiancé? 126 00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:48,617 Candlestick in the conservatory? Candlestick in the face? 127 00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,994 I think we need to be a little bit more discreet. 128 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:53,371 Oh. Poison could be perfect! 129 00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,501 This one causes slow, painful death. 130 00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:01,880 This one kills you with kindness and some belladonna. 131 00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:05,467 And this one's so poisonous you can't even hold it in a bottle. [chuckles] 132 00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:06,885 Oh. Excuse me. 133 00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:08,720 [thuds] 134 00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:12,182 Have you folks been helped? 135 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,516 We're still browsing. 136 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,561 Uh, you know what? I'm just not comfortable with murder. 137 00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:18,688 There's got to be another way to get rid of him. 138 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:19,856 You could just marry him 139 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,691 and drive him mad with your indecisiveness. 140 00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:22,609 Hmm. 141 00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:23,777 I don't know. 142 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,867 We're running out of time. [stutters] 143 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:34,120 What if I rub a sick chicken all over his face and hope for the best? 144 00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:35,205 [clucks then coughs] 145 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,498 [bells ringing] 146 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:40,919 [Bean] Mermaids! 147 00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,546 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 148 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:44,714 [muffled] Probably not. 149 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,424 [chicken clucks then wheezes] 150 00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:51,805 [chuckles] Something tickles. Is there a mosquito on my leg? 151 00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:56,017 Behold, sire, as I extract a small quantity of blood. 152 00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:58,436 I only have a small quantity of blood. 153 00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:09,948 Excellent. I've asked the eminent Lord Lingonberry 154 00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,658 to take part in the experiment. 155 00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:16,246 And may I say what a deep honor it is to assist His Majesty in this most... 156 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,288 Strap him down! 157 00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:21,292 This is the first interesting thing that's ever happened to me. 158 00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:24,462 To test the revitalizing influence of the blood, 159 00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:27,132 I shall apply a small measure to the scalp 160 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:30,468 to regrow his Lordship's once-lavish hair. 161 00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:33,096 And... doink. 162 00:08:36,975 --> 00:08:38,268 Nothing's happening. 163 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:41,021 But, ho! Some hair has sprouted in his ear. 164 00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:43,231 His ears were always like that! 165 00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:45,608 It's like he keeps paintbrushes in there. 166 00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:49,487 Yes, well, I suppose the life-giving magic may take a while. 167 00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:52,323 Uh, come back in a few days, Lord Lingonberry. 168 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,368 He's dead. 169 00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:59,205 Pity. He was a good man. A family man. 170 00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:03,668 [pigs squealing] 171 00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:07,380 Clearly, the volume of blood was inadequate. 172 00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:11,801 To extract greater quantities, we'll need more sophisticated methods. 173 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,595 Mop Girl, milk him. 174 00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:16,598 [squirting] 175 00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:19,434 My brain feels dry. 176 00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:28,651 Now we hope Merkimer's a big enough idiot to fall for this mermaid plan. 177 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:30,278 I'm feeling optimistic. 178 00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:36,951 [chuckling nervously] So, Merkimer, I know I've been a little cold and distant, 179 00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:39,496 and some would say overflowing with revulsion... 180 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,623 That's okay. I don't listen to women. 181 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,374 But before we marry 182 00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:46,211 and I enter a state of semi-permanent pregnancy... 183 00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:48,463 [chuckles nervously] Woo! 184 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:51,341 I just wanted to make sure you have some fun. 185 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:55,595 That's why I insist you have a bachelor party. 186 00:09:55,678 --> 00:10:01,392 It'll be way out on the open seas where the only law is the law of no laws. 187 00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:03,978 Anything goes. 188 00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:08,024 Anything... goes. 189 00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:12,946 Anything goes! 190 00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:13,863 Whoa! 191 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,448 They call it a party barge, 192 00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:19,119 and it's charting a course for Mermaid Island. 193 00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:20,995 This island has real mermaids? 194 00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:23,498 It's not just named after Gerald K. Mermaid? 195 00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:26,835 It was named after him, but it also has mermaids. 196 00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:29,629 Intriguing. But don't mermaids use their mesmo-songs 197 00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:31,339 to lure men to their deaths? 198 00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:34,134 Ah, only weak-minded men fall for that. 199 00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:36,094 So you'll be pretty much fine. 200 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:38,721 Very well. I'm in. 201 00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,682 What a gullible idiot. 202 00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:41,975 Can I go, too? 203 00:10:44,853 --> 00:10:48,481 Our first experiment with the elf blood was inconclusive. 204 00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:52,652 But these new tests shall reveal its restorative powers. 205 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:00,410 Hmm. 206 00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:03,580 Fly! 207 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:06,875 Oh. 208 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:09,502 [gulps] 209 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:13,840 [Elfo] Ow! 210 00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:22,140 [gasps] Are you okay? 211 00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:24,642 [weakly] If I say no, will I seem less manly? 212 00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:26,811 Elfo, that's not possible. 213 00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:31,024 Why don't you pick on someone your own size? Like a barn! 214 00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:33,484 First of all, sweetie, shut up. 215 00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:37,655 I'm not gonna hurt this little guy. I'm gonna leech the magic out of him. 216 00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:39,866 Don't you want a magic daddy? 217 00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:42,869 No! Gosh. I don't want a magic daddy, 218 00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:45,413 and I would never call you that even if you were! 219 00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:50,585 You just want your stupid Elixir of Life so you can be immortal and rule forever. 220 00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:52,587 God, you're selfish and cruel. 221 00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:55,632 Selfish? Maybe. But cruel? 222 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,050 Ah, also maybe. 223 00:11:57,133 --> 00:12:00,220 Sire, harnessing the blood's power has proven difficult. 224 00:12:00,303 --> 00:12:02,472 Perhaps if I had more to work with... 225 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:06,309 [groans] Look at this! There's more blood in my chamber pot. 226 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:09,604 If this flask isn't filled with elf blood by morning, 227 00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:12,857 we'll grind him to a paste and see if that works better. 228 00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:17,445 Oh! If that paste doesn't work, I'm in real trouble. 229 00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:18,696 [owl hoots] 230 00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:19,989 [bell dings] 231 00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:27,789 I'm an optimist. I say the flask is half-full. 232 00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:29,791 - It's not. - Don't be so negative. 233 00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:32,293 - Where there's a will, there's a way. - There's not. 234 00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:33,336 [pigs squeal, grunt] 235 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:46,849 Shut your snouts, you dumb pigs, or I'm gonna... Oh, wait. 236 00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,738 Did you know that pigs are 80% blood? 237 00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:03,241 - Really? - Not anymore. 238 00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:13,835 I must admit, the quantity of blood exceeded my expectations. 239 00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:17,213 So Elfo is free to go? 240 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,256 Hmm. 241 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:19,424 For now. 242 00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:22,135 Looks like I picked the wrong day to wear sandals. 243 00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:27,765 [whooping] 244 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:30,184 Was I the only one hoping for more blood? 245 00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:32,145 I feel weak and queasy. 246 00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:35,523 What you need is a nice, long boat ride. 247 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:50,705 All aboard the party barge! I hope you like fun and soggy pretzels. 248 00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:51,748 [men cheering] 249 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,960 I hope you like me yelling! 250 00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:57,795 Stop right there, Your Ladyness. 251 00:13:57,879 --> 00:14:01,090 A delicate flower like yourself has no place aboard... 252 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,175 [grunts] 253 00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:03,426 Good point. 254 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,847 I'm so glad you're coming along, Bean. 255 00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,141 You'll get to know the crazy, fun me, 256 00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:13,686 before spending the rest of your life with the boring, bossy me. 257 00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:15,772 I'm lucky in so many ways. 258 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,443 [captain] Now listen up, you landhuggers. 259 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,153 This may be a party barge, 260 00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:25,281 but the dangers of Mermaid Island be all too real. 261 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,450 So drink responsibly! 262 00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:34,082 [coughs] 263 00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:35,917 [screams] 264 00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:42,382 - [all chant] Spin the elf! Spin the elf! - Spin the... [screams] 265 00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:45,009 Attention on the party barge! 266 00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:48,179 We be sailing now into treacherous waters. 267 00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:51,015 To starboard, man-eating sharks. 268 00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:53,684 To port, a sunset so beautiful 269 00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:56,312 the rest of your life will seem anticlimactic. 270 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,272 But the worst lies ahead! 271 00:14:58,356 --> 00:15:03,069 For there lurk the twin shores of Mermaid Island and Walrus Island. 272 00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:06,447 And you don't want to mix those up, believe me. 273 00:15:06,531 --> 00:15:08,950 Let's get this underway, shall we? 274 00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:12,495 Everyone line up single file to get lashed to the masts. 275 00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:14,580 God forbid you lose control and jump overboard. 276 00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:15,498 We don't want that. 277 00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:24,924 Anyone not tied down better plug your ears. 278 00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:28,177 "Ear wax"? Does it mean it's for ears or from ears? 279 00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:31,722 Arr, you'll want to put the wax in before you hear me answer. 280 00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:39,647 Tighter, man, tighter! I have poor impulse control. 281 00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,609 You remembered to use a slipknot, right? 282 00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:47,363 I can't hear you! I've got wax in my ears! 283 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:51,117 You rigged it so he'll break free and leap overboard, right? 284 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,118 The plan? 285 00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:54,203 Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 286 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:57,165 Well, no. I couldn't do it. 287 00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:58,082 Ugh. 288 00:15:58,166 --> 00:16:00,751 Elf defense? Try self-defense. 289 00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:01,919 Just go cut the ropes. 290 00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:04,505 - Stop! No! Don't do it! - Do it. Do it. 291 00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:07,091 - I can't jump that high. - Do it! Elfo... 292 00:16:07,175 --> 00:16:09,177 - That's not fair. - Don't listen to Elfo. 293 00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:11,262 You're playing to your strengths, and not mine. 294 00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:16,893 [laughs mockingly] See? Even the gods don't want you to do it. 295 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:20,021 Then they shouldn't have given me these big bad buck teeth. 296 00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:26,402 My prince, may I give you one last kiss for good luck? 297 00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,905 On the forearm, for whatever reason? 298 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,699 That's kind of Mother's thing, but sure. 299 00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:32,742 [kisses] 300 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:34,827 [biting] 301 00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:38,080 Did it work? 302 00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:44,378 All hands, brace fer mermaids! And their irresistible song. 303 00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:47,715 If it's smooth jazz, I will destroy this place. 304 00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:48,799 [harmonious singing] 305 00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:56,974 [all sighing] 306 00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:59,435 - Oh. - Oh. 307 00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:03,397 It's beautiful. Such angelic voices. 308 00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:06,776 I've never heard a song so sweet and delicate. 309 00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,278 I must have sex with its origin. 310 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:21,040 Ha! I'm free! Lead the way, loins. 311 00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:22,750 [grunts] 312 00:17:23,334 --> 00:17:24,502 [men gasp] 313 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:33,594 I'm Merkimer. I can't wait to meet you. I don't need your names, though. 314 00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:41,686 Ladies, the legends do not do you justice. 315 00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:46,148 Not one mention of your fuzzy muzzles. Climb aboard. 316 00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:47,525 [walruses singing] 317 00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:49,193 [Merkimer] Ooh! 318 00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,529 Yes! 319 00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:54,198 Uh... Should we be doing something? 320 00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:56,826 I'm already smoking and laughing. What more do you want? 321 00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:58,995 [laughs] 322 00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:01,831 - [singing stops] - [Merkimer] Whoa! 323 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,791 Listen. They've stopped singing. 324 00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:08,421 Aye, their siren song is done for now. 325 00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:11,882 And we only lost one man. That's actually not bad. 326 00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:15,970 Usually everyone dies. I don't advertise that fact. [chuckles] 327 00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:20,016 [Mertz] Merkimer may be gone, but at least he prepaid for the barge. 328 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,476 - To Merkimer! - [all] To Merkimer! 329 00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:30,109 As Merkimer's fiancée, I'd like to say a few words. 330 00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:32,486 Let's head back. 331 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,033 Where the hell are we? This fog is as thick as chowder. 332 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:40,494 Chowder? It doesn't always have to be nautical references with me. 333 00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:45,124 There are plenty of other thick soups. Cream of potato, that's one. 334 00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:48,419 Uh... Chili... I guess that's not a soup. 335 00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:52,131 Uh... Ham chowder. No, that's a chowder. Uh... 336 00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,716 What's the one with the salt? 337 00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:57,845 [stutters] Salt soup! There you are. Salt soup. 338 00:18:57,928 --> 00:18:58,763 Bah! 339 00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:01,641 Look, in the distance! The lights of the kingdom! 340 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,063 That's no land. 341 00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:11,067 It's a ship of war, flying the dread flag of the Borcs! 342 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:15,237 [gasps] They must be planning a sneak attack on Dreamland! 343 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,448 Don't panic. We can slip away unnoticed 344 00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:20,993 as long as everyone remains absolutely silent. 345 00:19:21,077 --> 00:19:22,078 [loudly] What? 346 00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:26,207 [grunting] 347 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:32,963 They've spotted us. Defend the barge or risk losing your deposit. 348 00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:33,881 [gasps] 349 00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:35,299 Fire the cannon! 350 00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:40,721 Don't look at that. You didn't pay for it. 351 00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:41,639 [growling] 352 00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:51,691 I'm sorry, guys. We're gonna die and it's all my fault. 353 00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:55,069 No, it was me with my incessant do it, do it, do it, do its. 354 00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:56,445 That's what made you do it. 355 00:19:56,529 --> 00:20:00,825 Neither one of you was to blame. It was both of you. You both killed us. 356 00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:02,076 [screaming] 357 00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:04,370 The barge is falling apart! 358 00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:07,665 Aye, 'twas held together mainly by stains. 359 00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:14,422 [grunting] 360 00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:21,637 All the confetti cannons in the world couldn't save us now. 361 00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:24,348 [walruses singing] 362 00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:28,144 Mermaids, attack! 363 00:20:32,690 --> 00:20:34,275 [grunting and yelling] 364 00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:57,590 Didn't you always want a husband that screwed 30 walruses? 365 00:20:57,673 --> 00:20:59,091 Yeah. Yeah, I did. 366 00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:00,134 [water splashes] 367 00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:10,352 King Zog, you're giving me your daughter, 368 00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:13,814 so it's only fair I give you something of equal value. 369 00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:16,275 The head of the Borc admiral! 370 00:21:17,026 --> 00:21:22,406 That's not a Borc, it's a Bozak! They're our closest allies! 371 00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:24,950 The Bozak wedding delegation never arrived. 372 00:21:25,034 --> 00:21:27,661 No wonder all those presents have been washing ashore. 373 00:21:31,248 --> 00:21:34,835 Then let this be a warning to your other allies. 374 00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:48,182 This is the dress my mom wore when she married my dad. 375 00:21:48,766 --> 00:21:52,269 I thought when it was my turn to wear it, I'd be as happy as she was. 376 00:21:52,353 --> 00:21:55,356 Somehow, I don't think my portrait's gonna be nearly as happy. 377 00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:57,858 If you no like, I fix. 378 00:21:57,942 --> 00:22:01,487 No, no, that's okay, Giuseppe. We hired you for your emotional realism. 379 00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:02,404 [bells tolling] 380 00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:05,908 It's time. 381 00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:08,953 Well, free will was fun while it lasted. 382 00:22:09,036 --> 00:22:12,748 Just doing the stuff I wanted to do, going places I wanted to go. 383 00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:16,001 That time I stole a baby walrus. You guys were there. 384 00:22:16,085 --> 00:22:19,880 So, anyway, here comes the bride. 385 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:27,137 [sighs] 386 00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:32,101 I can't bear to watch. I'll be in my cage. 387 00:22:45,155 --> 00:22:46,156 [bells ringing] 388 00:22:53,122 --> 00:22:54,623 Anyone seen Sorcerio? 389 00:22:54,707 --> 00:22:57,960 Ugh. No, he's at a wedding. Your wedding. 390 00:22:58,043 --> 00:23:01,547 Well, if it isn't my little barge buddy, Elmo. 391 00:23:01,630 --> 00:23:06,510 Ugh, I told you, my name is Elfo. Elmo was my house. I lived in an elm. 392 00:23:06,594 --> 00:23:09,138 I'm feeling a tad nervous, my tiny friend. 393 00:23:09,221 --> 00:23:12,516 Those mermaids worked me over pretty hard, sexually. 394 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:16,103 I may not be able to perform tonight on the marital mattress. 395 00:23:16,186 --> 00:23:18,564 [grunts] Stop talking to me. 396 00:23:18,647 --> 00:23:20,441 I mean, I'm drained. 397 00:23:20,524 --> 00:23:24,069 Haha! Here it is. Legend has it that elf blood contains 398 00:23:24,153 --> 00:23:25,946 the mystical essence of life itself. 399 00:23:26,030 --> 00:23:29,283 Perhaps it could perk up my poor, tuckered dong. 400 00:23:29,366 --> 00:23:33,537 Please stop! There's no place like Elmo. There's no place like Elmo... 401 00:23:33,621 --> 00:23:36,332 Mind if I have a little sip of you juice? 402 00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:38,918 Hold up. That's not elf's blood, that's pig's... 403 00:23:39,001 --> 00:23:43,130 [stutters] Help yourself! Do it. Do it. Do it! 404 00:23:47,468 --> 00:23:50,930 Enough rigmarole. Bring in the blushing groom. 405 00:23:53,974 --> 00:23:54,808 [crowd gasping] 406 00:23:55,601 --> 00:23:58,062 I've never felt such vigor. 407 00:23:58,145 --> 00:24:01,565 You're all invited to our marital evening. [laughs] 408 00:24:02,149 --> 00:24:05,527 Hmm. Feeling a bit... [retches] What's happening? 409 00:24:05,611 --> 00:24:06,570 [squeals] 410 00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:10,616 Well, this is odd. 411 00:24:10,699 --> 00:24:11,700 [squealing and grunting] 412 00:24:11,784 --> 00:24:13,035 [all gasp] 413 00:24:13,118 --> 00:24:14,119 [cackles] 414 00:24:18,082 --> 00:24:19,041 [crowd gasp] 415 00:24:19,124 --> 00:24:19,959 [grunts] 416 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:21,794 [squeals] 417 00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:25,047 Hey. 418 00:24:26,715 --> 00:24:29,635 Really, Dad? [scoffs] You're fine with this? 419 00:24:29,718 --> 00:24:32,346 You think this arranged marriage will solve your problems? 420 00:24:32,429 --> 00:24:34,181 You think that magic will? [scoffs] 421 00:24:34,264 --> 00:24:37,184 You're just thinking about yourself, what you want. 422 00:24:37,267 --> 00:24:38,852 You don't care about me. 423 00:24:38,936 --> 00:24:41,146 Isn't there a point in everyone's life 424 00:24:41,230 --> 00:24:44,525 where they need to, like, go and figure out who they are? 425 00:24:44,608 --> 00:24:48,570 Are we standing in that moment right now? Maybe. 426 00:24:48,654 --> 00:24:51,532 But I know one thing, and I know it real good, 427 00:24:51,615 --> 00:24:53,701 I know it really, really intensely, 428 00:24:53,784 --> 00:24:57,121 and that's [stutters] I don't want to marry this pig. 429 00:24:58,497 --> 00:24:59,456 [squeals] 430 00:24:59,957 --> 00:25:01,125 Or that one either. 431 00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:05,546 Ah, to hell with it. Bean may be crazy, but she's right. 432 00:25:05,629 --> 00:25:07,881 This whole cursed wedding is canceled. 433 00:25:07,965 --> 00:25:09,008 [all gasp] 434 00:25:09,091 --> 00:25:10,426 And the bar is closed. 435 00:25:10,509 --> 00:25:11,719 [all gasp angrily] 436 00:25:11,802 --> 00:25:15,014 If you're calling off the wedding, I'm calling off the alliance! 437 00:25:15,097 --> 00:25:20,102 Oh, yeah? My knuckles'll make an alliance with your pig-fathering face! 438 00:25:20,185 --> 00:25:23,689 [crowd chanting] King fight! King fight! King fight! 439 00:25:23,772 --> 00:25:25,524 - King fight! King fight! - Come on. 440 00:25:25,607 --> 00:25:26,859 [crowd cheering] 441 00:25:28,068 --> 00:25:29,069 [grunts] 442 00:25:31,572 --> 00:25:35,034 Guys, thanks for making my wedding a day I'll always remember. 443 00:25:35,117 --> 00:25:37,202 Now let's see how fast we can forget it. 444 00:25:39,913 --> 00:25:42,041 - To us. - But mainly me! 445 00:25:43,167 --> 00:25:45,169 - [crowd clamoring] - [Zog] And furthermore! 446 00:25:45,252 --> 00:25:47,087 [grunts] I compliment you on that one, sir. 447 00:25:55,512 --> 00:25:56,638 [pig squealing] 448 00:25:56,722 --> 00:25:58,724 [theme music playing]