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♪
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‐Great news!
3
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Chago’s daughter Margarita
is getting baptized,
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and we’re all invited!
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‐Oh, yeah!
‐That’s so sweet!
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‐Oh, I love it!
I got the perfect suit.
7
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‐Oh, that baby’s so cute!
8
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Her name is Alice, but they
nicknamed her Margarita
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because that’s how she got made.
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‐Question ‐‐ has Chago picked
a godfather,
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and can I throw my nombre
in the hat?
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‐Ugh...
‐Oh, my God.
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‐Are you Cuban?
Are you family?
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Are you Catholic?
‐I’m two out of three.
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‐You’re none out of three!
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‐Estrellita and her family are
coming in from Miami.
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Which means Mirtha is coming,
which means I have to spritz
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the place with holy water
because she is La Diabla.
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‐Oh, um ‐‐
‐What’s happening?
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‐Yep.
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‐This is just Febreze until I
can get the real stuff.
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‐I thought you settled
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the mantilla feud and
you’re all good now.
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‐No, Tia made a comment about
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Abuelita’s croquetas
being dry and now it’s back on.
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‐You know what will be dry?
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Every eye at her funeral!
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‐Yeah, but your
ridiculous vieja feud
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isn’t gonna be
the problem this time.
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‐What is?
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‐Make America great again!
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Make America great again!
Make America great again!
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‐Oh, that’s right.
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‐♪ This is it ♪
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‐♪ Oh, oh, oh, whoa ♪
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‐♪ One day at a time ♪
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‐Because they’re like us, I
always forget they’re like that.
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‐Okay, as long as we stay away
from politics, it’ll be fine.
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It’s a baptism ‐‐ we don’t have
to talk during the service,
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and afterwards, we’ll gossip
about how Chago and Valeria
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got married seven months ago and
Margarita is a miracle baby.
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‐What will we do after?
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Because they are of course
staying with us.
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‐What?!
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No, Mami.
I know they’re family and ‐‐
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‐We don’t send family to hotels
like los Americanos frios.
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‐Good, so you get it.
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‐We have to make an exception
this time.
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The only way to keep
the family together
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is to keep the family apart.
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‐Well, if they cannot stay with
you, they will stay with me.
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Night night, Mirtha.
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I hope the floor isn’t as hard
as your bistec empanizado.
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‐If I wanted to hear screeching
from an old bag,
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I’d play with this zipper!
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‐You know what I wish had
a zipper?
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Your mouth!
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They have to stay.
They are family.
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‐I’m with Abuelita.
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I hope the Reyeses stay as long
as they want.
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I love Tio ATM.
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‐Tio ATM?
‐That’s what I call Tio Juanito.
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How great is it being Cuban?
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‐iEso, Papito!
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[ Cha‐ching! ]
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‐He gives me $20 every time I
say something he likes.
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‐This is all a disaster.
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‐Just keep it light.
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Talk about
non‐controversial stuff.
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Like the weather.
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‐Gotta love this LA weather,
huh?
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‐Thank you, "global warming."
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‐Maybe try sports?
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‐How dare that football guy
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disrespect our troops by
kneeling down peacefully?
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‐How about movies?
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‐If you have a penis,
use the men’s room!
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‐Why would that come up?
‐It always comes up!
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‐I still think the Reyeses
should stay with us.
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‐What? You of all people should
be against it,
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you disagree with them
about everything!
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‐True. I mean, when I came out
to Tio, he said...
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‐You just haven’t met the right
boy yet, Elena.
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‐That’s because they don’t make
them like you, Tio.
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‐iEso, Papito!
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[ Cha‐ching! ]
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‐But they’re voters in Florida,
a swing state,
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so we can’t let them leave
till December.
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[ Thunder crashes ]
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‐No.
Politics and family do not mix,
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and that’s why I’m putting
my foot down.
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The Reyeses can’t stay with us,
iy ya!
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[ Cell phone chimes ]
‐Too late.
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They just landed, they’re on
their way here.
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iY ya, y ya!
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‐Just landed?
The baptism is next week!
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‐They are coming early
to have a mini‐vacation
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and do all the things
they can’t do in Florida.
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Go to the beach, visit
Disneyland, see an orange grove.
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‐You are literally describing
Florida!
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This is terrible.
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It’s just going to be a week of
fighting and yelling.
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‐Yeah, how is that different
than any other week?
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‐Oh, my God.
Can I please fix everything?
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‐Oh, boy.
‐What I love most about you guys
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is how you talk about
everything.
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Every sigh, every slight exhale,
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you’re like,
"What’s going on there?
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Family meeting,
love, love, hugs, hugs."
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‐Why are you telling us things
we already know?
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‐Because it’s a huge mistake
in this situation!
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Let my wildly dysfunctional
family be your guide.
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Just don’t talk to each other.
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‐That is impossible.
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‐Yeah, Mami sometimes FaceTimes
me while I’m peeing.
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‐And that is only
because I am cooking,
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because otherwise
I would just walk in.
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‐You gotta retrain yourselves.
Father and I have spent weeks
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without saying a word
to each other.
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He once left a Post‐It note on
my door that said,
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"I’m not sure you’re mine."
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I saved it and look at it
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whenever I think
I might love him.
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‐And everybody should do that?
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‐Yes, because
then you won’t fight.
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See, you keep
the feelings inside,
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where the only person
they can harm is yourself.
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‐Hmm...
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[ High‐pitched whistling ]
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[ Groaning ]
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♪
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‐Those explosions remind me we
need a strong military.
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‐Eso, Papito.
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[ Cha‐ching! ]
135
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‐Yeah, keeping it inside
doesn’t work for Cubans.
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We have to say everything,
then keep saying it louder
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until asked to leave
the restaurant.
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‐No, you just gotta
push it down deeper
139
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so you die of an ulcer
instead of an explosion!
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‐Ha, yeah, no. Maybe you should
go back to your apartment now,
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since this is a family issue
that doesn’t include you.
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[ High‐pitched whistling ]
143
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‐[ Gulps ]
144
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See? Totally works.
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[ Groans ]
146
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God, I hate my father.
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[ Explosion ]
148
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‐Lupita, you’re all worried
about nothing.
149
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Families have disagreements.
150
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But that does not mean
we cannot be polite.
151
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‐Polite? Ha!
152
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What’s that look like?
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♪
154
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‐I say, I’m quite nervous that
you and your liberal ilk
155
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are going to confiscate
my musket.
156
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‐Balderdash and poppycock!
157
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Of course you’ll retain
your blunderbuss.
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‐Crumpet!
159
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‐I’m hearing rumblings
from the colonies
160
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about this Hamilton chap.
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‐Pip pip, my good Papito!
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[ Cha‐ching! ]
‐Mm!
163
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[ Laughter ]
164
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‐What?
165
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‐I think you’re confusing
politeness with Britishness.
166
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‐And you think Tia Mirtha is
going to be polite back?
167
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‐Hmm...
168
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‐Lydia, can I borrow
your lipstick?
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I want to see what the color
looks like on full lips.
170
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‐She used the whole tube!
171
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Is it my fault she has the bemba
of a puffer fish?!
172
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‐So we’re screwed.
‐No.
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We will just have to settle this
the old‐fashioned way.
174
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A talent contest!
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♪
176
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‐♪ Everybody loves me ♪
177
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♪ They tell me I’m so lovely ♪
178
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:33,375
♪ Compare my voice to that
of the angels ♪
179
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♪ There’s no one like me,
that’s what they say ♪
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Ugh!
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‐♪ I am the one who has
all the talent ♪
182
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♪ My beauty’s epic,
so hide your talons ♪
183
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♪ Because this contest,
I’m gonna slay ♪
184
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‐Huh! ♪ I understand why
you get so jealous ♪
185
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,977
Oy!
‐♪ Why would that be? ♪
186
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♪ I get all the fellas ♪
Aah!
187
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‐♪ I am gonna kick your ass! ♪
‐♪ I am gonna kick your ass! ♪
188
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♪
189
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‐Ladies and gentlemen,
it is I, Gloria Estefan.
190
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And the winner is...
191
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Lydia!
192
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‐But ‐‐ Oy!
193
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‐She is the best dancer,
194
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,330
the best singer,
195
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and I don’t know what her
moisturizing regime is,
196
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:05,496
but she looks like a baby,
and her lips are the fullest!
197
00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:09,472
‐But, Gloria Estefan, people
always say I remind them of you!
198
00:06:09,502 --> 00:06:10,672
‐Dream on, loser!
199
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,544
Our queen has spoken.
200
00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:14,372
♪
201
00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:16,177
[ Vocalizing ]
♪ Gloria Estefan! ♪
202
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,779
‐What is even happening?!
203
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:21,312
‐Why would Gloria Estefan
be here?
204
00:06:21,348 --> 00:06:23,418
‐[ Speaks Spanish ]
Because everyone knows
205
00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:26,420
if a Cuban closes her eyes and
swishes her hips three times,
206
00:06:26,453 --> 00:06:27,493
she appears.
207
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:28,590
‐Okay, Mami,
you’ve lost your mind.
208
00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:30,522
‐Well, I had a little rum.
This is very stressful.
209
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:31,757
[ Gulping ]
210
00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:33,591
‐Mom, face it.
There’s no avoiding politics,
211
00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,357
so we may as well try to talk
some sense into them.
212
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,225
‐No! Our two families were
fighting for so long,
213
00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:38,604
and we just got back on track.
214
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I don’t want to mess that up.
215
00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:41,596
So no politics.
End of discussion.
216
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:43,505
‐Okay, but they’re going
to talk about it.
217
00:06:43,536 --> 00:06:44,696
And if we say nothing,
218
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,308
you better be okay with
what’s gonna happen.
219
00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:48,909
‐We won again!
Four more years!
220
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:51,282
‐And they’ve perfected
the artificial heart,
221
00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:55,051
so he will live forever
and be president forever!
222
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:57,521
‐If it ain’t broke,
don’t fix it!
223
00:06:57,550 --> 00:06:58,790
‐iEso, Papito!
224
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:00,118
[ Slot machine bells dinging ]
225
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:01,253
‐Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
226
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:03,988
‐Okay. If there has
to be a fight,
227
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:05,164
then we’re gonna win it.
228
00:07:05,191 --> 00:07:07,191
‐[ Gulping ]
229
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:08,257
iY ya!
230
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,904
‐So, we’re gonna argue politics,
let’s do this!
231
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,403
How do I do this?
232
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,204
Hey, cuz, you still like that
comemierda you voted for?
233
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:17,696
Yeah? Well, either get
your head out your ass
234
00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:19,467
or get the hell out of my house!
235
00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:21,406
‐See you at Christmas.
236
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:22,811
‐Love the attitude.
237
00:07:22,842 --> 00:07:24,382
But you need some ammo
to back it up.
238
00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:25,981
‐Right, I got to hit her
with facts.
239
00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:27,152
Give me some facts.
240
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:28,820
‐Hillary got
3 million more votes!
241
00:07:28,848 --> 00:07:31,448
‐Hillary runs a pedophile ring
out of a pizza parlor!
242
00:07:31,484 --> 00:07:33,254
And the pizza isn’t even good!
243
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,486
‐The ice caps are melting
and sea levels are rising.
244
00:07:35,522 --> 00:07:36,992
‐[ Scoffs ]
First there’s a drought,
245
00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:38,833
now there’s too much water?!
Make up your mind!
246
00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:42,398
‐Even your guy had to admit that
Obama was born in America.
247
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‐Mm, of course he was.
248
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,160
[ Ding! ]
249
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:47,028
‐Oh, sorry,
I forgot to tell you ‐‐
250
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,367
facts don’t matter anymore.
251
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,341
‐What?
‐Yeah, they had a good run.
252
00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:52,610
But it turns out people want
to believe what they believe
253
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,769
more than they want to believe
what is actually true.
254
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,338
‐Is that true?
‐Does it matter?
255
00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:58,776
‐Que barbaridad.
[ Gulps ]
256
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,382
‐Unfortunately, what you have to
do now to win is go negative.
257
00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:03,554
‐What happened to, "When they
go low, we go high?"
258
00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:05,283
‐Yeah, that went out the window
with facts.
259
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,948
So, what dirt do you have
on Estrellita?
260
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,318
‐Hmm...
261
00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:11,216
Hey, Estrellita, remind me ‐‐
262
00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:15,027
was it ’96 or ’97 when you had
that pregnancy scare?
263
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,431
‐[ Gasps ]
‐[ Gasps ]
264
00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:17,963
‐[ Chuckles ]
265
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,198
‐You didn’t hate Planned
Parenthood back then, did you?
266
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:21,903
‐At least I wasn’t on
a first‐name basis
267
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,775
with the nurse who gave out
the free condoms!
268
00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:25,373
‐[ Gasps ]
‐[ Gasps ]
269
00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:26,645
‐[ Squeals, chuckles ]
270
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:28,273
‐How about that summer
you taught me
271
00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:30,038
all about mouth stuff
using a cucumber?
272
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:32,006
‐Nope! Bad plan.
We gotta stay above the fray.
273
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:34,285
We are a classy family and we’re
gonna stay classy, damn it.
274
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:35,784
‐[ Gulping ] Ahh!
275
00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:37,215
‐Ugh.
‐You know, we just had
276
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,090
an assembly at school about
conflict resolution.
277
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:40,519
These two kids were
filming a fake fight
278
00:08:40,553 --> 00:08:41,993
for TikTok
and then it turned real.
279
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,562
‐Oh, yeah. They sent
an e‐mail home about it
280
00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:44,860
that I skimmed and deleted.
Go on.
281
00:08:44,891 --> 00:08:46,531
‐Okay, it’s got three steps.
282
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,829
First, you ask
a non‐threatening question.
283
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,402
Then, you listen to
the person’s response.
284
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:53,301
Then, you find common ground.
285
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:54,933
Ask, Listen, Find ‐‐
286
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:56,498
"ALF"!
287
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:59,306
‐I hate ALF. Just another
illegal alien in our country.
288
00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:01,669
[ Siren wailing ]
289
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,938
‐Okay, tell me how it works,
but don’t call it "ALF."
290
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:05,477
‐Okay, we need an issue
to use as an example.
291
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:06,952
‐Let’s start with the thing
I know best.
292
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:08,250
‐’90s boy bands?
293
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:09,721
‐All the places to get something
free on your birthday?
294
00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:11,919
‐How to not wear lipstick
but still succeed?
295
00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:13,791
‐Dang, I’m good at
a lot of things.
296
00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:15,220
But I was talking about
health care.
297
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:18,195
‐Okay, so "Ask"
a neutral question.
298
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:20,764
‐So, obviously, everyone should
have health care, right?
299
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:22,534
‐Okay, MSNBC.
300
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:25,002
‐Wow, Mom!
‐What was wrong with that?
301
00:09:25,031 --> 00:09:26,771
‐You jumped down her throat.
302
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,730
You totally assumed she would
care about other people.
303
00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:30,698
‐Right, right.
Good, this is good, keep going.
304
00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:33,737
‐It’s got to be a completely
uncontroversial question.
305
00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:35,413
‐Being healthy is good, right?
306
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:37,582
‐Oh, yes. If you don’t have your
health, what do you have?
307
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:42,179
Of course, if we had socialized
medicine, then we’d all be dead.
308
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,125
Did you know that, in Canada,
a lady had to wait eight years
309
00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:45,590
for a liver transplant,
and then instead,
310
00:09:45,618 --> 00:09:47,148
they gave her a breast implant?
311
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:48,647
I saw it on Facebook.
312
00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:51,058
‐I bet her husband loved it.
313
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,661
Where is the lie?
314
00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:54,632
‐And I respond to the crazy how?
315
00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:56,731
‐You "Find" common ground.
316
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,533
‐Okay.
317
00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:00,975
We...are both on Facebook.
318
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,230
‐Good! Keep going!
319
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:03,698
Find more common ground.
320
00:10:03,736 --> 00:10:07,166
‐And, uh, you’re upset about
unnecessary medical procedures.
321
00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:08,937
‐Exactly.
‐Great!
322
00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:10,935
So we both want to live in
a world where we prioritize
323
00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:12,807
good health care that
doesn’t cost too much.
324
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:15,376
Agreed?
‐Agreed.
325
00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:17,555
Speaking of health care,
I’m gonna forward you a meme
326
00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:20,124
about how Obamacare paid for
a caravan of illegals
327
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,593
to get free nose jobs.
328
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:22,861
It’s a big problem.
329
00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:23,859
‐Ugh...
330
00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:25,120
Well, what do I do now?
331
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,558
‐Agree to disagree.
332
00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:28,393
‐Agree to disagree?!
So she gets to say
333
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:30,598
all of her nonsense and I just
have to be nice about it?
334
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,030
‐Yeah.
Because it takes years.
335
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:34,235
My teacher says this is what
they use in the Middle East.
336
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:35,527
‐I don’t have years!
337
00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:37,168
There’s Cubans in an Uber
right now!
338
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:38,673
We still have no plan!
[ Sighs ]
339
00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:40,315
This is so much harder
than I thought.
340
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:42,510
‐Changing peoples’ minds
about politics is hard.
341
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:44,882
How did you think
it was going to go?
342
00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:47,211
‐And that’s why I believe
what I believe.
343
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:48,677
[ Clapping ]
344
00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:51,655
‐Thank you for opening our eyes
with that beautiful speech.
345
00:10:51,684 --> 00:10:53,954
‐Eso, Lupita.
America.
346
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:56,687
‐I can’t believe we ever voted
for that person!
347
00:10:56,723 --> 00:10:58,323
‐What fools we’ve been!
348
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,788
And Boys II Men
is better than NSYNC.
349
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,897
And I was always jealous
of your curly hair.
350
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:05,970
‐It could happen.
Right?
351
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,499
‐Aw, Mom.
[ Chuckles ]
352
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:09,504
No. It’s not going to go
anything like that.
353
00:11:09,536 --> 00:11:11,736
‐Well, then, it’s going
to go like this.
354
00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:13,671
‐I’m gonna drain your swamp.
355
00:11:13,706 --> 00:11:15,136
‐Bring it, snowflake!
356
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,845
[ Grunting ]
357
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:20,782
‐Stop fighting!
358
00:11:20,813 --> 00:11:22,553
Here, have some of
my arroz con pollo.
359
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:24,322
‐More like arroz con caca!
360
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,390
[ Grunting ]
361
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:28,219
‐[ Grunts ]
362
00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:30,494
‐But her e‐mails...
363
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:33,193
‐Uh...
‐Uh...
364
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:34,986
‐Huh?
‐Uh...
365
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,558
‐Oh, we’re screwed.
366
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,732
[ Knocking on door ]
367
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:44,597
‐Oh, it’s been so long, let me
get a good look at you!
368
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,440
‐Well, you can’t do that!
369
00:11:49,475 --> 00:11:50,605
‐She is right.
370
00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:52,283
Fire will only make
Mirtha stronger.
371
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:54,052
‐I’ve got it!
Let’s move!
372
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,480
I’ll have the whole building
air‐lifted
373
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:56,985
and we’ll start a new life
in Vancouver!
374
00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:58,776
You guys will be so cool
as the only Latinos there.
375
00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:00,548
Hi‐ya!
‐You mean y ya?
376
00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:03,317
‐What’d I say?
‐Okay, okay!
377
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:05,686
They can stay in a hotel!
378
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,185
‐Mami, that’s very big of you,
but it’s too late.
379
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,958
‐Good, because I already changed
my mind again in shame.
380
00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:13,597
‐I, for one, am glad.
This is important.
381
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:15,133
Mom, if we want things
to change,
382
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,468
then isn’t it on us to talk
to the people that we love?
383
00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:18,603
Even if it’s hard?
384
00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:21,138
‐I know, baby, but we’re just so
far apart on this stuff.
385
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:22,844
I just can’t imagine what
they’re gonna say.
386
00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:25,505
‐I think I might be able
to piece it together.
387
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:27,355
If we’re being generous,
the things they care about
388
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:29,780
are actually...the same things
we care about.
389
00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:32,650
I read this thing,
and it’s like...
390
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:34,345
‐Let’s say I’m trying
to get to San Diego.
391
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:35,787
There’s a train going
to New York
392
00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:36,722
and a train going to Phoenix.
393
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,456
Neither one’s ideal,
so I pick the one
394
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:40,091
that gets me closer
to where I want to go.
395
00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:41,726
That’s how I feel about
this president.
396
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,901
Whatever else happens,
he’s going to appoint
397
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:46,770
Supreme Court justices who are
going to finally protect
398
00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:48,369
the lives of unborn babies.
399
00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:50,541
Is this guy perfect?
No.
400
00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:52,400
Do I want him to come over
to our house for dinner?
401
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,438
God, no.
But be honest ‐‐
402
00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:56,344
politicians are all terrible
in some way,
403
00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:58,776
so you have to find the ones
who will do what you want.
404
00:12:58,811 --> 00:13:01,481
And come on, you’re telling me
your guy is your first choice?
405
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,254
Everything you ever dreamed of?
406
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,553
I don’t think so.
407
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:08,224
Look, our parents sacrificed so
much for us to be Americans.
408
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:11,164
So when I hear about free
college and free health care,
409
00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:13,830
my shield goes up because
that’s what Castro promised.
410
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:15,160
We all know how that turned out.
411
00:13:15,194 --> 00:13:17,364
And I don’t care about
the president’s personal life.
412
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:20,667
I care about what he’s gonna do
so I can keep my personal life.
413
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,430
The world is a scary place,
414
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:23,938
and there’s hard decisions
to be made,
415
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,440
and we don’t like
to think about that,
416
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,041
but it can’t always
be about your feelings
417
00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:28,273
and wanting to be nice
to everybody.
418
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:31,108
That’s why, as much as it hurts
my Christian heart,
419
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,614
we can’t just say,
"Everybody come in."
420
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,076
That’s why we need a tough guy.
421
00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:37,254
He may be a bully,
but he’s our bully.
422
00:13:37,283 --> 00:13:38,823
And he won,
so get over it.
423
00:13:38,851 --> 00:13:40,991
It’s not my fault that he was
opening cans of whoopass
424
00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:42,860
while all your candidates
majored in gender studies.
425
00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:46,329
The world may be crazy right
now, but you and I are safe.
426
00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:48,829
Because he’s keeping us safe.
427
00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:50,831
‐And what’s what’s
important to me.
428
00:13:50,863 --> 00:13:52,263
‐Dang, you’re good.
429
00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:54,168
Like, I was actually nodding
during some of that.
430
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,500
‐I know, I kind of
scared myself.
431
00:13:56,536 --> 00:14:00,136
‐So, Mom, if she says that,
what are you going to say back?
432
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:01,913
‐Well...
433
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:03,411
Wow.
434
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:05,283
I am so stunned that
we are looking at the world
435
00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:07,011
and seeing such
different things.
436
00:14:07,046 --> 00:14:08,276
You think he keeps you safe?
437
00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:10,784
He mishandles every crisis
that comes his way.
438
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,147
Look at Puerto Rico.
439
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:15,295
A hurricane, earthquakes,
the whole island without power.
440
00:14:15,321 --> 00:14:17,361
And that guy comes and he throws
a bunch of paper towels,
441
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:18,660
and then he’s like, "Bye!"
442
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:21,631
Now imagine something happening
on a global scale.
443
00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:25,101
Something so huge, it completely
shuts everything down,
444
00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:27,231
and we’re stuck waiting
for someone to lead us
445
00:14:27,266 --> 00:14:29,366
while we watch episodes
of our favorite TV shows,
446
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,142
but now they have
to be animated.
447
00:14:31,170 --> 00:14:34,110
I know, it sounds crazy,
but look into my eyes
448
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:37,040
and tell me that that’s the guy
who will get us through it.
449
00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:38,976
Remember when we used to joke
about this stuff?
450
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:42,081
"I’m a crazy liberal, you’re a
stuffy conservative, ha ha ha."
451
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,285
I miss that.
452
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:45,376
Us being on opposite sides
isn’t new.
453
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:48,048
But now it’s different.
This guy made it different.
454
00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:50,357
People used to actually try
to hide their racism.
455
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,420
But the president
made it cool again!
456
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:55,688
We have to stand up for one
another now more than ever.
457
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:58,658
That’s why we need to say
black lives matter,
458
00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:01,298
trans lives matter,
brown lives matter.
459
00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:04,374
When he calls Mexicans
drug dealers and rapists,
460
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,974
you think that
doesn’t affect you?
461
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:08,365
Do you think if your son
was in that Walmart
462
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,178
where the guy said he was there
to shoot all the Mexicans,
463
00:15:10,209 --> 00:15:12,009
he would have stopped
to ask if Flavio was Cuban
464
00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:13,514
before pulling the trigger?
465
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:14,876
He wouldn’t have cared.
466
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:17,554
Because the president told him
immigrants are dangerous
467
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:18,753
and don’t deserve to be here.
468
00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:19,995
You want to keep us safe?
469
00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:22,589
How about not deporting people
who fought for this country.
470
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:25,292
who served with me, who risked
their lives for you?
471
00:15:25,324 --> 00:15:27,964
Crazy idea ‐‐ what if, when
people came to this country,
472
00:15:27,994 --> 00:15:30,504
we were like, "Oh, are you
fleeing a horrible situation?
473
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:31,960
Please, come on in,
it’s all good!
474
00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:33,168
Love your food, love your music.
475
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:34,329
Anyway, we’re gonna
give you a little help.
476
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:35,597
Oh, God, you’re doing amazing!
477
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,775
You’ve actually made
this place better!"
478
00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:39,644
Oh, wait,
that’s not a crazy idea.
479
00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:42,212
That was literally us when
our family fled Cuba!
480
00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:43,911
How quickly we forget!
481
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,783
America is great because we
don’t just fight for ourselves.
482
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:49,053
We fight for people
we will never meet.
483
00:15:49,081 --> 00:15:50,951
Just like when
our parents came here.
484
00:15:50,983 --> 00:15:54,153
Strangers organized their trips,
arranged for them to be safe.
485
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:55,617
Strangers.
486
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,465
We can’t benefit from
the kindness of strangers
487
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,261
and then turn
our backs on the ones
488
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:01,763
who need us
to stand up for them.
489
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,604
Because that’s what
kept us safe.
490
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:06,699
And that’s what’s beautiful
about this country.
491
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:10,168
That’s what’s in my heart.
492
00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:12,443
‐Oh, Mom.
493
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,842
You are ready.
494
00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:16,543
‐iEso, Mami!
‐Thanks.
495
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,576
I still wish there was a way we
didn’t have to talk about this.
496
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:20,051
But now I know I can.
497
00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:21,109
[ Knocking on door ]
498
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:23,247
‐Who is that?
Are we expecting someone?
499
00:16:23,282 --> 00:16:24,852
Oh, that’s right.
500
00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:26,654
I have had a little rum.
501
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:30,064
‐Okay, we can do this.
502
00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:32,459
I know they’re nuts, but they’re
family, and we love them.
503
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,892
‐Okay, we can do this.
504
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:35,456
I know they’re crazy liberals,
505
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:38,335
but they are family,
and we love them.
506
00:16:38,364 --> 00:16:40,204
‐Hi!
‐Nice to see you, guys!
507
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:41,533
‐iHola!
508
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:42,767
[ All greeting each other ]
509
00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:59,453
♪