This program me contains strong language and scenes that some viewers may find upsetting
Back in the desert again.
Two minutes!
Let's do this, brothers!
Collaboration with our brothers in arms, the Americans,
has gone on for years,
doing operations all over the globe.
We have laid down our lives for the greater good,
and in every conflict that we've been in,
the Brotherhood comes first.
That's how deep the SF blood runs.
Don't give up!
Suffer in silence!
In this series...
...an elite team of ex Special Forces soldiers...
Keep pushing!
Let's go!
...from the UK and USA...
Go!
...have combined their skills to create the toughest course yet...
Watch the right.
Get in there, now! Let's go!
...bringing together the most gruelling elements
of Special Forces selection...
Come on!
...from both sides of the Atlantic.
America's bringing something to the table.
This is the culmination of the best fighting forces in the world.
Yes!
I'm going to Vegas, baby.
Joining the DS as chief instructor is extra Recon Marine, Rudy Reyes...
Incoming. Get out, get out!
...with 15 years' experience fighting in multiple war zones.
I pride myself on being hard to kill.
Taliban, Al-Qaeda, mujaheddin...
SHOUTING
...many have tried to kill me, but I took them down.
Get off your knees.
Hurry up!
Also joining the DS is ex US Navy SEAL Remi Adeleke...
Go, go, go!
...with over 13 years serving his country.
I want the recruits to learn through pain.
This was your warm-up.
Now, we're going to get to the real game.
And believe me, they're going to learn a lesson through pain.
Let's go, mountain goats!
Each recruit must go beyond the physical...
Hit the target!
Oh, my head.
...to come face to face with their true character.
You buffoon!
You better not stop again or I'm dropping your arse!
No other test asks as much...
Keep working, keep working.
Do not give up.
...or means as much...
Be proud of yourself. Own it.
Good man.
Give me some. Thank you.
...to the few who will make it through.
Good job. Both of you, excellent. Thank you, staff.
Welcome to the slaughterhouse, little lambs.
It's the start of the second phase of selection.
I can't even bring myself to say how my feet are hurting.
May back's gone, my knee's gone.
My arm's sore, proper.
And of the 20 recruits, who began...
...all 20 remain.
How old are you, Nic, if you don't mind me asking?
How old am I? Yeah. 40.
We pick up the old aches and strains as we're a little bit older, innit?
It just creeps up on you, doesn't it?
You get so disheartening.
That's what I kind of worried about, like,
I'm going to be up against some young whippersnapper. That's it.
Recruits!
Out on the parade square!
Let's go.
Parade square.
Good to go.
All right. Phase 2.
We started with 20, we still have 20.
There's not room for 20 recruits.
I expected someone to give up.
Voluntarily withdraw,
so as to separate the wheat from the chaff.
Pressure is going to be applied.
So, it's absolutely critical...
...when you find your mind wandering, get it back to centre.
That is the only way you're going to continue alignment.
All right?
We're going to leave this parade square right now
and cover down in the vehicles. Let's go. Move fast.
To earn the title, Recon Marine,
I had to believe that no matter what,
I was going to absolutely pass selection.
Let's go!
But you can't just believe in yourself,
you must believe in your team-mates.
Let's go!
If you cannot do that, you are useless to a Special Forces team.
Tighten it up!
Before they get to their first task...
Team unity!
...the recruits must run in the searing midday heat
with 35 pounds in their Bergens.
Backpacks off, and then, sit on them.
I don't want to hear any talking.
In SF, we put our lives in each other's hands over and over again
and that's what each and every single one of you will do today,
you understand? ALL: Yes, staff.
Pay attention.
Eyeballs up!
SHOUTING
CONTESTANT: Here we go.
Working in pairs...
...one will free fall off the top of a 50-foot cliff.
At the bottom, their partner must be ready to break their fall.
Hands on head.
Stand by!
Go!
Brake too early and they risk hitting the cliff.
Brake too late and they risk plummeting to the ground.
CONTESTANT WHISPERS: Fuck.
Do you trust me? I trust you. Good.
What I want you to do is get your harnesses on.
Do it in a proper way.
ALL: Yes, staff.
Go, now.
Two minutes! Move it.
Step to me, number 20.
No, no, no. Fucking hell, I'm not shaking your hand.
Recruit number 20, Leo...
When the person, the body, reaches there,
you're going to brake.
...is partnered with brakeman number 15, Nic.
Think about it. Take control, now.
I feel like I'm in OK shape for 40 years of age.
There you go.
I just want to know what I'm capable of and who the person is in my head.
HAPPY, 15? Yes, staff.
Lower yourself down. There you go.
Now, lock off, lock off.
OK, there's your step.
Nice and composed.
Take control, take control.
Got it!
Now, take the tension.
Stand by!
Enjoy the ride.
Go!
Let it go, let it go, let it go.
You brake when you need to.
Brake, brake, brake!
Got it got? Staff.
You all right? How was that? Brilliant.
Did you feel like you feel safe, he had control of you?
Yeah, I trusted him.
Yeah.
OK, so, overall, that was a fucking good effort. Thank you, staff.
Well done. Thanks, staff.
Disappear over there and chat about it. Go. Cheers.
That was a good one.
It just went... Like, urgh!
No, no, no. Arms through here.
I think that's right. Oh, fuck, I've done it wrong.
I've done it wrong, sorry. It's all right. Up, up, up.
Right, arms through here. How about you take your helmet off, first?
I think that'll be helpful. Yes, staff.
Not you, you fucking halfwit.
Seven, hurry up!
Krypton Factor, you ain't fucking winning, are you?
No, staff.
Next up, number nine, Vince, will be braking for number seven, justyn.
I don't mind heights.
However, it can sometimes take the kind of wind out of me,
being too high.
I'm brave, I'm strong, I'm a warrior, I'm a conqueror.
I'm brave... Shut up.
I'm learning to, like, not let that voice in my head that says,
"You're not good at this", to take oven
justyn? Yeah. Are you OK? I don't know.
However, it can be a bit tricky sometimes.
I don't know what I'm doing.
Yeah.
Come over here.
Fuck me! Have you got roller boots on? No, staff.
Fucking calm down.
You're about to take somebody's life in your hands. Calm down!
Yes, staff. Seriously, relax.
Go on, then. Feet, that's it.
Keep your legs straighter.
That's it. Go on, let more go, let more go.
That's it. Nice and confident.
Now...now, wait, wait, hold.
It's all right. It's all right. just chill. Yeah.
Look at where you're going to put your feet. Yeah.
Go on, then. Do that. I don't know where.
You do, just naturally step one foot back.
That's it, that's it. Now, stand up on that. There you go.
And now, the next foot. Yeah.
Right, now, you're into the abseil stance.
Get that... There we go. Keep the fucking arm there. That's it.
This is the dangerous bit, right now.
Of all the things that go wrong, it's always this one.
So, don't be the fucking person that does it. Yes, staff.
We have control!
Hands on your head!
Stand by!
Lean back. Enjoy, enjoy.
Go!
Brake, brake!
JUSTYN GROANS
How do you feel? How was that? Scary, staff.
You recovered well. Yes, staff. So, overall, it worked.
A few things you need to iron out there between the two of you.
Yes, staff. All right? Go and change your underpants. Away you go.
Come on.
You all right? Well done.
Well done. Really well done. Thank you for having me.
RUDY: Ropework is very serious.
Fucking hell. How come you got paired with him?
He's 7ft taller than you and about 20st heavier.
I'd much rather be at the top, staff.
You might well fucking be, if you get this wrong.
RUDY: If you miss a turn, it can be fatal.
Now, step down.
This is not a sport.
This is not a game.
This is life and death.
Let gg!
Hands off, hands off!
Brake, brake, brake!
Do anything wrong? Staff.
Relax. Staff.
It's a massive responsibility,
having another operator's life in your hands.
Argh! Come on, come on, come on. You can do it!
Brake, brake, brake!
SHE GROANS
And they absolutely must believe in themselves.
Calm down, calm down.
The shock and awe that we rain down on the recruits, it's for a reason.
You did it.
To get them into a combat stress head space,
so that we can see their character.
You look like the bottle of milk.
Why are you so white? It was scary. Well done.
Thank you for saving my life. You're welcome.
You all right? Yeah...
"staff.
Next!
Relax. Staff.
You all right? Yeah.
How are you feeling? Yeah, confident, mate?
I ain't your fucking mate. Sorry, staff.
You will be sorry.
You know why you're calling me mate? Cos you're shitting your pants.
You're not fucking relaxed. You're not thinking.
Next to brake is one of the youngest recruits on the course,
number two, Dylan,
partnered with number 13, Sarah.
Clasping your hands together and lean.
Clasping your hands together like that.
I'd definitely say I'm people pleaser.
The vibe you get off being liked
than disliked is such a better feeling.
Relax, go on. Come close to it. Yeah.
Hands together. Lock your fucking hands.
Fuck sake! I'm going to take you off this in a minute. Yes.
I will always do my best.
If I'm not good at something, I'll try and try and try.
Take a breath.
Take a fucking deep breath, now.
You need to calm down.
You are about to take somebody's fucking life in your hand.
Relax! You're like a hyperactive cat on steroids.
I feel like I'm ready, staff. You're ready?
So, the person is falling.
You're looking for a point to break.
You have to let them fucking run.
Don't panic cos you'll fuck them up.
They'll be doing this and banging into the side of the rocks.
Hands on your head!
Stand by.
Go!
Let go of the rope!
No! Oh, my God.
You fucking broke too early. That's why she started to go upside down.
Then, you let it go, and then, you just went into ratchet.
I had to fucking grab the rope.
Let it run through, gently.
Get your hands on it. Calm down!
Calm down!
Yes, staff.
That could've been a disaster.
She'd have probably broke her fucking neck.
Take a breath.
HE MUMBLES
Sorry? It was hard for me, that.
Come here. Taking someone else's life in my hands.
Listen, this is what we're building up to.
Everything you're going to do now,
you're going to have people's lives in your hands.
Do you understand that? Yes, staff. Get that into your head.
That could've gone fucking badly wrong, couldn't it?
You need to get a grip of your fucking emotions, OK?
Go away together. Get over there and fucking sort it out.
Talk together. Go, disappear, disappear, disappear.
I'm so sorry. We're fine, we're fine.
WHISPERS: Fucking hell.
WHISPERS: Get your head together, yeah? Yeah, man. All right?
You're all right. Come on. Move on.
We're good.
I'm here. You're good. We're good.
We're good.
RUDY: Number two, shake it off.
If you want to redeem yourself, take control.
We've still got ten more clays on this course.
Just keep going, all right?
Yes, staff. Are we understood? Yes, staff. Go.
Put on your Bergens. Get ready to move out.
DYLAN: Fucking idiot, man. I totally lost my shit.
It's completely fucked my head up.
Yeah, it'll get there, mate.
I was hallucinating last night.
I thought there was a snake underneath my bed.
I was like, "What the fuck was that?"
He'd just released his cock.
Yeah. Coming out.
He's alive, he's back.
Desert cobra.
I feel fucking done, me. Well, it is what it is, innit?
You're not going to be good at everything, are you?
You know, there were a couple of surprises.
Number two — I think he's got a lot of talent.
His attitude for putting out is very good, but he's too nervous.
He looked like he was about to break down.
I saw him... I mean, a complete soup sandwich.
I showed him how to do a diamond grip. And he was like this.
Yeah. He could not calm down, mate. It was a cluster fuck.
He has some type of underlying issue.
He has something going on.
So, so far, we've got number two. Yeah. Anybody else?
Nobody's really paying attention.
All you got to do is just beast them a little bit.
Shake out the dead wood now. Mm.
Is everybody checking each other's bags?
Yeah. Make sure you do. Even if you think your bag's ready,
check each other's bags. Double-check.
Everybody out. Working kit on the parade square.
Shoe laces done up. Water bottles.
Common sense also as well, guys.
Number two, lift your head up, bring your hands to your side.
Stop fidgeting around.
Lift your head up, number two. What the fuck did I just say?
You know what — screw it.
Everybody, cos of number two, bear-crawl to the gate. Now.
I can't see. I can't see.
LET'S go!
Tighten it up! Tighten it up!
So, the reason why we apply pressure
is because we want the recruits
to understand what's in here.
Get in the vehicle! There we go.
If their preconceived limits are incorrect,
there is so much more within you.
You just have to believe it.
You know, I've had mostly just a lapse of concentration.
All I do was swat a fucking fly.
And you just have to keep pushing,
even when you feel you can't push any more.
When you feel you can't push any more, push more out.
The recruits have been taken three miles west of base
to an area known as Ash Sharqiyah.
Right. Ditch your Bergens.
Right. About turn. Leopard-crawl to the next DS. Go.
If you start dropping back, we're going to start taking
your numbers, because I'm sick to death of these loafing,
thinking you're on fucking holiday.
The DS will beast the recruits in the desert, weeding out
the weakest and forcing them to quit.
Bear crawls! Off your knees!
They must race to a series of RV points,
changing exercise at each DS.
Asses down!
It won't stop until one recruit hands in their arm armband.
My unit, Recon Battalion, led the invasion to Iraq.
Let's go!
We fought for almost a month straight day and night...
Funny, huh? Let's go. You can do it.
Up from the sand! Let's work.
"Fighting in 130—degree heat with a freaking chemical suit on.
I want you walking like this the whole time — now! Down!
Moving through sand, it is so hard. It feels like every step
Sapping your strength.
Let gg!
It all starts here.
Three and five. Bunny hop!
Get your arses down!
Self—belief — it's the only way to prepare the mind, body and spirit
for these bone-numbing fatigue of combat operations.
Let's go!
11, on your back! Crab crawl.
Falling behind is number 11, JJ-
What are you doing, seven? And number seven, justyn.
Seven, give me your band. You done? No, sir.
Then go.
Growing up, it was pretty tough,
being many different things — being black, being gay,
being the Christian.
Down. Keep going
It's made me build like a tougher exterior and a tough skin.
Duck—walks from here.
Your knees do not touch the deck.
Watch your back...
What the fuck are you doing?
Go back and duck-walk right.
My brother and my dad — they were both ex-marines
and tough and all that —
when I told them about being on the course,
were... They was like...
"What are you getting yourself into?"
This is not summer camp.
Not Disneyland.
You signed up for a selection course.
It's called putting the fuck out.
GROANING
Number 15, Nic, is pushing up through the middle of the pack.
I remember back as a teenager going through puberty.
I was a very angry person and angry at the world
and angry at the hand I'd been dealt.
Grab yourself!
I hated what used to stare back at me in the mirror.
That's when I started hitting the gym.
If I wasn't hurting the next day, I hadn't trained enough.
The recruits have been beasted for over an hour.
It pays to be a winner!
What are you fucking doing?
What the fuck are you doing?
All right, fuck off over there.
I think if I have leave, in that moment I think I'll probably
be relieved of all the pain,
but I think I'll feel proud of
knowing that I played the good fight and I played by the book
and I gave my all.
Take what you learned and apply it in your life.
I don't want you to feel bad. I don't want you to feel miserable.
You understand that? Yes, staff.
Number seven, justyn, is the first recruit to leave the course,
bringing the task to an end.
19 recruits remain.
You think you can pull the wool over our eyes?
You think you can bullshit us?
You think, because you're not going to give in your armband
that we don't notice it? We know who you are.
We know who's digging out and we know who isn't.
And you know as well.
Fucking disgraceful.
Why do it? Why put why put deodorant on over, like,
umpteen amounts of layers of sweat?
I... I live in hope.
Of the 20 recruits who began the course, 19 remain.
Well, gents...
He's fucking... I'm telling you.
Mission accomplished. First one. Popped my cherry.
I popped it for you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Don't worry, mate. They'll come thick and fast soon. Trust me.
They're coming, mate. Roger. All right. Let's hang it up.
Is your hands all right? Completely...
Yeah, it's not good, is it? What did you do it on?
What challenge? No, it's been playing up before.
Before I sort of come in here.
And I got it under... I got all the swelling down
and it's just cos... Look, I'm pressing. Argh.
When I'm pressing down on that, that's when it happened.
What can we do? Take it easy. Ha-ha.
Take it easy!
So, how are you?
I'm in a lot of pain here with this. Are you?
Nursing an old boxing injury,
Number 11,1],
visits Chief Medical Officer Saleyha.
It could be a small fracture.
You're going to need an X-ray.
And so that means that I am medically withdrawing you.
That's it? Once... Whether I get an X-ray,
I can't come back, obviously?
Concerned that a fractured hand could be permanently damaged
if he were to continue, the DS have no option but to medically
withdraw him from the course.
Good on you for still pushing through, pushing through the pain
and trying your best.
Allow this to be something that is a launching pad
into the next chapter. It's been a positive thing for me.
Definitely. Well done. Cheers, buddy. Thank you. Thanks a lot.
Be strong. Do the right thing. All right? Cheers.
Number 11,1], is the second recruit to leave.
Now just 18 remain.
So, Foxy, you do the hon ours.
Yeah, yeah. We lost another recruit.
All right.
Second phase. Day four.
What did you all see? What did you all think?
My positives today — 15 was very good.
Strong. I was... I was really impressed with him.
He wasn't the front,
but he was putting in 110%, I'll give him that. Yeah.
Number two.
Brakeman test.
He hadn't got a clue where he was going, what was going on.
He was shitting himself.
Yeah, he puts too much pressure on himself.
He is enthusiastic.
He's emotionally gassed, in't he?
Yeah, he is.
That emotion is just draining him.
All right. Let's bring him in.
Yeah. Sound good? Yeah, good to go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
Number two!
I'm in trouble, aren't I?
Fucking up.
Let's go!
Come on, over here.
Sit.
How are you feeling?
I feel OK, staff.
How do you think you were performing these last three days?
I think I've performed to the best of my capability, staff.
How did you feel during the break and fall task?
I suffer with a lot of anxiety and that. I were...
I've lost it under pressure, staff, today.
I thought..."She's got a family.
"What if I fuck up now?" And I just completely...
...couldn't stop getting that out of my head.
She's alive, but... ..fucked up big time.
You didn't fuck up.
You just let the situation get the better of you.
I mean, you were worried about something that didn't happen
and you were worrying about something that hadn't happened.
I know what family means to people. Family is a massive part,
isn't it, of people's lives?
You've got a great relationship with your parent?
Yeah, obviously...
|—| do with...my dad.
But four-four years ago...
So, my little sister and my mum,
they just...on 22nd May...
...they just went out to an Ariana Grande concert.
And you know,
next thing, obviously, they all finished and stuff,
and a terrorist attack... a bomb went off.
The next thing, me and my dad...
...went up in my little car, because he'd had a glass of wine,
not knowing what to expect.
My dad's running up to random women in the street,
shouting like, "Michelle, is that you?"
He just completely lost it.
And my little sister comes running out and she's just like,
"Mum's gone."
You know, "Mum's gone."
I went, "She'll come... We'll find her. We'll find her."
And unfortunately, Mum got caught in the head.
She was pronounced dead the next day.
And that's your new reality.
I had become a man straight away
because my dad was a broken man
and my sister needed looking after,
so I just adopted this persona,
this happy, smiling...
"We can do it. Look at how our family is."
And we thrive, staff, we really do.
You know, I have to say that that's...
That's hon our able. Strong.
You stepped up in the midst of tragedy.
You didn't shut down.
Yeah.
You got a lot of potential.
You know, it's been noted.
Your work rate is good.
You got a lot of resilience within you.
You got a lot of character.
But try and overlay the shit that you've learned
through some shit times and apply them in some of the things
that we're going to be throwing at you.
Yes, staff. Make sure I will.
Guard!
DOOR OPENS
Come on.
Just walk.
Tough, huh? Yeah.
Poor bastard. Yeah.
Cos I lost my mum, I lost the main part, the key to our family.
Put your hands against the wall.
And I owe her to be the best person I can be.
So I will keep striving for the moon.
You know, I will keep working hard every day...
Fucking hard, that conversation.
...and be a strong person for my family.
It's a weight off your shoulders, innit?
It's nothing to worry about now.
You can just crack on and get back to smashing it like you always do.
Exactly.
As always, but I appreciate it.
Have you had a dump yet?
Dump is like... too much credit to it,
but a little slithering snake came out. Nice.
Thank fuck. Four clays in.
The recruits are nearing the end of phase two,
living in a remote forward operating base in the heart of the desert.
INSECTS BUZZ So many flies in here.
Oh, my God.
That's grim.
Can you rub my crack? You need to get in your crack?
Get in there.
LAUGHTER
Go on, sort me out. You can reach your own butt crack.
The last 20 years, we have not been fighting an enemy
that wears a uniform.
World War ll, Korea, even Vietnam...
Modern warfare,
we're fighting guerrillas that can blend, hide and deceive
within the local population.
Let's go!
Tighten it up!
Sometimes you have a fraction of a second to ascertain
enemy or friendly.
It's the final task of phase two of selection, and the DS
have brought the recruits to a simulated enemy compound.
Here they will test who has the self-belief
to make life-and-death decisions in the heat of battle.
When deployed to a combat area of operation,
we receive rules of engagement.
These are a set of standards.
They protect you. They protect your team.
And they also protect the civilians that live here.
On operations, things come at you very fast.
It's life—and—death, split-second decisions,
and you have to make the right decision.
Safety catch!
Two rounds.
24 hours ago, the recruits were trained in the rules of engagement.
Relax. What you have in your hand is the document that gives you
the right to fire the weapon. There's no room for hesitation.
We have to decide, is that the terrorist,
is that not the terrorist?
If you believe you are under threat...
...shoot to kill.
Faster. Let's go.
Heading into the compound is number two, Dylan.
The recruits must make their way through the compound.
Which way are we going?
Can you handle that weapon?
To simulate a real battle zone,
they will come under fire from the DS
and will be expected to shoot back.
Good decision.
They will then face an enemy who will either attack or surrender.
And the recruits must make a decision whether to shoot to kill
or hold their fire.
Make a decision when you go for it! Make a decision!
Down!
Relax. Staff.
Right, listen to me.
So you came in. What did you see? What was going on?
Enemy with a gun pointing at me, so I chose to fire.
OK, no problem. So you came into here.
Somebody came out with a gun,
so I chose the decision to shoot straight away.
Do you think that was the right decision?
Yes, because he came at me with a gun, staff.
You sure about that? 100%, staff.
Sure he wasn't just scared? No, he's got a gun pointing at me, staff.
Are you sure about that? 100%, staff.
So you're 100% sure you did the right thing? Yes, staff.
So am I. Well done. You made a good decision.
Thank you, staff. All right. Good effort.
When I say go, disappear up that sand bank there
and then off to the right. Go.
Number two, Dylan, successfully completes the task.
Get low, get low. Lower. Lower.
Move, move. Move.
SHOUTING GUNSHOTS
Let's move!
What the fuck you firing at?
In modern warfare, there's a code of conduct.
Come on, make a decision.
An enemy is fighting you, you fight and you kill them.
Make a decision!
The enemy that surrenders is no longer a threat.
You must treat them with dignity and respect.
Checking through, checking through. What's going on?
Where are we going to go?
Of all the combat missions I've have done, what I'm most proud of
is, I was taking fire in the middle of night looking for enemy...
We're going left, we're going left!
...running towards the gunfire.
Let's move!
An old man appears out of the hut with an AK.
My machine gunner says, "Sarge, shall I light him up?"
Go. Make a decision!
Make a decision! Make a decision!
He can't see us. We're completely invisible.
And I'm saying, "Hold! Hold!"
SHOUTING
Make a decision!
Stop!
We do not pull the trigger.
A second later, two little girls come running out,
running to the old man and holding his legs.
What the fuck just happened?
You never had a scenario which is to save somebody?
You fucking killed everything that moved!
Go and fucking think about that as you run up that hill and disappear.
SHOUTING
Let's go. Let's go, fast. Faster.
Let's go, let's go.
Still to be tested is number 15, Nic.
SHOUTING
What I hope to find out about myself from the course
is to find out who I truly am.
Let's go. This way. Come on. What's happening?
There's a lot of self-doubt.
Keep going forward. Let's go.
I want to see what other people see in me.
LET'S go!
We're getting shot. Come on, come on.
What's happening?
I just want to know what I'm capable of.
Which way? Which way are we going?
That fucking tunnel. Let's go, let's move.
Let's make a fucking decision!
Make a decision!
SHOUTING
Stop!
So you came in. What did you see? What happened?
You saw the person. I saw a person with a gun,
but it wasn't pointing at me. And that's why you didn't fire.
Yes, staff. That's a good decision, really, isn't it? It is, staff.
Then why didn't you make a good decision back there?
He was stood there with a rifle. He was shooting at us.
Is that a threat or not a threat? It is, staff. Yes.
So why didn't you shoot him?
Er... You know what, you're lucky. You're at the fucking front.
I was behind you, and I'm fucking dead.
You failed it, didn't you? Take that body arm our off
and put it down there.
All right, Nicky, boy.
Fucking rough, innit?
Could you not pull the trigger anyway?
No, I don't think I could. In my job, you just don't..
You don't rush in and do something like you.
You risk-assess it.
It was always going to be more challenging for you.
You know, you save lives. You don't take lives.
Do you understand? So, yeah, it'd be weird
if you didn't mess it up, in a way, isn't it?
Yeah. Cos that's what you do.
Of the 18 recruits,
only nine successfully passed the task.
Right. What was the purpose of the exercise?
Anybody? Courage of conviction.
Some of you just saw a red mist
and fucking shot anything that moved.
Some of you just did fuck—all.
Learn from it.
Get out of my sight. Disappear.
Go. Go.
CLATTER I NG
You all right, mate?
Yeah. Yeah.
HE GROANS
Is it the whole pressure thing?
Yeah, it just don't feel natural to me,
go in all guns blazing.
Number 15.
Pick up the fucking pace.
Close the gate behind you.
Put your hands on this wall straight ahead.
After struggling on the last task, number 15, Nic, is summoned
to see the DS.
Sit.
DOOR CLANGS SHUT
I've watched you, 15. Yes, staff.
You're jacked, you're strong.
I expected a lot more physical performance out of you.
I thought you'd be performing better.
But that got me thinking.
Obviously, there's other things going on.
Performance isn't just physical. Staff.
Today you had a little wobble, didn't you?
I did. I just let things get in my head and just that self-doubt.
It's obvious that you have this shield
that prevents you from being present
and then that turns into becoming timid.
But this is no freakin' cakewalk. This is no picnic out here.
It's designed that way for a reason.
Where are you at in your head at the moment
with this course right now?
I don't know.
Just being here and being surrounded by a group of people
is very...
...challenging for me.
Why do you think that is?
From a very young age, I felt different.
I felt...
...a boy trapped in the wrong body.
And that became progressively worse
once I started puberty. Mmm.
And there was a fear of growing up
with two sisters, and knowing what was ahead.
I remember being as young as probably five, six years old.
I would beat my chest every night,
and hoping and praying that I'd never wake up with breasts.
Eventually, I was able to do something about it.
And nine years ago, I went through gender reassignment surgery,
and I wish I could have done something about it a lot sooner
or, even better, being born correctly.
But I'm trying to make the best of the hand that I've been dealt.
What's your... What career path have you chosen?
I'm a firefighter.
How long have you been a firefighter?
20 years now, staff.
How long of that were you a female firefighter?
12 years.
That's pretty impressive
to think that you've got through that,
even after the huge change.
Do you know what I'm saying?
I can't change my past, you know. I can rip up photographs
of my previous life.
But it's still there in my head.
I always look at other men and think, you know...
I just don't believe in myself. I just don't think I'm there yet.
I think a lot of your disbelief
stems from constantly thinking back
and looking at stuff that's happened in the past.
And...presume you're here to prove to yourself
that you can move forward? Very much so, staff.
You CAN do it.
Yeah, I just turned 40.
And, you know, it feels like I'm still waiting for my life to begin.
Maybe you were feeling that you were not authentic,
but there's nothing fake about what goes on here.
The purpose of this is to reveal character.
And it seems that you have character because you're a very strong person.
I mean, what you've done with your life already is quite amazing,
all right?
Some of the DS wasn't sure if you'd still be around.
I'd like to see you freaking shit—can those doubts.
Because you've got a lot more in the tank
and you will get a lot more out of this,
but you've got to stick with it. Staff.
Just one day at home.
Yeah, exactly.
Guard.
Thank you, staff.
DOOR OPENS
Go here.
I quite like him. Me too.
I think you're exactly right. He's got a lot more in the tank.
Hands on the wall, please.
Thank you, staff.
I didn't even know about the word transgender back then.
It was just something that I felt I needed to do.
You know, it's a lot of pain and heartache
that I've had to go through to be the person that I truly am.
But it was worth it in the end.
Now I can pass other men on the street.
You know, people say, "All right, mate?"
And it's a nice feeling to know
that I've accomplished what I needed to do.
How was today for you?
Good.
You have to take a moment to reflect on what you've done.
So, my external now matches my internal, and it's a nice feeling.
What an experience.
It's like bucket—list thing, innit?
Cos it's that mad, right?
HE WHISTLES
SHOUTING
Mind-set is everything.
You must compartmentalise your pain and fear.
If you do not have that ability...
...you will not survive.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media